3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001): Season 1, Episode 13 - Angry Dick - full transcript
Dick wants the Solomons to meet the neighbors.
IT'S A PERFECT
NIGHT FOR OBSERVING.
IT'S WARM, DARK. THE
AIR IS CRYSTAL CLEAR...
O.K. THEY'RE IN BED.
I'M NOT SATISFIED WATCHING
THE MULLERS FROM AFAR.
THIS ISN'T WHAT HUMANS DO.
HUMANS DON'T JUST OBSERVE
EACH OTHER. THEY INTERACT!
WE SHOULD MAKE
CONTACT WITH THEM.
OH!
HERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
YOU KNOW, WITHOUT THEIR CLOTHES,
THEY SEEM KIND OF...
GELATINOUS?
YEAH!
WHAT IS HE LOOKING FOR?
I'M NOT SURE YET...
WAIT! WAIT! YES, THIS IS IT!
I BELIEVE THEY'RE GOING TO MATE!
OH! OOH!
TOMMY, PAY ATTENTION.
WHY? THIS IS LIKE...
SWEATING TO THE
OLDIES WITHOUT MUSIC.
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
SEX IS HOW HUMANS
ENRICH THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
AND REAFFIRM THEIR
COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER.
IT'S THE MOST SACRED,
INTIMATE PART...
THEY'RE DONE.
ALREADY?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
AS MANY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE KNOW,
ALIENS ARE ALL AROUND US.
THIS IS THE STORY OF
FOUR SUCH EXPLORERS.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY,
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
WHO IS THAT SMOLDERING BEAUTY
WITH THE FIERY EYES?
KATIE COURIC.
KATIE COURIC.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL
STUCK IN YOUR THROAT.
MRS. DUPCEK,
I NEED TO GO NEXT DOOR
AND BECOME NEIGHBORLY.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THE MULLERS?
OH... THEY'RE LOVELY. VERY NICE.
OF COURSE, UM...
I SHOULDN'T TALK.
WELL, IT'S TRUE YOUR VOICE IS
NOT ONE OF YOUR BEST ASSETS,
BUT GO AHEAD.
THE MULLERS HAVE HAD
THEIR UPS AND DOWNS.
I GUESS HER HUSBAND HAD SOME
PROBLEMS IN THE BEDROOM AREA.
WHICH AREA, THE CLOSET?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I
THOUGHT AT FIRST, TOO,
BUT IT TURNED OUT TO
BE A VITAMIN DEFICIENCY.
A VITAMIN DEFICIENCY?
WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT.
OH, NO, NO. STICK
TO SPORTS OR CARS.
CARS. YES!
THAT'S GREAT!
I HAVE A CAR.
OH... WHY AM I DOING
THIS TO MYSELF?
SHE PROBABLY DOESN'T
EVEN KNOW I'M ALIVE.
NO... SHE KNOWS.
HI, THERE, NEIGHBOR.
YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CARS?
IS THIS YOUR CAR?
YEAH, I SEEM TO BE
HAVING SOME TROUBLE
WITH MY, UM, SPARK NUTS.
SOMETIMES WITH THESE OLD ONES,
IT'S BETTER TO CALL THE
JUNK MAN AND HAVE IT TOWED.
OH, NO. I COULDN'T DO
THAT. I LOVE THIS CAR.
IT HAS A COMPARTMENT
JUST FOR GLOVES.
DICK SOLOMON.
FRANK MULLER. HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU AROUND MUCH.
OH, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF
YOU... AND YOUR WIFE.
SHE SAYS YOU'RE SOME BIG
DEAL PROFESSOR AT THE COLLEGE.
OH, HARDLY. IT'S
QUANTUM ASTROPHYSICS.
A DRUGGED MONKEY COULD DO IT.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I WORK THE LINE AT
THE BALL BEARING PLANT.
NO! THE CINCOR PLANT?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I LOVE YOUR BEARINGS!
THRUST BEARINGS OR LINEAR?
ACTUALLY, I DO JOURNAL BEARINGS.
WOW! IS THAT PLAIN
OR ROLLING-CONTACT?
ON A GOOD DAY, BOTH.
MAN, THE STORIES YOU MUST HAVE.
HA. A FEW. A FEW.
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU'D
BE MORE OF AN EGGHEAD.
OH, NO. ALL MEAT.
FRANK!
THERE'S THE BOSS.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
OH, UH...
NO BIG DEAL, BUT,
YOUR CAR'S PARKED ABOUT 8
INCHES OVER THE PROPERTY LINE.
COULD YOU WATCH THAT?
I'LL GO YOU ONE BETTER.
I'LL STOP DOING IT.
THANKS, FRIEND.
FRIEND!
WATCHING TELEVISION IS AMAZING.
I HAVEN'T HAD A THOUGHT IN
MY HEAD FOR THREE HOURS.
AND THAT'S JUST THE
TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
PSEUDO-FAMILY!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I HAVE BEEN IN FRANK
MULLER'S GARAGE.
WE BRAGGED, WE
LAUGHED, WE TINKERED.
HE LET ME TOUCH HIS STUFF.
IT FEELS GOOD TO
BE AROUND FRANK.
IT FILLS AN EMPTY SPACE
I'VE BEEN FEELING RIGHT HERE.
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
WE'RE FRIENDS.
♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪
♪ IT WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪
WHAT IS THIS?
SHAKE 'N BAKE
CHICKEN. JUST EAT IT.
THIS ISN'T CHICKEN.
THIS IS JUST FLAKES.
STAY RIGHT THERE.
YOU MUST LEARN TO COOK!
HOW FAR DO YOU THINK YOU'LL
GO WITH JUST A FABULOUS BODY
AND INTELLECTUAL GENIUS?
THE BOX HAD A
PICTURE OF A CHICKEN.
I SHAKED IT. I BAKED
IT. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
ASK MRS. MULLER. SHE MUST
KNOW HOW TO COOK SOMETHING.
OH, DO I HAVE TO?
YES. THEY'RE PLUMP. WE'RE
EMACIATED. YOU DO THE MATH.
