101 Places to Party Before You Die (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Moab - full transcript
The party heads outdoors as Adam and Jon attempt to conquer 4x4s, horseback riding and fly fishing. Not to mention the complicated liquor laws in Moab, Utah.
We got fire.
We got pans.
I want something snacky
by the fire.
They also have
a balsamic here.
Maybe we do like a balsamic
with the olive oil.
Here's the thing
about cooking for camping.
Minimize the
amount of options,
but make quantity.
-Is this roughing it?
-We are going glamping,
but I think it may seem like
roughing it for the two of us.
You know what I like?
Honey mustard pretzels.
Excuse me. You don't have
ping pong balls, do you?
I need a couple Hershey's.
Do they have a coffee maker?
Popcorn.
We have way too much [bleep]
and also not enough.
I don't have a toothbrush.
I don't have socks.
But we're going to be like,
"We have a camping fork
and three bottles
of Perrier."
[ Laughs ]
Hey,
I'm Adam Pally.
And I'm Jon Gabrus.
We're comedians and best friends
who love to travel.
We got our dream job!
We're travel hosts!
Two more days,
mother[bleep]!
We're gonna show you
the best places to eat,
drink, and party
in a new spot each week.
But we only have
one weekend to hang out
before we have
to get back to reality.
♪ Let's roll the dice ♪
We're out here
living our lives
at 100 miles an hour
until we die.
Which is probably soon.
Because of this job.
[ Laughter ]
Both: This is "101 Places
to Party Before You Die."
This weekend,
Jon and I are heading
to the canyon country
of Moab, Utah,
home of millions
of off-road vehicles,
confusing liquor laws,
and more turquoise jewelry
than your great aunt
was buried with.
Adam:
We're getting outdoors
and doing extreme [bleep].
Oh, my God, no!
Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo!
It's all about big risks
for big rewards.
If you're not terrified,
then you're not in Moab.
Adam:
In Moab, we conquer our fear...
Mom!
...we earn our beer.
Put that on a hat, truTV.
I'd buy it.
You and I travel a lot,
but there are places
we haven't been before.
But if it's a city,
you can kind of get it.
Moab, I have no idea
what to even expect.
It feels like a camping trip
with a buddy.
This is a whole different
type of party.
Matter of fact,
I've turned 40
and the theme for my 40s
is the outdoorsy foursies.
-Oh, I like it.
-Yeah.
So I'm trying
to get out there more.
Adam:
We're ready to get out
into the wild,
sleep under the stars,
look the abyss right in the eye,
and survive.
[ Bird screeches ]
Jon:
And by that, he means glamping
in a beautiful tent
that's very close
to a working toilet.
Adam:
They'll have a place for me
to charge my vapes, right?
Jon:
Multiple?
Oh, check this out.
Honeymoon suite.
Do we each get our own,
or are we sharing a bed, bro?
-I asked for two fulls.
-Please remove your shoes.
To camping?
-To camping.
Alright.
How do we do this fire?
Come on,
you son of a bitch.
Let me see if this does it.
No.
Should I take off this like
super flammable blanket
I'm wearing?
Throw it in.
Yeah, bitch.
This is fun to do with you
because
this is a new hobby,
to me, is camping.
I'm terrible at it.
I'm like a little city boy,
a little beach boy.
-Dude, if this is what camping's
all about, I love it.
If all camping
sites looked like this,
I would do this
all the time.
Oh, yeah. They don't.
This is pretty
[bleep] beautiful.
No, clearly.
I need more whiskey.
I know you talk about earning
beers or earning your drinks.
Camping is the ultimate
version of that
because just getting
to your destination
means you've earned it.
-Oh, yeah, that's good.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
but we are
officially camping.
If you like this part
of camping,
you're going
to love the part
when you're done cooking
and full
and just sitting,
looking at the fire
[bleep] up out of your mind.
-No, I'm good at that part.
-Yeah.
We catch a full bottle
of [bleep] bourbs.
[ Belch ]
[ Laughter ]
Oh, boy.
.05.
Well, you can't drive
with that.
100% that bitch?!
[ Laughs ]
But .01.
-.1.
Technically,
twice as drunk as me.
[ Laughs ]
Gas up the vehicles.
We got to drive to Nevada
to get another bottle
of bourbon.
-[ Laughs ] This is the best.
-Oh, [bleep].
Close-up beauty shot
of that.
[ Italian accent ]
And I-a make the
[indistinct] cheese, ah?
