101 Places to Party Before You Die (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Maui - full transcript
Of course these "Island Boys" went to Maui for the season finale. Wouldn't you?
Jon: This is what they're gonna
make us do in season two.
[ Laughs ]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Ooh, shit, ooh!
He's going at it.
Oh, he wiped.
Slam.
Oh, dude!
What?
I don't -- that's not me.
That looks like you.
It looks just like me.
But look at the slogan --
"I just moved to Maui."
You are becoming Maui.
I got to find this dude.
And kill him or [bleep] him.
It's not gay if you [Bleep]
a dude who looks just like you.
[ Laughs ]
'Cause, trust me,
'cause I know this guy's
gonna be hot. [ Laughs ]
Hey,
I'm Adam Pally.
And I'm Jon Gabrus.
We're comedians and best friends
who love to travel.
We got our dream job.
We're travel hosts!
Two more days,
mother[bleep]!
We're gonna show you
the best places to eat,
drink, and party
in a new spot each week.
But we only have
one weekend to hang out
before we have to
get back to reality.
♪ Let's roll the dice ♪
We're out here
living our lives
at 100 miles an hour
until we die.
Which is probably soon.
Because of this job.
[ Laughing ]
Both: This is "101 Places
to Party Before You Die."
Adam: Wow. I can't believe
this is the last episode
of season one.
We've done so much together --
we've partied hard,
we've almost died...
...and we've become
dangerously co-dependent.
It's a perfect marriage,
and that's why we deserve
a honeymoon in paradise.
We're going to Maui, baby.
Mahalo.
I'm a little panicked
about surfing.
I'm gonna be
just as panicked.
I'm more of a, like,
stand up like this
and then panic wipeout.
that's where
my lane's gonna be.
Still very fun.
You've never been
to Maui before, right?
I was in Maui as a kid
and didn't leave the hotel room,
and I was just sick and bored
and chubby and pale
and, like, angry.
Well, that's all gonna change
this weekend.
Well, we'll still be chubby,
but, well, hopefully
we won't be as pale.
You know, if you can't
tone it, tan it.
At this point,
you know I'm a beach guy.
Good luck finding
my tan lines.
I signed us up
for a surf lesson on day one.
I know once you land, you've got
to get them feet in the sand.
Let's get wet.
Let's get wet.
[ Laughs ]
on a boogie board, really.
Yeah.
All right, guys,
how's it going?
Is that our instructor?
What's up, man? Jon.
Hey, I'm Adam.
From the swells
in the ocean, bro.
Full disclosure,
I've never surfed before.
I've never ridden
a boogie board.
I'm a city rat, you know,
so take it easy on me.
We're gonna take you
from A to Z.
We'll keep it super simple.
can we stop at B, C, D -- can we
stop at all of those letters?
If you guys put
on your rash guards,
then we're gonna lay
on your boards on your belly,
and we'll just do
a quick land lesson.
Dang, bro.
Hercules, Hercules!
The way you're gonna turn,
you'll just pull
in opposite directions,
almost like if you were
in a canoe or something.
That analogy is tough for me.
I've never been in a canoe.
You're in the subway,
someone's coming in,
and you need to get off,
and you have, like, two --
Excuse me, excuse me.
Got it.
knees come up underneath you,
right, like that.
Now front foot's gonna
come up, straight through.
There you go. Good.
You're gonna plant
that back foot.
All right.
With your what?
Tuck it.
Keep it tucked
the whole time.
Got it.
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
Jon: I mean, you can't
come to Hawaii
and just smash mai tais
at the pool.
Treat yourself
to some [bleep] nature.
Oh!
Whoa [Bleep]
These are bigger
than they were before!
♪♪
You did it!
Yeah!
Ow.
Yeah!
[ Grunts ]
Jon: Dude, you caught a wave.
You didn't stand up,
but you rode a wave.
[ Laughs ]
Oh [Bleep] me.
Come on, Adam,
you got it, now!
Yes!
Yes! Yes, dude!
[Bleep] yeah.
Surfing is kind of like sex,
it's difficult, strenuous,
but in the end, for five
seconds, it feels amazing.
Zachy!
Adam: The fun thing about
hosting a travel show
is that you get paid
to reconnect with friends
who've moved away.
