227 (1985–1990): Season 1, Episode 1 - Honesty - full transcript
♪ THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME ♪
♪ WITH YOUR FAMILY AROUND YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE NEVER ALONE ♪
♪ WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE LOVED ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO ROAM ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME ♪
♪ TIMES ARE CHANGIN' EVERY DAY ♪
♪ WE WON'T GET BY WITH THOSE SAME OLD WAYS ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ PULLIN' TOGETHER WE'LL MAKE IT RIGHT ♪
♪ WITH HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS I KNOW WE CAN FLY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME ♪
♪ WITH YOUR FAMILY AROUND YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE NEVER ALONE ♪
♪ WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE LOVED ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO ROAM ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO PLACE LIKE ♪
♪ YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T NO PLACE LIKE ♪
♪ YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO PLACE LIKE ♪
♪ THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME ♪
♪ I MEAN, NO PLACE, CHILD ♪
OH, AFTERNOON, ROSE.
AFTERNOON, MARY.
HI, PEARL.
AFTERNOON, MARY.
GIRL, THEY HAVEN'T PICKED UP THE GARBAGE YET.
NO, GIRL, THEY'RE LATE TODAY.
WELL, LOOKIN' AT HEFTY BAGS
IS NOT MY IDEA OF A BEAUTIFUL VIEW.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
THOSE BAGS MEAN WE HAD FOOD ON THE TABLE LAST NIGHT.
WE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL.
I'LL BE GRATEFUL WHEN THEY GET THE FOOD OFF THE STREET.
CATS AROUND HERE THINK IT'S RESTAURANT ROW.
MARY, YOU GOT TO HAVE PATIENCE.
I'D RATHER HAVE HOT WATER.
DO YOU KNOW THE SHOWER TURNED ICE COLD AGAIN TODAY?
YEAH. SAME AS MINE.
WELL, I'M SURE CALLOWAY JUST HASN'T HAD TIME TO FIX THE HEATER.
TIME MEANS MONEY, AND OUR LANDLORD IS SO STINGY,
NOT ONLY HAS HE GOT THE FIRST PENNY HE EVER MADE,
HE GOT IT TAPED TO HIS NAVEL.
GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES.
OH, AFTERNOON, KIM.
OFF TO SCHOOL, HUH?
YES, ENGLISH LITERATURE TODAY.
AMERICA, I LOVE IT HERE.
THEY EVEN GIFT-WRAP THE GARBAGE.
I CAN TELL HE AIN'T BEEN HERE LONG.
BUT GETTIN' BACK TO CALLOWAY,
HE AIN'T GOING TO FIX NOTHIN' IN THIS BUILDING.
THE HERNANDEZ'S REFRIGERATOR'S BEEN LEAKIN' SINCE LORD KNOWS HOW LONG.
YEAH, I HEARD THE O'BRIENS HAD ANOTHER CRACK
IN THEIR LIVING ROOM WALL.
GIRL.
I HEARD THE O'BRIENS GOT A CRACK IN THEIR MARRIAGE.
NO! OH, YES.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
THEY JUST CELEBRATED THEIR SILVER ANNIVERSARY.
WELL, I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING,
THEY AIN'T GOING FOR THE GOLD.
YOU KNOW, CALLOWAY AIN'T GOT NO CRACK IN HIS APARTMENT, THOUGH.
HE KEEPS EVERYTHING IN TIPTOP SHAPE.
THE RICH SURE GET RICHER, DON'T THEY?
SURE DO.
LIKE THEM FINE FOLKS ACROSS THE STREET.
OUR CONDO COLLEGUES.
[laughing]
YEAH, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD'S GETTIN' MIGHTY FANCY.
GIRL, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT LIMO JUST PULLIN' UP.
HMM, AIN'T THAT NOTHIN'.
I HEAR THEY COME WITH A BAR AND A T.V.
AND DON'T FORGET THE TELEPHONE.
YEAH, IF THE BACK ONE CALLS THE CHAUFFEUR...
[both laughing] IT'S LONG-DISTANCE!
OOH, LOOK AT LOUIE! STRUTTIN' LIKE A PEACOCK.
HMM, IF HE DON'T THINK HE'S A DOORMAN.
IN THAT UNIFORM, PROBABLY THINKS
HE'S A SOUTH AMERICAN GENERAL.
(both) HI, LOUIE!
LADIES...
YOU'RE HOME EARLY, SANDRA.
MY BOSS LET ME OFF. I HAVE A SEVERE HEADACHE.
SANDRA, AT THAT THEATRICAL AGENCY YOU WORK FOR,
DO YOU SEE MANY CELEBRITIES?
I'M THE RECEPTIONIST. I SEE 'EM ALL.
AND THEY SEE ALL OF HER.
AS A WORKING WOMAN,
MY TIME'S TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE AROUND HERE.
HOW'S MR. CALLOWAY?
I WOULDN'T KNOW.
HE HAS HIS APARTMENT, AND I HAVE MINE.
OUR RELATIONSHIP IS PURELY PLATONIC.
OH, IS THAT YOUR PLATONIC RING?
EXCUSE ME,
MY HEADACHE SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE.
[both laughing]
GIRL! YOU GOT THE DEVIL IN YOU.
OH, SHE MAKES ME SICK.
SHE SURE LOVES TO FLAUNT IT.
DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD IT?
GIRL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL WOMEN LIKE THAT.
YEAH. LUCKY.
SHE'S THE REASON NOTHING GETS FIXED AROUND HERE.
INSTEAD OF SPENDING MONEY ON THIS BUILDING,
CALLOWAY THROWS IT AWAY ON HER.
AND WE END UP WITH NOTHIN'.
YOU LIKE THE SHAPE YOUR APARTMENT'S IN?
OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S WHY I SIT HERE LOOKIN' THE OTHER WAY.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
MR. CALLOWAY SAID HE'S GOIN' TO GET THINGS DONE.
NOW, THE OTHER DAY WHEN I TOOK HIM THAT SOUP--
WHAT? YOU TOOK THAT OLD BUZZARD SOME SOUP?
I ALWAYS BRING HIM MY LEFTOVERS.
HOT SOUP, APPLE PIE.
YOU KNOW HE LOVES MY HOMEMADE FUDGE.
WELL, MARY, HE'S GOT NO ONE TO COOK FOR HIM.
WELL, WHAT DOES SANDRA DO? SHAKE AND BAKE?
HI, SWEETHEART, HOW YOU DOIN'?
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
FINE.
YEAH? ARE YOU SMARTER TODAY THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY?
YEAH. SO I'M NOT GOIN' BACK TOMORROW.
JUST KIDDIN', MOM.
OH, HI, MAMA.
JASON IS COMING!
JASON IS COMING!
[yelling]
JUST WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOIN' ON?
OH, HI--HI, MRS. JENKINS.
CALVIN DOBBS, IS THAT YOU IN THERE?
HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY, BOY?
UH, YES, MA'AM. I THINK I HAVE.
UH, IT--IT HAS BEEN KINDA HOT LATELY.
CALVIN WAS JUST CARRYING MY BOOKS FOR ME.
LET ME PUT THESE AWAY AND WE CAN GO.
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOIN', YOUNG LADY?
JUST OVER TO THE PARK, MAMA.
CALVIN WANTS TO SHOW ME WHERE HE GOES WHEN HE WANTS TO THINK ABOUT THINGS.
HUH! MUST BE A VERY SMALL PLACE.
[laughing]
THAT'S A GOOD ONE, MRS. JENKINS.
UH, BREN, MAYBE I'LL DO THIS SOME OTHER TIME.
BYE, MRS. JENKINS.
WELL, HE'S HOT.
THAT BOY'S 16 AND YOU'RE BARELY 14.
SO? WHEN I'M 20, HE'LL BE 22.
FINE. CALL HIM THEN.
I CAN'T DO NOTHIN' AROUND HERE.
DID YOU HAVE SOMETHIN' TO SAY?
MAMA, CAN I GO GET AN ICE CREAM CONE?
OH, SURE, HONEY, HERE'S A QUARTER.
ROSE, ARE YOU CRAZY?
YOU'RE GONNA GIVE THAT CHILD A QUARTER FOR ICE CREAM?
YOU'RE RIGHT. HERE'S 50 CENTS.
THANKS, MOM. OK. BYE-BYE.
I'M TELLIN' YOU, ROSE. YOU SPOILIN' THAT CHILD.
YOU SHOULD NEVER LET HER HAVE ICE CREAM
BEFORE SHE DOES HER HOMEWORK.
MARY, I DON'T SEE WHY THAT DOES ANY HARM.
IT CREATES BAD HABITS. THAT'S WHAT IT DOES.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?
YOU EXPECT EVERYBODY TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.
PERFECT.
OH, IS THAT WHAT MY PROBLEM IS?
HMM.
OKAY.
SEE THAT? THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR TRYIN' TO BE GOOD FRIENDS.
FROM NOW, I'LL JUST SIT RIGHT OVER HERE AND TEND TO MY OWN BUSINESS.
AND I'LL SIT RIGHT OVER HERE AND TEND TO MINE.
FINE. GOOD.
GREAT. WONDERFUL.
I WON'T EVEN TELL YOU ABOUT FRED ANDERSON.
COMIN' HOME LATE LAST NIGHT?
HMM-MMM.
NOW YOU KNOW THAT WAS A SIN AND A SHAME.
YOU KNOW LAST WEEK--
[truck approaching]
WELL, THAT GARBAGE TRUCK FINALLY GOT HERE.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU ALL SPEND MORE TIME WORKIN'
AND LESS TIME ON COFFEE BREAKS?
DID YOU SEE THAT?
DID YOU?
AND THEY WEREN'T SAYIN' "WE'RE NUMBER ONE" EITHER.
THAT'S THE 5th QUARTER I PUT IN.
THIS THING IS WORSE THAN THE SLOT MACHINES IN LAS VEGAS.
I KEEP TELLIN' YOU ALL, YOU'RE WASTIN' YOUR TIME.
WHAT WE NEED DOWN HERE IS SOME NEW WASHING MACHINES.
WELL, I GUESS SO. THESE ARE SO OLD,
IT TAKES CONFEDERATE MONEY TO RUN THEM.
NOW I SAY, WE DON'T TAKE THIS LYIN' DOWN,
I SAY WE DO SOMETHIN'.
MARY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT ACTION. THAT'S WHAT.
WE DON'T HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS.
MARY, IF YOU'RE FINISHED, COULD YOU COME DOWN OFF YOUR SOAPBOX
LONG ENOUGH TO FIX YOUR FAMILY SOME DINNER.
HONEY, I HEAR YOU. BUT YOU KNOW AS WELL AS WE DO
THAT THIS BUILDING HAS GOT A LOT OF VIOLATIONS
THAT CALLOWAY HAS NOT TAKE CARE OF.
NOW, I SAY, WE GET A CITY INSPECTOR DOWN HERE
AND SHOW HIM THAT WE MEAN BUSINESS.
MARY, YOU'LL ONLY GO MAKE THING WORSE.
LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND, MARY.
HE'S THE VOICE OF CALM IN A ROUGH SEA.
WHEN I WANT A POETRY READING, ROSE, I WILL ASK FOR IT.
I SAY WE FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE.
RIGHT.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
IF YOU LIKE HITTIN' THE MAN WHEN HE'S DOWN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I TOOK MR. CALLOWAY TO THE HOSPITAL.
OH, THE POOR MAN.
THE POOR MAN, MY FOOT!
HERE WE GO AGAIN,
EVERY TIME WE PUT PRESSURE ON THIS MAN,
HE PULLS THE SAME OLD SICK ROUTINE.
REMEMBER, WHEN WE INVITED HIM TO THE TENANTS' MEETING
AND HE CAME DOWN WITH A FLU.
MARY, THE MAN HAPPENS TO BE IN CRITICAL CONDITION.
HIS HEART'S NOT BEATING REGULAR.
THEY GOT HIM ON OXYGEN.
A FAIRY TALE, FOLKS.
COME ON, BABY, LET'S GO. COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE, HONEY. DON'T LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN.
SHE IS JUST TRYIN' TO PROTECT HIS MONEY.
AS THE LORD IS MY WITNESS, IT IS A FAKE.
NO WAY IS THAT MAN SICK.
THAT SURE WAS A LOVELY FUNERAL, WASN'T IT?
MR. CALLOWAY LOOKED SO PEACEFUL.
WELL, OF COURSE HE LOOKED PEACEFUL, ROSE,
HE WAS DEAD.
BUT HE LOOKED GOOD THOUGH, DIDN'T HE?
WELL, SEE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
THEY PLUMP YOU UP SO YOU LOOK REAL GOOD.
REMEMBER HOW GOOD HEDDA BROWN LOOKED WHEN SHE DIED?
AND YOU KNOW, SHE WAS THE UGLIEST WOMAN ON GOD'S EARTH.
OOF!
OH, BUT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL ON THE INSIDE.
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERED.
OH, NOW THAT MR. CALLOWAY'S GONE,
I'M GLAD I TOOK HIM THAT HOT SOUP,
APPLE PIE, AND HOMEMADE FUDGE.
THE FUNERAL IS OVER, ROSE.
COULD YOU PLEASE STOP TALKIN' ABOUT IT.
I'D LIKE TO FORGET IT.
OH, YOU FINALLY ADMITTIN' HE AIN'T FAKIN' IT.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT ME AND CALLOWAY DIDN'T GET ALONG,
AND HE'D DO ANYTHING TO PROVE ME WRONG.
AREN'T YOU SORRY NOW FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT HIM?
WELL, OF COURSE I'M SORRY, ROSE.
OH, HERE COMES LOUIE.
PROBABLY WANTS TO PAY HIS RESPECTS.
WHAT'S HE PAYIN' THEM TO US FOR?
WE AIN'T RELATED TO THE DECEASED.
PEARL.
[sighs]
IT WAS SUCH A SHOCK,
MR. CALLOWAY DYING SO SUDDENLY.
YES, IT WAS.
UH, DID HE DIE OF ANYTHING SERIOUS?
HE STOPPED BREATHIN'.
WELL, IT'S--IT'S A SHAME.
UH, HOW IS HIS LADY FRIEND TAKING IT?
WHAT LADY?
OH, I'M SURE SHE'S TAKIN' IT REAL HARD.
YOU KNOW, SHE HASN'T BEEN OUT OF THAT APARTMENT SINCE THE FUNERAL.
OH. WELL, WHEN I, UH, FINISH WORK,
I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER HER MY CONDOLENCES.
UH, DO YOU KNOW IF, UH, SHE'S, UH, ACCEPTING VISITORS?
WELL, IF YOU'RE A MAN, I'D SAY YOU'VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD SHOT.
THANK YOU.
I QUALIFY.
MARY, HOW CAN YOU TALK ABOUT SANDRA THAT WAY?
I'M SURE THIS WHOLE THING IS JUST--JUST TEARING HER TO PIECES.
HI, SANDRA. HOW YOU FEELIN', HONEY?
AS WELL AS COULD BE EXPECTED.
WELL, JUST REMEMBER TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I'M JUST TRYING TO HOLD MYSELF TOGETHER.
WELL, YOU GOT ON THE RIGHT DRESS FOR IT.
EXCUSE ME, ROSE. HAVE TO GO.
I UNDERSTAND.
YOU WANT TO BE ALONE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS.
NO. I'M GOIN' SHOPPIN'.
NOTHIN' LIKE BUYIN' A FEW NEW THINGS TO SHAKE THE BLUES.
TEARIN' HER TO PIECES, HUH?
IN MOURNIN', HUH?
SHE WAS DRESSED IN BLACK.
YEAH, FIRST TIME I EVER SAW A BLACK ARMBAND USED AS A SKIRT.
YOU KNOW THE THING THAT WORRIES ME IS,
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO THIS BUILDIN' NOW?
AND WHERE DO WE STAND?
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?
(both) WHAT?
THE WORD IS:
CALLOWAY LEFT THE BUILDIN' TO ONE OF THE TENANTS.
3 GUESSES AS TO WHO.
SANDRA?
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
WHAT?
YOU HEARD THAT EXPRESSION UP A CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE?
YEAH.
THE WAY YOU AND SANDRA GET ALONG,
YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE A CANOE.
ONE BEDROOM, $1,100?
2 BEDROOMS, $1,500!
$1,500?
I TOLD BRENDA ABOUT STAYIN' ON THAT TELEPHONE.
OH, LESTER,
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH RENTS ARE IN THIS CITY, HONEY?
I ONLY HELP BUILD THEM, BABY. I DON'T GET TO RENT THEM.
WELL, I CAN TELL YOU, IT'D BE CHEAPER TO BUY AN UNDEVELOPED NATION.
LOOK AT THIS.
[whistles]
THAT IS SOMETHIN'. BUT TELL ME
WHY ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT ADS FOR APARTMENTS?
WELL, HONEY, I FIGURED IF WE'RE GONNA PAY 25 CENTS FOR A PAPER,
I'M GOING TO READ IT ALL.
OKAY, MARY, WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE ARE WE IN NOW?
TROUBLE? DID I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT TROUBLE?
WE MAY HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF 227.
MOVE? WHAT'D YOU DO NOW?
ME? I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT MY FAULT CALLOWAY DIED.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
BUT WORD IS HE LEFT THIS BUILDING TO SANDRA.
THE ENTIRE BUILDING? EVERYTHING?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
WOW. SHE MUST BE SOME KIND OF WOMAN.
COME ON, COME ON!
LUCKY FOR YOU YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT.
COME ON, WOULD I-- YEAH.
COOL DOWN, COOL DOWN!
COOL DOWN, NOTHIN'. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT'LL HAPPEN
IF THAT WOMAN GETS AHOLD OF THIS BUILDING?
MAYVE YOU'RE JUMPIN' THE GUN.
EVEN IF SHE DOES GET THE BUILDING,
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS PLANNED.
WE PAY THE RENT, WE'RE GOOD TENANTS.
AND SHE HAS NOTHIN' AGAINST ME.
WELL, SHE HATES ME.
WELL, THEN ONLY YOU HAVE TO MOVE.
LOOK, I WAS JUST KIDDIN', BABY.
I THINK WE OUGHT TO FIND OUT WHAT SHE HAS IN MIND.
YOU KNOW, PRY UP TO HER, FEEL HER OUT.
SHE'S NOT MY TYPE.
LOOK, JUST BE NICE TO HER.
THAT FLOOZY?
I'LL BE GLAD TO TALK TO HER.
OH, NO, YOU WON'T. I'LL TALK TO HER.
ALL RIGHT, THEN YOU DO THAT. BUT REMEMBER: BE NICE.
MOM. DAD.
I HAVE COMPANY.
YOU GIRLS FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK?
YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THOUGHT I'D JUST MIGHT MAKE DINNER TONIGHT,
YOU DESERVE A BREAK.
YOU BEIN' AWFULLY NICE, YOUNG LADY.
NOW JUST WHAT IS IT YOU'RE GONNA ASK ME THAT I'M NOT GOING TO LIKE
THAT YOU GONNA DIE IF I DON'T DO.
WELL, WE JUST WANT TO KNOW IF WE COULD GO TO THE MOVIES TONIGHT.
ON A SCHOOL NIGHT?
DID ROSE SAY YOU COULD GO?
SHE SAID IT WAS ALL RIGHT WITH HER
IF IT WAS ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.
AND PLEASE, MS. JENKINS, IT'S WITH EDDIE MURPHY.
OH, EDDIE MURPHY, EDDIE MURPHY, THAT'S ALL I EVER HEAR.
DADDY... MARY.
LESTER. SORRY.
AND I GUESS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA MEET CALVIN THERE.
AND WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
OH, JUST A WILD THOUGHT.
NOW NO MOVIES ON SCHOOL NIGHTS AND THAT'S FINAL.
TSK.
TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK.
WELL, YOU SET IT UP WRONG.
HI, MARY, I THINK YOUR CLOTHES ARE READY.
OH, THANK YOU, CORR.
HI, SANDRA.
I WAS JUST THINKIN' ABOUT YOU.
REALLY?
YES, I WAS WONDERIN' HOW YOU BEEN HOLDIN' UP?
NOT BAD. BUT I'M SURE AFTER THE WILL READING ON SATURDAY,
I'LL BE FEELIN' A WHOLE LOT BETTER.
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN'?
WE SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME,
AND WE NEVER GET TO TALK.
OH, YES. TALKING. THAT IS YOUR SPECIALTY.
I THOUGHT YOU HAD YOUR CLOTHES DRY CLEANED.
OH, I DO.
BUT I DON'T LIKE JUST ANYONE TO TOUCH MY UNDERWEAR.
[mumbling] DON'T SAY IT.
YOU KNOW, MARY, LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO BE
GETTING MYSELF A BRAND-NEW WARDROBE,
SO MAYBE YOU CAN USE SOME OF MY OLD CLOTHES.
NO, THANK YOU.
OH, YEAH. WITH MY CLOTHES AND THE RIGHT MAKE-UP,
A HAIR WEAVE, SOME NEW PANTY HOSE,
YOU PROBABLY COULD LOOK HALFWAY DECENT.
YOU KNOW, SANDRA, FOR ALL OUR FUSSING BACK AND FORTH,
I BET IF WE TRIED, WE COULD BE JUST LIKE SISTERS.
YOU THINK SO? OH, SURE.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED AN OLDER SISTER.
MARY, WERE YOU FIXIN' TO TELL ME SOMTHING
OR ASK ME SOMETHING OR JUST BEG?
I WAS TRYIN' TO BE NICE TO YOU,
BUT I CAN SEE THAT ISN'T ANY GOOD.
YOU'RE JUST OUT FOR WHAT YOU CAN GET
AND ANYBODY YOU CAN GET IT FROM.
OH, GO AHEAD, MARY, TALK ALL YOU WANT.
BUT YOU BETTER DO ALL YOUR TALKIN' NOW,
BECAUSE WHEN I BECOME OWNER OF THIS BUILDING,
THERE ARE GOING TO BE CHANGES AROUND HERE.
YOUR LEASE IS UP IN NOVEMBER, ISN'T IT?
IF YOU GOT A POINT? MAKE IT.
THE POINT IS THERE ARE GOING TO BE RENT RAISES, OKAY?
SO COME NOVEMBER, YOU BETTER GET YOUR CHECKBOOK READY FOR A BIG SHOCK.
IS THAT SO?
WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHERE YOU CAN PUT YOUR RENT RAISES?
YOU KNOW YOUR PROBLEM, MARY?
YOU JUST DON'T HAVE ENOUGH COUTH.
THAT'S WHY I'M THINKIN' OF MAYBE GOIN' CONDO.
GET A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE IN HERE.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT. WHEN ARE YOU MOVING?
MARY, I'VE TAKEN A LOT OF STUFF FROM YOU,
BUT A NEW DAY IS COMIN' AND I'M SITTIN' IN THE RIGHT CHAIR.
AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,
YOU CAN MOVE YOUR FLAPPIN' MOUTH SOMEWHERE ELSE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
I WAS HERE WHEN YOU CAME, BABY,
AND I WILL BE HERE WHEN YOU'RE GONE.
NOW YOU CAN THREATEN ME
UNTIL YOUR FACE TURNS THE COLOR OF THAT CHEAP LIPSTICK YOU WEAR.
BUT NOBODY, AND I DO MEAN NOBODY,
IS FORCIN' ME OUT OF MY HOME.
OH, AND AS LONG AS YOU'RE DOING A WASH, SUGAR,
WHY DON'T YOU THROW YOUR WIG IN?
IT'S GETTING KIND OF DUSTY.
[people chattering]
MARY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
THEY'RE ABOUT TO READ THE WILL.
I WAS TALKIN' TO THE BUILDING INSPECTOR,
HE'S ALMOST FINISHED.
YOU CALLED THE BUILDING INSPECTOR?
OH, I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA,
THAT MIGHT BE A LOT OF TROUBLE.
TRUST ME, ROSE. OH...
WELL, IF, UH, EVERYONE'S HERE,
PERHAPS WE OUGHT TO GET STARTED.
I DON'T SEE SANDRA.
OH, SHE'LL BE HERE.
SHE'S PROBABLY LOOKIN' FOR ONE HER EYELASHES.
OH, WILL YOU SIT DOWN?
SORRY I'M LATE.
I HAD TO STOP BY THE BANK AND OPEN A NEW ACCOUNT.
OH, THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY SEATS LEFT.
THANK YOU, LESTER.
"THIS DOCUMENT SHALL SERVE TO RIGHTFULLY BEQUEATH
"ALL EXISTING HOLDINGS, PROPERTIES, AND MONIES OF HERBERT CALLOWAY,
"HEREWITH KNOWN AS THE PARTY OF THE FIRST PART,
"AND SUBSEQUENT AS THE OWNER IN REFERENCE OF
SAID PROPERTIES UNDER ARTICLE 7, PARAGRAPH 3."
WHAT'D HE SAY?
I DON'T KNOW. HE'S PROBABLY GETTIN' PAID BY THE WORD.
EXCUSE ME,
BUT CAN WE SKIP ALL THESE LEGAL PARTIES
AND GET DOWN TO THE NITTY-GRITTY?
AM I GETTIN' ANYTHING?
SIT DOWN, PEARL.
WHY WOULD CALLOWAY LEAVE YOU ANYTHING?
'CAUSE I'M OLD, AND I WANT SOMETHIN'.
THIS TIME OF SORROW IS PAINFUL FOR ALL OF US.
CAN WE MOVE IT ALONG? THE QUICKER WE GET THIS OVER WITH, THE BETTER.
PROBABLY WHAT SHE USED TO TELL CALLOWAY.
WELL, IT'S A SIMPLE WILL, SO LET'S CONTINUE.
"227 HAS BEEN MORE LIKE A HOME TO ME
"INSTEAD OF JUST A PIECE OF PROPERTY.
"I WILL THE DEED AND COMPLETE CONTROL
"TO A WOMAN WHOM I'VE COME TO ADMIRE OVER THE YEARS,
"SOMEONE I COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON
"FOR A SMILE OR GOOD WORD,
"EVEN PERHAPS WHEN I DIDN'T DESERVE IT.
"THOUGHTFUL, KIND, SWEET, YET PLAYFUL, AND LIVELY.
"ALTHOUGH SOME OF YOU MAY QUESTION MY JUDGMENT IN THIS DECISION,
"ALL I CAN SAY IS,
"HEY, IT'S MY BUILDING, NOT YOURS.
"I, THEREFORE, WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE, LEAVE 227,
"LOCK, STOCK, AND BARREL,
"TO THE WOMAN WHO MAKES THE BEST APPLE PIE
I'VE EVER TASTED."
APPLE PIE?
WE NEVER USED APPLE PIE.
"MRS. ROSE LEE HOLLOWAY."
[exclaims]
ROSE, THAT'S YOU!
ROSE, YOU'RE RICH!
WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?
IT SAYS, "MRS. ROSE LEE HOLLOWAY."
WHAT ABOUT ME? DIDN'T I GET ANYTHING?
ARE YOU SANDRA CLARK? YES.
WELL, NOW, THERE IS SOMETHING.
HE LEFT YOU THIS PORTRAIT OF HIMSELF,
AND I THINK IT'S JUST LOVELY.
PORTRAIT? THIS IS ALL I GET?
CONGRATULATIONS, ROSE.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO TO MY APARTMENT
TO DECIDE JUST WHERE I WANT TO PUT THIS PORTRAIT.
[Sandra screaming]
[all laughing]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, MARY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!
YOU'RE A PROPERTY OWNER, CHILD.
YOU KNOW WHAT A GOLD MINE YOU JUST INHERITED.
THE MONEY'S GOING TO BE JUST POURING IN!
OH, I'VE NEVER OWNED ANYTHING BEFORE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE IT.
GIRL, RELAX. YOU GOT ME FOR A FRIEND.
I'LL HELP YOU.
OH, EXCUSE ME, UH, MRS. JENKINS,
I'VE FINISHED INSPECTING THE BUILDING,
AND YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A DOOZIE.
IT'LL TAKE A BUNDLE TO FIX UP THIS PLACE.
DOES THE OWNER HAPPEN TO BE HERE?
♪ WITH YOUR FAMILY AROUND YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE NEVER ALONE ♪
♪ WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE LOVED ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO ROAM ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME ♪
♪ TIMES ARE CHANGIN' EVERY DAY ♪
♪ WE WON'T GET BY WITH THOSE SAME OLD WAYS ♪
♪ NO, NO ♪
♪ PULLIN' TOGETHER WE'LL MAKE IT RIGHT ♪
♪ WITH HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS I KNOW WE CAN FLY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME ♪
♪ WITH YOUR FAMILY AROUND YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE NEVER ALONE ♪
♪ WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE LOVED ♪
♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO ROAM ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO PLACE LIKE ♪
♪ YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T NO PLACE LIKE ♪
♪ YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO PLACE LIKE ♪
♪ THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME ♪
♪ I MEAN, NO PLACE, CHILD ♪
OH, AFTERNOON, ROSE.
AFTERNOON, MARY.
HI, PEARL.
AFTERNOON, MARY.
GIRL, THEY HAVEN'T PICKED UP THE GARBAGE YET.
NO, GIRL, THEY'RE LATE TODAY.
WELL, LOOKIN' AT HEFTY BAGS
IS NOT MY IDEA OF A BEAUTIFUL VIEW.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
THOSE BAGS MEAN WE HAD FOOD ON THE TABLE LAST NIGHT.
WE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL.
I'LL BE GRATEFUL WHEN THEY GET THE FOOD OFF THE STREET.
CATS AROUND HERE THINK IT'S RESTAURANT ROW.
MARY, YOU GOT TO HAVE PATIENCE.
I'D RATHER HAVE HOT WATER.
DO YOU KNOW THE SHOWER TURNED ICE COLD AGAIN TODAY?
YEAH. SAME AS MINE.
WELL, I'M SURE CALLOWAY JUST HASN'T HAD TIME TO FIX THE HEATER.
TIME MEANS MONEY, AND OUR LANDLORD IS SO STINGY,
NOT ONLY HAS HE GOT THE FIRST PENNY HE EVER MADE,
HE GOT IT TAPED TO HIS NAVEL.
GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES.
OH, AFTERNOON, KIM.
OFF TO SCHOOL, HUH?
YES, ENGLISH LITERATURE TODAY.
AMERICA, I LOVE IT HERE.
THEY EVEN GIFT-WRAP THE GARBAGE.
I CAN TELL HE AIN'T BEEN HERE LONG.
BUT GETTIN' BACK TO CALLOWAY,
HE AIN'T GOING TO FIX NOTHIN' IN THIS BUILDING.
THE HERNANDEZ'S REFRIGERATOR'S BEEN LEAKIN' SINCE LORD KNOWS HOW LONG.
YEAH, I HEARD THE O'BRIENS HAD ANOTHER CRACK
IN THEIR LIVING ROOM WALL.
GIRL.
I HEARD THE O'BRIENS GOT A CRACK IN THEIR MARRIAGE.
NO! OH, YES.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
THEY JUST CELEBRATED THEIR SILVER ANNIVERSARY.
WELL, I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING,
THEY AIN'T GOING FOR THE GOLD.
YOU KNOW, CALLOWAY AIN'T GOT NO CRACK IN HIS APARTMENT, THOUGH.
HE KEEPS EVERYTHING IN TIPTOP SHAPE.
THE RICH SURE GET RICHER, DON'T THEY?
SURE DO.
LIKE THEM FINE FOLKS ACROSS THE STREET.
OUR CONDO COLLEGUES.
[laughing]
YEAH, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD'S GETTIN' MIGHTY FANCY.
GIRL, LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT LIMO JUST PULLIN' UP.
HMM, AIN'T THAT NOTHIN'.
I HEAR THEY COME WITH A BAR AND A T.V.
AND DON'T FORGET THE TELEPHONE.
YEAH, IF THE BACK ONE CALLS THE CHAUFFEUR...
[both laughing] IT'S LONG-DISTANCE!
OOH, LOOK AT LOUIE! STRUTTIN' LIKE A PEACOCK.
HMM, IF HE DON'T THINK HE'S A DOORMAN.
IN THAT UNIFORM, PROBABLY THINKS
HE'S A SOUTH AMERICAN GENERAL.
(both) HI, LOUIE!
LADIES...
YOU'RE HOME EARLY, SANDRA.
MY BOSS LET ME OFF. I HAVE A SEVERE HEADACHE.
SANDRA, AT THAT THEATRICAL AGENCY YOU WORK FOR,
DO YOU SEE MANY CELEBRITIES?
I'M THE RECEPTIONIST. I SEE 'EM ALL.
AND THEY SEE ALL OF HER.
AS A WORKING WOMAN,
MY TIME'S TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE AROUND HERE.
HOW'S MR. CALLOWAY?
I WOULDN'T KNOW.
HE HAS HIS APARTMENT, AND I HAVE MINE.
OUR RELATIONSHIP IS PURELY PLATONIC.
OH, IS THAT YOUR PLATONIC RING?
EXCUSE ME,
MY HEADACHE SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE.
[both laughing]
GIRL! YOU GOT THE DEVIL IN YOU.
OH, SHE MAKES ME SICK.
SHE SURE LOVES TO FLAUNT IT.
DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD IT?
GIRL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL WOMEN LIKE THAT.
YEAH. LUCKY.
SHE'S THE REASON NOTHING GETS FIXED AROUND HERE.
INSTEAD OF SPENDING MONEY ON THIS BUILDING,
CALLOWAY THROWS IT AWAY ON HER.
AND WE END UP WITH NOTHIN'.
YOU LIKE THE SHAPE YOUR APARTMENT'S IN?
OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S WHY I SIT HERE LOOKIN' THE OTHER WAY.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
MR. CALLOWAY SAID HE'S GOIN' TO GET THINGS DONE.
NOW, THE OTHER DAY WHEN I TOOK HIM THAT SOUP--
WHAT? YOU TOOK THAT OLD BUZZARD SOME SOUP?
I ALWAYS BRING HIM MY LEFTOVERS.
HOT SOUP, APPLE PIE.
YOU KNOW HE LOVES MY HOMEMADE FUDGE.
WELL, MARY, HE'S GOT NO ONE TO COOK FOR HIM.
WELL, WHAT DOES SANDRA DO? SHAKE AND BAKE?
HI, SWEETHEART, HOW YOU DOIN'?
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?
FINE.
YEAH? ARE YOU SMARTER TODAY THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY?
YEAH. SO I'M NOT GOIN' BACK TOMORROW.
JUST KIDDIN', MOM.
OH, HI, MAMA.
JASON IS COMING!
JASON IS COMING!
[yelling]
JUST WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOIN' ON?
OH, HI--HI, MRS. JENKINS.
CALVIN DOBBS, IS THAT YOU IN THERE?
HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY, BOY?
UH, YES, MA'AM. I THINK I HAVE.
UH, IT--IT HAS BEEN KINDA HOT LATELY.
CALVIN WAS JUST CARRYING MY BOOKS FOR ME.
LET ME PUT THESE AWAY AND WE CAN GO.
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOIN', YOUNG LADY?
JUST OVER TO THE PARK, MAMA.
CALVIN WANTS TO SHOW ME WHERE HE GOES WHEN HE WANTS TO THINK ABOUT THINGS.
HUH! MUST BE A VERY SMALL PLACE.
[laughing]
THAT'S A GOOD ONE, MRS. JENKINS.
UH, BREN, MAYBE I'LL DO THIS SOME OTHER TIME.
BYE, MRS. JENKINS.
WELL, HE'S HOT.
THAT BOY'S 16 AND YOU'RE BARELY 14.
SO? WHEN I'M 20, HE'LL BE 22.
FINE. CALL HIM THEN.
I CAN'T DO NOTHIN' AROUND HERE.
DID YOU HAVE SOMETHIN' TO SAY?
MAMA, CAN I GO GET AN ICE CREAM CONE?
OH, SURE, HONEY, HERE'S A QUARTER.
ROSE, ARE YOU CRAZY?
YOU'RE GONNA GIVE THAT CHILD A QUARTER FOR ICE CREAM?
YOU'RE RIGHT. HERE'S 50 CENTS.
THANKS, MOM. OK. BYE-BYE.
I'M TELLIN' YOU, ROSE. YOU SPOILIN' THAT CHILD.
YOU SHOULD NEVER LET HER HAVE ICE CREAM
BEFORE SHE DOES HER HOMEWORK.
MARY, I DON'T SEE WHY THAT DOES ANY HARM.
IT CREATES BAD HABITS. THAT'S WHAT IT DOES.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?
YOU EXPECT EVERYBODY TO BE JUST LIKE YOU.
PERFECT.
OH, IS THAT WHAT MY PROBLEM IS?
HMM.
OKAY.
SEE THAT? THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR TRYIN' TO BE GOOD FRIENDS.
FROM NOW, I'LL JUST SIT RIGHT OVER HERE AND TEND TO MY OWN BUSINESS.
AND I'LL SIT RIGHT OVER HERE AND TEND TO MINE.
FINE. GOOD.
GREAT. WONDERFUL.
I WON'T EVEN TELL YOU ABOUT FRED ANDERSON.
COMIN' HOME LATE LAST NIGHT?
HMM-MMM.
NOW YOU KNOW THAT WAS A SIN AND A SHAME.
YOU KNOW LAST WEEK--
[truck approaching]
WELL, THAT GARBAGE TRUCK FINALLY GOT HERE.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.
HEY! WHY DON'T YOU ALL SPEND MORE TIME WORKIN'
AND LESS TIME ON COFFEE BREAKS?
DID YOU SEE THAT?
DID YOU?
AND THEY WEREN'T SAYIN' "WE'RE NUMBER ONE" EITHER.
THAT'S THE 5th QUARTER I PUT IN.
THIS THING IS WORSE THAN THE SLOT MACHINES IN LAS VEGAS.
I KEEP TELLIN' YOU ALL, YOU'RE WASTIN' YOUR TIME.
WHAT WE NEED DOWN HERE IS SOME NEW WASHING MACHINES.
WELL, I GUESS SO. THESE ARE SO OLD,
IT TAKES CONFEDERATE MONEY TO RUN THEM.
NOW I SAY, WE DON'T TAKE THIS LYIN' DOWN,
I SAY WE DO SOMETHIN'.
MARY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT ACTION. THAT'S WHAT.
WE DON'T HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS.
MARY, IF YOU'RE FINISHED, COULD YOU COME DOWN OFF YOUR SOAPBOX
LONG ENOUGH TO FIX YOUR FAMILY SOME DINNER.
HONEY, I HEAR YOU. BUT YOU KNOW AS WELL AS WE DO
THAT THIS BUILDING HAS GOT A LOT OF VIOLATIONS
THAT CALLOWAY HAS NOT TAKE CARE OF.
NOW, I SAY, WE GET A CITY INSPECTOR DOWN HERE
AND SHOW HIM THAT WE MEAN BUSINESS.
MARY, YOU'LL ONLY GO MAKE THING WORSE.
LISTEN TO YOUR HUSBAND, MARY.
HE'S THE VOICE OF CALM IN A ROUGH SEA.
WHEN I WANT A POETRY READING, ROSE, I WILL ASK FOR IT.
I SAY WE FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE.
RIGHT.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
IF YOU LIKE HITTIN' THE MAN WHEN HE'S DOWN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I TOOK MR. CALLOWAY TO THE HOSPITAL.
OH, THE POOR MAN.
THE POOR MAN, MY FOOT!
HERE WE GO AGAIN,
EVERY TIME WE PUT PRESSURE ON THIS MAN,
HE PULLS THE SAME OLD SICK ROUTINE.
REMEMBER, WHEN WE INVITED HIM TO THE TENANTS' MEETING
AND HE CAME DOWN WITH A FLU.
MARY, THE MAN HAPPENS TO BE IN CRITICAL CONDITION.
HIS HEART'S NOT BEATING REGULAR.
THEY GOT HIM ON OXYGEN.
A FAIRY TALE, FOLKS.
COME ON, BABY, LET'S GO. COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE, HONEY. DON'T LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN.
SHE IS JUST TRYIN' TO PROTECT HIS MONEY.
AS THE LORD IS MY WITNESS, IT IS A FAKE.
NO WAY IS THAT MAN SICK.
THAT SURE WAS A LOVELY FUNERAL, WASN'T IT?
MR. CALLOWAY LOOKED SO PEACEFUL.
WELL, OF COURSE HE LOOKED PEACEFUL, ROSE,
HE WAS DEAD.
BUT HE LOOKED GOOD THOUGH, DIDN'T HE?
WELL, SEE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
THEY PLUMP YOU UP SO YOU LOOK REAL GOOD.
REMEMBER HOW GOOD HEDDA BROWN LOOKED WHEN SHE DIED?
AND YOU KNOW, SHE WAS THE UGLIEST WOMAN ON GOD'S EARTH.
OOF!
OH, BUT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL ON THE INSIDE.
THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERED.
OH, NOW THAT MR. CALLOWAY'S GONE,
I'M GLAD I TOOK HIM THAT HOT SOUP,
APPLE PIE, AND HOMEMADE FUDGE.
THE FUNERAL IS OVER, ROSE.
COULD YOU PLEASE STOP TALKIN' ABOUT IT.
I'D LIKE TO FORGET IT.
OH, YOU FINALLY ADMITTIN' HE AIN'T FAKIN' IT.
ALL I KNOW IS THAT ME AND CALLOWAY DIDN'T GET ALONG,
AND HE'D DO ANYTHING TO PROVE ME WRONG.
AREN'T YOU SORRY NOW FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT HIM?
WELL, OF COURSE I'M SORRY, ROSE.
OH, HERE COMES LOUIE.
PROBABLY WANTS TO PAY HIS RESPECTS.
WHAT'S HE PAYIN' THEM TO US FOR?
WE AIN'T RELATED TO THE DECEASED.
PEARL.
[sighs]
IT WAS SUCH A SHOCK,
MR. CALLOWAY DYING SO SUDDENLY.
YES, IT WAS.
UH, DID HE DIE OF ANYTHING SERIOUS?
HE STOPPED BREATHIN'.
WELL, IT'S--IT'S A SHAME.
UH, HOW IS HIS LADY FRIEND TAKING IT?
WHAT LADY?
OH, I'M SURE SHE'S TAKIN' IT REAL HARD.
YOU KNOW, SHE HASN'T BEEN OUT OF THAT APARTMENT SINCE THE FUNERAL.
OH. WELL, WHEN I, UH, FINISH WORK,
I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER HER MY CONDOLENCES.
UH, DO YOU KNOW IF, UH, SHE'S, UH, ACCEPTING VISITORS?
WELL, IF YOU'RE A MAN, I'D SAY YOU'VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD SHOT.
THANK YOU.
I QUALIFY.
MARY, HOW CAN YOU TALK ABOUT SANDRA THAT WAY?
I'M SURE THIS WHOLE THING IS JUST--JUST TEARING HER TO PIECES.
HI, SANDRA. HOW YOU FEELIN', HONEY?
AS WELL AS COULD BE EXPECTED.
WELL, JUST REMEMBER TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I'M JUST TRYING TO HOLD MYSELF TOGETHER.
WELL, YOU GOT ON THE RIGHT DRESS FOR IT.
EXCUSE ME, ROSE. HAVE TO GO.
I UNDERSTAND.
YOU WANT TO BE ALONE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS.
NO. I'M GOIN' SHOPPIN'.
NOTHIN' LIKE BUYIN' A FEW NEW THINGS TO SHAKE THE BLUES.
TEARIN' HER TO PIECES, HUH?
IN MOURNIN', HUH?
SHE WAS DRESSED IN BLACK.
YEAH, FIRST TIME I EVER SAW A BLACK ARMBAND USED AS A SKIRT.
YOU KNOW THE THING THAT WORRIES ME IS,
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO THIS BUILDIN' NOW?
AND WHERE DO WE STAND?
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?
(both) WHAT?
THE WORD IS:
CALLOWAY LEFT THE BUILDIN' TO ONE OF THE TENANTS.
3 GUESSES AS TO WHO.
SANDRA?
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
WHAT?
YOU HEARD THAT EXPRESSION UP A CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE?
YEAH.
THE WAY YOU AND SANDRA GET ALONG,
YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE A CANOE.
ONE BEDROOM, $1,100?
2 BEDROOMS, $1,500!
$1,500?
I TOLD BRENDA ABOUT STAYIN' ON THAT TELEPHONE.
OH, LESTER,
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH RENTS ARE IN THIS CITY, HONEY?
I ONLY HELP BUILD THEM, BABY. I DON'T GET TO RENT THEM.
WELL, I CAN TELL YOU, IT'D BE CHEAPER TO BUY AN UNDEVELOPED NATION.
LOOK AT THIS.
[whistles]
THAT IS SOMETHIN'. BUT TELL ME
WHY ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT ADS FOR APARTMENTS?
WELL, HONEY, I FIGURED IF WE'RE GONNA PAY 25 CENTS FOR A PAPER,
I'M GOING TO READ IT ALL.
OKAY, MARY, WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE ARE WE IN NOW?
TROUBLE? DID I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT TROUBLE?
WE MAY HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF 227.
MOVE? WHAT'D YOU DO NOW?
ME? I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT MY FAULT CALLOWAY DIED.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
BUT WORD IS HE LEFT THIS BUILDING TO SANDRA.
THE ENTIRE BUILDING? EVERYTHING?
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
WOW. SHE MUST BE SOME KIND OF WOMAN.
COME ON, COME ON!
LUCKY FOR YOU YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT.
COME ON, WOULD I-- YEAH.
COOL DOWN, COOL DOWN!
COOL DOWN, NOTHIN'. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT'LL HAPPEN
IF THAT WOMAN GETS AHOLD OF THIS BUILDING?
MAYVE YOU'RE JUMPIN' THE GUN.
EVEN IF SHE DOES GET THE BUILDING,
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS PLANNED.
WE PAY THE RENT, WE'RE GOOD TENANTS.
AND SHE HAS NOTHIN' AGAINST ME.
WELL, SHE HATES ME.
WELL, THEN ONLY YOU HAVE TO MOVE.
LOOK, I WAS JUST KIDDIN', BABY.
I THINK WE OUGHT TO FIND OUT WHAT SHE HAS IN MIND.
YOU KNOW, PRY UP TO HER, FEEL HER OUT.
SHE'S NOT MY TYPE.
LOOK, JUST BE NICE TO HER.
THAT FLOOZY?
I'LL BE GLAD TO TALK TO HER.
OH, NO, YOU WON'T. I'LL TALK TO HER.
ALL RIGHT, THEN YOU DO THAT. BUT REMEMBER: BE NICE.
MOM. DAD.
I HAVE COMPANY.
YOU GIRLS FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK?
YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THOUGHT I'D JUST MIGHT MAKE DINNER TONIGHT,
YOU DESERVE A BREAK.
YOU BEIN' AWFULLY NICE, YOUNG LADY.
NOW JUST WHAT IS IT YOU'RE GONNA ASK ME THAT I'M NOT GOING TO LIKE
THAT YOU GONNA DIE IF I DON'T DO.
WELL, WE JUST WANT TO KNOW IF WE COULD GO TO THE MOVIES TONIGHT.
ON A SCHOOL NIGHT?
DID ROSE SAY YOU COULD GO?
SHE SAID IT WAS ALL RIGHT WITH HER
IF IT WAS ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.
AND PLEASE, MS. JENKINS, IT'S WITH EDDIE MURPHY.
OH, EDDIE MURPHY, EDDIE MURPHY, THAT'S ALL I EVER HEAR.
DADDY... MARY.
LESTER. SORRY.
AND I GUESS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA MEET CALVIN THERE.
AND WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
OH, JUST A WILD THOUGHT.
NOW NO MOVIES ON SCHOOL NIGHTS AND THAT'S FINAL.
TSK.
TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK.
WELL, YOU SET IT UP WRONG.
HI, MARY, I THINK YOUR CLOTHES ARE READY.
OH, THANK YOU, CORR.
HI, SANDRA.
I WAS JUST THINKIN' ABOUT YOU.
REALLY?
YES, I WAS WONDERIN' HOW YOU BEEN HOLDIN' UP?
NOT BAD. BUT I'M SURE AFTER THE WILL READING ON SATURDAY,
I'LL BE FEELIN' A WHOLE LOT BETTER.
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN'?
WE SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME,
AND WE NEVER GET TO TALK.
OH, YES. TALKING. THAT IS YOUR SPECIALTY.
I THOUGHT YOU HAD YOUR CLOTHES DRY CLEANED.
OH, I DO.
BUT I DON'T LIKE JUST ANYONE TO TOUCH MY UNDERWEAR.
[mumbling] DON'T SAY IT.
YOU KNOW, MARY, LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO BE
GETTING MYSELF A BRAND-NEW WARDROBE,
SO MAYBE YOU CAN USE SOME OF MY OLD CLOTHES.
NO, THANK YOU.
OH, YEAH. WITH MY CLOTHES AND THE RIGHT MAKE-UP,
A HAIR WEAVE, SOME NEW PANTY HOSE,
YOU PROBABLY COULD LOOK HALFWAY DECENT.
YOU KNOW, SANDRA, FOR ALL OUR FUSSING BACK AND FORTH,
I BET IF WE TRIED, WE COULD BE JUST LIKE SISTERS.
