1000 Ways to Die (2008–2012): Season 2, Episode 10 - You're Dead! LOL! - full transcript
A moron gets smoked by cigarettes; a remote glider crashes into the owner; a reject boyfriend gets rejected; a dog walker gets hounded to death; a biker causes a riot and the Samurai Death Squad loses a member.
male announcer: IF YOU'RE
WATCHING THIS,
CHANCES ARE YOU'RE
STILL ALIVE.
THAT'S MORE THAN CAN
BE SAID FOR...
THE DOG WALKER WHO THOUGHT
LIFE WAS A DRAG...
OR THE REMOTE GLIDER PILOT
WHO LOST HIS PLANE
AND THEN FOUND IT.
HOW ABOUT THE WOMAN WHO
GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FLOOR...
OR THE DUDE WHO WANTED
A CIGARETTE
AND WOUND UP SMOKED?
THEN THERE'S
THE JAPANESE KIDS
WHO PLAYED SAMURAI
AND LOST.
AND FINALLY, THERE'S THE DANCER
WHO GOT RIPPED OFF.
PINCH YOURSELF.
IT'S HERE AND IT'S QUEER.
IT'S THE NEXT EPISODE
OF...
1,000 WAYS TO DIE.
[rock music]
DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.
MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.
OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT
OF ITS WAY.
EVERY DAY WE FIGHT
A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS...
TOXINS...
INJURY...
ILLNESS...
AND CATASTROPHE.
THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS
TO WIND UP DEAD.
THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE
AT ALL IS A MIRACLE...
BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE,
WE FACE...
ON A DESOLATE SLAB
OF L.A. CONCRETE,
A STRANGE RITUAL IS UNDERWAY.
IT'S A MEETING
OF AN UNDERGROUND CLUB
CALLED THE SAMURAI
DEATH SQUAD.
THIS CLUB
IS A TWISTED EXCUSE
FOR A BUNCH
OF JAPANESE-AMERICANS TO EXPLORE
AN ANCIENT JAPANESE CODE
OF CONDUCT CALLED BUSHIDO.
- THE CODE OF BUSHIDO
IS A SAMURAI CODE.
IT IS THE WAY OF THE WARRIOR.
IT TEACHES YOU LOYALTY,
HONOR, RESPECT.
IT GOES BACK TO MAYBE
660 B.C.
announcer: THE GUYS WEAR
TRADITIONAL SAMURAI OUTFITS
AND PLAY DANGEROUS GAMES
OF CHICKEN
IN THEIR CUSTOMIZED TUNERS.
THE GIRLS SHOW UP IN SLUTTY
SCHOOLGIRL OUTFITS
AND STAND AROUND LOOKING HOT.
ONE OF THE CLUB'S REGULARS
GOES ALL OUT
WITH HER COSTUME AND MAKEUP.
SHE CALLS HERSELF
THE GEISHA GODDESS OF DEATH.
- [screams]
announcer: THIS MEETING
OF THE SAMURAI DEATH SQUAD
FEATURES A SHOWDOWN BETWEEN TWO
OF THE CLUB'S LONGTIME MEMBERS.
- BUSHIDO.
announcer: AND A GUY
KNOWN AS...
- BUSHIDO.
announcer: EACH HANGS OUT
THE WINDOW OF A DRIFT CAR,
SPEAR IN HAND, AND ENGAGES
IN A MODERN DAY VERSION
OF JOUSTING.
[tires squeal]
THE IDEA IS TO COME AS CLOSE AS
THEY CAN TO INFLICTING INJURY
WHILE LOOKING COOL
AND COURAGEOUS.
- [screams]
announcer: THINGS GET
OUT OF HAND
WHEN BERZERKO PIERCES
KNOCKAMORA'S SHOULDER...
DRAWING BLOOD.
ON THE NEXT PASS,
KNOCKAMORA TRIES
TO SLICE HIM BACK...
BUT MISSES HIS MARK AND
ACCIDENTALLY RUNS HIS SPEAR
RIGHT INTO BERZERKO'S EYE AND
OUT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD
AND BLEEDS OUT UPON
HIS WHITE STEED.
- THE PENETRATING OBJECT EITHER
DIRECTLY SEVERS AN ARTERY
OR IT CAUSES A STRETCH AND
CONTUSION INJURY IN THE BRAIN
THAT LEADS TO A VERY
RAPID BLEEDING AND THAT--
THE TWO CAN THEN COMBINE TO PUT
PRESSURE ON THE BRAIN
AND IT CAN PUSH IT THROUGH SOME
OF THE INTERNAL HOLES
INSIDE THE SKULL AND THAT LEADS
TO RAPID DEATH.
announcer: THE DEATH SQUAD
DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER.
IF YOU PRETEND
TO BE A SAMURAI...
YOU MIGHT WIND UP
DYING LIKE ONE.
[elevator bell rings]
- HOW IS IT--
announcer: DO YOU EVER GET
ON AN ELEVATOR
AND WONDER, "WHAT IF"?
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
TO HEATHER
AND SHE WAS EXTREMELY
CLAUSTROPHOBIC.
- I NEED TO GET OUT
OF HERE NOW.
- A PHOBIA IS
AN IRRATIONAL FEAR.
IN THEIR MIND,
THEY'RE HAVING ALL SORTS
OF SCENARIOS PLAY OUT
OF, "WHAT WILL HAPPEN
IF THIS ELEVATOR STOPS?"
AND, "WHAT WILL HAPPEN
IF I CAN'T GET OUT?"
announcer: BESIDES
CLAUSTROPHOBIA,
THERE'S ANOTHER THING YOU NEED
TO KNOW ABOUT HEATHER.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU'VE
DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN.
announcer: SHE WAS A MAJOR
BITCH ON WHEELS.
- DID YOU EVEN GO TO COLLEGE?
BECAUSE THIS IS KIND OF AWFUL.
announcer: HER NASTY
CRUEL STREAK
AND RELENTLESS AMBITION
HAD BROUGHT HER
TO THE TOP OF THE COMPANY,
BUT SHE LEFT
A TRAIL OF RESENTMENT
IN HER WAKE.
- SHE SLEPT WITH HIM AND NOW
SHE'S COMING IN HERE
AND JUST CHANGING EVERYTHING.
