3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001): Season 3, Episode 22 - Just Your Average Dick - full transcript

The Solomons start doubting their normalness. When both August and Mary admit they can sometimes be pretty weird, the Solomons decide to become as average as possible. This means they move to an apartment building, Tommy gets his hair cut, they all start reading John Grisham and wear the same sweaters. Meanwhile, a new professor starts at Rutherford University.

[GRUMBLING]

DAMN THAT CHANNEL 9 WEATHERMAN!

WHAT? IT'S NOT RAINING.

NO... I CUT THROUGH HIS YARD,

AND THE SPRINKLERS WENT OFF.

CAR WASH AGAIN?

DO YOU SEE ANY SOAP?

DR. ALBRIGHT, THEY'RE HAVING A
RECEPTION FOR THAT NEW PROFESSOR.

OH. DR. NEESOME.

MM-HMM. SHOULD I RSVP?

PLEASE.



OH, UH, ME, TOO, NINA.

DICK, THIS GUY'S
KIND OF A BIG SHOT,

SO WHEN YOU MEET
HIM, TRY NOT TO ACT SO...

BRILLIANT? NO.

ATHLETIC?

UH, WELL...

GORGEOUS?

WEIRD.

WEIRD AS IN SEXY?

WEIRD AS IN WEIRD.

SO SUDDENLY I'M WEIRD.

NOT SO SUDDENLY, DICK.

I SAID IT TODAY, I
SAID IT YESTERDAY,

I SAY IT... EVERY DAY.



OH, I THOUGHT

THAT WAS JUST A
RUNNING JOKE WE HAD.

I'D DO SOMETHING,

THEN, AFTER THE
FIRE TRUCKS LEFT,

YOU'D LET ME HAVE IT,
HA HA. ALL IN GOOD FUN.

DICK, YOU AND YOUR FAMILY...

I KNOW YOU MEAN WELL,

BUT SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE BEING
AROUND THE ADDAMS FAMILY.

WELL...

I WILL ADMIT THAT
JOHN ADAMS' VIEWS

OF A STRONG CENTRAL GOVERNMENT

MAY HAVE BEEN
AHEAD OF THEIR TIME...

THAT'S NOT WHO I MEANT.

JOHN QUINCY ADAMS?!

YOU'RE COMPARING ME
TO THAT FREAK SHOW?

OH!

TOMMY, TELL ME IF
THIS MILK TASTES BAD.

WE'RE KIND OF BUSY
RIGHT NOW, SALLY.

WE HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT OUR
FAMILY'S HISTORY FOR CLASS.

OK. UM...

MY FAMILY CAME
TO AMERICA IN 1852

ON A DUTCH SCHOONER.

HOW ABOUT YOURS?

WELL, UM,

MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER, UH...

ESCAPED FROM THE
NAZIS THROUGH THE ALPS

WITH HIS FAMILY AND
THEIR SINGING NANNY.

UM, TOMMY?

YEAH?

THAT'S THE SOUND OF MUSIC.

YEAH, I KNOW.

AND DON'T THINK
THAT WE'RE NOT SUING!

HEY...

DON'T THROW THAT AWAY.

OH. WHY, DO YOU RECYCLE?

NO.

I'M TRYING TO GET INTO THE
GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS

FOR THE WORLD'S
BIGGEST CAN COLLECTION.

HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE?

SO FAR? JUST THE ONE.

OH. AUGUST,

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

TELL ME,

DO YOU THINK THAT WE ARE WEIRD?

WELL, UM... I
DON'T THINK THAT...

OH, COME ON, COME
ON. I WON'T BE OFFENDED.

YOU CAN BE HONEST.

UM... SOMETIMES...

YOU CAN BE A LITTLE...

WEIRD.

AND YOU'RE A
PEDANTIC LITTLE TWERP!

NOW GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!

WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP
SAYING THAT WE'RE WEIRD?

JEALOUSY.

NO, COME ON. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

OUR MISSION IS TO BE
AVERAGE HUMAN BEINGS.

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT WE'RE NOT
FITTING IN AS WELL AS WE THINK?

WELL, DICK, YOU CAN
BE A LITTLE WEIRD.

YOU'RE THE WEIRDO.

WEIRD AS IN SEXY?

YOU'RE BOTH FREAKS.

OH, YEAH, COMPARED TO YOU?

[ALL TALKING]

HEY, HEY...

ANYBODY GOT A CAN?

