101 Places to Party Before You Die (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Denver - full transcript
Pally and Gabrus get a Rocky Mountain High in the land of broken ribs, 80's nostalgia, and cannabis worship.
But honestly, what two better
people to do a show like this
than us,
who can have fun anywhere?
[ Tires screech, horn honks ]
Oh! Sorry!
But it was her fault, right?
Hey, I'm Adam Pally.
And I'm Jon Gabrus.
We're comedians
and best friends
who love to travel.
We got our dream job!
We're travel hosts!
Two Bourdains,
mother[bleep]!
We're gonna show you
the best places to eat,
drink, and party
in a new spot
each week.
But we only have
one weekend to hang out
before we have
to get back to reality.
♪ Let's roll the dice ♪
We're out here living our lives
at 100 miles an hour
until we die.
Which is probably soon.
Because of this job.
[ Both laugh ]
Together: This is "101 Places
to Party Before You Die."
This weekend, we're going
to Denver, Colorado,
named after the great musician
John Denver.
I think it's named
after the omelette.
Denver does have more weed
dispensaries than Starbucks,
so I think things
are gonna be high-- fine.
[ Laughs ]
My family is excited,
happy for me that I'm here.
I'm going away
for a weekend
to get [bleep] up
with my best friend,
and my wife is like,
"Thank God you got work."
[ Laughs ]
No, they're happy
about it.
Like, my kids were like,
"Have a great time.
You don't have to FaceTime
us every day."
Like, "What?"
[ Both laugh ]
We get to come to Denver.
It's the first state
that legalized ganj.
Honestly,
one of the coolest cities.
We could do a good job
at this.
We've been getting [bleep] up
in weekend bursts together...
For our whole lives.
Yeah.
We're travel show hosts.
And it's the best job,
and we have it now!
It's been a full day of travel
and we're starving to death,
so we're going to Linger,
a beloved Denver restaurant
that was once
a working mortuary.
At its peak,
this mortuary planned
half of Denver's funerals.
Yeah, well, get ready
to plan two more.
This is really beautiful.
Let's do a little cheers,
a little rooftop
mortuary cheers.
To death.
To death.
Till death do us part.
It's so nice to know
when you --
Oh, my God.
What is this on the rim?
[ Laughs ]
Oh, my God. It's like
spicy mulch or something.
Whew!
It's like black pepper
and dirt.
[ Both laugh ]
No, this is actually ash
from --
Oh, okay.
From the mortuary.
It's a crematorium, too.
Mmm.
I miss you, Dad.
[ Both laugh ]
I'm gonna puke.
Look at that lip.
I think you're supposed
to just get a taste of it.
It tastes like soil.
I'm gonna puke
from laughing.
I can't catch my breath
in the altitude.
[ Both laugh ]
101 places to giggle yourself
to death.
[ Laughs ]
Just kidding.
My mom buried him.
My dad said,
"Put me in a pine box.
Don't make a big fuss.
Come on. I'm dead.
Relax. Everybody dies."
"Is this important now?"
"You gonna talk
about me all day?
Come on.
I'm [bleep] dead."
I have two things that I have
written down as gospel.
One -- I want a tree.
I want to be buried --
Turned into a tree.
And two --
even if it's in a temple --
I do not care --
I want a 12-piece
brass band.
[ Both laugh ]
[ Brass band playing ]
Yes.
Uh, good.
I have some ideas.
You tell me
if I'm out of my mind.
Absolutely.
the devil on horseback.
Yes. That's one of
my favorite snacks.
Are you are you
a no-write-down guy?
We trust you.
[ Laughter ]
I feel like --
I like honesty.
I like my honesty.
♪♪
First,
devils on horseback.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, hell, yes.
So awesome.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ]
Ooh!
My mom used to make this.
She would put
an almond in the center.
I've had that
once or twice, too,
and it gives it
that one crunch at the end.
It feels like
you're eating the pit.
But it's salty, too,
a little bit.
♪♪
Here comes Big Joe.
Alright,
this one's fried chicken.
One of them is duck, and
that's the one I want to try.
Oh, wow.
The duck bun.
The duck bun is fire.
That's for real.
That's for real fire.
It turns out dinner
was right next
to the best
ice cream shop in Denver --
Little Man Ice Cream.
You know what they say --
Liquor before dairy,
that's not scary.
They put the cake
of the carrot cake
in the ice cream.
That's good shit.
Jon:
This is the man, man.
Adam: Whoa!
That is giving me
such the taste of --
When I was a kid and
I first went to Disney World,
I bought a fried Oreo.
Yes. Yes.
'Cause of the saltiness.
Yes.
And I had never had
a fried Oreo before.
I had a fried Oreo
for the first time
at the
San Gennaro Festival.
Classic Italian
coming-of-age story.
[ Both laugh ]
Your life is directed
by Scorsese, right?
Yeah.
[ Laughs ]
"Me and a couple
of the boys were down
at the San Gennaro Festival
boosting bikes."
[ Both laugh ]
[ Coughs ]
Uh-oh.
