3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001): Season 2, Episode 23 - Fifteen Minutes of Dick - full transcript
The Solomons have been given the most crappy place in a restaurant in favor of Mark Hamill, who gets a nice place in the middle. Sally goes to him, fights him and becomes a local hero. Sally gets her fifteen minutes of fame with Harry as her assistant. Dick, who is proudly telling everybody he's in the school yearbook, is jealous at her instant fame while Tommy gets in trouble with the school bullies because of his sister's fame.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS, NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THEY
MOVED US TO THIS LOUSY TABLE.
UGH. I CAN SEE THE ICE IN THE
URINALS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
OW!
THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA GO TALK
TO THE GUY IN THE MONKEY SUIT
AND FIND OUT WHAT
THE HELL'S GOING ON.
WELL, EVERYBODY, I'D
LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST.
UH, NO. NO, HARRY.
LET ME. AHEM.
TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN
AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL
AND A BEACON OF LIGHT IN A DARK
AND OMINOUS FOG OF MEDIOCRITY.
TO ME.
LET ME SEE IT.
I'VE BEEN IMMORTALIZED.
AH. YEP.
IT'S NOT JUST ANYBODY
WHO GETS TO BE IN THE
PENDELTON YEARBOOK.
ONLY THOSE PEOPLE WHO
WORK AT OR ATTEND PENDELTON.
OK, WELL, MAURICIO SAID HE
CAN'T GIVE US OUR TABLE BACK.
HE'S SAVING IT FOR SOMEONE
IMPORTANT, SOME BIGWIG.
A BIGGER WIG THAN I?
WHOA! CHECK IT OUT, YOU GUYS.
IT'S MARK HAMILL.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAD TO GIVE
UP OUR TABLE FOR LUKE SKYWALKER.
"OOH, LOOK AT ME.
I'M SO IMPORTANT.
MY FATHER'S DARTH VADER."
HE IS?!
I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE, AND
I'M GONNA GET OUR TABLE BACK.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
REMEMBER, SALLY,
HE'S A CELEBRITY AND
THEREFORE OUR SUPERIOR.
UH, YOU'RE MARK HAMILL, RIGHT?
YES.
OK, WELL, LOOK, I
HATE TO DO THIS, BUT...
OH, NO PROBLEM AT ALL. IT'S OK.
HERE WE GO.
UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SIGNING MY NAME.
I DON'T NEED PROOF, PAL!
I KNOW IT'S YOU!
MOVE OVER, SWEETIE.
GET UP!
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN, OK?
MY FAMILY IS GONNA SIT HERE,
AND YOU GUYS ARE
GONNA SIT OVER THERE.
[IMITATING LIGHT SABERS]
HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
I'LL GIVE YOU A COPY OF MY NEW
BOOK, AND WE'LL CALL IT EVEN.
OK, HOW ABOUT THIS?
WHY DON'T YOU BOOK
OVER TO THAT TABLE?
NO, I'M SORRY. I'M NOT
MOVING ANYWHERE.
I DISAGREE.
WHAT?!
HE SEEMS VERY DOWN-TO-EARTH.
OOH!
SCRAPPY.
MAY THE FORCE BE
WITH YOU, MY DEAR.
HEY, GUYS!
GUESS WHO'S ON THE FRONT PAGE.
TA-DA! SALLY SOLOMON.
WHAT?
"LOCAL WOMAN SALLY
SOLOMON PUT HER FOOT DOWN
"FOR THE COMMON MAN LAST NIGHT,
"SQUARE ON THE CHEST OF...
STAR WARS: SPECIAL
EDITION STAR, MARK HAMILL."
OH, SALLY, THIS IS HUGE.
"SAID SOLOMON: JUST
BECAUSE I'M A NOBODY
DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT SOMEBODY."
WOW. THAT SOUNDS LIKE
THEY'RE MAKING YOU OUT
TO BE SOME KIND OF
HERO OR SOMETHING.
YEAH. THAT'S NICE, SALLY.
IT'S NOT AS NICE AS BEING
PUBLISHED IN THE YEARBOOK.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
YEAH, SHE DOES.
WHAT, TODAY?
YEAH, YEAH. HOLD
ON. I'LL ASK HER.
UH, SALLY, THEY WANT YOU TO BE
ON GOOD AFTERNOON, RUTHERFORD.
THAT'S MY SECOND-FAVORITE SHOW.
WHAT'S YOUR FIRST FAVORITE?
GOOD MORNING, RUTHERFORD.
WHY ARE THEY MAKING SUCH
A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS THING?
THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT?
IT'S NOT A JOKE AT ALL.
WE'RE SUPERIOR BEINGS.
THE SPOTLIGHT WAS BOUND
TO FIND US SOONER OR LATER.
SHE'LL BE THERE.
IN FACT, THEY'LL PROBABLY
WANT TO INTERVIEW ALL OF US.
YEAH. THEY'LL PROBABLY WANT
THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE GUY
WHO SPENT THE WHOLE FIGHT
HIDING IN THE LADIES' ROOM.
I WAS NOT HIDING!
I WAS FRESHENING UP.
WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE'LL MEET SALLY SOLOMON,
RUTHERFORD'S NEWEST HERO.
GOOD AFTERNOON, RUTHERFORD.
[APPLAUSE]
CLEAR!
HI.
HEY.
I'M A BIG FAN.
OH.
NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN
GET YOU... SODA, WATER, COFFEE?
OH, NO. I CAN GET IT. THANKS.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
ENOUGH ALREADY.
OH, SALLY. THERE YOU ARE.
UH, DICK, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
PUTTING ON MY OWN
MAKEUP, FOR STARTERS.
WHERE WILL I BE SITTING?
WHO ARE YOU?
OH, I'M DICK SOLOMON.
PERHAPS YOU'VE READ MY BOOK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO SIT
OVER THERE ON THAT COUCH
UNDERNEATH THE AIR CONDITIONER?
IS THAT WHERE YOU DO
EMOTIONAL FAMILY-REACTION SHOTS?