MAKING FRIENDS IS SO SIMPLE.
YOU MAY NOT BE AS
GOOD AT IT AS I AM,
BUT I COMMAND YOU TO TRY!
DICK, WHAT IS THE POINT?
WE'RE NOT GOING TO
LEARN ABOUT HUMANS
BY WATCHING TELEVISION.
WE HAVE TO MIX AMONG THEM,
WALK A MILE IN THEIR PANTS.
I JUST DON'T KNOW
HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN!
YOU CAN FIND SOMETHING TO SAY.
YOU COULD WALK ON THE
BEACH AND DISCUSS ITCHING.
OH, HOW EXCITING.
I AM SO GLAD I GET
TO BE THE WOMAN!
NEXT PLANET, I GET TO BE
SOMETHING BIG WITH HORNS!
O.K. SO THE SHAKE 'N BAKE
IS JUST A COCOON
FOR THE CHICKEN.
YEP.
AND CHICKLETS ARE NOT
CHICKEN AT ALL, RIGHT?
YOU'RE NOT FROM OHIO, ARE YOU?
NO.
I CAN TELL.
I DON'T ENVY YOU
CARING FOR THREE MEN.
I ONLY GOT FRANK, AND
HE'S A FULL-TIME JOB.
JUST ONCE, I'D LIKE TO SEE
THAT MAN PICK UP A SOCK.
I'D LIKE TO SEE MEN PUT
THEIR DIRTY DISHES IN THE SINK.
I'D LIKE TO SEE THEM DO LAUNDRY.
I'D LIKE TO SEE THEM CRAMMED
BETWEEN TWO STEEL WHEELS
AND GROUND INTO A FINE PASTE.
YOU KNOW, I'D LIKE
TO SEE THAT MYSELF.
YOU LET ME KNOW.
HA HA HA!
OH, YOU'RE DANGEROUS.
OH, YES. I AM.
I LIKE YOU!
YOU CAN COME BY ANY TIME.
I WILL.
BUT DO ME A FAVOR.
BEFORE YOU SETTLE
DOWN AND GET MARRIED,
YOU HAVE SOME FUN.
IF I HAD YOUR FIGURE,
I'D FIND SOME OLD
MILLIONAIRE IN FLORIDA
AND SLOWLY SUCK
THE LIFE OUT OF HIM.
I HAVE THE VERY
EQUIPMENT TO DO THAT.
I'M SURE YOU DO.
HI, NEIGHBOR!
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
HARRY, TOMMY, THIS
IS FRANK, MY FRIEND.
YEAH, HI.
IS THIS PLACE MAGNIFICENT?
OH, YEAH!
IT'S THE GARAGE MAJAL.
WELL, YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME PLACE
TO GET AWAY FROM THE CLUCKING.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
OOH, COLOR!
OH, 60 CHANNELS OF IT.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH,
UH-HUH, UH-HUH...
DICK, LOOK.
"DEBBIE SAYS THAT THE
NEW PRO-MAX ROUTER
CAN HANDLE EVEN
THE WILDEST CURVES."
I DON'T KNOW IF DEBBIE REALIZES
THAT CAN BE TAKEN TWO WAYS.
FRANK, THIS IS NEW! WHAT IS IT?
A BACK SCRATCHER.
MAY I?
BE MY GUEST.
OH...
THIS IS HEAVENLY!
THAT SPOT HAS BEEN DRIVING
ME NUTS EVER SINCE WE LANDED.
PLEASE... KEEP IT.
REALLY?
I'VE NEVER RECEIVED
A GIFT BEFORE.
I HAVE TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING.
TAKE TOMMY.
FRANK!
THAT'S THE BOSS CALLING.
IT'S FASCINATING. EVERY
TIME HIS WIFE CALLS,
HE JUMPS.
SEE YOU AROUND.
YOU CAN COUNT ON
IT. I LIKE YOU, FRANK.
AFTER ALL THE TIME I'VE
SPENT AT THE UNIVERSITY,
IT'S REFRESHING TO MEET SOMEONE
WHO DOESN'T PRETEND TO BE SMART.
"JERRY DATES A
BLIND GIRL. REPEAT."
JERRY DATES A BLIND GIRL.
IT GAINS NOTHING
THE SECOND TIME.
THIS HAS BEEN A REBROADCAST
OF THE 11:00 NEWS.
WE WILL RESUME
PROGRAMMING AT 6 A.M.
IT'S THE SNOW SHOW.
I SAW THIS ONE LAST NIGHT.
SO, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
LET'S GO VISIT OUR
FRIENDS THE MULLERS!
WAIT! WILL THEY BE HOME?
IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING!
WHERE ELSE WOULD THEY BE?
HI, NEIGHBOR!
W-WHAT'S THE MATTER?
NOTHING!
IT'S 3 A.M.!
PATTY SAID I COULD
DROP BY ANYTIME.
DON'T WORRY. WE BROUGHT GIFTS.
FLANK STEAK FOR MILADY.
AND THE TV GUIDE
CROSSWORD FOR MONSIEUR.
AND, BY THE WAY, THE
ANSWER TO "I-BLANK-LUCY"
ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK.
WHO'S THIS?
MY DAUGHTER CINDY.
SHE'S IN COLLEGE.
MY COMPLIMENTS.
SHE'S A DEFINITE TRIUMPH
OF AEROBICS OVER GENETICS.
I THINK SOMEONE WOULD
LIKE TO SEE HER NAKED.
HAH HAH!
SO, LET'S FIRE UP THE BARBECUE!
FRANK, IF YOU'RE
IN DANGER, SHOUT!
GO... BACK... TO SLEEP!
YOU SEEM UPSET, FRANK.
GO HOME!
WHY?
MAYBE THEY WANT TO HAVE SEX.
AGAIN?
EXCUSE ME?
IT'S JUST THAT WE'RE
SO FASCINATED BY YOU.
WE'VE NEVER MET ANYONE OF
YOUR ECONOMIC CLASS BEFORE.
MY CLASS? LIKE YOU'RE SO
MUCH BETTER THAN WE ARE?
