3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001): Season 1, Episode 12 - Frozen Dick - full transcript
Harry finds a job at a video store. Tommy has to write a book report but figures it's easier and less boring to just rent the film. While he's at the video store with Harry it starts snowing. Meanwhile, Dr. Albright and Dick are going to Chicago where they'll both be given an award, but it turns out Dick isn't very keen on flying. At home, Sally is alone and afraid of the snow until a rather stressed Leon enters the house to turn in a paper for Dick. Sally tells Leon it's their duty to be fruitful and multiply to save the human race.
GUESS WHAT, GUYS.
I GOT A NEW JOB.
ANOTHER JOB, WHERE?
AT GUNG-HO VIDEOS.
MY COMMAND OF THE VERNACULAR
IMPRESSED BOTH
MR. GUNG AND MR. HO.
THAT'S GREAT, HARRY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
IT'S FREEZING OUT
HERE. CAN WE GO INSIDE?
NO. WE'RE HERE TO EXPERIENCE
EVERYTHING ON THIS PLANET,
EVEN THE UNCOMFORTABLE PARTS.
I HAVE SOME VERY
UNCOMFORTABLE PARTS.
THEY SAID ON THE NEWS
THE DEW POINT IS DROPPING.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST
CAUGHT MY ATTENTION
'CAUSE IT SOUNDED KIND OF DIRTY.
WHY DO HUMANS WORRY SO
MUCH ABOUT THE WEATHER?
THEY CAN'T GO 15 MINUTES
WITHOUT GETTING AN UPDATE.
DON'T THESE PEOPLE HAVE WINDOWS?
I CANNOT DO MY BOOK REPORT.
MY FINGERS ARE GOING NUMB.
CAN WE PLEASE GO INSIDE?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
THIS IS RESEARCH.
NO ONE GOES IN WITHOUT
A DAMN GOOD REASON.
[WIND HOWLS]
DOES ANYONE REMEMBER
WHAT COLOR OUR NAPKINS ARE?
I'LL CHECK. I'LL GO CHECK.
AS MANY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE KNOW,
ALIENS ARE ALL AROUND US.
THIS IS THE STORY OF
FOUR SUCH EXPLORERS.
[ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY,
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
WHOO! I AM FREEZING.
WHY DON'T YOU
WEAR A LONGER SKIRT?
WITH THESE LEGS?
I DON'T THINK SO.
DID YOU PICK UP MY TICKETS?
YES. AND YOUR HOTEL
RESERVATION IN CHICAGO.
THERE'S YOUR ITINERARY.
OH, NINA. I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.
NOT EVERY ANTHROPOLOGIST
RECEIVES THIS KIND OF HONOR.
I'VE WORKED MY ENTIRE
LIFE FOR THIS AWARD.
I KNOW... THE LOUIS
LEAKEY AWARD.
TO STAND IN FRONT OF A
CONFERENCE OF EDUCATORS
AND EXPRESS MY
THOUGHTS ABOUT MY WORK,
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE
BEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE.
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING
AT ME THAT WAY?
NO REASON.
DR. ALBRIGHT! DR. ALBRIGHT!
GUESS WHAT.
YOU AND I ARE ON
THE SAME FLIGHT.
SAME ROW, SIDE BY SIDE,
STRAPPED IN AT 38,000 FEET.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
WHY ARE YOU GOING
TO THE CONFERENCE?
THEY'RE GIVING ME SOME
KIND OF ACADEMIC AWARD.
THEY HAND THESE THINGS
OUT LIKE CANDY MINTS.
ONCE THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY,
THE TWO OF US WILL EXPERIENCE
THE MAGIC THAT IS CHICAGO.
WELL, ONCE AGAIN SOMETHING
WONDERFUL IN MY LIFE
HAS BEEN TURNED
INTO A GIANT CRAPFEST.
DR. ALBRIGHT, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I GUESS SHE'S SAVING UP HER
EXCITEMENT FOR THE CRAPFEST.
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE STRESS
AND PEOPLE WHO GIVE STRESS,
AND YOU ARE A GIVER.
WELL, THAT'S NONSENSE.
[KNOCKING] DR. SOLOMON?
WELL, COME IN, LEON.
COME IN, COME IN,
COME ALL THE WAY IN.
CAN I HAVE THE WEEKEND
TO TURN IN MY PAPER?
LEON, DO YOU FIND THAT
I CAUSE YOU STRESS?
DID SOMEONE SAY I SAID THAT?
NO.
IT'S ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.
I LOVE PHYSICS. I
FIND IT VERY SOOTHING.
PLEASE DON'T FAIL ME.
I'LL TURN THE
PAPER IN BY FRIDAY.
LEON...
THAT WAS A STRESS REACTION.
YES, IT WAS.
YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES.
I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE
DR. ALBRIGHT'S WEEKEND IS STRESS-FREE,
HASSLE-FREE, AND COMPLETELY
WITHOUT UNPLEASANTNESS.
OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING?
TOMMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU HAD THAT
BOOK REPORT DUE ON DICKENS.
YEAH. IT WAS SO BORING.
I REALIZED I COULD MAKE IT
EASIER BY WATCHING THE MOVIE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE NO KID
THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE.
I'LL HELP YOU WHEN I'M
DONE REORGANIZING HERE.
WHY? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT?
IT WAS A MESS, EVERYTHING
JUST LUMPED TOGETHER.
ALL THE As, ALL THE Bs...
26 UNRELATED
CATEGORIES, EXCEPT FOR "X,"
WHICH HAS ITS OWN ROOM.
HOW DOES IT WORK NOW?
OH, THINGS ARE MUCH
SIMPLER NOW. LOOK.
GOOD MOVIES...
BAD MOVIES...
MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN.
PARDON ME.
WHERE CAN I FIND ALIENS?
NOWHERE.
NOT HERE. THAT'S FOR SURE.
NOBODY HERE, BUT US HUMANS.
♪ LA LA LA... ♪
STOP LOOKING AT ME.
DO YOU REALLY THINK
THIS TRIP IS A GOOD IDEA?