UH, SURE.
SALLY SOLOMON, YOU
TOOK YOUR TABLE BACK.
WELL, JUST 'CAUSE
THE GUY'S FAMOUS
DOESN'T MEAN HE
CAN WALK ON PEOPLE.
YAY! YAY! YAY!
Woman: WE LOVE YOU, SALLY!
LET'S GO TO THE PHONES.
YOU'RE ON THE AIR
WITH SALLY SOLOMON.
Male caller: UH, YEAH, SALLY,
I JUST WANNA SAY, "THE
HECK WITH MARK HAMILL."
YOU SHOULD BE IN THE
NEXT STAR TREK MOVIE!
YAY! YAY! YAY!
NO, I'M JUST A HOMEMAKER.
Caller: SHOOT, JUST
BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOBODY
DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE
NOT A SOMEBODY!
YAY! YAY! YAY!
WOW.
OK. LET'S TAKE ANOTHER CALLER.
OH, GO AHEAD.
Dick with strange accent:
OH, MY GOODNESS, YES.
I AM CONGRATULATING
MISS SALLY SOLOMON,
BUT I AM WONDERING IF
SHE COULD SPEAK A BIT
ABOUT THE BRAVE, AND SOME
MIGHT SAY, GORGEOUS PERSON
WHO MADE THE RESERVATION.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, HI, DICK. I SAW THE SHOW.
SALLY WAS WONDERFUL.
SHE HAS SUCH A PRESENCE.
OH.
YEAH. THAT.
IT'S SO EXCITING TO SEE
SOMEBODY YOU KNOW ON TV.
YEAH, JERRY SPRINGER HAD
MY UNCLE JENNIFER ON ONCE.
YOU KNOW, I GUESS IT'S
GREAT BEING ON TELEVISION
IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
WHO ALWAYS HAS TO BE LOOKED AT.
YOU KNOW, ONE OF
THOSE PATHETIC TYPES
THAT ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
HELLO! I'M SPEAKING OVER HERE!
I'M SORRY. DID YOU
SAY SOMETHING?
ALL I'M SAYING IS THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG IN THIS COUNTRY
WHEN PEOPLE ARE FAWNED
OVER FOR ATTACKING MOVIE STARS
WHILE BRILLIANT PHYSICS
PROFESSORS TOIL ON IN OBSCURITY.
ISN'T THAT WHAT THE
NOBEL PRIZE IS FOR?
OH, PLEASE.
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT
VACUOUS POPULARITY CONTEST.
OH, REMEMBER WHAT
ANDY WARHOL SAID.
WHAT, "I BET IF I PAINT
THIS CAN OF SOUP,
SOME SUCKER WILL PAY A
MILLION DOLLARS FOR IT"?
AFTER THAT. THE THING ABOUT
EVERYBODY BEING FAMOUS FOR 15 MINUTES.
15 MINUTES?
YES. WELL, THIS IS
SALLY'S 15 MINUTES.
LET HER ENJOY THEM.
15 MINUTES?
FAME IS SO FLEETING.
[CHUCKLES]
POOR SALLY.
HA HA HA HA!
HEY, SOLOMON. THAT LADY
WHO DECKED LUKE SKYWALKER
HAS THE SAME LAST
NAME AS YOU... SOLOMON.
YEAH, YEAH. SHE'S MY AUNT.
NO WAY.
ACTUALLY, SHE IS.
YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!
LET'S GET HIM!
WAIT! WAIT!
YES, I WILL TELL HER.
YEAH, OK, I'LL TELL HER.
TOMMY, I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO CALL YOU FOR 2 HOURS.
THE PHONE'S BEEN
RINGING OFF THE HOOK.
EVERYBODY WANTS
TO TALK TO SALLY.
THAT LAST GUY WAS THE
MANAGER OF THE SCONE ZONE.
THEY WANT TO NAME
A LATTE AFTER HER.
OH. THOSE POOR MISGUIDED FOOLS.
EVEN WITH A GENEROUS
GRACE PERIOD,
HER 15 MINUTES WERE
OVER HOURS AGO.
WHAT A GREAT DAY.
HARRY, COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR
AND GRAB ME A MINERAL WATER?
OK, SALLY.
SALLY, WHEN'S DINNER?
OH, I ATE.
WHERE? MAURICIO'S.
MAURICIO'S?
YEAH. HE CALLED THE STATION
RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW.
HE SAID HE FELT AWFUL ABOUT
HOW I WAS TREATED THERE.
GUESS WHICH TABLE HE GAVE ME.
NO. YES.
WHILE YOU WERE WITH MAURICIO,
I'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE
YOUR STUPID SECRETARY.
I'LL TAKE THOSE...
'CAUSE FROM NOW ON,
I'M SALLY'S STUPID SECRETARY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
MM-HMM.
WELL, IT'S KIND OF SHORT NOTICE.
WELL, OK. WE'LL EXPECT
YOU TO SEND A TOWN CAR.
OOH! WITH A DRIVER.
OK.
THIS IS BIG.
SALLY, YOU ARE THROWING
OUT THE FIRST PITCH
AT THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF
THE RUTHERFORD SENIOR CITIZENS'
HIGH ARC, MODIFIED
SLOW-PITCH WORLD SERIES.
I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED.
I'LL LAY OUT YOUR GOWN.
JUST A MINUTE, MISSY.
I THINK YOU'RE FORGETTING
SOMETHING... OUR DINNER.
TONIGHT, I'D LIKE YOU TO
MAKE SOMETHING STROGANOFFY.
I'M SORRY, BUT DUE TO
A PRIOR COMMITMENT,
MISS SOLOMON'S DINNER-MAKING
WILL HAVE TO BE RESCHEDULED.
ENOUGH!
LIEUTENANT, AS OF RIGHT NOW,
I ORDER YOU TO BE
NO LONGER FAMOUS.
YOU CAN'T ORDER THAT.
THINK OF THE MISSION.
THIS IS BIGGER THAN THE MISSION.
I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS MANTLE.
