21 Jump Street (1987–1991): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

Two young, black criminals break into the house of a middle class family. They threaten to kill the son, Kenny, who they say owes them 6.000 dollars. They steal the Jaguar outside and go away. When the police arrive, Kenny refuses to give any information about the intruders. One of the policemen is 21 year old Tom Hanson, who has just graduated from the Police Academy as the top of his class. His first days at work aren't successful. Tom looks too juvenile to bring about respect, and his impulsivity causes trouble for his colleagues. He is relocated to a special unit called Jump Street Chapel. This is an undercover unit, focused on serious crimes among teenagers. The looks of his new colleagues shock him. The police officers Doug Penhall, Harry Truman Ioki and Judy Hoffs look, behave and talk like teenagers, and their chief, Captain Richard Jenko, looks like an old hippie. Tom has to undergo the same transformation. He is given the false identity of Tom Bauer, and sent to Amherst High, where also the two black criminals and Kenny are students. Now he has the chance to solve the case, with which he got nowhere as an ordinary policeman.

♪ WE NEVER THOUGHT OF FINDING ♪

♪ A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG ♪

♪ DON'T HAVE TO STAND ALONE ♪

♪ WE'LL NEVER LET YOU FALL ♪

♪ DON'T NEED PERMISSION ♪

♪ TO DECIDE WHAT YOU BELIEVE ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA LEARN SOMETHING ♪

♪ WHEN WE MEET YOU
AFTER SCHOOL ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪



♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪

♪ YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE THERE ♪

♪ WHEN YOUR BACK IS
TO THE WALL ♪

♪ YOU'LL FIND YOU NEED US ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE ELSE
TO CALL ♪

♪ WHEN IT LOOKS HOPELESS
A DECISION'S WHAT YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU BETTER BE READY 'CAUSE
YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ 21 JUMP STREET! ♪

( shouting and cheering )

Girl:
MOM, WOULD YOU
GIVE ME A BREAK?

I'VE GOT TO HEAR THIS
EVERY TEN SECONDS.

YOU ONLY LISTEN
FOR ONE.

COME ON, ANOREXIA, DINNER.



REAL FOOD, REMEMBER?

PROTEIN...

HOW PREHISTORIC.

PACK SOME FAT
AROUND THE OLD HEART.

( rock music begins )

DO WE HAVE
TO LISTEN TO THAT?

SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER.

BUT SHE
LISTENS TO YOU.

ONLY FOR A SECOND.

THE REST IS JUST
WHITE NOISE.

HEY, DAD-O.

SHERRY'S OLD MAN GOT
BUSTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING.

THAT'S NONE OF OUR
BUSINESS, NOREEN.

MR. BAUMLER IS A CLIENT
OF YOUR FATHER'S.

I HOPE YOU DON'T CALL
HIM "THE OLD MAN."

HE IS AN OLD MAN.

OF COURSE...
MARRIED TO AN OLD LADY.

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
LIKE SHERRY ANYMORE.

I DON'T.

BUT HER OLD MAN GETTING BUSTED
IS NEAT.

HE DIDN'T GET BUSTED.

CRIMINALS GET BUSTED.

MR. BAUMLER
WAS ARRESTED.

THE GUY WAS HAMMERED
OUT OF HIS MIND.

I SAW HIM
A COUPLE WEEKS AGO.

HE NEEDED
A COMPASS

TO FIND
HIS OWN HANDS.

SO TELL ME,
HOW'S THE CLARINET COMING?

I'M TURNING BOREDOM
INTO AN ART FORM.

Mother:
THAT'S THE
SAME CLARINET

YOUR FATHER PLAYED
WHEN HE WAS YOUR AGE.

MUST COME IN HANDY

WHEN HE SERENADES SOME DOOFUS
INTO A WHOLE LIFE POLICY.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME
THAT YOU DON'T RESPECT?

NOTHING.

I JUST THINK
THE CLARINET STINKS.

SO DOES THE MEAT LOAF.

( screaming )

SHUT UP!

SHUT UP!

STAY QUIET, STAY ALIVE.

DIANE, PLEASE,
DO WHAT HE SAYS.

WE'LL DO ANYTHING
YOU WANT.

Father:
WHAT DO
YOU WANT?

ASK YOUR LITTLE
NO-COLOR CHOIRBOY.

YOU OWE ME SIX GRAND.

KENNY, YOU KNOW THESE BOYS?

MOM, PLEASE!

LOOK, GUYS, I'LL GET IT.

I JUST NEED MORE TIME.

GET WHAT?

TIME'S UP.

THERE'S A JAG
IN THE DRIVEWAY.

GIVE UP THE KEYS.

GIVE HIM THE KEYS

OR WE TAKE LITTLE SISTER HERE
TO THE PROM.

IT WAS NICE
MEETING YOU FOLKS.

SORRY WE CAN'T
STAY FOR DINNER.

I'M CALLING
THE POLICE.

Kenny:
NO, DON'T!

THEY WERE GOING
TO KILL US!

NO, DAMN IT, NO!

KENNY,
PLEASE.

WHERE'S THE END
OF THIS THING?

I AM CALLING
THE POLICE.

YOU CALL THEM
AND THEY WILL KILL ME.

Man:
NEVER HAPPEN, KID.

Younger man:
WHY NOT?

BECAUSE COPS AIN'T
SOME KIND OF COWBOY

THAT RUN INTO
THE MIDDLE OF A SHOOT-OUT

AND SLING LEAD.

POLICE WORK'S
A SCIENCE NOW.

YOU GOT COMPUTERS
AND FORENSICS.

YOU GOT YOUR
WIMPY PUBLIC DEFENDER

WHO WILL THROW OUT YOUR CASE
UNLESS YOU ASK HIS CLIENT

WHAT KIND OF ROSARY HIS MOTHER
USED TO PRAY FOR HIM ON.

LET'S SAY WE GET
A CALL... A 415.