Choking on a cookie.
Drink a bottle of Evian.
I can't think of
a bottle of Evian
without thinking
Janice Dickinson.
She describes
Liam Neeson's [bleep]
like being like
an Evian bottle.
What? Where?
Where would Janice Dickinson
even think to do that?
In her book,
"No Lifeguard on Duty."
[ Laughs ]
In her memoir.
Why did you read that?
Just Google "Liam Neeson
piss pants."
He's in like
40 different photos
with urine running
down his leg
on, like, red carpets.
"Taken: A Piss."
[ Both laugh ]
Qui-Gon Urine.
[ Laughs ]
"Schindler's Piss."
[ Both laugh ]
♪♪
♪♪
How you feeling
about skiing?
I'm excited.
I haven't done this in 20 years
and 110 pounds, so...
Yeah.
Are you nervous?
Yeah, but when you come back
from Denver
and people are like,
"What'd you do?"
You can't just be like,
"We ate in a mortuary."
You got to be able to say,
like,
"We also saw
the Arapahoe Basin,"
or whatever the [bleep]
♪ When uMaNg enter the cypher ♪
♪ It's definitely destined
to live ♪
We've been best friends
for 20 years,
but that doesn't mean
we like the same stuff.
See, I like to ski.
on a beach in a Speedo.
Skies out, thighs out.
I mean, the sky is literally
always out.
Yeah. I know.
So are my thighs.
Well --
The Arapahoe Basin
has one of the longest ski
seasons in the country,
sometimes going into July,
and that's Speedo season,
buddy.
Dude, this is, uh,
a little more daunting
than I thought
it was gonna be.
It's real.
These are real mountains.
This is real deal.
Yeah.
And this was a nice view.
I'm glad I got up here.
I might just ride
the chairlift back down.
And I'll meet you
at the bunny slope.
Sure. Alright, dude, well,
have a great trip.
Alright.
You have fun, man.
Jon: Later, bud!
Good luck! I love you!
I love you, too.
I saw a taco truck situation!
Safe travails!
[ Rock music plays ]
Alright, let's hit it!
Shred some gnar!
Diggin' this fresh pow-pow!
Is there any way we can
make me look cooler?
♪♪
Jon: Oh, buddy!
[ Electricity fades ]
I hope we eventually
start it up again.
♪♪
This is called getting
[bleep] up psychologically!
♪♪
[ Electricity humming ]
What happened?
[ Groans ]
♪♪
Jon:
Shitting a brick here.
Adam:
You're doing it!
Ahh!
You're doing great,
dude.
Can't slow down!
Yield.
Yield! Yield!
Ugh!
[ Groaning ]
people to do a show like this
than us,
who can have fun anywhere?
[ Tires screech, horn honks ]
Oh! Sorry!
But it was her fault, right?
Hey, I'm Adam Pally.
And I'm Jon Gabrus.
We're comedians
and best friends
who love to travel.
We got our dream job!
We're travel hosts!
Two Bourdains,
mother[bleep]!
We're gonna show you
the best places to eat,
drink, and party
in a new spot
each week.
But we only have
one weekend to hang out
before we have
to get back to reality.
♪ Let's roll the dice ♪
We're out here living our lives
at 100 miles an hour
until we die.
Which is probably soon.
Because of this job.
[ Both laugh ]
Together: This is "101 Places
to Party Before You Die."
This weekend, we're going
to Denver, Colorado,
named after the great musician
John Denver.
I think it's named
after the omelette.
Denver does have more weed
dispensaries than Starbucks,
so I think things
are gonna be high-- fine.
[ Laughs ]
My family is excited,
happy for me that I'm here.
I'm going away
for a weekend
to get [bleep] up
with my best friend,
and my wife is like,
"Thank God you got work."
[ Laughs ]
No, they're happy
about it.
Like, my kids were like,
"Have a great time.
You don't have to FaceTime
us every day."
Like, "What?"
[ Both laugh ]
We get to come to Denver.
It's the first state
that legalized ganj.
Honestly,
one of the coolest cities.
We could do a good job
at this.
We've been getting [bleep] up
in weekend bursts together...
For our whole lives.
Yeah.
We're travel show hosts.
And it's the best job,
and we have it now!
It's been a full day of travel
and we're starving to death,
so we're going to Linger,
a beloved Denver restaurant
that was once
a working mortuary.
At its peak,
this mortuary planned
half of Denver's funerals.
Yeah, well, get ready
to plan two more.
This is really beautiful.
Let's do a little cheers,
a little rooftop
mortuary cheers.
To death.
To death.
Till death do us part.
It's so nice to know
when you --
Oh, my God.
What is this on the rim?
[ Laughs ]
Oh, my God. It's like
spicy mulch or something.
Whew!
It's like black pepper
and dirt.
[ Both laugh ]
No, this is actually ash
from --
Oh, okay.
From the mortuary.
It's a crematorium, too.
Mmm.
I miss you, Dad.
[ Both laugh ]
I'm gonna puke.
Look at that lip.
I think you're supposed
to just get a taste of it.