THE PEOPLE OF RUTHERFORD
NEED A SALLY SOLOMON.
AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS...
I AM SALLY SOLOMON.
SO I WILL BE THEIR
SALLY SOLOMON.
I CAN DO NO LESS.
PLAY BALL!
HI, HI, HI, HI. MORE
FLOWERS FOR SALLY.
GLADIOLAS, VERY NICE.
HELLO, DOOBIE.
BE A LOVE AND PUT THEM
WITH THE OTHERS, WOULD YOU?
HI, BOYS. SORRY TO
KEEP YOU WAITING.
NOW, SALLY, THEY JUST
WANT TO DO AN INTERVIEW
AND POP A FEW PHOTOS OF
YOU JUST BEING YOURSELF.
WELL, THAT'S FINE.
WHY DON'T I JUST WALK
OVER TO MY FAVORITE CHAIR
AND RELAX LIKE I ALWAYS DO?
YOU KNOW, I DID SOME
MODELING IN MY DAY.
OF COURSE, I HAD A REALLY
BAD EXPERIENCE, THOUGH.
THE RUNWAY
STOPPED, AND I DIDN'T.
OUT, OUT, OUT.
WHY DO I HAVE TO
STAY IN THE KITCHEN?
THE RUTHERFORD BUGLE
IS HAVING A PHOTO SHOOT
TO CAPTURE THE PRIVATE
SIDE OF SALLY SOLOMON,
AND WE NEED TO KEEP
THE PUBLIC OUT OF THE WAY.
BUT IT'S MY LIVING ROOM.
DICK, WE'RE TRYING TO
CREATE AN ATMOSPHERE HERE.
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
WITH A LITTLE LESS YOU.
KEEP MOVING, BOYS!
WE'RE LOSING LIGHT!
DON'T THEY KNOW THAT
I'M IN THE YEARBOOK?
BOY, IS THIS SUCKING!
WOULD YOU PLEASE
KEEP IT DOWN, PEOPLE?
PEOPLE!
HE CALLED US PEOPLE!
NO ONE CALLS US PEOPLE!
THEN HE SCREAMED
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.
HA HA HA!
THAT'S GOOD. I LOVE THAT.
I'VE GOT A TERRIFIC
IDEA FOR A PHOTO, SALLY.
WHY DON'T YOU SHOW THEM
HOW MANY LITTLE DEBBIES
YOU CAN SHOVE INTO
YOUR MOUTH AT ONE TIME?
OOH!
YEAH, YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU
LET THEM TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU
IN THE KITCHEN
BURNING OUR DINNER?
NO.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
A PICTURE OF HER
TRYING TO FIND A BOYFRIEND?
ALTHOUGH IT'D HAVE
TO BE A LONG EXPOSURE.
LIES! LIES!
THEY'RE ALL LIES!
HEY, SORRY ABOUT OUR
LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING
THE OTHER DAY, SOLOMON.
I GUESS SHE REALLY IS YOUR AUNT.
OH. YEAH. YEAH, WHATEVER.
YEAH, MUST BE PRETTY
COOL LIVING WITH A CELEBRITY.
YOU WANNA COME
UNDER THE BLEACHERS
AND THROW STUFF
AT THE SOCCER TEAM?
UH, I HAVE A CLASS
RIGHT NOW, ACTUALLY.
OH. SO NOW YOUR AUNT'S ON TV,
AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE TOO
COOL TO HANG OUT WITH US?
LET'S GET HIM!
WAIT, GUYS!
FOR GOD'S SAKES,
PEPPER, GET OUT!
I'M SERIOUS.
LOOK. IT'S THAT SLUTTY LITTLE
BEAGLE FROM NEXT DOOR.
CAREFUL. DON'T LET HIM IN!
RUN ALONG, PEPPER.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
GET HIM OUT FOR AN HOUR.
AN HOUR, HUH?
THAT MUST BE AN AWFULLY
LONG TIME IN MARY WORLD...
WHERE 15 MINUTES
LASTS FOR 5 DAYS!
IS THIS ABOUT SALLY?
[CRYING] YES.
DO YOU THINK YOU
COULD GET HER TO SPEAK
AT MY ROTARY LUNCHEON NEXT WEEK?
HARRY WON'T RETURN MY CALLS.
OH, MARY, YOU, TOO?
OH, DICK, WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET
ABOUT THIS? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
FAME! I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER!
LIGHT UP THE SKY
LIKE A FLAME! FAME!
DON'T BLAME SALLY.
SHE PUNCHED OUT A STAR, AND
SOME GLITTER STUCK TO HER FIST.
IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO
ANYBODY IN THE RESTAURANT.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT!
OH, MARY!
HOW CAN I REPAY YOU?
GLAD I COULD HELP.
NO!
[DOOR CLOSES]
MARK HAMILL!
YES.
I'M SORRY, SIR. THERE IS A LINE.
AND YOU HAVE CROSSED IT.
YOU'RE SITTING AT MY TABLE.
WHAT?
PREPARE TO BE HEAVED
INTO NONFICTION.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. SECURITY.
UH, WE DON'T HAVE SECURITY.
NOT SO TOUGH WITHOUT
CHEWBACON AROUND, ARE WE?
I THINK I CAN TAKE HIM.
THANKS.
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE SOMEBODY
DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M
NOT... SOMEBODY ELSE!
YOU HEAR ME?!
WELL... NOW I SEE
HOW FAME WORKS.
WHEN A WOMAN STANDS UP
TO A CELEBRITY, SHE'S A HERO,
BUT WHEN A MAN 3 TIMES HIS SIZE
PICKS A FIGHT WITH HIM
FOR NO APPARENT REASON,
SUDDENLY, HE'S THE BAD GUY!
IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR!
UM, TOMMY, MAYBE WE
SHOULD, UH, GET OUT OF HERE.
MAYBE GO GRAB A RUSTY
BURGER OR SOMETHING.
OH, I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO BE SEEN WITH ME
'CAUSE SALLY WAS SO FAMOUS.
LET IT GO, TOMMY.