And I get to reconnect
with my friend, Zach Knighton,
who I was paid
to be friends with
on a show
called "Happy Endings."
Jon: And I don't care
as long as this dude shows up
with a case of beer.
He's cool by me.
I saw you get up
on that one.
Did you see me get up?
Thank you.
[ Laughs ]
Damn dirty ape.
Jon: A couple of years ago,
I just text Adam and I go,
"Man, your boy Zach
in Hawaii, huh?"
And Adam goes, "What? Living
the life you dreamed of?"
[ Laughter ]
So, you go from "Happy Endings"
to playing a police officer
in "Magnum, P.I."
I've lived here
for four years.
It's been incredible.
And I'm in that phase
in my life
where my focus is my family
now and my kids.
Yeah.
about this show and I said,
"You've got to come to Hawaii,
and I need to be
a part of it."
And that was literally
the first thing.
I was like, "I'm calling
Zach just 'cause he needs
to get out
of his [bleep] house."
[ Laughs ]
Adam: Learning to surf
in your 40s is exhausting,
and though you can't see it,
I've actually been flexing
my abs the entire time.
Jon: We are starving,
and luckily Zach knows a great
little Hawaiian food spot
called Da Kitchen.
Aloha.
Les: Aloha.
This is Hawaiian cuisine,
right?
You look at me, right.
This cannot get
more local than this.
I mean, you can order
whatever you feel.
And then I get to drink
the beers at 3:30.
You got to catch up.
Yes.
[ Laughter ]
Jon: You look great.
I've been eating
Hawaiian food for four years,
so it's --
it's good for gains.
[ Laughter ]
I had to bring this
out myself.
And this is
your garlic noodles.
Zach:
Garlic noodles are fire.
Adam: Is it 3:30?
It's 3:30.
Here you go, my friend.
I want to take a sip of this.
The loco moco.
[ Chuckles ]
for after surfing.
So there's a hamburger patty
underneath there,
but it wasn't enough,
so the young guys wanted
to add an egg onto that.
When you come back, I'm gonna
have a different version or it.
We're gonna probably
put bacon and cheese on there.
I don't know.
That sounds disgusting.
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah. That's what you guys
call sliders here?
[ Laughs ]
Sliding into my coffin.
And I believe they are using
Hawaiian rolls.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
I feel, like,
amazing right now.
I feel like
I could run through a wall.
I feel like I couldn't
run ever again.
[ Laughs ]
Adam: There's an old Hawaiian
tale about a spot
called the Barmuda Triangle,
where many people
have gotten lost.
Jon: It's a place where eight
bars are within walking distance
of one another,
and we chose Kahale's,
'cause they had
the most motorcycles out front.
So we knew they would love
to see Hollywood actors
and a camera crew in their bar.
The vibes here are insane.
I keep making eye contact
with Danny Trejo characters.
This is the kind of place
you don't necessarily
need to be here late at night.
Every time I hear
a raucous laughter
from another table, I'm like.
Uh-oh.
Oh.
They're throwing down.
Did someone's bike
get run over, or what?
I'm afraid to find out.
Adam:
I pray it wasn't our crew.
Oh [Bleep] was it our crew?
No? They're all here, right?
[ Laughter ]
And we, like, ask Zach
to come meet us,
and we take him
while it's still daylight out.
I have babies.
This is when I drink.
And you do feel like
we just picked you up
at, like, Shawshank.
"Take me to a biker bar
in the middle of the day."
"Tell me more
about the Internet."
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
[ Laughs ]
Oh, thank you.
No shots for you? Fireball?
Yeah, they've got
four Fireballs.
Four Fireballs, that's way easy.
Done.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Yeah, that's
like I remember it.
Yeah, that wasn't too bad.
It's still daylight!
I'm gonna be asleep
before the sun goes down.
I don't remember where we are.
Straight up moon knighting.
[ Laughter ]
Adam: We want
to ring the bell.
Do you know what that means?
Is that what ringing
the bell means?
Free drink for everyone?
everybody in the bar.
Will people hate us for that
or love us for that?
Do you want to see?
Yeah, let's find out.
Oh, I love the idea
that we're buying drinks
for this whole bar.
[ Bell rings, crowd cheering ]
Drinks are on us!
[ Cheering continues ]
♪♪
Tequila!
Tequila!
make us do in season two.
[ Laughs ]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Ooh, shit, ooh!
He's going at it.
Oh, he wiped.
Slam.
Oh, dude!
What?
I don't -- that's not me.
That looks like you.
It looks just like me.
But look at the slogan --
"I just moved to Maui."
You are becoming Maui.
I got to find this dude.
And kill him or [bleep] him.
It's not gay if you [Bleep]
a dude who looks just like you.
[ Laughs ]
'Cause, trust me,
'cause I know this guy's
gonna be hot. [ Laughs ]
Hey,
I'm Adam Pally.
And I'm Jon Gabrus.
We're comedians and best friends
who love to travel.
We got our dream job.
We're travel hosts!
Two more days,
mother[bleep]!
We're gonna show you
the best places to eat,
drink, and party
in a new spot each week.
But we only have
one weekend to hang out
before we have to
get back to reality.
♪ Let's roll the dice ♪
We're out here
living our lives
at 100 miles an hour
until we die.
Which is probably soon.
Because of this job.
[ Laughing ]
Both: This is "101 Places
to Party Before You Die."
Adam: Wow. I can't believe
this is the last episode
of season one.
We've done so much together --
we've partied hard,
we've almost died...
...and we've become
dangerously co-dependent.
It's a perfect marriage,
and that's why we deserve
a honeymoon in paradise.
We're going to Maui, baby.
Mahalo.
I'm a little panicked
about surfing.
I'm gonna be
just as panicked.
I'm more of a, like,
stand up like this
and then panic wipeout.
that's where
my lane's gonna be.
Still very fun.
You've never been
to Maui before, right?
I was in Maui as a kid
and didn't leave the hotel room,
and I was just sick and bored
and chubby and pale
and, like, angry.
Well, that's all gonna change
this weekend.
Well, we'll still be chubby,
but, well, hopefully
we won't be as pale.
You know, if you can't
tone it, tan it.
At this point,
you know I'm a beach guy.
Good luck finding
my tan lines.
I signed us up
for a surf lesson on day one.
I know once you land, you've got
to get them feet in the sand.
Let's get wet.
Let's get wet.
[ Laughs ]
on a boogie board, really.
Yeah.
All right, guys,
how's it going?
Is that our instructor?
What's up, man? Jon.
Hey, I'm Adam.
From the swells
in the ocean, bro.
Full disclosure,
I've never surfed before.
I've never ridden
a boogie board.
I'm a city rat, you know,
so take it easy on me.
We're gonna take you
from A to Z.
We'll keep it super simple.
can we stop at B, C, D -- can we
stop at all of those letters?
If you guys put
on your rash guards,
then we're gonna lay
on your boards on your belly,
and we'll just do
a quick land lesson.
Dang, bro.
Hercules, Hercules!
The way you're gonna turn,
you'll just pull
in opposite directions,
almost like if you were
in a canoe or something.
That analogy is tough for me.
I've never been in a canoe.
You're in the subway,
someone's coming in,
and you need to get off,
and you have, like, two --
Excuse me, excuse me.
Got it.
knees come up underneath you,
right, like that.
Now front foot's gonna
come up, straight through.
There you go. Good.
You're gonna plant
that back foot.
All right.
With your what?
Tuck it.
Keep it tucked
the whole time.
Got it.
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
Jon: I mean, you can't
come to Hawaii
and just smash mai tais
at the pool.
Treat yourself
to some [bleep] nature.
Oh!
Whoa [Bleep]
These are bigger
than they were before!
♪♪
You did it!
Yeah!
Ow.
Yeah!
[ Grunts ]
Jon: Dude, you caught a wave.
You didn't stand up,
but you rode a wave.
[ Laughs ]
Oh [Bleep] me.
Come on, Adam,
you got it, now!
Yes!
Yes! Yes, dude!
[Bleep] yeah.
Surfing is kind of like sex,
it's difficult, strenuous,
but in the end, for five
seconds, it feels amazing.
Zachy!
Adam: The fun thing about
hosting a travel show
is that you get paid
to reconnect with friends
who've moved away.
And I get to reconnect
with my friend, Zach Knighton,
who I was paid
to be friends with
on a show
called "Happy Endings."
Jon: And I don't care
as long as this dude shows up
with a case of beer.
He's cool by me.
I saw you get up
on that one.
Did you see me get up?
Thank you.
[ Laughs ]
Damn dirty ape.
Jon: A couple of years ago,
I just text Adam and I go,
"Man, your boy Zach
in Hawaii, huh?"
And Adam goes, "What? Living
the life you dreamed of?"
[ Laughter ]
So, you go from "Happy Endings"
to playing a police officer
in "Magnum, P.I."
I've lived here
for four years.
It's been incredible.
And I'm in that phase
in my life
where my focus is my family
now and my kids.
Yeah.
about this show and I said,
"You've got to come to Hawaii,
and I need to be
a part of it."
And that was literally
the first thing.
I was like, "I'm calling
Zach just 'cause he needs
to get out
of his [bleep] house."
[ Laughs ]
Adam: Learning to surf
in your 40s is exhausting,
and though you can't see it,
I've actually been flexing
my abs the entire time.
Jon: We are starving,
and luckily Zach knows a great
little Hawaiian food spot
called Da Kitchen.
Aloha.
Les: Aloha.
This is Hawaiian cuisine,
right?
You look at me, right.
This cannot get
more local than this.
I mean, you can order
whatever you feel.
And then I get to drink
the beers at 3:30.
You got to catch up.
Yes.
[ Laughter ]
Jon: You look great.
I've been eating
Hawaiian food for four years,
so it's --
it's good for gains.
[ Laughter ]
I had to bring this
out myself.
And this is
your garlic noodles.
Zach:
Garlic noodles are fire.
Adam: Is it 3:30?
It's 3:30.
Here you go, my friend.
I want to take a sip of this.
The loco moco.
[ Chuckles ]
for after surfing.
So there's a hamburger patty
underneath there,
but it wasn't enough,
so the young guys wanted
to add an egg onto that.
When you come back, I'm gonna
have a different version or it.
We're gonna probably
put bacon and cheese on there.
I don't know.
That sounds disgusting.
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah. That's what you guys
call sliders here?
[ Laughs ]
Sliding into my coffin.
And I believe they are using
Hawaiian rolls.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
I feel, like,
amazing right now.
I feel like
I could run through a wall.
I feel like I couldn't
run ever again.
[ Laughs ]
Adam: There's an old Hawaiian
tale about a spot
called the Barmuda Triangle,
where many people
have gotten lost.
Jon: It's a place where eight
bars are within walking distance
of one another,
and we chose Kahale's,
'cause they had
the most motorcycles out front.
So we knew they would love
to see Hollywood actors
and a camera crew in their bar.
The vibes here are insane.
I keep making eye contact
with Danny Trejo characters.
This is the kind of place
you don't necessarily
need to be here late at night.
Every time I hear
a raucous laughter
from another table, I'm like.
Uh-oh.
Oh.
They're throwing down.
Did someone's bike
get run over, or what?
I'm afraid to find out.
Adam:
I pray it wasn't our crew.
Oh [Bleep] was it our crew?
No? They're all here, right?
[ Laughter ]
And we, like, ask Zach
to come meet us,
and we take him
while it's still daylight out.
I have babies.
This is when I drink.
And you do feel like
we just picked you up
at, like, Shawshank.
"Take me to a biker bar
in the middle of the day."
"Tell me more
about the Internet."
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
[ Laughs ]
Oh, thank you.
No shots for you? Fireball?
Yeah, they've got
four Fireballs.
Four Fireballs, that's way easy.
Done.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Yeah, that's
like I remember it.
Yeah, that wasn't too bad.
It's still daylight!
I'm gonna be asleep
before the sun goes down.
I don't remember where we are.
Straight up moon knighting.
[ Laughter ]
Adam: We want
to ring the bell.
Do you know what that means?
Is that what ringing
the bell means?
Free drink for everyone?
everybody in the bar.
Will people hate us for that
or love us for that?
Do you want to see?
Yeah, let's find out.
Oh, I love the idea
that we're buying drinks
for this whole bar.
[ Bell rings, crowd cheering ]
Drinks are on us!
[ Cheering continues ]
♪♪
Tequila!
Tequila!