This is our cheesemonger.
-I make [indistinct] cheese.
-Adamio.
-Oh, come!
-No, no, no!
-Mwah! Mwah! Adamio.
-Sorry, Adamio's last show
-I love you.
-was "House of Cards," so,
he doesn't really know
how to behave.
Cheers, bud.
This is so fun.
We did it.
Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh, nope.
Can't do that.
-This tastes a lot like
string cheese
-Can't do that.
-with a little bit of raw beef
-Can't do that.
-and wet bread.
Unh-unh.
That is awful.
[ Retches ]
[ Thunder rumbles ]
Is it starting to rain?
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
I can't get
out of this bed yet.
I'm freezing.
I'm fully dressed
under here.
Fully!
We need body heat.
Josh, get in here.
-Josh, we need Josh.
-We need another man.
-Keep us warm.
-You go right in the middle.
You're right in the middle.
[ Laughs ]
-Oh, yeah, this is a lot warmer.
-That's a lot warmer.
That's --
This is much better.
Brian, here, c'mere.
-Brian, please,
we need one more body.
-I'll hold the camera.
Climb over that way.
-Okay.
-Oh, this is work.
-Oh!
-Yeah, lift it up
over your head like that.
You're going to --
-Much warmer.
-What happened last night?!
-Oh, man.
[ Shuddering ]
[ Sizzling ]
Morning!
How was your night?!
What's your Insta handle?!
You guys ever watch
"The Mindy Project"?!
You know the character
Peter Prentice?!
[ Laughs ]
[ Bird screeches ]
No, not that one?!
That one didn't stick
out to you?!
What are you guys
up to today?!
We're going
to Canyonland, too!
Drive safe!
There is no better way
to enjoy the majesty
of Canyonlands National Park
than by ripping through it
in an extreme 4x4.
-She's a beaut.
-Oh, she's awesome.
What kind of mileage
am I getting here?
Well, she's 185 horsepower.
-Yeah?
-Zero to 60 in about 5 seconds.
I think it tops out at 105.
-What?!
-Right off the showroom floor.
The thing I'm most
scared about,
of anything we've done,
this is the opportunity
for us to fail miserably.
I'm getting less nervous,
the more I sit in here.
Drivers, foot on the brake
and we're going
to fire them up.
Adam:
Vroom, vroom, Mother Nature!
Yippee ki yay, Mother Nature.
Shut the [bleep] up,
Mother Nature!
I feel like we have big
Ashton and Dax energy.
We're sober and we
don't know where
to put all this energy!
Feel like we just got
to Mars, dude.
Yeah, we're in space.
We're going nice and slow.
[ Laughter ]
I'm shitting a [bleep]
brick right now, dude.
Oh, my God, no!
Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo!
The HOV lane is nuts.
You want to drive?
Oh, [bleep].
Stay right with me?
Come on.
I'm going faster and faster.
Ah!
You can do it!
[ Laughter ]
Get right next to them!
Oh!
Oh, they darted me!
Ada-a-a-m!
[ Electronic voice ]
Come on down and check out
the...
This feels like the car
that you unlock
in the video game
where it's like, "Now,
I have the Moab Monster."
The armor is
through the roof.
Imagine parallel parking
this thing
on Santa Monica Boulevard,
trying to jump out
to get a latte.
Joe:
Her name's Outcast.
As soon as I crawl
out of Beelzebub's taint,
or whatever this hole
in the ground is called,
I'm going to get a massage
and a martini.
Finally, a Gabrus-size
vehicle.
In the mega buggy,
we got
Sad Josh in the sound,
we got Katie 1 or Katie K,
and then behind me
is White Eddie Griffin.
[ Laughs ]
Dad, can't we just get
dropped off in the normal car?!
Mega buggy
hit the devil's ass.
Oh, we're
in the devil's ass.
You guys ready?
Yeah, brother!
[ Laughter ]
Whoo!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't go backwards, Joe!
I feel like we're taking off
in a [bleep] rocket ship.
Oh, my God!
The wall is so close!
Oh, [bleep]!
No!
-Oh, my [bleep] God.
-Oh, my God!
[Indistinct]
[ Laughter ]
Holy piece of [bleep].
Jealous?!
This is the most amount
of curses
these Mormon people
have ever heard.
Say he wanted to buy this,
how much would it run him?
We would sell it today
for $500,000.
Okay. So just two, then,
I guess, one each.
-Yeah.