SALLY IS SO OVER.
SHE IS? SHE IS?
YEAH. NOW EVERYONE'S TALKING
ABOUT THAT WOMAN IN EAST RUTHERFORD
WHO'S LIVING ON
NOTHING BUT SPICES.
LIKE PAPRIKA?
PROBABLY.
UGH.
HIDE THE PAPER, HIDE THE PAPER.
WHY?
BECAUSE SALLY'S NOT IN IT.
ANY PHONE CALLS?
NO.
THANK GOD. PEACE AND
QUIET. PEACE AND QUIET.
UH, HARRY, WHERE ARE THE FRESH
FLOWERS THAT COME EVERY MORNING?
THE ONES IN THERE ARE WILTED.
THEY DID COME THIS
MORNING, DIDN'T THEY?
YES.
THEY CAME. BUT THEY WERE MUMS.
AND I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE
MUMS, AND SO I THREW THEM OUT.
AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
YOU ARE GOOD TO ME.
AND NOW I MUST REST.
AND TO THINK THAT I WANTED FAME.
THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME.
IT'S SO SAD.
SHE WAS SO BIG.
SHE STILL IS BIG!
IT'S THE PLANET THAT GOT SMALL!
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...
MADAM NEEDS ME.
[IMITATING LASER GUN]
AAH!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
YES?
Harry: HOUSEKEEPING.
OH, COME ON IN.
MR. HAMILL, I WILL
NOT LIE TO YOU.
I AM NOT FROM HOUSEKEEPING.
I'M HERE BECAUSE MY SISTER...
[CRYING] WHO IS YOUR
BIGGEST FAN IN THE WORLD,
HAS ONLY 72 HOURS
TO LIVE, MR. HAMILL!
I'M SO SORRY.
I WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING I COULD DO.
ACTUALLY, THERE IS.
COME WITH ME TO OLD
DOWNTOWN RUTHERFORD,
WHERE YOU WILL BE SEEN WITH
HER IN A CROWDED RESTAURANT.
SHE THEN GETS TO PUMMEL YOU
AND BECOME A MEDIA SWEETHEART.
I'LL GO GET YOUR BAGS.
OH, THIS WILL BE NICE.
YOU CAN WEAR THIS.
AAH!
COULD YOU GET SOMEBODY
FROM SECURITY UP RIGHT AWAY?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THERE ISN'T ANY?
THE FREAKIN' EWOKS AT
THE SHERATON HAD SECURITY!
COME ON!
MR. HAMILL!
HE'S GETTING OUT!
MR. HAMILL!
HELP!
Man on TV: WE LOVE YOU, SALLY!
Second man: JUST
BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOBODY
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE NOT SOMEBODY.
[VIDEOTAPE REWINDS]
WE LOVE YOU, SALLY!
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOBODY
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE NOT SOMEBODY.
SALLY.
THEY DID LOVE ME, DIDN'T THEY?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
THE PHONE MIGHT RING.
WELL... BUT IT'S
4:00 IN THE MORNING.
IT'S ONLY 1:00 ON THE COAST.
SALLY...
I KNOW THIS MUST
BE VERY PAINFUL.
HOW COULD YOU KNOW?
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT I HAD.
I MEAN, SURE, YOU'RE
THE HIGH COMMANDER
OF AN INTERGALACTIC
EXPLORATORY MISSION.
BUT ME?
I WAS A STAR.
AT LEAST YOU GOT TO BE
FAMOUS FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED.
HOW CAN I GO ON?
I'M NOT FAMOUS
ANYMORE. I'M NOT SPECIAL.
I'M NOBODY!
YOU'RE NOT NOBODY!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
FAMOUS TO BE SPECIAL.
THE WORLD DOESN'T
KNOW ABOUT NINA
AND HOW SHE GOES TO THE OLD
FOLKS HOME EVERY WEDNESDAY
AND SINGS THEM HAPPY SONGS,
DESPITE HER BUSY SCHEDULE
AND THEIR CONSTANT
REQUESTS THAT SHE GO AWAY.
THAT'S SPECIAL.
OFFICER DON SOMETIMES TAKES
MONEY OUT OF HIS OWN POCKET
AND FEEDS EXPIRED
PARKING METERS.
TO SAVE PEOPLE
FROM GETTING TICKETS?
NO. HE JUST HATES
DOING THE PAPERWORK.
THAT'S STILL SPECIAL.
I KNOW SOMEONE
ELSE WHO'S SPECIAL.
SOMEONE WHO HELPED TO
RESCUE ME FROM AN INVISIBLE BOX
AND TOOK CARE OF A HUMAN BABY
AS THOUGH IT WERE HER VERY OWN.
THAT WASN'T SOMEONE ELSE.
THAT WAS ME, YOU IDIOT!
YOU'RE THE IDIOT!
THAT'S MY WHOLE POINT.
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SPECIAL!
I GUESS I AM. SPECIAL,
I MEAN. NOT AN IDIOT.
THANK YOU, COMMANDER.
GOOD NIGHT, LIEUTENANT.
GOOD NIGHT.
HARRY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
CHASIN' THE DREAM, SALLY.
CHASIN' THE DREAM.
LET IT GO, HARRY.
IT'S OVER.
OH, NO.
IT'S NOT OVER.
IT'S FAR FROM OVER.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS, NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
"IN AN OBVIOUS AND
DESPERATE ATTEMPT
"TO CASH IN ON MARK HAMILL'S
INTERSTELLAR SUCCESS,
"A SOURCE CLOSE TO SALLY SOLOMON
"LAST NIGHT CALLED THE BUGLE
"TO TELL ALL OF RUTHERFORD
THAT SALLY SOLOMON
IS IN FACT AN ALIEN FROM A
DISTANT GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY."
WE'RE BACK ON TOP, SALLY!
WE'RE BACK ON TOP!
OH, TOMMY, DID YOU SHOW YOUR DAD
WHAT I WROTE IN YOUR YEARBOOK?
TOMMY HAS A YEARBOOK?