HARRY, TELL ME IF
THIS MILK TASTES BAD.

Dick: FAMILY MEETING!
FAMILY MEETING!

WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

BOOKS. LOTS OF BOOKS.

WHAT FOR?

WE'RE NOT FITTING IN.

APPARENTLY, BEING HUMAN INVOLVES

MORE THAN JUST 2 ARMS, 2 LEGS,

AND THE OCCASIONAL
MAJOR ORIFICE.

WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS
THE ALMANACS OF MAN.

STATISTICS ON LIFESTYLES
AND BEHAVIORAL STUDIES.

WE'VE GOT TO BECOME
COMPLETELY AVERAGE AMERICANS,

AND THAT TAKES WORK! NOW,
COME ON, START READING.

AH, LOOK!

IT SAYS THE AVERAGE AMERICAN

USES 4.1 POUNDS
OF BUTTER A YEAR.

ORALLY?

IT SAYS THAT THE AVERAGE
AMERICAN COMMUTE IS 22 MINUTES.

OH, NO.

I'M ONLY 5 MINUTES FROM WORK.

TOMORROW TAKE THE RIDING MOWER.

OK,

STATISTICALLY, AT
LEAST ONE OF US

SHOULD BE DIVORCED BY NOW.

OOH...

I WANT THAT ONE!

AND... 10% OF US SHOULD BE GAY.

THAT'S NOT WHY WE GOT DIVORCED.

10% IS A MINORITY.

WE'VE GOT TO GO
WITH THE MAJORITY,

THE AVERAGE.

OH. OK.

THE AVERAGE FAMILY OF 4

LIVES IN A 3-BEDROOM RESIDENCE.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE.

YOU BETTER TELL DUBCEK.

OH, SHE'S GOING TO BE UPSET.

NO, I'M SURE SHE'LL BE FINE.

MRS. DUBCEK!

Mrs. Dubcek: WHAT?

WE'RE MOVING!

Mrs. Dubcek: LIKE HELL YOU ARE!

AND THIS AREA, WHICH
I'VE DESIGNATED "X,"

IS THE GUEST SUITE,
WHICH OPENS INTO "Y,"

CREATING A LOVELY AREA
FOR ENTERTAINING: "Z."

IS IT CABLE-READY?

DOES THE WALK-IN CLOSET
HAVE AMPLE STORAGE SPACE?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M JUST TELLING YOU: IT DOES.

DR. SOLOMON, DOES
THE UNIVERSITY KNOW

THAT YOU'RE USING
YOUR CLASS TIME

TO TRY AND SUBLET
YOUR APARTMENT?

JUST FOR THAT, KAREN,

YOU'RE GOING TO MISS OUT
ON THIS UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY.

HOW MUCH IS THE RENT?

325 A MONTH.

COOL! I'M IN!

THAT'S LESS THAN MY MOM CHARGES!

UH, COME ON IN, FELLAS.

WATCH YOUR STEP.

WELL, THIS IS IT.

COOL!

PARTY!

I WANT YOU BOYS TO KNOW

I'M IN BED BY 11:00.

OH. WELL, YOU KNOW,
WE'LL KEEP IT DOWN.

NO, I JUST...

WANTED YOU TO KNOW.

THIS IS THE LIVING ROOM...

WELL, I THINK WE'RE READY.

GOOD-BYE, MRS. DUBCEK.

I BELIEVE IT WAS MR. WILLIAM
SHAKESPEARE WHO SAID,

"PARTING IS SUCH
SWEET SORROW..."

BYE-BYE NOW.

WELL, ONWARD TO A NEW LIFE.

WOW.

EVERYTHING'S SO BEIGE.

HMM. A PERFECTLY NEUTRAL COLOR

FOR PERFECTLY NEUTRAL LIVING.

HEY! I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE.

THIS IS STAIN-RESISTANT
CARPET. LOOK.

THAT'S A GOOD PLACE FOR A CHAIR.

EVERYTHING'S FALLING INTO PLACE.

YEAH, BUT SOMETHING

ISN'T QUITE RIGHT...

DOES IT FIT?

MINE DOES.

IT FEELS GREAT!

LOOK OUT!

[POPPING]

YOU KNOW, IT IS AMAZING

THE ADVANCES THE
SWEDES HAVE MADE

IN THE SCIENCE OF FURNITURE,

ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING

THEY HAVE ONLY ONE KNOWN TOOL.

THIS STUFF IS GENIUS.

