1000 Ways to Die (2008–2012): Season 2, Episode 11 - Dead to Rights - full transcript

male announcer:
NOT FEELING SO HOT?

- OOH, THIS IS NOT RIGHT!

announcer: IS WORK
GETTING TO YOU?

THINGS COULD BE WORSE.

JUST ASK THE COUPLE
WHO WOUND UP IN HOT WATER

OR THE DUDE WHO BROKE
INTO TELEVISION.

HOW ABOUT THE CUTE OLD LADY
WHO KEPT GETTING HIT ON?

AND THE SECRETARY
WHO COULDN'T GET AHEAD?

THEN THERE'S THE PAINT HUFFER
WHO GOT BURNT OUT.

AND THE OLD GRINCH
WHO HAD IT IN FOR SANTA.

- HO! HO! HO!



announcer: IF YOU'RE
FEELING DOWN,

WE'VE GOT PERFECT PICK-ME-UP.

THE NEXT EPISODE OF
1,000 WAYS TO DIE!

[rock music]

DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.

MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.

OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT
OF ITS WAY.

EVERY DAY WE FIGHT
A NEW WAR AGAINST...

THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS
TO WIND UP DEAD.

THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE
AT ALL IS A MIRACLE...

BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE,
WE FACE...

TAMMY WAS AN AMBITIOUS
EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT

WHO WAS WILLING
TO PLAY THE GAME

TO MOVE UP THE LADDER.



- HERE'S YOUR COFFEE,
MR. ELLIOT.

- THANK YOU.

announcer: A REAL GO-GETTER,

SHE WAS FUELED
BY BURNING AMBITION

AND AN ADDICTION
TO ENERGY DRINKS.

- IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN GET FOR YOU?

- YES.

COULD YOU GRAB THAT BOX

AND PUT IT ON TOP OF THESE
BOXES, PLEASE?

- SURE.

announcer: HER BOSS
AT THE INSURANCE COMPANY

WAS YOUR BASIC SLEAZEBAG.

TAMMY LET HIM HAVE HIS WAY
UP TO A POINT,

KNOWING SHE HAD A LOCK
ON AN UPCOMING PROMOTION.

- WHAT WOULD YOUR WIFE SAY?

- WHAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW
WON'T HURT HER.

announcer: THINKING ABOUT
THE PROMOTION WAS MAKING HER

SO NERVOUS, SHE KNOCKED
DOWN ENERGY DRINKS

AT AN EVEN FASTER PACE.

[knock on door]
- COME IN.

- MR. ELLIOT?

COULD I TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE?

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE PROMOTION.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
I COULD DO?

- WELL...

THERE MIGHT BE JUST ONE MORE
THING YOU CAN DO.

announcer: TAMMY WOULD DO
A LOT TO FURTHER HER CAREER,

BUT MR. ELLIOT WASN'T
ONE OF THEM.

- THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

announcer: SHE TRIED
TO WASH HER DISGUST AWAY

WITH A COUPLE MORE CANS
OF ENERGY BOOST.

- MOST ENERGY DRINKS CONTAIN
BOTH HIGH LEVELS

OF SUGAR AND HIGH LEVELS
OF CAFFEINE.

MANY OF THESE ENERGY AGENTS
CAN HAVE A SIGNIFICANT

AND HIGHER AMOUNT OF CAFFEINE
THAN A TYPICAL CUP OF COFFEE,

WHICH IS USUALLY
100 MILLIGRAMS.

THIS CAN HAVE
DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS.

AT HIGHER LEVELS,
CAFFEINE CAN CAUSE

INCREASED RESPIRATORY RATE,
INCREASED HEART RATE.

announcer: TAMMY WAS
DRINKING HERSELF

INTO A HEART-HAMMERING
CAFFEINE OVERDOSE.

THINGS GOT EVEN WORSE
WHEN SHE SAW THE NEW GUY

SLIP INTO THE BOSS'S OFFICE.

SOMETHING WAS UP.

UNABLE TO RESIST,

TAMMY TOOK A PEEK...

AND DISCOVERED THE NEW GUY WAS
PASSING THE ORAL TEST

WITH FLYING COLORS.

- [gasps]

OH, MY GOD.

- GUESS WHO JUST
GOT THE PROMOTION.