NO.
YES.
YES. NO.
WHERE IS IT?
IN THE OVEN.
OHH!
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
YOURS IS SLIGHTLY BIGGER.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
PRODUCTIONS, NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THEY
MOVED US TO THIS LOUSY TABLE.
UGH. I CAN SEE THE ICE IN THE
URINALS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
OW!
THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA GO TALK
TO THE GUY IN THE MONKEY SUIT
AND FIND OUT WHAT
THE HELL'S GOING ON.
WELL, EVERYBODY, I'D
LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST.
UH, NO. NO, HARRY.
LET ME. AHEM.
TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN
AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL
AND A BEACON OF LIGHT IN A DARK
AND OMINOUS FOG OF MEDIOCRITY.
TO ME.
LET ME SEE IT.
I'VE BEEN IMMORTALIZED.
AH. YEP.
IT'S NOT JUST ANYBODY
WHO GETS TO BE IN THE
PENDELTON YEARBOOK.
ONLY THOSE PEOPLE WHO
WORK AT OR ATTEND PENDELTON.
OK, WELL, MAURICIO SAID HE
CAN'T GIVE US OUR TABLE BACK.
HE'S SAVING IT FOR SOMEONE
IMPORTANT, SOME BIGWIG.
A BIGGER WIG THAN I?
WHOA! CHECK IT OUT, YOU GUYS.
IT'S MARK HAMILL.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAD TO GIVE
UP OUR TABLE FOR LUKE SKYWALKER.
"OOH, LOOK AT ME.
I'M SO IMPORTANT.
MY FATHER'S DARTH VADER."
HE IS?!
I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE, AND
I'M GONNA GET OUR TABLE BACK.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
REMEMBER, SALLY,
HE'S A CELEBRITY AND
THEREFORE OUR SUPERIOR.
UH, YOU'RE MARK HAMILL, RIGHT?
YES.
OK, WELL, LOOK, I
HATE TO DO THIS, BUT...
OH, NO PROBLEM AT ALL. IT'S OK.
HERE WE GO.
UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SIGNING MY NAME.
I DON'T NEED PROOF, PAL!
I KNOW IT'S YOU!
MOVE OVER, SWEETIE.
GET UP!
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN, OK?
MY FAMILY IS GONNA SIT HERE,
AND YOU GUYS ARE
GONNA SIT OVER THERE.
[IMITATING LIGHT SABERS]
HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
I'LL GIVE YOU A COPY OF MY NEW
BOOK, AND WE'LL CALL IT EVEN.
OK, HOW ABOUT THIS?
WHY DON'T YOU BOOK
OVER TO THAT TABLE?
NO, I'M SORRY. I'M NOT
MOVING ANYWHERE.
I DISAGREE.
WHAT?!
HE SEEMS VERY DOWN-TO-EARTH.
OOH!
SCRAPPY.
MAY THE FORCE BE
WITH YOU, MY DEAR.
HEY, GUYS!
GUESS WHO'S ON THE FRONT PAGE.
TA-DA! SALLY SOLOMON.
WHAT?
"LOCAL WOMAN SALLY
SOLOMON PUT HER FOOT DOWN
"FOR THE COMMON MAN LAST NIGHT,
"SQUARE ON THE CHEST OF...
STAR WARS: SPECIAL
EDITION STAR, MARK HAMILL."
OH, SALLY, THIS IS HUGE.
"SAID SOLOMON: JUST
BECAUSE I'M A NOBODY
DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT SOMEBODY."
WOW. THAT SOUNDS LIKE
THEY'RE MAKING YOU OUT
TO BE SOME KIND OF
HERO OR SOMETHING.
YEAH. THAT'S NICE, SALLY.
IT'S NOT AS NICE AS BEING
PUBLISHED IN THE YEARBOOK.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
YEAH, SHE DOES.
WHAT, TODAY?
YEAH, YEAH. HOLD
ON. I'LL ASK HER.
UH, SALLY, THEY WANT YOU TO BE
ON GOOD AFTERNOON, RUTHERFORD.
THAT'S MY SECOND-FAVORITE SHOW.
WHAT'S YOUR FIRST FAVORITE?
GOOD MORNING, RUTHERFORD.
WHY ARE THEY MAKING SUCH
A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS THING?
THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT?
IT'S NOT A JOKE AT ALL.
WE'RE SUPERIOR BEINGS.
THE SPOTLIGHT WAS BOUND
TO FIND US SOONER OR LATER.
SHE'LL BE THERE.
IN FACT, THEY'LL PROBABLY
WANT TO INTERVIEW ALL OF US.
YEAH. THEY'LL PROBABLY WANT
THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE GUY
WHO SPENT THE WHOLE FIGHT
HIDING IN THE LADIES' ROOM.
I WAS NOT HIDING!
I WAS FRESHENING UP.
WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE'LL MEET SALLY SOLOMON,
RUTHERFORD'S NEWEST HERO.
GOOD AFTERNOON, RUTHERFORD.
[APPLAUSE]
CLEAR!
HI.
HEY.
I'M A BIG FAN.
OH.
NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN
GET YOU... SODA, WATER, COFFEE?
OH, NO. I CAN GET IT. THANKS.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
ENOUGH ALREADY.
OH, SALLY. THERE YOU ARE.
UH, DICK, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
PUTTING ON MY OWN
MAKEUP, FOR STARTERS.
WHERE WILL I BE SITTING?
WHO ARE YOU?
OH, I'M DICK SOLOMON.
PERHAPS YOU'VE READ MY BOOK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO SIT
OVER THERE ON THAT COUCH
UNDERNEATH THE AIR CONDITIONER?
IS THAT WHERE YOU DO
EMOTIONAL FAMILY-REACTION SHOTS?
UH, SURE.
SALLY SOLOMON, YOU
TOOK YOUR TABLE BACK.
WELL, JUST 'CAUSE
THE GUY'S FAMOUS
DOESN'T MEAN HE
CAN WALK ON PEOPLE.
YAY! YAY! YAY!
Woman: WE LOVE YOU, SALLY!
LET'S GO TO THE PHONES.
YOU'RE ON THE AIR
WITH SALLY SOLOMON.
Male caller: UH, YEAH, SALLY,
I JUST WANNA SAY, "THE
HECK WITH MARK HAMILL."
YOU SHOULD BE IN THE
NEXT STAR TREK MOVIE!
YAY! YAY! YAY!
NO, I'M JUST A HOMEMAKER.
Caller: SHOOT, JUST
BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOBODY
DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE
NOT A SOMEBODY!
YAY! YAY! YAY!
WOW.
OK. LET'S TAKE ANOTHER CALLER.
OH, GO AHEAD.
Dick with strange accent:
OH, MY GOODNESS, YES.
I AM CONGRATULATING
MISS SALLY SOLOMON,
BUT I AM WONDERING IF
SHE COULD SPEAK A BIT
ABOUT THE BRAVE, AND SOME
MIGHT SAY, GORGEOUS PERSON
WHO MADE THE RESERVATION.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, HI, DICK. I SAW THE SHOW.
SALLY WAS WONDERFUL.
SHE HAS SUCH A PRESENCE.
OH.
YEAH. THAT.
IT'S SO EXCITING TO SEE
SOMEBODY YOU KNOW ON TV.
YEAH, JERRY SPRINGER HAD
MY UNCLE JENNIFER ON ONCE.
YOU KNOW, I GUESS IT'S
GREAT BEING ON TELEVISION
IF YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
WHO ALWAYS HAS TO BE LOOKED AT.
YOU KNOW, ONE OF
THOSE PATHETIC TYPES
THAT ALWAYS NEEDS TO BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
HELLO! I'M SPEAKING OVER HERE!
I'M SORRY. DID YOU
SAY SOMETHING?
ALL I'M SAYING IS THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG IN THIS COUNTRY
WHEN PEOPLE ARE FAWNED
OVER FOR ATTACKING MOVIE STARS
WHILE BRILLIANT PHYSICS
PROFESSORS TOIL ON IN OBSCURITY.
ISN'T THAT WHAT THE
NOBEL PRIZE IS FOR?
OH, PLEASE.
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT
VACUOUS POPULARITY CONTEST.
OH, REMEMBER WHAT
ANDY WARHOL SAID.
WHAT, "I BET IF I PAINT
THIS CAN OF SOUP,
SOME SUCKER WILL PAY A
MILLION DOLLARS FOR IT"?
AFTER THAT. THE THING ABOUT
EVERYBODY BEING FAMOUS FOR 15 MINUTES.
15 MINUTES?
YES. WELL, THIS IS
SALLY'S 15 MINUTES.
LET HER ENJOY THEM.
15 MINUTES?
FAME IS SO FLEETING.
[CHUCKLES]
POOR SALLY.
HA HA HA HA!
HEY, SOLOMON. THAT LADY
WHO DECKED LUKE SKYWALKER
HAS THE SAME LAST
NAME AS YOU... SOLOMON.
YEAH, YEAH. SHE'S MY AUNT.
NO WAY.
ACTUALLY, SHE IS.
YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!
LET'S GET HIM!
WAIT! WAIT!
YES, I WILL TELL HER.
YEAH, OK, I'LL TELL HER.
TOMMY, I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO CALL YOU FOR 2 HOURS.
THE PHONE'S BEEN
RINGING OFF THE HOOK.
EVERYBODY WANTS
TO TALK TO SALLY.
THAT LAST GUY WAS THE
MANAGER OF THE SCONE ZONE.
THEY WANT TO NAME
A LATTE AFTER HER.
OH. THOSE POOR MISGUIDED FOOLS.
EVEN WITH A GENEROUS
GRACE PERIOD,
HER 15 MINUTES WERE
OVER HOURS AGO.
WHAT A GREAT DAY.
HARRY, COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR
AND GRAB ME A MINERAL WATER?
OK, SALLY.
SALLY, WHEN'S DINNER?
OH, I ATE.
WHERE? MAURICIO'S.
MAURICIO'S?
YEAH. HE CALLED THE STATION
RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW.
HE SAID HE FELT AWFUL ABOUT
HOW I WAS TREATED THERE.
GUESS WHICH TABLE HE GAVE ME.
NO. YES.
WHILE YOU WERE WITH MAURICIO,
I'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE
YOUR STUPID SECRETARY.
I'LL TAKE THOSE...
'CAUSE FROM NOW ON,
I'M SALLY'S STUPID SECRETARY.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
MM-HMM.
WELL, IT'S KIND OF SHORT NOTICE.
WELL, OK. WE'LL EXPECT
YOU TO SEND A TOWN CAR.
OOH! WITH A DRIVER.
OK.
THIS IS BIG.
SALLY, YOU ARE THROWING
OUT THE FIRST PITCH
AT THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF
THE RUTHERFORD SENIOR CITIZENS'
HIGH ARC, MODIFIED
SLOW-PITCH WORLD SERIES.
I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED.
I'LL LAY OUT YOUR GOWN.
JUST A MINUTE, MISSY.
I THINK YOU'RE FORGETTING
SOMETHING... OUR DINNER.
TONIGHT, I'D LIKE YOU TO
MAKE SOMETHING STROGANOFFY.
I'M SORRY, BUT DUE TO
A PRIOR COMMITMENT,
MISS SOLOMON'S DINNER-MAKING
WILL HAVE TO BE RESCHEDULED.
ENOUGH!
LIEUTENANT, AS OF RIGHT NOW,
I ORDER YOU TO BE
NO LONGER FAMOUS.
YOU CAN'T ORDER THAT.
THINK OF THE MISSION.
THIS IS BIGGER THAN THE MISSION.
I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS MANTLE.
THE PEOPLE OF RUTHERFORD
NEED A SALLY SOLOMON.
AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS...
I AM SALLY SOLOMON.
SO I WILL BE THEIR
SALLY SOLOMON.
I CAN DO NO LESS.
PLAY BALL!