I SAW ON TV A LOW
PRESSURE FRONT MOVING IN.
LOW PRESSURE. THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT DR. ALBRIGHT NEEDS.
[CAR HORN HONKS]
THERE SHE IS NOW.
THIS DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.
SEPARATING FROM THE UNIT FOR
AN ENTIRE WEEKEND IS MADNESS.
AS FIRST SECURITY
OFFICER, I FORBID IT.
I'M HIGH COMMANDER,
AND I'M GOING.
COME ON. WHY?
LIEUTENANT, DON'T WORRY.
I'VE PREPARED FOR
EVERY EVENTUALITY.
YOU'RE TAKING THIS
FAR TOO LIGHTLY.
YOU'VE NEVER
TRAVELED HERE BEFORE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TO PACK?
HOW WILL I REACH YOU IN CHICAGO?
I'M TAKING THE PHONE.
YOU KNOW THE NUMBER.
WHY ARE YOU TAKING
REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS?
CHICAGO, THE WINDY CITY...
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LET'S SAY AN URGENT MESSAGE
COMES IN FOR DR. ALBRIGHT.
SHE'S OUT SIGHTSEEING.
I LAY IT ON THE NIGHTSTAND
BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO
SECURE IT TO A METALLIC SURFACE.
A GUST OF WIND
BLOWS IT UNDER THE BED
AND MARY NEVER DISCOVERS
HER LONG-LOST IDENTICAL TWIN
ALL FOR WANT OF A
MAGNETIC BANANA.
[HONK HONK]
NOW, THAT'S EXACTLY THE
KIND OF NEEDLESS AGITATION
THAT I INTEND TO PREVENT.
UNDERSTOOD. TRAVEL
WELL, COMMANDER.
I SHALL RETURN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M ENTERING THE POD.
JUST SIT DOWN AND
BEHAVE YOURSELF.
OF COURSE I WILL, MARY.
HERE I AM, SITTING.
JUST BE CALM,
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
WELCOME TO NORTHVIEW
AIRLINES FLIGHT 604 TO CHICAGO.
ON BEHALF OF OUR CAPTAIN...
OH, MY GOD! OUT THERE!
THERE'S SOMETHING ON THE WING!
IT'S AN ENGINE.
THIS THING IS A DEATHTRAP.
SKYWAITRESS! SKYWAITRESS!
PLEASE BE QUIET DURING
SAFETY PROCEDURES.
SAFETY?
ON THIS FLYING DONKEY CART?
THAT'S RICH!
HOW CAN ANYONE STAY CALM
WHEN ANY SECOND WE CAN
GO CAREENING OUT OF THE SKY
IN A FLAMING HEAP
OF TWISTED METAL?
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
AT LEAST GIVE HER A
GELATIN-FILLED HELMET
TO KEEP HER BRAIN INTACT.
SHE'S RECEIVING AN AWARD!
PLEASE, SIT DOWN.
NO! WE'RE GETTING OFF!
WHO'S WITH ME?
I'VE NEVER BEEN KICKED
OFF A PLANE BEFORE.
BE GRATEFUL WE WERE
STILL ON THE GROUND.
YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME
YOU WERE AFRAID TO FLY.
ONLY ON AIRPLANES.
NOW, I'VE GOT A
SEVEN-HOUR DRIVE.
I'VE ANTICIPATED YOUR NEEDS.
I'M READY TO FILL THE REMAINING
6 HOURS AND 50 MINUTES
WITH MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
I BOUGHT MAD LIBS.
I NEED THE NAME OF
SOMEONE IN THE ROOM.
DICK.
DICK.
THIS IS FUNNY ALREADY.
OH, LOOK. IT'S STARTING TO SNOW.
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? HAVEN'T
YOU SEEN A SNOWFLAKE BEFORE?
YES. AND I'VE PRAYED I'D
NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN.
TURN ON THE HIGH BEAMS.
THEY FEAR THE LIGHT.
WHERE CAN I FIND
REMAINS OF THE DAY?
OH, THAT WOULD BE IN THE
"I DIDN'T SEE IT" SECTION.
HARRY, I FINALLY FOUND
WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR,
DAVID COPPERFIELD.
IT DOESN'T LOOK BORING.
HE SAWS HIMSELF IN HALF
AND MAKES THE STATUE
OF LIBERTY DISAPPEAR.
HEY, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.
WHAAAA!
THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE!
ALBINO BRAIN-CHIGGERS.
COVER YOUR EARS!
HARRY, IT'S SNOW! SNOW!
I LEARNED IT IN SCIENCE CLASS.
COME ON OUTSIDE WITH ME.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO
WRITE YOUR NAME IN IT.
OH, MY GOD!
IT'S COVERING EVERYTHING.
THE WHOLE TOWN IS
BEING OBLITERATED.
HELLO!
I'M UP HERE.
I'M UP HERE.
I'M UP HERE.
OH, UH, O.K.
I KNOW THE TERM PAPER'S LATE,
BUT MY CAR WOULDN'T START.
WHO CARES? YOU'RE ALIVE.
YOU'RE ALIVE!
WHO ARE YOU?
OH, I'M A STUDENT
OF DR. SOLOMON'S.
I'M LEON.
I'M A SISTER OF
DR. SOLOMON'S. I'M SALLY.
I KNOW. I SAW YOU ONCE,
WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIS LUNCH.
AND THEN YOU WENT
TO THE DRY CLEANERS,
THEN THE SHOE REPAIR PLACE...
AND THEN THE CAR WASH.
AND THEN YOU WENT HOME
AND READ A BOOK BY THE WINDOW...
FOR THREE HOURS.
I REMEMBER THAT DAY.
LISTEN, LEON, NOT
TO FREAK YOU OUT,
BUT I THINK THE EARTH IS
SPIRALING OUT OF THE SUN'S ORBIT,
AND WE'RE HEADING
FOR A NEW ICE AGE.
OH, DID THEY SAY
THAT ON THE NEWS?
NO, BUT TRUST ME.