- TAMMY ERUPTED.

- MR. ELLIOT, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I JUST HEARD?

I JUST HEARD
THAT YOU GAVE MY JOB--

MY PROMOTION--
TO THE NEW GUY!

announcer: HER HEART
RED-LINED

AND HER BLOOD PRESSURE
WENT THROUGH THE ROOF.

ALL FUELED BY TEN 16-OUNCE
ENERGY DRINKS.

- I CAN'T STAND YOU
AND I HOPE THAT YOU DIE!

OOH! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!

THIS IS NOT FAIR!
IT'S NOT FA--

announcer: TAMMY'S
OVER-CAFFEINATED HEART EXPLODED

AND SHE WAS DEAD BEFORE
SHE HIT THE FLOOR.

- WHEN YOU HAVE
HIGH CAFFEINE LEVELS,

THIS CAN PREDISPOSE
YOU TO ARRHYTHMIAS

AND IT MAKES THE HEART
MUCH MORE SENSITIVE

TO THE EFFECTS
OF THESE TWO AGENTS.

THIS CAN THEN CAUSE
A DEATHLY ARRHYTHMIA

AND THEN CARDIAC ARREST
AND THEN DEATH.

announcer: TAMMY JUST WANTED
TO GET AHEAD.

- IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
I CAN GET FOR YOU?

announcer: BUT WHEN
SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT...

- THIS IS NOT FAIR!
IT'S NOT FA--

announcer: SHE WOUND UP
AT A DEAD END.

- COME ON!
GET HIM!

- GET HIM!
GET HIM IN A HEADLOCK!

announcer: IT WAS WRESTLING
NIGHT AT FERNANDO'S PLACE.

EVERY WEEK,
HE WOULD GATHER HIS BUDS

FOR SOME YUCKS
AND BREWSKIES.

- YEAH!
CLOTHESLINE!

- TONIGHT, FERNANDO
HAD INVITED A NEW GUY, CHIP.

THEY HAD MET AT AN
ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS

AND FERNANDO THOUGHT
HE WOULD EXTEND

THE HAND OF FRIENDSHIP.

CHIP HAD A LOT OF PENT-UP
ANGER AND FRUSTRATION.

A LOT OF IT DUE
TO HIS FAILED AMBITIONS

AS A TV SPORTSCASTER.

- WOO-HOO!

- OH!

- THE ATOMIC ELBOW!
YEAH!

announcer: CHIP'S BEHAVIOR
HAD FERNANDO WONDERING

IF HE HAD MADE A MISTAKE.

- COME ON.
LET'S GO RIGHT NOW.

- LET'S GO!
- OH, YEAH.

COME ON.

[overlapping chatter]

YEAH!

announcer: FORGET ABOUT
ANGER MANAGEMENT.

THIS GUY NEEDED
A STRAIGHTJACKET.

- RELAX.
DAMN.

- YOU WANT SOME, BIG BOY?

- THIS PERSON ALREADY
HAS ISSUES WITH ANGER.

AND THEN WHEN
YOU COMBINE ALCOHOL WITH THIS,

IT'S A VERY BAD COMBINATION,

BECAUSE THE ALCOHOL LESSENS
THEIR IMPULSE CONTROL,

THEIR ABILITY
TO THINK THINGS THROUGH.

- OH, YOU WANT SOME MORE
OF THIS?

announcer: FINALLY,
CHIP BROUGHT THE PARTY...

AND HIMSELF TO A DEAD STOP.

IT WAS A TRIPLE WHAMMY.

THE SHATTERED GLASS RIPPED
HIS FACE TO SHREDS,

THE FORCE OF
THE BLOW BROKE HIS NECK,

AND HIS HEART TOOK
A FATAL JOLT OF ELECTRICITY

FROM THE SEVERED WIRES.

CHIP WAS UNABLE TO CONTROL HIS
HAIR-TRIGGER TEMPER.

- YEAH!

announcer: BUT IN THE END...

HE FINALLY WOUND UP...
IN TELEVISION.

- GET UP!

announcer: COMING UP...

A LITTLE OLD LADY GETS HER
HURT ON...