YOU THINK SO? OH, SURE.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED AN OLDER SISTER.
MARY, WERE YOU FIXIN' TO TELL ME SOMTHING
OR ASK ME SOMETHING OR JUST BEG?
I WAS TRYIN' TO BE NICE TO YOU,
BUT I CAN SEE THAT ISN'T ANY GOOD.
YOU'RE JUST OUT FOR WHAT YOU CAN GET
AND ANYBODY YOU CAN GET IT FROM.
OH, GO AHEAD, MARY, TALK ALL YOU WANT.
BUT YOU BETTER DO ALL YOUR TALKIN' NOW,
BECAUSE WHEN I BECOME OWNER OF THIS BUILDING,
THERE ARE GOING TO BE CHANGES AROUND HERE.
YOUR LEASE IS UP IN NOVEMBER, ISN'T IT?
IF YOU GOT A POINT? MAKE IT.
THE POINT IS THERE ARE GOING TO BE RENT RAISES, OKAY?
SO COME NOVEMBER, YOU BETTER GET YOUR CHECKBOOK READY FOR A BIG SHOCK.
IS THAT SO?
WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHERE YOU CAN PUT YOUR RENT RAISES?
YOU KNOW YOUR PROBLEM, MARY?
YOU JUST DON'T HAVE ENOUGH COUTH.
THAT'S WHY I'M THINKIN' OF MAYBE GOIN' CONDO.
GET A BETTER CLASS OF PEOPLE IN HERE.
I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT. WHEN ARE YOU MOVING?
MARY, I'VE TAKEN A LOT OF STUFF FROM YOU,
BUT A NEW DAY IS COMIN' AND I'M SITTIN' IN THE RIGHT CHAIR.
AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,
YOU CAN MOVE YOUR FLAPPIN' MOUTH SOMEWHERE ELSE.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
I WAS HERE WHEN YOU CAME, BABY,
AND I WILL BE HERE WHEN YOU'RE GONE.
NOW YOU CAN THREATEN ME
UNTIL YOUR FACE TURNS THE COLOR OF THAT CHEAP LIPSTICK YOU WEAR.
BUT NOBODY, AND I DO MEAN NOBODY,
IS FORCIN' ME OUT OF MY HOME.
OH, AND AS LONG AS YOU'RE DOING A WASH, SUGAR,
WHY DON'T YOU THROW YOUR WIG IN?
IT'S GETTING KIND OF DUSTY.
[people chattering]
MARY, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
THEY'RE ABOUT TO READ THE WILL.
I WAS TALKIN' TO THE BUILDING INSPECTOR,
HE'S ALMOST FINISHED.
YOU CALLED THE BUILDING INSPECTOR?
OH, I DON'T THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA,
THAT MIGHT BE A LOT OF TROUBLE.
TRUST ME, ROSE. OH...
WELL, IF, UH, EVERYONE'S HERE,
PERHAPS WE OUGHT TO GET STARTED.
I DON'T SEE SANDRA.
OH, SHE'LL BE HERE.
SHE'S PROBABLY LOOKIN' FOR ONE HER EYELASHES.
OH, WILL YOU SIT DOWN?
SORRY I'M LATE.
I HAD TO STOP BY THE BANK AND OPEN A NEW ACCOUNT.
OH, THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY SEATS LEFT.
THANK YOU, LESTER.
"THIS DOCUMENT SHALL SERVE TO RIGHTFULLY BEQUEATH
"ALL EXISTING HOLDINGS, PROPERTIES, AND MONIES OF HERBERT CALLOWAY,
"HEREWITH KNOWN AS THE PARTY OF THE FIRST PART,
"AND SUBSEQUENT AS THE OWNER IN REFERENCE OF
SAID PROPERTIES UNDER ARTICLE 7, PARAGRAPH 3."
WHAT'D HE SAY?
I DON'T KNOW. HE'S PROBABLY GETTIN' PAID BY THE WORD.
EXCUSE ME,
BUT CAN WE SKIP ALL THESE LEGAL PARTIES
AND GET DOWN TO THE NITTY-GRITTY?
AM I GETTIN' ANYTHING?
SIT DOWN, PEARL.
WHY WOULD CALLOWAY LEAVE YOU ANYTHING?
'CAUSE I'M OLD, AND I WANT SOMETHIN'.
THIS TIME OF SORROW IS PAINFUL FOR ALL OF US.
CAN WE MOVE IT ALONG? THE QUICKER WE GET THIS OVER WITH, THE BETTER.
PROBABLY WHAT SHE USED TO TELL CALLOWAY.
WELL, IT'S A SIMPLE WILL, SO LET'S CONTINUE.
"227 HAS BEEN MORE LIKE A HOME TO ME
"INSTEAD OF JUST A PIECE OF PROPERTY.
"I WILL THE DEED AND COMPLETE CONTROL
"TO A WOMAN WHOM I'VE COME TO ADMIRE OVER THE YEARS,
"SOMEONE I COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON
"FOR A SMILE OR GOOD WORD,
"EVEN PERHAPS WHEN I DIDN'T DESERVE IT.
"THOUGHTFUL, KIND, SWEET, YET PLAYFUL, AND LIVELY.
"ALTHOUGH SOME OF YOU MAY QUESTION MY JUDGMENT IN THIS DECISION,
"ALL I CAN SAY IS,
"HEY, IT'S MY BUILDING, NOT YOURS.
"I, THEREFORE, WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE, LEAVE 227,
"LOCK, STOCK, AND BARREL,
"TO THE WOMAN WHO MAKES THE BEST APPLE PIE
I'VE EVER TASTED."
APPLE PIE?
WE NEVER USED APPLE PIE.
"MRS. ROSE LEE HOLLOWAY."
[exclaims]
ROSE, THAT'S YOU!
ROSE, YOU'RE RICH!
WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?
IT SAYS, "MRS. ROSE LEE HOLLOWAY."
WHAT ABOUT ME? DIDN'T I GET ANYTHING?
ARE YOU SANDRA CLARK? YES.
WELL, NOW, THERE IS SOMETHING.
HE LEFT YOU THIS PORTRAIT OF HIMSELF,
AND I THINK IT'S JUST LOVELY.
PORTRAIT? THIS IS ALL I GET?
CONGRATULATIONS, ROSE.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO TO MY APARTMENT
TO DECIDE JUST WHERE I WANT TO PUT THIS PORTRAIT.
[Sandra screaming]
[all laughing]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, MARY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!
YOU'RE A PROPERTY OWNER, CHILD.
YOU KNOW WHAT A GOLD MINE YOU JUST INHERITED.
THE MONEY'S GOING TO BE JUST POURING IN!
OH, I'VE NEVER OWNED ANYTHING BEFORE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE IT.
GIRL, RELAX. YOU GOT ME FOR A FRIEND.
I'LL HELP YOU.
OH, EXCUSE ME, UH, MRS. JENKINS,
I'VE FINISHED INSPECTING THE BUILDING,
AND YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A DOOZIE.
IT'LL TAKE A BUNDLE TO FIX UP THIS PLACE.
DOES THE OWNER HAPPEN TO BE HERE?