YOU GUYS,

LOOK WHAT I GOT!

AMERICA'S NUMBER
ONE PAIN RELIEVER,

AMERICA'S LEADING
CHUNKY PEANUT BUTTER,

AND... AMERICA'S
FAVORITE MUSTARD

FOR OVER 50 YEARS.

HEY... THIS BREAD IS RECOMMENDED

BY 4 OUT OF 5 DENTISTS

FOR THEIR PATIENTS
WHO CHEW BREAD.

GUYS, I HAVE A DATE WITH MARY.

WHICH SHIRT LOOKS,
BETTER, THIS ONE...

OR THIS ONE?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HI.

HI. COME IN.

HI, I'M FLORA.

AND I'M STEVE.

I'M DICK.

HI, DICK. ARE THOSE DOCKERS?

YES, THEY ARE!

I HAVE THOSE EXACT PANTS.

WELL, WE JUST WANTED TO
WELCOME YOU TO THE BUILDING.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

BY THE WAY, IS THAT YOUR RED
CONVERTIBLE PARKED OUTSIDE?

OH, DON'T WORRY. WE'LL
BE REPLACING IT SOON

WITH A MINIVAN OR A
SPORT-UTILITY VEHICLE.

GOOD CHOICE.

AND, UH... YOUR
ASSIGNED PARKING SPOT

IS G-14.

AND SO YOU KNOW, WE DON'T
DO LAUNDRY AFTER 10 P.M.

WOW, IS EVERYTHING SO
REGIMENTED AROUND HERE?

WELL, WE HAVE A PRETTY ACTIVE

TENANTS' ASSOCIATION.

OH! COULD I JOIN?

WELL, SURE.

THERE'S A MEETING TONIGHT.

WE HAVE TO TELL YOU,
WE'RE SO GLAD TO BE RID

OF THE LAST PEOPLE
WHO LIVED HERE.

THEY STORED ALL KINDS
OF JUNK ON THEIR BALCONY.

IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE
SOME NORMAL PEOPLE HERE.

NORMAL! NORMAL! NORMAL! NORMAL!

THANK YOU.

AND YOU, SIR?

I CAN'T DECIDE. WHAT IS
YOUR MOST POPULAR DISH?

WELL, A LOT OF PEOPLE
LIKE THE STEAK FAJITAS.

THEN STEAK FAJITAS IT IS.

AND, UH, HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE IT COOKED?

MEDIUM.

AND THE SAUCE, SIR?

MEDIUM.

AND YOUR DRINK? COLA, MEDIUM.

NO, WAIT...

YES, MEDIUM.

SO, HOW'D YOU LIKE THE MOVIE?

IT'S THE NUMBER
ONE MOVIE IN AMERICA.

BUT DID YOU LIKE IT?

IT'S AMERICA'S FAVORITE MOVIE,

AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

I GUESS IT WAS OK.

2 THUMBS UP. WAY UP.

I'M HAVING A NICE TIME.

YOU ARE?

THAT'S TRUE.

YOU'VE NEITHER
SCREAMED NOR CRIED

ALL EVENING.

THIS IS CAUSE FOR A
CELEBRATION. WAITER?

A BOTTLE OF YOUR MOST
AVERAGE CHAMPAGNE.

OH... HOW'S IT COMING, HARRY?

WELL, I HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE.

WE WERE TRYING TO
PUT THE SUPPORT ROD

FROM THE UBEN

INTO THE FLORD SLOT,

BUT THAT CRISIS IS PAST.

AH. LOOK AT US.

WE'RE DOING GREAT.

EVERYTHING'S COMING TOGETHER.

OH, I'M READING A GREAT
JOHN GRISHAM NOVEL.

IT'S ABOUT A YOUNG
SOUTHERN LAWYER

WHO FIGHTS AN EVIL
CORPORATE GIANT.

HEY, MY GRISHAM'S
ABOUT THAT, TOO.

SO IS MY GRISHAM!

HEY, GUYS.

WHOA...

WHO ARE YOU?

IT'S ME TOMMY.

WELL, YOU CAN'T BE TOMMY.
TOMMY LOOKS LIKE A GIRL.

OH... NO.

I WENT TO THE MEGACUTS.

WELL, IF YOU'RE
TOMMY, ANSWER ME THIS:

ARE WE, OR ARE WE NOT ALIENS?

YEAH, DICK, WE ARE.

TOMMY!

AH, THERE'S MY GRISHAM.