- OH!

announcer: AND HE HUFFED
AND HE PUFFED

AND HE BLEW HIMSELF UP.

announcer: A LITTLE OLD LADY
OUT FOR A STROLL

ENJOYING THE AUTUMN
OF HER YEARS.

IT'S A PICTURE
OF TRANQUILITY UNTIL...

SOME JERK DECIDES
TO POUNCE ON HER PURSE.

- HEY!

[indistinct]

announcer: GRANNY MIGHT
BE 74,

BUT SHE'S ALSO A FIFTH-DEGREE
BLACK BELT IN TAE KWON DO.

SHE REGULARLY
WINS COMPETITIONS

AGAINST YOUNG MEN
WITH WAY MORE

FIGHTING SKILLS
THAN THIS LOWLIFE.

THIS DUDE JUST
POPPED A WHOLE CAN

OF SENIOR-CITIZEN
WHOOP-ASS.

- GO GET HIM, GRANNY!

- YEAH!
KICK HIS ASS!

- KICK HIS ASS!

- DYNAMITE COMES
IN ALL PACKAGES--

SMALL, MEDIUM, AND LARGE.

AN ELDERLY LADY
WHO'S BEEN DOING

MARTIAL ARTS
FOR 20 OR 30 YEARS,

SHE'S ALREADY A TRAINED KILLER
AT THAT LEVEL.

announcer: THE THIEF'S
GOT NO PROBLEM

HITTING A SWEET OLD LADY.

HE LANDS SOME VICIOUS
BLOWS,

BUT THAT ONLY LIGHTS
GRANNY'S FUSE.

- DO IT!
- OH!

- YEAH!
- YOU LITTLE PRICK.

GET BACK HERE!

- OH!

[cheering]

- YES!

WOW!

- OH, MY GOD!

SHE'S KICKING HIS ASS!

[cheering]

announcer: IT WAS TIME
TO WRAP IT UP.

GRANNY HAD A DATE
WITH A DIALYSIS MACHINE.

- HIYA!
HIYA!

- OH!

announcer: SHE DELIVERS
THE GRANDMOTHER OF ALL PUNCHES

RIGHT TO HIS THROAT.

- SHE STRUCK HIM
ON THE WINDPIPE

WHERE THE ADAM'S APPLE IS,
OR THE LARYNX IS,

AND SHE GENERATED ENOUGH FORCE
TO RUPTURE THE WINDPIPE.

NOW HIS BODY WASN'T ABLE
TO SUCK IN THE AIR

THAT IT NEEDED TO LIVE ON.

- OH, THAT WAS SERIOUS, MAN.

OH, MY GOD.

announcer: GRANNY PROBABLY WOULD
HAVE INVITED HIM OVER FOR TEA.

INSTEAD, HE GOT TKO'D...

- HIYA!
- OH!

announcer: AND WOUND UP
D.O.A.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT FOOTAGE
FROM A SECURITY CAMERA

TAKEN BEHIND A WAREHOUSE
IN SEATTLE.

THE OWNER CAME IN
ONE MORNING

AND FOUND THIS DEAD BODY
LYING IN HIS ALLEY.

REWINDING THE TAPE,

TWO OTHER MALES
ARE SEEN RUNNING AWAY.

THEY WERE PICKED UP BY POLICE

WHO ALSO CONFISCATED
THEIR VIDEO CAMERA.

BY PIECING TOGETHER THE SECURITY
AND THE VIDEO FOOTAGE,

THEY WERE ABLE TO DETERMINE
WHAT HAPPENED.

- FILL THE BAG UP FOR,
LIKE, TEN SECONDS,

AND THEN HUFF IT, MAN.

announcer: THE THREE MALES

HAD BEEN OUT ENJOYING
THEIR FAVORITE PASTIME,

HUFFING.

THIS FUN ACTIVITY INVOLVES
BREATHING IN PAINT FUMES

TO GET HIGH.

- THIS IS A GOOD TIME.

WATCH.

announcer: THIS CAUSES
DIZZINESS, DISORIENTATION,

HALLUCINATIONS,
AND PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE.

- ONE BIG HIT
ON AN AEROSOL CAN,

THE HIGH
WILL PROBABLY LAST YOU

ABOUT 6 TO 71/2 MINUTES.

YOU CAN GET SO HIGH
THAT YOU THINK YOU SEE WHALES

GOING OVER RAINBOWS.

YOU CAN DO A LOT OF HUFFING

AND GET PROGRESSIVELY
HIGHER AND HIGHER AND HIGHER,

BUT THEN YOU ALSO GET
DUMBER AND DUMBER AND DUMBER.

- IS THAT, LIKE,
NOT THE BEST STUFF EVER, MAN?

- IS IT BAD IF YOU CAN'T
HEAR YOUR EARS?

- [chuckles]

- WHOA, WHAT'S THIS?

announcer: WHILE TAGGING
THE WAREHOUSE WALL

WITH GRAFFITI,

THEY CAME ACROSS A BOX
OF UNLABELED LIQUIDS.

- LOOK.

announcer: WHICH WERE
LATER DETERMINED

TO BE INDUSTRIAL-GRADE
SOLVENTS.

- WHAT ARE-- OH!

announcer: THEIR FUMES
ARE FAR MORE POWERFUL

THAN AEROSOL PAINT CANS.

- SNIFF THE FUMES
FROM IT, MAN.

IT GETS YOU, LIKE, HIGHER.

YOU KNOW-- YOU--

announcer: ONE OF THEM
DECIDED TO SOAK HIMSELF

WITH THE TOXIC LIQUIDS
IN ORDER TO BREATHE THE FUMES

DIRECTLY OFF HIS CLOTHING.

BUT THE FAST-EVAPORATING
SOLVENTS

SUCKED THE HEAT
RIGHT OUT OF HIS BODY.

- DUDE, THIS STUFF
IS COLD, MAN.

announcer: ONLY A BRAIN-DAMAGED
PAINT HUFFER

WOULD ASK THIS NEXT QUESTION.

- HEY, YOU GOT
THE LIGHTER ON YOU?

- DO IT, DO IT, DO IT.
- ALL RIGHT, LIGHT IT.

- YOU READY?
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- OH, MY GOD.

- DUDE, DUDE.

- GET ON THE FLOOR!
GET ON THE FLOOR!

- ROLL-- ROLL AROUND.

- FIVE-SECOND BURN CAN POSSIBLY
CAUSE A SECOND-DEGREE BURN,

AND MAYBE A TEN-SECOND BURN
WOULD PROBABLY LEAD

TO A THIRD-DEGREE
OR FOURTH,

DEPENDING ON THE TEMPERATURE
OF THE SUBSTANCE.

THIS PUTS HIM IN
A HYPERMETABOLIC STATE.

WITH INCREASED HEART RATE,
INCREASED RESPIRATORY RATE,

INCREASED TEMPERATURE,
THEY LOSE A LOT OF PROTEINS

AND FLUIDS, WHICH THEN
WOULD EVENTUALLY LEAD TO DEATH.

- DUDE, I THINK HE'S DEAD.

- OH, MY GOD.
WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.

announcer: THE RESULTS
OF THE INVESTIGATION:

THE TWO ACCOMPLICES
WERE CHARGED WITH MANSLAUGHTER.

- GO, GO, GO.

announcer:
THE THIRD HUFFER,

HE WENT STRAIGHT
TO THE MORGUE.

UP NEXT, A SWORDSMAN
HITS THE JUICE.

AND PILL-POPPING HOT-TUBBERS

GET RUB-A-DUBBED OUT.

announcer: WE COME UPON
A STRANGE AND GRISLY SCENE.

A YOUNG COUPLE
IN THE PRIME OF THEIR LIFE

LYING DEAD IN THEIR HOT TUB.

IT WOULD LATER BE DETERMINED

THEY WERE BOILED ALIVE.

- CHAMPAGNE.

announcer: THESE TWO
LOVED THE GOOD LIFE.

- AND LOBSTER.

- OH.

announcer: THEY ALSO ENJOYED
THE HIGH LIFE.

THEY WOULD SWALLOW
A MOUTHFUL OF PAINKILLERS...

CLIMB INTO THE HOT TUB...

[both laughing]

POP A BOTTLE OF BUBBLY...

AND DRIFT AWAY,

NUMB, DUMB,
AND FULL OF COM-FORT.

THEY WERE PLAYING WITH FIRE.

THE RISING WATER TEMPERATURE
WAS MAGNIFYING THE EFFECTS

OF THE BOOZE AND DRUGS.

- CAN YOU FEEL IT, BABY?

- [moans]

- THE ENZYMES THAT METABOLIZE
DRUGS IN YOUR BODY

ARE MADE TO FUNCTION
AT A CERTAIN TEMPERATURE,

AND THAT'S BODY TEMPERATURE.

CORE BODY TEMPERATURE INCREASES
THE ENZYMES THAT REMOVE

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL FROM YOUR BODY
DON'T FUNCTION AS WELL,

AND SO YOU'LL END UP
GETTING A HIGHER LEVEL

OF THE DRUG IN YOUR BODY.

- IS IT TOO HOT IN HERE?

announcer: THINGS STILL
MIGHT HAVE TURNED OUT OKAY

EXCEPT FOR
A BROKEN THERMOSTAT.

110 DEGREES IS AS HOT
AS A HOT TUB SHOULD EVER GET.

BUT WITH NOTHING
TO KEEP IT IN CHECK,

THE TEMPERATURE KEPT CLIMBING.

ALL THEY HAD TO DO
WAS GET OUT.

BUT THEY WERE TOO DAMN WASTED.

- I FEEL GOOD.

announcer: BY THE TIME
THE WATER HIT 150 DEGREES,

THEY WERE ALREADY SUFFERING
FROM FIRST-DEGREE BURNS.

WHEN THE TEMPERATURE
REACHED 175,

TISSUE-DAMAGING
SECOND-DEGREE BURNS SET IN.

SOON AFTER,
THEY WENT INTO SHOCK.

- SHOCK MEANS THAT YOUR BODY

DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH
BLOOD PRESSURE.

BECAUSE
THE FLUID LEVEL IS LOW,

THE HEART DOESN'T WORK,
IT GOES INTO SHOCK.

announcer: DRUGS...

[both laughing]

ALCOHOL,
AND A BROKEN SWITCH

CREATED A PERFECTLY
DEADLY STORM.

- ARE YOU FEELING IT, BABY?

announcer: WHEN THEIR BODIES
WERE FINALLY DISCOVERED,

THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT
BUT STONED SOUP.

- WHY ARE YOU RUNNING, MAN?

HEAD SHOT.

announcer: GREG AND TYLER
WERE A COUPLE

OF JAPANESE-AMERICAN KIDS

LIVING OUT THE SUBURBAN DREAMS
OF THEIR IMMIGRANT PARENTS.

- OHH!
- GAME OVER.

- KNIFED YOU IN THE THROAT.

announcer:
BUT LIKE A LOT OF KIDS,

THEY WERE BORED AND RESTLESS.

- PSSH.

- I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE AT.

announcer: TO KILL TIME,

THEY PLAYED VIDEO GAMES

AND WATCHED SAMURAI FLICKS.

- LOOK AT HOW FAST
HE'S SPINNING THAT THING.

- PSSH.

- SAMURAI IS
A JAPANESE WARRIOR

OF THE MILITARY CLASS.

AND THEY WERE TRAINED
IN MARTIAL ARTS

BASICALLY TO PROTECT THE SHOGUN
AND THE EMPEROR OF JAPAN.

- I THINK WE COULD DO THAT.

- I THINK I COULD DO THAT.

- I COULD THAT BETTER.

announcer: GREG AND TYLER
HAD REACHED THE POINT

OF SAMURAI SATURATION.

THEY GOT IT INTO THEIR HEADS
THAT WHAT THEY SAW ON SCREEN

THEY COULD DO IN REAL LIFE.

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

announcer:
NEVER A GOOD IDEA.

- HA.

YES!

- [grunts]

- DUDE, THAT WAS MY MOM'S
FAVORITE LAMP.

- WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

announcer: WHAT STARTED OUT
AS ROUGHHOUSING FUN

BECAME THE REAL THING.

AND THOSE WERE REAL
SAMURAI SWORDS

TYLER'S FATHER COLLECTED.

[both grunting]

TODAY'S YOUTH
OR ANCIENT JAPANESE SAMURAI,

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A FIGHT

WHEN PRIDE AND HONOR
ARE AT STAKE.

[both grunting]

- HONOR IS VERY IMPORTANT

BECAUSE A SAMURAI
WOULD RATHER DIE

THAT BE CAPTURED OR HAVE
A DISHONORABLE DEATH.

YOU DON'T FEAR DEATH AT ALL.

announcer: INTO THE BACKYARD
WENT THE WANNABE SAMURAI.

[both grunting]

THEY WERE IN OVER THEIR HEADS,

BUT NEITHER
WAS WILLING TO BACK DOWN.

GREG WAS READY
TO DELIVER THE DEATH BLOW.

BUT WAS CUT SHORT
BY A HIGH-VOLTAGE POWER LINE.

240 VOLTS
OF HEART-STOPPING JUICE

FINALLY PUT AN END
TO THE MADNESS.

- ELECTRICITY WILL TRAVEL

THROUGH PATHS
OF LEAST RESISTANCE.

USUALLY THIS IS THROUGH
BLOOD VESSELS OR NERVES.

THESE INJURIES CAN CAUSE
CARDIAC ARREST,

AND THAT'S THE MOST COMMON
CAUSE OF DEATH.

announcer: GREG AND TYLER
THOUGHT THEY COULD BE SAMURAI.

- I COULD DO THAT BETTER.

announcer:
THEY SHOULD HAVE KEPT

A TIGHT GRIP ON THEIR
GAME CONTROLLERS

AND STAYED AWAY
FROM THE SWORDS.

NEXT UP...

- HEY, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,
SANTA CLAUS?

announcer:
A MEAN OLD SCROOGE

TAKES HIS LUMPS.

announcer:
THEY SAY THE HOLIDAYS

ARE THE HARDEST TIME
TO BE ALONE.

BOB WAS AN ELDERLY WIDOWER
WHO HAD NO FAMILY OR FRIENDS

TO SHARE THE SEASON'S JOY.

carolers:
* SILENT NIGHT

announcer: BUT ONE
COLD, RAINY CHRISTMAS EVE,

BOB WAS SURPRISED TO HEAR
THE SWEET VOICES OF CAROLERS.

- * ALL IS CALM,
ALL IS BRIGHT *

announcer: BOB SMILED.

NOT BECAUSE THIS IDYLLIC SCENE
WARMED HIS HEART.

- * ROUND YON VIRGIN

announcer: HE SMILED BECAUSE
IT WAS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

TO GET RID OF
ALL HIS ROTTEN FRUIT.

- HEY!

announcer: YOU SEE,
BOB WAS A TOTAL SCROOGE.

- HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,
SANTA CLAUSE?

HO, HO, HO!
announcer: HE HATED CHRISTMAS.

COULDN'T STAND
CHRISTMAS CAROLERS

AND EVEN SANTA WAS
ON HIS GREATEST HIT LIST.

- COME ON, GO.
GO.

- YEAH!

announcer: BUT THEN, AFTER
GETTING RID

OF THE GOOD CHEER CROWD,

THE WEATHER,
LIKE HIS HEART, GOT UGLY.

[thunder crashing]

IT TURNED FROM
FREEZING RAIN TO HAIL.

- SO IN A POWERFUL STORM,
YOU HAVE AIR RUSHING UPWARDS,

FORCING HUGE AMOUNTS OF WATER
VAPOR TO CONDENSE TO LIQUID.

NOW, WE INTRODUCE
ICE PARTICLES BECOMING BIGGER

AND BECOMING HEAVIER.

AND THEN FINALLY FALLING OUT
OF THE CLOUD DOWN TO THE EARTH.

IF YOU GET HIT BY HAIL,
IT'S GONNA HURT.

announcer:
BOB DIDN'T GET HIT...

HE GOT CLOBBERED.

A FREAK OF NATURE
TWO-POUND HAILSTONE

FRACTURED HIS OLD
AND BRITTLE EGGSHELL SCULL.

- THE LARGEST HAILSTONE
WEIGHED ABOUT TWO POUNDS.

THAT WILL FALL AT
ABOUT 100 MILES PER HOUR.

announcer:
BOB WAS A GRUMPY, OLD MAN.

NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
- HO, HO, HO.

announcer: BUT IF YOU DON'T
BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS...

- HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,
SANTA CLAUS?

announcer: JUST
GET THE HAIL OUT OF HERE.

- IT'S ORIGINAL!