- HI.
- HI.
announcer: IT WAS UNANIMOUS.
ANYONE WHO WORKED UNDER HEATHER
COULDN'T STAND HER.
- OH, MY GOD.
announcer: SHE LORDED
OVER HER UNDERLINGS
LIKE THE WICKED WITCH
OF THE WEST
AND FED OFF THEIR
INTENSE HATRED.
- OH, DON'T MAKE THAT
SAD FACE.
[elevator bell rings]
announcer: NOW BACK
TO THE ELEVATOR.
- OH, MY GOD.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
WHAT WAS THAT?
WAS THAT NORMAL?
announcer: HER EMPLOYEES WERE
SURPRISED TO SEE
THE ALWAYS CONFIDENT UBER-BITCH
FREAKING OUT.
- I NEED TO GET OUT
OF HERE NOW.
announcer: IF SHE WANTED OUT,
THEY WERE MORE THAN HAPPY
TO GET RID OF HER.
- COME ON!
CAN SOMEONE OPEN THIS?
I NEED TO GET OUT.
- [grunts]
PUSH.
- IN THE CASE OF AN ELEVATOR
BEING STUCK BETWEEN FLOORS,
I WOULD SAY THE WORST THING
THAT YOU COULD DO
IS ACTUALLY TRY TO GET OUT
OF THAT ELEVATOR.
announcer: THEN ANOTHER
PASSENGER CAME ON BOARD
THE ELEVATOR SIGHT UNSEEN.
HIS NAME?
LET'S CALL HIM FATE.
- [screams]
announcer: THE HYDRAULIC BRAKES
ON THE ELEVATOR CAR RELEASED
THE EMERGENCY BACKUP BRAKES
KICKED IN,
BUT NOT BEFORE HEATHER
WAS CRUSHED.
ON HER WAY UP, HEATHER STEPPED
ON EVERYONE'S BACKS.
THAT'S WHY NO TEARS WERE SHED
WHEN SHE BROKE HER OWN.
OKAY, KIDS, LISTEN UP.
CIGARETTES CAN KILL YOU.
[gunshot]
AND REMEMBER,
WHAT GOES UP
MUST COME DOWN.
IT'S UP NEXT.
announcer: TAKE TWO YOUNG,
HEALTHY MALES,
A HOT SUMMER DAY,
AND A COOLER FULL OF COLD BEER
AND WHAT DO YOU GET?
- I AM SO WASTED.
announcer: CONDITION RED
ON THE STUPID METER.
- YOU STILL GOING OUT
WITH THAT FAT CHICK?
- SHE'S NOT THAT FAT.
- I THINK, TYPICALLY,
YOUNGER PEOPLE
TEND TO THINK THAT
THEY WILL LIVE FOREVER
AND THEY DON'T HAVE A VERY GOOD
ESTIMATE OF THEIR RISK.
IT'S VERY EASY
IN TODAY'S SOCIETY
TO LOOK AT YOUNG PEOPLE
AND SAY,
"WELL, THESE ARE JUST
SMALL ADULTS."
BUT THEY'RE NOT.
THEY'RE REALLY--
THEY'RE CHILDREN.
announcer: DICKIE AND DONNY HAD
BEEN BEST FRIENDS
SINCE KINDERGARTEN.
- CAN I PLEASE
HAVE A CIGARETTE?
- YEAH, IF YOU DON'T
MESS IT UP THIS TIME.
announcer: EACH DID THINGS THAT
DROVE THE OTHER CRAZY.
DICKIE'S PET PEEVE WAS HOW DONNY
ALWAYS BUMMED
CIGARETTES OFF HIM WHILE NEVER
BUYING HIS OWN.
- DUDE, I NEED ANOTHER ONE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I'M SORRY.
announcer: IT DROVE HIM NUTS.
- DUDE, YOU GOT A WHOLE PACK.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S HARD
FOR YOU.
- YEAH, I HAVE A WHOLE PACK.
NO MORE FOR YOU.
- MM-HMM.
announcer: WATCHING DONNY
GETTING WASTED
AND RACING THROUGH HIS SMOKES
HAD LIT DICKIE'S FIRE.
- WE'RE ALMOST OUT BECAUSE YOU
KEEP BREAKING THEM ALL.
announcer: IT WAS TIME
TO TAKE ACTION.
HE TOOK A SHOTGUN SHELL AND
REPLACED THE PELLETS
WITH THREE CIGARETTES.
MEANWHILE, DONNY WAS DOING WHAT
DONNY DID BEST.
- [coughs]
announcer: GETTING FALLING-OVER,
PASSING-OUT DRUNK.
- [giggling]
HEY! HEY!
WAKE UP!
COME ON!
YOU WANT SOME CIGARETTES?
THERE YOU GO.
YOU WANT SOME CIGARETTES?
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY, OPEN UP.
WIDER.
announcer: IF HIS BUDDY
WANTED CIGARETTES,
DICKIE WAS READY TO SHOVE THEM
DOWN HIS THROAT.
- ALL RIGHT.
- OUR SOCIETY ALLOWS PEOPLE
TO POSSESS
AND TO USE FIREARMS
FOR LEGAL PURPOSES.
GUNS SHOULD NEVER
BE POINTED AT ANYONE
OR ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T
INTEND TO KILL.
- HERE THEY COME!
[gunshot]
announcer: PELLETS FIRED
FROM A SHOTGUN
CAN HIT SPEEDS
OF 1,200 FEET PER SECOND.
THAT'S ABOUT 800 MILES
PER HOUR--
ENOUGH TO TURN
SIMPLE CIGARETTES
INTO BONE-PIERCING
COFFIN NAILS.
IT'S A WELL-KNOWN FACT
CIGARETTES WILL KILL YOU.
DICKIE JUST FOUND A DIFFERENT
WAY TO GET THE JOB DONE.
[gunshot]
ON A BEAUTIFUL CLIFFSIDE SPOT
IN SAN PEDRO, CALIFORNIA,
IF THE WIND IS RIGHT,
YOU'RE BOUND TO FIND
THIS GUY FLYING
HIS REMOTE CONTROL GLIDER.
- DYNAMIC SOARING UTILIZES
THE WEIGHT OF THE GLIDER
PLUS THE WIND
AND THEY FLY IN--
INTO, LIKE, A GIANT CIRCLE.
