21 Jump Street (1987–1991): Season 1, Episode 6 - Gotta Finish the Riff - full transcript

After a teacher's car is pipe-bombed Hanson and Hoffs go undercover to prevent an escalation of gang violence. Once there, however, they wind up in a hostage situation initiated by a Blood leader.

♪ WE NEVER THOUGHT OF FINDING ♪

♪ THE PLACE WHERE WE BELONG ♪

♪ DON'T HAVE TO STAND ALONE ♪

♪ WE'LL NEVER LET YOU FALL ♪

♪ DON'T NEED PERMISSION ♪

♪ TO DECIDE WHAT YOU BELIEVE ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA LEARN SOMETHING ♪

♪ WHEN WE MEET YOU
AFTER SCHOOL ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪



♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪

♪ YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE THERE ♪

♪ WHEN YOUR BACK IS
TO THE WALL ♪

♪ YOU'LL FIND YOU NEED US ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE ELSE
TO CALL ♪

♪ WHEN IT LOOKS HOPELESS ♪

♪ A DECISION'S WHAT YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU BETTER BE READY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE
RUNNING OUT OF TIME ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ 21 JUMP STREET! ♪

( organ music playing )

( music playing, song ends )

COME ON!



WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS, JANE.

THAT'S WHY
WE'RE DOING IT.

WE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE
THAT OTHER STUFF EITHER.

AND GIVE UP
A CHANCE TO SEE...?

HE WAS SAYING MASS.

GOD WILL FORGIVE US.

HE'S GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR.

TELL THAT TO JOB.

YOU GOT IT?

LET'S NOT.

WE GOT TO.

MARGIE, YOU'LL END UP
LIKE MISS MANNERS--

MARRIED TO A DOOFUS.

AT THIS POINT
I'D TAKE A DOOFUS.

WHAT IF WE GET CAUGHT?

IF WE GET CAUGHT

THEY PROBABLY WON'T
LET US GO TO THE PROM.

SO RELAX.

YOU GOT NOTHING
TO LOSE.

THAT WAS NICE-- THANKS.

COME ON.

Class:
GOOD MORNING,
MOTHER SALONUS.

Mother Salonus:
LADIES.

NOW, I KNOW THAT SOME OF YOU
MAY BE EMBARRASSED

GIVEN THE TEXT
OF THIS LECTURE

BUT AS THE SENIOR CLASS HERE
AT THE SACRED HEART ACADEMY

I EXPECT TODAY'S PRESENTATION
ON SEX EDUCATION

TO BE RECEIVED WITH MATURITY

AND PERHAPS EVEN A LITTLE
BIT OF HEALTHY EXCITEMENT.

SOMEONE OPEN A WINDOW.

I'M GETTING EXCITED ALREADY.

Mother Salonus:
AND AS THE MOTHER SUPERIOR

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO RELY ON
MY EXPERIENCE IN THESE MATTERS

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS.

THE ARCHDIOCESE HAS MADE A VIDEO
PRESENTATION AVAILABLE TO US

AND WE SHALL CONDUCT
A DISCUSSION AFTERWARDS.

LADIES, THE MIRACLE
OF MARRIAGE.

THAT'S NOT WHAT
MY PARENTS CALL IT.

( class giggling )

( whooping )

( moaning and heavy breathing )

( class laughing )

( loud bang )

( alarm bell ringing )

ALL RIGHT, LADIES--

SINGLE FILE.

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

DON'T BE ALARMED.

DON'T PANIC.

SINGLE FILE,
NO TALKING.

( screaming )

THERE'S A FIRE!

( shouting and screaming )

( sirens wailing )

( rock and roll music playing )

OKAY, HANSON.

TONIGHT IS YOUR NIGHT.

IS THAT RIGHT?

TRUST ME.

WE'RE TALKING MY TALK.

IDIOT-SPEAK?

I MADE THIS
GUY A LEGEND.

HALF THE GIRLS
IN TOWN NOW CALL
HIM "GUNSLINGER."

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I APPRECIATE THE OFFER,
BUT TONIGHT'S MY BOWLING NIGHT.

BOWLING?

BOWLING?

DID HE SAY "BOWLING"?

YES, BOWLING.

I'M IN A LEAGUE.

A BOWLING LEAGUE?!

A BOWLING LEAGUE?

YES!

HANSON, HANSON,
HANSON...

I'M TRYING TO SAVE
YOUR LIFE HERE

BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO GIVE ME A LITTLE HELP.

BOWLING?

I ONCE KNEW A KID
WHOSE FATHER WAS A BOWLER.

HE RAN AWAY FROM HOME.

HE WAS THREE.

HIS MOTHER
HELPED HIM.

LISTEN,
PENHALL--

MAYBE THERE'S STILL TIME.

MAYBE THOMAS HERE
ISN'T ANY GOOD.

WANT TO KNOW WHAT
MY HANDICAP IS?

YEAH, BOWLING!

I'M TALKING ABOUT
A SKUNK HUNT HERE.

GIRLS!

YOU, ME OUT THERE
IN THE TRENCHES.

SIGN UP FOR
A TRANQUILIZER GUN

BECAUSE I'M VERY,
VERY GOOD AT THIS.

REMEMBER, THEY CALL
HIM THE GUNSLINGER.

SOME OTHER NIGHT.

TONIGHT IS MY BOWLING NIGHT.

TONIGHT IS FRIDAY NIGHT.

DON'T WASTE IT IN THE GUTTER.

BESIDES, TWO GUYS ALWAYS
MAKE OUT BETTER THAN ONE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO OUT
WITH THE GUNSLINGER?

NO WAY, OKAY?

THE LAST TIME
I SHOT MYSELF IN THE FOOT.

AND I DID IT ON PURPOSE.

SHE WASN'T THAT UGLY.

THE LADY HAD A WARNING
FROM THE SURGEON GENERAL

TATTOOED ON HER CHEST, OKAY?

Hanson:
HEY, SMOKEY,
YOU OKAY?

MEDIUM WELL,
THANK YOU.

YEAH, WE HEARD.

I THOUGHT CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS

WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
GOOD GIRLS, NOT ARSONISTS.

THAT WAS
PRETTY SCARY.

YOU OKAY,
HONEY?

YEAH, HOW ABOUT
THE OTHER KIDS?

TWO HAD TO SPEND THE NIGHT
IN MERCY HOSPITAL--

SMOKE INHALATION
AND BRUISES.

THE REST SEEM
TO BE OKAY.

LUCKY THE WHOLE
BUILDING DIDN'T BURN.

LUCKY AGAIN.

YEAH, AND WE DON'T SEEM

TO KNOW ANY MORE THAN
WE EVER DID, DO WE?

Hoffs:
SORRY.

I KNOW, JENK

BUT THESE ARE
CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS.

THEIR IDEA OF FUN
IS BINGO.

THAT AND BOWLING.

Jenko:
LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT
A FIREBUG ON OUR HANDS.

LAST MONTH THERE WAS A FIRE
IN THE BOILER ROOM.

BEFORE THAT, A VESTIBULE.

THIS IS THE THIRD FIRE
IN TWO WEEKS INSIDE THE SCHOOL.

JENK, WHAT IF WE RUN
EVERY ONE OF THEM

THROUGH RECORDS AND I.D.?

CHECK FOR PRIORS

SEE IF ANY OF
THEM HAVE A RECORD.

HEY, YEAH--
MAYBE LAST MARDI GRAS

ONE OF THEM GAVE UP
CHOCOLATE FOR GOOD

THEN WENT PSYCHO
ON A MARS BAR.

I ALREADY RAN THEM.

YOU GOT
A SUSAN BURKE

A DOROTHY PATTERSON
AND A PATTY BLATCHER.

YES.

SUSAN BURKE
HAS BEEN ARRESTED

EIGHT TIMES FOR SHOPLIFTING
IN THE LAST 16 MONTHS.

PROBABLY WHERE SHE GETS
ALL THOSE SHARP CLOTHES.

GIRL'S GOT A HECK
OF A WARDROBE.

OKAY, DOROTHY
PATTERSON--

DRUNK DRIVING, UNAUTHORIZED
USE OF A MOTOR VEHICLE

AND A MINOR
MARIJUANA POSSESSION.

PARTY GIRL.

PATTY BLATCHER.

Hoffs:
FORGET IT.

PATTY BLATCHER
IS THE CAPTAIN

OF THE PROM COMMITTEE--

A SNOB, MAYBE,
BUT NOT A PYRO.

YEAH?

WHEN SHE WAS 12

SHE LIT HER PARENTS'
GARAGE ON FIRE.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE JOINING
THE PROM COMMITTEE.

ANOTHER SLAMMERINO
FOR THE KINGPINS!

WAY TO GO!

SEE THAT?
CONCENTRATION.

YOUR FRIEND?

YEAH, WELL...
SORT OF, I GUESS.

HE'S VERY GOOD.

IF YOU LIKE GUYS
WHO SAY "SLAMMERINO."

I DO.

ARE YOU A KINGPIN?

IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.

I'M HIS COACH.

YOU BOWL?

NOT ANYMORE.

GAVE IT UP.

WHY?

RACE-CAR DRIVING.

HMM... TOO BAD.

WELL, I'M GETTING
MY BALL REDRILLED.

HEY, RACE-CAR DRIVERS-- WIMPS!

I'M A BOWLER.

Beverly:
ANOTHER BEER?

I'LL DRINK HIS.

JUST GOT A TURKEY.

A WHAT?

THREE STRAIGHT STRIKES--
A TURKEY.

GREAT NAME FOR IT.

LET'S LEAVE
BEFORE SOMEBODY SEES US.

YOU'RE NOT
HAVING FUN?

FUN?!

TRY IT, COME ON!

I'M COMING THROUGH.

ALL RIGHT.

( growling )

PENHALL, COME ON!

DOUG PENHALL--

REVOLUTIONIZING
THE GAME!

( making crowd noises )

HEY!

YOU, OUT!

ME?
ME?

OKAY, I'M SORRY.

I WAS SITTING
AT 187, PENHALL.

I WAS IN
THE SEVENTH FRAME.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU WANT ME
TO KILL MYSELF?

YES!

REALLY?

WE LOST
THE MATCH, DOUG!

HEY, HOW WOULD YOU
TWO VERY LOVELY LADIES LIKE

TO TAKE TWO VERY DEPRESSED
BOWLERS OUT TO DINNER?

WE JUST LOST
THE STATE FINALS.

IT WAS HIS
WHOLE LIFE.

WHAT DO WE GET?

BREAKFAST.

GET LOST.

WHAT?

I HATE YOU.

Patty:
THIS YEAR'S PROM THEME
IS VERY IMPORTANT.

IT'S OUR PROM, OUR YEAR.

IT'S NOT SOMETHING
WE SHOULD JUST MAKE UP.

Margie:
HOW ABOUT "WHERE
THE BOYS AREN'T"?

I'LL NEVER GET
A DATE FOR THIS.

RELAX-- YOU'VE
GOT A WEEK

TO DIG
SOMEBODY UP.

WHO'D YOU ASK,
KINNEY?

IF SHE DOESN'T GET
HER GRADES UP, SHE CAN'T GO.

I'LL WORRY ABOUT MY GRADES.

Hoffs:
YOU KNOW,
PROMS--

THEY SCARE ME.

YOU WAIT FOR THEM
FOR, LIKE, A MILLION YEARS

AND THEY END UP BEING
THE WORST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE.

"THE WORST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE."

I LIKE IT!

YOU WOULD.

( flames crackling )

( organ music playing )

( knock at door )

COME IN.

SIT DOWN,
MISS KINNEY.

MOTHER SUPERIOR.

DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

DO I THINK WHAT'S FUNNY

MOTHER SUPERIOR?

I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

NO, I DON'T.

I THINK YOU DO.

I'M GOING TO INFORM
YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THIS.

IT WAS JUST A JOKE.

ENGLISH LITERATURE
IS A JOKE TO YOU?

SISTER TRACE
GAVE ME YOUR ESSAY
ON LORD BYRON.

IT'S A DISGRACE.

I'M AFRAID
IF YOUR GRADES DON'T SHOW

SOME SIGNS
OF IMMEDIATE IMPROVEMENT

ALL EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES
AT SACRED HEART

WILL BE OFF LIMITS TO YOU,
INCLUDING THE PROM.

DO I MAKE
MYSELF CLEAR?

YES, MOTHER SUPERIOR, YOU DO.

YOUR REPUTATION
AS A PRACTICAL JOKER

HAS NOT GONE
UNNOTICED.

YOU DON'T HAPPEN
TO KNOW ANYTHING

ABOUT THE FIRES HERE
AT SACRED HEART, DO YOU?

NO, I DON'T.

I HOPE NOT.

MISS KINNEY,
ONE MORE THING.

I'LL HOLD THIS DISGUSTING ITEM

UNTIL YOUR PARENTS
CAN COME IN

AND PICK IT UP FIRST
THING IN THE MORNING.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU

FOR THE WORST NIGHT
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
LAST NIGHT.

DON'T HOLD THAT
AGAINST MY AVERAGE.

BABE RUTH WAS
NO BOWLER.

BLAME ME OR TRADE ME--
THAT WASN'T MY TURF.

HO!

I'M
A MUDDER.

EXCELLENT SHIRT!

"MARTY"?

"SWA-VAY" BOWLERS.

LOCK UP YOUR LADIES.

IT'S A CONTACT SPORT.

BESIDES, I ALWAYS
WANTED TO BE A "MARTY."

YOU HAVE TO SHOOT
YOURSELF IN THE FOOT?

ALMOST HAD TO SHOOT MARTY.

YOU MISSED IT.

HALF THE LADIES THERE
WERE NAMED BURT.

ENDED UP WITH BREAKFAST
IN THE "IHOP"--

3:00 IN THE MORNING.

BUT TONIGHT WILL BE
DIFFERENT, TRUST ME.

I'M GOING SOLO.

THESE LADIES CAN
SMELL AN AMATEUR.

WHERE'S HOFFS?

IN WITH JENKO
AND A HEAD JOCKEY FROM DOWNTOWN.

SACRED HEART HAD
ANOTHER FIRE YESTERDAY.

REALLY?

YEAH.

HOFFS OKAY?

YEAH-- IT WAS IN
THE GIRLS' JOHN.

THE JANITOR PUT IT OUT
WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

GOOD, WOULDN'T WANT HER
TO MISS THE PROM.

HEY, PENHALL, DID YOU
GO TO YOUR PROM?

IS THAT
A TRICK QUESTION?

HANSON, I WENT TO MY FIRST
PROM WHEN I WAS 11.

YOU DID?

YEAH, I DID.

I NEVER WENT TO MINE.

I GUESS WHEN I WAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL

I NEVER BELIEVED IT WAS
THE LAST TIME I'D BE THERE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
WE DO ALL DAY?

THIS IS DIFFERENT.

YEAH, WE'RE ADULTS.

COULD BE
WORSE.

WE COULD BE... PYROMANIACS.

SO, WOMEN DON'T SET FIRES?

OUR DATA SUPPORTS
THAT SINCE THE LAST CENTURY

THERE HASN'T BEEN
ENOUGH EVIDENCE

OF FIRE SETTING AMONG WOMEN
TO BE NAMED A PHENOMENON.

THIS WASN'T
ALWAYS THE CASE.

DURING THE 18th
AND 19th CENTURIES

ARSONISTS WERE OFTEN
SERVANT GIRLS

WHO SET FIRE TO THEIR
MASTERS' HOUSES.

IT WAS GENERALLY ASSUMED
THEY WERE SUFFERING

FROM THE ANXIETY
OF MENSTRUATION

THE FEAR OF PREGNANCY,
DEPRESSION OF PUBERTY...

Hoffs:
MR. YOUNG, AT
$2,000 A SEMESTER

SACRED HEART DOESN'T HAVE
A LOT OF SERVANT GIRLS.

JENK, MAN, I AM LOST.

SHOULD I BE LOOKING
FOR SOMEONE INSIDE OR OUTSIDE?

LET'S START ON THE INSIDE.

IF THIS WAS A PROFESSIONAL JOB

SACRED HEART SCHOOL
WOULD ALREADY BE

AN INSURANCE CLAIM BY NOW.

I'LL GET THE DEPARTMENT
TO PUT A GUY INSIDE AT NIGHT.

YOU KEEP
WORKING DAYS.

WE ASSUME

THAT WHOEVER'S
STARTING THESE FIRES
IS ON THE SCENE

AND POSSIBLY RUNNING A RISK
OF GETTING CAUGHT IN THE FIRE.

MAYBE THEY WANT TO GET CAUGHT.

MAYBE.

THERE WAS SOMETHING LIKE
AN "HEROIC VICTIM" SYNDROME.

THESE WOMEN WOULD
STAGE A BIZARRE FIRE

USUALLY ON THEIR
OWN PROPERTY

WHERE THEY WOULD APPEAR
SOMETIMES FANTASTICALLY DRESSED

AS PART OF THE DRAMA--

THE HEROIC VICTIM
DYING IN A FIRE.

HOW ABOUT A PROM?

( disco dance music playing )

HI. IS ANYBODY SITTING HERE?

NO.

I SAID NO ONE WAS
SITTING THERE.

THERE IS NOW-- DOUG PENHALL.

YOURS?

WE'RE GOING TO REMEMBER THIS.

YOU'LL LAUGH
ABOUT THE FIRST TIME

I SAT DOWN NEXT TO YOU
AND YOU SAID "GET LOST."

I HAVEN'T SAID "GET LOST."

I WAS TAKING FIGURATIVE LICENSE
WITH THE POETRY OF THE MOMENT.

GET LOST!

NOW I WON'T HAVE
TO MISQUOTE YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?

I'M NOT.

TERRIFIC-- CHEAP DATE!

JUST CUT TO THE END OF YOUR RAP

AND LET ME SAY NO.

THEN WHEN I WAS 17, I JOINED
THE MERCHANT MARINES

BECAUSE I FIGURED MED SCHOOL
WASN'T DOING ME ANY GOOD

AND THAT BROUGHT ME
INTO BANGKOK.

BANGKOK?

THAT'S WHERE I
LANDED THE CASINO
IN A BACCARAT GAME.

SO, COMMODITIES--
NO KIDDING?

YEAH, WELL, ACTUALLY, IT WAS
MY BROTHER WHO HAD THE SEAT

ON THE CHICAGO
STOCK EXCHANGE.

I PLAYED AROUND
IN FLAXSEED.

THE WORLD'S A SUPERMARKET
AND I'M A COMPARISON SHOPPER.

CAN I WALK YOU
TO YOUR CAR?

WELL, I CAME
BY CAB.

WELL, CAN I GIVE
YOU A LIFT?

NO OFFENSE
OR ANYTHING

BUT I DON'T KNOW YOU

AND THERE ARE SO MANY
WEIRDOS THESE DAYS.

Penhall:
YOU COULD TRUST A GUY
WITH A CASINO IN SINGAPORE.

Woman:
OKAY.

MY TRUSTY STEED.

IT'S NICE.

MY MERCEDES
ISN'T RUNNING.

I BET.

YOU LIKE MOTORCYCLES?

I LOVE MOTORCYCLES.

TOOK ME
TWO YEARS

TO PAY FOR THIS...

SHUT UP!

WHAT TOOK
YOU SO LONG?

THE GUY'S GOT A LIFE
STORY FULL OF CRUD.

YOU'RE FULL
OF CRUD!

I'M A POLICE OFFICER.

SURE YOU ARE.

THANKS.

RIGHT THERE, MISSY!

( sighs )

Hanson:
SO, FOUND YOUR BRIDE YET,
PENHALL?

Penhall:
THAT'S THE GIRL!

WHERE?

RIGHT HERE.

NOW THERE--
NICE TEETH.

YOU SHOULD
RUN THAT THROUGH
THE DEPARTMENT.

HANG A RED LIGHT
ON IT FOR VICE.

SHE COULD
BE A PRO.

YOU TOLD HER
YOU WERE A COP?

AMONG OTHER THINGS, YEAH.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD
HER YOU WERE A BOWLER.

Jenko:
I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT YOU GUYS.

MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T TRAVEL
ALONE EVEN WHEN YOU'RE OFF DUTY.

GIRLS LIKE THIS CAN
SNIFF OUT AN AMATEUR.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE
MY DATE FOR THE PROM.

I HATE TO DISAPPOINT YOU, GANG

BUT THE SOCK HOP
AT SACRED HEART IS OFF.

WHAT?

KARAMAN, THE GUY
WE HAD INSIDE

CAUGHT A YOUNG LADY

AS SHE WAS ABOUT TO TORCH
THE PRINCIPAL'S DESK.

IT'S IN THERE.

JANE KINNEY?

NO WAY! I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

WHY?

I JUST DIDN'T THINK
SHE WAS OUR GIRL.

SHE'S KIND OF NICE, ACTUALLY.

MAYBE WE CAN FIX
HER UP WITH PENHALL.

IT'S JUST A SLUMP.

RELAX.

WHERE ARE THEY HOLDING HER?

Jenko:
COUNTY.

THE D.A. HASN'T DECIDED

IF HE'S CHARGING HER
AS A JUVIE OR AN ADULT.

THEN I WANT TO SEE HER.

IF YOU SEE HER,
YOU KNOW IT WILL BLOW

YOUR COVER
AT SACRED HEART.

BIG DEAL.

THEY ALREADY BUSTED HER.

Hoffs:
I WAS HOPING THIS PROM
WOULD MAKE UP FOR MY FIRST ONE.

CHARLES TYRONE CANNON.

SAY WHAT?

THE DUDE
THAT PINNED

THE ROSE ON MY DRESS.

( chuckles quietly )

IT WAS A SHARP PARIS ORIGINAL.

I WORKED FOR TWO SUMMERS

AND SAVED UP AT A BURGER
SHACK FOR THAT DRESS.

TOO BAD I NEVER GOT
TO SHOW IT OFF.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

CHARLIE COULDN'T WAIT

TO GET YOU
OUT OF IT.

VERY FUNNY, JENK.

NO!

HE BORROWED HIS DADDY'S CAR,
PICKED ME UP...

IT RAN OUT OF GAS.

THEN HE GOT DRUNK

THREW UP ALL OVER
THE BACK SEAT

THEN GOT LOST.

WE FOUND HIM IN THE SCHOOL
BASEMENT AT 4:00 A.M.

HE THOUGHT IT WAS THE JOHN.

BUT THAT'S OKAY

BECAUSE HE WAS WEARING THIS
REALLY EMBARRASSING PLAID JACKET

WITH TWO-TONE PANTS
AND A LAVENDER CUMMERBUND.

I REMEMBER THOSE.

WHAT ABOUT YOURS?

FOR FIVE YEARS I DREAMED
OF GOING WITH LINDA BROWN.

SOMEHOW I ENDED UP
WITH NADINE CROUCH

WHO HAD TO BE HOME BY 10:00.

SO I SPENT THE REST
OF THE NIGHT

WATCHING CONTINUOUS SCREENINGS
OF REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE

AND NAKED ALIBI WITH GLORIA
GRAHAME AND STERLING HAYDEN.

I WAS IN HEAVEN...

IN MY PINK-AND-BLACK TUXEDO.

OF COURSE THAT'S NOT
WHAT I TOLD MY BUDDIES.

OF COURSE NOT.

WHAT THE HECK ARE
YOU DOING HERE?

I'M A COP, JANE.

WHAT?

A COP?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, IF I CAN GET
BUSTED FOR SETTING FIRES

I GUESS YOU
CAN BE A COP.

SO ALL THAT STUFF
ABOUT YOU TRANSFERRING
FROM SWEETHOME

WAS JUST A RAP?

I WAS PUT UNDERCOVER AT SACRED
HEART BECAUSE OF THE ARSON.

I'M REAL SURPRISED
IT WAS YOU.

I KNEW YOU WERE
A LITTLE CRAZY

BUT ARSON?

YOU THINK YOU'RE
SURPRISED?

FORGET IT.

MY PARENTS WON'T
EVEN PAY MY BAIL.

"JANIE HAS TO LEARN HER LESSON."

NOT TOO CRAZY ABOUT ME.

I'VE GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR.

THERE'S NOTHING
FUNNY ABOUT BURNING
A SCHOOL FULL OF KIDS.

DEPENDS!

I DIDN'T DO IT.

IS THAT SO?

YES, THAT'S SO.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING
BREAKING INTO THE SCHOOL

IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT?

YOU WERE CAUGHT
WITH AN OPEN LIGHTER.

I'M A LOUSY THIEF.

I DIDN'T BRING
MY FLASHLIGHT.

I WAS TRYING TO GET BACK

THAT PORNO TAPE WE SAW
IN HEALTH YESTERDAY.

THAT WAS YOU?

YEAH.

ME AND MARGIE,
THE FINK.

SALONUS WAS GOING
TO BUST ME

AND HAVE MY PARENTS COME IN
TO PICK IT UP THIS MORNING.

( laughs briefly )

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

MY FATHER STILL TAKES
ME TO SEE BAMBI.

I HAD TO DO IT.

IT SEEMED RIGHT AT THE TIME.

EITHER WAY, I'M NOT
GOING TO THE PROM.

GUESS YOU'RE NOT.

I DIDN'T DO IT.

SURE LOOKS LIKE YOU DID.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL

IF YOUR FATHER FOUND OUT
YOU HAD A MOVIE LIKE THAT?

I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
A MOVIE LIKE THAT.

YOU PERFECT?

OF COURSE, YOU'RE A COP.

SAVE IT!

I'M A PERSON FIRST.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

KEEP IT BETWEEN US
THAT I'M A COP

AND I'LL STAY
UNDERCOVER AT SACRED

TO SEE IF I CAN LEARN MORE
ABOUT THIS ARSON THING.

WHY?

BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO MISS YOUR PROM.

THAT'S NOT RIGHT!

I DIDN'T OKAY THAT.

THAT IS NOT OUR THEME!

WE TOOK A VOTE,
AND YOU WEREN'T HERE.

I AM THE HEAD OF THIS
PROM COMMITTEE, NOT YOU.

SINCE WHEN ISN'T
THIS A DEMOCRACY?

IT'S A DOWNER.

"THE WORST NIGHT
OF YOUR LIFE"?

IT'S NOT A THEME.

IT'S ONE OF KINNEY'S JOKES

AND SHE'S IN JAIL
FOR ATTEMPTED ARSON.

THAT'S WHY WE FIGURED IT FIT.

YOU GOT A BETTER ONE?

YES, I DO.

CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR THIS.

WHAT?

FORGET IT.

NO, WHAT?

I GOT TO HEAR IT.

SO YOU CAN
RIDICULE ME?

YOU ONLY GET TO DO
THIS ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.

I WANT TO ENJOY IT.

YOU CAN SPIT ON TRADITION,
BUT I WON'T.

IT'S A FREAKIN' DANCE.

YOU KNOW, I HAD
A NAME FOR OUR THEME.

REALLY, MARGIE?
WHAT?

I GUESS IT WAS JUST STUPID.

MAYBE NOT--
WHAT?

"YOUNG LOVE NEVER DIES."

BUT, UM... JUST FORGET IT.

THAT'S NOT SO BAD, MARGIE.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

SOUNDS LIKE ONE
OF THOSE ROMANTIC NOVELS

YOU KEEP BUYING
IN THE SUPERMARKET:

"YES, TODD,
I LOVE YOU.

"BUT WHO WILL RUN
MY TOBACCO PLANTATION

"IF I ELOPE
TO SINGAPORE WITH YOU?

"YOU, JUST A LOWLY
KARATE INSTRUCTOR

AND ME, HEIRESS
TO ALL OF MANHATTAN."

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

GOT A DATE YET, MARGE?

THAT WAS REAL NICE.

SO SHE DOESN'T
HAVE A DATE.

THIS WILL BE
A DISASTER ANYWAY

WITH JANE IN JAIL
AND EVERYTHING.

WHY KEEP BRINGING
JANE INTO THIS?

SHE WON'T EVEN BE HERE.

I'M SICK OF IT.

I'M GLAD SHE WON'T BE HERE.

SHE'D JUST RUIN IT.

WELL, LISTEN TO HER.

DOES LADY ANNE HAVE A DATE YET?

HEY, COME ON.

I DON'T, YOU KNOW.

I DON'T HAVE ONE.

MY WHOLE LIFE,
I'VE ONLY HAD TWO

AND ONE OF THEM WAS
WITH MY COUSIN.

I'M NOT GOING.

I'M GOING--
I DON'T HAVE A DATE.

YOU DON'T NEED A DATE.

YOU'RE GORGEOUS.

I'M FAT.

( lighter clicks )

OKAY,
FELLAS.

NOW, BE CAREFUL
WITH THIS LADY.

SHE WON'T FALL FOR YOUR
BASIC CORNBALL ROUTINES.

SHE MAY BE A FELON

BUT SHE IS A CLASSY FELON.

AND IN REALITY SHE'S
A LOT PRETTIER, BELIEVE ME.

HOW WOULD
YOU KNOW?

DON'T PUSH ME
ON THIS, ACE.

I WAS IN A SLUMP.

MY DEFENSES WERE DOWN.

IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED
TO ANYONE.

HERE.

IT WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED TO ME.

THAT'S RIGHT, I FORGOT.

SHE PROBABLY STOPPED WORKING
THE BOWLING ALLEY.

TOO MANY
POLYESTER WALLETS.

HERE.

I'M MAKING CATCHING
THIS LADY MY LIFE'S WORK.

HAVE YOU SET
A WEDDING DATE?

I CAN'T EVEN GET A DATE.

SIT TIGHT, YOU MIGHT.

( wolf-whistling )

( bell tolling )

( knock at door )

COME IN.

THANK YOU.

MOTHER, UH...

SISTER SALONUS?

SIT DOWN, CAPTAIN JENKO.

THANK YOU.

I READ OFFICER HOFFS' REPORT

AND I WAS SURPRISED.

IT WAS VERY
WELL WRITTEN.

WELL, OFFICER HOFFS HAS
VERY GOOD STUDY HABITS.

I'M AFRAID I CAN'T GO ALONG
WITH YOUR RECOMMENDATION

OF CANCELING THIS YEAR'S PROM.

MY GIRLS DO SO LOOK
FORWARD TO IT

BEING ONE OF
THE FEW LUXURIES

WE GIVE THEM HERE
AT THE SACRED HEART ACADEMY.

THERE'S A STRONG POSSIBILITY,
SISTER

THAT YOUR PROM COULD TURN
INTO A BONFIRE.

I BELIEVE THAT'S YOUR PART
IN THIS, CAPTAIN--

TO MAKE SURE
THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

BUT THE RISK WE'RE TAKING
OUTWEIGHS OTHER CONSIDERATIONS.

CAPTAIN--

SACRED HEART
ACADEMY

IS A PRIVATE
INSTITUTION.

LIKE ALL PRIVATE INSTITUTIONS

WE MUST REMAIN COMPETITIVE.

I DON'T THINK
SHUTTING DOWN
OUR ANNUAL PROM

BECAUSE OF A THREAT
OF ARSON WOULD MAKE

AN APPEALING ITEM
IN OUR BROCHURE, DO YOU?

NO, BUT A PICTURE OF A BURNING
BUILDING IN THE NEWSPAPER

WOULDN'T BE
TOO COOL EITHER--

IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.

YOU SEE, SISTER,
IN MY OPINION

WE'RE NOT EXACTLY DEALING
WITH MISS MENTAL HEALTH HERE.

I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN YOUR OPINIONS

JUST YOUR
ASSISTANCE.

I'M COUNTING ON YOU
AND YOUR SQUAD OF...

WHATEVER YOU CALL THEM...

THAT DEPENDS.

...TO KEEP
THIS YEAR'S PROM SAFE.

THANK YOU,
MR. JENKO.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

OKAY, UH...

SO, UH... THAT'S IT?

I EXPECT YOUR MEN TO BE DRESSED
IN THE SPIRIT OF THE OCCASION.

NO PROBLEM.

I'M SURE WE CAN GET A GOOD DEAL

ON A COUPLE
OF USED ASBESTOS TUXEDOS.

GOOD DAY, SISTER SALONUS.

EXCUSE ME.

SEE YOU.

( rock music begins playing )

Woman:
♪ IN A WORLD
WHERE HATS ARE EMPTY ♪

♪ TELLING YOU ALL THE THINGS
THAT YOU CAN'T BE ♪

♪ NOTHING SHOULD TAKE AWAY
THE STRENGTH INSIDE YOU ♪

♪ YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO SAID I'D MAKE IT ♪

♪ BY MY SIDE
YOU HELPED ME SHAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU WERE RIGHT THERE ♪

♪ WHEN NO ONE ELSE
WOULD BELIEVE IN ME. ♪

Group:
♪ NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE THAT
FINALLY I CAN SEE WHAT IS REAL ♪

♪ BUT NOT WITHOUT YOU ♪

♪ NOT WITHOUT YOU. ♪

♪ TOUCHING THINGS
THAT NOW I CAN FEEL ♪

♪ BUT NOT WITHOUT YOU ♪

♪ NOT WITHOUT YOU. ♪

♪ I WEATHERED THE STORM
THANKS TO YOU, MY FRIEND ♪

♪ IF I SHOULD FALL,
I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN ♪

♪ BUT NOT WITHOUT YOU ♪

♪ NOT WITHOUT YOU. ♪

♪ LOOKING BACK TO THE DAY
YOU FOUND ME ♪

♪ A LITTLE FAITH WAS ALL
THAT YOU SAID I NEED ♪

♪ YOU SHOWED ME WAYS
I WOULD HAVE NEVER TRIED ♪

♪ BREAKING DOWN THE WALLS
OF PROTECTION ♪

♪ TURN ME ON
TO A NEW DIRECTION ♪

♪ NOW I'M SEEING MYSELF
LIKE NEVER BEFORE ♪

♪ HEY, YEAH. ♪

♪ FINALLY I CAN SEE
WHAT IS REAL ♪

( phone ringing )

♪ BUT NOT WITHOUT YOU ♪

♪ NOT WITHOUT YOU ♪

♪ TOUCHING THINGS
THAT NOW I CAN FEEL ♪

♪ BUT NOT WITHOUT YOU... ♪

HELLO?

REALLY?

I DON'T THINK SO.

COME ON, MARGIE.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?

I DON'T WANT ANYONE
TO LAUGH AT ME.

NO ONE IS GOING TO LAUGH.

COME ON, IT'S YOUR PROM.

YOU ONLY GET ONE.

I KNOW.

IS HE CUTE?

YEAH, IN A WAY.

YEAH, I GUESS.

WHAT'S HE LIKE?

HI, DOLL.

BUY YOU A DRINK?

NO, THANK YOU.

STRICTLY BUSINESS HERE.

I'M A POLICE OFFICER.

I'M AN ASTRONAUT.

IS THIS REAL?

IS THE POPE CATHOLIC?

A COP?

REALLY?

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO IT.

SERVE AND PROTECT.

HAVE YOU SEEN
THIS GIRL?

ARE YOU REALLY A COP?

YEAH.

LOOK, HAVE YOU
SEEN HER?

SHE MIGHT BE
WITH THIS GUY...

ABOUT SIX FOOT.

DARK COMPLEXION.

CURLY HAIR.

I'VE NEVER MET A COP BEFORE.

CONGRATULATIONS.

LOOK, I'M ON DUTY.

WHEN DO YOU GET OFF DUTY?

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

IF I'M FREE TONIGHT?

I'M GOING TO A PROM TONIGHT.

A PROM?

FOR COPS?

WELL, IT'S A TOUGH SCHOOL.

LOOK...

YOU WANT MY PHONE NUMBER?

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN
THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS?

WITH ME.

GOOD PLACE.

I'LL JUST TAKE THIS.

Penhall:
WELL, THEM RENTED SHOES
WERE TOO MUCH.

I CAN'T DANCE IN THEM.

WELL, WELL,
WELL.

FAR OUT.

WE GOT A JAPANESE
ELVIS PRESLEY

A PIMP

AND THE BUTLER.

YOU'RE LUCKY
WE COULD AFFORD THE PANTS.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO
WITHOUT PANTS.

TELL THEM YOU'RE A POOR BUTLER.

JUDITH ESTHER!

IF YOU DON'T GET
THAT DRESS ON SOON

I'LL COME UP THERE
AND STAPLE IT ON.

I GOT THE FIRE
DEPARTMENT ON STANDBY.

BUT THE KEY WORD HERE, AMIGOS,
IS "PREVENTION."

SO WHEN YOU SPOT
MISS WACKO OR WHOEVER

JUST WALTZ THEM
RIGHT OUT.

DIG?

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHO WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

LEAVE IT UP TO YOUR BUDDY,
ICEBERG SLIM.

HE'S GOT GREAT INSTINCTS
WHEN IT COMES TO THE LADIES.

RIGHT,
MR. PENHALL?

HOFFS WILL BE
YOUR DATE, HARRY.

LUCKY MISS KINNEY

GETS THE BUTLER.

CASANOVA,
YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE WITH.

THE ONE
WITH THE GREAT PERSONALITY.

TRADE YOU
FOR HOFFS.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'D TRUST YOU
WITH MY GREAT-GRANDMOTHER.

( whistles
appreciatively )

SO, HOW DO I LOOK?

WOW!

DARLING, YOU LOOK
SENSATIONAL.

SAVE THE LAST DANCE
FOR ME, PEACHES.

WHATEVER YOU DO...

DON'T LET ELVIS DRIVE.

( to disco beat ):
♪ I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN ♪

♪ TAKE YOUR FEARS AWAY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I AM GONNA
STAY RIGHT HERE ♪

♪ I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN ♪

♪ GIVE YOU BACK A DREAM ♪

♪ MAKE YOU WANT
TO TOUCH THE SKY ♪

♪ OOH, YOU'RE GONNA WANT ME ♪

♪ I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN... ♪

( slow song playing )

Man:
♪ WHAT DID I DO
TO MAKE YOU FEEL THIS WAY? ♪

♪ EVERYTHING'S GOING ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ WE HAVE IT ALL ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T THROW THIS AWAY ♪

♪ IF YOU WALK OUT THE DOOR ♪

♪ NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE ♪

♪ WE LIVE IN
THE BEST PART OF... ♪

( new song playing )

I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD DO THAT.

WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?

ARE YOU A COP
OR SOMETHING?

EASE UP ON ME, KID.

IT'S GOING TO BE
A LONG NIGHT.

GREAT PROM.

THANK YOU.

I WORKED VERY HARD
ON IT.

UH... THANK YOU
FOR THE CORSAGE.

OH, WELL,
YOU KNOW...

IT'S A...
IT'S A PROM.

YEAH.

( dance music playing )

HAVING A GOOD TIME?

YOU?

YEAH, OH, YEAH.

( sighs )

YOU LOOK GREAT.

OH, UM...

SO DO YOU.

YEAH, YOU THINK SO?

THANKS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?

OH, NO.

I JUST...

I KIND OF LIKE STANDING HERE.

ME, TOO.

( new dance tune playing )

HAVING A LOT OF FUN
OUT THERE, AREN'T THEY?

YEAH.

( slow dance music playing )

SEE ANYTHING
INTERESTING?

YEAH, YOU.

WHY, THANK YOU, SIR.

DO YOU EVER GO BOWLING?

WHAT?

BOWLING?

YOU EVER GO BOWLING?

YEAH, I WENT
LAST WEEK.

I BOWLED A 243,
BUT IT WAS MY FIRST TIME

SO I DON'T KNOW
IF THAT'S GOOD.

REALLY?

YEAH.

YEAH.

SERIOUSLY?

OH!

OOH!

( crowd quiets )

Penhall:
WHO THE HELL
IS THAT?

Hoffs:
THAT IS
YOUR DATE.

MY DATE?

OF COURSE.

AND YOU GUYS DIDN'T THINK
I STILL HAD IT, HUH?

HI.

GOOD EVENING.

DOUG PENHALL.

MARGARET SAUNTERS.

THE PLEASURE IS ALL MINE.

HOW ABOUT WE GO DANCE?

DON'T TOUCH ME!

I'M ONLY TRYING...

( crowd murmurs )

Penhall:
GET BACK, GET BACK!

GET AWAY FROM HER,
GET AWAY FROM HER!

( people screaming )

( sirens wailing )

PENHALL?

YOU OKAY?

IOKI AND HANSON
ARE STILL IN THERE--

INSIDE ON THE RIGHT.

ANOTHER SLAMMERINO!

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS POSSIBLE

BUT THIS PROM WAS
WORSE THAN THE ONE

WITH CHARLES TYRONE CANNON
THROWING UP

IN THE BACK SEAT
OF HIS FATHER'S CADILLAC.

YEAH.

MAKES ME NOT MISS
MISSING MY PROM SO MUCH.

Jane:
I DON'T KNOW,
I LIKED IT.

WHO COULD EVER FORGET
SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

I GOT STOOD UP
BY A LADY DRACULA

AND YOUR DATE'S BOWLING AWAY

LIKE SOME KIND OF
CERTIFIED KINGPIN.

I FEEL SORRY
FOR PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

ME, TOO.

IF MY KID WANTS
TO BE A BOWLER--

STRAIGHT TO REFORM SCHOOL.

NO, PENHALL,
I MEAN MARGIE.

IT WAS HER PROM, TOO.

YEAH, I GUESS IT WAS.

OKAY.

CAN I GET ANYBODY
ANYTHING TO DRINK?

BEER.

ANOTHER SLAMMERINO!

YOUR DATE.

HI.

WHERE DID IOKI
GO FOR THE BEERS?

TOKYO?

FREEZE!