I'VE SEEN THIS HAPPEN BEFORE.
WE COULD BE THE
LAST CREATURES ALIVE.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
OUR FIRST RESPONSIBILITY
IS TO BREED.
WE MUST...
MUST COPULATE AS MUCH AS WE CAN!
WELL, NOW THAT YOU MENTIONED IT,
I DIDN'T SEE ANY PEOPLE
ON THE WAY OVER.
DAMN!
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO
DO IT WITH THE LIGHTS OUT?
♪ A BOY LIKE THAT WILL
KILL YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ FORGET THAT BOY
AND FIND ANOTHER ♪
♪ ONE OF YOUR OWN KIND ♪
♪ STICK TO YOUR OWN KIND ♪
♪ THAT APPEAL, CAN IT LAST? ♪
♪ CAN IT APPEAL WHEN
THERE'S NO HEART? ♪
♪ HE'S A BOY WHO HAS NO HEART ♪
♪ VERY SMART ♪
♪ OH, NO, MARIA ♪
♪ OH, YOU SH... ♪
THE SNOW'S MAKING
YOU HYSTERICAL.
I JUST LIKE TO SING SHOW
TUNES ON LONG TRIPS.
BEFORE I FOUND ANTHROPOLOGY,
I WAS GOING TO BE
A THEATER MAJOR.
DID I TELL YOU WHY I
BECAME A TEACHER?
LIKE ALL LITTLE GIRLS,
I HAD A THING FOR
NEOLITHIC ARCHEOLOGY.
MY FATHER USED TO
CUT UP MY BARBIES
AND BURY THE PIECES IN THE YARD.
ONLY PROBLEM
WAS ON MY FIRST DIG,
I DISCOVERED I WAS
AFRAID OF SKELETONS.
BOY, IT'S REALLY
COMING DOWN NOW.
POOR, SWEET, TINY MARY.
YOU CAN DROP THE BRAVE FRONT.
WE'RE UNDER ATTACK. PULL OVER.
WHAT? I'M
COMMANDEERING THIS CAR.
OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT. IT'S
A FULL-SCALE INVASION!
I'LL SAVE YOU! AAH!
ARE YOU GETTING FEELING
BACK IN YOUR HANDS?
NO.
WELL, THE WALK WASN'T TOO BAD.
OH, YEAH. THE LAST
4 MILES JUST FLEW BY.
YOU PLOWED MY CAR
INTO A SNOWBANK.
I KNOW. AND WE THOUGHT
IT WAS GOING TO FIGHT BACK.
AREN'T WE SILLY?
IF ANYTHING IS
WRONG WITH THAT CAR,
I'M HOLDING YOU RESPONSIBLE.
MARY, WE'VE GOT
TO STICK TOGETHER.
THE ROADS ARE CLOSED,
AND LOOK AROUND.
WE'RE SURROUNDED
BY NEANDERTHALS.
THAT'S A FAIR ASSESSMENT,
ISN'T IT, FELLOWS?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, HONEY?
YES, I'M FINE. THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, YOUR
BOYFRIEND'S KIND OF CUTE.
HIM?
THE WAY HE SPENT THE LAST HOUR
TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
OH, HE'S AN IDIOT.
HONEY, THEY'RE ALL IDIOTS.
BUT THIS ONE IS LOOKING AT YOU
LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY
WOMAN ON THE PLANET.
YOU'RE PRETTY, BUT YOU'RE NOT THE
LAST HAM SANDWICH IN HUNGRY TOWN
IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
YES... IT DID?
OH, MY GOD.
WHERE?
AND YOU'RE SURE?
THANK YOU.
MARY, THAT PLANE THAT I
GOT US THROWN OFF OF...
YES.
IT NEVER REACHED CHICAGO.
OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH!
YES! THE AIRPORT WAS CLOSED,
AND THEY WERE
DIVERTED TO GARY, INDIANA.
GARY IS 20 MINUTES FROM CHICAGO.
WELL, IT'S AN
INCONVENIENCE, NONETHELESS.
I THINK SOMEONE
OWES ME AN APOLOGY.
O.K. HERE ARE OUR RATIONS...
TUNA SALAD ON WHOLE WHEAT.
SORRY. ALL WE HAVE TO DRINK
IS THIS GIANT BOTTLE OF WINE.
IT HAS A MODEST BOUQUET,
BUT I THINK YOU'LL BE AMUSED
BY ITS PRESUMPTUOUSNESS.
WHATEVER.
WELL, LEON...
TO THE SURVIVAL OF THE SPECIES.
OH, HMM, YES.
WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS?
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT I'VE
NEVER BEEN WITH A WOMAN
OF YOUR...
GOOD-LOOKINGNESS BEFORE.
YEAH, I KNOW, I'M HOT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF
EXCITING FOR ME, TOO.
ALL THE MEN I'VE MET
HAVE BEEN STRONG
AND DECISIVE, AND...
YOU'RE NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS.
WELL, I CAN BE.
MAYBE.
PROBABLY NOT.
OH, LEON...
THINK WHAT OUR
OFFSPRING WILL BE LIKE.
HE'LL HAVE MY
SKILLS AS A WARRIOR
AND YOUR FIERCE INTELLIGENCE.
DR. SOLOMON DOESN'T TALK
MUCH ABOUT ME, DOES HE?
WELL, I THINK YOU'RE
JUST TRYING TOO HARD.
OH, TRY... IT'S EXHAUSTING.
NOTHING I DO IS RIGHT.
BELIEVE ME, I DO EVERYTHING.
WELL, THAT'S YOUR FIRST MISTAKE.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
WOMEN DON'T WANT
YOU TO DO EVERYTHING.
ACCORDING TO WHO?
OPRAH.
YEAH, OPRAH.
SO WHAT DO I DO?
WELL, YOU GIVE HER
WHAT SHE WANTS...
WHEN SHE NEEDS IT.
AND YOU TRY TO UNDERSTAND
WHEN SHE NEEDS HER FREEDOM
TO WANT WHAT SHE NEEDS.