-I guess. [ Laughs ]
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Urinating ]
[ Urinating ]
There's a restroom
right here.
But there's nature
right here.
Alright.
We got pans.
I want something snacky
by the fire.
They also have
a balsamic here.
Maybe we do like a balsamic
with the olive oil.
Here's the thing
about cooking for camping.
Minimize the
amount of options,
but make quantity.
-Is this roughing it?
-We are going glamping,
but I think it may seem like
roughing it for the two of us.
You know what I like?
Honey mustard pretzels.
Excuse me. You don't have
ping pong balls, do you?
I need a couple Hershey's.
Do they have a coffee maker?
Popcorn.
We have way too much [bleep]
and also not enough.
I don't have a toothbrush.
I don't have socks.
But we're going to be like,
"We have a camping fork
and three bottles
of Perrier."
[ Laughs ]
Hey,
I'm Adam Pally.
And I'm Jon Gabrus.
We're comedians and best friends
who love to travel.
We got our dream job!
We're travel hosts!
Two more days,
mother[bleep]!
We're gonna show you
the best places to eat,
drink, and party
in a new spot each week.
But we only have
one weekend to hang out
before we have
to get back to reality.
♪ Let's roll the dice ♪
We're out here
living our lives
at 100 miles an hour
until we die.
Which is probably soon.
Because of this job.
[ Laughter ]
Both: This is "101 Places
to Party Before You Die."
This weekend,
Jon and I are heading
to the canyon country
of Moab, Utah,
home of millions
of off-road vehicles,
confusing liquor laws,
and more turquoise jewelry
than your great aunt
was buried with.
Adam:
We're getting outdoors
and doing extreme [bleep].
Oh, my God, no!
Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo!
It's all about big risks
for big rewards.
If you're not terrified,
then you're not in Moab.
Adam:
In Moab, we conquer our fear...
Mom!
...we earn our beer.
Put that on a hat, truTV.
I'd buy it.
You and I travel a lot,
but there are places
we haven't been before.
But if it's a city,
you can kind of get it.
Moab, I have no idea
what to even expect.
It feels like a camping trip
with a buddy.
This is a whole different
type of party.
Matter of fact,
I've turned 40
and the theme for my 40s
is the outdoorsy foursies.
-Oh, I like it.
-Yeah.
So I'm trying
to get out there more.
Adam:
We're ready to get out
into the wild,
sleep under the stars,
look the abyss right in the eye,
and survive.
[ Bird screeches ]
Jon:
And by that, he means glamping
in a beautiful tent
that's very close
to a working toilet.
Adam:
They'll have a place for me
to charge my vapes, right?
Jon:
Multiple?
Oh, check this out.
Honeymoon suite.
Do we each get our own,
or are we sharing a bed, bro?
-I asked for two fulls.
-Please remove your shoes.
To camping?
-To camping.
Alright.
How do we do this fire?
Come on,
you son of a bitch.
Let me see if this does it.
No.
Should I take off this like
super flammable blanket
I'm wearing?
Throw it in.
Yeah, bitch.
This is fun to do with you
because
this is a new hobby,
to me, is camping.
I'm terrible at it.
I'm like a little city boy,
a little beach boy.
-Dude, if this is what camping's
all about, I love it.
If all camping
sites looked like this,
I would do this
all the time.
Oh, yeah. They don't.
This is pretty
[bleep] beautiful.
No, clearly.
I need more whiskey.
I know you talk about earning
beers or earning your drinks.
Camping is the ultimate
version of that
because just getting
to your destination
means you've earned it.
-Oh, yeah, that's good.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
but we are
officially camping.
If you like this part
of camping,
you're going
to love the part
when you're done cooking
and full
and just sitting,
looking at the fire
[bleep] up out of your mind.
-No, I'm good at that part.
-Yeah.
We catch a full bottle
of [bleep] bourbs.
[ Belch ]
[ Laughter ]
Oh, boy.
.05.
Well, you can't drive
with that.
100% that bitch?!
[ Laughs ]
But .01.
-.1.
Technically,
twice as drunk as me.
[ Laughs ]
Gas up the vehicles.
We got to drive to Nevada
to get another bottle
of bourbon.
-[ Laughs ] This is the best.
-Oh, [bleep].
Close-up beauty shot
of that.
[ Italian accent ]
And I-a make the
[indistinct] cheese, ah?
This is our cheesemonger.
-I make [indistinct] cheese.
-Adamio.
-Oh, come!
-No, no, no!
-Mwah! Mwah! Adamio.
-Sorry, Adamio's last show
-I love you.
-was "House of Cards," so,
he doesn't really know
how to behave.
Cheers, bud.
This is so fun.
We did it.
Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh, nope.
Can't do that.
-This tastes a lot like
string cheese
-Can't do that.
-with a little bit of raw beef
-Can't do that.
-and wet bread.
Unh-unh.
That is awful.
[ Retches ]
[ Thunder rumbles ]
Is it starting to rain?
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
I can't get
out of this bed yet.
I'm freezing.
I'm fully dressed
under here.
Fully!
We need body heat.
Josh, get in here.
-Josh, we need Josh.
-We need another man.
-Keep us warm.
-You go right in the middle.
You're right in the middle.
[ Laughs ]
-Oh, yeah, this is a lot warmer.
-That's a lot warmer.
That's --
This is much better.
Brian, here, c'mere.
-Brian, please,
we need one more body.
-I'll hold the camera.
Climb over that way.
-Okay.
-Oh, this is work.
-Oh!
-Yeah, lift it up
over your head like that.
You're going to --
-Much warmer.
-What happened last night?!
-Oh, man.
[ Shuddering ]
[ Sizzling ]
Morning!
How was your night?!
What's your Insta handle?!
You guys ever watch
"The Mindy Project"?!
You know the character
Peter Prentice?!
[ Laughs ]
[ Bird screeches ]
No, not that one?!
That one didn't stick
out to you?!
What are you guys
up to today?!
We're going
to Canyonland, too!
Drive safe!
There is no better way
to enjoy the majesty
of Canyonlands National Park
than by ripping through it
in an extreme 4x4.
-She's a beaut.
-Oh, she's awesome.
What kind of mileage
am I getting here?
Well, she's 185 horsepower.
-Yeah?
-Zero to 60 in about 5 seconds.
I think it tops out at 105.
-What?!
-Right off the showroom floor.
The thing I'm most
scared about,
of anything we've done,
this is the opportunity
for us to fail miserably.
I'm getting less nervous,
the more I sit in here.
Drivers, foot on the brake
and we're going
to fire them up.
Adam:
Vroom, vroom, Mother Nature!
Yippee ki yay, Mother Nature.
Shut the [bleep] up,
Mother Nature!
I feel like we have big
Ashton and Dax energy.
We're sober and we
don't know where
to put all this energy!
Feel like we just got
to Mars, dude.
Yeah, we're in space.
We're going nice and slow.
[ Laughter ]
I'm shitting a [bleep]
brick right now, dude.
Oh, my God, no!
Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo!
The HOV lane is nuts.
You want to drive?
Oh, [bleep].
Stay right with me?
Come on.
I'm going faster and faster.
Ah!
You can do it!
[ Laughter ]
Get right next to them!
Oh!
Oh, they darted me!
Ada-a-a-m!
[ Electronic voice ]
Come on down and check out
the...
This feels like the car
that you unlock
in the video game
where it's like, "Now,
I have the Moab Monster."
The armor is
through the roof.
Imagine parallel parking
this thing
on Santa Monica Boulevard,
trying to jump out
to get a latte.
Joe:
Her name's Outcast.
As soon as I crawl
out of Beelzebub's taint,
or whatever this hole
in the ground is called,
I'm going to get a massage
and a martini.
Finally, a Gabrus-size
vehicle.
In the mega buggy,
we got
Sad Josh in the sound,
we got Katie 1 or Katie K,
and then behind me
is White Eddie Griffin.
[ Laughs ]
Dad, can't we just get
dropped off in the normal car?!
Mega buggy
hit the devil's ass.
Oh, we're
in the devil's ass.
You guys ready?
Yeah, brother!
[ Laughter ]
Whoo!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't go backwards, Joe!
I feel like we're taking off
in a [bleep] rocket ship.
Oh, my God!
The wall is so close!
Oh, [bleep]!
No!
-Oh, my [bleep] God.
-Oh, my God!
[Indistinct]
[ Laughter ]
Holy piece of [bleep].
Jealous?!
This is the most amount
of curses
these Mormon people
have ever heard.
Say he wanted to buy this,
how much would it run him?
We would sell it today
for $500,000.
Okay. So just two, then,
I guess, one each.
-Yeah.
-I guess. [ Laughs ]
[ Birds chirping ]
[ Urinating ]
[ Urinating ]
There's a restroom
right here.
But there's nature
right here.
Alright.