101 Places to Party Before You Die (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Miami - full transcript
The guys head to Miami to see Adam's family and to return Gabrus to the sea from whence he came.
[ Laughs ]
♪♪
Wow. That's bright.
Yeah,
that is not for me.
-Hey. I'm Adam Pally.
-And I'm Jon Gabrus.
Gabrus:
We're comedians and best friends
who love to travel.
Pally: We got our dream job.
We're travel hosts.
Two more days,
mother-[bleep]!
Gabrus:
We're going to show you the best
places to eat, drink, and party
in a new spot each week.
But we only have one weekend
to hang out
before we have
to get back to reality.
♪ Let's roll the dice ♪
Pally:
We're out here living our lives
at
100 miles an hour until we die.
-Which is probably soon.
-Because of this job.
[ Laughter ]
Both: This is...
Pally: This week,
we're getting jiggy with it
and I'm dragging Jon to Miami.
Gabrus:
We came here as kids, but now
we're back as adults,
looking to party
with all of the retirees.
Pally:
And all the smoke shows.
Gabrus: And all the retired
smoke shows.
Thanks for inviting us
Pally: [ Speaking Italian ]
[ Laughter ]
Gabrus:
We're starting off in Little
Havana to crush our jet lag
with a little drink
the locals call a cortadito.
I'm ready to, like,
[bleep] myself up with coffee.
You're going to
love it.
You are going
to love this place.
-Good morning. How are you?
-Good.
I would like
a cortadito.
I'll do a cortadito
as well, please.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
Uh...
Regular for me.
-Regular. For you?
-Yeah, same. Regular, please.
I was going to answer in
Spanish, and I was like,
"Ah, maybe not."
Oh, yes.
Wowy-wowy-wah.
Mm.
Oh, my God. That's so good.
Oh, man.
Mm. Wow.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
Is it offensive for white people
to try to speak Spanish?
It's not offensive.
You're practicing.
I speak Spanglish all day.
Spanglish is the official
language of Miami.
Okay.
You know what? I feel free.
The first Spanish words
I learned here in Miami
was "pan y mantequilla"
and "café con leche".
It's like, that's all you want
to order is, like --
That's all
you need.
Yeah.
Wait, so you run this joint?
My family started it
50 years ago.
It's been here since --
This is craziness to ask
and I know it's not time,
but are there any
Cuban sandwiches?
That would be fantastic.
So we can
help you out with that.
Oh, my...
Here you go, guys.
Some Cubans.
Thank you so much.
Pally:
Thank you so much.
Uh-oh. Fiver.
Whoo-whoo.
Don't let him know
my asshole
is filled with cannabis.
[ Laughs ]
♪ They say in Bed-Stuy,
my friend's too high ♪
♪ Mice in the walls
squeak in the night ♪
I'm talking so fast.
The coffee is in my veins, dude.
Yeah, but I need another
coffee.
I would drink one.
Pally:
I would also love to learn
how to play dominoes.
Well, why not enter into a place
called Domino Park?
These guys need partners.
-Is it cool if we play with you?
-Oh, sure.
I've never played
dominoes before.
I'm a little nervous.
Oh, one rule
is don't talk.
Oh, then you're going
to hate us. [ Laughs ]
I hope you're
not cheaters.
I'm inept.
I'm not cheating.
This is a war.
We need to win.
-Oh, no.
-I got it.
[ Cheering ]
Noooo!
Oh, this is the best coffee
in the world.
I cannot possibly
have more coffee.
Whoo!
[ Laughs ]
Aaaah!
Boom! Plink!
Aah!
That's the normal reaction.
Oh, good. Oh, that happens
every day around here?
So you guys come here
every day.
So, retired people come
every day, every moment.
So there are retired people
in Miami?
Most of them.
Where can
we get a drink?
Oh, that's
Cafe La Trova.
Thank you so much, Luis.
That was a real pleasure, bud.
Have a good one.
Pally:
Time to switch up the buzz
with some cocktails at La Trova,
an authentic Cuban bar
where you're served
cantinero style.
Gabrus: Cantineros are absolute
pros known for flair,
bartending, and memorizing
over 200 recipes.
Pally: 200 recipes.
And I still can't figure out
what's in a rum and coke.
What is, like,
the drink of Miami,
or at least the drink
of Cafe La Trova?
Andy: Our most popular drink
by far is the mojito.
Oh, wow.
Cheers. Of course.
Whoo!
It's delicious, my friend.
Fun fact, that's actually
the best mojito in the world.
So, recently we were the number
20 bar in the entire world.
We're the only
Cuban bar.
By that, this becomes the best
mojito in the world.
Oh, I see.
Hell yeah.
It's a little flawed,
but yeah, sure.
Do you have another bar
in the back?
La Trova is split into two
different concepts under one.
In the back,
Miami Vice Bar.
Now, are the rules of this 1980s
Miami Vice Bar
the same as 1980s
"Miami Vice"?
Oh, [bleep]
Hell yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Can I come back
there and make a drink?
Yes!
I've watched my man Finnegan
from Cocktails and Dreams,
AKA Tom Cruise
in the movie "Cocktail".
The Singapore Sling,
the ding-a-ling, the last poet
bartender.
And everyone cheers,
and it's like,
who wants that?
Get it.
I'm almost ready
for another.
All right, back to business,
Andy.
-Sugar.
-Lime juice.
Don't be shy
with the lettuce.
Then we got to do some rum,
right?
You got to measure it first,
though.
No, you don't, dude.
Come on.
How hard is this?
It came out awesome,
right?
It's good. A little liberal
with the run.
You're not allowed to walk
Miami sober.
We've been
following the rules.
[ Laughter ]
Gabrus: Oh,
five mojitos in
and I still haven't
passed that Cubano.
Pally:
You swallow it whole.
Either way,
it's time for you and I
to drink
and eat some more.
And we get roasted by my family.
Gabrus:
And isn't it great to get
roasted by your family at...
Garcia Seafood
Market & Grille,
a family owned fish joint
that's been
catching and serving
fresh seafood for 50 years.
Pally:
We were not paid to say this.
I'm really excited
to see my family.
Everybody's like
a Jewish cartoon.
We asked my family
to come to dinner.
First thing, my aunt was like,
"My back is out."
My uncle's like,
"How much you getting paid?"
Jerome is like, "Why is everyone
being mean to me?"
My grandma is like,
"What area is this?"
Sylvia: Did you deliberately
dress this way?
The hat and the jacket.
It looks very nautical.
Pally: You're upset about
my whole look.
This is a suit I've had
for many years.
It's a suit?
You look like you're going
to get on a boat.
He wanted to dress
like a sailor.
I said I would dress
like a sailboat.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, hi, Grandma.
We're doing our job right now.
Can I be hired?
When we used to come down
as kids, it would be, like,
to visit my Grandpa Aaron
in Hollywood, Florida.
Now, this city is like...
-Oh, this city is happening.
-It's happening.
Bur you used to come here with
your family as a kid, right?
I used to come here
with another family.
Oh. How did that work?
My childhood best friend --
his family is Cuban
and Ecuadorian,
and they took me to South Beach,
like, every year.
And it was the coolest thing
in the world to me.
I don't mean to, like, be like,
"My family's so great," but --
But we are.
My mom is watching this episode
right now going like,
"Oh, they better
have me on later,
because our family's
great, too."
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah.
-Is there a lobster bisque?
Oh, I may not live
that long.
[ Laughter ]
I got to hear embarrassing ass
little kid stories.
I was precocious.
Because he's a huge
Michael Jackson.
You have
a Michael Jackson tattoo.
You've been
to the ranch.
I haven't been to the ranch
since I was nine.
[ Laughter ]
Even I got that.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Wow. That's bright.
Yeah,
that is not for me.
-Hey. I'm Adam Pally.
-And I'm Jon Gabrus.
Gabrus:
We're comedians and best friends
who love to travel.
Pally: We got our dream job.
We're travel hosts.
Two more days,
mother-[bleep]!
Gabrus:
We're going to show you the best
places to eat, drink, and party
in a new spot each week.
But we only have one weekend
to hang out
before we have
to get back to reality.
♪ Let's roll the dice ♪
Pally:
We're out here living our lives
at
100 miles an hour until we die.
-Which is probably soon.
-Because of this job.
[ Laughter ]
Both: This is...
Pally: This week,
we're getting jiggy with it
and I'm dragging Jon to Miami.
Gabrus:
We came here as kids, but now
we're back as adults,
looking to party
with all of the retirees.
Pally:
And all the smoke shows.
Gabrus: And all the retired
smoke shows.
Thanks for inviting us
Pally: [ Speaking Italian ]
[ Laughter ]
Gabrus:
We're starting off in Little
Havana to crush our jet lag
with a little drink
the locals call a cortadito.
I'm ready to, like,
[bleep] myself up with coffee.
You're going to
love it.
You are going
to love this place.
-Good morning. How are you?
-Good.
I would like
a cortadito.
I'll do a cortadito
as well, please.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
Uh...
Regular for me.
-Regular. For you?
-Yeah, same. Regular, please.
I was going to answer in
Spanish, and I was like,
"Ah, maybe not."
Oh, yes.
Wowy-wowy-wah.
Mm.
Oh, my God. That's so good.
Oh, man.
Mm. Wow.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
Is it offensive for white people
to try to speak Spanish?
It's not offensive.
You're practicing.
I speak Spanglish all day.
Spanglish is the official
language of Miami.
Okay.
You know what? I feel free.
The first Spanish words
I learned here in Miami
was "pan y mantequilla"
and "café con leche".
It's like, that's all you want
to order is, like --
That's all
you need.
Yeah.
Wait, so you run this joint?
My family started it
50 years ago.
It's been here since --
This is craziness to ask
and I know it's not time,
but are there any
Cuban sandwiches?
That would be fantastic.
So we can
help you out with that.
Oh, my...
Here you go, guys.
Some Cubans.
Thank you so much.
Pally:
Thank you so much.
Uh-oh. Fiver.
Whoo-whoo.
Don't let him know
my asshole
is filled with cannabis.
[ Laughs ]
♪ They say in Bed-Stuy,
my friend's too high ♪
♪ Mice in the walls
squeak in the night ♪
I'm talking so fast.
The coffee is in my veins, dude.
Yeah, but I need another
coffee.
I would drink one.
Pally:
I would also love to learn
how to play dominoes.
Well, why not enter into a place
called Domino Park?
These guys need partners.
-Is it cool if we play with you?
-Oh, sure.
I've never played
dominoes before.
I'm a little nervous.
Oh, one rule
is don't talk.
Oh, then you're going
to hate us. [ Laughs ]
I hope you're
not cheaters.
I'm inept.
I'm not cheating.
This is a war.
We need to win.
-Oh, no.
-I got it.
[ Cheering ]
Noooo!
Oh, this is the best coffee
in the world.
I cannot possibly
have more coffee.
Whoo!
[ Laughs ]
Aaaah!
Boom! Plink!
Aah!
That's the normal reaction.
Oh, good. Oh, that happens
every day around here?
So you guys come here
every day.
So, retired people come
every day, every moment.
So there are retired people
in Miami?
Most of them.
Where can
we get a drink?
Oh, that's
Cafe La Trova.
Thank you so much, Luis.
That was a real pleasure, bud.
Have a good one.
Pally:
Time to switch up the buzz
with some cocktails at La Trova,
an authentic Cuban bar
where you're served
cantinero style.
Gabrus: Cantineros are absolute
pros known for flair,
bartending, and memorizing
over 200 recipes.
Pally: 200 recipes.
And I still can't figure out
what's in a rum and coke.
What is, like,
the drink of Miami,
or at least the drink
of Cafe La Trova?
Andy: Our most popular drink
by far is the mojito.
Oh, wow.
Cheers. Of course.
Whoo!
It's delicious, my friend.
Fun fact, that's actually
the best mojito in the world.
So, recently we were the number
20 bar in the entire world.
We're the only
Cuban bar.
By that, this becomes the best
mojito in the world.
Oh, I see.
Hell yeah.
It's a little flawed,
but yeah, sure.
Do you have another bar
in the back?
La Trova is split into two
different concepts under one.
In the back,
Miami Vice Bar.
Now, are the rules of this 1980s
Miami Vice Bar
the same as 1980s
"Miami Vice"?
Oh, [bleep]
Hell yeah.
Yes. Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Can I come back
there and make a drink?
Yes!
I've watched my man Finnegan
from Cocktails and Dreams,
AKA Tom Cruise
in the movie "Cocktail".
The Singapore Sling,
the ding-a-ling, the last poet
bartender.
And everyone cheers,
and it's like,
who wants that?
Get it.
I'm almost ready
for another.
All right, back to business,
Andy.
-Sugar.
-Lime juice.
Don't be shy
with the lettuce.
Then we got to do some rum,
right?
You got to measure it first,
though.
No, you don't, dude.
Come on.
How hard is this?
It came out awesome,
right?
It's good. A little liberal
with the run.
You're not allowed to walk
Miami sober.
We've been
following the rules.
[ Laughter ]
Gabrus: Oh,
five mojitos in
and I still haven't
passed that Cubano.
Pally:
You swallow it whole.
Either way,
it's time for you and I
to drink
and eat some more.
And we get roasted by my family.
Gabrus:
And isn't it great to get
roasted by your family at...
Garcia Seafood
Market & Grille,
a family owned fish joint
that's been
catching and serving
fresh seafood for 50 years.
Pally:
We were not paid to say this.
I'm really excited
to see my family.
Everybody's like
a Jewish cartoon.
We asked my family
to come to dinner.
First thing, my aunt was like,
"My back is out."
My uncle's like,
"How much you getting paid?"
Jerome is like, "Why is everyone
being mean to me?"
My grandma is like,
"What area is this?"
Sylvia: Did you deliberately
dress this way?
The hat and the jacket.
It looks very nautical.
Pally: You're upset about
my whole look.
This is a suit I've had
for many years.
It's a suit?
You look like you're going
to get on a boat.
He wanted to dress
like a sailor.
I said I would dress
like a sailboat.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, hi, Grandma.
We're doing our job right now.
Can I be hired?
When we used to come down
as kids, it would be, like,
to visit my Grandpa Aaron
in Hollywood, Florida.
Now, this city is like...
-Oh, this city is happening.
-It's happening.
Bur you used to come here with
your family as a kid, right?
I used to come here
with another family.
Oh. How did that work?
My childhood best friend --
his family is Cuban
and Ecuadorian,
and they took me to South Beach,
like, every year.
And it was the coolest thing
in the world to me.
I don't mean to, like, be like,
"My family's so great," but --
But we are.
My mom is watching this episode
right now going like,
"Oh, they better
have me on later,
because our family's
great, too."
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah.
-Is there a lobster bisque?
Oh, I may not live
that long.
[ Laughter ]
I got to hear embarrassing ass
little kid stories.
I was precocious.
Because he's a huge
Michael Jackson.
You have
a Michael Jackson tattoo.
You've been
to the ranch.
I haven't been to the ranch
since I was nine.
[ Laughter ]
Even I got that.
[ Laughter ]