SO WHEN YOU'RE FLYING,
YOU GO INTO THE WIND,
OUT OF THE WIND,
INTO THE WIND.
AND EVERY TIME IT ENTERS IN,
IT KEEPS ON INCREASING SPEED.
THEY SET A NEW SPEED RECORD
JUST RECENTLY
IN CALIFORNIA
AT 399 MILES AN HOUR.
announcer: JOHN WATSON WAS
A WELL-KNOWN CHARACTER
AROUND HERE.
MAKE THAT PUBLIC NUISANCE.
- DUDE, WATCH IT!
- [screams]
announcer: HE WAS ONCE
A DECORATED
DESERT STORM FIGHTER PILOT.
HE RETURNED HOME AND FLEW
COMMERCIAL AIRLINERS
UNTIL HE DRANK HIMSELF
OUT OF THE BUSINESS.
- YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEBODY!
announcer: NOW HE SPENDS
HIS DAYS HITTING
HIS BOTTOMLESS FLASK
AND STRAFING THE LOCALS.
- GONNA CUT SOMEBODY'S HEAD OFF,
YOU JERK!
- YOU NEED TO REALLY RESPECT
THE R.C. GLIDERS
WHEN YOU'RE FLYING THEM
OR ANY TYPE OF REMOTE CONTROL.
IF YOU GET HIT BY A GLIDER THAT
WEIGHS IN EXCESS OF 30 POUNDS,
IT'S STRONG AS STEEL,
SO IF IT HITS YOU,
IT COULD KILL YOU.
announcer: ON THIS DAY,
JOHN JUST GOT TOO DRUNK.
HE LOST HIS PLANE
IN THE SUN...
AND THEN HE FOUND IT.
- A LARGE, HEAVY PROJECTILE
IS COMING THROUGH.
SO IT'S GONNA COME THROUGH.
IT'S GONNA PUNCTURE THE HEART.
IT'S GONNA RIP THAT UP.
THE LUNGS.
IT'S GONNA CUT THOSE UP.
IT'S GONNA COME STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE CHEST.
IT'S GONNA CAUSE A LOT
OF INTERNAL BLEEDING,
A LOT OF DAMAGE.
announcer: JOHN USED TO PUNCH
HOLES IN THE CLOUDS
UNTIL HE GOT SO DRUNK...
HE PUNCHED HIMSELF...OUT.
COMING UP...
- BITCH!
announcer: A JERK PASSES
OUT ON HIS OWN GAS,
AND A GROUP OF DOGS
TURN ON THEIR WALKER.
IT'S THE "LEASHED"
THEY COULD DO.
announcer: IT HAPPENS,
BUT YOU ALWAYS WONDER WHY.
- WHERE'S DINNER?
- UM--
- DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK
TO ME!
announcer: WHY WOULD A PRETTY
GIRL LIKE JULIE
WIND UP WITH A MEAN,
FAT LOSER LIKE MARK?
- FALLING IN LOVE IS EASY.
STAYING IN LOVE
IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT.
SO WHEN WE GET TO THAT PLACE
WHERE WE JUST--
WE'RE JUST SO ANGRY
AND WE'RE JUST--
WE JUST FEEL LIKE
WE'RE GONNA EXPLODE.
WE REALLY DO, IN SOME WAYS,
LOSE CONTROL.
announcer: JULIE MADE A MISTAKE,
BUT SHE WASN'T STUPID.
SHE DUMPED HIS LARD ASS
AND FOUND A NICE GUY.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
SHE'S OUT ON A DATE?
announcer: REJECTION DIDN'T SIT
WELL WITH THIS JERK,
SO WHEN A BUDDY
TIPPED HIM OFF...
- WELL, SO FAR THE PARENTS
HAVE ALL BEEN GREAT.
announcer: MARK WENT LOOKING
FOR PAYBACK.
[honks horn]
- YOU BITCH!
- YEAH, NOBODY LIKES
TO BE DUMPED OR REJECTED.
WE REALLY ALL HAVE A PRETTY
STRONG REACTION TO THAT,
SO WHEN SOMEBODY DUMPS US,
BREAKS UP WITH US,
YOU KNOW, IT SUCKS.
- I HAD SUCH A FUN TIME
AT THE BEACH THE OTHER DAY.
announcer: HE WAS TOO MUCH
OF A COWARD
TO CONFRONT THEM
FACE TO FACE,
SO HE PLANNED ON PELTING THEM
WITH HIS PAINTBALL GUN
AND DRIVING OFF.
- AWW, YEAH.
announcer: BUT WHILE HE WAITED
FOR HIS TARGETS TO EMERGE,
MARK BEGAN
TO FEEL LIGHT-HEADED.
HIS EYES STARTED TO BLUR.
HE WAS ON THE VERGE
OF PASSING OUT.
THE CAUSE OF THE MARK'S
PUZZLING DETERIORATION?
WHEN HE PARKED HIS CAR,
HE BACKED HIS EXHAUST PIPE
UP AGAINST A PILE OF TRASH AND
LEFT THE ENGINE RUNNING
TO MAKE A QUICK GETAWAY.
WITH THE WINDOWS CLOSED
AND THE TAIL PIPE PLUGGED,
THE INSIDE
OF THE CAR FILLED
WITH HIGHLY TOXIC CARBON
MONOXIDE AND MARK BLACKED OUT.
[horn honks]
- CARBON MONOXIDE IS QUANTIFIED
IN PARTS PER MILLION.
SO WHAT WE'RE BREATHING RIGHT
NOW IS PROBABLY
.1 PARTS PER MILLION.
BUT CAR EXHAUST IS ABOUT
7,000 PARTS PER MILLION.
THE PATIENT WILL
BECOME UNCONSCIOUS
AND A FEW MINUTES LATER,
THE HEART
WILL PROBABLY
HAVE AN ARRHYTHMIA
AN EVENTUALLY ARREST.
DEATH CAN OCCUR
IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES.
announcer: MARK DIDN'T
KNOW HOW GOOD HE HAD IT.
- DO NOT TURN
YOUR BACK TO ME!
announcer: MAYBE IF HE'D
BEEN A NICE GUY
HE WOULDN'T HAVE
WOUND UP A DEAD ONE.
[horn honks]
MARNIE WAS IN A BIND.
- STOP!
GET OVER HERE.
REALLY. RIGHT NOW.
announcer: SHE WAS OUT
OF WORK AND DESPERATE.
SO SHE SIGNED
ON AS A DOG WALKER.
- STUPID DOGS!
announcer: BUT MARNIE
HATED DOGS.
- I HATE YOU ALL.
YOU ESPECIALLY.
announcer: AND THE CUTE
LITTLE BOWSERS
PICKED UP ON HER BAD
DOGGIE VIBES.
- DOGS DEFINITELY CAN SENSE WHEN
A HUMAN DOESN'T LIKE THEM.
WHAT THEY'RE DOING
IS THEY'RE SMELLING
THAT HUMAN'S FEAR.
DOGS KEY OFF OUR EMOTIONS.
WHATEVER EMOTION
A HUMAN BEING IS THINKING
IS GONNA COME OUT THROUGH
A VOCAL PATTERN.
- THIS IS NOT WORKING FOR ME!
announcer: THE MORE FRUSTRATED
MARNIE BECAME,
THE WORSE THE DOGS BEHAVED.
- RIDICULOUS!
announcer: IT WAS TURNING INTO
THE DOG WALK FROM HELL.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, KEEP BARKING.
announcer: AND AS SOON AS SHE
GOT THEM INSIDE THE DOG PARK,
ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.
THE DOGS DECIDED
TO SHOW HER
HOW MUCH OF A DRAG
THEY COULD REALLY BE.
- SOMEBODY HELP!
- REMEMBER, DOGS CAN SMELL FEAR.
DOGS ARE FEEDING
OFF THE MOVEMENTS
AND THE SMELL OF EACH OTHER.
announcer: WITH A LEASH WRAPPED
AROUND HER WRIST,
MARNIE WAS UNABLE
TO BREAK FREE.
- HELP!
- THAT GIRL'S GETTING DRUG
BY DOGS!
announcer: HER DOGMA WAS
ABOUT TO RUN HEAD-ON
INTO HER BAD KARMA.
MARNIE'S HEAD SLAMMED
INTO THE TREE
RIGHT AT
THE TEMPORAL LOBE,
THE MOST VULNERABLE PART
OF THE BRAIN.
- THE MOST SENSITIVE PART
OF THE BRAIN FOR FRACTURE
IS USUALLY THE TEMPORAL AREA,
WHICH IS THE SIDE OF THE SKULL,
WHICH IS VERY THIN.
WHEN FRACTURES OCCUR HERE,
THE MIDDLE MENINGEAL ARTERY
CAN BE SEVERED CAUSING BLEEDING
INTO THE BRAIN
AND THEN PUSHING
THE BRAIN DOWN
THROUGH THE BASE
OF THE SKULL.
announcer: WHETHER OR NOT YOU
BELIEVE IN THINGS
LIKE FATE OR DESTINY,
MARNIE'S UNFORTUNATE DEMISE...
CERTAINLY GIVES ONE..."PAWS."
NEXT, IT'S BEEN
SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.
BIKERS TIMES BOOZE DIVIDED
BY BOOBS EQUALS...
TOTAL MAYHEM.
announcer: IF YOU WANT
TO WITNESS
THE CRUDEST ASPECTS
OF HUMAN NATURE,
JUST GO TO THE BIKER RALLY
HELD EVERY AUGUST
IN STURGIS, SOUTH DAKOTA.
[cheering]
AND IF YOU WANT THE NASTIEST BAR
IN A TOWN
IN A TOWN FILLED
WITH NASTY BARS,
YOU CAN'T DO BETTER OR WORSE
THAN THE TWO STROKE.
[cheering]
THE TWO STROKE WAS PACKED
WITH ITS TYPICAL GANG
OF UGLY DUDES
AND THEIR CHICKS.
THEY WERE HERE
FOR TWO REASONS.
THE CHEAP BOOZE...
AND THE HOT DANCERS.
[cheering]
NOBODY COULD LIGHT UP A STAGE
BETTER THAN THE STROKERS.
WITH THIS BUNCH
OF ONE-PERCENTERS,
NO BUMP OR GRIND
WENT UNAPPRECIATED.
[cheering]
MOOSE WAS THE GIRLS'
BIGGEST FAN,
BUT HE WAS ALSO A TOTALLY GROSS,
SEXIST PIG.
THE GIRLS COULD DO WITHOUT MOOSE
AND HIS MONEY.
- YEAH!
- THAT'S RIGHT!
- YEAH!
- HE COULD STUFF IT BACK
UP HIS WALLET
FOR ALL THEY CARED.
YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS
WITH A MOOSE WHEN HE'S RUNNING.
THE ANGRY BIKER WENT WHERE
NO MAN SHOULD EVER GO...
AND BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN
UPON HIMSELF.
[angry reactions]
- PEOPLE LOSE SIGHT
OF WHO THEY ARE
AND THEY JUST
FOLLOW THE GROUP
AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT HAPPENED HERE.
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
AN OPENING OCCURS.
A WOMAN WITHOUT HER TOP.
AND THE FRENZY BEGINS AND PEOPLE
CAN'T CONTROL THEMSELVES.
announcer: IT WAS A CLASSIC
EXAMPLE OF HERD BEHAVIOR.
WITHOUT KNOWING
WHAT THEY WERE DOING,
THE RABID MOB RUSHED
THE STAGE,
TRAMPLING THE DOWNED BIKER.
BOOT AFTER HEAVY
BIKER BOOT
BROKE HIS RIBS,
CRACKED HIS BACK,
AND FINALLY SNAPPED HIS NECK.
- YOU COULD GET
CRUSH INJURIES.
THE PRESSURES CAN BEAR
DOWN AGAINST YOU.
THE BONES CAN SNAP.
THEY CAN ACT LIKE LANCERS,
WHICH CAN RIP
THROUGH THE MUSCLES
OR THE TISSUE.
YOU CAN GET TEARS IN THE LUNGS,
THE BLOOD VESSELS,
THE HEART, AND SLOWLY THE LIFE
FORCES GET SUCKED OUT OF YOU.
announcer: HE WAS JUST A BAD BOY
LOOKING FOR FUN,
BUT HE CROSSED THE LINE
AND WOUND UP A MOOSE...
CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS.
- * IT'S ORIGINAL
WATCHING THIS,
CHANCES ARE YOU'RE
STILL ALIVE.
THAT'S MORE THAN CAN
BE SAID FOR...
THE DOG WALKER WHO THOUGHT
LIFE WAS A DRAG...
OR THE REMOTE GLIDER PILOT
WHO LOST HIS PLANE
AND THEN FOUND IT.
HOW ABOUT THE WOMAN WHO
GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FLOOR...
OR THE DUDE WHO WANTED
A CIGARETTE
AND WOUND UP SMOKED?
THEN THERE'S
THE JAPANESE KIDS
WHO PLAYED SAMURAI
AND LOST.
AND FINALLY, THERE'S THE DANCER
WHO GOT RIPPED OFF.
PINCH YOURSELF.
IT'S HERE AND IT'S QUEER.
IT'S THE NEXT EPISODE
OF...
1,000 WAYS TO DIE.
[rock music]
DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.
MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.
OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT
OF ITS WAY.
EVERY DAY WE FIGHT
A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS...
TOXINS...
INJURY...
ILLNESS...
AND CATASTROPHE.
THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS
TO WIND UP DEAD.
THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE
AT ALL IS A MIRACLE...
BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE,
WE FACE...
ON A DESOLATE SLAB
OF L.A. CONCRETE,
A STRANGE RITUAL IS UNDERWAY.
IT'S A MEETING
OF AN UNDERGROUND CLUB
CALLED THE SAMURAI
DEATH SQUAD.
THIS CLUB
IS A TWISTED EXCUSE
FOR A BUNCH
OF JAPANESE-AMERICANS TO EXPLORE
AN ANCIENT JAPANESE CODE
OF CONDUCT CALLED BUSHIDO.
- THE CODE OF BUSHIDO
IS A SAMURAI CODE.
IT IS THE WAY OF THE WARRIOR.
IT TEACHES YOU LOYALTY,
HONOR, RESPECT.
IT GOES BACK TO MAYBE
660 B.C.
announcer: THE GUYS WEAR
TRADITIONAL SAMURAI OUTFITS
AND PLAY DANGEROUS GAMES
OF CHICKEN
IN THEIR CUSTOMIZED TUNERS.
THE GIRLS SHOW UP IN SLUTTY
SCHOOLGIRL OUTFITS
AND STAND AROUND LOOKING HOT.
ONE OF THE CLUB'S REGULARS
GOES ALL OUT
WITH HER COSTUME AND MAKEUP.
SHE CALLS HERSELF
THE GEISHA GODDESS OF DEATH.
- [screams]
announcer: THIS MEETING
OF THE SAMURAI DEATH SQUAD
FEATURES A SHOWDOWN BETWEEN TWO
OF THE CLUB'S LONGTIME MEMBERS.
- BUSHIDO.
announcer: AND A GUY
KNOWN AS...
- BUSHIDO.
announcer: EACH HANGS OUT
THE WINDOW OF A DRIFT CAR,
SPEAR IN HAND, AND ENGAGES
IN A MODERN DAY VERSION
OF JOUSTING.
[tires squeal]
THE IDEA IS TO COME AS CLOSE AS
THEY CAN TO INFLICTING INJURY
WHILE LOOKING COOL
AND COURAGEOUS.
- [screams]
announcer: THINGS GET
OUT OF HAND
WHEN BERZERKO PIERCES
KNOCKAMORA'S SHOULDER...
DRAWING BLOOD.
ON THE NEXT PASS,
KNOCKAMORA TRIES
TO SLICE HIM BACK...
BUT MISSES HIS MARK AND
ACCIDENTALLY RUNS HIS SPEAR
RIGHT INTO BERZERKO'S EYE AND
OUT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD
AND BLEEDS OUT UPON
HIS WHITE STEED.
- THE PENETRATING OBJECT EITHER
DIRECTLY SEVERS AN ARTERY
OR IT CAUSES A STRETCH AND
CONTUSION INJURY IN THE BRAIN
THAT LEADS TO A VERY
RAPID BLEEDING AND THAT--
THE TWO CAN THEN COMBINE TO PUT
PRESSURE ON THE BRAIN
AND IT CAN PUSH IT THROUGH SOME
OF THE INTERNAL HOLES
INSIDE THE SKULL AND THAT LEADS
TO RAPID DEATH.
announcer: THE DEATH SQUAD
DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER.
IF YOU PRETEND
TO BE A SAMURAI...
YOU MIGHT WIND UP
DYING LIKE ONE.
[elevator bell rings]
- HOW IS IT--
announcer: DO YOU EVER GET
ON AN ELEVATOR
AND WONDER, "WHAT IF"?
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
TO HEATHER
AND SHE WAS EXTREMELY
CLAUSTROPHOBIC.
- I NEED TO GET OUT
OF HERE NOW.
- A PHOBIA IS
AN IRRATIONAL FEAR.
IN THEIR MIND,
THEY'RE HAVING ALL SORTS
OF SCENARIOS PLAY OUT
OF, "WHAT WILL HAPPEN
IF THIS ELEVATOR STOPS?"
AND, "WHAT WILL HAPPEN
IF I CAN'T GET OUT?"
announcer: BESIDES
CLAUSTROPHOBIA,
THERE'S ANOTHER THING YOU NEED
TO KNOW ABOUT HEATHER.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU'VE
DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN.
announcer: SHE WAS A MAJOR
BITCH ON WHEELS.
- DID YOU EVEN GO TO COLLEGE?
BECAUSE THIS IS KIND OF AWFUL.
announcer: HER NASTY
CRUEL STREAK
AND RELENTLESS AMBITION
HAD BROUGHT HER
TO THE TOP OF THE COMPANY,
BUT SHE LEFT
A TRAIL OF RESENTMENT
IN HER WAKE.
- SHE SLEPT WITH HIM AND NOW
SHE'S COMING IN HERE
AND JUST CHANGING EVERYTHING.
- HI.
- HI.
announcer: IT WAS UNANIMOUS.
ANYONE WHO WORKED UNDER HEATHER
COULDN'T STAND HER.
- OH, MY GOD.
announcer: SHE LORDED
OVER HER UNDERLINGS
LIKE THE WICKED WITCH
OF THE WEST
AND FED OFF THEIR
INTENSE HATRED.
- OH, DON'T MAKE THAT
SAD FACE.
[elevator bell rings]
announcer: NOW BACK
TO THE ELEVATOR.
- OH, MY GOD.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
WHAT WAS THAT?
WAS THAT NORMAL?
announcer: HER EMPLOYEES WERE
SURPRISED TO SEE
THE ALWAYS CONFIDENT UBER-BITCH
FREAKING OUT.
- I NEED TO GET OUT
OF HERE NOW.
announcer: IF SHE WANTED OUT,
THEY WERE MORE THAN HAPPY
TO GET RID OF HER.
- COME ON!
CAN SOMEONE OPEN THIS?
I NEED TO GET OUT.
- [grunts]
PUSH.
- IN THE CASE OF AN ELEVATOR
BEING STUCK BETWEEN FLOORS,
I WOULD SAY THE WORST THING
THAT YOU COULD DO
IS ACTUALLY TRY TO GET OUT
OF THAT ELEVATOR.
announcer: THEN ANOTHER
PASSENGER CAME ON BOARD
THE ELEVATOR SIGHT UNSEEN.
HIS NAME?
LET'S CALL HIM FATE.
- [screams]
announcer: THE HYDRAULIC BRAKES
ON THE ELEVATOR CAR RELEASED
THE EMERGENCY BACKUP BRAKES
KICKED IN,
BUT NOT BEFORE HEATHER
WAS CRUSHED.
ON HER WAY UP, HEATHER STEPPED
ON EVERYONE'S BACKS.
THAT'S WHY NO TEARS WERE SHED
WHEN SHE BROKE HER OWN.
OKAY, KIDS, LISTEN UP.
CIGARETTES CAN KILL YOU.
[gunshot]
AND REMEMBER,
WHAT GOES UP
MUST COME DOWN.
IT'S UP NEXT.
announcer: TAKE TWO YOUNG,
HEALTHY MALES,
A HOT SUMMER DAY,
AND A COOLER FULL OF COLD BEER
AND WHAT DO YOU GET?
- I AM SO WASTED.
announcer: CONDITION RED
ON THE STUPID METER.
- YOU STILL GOING OUT
WITH THAT FAT CHICK?
- SHE'S NOT THAT FAT.
- I THINK, TYPICALLY,
YOUNGER PEOPLE
TEND TO THINK THAT
THEY WILL LIVE FOREVER
AND THEY DON'T HAVE A VERY GOOD
ESTIMATE OF THEIR RISK.
IT'S VERY EASY
IN TODAY'S SOCIETY
TO LOOK AT YOUNG PEOPLE
AND SAY,
"WELL, THESE ARE JUST
SMALL ADULTS."
BUT THEY'RE NOT.
THEY'RE REALLY--
THEY'RE CHILDREN.
announcer: DICKIE AND DONNY HAD
BEEN BEST FRIENDS
SINCE KINDERGARTEN.
- CAN I PLEASE
HAVE A CIGARETTE?
- YEAH, IF YOU DON'T
MESS IT UP THIS TIME.
announcer: EACH DID THINGS THAT
DROVE THE OTHER CRAZY.
DICKIE'S PET PEEVE WAS HOW DONNY
ALWAYS BUMMED
CIGARETTES OFF HIM WHILE NEVER
BUYING HIS OWN.
- DUDE, I NEED ANOTHER ONE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I'M SORRY.
announcer: IT DROVE HIM NUTS.
- DUDE, YOU GOT A WHOLE PACK.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S HARD
FOR YOU.
- YEAH, I HAVE A WHOLE PACK.
NO MORE FOR YOU.
- MM-HMM.
announcer: WATCHING DONNY
GETTING WASTED
AND RACING THROUGH HIS SMOKES
HAD LIT DICKIE'S FIRE.
- WE'RE ALMOST OUT BECAUSE YOU
KEEP BREAKING THEM ALL.
announcer: IT WAS TIME
TO TAKE ACTION.
HE TOOK A SHOTGUN SHELL AND
REPLACED THE PELLETS
WITH THREE CIGARETTES.
MEANWHILE, DONNY WAS DOING WHAT
DONNY DID BEST.
- [coughs]
announcer: GETTING FALLING-OVER,
PASSING-OUT DRUNK.
- [giggling]
HEY! HEY!
WAKE UP!
COME ON!
YOU WANT SOME CIGARETTES?
THERE YOU GO.
YOU WANT SOME CIGARETTES?
- MM-HMM.
- OKAY, OPEN UP.
WIDER.
announcer: IF HIS BUDDY
WANTED CIGARETTES,
DICKIE WAS READY TO SHOVE THEM
DOWN HIS THROAT.
- ALL RIGHT.
- OUR SOCIETY ALLOWS PEOPLE
TO POSSESS
AND TO USE FIREARMS
FOR LEGAL PURPOSES.
GUNS SHOULD NEVER
BE POINTED AT ANYONE
OR ANYTHING THAT YOU DON'T
INTEND TO KILL.
- HERE THEY COME!
[gunshot]
announcer: PELLETS FIRED
FROM A SHOTGUN
CAN HIT SPEEDS
OF 1,200 FEET PER SECOND.
THAT'S ABOUT 800 MILES
PER HOUR--
ENOUGH TO TURN
SIMPLE CIGARETTES
INTO BONE-PIERCING
COFFIN NAILS.
IT'S A WELL-KNOWN FACT
CIGARETTES WILL KILL YOU.
DICKIE JUST FOUND A DIFFERENT
WAY TO GET THE JOB DONE.
[gunshot]
ON A BEAUTIFUL CLIFFSIDE SPOT
IN SAN PEDRO, CALIFORNIA,
IF THE WIND IS RIGHT,
YOU'RE BOUND TO FIND
THIS GUY FLYING
HIS REMOTE CONTROL GLIDER.
- DYNAMIC SOARING UTILIZES
THE WEIGHT OF THE GLIDER
PLUS THE WIND
AND THEY FLY IN--
INTO, LIKE, A GIANT CIRCLE.
SO WHEN YOU'RE FLYING,
YOU GO INTO THE WIND,
OUT OF THE WIND,
INTO THE WIND.
AND EVERY TIME IT ENTERS IN,
IT KEEPS ON INCREASING SPEED.
THEY SET A NEW SPEED RECORD
JUST RECENTLY
IN CALIFORNIA
AT 399 MILES AN HOUR.
announcer: JOHN WATSON WAS
A WELL-KNOWN CHARACTER
AROUND HERE.
MAKE THAT PUBLIC NUISANCE.
- DUDE, WATCH IT!
- [screams]
announcer: HE WAS ONCE
A DECORATED
DESERT STORM FIGHTER PILOT.
HE RETURNED HOME AND FLEW
COMMERCIAL AIRLINERS
UNTIL HE DRANK HIMSELF
OUT OF THE BUSINESS.
- YOU'RE GONNA HURT SOMEBODY!
announcer: NOW HE SPENDS
HIS DAYS HITTING
HIS BOTTOMLESS FLASK
AND STRAFING THE LOCALS.
- GONNA CUT SOMEBODY'S HEAD OFF,
YOU JERK!
- YOU NEED TO REALLY RESPECT
THE R.C. GLIDERS
WHEN YOU'RE FLYING THEM
OR ANY TYPE OF REMOTE CONTROL.
IF YOU GET HIT BY A GLIDER THAT
WEIGHS IN EXCESS OF 30 POUNDS,
IT'S STRONG AS STEEL,
SO IF IT HITS YOU,
IT COULD KILL YOU.
announcer: ON THIS DAY,
JOHN JUST GOT TOO DRUNK.
HE LOST HIS PLANE
IN THE SUN...
AND THEN HE FOUND IT.
- A LARGE, HEAVY PROJECTILE
IS COMING THROUGH.
SO IT'S GONNA COME THROUGH.
IT'S GONNA PUNCTURE THE HEART.
IT'S GONNA RIP THAT UP.
THE LUNGS.
IT'S GONNA CUT THOSE UP.
IT'S GONNA COME STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE CHEST.
IT'S GONNA CAUSE A LOT
OF INTERNAL BLEEDING,
A LOT OF DAMAGE.
announcer: JOHN USED TO PUNCH
HOLES IN THE CLOUDS
UNTIL HE GOT SO DRUNK...
HE PUNCHED HIMSELF...OUT.
COMING UP...
- BITCH!
announcer: A JERK PASSES
OUT ON HIS OWN GAS,
AND A GROUP OF DOGS
TURN ON THEIR WALKER.
IT'S THE "LEASHED"
THEY COULD DO.
announcer: IT HAPPENS,
BUT YOU ALWAYS WONDER WHY.
- WHERE'S DINNER?
- UM--
- DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK
TO ME!
announcer: WHY WOULD A PRETTY
GIRL LIKE JULIE
WIND UP WITH A MEAN,
FAT LOSER LIKE MARK?
- FALLING IN LOVE IS EASY.
STAYING IN LOVE
IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT.
SO WHEN WE GET TO THAT PLACE
WHERE WE JUST--
WE'RE JUST SO ANGRY
AND WE'RE JUST--
WE JUST FEEL LIKE
WE'RE GONNA EXPLODE.
WE REALLY DO, IN SOME WAYS,
LOSE CONTROL.
announcer: JULIE MADE A MISTAKE,
BUT SHE WASN'T STUPID.
SHE DUMPED HIS LARD ASS
AND FOUND A NICE GUY.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
SHE'S OUT ON A DATE?
announcer: REJECTION DIDN'T SIT
WELL WITH THIS JERK,
SO WHEN A BUDDY
TIPPED HIM OFF...
- WELL, SO FAR THE PARENTS
HAVE ALL BEEN GREAT.
announcer: MARK WENT LOOKING
FOR PAYBACK.
[honks horn]
- YOU BITCH!
- YEAH, NOBODY LIKES
TO BE DUMPED OR REJECTED.
WE REALLY ALL HAVE A PRETTY
STRONG REACTION TO THAT,
SO WHEN SOMEBODY DUMPS US,
BREAKS UP WITH US,
YOU KNOW, IT SUCKS.
- I HAD SUCH A FUN TIME
AT THE BEACH THE OTHER DAY.
announcer: HE WAS TOO MUCH
OF A COWARD
TO CONFRONT THEM
FACE TO FACE,
SO HE PLANNED ON PELTING THEM
WITH HIS PAINTBALL GUN
AND DRIVING OFF.
- AWW, YEAH.
announcer: BUT WHILE HE WAITED
FOR HIS TARGETS TO EMERGE,
MARK BEGAN
TO FEEL LIGHT-HEADED.
HIS EYES STARTED TO BLUR.
HE WAS ON THE VERGE
OF PASSING OUT.
THE CAUSE OF THE MARK'S
PUZZLING DETERIORATION?
WHEN HE PARKED HIS CAR,
HE BACKED HIS EXHAUST PIPE
UP AGAINST A PILE OF TRASH AND
LEFT THE ENGINE RUNNING
TO MAKE A QUICK GETAWAY.
WITH THE WINDOWS CLOSED
AND THE TAIL PIPE PLUGGED,
THE INSIDE
OF THE CAR FILLED
WITH HIGHLY TOXIC CARBON
MONOXIDE AND MARK BLACKED OUT.
[horn honks]
- CARBON MONOXIDE IS QUANTIFIED
IN PARTS PER MILLION.
SO WHAT WE'RE BREATHING RIGHT
NOW IS PROBABLY
.1 PARTS PER MILLION.
BUT CAR EXHAUST IS ABOUT
7,000 PARTS PER MILLION.
THE PATIENT WILL
BECOME UNCONSCIOUS
AND A FEW MINUTES LATER,
THE HEART
WILL PROBABLY
HAVE AN ARRHYTHMIA
AN EVENTUALLY ARREST.
DEATH CAN OCCUR
IN LESS THAN 20 MINUTES.
announcer: MARK DIDN'T
KNOW HOW GOOD HE HAD IT.
- DO NOT TURN
YOUR BACK TO ME!
announcer: MAYBE IF HE'D
BEEN A NICE GUY
HE WOULDN'T HAVE
WOUND UP A DEAD ONE.
[horn honks]
MARNIE WAS IN A BIND.
- STOP!
GET OVER HERE.
REALLY. RIGHT NOW.
announcer: SHE WAS OUT
OF WORK AND DESPERATE.
SO SHE SIGNED
ON AS A DOG WALKER.
- STUPID DOGS!
announcer: BUT MARNIE
HATED DOGS.
- I HATE YOU ALL.
YOU ESPECIALLY.
announcer: AND THE CUTE
LITTLE BOWSERS
PICKED UP ON HER BAD
DOGGIE VIBES.
- DOGS DEFINITELY CAN SENSE WHEN
A HUMAN DOESN'T LIKE THEM.
WHAT THEY'RE DOING
IS THEY'RE SMELLING
THAT HUMAN'S FEAR.
DOGS KEY OFF OUR EMOTIONS.
WHATEVER EMOTION
A HUMAN BEING IS THINKING
IS GONNA COME OUT THROUGH
A VOCAL PATTERN.
- THIS IS NOT WORKING FOR ME!
announcer: THE MORE FRUSTRATED
MARNIE BECAME,
THE WORSE THE DOGS BEHAVED.
- RIDICULOUS!
announcer: IT WAS TURNING INTO
THE DOG WALK FROM HELL.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, KEEP BARKING.
announcer: AND AS SOON AS SHE
GOT THEM INSIDE THE DOG PARK,
ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.
THE DOGS DECIDED
TO SHOW HER
HOW MUCH OF A DRAG
THEY COULD REALLY BE.
- SOMEBODY HELP!
- REMEMBER, DOGS CAN SMELL FEAR.
DOGS ARE FEEDING
OFF THE MOVEMENTS
AND THE SMELL OF EACH OTHER.
announcer: WITH A LEASH WRAPPED
AROUND HER WRIST,
MARNIE WAS UNABLE
TO BREAK FREE.
- HELP!
- THAT GIRL'S GETTING DRUG
BY DOGS!
announcer: HER DOGMA WAS
ABOUT TO RUN HEAD-ON
INTO HER BAD KARMA.
MARNIE'S HEAD SLAMMED
INTO THE TREE
RIGHT AT
THE TEMPORAL LOBE,
THE MOST VULNERABLE PART
OF THE BRAIN.
- THE MOST SENSITIVE PART
OF THE BRAIN FOR FRACTURE
IS USUALLY THE TEMPORAL AREA,
WHICH IS THE SIDE OF THE SKULL,
WHICH IS VERY THIN.
WHEN FRACTURES OCCUR HERE,
THE MIDDLE MENINGEAL ARTERY
CAN BE SEVERED CAUSING BLEEDING
INTO THE BRAIN
AND THEN PUSHING
THE BRAIN DOWN
THROUGH THE BASE
OF THE SKULL.
announcer: WHETHER OR NOT YOU
BELIEVE IN THINGS
LIKE FATE OR DESTINY,
MARNIE'S UNFORTUNATE DEMISE...
CERTAINLY GIVES ONE..."PAWS."
NEXT, IT'S BEEN
SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.
BIKERS TIMES BOOZE DIVIDED
BY BOOBS EQUALS...
TOTAL MAYHEM.
announcer: IF YOU WANT
TO WITNESS
THE CRUDEST ASPECTS
OF HUMAN NATURE,
JUST GO TO THE BIKER RALLY
HELD EVERY AUGUST
IN STURGIS, SOUTH DAKOTA.
[cheering]
AND IF YOU WANT THE NASTIEST BAR
IN A TOWN
IN A TOWN FILLED
WITH NASTY BARS,
YOU CAN'T DO BETTER OR WORSE
THAN THE TWO STROKE.
[cheering]
THE TWO STROKE WAS PACKED
WITH ITS TYPICAL GANG
OF UGLY DUDES
AND THEIR CHICKS.
THEY WERE HERE
FOR TWO REASONS.
THE CHEAP BOOZE...
AND THE HOT DANCERS.
[cheering]
NOBODY COULD LIGHT UP A STAGE
BETTER THAN THE STROKERS.
WITH THIS BUNCH
OF ONE-PERCENTERS,
NO BUMP OR GRIND
WENT UNAPPRECIATED.
[cheering]
MOOSE WAS THE GIRLS'
BIGGEST FAN,
BUT HE WAS ALSO A TOTALLY GROSS,
SEXIST PIG.
THE GIRLS COULD DO WITHOUT MOOSE
AND HIS MONEY.
- YEAH!
- THAT'S RIGHT!
- YEAH!
- HE COULD STUFF IT BACK
UP HIS WALLET
FOR ALL THEY CARED.
YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS
WITH A MOOSE WHEN HE'S RUNNING.
THE ANGRY BIKER WENT WHERE
NO MAN SHOULD EVER GO...
AND BROUGHT THE HOUSE DOWN
UPON HIMSELF.
[angry reactions]
- PEOPLE LOSE SIGHT
OF WHO THEY ARE
AND THEY JUST
FOLLOW THE GROUP
AND THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT HAPPENED HERE.
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
AN OPENING OCCURS.
A WOMAN WITHOUT HER TOP.
AND THE FRENZY BEGINS AND PEOPLE
CAN'T CONTROL THEMSELVES.
announcer: IT WAS A CLASSIC
EXAMPLE OF HERD BEHAVIOR.
WITHOUT KNOWING
WHAT THEY WERE DOING,
THE RABID MOB RUSHED
THE STAGE,
TRAMPLING THE DOWNED BIKER.
BOOT AFTER HEAVY
BIKER BOOT
BROKE HIS RIBS,
CRACKED HIS BACK,
AND FINALLY SNAPPED HIS NECK.
- YOU COULD GET
CRUSH INJURIES.
THE PRESSURES CAN BEAR
DOWN AGAINST YOU.
THE BONES CAN SNAP.
THEY CAN ACT LIKE LANCERS,
WHICH CAN RIP
THROUGH THE MUSCLES
OR THE TISSUE.
YOU CAN GET TEARS IN THE LUNGS,
THE BLOOD VESSELS,
THE HEART, AND SLOWLY THE LIFE
FORCES GET SUCKED OUT OF YOU.
announcer: HE WAS JUST A BAD BOY
LOOKING FOR FUN,
BUT HE CROSSED THE LINE
AND WOUND UP A MOOSE...
CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS.
- * IT'S ORIGINAL