HERE WE GO.

THIS THING, WHAT EVER IT IS.

HAS GOT TO GO.

JUST HAVE THEM
HAUL ALL THIS AWAY.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES, NINA. I'M SURE.

IT'S JUST THAT YOU'RE
ACTING KIND OF STRANGE.

ME? STRANGE?

I'M TEXT BOOK NORMAL.

IF ANYONE IS STRANGE, IT'S YOU.

YOU EXCERCISE TOO MUCH.
YOU DRIVE A STICK SHIFT.

YOU DRINK ROOT BEER.

OH, AND YOU'RE BLACK.

WHAT'S STRANGE
ABOUT BEING BLACK?

LET'S FACE IT NINA. MOST
WHITE PEOPLE AREN'T.

BUT THEY WANNA BE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, I'M JUST GETTING RID OF SOME
OF THESE KOOKY KNICKKNACKS.

WHAT COULD I HAVE BEEN THINKING?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK IT'S KIND
OF NICE HAVING...

PERSONAL TOUCHES
AROUND THE OFFICE.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING
ONE OF THOSE BIG FICUSES.

WHOA! HOLD ON THERE
COURTNEY LOVE...

THE CIRCUS IS A
FUN PLACE TO VISIT...

BUT, YOU DON'T
WANT TO LIVE THERE.

WELL, CAN I HAVE YOUR
"MR. POTATO HEAD"?

SURE. GO AHEAD.

WIERDO.

OH, HI, JEFF. THANKS
SO MUCH FOR COMING.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE WONDERING
WHY WE ASKED YOU HERE.

YES.

WELL, IS THAT YOUR DOORMAT?

YEAH. SO?

WELL, IT DOESN'T REALLY GO

WITH THE BUILDING'S
DECOR NOW, DOES IT?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
WHAT COLOR MY DOORMAT IS?

WELL, THERE ARE 2
APPROVED COLORS,

BUT WE HAVEN'T USED EITHER
OF THOSE NOW, HAVE WE?

NO, BUT IT'S JUST THAT...

WHAT WERE WE THINKING?

WERE WE THINKING,
"HMM, I KNOW BETTER

THAN THE OTHER 146 TENANTS"?

WELL, I JUST THOUGHT
IT WOULD GIVE MY PLACE

A LITTLE PERSONALITY.

OH, JEFF!

WE DON'T HAVE ROOM
FOR PERSONALITY

IN THIS COMPLEX.

WHAT WE NEED TO DO
IS ABIDE BY THE RULES

WE'VE ALL AGREED TO, RIGHT?

OK. SO BYE-BYE.

BYE-BYE.

HI, MARJORIE.

COME HERE, SWEETIE.

NOW, IT SEEMS AS THOUGH WE PUT

A LITTLE DRIED FLOWER
WREATH ON OUR DOOR.

WHAT WERE WE THINKING?

SO, SALLY,

DO YOU LIKE IT HERE?

OH, I LOVE WILLOW GLEN.

IT'S LIKE NO PLACE
ELSE ON EARTH.

NO...

EXCEPT OAK BRIDGE, WILLOW
BROOK AND GLEN BROOK.

I CAN'T REMEMBER LIFE
BEFORE WILLOW GLEN,

AND I CAN'T IMAGINE
LIFE AFTER IT.

OH! I ALMOST FORGOT.

I GOT YOU A
HOUSEWARMING PRESENT.

OHH!

MARY, THANK YOU.

OH, IT'S WONDERFUL! WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A WIND CHIME. YOU
PUT IT IN THE WINDOW,

AND THE WIND RUSHES THROUGH
IT AND MAKES A LOVELY SOUND.

SOUND?

AS IN "NOISE"?

YEAH.

WELL, IT'S FAR TOO PRETTY

TO TAKE OUT OF THE BOX.

I KNOW.

I'LL JUST USE IT TO
STORE UNDER THE SINK.

OHH! OHH! OHH!

JENGA! JENGA! JENGA!

THAT WAS GOOD FUN.

SAY, WHO WANTS TO DO
SOMETHING COMPLETELY CRAZY?

I'M GAME! I DO!

MARY?

GOD, YES.

LET'S GO GET SOME FROZEN YOGURT!

COME ON, MARY!

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT'S FAT-FREE.

MARY?

OH!

HI, DICK.

WELL, WHY AREN'T YOU
WORKING IN THE OFFICE?

UH...

I... I THOUGHT I'D SAVE
MYSELF THE WALK.

I HAVE ANOTHER CLASS COMING IN.

WHAT, NOW?

UH... IN 3 HOURS.

I HAD A REALLY GOOD
TIME LAST NIGHT.

IT'S TOO BAD YOU HAD
TO LEAVE SO SUDDENLY,

BUT LEAVING BOTH YOUR
IRON AND YOUR STOVE ON,

I GUESS THAT CAN BE
PRETTY DANGEROUS.

TAKE YOUR SEATS, PLEASE!
JUST BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE LATE

DOESN'T MEAN YOU
SHOULDN'T BE READY TO LEARN.

NOW...

WHO KNOWS THE ANSWER
TO QUESTION NUMBER 4?

WELL... WHO ARE YOU?

I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH! YOU MUST BE DR. NEESOME.

NO. THE ANSWER I'M LOOKING FOR

IS "MARSUPIAL."

PLEASE CONCENTRATE.

UH, UH, NO, NO, NO.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I'M MARY ALBRIGHT.
THIS IS DICK SOLOMON.

WE'RE BOTH PROFESSORS HERE.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, YOU
CAN'T POSSIBLY TAKE MY CLASS.

PLEASE LEAVE.

BUT... BUT THIS IS HER ROOM.

WELL, THEN YOU LEAVE
ME NO ALTERNATIVE.

I MUST LEAVE.

AUF WIEDERSEHEN.

SO THAT'S THE UNIVERSITY'S IDEA

OF A HOTSHOT PROFESSOR?

OH, THEY SAY HE'S
QUITE BRILLIANT.

WELL, I SAY HE'S QUITE WEIRD.

HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T
FIT IN AROUND HERE.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

HE'S TOO LOUD, TOO COLORFUL,

TOO INTERESTING.

EXACTLY. THANK YOU.

COME ON, DICK, WE COULD USE

A LITTLE ECCENTRICITY
AROUND HERE.

I MEAN, IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE DULL,

DON'T YOU THINK?

A GUY COULD TAKE
THAT PERSONALLY.

EXCUSE ME, IS THIS
THE LADIES' ROOM?

WELL, I BELIEVE THAT IS IT.

AS THEY SAY IN SWEDEN...

FAHRVERGNUGEN.

HEY, DICK, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HOME?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING
ALBRIGHT TO THAT NEW STARBUCKS.

OH, THE ONE DOWN THE
STREET FROM THE OLD ONE?

NO, THE ONE
IN-BETWEEN THE 2 KINKO'S.

OH. ACROSS FROM
THE BARNES & NOBLE?

IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHICH STARBUCKS!

SHE CANCELED ON ME.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL.

WHY WOULDN'T SHE LIKE ME?

YEAH. YOU'RE JUST LIKE
EVERY OTHER GUY IN TOWN.

YEAH. THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
REMARKABLE OR DISTINCTIVE ABOUT YOU.

AND YET SHE RESISTS.

BUT YOU'RE COMPLETELY
HOMOGENIZED!

THERE'S NOTHING NOT TO LIKE!

HOW MUCH LESS DOES
SHE WANT FROM YOU?

WELL, IT IS HER PROBLEM,
'CAUSE WE'RE DOING GREAT.

FANTASTIC. COULDN'T BE BETTER.

I'M COMPLETELY
MISERABLE. I HATE IT HERE.

KILL ME NOW.

OH, MY.

I THOUGHT YOU
GUYS LIKED IT HERE.

WE WERE JUST SAYING THAT

'CAUSE WE THOUGHT
YOU LIKED IT HERE.

I DON'T LIKE IT. I HATE IT!

I THOUGHT YOU LIKED IT!

I DON'T LIKE IT!

I MISS MY COAT. I MISS MY GNOME.

WELL, HEY, I MISS MY HAIR!

THERE'S SOME THINGS
YOU CAN'T GO BACK ON.

WE HAVE TO TOUGH THIS OUT. WE
DID IT FOR THE SAKE OF THE MISSION.

NO! THIS WAS A MISTAKE!

BECOMING MORE AVERAGE
DIDN'T MAKE US MORE HUMAN!

IT MADE US LESS!

ALL MY BUMPS AND QUIRKS.

THAT'S WHAT MADE ME
SO DELIGHTFULLY HARRY.

PACK UP, BOYS. WE'RE GOING HOME!

GOING HOME? COME ON!

WE JUST GOT THIS THING TOGETHER!

I'LL BE IN THE CAR.

HEY, GUYS.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

SALLY, UH...

I'VE, UH...

I'VE MADE A COMMAND DECISION.

WE'RE MOVING BACK.

OH.

IS THAT WHAT WE'RE DOING?

WE'RE NOT HAPPY,

SO WE'RE JUST GOING TO
BREAK OUR LEASE AND MOVE?

YEAH. MORE OR LESS.

NO, DICK, WE CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU SEE, I'M IN
THE MAJORITY NOW.

THERE ARE MORE OF US
THAN THERE ARE OF YOU,

AND THAT MAKES US RIGHT.

I'M A MEMBER OF A COMMUNITY,

A COMMUNITY THAT EMBRACES

WHOLESOME AMERICAN VALUES.

AND IF YOU CROSS US...

WE WILL DESTROY YOU.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...

I SPOTTED A MEZUZAH ON 2-C.

AND CLEARLY, THE OVERSIZE
DOOR KNOCKER ON 6-B

WILL SET AN
UNFORTUNATE PRECEDENT,

SO I THINK IT BEHOOVES ALL OF US

TO NIP THIS PROBLEM IN THE BUD.

HEAR, HEAR! YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.

GREAT. OK, THE NEXT
ORDER OF BUSINESS IS...

[TINKLING]

WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

OH, UH...

I PUT UP MARY'S WIND CHIMES.

"WIND CHIMES"?

OH, WE DON'T DO THAT HERE.

NO, WE DO NOT, FLORA.

DR. SOLOMON, TAKE
THOSE DOWN RIGHT AWAY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[MOTOR RUNS]

OK...

IS THAT A LEAF BLOWER?

DIESEL.

WELL, YOU CAN'T RUN
A LEAF BLOWER HERE!

OH, TELL ME ABOUT
IT. [WOOF WOOF]

IT SCARED THE HELL
OUT OF TOMMY'S DOG.

[WOOF WOOF WOOF]

OH, IT'S OK, BOY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

LET ME TELL YOU,
WHEN HE GETS SCARED,

HE'S NO FRIEND OF CARPET.

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!

YOU SOLOMONS HAVE
BEEN HORRIBLE TENANTS!

I CALL FOR AN
EMERGENCY EVICTION VOTE!

I SECOND THE
MOTION! ALL IN FAVOR.

WELL, THEN IT'S
UNANIMOUS. BYE-BYE.

OK, THE NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS
WOULD BE THE HEDGE COMMITTEE...

SALLY...

UH, YES, STEVE?

YOU LIVE WITH THEM.

UH-HUH.

OH. UM... WELL,

CAN I MOVE IN WITH YOU?

NOPE.

BUT I'M ONE OF YOU.

NO.

YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.

COME ON, SALLY, IT'S TIME. NO.

OH! OH! COME ON, DEAR.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO!

WITHOUT ME,

THIS PLACE IS GOING
TO BE COLORFUL...

AND... AND PRETTY,
W-WITH LITTLE CRITTERS

AND BIRDIES TWEETING
ALL OVER THE PLACE!

YOU'LL REGRET THIS!

BECOMING AVERAGE
WAS INTERESTING,

BUT ONCE WE GOT THERE...

IT WASN'T INTERESTING AT ALL.

YEAH. I MEAN,

THOSE PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T
WEIRD WERE SO... WEIRD.

THEN I BECAME LIKE THEM,
WHICH WAS REALLY WEIRD.

WELL... LIVE AND LEARN.

WE'RE BACK TO OUR NORMAL SELVES.

[CLEARS THROAT]

EXCEPT FOR TOMMY,
WHO HAS A LITTLE COUGH.

OTHERWISE, EVERYTHING'S
AS IT SHOULD BE.

AM I RIGHT, FELLAS?

OH, YEAH. YEAH, SURE.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M TURNING IN.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS
IS BUNKING DOWN WITH ME?

THAT WOULD BE ME.

WELL, DON'T HOG THE BLANKETS

BECAUSE I SLEEP IN THE NUDE.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TRY THAT.

YOU GUYS WANT
TO CRASH IN MY VAN?

YEAH. YEAH.

[BUZZ]

[BUZZ]

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

[BUZZING APPROACHING]

WHOOOO WHOO-HOO-HOO!

OH, HO HO!

OH, MARY, THERE'S
NOTHING BETTER THAN THIS!

HE'S BACK.

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