HI, HI, HI, HI. MORE
FLOWERS FOR SALLY.
GLADIOLAS, VERY NICE.
HELLO, DOOBIE.
BE A LOVE AND PUT THEM
WITH THE OTHERS, WOULD YOU?
HI, BOYS. SORRY TO
KEEP YOU WAITING.
NOW, SALLY, THEY JUST
WANT TO DO AN INTERVIEW
AND POP A FEW PHOTOS OF
YOU JUST BEING YOURSELF.
WELL, THAT'S FINE.
WHY DON'T I JUST WALK
OVER TO MY FAVORITE CHAIR
AND RELAX LIKE I ALWAYS DO?
YOU KNOW, I DID SOME
MODELING IN MY DAY.
OF COURSE, I HAD A REALLY
BAD EXPERIENCE, THOUGH.
THE RUNWAY
STOPPED, AND I DIDN'T.
OUT, OUT, OUT.
WHY DO I HAVE TO
STAY IN THE KITCHEN?
THE RUTHERFORD BUGLE
IS HAVING A PHOTO SHOOT
TO CAPTURE THE PRIVATE
SIDE OF SALLY SOLOMON,
AND WE NEED TO KEEP
THE PUBLIC OUT OF THE WAY.
BUT IT'S MY LIVING ROOM.
DICK, WE'RE TRYING TO
CREATE AN ATMOSPHERE HERE.
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
WITH A LITTLE LESS YOU.
KEEP MOVING, BOYS!
WE'RE LOSING LIGHT!
DON'T THEY KNOW THAT
I'M IN THE YEARBOOK?
BOY, IS THIS SUCKING!
WOULD YOU PLEASE
KEEP IT DOWN, PEOPLE?
PEOPLE!
HE CALLED US PEOPLE!
NO ONE CALLS US PEOPLE!
THEN HE SCREAMED
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.
HA HA HA!
THAT'S GOOD. I LOVE THAT.
I'VE GOT A TERRIFIC
IDEA FOR A PHOTO, SALLY.
WHY DON'T YOU SHOW THEM
HOW MANY LITTLE DEBBIES
YOU CAN SHOVE INTO
YOUR MOUTH AT ONE TIME?
OOH!
YEAH, YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU
LET THEM TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU
IN THE KITCHEN
BURNING OUR DINNER?
NO.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
A PICTURE OF HER
TRYING TO FIND A BOYFRIEND?
ALTHOUGH IT'D HAVE
TO BE A LONG EXPOSURE.
LIES! LIES!
THEY'RE ALL LIES!
HEY, SORRY ABOUT OUR
LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING
THE OTHER DAY, SOLOMON.
I GUESS SHE REALLY IS YOUR AUNT.
OH. YEAH. YEAH, WHATEVER.
YEAH, MUST BE PRETTY
COOL LIVING WITH A CELEBRITY.
YOU WANNA COME
UNDER THE BLEACHERS
AND THROW STUFF
AT THE SOCCER TEAM?
UH, I HAVE A CLASS
RIGHT NOW, ACTUALLY.
OH. SO NOW YOUR AUNT'S ON TV,
AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE TOO
COOL TO HANG OUT WITH US?
LET'S GET HIM!
WAIT, GUYS!
FOR GOD'S SAKES,
PEPPER, GET OUT!
I'M SERIOUS.
LOOK. IT'S THAT SLUTTY LITTLE
BEAGLE FROM NEXT DOOR.
CAREFUL. DON'T LET HIM IN!
RUN ALONG, PEPPER.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
GET HIM OUT FOR AN HOUR.
AN HOUR, HUH?
THAT MUST BE AN AWFULLY
LONG TIME IN MARY WORLD...
WHERE 15 MINUTES
LASTS FOR 5 DAYS!
IS THIS ABOUT SALLY?
[CRYING] YES.
DO YOU THINK YOU
COULD GET HER TO SPEAK
AT MY ROTARY LUNCHEON NEXT WEEK?
HARRY WON'T RETURN MY CALLS.
OH, MARY, YOU, TOO?
OH, DICK, WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET
ABOUT THIS? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
FAME! I WANT TO LIVE FOREVER!
LIGHT UP THE SKY
LIKE A FLAME! FAME!
DON'T BLAME SALLY.
SHE PUNCHED OUT A STAR, AND
SOME GLITTER STUCK TO HER FIST.
IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO
ANYBODY IN THE RESTAURANT.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT!
OH, MARY!
HOW CAN I REPAY YOU?
GLAD I COULD HELP.
NO!
[DOOR CLOSES]
MARK HAMILL!
YES.
I'M SORRY, SIR. THERE IS A LINE.
AND YOU HAVE CROSSED IT.
YOU'RE SITTING AT MY TABLE.
WHAT?
PREPARE TO BE HEAVED
INTO NONFICTION.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. SECURITY.
UH, WE DON'T HAVE SECURITY.
NOT SO TOUGH WITHOUT
CHEWBACON AROUND, ARE WE?
I THINK I CAN TAKE HIM.
THANKS.
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE SOMEBODY
DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M
NOT... SOMEBODY ELSE!
YOU HEAR ME?!
WELL... NOW I SEE
HOW FAME WORKS.
WHEN A WOMAN STANDS UP
TO A CELEBRITY, SHE'S A HERO,
BUT WHEN A MAN 3 TIMES HIS SIZE
PICKS A FIGHT WITH HIM
FOR NO APPARENT REASON,
SUDDENLY, HE'S THE BAD GUY!
IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR!
UM, TOMMY, MAYBE WE
SHOULD, UH, GET OUT OF HERE.
MAYBE GO GRAB A RUSTY
BURGER OR SOMETHING.
OH, I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO BE SEEN WITH ME
'CAUSE SALLY WAS SO FAMOUS.
LET IT GO, TOMMY.
SALLY IS SO OVER.
SHE IS? SHE IS?
YEAH. NOW EVERYONE'S TALKING
ABOUT THAT WOMAN IN EAST RUTHERFORD
WHO'S LIVING ON
NOTHING BUT SPICES.
