3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001): Season 3, Episode 11 - Jailhouse Dick - full transcript

"LOOKING DOWN AT HER OLD DRESS.

"I DON'T THINK IT'S
FAIR FOR SOME GIRLS

"TO HAVE PLENTY OF PRETTY THINGS

"AND OTHER GIRLS NOTHING AT ALL,

ADDED LITTLE AMY
WITH AN INJURED SNIFF."

[SNIFF]

HARRY, DO YOU HAVE TO
BE DOING THAT RIGHT NOW?

YEAH. I GOT A 500-WORD BOOK
REPORT DUE FOR NIGHT SCHOOL.

"IT'S SO DREADFUL
TO BE POOR, SIGHED...

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH.

LISTEN, THE KEY TO STUDYING



IS FINDING THE SHORT
CUTS, ALL RIGHT?

LOOK, LATER WE'LL GO OUT,

WE'LL BUY YOU SOME CLIFF NOTES.

IT'S LIKE AN EASY LITTLE
SYNOPSIS, ALL RIGHT?

IT'LL TAKE YOU 10 MINUTES.

OOH, WHAT A RELIEF.

I DON'T MIND READIN'.

IT'S READIN' BOOKS THAT I HATE.

HARRY, WHY AREN'T YOU STUDYING?

OH, DON'T WORRY, DICK.

TOMMY AND I ARE
GOING TO GO OUT LATER

AND JUST BUY A BOOK REPORT.

AH...

GOOD MAN. MAKE ME PROUD.



HEY, DICK, DON'T
FORGET YOUR LUNCH.

OH, NO, I'M SORRY.

I'M MEETING OFFICER DON

AT THE POLICE STATION FOR LUNCH.

OH, MAKE SURE HE
SHOWS YOU THE TANK.

THE TANK?

YEAH, BUT DON'T GET TOO CLOSE,

OTHERWISE THE INMATES WILL
START HOOTIN' AND HOLLERIN'

AND TELLING YOU THEY LOVE YOU.

OH... I'D BETTER
PUT ON MY NEW TIE.

WELL, DICK,

THIS IS IT.

THE TANK.

OH... OH, LOOK AT THEM,

THEIR DEEP-SET EYES
DARTING WITH EVIL BRILLIANCE.

WHAT'D THEY DO, DON?

WELL, THAT ONE'S A LOITERER,

AND THAT GUY WAS
SCREAMING AT A FIRE HYDRANT.

YOU... FRESH MEAT...
WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?

UP YOURS.

DON'T RILE 'EM UP.
THEY'RE BAD NEWS.

OH, THIS PLACE IS
SO CREEPY, DON.

I KNEW JAILS HAD BARS,

BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THEY
WERE SO CONFINING.

THAT'S KIND OF THE IDEA.

DON, I CAN'T GET OUT.

DON, HELP ME. GET ME OUT! DON!

DICK...

TURN YOUR HEAD.

ALL RIGHT, GET BACK, GET BACK!

SO... IF HE CAN'T PAY
HIS FINE, HE JUST...

WELL, HE'LL JUST SIT
THERE FOR A FEW DAYS

AND THINK ABOUT WHAT HE'S DONE.

AND THAT'LL TEACH HIM THAT
JAIL IS A DIRTY, HORRIBLE PLACE,

AND HE'LL NEVER WANT TO RETURN?

EXACTLY.

IN FACT, THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME

HE'S LEARNED THAT VERY LESSON.

THE FIFTH TIME? WHY DOES
HE KEEP COMING BACK?

AH, IT'S JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

THEN WHAT'S THE
POINT OF THIS PLACE?

IT'S JUST A REVOLVING DOOR,

A HOPELESS HOTEL

WHOSE RESIDENTS CHECK
IN AND OUT BETWEEN CRIMES.

AND YOU, DON, YOU'RE NOTHING
MORE THAN A BELLHOP WITH A BADGE.

I AM NOT.

HEY, CAN I GET A CLEAN TOWEL

AND A WALL STREET JOURNAL?

WILL YOU SHUT UP IN THERE?!

NOW, LISTEN HERE, DICK,

THIS SYSTEM IS THE
ONLY WAY WE'VE GOT

TO TEACH THESE GUYS A LESSON.

WHAT ABOUT GIVING
THEM A LITTLE GUIDANCE?

UH, WE DON'T DO THAT HERE.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD.

UNLIKE YOU, I HAPPEN TO
HAVE FAITH IN THE HUMAN RACE.

I CAN TAKE ANY ONE OF THESE MEN,

REHABILITATE HIM,

AND MAKE HIM A PRODUCTIVE
MEMBER OF SOCIETY.

YOU'RE MAD, SOLOMON.

AM I?

COME ON, YOU, YOU'RE
COMING HOME WITH ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GOING TO PAY HIS FINE
AND MAKE HIM WHOLE AGAIN.

AS GOD IS MY WITNESS,

NOTHING WILL DETER ME
FROM SAVING THIS MAN.

OK. HIS FINE IS $1,500.

OOH.

HOW MUCH FOR THE SKINNY ONE?

UH, 750.

AND THE SHORT
HAIR IN THE CORNER?

EDDIE? 100 BUCKS.

WRAP HIM UP. I'LL TAKE HIM.

WELL, I READ IN A MAGAZINE

IT WAS A PROSTHETIC.

OH, MY GOD, WHAT A
MESS. YOU'VE BEEN ROBBED.

NO. IT'S JUST PEPPER ACTING OUT.

HE HATES IT WHENEVER
I LEAVE THE HOUSE.

AND YOU PUT UP WITH IT?

WELL, I DON'T
REALLY GO OUT MUCH.

ALL THIS DOG DOES
IS JUMP ALL OVER YOU

AND RUIN YOUR FURNITURE.

WHY DO YOU KEEP HIM?

DICK GAVE HIM TO ME.

AND?

AND WE'VE BROKEN UP.

SO...

SO THERE'S NO REASON WHY I
SHOULD KEEP THIS STUPID DOG.

VERY GOOD.

COME ON, PEPPER.

LET'S GO SEE DADDY.

LOOK, I REALLY APPRECIATE
YOU PAYING MY FINE

AND THE SOUP AND THE 3-PACK
OF UNDERPANTS AND EVERYTHING...

BUT I BETTER GET GOING.

NO. YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GO ANYWHERE.

YOU'RE STAYING HERE WITH US.

THANKS, BUT YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM, EDDIE...

NO ONE'S DONE ENOUGH.

NO ONE'S EVER TAKEN
RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOU.

BUT I WILL.

THIS HOUSE, EDDIE...

IS A HOUSE OF LOVE.

BUT BE WARNED...

IT IS ALSO A HOUSE
OF DISCIPLINE.

THERE WILL BE RULES, YES.

THERE WILL BE A CURFEW.

HOWEVER, THAT CURFEW IS 3 A.M.,

SO IT SHOULDN'T
CRAMP YOUR STYLE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

OH, SALLY, I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET EDDIE,

MY PLAIN OLD
REGULAR FRIEND EDDIE.

HE'S BEEN IN PRISON.

OK, BEND OVER.

SALLY, SALLY, HE'S A FRIEND.

HE'S A GUEST. YOU WILL
TREAT HIM WITH RESPECT.

DID YOU FIND ANYTHING?

HE'S CLEAN.

YEAH. I KNEW HE WOULD BE.

WELL, THAT WAS A
COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.

THE BOOKSTORE'S
OUT OF CLIFF NOTES,

AND YOU SPEND 2 1/2 HOURS

CHATTING UP THE
GIRL AT THE VISOR HUT.

YEAH... WHO HAD HEARD
OF THE BOOK LITTLE WOMEN.

OK, THAT WAS HELPFUL.

BUT NOW I GOT TO SPEND
ALL NIGHT READING THE BOOK.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO.

WE'LL GO TO THE VIDEO STORE,

WE'LL RENT LITTLE WOMEN,
THE MOTION PICTURE, ALL RIGHT?

IN 2 HOURS YOU'LL
KNOW THE WHOLE STORY.

OH, HARRY, TOMMY,

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
OUR NEW FRIEND EDDIE.

HE'S A CRIMINAL.

WHOA.

EDDIE, THE BATHROOM
IS RIGHT IN THERE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO
TAKE A NICE HOT SHOWER

AND SCRUB OFF THE
STENCH OF INCARCERATION?

HE MEANS TO KILL US.

OH, HUSH. HOW DARE YOU?!

THIS MAN IS A HUMAN BEING,

AND RIGHT NOW HE'S
GIVING ME SOMETHING TO DO.

DICK, ISN'T THIS A MAJOR
SECURITY BREACH?

OH, NONSENSE.

IT'S A MAGNIFICENT EXPERIMENT.

I INTEND TO PROVE THAT A NURTURING
FAMILY AND A SOLID ROLE MODEL

CAN TURN A MAN'S LIFE AROUND.

AND WHO WOULD
THAT ROLE MODEL BE?

YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT
HIM, SASS MOUTH.

Mary: DICK?

WELL, MARY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

RETURNING YOUR DOG.

WELL, PEPPER'S NOT MY DOG.

HE WAS A GIFT.

YEAH. A GIFT I DECIDED
I DON'T DESERVE.

HERE, YOU TAKE HIM.

OH, NO. I... I... I WOULDN'T
DREAM OF TAKING BACK

A GIFT THAT I GAVE YOU.

WELL, YOU TOOK BACK
THE STEREO YOU GAVE ME.

THAT WAS SURROUNDSOUND, BABY.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

YOUR LEASE SAYS ABSOLUTELY,
POSITIVELY NO DOGS.

WHY, ARE YOU ALLERGIC?

NO. I JUST GET NERVOUS.

YOU KNOW HOW DOGS LIKE TO DIG?

I GOT 6 CATS BURIED
IN THE BACKYARD.

OH. YOU BETTER MAKE THAT 5.

NOT MY PROBLEM.

NOT MY DOG ANYMORE.

WE DON'T WANT HIM.

WELL, I'M NOT TAKING HIM BACK.

OH, NATURALLY.

NOBODY WANTS TO
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

I CAN SEE THAT YET
AGAIN, IT FALLS UPON ME...

TO MAKE SALLY
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

OH, GREAT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO DEAL
WITH THAT MISERABLE CREATURE.

YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT ME, AREN'T YOU?

OH, YEAH.

YOU CALL YOURSELF A CANINE?

YOU MAKE ME SICK!

WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE!

FROM NOW ON, WHEN I SAY
BARK, YOU SAY "HOW LOUD, SIR?"

OR RATHER BARK IT AS IF
TO SAY, "HOW LOUD, SIR?"

DO YOU UNDERSTAND
ME, PRIVATE TICKBAIT?

AT EASE, SOLDIER.

WOW...

I THINK YOU REALLY
GOT THROUGH TO HIM.

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU JUST
GOT TO SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS.

YOU LEAD, THEY FOLLOW.

[BARKING]

OH, IT'S THAT DAMN
SQUIRREL AGAIN.

[BARKING]

DOWN, PEPPER!

WOW!

YOU KNOW, ALBRIGHT, IT'S
JUST A MATTER OF REALLY...

[BARKING]

[GLASS BREAKING]

[BARKING]

SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE JUST GIVE HIM AWAY?

SOUNDS GOOD. OK.

WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE
ENJOYING YOUR MOVIE, TOMMY.

HEY, IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT THEY
DIDN'T HAVE LITTLE WOMEN, ALL RIGHT?

BUT LOOK, I GOT THE FLY.

WELL, HOW WONDERFUL FOR YOU.

MEANWHILE, I STILL
HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED...

HEY... THAT'S GUY'S HALF FLY.

HEY, ANY CALLS FOR PEPPER YET?

NO.

WELL, I PUT FLYERS UP

ON EVERY BULLETIN
BOARD ON CAMPUS.

HOW DID YOU DESCRIBE HIM?

UH, BIG, YELLOW, AND FREE.

[TELEPHONE]

YES! OK, REMEMBER,
LIE YOUR BUTT OFF.

I AM NOT GOING TO LIE.

HELLO.

YES.

WELL, UH, HIS NAME IS PEPPER.

HE'S A YELLOW LAB.

HE'S VERY AFFECTIONATE.

LOVES PEOPLE.

AH. WELL, FAIR QUESTION.

UM, I'LL BE PERFECTLY
HONEST WITH YOU.

I'M DYING.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING
EDDIE A CHANCE, MR. WEXLER.

NO PROBLEM.

THERE ARE JUST A COUPLE
OF RULES DOWN HERE

IN THE AUDIO-VISUAL
DEPARTMENT, EDDIE.

YOU START AT 9:00, YOU
GET A 45-MINUTE LUNCH,

AND ALL EQUIPMENT REQUEST
FORMS GO RIGHT HERE.

NOTHING...

NOTHIN'...

GOES OUT WITHOUT ONE.

OH, AND, UH...

AND ONE MORE RULE, EDDIE.

YOU'LL NOTICE THIS
EQUIPMENT IS CLEARLY MARKED

PROPERTY OF
PENDLETON UNIVERSITY.

IT'S FOR LENDING, YOU KNOW.

NOT FOR, UM, FOR STEALING.

YEAH. I GOT IT.

WELL, I'LL LEAVE
YOU FELLAS TO IT.

OH, THIS IS SUCH A PROUD
MOMENT FOR ME, EDDIE.

I'VE PLUCKED YOU FROM YOUR
WRETCHED LIFE OF RECIDIVISM,

GIVEN YOU GUIDANCE AND SUCCOR,

AND MADE YOU APPRECIATE ONE
OF LIFE'S MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS...

FREEDOM!

[DING]

DINNERTIME!

[CLANG]

DINNERTIME!

YOU WERE SERIOUS?

YES. NOW CHOP CHOP.
DINNER'S GETTING COLD.

BOY, SINCE WHEN DO
WE EAT TOGETHER?

WE'RE GOING TO SIT DOWN
AND SHARE OUR EVENING MEAL.

TO SHOW EDDIE AN
EXAMPLE OF A LOVING FAMILY.

UH, I ALREADY ATE. SORRY.

YOU'RE GOING TO SIT
DOWN AND EAT AGAIN

IF I HAVE TO SHOVE THE
FOOD DOWN YOUR THROAT.

NOW GET IN THERE!

LOOK OUT, HE'S GOT A KNIFE!

All: OH!

EDDIE, THINK ABOUT THIS.

PUT DOWN THE KNIFE.

YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.

I DON'T WANT TO CUT THE CHICKEN?

NOT BEFORE WE'VE SAID GRACE.

WHO'S GOING TO SAY GRACE?
TOMMY, HOW ABOUT YOU? HMM?

GRACE.

SAY IT.

THANK YOU FOR
THIS SECOND DINNER.

SURE TO BE AN EXCRUCIATING
AND UNCOMFORTABLE...

AMEN. THANK YOU, TOMMY.

HEY, WHO STOLE MY SPOON?

OH, NO, NO, NO. I FORGOT.

IT'S IN MY POCKET.

SO, UM, HOW WAS YOUR DAY, SALLY?

WHAT'S IT TO YOU?

AS A CONCERNED AND
LOVING FAMILY MEMBER,

I'M NATURALLY INTERESTED
IN HOW YOUR DAY WENT.

WHAT'S IT TO YOU?

EDDIE, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

WELL, I, UH, CHECKED A
FEW PROJECTORS OUT.

AND THEN A LITTLE WHILE LATER,

I CHECKED THEM BACK IN.

OH, TALK ABOUT BEING THROWN IN
THE DEEP END ON YOUR FIRST DAY.

OH, UH, BY THE WAY,
I'LL BE NEEDING THE, UM,

THE OVERHEAD PROJECTOR FOR
MY MORNING CLASS TOMORROW.

I'D BE HAPPY TO, BUT I CAN'T.

PROFESSOR GREENWALD
HAS RESERVED IT.

OH, AND IS PROFESSOR
GREENWALD SERVING YOU CHICKEN?

I DON'T THINK SO. NO.

NO, BUT HE FILLED OUT
THE FORM. RULES IS RULES.

OH, THAT'S FUNNY. COMING FROM
A PROFESSIONAL RULE-BREAKER.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

WELL, I BELIEVE IT'S A
REFERENCE TO YOUR LIFE OF CRIME.

LOOK. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
TOLD ME TO FOLLOW THE RULES.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

MAYBE A LITTLE GRATITUDE.

WELL, I AM GRATEFUL.

THEN SHOW IT TO ME BY
GIVING ME THAT PROJECTOR!

NO!

YOU UNAPPRECIATIVE,
TWO-BIT THUG!

THAT'S IT. I'M OUTTA HERE!

THAT'S RIGHT, RUN!

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
GOOD AT. GOOD RIDDANCE!

WE OUGHT TO DO THIS MORE OFTEN.

[CAR TIRES SCREECH]

I ASSURE YOU, HE GROWS ON YOU!

[CAR TIRES SCREECH]

COME ON, ALBRIGHT, SAY GOOD-BYE

AND LET'S GET OUT
OF HERE ALREADY.

SO, UH, YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE
HIM TO SOMEBODY NICE, RIGHT?

WELL, WE'LL GIVE
HIM TO SOMEBODY.

BUT NOT JUST ANYONE.

NO, NOT ANYONE.

THEY GOT TO COME IN
HERE AND HAVE 5 BUCKS.

HE'S IN GOOD HANDS,
DON'T YOU THINK?

YEAH, THE BEST.

YEAH.

IS EDDIE BACK YET?

NO. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.

WELL, IF HE SHOWS UP,
TELL HIM HE'S FORGIVEN

AND GIVE HIM A WARM
SUPPORTIVE HUG FOR ME.

YEAH, DICK, I'LL BE DOING THAT.

JUST A SECOND, GUYS. I, UH,

LEFT MY NOTEBOOK
IN THE OTHER ROOM.

OH, I'M IN BIG TROUBLE, TOMMY.

MY STUDY GROUP'S HERE, I HAVEN'T
EVEN FINISHED THE FIRST CHAPTER,

AND FOR THIS, I BLAME YOU.

WELL, THEN THIS IS A GOLDEN
OPPORTUNITY RIGHT HERE.

JUST GO IN THERE, LISTEN
TO WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY,

AND WRITE IT DOWN.

THERE'S YOUR 500 WORDS.

LISTEN... WRITE. GOTCHA.

SO, THOSE WOMEN WERE
PRETTY LITTLE, WEREN'T THEY?

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

WHEN JO WENT TO THE CITY,

MY HEART WENT WITH HER.

HER DREAMS WERE SO PURE.

YEAH, PURELY SELFISH.

SHE RUNS OFF TO THE CITY,

LEAVES HER SISTER
OUT IN THE STICKS,

WHILE SHE PARTIED.

YEAH, WELL, I READ
IT DIFFERENTLY,

BUT PLEASE... CONTINUE.

DON'T LET HIM
CONTINUE. HE'S STUPID.

LITERATURE IS OPEN
TO INTERPRETATION.

HARRY, IT'S GONE! IT'S GONE!

WHOA! WHAT'S GONE?

THE RAMBLER. IT'S
GONE. AND SO IS EDDIE!

OH! SOMEONE STOLE
THE RAMBLER AND EDDIE!

NO, YOU IDIOT. EDDIE
STOLE THE RAMBLER.

OH...

THANK GOD.

YOU WERE SAYING?

OK, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU BAILED THE GUY OUT OF JAIL,

YOU BROUGHT HIM INTO YOUR HOME,

GAVE HIM THE KEYS TO
YOUR HOUSE, TO YOUR CAR,

AND NOW YOU'RE
SURPRISED HE'S STOLEN IT.

OH, SURE, HINDSIGHT IS 20-20.

UH, WE WOULD HAVE
WARNED YOU, DICK,

BUT, YOU KNOW, WE DID!

I KNOW YOU DID.

I WAS BLINDED BY THE FERVOR
OF MY FAITH IN MANKIND.

DAMN MY LACK OF CYNICISM!

HERE'S YOUR MAN, DICK.

OH, DON, THANK GOD!

YEAH, HE THOUGHT HE
COULD GET AWAY WITH IT,

BUT I HUNTED HIM
DOWN LIKE A DOG.

YOU BUMPED INTO ME
AT THE GROCERY STORE.

THAT'S HEARSAY.

OH, I'M DISAPPOINTED, EDDIE.

YOU STOLE MY CAR, AND
YOU BROKE MY HEART.

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S
THE WORST THING OF ALL?

WHAT? YOU STOLE MY CAR!

SAYS WHO?

DO YOU WANT A TASTE OF MY TASER?

WELL, THEN YOU
JUST KEEP TALKING.

COME ON, WE'RE GOING TO JAIL.

UH, NOT SO FAST.

EDDIE, I HOPE YOU'VE
LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON.

I KNOW I HAVE.

I GAVE YOU MY TRUST. I GAVE
YOU EVERY BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

AND HOW DID YOU REPAY ME?

BY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY
TRUSTING NATURE AND BETRAYING ME.

I HOPE YOU FEEL REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY, BAD.

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

OH, EDDIE STOLE THE CAR.

WHICH ONE?

THAT CAR.

EDDIE, PLEASE, YOU CAN'T LEAVE!

A MAN MAKES ONE MISTAKE, AND
YOU HOLD IT AGAINST HIM FOR LIFE?

WORKS FOR YOU.

THIS IS NO TIME FOR IRONY!

EDDIE!

SALLY! MARY!

DICK, WHERE'S SALLY?

OH, WHO CARES?

EDDIE'S LEAVING ME.

BUT I...

DOGS! DOGS! DOGS! DOGS!

AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE

WHO UNDERSTANDS
THE PHRASE "NO DOGS"?

WELL, I JUST HAVE TO FIND SALLY.

I WENT TO THE POUND TO
SEE PEPPER, BUT HE'S GONE!

WHERE DID THESE TWO COME FROM?

WELL, THEY WERE JUST SITTING

IN A COLD, HARD CELL
WITH NO CHEWIES.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL FORGET
ABOUT THE PROJECTOR THING,

AND YOU FORGET ABOUT
THE FALSE ARRESTS.

NO WAY!

LOOK, EDDIE, HAVE
SOME MORE SOUP.

Eddie: NO MORE SOUP!

Dick: NO, IT'S GOOD. IT'S WARM.

LIKE YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT NEW ENGLAND

IN THE 19th CENTURY!

HEY, COULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN?

I'M TRYING TO FINISH
MY REPORT OVER HERE.

YOU SHUT UP, YOU CHEATER.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. HOW
MANY WORDS DO YOU GOT?

498. I NEED 2 MORE WORDS.

OK, UH...

THE END.

GENIUS!

CHEATER!

THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER.

THAT'S WHAT I AM THINKING OF.

ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT A
BRILLIANT, COMPASSIONATE MAN

NOW FEELS LIKE A FOOL?

Sally: ALBRIGHT! SALLY!

ALBRIGHT, I HAVE BEEN
LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

I KNOW. ME, TOO. I FEEL SO
BADLY ABOUT WHAT WE'VE DONE.

I WENT TO THE POUND TO
FIND PEPPER, BUT HE'S GONE!

NO, HE'S NOT. SOLDIER!

PEPPER!

WHY IS THERE ANOTHER DOG HERE?

MY DOG IS BACK!

OH, MY BOY, HE MISSED ME.

EDDIE, DID I MAKE NO
DIFFERENCE TO YOUR LIFE?

IS THERE NOTHING THAT
YOU'LL REMEMBER FONDLY?

THE CHICKEN WASN'T BAD.

EDDIE, EDDIE, IF YOU'LL JUST
SIGN THIS RELEASE FORM,

I'LL BE ON MY WAY.

WHAT'S IT FOR?

UH, IT JUST ABSOLVES
US OF ANY WRONGDOING

IN ARRESTING YOU FOR NO REASON

AND WITH NO EVIDENCE.
IT'S STANDARD.

I'LL HAVE MY LAWYER LOOK AT IT.

OH!

WELL, ALL IN ALL, I THINK THINGS
WORKED OUT PRETTY WELL.

OH, I AGREE.

WE PREPARED EDDIE NICELY
FOR HIS RETURN TO SOCIETY.

WELL, WE PROVED HE
DIDN'T STEAL THE CAR.

HE'S GOT TO FEEL
GOOD ABOUT THAT.

WE HAVE NOTHING
TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT.

WHAT SAY WE NEVER SPEAK
OF THIS INCIDENT EVERY AGAIN?

AGREED.

OF COURSE, UNLESS
WE'RE SUBPOENAED.

OH!

IN WHICH CASE, WE'LL JUST LIE.

YES! YES!

YOU KNOW, I REALLY FEEL LIKE
I ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING.

IT'S NOT EASY TO CHANGE A MAN.

OR A DOG. YOU KNOW, I FOUND

IT'S VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE
TO TEACH A DOG,

ESPECIALLY AN OLD
ONE, ANYTHING NEW.

YOU KNOW, LIKE A TRICK.

WOW, THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

OH, YOU GUYS, I GOT
MY BOOK REPORT BACK.

OH, YEAH, WHAT'D YOU GET?

"PLEASE SEE ME."

WELL, WELL, THERE YOU GO.

SHE WANTS TO
CONGRATULATE YOU IN PERSON.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

OH, EDDIE, THAT'S
FUNNY, BUT LET ME OUT.

LIGHTS OUT! LOCK IN!