3 Below (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - There's Something About Gwen (of Gorbon) - full transcript

♪ One, two, three below! ♪

Come play with us.

Okay. Well, that's a little bit creepy.

Don't be so nervous, Stuart.

Ugh, nothing is following you.

Eeeh!

Stuart, why didn't you buy
the color-coded keycaps?

Hey, snuggle-bug.

- Ah!
- What's the matter?

No hug for your ex-girlfriend?

Hey, Gwendolyn.
Gosh, it's been a while, huh?



I'd love to catch up, honeycakes,
like old times.

- Maybe grab a bite?
- Ah!

Oh, no.

And over there
is the Platypus Star.

You remember that one?

You're going to make me laugh.

Laughing? Laughing's a good thing.

We're... We're on a date!
At least I thought this was a date.

This isn't a date, it's a heist.

With Kubritz on our tail, we have
to finish the wormhole now more than ever.

- Wait, what?
- Now shush.

Hmm.

We're clear.

Whoa, wait, I-I'm not clear.



So, we're not on a date right now?

My little brother needs
an anti-vortex siphon for the wormhole.

- That's why I wanted to come here.
- Oh.

I thought it was
for the super-romantic Platypus Star.

- Aja, help!
- Shush!

What are you doing up there?

Uh, I-I really love science.

I mean, uh, planets,
because where would we live without them?

- Kleb.
- Okay, wise guy, come on down.

Heh, sure.

Can you, um...
lend me a hand?

Ah! Holy mackerel!

Aw, man!

A break-in and a smashed moon rock!

They're gonna fire me this time.

I am telling you that I am in danger.

- You look fine to Varvatos.
- Well, I'm not!

My ex-girlfriend wants to "grab a bite."

She means me!
She wants to eat me!

Or she means to have dinner with you.

- Or she means I'm the dinner.
- Or dinner with you.

- Or I'm the dinner.
- Or she...

Look, we're going in circles here.
I need your help.

If you are so fearful,
then why don't you decline her invitation?

Hey, snuggle-bug!

Hello.

Because she won't leave me alone!

Please! I need you there.

Oh, and bring Nancy.

She teaches rumba to the seniors
in the park on Thursdays.

A dance lesson will be
a great distraction from eating me.

Someone order
an anti-vortex siphon?

Finally, the Staja comes through!

Come here, boy!

Good boy.

Luug, get off me!

Oh, the wormhole generator.

Hey, any chance you could get that thing
up and running by, say, this afternoon

before Stuey goes kablooey?

Why? Is Kubritz after you now?

I have been keeping four eyes on Kubritz.

She appears to be "lying low,"
as the humans say.

Stuart has a worse stalker...
his ex-girlfriend.

Hello, there.

- Hey!
- No, you don't understand.

Gwendolyn of Gorbon
is a true monster, okay?

Things might've
started out good, yeah, sure.

Ah, we were practically kids.

Oh, every day
was love's newest adventure.

Ah! Ah!

I remember on our first anniversary
we made a snorfing pot together.

- That is ridiculous!
- Ugh!

Alien dates are weird. Oof!

But I couldn't ignore
my four hearts' true feelings.

I wasn't ready to settle down.

I had no choice
but to break it off... gently.

Just stepping out
for a delicious cup of jorb!

Back in a jiff!

Stuart!

- And you never came back?
- Never.

Gorbons have very simple principles...

they either mate for life
or they devour their ex.

I had to escape, so I hightailed it
out of Durio and crashed here.

Hadn't heard a peep from her since,
well, since today.

You ran out on her.
She probably just wants closure.

Yeah, well, I hadn't thought of that.
I still don't want to go alone.

Varvatos will tag along,

but only because a dance lesson with Nancy
sounds most enjoyable.

- Yes! Thank you!
- Ugh! Dating.

While you all mash your faces together,
I'm going to break the laws of physics.

Steve and I will come
to this dance lesson, too.

Uh, we will?

Varvatos is right.
Kubritz hasn't shown her face.

We can relax and have a human date,
just like you wanted.

Yep, exact-o-mundo.

It's alive!

I'm officially an engineering genius.

It appears
your engineering genius

has made a miscalculation.

I see that.

Oh, my gosh!
There's so much to film, so little time.

What are you guys doing here?

Okay, so, Gun Robot VII
is going to premiere

at the grand re-opening
of the Arcadia drive-in, right?

The franchise is kind of played out,
but they're having a contest

where one local short film
gets to play before the movie!

Is filmmaking one of the sacred duties
of Trollhunting?

No, but I've always wanted to direct.

I've been up for 96 hours
writing the script,

fueled on nothing but sugar and dreams.

It's called Kleb or Alive,
colon The Adventures of Captain DJ Kleb,

colon Intergalactic Man of Mystery
and Weekend DJ, colon Episode IV.

You gotta save room for prequels.
I brought storyboards.

Check 'em out. Eli, storyboards.

It's got action, drama,
and an allegory about the creation of man.

Ooh, ooh, and it's a science fiction epic!

I'm more interested in science facts,
like building my wormhole.

Probability of finalizing
your wormhole today

is approximately 0.00000...

Okay, okay, okay, I get it.

Oh, please, Krel?

Between Eli's story, your space dog,

and the cool, special effects-y
costume of yours...

- You mean my body?
- Yeah, whatever.

We're a lock to win the contest!

I'm sorry, but I know all about
you humans and your alien films.

Everything from outer space
is a murderous threat.

Not in Kleb or Alive!
The alien is our hero.

- How'd you like to save the world?
- I did that last week for real.

Mm, m'kay, but this time, it'll be
less of "end of the world" terrifying

and more "friends having fun."

We're friends?

Of course we're friends!

You saved us from an alien bounty hunter.

We saved you
from evil military scientists.

That's what friends do.

They save each other's butts
and star in their movies.

Plus we could win a trophy...
without playing a sport!

So, what do you say, DJ Kleb?

And... action!

Okay, we fade from black.

The shot opens with a dramatic low angle
on a creepy farmhouse.

We crane up to reveal the night sky.

A UFO enters from screen left.

Prop master! A UFO enters!

Oh, yeah, this is so good.

And... enter DJ Kleb!

Someone call about a radioactive...

canine?

And... action, Luug!

Hello? I said "action"!

Ow! Hey, watch it, dude!
I'm the director, okay?

I'm irreplaceable.

Okay, bring in the radioactive
laser beaming space dog.

Luug, this is not what we rehearsed!

I'm running a set here, people,
not a daycare.

At this rate, we're gonna go
way over budget.

But there is no budget.

Don't make me replace you, Eli.

You can't replace me!

I'm already doing sound, special effects,
props, and I wrote the script.

Oh, right.

Hmm...

mm... mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

Mm, okay, you're rehired.

Now, back to places, people,
before we lose more light.

I've always wanted to say that.

How marvelous!

What a beautiful planet
you've chosen, Stuey.

- Exceptional taste.
- Thank you.

And dance lessons,
what a romantic idea.

Although I would much prefer
to grab a bite.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe later.

Uh...

Ready to move and groove, Varvatos?

- Whoopsie-daisy!
- Oh!

- Oh, my!
- Clumsy Varvatos!

He seems to have broken
your looking devices beyond repair.

Oh, my vision's a bit blurry without them.

Glorious.

Fortunately, you don't need to see
to move your body!

That'll be dance lesson number one for ya.

Nancy, thanks for joining
Varvatos and his friends

on this platonic excursion.

My pleasure.

Always nice to spend time with friends.

I got you, Mrs. Domzalski.

You know, one time, I got caught
TP-ing an old folks' home,

and they made me host Mahjong Night.

So, Varvatos, how are things
going with Nancy?

Have you told her you like her yet?

Peh! Varvatos refuses to busy himself
with the frivolity of emotion.

A fearless warrior such as...

Fearless warriors aren't afraid...

of little old ladies or feelings.

Tell her.

♪ Lonely ♪

♪ That was my name ♪

♪ Mambo! ♪

Is everybody ready?

Oh, good!

First, use your feet.

Then step left and step right.

Cross your feet, cross your legs.

Ow! Ugh!

♪ Que rico, mambo ♪

Now, grab your partner's hand.

- Huh?
- And put your other hand on their hips.

Oh! Ooh, that's good!

Bring them in close.

What?

Oh! You're doing so good.

I can't feel my legs.

- Now, let's spice things up!
- Oh, God!

Switch partners.

May I?

Yes!

Oh, what wonderful tones.

Did this one ever tell you
what a crooner he was?

Stuey, sing our song.

No, that's okay.
I don't like... Really.

Pwease, for me?

- My pipes are a bit rusty...
- I said sing the song!

Now switch partners!

Eeeh!

See? You don't need to be afraid
of Gwendolyn.

- She is lively!
- Yeah, and I just wanna stay a-lively.

Alive. I... Alive.

Another dancey, dear Nancy?

Hey, what do you say we revisit
the K-I-S-S-I-N-G tree,

then head to Benoit's for a milkshake?

A kissing tree?

I've never heard of such a thing.

Oh, I would love to explore it
with my Stuey...

alone.

Oh, who cares?

You've seen one tree,
you've seen them all, haven't you?

Go on, Stuart. Some alone time
will really help you reconnect.

Come on, my yummy widdle honeycake.

Why don't we all go, yes?
Nancy? Aja?

Oh, but that would kill the romance.

- Better the romance than me!
- Ta-ta!

If Stuart and Gwendolyn get back together,
they can be Gwooart.

- Or wait. Stendolyn!
- Yeah, sure, what... uh, whatever.

- Heh. I don't know.
- What's going on, Steve?

You've been acting
like a snackbutt all day.

Well, most of the time
you're running from Kubritz

or bounty hunters or whatever.

And when we finally have
a bit of downtime,

we're dancing with giant alie...
Garbanzo ladies or something.

All we ever do is Akiridion stuff.

I'm an Akiridion, Steve.

- Is that a problem?
- A moment, Nancy.

There's something Varvatos
needs to get off his wrinkly chest.

He wishes for us to see each other.

Uh... see each other?

What Varvatos...

What I'm trying to say is...

I'm having a lovely time.

Oh, that's so good to hear.

I can't wait to tell Phil.

We've been dating for a while now.

Phil's open and honest...

Looks like I stole your queen, Varvatos.

Checkmate, buttwrinkle!

He's more
than a chess player to me.

- Are you okay?
- Yes.

Isn't it divine?

You know, it really kind of is.

Should we, uh, do as the humans do?

Carve our initials, huh?

Here, let me help you with that claw.

Oh, my...

I've missed that pungent,
Durian scent of yours.

Oh... you're the only one
who's ever liked it.

It turns out my friends,
they were right.

You're not a killer.

You're a thief,
because Gwendolyn, my darling...

you've stolen my heart.

What do you say we give us
another chance, hmm?

- I'd say that would ruin my engagement.
- Your... Your what?

- Your engagement? Ahh!
- You know how simple the rules are.

Gorbons must mate for life
or consume their ex.

I can't marry him until you're digested.

His name is Theodore of Territora.

He's an accountant
and he's not afraid of commitment,

unlike some Durians!

Eeeh!

I'm not afraid of commitment,
I'm afraid of dying. Ah!

You're so cute when you're scared.

I could just eat you up.

And now I think I will!

We're having our first fight.
Is that human enough for you?

I like that you're an Akiridion.

I like you just the way you are.

But why can't we just do
something that's just us,

like go on an Earth date for once?

Oh, right, because you think
"alien dates are weird."

Hooo!

- Okay, that's kind of weird.
- Quickly!

Before love's grasp
rips Stuart limb from slimy limb,

like it's already done
to Varvatos.

You know what doesn't attack you?
Milkshakes!

I might not be from
this neck of the universe, Luugasaurus,

but that won't stop me from defending it!

Okay, DJ Kleb's in pain,
he's in pain, he's hurting.

Is this the end?

Give me more pain.

And... action, Luugasaurus!

Yeah! Yeah!

DJ Kleb is...

- Line!
- Ugh!

Cut, cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut, cut it!

- "DJ Kleb is here to party."
- But would my character say that?

Would he be looking to party
during a fight?

- But it's your catchphrase.
- Just trust the process, Krel.

- Krel!
- Is it urgent, Aja?

Stuart was right about his ex-girlfriend.

She's a monster!

Bring your serrator before Stuart becomes
Gwendolyn's dessert.

Can we pick this up tomorrow?

There's a man-hungry Gorbon I have to slay
in the middle of the forest right now.

A man-hungry Gorbon?

Imagine the production value!

Uh, sorry, Luug. You've been recast.

We just decided to go
in a different direction.

Put your date down!

I told you she was a man-eater!

Ah!

Ow!

Let go of my friend!

That's the problem. I can't!

My love life must continue,
and it can't until he's gone.

- Oh, no!
- Can anyone tell me what's going on?

Uh, wait here, Mrs. Domzalski.

Ow!

Maybe we could just talk about this?

I don't talk, I eat!

Die, creeper!

Yah!

Oh, no.

Kleb!

- Oh, Kleb.
- Down the hatch!

I'm too young to die!

No need to fear, DJ Kleb is almost here!

This is magic, baby! Pure mag... Ah!

We're good. We're good, people.

Let's... Let's move locations.

Oh, it's dark.

Dark and damp.

Hang on, is that Daryl?

You told me you and Daryl
were just friends!

Don't worry, Stuart!

I've got you!

Glorious!

Die, creeper!

Yah!

And... action!

- Krel!
- Ah! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!

DJ Kleb is here to party!

That was amazing!

I have a catchphrase!

And friends!

Get out of the shot, Nana!

Oh, hello, Toby Pie!

Wait, Nana?

No! No!

Oh!

Oh, thank you, Steve.

We are so gonna win this contest.

And then the People's Selection Awards.
And then...

Oh, no.
Guys, think I ran out of tape.

I told you we should have shot on digital.

No. Gwendolyn, please, please.

Must you seriously devour me?

Destroying you is the only way
to forget about our time together.

But you don't need to forget the past
to have a future.

Some memories are worth holding onto.

I... I held onto this.

You... You kept our snorfing pot?

Yeah, of course I did.

Remember when we made it?

Oh, how could I forget?

You kept getting clay on your nose.

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah! Yeah, I did.

You see? We had some happy times.

I kept this as a reminder of you, of us.

Snorf, snorf.

Hey, let's not finish as enemies, huh?

Eeeh!

- Oh, my gosh.
- No!

What the...?

That's what I needed.

Yep, devouring that snorfing pot
was just like devouring

all our memories together.

All those, ugh, feelings
for... you.

Just...
Yep, yep, yep, you're gone.

You're dead to me.

I mean, I can't believe we even dated.

I am so far out of your solar system.

Hey! I was gonna suggest
we remain friends...

Uh, sure. Uh-huh.

I'll text you... or something.

You know what sounds good right now?

One sweetheart milkshake
with two straws.

- Bon appétit.
- There are bones in this?

Move along, garçon.

See?

This is a date.

You know, it's kind of nice.

Sure, it's not as exciting
as your Akiridion adventures,

or slimy, or noisy, or stinky...

Point taken.

And I agree, we should be doing
more Earth stuff, just us.

But I'm an Akiridion, Steve,
and I can't change that.

Yeah, of course not.

You're amazing, but I'm human,
and I can't change that.

Unless, you know, I'm bitten
by a radioactive beetle or something,

which would be totally cool.

Think of all the...
Wait, what were we talking about?

Steve... you're amazing, too,
just the way you are.

Hey, tomorrow night,
you should come over for dinner.

Me? For dinner?

Oh, for dinner!

I'm still not sure.

Royal targets are present
and accounted for on Earth.

Superior work, Gwendolyn of Gorbon.

Shall I crush them for you, sir?

That is not required.

What I have planned for them
will be far more excruciating.