WELL, YES, BUT YOU'LL EVOLVE.
UNTIL THEN, WE CAN
STILL BE FRIENDS.
FRIENDS?
YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!
WE'RE BEST FRIENDS!
NO, WE'RE NOT! GET
THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
AND ANOTHER THING...
GET YOUR PRECIOUS
CAR OFF MY PROPERTY!
FINE!
WE CAN TELL WHEN
WE'RE NOT WANTED!
WE'RE NOT WANTED.
OH. OH.
IT SEEMS THAT SOME OF
THE SUBTLER PRINCIPLES
OF ELECTRON MOTION
WERE BEYOND EVERYONE'S GRASP.
AW! AW!
BE THANKFUL IT'S JUST A GRADE.
IN MOST PLACES, THIS
KIND OF PERFORMANCE
GETS YOU A SPANKING
THAT STILL BURNS
WHEN YOU'RE BLOWN
OUT THE AIRLOCK!
DR. SOLOMON, ARE YOU AT LEAST
GOING TO GRADE US ON A CURVE?
OF COURSE NOT. I GRADE
ON A TRANSIENT LOOP.
WHAT?
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
YOUR EXPECTED
SCORE IS LOCATED HERE.
THE PARAMETERS OF YOUR ACTUAL
PERFORMANCE ARE HERE, HERE, AND HERE,
DRIVING THE EXPECTATION
VERSUS PERFORMANCE DATA
INTO THE LAST THREE LOOPS,
TWO OF WHICH CAN'T BE SEEN
BECAUSE, OF COURSE, THEY
ARE FACTORED ONLY IN TIME.
SO IS MY "A" STILL AN "A"?
OH, CARYN.
NO.
THIS SHOULDN'T BE ALL
THAT DIFFICULT FOR YOU.
THE INTERACTIONS OF
ELEMENTARY PARTICLES
ARE FAR SIMPLER THAN THE
INTERACTIONS BETWEEN PEOPLE!
FOR EXAMPLE, LEON,
DO YOU HAVE ANY
FRIENDS IN THIS CLASS?
UH, WELL, UH...
SOMETIMES I TALK TO CARYN.
MM-HMM.
SO CARYN IS YOUR FRIEND?
YES.
I SEE. PITMAN, YOU AND
BUG ARE FRIENDS, RIGHT?
YEAH, SINCE THIRD GRADE.
WE USED TO TRADE
UNDERWEAR ON SLEEP OVERS.
SHUT UP!
AND THIS FRIENDSHIP
WEATHERS ALL CIRCUMSTANCE,
SURVIVES THE FRICTIONS OF
DAILY LIFE, COMPLETELY INTACT?
ABSOLUTELY. YEAH. TOTALLY.
EVEN THOUGH HE OBVIOUSLY
THINKS YOU'RE STUPID?
YOU THINK I'M STUPID?
ONLY IN A GOOD WAY.
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.
FRIENDSHIP... OBVIOUSLY
JUST A BIG WASTE OF TIME!
AND YET EVERYONE ON THE PLANET
GETS ALL WORKED UP ABOUT
THESE POINTLESS LITTLE BEHAVIORS,
BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF THE GREAT
VAPORIZING METEOR DUE IN 2015...
WHICH OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T EXIST,
BECAUSE I'M KIDDING!
PATTY, THANKS FOR
LETTING HARRY COME ALONG.
HE'S A LITTLE TRAUMATIZED
BY ALL THE ATTENTION AT HOME.
WHEE!
DOES FRANK KNOW YOU'RE WITH ME?
NO, I TOLD HIM I
WAS SETTING A PERM.
DOES DICK KNOW YOU'RE WITH ME?
NO, I INJECTED HIM
WITH A SEDATIVE.
I'VE GOT AT LEAST
TWO MORE HOURS.
OOH, WE'RE LIKE
THELMA AND LOUISE,
EXCEPT WE JUST CAME
TO THE SUPERMARKET,
AND WE HAVEN'T MURDERED ANYONE.
IT'S EARLY YET.
WHY DO MEN HAVE
TO BE SO STUBBORN?
I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
THEIR FASCINATION WITH
BURPING THE ALPHABET.
THE KEY TO TOMATOES IS
YOU GOT TO SQUEEZE THEM.
IF THEY'RE SOFT, THEY'RE READY.
THIS ONE'S READY.
I'M THE HIGH COMMANDER!
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING NOW?
IT'S THE PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOW.
HE LOOKS GOOD ON CAMERA,
BUT HIS SHOW IS INCREDIBLY DULL.
DICK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, I AM.
O.K., BUT YOUR BACK
IS STARTING TO BLEED.
I WISH I HAD A REMOTE.
FRANK HAD ONE.
IF YOU LIKE FRANK SO MUCH,
GO LIVE AT FRANK'S HOUSE!
SIT DOWN!
WHAT IS YOUR BIG PROBLEM?
NOTHING. I JUST REACHED OUT,
AND FRANK KICKED
ME IN THE TEETH,
BECAUSE FRANK HATES
ME FOR NO REASON,
BUT, HEY, THAT'S FRANK!
HUMANS ARE NOT PERFECT.
WELL, THAT'S A
CONVENIENT EXCUSE.
YOU JUST CAN'T ADMIT
WHEN YOU'RE WRONG.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE NEVER BONDED
WITH A LIFE FORM, LIEUTENANT.
YES, YES, WE KNOW.
YOU'VE BONDED
BEAUTIFUL WITH CREATURES
ON NINE DIFFERENT SYSTEMS.
AND THOSE THAT
WOULDN'T BOND, WE ATE.
IT'S DIFFERENT HERE, DICK.
TO BOND WITH A HUMAN,
YOU HAVE TO GIVE AND
TAKE, LIKE ME AND PATTY.
IT'S NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE.
I CAN BE PERFECTLY CONTENT
AS A DISAFFECTED LONER.
WAS THAT YOU?
NO.
AND I ALWAYS TELL YOU.
HEY!
SOMEONE'S TOWING
AWAY THE RAMBLER!
IT'S MULLER!
WHY IS HE TAKING THE CAR?
BECAUSE HE KNOWS I LOVE IT.
I TOLD YOU, SOLOMON!
8 INCHES OVER MY PROPERTY!
HAH!
DICK, WHAT'S WRONG?
I DON'T KNOW. THERE'S AN ODD
SENSATION MOVING THROUGH MY BODY.
WHO THE HELL DOES
THAT STUPID SACK OF FAT
THINK HE IS ANYWAY?
DICK?
I HAVE A PLAN.
REMEMBER, WE'RE NOT
ALLOWED TO LIQUEFY HUMANS.
O.K. I HAVE ANOTHER PLAN.
THAT'S IT. I'M INVOKING
A SUPREME DIRECTIVE.
I'LL NEED WITNESSES.
WHAT IS IT?
I WANT YOU TO
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
I'M THE HIGH COMMANDER!
AND WHAT IS THE HIGH
COMMANDER'S OATH?
AS HIGH COMMANDER, I VOW
TO HANDLE ALL PROBLEMS
WITH RESTRAINT AND DELIBERATION.
I WILL STRIVE TO UNDERSTAND
OTHER LIFE FORMS.
I WILL AVOID AGGRESSION
AND MAKE PEACE WITH
ALL THOSE WHO PISS ME OFF.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WE'VE COME TO APOLOGIZE
AND MAKE A PEACE OFFERING.
SO, THE GREAT PROFESSOR
OFFERS THE LOWLY CHUMP A PRESENT
AND MAKES IT BETTER.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HOPING.
IT'S A DOUBLE-SLEEVED
ROLLER BEARING.
LOOK, YOU CAN TALK DOWN TO ME,
YOU CAN WAKE ME AT 3 A.M.,
BUT YOU CAN'T BUY ME OFF!
GET OUT! IT'S CAMBERED.
AREN'T YOU LISTENING, CHUNKY?
HE'S APOLOGIZING.
NOW, NOW. WE ARE NOT GOING
TO SINK DOWN TO HIS LEVEL.
MY LEVEL!
YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS GO
STRAIGHT TO THE SNOB STUFF!
HEY, WHO YOU CALLING PEOPLE?
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, HUH?
HUH?
OH. HEE HEE.
YOU WANT TO FIGHT?
COME ON! COME ON!
THAT'S ENOUGH!
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!
I... DON'T... LIKE IT!
PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.
OH, YEAH? WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO ABOUT IT, HUH?
HUH, HUH, HUH, HUH,
HUH, HUH, HUH, HUH?
DICK, I AM SO DISAPPOINTED!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED. I JUST LOST CONTROL!
WELL, YOU HURT A HUMAN.
WE ARE IN TROUBLE.
WHAT IF HE TALKS?
HE WON'T IF WE FINISH HIM OFF.
THIS IS AWFUL!
WELL, YOU SHOULD FEEL AWFUL.
BUT I DON'T! I FEEL BETTER!
AND POWERFUL!
THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HAVE FRIENDS,
SO THEY CAN HIT THEM!
THIS IS INCREDIBLE! IT'S
THE BEST I'VE EVER FELT!
WELL...
THERE'S A DOWNSIDE.
HI.
HI.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS.
FRANK CAN BE SUCH AN IDIOT.
HOW'S YOUR BROTHER?
IS HE LICKING HIS WOUNDS?
HE TRIED, BUT HE
COULDN'T REACH THEM,
SO HE MADE HARRY DO IT.
HELLO.
YOU LET SLEEPING
DOGS LIE, FRANK MULLER.
HEY, THIS IS GUY STUFF.
DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A WAD.
THAT'S SOME GOOD ADVICE. THANKS.
SO, UH, HOW YOU DOING?
I'M SWOLLEN, THANK YOU.
HA HA. SO AM I.
WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY SO CIVIL?
NOW WE UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER'S BOUNDARIES.
YOU KNOW MY LIMITS.
I KNOW YOUR LIMITS.
NOW WE CAN RESPECT EACH OTHER.
WAIT. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE
EACH OTHER'S RESPECT,
YOU HAD TO RESORT TO
VIOLENT CONFRONTATION.
NOW, DOESN'T IT
STRIKE YOU AS STUPID?
KIDS, HUH?
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THE WORLD.
SO, UH, WE STILL FRIENDS?
SURE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
O.K. I FINISHED MY LETTER.
"DEAR PRESIDENT CLINTON,
"I'VE SEEN YOUR PROGRAM ON TV,
AND I THINK YOU NEED HELP."
"MAYBE IN THE NEXT EPISODE,
"THERE COULD BE GUNFIRE...
"OR EVEN SOME EXPLOSIONS.
"I KNOW I'D LIKE THAT.
THANKS FOR LETTING
ME SHARE MY THOUGHTS."
OH, I FORGOT TO INCLUDE
MY NAME AND ADDRESS.
YOU KNOW, PATTY IS A WOMAN
OF UNEXPECTED DEPTH AND WISDOM.
SHE DOES THINGS
WITH CONTACT PAPER
MOST WOMEN CAN ONLY DREAM OF.
I THINK I FINALLY UNDERSTAND
THIS COMPELLING
URGE TO MAKE FRIENDS.
IT ISN'T INTELLECTUAL AT ALL.
THESE BODIES HAVE A BASIC,
PHYSICAL NEED FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
WELL, IN A BIOLOGY
THIS PRIMITIVE,
THERE ARE BOUND TO
BE A FEW WEAKNESSES.
BUT THAT'S THE PARADOX.
IT'S NOT A WEAKNESS.
THAT NEED IS WHAT
BRINGS THEM TOGETHER,
AND THAT UNITY IS AN
ENORMOUS SOURCE OF POWER.
YEAH, IT'S POWERFUL,
BUT IT'S DANGEROUS.
THERE ARE SOME URGES
WE'RE JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO LEARN TO CONTROL.
WHOA! THEIR DAUGHTER'S HOME.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
NIGHT FOR OBSERVING.
IT'S WARM, DARK. THE
AIR IS CRYSTAL CLEAR...
O.K. THEY'RE IN BED.
I'M NOT SATISFIED WATCHING
THE MULLERS FROM AFAR.
THIS ISN'T WHAT HUMANS DO.
HUMANS DON'T JUST OBSERVE
EACH OTHER. THEY INTERACT!
WE SHOULD MAKE
CONTACT WITH THEM.
OH!
HERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
YOU KNOW, WITHOUT THEIR CLOTHES,
THEY SEEM KIND OF...
GELATINOUS?
YEAH!
WHAT IS HE LOOKING FOR?
I'M NOT SURE YET...
WAIT! WAIT! YES, THIS IS IT!
I BELIEVE THEY'RE GOING TO MATE!
OH! OOH!
TOMMY, PAY ATTENTION.
WHY? THIS IS LIKE...
SWEATING TO THE
OLDIES WITHOUT MUSIC.
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
SEX IS HOW HUMANS
ENRICH THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
AND REAFFIRM THEIR
COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER.
IT'S THE MOST SACRED,
INTIMATE PART...
THEY'RE DONE.
ALREADY?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
AS MANY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE KNOW,
ALIENS ARE ALL AROUND US.
THIS IS THE STORY OF
FOUR SUCH EXPLORERS.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY,
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
WHO IS THAT SMOLDERING BEAUTY
WITH THE FIERY EYES?
KATIE COURIC.
KATIE COURIC.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL
STUCK IN YOUR THROAT.
MRS. DUPCEK,
I NEED TO GO NEXT DOOR
AND BECOME NEIGHBORLY.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THE MULLERS?
OH... THEY'RE LOVELY. VERY NICE.
OF COURSE, UM...
I SHOULDN'T TALK.
WELL, IT'S TRUE YOUR VOICE IS
NOT ONE OF YOUR BEST ASSETS,
BUT GO AHEAD.
THE MULLERS HAVE HAD
THEIR UPS AND DOWNS.
I GUESS HER HUSBAND HAD SOME
PROBLEMS IN THE BEDROOM AREA.
WHICH AREA, THE CLOSET?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I
THOUGHT AT FIRST, TOO,
BUT IT TURNED OUT TO
BE A VITAMIN DEFICIENCY.
A VITAMIN DEFICIENCY?
WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT.
OH, NO, NO. STICK
TO SPORTS OR CARS.
CARS. YES!
THAT'S GREAT!
I HAVE A CAR.
OH... WHY AM I DOING
THIS TO MYSELF?
SHE PROBABLY DOESN'T
EVEN KNOW I'M ALIVE.
NO... SHE KNOWS.
HI, THERE, NEIGHBOR.
YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CARS?
IS THIS YOUR CAR?
YEAH, I SEEM TO BE
HAVING SOME TROUBLE
WITH MY, UM, SPARK NUTS.
SOMETIMES WITH THESE OLD ONES,
IT'S BETTER TO CALL THE
JUNK MAN AND HAVE IT TOWED.
OH, NO. I COULDN'T DO
THAT. I LOVE THIS CAR.
IT HAS A COMPARTMENT
JUST FOR GLOVES.
DICK SOLOMON.
FRANK MULLER. HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU AROUND MUCH.
OH, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF
YOU... AND YOUR WIFE.
SHE SAYS YOU'RE SOME BIG
DEAL PROFESSOR AT THE COLLEGE.
OH, HARDLY. IT'S
QUANTUM ASTROPHYSICS.
A DRUGGED MONKEY COULD DO IT.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I WORK THE LINE AT
THE BALL BEARING PLANT.
NO! THE CINCOR PLANT?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I LOVE YOUR BEARINGS!
THRUST BEARINGS OR LINEAR?
ACTUALLY, I DO JOURNAL BEARINGS.
WOW! IS THAT PLAIN
OR ROLLING-CONTACT?
ON A GOOD DAY, BOTH.
MAN, THE STORIES YOU MUST HAVE.
HA. A FEW. A FEW.
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU'D
BE MORE OF AN EGGHEAD.
OH, NO. ALL MEAT.
FRANK!
THERE'S THE BOSS.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
OH, UH...
NO BIG DEAL, BUT,
YOUR CAR'S PARKED ABOUT 8
INCHES OVER THE PROPERTY LINE.
COULD YOU WATCH THAT?
I'LL GO YOU ONE BETTER.
I'LL STOP DOING IT.
THANKS, FRIEND.
FRIEND!
WATCHING TELEVISION IS AMAZING.
I HAVEN'T HAD A THOUGHT IN
MY HEAD FOR THREE HOURS.
AND THAT'S JUST THE
TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
PSEUDO-FAMILY!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
I HAVE BEEN IN FRANK
MULLER'S GARAGE.
WE BRAGGED, WE
LAUGHED, WE TINKERED.
HE LET ME TOUCH HIS STUFF.
IT FEELS GOOD TO
BE AROUND FRANK.
IT FILLS AN EMPTY SPACE
I'VE BEEN FEELING RIGHT HERE.
I THINK IT'S BECAUSE
WE'RE FRIENDS.
♪ SO NO ONE TOLD YOU ♪
♪ IT WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY ♪
WHAT IS THIS?
SHAKE 'N BAKE
CHICKEN. JUST EAT IT.
THIS ISN'T CHICKEN.
THIS IS JUST FLAKES.
STAY RIGHT THERE.
YOU MUST LEARN TO COOK!
HOW FAR DO YOU THINK YOU'LL
GO WITH JUST A FABULOUS BODY
AND INTELLECTUAL GENIUS?
THE BOX HAD A
PICTURE OF A CHICKEN.
I SHAKED IT. I BAKED
IT. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
ASK MRS. MULLER. SHE MUST
KNOW HOW TO COOK SOMETHING.
OH, DO I HAVE TO?
YES. THEY'RE PLUMP. WE'RE
EMACIATED. YOU DO THE MATH.
MAKING FRIENDS IS SO SIMPLE.
YOU MAY NOT BE AS
GOOD AT IT AS I AM,
BUT I COMMAND YOU TO TRY!
DICK, WHAT IS THE POINT?
WE'RE NOT GOING TO
LEARN ABOUT HUMANS
BY WATCHING TELEVISION.
WE HAVE TO MIX AMONG THEM,
WALK A MILE IN THEIR PANTS.
I JUST DON'T KNOW
HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN!
YOU CAN FIND SOMETHING TO SAY.
YOU COULD WALK ON THE
BEACH AND DISCUSS ITCHING.
OH, HOW EXCITING.
I AM SO GLAD I GET
TO BE THE WOMAN!
NEXT PLANET, I GET TO BE
SOMETHING BIG WITH HORNS!
O.K. SO THE SHAKE 'N BAKE
IS JUST A COCOON
FOR THE CHICKEN.
YEP.
AND CHICKLETS ARE NOT
CHICKEN AT ALL, RIGHT?
YOU'RE NOT FROM OHIO, ARE YOU?
NO.
I CAN TELL.
I DON'T ENVY YOU
CARING FOR THREE MEN.
I ONLY GOT FRANK, AND
HE'S A FULL-TIME JOB.
JUST ONCE, I'D LIKE TO SEE
THAT MAN PICK UP A SOCK.
I'D LIKE TO SEE MEN PUT
THEIR DIRTY DISHES IN THE SINK.
I'D LIKE TO SEE THEM DO LAUNDRY.
I'D LIKE TO SEE THEM CRAMMED
BETWEEN TWO STEEL WHEELS
AND GROUND INTO A FINE PASTE.
YOU KNOW, I'D LIKE
TO SEE THAT MYSELF.
YOU LET ME KNOW.
HA HA HA!
OH, YOU'RE DANGEROUS.
OH, YES. I AM.
I LIKE YOU!
YOU CAN COME BY ANY TIME.
I WILL.
BUT DO ME A FAVOR.
BEFORE YOU SETTLE
DOWN AND GET MARRIED,
YOU HAVE SOME FUN.
IF I HAD YOUR FIGURE,
I'D FIND SOME OLD
MILLIONAIRE IN FLORIDA
AND SLOWLY SUCK
THE LIFE OUT OF HIM.
I HAVE THE VERY
EQUIPMENT TO DO THAT.
I'M SURE YOU DO.
HI, NEIGHBOR!
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
HARRY, TOMMY, THIS
IS FRANK, MY FRIEND.
YEAH, HI.
IS THIS PLACE MAGNIFICENT?
OH, YEAH!
IT'S THE GARAGE MAJAL.
WELL, YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME PLACE
TO GET AWAY FROM THE CLUCKING.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
OOH, COLOR!
OH, 60 CHANNELS OF IT.
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH,
UH-HUH, UH-HUH...
DICK, LOOK.
"DEBBIE SAYS THAT THE
NEW PRO-MAX ROUTER
CAN HANDLE EVEN
THE WILDEST CURVES."
I DON'T KNOW IF DEBBIE REALIZES
THAT CAN BE TAKEN TWO WAYS.
FRANK, THIS IS NEW! WHAT IS IT?
A BACK SCRATCHER.
MAY I?
BE MY GUEST.
OH...
THIS IS HEAVENLY!
THAT SPOT HAS BEEN DRIVING
ME NUTS EVER SINCE WE LANDED.
PLEASE... KEEP IT.
REALLY?
I'VE NEVER RECEIVED
A GIFT BEFORE.
I HAVE TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING.
TAKE TOMMY.
FRANK!
THAT'S THE BOSS CALLING.
IT'S FASCINATING. EVERY
TIME HIS WIFE CALLS,
HE JUMPS.
SEE YOU AROUND.
YOU CAN COUNT ON
IT. I LIKE YOU, FRANK.
AFTER ALL THE TIME I'VE
SPENT AT THE UNIVERSITY,
IT'S REFRESHING TO MEET SOMEONE
WHO DOESN'T PRETEND TO BE SMART.
"JERRY DATES A
BLIND GIRL. REPEAT."
JERRY DATES A BLIND GIRL.
IT GAINS NOTHING
THE SECOND TIME.
THIS HAS BEEN A REBROADCAST
OF THE 11:00 NEWS.
WE WILL RESUME
PROGRAMMING AT 6 A.M.
IT'S THE SNOW SHOW.
I SAW THIS ONE LAST NIGHT.
SO, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
LET'S GO VISIT OUR
FRIENDS THE MULLERS!
WAIT! WILL THEY BE HOME?
IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING!
WHERE ELSE WOULD THEY BE?
HI, NEIGHBOR!
W-WHAT'S THE MATTER?
NOTHING!
IT'S 3 A.M.!
PATTY SAID I COULD
DROP BY ANYTIME.
DON'T WORRY. WE BROUGHT GIFTS.
FLANK STEAK FOR MILADY.
AND THE TV GUIDE
CROSSWORD FOR MONSIEUR.
AND, BY THE WAY, THE
ANSWER TO "I-BLANK-LUCY"
ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK.
WHO'S THIS?
MY DAUGHTER CINDY.
SHE'S IN COLLEGE.
MY COMPLIMENTS.
SHE'S A DEFINITE TRIUMPH
OF AEROBICS OVER GENETICS.
I THINK SOMEONE WOULD
LIKE TO SEE HER NAKED.
HAH HAH!
SO, LET'S FIRE UP THE BARBECUE!
FRANK, IF YOU'RE
IN DANGER, SHOUT!
GO... BACK... TO SLEEP!
YOU SEEM UPSET, FRANK.
GO HOME!
WHY?
MAYBE THEY WANT TO HAVE SEX.
AGAIN?
EXCUSE ME?
IT'S JUST THAT WE'RE
SO FASCINATED BY YOU.
WE'VE NEVER MET ANYONE OF
YOUR ECONOMIC CLASS BEFORE.
MY CLASS? LIKE YOU'RE SO
MUCH BETTER THAN WE ARE?
WELL, YES, BUT YOU'LL EVOLVE.
UNTIL THEN, WE CAN
STILL BE FRIENDS.
FRIENDS?
YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND!
WE'RE BEST FRIENDS!
NO, WE'RE NOT! GET
THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
AND ANOTHER THING...
GET YOUR PRECIOUS
CAR OFF MY PROPERTY!
FINE!
WE CAN TELL WHEN
WE'RE NOT WANTED!
WE'RE NOT WANTED.
OH. OH.
IT SEEMS THAT SOME OF
THE SUBTLER PRINCIPLES
OF ELECTRON MOTION
WERE BEYOND EVERYONE'S GRASP.
AW! AW!
BE THANKFUL IT'S JUST A GRADE.
IN MOST PLACES, THIS
KIND OF PERFORMANCE
GETS YOU A SPANKING
THAT STILL BURNS
WHEN YOU'RE BLOWN
OUT THE AIRLOCK!
DR. SOLOMON, ARE YOU AT LEAST
GOING TO GRADE US ON A CURVE?
OF COURSE NOT. I GRADE
ON A TRANSIENT LOOP.
WHAT?
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
YOUR EXPECTED
SCORE IS LOCATED HERE.
THE PARAMETERS OF YOUR ACTUAL
PERFORMANCE ARE HERE, HERE, AND HERE,
DRIVING THE EXPECTATION
VERSUS PERFORMANCE DATA
INTO THE LAST THREE LOOPS,
TWO OF WHICH CAN'T BE SEEN
BECAUSE, OF COURSE, THEY
ARE FACTORED ONLY IN TIME.
SO IS MY "A" STILL AN "A"?
OH, CARYN.
NO.
THIS SHOULDN'T BE ALL
THAT DIFFICULT FOR YOU.
THE INTERACTIONS OF
ELEMENTARY PARTICLES
ARE FAR SIMPLER THAN THE
INTERACTIONS BETWEEN PEOPLE!
FOR EXAMPLE, LEON,
DO YOU HAVE ANY
FRIENDS IN THIS CLASS?
UH, WELL, UH...
SOMETIMES I TALK TO CARYN.
MM-HMM.
SO CARYN IS YOUR FRIEND?
YES.
I SEE. PITMAN, YOU AND
BUG ARE FRIENDS, RIGHT?
YEAH, SINCE THIRD GRADE.
WE USED TO TRADE
UNDERWEAR ON SLEEP OVERS.
SHUT UP!
AND THIS FRIENDSHIP
WEATHERS ALL CIRCUMSTANCE,
SURVIVES THE FRICTIONS OF
DAILY LIFE, COMPLETELY INTACT?
ABSOLUTELY. YEAH. TOTALLY.
EVEN THOUGH HE OBVIOUSLY
THINKS YOU'RE STUPID?
YOU THINK I'M STUPID?
ONLY IN A GOOD WAY.
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.
FRIENDSHIP... OBVIOUSLY
JUST A BIG WASTE OF TIME!
AND YET EVERYONE ON THE PLANET
GETS ALL WORKED UP ABOUT
THESE POINTLESS LITTLE BEHAVIORS,
BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF THE GREAT
VAPORIZING METEOR DUE IN 2015...
WHICH OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T EXIST,
BECAUSE I'M KIDDING!
PATTY, THANKS FOR
LETTING HARRY COME ALONG.
HE'S A LITTLE TRAUMATIZED
BY ALL THE ATTENTION AT HOME.
WHEE!
DOES FRANK KNOW YOU'RE WITH ME?
NO, I TOLD HIM I
WAS SETTING A PERM.
DOES DICK KNOW YOU'RE WITH ME?
NO, I INJECTED HIM
WITH A SEDATIVE.
I'VE GOT AT LEAST
TWO MORE HOURS.
OOH, WE'RE LIKE
THELMA AND LOUISE,
EXCEPT WE JUST CAME
TO THE SUPERMARKET,
AND WE HAVEN'T MURDERED ANYONE.
IT'S EARLY YET.
WHY DO MEN HAVE
TO BE SO STUBBORN?
I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
THEIR FASCINATION WITH
BURPING THE ALPHABET.
THE KEY TO TOMATOES IS
YOU GOT TO SQUEEZE THEM.
IF THEY'RE SOFT, THEY'RE READY.
THIS ONE'S READY.
I'M THE HIGH COMMANDER!
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING NOW?
IT'S THE PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOW.
HE LOOKS GOOD ON CAMERA,
BUT HIS SHOW IS INCREDIBLY DULL.
DICK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YES, I AM.
O.K., BUT YOUR BACK
IS STARTING TO BLEED.
I WISH I HAD A REMOTE.
FRANK HAD ONE.
IF YOU LIKE FRANK SO MUCH,
GO LIVE AT FRANK'S HOUSE!
SIT DOWN!
WHAT IS YOUR BIG PROBLEM?
NOTHING. I JUST REACHED OUT,
AND FRANK KICKED
ME IN THE TEETH,
BECAUSE FRANK HATES
ME FOR NO REASON,
BUT, HEY, THAT'S FRANK!
HUMANS ARE NOT PERFECT.
WELL, THAT'S A
CONVENIENT EXCUSE.
YOU JUST CAN'T ADMIT
WHEN YOU'RE WRONG.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE NEVER BONDED
WITH A LIFE FORM, LIEUTENANT.
YES, YES, WE KNOW.
YOU'VE BONDED
BEAUTIFUL WITH CREATURES
ON NINE DIFFERENT SYSTEMS.
AND THOSE THAT
WOULDN'T BOND, WE ATE.
IT'S DIFFERENT HERE, DICK.
TO BOND WITH A HUMAN,
YOU HAVE TO GIVE AND
TAKE, LIKE ME AND PATTY.
IT'S NOT WORTH THE TROUBLE.
I CAN BE PERFECTLY CONTENT
AS A DISAFFECTED LONER.
WAS THAT YOU?
NO.
AND I ALWAYS TELL YOU.
HEY!
SOMEONE'S TOWING
AWAY THE RAMBLER!
IT'S MULLER!
WHY IS HE TAKING THE CAR?
BECAUSE HE KNOWS I LOVE IT.
I TOLD YOU, SOLOMON!
8 INCHES OVER MY PROPERTY!
HAH!
DICK, WHAT'S WRONG?
I DON'T KNOW. THERE'S AN ODD
SENSATION MOVING THROUGH MY BODY.
WHO THE HELL DOES
THAT STUPID SACK OF FAT
THINK HE IS ANYWAY?
DICK?
I HAVE A PLAN.
REMEMBER, WE'RE NOT
ALLOWED TO LIQUEFY HUMANS.
O.K. I HAVE ANOTHER PLAN.
THAT'S IT. I'M INVOKING
A SUPREME DIRECTIVE.
I'LL NEED WITNESSES.
WHAT IS IT?
I WANT YOU TO
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
I'M THE HIGH COMMANDER!
AND WHAT IS THE HIGH
COMMANDER'S OATH?
AS HIGH COMMANDER, I VOW
TO HANDLE ALL PROBLEMS
WITH RESTRAINT AND DELIBERATION.
I WILL STRIVE TO UNDERSTAND
OTHER LIFE FORMS.
I WILL AVOID AGGRESSION
AND MAKE PEACE WITH
ALL THOSE WHO PISS ME OFF.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WE'VE COME TO APOLOGIZE
AND MAKE A PEACE OFFERING.
SO, THE GREAT PROFESSOR
OFFERS THE LOWLY CHUMP A PRESENT
AND MAKES IT BETTER.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HOPING.
IT'S A DOUBLE-SLEEVED
ROLLER BEARING.
LOOK, YOU CAN TALK DOWN TO ME,
YOU CAN WAKE ME AT 3 A.M.,
BUT YOU CAN'T BUY ME OFF!
GET OUT! IT'S CAMBERED.
AREN'T YOU LISTENING, CHUNKY?
HE'S APOLOGIZING.
NOW, NOW. WE ARE NOT GOING
TO SINK DOWN TO HIS LEVEL.
MY LEVEL!
YOU PEOPLE ALWAYS GO
STRAIGHT TO THE SNOB STUFF!
HEY, WHO YOU CALLING PEOPLE?
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, HUH?
HUH?
OH. HEE HEE.
YOU WANT TO FIGHT?
COME ON! COME ON!
THAT'S ENOUGH!
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!
I... DON'T... LIKE IT!
PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.
OH, YEAH? WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO ABOUT IT, HUH?
HUH, HUH, HUH, HUH,
HUH, HUH, HUH, HUH?
DICK, I AM SO DISAPPOINTED!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED. I JUST LOST CONTROL!
WELL, YOU HURT A HUMAN.
WE ARE IN TROUBLE.
WHAT IF HE TALKS?
HE WON'T IF WE FINISH HIM OFF.
THIS IS AWFUL!
WELL, YOU SHOULD FEEL AWFUL.
BUT I DON'T! I FEEL BETTER!
AND POWERFUL!
THIS IS WHY PEOPLE HAVE FRIENDS,
SO THEY CAN HIT THEM!
THIS IS INCREDIBLE! IT'S
THE BEST I'VE EVER FELT!
WELL...
THERE'S A DOWNSIDE.
HI.
HI.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS.
FRANK CAN BE SUCH AN IDIOT.
HOW'S YOUR BROTHER?
IS HE LICKING HIS WOUNDS?
HE TRIED, BUT HE
COULDN'T REACH THEM,
SO HE MADE HARRY DO IT.
HELLO.
YOU LET SLEEPING
DOGS LIE, FRANK MULLER.
HEY, THIS IS GUY STUFF.
DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A WAD.
THAT'S SOME GOOD ADVICE. THANKS.
SO, UH, HOW YOU DOING?
I'M SWOLLEN, THANK YOU.
HA HA. SO AM I.
WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY SO CIVIL?
NOW WE UNDERSTAND
EACH OTHER'S BOUNDARIES.
YOU KNOW MY LIMITS.
I KNOW YOUR LIMITS.
NOW WE CAN RESPECT EACH OTHER.
WAIT. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE
EACH OTHER'S RESPECT,
YOU HAD TO RESORT TO
VIOLENT CONFRONTATION.
NOW, DOESN'T IT
STRIKE YOU AS STUPID?
KIDS, HUH?
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THE WORLD.
SO, UH, WE STILL FRIENDS?
SURE.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
O.K. I FINISHED MY LETTER.
"DEAR PRESIDENT CLINTON,
"I'VE SEEN YOUR PROGRAM ON TV,
AND I THINK YOU NEED HELP."
"MAYBE IN THE NEXT EPISODE,
"THERE COULD BE GUNFIRE...
"OR EVEN SOME EXPLOSIONS.
"I KNOW I'D LIKE THAT.
THANKS FOR LETTING
ME SHARE MY THOUGHTS."
OH, I FORGOT TO INCLUDE
MY NAME AND ADDRESS.
YOU KNOW, PATTY IS A WOMAN
OF UNEXPECTED DEPTH AND WISDOM.
SHE DOES THINGS
WITH CONTACT PAPER
MOST WOMEN CAN ONLY DREAM OF.
I THINK I FINALLY UNDERSTAND
THIS COMPELLING
URGE TO MAKE FRIENDS.
IT ISN'T INTELLECTUAL AT ALL.
THESE BODIES HAVE A BASIC,
PHYSICAL NEED FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
WELL, IN A BIOLOGY
THIS PRIMITIVE,
THERE ARE BOUND TO
BE A FEW WEAKNESSES.
BUT THAT'S THE PARADOX.
IT'S NOT A WEAKNESS.
THAT NEED IS WHAT
BRINGS THEM TOGETHER,
AND THAT UNITY IS AN
ENORMOUS SOURCE OF POWER.
YEAH, IT'S POWERFUL,
BUT IT'S DANGEROUS.
THERE ARE SOME URGES
WE'RE JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO LEARN TO CONTROL.
WHOA! THEIR DAUGHTER'S HOME.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE