21 Jump Street (1987–1991): Season 1, Episode 3 - Don't Pet the Teacher - full transcript

( rock beat playing )

Man:
♪ I'M PAST THE SPEED ♪

♪ AND THE ICONS GRIN AT ME ♪

♪ THEY CELEBRATE ♪

♪ RED WINE, WHITE LINES ♪

♪ WON'T BE THE FIRST TIME,
LAST TIME ♪

♪ SEEK THE HEARTBEAT ♪

♪ BROOD ALL NIGHT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU STOLE MY WORLD ♪

♪ YOU STOLE MY WORLD... ♪

( car starting )



♪ AND I'M SPIRALING,
SPIRALING DOWN ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ SHE SAYS IT'S JUST A PHASE,
YOU'RE THE... ♪

FILL HER UP AND REMOVE
EVERYTHING UNDER THE HOOD.

RIGHT AWAY, SIR.

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ BUT I'M TOO NUMB
TO UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ I AIN'T BLIND, NO ♪

♪ JUST REFUSE TO SEE ♪

♪ YOU STOLE MY WORLD ♪

♪ YOU STOLE MY WORLD ♪

♪ YOU STOLE MY WORLD ♪

♪ AND I'M SPIRALING,
SPIRALING DOWN... ♪

♪ ♪ ♪



♪ ARE YOU SAYING
IT WASN'T YOU? ♪

♪ ARE YOU SAYING IT
WASN'T YOU? ♪

STEVE, YOU GOING TO LEAVE
GREASE LIKE THIS

WHEN WE GET OUR OWN PLACE?

♪ YOU WALKED BACK INTO MY LIFE ♪

♪ A LONG TIME,
ONE MORE LIFETIME ♪

♪ YOU STOLE MY WORLD. ♪

♪ WE NEVER THOUGHT OF FINDING ♪

♪ A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG ♪

♪ DON'T HAVE TO STAND ALONE ♪

♪ WE'LL NEVER LET YOU FALL ♪

♪ DON'T NEED PERMISSION ♪

♪ TO DECIDE WHAT YOU BELIEVE ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA LEARN SOMETHING ♪

♪ WHEN WE MEET YOU
AFTER SCHOOL ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪

♪ YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE THERE ♪

♪ WHEN YOUR BACK IS
TO THE WALL ♪

♪ YOU'LL FIND YOU NEED US ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE ELSE
TO CALL ♪

♪ WHEN IT LOOKS HOPELESS ♪

♪ A DECISION'S WHAT YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU BETTER BE READY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU'RE
RUNNING OUT OF TIME ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ 21 JUMP STREET! ♪

WARSAW. MY HOME
IS IN WARSAW.

NADIA MESSING IS
AN HONORS STUDENT

AND INVOLVED
IN ATHLETIC ACTIVITIES.

SHE LOOKS FORWARD
TO HER STAY

WITH HER HOST
AMERICAN FAMILY.

Reporter:
WHAT WAS THE ESSAY
THAT BROUGHT YOU HERE?

IT WAS A COMPARISON

OF POLITICAL SYSTEMS--

THE UNITED STATES AND
THE SOVIET SATELLITE...

THE GOVERNMENT OF POLAND
IS PLEASED

THAT THIS ACADEMIC PROGRAM
CAN FINALLY TAKE PLACE.

LOOK AT HER.

THIS IS THE TOTAL
BUMMER OF ALL TIME.

BEING SELECTED THE HOST FAMILY
IS QUITE AN HONOR, JENNIFER.

BESIDES, THIS COULD BE
A LOT OF FUN.

GIRLS THAT WIN SCHOOL CONTESTS
ARE NOT FUN.

REMEMBER LAURIE HOBERMAN,
WON THE STATE SPELLING BEE--

TOTAL DORK CITY.

QUIET, DEAR. WE'RE
DOING THIS FOR AMERICA.

I THINK I'LL DEFECT.

MR. DRABINSKY, HOW NORMAL
A TEENAGE LIFE CAN NADIA HAVE

WITH A REPRESENTATIVE
LIKE YOU FOLLOWING HER AROUND?

Drabinsky:
I ASSURE YOU,
GENTLEMEN

I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF RETURNING TO HIGH SCHOOL.

AND I MIGHT ADD

THAT CONTRARY TO PROPAGANDA
DISSEMINATED BY YOUR GOVERNMENT

WE DO NOT FOLLOW AROUND
VISITORS TO THE UNITED STATES.

NADIA IS HERE FOR THE TOTAL
AMERICAN EXPERIENCE.

HER LIFE WILL
BE AS NORMAL

AS THAT OF THE STUDENT
SITTING NEXT TO HER IN CLASS.

Hoffs:
SAY WHAT?

COME ON. THAT'S
A BABY-SITTING ASSIGNMENT.

THEY WANT TO GIVE
THIS GIRL A TASTE

OF NORMAL AMERICAN
TEENAGE LIFE.

SO I GOT TO FOLLOW
HER AROUND? WHY US?

THE METRO P.D.
IS COOPERATING

WITH THE STATE
DEPARTMENT.

THAT'S WHY US.

OUR PRESIDENT COOPERATES
WITH THE POLISH PRESIDENT.

STATE DEPARTMENT COOPERATES
WITH OUR PRESIDENT.

THE GOVERNOR COOPERATES
WITH THE STATE DEPARTMENT.

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE MAYOR
AND THE CHIEF OF POLICE--

BOTH COOPERATIVE PEOPLE.

THEY PUT IT ON
JENKO'S SHOULDERS.

HE PUTS IT ON YOURS.

JUDY HOFFS--

A.K.A. MISS COOPERATIVE.

I FEEL LIKE THE DOG WHO GETS
KICKED IN THIS SCENARIO.

CONSIDER IT A FAVOR
TO THE PRESIDENT OF POLAND.

JUST KEEP
AN EYE ON HER--

EASE HER IN AT FIRST.

IT MIGHT BE FUN.

OKAY, I'LL DO IT

IN THE NAME
OF WORLD PEACE.

WE ALSO HAVE SOME NEW BUSINESS

IN STOLEN CARS.

( blows raspberry )

Ioki:
GEE, JENK,

WE'RE GETTING
THE BIG ONES.

STOLEN CARS ARE A VERY BIG
BUSINESS THESE DAYS.

EVER THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY

THE INSURANCE COMPANIES
SHELL OUT IN CLAIMS?

Hanson:
THEY'RE THE ONES THAT
SHOULD GO TO JAIL.

YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MUCH I PAY

TO INSURE THE MUSTANG?

THREE MONTHS AGO,
THE THING WAS PARKED--
PARKED.

SOME UNINSURED DOOFUS
HITS ME AND THEY
RAISE MY RATES.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD
UNINSURED DOOFUS PROTECTION.

WON'T DO ANY GOOD
IF YOU'RE UNDER 25.

I MEAN, DO YOU
THINK THEY CARE

THAT I HAVE A PERFECT
DRIVING RECORD, HUH?

NO!

I MEAN, DO YOU THINK
THAT THEY CARE

THAT I'M A LAW ENFORCEMENT
OFFICER, HUH?

NO.

THEY JUST KEEP
RAISING THE RATES.

Jenko:
WELL, NOW, THERE THEN, YOU SEEM

QUITE PASSIONATE
ABOUT THAT, BUB.

DOWNRIGHT MORAL OUTRAGE,
I'D CALL IT.

SO NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AMIGO.

HERE, LOOK AT THIS.

IT WAS FOUND STRIPPED
A FEW DAYS AGO.

WHEN GRAND THEFT FOUND IT,
THEY FOUND A SCREWDRIVER

THAT HAD FALLEN INTO THE FRAME

WITH THE INITIALS N.H.S.
ENGRAVED ON IT.

NORTHSIDE HIGH SCHOOL?

Jenko:
THAT'S THE THIRD CAR
STRIPPED IN THAT VICINITY

IN THE LAST
30 DAYS.

SO THE GUYS IN THE SUITS
DOWNTOWN

THINK MAYBE THERE'S
A POSSIBILITY OF A CONNECTION

WITH THE KIDS
IN THE SHOP PROGRAM.

THEY'VE GOT A HUGE SHOP THERE.

Penhall:
HUGE SHOP?

THERE'S EIGHT MILLION KIDS
AT THAT SCHOOL.

THERE'S EIGHT MILLION
AND ONE NOW.

YOUR BUDDY HANSON IS ABOUT
TO JOIN THE SHOP CLASS.

EVERY DAY I GET
A NEW FACE.

ADVANCED CLASS, HUH?

YEAH.

OKAY, McCLAIN...

I GOT AN AUTOMATIC CAMARO

I WANT TO PUT
A FOUR-SPEED INTO.

GOT A NEW
BELL HOUSING FOR IT.

CAN YOU DO IT
BY TOMORROW AFTERNOON?

IF YOU CAN FIND
A NEW DRIVE SHAFT.

THE SHAFT IN THERE
IS SIX INCHES TOO LONG.

GOOD. START IN THE "A" GROUP.

SEE IF YOU CAN KEEP UP.

YO, LISTEN UP.

THANK YOU.
GATHER UP.

COME ON,
LECTURE TIME.

HEY, WISEGUYS,
YOU'LL THANK ME SOMEDAY

FOR WHAT I'M ABOUT
TO TELL YOU.

OPPORTUNITY-- THERE ARE WORK
ANTS AND THERE ARE QUEEN BEES.

YOU GUYS ARE WORK ANTS.

LET'S FACE IT.

CALL IT GENETICS,
CALL IT ATTRITION

YOU GUYS AIN'T NEVER GOING TO BE
LUNCHING ON WALL STREET.

YOU SEE WHAT
I'M SAYING?

HOWEVER-- AND THIS
IS A BIG HOWEVER--

YOU GUYS GOT SOMETHING
MOST PEOPLE DON'T HAVE.

OPPORTUNITY.

YOU CAN COME OUT
THE BEST MECHANICS IN TOWN.

A BANKER?

THINK IT'S A BIG DEAL

MAKING SOME GUY
A CAR LOAN?

A BRAIN SURGEON?

YOU THINK HE'S GOT
GOOD HANDS?

LET HIM CHANGE THE GENERATOR
ON A '67 IMPALA IN THE RAIN.

SO IT'S UP TO YOU GUYS.

YOU ARE THE BEST.

THE FUTURE IS
OPPORTUNITY

AND THE OPPORTUNITY
IS YOURS.

END OF LECTURE.

VERY INSPIRING.

DON'T BROWNNOSE ME.

HEY, DELANO.

WHAT DID I DO NOW?

GET OVER HERE.

THIS HERE'S McCLAIN.

HE'S IN YOUR PROJECT GROUP.

WHATEVER YOU
SAY, COACH.

DON'T FORGET.

GRADES TOMORROW
ON FUEL INJECTION.

THEN THE FINAL PROJECT--
HALF YOUR GRADE.

WE'LL BE READY.

WATCH HIS BUDDY,
MARK THE MECHANIC.

HE'S THE BEST
IN THE PLACE.

LEARN, MY FRIEND.

OPPORTUNITY.

HEY, DELANO.

YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT'S THAT
GUY'S DEAL?

HE'S THE ZEN MASTER
OF GARAGE PHILOSOPHY.

STEVIE DELANO.

TOM McCLAIN.

TRASH THIS THING.

HOW CAN ANYONE FIGURE
OUT WHAT'S INSIDE
THESE COMPUTERS?

MARK "THE MECHANIC" DORIAN,
THE LEGEND OF NORTHSIDE HIGH.

THAT'S THE FUEL
MANAGEMENT COMPUTER...

WE KNOW WHAT
IT DOES, PAL.

NO ONE OUTSIDE
THE FACTORY

KNOWS HOW TO REPROGRAM THESE.

Steve:
YOU THINK LANDERS
IS TESTING US?

IT'S A LEMON.

A FRIEND CAN GET ME
ONE OF THESE

FOR A GREAT PRICE.

THEY'RE HARD
TO COME BY.

SUPPLY DEALERS
CAN'T GET THEM.

I'VE GOT MORE DIRECT SOURCES.

OH, YEAH? HOW MUCH?

FREE.

THAT WOULD MEAN
BREAKING THE LAW.

DO IT. WE ALL LIKE
TO CONTRIBUTE AROUND HERE.

DONE.

BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO HAVE
TO GET WITH IT.

YOU'RE ANALOG MEN
IN A DIGITAL WORLD.

THEN IN 1970 THERE WERE STRIKES
AND RIOTS BY THE WORKING CLASS.

AND AGAIN IN 1980, I BELIEVE.

THAT IS CORRECT, MR. RAMSEY.

WHAT ABOUT
FOOD SUPPLIES?

CLOTHING?

DON'T YOU HAVE TO LINE UP

FOR GOODS AVAILABLE
IN ABUNDANCE HERE?

IF YOU ARE REFERRING TO THE
DECADENT AMERICAN PRODUCTS

I READ THAT
THAT IS WHY

MANY REBELLED
IN THE '60s.

YOU WERE BORED
WITH MATERIALISM.

SOME REBELLED, BUT IT'S
DIFFERENT IN POLAND.

THERE YOU REBELLED
FROM A LACK OF THESE THINGS.

I DON'T THINK WE ARE
DISAGREEING, MR. RAMSEY.

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT
THE FEELINGS IN POLAND

ARE BASICALLY PRO-AMERICAN.

REALLY?
COME ON.

POLAND MAY BE THE ONLY
PRO-AMERICAN COUNTRY

LEFT IN EUROPE.

Ramsey:
THAT'S QUITE
A STATEMENT.

Nadia:
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE
FEELINGS OF THE PEOPLE.

HMM.

THE PEOPLE.

OF COURSE, IN THIS COUNTRY

THE ABILITY TO CHANGE LAWS
IS IN THE HANDS OF THE PEOPLE.

IF TWO-THIRDS OF THEIR
REPRESENTATIVES AGREE

THEN THE LAW
IS CHANGED.

ACTUALLY, ONLY A SIMPLY MAJORITY
IS REQUIRED

TO PASS A BILL INTO LAW.

A TWO-THIRDS VOTE IS NEEDED
TO OVERRIDE A PRESIDENTIAL VETO.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

THAT WAS NEAT THE WAY
YOU HANDLED MR. RAMSEY.

THE MAN IS SOMETHING
OF A JINGOIST.

A WHAT?

SAY, GUYS, YOU WANT
TO HIT THE MALL?

WHY DON'T YOU
HIT THE MALL

WITH YOUR NEW FRIEND?

COME ON, NADIA.

LET'S CHECK OUT THE ABUNDANCE
OF AMERICAN WEALTH.

( woman singing pop song )

♪ DO ALL THE THINGS
YOU WANT TO ♪

♪ YES, THE TIME IS RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ I'll SHOW YOU HOW I FEEL... ♪

COME ON.

♪ ...IN ME ♪

♪ DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME
RIGHT NOW? ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME NOW. ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ I'M GONNA BE THE ONE
WITH YOU... ♪

Nadia:
WALKING SHOE.

RUNNING SHOE.

TENNIS SHOE.

THE BOURGEOIS IS
BRAINWASHED INTO THINKING

IT NEEDS A DIFFERENT SHOE
FOR EVERY OCCASION.

THAT'S NOTHING.

CYBILL SHEPHERD
NEEDS A FORMAL PAIR.

CYBILL WHAT?

♪ DO ALL THE THINGS
YOU WANT TO ♪

♪ YES, THE TIME IS RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ I WANT TO SHOW YOU
HOW I FEEL... ♪

( cash register beeping )

MMM.

NOW, THIS IS SO GOOD.

I'VE NEVER TASTED
ICE CREAM LIKE
THIS BEFORE.

THEY MUST HAVE
BERGEN-GLASS IN EUROPE.

WHY? IT COMES
FROM BROOKLYN.

♪ WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME
RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME NOW ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME NOW... ♪

Thank you for banking with us.

TELL ME ABOUT THIS.

IT'S A BANK.

YOU THROW IN YOUR CARD

AND GET CASH
FROM YOUR ACCOUNT.

I THINK I'M GOING
TO LIKE IT HERE.

HELLO, LADIES.

CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?

NO, THANKS.

ANYWAY...

THAT IS A WONDERFUL
JACKET YOU'RE WEARING.

THANKS.

YOU'RE FROM OUT OF TOWN.

I COULD TELL.

SO...

YOU WANT TO HANG OUT OR WHAT?

"OR WHAT"
SOUNDS VERY GOOD.

GREAT, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

THANK YOU FOR
BRINGING ME HERE, JUDY.

I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW
IN SCHOOL, YES?

UH, YEAH, SURE.

WAIT TILL YOU
SEE MY WHEELS.

ALL RIGHT, MAN,
THIS IS IT.

NUMBER 456, GOT IT?

I'VE DONE THIS A COUPLE
OF TIMES BEFORE, STEVIE.

VINCE...

WE REALLY NEED
THIS ONE, MAN.

DON'T BLOW
IT, MARIO.

RELAX, OKAY?

I NEED MORE BODIES.

I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT
MORE PRODUCTS

BUT I NEED DRIVERS.

RECRUIT SOME FRIENDS.

THEY DON'T HAVE
THE SAME CODE OF HONOR.

Mario:
NOTHING ILLEGAL
ABOUT DRIVING CARS.

NOT MUCH.

WHAT ABOUT STOPPING TO GET
THE ODOMETER KNOCKED BACK?

THAT'S NONE OF THE DRIVER'S
CONCERN.

Auctioneer:
LOT NUMBER 456,
MUTUAL FIDELITY CONSIGNOR.

WHO WILL GIVE ME $500?

$500.

THANK YOU. $600?

( Auctioneer's patter )

I'M BID $500.

600.

Auctioneer:
NOW 700.

$700.

750.

I THINK YOU GUYS
ARE BEING JERKED AROUND.

$800.

$1,000.

IT'S A PIECE
OF JUNK.

$1,000 ON THAT PIECE OF JUNK.

$1,100.

$1,100. NOW $1,200.

DON'T LOSE IT.

$1,300.

$1,350.

$1,400.

Auctioneer:
$1,400.

( patter )

GIVE YOU 5O BUCKS

NOT TO SAY
ANOTHER WORD.

$1,450.

$1,500.

$1,5OO BID. $1,550?

A HUNDRED BUCKS.

MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

IT WAS A PLEASURE
DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU.

$1,500 ONCE, $1,500 TWICE.

SOLD FOR $1,500.

QUALITY USED CARS

AND, MARIO, THAT
REALLY IS A USED CAR.

WELL DONE, GENTLEMEN.

MARIO, HERE'S $900.

COME ON, COME ON.

WOULD HAVE
BEEN A GRAND.

THAT GUY
TOOK $100.

WAS HE A SHILL?

MAYBE HE NOTICED A COUPLE PUNKS
BIDDING ON USELESS FRAMES.

I HATE THIS PLACE.

IT'S SO CROOKED.

WHO'S DOING WHO A FAVOR?

HERE'S HOW I'LL PLAY THIS ONE.

AFTER YOU GENIUSES
PUT THAT TOGETHER

I'LL TAKE 20% OF THE SALE PRICE.

20%?

FREE ENTERPRISE, DUDES.

Mark:
CAREFUL WITH THEM, ALL RIGHT?

HEY, WATCH IT, WILL YOU?

Mark:
NO, NO, NO, NO!

VINNY, THERE'S A RIGHT WAY
AND THERE'S A WRONG WAY

TO HOOK UP
A WIRING HARNESS.

WHAT'S WITH HIM?

THIS REBUILD IS A BIG PART
OF THE MIDTERM GRADE.

HE TAKES IT
SO SERIOUSLY.

HE'S TRAINING FOR WHEN
WE HAVE OUR OWN PLACE.

OH, YEAH?

WE'RE GOING INTO BUSINESS
TOGETHER.

I'M THE FRONT MAN.

HE'S THE MECHANIC.

IT TAKES A LOT OF DOUGH
TO OPEN A GARAGE.

YOU'RE TELLING ME.

WHERE'S THE BLACK BOX?

ON ITS WAY.

HEY, HOTSHOT.

PUT THE TIE RODS ON

WITHOUT BENDING THEM.

YES, SIR.

YOU FORGOT

YOUR LUNCH.

THAT'S NOT BAD.

YOU WANT ANYTHING
WITH WHEELS ATTACHED

LET ME KNOW.

Hanson:
MIDNIGHT MIKE.

FASTEST MAN
ON THE NORTHSIDE.

SO YOU'RE FAST?

$100 STANDING BET
TO ANY AND ALL COMERS.

WE MIGHT TAKE YOU
UP ON THAT.

$200 ON DOMESTICS.

A MAN AFTER
MY OWN HEART.

LET'S PUT THIS IN BEFORE
LANDERS PULLS A SPOT CHECK.

COME HERE
A SECOND.

YOU SEE THE CAR
WE'RE REBUILDING?

THIS ONE?

I THINK IT'S THE SAME ONE
THAT WAS HEISTED LAST WEEK.

THEY'RE REBUILDING IT
IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS?

GUTSY, HUH?

ARE YOU SURE
IT'S THE SAME ONE?

NO, BUT IT'S A BLUE
MERCURY SABLE.

WE CAN'T JUST NAIL THEM
ON A HUNCH.

YOU GOT THE I.D. NUMBER
ON THE LAST STOLEN CAR?

NOT ON ME.

I GOT THE ONE
ON THIS ONE.

ARE YOU READY?

NO.

G-8-6-7-9-5...

3-3-7-2-5-6.

YOU GOT IT?

GIVE IT TO ME AGAIN.

I'M NOT KRESKIN, MAN.

G-8-6-7-9-5-
3-3-7-2-5-6.

DID YOU GET THAT?

G-86...

Landers:
HEY.

WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?

I'M HIS BUDDY.

I DROPPED OFF
HIS LUNCH.

DROP IT AT
THE CAFETERIA.

NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL
ON THE DECK.

YES, SIR.

G...G...

NO SECURITY
AROUND HERE.

TOO MANY STUDENTS.

HEY, COACH, BEING NEW HERE
AND ALL, I WAS WONDERING--

WE GOT THIS FRAME,
WE GOT ALL THESE PARTS.

WHERE DO THEY
COME FROM?

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE CARS
AFTERWARD?

WHO THE HECK ARE YOU

THE FBI?

I WAS JUST WONDERING.

I GOT A SECRET BENEFACTOR, OKAY?

IT'S NONE OF
YOUR BUSINESS.

IT'S YOUR BUSINESS
TO MAKE IT RUN.

YOU GOT THAT?

( car starts )

SHE MUST HAVE BEEN
AT THE LIBRARY ALL NIGHT

BECAUSE SHE WAS NOWHERE
WHEN I GOT UP.

( motorcycle roaring )

MAYBE SHE WASN'T SO BAD
AFTER ALL.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

DRAG CITY.

NADIA?

WE JUST DON'T HAVE
THE COMMERCIAL PRODUCTS

TO DO DIFFERENT HAIRSTYLES.

THAT IS ALL.

IT IS NO BIG DEAL.

COULD YOU DRESS LIKE THAT
AT HOME?

OH, YEAH.

BUT I'D HAVE A HECK OF A TIME

FINDING THESE PANTY HOSE.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE
A GRADUAL ACCEPTANCE

OF OUR NATIVE CUSTOMS.

THE FREEDOM MUST BE
A WELCOME RELIEF.

IT'S SOMEWHAT TRUE.

IN MY COUNTRY THERE ARE
SO MANY RULES.

IT'S LIKE LIVING FOREVER
WITH YOUR PARENTS.

OH, CAN YOU
IMAGINE?

MANY PEOPLE LITERALLY
LIVE THEIR LIVES

WITH THEIR PARENTS.

WHEN YOU GROW UP
YOU GET YOUR OWN ROOM

NOT YOUR OWN HOUSE.

YOU COULDN'T LIKE TURN UP
THE STEREO FOREVER.

Nadia:
YOU WOULDN'T WANT
TO TURN IT UP

CONSIDERING THAT THE GOVERNMENT
CENSORS ALL THE LYRICS.

I'M JUST GLAD YOU'VE BEEN
GIVEN THE CHANCE

TO PURSUE THE AMERICAN DREAM.

AND "OPEN" SAYS ME.

T-MINUS-3-2-1

IGNITION.

( engine starting )

THE NEW KING.

NOT BAD.

NOT BAD?

HE WHIPPED
YOUR TAIL.

THIS PLACE IS GOING
TO BE A PALACE, MAN.

WE'LL ONLY SERVICE BEEMERS,
MERCEDES AND JAGS.

AND PORSCHES, OF COURSE.

OF COURSE.

SPEAKING
OF WHICH--

WE STILL HAVEN'T
TORN DOWN A MERCEDES.

DUDE, I'M WORKING ON IT.

THAT'S SOME DREAM YOU GOT.

Steve:
IT'S NO DREAM.

WE'LL MAKE
IT HAPPEN.

WE'VE TALKED ABOUT IT
FOR YEARS.

Mark:
TELL THEM ABOUT
THE WAITING ROOM.

LEATHER COUCHES.

AND NO OLD
MAGAZINES.

ONLY BRAND-NEW
MAGAZINES.

AND A PICTURE WINDOW
SO PEOPLE CAN WATCH US

WORK ON THEIR CARS.

IN THE MOST SPOTLESS
SERVICE BAY IN THE CITY.

WHITE OVERALLS
WITH YOUR NAME

ON THE BACK.

A NAME ON THE FRONT
IS NO GOOD.

IF YOU'VE GOT TO CALL
DOWN TO YOUR TIRE MAN

YOU'RE LOOKING
AT HIS BACK, RIGHT?

THAT'S WHERE HIS
NAME SHOULD BE.

LIKE IN BASEBALL.

MAKES SENSE TO ME.

TAKES A LOT OF DOUGH.

WELL, WE'VE GOT
A FEW GIGS GOING.

WE GOT A LOCATION, TOO.

OVER ON GRAND.

IT'S IN, UH...

WHAT DO YOU
CALL IT?

PROBATE.

YEAH, PROBATE.

THE GUY WENT UNDER AND NOW
THE COURT'S GOT HIS GARAGE.

WE FIGURE IF WE COULD GET
ENOUGH DOUGH TOGETHER

BY JULY 1

WE COULD PUT TOGETHER
THE WINNING BID.

YOU INTERESTED IN MAKING
SOME MONEY?

SURE, WHAT DO WE GOT TO DO?

JUST SOME DRIVING.

Mark:
OUR FRIEND MARIO
OWNS THIS USED-CAR LOT.

WE DRIVE FOR HIM
ON WEEKENDS.

WE PICK UP CARS AND DRIVE
THEM TO AN AUCTION.

CAN'T MAKE MUCH MONEY
DOING THAT.

YOU MAKE A FEW STOPS
ALONG THE WAY.

LIKE AT CLOCKER PAUL'S.

HE MAKES OLD CARS LOOK NEW.

LET ME GUESS--
TIRE PAINT, ENGINE SPRAY,

YOU RUN THE CLOCK BACK
ABOUT 20,000 MILES.

INTERESTED?

YOU PICK UP SOME
EXTRA GAS MONEY,
INSURANCE MONEY.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS PAYING
FOR INSURANCE?

HE PAYS A FORTUNE.

GOT IN AN ACCIDENT.

WHAT?

INSURANCE COMPANIES, MAN.

THE BIGGEST KOOKS
IN AMERICA.

I AGREE 100%.

WHAT BUSINESS DID YOU
SAY YOU WERE IN?

INSURANCE.

IS THAT A GOOD
BUSINESS?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

IT'S A LICENSE TO DEAL.

SEND ME YOUR POLICY.

I'LL WORK UP A COMPARISON--

SAVE YOU 10%.

I DON'T DRIVE.

YOU DON'T DRIVE?

NO, BUT I WISH
TO LEARN.

I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED
MY OWN AUTOMOBILE.

WHAT KIND WOULD YOU LIKE?

A SPORTS CAR.

YOU LIKE SPORTS CARS?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A CAMARO?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, NADIA.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEARN
TO DRIVE A SPORTS CAR?

JENK, I'M
TELLING YOU.

I THINK SHE'S
CALMING DOWN.

AT LEAST SHE'S THROUGH
WITH THAT DUDE ON THE BIKE.

SHE'S RIGHT HERE.

NO, I'M NOT ACTUALLY LOOKING
AT HER.

HOLD ON.

I HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT.

OKAY, NOW...

( shouting )

SCALPEL.

THE OTHER SCALPEL.

Ioki:
"'86 MERCURY SABLE, EXCELLENT
CONDITION, $12,000 FIRM."

THAT'S 15.

I STILL THINK SAL LANDERS,
GARAGE PHILOSOPHER

HAS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH THIS.

SURE. LIKE WHERE DO
THEY GET THE FRAME?

WHY CAN THEY USE
THE SHOP?

HOW DO THEY DISAPPEAR SO FAST?

Jenko:
WE RUN THESE ADS DOWN,
WE WILL FIND THE SELLER

WHO IS PROBABLY AN ADULT
CONNECTED TO STEVIE AND MARK.

I GOT ANOTHER ONE.

WONDERFUL.

JENKO, WE GOT A MAJOR PROBLEM.

WHAT'S THAT?

I CAN'T KEEP UP
WITH NADIA.

YOU CAN'T KEEP UP
WITH A 17-YEAR-OLD TOURIST?

TOURIST? THE ROLLING STONES
COULDN'T TOUR WITH THIS GIRL.

TWO NIGHTS AGO IT WAS
THE ROCK-AND-ROLL CLUB.

I TALKED HER OUT OF LEAVING TOWN
WITH THE DRUMMER.

LAST NIGHT, IT WAS TWO SEEDY
DUDES TEACHING HER SHOPLIFTING.

AND NOW, IT'S SOME YUPPIE

WHO DECIDED SHE
NEEDS DRIVING LESSONS.

WHAT WAS HER NUMBER?

UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO BLOW
MY COVER AND BADGE HER

I NEED HELP.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
HOOK HER UP WITH A GUY.

GROOVY IDEA.

I'M NOT MUCH FOR VOLUNTEERING,
BUT IN THIS CASE...

SORRY, BUT HARRY'S ELECTED.

TAKE THIS LITTLE LADY
OUT TO THE MOVIES.

JUST A NICE,
QUIET DATE.

GOOD CHOICE, JENKO.

IF SHE'S WITH YOU

AT LEAST WE CAN
KEEP TRACK OF HER.

WHY NOT LET HER RUN?

THIS GIRL WILL GET INTO TROUBLE.

THIS IS A WILD CHILD.

BEING AN IMMIGRANT, I'M A BIT
OF AN EXPERT ON FOREIGN AFFAIRS.

I KNOW EXACTLY
HOW TO HANDLE HER.

( clears throat )

GOOD MOVIE,
HUH, GUYS?

GUYS?

GUYS?

NADIA, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE TAKE A BREAK?

SURE. ARE YOU HUNGRY?

YEAH. I'M REAL HUNGRY.

LET'S HIT THE CONCESSION STAND.

I'LL GET IT.

HOFFS, SHE IS AMAZING.

I AM FOREVER
IN YOUR DEBT.

HI.

HELLO.

CAN I BUY YOU
SOME POPCORN?

I HAVE MY OWN MONEY,
THANK YOU.

I LIKE YOUR ACCENT.
HUNGARIAN?

POLISH.

YOU KNOW, AMERICANS LOVE
FOREIGN ACTRESSES.

BUT I AM NOT AN ACTRESS.

BUT YOU COULD BE.

CUT THE HUSTLE.

OKAY, I'M ONLY AN ATTORNEY.

BUT MY FIRM DOES REPRESENT
SOME FILM PEOPLE.

YOU'RE AN ATTORNEY?

BRUCE PLESSER, AT YOUR SERVICE.

WHAT KIND OF AUTOMOBILE
DO YOU DRIVE?

A PORSCHE, WHY?

I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED
TO GO FOR A RIDE

IN A PORSCHE
WITH AN ATTORNEY.

SO ANYWAY, WE HAVE THIS THING
ABOUT SIX MONTHS

WHEN MY WIFE'S MOTHER
PASSES ON

AND LEAVES US THIS B.M.W.

SORRY TO HEAR THAT--

ABOUT YOUR WIFE'S
MOTHER, AND ALL.

WE DIDN'T WANT TO KEEP UP

THE PAYMENTS
OR THE INSURANCE ON THIS.

I HEAR YOU, GOOD BUDDY.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

SHE'S SURE CLEAN. DAMN.

HOW DOES SHE RUN?

LIKE A SIX-MONTH-OLD CAR.

IT'S STILL
UNDER FACTORY WARRANTY.

I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A DEAL.

OKAY, GOOD. GOOD.

WOULD YOU MIND IF I LOOKED
AT THAT REGISTRATION?

I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I'VE HEARD STORIES
ABOUT PEOPLE SELLING CARS

THEY DON'T EVEN OWN.

I KNOW IT.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT ONE?

SURE AS HELL LOOKS
ALL RIGHT TO ME.

BUT THE THING IS...

I'VE GOT TO CHECK THIS OUT
WITH THE LITTLE WOMAN.

I HEAR YOU, MAN.

MR. DELANSI, MANY THANKS.
I'LL GIVE YOU A HOLLER.

IT'S DELANO.

GOOD LUCK WITH THE
LITTLE WOMAN, MR. JENKY.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW WHERE I'M AT.

YES, SIR, I RECKON I DO.

TAKE CARE NOW, YOU HEAR?

MARIO DELANO IS
THE LEGAL CAR OWNER.

HE BOUGHT THE FRAME
AT THE INSURANCE AUCTION.

WAIT. "OUR FRIEND MARIO
OWNS A USED-CAR LOT."

MARIO IS THE GUY
THAT USES STEVIE AND MARK

TO DRIVE THE CARS
TO THE AUCTION.

THE INSURANCE AUCTION.

REMEMBER THEIR JOB OFFER?

STEVIE DELANO MUST BE
MARIO'S BROTHER.

BUT JENK SAID HE WAS SELLING
A MERCURY OUT OF HIS DRIVEWAY.

NOBODY LIKES
USED-CAR DEALERS.

HE PROBABLY BRINGS CARS HOME

AND SELLS THEM
FROM THE NEWSPAPER.

AW, MAN!

SO STEVIE AND MARK
GO OUT AND STEAL A CAR

STRIP IT, STORE THE PARTS

AND PUT THE FRAME
ON THE STREET.

THE OWNER REPORTS IT STOLEN.

THE COPS FIND THE FRAME.

THE INSURANCE COMPANY TOTALS IT
AND PAYS OFF THE OWNER.

NOW THE BOY GENIUSES
BUY THE FRAME AT THE AUCTION

AND THEY LEGALLY OWN THE CAR.

THEY ALREADY HAVE
THE OTHER PARTS.

ONCE THEY REBUILD IT,
IT'S THEIRS TO SELL-- LEGALLY.

FOR ABOUT 12 GRAND.

THAT'S A NICE PROFIT.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

THEY STOLE THE CAR, STRIPPED IT

AND THEN BOUGHT
THE FRAME BACK.

THEY LEGALLY OWN THE CAR
ONCE IT'S REBUILT.

YES, SIR.

THAT'S BRILLIANT.

THIS IS THE BEST CLASS
I'VE EVER HAD.

YOU SAY YOU GET THE CARS
FROM A USED-CAR DEALER?

YEAH, MARIO DELANO.

HE DONATES IT,
AND WE REBUILD IT.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

WHY DO YOU THINK...?

WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE MARIO DELANO
IS SO GENEROUS?

HE'S A PHILANTHROPIST--
DOES IT FOR TAX PURPOSES.

YEAH, RIGHT.

WHAT ABOUT THAT 20
DELANO GAVE YOU?

HE BUSTED A TOOL.

I GUESS HE'S BETTER OFF
STEALING THEM THAN FIXING THEM.

MR. LANDERS,

AS A POLICE OFFICER,
I CAUTION YOU NOT TO INTERFERE

WITH AN INVESTIGATION
OR WARN THE PERPETRATORS.

IT'S ONE THING
TO ADMIRE INGENUITY.

IT'S ANOTHER TO INTERFERE WITH
THE CHARACTER OF MY STUDENTS.

I WAS HOPING YOU'D SAY THAT.

FOUR CARS AND THEY
HAVE ENOUGH CASH

TO BUY THAT GARAGE
OUT OF PROBATE.

THEY'LL BE SEWING NAMES
ON OVERALLS BY GRADUATION.

SO WE WAIT FOR THEM
TO STEAL ANOTHER CAR

AND HOPE WE GET INVITED ALONG?

I THINK WE HAVE TO HELP
THEM A LITTLE BIT.

MAY I HELP YOU?

I'M IN TOWN
A FEW DAYS

AND I WANT
TO RENT A CAR.

LET ME GUESS--
YOU'RE A FERRARI MAN.

MERCEDES.

DO YOU HAVE A 560 SL?

WE HAVE A BURGUNDY
AND A WHITE ONE.

$150 A DAY,
PLUS 50 CENTS A MILE.

I'LL TAKE THE BURGUNDY.

VERY GOOD, SIR.

WE OFFER NO COMPREHENSIVE
ON THESE LUXURY CARS.

YOU'RE COVERED
BY YOUR OWN POLICY.

THAT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM.

NOT UNLESS IT GETS STOLEN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT
WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

I DON'T KNOW.

IF YOU GUYS DON'T
WANT IT, LET ME KNOW.

I GOT A DATE
THIS WEEKEND.

I COULD BORROW
IT FOR MYSELF.

SHE'S ONLY BEEN
GONE ONE NIGHT.

SHE'S BEEN GONE
ALMOST TWO DAYS.

THIS COULD BE
AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT.

POLICE PARADING
AS HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS?

WHO HAS HEARD OF SUCH A THING?

JENNIFER AND HER GIRLFRIEND
DIDN'T GO HOME, EITHER.

THEY'RE PROBABLY ALL
PARTYING SOMEWHERE.

THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

( laughing )

( siren wailing )

( throbbing dance music
playing )

( siren stops )

( all laughing and squealing )

COME ON,
GET OUT OF THERE.

COME ON, GET OUT.

CAN YOU HELP ME UP?

CAN I HAVE YOUR HAT?

( laughing )

I THOUGHT AMERICA
WAS DIFFERENT--

THAT THE SECRET POLICE DID NOT
FOLLOW THE PEOPLE AROUND.

THEY WERE TRYING TO
RELIEVE THE PRESSURE.

AND TO MAKE SURE
THE LITTLE COMMUNIST

DOESN'T RECRUIT YOUNG MINDS
TO THE "RED MENACE.'

THAT'S NOT IT.

TRUST ME.

TRUST YOU.

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT POLITICS.

I WAS TOLD TO DO A JOB--

TO EASE YOU IN AND MAKE YOU
FEEL AT HOME.

THAT'S A LOT MORE THAN
JENNIFER ATKINSON WAS DOING.

AT LEAST JENNIFER
WAS UP FRONT WITH ME

ABOUT WHO SHE IS.

NADIA, YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT?

TALK ABOUT
WHAT?

TALK ABOUT WHAT'S
BOTHERING YOU.

ALL THIS RUNNING AROUND.

FIVE DAYS,
NINE GUYS.

THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

MAYBE NOT, BUT WE CAN TALK
ABOUT IT, IF YOU'D LIKE.

I AM JUST ENJOYING MYSELF--

EXPERIENCING LIFE AS
AN AMERICAN TEENAGER WOULD.

THAT'S ALL.

YOU'RE A LOT
SMARTER THAN THAT.

IN THREE WEEKS

I AM GOING
BACK TO POLAND.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT THAT IS LIKE.

I HAVE SOME IDEA
FROM WHAT YOU'VE TOLD ME.

THAT IS JUST
THE SURFACE, JUDY.

UNDERNEATH IT IS
EVEN MORE BLEAK.

COMMUNISM BORES
THE PEOPLE TO DEATH.

YOU'RE STARTING
TO SOUND LIKE MR. RAMSEY.

HE IS NOT SO WRONG.

ESPECIALLY ONCE YOU
HAVE SEEN THIS COUNTRY.

EVER SINCE I
WAS 12 YEARS OLD

I DREAMED OF THE DAY
I WOULD COME TO AMERICA.

AND WHEN I GOT HERE...

IT WAS EVEN MORE.

I WANT TO STAY.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?

THERE IS
ONLY MY FATHER.

MY MOTHER, SHE DIED
WHEN I WAS 10.

MY FATHER WOULD
NEVER LEAVE POLAND.

SO I DON'T GET IT.

WHY THE RIDE
IN THE FAST LANE?

YOU'RE TRYING
TO CRAM

A LIFETIME
INTO FOUR WEEKS?

I'M LOOKING
FOR A HUSBAND.

YOU SEE, IF I MARRY
WHILE I AM HERE

I CAN EMIGRATE
RIGHT AWAY.

YOU'RE LOOKING
THE WRONG WAY.

PERHAPS.

BUT I HAVEN'T MUCH TIME.

HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN IN LOVE?

YES, I HAVE.

WERE YOU VERY MUCH
IN LOVE WITH HIM?

VERY MUCH.

YOU ARE VERY LUCKY.

Hanson:
DON'T WORRY.

WE'LL BE THERE
IN PLENTY OF TIME.

LOOK, GUYS,
IT'S A MERCEDES.

RELAX, IF THEY
DISASSEMBLE IT

THEY'LL PUT IT
BACK TOGETHER.

BETTER THAN BEFORE.
THEY'RE GOOD.

IF ANYTHING
HAPPENS

TO THAT CAR,
IT'S MY INSURANCE.

SHOULD WE HAVE
GONE THROUGH CHANNELS

TO GET A PLYMOUTH
IN ABOUT THREE WEEKS?

Penhall:
THIS WAY YOU CAN
SHARE THE COLLAR.

YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH.

OH, MY GOD, MAN.

WHERE'S THE CAR?

OH, NO!

OH, MY GOD!

MY...

OH, MY GOD,
THE FRAME IS ON FIRE.

WHAT IS THIS?

THEY MUST HAVE STRIPPED
IT FOR THE PARTS.

YOU SAID THEY'D REBUILD IT!

SOMETIMES THE PARTS
ARE WORTH MORE THAN THE CAR.

Penhall:
THEY TRASHED THE FRAME
TO KILL THE EVIDENCE.

OH, RIGHT.

NOW YOU TELL ME.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I'M A DEAD MAN!

I'LL NEVER GET
INSURANCE AGAIN.

YOU GUYS ARE TURNING
ME INTO A HIGH RISK.

YOU ALREADY WERE.

YOU'RE DEAD.

I'LL KILL
YOU BOTH, MAN.

I'LL KILL YOU.

GENTLEMEN, MARIO DELANO.

CAN I
HELP YOU?

STEVIE SAID YOU WERE
LOOKING FOR DRIVERS.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE HOT SHOTS.

YOU'RE LATE.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE SOME STOPS.

LIKE WHERE?

LIKE CLOCKER PAUL'S.

HOW MUCH?

50 EACH CAR, EACH RUN.

NOT BAD
FOR JOCKEYING CARS?

SOUND GOOD TO YOU?

SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

BY THE WAY,
WHERE CAN WE FIND

STEVIE
AND MARK?

THEY'RE IN THE BACK.

MAKE IT FAST.

OH, ONE MORE THING, MARIO.

Hanson:
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.

WHAT?

YOU ARE BUSTED.

HA, HA.

BOOK HIM, DANO.

HEY.

HI, GUYS.

WHAT'S IN THE TRUCK?

A 560 SL
WITHOUT THE FRAME.

359 PARTS LABELED
AND READY FOR DISTRIBUTION.

NO KIDDING!

Steve:
YEAH.

GOOD JOB.

THANKS.

A PIECE OF CAKE?

THREE HOURS
AND TEN MINUTES.

Hanson:
NO KIDDING.

THAT'S NOT BAD FOR MY
FIRST FOREIGN LUXURY CAR.

THINKING ABOUT PUTTING
IT BACK TOGETHER?

PARTS ARE WORTH
MORE THAN THE WHOLE.

OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE

SOME EXCRUCIATINGLY
BAD NEWS FOR YOU.

WE'RE COPS.

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

I LOVE THESE GUYS.

THESE GUYS ARE GREAT.

WE REALLY ARE COPS.

I THINK THEY'RE SERIOUS.

YOU GUYS ARE REALLY COPS?

OH, GEEZ.

OH, MAN.

WHAT A LOUSY WAY
TO MAKE A LIVING.

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS?

YOU'RE RUINING
THE DREAM, MAN.

JULY 1?

MAYBE WE CAN MAKE A DEAL.

WHAT ABOUT 10,000 BUCKS?

WELL, NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS...

YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T
WORK LIKE THAT.

THEY'RE RUNNING?

THEY'RE RUNNING.

WHAT ARE
WE DOING?

THEY KNOW
WHERE WE LIVE.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU
FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE.

I HAVEN'T DONE
ANYTHING, NADIA.

THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT I MEAN.

WHO'S THAT?

OH, THAT IS
MY NEW FRIEND...

CHRIS.

MAYBE YOU'LL
WRITE EACH OTHER?

UM, MAYBE.

AND MAYBE YOU'LL
COME BACK ONE DAY?

MAYBE.

GOOD-BYE, JUDY.

GOOD-BYE.

THAT'S THE LAST
OF IT, DUDE.

IT TOOK OVER
THREE WEEKS

BUT WE SOLD EVERY
PART OF THAT MERCEDES.

IT'S STILL SHORT.

JENK'S DOCKING US SIX MONTHS
FOR IGNORING PROCEDURE.

WHAT?

I THOUGHT THE PARTS
WERE WORTH

MORE THAN THE WHOLE CAR.

NOT WHEN YOU'RE SELLING
TO LEGITIMATE DEALERS.

I'M JUST GLAD
THAT I GOT THE DOUGH.

MY INSURANCE COMPANY
WOULD HAVE

REFUSED TO COVER
MY BICYCLE.

IOKI, IT'S THE LEAST
WE COULD DO.

( makes bird noise )

( makes shooting noise )