WE GOT SIX GUYS
WITH KNIVES AND CHAINS

READY TO DAMAGE SOME COPS...
WHO HAPPEN TO BE US.

WHAT THEN?

( belching )

WE LEAVE.

GET OUT!

OKAY, BUT WE CAN'T

BECAUSE THEY'VE GOT
SOME LADY WITH THEM

AND SHE'S SCREAMING
FOR HELP.

WE STILL LEAVE.

I DON'T.

YOU DO IF YOU'RE WITH ME.

I GOT SIX MONTHS LEFT.

I'M NOT GOING
UP IN SMOKE

FOR SOME OLD LADY
SCREAMING FOR HELP.

MY OLD LADY SCREAMS FOR HELP.

I TAKE HER TO THE MOVIES.

THAT'S WHAT
THE ACADEMY TAUGHT YOU?

30 YEARS AGO,
THERE WASN'T ANY ACADEMY.

YOU RODE IN THE BACK
OF A BLACK AND WHITE

FOR A WEEK
AND A HALF.

YOU WENT
TO GRADE SCHOOL

ON GUYS WHO WERE
KILLING EACH OTHER.

IT WAS SIMPLE.

POLICE WORK'S
A SCIENCE NOW.

THE ACADEMY MUST
HAVE A NEW

"JOHN WAYNE GOES
TO COP SCHOOL" COURSE.

THE LAST TWO GUYS YOU RODE WITH
ENDED UP WITH BUSTED NOSES.

SEEMS YOU ROLL IN HOT

AND KICK TAILS.

NO, I DON'T.

YEAH, YOU DO.

BECAUSE WITH THAT BABY FACE

EVERYBODY'S BEEN KICKING YOURS

SINCE THE SEVENTH GRADE.

I KNEW YOUR DAD.

HE WAS
A GOOD COP.

ONE THING FOR SURE--

HE WAS BIGGER THAN YOU ARE.

Dispatcher:
One Zebra Six, Code One.

MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE MADE
SUCH A GOOD TARGET.

YEAH.

ONE ZEBRA SIX, GO.

211 report at 729 Sycamore,
corner of Herman.

ONE ZEBRA SIX ROLLING.

OVER.

WHAT ABOUT THE TRAY?

FORGET THE TRAY.

( groaning in pain )

THANK YOU!

( siren wailing )

YOU SAY YOU NEVER
SAW THESE GUYS BEFORE?

NO, I'M
IN INSURANCE.

AT THIS POINT

I HOPE YOUR JAGUAR
IS COVERED.

UNLESS I GET SOMETHING

IT WILL BE
STRIPPED AND SOLD

BY TOMORROW NOON.

HE WON'T TALK.

HE'S LOCKED HIMSELF IN HIS ROOM.

LIKE WHEN HE COULDN'T
GO TO THE EURYTHMICS CONCERT

BECAUSE HE GOT
A "D" IN GYM.

MY BROTHER CAN'T EVEN
THROW A BASEBALL.

ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH

TO BE A COP?

YOU LOOK LIKE THAT KID
IN PRETTY IN PINK.

BUT WE DON'T LET HIM
WEAR PINK ANYMORE.

ATTRACTS ATTENTION.

MISS?

HMM?

IS THERE THE POSSIBILITY

OF YOUR OLDER BROTHER KENNETH

HAVING PREVIOUS KNOWLEDGE

OF THE SUSPECTED
PERPETRATORS?

IN OTHER WORDS,
PRINCESS

DID HE KNOW THESE JERKS
WHO RIPPED OFF YOUR DAD'S CAR?

THEY SAID THEY KNEW HIM,
BUT I DOUBT IT.

THEY'RE PRETTY HARD GUYS.

KENNY'S IN
THE SCHOOL BAND.

MILK IS MINE.

I'VE GOT AN ULCER BIG ENOUGH
TO HAVE ITS OWN ZIP CODE.

WE LET CLINT EASTWOOD HERE
DRINK COFFEE UNTIL 10:00.

DID YOU GET THROUGH?

HE'S SCARED, BILL.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUST
FINISHED DOMESTICS, PARTNER.

YOU'RE UP.

KID GRADUATED TOP IN HIS CLASS
AT THE ACADEMY.

IF KENNY
WERE MY KID

I'D UNSCREW THE HINGES
AND BEAT IT OUT OF HIM.

PLEASE FORGIVE MY PARTNER.

HE WENT TO GRADE SCHOOL
IN A BLACK AND WHITE.

IS YOUR SON
A GOOD STUDENT?

Kenny:
EXCEPT FOR
GYM, YEAH.

YOU FLUNK THAT,
YOU DON'T SEE THE EURYTHMICS.

KENNY, THE POLICE ARE HERE
TO HELP YOU.

YEAH, SURE.

KENNY, GET DOWN HERE!

GIVE ME A SECOND, ALL RIGHT?

HI.

YOU'RE PRETTY SCARED, HUH?

DO YOU KNOW
WHO STOLE YOUR DAD'S CAR?

I WON'T TELL YOU SPIT.

IT'S NOT AGAINST THE LAW
TO BE AFRAID.

WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE,
ALL RIGHT?

OKAY.

BUT WHAT HAPPENS
IF THEY COME BACK?

GREAT WORK, DOCTOR.

YOU GOT DIDDLE
IN THE SPLASH CAN.

HE WASN'T GOING
TO TELL US A THING.

WHY WASTE TIME?

WE TURN IT
OVER TO JUVENILE

AND THEY'LL ENROLL
KENNY AND HIS OLD MAN

INTO A TOUGH
LOVE PROGRAM.

LIKE YOU'RE
THE EXPERT, RIGHT?

HEY, PAL, DOMESTICS,
GRADUATED TOP OF THE CLASS.

ANYWAY, THAT KID
WAS TOO SCARED

TO TELL US ANYTHING
BUT WHAT WASN'T TRUE.

THREE WEEKS IN THE FIELD

AND I'M RIDING WITH
A CHILD COUNSELOR.

HERE. LET'S SEE
WHAT THEY TAUGHT YOU

ABOUT DRIVING
ONE OF THESE

AND WATCH THE POTHOLES.

I GOT HEMORRHOIDS, TOO.

YOU KNOW, CHARLIE

MAYBE YOUR OLD LADY SHOULD
HAVE YOU PUT TO SLEEP.

MY OLD LADY DOES
PUT ME TO SLEEP, KIDDO.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES
THE MARRIAGE WORK.

SHUT UP!

YOU DO EXACTLY WHAT I TELL YOU.

OPEN IT UP.

I SAID OPEN IT UP!

GET YOUR HANDS OUT
IN FRONT OF YOU!

WHERE'S THE REST OF IT?

IS THAT ALL THERE IS?!

HEY.

YEAH, RIGHT!

( tires squealing )

Charlie:
OKAY, CHIEF.

WHAT IS STICKING
IN THAT KID SIDEWAYS?

DRUGS.

YEAH, SEEMS TO BE.

HE OWES THIS DEALER
AND THE GUY CAME TO COLLECT.

I BET HIS OLD MAN WON'T
EVEN FILE A CHARGE.

MAKES TOO MUCH NOISE
ON THE FIRST TEE.

IT MIGHT BE DRUGS.

COULD BE ANYTHING.

BUT KENNY HARDLY
LOOKED LIKE AN ADDICT.

WHO DID YOU EXPECT,
LENNY BRUCE?

NOWADAYS YOU FIND
MORE JUNKIES

IN SPORTS THAN IN JAZZ CLUBS.

MAKE A NOTE OF WHERE
THAT KID GOES TO SCHOOL.

WE'LL TURN IT IN
TO THE DESK.

TURN AROUND.

WHY?

THERE'S A CAR BACK THERE
I WANT TO GET A CLOSER LOOK AT.

TAKE IT NICE AND EASY.

BE COOL.

THEY DON'T
KNOW NOTHING.

EVERYTHING OKAY?

YEAH.

YOU SURE?

YEAH.

POSITIVE?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

JUST WONDERED WHY YOU STOPPED
FOR A GREEN LIGHT.

OKAY, JOHN HENRY.

LIGHTS AND SIRENS.

Dispatcher:
All units in the vicinity,
and One Zebra Six...

a 211 just occurred
126 North Kensington.

Suspects are armed
and in a late model gray sedan

southbound on Roycroft.

ROGER THE CALL, COLONEL.

THIS IS ONE-ZEBRA-SIX
TO CONTROL.

WE'RE IN PURSUIT OF AN EARLY
MODEL GRAY SEDAN.

VEHICLE IS A DODGE.

LICENSE PLATE...

BREVITY IS THE KEY
HERE, KID.

IN PURSUIT, WANTS AND WARRANTS.

DODGE LOW-RIDER, TWO-BAKER-
EDWARD-ONE-THREE-FIVE. OVER.

Charlie:
HANSON, DON'T KILL ME!

JUST KEEP THEM IN SIGHT,
AND REMEMBER MY CONDITION.

WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?!

YOU SAID WE'RE IN PURSUIT.

GET OFF THIS ONE-WAY STREET

BEFORE YOU
KILL SOMEBODY.

( horn blaring )

FREEZE!

ALL RIGHT,
DON'T MOVE.

DON'T EVEN BLINK.

HANSON, TAKE
OUT YOUR GUN.

ALL RIGHT, FELLAS.

COME ON OUT NOW!

NO FAST MOVES,
OR YOU'RE HISTORY.

COME ON!
COME ON!

PUT THAT PIECE
ON THE HOOD.

TURN AROUND
AND FALL ON THE CAR.

SPREAD YOUR LEGS.

COVER THEM,
HANSON.

I'M GOING TO FIND A PAY PHONE
AND CALL IN FOR BACKUP.

YOU'LL BE OKAY?

YEAH.

WHAT ABOUT
THE RADIO?

I PULLED IT OUT

TRYING TO FIND
SOMETHING TO HANG ON TO.

SIX MONTHS TO GO
TO RETIREMENT

AND I'M RIDING
WITH EVEL KNIEVEL.

WHAT KIND OF MERIT BADGES
THEY GIVING BOY SCOUTS FOR THIS?

SHUT UP, PUNK.

YOU HAVE I.D., SON?

THIS IS ALL THE I.D. I NEED.

I GOT ONE LIKE THAT

FOR BEING PLAYGROUND MONITOR
AT SCHOOL 18.

DON'T MOVE, DIRTBALL.

IT'S JUST
A SMOKE, HEIDI.

YOUR GRANDFATHER'S
GOT MY PIECE.

THE KID'S NEW.

NEW ENOUGH TO BLOW
ANOTHER HOLE IN YOUR HEAD.

I GOT TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.

DUNNIGAN, WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH THAT BACKUP?

MAYBE HE DIED
OF OLD AGE.

( gunshot )

OH, MY GOD.

MOVE IT!

( tires squealing )

Dunnigan:
ALL RIGHT,
HANSON.

I GOT HIM.

GET OFF.

GET OFF.

KEEP HIM AWAY
FROM ME, HUH?

I FEEL LIKE
A CHILD MOLESTER.

OH!

( crunching noise )

NICE WORK, KID.

YOU'RE THREE
FOR THREE.

ANOTHER BROKEN NOSE.

HEY, CRASH GORDON.

NICE WORK, PAL.

HAVE TO DEDUCT
THAT BLACK AND WHITE

FROM YOUR
NEXT PAYCHECK.

I GOT
A SINUS PROBLEM, DOC.

THINK YOU CAN
STRAIGHTEN IT
OUT FOR ME?

FUNNY STUFF, MEADOWS.

COME ON, MIKE.

THE KID'S A LIABILITY.

I GOT THIS 'CAUSE SOME PUNK
ASKED HANSON

TO SHOW HIM HIS DRIVER'S LICENSE

BEFORE HE SIGNED
FOR A SPEEDING TICKET.

DIDN'T THINK HANSON
WAS OLD ENOUGH TO BE
A COP.

DID HANSON THROW
THE FIRST PUNCH?

NO.

'CAUSE HE'S A GOOD COP.

SO HE GETS SENSITIVE
WHEN SOME JERK PUSHES HIM.

HE'LL GET OVER IT.

WHO CAN WAIT?

HE'S GOING THROUGH NOSES LIKE
A BEVERLY HILLS PLASTIC SURGEON.

WELL, YOURS LOOKS
BETTER, SUMMERS.

I'LL TELL THE KID
TO SEND YOU A BILL.

COME ON, MIKE,
LET'S GIVE THE KID A BREAK.

HEY, SLUGGER.

SORRY ABOUT THE NOSE, CHARLIE.

WILL YOU FORGET IT?

I'M IRISH.

I GET WORSE THAN THIS
SAINT PATTY'S DAY.

THEY FIND OUR UNIT?

MOST OF IT.

ANY SUSPECTS?

IT'S WORSE THAN THAT.

THE CAPTAIN WANTS
TO SEE YOU.

WHAT A SURPRISE.

LISTEN, KID...

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU
A LEMON, DO AS I DO--

MAKE A MARTINI.

THANKS.

Briody:
YEAH, I KNOW.

WE ALL GOT
TROUBLE LATELY.

WHAT I GOT LATELY
IS MOST OF YOUR TROUBLE

WHEN YOU BOYS
DON'T DO THE JOB.

GET IT RIGHT,
OR I TAKE IT TO THE CHIEF.

GOOD MORNING,
CAPTAIN.

THESE PRIMA DONNAS
DOWN AT VICE.

THEY ONLY WANT
TO WEAR SPORT COATS

AND DRIVE FERRARIS.

HOW YOU DOING?

WHEN IT COMES TO WHAT?

WHEN IT COMES
TO YOU.

LOUSY.

THERE IS REALLY
NO OTHER WAY TO SAY THIS

SO I'M JUST GOING
TO SAY IT.

I GOT TO MAKE
SOME CHANGES.

I FIGURED YOU WOULD
SAY THAT, SIR.

I ONLY GOT ABOUT
AN HOUR OF SLEEP--

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN
THE FARMER'S REPORT

AND THE SUNRISE EXERCISE.

TV STINKS
THAT EARLY, SIR.

DON'T TAKE IT
SO HARD.

I WAS TOSSED OUT
OF THE NAVY

BECAUSE THEY FOUND OUT
I WAS 16.

I'M 21, SIR.

I THOUGHT
YOU WERE 22.

WHEN AN OFFICER
ROLLS IN HOT ON SOMETHING

HE NEEDS TO CONTROL
THE SITUATION--

HIM AND HIS PARTNER.

THEY HAVE TO SCARE WHATEVER
SCUMBALL IS MESSING UP.

YOU'RE NOT SCARING THEM.

YOU'RE MAKING THEM LAUGH.

DUNNIGAN TELL YOU THAT?

NOBODY HAD TO TELL ME.

EVEN SUGAR RAY LEONARD CAN'T GO
IN THE RING WITH MUHAMMAD ALI

UNTIL HE MAKES
THE WEIGHT.

IF I KEEP PUTTING YOU
OUT IN THE FIELD

I'M PUTTING MY OTHER MEN
IN DANGER.

SOMETHING GOES DOWN,
WE DON'T KNOW

IF THE PERPS
WILL GET GOOFY.

NO ONE WILL RIDE
WITH YOU.

YOU MAKE 'EM NERVOUS.

YOU COME IN TOO PUMPED,
TOO READY, MAYBE TOO ANGRY.

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE TOO YOUNG.

I'M NOT ANGRY!

NOT A LOT, ANYWAY.

SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

I'M OUT?

TERRIFIC.

SIX MONTHS
AT THE ACADEMY

AND NOW I CAN GO MANAGE
A DOUGHNUT SHOP.

MAYBE WHEN MY FACE CLEARS,

I CAN BECOME A RENT-A-COP

WHO CHECKS PROOF
AT A TEEN CLUB.

MAYBE.

I GOT SOMETHING ELSE
FOR YOU.

STICK IT OUT, AND YOU'LL BE
A HELL OF A COP SOMEDAY.

COME BACK
IN TEN YEARS?

THEN YOU'LL BE TOO OLD
FOR THIS ASSIGNMENT.

LET ME LAY IT
OUT FOR YOU.

WHAT AM I DOING?

I DON'T EVEN SMOKE.

WE'VE GOT
AN UNDERCOVER PROGRAM.

IT'S THE MAYOR'S BABY.

NOBODY ON THE FORCE
KNOWS ABOUT THIS

EXCEPT SILVER SHIELDS AND UP.

IT'S CALLED
"JUMP STREET CHAPEL."

IT'S CALLED THAT
BECAUSE THIS PARTICULAR UNIT

WORKS OUT
OF AN OLD, ABANDONED CHAPEL

ON JUMP STREET AND SIXTH.

INTERESTED?

NOT YET.

EVERY YEAR THE DEPARTMENT

TAKES YOUNG-LOOKING OFFICERS--

YOUNG-LOOKING ONES WE THINK
CAN HANDLE THE PRESSURE.

WE TEACH THEM
TO BE TEENAGERS AGAIN.

WE SEND THEM TO HIGH SCHOOLS
THAT CAN USE A MAN UNDERCOVER.

KIND OF LIKE "FAST TIMES
AT BUST-YOUR-BUDDY HIGH"?

KIND OF.

YEAH.

NO, THANKS.

I HATED HIGH SCHOOL
THE FIRST TIME.

YOU KNOW, SWIMMING
IN GYM WITHOUT TRUNKS.

NOT GETTING THE GIRL YOU WANT

BECAUSE YOU DON'T
WEAR GROOVY SHOES.

I WOULDN'T CUFF SOME KID WHO
THREW A SPITBALL AT HIS TEACHER.

I'VE HAD 11 HOMICIDES
IN HIGH SCHOOLS SINCE DECEMBER.

LOOK...

I WENT TO THE ACADEMY
TO GO ON PATROL--

TO BE A POLICE OFFICER,
LIKE MY...

TO ENFORCE THE LAW.

IT'S EITHER THIS OR A DESK JOB

UNTIL YOU LOOK OLD ENOUGH
TO BE A COP.

I AM A COP.

GENIUS,
WHY AM I

MAKING THIS OFFER?

THINK IT OVER.

I USED TO RIDE WITH YOUR DAD.

I KNOW.

YOU'D BE PROUD

OF WHAT HE
DID THAT NIGHT.

WE CATCH
THOSE GUYS

THAT LIFTED YOUR BLACK AND WHITE

I'LL GIVE YOU THE COLLAR.

GIVE IT TO DUNNIGAN.

HE'S THE ONE WHO GOT
HIS NOSE BROKEN.

GOT YOUR DAD'S SENSE
OF HUMOR, TOO.

( saxophone playing jazz solo )

( music continues )

MAN ( on answering machine ):
Oh, hi, this is Tom Hanson, Sr.

No one is here right now.

TOM JR.:
Hey, Dad, I got it--
don't hang up.

Hello? Hello?

TOM SR.:
Howdy, Sport. Mom home?

TOM JR.:
No, had to go to school.

TOM SR.:
Why?

TOM JR.:
I got into a fight
with some kid.

TOM SR.:
Gee, Tommy, not again.

You shouldn't do that.

We talked about it.

TOM JR.:
Even when he says my old man's a
fascist and all cops are pigs?

Mom's real mad, though.

She says I should grow up.

TOM SR.:
Your mom's right.

MAN:
♪ NOW I'M LOST INSIDE
THE WALLS OF BYZANTIUM ♪

♪ I THINK I'LL STAY HERE FOR
A WHILE AND HAVE SOME FUN ♪

♪ PLEASE SAY A PRAYER
FOR ME... ♪

♪ THERE'S MANY THINGS
I'D LIKE TO BE ♪

♪ BUT I'M NOT A PAWN ♪

♪ AND I'M NOT A KING ♪

♪ JUST SPECULATING ON OBTAINING
SOME HIGHER THING ♪

♪ AND I'M NOT AFRAID
TO TAKE A CHANCE ♪

♪ WHO AM I TO STOP? ♪

♪ NO, PLEASE, DON'T YOU FILL ME
WITH ROMANCE ♪

♪ THERE ARE SOME WHO SAY
I HAVEN'T A CHANCE ♪

♪ AND THAT I SHOULD SUBMIT
MY FATE TO CIRCUMSTANCE ♪

♪ BUT THEY DO NOT SEE
THE VISIONS THAT I SEE... ♪

EVERYBODY OUT
THE BACK DOOR!

IT'S A BUST!

NOBODY TOLD YOU
THIS PROM AIN'T FORMAL.

DOUG PENHALL.

THIS IS
JUMP STREET CHAPEL?

ONLY IF YOU'RE CATHOLIC.

IOKI THINKS
IT'S A BUDDHIST TEMPLE.

FOR ME, A SYNAGOGUE.

MY MOM'S JEWISH

WHICH ONLY MEANS I CELEBRATE
BOTH GUILT AND HELL.

HIS FATHER
WAS A PRIEST.

DON'T PLAY BINGO

WITH THIS GUY.

HE'S A KILLER.

THEY WANT YOU
TO INFILTRATE STUDENT COUNCIL?

I DOUBT IT.

OFFICER TOM HANSON.

H.T. IOKI.

"H" FOR HARRY,
"T" FOR TRUMAN.

GUESS WHAT YEAR HIS PARENTS
MOVED TO THE STATES?

I'M NAMED AFTER THE GUY

WHO DROPPED AN ATOM BOMB
ON MY HOUSE.

I'M HERE TO SEE
CAPTAIN RICHARD JENKO.

YO!

JENK!

YOU GOT TO
TURBO-CHARGE YOUR HAIR

OR SOMETHING,
HANSON.

YOU LOOK LIKE
RICHIE CUNNINGHAM.

HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, MAN?

HI.

I'M HERE TO SEE, UH...

CAPTAIN JENKO.

YEAH?

FAR OUT.

IS HE HERE?

YEAH.

Ioki:
YO, AUTOGRAPH.

COULD YOU TELL HIM
PATROLMAN HANSON IS HERE?

I DON'T WANT HIM
TO THINK I'M LATE.

HEY, YOU AIN'T LATE.

YOU LIKE THAT SOUND?

NOT REALLY.

ME, NEITHER.

PRAISE GOD, HALLELUJAH,
MAYBE I'M SANE!

BEEN A DEADHEAD
SINCE WOODSTOCK.

I DIDN'T GO.

I WAS ONLY FIVE.

I'VE GOT TO CHECK IN
WITH CAPTAIN JENKO.

YEAH.

WHERE CAN I FIND HIM?

YOU'RE LOOKING
AT HIM, HANSON.

I'M RIGHT HERE.

EXCEPT ON
SATURDAY NIGHTS.

I PLAY LEAD GUITAR
WITH SOME DUDES

IN MY GARAGE BAND.

YOU'RE
CAPTAIN JENKO?

IT GETS BETTER,
DOESN'T IT?

CAN YOU BELIEVE
THAT GUY?

HE COULD SQUEEZE MORE MUSIC
OUT OF A STRATOCASTER

THAN ERIC CLAPTON, JEFF BECK,
AND ALVIN LEE PUT TOGETHER, MAN.

JIMI WAS THE BEST.

TOO BAD HE THREW IT ALL AWAY
ON A SHORT RIDE GETTING HIGH.

I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH HIM.

WHO DID HE
PLAY WITH?

GOD.

BREAKFAST?

NO, I'LL GRAB
AN OMELETTE LATER.

NO, YOU WON'T.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU SAW A TEENAGER

HAVE A CUP
OF BLACK COFFEE

AND AN OMELETTE FOR BREAKFAST?

FROM NOW ON IT'S POTATO CHIPS,
SODA POP, FRENCH FRIES

AND PIZZA, MAN.

IT'S A PEPSI GENERATION, SPORT!

DON'T CALL ME "SPORT," OKAY?

I'M YOUR BOSS.

I'LL CALL YOU ANYTHING I WANT.

HAVE A SEAT, SPORT.

LOOK, HANSON...

WHILE YOU WERE
OUT IN THE FIELD

GETTING YOUR BUTT KICKED
BY ALL THE BAD GROWN-UPS

ME AND MY GUYS HERE
WERE TRAINING TO DO

SOME REAL BATTLE.

THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,
CHILD IS THE FATHER OF MAN.

THESE BAD GROWN-UPS
ARE COMING FROM SOMEWHERE.

SO WE'RE TRYING
TO YANK THEM OUT

WHILE THEY'RE STILL
IN HIGH SCHOOL, DIG?

"DIG"?

SPARE ME THE RAP
ABOUT HOW I TALK, OKAY?

YEAH, I KNOW,
YOU WENT TO WOODSTOCK.

RIGHT ON, BROTHER.

WE'RE FOUR WEEKS
AHEAD OF YOU HERE.

I'LL RUSH YOU
THROUGH THE TRAINING.

WHAT KIND
OF TRAINING?

HOFFS.

GOING TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO BE A TEENAGER.

HOW DOES THAT GRAB YOU?

I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE BAD KIND.

THE KIND THAT
GETS INTO TROUBLE.

THE KIND YOU'LL BE LIKE
SO THEY THINK YOU'RE ONE OF 'EM.

HOFFS, WAKE UP.

RELAX, RELAX, I'M UP.

HOFFS, HANSON.

HANSON, HOFFS.

HI.

RUN THIS CAT
DOWN TO WARDROBE

AND TAKE SOME OF THE COP
OUT OF HIS PRESENTATION.

DO SOMETHING ABOUT
THE JACK KENNEDY HAIRCUT, TOO.

DO WHAT OFFICER HOFFS
TELLS YOU, HANSON.

IT'S BEEN REAL, BRO.

STICK WITH HOFFS HERE

AND SHE'LL HOOK US UP WITH
A LITTLE FIELD TRAINING TONIGHT.

LATER.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

SO JENK'S A LITTLE BIT
OF A HANG-ON HIPPIE.

BIG DEAL.

WHEN IT COMES

TO GOING UNDERCOVER

THE DUDE IS THE BEST.

I'M JUDY HOFFS.

THAT'S OKAY, HONEY.

MY PEOPLE DON'T
DO THAT ANYMORE.

OH.

CHIP?

( rock music begins )

Man:
♪ WHOO, HOO ♪

♪ BABY, BABY... ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ BABY, YEAH... ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ EVERYBODY'S GOT OPINIONS
'BOUT THE WAY I SHOULD BE ♪

♪ AND ADVICE IS HANDED OUT,
YOU KNOW THEY GIVE TO ME... ♪

♪ AS IF THEY KNEW
ALL THE ANSWERS ABOUT BEING ME ♪

♪ AS IF THEY HAD WROTE THE BOOK
ON MY PSYCHOLOGY... ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU SHOULD BE ♪

♪ I'M JUST TRYING TO GET A LIFE,
BUT IT'S NOT EASY BEIN' ME ♪

♪ WHY CAN'T THEY LIVE
THEIR WAY ♪

♪ AND I'LL LIVE MINE ♪

♪ DON'T HURT
YOUR BROTHER'S FEELINGS ♪

♪ AND WE'LL BOTH BE FINE ♪

♪ NOW I DON'T WANT
TO TELL YOU RIGHT FROM WRONG ♪

♪ I'M JUST TRYING
TO GET MY POINT ACROSS ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU SHOULD BE ♪

♪ I'M JUST TRYING...
BUT IT'S NOT EASY BEING ME ♪

♪ WHY CAN'T PEOPLE
JUST LET ME BE ♪

♪ I'M JUST TRYING
TO LIVE MY LIFE... ♪

♪ SO DON'T TRY AND TELL ME
WHAT YOU THINK MY LIFE NEEDS ♪

♪ AND IF YOU'VE GOT OPINIONS
GIVE THEM HONESTLY ♪

♪ THAT'S WHAT THE SCHOOL
OF LIFE HAS TAUGHT ME ♪

♪ YOU JUST MIGHT AGREE ♪

♪ WHEN IT COMES
TO LIVING OUR LIVES ♪

♪ WE ALL HAVE
OUR OWN SWEET DREAM ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
WHERE WE SHOULD BE ♪

♪ I'M JUST TRYING
TO LIVE MY LIFE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S NOT EASY BEING ME ♪

♪ YEAH... ♪

♪ DON'T WANT NO OTHER... ♪

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY... ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU SHOULD BE... ♪

IT'S SHOW TIME, FOLKS.

WHOA!

BIG DEAL NOW!

OKAY, OKAY, WHO'S THE CLOWN?

WHAT HAVE
WE GOT HERE?

ROCK STAR OR SOMETHING, HUH?

COME ON, PUNK,
ARE YOU THE WISE GUY?

WE GOT SOME KIND
OF KILLER HIPPIE HERE.

PEACE, LOVE, PAL.

WHAT TRIBE
ARE YOU FROM?

EXTRATERRESTRIAL, MAN

LIKE PLUTO.

YOU THREW THAT BOTTLE?

SO WHAT?

WE'RE A CROWD,
AND YOU'RE JUST ONE.

YOU GOT A POINT THERE.

EASE UP
ON THE DUDE.

HE'S GOT
FLOWER POWER.

I HATE FLOWERS.

COME ON, LET'S DANCE.

THANKS, BUT YOU MIGHT
STEP ON MY TOES.

OH, NONVIOLENCE, MAN.

CHIEF-DON'T-HIT-ME-
IN-THE-FACE.

HEY, EASE UP.

EASE UP.

I'LL BUY YOU A BEER.

Jenko:
OKAY, HANSON,
THAT'S YOUR GUY.

WHY DON'T WE JUST
TAKE HIM IN RIGHT NOW?

BECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE SURE

PENHALL WAS COOL
AND I.D. THE CREEP.

GOING TO HAVE PLENTY
OF CHANCES TO BUST HIM.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO?

YEAH.

YEAH?

WHAT MIGHT
THAT BE, SPORT?

I'LL MAKE A BUY.

THIS ISN'T
MY FIRST ASSIGNMENT.

I WAS ON PATROL.

OOH, PATROL...

ATE A LOT OF
DOUGHNUTS, RIGHT?

DON'T ACT LIKE
YOU ALWAYS DO THIS.

IT WOULD BE HARD
FOR YOU TO BUY BEER.

YOU OUGHT TO TALK.

FIRST TIME OUT

HE BOUGHT A GRAM
OF BABY LAXATIVE

FOR A HUNDRED BUCKS.

Jenko:
COOL IT.

HERE'S WHAT'S GOING DOWN.

YOU'RE
PENHALL'S CUZ.

YOU'VE BEEN AROUND
THE BLOCK BEFORE.

DON'T COME ON LIKE DICK CLARK

OR THESE CATS WILL MAKE YOU

FASTER THAN GALE SAYERS

USED TO RUN FOR
THE CHICAGO BEARS, DIG?

DON'T WORRY.

WE GOT YOU
BACKED UP.

JUST REMEMBER,
NO BUST.

WE'RE ONLY DOING THIS

SO YOU DON'T LOOK
LIKE SOME GEEK

THE FIRST TIME YOU TRY
TO MAKE A BUY FOR REAL.

OKAY.

I MEAN IT, HANSON--
NO BUST.

YO, CUZ.

HEY, MY COUSIN'S HERE.

TOMMY, THIS IS JACE.

THE GUY YOU WAS
TELLING ME ABOUT?

COME ON.

YOUR CUZ
SAYS YOU'RE COOL.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

A LID?

"A LID"?

WHERE YOU FROM, MAN?

OMAHA?

BUFFALO.

BUFFALO.

FREAKING PLACE MUST BE
STUCK IN A TIME WARP.

IT'S $200 AN OUNCE.

YOU GIVE ME THE MONEY.

I WANT TO SEE IT FIRST.

NO, YOU DON'T LOOK AT IT.

FOR $200,
I WANT TO SEE IT FIRST.

OKAY?

LET ME SMELL IT, TOO.

MAN, YOU MUST BE
FROM OMAHA.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

NO, THE THING IS,
WHAT'S YOURS?

I THINK
YOU'RE A COP.

I DON'T NEED THIS, SCUMBAG.

I CAN GET MY DRUGS FROM ANYBODY.

I STILL THINK YOU'RE A COP.

THEN PULL THE TRIGGER.

NO, YOU AIN'T A COP.

COPS HAVE
TO BE OLD ENOUGH

TO DRIVE AFTER DARK.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN

HOW TO TRUST
THOSE INSTINCTS, JACE.

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.

ANYTHING YOU SAY

CAN AND WILL BE
USED AGAINST YOU

IN A COURT OF LAW.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO AN ATTORNEY.

IF YOU CANNOT
AFFORD AN ATTORNEY...

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING, HANSON?!

MAKING AN ARREST!

SUSPECT THREATENED
TO KILL ME...

AFTER THE PURCHASE.

OPEN AND SHUT.

HE SOLICITED SALE
AND WE MADE THE EXCHANGE.

DIDN'T WE, JACE?

DIDN'T WE, JACE?!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
GOING TO CHARGE HIM WITH?

ILLEGAL SALE
OF SMELLY SOCKS?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT'S THIS?
WHAT'S THIS?

PANAMA BROWN?

WHY DON'T YOU
SAVE THEM, PAL?

I LIKE TO WEAR THE ONES WITH
TURTLES ON THE ANKLE POCKETS.

HE WAS
BURNING YOU, PAL.

HUH?

GOOD WORK.

GOOD WORK, HANSON.

GOOD WORK, MAN.

YOU JUST USED UP
A PUNK

WE'VE BEEN WATCHING
FOR SIX MONTHS

ON AN A.D.W.

IT WILL BE KNOCKED
DOWN TO "BRANDISHING"
BY NOON TOMORROW.

EVEN A BOOT LIKE YOU
SHOULD KNOW THAT.

TAKE HIM IN, ARTIE.

CAPTAIN JENKO,
I'M SORRY.

SAVE IT, AND
DON'T CALL ME "CAPTAIN."

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO DO MY JOB.

TRYING TO COWBOY
THE DEAL IS WHAT!

MAKE A BIG COLLAR,
BE A REAL COP.

NOW I GOT TO
PULL PENHALL OUT

BECAUSE EVERY PUNK
THAT HANGS WITH JACE

WILL MAKE HIM EASIER
THAN ELTON JOHN

IN A HAT SHOP.

LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE, MAN.

LIKE
SPLITSVILLE.

Jenko:
GOOD LICKS!

GOOD LICKS,
HANSON.

( burglar alarm ringing )

( engine sputtering )

OKAY, TRY THAT NOW.

( engine sputtering )

NOTHING.

THAT'S A NICE CAR
YOU GOT THERE, DOUG.

IT'S NOT MINE.

IT'S HOFFS'.

REALLY?

REALLY?

Penhall:
TRY IT AGAIN.

( engine sputtering )

THIS IS YOUR CAR?

WHAT'S LEFT OF IT.

REALLY?

YEAH, REALLY.

THEY WERE ALL OUT
OF THOSE PURPLE CADDYS

WITH FUR AROUND THE MIRROR.

YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING?

MUST RAISE HELL
WITH YOUR IMAGE.

TRY IT AGAIN.

( engine starts )

FLOAT WAS STUCK
IN THE CARB.

WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?

Jenko:
OKAY, LET'S RUN THIS DOWN.

HOFFS, WHAT'S WITH GETTING
AN "A+" ON YOUR BOOK REPORT?

EVERYTHING'S PRETTY STEADY
OVER AT BENNETT HIGH.

I HAD TIME.

MIGHT EVEN MAKE HONOR ROLL.

IT'S VERY UNUSUAL
FOR HONOR ROLL STUDENTS

TO HANG OUT
WITH FELONS.

WATCH YOUR PROFILE,
PEACHES.

PENHALL, WHAT'S SHAKING
WITH YOU, BUD?

I FIGURED WITH JACE
OUT OF THE MIX

AND MY COVER BLOWN

I COULD PLAY GOLF FOR
THE REST OF THE SEMESTER.

YEAH, WELL, FIGURE AGAIN.

BOB HOPE PLAYS GOLF.

BUT DON'T
SWEAT IT, BUD.

WE'LL FIND A PLACE FOR YOU.

IOKI, WHAT'S HAPPENING

ON THE HILL?

I GOT MY DUDES SET UP
AT CLEVELAND HIGH

FOR SOME QUANTITY.

I'M WAITING FOR CLEARANCE
ON THAT SIX GRAND.

HANSON, YOU'RE GOING TO GET
YOUR FEET WET AT AMHERST HIGH.

HANSON, YOU'RE A DISCIPLINARY
TRANSFER FROM WILCOX

WITH A SUSPECTED DRUG PROBLEM
AND A VERY BAD ATTITUDE, DIG?

EVERYTHING YOU NEED
TO KNOW IS IN THIS DEAL.

READ IT CAREFULLY,
HANSON.

AND PLEASE,
DO ME A FAVOR?

TRY NOT TO BLOW
YOUR COVER ON THE FIRST DAY.

OKEY-DOKEY.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING HEAVY GOING
ON AT AMHERST...

THAT WE KNOW OF.

SO JUST KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN,
STAY OUT OF TROUBLE,

AND REMEMBER, YOU'RE STILL
IN TRAINING.

Penhall:
LET'S GO DO IT!

( howling )

I'M GLAD HE'S ON OUR SIDE.

( rock music playing )

Man:
♪ PUT MY FEET ON THE FLOOR,
I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE ♪

♪ IT'S 6:00 A.M.,
I THINK I'M INSANE ♪

♪ IT'S LIKE A JUNGLE OUT THERE,
I CAN'T HIDE, DON'T KNOW WHERE ♪

♪ JUST NEED SOME SPACE
TO DO MY THING ♪

♪ GOT TO KNOW WHERE TO RUN TO ♪

♪ YOU GOT TO KNOW
WHERE TO HIDE... ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ MMM-HMM, YOU GOT
TO KNOW WHERE TO RUN TO ♪

♪ GOT TO KNOW WHERE TO HIDE ♪

♪ UH-HUH... ♪

SORRY, BOY, BUT YOU
CAN'T PARK THERE.

OH, YEAH? I'M NEW.
I DIDN'T KNOW.

IF YOU WANT TO GET OLD,
YOU KNOW NOW.

MOVE THAT PIECE OF TIN.

I DON'T WANT IT
STINKING UP MY SPOT.

YO!

YOU DON'T WANT TO PARK IT THERE.

MIGHT GET HURT.

ME OR THE CAR?

YOU HEARD THE MAN.

MOVE IT!

NO, THANKS, MAN.

I'M TRYING TO QUIT.

( crowd exclaiming )

( crowd cheering )

MOVE IT!

( crowd shouting )

YOU'RE DEAD, BOY.

( crowd cheering and shouting )

BREAK IT UP!

ALL RIGHT, WHO STARTED IT?

STARTED WHAT?

THE GUY'S A FRIEND.

THAT RIGHT, TYRELL?

( crowd laughing )

WHO ARE YOU?

TOM BAUER. I'M NEW HERE.

MAKE A HELL
OF A FIRST IMPRESSION.

WHO STARTED IT?

BOTH OF YOU,
JAKE SHAFFER'S OFFICE.

MOVE IT!

PARK THE RIDE.

Shaffer:
JUST MINUTES INTO THE FIRST
QUARTER ON A MONDAY MORNING

I ALREADY GOT
TWO PLAYERS OUT OF BOUNDS.

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO THROW
THE FLAG ON YOU, TYRELL.

TWO WEEKS' DETENTION

AND I GOT
TO SEND A REPORT

TO YOUR PROBATION
OFFICER, TOO.

HE'S NOT GOING
TO LIKE THAT.

MIGHT EVEN MAKE YOU
PARK THAT FERRARI
OUT IN THE BULLPEN.

YOU GET YOUR HANDS
OFF ME, BOY.

NOW YOU GET OUT OF HERE.

THIS IS NOT A REAL IMPRESSIVE
COMPLETION RECORD, BAUER.

SEEMS LIKE AT WILCOX HIGH YOU
THREW A LOT OF INTERCEPTIONS.

A REAL TOUGH GUY, HUH?

NOT TO MENTION--

A COUPLE NOTES HERE
ABOUT A WHIFF PROBLEM.

FOR ME, GETTING UP FOR
THE GAME WAS A SPIRITUAL THING.

I DON'T PLAY A LOT OF SPORTS.

WE GOT A "TOUGH LOVE"
PROGRAM AT AMHERST.

I EXPECT YOU
AND YOUR OLD MAN

TO MAKE IT
TOMORROW NIGHT.

OR I'LL THROW YOU
OUT OF THE LEAGUE.

WELL, THANK YOU, SIR

BUT MY FATHER WORKS NIGHTS
AND CAN'T MAKE IT.

MAKE HIM MAKE IT.

Kenny:
COME ON, WAXER.

LEAVE ME ALONE, MAN.

YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT
HERE AT AMHERST, BOY.

YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT
A LOT, IF YOU LIKE DYING.