THEN SHE'S FREE TO WANT
IT WHEN SHE NEEDS IT OR NOT.
YOU SEE WHAT WE'RE SAYING?
WHAT A MAN NEEDS TO DO IS THIS.
YOU HAVE GOT TO PAY
ATTENTION TO WHAT SHE LIKES...
AND SHARE IT WITH HER.
YOU SEE WHAT HE'S SAYING?
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
YOU SEE WHAT WE'RE SAYING?
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
BUT WHAT DOES SHE LIKE?
OOH, OOH, OOH!
I KNOW THE PERFECT THING.
NO. SHE HATES THAT.
OOH! I KNOW!
NO. THAT MADE HER THROW UP.
WELL, IT'S HARD, ISN'T IT?
IT IS DAMN HARD.
♪ OO-OK ♪
♪ LAHOMA, WHERE THE WIND COMES ♪
♪ SWEEPING DOWN THE PLAIN ♪
DON'T EVEN TRY IT.
♪ AND THE WAVING WHEAT ♪
♪ CAN SURE SMELL SWEET ♪
♪ WHEN THE WIND COMES
RIGHT BEHIND THE RAIN ♪
♪ OO-OK ♪
♪ LAHOMA, EVERY NIGHT
MY HONEY LAMB AND I ♪
♪ SIT ALONE AND TALK ♪
♪ AND WATCH A HAWK ♪
♪ MAKING LAZY
CIRCLES IN THE SKY ♪
♪ WE KNOW WE
BELONG TO THE LAND ♪
♪ AND THE LAND WE
BELONG TO IS GRAND ♪
♪ YIPPEE-YI, YIPPEE-YAY ♪
♪ YIPPEE-YAY ♪
OH.
♪ AND WHEN WE SAY ♪
♪ YIP-KI-YO-KI-YAY ♪
♪ WE'RE ONLY SAYING YOU'RE
DOING FINE, OKLAHOMA ♪
♪ OKLAHOMA, O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A ♪
♪ OKLAHOOOO-OM ♪
♪ MA ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
I DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS
SO AFRAID OF THE SNOW.
IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU KNOW THAT
SLUSH IN THE GUTTER?
CALL ME CRAZY,
BUT PUT A LITTLE
CHERRY SYRUP ON THAT,
YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A
COOL, REFRESHING TREAT.
HERE. LISTEN TO THIS.
"CHARLES DICKENS'
DAVID COPPERFIELD
"IS AN EXTRAORDINARY
BOOK ABOUT A MAN
"WHO ACCOMPLISHES
MANY INCREDIBLE FEATS
"INVOLVING CLAUDIA SCHIFFER
HANDCUFFED IN AN
UNDERWATER TANK WITH SHARKS."
THAT'S GOOD.
HEY, WHERE ARE ALL THE TAPES?
OH, WELL, WE HAD A BIG NIGHT,
BUT FEAR NOT.
WE STILL GOT FIVE COPIES
OF JOHNNY MNEMONIC.
IF THAT'S NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA,
WE'VE ALSO GOT THE
MAKING OF JOHNNY MNEMONIC.
WELL, HOW ABOUT ADULT MOVIES?
WE GOT FAT FRAULEINS.
"A LUSTY ROMP THROUGH THE
CHEESE AND SAUSAGE SHOPS
OF COMMUNIST EAST BERLIN."
FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT. GIVE IT TO ME.
SO, THEN FREDDIE STIVENDER
BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ME.
IT WAS THE TALK OF THE SCHOOL.
I WAS SO EMBARRASSED.
BUT AFTER WEEKS OF PLOTTING,
I GOT MY REVENGE.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
I HAD MY MOM TELL HIS MOM.
I LIKE YOUR TACTICS.
YOU KNOW, IT MAY JUST
BE THE WINE TALKING.
BUT I'M BEGINNING TO THINK...
IN A CRAZY WORLD LIKE THIS,
YOU AND ME...
JUST MIGHT MAKE SENSE.
HEY, LIGHTS!
OH, THEY'LL BE OUT
AGAIN IN A SECOND,
IF THERE'S A GOD IN HEAVEN.
PEOPLE ARE OUTSIDE
SHOVELING SNOW.
WE'RE NOT THE LAST
PEOPLE ALIVE ON EARTH.
LEON, NOW WE DON'T HAVE
TO SACRIFICE OURSELVES.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO IMPREGNATE ME!
UH... OH, GOOD.
NOT TO MENTION THE OMINOUS
BEHAVIORAL PARALLELS
BETWEEN AUSTRIOLOPIFICUS,
EUROLOPIFICUS...
OH, THIS IS STUPID.
NO. NO, IT'S NOT.
NO. GO ON.
SO, IN ACCEPTING THIS AWARD,
I MUST POSE THE QUESTION,
HAS OUR JOURNEY FROM PRIMATE
TO MAN FINALLY CONCLUDED...
OR HAS IT JUST BEGUN?
OH! WONDERFUL!
WONDERFUL!
EXCUSE ME, DICK,
BUT THAT ROAD HAS BEEN
CLEARED FOR A GOOD HALF-HOUR.
WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF WE
JUST SCOOT ON OUT OF HERE?
UH, SURE.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU, MA'AM.
MA'AM, I SURELY AM SORRY
YOU DIDN'T GET TO PICK
UP YOUR LEAKEY AWARD.
OH, DICK, I FEEL I
OWE YOU A THANK YOU.
YOU CERTAINLY
MADE THE TIME PASS.
I CAN'T BLAME THE
WEATHER ON YOU.
WELL, I COULD, BUT I WON'T.
SOMETIMES THINGS
JUST DON'T WORK OUT.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETIMES ON THE WAY TO
WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN,
SOMETHING EVEN BETTER HAPPENS.
WHICH IS WHY I AM
PLEASED TO PRESENT YOU
WITH THIS ORB CONTAINING A
DIORAMA OF THE CITY OF CHICAGO
IN A STATE OF
PERPETUAL BLIZZARD.
IT'S REMARKABLE, ISN'T IT?
YES, IT IS.
AND I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
YOU DO?
THE CRIMSON SHOVEL.
OH!
LET'S GO DIG OUT THE CAR.
ABSOLUTELY! IT
SHOULD BE EASY TO FIND.
I LEFT THE LIGHTS ON.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY,
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
I GOT A NEW JOB.
ANOTHER JOB, WHERE?
AT GUNG-HO VIDEOS.
MY COMMAND OF THE VERNACULAR
IMPRESSED BOTH
MR. GUNG AND MR. HO.
THAT'S GREAT, HARRY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
IT'S FREEZING OUT
HERE. CAN WE GO INSIDE?
NO. WE'RE HERE TO EXPERIENCE
EVERYTHING ON THIS PLANET,
EVEN THE UNCOMFORTABLE PARTS.
I HAVE SOME VERY
UNCOMFORTABLE PARTS.
THEY SAID ON THE NEWS
THE DEW POINT IS DROPPING.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST
CAUGHT MY ATTENTION
'CAUSE IT SOUNDED KIND OF DIRTY.
WHY DO HUMANS WORRY SO
MUCH ABOUT THE WEATHER?
THEY CAN'T GO 15 MINUTES
WITHOUT GETTING AN UPDATE.
DON'T THESE PEOPLE HAVE WINDOWS?
I CANNOT DO MY BOOK REPORT.
MY FINGERS ARE GOING NUMB.
CAN WE PLEASE GO INSIDE?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
THIS IS RESEARCH.
NO ONE GOES IN WITHOUT
A DAMN GOOD REASON.
[WIND HOWLS]
DOES ANYONE REMEMBER
WHAT COLOR OUR NAPKINS ARE?
I'LL CHECK. I'LL GO CHECK.
AS MANY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE KNOW,
ALIENS ARE ALL AROUND US.
THIS IS THE STORY OF
FOUR SUCH EXPLORERS.
[ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY,
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
WHOO! I AM FREEZING.
WHY DON'T YOU
WEAR A LONGER SKIRT?
WITH THESE LEGS?
I DON'T THINK SO.
DID YOU PICK UP MY TICKETS?
YES. AND YOUR HOTEL
RESERVATION IN CHICAGO.
THERE'S YOUR ITINERARY.
OH, NINA. I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.
NOT EVERY ANTHROPOLOGIST
RECEIVES THIS KIND OF HONOR.
I'VE WORKED MY ENTIRE
LIFE FOR THIS AWARD.
I KNOW... THE LOUIS
LEAKEY AWARD.
TO STAND IN FRONT OF A
CONFERENCE OF EDUCATORS
AND EXPRESS MY
THOUGHTS ABOUT MY WORK,
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE
BEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE.
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING
AT ME THAT WAY?
NO REASON.
DR. ALBRIGHT! DR. ALBRIGHT!
GUESS WHAT.
YOU AND I ARE ON
THE SAME FLIGHT.
SAME ROW, SIDE BY SIDE,
STRAPPED IN AT 38,000 FEET.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
WHY ARE YOU GOING
TO THE CONFERENCE?
THEY'RE GIVING ME SOME
KIND OF ACADEMIC AWARD.
THEY HAND THESE THINGS
OUT LIKE CANDY MINTS.
ONCE THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY,
THE TWO OF US WILL EXPERIENCE
THE MAGIC THAT IS CHICAGO.
WELL, ONCE AGAIN SOMETHING
WONDERFUL IN MY LIFE
HAS BEEN TURNED
INTO A GIANT CRAPFEST.
DR. ALBRIGHT, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I GUESS SHE'S SAVING UP HER
EXCITEMENT FOR THE CRAPFEST.
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVE STRESS
AND PEOPLE WHO GIVE STRESS,
AND YOU ARE A GIVER.
WELL, THAT'S NONSENSE.
[KNOCKING] DR. SOLOMON?
WELL, COME IN, LEON.
COME IN, COME IN,
COME ALL THE WAY IN.
CAN I HAVE THE WEEKEND
TO TURN IN MY PAPER?
LEON, DO YOU FIND THAT
I CAUSE YOU STRESS?
DID SOMEONE SAY I SAID THAT?
NO.
IT'S ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.
I LOVE PHYSICS. I
FIND IT VERY SOOTHING.
PLEASE DON'T FAIL ME.
I'LL TURN THE
PAPER IN BY FRIDAY.
LEON...
THAT WAS A STRESS REACTION.
YES, IT WAS.
YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES.
I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE
DR. ALBRIGHT'S WEEKEND IS STRESS-FREE,
HASSLE-FREE, AND COMPLETELY
WITHOUT UNPLEASANTNESS.
OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING?
TOMMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I THOUGHT YOU HAD THAT
BOOK REPORT DUE ON DICKENS.
YEAH. IT WAS SO BORING.
I REALIZED I COULD MAKE IT
EASIER BY WATCHING THE MOVIE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE NO KID
THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE.
I'LL HELP YOU WHEN I'M
DONE REORGANIZING HERE.
WHY? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT?
IT WAS A MESS, EVERYTHING
JUST LUMPED TOGETHER.
ALL THE As, ALL THE Bs...
26 UNRELATED
CATEGORIES, EXCEPT FOR "X,"
WHICH HAS ITS OWN ROOM.
HOW DOES IT WORK NOW?
OH, THINGS ARE MUCH
SIMPLER NOW. LOOK.
GOOD MOVIES...
BAD MOVIES...
MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN.
PARDON ME.
WHERE CAN I FIND ALIENS?
NOWHERE.
NOT HERE. THAT'S FOR SURE.
NOBODY HERE, BUT US HUMANS.
♪ LA LA LA... ♪
STOP LOOKING AT ME.
DO YOU REALLY THINK
THIS TRIP IS A GOOD IDEA?
I SAW ON TV A LOW
PRESSURE FRONT MOVING IN.
LOW PRESSURE. THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT DR. ALBRIGHT NEEDS.
[CAR HORN HONKS]
THERE SHE IS NOW.
THIS DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.
SEPARATING FROM THE UNIT FOR
AN ENTIRE WEEKEND IS MADNESS.
AS FIRST SECURITY
OFFICER, I FORBID IT.
I'M HIGH COMMANDER,
AND I'M GOING.
COME ON. WHY?
LIEUTENANT, DON'T WORRY.
I'VE PREPARED FOR
EVERY EVENTUALITY.
YOU'RE TAKING THIS
FAR TOO LIGHTLY.
YOU'VE NEVER
TRAVELED HERE BEFORE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TO PACK?
HOW WILL I REACH YOU IN CHICAGO?
I'M TAKING THE PHONE.
YOU KNOW THE NUMBER.
WHY ARE YOU TAKING
REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS?
CHICAGO, THE WINDY CITY...
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
LET'S SAY AN URGENT MESSAGE
COMES IN FOR DR. ALBRIGHT.
SHE'S OUT SIGHTSEEING.
I LAY IT ON THE NIGHTSTAND
BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO
SECURE IT TO A METALLIC SURFACE.
A GUST OF WIND
BLOWS IT UNDER THE BED
AND MARY NEVER DISCOVERS
HER LONG-LOST IDENTICAL TWIN
ALL FOR WANT OF A
MAGNETIC BANANA.
[HONK HONK]
NOW, THAT'S EXACTLY THE
KIND OF NEEDLESS AGITATION
THAT I INTEND TO PREVENT.
UNDERSTOOD. TRAVEL
WELL, COMMANDER.
I SHALL RETURN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M ENTERING THE POD.
JUST SIT DOWN AND
BEHAVE YOURSELF.
OF COURSE I WILL, MARY.
HERE I AM, SITTING.
JUST BE CALM,
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
WELCOME TO NORTHVIEW
AIRLINES FLIGHT 604 TO CHICAGO.
ON BEHALF OF OUR CAPTAIN...
OH, MY GOD! OUT THERE!
THERE'S SOMETHING ON THE WING!
IT'S AN ENGINE.
THIS THING IS A DEATHTRAP.
SKYWAITRESS! SKYWAITRESS!
PLEASE BE QUIET DURING
SAFETY PROCEDURES.
SAFETY?
ON THIS FLYING DONKEY CART?
THAT'S RICH!
HOW CAN ANYONE STAY CALM
WHEN ANY SECOND WE CAN
GO CAREENING OUT OF THE SKY
IN A FLAMING HEAP
OF TWISTED METAL?
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
AT LEAST GIVE HER A
GELATIN-FILLED HELMET
TO KEEP HER BRAIN INTACT.
SHE'S RECEIVING AN AWARD!
PLEASE, SIT DOWN.
NO! WE'RE GETTING OFF!
WHO'S WITH ME?
I'VE NEVER BEEN KICKED
OFF A PLANE BEFORE.
BE GRATEFUL WE WERE
STILL ON THE GROUND.
YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME
YOU WERE AFRAID TO FLY.
ONLY ON AIRPLANES.
NOW, I'VE GOT A
SEVEN-HOUR DRIVE.
I'VE ANTICIPATED YOUR NEEDS.
I'M READY TO FILL THE REMAINING
6 HOURS AND 50 MINUTES
WITH MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
I BOUGHT MAD LIBS.
I NEED THE NAME OF
SOMEONE IN THE ROOM.
DICK.
DICK.
THIS IS FUNNY ALREADY.
OH, LOOK. IT'S STARTING TO SNOW.
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? HAVEN'T
YOU SEEN A SNOWFLAKE BEFORE?
YES. AND I'VE PRAYED I'D
NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN.
TURN ON THE HIGH BEAMS.
THEY FEAR THE LIGHT.
WHERE CAN I FIND
REMAINS OF THE DAY?
OH, THAT WOULD BE IN THE
"I DIDN'T SEE IT" SECTION.
HARRY, I FINALLY FOUND
WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR,
DAVID COPPERFIELD.
IT DOESN'T LOOK BORING.
HE SAWS HIMSELF IN HALF
AND MAKES THE STATUE
OF LIBERTY DISAPPEAR.
HEY, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.
WHAAAA!
THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE!
ALBINO BRAIN-CHIGGERS.
COVER YOUR EARS!
HARRY, IT'S SNOW! SNOW!
I LEARNED IT IN SCIENCE CLASS.
COME ON OUTSIDE WITH ME.
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO
WRITE YOUR NAME IN IT.
OH, MY GOD!
IT'S COVERING EVERYTHING.
THE WHOLE TOWN IS
BEING OBLITERATED.
HELLO!
I'M UP HERE.
I'M UP HERE.
I'M UP HERE.
OH, UH, O.K.
I KNOW THE TERM PAPER'S LATE,
BUT MY CAR WOULDN'T START.
WHO CARES? YOU'RE ALIVE.
YOU'RE ALIVE!
WHO ARE YOU?
OH, I'M A STUDENT
OF DR. SOLOMON'S.
I'M LEON.
I'M A SISTER OF
DR. SOLOMON'S. I'M SALLY.
I KNOW. I SAW YOU ONCE,
WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIS LUNCH.
AND THEN YOU WENT
TO THE DRY CLEANERS,
THEN THE SHOE REPAIR PLACE...
AND THEN THE CAR WASH.
AND THEN YOU WENT HOME
AND READ A BOOK BY THE WINDOW...
FOR THREE HOURS.
I REMEMBER THAT DAY.
LISTEN, LEON, NOT
TO FREAK YOU OUT,
BUT I THINK THE EARTH IS
SPIRALING OUT OF THE SUN'S ORBIT,
AND WE'RE HEADING
FOR A NEW ICE AGE.
OH, DID THEY SAY
THAT ON THE NEWS?
NO, BUT TRUST ME.
I'VE SEEN THIS HAPPEN BEFORE.
WE COULD BE THE
LAST CREATURES ALIVE.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
OUR FIRST RESPONSIBILITY
IS TO BREED.
WE MUST...
MUST COPULATE AS MUCH AS WE CAN!
WELL, NOW THAT YOU MENTIONED IT,
I DIDN'T SEE ANY PEOPLE
ON THE WAY OVER.
DAMN!
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO
DO IT WITH THE LIGHTS OUT?
♪ A BOY LIKE THAT WILL
KILL YOUR BROTHER ♪
♪ FORGET THAT BOY
AND FIND ANOTHER ♪
♪ ONE OF YOUR OWN KIND ♪
♪ STICK TO YOUR OWN KIND ♪
♪ THAT APPEAL, CAN IT LAST? ♪
♪ CAN IT APPEAL WHEN
THERE'S NO HEART? ♪
♪ HE'S A BOY WHO HAS NO HEART ♪
♪ VERY SMART ♪
♪ OH, NO, MARIA ♪
♪ OH, YOU SH... ♪
THE SNOW'S MAKING
YOU HYSTERICAL.
I JUST LIKE TO SING SHOW
TUNES ON LONG TRIPS.
BEFORE I FOUND ANTHROPOLOGY,
I WAS GOING TO BE
A THEATER MAJOR.
DID I TELL YOU WHY I
BECAME A TEACHER?
LIKE ALL LITTLE GIRLS,
I HAD A THING FOR
NEOLITHIC ARCHEOLOGY.
MY FATHER USED TO
CUT UP MY BARBIES
AND BURY THE PIECES IN THE YARD.
ONLY PROBLEM
WAS ON MY FIRST DIG,
I DISCOVERED I WAS
AFRAID OF SKELETONS.
BOY, IT'S REALLY
COMING DOWN NOW.
POOR, SWEET, TINY MARY.
YOU CAN DROP THE BRAVE FRONT.
WE'RE UNDER ATTACK. PULL OVER.
WHAT? I'M
COMMANDEERING THIS CAR.
OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT. IT'S
A FULL-SCALE INVASION!
I'LL SAVE YOU! AAH!
ARE YOU GETTING FEELING
BACK IN YOUR HANDS?
NO.
WELL, THE WALK WASN'T TOO BAD.
OH, YEAH. THE LAST
4 MILES JUST FLEW BY.
YOU PLOWED MY CAR
INTO A SNOWBANK.
I KNOW. AND WE THOUGHT
IT WAS GOING TO FIGHT BACK.
AREN'T WE SILLY?
IF ANYTHING IS
WRONG WITH THAT CAR,
I'M HOLDING YOU RESPONSIBLE.
MARY, WE'VE GOT
TO STICK TOGETHER.
THE ROADS ARE CLOSED,
AND LOOK AROUND.
WE'RE SURROUNDED
BY NEANDERTHALS.
THAT'S A FAIR ASSESSMENT,
ISN'T IT, FELLOWS?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, HONEY?
YES, I'M FINE. THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, YOUR
BOYFRIEND'S KIND OF CUTE.
HIM?
THE WAY HE SPENT THE LAST HOUR
TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
OH, HE'S AN IDIOT.
HONEY, THEY'RE ALL IDIOTS.
BUT THIS ONE IS LOOKING AT YOU
LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY
WOMAN ON THE PLANET.
YOU'RE PRETTY, BUT YOU'RE NOT THE
LAST HAM SANDWICH IN HUNGRY TOWN
IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
YES... IT DID?
OH, MY GOD.
WHERE?
AND YOU'RE SURE?
THANK YOU.
MARY, THAT PLANE THAT I
GOT US THROWN OFF OF...
YES.
IT NEVER REACHED CHICAGO.
OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH!
YES! THE AIRPORT WAS CLOSED,
AND THEY WERE
DIVERTED TO GARY, INDIANA.
GARY IS 20 MINUTES FROM CHICAGO.
WELL, IT'S AN
INCONVENIENCE, NONETHELESS.
I THINK SOMEONE
OWES ME AN APOLOGY.
O.K. HERE ARE OUR RATIONS...
TUNA SALAD ON WHOLE WHEAT.
SORRY. ALL WE HAVE TO DRINK
IS THIS GIANT BOTTLE OF WINE.
IT HAS A MODEST BOUQUET,
BUT I THINK YOU'LL BE AMUSED
BY ITS PRESUMPTUOUSNESS.
WHATEVER.
WELL, LEON...
TO THE SURVIVAL OF THE SPECIES.
OH, HMM, YES.
WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS?
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT I'VE
NEVER BEEN WITH A WOMAN
OF YOUR...
GOOD-LOOKINGNESS BEFORE.
YEAH, I KNOW, I'M HOT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF
EXCITING FOR ME, TOO.
ALL THE MEN I'VE MET
HAVE BEEN STRONG
AND DECISIVE, AND...
YOU'RE NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS.
WELL, I CAN BE.
MAYBE.
PROBABLY NOT.
OH, LEON...
THINK WHAT OUR
OFFSPRING WILL BE LIKE.
HE'LL HAVE MY
SKILLS AS A WARRIOR
AND YOUR FIERCE INTELLIGENCE.
DR. SOLOMON DOESN'T TALK
MUCH ABOUT ME, DOES HE?
WELL, I THINK YOU'RE
JUST TRYING TOO HARD.
OH, TRY... IT'S EXHAUSTING.
NOTHING I DO IS RIGHT.
BELIEVE ME, I DO EVERYTHING.
WELL, THAT'S YOUR FIRST MISTAKE.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
WOMEN DON'T WANT
YOU TO DO EVERYTHING.
ACCORDING TO WHO?
OPRAH.
YEAH, OPRAH.
SO WHAT DO I DO?
WELL, YOU GIVE HER
WHAT SHE WANTS...
WHEN SHE NEEDS IT.
AND YOU TRY TO UNDERSTAND
WHEN SHE NEEDS HER FREEDOM
TO WANT WHAT SHE NEEDS.
THEN SHE'S FREE TO WANT
IT WHEN SHE NEEDS IT OR NOT.
YOU SEE WHAT WE'RE SAYING?
WHAT A MAN NEEDS TO DO IS THIS.
YOU HAVE GOT TO PAY
ATTENTION TO WHAT SHE LIKES...
AND SHARE IT WITH HER.
YOU SEE WHAT HE'S SAYING?
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
YOU SEE WHAT WE'RE SAYING?
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
BUT WHAT DOES SHE LIKE?
OOH, OOH, OOH!
I KNOW THE PERFECT THING.
NO. SHE HATES THAT.
OOH! I KNOW!
NO. THAT MADE HER THROW UP.
WELL, IT'S HARD, ISN'T IT?
IT IS DAMN HARD.
♪ OO-OK ♪
♪ LAHOMA, WHERE THE WIND COMES ♪
♪ SWEEPING DOWN THE PLAIN ♪
DON'T EVEN TRY IT.
♪ AND THE WAVING WHEAT ♪
♪ CAN SURE SMELL SWEET ♪
♪ WHEN THE WIND COMES
RIGHT BEHIND THE RAIN ♪
♪ OO-OK ♪
♪ LAHOMA, EVERY NIGHT
MY HONEY LAMB AND I ♪
♪ SIT ALONE AND TALK ♪
♪ AND WATCH A HAWK ♪
♪ MAKING LAZY
CIRCLES IN THE SKY ♪
♪ WE KNOW WE
BELONG TO THE LAND ♪
♪ AND THE LAND WE
BELONG TO IS GRAND ♪
♪ YIPPEE-YI, YIPPEE-YAY ♪
♪ YIPPEE-YAY ♪
OH.
♪ AND WHEN WE SAY ♪
♪ YIP-KI-YO-KI-YAY ♪
♪ WE'RE ONLY SAYING YOU'RE
DOING FINE, OKLAHOMA ♪
♪ OKLAHOMA, O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A ♪
♪ OKLAHOOOO-OM ♪
♪ MA ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
I DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS
SO AFRAID OF THE SNOW.
IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU KNOW THAT
SLUSH IN THE GUTTER?
CALL ME CRAZY,
BUT PUT A LITTLE
CHERRY SYRUP ON THAT,
YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A
COOL, REFRESHING TREAT.
HERE. LISTEN TO THIS.
"CHARLES DICKENS'
DAVID COPPERFIELD
"IS AN EXTRAORDINARY
BOOK ABOUT A MAN
"WHO ACCOMPLISHES
MANY INCREDIBLE FEATS
"INVOLVING CLAUDIA SCHIFFER
HANDCUFFED IN AN
UNDERWATER TANK WITH SHARKS."
THAT'S GOOD.
HEY, WHERE ARE ALL THE TAPES?
OH, WELL, WE HAD A BIG NIGHT,
BUT FEAR NOT.
WE STILL GOT FIVE COPIES
OF JOHNNY MNEMONIC.
IF THAT'S NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA,
WE'VE ALSO GOT THE
MAKING OF JOHNNY MNEMONIC.
WELL, HOW ABOUT ADULT MOVIES?
WE GOT FAT FRAULEINS.
"A LUSTY ROMP THROUGH THE
CHEESE AND SAUSAGE SHOPS
OF COMMUNIST EAST BERLIN."
FORGET IT.
ALL RIGHT. GIVE IT TO ME.
SO, THEN FREDDIE STIVENDER
BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ME.
IT WAS THE TALK OF THE SCHOOL.
I WAS SO EMBARRASSED.
BUT AFTER WEEKS OF PLOTTING,
I GOT MY REVENGE.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
I HAD MY MOM TELL HIS MOM.
I LIKE YOUR TACTICS.
YOU KNOW, IT MAY JUST
BE THE WINE TALKING.
BUT I'M BEGINNING TO THINK...
IN A CRAZY WORLD LIKE THIS,
YOU AND ME...
JUST MIGHT MAKE SENSE.
HEY, LIGHTS!
OH, THEY'LL BE OUT
AGAIN IN A SECOND,
IF THERE'S A GOD IN HEAVEN.
PEOPLE ARE OUTSIDE
SHOVELING SNOW.
WE'RE NOT THE LAST
PEOPLE ALIVE ON EARTH.
LEON, NOW WE DON'T HAVE
TO SACRIFICE OURSELVES.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO IMPREGNATE ME!
UH... OH, GOOD.
NOT TO MENTION THE OMINOUS
BEHAVIORAL PARALLELS
BETWEEN AUSTRIOLOPIFICUS,
EUROLOPIFICUS...
OH, THIS IS STUPID.
NO. NO, IT'S NOT.
NO. GO ON.
SO, IN ACCEPTING THIS AWARD,
I MUST POSE THE QUESTION,
HAS OUR JOURNEY FROM PRIMATE
TO MAN FINALLY CONCLUDED...
OR HAS IT JUST BEGUN?
OH! WONDERFUL!
WONDERFUL!
EXCUSE ME, DICK,
BUT THAT ROAD HAS BEEN
CLEARED FOR A GOOD HALF-HOUR.
WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF WE
JUST SCOOT ON OUT OF HERE?
UH, SURE.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU, MA'AM.
MA'AM, I SURELY AM SORRY
YOU DIDN'T GET TO PICK
UP YOUR LEAKEY AWARD.
OH, DICK, I FEEL I
OWE YOU A THANK YOU.
YOU CERTAINLY
MADE THE TIME PASS.
I CAN'T BLAME THE
WEATHER ON YOU.
WELL, I COULD, BUT I WON'T.
SOMETIMES THINGS
JUST DON'T WORK OUT.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETIMES ON THE WAY TO
WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN,
SOMETHING EVEN BETTER HAPPENS.
WHICH IS WHY I AM
PLEASED TO PRESENT YOU
WITH THIS ORB CONTAINING A
DIORAMA OF THE CITY OF CHICAGO
IN A STATE OF
PERPETUAL BLIZZARD.
IT'S REMARKABLE, ISN'T IT?
YES, IT IS.
AND I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
YOU DO?
THE CRIMSON SHOVEL.
OH!
LET'S GO DIG OUT THE CAR.
ABSOLUTELY! IT
SHOULD BE EASY TO FIND.
I LEFT THE LIGHTS ON.
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