LIKE PAPRIKA?
PROBABLY.
UGH.
HIDE THE PAPER, HIDE THE PAPER.
WHY?
BECAUSE SALLY'S NOT IN IT.
ANY PHONE CALLS?
NO.
THANK GOD. PEACE AND
QUIET. PEACE AND QUIET.
UH, HARRY, WHERE ARE THE FRESH
FLOWERS THAT COME EVERY MORNING?
THE ONES IN THERE ARE WILTED.
THEY DID COME THIS
MORNING, DIDN'T THEY?
YES.
THEY CAME. BUT THEY WERE MUMS.
AND I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE
MUMS, AND SO I THREW THEM OUT.
AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
YOU ARE GOOD TO ME.
AND NOW I MUST REST.
AND TO THINK THAT I WANTED FAME.
THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME.
IT'S SO SAD.
SHE WAS SO BIG.
SHE STILL IS BIG!
IT'S THE PLANET THAT GOT SMALL!
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...
MADAM NEEDS ME.
[IMITATING LASER GUN]
AAH!
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
YES?
Harry: HOUSEKEEPING.
OH, COME ON IN.
MR. HAMILL, I WILL
NOT LIE TO YOU.
I AM NOT FROM HOUSEKEEPING.
I'M HERE BECAUSE MY SISTER...
[CRYING] WHO IS YOUR
BIGGEST FAN IN THE WORLD,
HAS ONLY 72 HOURS
TO LIVE, MR. HAMILL!
I'M SO SORRY.
I WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING I COULD DO.
ACTUALLY, THERE IS.
COME WITH ME TO OLD
DOWNTOWN RUTHERFORD,
WHERE YOU WILL BE SEEN WITH
HER IN A CROWDED RESTAURANT.
SHE THEN GETS TO PUMMEL YOU
AND BECOME A MEDIA SWEETHEART.
I'LL GO GET YOUR BAGS.
OH, THIS WILL BE NICE.
YOU CAN WEAR THIS.
AAH!
COULD YOU GET SOMEBODY
FROM SECURITY UP RIGHT AWAY?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THERE ISN'T ANY?
THE FREAKIN' EWOKS AT
THE SHERATON HAD SECURITY!
COME ON!
MR. HAMILL!
HE'S GETTING OUT!
MR. HAMILL!
HELP!
Man on TV: WE LOVE YOU, SALLY!
Second man: JUST
BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOBODY
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE NOT SOMEBODY.
[VIDEOTAPE REWINDS]
WE LOVE YOU, SALLY!
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOBODY
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE NOT SOMEBODY.
SALLY.
THEY DID LOVE ME, DIDN'T THEY?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
THE PHONE MIGHT RING.
WELL... BUT IT'S
4:00 IN THE MORNING.
IT'S ONLY 1:00 ON THE COAST.
SALLY...
I KNOW THIS MUST
BE VERY PAINFUL.
HOW COULD YOU KNOW?
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT I HAD.
I MEAN, SURE, YOU'RE
THE HIGH COMMANDER
OF AN INTERGALACTIC
EXPLORATORY MISSION.
BUT ME?
I WAS A STAR.
AT LEAST YOU GOT TO BE
FAMOUS FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED.
HOW CAN I GO ON?
I'M NOT FAMOUS
ANYMORE. I'M NOT SPECIAL.
I'M NOBODY!
YOU'RE NOT NOBODY!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
FAMOUS TO BE SPECIAL.
THE WORLD DOESN'T
KNOW ABOUT NINA
AND HOW SHE GOES TO THE OLD
FOLKS HOME EVERY WEDNESDAY
AND SINGS THEM HAPPY SONGS,
DESPITE HER BUSY SCHEDULE
AND THEIR CONSTANT
REQUESTS THAT SHE GO AWAY.
THAT'S SPECIAL.
OFFICER DON SOMETIMES TAKES
MONEY OUT OF HIS OWN POCKET
AND FEEDS EXPIRED
PARKING METERS.
TO SAVE PEOPLE
FROM GETTING TICKETS?
NO. HE JUST HATES
DOING THE PAPERWORK.
THAT'S STILL SPECIAL.
I KNOW SOMEONE
ELSE WHO'S SPECIAL.
SOMEONE WHO HELPED TO
RESCUE ME FROM AN INVISIBLE BOX
AND TOOK CARE OF A HUMAN BABY
AS THOUGH IT WERE HER VERY OWN.
THAT WASN'T SOMEONE ELSE.
THAT WAS ME, YOU IDIOT!
YOU'RE THE IDIOT!
THAT'S MY WHOLE POINT.
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SPECIAL!
I GUESS I AM. SPECIAL,
I MEAN. NOT AN IDIOT.
THANK YOU, COMMANDER.
GOOD NIGHT, LIEUTENANT.
GOOD NIGHT.
HARRY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
CHASIN' THE DREAM, SALLY.
CHASIN' THE DREAM.
LET IT GO, HARRY.
IT'S OVER.
OH, NO.
IT'S NOT OVER.
IT'S FAR FROM OVER.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS, NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY
AND COCA-COLA CLASSIC
"IN AN OBVIOUS AND
DESPERATE ATTEMPT
"TO CASH IN ON MARK HAMILL'S
INTERSTELLAR SUCCESS,
"A SOURCE CLOSE TO SALLY SOLOMON
"LAST NIGHT CALLED THE BUGLE
"TO TELL ALL OF RUTHERFORD
THAT SALLY SOLOMON
IS IN FACT AN ALIEN FROM A
DISTANT GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY."
WE'RE BACK ON TOP, SALLY!
WE'RE BACK ON TOP!
OH, TOMMY, DID YOU SHOW YOUR DAD
WHAT I WROTE IN YOUR YEARBOOK?
TOMMY HAS A YEARBOOK?
NO.
YES.
YES. NO.
WHERE IS IT?
IN THE OVEN.
OHH!
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
YOURS IS SLIGHTLY BIGGER.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE