3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001): Season 2, Episode 6 - Dick the Vote - full transcript
Harry runs for city council after he's mistaken for an activist.
OH, I LOVE THESE
SATURDAYS IN THE PARK.
SOFT GRASS, THE CHIRPING BIRDS,
THE EYEWITNESS NEWS TEAM.
Crowd: SAVE THE PARK!
SAVE THE PARK! SAVE THE PARK!
KIND OF MAKES YOU WANT
TO SCREAM AT THE TOP OF
YOUR LUNGS LIKE THOSE PEOPLE.
LET'S EAT OVER THERE!
NO! I PREFER THIS TABLE!
IT'S IN THE SHADE!
HEY, LOOK! A BUTTERFLY!
HEY, LOOK, SALLY!
IT'S YOUR FRIEND DON!
SALLY.
DON.
A WORD TO THE WISE.
THERE'S TROUBLE
IN THE PARK TODAY.
TROUBLE? UH-OH. I'D BETTER
TAKE CARE OF MY BABY.
WHAT IS IT?
SOMETIMES A WRINKLE
RUNS THROUGH THE CITY,
AND IT REARS UP ON ITS HAUNCHES
LIKE AN UGLY MONKEY
READY TO STRIKE.
OH, DON,
YOU ALWAYS HAVE YOUR
FINGER UP THE PULSE OF DANGER.
HEY, MAN, YOU WANT
TO SIGN THIS PETITION?
THE TOWN'S GONNA
DESTROY BATES PARK.
UH, MAYBE IN A LITTLE WHILE.
BUT THERE'S NO TIME. THE
DOZERS ARE ON THEIR WAY.
OK.
I'VE CHAINED MYSELF TO THE TREE.
OH. YEAH.
SIR, SIR, EXCUSE ME.
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'VE
CHAINED YOURSELF TO THAT TREE?
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'VE DONE.
SO YOU WON'T FREE YOURSELF,
EVEN THOUGH THE CITY
BULLDOZERS ARE ON THEIR WAY?
NO. I CANNOT DO THAT.
YEAH! YES!
HE MAY BE AN
ORGANIZED PROTESTER,
HE MAY BE A ROGUE MOUNTAIN MAN,
BUT ONE THING'S FOR SURE,
HE MAY BE A HERO.
WE GOT IT.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS, NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
Dick: HURRY UP!
I'M HURRYING.
IT'S ON THE RIGHT CHANNEL.
TV: SOME OF THE STORIES
WE'RE TRACKING THIS HOUR...
A FIRE BREAKS OUT
IN A NURSING HOME,
THE SEARCH FOR
SURVIVORS CONTINUES
AT THE PARMA HEIGHTS MUDSLIDE,
AND IN OUR SCIENCE WATCH, A
VET PERFORMS AN OPERATION
THAT ALLOWS A CAT TO
SMILE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
AW, THAT'S THE HAPPIEST
CAT IN THE WORLD.
BUT TONIGHT'S TOP STORY:
A PROTEST IN BATES PARK.
WHOA! LOOK, I'M ON TV.
AND YOU'RE WEARING MY SHIRT.
MY SHIRT'S ON TELEVISION.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
YES. HARRY SOLOMON LIVES HERE.
OK, HOLD ON.
HARRY HAS A PHONE CALL.
A PHONE CALL.
MY FIRST PHONE CALL.
HOW DO I LOOK?
YOU LOOK FINE.
[DEEP] HELLO.
UH-HUH. OK.
WELL, I'LL HAVE TO TALK
IT OVER WITH MY FAMILY.
OK. BYE.
WHO WAS THAT, HARRY?
WHY, I-IT'S A MEMBER FROM
THE INDEPENDENT PARTY.
THEY SAID THEY SAW ME ON TV.
THEY WANT ME TO
RUN FOR CITY COUNCIL.
WHAT'S CITY COUNCIL?
WELL, I THINK IT'S
SOME SORT OF COUNCIL,
HERE IN THE CITY.
WAIT, COUNCIL?
ACCORDING TO MY CIVICS
CLASS, THAT'S GOVERNMENT.
OH. OH. THIS IS
BIG. THIS IS BIG.
WE DO NOT WANT TO
GET INVOLVED IN THIS.
NO, NO. THIS WILL ALLOW
US TO GET ON THE INSIDE,
SEE HOW IT WORKS.
WHAT ABOUT OUR VOW
NOT TO ALTER THE
COURSE OF THE PLANET?
OH, PLEASE. IT'S ONLY POLITICS.
COME ON.
WE DIVE IN, MASTER IT,
GRAB A FEW VOTES, GET A
LITTLE ACTION. NOBODY GETS HURT.
HARRY, CALL THOSE PEOPLE BACK
AND TELL THEM YOU'LL RUN.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE THE BOSS.
SALLY, TOMMY, YOU ADVISE
HARRY ON HIS CAMPAIGN.
I'M GOING TO GO
REGISTER TO VOTE.
SHOULDN'T WE ALL VOTE?
OH, NO. WE DON'T WANT
TO AROUSE SUSPICION.
ONE IN FOUR SEEMS RIGHT.
AND HERE'S A LIST OF
CANDIDATES AND REFERENDUMS.
SO, YOU'RE ALL SET.
YOU COME BACK HERE
IN TWO WEEKS TO VOTE.
RIGHT, AND HOW MANY
TIMES DO I GET TO VOTE?
ONE TIME.
AND IT DOESN'T MATTER
THAT I'M BRILLIANT?
NO.
HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW TALL I AM?
WE ALL GET ONE VOTE.
SO YOUR OPINION COUNTS
EQUALLY WITH MINE?
YOU GOT IT.
YOU'RE AWFULLY SMUG
FOR A MAN WHO WORKS
AT A FOLDING TABLE.
OK. LET'S SEE.
FOR MAYOR: HECKY MULLIGAN.
HMM.
FUNNY NAME.
I LIKE THAT IN A MAYOR.
HECKY MULLIGAN?
HOW CAN YOU VOTE
FOR HECKY MULLIGAN?
NINA, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M
NOT VOTING FOR MULLIGAN?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A DEMOCRAT.
AND WHY DO YOU
THINK I'M A DEMOCRAT?
BECAUSE I'M BLACK?
GO AHEAD. VOTE FOR MULLIGAN.
I'M NOT VOTING FOR MULLIGAN.
WAIT, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO
WORKED UP OVER POLITICS?
IT'S SIMPLE. YOU VOTE
FOR THE BEST MAN.
THE BEST MAN WINS.
OR WOMAN.
PFFT.
OH, THAT'S PRICELESS.
WHAT, HECKY'S A WOMAN?
FRANK GANSMILLER.
GLAD TO KNOW YOU.
HEY, BETTY,
THAT NEW SPEED BUMP
KEEPING TEENAGERS AWAY?
GREAT. GOOD.
NORMA, TOM, PATTY,
CATHY, CARL.
TOO BAD ABOUT THAT
WAREHOUSE FIRE.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THE
INSURANCE CAME THROUGH.
HARRY SOLOMON.
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
HI. I'M HARRY SOLOMON.
A SIMPLE MIND FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE DR. SOLOMON
IS LETTING HIS BROTHER
RUN AGAINST GANSMILLER.
NO ONE CAN DIG UP THE
DIRT LIKE GANSMILLER.
THE MAN'S A BACKHOE.
IT'S A PIECE OF EQUIPMENT.
OK.
[SNIFFS]
DON.
SALLY.
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
MY BROTHER THREW
HIS HEAD INTO THE RING.
YOU MEAN HIS HAT?
YEAH, SURE. HIS HAT.
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
OH, THE USUAL.
LOOKING FOR TROUBLE,
MAKING SURE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
PUNCH?
TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT.
OHH.
FRANK GANSMILLER.
DICK SOLOMON.
NICE TO KNOW YOU, DICK.
I FEEL IT ONLY FAIR TO WARN YOU
THAT YOUR CHALLENGER
IS MY BROTHER HARRY,
AND I AM NOT A
MAN EASILY SWAYED.
DICK, I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.
MARY, THIS IS FRANK GANSMILLER.
THIS MUST BE THE LITTLE LADY.
THIS MUST BE THE LITTLE MAN.
DICK, IT'S ALL RIGHT,
AS LONG AS MARY TURNS
OUT TO VOTE, ALTHOUGH...
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE
OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE.
OH, YES. SHE IS. SHE'S 44.
MR. GANSMILLER...
FRANK...
WHEN I DO VOTE, IT
WON'T BE FOR YOU.
MARY, DICK, LET ME GET
SERIOUS FOR JUST A MOMENT.
"WHY SHOULD I VOTE FOR
FRANK GANSMILLER?" YOU ASK.
I DIDN'T ASK.
MARY WON'T LET ME GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING, WILL SHE, DICK?
NOT A THING, FRANK.
WHY SHOULD I VOTE FOR
FRANK GANSMILLER, FRANK?
GOOD QUESTION, DICK.
BECAUSE I WANT TO TAKE MONEY
OUT OF THE DRUG DEALERS' POCKETS
AND GIVE IT BACK TO THE PEOPLE.
OH. FRANK'S RIGHT.
I WANT SOME OF THAT DRUG MONEY.
Woman: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
IT'S TIME TO HEAR
FROM OUR CANDIDATES.
FIRST UP, OUR INCUMBENT,
FRANK GANSMILLER.
THANK YOU.
NO. NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU ALL KNOW ME.
LET'S GIVE THE NEW KID A CHANCE.
YES. YES. THIS IS A GREAT MAN.
THANK YOU, FELLOW
RUTHERFORDONIANITES.
ANYWAY...
I'M HERE BECAUSE
OF ALL YOU PEOPLE.
MEN, WOMEN...
'COURSE IF I HAD MY WAY,
THERE'D BE, LIKE, A
LOT MORE WOMEN.
HEY, YOU KNOW, IN ANY GIVEN DAY,
I SEE MAYBE ONE, TWO WOMEN TOPS.
I WANT TO SEE MORE WOMEN.
EVERYWHERE I GO, MORE WOMEN.
MORE WOMEN IN
THE WORKPLACE. YES!
OK.
VOTE HARRY S. SOLOMON.
THE "S" STANDS FOR KNOW-HOW.
I'M SORRY.
SNOW-HOW.
TURN IT OFF.
I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT
HAVE YOU GOT ON HIM?
NOTHING.
HE'S CLEAN.
NOTHING? HE MUST HAVE
SOMETHING ROTTEN IN HIS PAST.
HE'S HUMAN, ISN'T HE?
LOOK, I'VE DONE EVERY
BACKGROUND CHECK PERSONALLY.
THERE'S NOTHING.
IT'S LIKE HE FELL
OUT OF THE SKY.
WHAT ABOUT DRINKING? NO.
GAMBLING? NO.
BAD CHECKS? TAX EVASION?
NO.
PORNOGRAPHY? DRUG ADDICTION?
BAD HAIRPIECE?
NO.
ZERO DIVIDED BY ZERO.
ZIP. NADA. BUPKIS.
BUPKIS, HUH?
WH-WH-WHAT DOES BUPKIS MEAN?
NOTHING.
UHH. THOUGHT SO.
YOU KNOW...
IT'S ALMOST AS IF HE WERE...
AMISH.
DAMN!
NO PAST. NO
EXPERIENCE. NO RECORD.
THE PERFECT CANDIDATE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ABOUT THAT SISTER OF HIS?
YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF IT.
OOH. COPPER'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND.
SHOULD THERE BE A TOLL
ON THE CHERRY STREET BRIDGE?
WELL, I NEVER USE IT.
YES.
YES.
BUT WHAT IF I START USING IT?
NO.
SMART MONEY ON NO.
WHAT AM I THINKING?
THERE'S NOTHING GOOD
ON CHERRY STREET.
YES.
NO.
NO, YES.
A RESOUNDING "NO YES."
OK. LET'S MOVE ON
TO THE CANDIDATES.
THIS SHOULD BE A NO-BRAINER.
CITY COUNCIL, DISTRICT NINE.
HARRY SOLOMON.
YEE-AHH.
WHAT?
DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
VOTING FOR GANSMILLER?
DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
VOTING FOR HARRY?
WELL, YES, I'M VOTING FOR HARRY.
WELL, THEN YOU'RE VOTING WRONG.
THERE'S NO SUCH
THING AS VOTING WRONG.
YES. THERE IS. YOU'RE DOING IT.
YOU'RE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THIS
WHOLE ELECTION BY VOTING WRONG.
IT'S MY VOTE. I GET TO
USE IT ANY WAY I WANT.
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
HAVING A DEMOCRACY
IF PEOPLE GO AROUND
VOTING WRONG?
IN MY OPINION,
DEMOCRACY IS DOING
JUST FINE THE WAY IT IS.
WELL, YOUR OPINION IS WRONG!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE VOTING
AGAINST YOUR OWN BROTHER.
HA. JUST WATCH ME.
DICK,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA VOTE FOR ME?
WELL, THAT HURTS,
AND I KNOW,
BECAUSE I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
BUT HARRY SOLOMON
IS NOT WORRIED...
BECAUSE HARRY SOLOMON KNOWS
THAT HARRY SOLOMON CAN WIN.
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY WIN?
BECAUSE HARRY SOLOMON APPEALS
TO BOTH SIDES.
VOTE FOR HARRY SOLOMON.
OW!
HI.
HEY, MS. DUPCHEK,
YOU WANT A BUTTON?
YEAH.
I'M GLAD HARRY IS STANDING UP
FOR GOOD OLD-FASHIONED
FAMILY VALUES.
YOU COULD LEARN
FROM THIS LESSON, SALLY.
NEVER DATE A GUY
IF HE'S NOT GOOD
TO HIS WIFE AND KIDS.
DON.
SALLY.
WE HAVE TO TALK.
YOUR BROTHER IS
PLAYING WITH MATCHES,
AND THAT'S HOW FIRES START.
I KNOW MY WAY AROUND A HOSE.
THIS ELECTION COULD TURN UGLY,
VERY UGLY.
I SHOULDN'T BE TELLING YOU THIS,
BUT I HAD TO WARN YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONLY THING
IN MY LIFE THAT ISN'T DIRTY.
A GIRL CAN'T STAY CLEAN
FOREVER IN A TOWN LIKE THIS.
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, SALLY.
YOU'VE GOT A GREAT
PAIR OF GETAWAY STICKS.
NOW, USE THEM.
COME ON, DON.
BE STRAIGHT WITH ME.
YOU OWE ME THAT MUCH.
FOLLOW THE MONEY, SALLY.
FOLLOW THE MONEY.
[WHISPERING] Solomon.
Gansmiller.
GLAD YOU CAME.
WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING
I DON'T HEAR VERY OFTEN.
SOLOMON,
THIS ELECTION MEANS A LOT TO ME.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE CUT A DEAL?
WELL, WHAT SORT OF DEAL?
YOU DROP OUT OF THE RACE.
I'LL MAKE YOU
BUILDING INSPECTOR.
WHY DO I WANT TO BE
BUILDING INSPECTOR?
BECAUSE WHEN THE BUILDING
INSPECTOR LOOKS THE OTHER WAY,
HE GETS AN ENVELOPE.
WELL, WHAT IF THE
BUILDING INSPECTOR
DOESN'T LOOK THE OTHER WAY?
HE ALWAYS LOOKS THE OTHER WAY.
WELL, WHAT'S SO
SPECIAL THE OTHER WAY?
THE ENVELOPE.
WELL, WHAT'S IN THE ENVELOPE?
I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU
WHAT'S IN THE ENVELOPE.
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO,
BUT I SURE WOULD APPRECIATE IT.
LOOK!
WHAT WILL IT TAKE YOU
TO DROP OUT OF THIS RACE?
WELL, DON'T ASK ME.
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO
MAKES THE DECISIONS.
YOU AREN'T?
NO. NEVER HAVE. NEVER WILL.
I JUST SORT OF FOLLOW ORDERS.
WHOSE?
WELL, WE SORT OF HAVE A LEADER.
WE?
THE FAMILY.
THE FAMILY.
THANK YOU, SOLOMON.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Announcer: HARRY SOLOMON,
HOW MUCH DO WE KNOW ABOUT HIM?
[PLAYING THEME
FROM THE GODFATHER]
HE CLAIMS TO BE A FAMILY MAN,
BUT WHAT KIND OF FAMILY?
THERE'S NO HARD PROOF
THAT THE SOLOMONS ARE LINKED
TO THE GAMBINIS,
THE GENOVESES,
AND THE CORLEONES,
BUT IS THAT A RISK
YOU'RE WILLING TO TAKE?
HARRY SOLOMON:
AN OFFER YOU CAN REFUSE.
PAID FOR BY DECENT GOD-FEARING
CITIZENS FOR GANSMILLER.
HOW CAN THEY SAY THAT?
WE CAN'T BE IN THE
MOB. WE'RE FROM OHIO.
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
OH, DICK, DICK, DICK,
DICK, DICK, DICK, DICK,
DICK, DICK, DICK,
DICK, DICK, DICK.
DICK, DICK.
YOU ARE SO OUT OF THE GAME.
THAT WAS A GIMMIE.
HE MENTIONED MY
NAME LIKE 20 TIMES.
THAT WAS GREAT PUBLICITY.
BUT HE... HE'S A LIAR.
DICK, LET ME TALK TO YOU
LIKE YOU'RE A 2-YEAR-OLD.
YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU SEE
A COMMERCIAL FOR CHEERIOS,
AND THEY KEEP
SHOWING YOU CHEERIOS,
AND YOU REALLY WANT CHEERIOS?
DO WE HAVE ANY CHEERIOS?
THEY'RE RIGHT NEXT TO THE
EMBARRASSING DEFEAT-IOS.
AAH-SS-SS-AAH-GOODOO.
WHAT?
NOTHING, SIR.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE, SIR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M KISSING YOUR RING.
I'M NOT WEARING A RING.
I'M SORRY. PLEASE
DON'T HAVE ME WHACKED.
WHACKED? WHAT KIND
OF NONSENSE IS THIS?
WELL, SIR, WE JUST WANT TO
PAY YOU THE PROPER RESPECTS.
YEAH. WE DIDN'T KNOW.
KNOW WHAT?
ABOUT YOUR FAMILY
CONNECTIONS, DON SOLOMON.
IT'S THAT STUPID AD.
IT'S A COMPLETE AND UTTER LIE.
I WOULD HOPE YOU PEOPLE
WOULD KNOW BETTER.
OH, YEAH. RIGHT.
GOOD, BECAUSE I'VE HAD
JUST ABOUT ALL I CAN TAKE
OF THIS ELECTION FOOLISHNESS.
AAH! AAH! AI-YI-YI!
OH!
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
YOUR POLITICAL SYSTEM IS A SHAM.
IT'S NOTHING BUT
LIES AND PROPAGANDA.
LOOK WHAT IT'S DONE TO YOU.
YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL WHO'D
GOOD OR BAD OR RIGHT OR WRONG.
GIVE ME SCIENCE.
AT LEAST WITH PHYSICS
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU
HAVE THE RIGHT ANSWER.
I NEVER DO.
CANNOLI?
OH, I'LL BE SO GLAD WHEN
THIS ELECTION IS OVER.
HERE, DO SOMETHING WITH THIS.
I'M SO CONFUSED.
I HARDLY EVEN
KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
YOU'RE SITTING ON YOUR CANNOLI.
AAH!
LOOK AT THIS.
EVERYTHING'S OUT OF CONTROL.
WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT'S WRONG? I'LL
TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG.
I'M TRYING TO VOTE
MY CONSCIENCE,
AND I... I CAN'T EVEN
HEAR IT ANYMORE.
I HAVE ONLY TWO
CHOICES FOR CITY COUNCIL:
A PROFESSIONAL LIAR,
AND MY BROTHER THE JOKE.
NEITHER OF THEM SHOULD
EVEN BE RUNNING FOR OFFICE.
THERE IS NO CHOICE.
MY ONLY CHOICE IS
NOT TO VOTE AT ALL.
DEMOCRACY IS HORRIBLE,
ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE.
YOU'RE SO RIGHT.
DEMOCRACY IS THE WORST
FORM OF GOVERNMENT THERE IS...
EXCEPT FOR ALL OF THE OTHERS,
AND THAT IS EXACTLY
WHY YOU HAVE TO VOTE.
NO.
YES. NO.
YES.
IF YOU DON'T VOTE,
YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN.
BUT COMPLAINING
IS ALL I HAVE LEFT.
THE SYSTEM ISN'T PERFECT,
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT
TO PARTICIPATE
EVEN IF YOU GET IT WRONG.
JUST GO TO THE POLLS
AND DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT.
THINGS WERE SO MUCH
SIMPLER WHERE I COME FROM.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
BIG, GIANT OFFICE,
AND WHOEVER OUTRUNS
THE FIREBALL WINS.
OH, GAI,
OH, GUHH, OH.
[POUNDS METAL]
OH, HOHH HOHH.
OH, GOD.
I HOPE I DID THE RIGHT THING.
TV: AND THE RESULTS
FOR CITY COUNCIL ARE IN.
THE INCUMBENT FRANK
GANSMILLER IS THE WINNER.
SO, I WOULD BE...
LOSER.
OK.
OK.
I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU
ALL FOR SUPPORTING...
ALRIGHTY.
HARRY, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I VOTED FOR YOU.
TV: AND TO TOP OFF
THIS NIGHT OF FIRSTS,
THERE WAS ALSO ONE WRITE-IN VOTE
FOR A DR. MARY ALBRIGHT.
THAT SELF-SERVING BITCH!
I JUST HAD TO COME OVER
AND SAY GREAT JOB, KID.
IT WAS A TOUGH
CAMPAIGN ALL AROUND.
GLAD TO SEE NO
ONE WENT NEGATIVE.
IS THAT ENVELOPE
JOB STILL AVAILABLE?
NO.
TOUGH LUCK, KIDDO,
BUT YOUR FAMILY'S BETTER OFF.
SPEND YOUR LIFE AROUND
GARBAGE, YOU START TO STINK.
I DON'T LIKE THE
TASTE OF LOSING, DON.
IT TASTES LIKE A BAD EGG,
YOU KNOW, THE KIND
THAT GIVES YOU THE BURPS.
DURING THIS ELECTION I'VE
DONE SOME THINGS, SALLY,
SOME THINGS I'M NOT SO PROUD OF.
DID I KNOW BETTER? SURE,
BUT IT'S THIS... THIS TOWN...
THIS CRAZY TOWN.
MAKES YOU WANT TO
BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
YOU'RE IN LUCK.
I'M PACKIN'.
SO, DOCTOR SOLOMON,
DID YOU HEAR
SOMEONE VOTED FOR ME?
YES, I THINK I DID HEAR
THAT SOMEWHERE.
I WONDER WHERE THAT VOTE
COULD HAVE COME FROM?
WHO KNOWS? IT IS
A SECRET BALLOT.
IT WAS ME, DR. ALBRIGHT.
I VOTED FOR YOU.
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
IT WAS A SECRET BALLOT.
[SNIFFS]
DAMN!
I THINK WE SHOULD VOTE
FOR WHO'S HIGH COMMANDER.
SURE. WE'RE IN A DEMOCRACY.
WELL, CAN WE VOTE FOR OURSELVES?
OF COURSE.
All: I VOTE FOR ME.
HIGH COMMANDER
BREAKS THE TIE. I WIN.
WAIT, WAIT. LET'S VOTE AGAIN.
ONLY THIS TIME I VOTE FOR HARRY.
AH-AH, THIS IS AMERICA.
YOU'VE GOT TO WAIT FOUR YEARS.
OH, PLEASE. THAT'S NOT FAIR!
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS, NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
SATURDAYS IN THE PARK.
SOFT GRASS, THE CHIRPING BIRDS,
THE EYEWITNESS NEWS TEAM.
Crowd: SAVE THE PARK!
SAVE THE PARK! SAVE THE PARK!
KIND OF MAKES YOU WANT
TO SCREAM AT THE TOP OF
YOUR LUNGS LIKE THOSE PEOPLE.
LET'S EAT OVER THERE!
NO! I PREFER THIS TABLE!
IT'S IN THE SHADE!
HEY, LOOK! A BUTTERFLY!
HEY, LOOK, SALLY!
IT'S YOUR FRIEND DON!
SALLY.
DON.
A WORD TO THE WISE.
THERE'S TROUBLE
IN THE PARK TODAY.
TROUBLE? UH-OH. I'D BETTER
TAKE CARE OF MY BABY.
WHAT IS IT?
SOMETIMES A WRINKLE
RUNS THROUGH THE CITY,
AND IT REARS UP ON ITS HAUNCHES
LIKE AN UGLY MONKEY
READY TO STRIKE.
OH, DON,
YOU ALWAYS HAVE YOUR
FINGER UP THE PULSE OF DANGER.
HEY, MAN, YOU WANT
TO SIGN THIS PETITION?
THE TOWN'S GONNA
DESTROY BATES PARK.
UH, MAYBE IN A LITTLE WHILE.
BUT THERE'S NO TIME. THE
DOZERS ARE ON THEIR WAY.
OK.
I'VE CHAINED MYSELF TO THE TREE.
OH. YEAH.
SIR, SIR, EXCUSE ME.
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'VE
CHAINED YOURSELF TO THAT TREE?
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'VE DONE.
SO YOU WON'T FREE YOURSELF,
EVEN THOUGH THE CITY
BULLDOZERS ARE ON THEIR WAY?
NO. I CANNOT DO THAT.
YEAH! YES!
HE MAY BE AN
ORGANIZED PROTESTER,
HE MAY BE A ROGUE MOUNTAIN MAN,
BUT ONE THING'S FOR SURE,
HE MAY BE A HERO.
WE GOT IT.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS, NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
Dick: HURRY UP!
I'M HURRYING.
IT'S ON THE RIGHT CHANNEL.
TV: SOME OF THE STORIES
WE'RE TRACKING THIS HOUR...
A FIRE BREAKS OUT
IN A NURSING HOME,
THE SEARCH FOR
SURVIVORS CONTINUES
AT THE PARMA HEIGHTS MUDSLIDE,
AND IN OUR SCIENCE WATCH, A
VET PERFORMS AN OPERATION
THAT ALLOWS A CAT TO
SMILE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
AW, THAT'S THE HAPPIEST
CAT IN THE WORLD.
BUT TONIGHT'S TOP STORY:
A PROTEST IN BATES PARK.
WHOA! LOOK, I'M ON TV.
AND YOU'RE WEARING MY SHIRT.
MY SHIRT'S ON TELEVISION.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO.
YES. HARRY SOLOMON LIVES HERE.
OK, HOLD ON.
HARRY HAS A PHONE CALL.
A PHONE CALL.
MY FIRST PHONE CALL.
HOW DO I LOOK?
YOU LOOK FINE.
[DEEP] HELLO.
UH-HUH. OK.
WELL, I'LL HAVE TO TALK
IT OVER WITH MY FAMILY.
OK. BYE.
WHO WAS THAT, HARRY?
WHY, I-IT'S A MEMBER FROM
THE INDEPENDENT PARTY.
THEY SAID THEY SAW ME ON TV.
THEY WANT ME TO
RUN FOR CITY COUNCIL.
WHAT'S CITY COUNCIL?
WELL, I THINK IT'S
SOME SORT OF COUNCIL,
HERE IN THE CITY.
WAIT, COUNCIL?
ACCORDING TO MY CIVICS
CLASS, THAT'S GOVERNMENT.
OH. OH. THIS IS
BIG. THIS IS BIG.
WE DO NOT WANT TO
GET INVOLVED IN THIS.
NO, NO. THIS WILL ALLOW
US TO GET ON THE INSIDE,
SEE HOW IT WORKS.
WHAT ABOUT OUR VOW
NOT TO ALTER THE
COURSE OF THE PLANET?
OH, PLEASE. IT'S ONLY POLITICS.
COME ON.
WE DIVE IN, MASTER IT,
GRAB A FEW VOTES, GET A
LITTLE ACTION. NOBODY GETS HURT.
HARRY, CALL THOSE PEOPLE BACK
AND TELL THEM YOU'LL RUN.
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE THE BOSS.
SALLY, TOMMY, YOU ADVISE
HARRY ON HIS CAMPAIGN.
I'M GOING TO GO
REGISTER TO VOTE.
SHOULDN'T WE ALL VOTE?
OH, NO. WE DON'T WANT
TO AROUSE SUSPICION.
ONE IN FOUR SEEMS RIGHT.
AND HERE'S A LIST OF
CANDIDATES AND REFERENDUMS.
SO, YOU'RE ALL SET.
YOU COME BACK HERE
IN TWO WEEKS TO VOTE.
RIGHT, AND HOW MANY
TIMES DO I GET TO VOTE?
ONE TIME.
AND IT DOESN'T MATTER
THAT I'M BRILLIANT?
NO.
HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW TALL I AM?
WE ALL GET ONE VOTE.
SO YOUR OPINION COUNTS
EQUALLY WITH MINE?
YOU GOT IT.
YOU'RE AWFULLY SMUG
FOR A MAN WHO WORKS
AT A FOLDING TABLE.
OK. LET'S SEE.
FOR MAYOR: HECKY MULLIGAN.
HMM.
FUNNY NAME.
I LIKE THAT IN A MAYOR.
HECKY MULLIGAN?
HOW CAN YOU VOTE
FOR HECKY MULLIGAN?
NINA, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M
NOT VOTING FOR MULLIGAN?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A DEMOCRAT.
AND WHY DO YOU
THINK I'M A DEMOCRAT?
BECAUSE I'M BLACK?
GO AHEAD. VOTE FOR MULLIGAN.
I'M NOT VOTING FOR MULLIGAN.
WAIT, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO
WORKED UP OVER POLITICS?
IT'S SIMPLE. YOU VOTE
FOR THE BEST MAN.
THE BEST MAN WINS.
OR WOMAN.
PFFT.
OH, THAT'S PRICELESS.
WHAT, HECKY'S A WOMAN?
FRANK GANSMILLER.
GLAD TO KNOW YOU.
HEY, BETTY,
THAT NEW SPEED BUMP
KEEPING TEENAGERS AWAY?
GREAT. GOOD.
NORMA, TOM, PATTY,
CATHY, CARL.
TOO BAD ABOUT THAT
WAREHOUSE FIRE.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THE
INSURANCE CAME THROUGH.
HARRY SOLOMON.
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.
HI. I'M HARRY SOLOMON.
A SIMPLE MIND FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE DR. SOLOMON
IS LETTING HIS BROTHER
RUN AGAINST GANSMILLER.
NO ONE CAN DIG UP THE
DIRT LIKE GANSMILLER.
THE MAN'S A BACKHOE.
IT'S A PIECE OF EQUIPMENT.
OK.
[SNIFFS]
DON.
SALLY.
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
MY BROTHER THREW
HIS HEAD INTO THE RING.
YOU MEAN HIS HAT?
YEAH, SURE. HIS HAT.
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?
OH, THE USUAL.
LOOKING FOR TROUBLE,
MAKING SURE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
PUNCH?
TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT.
OHH.
FRANK GANSMILLER.
DICK SOLOMON.
NICE TO KNOW YOU, DICK.
I FEEL IT ONLY FAIR TO WARN YOU
THAT YOUR CHALLENGER
IS MY BROTHER HARRY,
AND I AM NOT A
MAN EASILY SWAYED.
DICK, I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.
MARY, THIS IS FRANK GANSMILLER.
THIS MUST BE THE LITTLE LADY.
THIS MUST BE THE LITTLE MAN.
DICK, IT'S ALL RIGHT,
AS LONG AS MARY TURNS
OUT TO VOTE, ALTHOUGH...
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE
OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE.
OH, YES. SHE IS. SHE'S 44.
MR. GANSMILLER...
FRANK...
WHEN I DO VOTE, IT
WON'T BE FOR YOU.
MARY, DICK, LET ME GET
SERIOUS FOR JUST A MOMENT.
"WHY SHOULD I VOTE FOR
FRANK GANSMILLER?" YOU ASK.
I DIDN'T ASK.
MARY WON'T LET ME GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING, WILL SHE, DICK?
NOT A THING, FRANK.
WHY SHOULD I VOTE FOR
FRANK GANSMILLER, FRANK?
GOOD QUESTION, DICK.
BECAUSE I WANT TO TAKE MONEY
OUT OF THE DRUG DEALERS' POCKETS
AND GIVE IT BACK TO THE PEOPLE.
OH. FRANK'S RIGHT.
I WANT SOME OF THAT DRUG MONEY.
Woman: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
IT'S TIME TO HEAR
FROM OUR CANDIDATES.
FIRST UP, OUR INCUMBENT,
FRANK GANSMILLER.
THANK YOU.
NO. NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU ALL KNOW ME.
LET'S GIVE THE NEW KID A CHANCE.
YES. YES. THIS IS A GREAT MAN.
THANK YOU, FELLOW
RUTHERFORDONIANITES.
ANYWAY...
I'M HERE BECAUSE
OF ALL YOU PEOPLE.
MEN, WOMEN...
'COURSE IF I HAD MY WAY,
THERE'D BE, LIKE, A
LOT MORE WOMEN.
HEY, YOU KNOW, IN ANY GIVEN DAY,
I SEE MAYBE ONE, TWO WOMEN TOPS.
I WANT TO SEE MORE WOMEN.
EVERYWHERE I GO, MORE WOMEN.
MORE WOMEN IN
THE WORKPLACE. YES!
OK.
VOTE HARRY S. SOLOMON.
THE "S" STANDS FOR KNOW-HOW.
I'M SORRY.
SNOW-HOW.
TURN IT OFF.
I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT
HAVE YOU GOT ON HIM?
NOTHING.
HE'S CLEAN.
NOTHING? HE MUST HAVE
SOMETHING ROTTEN IN HIS PAST.
HE'S HUMAN, ISN'T HE?
LOOK, I'VE DONE EVERY
BACKGROUND CHECK PERSONALLY.
THERE'S NOTHING.
IT'S LIKE HE FELL
OUT OF THE SKY.
WHAT ABOUT DRINKING? NO.
GAMBLING? NO.
BAD CHECKS? TAX EVASION?
NO.
PORNOGRAPHY? DRUG ADDICTION?
BAD HAIRPIECE?
NO.
ZERO DIVIDED BY ZERO.
ZIP. NADA. BUPKIS.
BUPKIS, HUH?
WH-WH-WHAT DOES BUPKIS MEAN?
NOTHING.
UHH. THOUGHT SO.
YOU KNOW...
IT'S ALMOST AS IF HE WERE...
AMISH.
DAMN!
NO PAST. NO
EXPERIENCE. NO RECORD.
THE PERFECT CANDIDATE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ABOUT THAT SISTER OF HIS?
YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF IT.
OOH. COPPER'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND.
SHOULD THERE BE A TOLL
ON THE CHERRY STREET BRIDGE?
WELL, I NEVER USE IT.
YES.
YES.
BUT WHAT IF I START USING IT?
NO.
SMART MONEY ON NO.
WHAT AM I THINKING?
THERE'S NOTHING GOOD
ON CHERRY STREET.
YES.
NO.
NO, YES.
A RESOUNDING "NO YES."
OK. LET'S MOVE ON
TO THE CANDIDATES.
THIS SHOULD BE A NO-BRAINER.
CITY COUNCIL, DISTRICT NINE.
HARRY SOLOMON.
YEE-AHH.
WHAT?
DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
VOTING FOR GANSMILLER?
DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
VOTING FOR HARRY?
WELL, YES, I'M VOTING FOR HARRY.
WELL, THEN YOU'RE VOTING WRONG.
THERE'S NO SUCH
THING AS VOTING WRONG.
YES. THERE IS. YOU'RE DOING IT.
YOU'RE MAKING A MOCKERY OF THIS
WHOLE ELECTION BY VOTING WRONG.
IT'S MY VOTE. I GET TO
USE IT ANY WAY I WANT.
WHAT'S THE POINT OF
HAVING A DEMOCRACY
IF PEOPLE GO AROUND
VOTING WRONG?
IN MY OPINION,
DEMOCRACY IS DOING
JUST FINE THE WAY IT IS.
WELL, YOUR OPINION IS WRONG!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE VOTING
AGAINST YOUR OWN BROTHER.
HA. JUST WATCH ME.
DICK,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA VOTE FOR ME?
WELL, THAT HURTS,
AND I KNOW,
BECAUSE I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
BUT HARRY SOLOMON
IS NOT WORRIED...
BECAUSE HARRY SOLOMON KNOWS
THAT HARRY SOLOMON CAN WIN.
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY WIN?
BECAUSE HARRY SOLOMON APPEALS
TO BOTH SIDES.
VOTE FOR HARRY SOLOMON.
OW!
HI.
HEY, MS. DUPCHEK,
YOU WANT A BUTTON?
YEAH.
I'M GLAD HARRY IS STANDING UP
FOR GOOD OLD-FASHIONED
FAMILY VALUES.
YOU COULD LEARN
FROM THIS LESSON, SALLY.
NEVER DATE A GUY
IF HE'S NOT GOOD
TO HIS WIFE AND KIDS.
DON.
SALLY.
WE HAVE TO TALK.
YOUR BROTHER IS
PLAYING WITH MATCHES,
AND THAT'S HOW FIRES START.
I KNOW MY WAY AROUND A HOSE.
THIS ELECTION COULD TURN UGLY,
VERY UGLY.
I SHOULDN'T BE TELLING YOU THIS,
BUT I HAD TO WARN YOU.
YOU'RE THE ONLY THING
IN MY LIFE THAT ISN'T DIRTY.
A GIRL CAN'T STAY CLEAN
FOREVER IN A TOWN LIKE THIS.
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, SALLY.
YOU'VE GOT A GREAT
PAIR OF GETAWAY STICKS.
NOW, USE THEM.
COME ON, DON.
BE STRAIGHT WITH ME.
YOU OWE ME THAT MUCH.
FOLLOW THE MONEY, SALLY.
FOLLOW THE MONEY.
[WHISPERING] Solomon.
Gansmiller.
GLAD YOU CAME.
WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING
I DON'T HEAR VERY OFTEN.
SOLOMON,
THIS ELECTION MEANS A LOT TO ME.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE CUT A DEAL?
WELL, WHAT SORT OF DEAL?
YOU DROP OUT OF THE RACE.
I'LL MAKE YOU
BUILDING INSPECTOR.
WHY DO I WANT TO BE
BUILDING INSPECTOR?
BECAUSE WHEN THE BUILDING
INSPECTOR LOOKS THE OTHER WAY,
HE GETS AN ENVELOPE.
WELL, WHAT IF THE
BUILDING INSPECTOR
DOESN'T LOOK THE OTHER WAY?
HE ALWAYS LOOKS THE OTHER WAY.
WELL, WHAT'S SO
SPECIAL THE OTHER WAY?
THE ENVELOPE.
WELL, WHAT'S IN THE ENVELOPE?
I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU
WHAT'S IN THE ENVELOPE.
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO,
BUT I SURE WOULD APPRECIATE IT.
LOOK!
WHAT WILL IT TAKE YOU
TO DROP OUT OF THIS RACE?
WELL, DON'T ASK ME.
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO
MAKES THE DECISIONS.
YOU AREN'T?
NO. NEVER HAVE. NEVER WILL.
I JUST SORT OF FOLLOW ORDERS.
WHOSE?
WELL, WE SORT OF HAVE A LEADER.
WE?
THE FAMILY.
THE FAMILY.
THANK YOU, SOLOMON.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Announcer: HARRY SOLOMON,
HOW MUCH DO WE KNOW ABOUT HIM?
[PLAYING THEME
FROM THE GODFATHER]
HE CLAIMS TO BE A FAMILY MAN,
BUT WHAT KIND OF FAMILY?
THERE'S NO HARD PROOF
THAT THE SOLOMONS ARE LINKED
TO THE GAMBINIS,
THE GENOVESES,
AND THE CORLEONES,
BUT IS THAT A RISK
YOU'RE WILLING TO TAKE?
HARRY SOLOMON:
AN OFFER YOU CAN REFUSE.
PAID FOR BY DECENT GOD-FEARING
CITIZENS FOR GANSMILLER.
HOW CAN THEY SAY THAT?
WE CAN'T BE IN THE
MOB. WE'RE FROM OHIO.
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
OH, DICK, DICK, DICK,
DICK, DICK, DICK, DICK,
DICK, DICK, DICK,
DICK, DICK, DICK.
DICK, DICK.
YOU ARE SO OUT OF THE GAME.
THAT WAS A GIMMIE.
HE MENTIONED MY
NAME LIKE 20 TIMES.
THAT WAS GREAT PUBLICITY.
BUT HE... HE'S A LIAR.
DICK, LET ME TALK TO YOU
LIKE YOU'RE A 2-YEAR-OLD.
YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU SEE
A COMMERCIAL FOR CHEERIOS,
AND THEY KEEP
SHOWING YOU CHEERIOS,
AND YOU REALLY WANT CHEERIOS?
DO WE HAVE ANY CHEERIOS?
THEY'RE RIGHT NEXT TO THE
EMBARRASSING DEFEAT-IOS.
AAH-SS-SS-AAH-GOODOO.
WHAT?
NOTHING, SIR.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE, SIR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M KISSING YOUR RING.
I'M NOT WEARING A RING.
I'M SORRY. PLEASE
DON'T HAVE ME WHACKED.
WHACKED? WHAT KIND
OF NONSENSE IS THIS?
WELL, SIR, WE JUST WANT TO
PAY YOU THE PROPER RESPECTS.
YEAH. WE DIDN'T KNOW.
KNOW WHAT?
ABOUT YOUR FAMILY
CONNECTIONS, DON SOLOMON.
IT'S THAT STUPID AD.
IT'S A COMPLETE AND UTTER LIE.
I WOULD HOPE YOU PEOPLE
WOULD KNOW BETTER.
OH, YEAH. RIGHT.
GOOD, BECAUSE I'VE HAD
JUST ABOUT ALL I CAN TAKE
OF THIS ELECTION FOOLISHNESS.
AAH! AAH! AI-YI-YI!
OH!
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
YOUR POLITICAL SYSTEM IS A SHAM.
IT'S NOTHING BUT
LIES AND PROPAGANDA.
LOOK WHAT IT'S DONE TO YOU.
YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL WHO'D
GOOD OR BAD OR RIGHT OR WRONG.
GIVE ME SCIENCE.
AT LEAST WITH PHYSICS
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU
HAVE THE RIGHT ANSWER.
I NEVER DO.
CANNOLI?
OH, I'LL BE SO GLAD WHEN
THIS ELECTION IS OVER.
HERE, DO SOMETHING WITH THIS.
I'M SO CONFUSED.
I HARDLY EVEN
KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
YOU'RE SITTING ON YOUR CANNOLI.
AAH!
LOOK AT THIS.
EVERYTHING'S OUT OF CONTROL.
WHAT'S WRONG?
WHAT'S WRONG? I'LL
TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG.
I'M TRYING TO VOTE
MY CONSCIENCE,
AND I... I CAN'T EVEN
HEAR IT ANYMORE.
I HAVE ONLY TWO
CHOICES FOR CITY COUNCIL:
A PROFESSIONAL LIAR,
AND MY BROTHER THE JOKE.
NEITHER OF THEM SHOULD
EVEN BE RUNNING FOR OFFICE.
THERE IS NO CHOICE.
MY ONLY CHOICE IS
NOT TO VOTE AT ALL.
DEMOCRACY IS HORRIBLE,
ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE.
YOU'RE SO RIGHT.
DEMOCRACY IS THE WORST
FORM OF GOVERNMENT THERE IS...
EXCEPT FOR ALL OF THE OTHERS,
AND THAT IS EXACTLY
WHY YOU HAVE TO VOTE.
NO.
YES. NO.
YES.
IF YOU DON'T VOTE,
YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN.
BUT COMPLAINING
IS ALL I HAVE LEFT.
THE SYSTEM ISN'T PERFECT,
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT
TO PARTICIPATE
EVEN IF YOU GET IT WRONG.
JUST GO TO THE POLLS
AND DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT.
THINGS WERE SO MUCH
SIMPLER WHERE I COME FROM.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
BIG, GIANT OFFICE,
AND WHOEVER OUTRUNS
THE FIREBALL WINS.
OH, GAI,
OH, GUHH, OH.
[POUNDS METAL]
OH, HOHH HOHH.
OH, GOD.
I HOPE I DID THE RIGHT THING.
TV: AND THE RESULTS
FOR CITY COUNCIL ARE IN.
THE INCUMBENT FRANK
GANSMILLER IS THE WINNER.
SO, I WOULD BE...
LOSER.
OK.
OK.
I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU
ALL FOR SUPPORTING...
ALRIGHTY.
HARRY, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I VOTED FOR YOU.
TV: AND TO TOP OFF
THIS NIGHT OF FIRSTS,
THERE WAS ALSO ONE WRITE-IN VOTE
FOR A DR. MARY ALBRIGHT.
THAT SELF-SERVING BITCH!
I JUST HAD TO COME OVER
AND SAY GREAT JOB, KID.
IT WAS A TOUGH
CAMPAIGN ALL AROUND.
GLAD TO SEE NO
ONE WENT NEGATIVE.
IS THAT ENVELOPE
JOB STILL AVAILABLE?
NO.
TOUGH LUCK, KIDDO,
BUT YOUR FAMILY'S BETTER OFF.
SPEND YOUR LIFE AROUND
GARBAGE, YOU START TO STINK.
I DON'T LIKE THE
TASTE OF LOSING, DON.
IT TASTES LIKE A BAD EGG,
YOU KNOW, THE KIND
THAT GIVES YOU THE BURPS.
DURING THIS ELECTION I'VE
DONE SOME THINGS, SALLY,
SOME THINGS I'M NOT SO PROUD OF.
DID I KNOW BETTER? SURE,
BUT IT'S THIS... THIS TOWN...
THIS CRAZY TOWN.
MAKES YOU WANT TO
BRUSH YOUR TEETH.
YOU'RE IN LUCK.
I'M PACKIN'.
SO, DOCTOR SOLOMON,
DID YOU HEAR
SOMEONE VOTED FOR ME?
YES, I THINK I DID HEAR
THAT SOMEWHERE.
I WONDER WHERE THAT VOTE
COULD HAVE COME FROM?
WHO KNOWS? IT IS
A SECRET BALLOT.
IT WAS ME, DR. ALBRIGHT.
I VOTED FOR YOU.
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
IT WAS A SECRET BALLOT.
[SNIFFS]
DAMN!
I THINK WE SHOULD VOTE
FOR WHO'S HIGH COMMANDER.
SURE. WE'RE IN A DEMOCRACY.
WELL, CAN WE VOTE FOR OURSELVES?
OF COURSE.
All: I VOTE FOR ME.
HIGH COMMANDER
BREAKS THE TIE. I WIN.
WAIT, WAIT. LET'S VOTE AGAIN.
ONLY THIS TIME I VOTE FOR HARRY.
AH-AH, THIS IS AMERICA.
YOU'VE GOT TO WAIT FOUR YEARS.
OH, PLEASE. THAT'S NOT FAIR!
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS, NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC