3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001): Season 1, Episode 11 - The Art of Dick - full transcript
After failing everything he has tried so far, Harry turns out to be a good painter.
[GIGGLES]
LOOK AT THIS GARFIELD.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
AH HA HA HA! HA HA! AH HA HA!
I DON'T CARE WHAT LANGUAGE
YOU SPEAK... THAT CAT'S FUNNY.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT, HARRY?
YESTERDAY I WAS
EXPLORING THE PARK,
AND I FOUND THIS STONE.
LOOK AT IT.
IT'S BEEN WORN TO A PERFECT
SPHERE BY THE ELEMENTS
AND DIMPLED BY TIME.
HARRY, THAT'S A GOLF BALL.
HARRY, YOU'VE GOT WAY TOO
MUCH FREE TIME ON YOUR HANDS.
I'VE TRIED A LOT OF DIFFERENT
THINGS SINCE WE GOT TO EARTH,
AND I'VE MADE A DISCOVERY...
I'M NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING.
THERE'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.
LET ME LOOK THROUGH
THE WANT ADS.
WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
BLUEBERRY MUFFINS.
SMELLS LIKE THEY'RE DONE.
THE TIMER DIDN'T GO OFF.
YES, BUT...
DICK, I'VE INCINERATED
ENTIRE ARMIES.
I THINK I CAN HANDLE AN OVEN.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT,
'CAUSE I SIGNED YOU
UP FOR A BAKE SALE.
WHAT'S A BAKE SALE?
OH, JUST AN ATTEMPT TO REVIVE
A FAILING EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM
THROUGH PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT.
A FINE CAUSE. I'M THERE.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK
YOU SHOULD CHECK
ON THOSE MUFFINS.
THE BOX SAID 15 MINUTES.
YOU DON'T ARGUE WITH THE BOX.
HERE'S SOMETHING
YOU COULD DO, HARRY...
SWEEP UP THE BURGER PALACE.
OH, SURE.
AFTER ABOUT FOUR YEARS
OF GRAD SCHOOL, MAYBE.
[TIMER DINGS]
NOW THEY'RE DONE!
OOH!
LOOK AT THIS!
HERE'S A JOB I CAN DO.
"POLICE SEEK THIRD GUNMAN."
WELL, TOMORROW,
I'M GOING TO MARCH RIGHT
DOWN TO THE POLICE STATION
AND TELL THEM I'M THE
MAN THEY'RE LOOKING FOR!
O.K., THEY'RE READY.
THEY'RE JUST GOING
TO BE A LITTLE BURNT.
THIS IS THE BAKE SALE
COMMITTEE, RIGHT?
YES. I DON'T BELIEVE
I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BLONDE.
O.K., EVERYBODY.
LET'S TAKE OUR SEATS
AND GET STARTED.
AS YOU KNOW,
THIS IS MY SIXTH YEAR
AS CHAIRMAN OF THE BAKE SALE,
AND, UM...
I THINK WE'VE DONE
PRETTY DARN WELL!
LAST YEAR WE RAISED $500!
OH! OH! AH!
HOW MUCH DID YOU
MAKE BEFORE THAT?
WELL, I DON'T WANT TO BRAG,
BUT WE'VE MADE ROUGHLY $500
EACH OF THE LAST SIX YEARS.
UH-HUH. SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
IS THE GROUP IS STAGNATING
UNDER YOUR LEADERSHIP.
YOU'RE NEW AROUND HERE.
LET'S START THE
MEETING, SHALL WE?
ANY THOUGHTS ON
THIS YEAR'S SALE?
YEAH, I... I HAVE A THOUGHT.
THIS GROUP ISN'T
ADVANCING. IT'S RETREATING.
YOU DROPPED THE BALL, SISTER.
I AM A MASTER CHEF.
I TRAINED AT THE CULINARY
INSTITUTE OF PITTSBURGH.
I THINK I KNOW A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT BAKING!
O.K. WELL, HERE'S WHAT I
KNOW ABOUT BAKING... ZIP.
BUT THESE TROOPS NEED A LEADER,
NOT SOME CHIRPY, WEAK-CHINNED,
UNDERACHIEVING DRONE.
NO OFFENSE.
IF YOU AIM FOR 500
BUCKS, YOU GET 500 BUCKS.
BUT THERE'S A SAYING
WHERE I'M FROM...
YOU WANT TO PUNCH
SOMEONE IN THE NOSE,
AIM FOR THE BACK OF THE HEAD...
THAT IS, IF THEY HAVE A HEAD.
I SAY AIM FOR 10 GRAND, AND
DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN 5.
UH, GRACE, I THINK SHE
SHOULD BE IN CHARGE.
OH, GOOD MORNING, NINA.
GOOD MORNING.
NINA, MY BROTHER HARRY
IS TRYING TO FIND A JOB.
I WAS WONDERING, HOW
DID YOU GET THIS JOB?
I FOUND A MAGIC
LAMP ON THE BEACH,
AND THIS WAS MY FIRST WISH!
WONDERFUL! HOW CAN HARRY
GET HOLD OF A MAGIC LAMP?
GOOD MORNING, DR. SOLOMON.
DR. ALBRIGHT,
THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT
ABOUT YOU THIS MORNING.
I HAVE A NEW BLOUSE.
NO. THAT'S NOT IT.
AND I HOPE YOU DIDN'T
PAY TOO MUCH FOR IT.
IT'S THE BOX! WHAT'S IN IT?
OH, THIS? PAINTING SUPPLIES.
I'M TAKING A PAINTING
CLASS. I'M NOT VERY GOOD.
SO YOU'RE BAD.
I WOULDN'T SAY
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
THAT I HAVE VERY HIGH STANDARDS
AND TEND TO BE VERY
CRITICAL OF MYSELF
BUT AS AN AMATUER, I'VE
DEMONSTRATED QUITE A BIT OF POTENTIAL.
SO YOUR BAD!
YEAH.
BUT ART IS ESSENTIALLY
SUBJECTIVE.
THERE IS NO GOOD OR BAD.
SO IF YOU STINK, YOU'RE
STILL ALLOWED TO DO IT?
THAT SOUNDS PERFECT!
ARE YOU INTERESTED?
ME? DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I WAS TALKING ABOUT HARRY.
OH... YOU THOUGHT I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT BEING LESS THAN PERFECT?
HA HA! THAT'S RICH!
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
O.K. HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
DOORS OPEN. CROWD COMES IN.
FIRST THING THEY
SEE... FINGER PASTRIES.
THEY NOSH A LITTLE.
THEY'RE DELIGHTED.
THEY CONTINUE ON
TO THE LAYER CAKES.
THE SMELL HITS THEM... THEY'RE
DROOLING LIKE RABID DOGS.
THEN THE HEAVY ARTILLERY.
THE WALNUT BREAD, THE ALMOND
BARS, THE CASHEW SQUARES... BANG!
WE GOT 'EM BY THE ROASTED NUTS!
CARRY ON, LIEUTENANT.
THANK YOU, SIR.
SALLY, THAT WAS ANDY
LARSON ON THE PHONE.
DID YOU REALLY MAKE HIS MOM
DO ONE-HANDED
PUSHUPS TILL SHE CRIED?
YES. SHE HAD TO BE BROKEN
FOR THE SAKE OF THE UNIT.
THIS ART IS FASCINATING!
EVERY ERA, EVERY CULTURE...
THEY ALL HAVE THEIR OWN ART.
WHAT DRIVES THEM TO CREATE THIS?
NAKED WOMEN.
TOMMY, THESE ARE
NOT NAKED WOMEN.
THEY'RE NUDES.
NUDITY IS THE ARTIST'S PASSIONATE
CELEBRATION OF THE HUMAN FORM.
WELL, PARTY ON.
WHY DO YOU SEE NUDE
PEOPLE IN MUSEUMS,
BUT THEY NEVER SHOW THEM ON TV?
SURE, THEY DO. BUT NEVER
IN COMEDIES, ONLY IN DRAMAS.
AND EVEN THEN, ONLY
WHEN THE RATINGS SAG.
HARRY! HARRY, WHAT'S WRONG?
I GOT FIRED FROM MY JOB
AT THE KID'S PIZZA PLACE.
OH, NO.
YES! THEY DRESSED ME
UP LIKE A GIANT MOUSE,
SO I FIGURE, HEY, I'LL
JUST GET INTO CHARACTER.
AND THEN THEY COMPLAINED
WHEN I ATE OFF THE FLOOR.
I FOUND SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU'RE COMING WITH
ME TO AN ART CLASS!
ART? I WASN'T CREATIVE
ENOUGH TO BE A RODENT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE CREATIVE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO
BE A CERTAIN TYPE.
YOU'VE BEEN
OSTRACIZED, SPIT UPON,
AND STRANGERS REPEATEDLY
TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE CRAZY.
YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING IT TAKES!
THE LAST SUPPER,
BY LEONARDO DA VINCI.
BOY, THE GUY IN THE MIDDLE
REALLY KNOWS HOW
TO THROW A PARTY, HUH?
AND HE'S SITTING IN
FRONT OF THE ARCHWAY.
SO WHAT?
WELL, THE NEGATIVE
SPACE IN THE ARCHWAY
DRAWS OUR FOCUS,
AND THE HILLS
OUTSIDE THE ARCHWAY
FADE INTO A BLUISH
HAZE, CREATING DISTANCE,
SO IT'S SORT OF LIKE,
IT'S NOT JUST A PARTY...
IT'S A GOING-AWAY PARTY.
HARRY, I'M IMPRESSED!
MMM. ME, TOO.
CAN WE BUY IT?
DON'T BE SILLY. AFTER ONE
WEEK, WE'D BE SICK OF IT!
OH, DICK, THIS IS WONDERFUL!
DO YOU HAVE ANY
IDEA HOW GOOD IT FEELS
TO DO SOMETHING
FOR THE FIRST TIME
AND NOT SUCK AT IT?
WELL, HELLO!
IT'S NICE TO SEE FRESH FACES.
WE'RE VERY FRESH.
SQUEEZE MY HEAD. IT'S SOFT.
OH, HARRY, THAT'S
REALLY INTERESTING.
I REMEMBER THAT.
YEAH. THAT WAS THAT THING
THAT BURST OUT OF
THAT GUY'S THORAX.
AND WE HIT IT AND
HIT IT AND HIT IT,
[TOGETHER] AND IT
JUST WOULDN'T DIE!
IT'S A... FAMILY JOKE. SORRY.
ALL RIGHT, CLASS.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE BEEN
WORKING ON FOR TWO WEEKS.
WHO'S FIRST?
MARY?
[CLASS GROANS]
I CALL THIS PAINTING
SPIRITS OF SPRING.
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP IN INDIANA
AND ALL THE KIDS WOULD
EXCLUDE ME FROM THEIR PLAYING,
I'D SIT IN MY YARD
AND ANXIOUSLY AWAIT
THE TINY CROCUSES
TO POP THEIR HAPPY HEADS
OUT FROM THEIR WINTER SLEEP.
OH, THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL STORY.
OHH...
IT'S A LOUSY PAINTING,
BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL STORY.
IT'S VERY NICE, DR. ALBRIGHT.
ANYONE HAVE ANY COMMENTS?
WELL, I...
OH, NEVER MIND. IT'S STUPID.
DON'T LET THAT STOP
YOU, HARRY. GO AHEAD!
WELL, I JUST FIND
THAT MY FOCUS IS DRAWN
TO THE UPPER RIGHT CORNER,
BUT WHEN IT GETS THERE,
THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE.
YOU COULD ADD A SPLASH OF YELLOW
TO CARRY OUT THE MOTIF
YOU'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED.
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?
ACTUALLY, THAT'S A
VERY GOOD SUGGESTION.
REALLY? REALLY?
YES!
HARRY, YOU'VE REALLY
OPENED SOMETHING UP FOR ME.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!
THANK YOU!
WOW! THANK YOU!
YOU WORK WITH
HER. IS THIS SARCASM?
LOW MASS BLACK HOLES
FORM ONLY WHEN
MATTER IS COMPRESSED
INTO ENORMOUS DENSITIES
BY VERY LARGE
EXTERNAL PRESSURES,
AND THIS DEMONSTRATES WHICH
PRINCIPLE OF QUANTUM MASTER PHYSICS?
[SIGHS]
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
GEOMETRIC COSMOLOGY.
ANYONE?
IF NO ONE ANSWERS,
I'LL HAVE TO PICK SOMEONE.
SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER, PLEASE
RAISE YOUR HAND, PLEASE SOMEONE ANSWER
PLEASE...
LEON!
SINCE YOU'RE
TALKING, I'LL ASK YOU.
WHAT'S THE PRINCIPLE?
UH... WETNESS?
NO. TRY AGAIN.
DR. SOLOMON, WHY DO
YOU KEEP CALLING ON LEON?
IT'S JUST NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
THAT'S NONSENSE!
LEON, THE ONLY WAY OF
UNDERSTANDING THE UNIVERSE
IS TO FIND THE LIMITS OF
YOUR OWN INTELLIGENCE.
I... I THINK I'VE
REACHED MY LIMIT.
BUG!
YES, DR. SOLOMON?
YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING.
OH, THAT? IT'S JUST A DOODLE.
A DOODLE?
WHY, THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME...
WITH ANTLERS AND SOMETHING
COMING OUT OF MY BUTTOCKS!
IT'S A TAIL.
WELL, IT IS.
IT'S BRILLIANT! THE
LINES, THE CONTOURS,
THE WAY YOU'VE
PICKED UP THE ESSENCE
OF MY RUGGED GOOD LOOKS!
IT'S JUST A DOODLE.
JUST A DOODLE.
AND ALAN THICKE
IS JUST AN ACTOR!
[BELL RINGS]
TOMORROW I WANT EVERYONE TO
BRING IN THREE SHARPENED PENCILS,
AND BUG WILL TEACH
US ALL HOW TO DOODLE!
ALL RIGHT! GREAT!
DAMN!
I TASTED YOUR BUTTER
COOKIES, MRS. STEVENSON,
AND, YES, I CAN
BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER.
USE A BUTTER SUBSTITUTE
AND YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF SAYING,
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS
BOUNCED OUT OF THIS BAKE SALE
RIGHT ONTO MY ASS!"
GET WITH THE PROGRAM!
TOMMY,
DO YOU EVER DOODLE?
WHY, WAS I IN THE
BATHROOM TOO LONG?
I... I CAN'T DOODLE!
WELL, DICK, YOU'RE KIND OF OLD.
OLD? PICASSO DOODLED
ON TABLECLOTHS
LATE INTO HIS 60s.
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
I KNOW. I JUST CAN'T DRAW!
OH! DOODLING!
OH.
IT'S INEXPLICABLE!
I, WHO BESTRIDE THIS WORLD
LIKE AN INTELLECTUAL COLOSSUS!
I, WHO MAKE LESSER
MEN QUIVER IN AWE
OF MY CRANIAL PROWESS!
I, WHO...
I'VE FORGOTTEN MY POINT.
DICK?
I INVENTED A NEW COLOR...
I COMBINED RED AND YELLOW.
I CALL IT RED-YELLOW.
CAN'T WAIT TO
SHOW IT IN ART CLASS.
GREAT! MIX UP A WHOLE VAT OF IT!
GO! HOP TO IT!
YOU IRONICALLY
GIFTED CHOWDERHEAD.
WHY DID I SAY THAT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
COULD IT BE... AND
THIS IS A WILD GUESS...
THAT HARRY IS WAY BETTER
AT SOMETHING THAN YOU?
I'M THE HIGH COMMANDER! I
DON'T ENGAGE IN PETTY RIVALRY.
LOOK, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
YOUNGER THAN ME.
BUT ON THIS MISSION,
YOU GOT TO BE TALLER.
NOW, DON'T YOU THINK THAT
EATS MY LUNCH JUST A LITTLE?
YOU DON'T SEE ME WHINING.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO COOL?
'CAUSE I'M OLDER THAN
YOU, LITTLE BUDDY.
TOMMY, I GOT A RECONNAISSANCE
REPORT FROM MRS. NAGLE.
OUR ONLY REAL COMPETITION
IS THE KISSING BOOTH.
THIS YEAR, THEY HAVE HOOKERS.
SALLY, THOSE ARE CHEERLEADERS.
NOT IF THEY'RE CHARGING.
BANANA-NUT MUFFIN HEADS.
ARE THERE 2 PARTS BANANA TO EVERY
1 PART WALNUT, MRS. HARTZINGER?
YES, MA'AM.
YES, MA'AM! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
MIGHTY TASTY RUGALA,
MRS. GREENSTEIN.
THANK YOU, MA'AM.
BEFORE WE OPEN THE DOORS,
I JUST HAVE ONE
MORE THING TO SAY.
YOU ARE BY FAR THE
SADDEST, SORRIEST,
MOST PATHETIC
GROUP OF MOTHERS...
I HAVE EVER HAD THE
HONOR OF COMMANDING,
AND I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.
MUSIC!
[RIDE OF THE VALKYRIE PLAYS]
DOORS!
ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
TAKE NO PRISONERS...
OR PERSONAL CHECKS.
DICK, ARE YOU MAD AT ME?
NO!
LATELY YOU GET THIS WEIRD GRIN
LIKE YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING.
THAT'S NOT ABOUT
ART CLASS, IS IT?
ART CLASS? WHY, NO. I
DON'T CARE ABOUT ART.
LET'S NOT FORGET
WHAT ONE OF THE GREAT
THINKERS OF THE 20th CENTURY SAID...
ART IS NO DAMN GOOD.
WHAT GREAT THINKER SAID THAT?
JESSE HELMS.
BESIDES, I'VE MADE A
COMMAND DECISION.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO
ART CLASS ANYMORE.
IT'S NOT PRODUCTIVE. WE'VE
EXPERIENCED IT. LET'S MOVE ON!
ALL RIGHTY.
PERMISSION TO SPEAK,
HIGH COMMANDER.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
PERMISSION TO SPEAK, DICK.
YOU NEVER ASKED
PERMISSION TO SPEAK BEFORE.
WELL, I NEVER REALLY HAD
ANYTHING WORTH SAYING.
BUT, DICK, THIS ART
THING MEANS A LOT TO ME,
AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.
ALL I KNOW IS
THAT I LIKE DOING IT.
SO I WANT TO GO TOMORROW,
WHETHER YOU GO OR NOT.
I'm sorry.
THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SORRY
FOR SOMETHING YOU'RE
GOOD AT. GO TO CLASS!
REALLY?
YES!
IF THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY,
THEN I'M HAPPY.
OHH...
THANKS, DICK.
MMM. NOW THERE'S
THE SMILE I LIKE.
YOU'RE SOAKING WET.
AM I?
YOU'VE BEEN ACTING STRANGELY.
WHAT'S WRONG?
IT'S KIND OF HARD TO TALK ABOUT.
I HAVE THIS... FRIEND,
WHOSE BROTHER HARRY IS A
MUCH BETTER ARTIST THAN HE IS.
OH, SO THIS IS ABOUT
YOU AND HARRY.
AM I THAT TRANSPARENT?
I'M GOING TO TELL
YOU A LITTLE STORY.
MY PARTNER IN DANCE
CLASS IN COLLEGE
WAS A GIRL NAMED NADIA.
SHE GOT ALL THE LEADS,
ALL THE ATTENTION.
PEOPLE WOULD CALL
HER LITHE, WILLOWY...
LEGGY.
I REHEARSED WITH HER.
I SHOWED A TREMENDOUS
AMOUNT OF SUPPORT.
I WENT TO ALL THE RECITALS.
SHE'D LEAP AND
TWIRL ON THE STAGE,
EXUDING THIS INCREDIBLE
SENSUAL GRACE...
WHILE I SAT THERE...
A FROZEN SMILE ON MY FACE,
LOATHING HER FOR
MY OWN INADEQUACIES.
WOW. YOU HAVE ANY
PICTURES OF HER?
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
THE THING I CAME TO REALIZE
WAS THAT SHE NEEDED ME THERE.
MY SUPPORT INSPIRED
HER TO DANCE.
THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR YOU?
YES! LOOK AT THE MONA LISA.
SHE NEVER PICKED
UP A PAINTBRUSH,
AND YET SHE INSPIRED THE MOST
FAMOUS PAINTING IN THE WORLD.
SO IT'S LIKE WHISTLER
AND HIS MOTHER.
EXACTLY.
VAN GOGH AND HIS POTATO EATERS.
MICHELANGELO AND HIS
CEILING FULL OF NAKED GUYS
TRYING TO TOUCH FINGERS.
MORE OR LESS.
INSPIRATION!
YES!
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
THAT STORY REALLY HELPED ME!
THANK YOU!
SURE.
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
I LOVE YOUR STUBBY LITTLE LEGS.
HARRY...
WERE YOUR PARENTS ARTISTIC?
MMM. NOT REALLY.
MY MOTHER WAS A COLD RECEPTACLE,
AND MY FATHER
WAS JUST A MACHINE.
WELL, WE ALL HAVE OUR BAGGAGE.
BUT DON'T FORGET,
OUT OF SUFFERING
COMES CREATIVITY.
YOU CAN'T SPELL
PAINTING WITHOUT "PAIN."
MMM.
OR "TING."
OH, DICK!
YOU CAME.
YOU GOING TO PAINT?
EVEN BETTER.
I NOW ACCEPT THE FACT
THAT I DO NOT HAVE
ARTISTIC TALENT
LIKE YOU, LIKE HARRY.
I KNOW NOW THAT I
WILL NEVER BE ABLE
TO BE PART OF A CLASS LIKE THIS.
BUT DR. ALBRIGHT
HAS MADE ME SEE THE
JOY THAT I CAN TAKE
IN INSPIRING OTHER PEOPLE!
NO, I WILL NEVER BE AN ARTIST.
BUT I CAN MAKE A GREAT SUBJECT!
PREPARE TO MEET...
YOUR MUSE!
OH, GREAT.
I'M GOING TO NEED MORE PINK.
YOU'RE TELLING ME...
DR. SOLOMON POSED FOR THIS?
YES.
MM-HMM.
MMM! WELL, HELLO, DR. SOLOMON!
WELL, HELLO, NINA!
WELL...
I'LL LEAVE YOU THREE ALONE.
OH!
THIS IS WONDERFUL!
I REALLY DID
INSPIRE YOU, DIDN'T I?
YES.
YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE
TIME I WAS STANDING THERE,
I KEPT THINKING ABOUT
HOW YOU INSPIRED NADIA.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?
OH, ALCOHOLIC. TRAILER PARK.
SEVEN KIDS. HA HA HA HA HA!
OH, NO. IT REALLY IS A SHAME.
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
MIDDLE-AGED NAKED
GUY WHO CAN'T PAINT.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
LEADING THAT BAKE
SALE WAS EXHILARATING.
THOSE WOMEN WERE
CRYING OUT FOR LEADERSHIP.
OVER HALF THIS
PLANET'S POPULATION
IS FEMALE.
IF I COULD JUST
HARNESS THEIR POWER,
WE COULD EASILY TURN
MEN INTO A SLAVE RACE.
OR MAYBE JUST TALK HAIR.
YOU KNOW...
I'VE DISCOVERED
THAT HERE ON EARTH,
EVERY HUMAN HAS HIS OWN TALENTS
AND HIS OWN FLAWS.
THE SMART ONES HAVE
LEARNED TO USE THEIR TALENTS,
BUT THE HAPPY ONES HAVE
LEARNED TO ACCEPT THEIR FLAWS.
I KNOW I'VE ACCEPTED MINE.
PERMISSION TO MENTION
YOUR RECEDING HAIRLINE, SIR.
PERMISSION DENIED.
WELL, HERE'S MY LATEST PAINTING.
IT'S A STILL LIFE.
IT'S VERY INTERESTING, HARRY.
AND VERY DARK.
IT'S A BUNCH OF ROTTEN FRUIT.
YEAH, I REALLY GOT TO
LEARN TO PAINT FASTER.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
LOOK AT THIS GARFIELD.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
AH HA HA HA! HA HA! AH HA HA!