It tastes like soil.
I'm gonna puke
from laughing.
I can't catch my breath
in the altitude.
[ Both laugh ]
101 places to giggle yourself
to death.
[ Laughs ]
Just kidding.
My mom buried him.
My dad said,
"Put me in a pine box.
Don't make a big fuss.
Come on. I'm dead.
Relax. Everybody dies."
"Is this important now?"
"You gonna talk
about me all day?
Come on.
I'm [bleep] dead."
I have two things that I have
written down as gospel.
One -- I want a tree.
I want to be buried --
Turned into a tree.
And two --
even if it's in a temple --
I do not care --
I want a 12-piece
brass band.
[ Both laugh ]
[ Brass band playing ]
Yes.
Uh, good.
I have some ideas.
You tell me
if I'm out of my mind.
Absolutely.
the devil on horseback.
Yes. That's one of
my favorite snacks.
Are you are you
a no-write-down guy?
We trust you.
[ Laughter ]
I feel like --
I like honesty.
I like my honesty.
♪♪
First,
devils on horseback.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, hell, yes.
So awesome.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ]
Ooh!
My mom used to make this.
She would put
an almond in the center.
I've had that
once or twice, too,
and it gives it
that one crunch at the end.
It feels like
you're eating the pit.
But it's salty, too,
a little bit.
♪♪
Here comes Big Joe.
Alright,
this one's fried chicken.
One of them is duck, and
that's the one I want to try.
Oh, wow.
The duck bun.
The duck bun is fire.
That's for real.
That's for real fire.
It turns out dinner
was right next
to the best
ice cream shop in Denver --
Little Man Ice Cream.
You know what they say --
Liquor before dairy,
that's not scary.
They put the cake
of the carrot cake
in the ice cream.
That's good shit.
Jon:
This is the man, man.
Adam: Whoa!
That is giving me
such the taste of --
When I was a kid and
I first went to Disney World,
I bought a fried Oreo.
Yes. Yes.
'Cause of the saltiness.
Yes.
And I had never had
a fried Oreo before.
I had a fried Oreo
for the first time
at the
San Gennaro Festival.
Classic Italian
coming-of-age story.
[ Both laugh ]
Your life is directed
by Scorsese, right?
Yeah.
[ Laughs ]
"Me and a couple
of the boys were down
at the San Gennaro Festival
boosting bikes."
[ Both laugh ]
[ Coughs ]
Uh-oh.
Choking on a cookie.
Drink a bottle of Evian.
I can't think of
a bottle of Evian
without thinking
Janice Dickinson.
She describes
Liam Neeson's [bleep]
like being like
an Evian bottle.
What? Where?
Where would Janice Dickinson
even think to do that?
In her book,
"No Lifeguard on Duty."
[ Laughs ]
In her memoir.
Why did you read that?
Just Google "Liam Neeson
piss pants."
He's in like
40 different photos
with urine running
down his leg
on, like, red carpets.
"Taken: A Piss."
[ Both laugh ]
Qui-Gon Urine.
[ Laughs ]
"Schindler's Piss."
[ Both laugh ]
♪♪
♪♪
How you feeling
about skiing?
I'm excited.
I haven't done this in 20 years
and 110 pounds, so...
Yeah.
Are you nervous?
Yeah, but when you come back
from Denver
and people are like,
"What'd you do?"
You can't just be like,
"We ate in a mortuary."
You got to be able to say,
like,
"We also saw
the Arapahoe Basin,"
or whatever the [bleep]
♪ When uMaNg enter the cypher ♪
♪ It's definitely destined
to live ♪
We've been best friends
for 20 years,
but that doesn't mean
we like the same stuff.
See, I like to ski.
on a beach in a Speedo.
Skies out, thighs out.
I mean, the sky is literally
always out.
Yeah. I know.
So are my thighs.
Well --
The Arapahoe Basin
has one of the longest ski
seasons in the country,
sometimes going into July,
and that's Speedo season,
buddy.
Dude, this is, uh,
a little more daunting
than I thought
it was gonna be.
It's real.
These are real mountains.
This is real deal.
Yeah.
And this was a nice view.
I'm glad I got up here.
I might just ride
the chairlift back down.
And I'll meet you
at the bunny slope.
Sure. Alright, dude, well,
have a great trip.
Alright.
You have fun, man.
Jon: Later, bud!
Good luck! I love you!
I love you, too.
I saw a taco truck situation!
Safe travails!
[ Rock music plays ]
Alright, let's hit it!
Shred some gnar!
Diggin' this fresh pow-pow!
Is there any way we can
make me look cooler?
♪♪
Jon: Oh, buddy!
[ Electricity fades ]
I hope we eventually
start it up again.
♪♪
This is called getting
[bleep] up psychologically!
♪♪
[ Electricity humming ]
What happened?
[ Groans ]
♪♪
Jon:
Shitting a brick here.
Adam:
You're doing it!
Ahh!
You're doing great,
dude.
Can't slow down!
Yield.
Yield! Yield!
Ugh!
[ Groaning ]