I DON'T CARE WHAT LANGUAGE
YOU SPEAK... THAT CAT'S FUNNY.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT, HARRY?
YESTERDAY I WAS
EXPLORING THE PARK,
AND I FOUND THIS STONE.
LOOK AT IT.
IT'S BEEN WORN TO A PERFECT
SPHERE BY THE ELEMENTS
AND DIMPLED BY TIME.
HARRY, THAT'S A GOLF BALL.
HARRY, YOU'VE GOT WAY TOO
MUCH FREE TIME ON YOUR HANDS.
I'VE TRIED A LOT OF DIFFERENT
THINGS SINCE WE GOT TO EARTH,
AND I'VE MADE A DISCOVERY...
I'M NOT GOOD AT ANYTHING.
THERE'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.
LET ME LOOK THROUGH
THE WANT ADS.
WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
BLUEBERRY MUFFINS.
SMELLS LIKE THEY'RE DONE.
THE TIMER DIDN'T GO OFF.
YES, BUT...
DICK, I'VE INCINERATED
ENTIRE ARMIES.
I THINK I CAN HANDLE AN OVEN.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT,
'CAUSE I SIGNED YOU
UP FOR A BAKE SALE.
WHAT'S A BAKE SALE?
OH, JUST AN ATTEMPT TO REVIVE
A FAILING EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM
THROUGH PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT.
A FINE CAUSE. I'M THERE.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK
YOU SHOULD CHECK
ON THOSE MUFFINS.
THE BOX SAID 15 MINUTES.
YOU DON'T ARGUE WITH THE BOX.
HERE'S SOMETHING
YOU COULD DO, HARRY...
SWEEP UP THE BURGER PALACE.
OH, SURE.
AFTER ABOUT FOUR YEARS
OF GRAD SCHOOL, MAYBE.
[TIMER DINGS]
NOW THEY'RE DONE!
OOH!
LOOK AT THIS!
HERE'S A JOB I CAN DO.
"POLICE SEEK THIRD GUNMAN."
WELL, TOMORROW,
I'M GOING TO MARCH RIGHT
DOWN TO THE POLICE STATION
AND TELL THEM I'M THE
MAN THEY'RE LOOKING FOR!
O.K., THEY'RE READY.
THEY'RE JUST GOING
TO BE A LITTLE BURNT.
THIS IS THE BAKE SALE
COMMITTEE, RIGHT?
YES. I DON'T BELIEVE
I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BLONDE.
O.K., EVERYBODY.
LET'S TAKE OUR SEATS
AND GET STARTED.
AS YOU KNOW,
THIS IS MY SIXTH YEAR
AS CHAIRMAN OF THE BAKE SALE,
AND, UM...
I THINK WE'VE DONE
PRETTY DARN WELL!
LAST YEAR WE RAISED $500!
OH! OH! AH!
HOW MUCH DID YOU
MAKE BEFORE THAT?
WELL, I DON'T WANT TO BRAG,
BUT WE'VE MADE ROUGHLY $500
EACH OF THE LAST SIX YEARS.
UH-HUH. SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
IS THE GROUP IS STAGNATING
UNDER YOUR LEADERSHIP.
YOU'RE NEW AROUND HERE.
LET'S START THE
MEETING, SHALL WE?
ANY THOUGHTS ON
THIS YEAR'S SALE?
YEAH, I... I HAVE A THOUGHT.
THIS GROUP ISN'T
ADVANCING. IT'S RETREATING.
YOU DROPPED THE BALL, SISTER.
I AM A MASTER CHEF.
I TRAINED AT THE CULINARY
INSTITUTE OF PITTSBURGH.
I THINK I KNOW A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT BAKING!
O.K. WELL, HERE'S WHAT I
KNOW ABOUT BAKING... ZIP.
BUT THESE TROOPS NEED A LEADER,
NOT SOME CHIRPY, WEAK-CHINNED,
UNDERACHIEVING DRONE.
NO OFFENSE.
IF YOU AIM FOR 500
BUCKS, YOU GET 500 BUCKS.
BUT THERE'S A SAYING
WHERE I'M FROM...
YOU WANT TO PUNCH
SOMEONE IN THE NOSE,
AIM FOR THE BACK OF THE HEAD...
THAT IS, IF THEY HAVE A HEAD.
I SAY AIM FOR 10 GRAND, AND
DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN 5.
UH, GRACE, I THINK SHE
SHOULD BE IN CHARGE.
OH, GOOD MORNING, NINA.
GOOD MORNING.
NINA, MY BROTHER HARRY
IS TRYING TO FIND A JOB.
I WAS WONDERING, HOW
DID YOU GET THIS JOB?
I FOUND A MAGIC
LAMP ON THE BEACH,
AND THIS WAS MY FIRST WISH!
WONDERFUL! HOW CAN HARRY
GET HOLD OF A MAGIC LAMP?
GOOD MORNING, DR. SOLOMON.
DR. ALBRIGHT,
THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT
ABOUT YOU THIS MORNING.
I HAVE A NEW BLOUSE.
NO. THAT'S NOT IT.
AND I HOPE YOU DIDN'T
PAY TOO MUCH FOR IT.
IT'S THE BOX! WHAT'S IN IT?
OH, THIS? PAINTING SUPPLIES.
I'M TAKING A PAINTING
CLASS. I'M NOT VERY GOOD.
SO YOU'RE BAD.
I WOULDN'T SAY
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
THAT I HAVE VERY HIGH STANDARDS
AND TEND TO BE VERY
CRITICAL OF MYSELF
BUT AS AN AMATUER, I'VE
DEMONSTRATED QUITE A BIT OF POTENTIAL.
SO YOUR BAD!
YEAH.
BUT ART IS ESSENTIALLY
SUBJECTIVE.
THERE IS NO GOOD OR BAD.
SO IF YOU STINK, YOU'RE
STILL ALLOWED TO DO IT?
THAT SOUNDS PERFECT!
ARE YOU INTERESTED?
ME? DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I WAS TALKING ABOUT HARRY.
OH... YOU THOUGHT I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT BEING LESS THAN PERFECT?
HA HA! THAT'S RICH!
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
O.K. HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
DOORS OPEN. CROWD COMES IN.
FIRST THING THEY
SEE... FINGER PASTRIES.
THEY NOSH A LITTLE.
THEY'RE DELIGHTED.
THEY CONTINUE ON
TO THE LAYER CAKES.
THE SMELL HITS THEM... THEY'RE
DROOLING LIKE RABID DOGS.
THEN THE HEAVY ARTILLERY.
THE WALNUT BREAD, THE ALMOND
BARS, THE CASHEW SQUARES... BANG!
WE GOT 'EM BY THE ROASTED NUTS!
CARRY ON, LIEUTENANT.
THANK YOU, SIR.
SALLY, THAT WAS ANDY
LARSON ON THE PHONE.
DID YOU REALLY MAKE HIS MOM
DO ONE-HANDED
PUSHUPS TILL SHE CRIED?
YES. SHE HAD TO BE BROKEN
FOR THE SAKE OF THE UNIT.
THIS ART IS FASCINATING!
EVERY ERA, EVERY CULTURE...
THEY ALL HAVE THEIR OWN ART.
WHAT DRIVES THEM TO CREATE THIS?
NAKED WOMEN.
TOMMY, THESE ARE
NOT NAKED WOMEN.
THEY'RE NUDES.
NUDITY IS THE ARTIST'S PASSIONATE
CELEBRATION OF THE HUMAN FORM.
WELL, PARTY ON.
WHY DO YOU SEE NUDE
PEOPLE IN MUSEUMS,
BUT THEY NEVER SHOW THEM ON TV?
SURE, THEY DO. BUT NEVER
IN COMEDIES, ONLY IN DRAMAS.
AND EVEN THEN, ONLY
WHEN THE RATINGS SAG.
HARRY! HARRY, WHAT'S WRONG?
I GOT FIRED FROM MY JOB
AT THE KID'S PIZZA PLACE.
OH, NO.
YES! THEY DRESSED ME
UP LIKE A GIANT MOUSE,
SO I FIGURE, HEY, I'LL
JUST GET INTO CHARACTER.
AND THEN THEY COMPLAINED
WHEN I ATE OFF THE FLOOR.
I FOUND SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU'RE COMING WITH
ME TO AN ART CLASS!
ART? I WASN'T CREATIVE
ENOUGH TO BE A RODENT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE CREATIVE.
YOU JUST HAVE TO
BE A CERTAIN TYPE.
YOU'VE BEEN
OSTRACIZED, SPIT UPON,
AND STRANGERS REPEATEDLY
TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE CRAZY.
YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING IT TAKES!
THE LAST SUPPER,
BY LEONARDO DA VINCI.
BOY, THE GUY IN THE MIDDLE
REALLY KNOWS HOW
TO THROW A PARTY, HUH?
AND HE'S SITTING IN
FRONT OF THE ARCHWAY.
SO WHAT?
WELL, THE NEGATIVE
SPACE IN THE ARCHWAY
DRAWS OUR FOCUS,
AND THE HILLS
OUTSIDE THE ARCHWAY
FADE INTO A BLUISH
HAZE, CREATING DISTANCE,
SO IT'S SORT OF LIKE,
IT'S NOT JUST A PARTY...
IT'S A GOING-AWAY PARTY.
HARRY, I'M IMPRESSED!
MMM. ME, TOO.
CAN WE BUY IT?
DON'T BE SILLY. AFTER ONE
WEEK, WE'D BE SICK OF IT!
OH, DICK, THIS IS WONDERFUL!
DO YOU HAVE ANY
IDEA HOW GOOD IT FEELS
TO DO SOMETHING
FOR THE FIRST TIME
AND NOT SUCK AT IT?
WELL, HELLO!
IT'S NICE TO SEE FRESH FACES.
WE'RE VERY FRESH.
SQUEEZE MY HEAD. IT'S SOFT.
OH, HARRY, THAT'S
REALLY INTERESTING.
I REMEMBER THAT.
YEAH. THAT WAS THAT THING
THAT BURST OUT OF
THAT GUY'S THORAX.
AND WE HIT IT AND
HIT IT AND HIT IT,
[TOGETHER] AND IT
JUST WOULDN'T DIE!
IT'S A... FAMILY JOKE. SORRY.
ALL RIGHT, CLASS.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE BEEN
WORKING ON FOR TWO WEEKS.
WHO'S FIRST?
MARY?
[CLASS GROANS]
I CALL THIS PAINTING
SPIRITS OF SPRING.
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP IN INDIANA
AND ALL THE KIDS WOULD
EXCLUDE ME FROM THEIR PLAYING,
I'D SIT IN MY YARD
AND ANXIOUSLY AWAIT
THE TINY CROCUSES
TO POP THEIR HAPPY HEADS
OUT FROM THEIR WINTER SLEEP.
OH, THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL STORY.
OHH...
IT'S A LOUSY PAINTING,
BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL STORY.
IT'S VERY NICE, DR. ALBRIGHT.
ANYONE HAVE ANY COMMENTS?
WELL, I...
OH, NEVER MIND. IT'S STUPID.
DON'T LET THAT STOP
YOU, HARRY. GO AHEAD!
WELL, I JUST FIND
THAT MY FOCUS IS DRAWN
TO THE UPPER RIGHT CORNER,
BUT WHEN IT GETS THERE,
THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE.
YOU COULD ADD A SPLASH OF YELLOW
TO CARRY OUT THE MOTIF
YOU'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED.
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?
ACTUALLY, THAT'S A
VERY GOOD SUGGESTION.
REALLY? REALLY?
YES!
HARRY, YOU'VE REALLY
OPENED SOMETHING UP FOR ME.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!
THANK YOU!
WOW! THANK YOU!
YOU WORK WITH
HER. IS THIS SARCASM?
LOW MASS BLACK HOLES
FORM ONLY WHEN
MATTER IS COMPRESSED
INTO ENORMOUS DENSITIES
BY VERY LARGE
EXTERNAL PRESSURES,
AND THIS DEMONSTRATES WHICH
PRINCIPLE OF QUANTUM MASTER PHYSICS?
[SIGHS]
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
GEOMETRIC COSMOLOGY.
ANYONE?
IF NO ONE ANSWERS,
I'LL HAVE TO PICK SOMEONE.
SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER, PLEASE
RAISE YOUR HAND, PLEASE SOMEONE ANSWER
PLEASE...
LEON!
SINCE YOU'RE
TALKING, I'LL ASK YOU.
WHAT'S THE PRINCIPLE?
UH... WETNESS?
NO. TRY AGAIN.
DR. SOLOMON, WHY DO
YOU KEEP CALLING ON LEON?
IT'S JUST NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
THAT'S NONSENSE!
LEON, THE ONLY WAY OF
UNDERSTANDING THE UNIVERSE
IS TO FIND THE LIMITS OF
YOUR OWN INTELLIGENCE.
I... I THINK I'VE
REACHED MY LIMIT.
BUG!
YES, DR. SOLOMON?
YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING.
OH, THAT? IT'S JUST A DOODLE.
A DOODLE?
WHY, THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME...
WITH ANTLERS AND SOMETHING
COMING OUT OF MY BUTTOCKS!
IT'S A TAIL.
WELL, IT IS.
IT'S BRILLIANT! THE
LINES, THE CONTOURS,
THE WAY YOU'VE
PICKED UP THE ESSENCE
OF MY RUGGED GOOD LOOKS!
IT'S JUST A DOODLE.
JUST A DOODLE.
AND ALAN THICKE
IS JUST AN ACTOR!
[BELL RINGS]
TOMORROW I WANT EVERYONE TO
BRING IN THREE SHARPENED PENCILS,
AND BUG WILL TEACH
US ALL HOW TO DOODLE!
ALL RIGHT! GREAT!
DAMN!
I TASTED YOUR BUTTER
COOKIES, MRS. STEVENSON,
AND, YES, I CAN
BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER.
USE A BUTTER SUBSTITUTE
AND YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF SAYING,
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS
BOUNCED OUT OF THIS BAKE SALE
RIGHT ONTO MY ASS!"
GET WITH THE PROGRAM!
TOMMY,
DO YOU EVER DOODLE?
WHY, WAS I IN THE
BATHROOM TOO LONG?
I... I CAN'T DOODLE!
WELL, DICK, YOU'RE KIND OF OLD.
OLD? PICASSO DOODLED
ON TABLECLOTHS
LATE INTO HIS 60s.
THAT'S DISGUSTING!
I KNOW. I JUST CAN'T DRAW!
OH! DOODLING!
OH.
IT'S INEXPLICABLE!
I, WHO BESTRIDE THIS WORLD
LIKE AN INTELLECTUAL COLOSSUS!
I, WHO MAKE LESSER
MEN QUIVER IN AWE
OF MY CRANIAL PROWESS!
I, WHO...
I'VE FORGOTTEN MY POINT.
DICK?
I INVENTED A NEW COLOR...
I COMBINED RED AND YELLOW.
I CALL IT RED-YELLOW.
CAN'T WAIT TO
SHOW IT IN ART CLASS.
GREAT! MIX UP A WHOLE VAT OF IT!
GO! HOP TO IT!
YOU IRONICALLY
GIFTED CHOWDERHEAD.
WHY DID I SAY THAT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
COULD IT BE... AND
THIS IS A WILD GUESS...
THAT HARRY IS WAY BETTER
AT SOMETHING THAN YOU?
I'M THE HIGH COMMANDER! I
DON'T ENGAGE IN PETTY RIVALRY.
LOOK, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
YOUNGER THAN ME.
BUT ON THIS MISSION,
YOU GOT TO BE TALLER.
NOW, DON'T YOU THINK THAT
EATS MY LUNCH JUST A LITTLE?
YOU DON'T SEE ME WHINING.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO COOL?
'CAUSE I'M OLDER THAN
YOU, LITTLE BUDDY.
TOMMY, I GOT A RECONNAISSANCE
REPORT FROM MRS. NAGLE.
OUR ONLY REAL COMPETITION
IS THE KISSING BOOTH.
THIS YEAR, THEY HAVE HOOKERS.
SALLY, THOSE ARE CHEERLEADERS.
NOT IF THEY'RE CHARGING.
BANANA-NUT MUFFIN HEADS.
ARE THERE 2 PARTS BANANA TO EVERY
1 PART WALNUT, MRS. HARTZINGER?
YES, MA'AM.
YES, MA'AM! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
MIGHTY TASTY RUGALA,
MRS. GREENSTEIN.
THANK YOU, MA'AM.
BEFORE WE OPEN THE DOORS,
I JUST HAVE ONE
MORE THING TO SAY.
YOU ARE BY FAR THE
SADDEST, SORRIEST,
MOST PATHETIC
GROUP OF MOTHERS...
I HAVE EVER HAD THE
HONOR OF COMMANDING,
AND I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.
MUSIC!
[RIDE OF THE VALKYRIE PLAYS]
DOORS!
ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
TAKE NO PRISONERS...
OR PERSONAL CHECKS.
DICK, ARE YOU MAD AT ME?
NO!
LATELY YOU GET THIS WEIRD GRIN
LIKE YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING.
THAT'S NOT ABOUT
ART CLASS, IS IT?
ART CLASS? WHY, NO. I
DON'T CARE ABOUT ART.
LET'S NOT FORGET
WHAT ONE OF THE GREAT
THINKERS OF THE 20th CENTURY SAID...
ART IS NO DAMN GOOD.
WHAT GREAT THINKER SAID THAT?
JESSE HELMS.
BESIDES, I'VE MADE A
COMMAND DECISION.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO
ART CLASS ANYMORE.
IT'S NOT PRODUCTIVE. WE'VE
EXPERIENCED IT. LET'S MOVE ON!
ALL RIGHTY.
PERMISSION TO SPEAK,
HIGH COMMANDER.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
PERMISSION TO SPEAK, DICK.
YOU NEVER ASKED
PERMISSION TO SPEAK BEFORE.
WELL, I NEVER REALLY HAD
ANYTHING WORTH SAYING.
BUT, DICK, THIS ART
THING MEANS A LOT TO ME,
AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.
ALL I KNOW IS
THAT I LIKE DOING IT.
SO I WANT TO GO TOMORROW,
WHETHER YOU GO OR NOT.
I'm sorry.
THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SORRY
FOR SOMETHING YOU'RE
GOOD AT. GO TO CLASS!
REALLY?
YES!
IF THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY,
THEN I'M HAPPY.
OHH...
THANKS, DICK.
MMM. NOW THERE'S
THE SMILE I LIKE.
YOU'RE SOAKING WET.
AM I?
YOU'VE BEEN ACTING STRANGELY.
WHAT'S WRONG?
IT'S KIND OF HARD TO TALK ABOUT.
I HAVE THIS... FRIEND,
WHOSE BROTHER HARRY IS A
MUCH BETTER ARTIST THAN HE IS.
OH, SO THIS IS ABOUT
YOU AND HARRY.
AM I THAT TRANSPARENT?
I'M GOING TO TELL
YOU A LITTLE STORY.
MY PARTNER IN DANCE
CLASS IN COLLEGE
WAS A GIRL NAMED NADIA.
SHE GOT ALL THE LEADS,
ALL THE ATTENTION.
PEOPLE WOULD CALL
HER LITHE, WILLOWY...
LEGGY.
I REHEARSED WITH HER.
I SHOWED A TREMENDOUS
AMOUNT OF SUPPORT.
I WENT TO ALL THE RECITALS.
SHE'D LEAP AND
TWIRL ON THE STAGE,
EXUDING THIS INCREDIBLE
SENSUAL GRACE...
WHILE I SAT THERE...
A FROZEN SMILE ON MY FACE,
LOATHING HER FOR
MY OWN INADEQUACIES.
WOW. YOU HAVE ANY
PICTURES OF HER?
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
THE THING I CAME TO REALIZE
WAS THAT SHE NEEDED ME THERE.
MY SUPPORT INSPIRED
HER TO DANCE.
THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR YOU?
YES! LOOK AT THE MONA LISA.
SHE NEVER PICKED
UP A PAINTBRUSH,
AND YET SHE INSPIRED THE MOST
FAMOUS PAINTING IN THE WORLD.
SO IT'S LIKE WHISTLER
AND HIS MOTHER.
EXACTLY.
VAN GOGH AND HIS POTATO EATERS.
MICHELANGELO AND HIS
CEILING FULL OF NAKED GUYS
TRYING TO TOUCH FINGERS.
MORE OR LESS.
INSPIRATION!
YES!
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
THAT STORY REALLY HELPED ME!
THANK YOU!
SURE.
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
I LOVE YOUR STUBBY LITTLE LEGS.
HARRY...
WERE YOUR PARENTS ARTISTIC?
MMM. NOT REALLY.
MY MOTHER WAS A COLD RECEPTACLE,
AND MY FATHER
WAS JUST A MACHINE.
WELL, WE ALL HAVE OUR BAGGAGE.
BUT DON'T FORGET,
OUT OF SUFFERING
COMES CREATIVITY.
YOU CAN'T SPELL
PAINTING WITHOUT "PAIN."
MMM.
OR "TING."
OH, DICK!
YOU CAME.
YOU GOING TO PAINT?
EVEN BETTER.
I NOW ACCEPT THE FACT
THAT I DO NOT HAVE
ARTISTIC TALENT
LIKE YOU, LIKE HARRY.
I KNOW NOW THAT I
WILL NEVER BE ABLE
TO BE PART OF A CLASS LIKE THIS.
BUT DR. ALBRIGHT
HAS MADE ME SEE THE
JOY THAT I CAN TAKE
IN INSPIRING OTHER PEOPLE!
NO, I WILL NEVER BE AN ARTIST.
BUT I CAN MAKE A GREAT SUBJECT!
PREPARE TO MEET...
YOUR MUSE!
OH, GREAT.
I'M GOING TO NEED MORE PINK.
YOU'RE TELLING ME...
DR. SOLOMON POSED FOR THIS?
YES.
MM-HMM.
MMM! WELL, HELLO, DR. SOLOMON!
WELL, HELLO, NINA!
WELL...
I'LL LEAVE YOU THREE ALONE.
OH!
THIS IS WONDERFUL!
I REALLY DID
INSPIRE YOU, DIDN'T I?
YES.
YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE
TIME I WAS STANDING THERE,
I KEPT THINKING ABOUT
HOW YOU INSPIRED NADIA.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?
OH, ALCOHOLIC. TRAILER PARK.
SEVEN KIDS. HA HA HA HA HA!
OH, NO. IT REALLY IS A SHAME.
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
MIDDLE-AGED NAKED
GUY WHO CAN'T PAINT.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NBC
ENTERTAINMENT, THE CARSEY-WERNER COMPANY
AND 1995 NCI CAPTION
CLUB/ GRANTSMANSHIP
LEADING THAT BAKE
SALE WAS EXHILARATING.
THOSE WOMEN WERE
CRYING OUT FOR LEADERSHIP.
OVER HALF THIS
PLANET'S POPULATION
IS FEMALE.
IF I COULD JUST
HARNESS THEIR POWER,
WE COULD EASILY TURN
MEN INTO A SLAVE RACE.
OR MAYBE JUST TALK HAIR.
YOU KNOW...
I'VE DISCOVERED
THAT HERE ON EARTH,
EVERY HUMAN HAS HIS OWN TALENTS
AND HIS OWN FLAWS.
THE SMART ONES HAVE
LEARNED TO USE THEIR TALENTS,
BUT THE HAPPY ONES HAVE
LEARNED TO ACCEPT THEIR FLAWS.
I KNOW I'VE ACCEPTED MINE.
PERMISSION TO MENTION
YOUR RECEDING HAIRLINE, SIR.
PERMISSION DENIED.
WELL, HERE'S MY LATEST PAINTING.
IT'S A STILL LIFE.
IT'S VERY INTERESTING, HARRY.
AND VERY DARK.
IT'S A BUNCH OF ROTTEN FRUIT.
YEAH, I REALLY GOT TO
LEARN TO PAINT FASTER.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF
CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE