Zwei in einem Boot (1999) - full transcript

Hans, you can help me,
if you have excess energy.

The boat must be in the shed.

Fabi, come on over!

We'll never finish,
if you keep fooling around like this.

Let him run wild here.

The brown boat has
to sit around long enough.

And now you're gonna
help your dear Fabian.

The boats must be loaded.

Off you go.

Where are my books?

Hans?



Do you know where my books are?

Books?

You do not want to read them when paddling?

We have plenty of time in between.

So you stole my books!

Do you really want to paddle them
all through the countryside?

We have a lot of luggage.

Hans weighs almost nothing.

I can handle the few
books with ease.

Oh.

Hans has eaten two more sandwiches
for breakfast. That weighs.

Put the kettle on high.

Hey, Fabian.

You'll ruin your eyes.



Are we going to the eagle's nest
tomorrow, or not?

I... know a secret way.

But we have to go through an
area where there's not any soul.

Normally,...

It used to be a military training area.

Oh yes, it will be a real adventure!

And we can't let anyone catch us at it.

Of course.

Jeez, when are you guys
going to be done?

Daybreak is the beginning of all vices.

Good morning.

- Mommy!
- Hans, my son!

Fabi.

- Hello, Dad.
- Hello.

What's up?

Tell me, you get along well with Nadja?

Why?

We don't want to have anything
to do with the bitch!

Fabi, you used to be real friends, huh?

- We used to be.
- Friends? He had a crush!

- Really in love!
- You're about to crack, you goofball.

What is it?

Jutta.

Jutta had... to go to the hospital
head over heels.

Here and there she asked us...

... to take care of her daughter.

But you have Mallorca booked.

See, you don't understand.

What do you understand?

That means... no canoe trip.

No!

Or we'll take them with us.
Right?

Right.

As far as I'm concerned,
there's enough space.

No!

- Hello, Nadja.
- Hey, Mr. Tobin.

Hello.

Daddy!

Hi there, little one.

- Morning.
- Yeah, yeah.

Big one.

Yes,... that's us.

We could have taken Nadja with us,
but her boyfriend didn't let us.

My friends call me Knut.

Hi, Nadja.

- And you, young man?
- Sven.

So Nadja,

it's best to go by boat with Fabi.

You know each other, yes?

Yes, well, thank you very
much for bringing.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Wow, thanks!

Goodbye.

I'll call you!

Nadja, come.

She's all we needed!

Nadja won't bother you.

Maybe not, but nothing bothers me.

You're sitting in... ?

My boat, I'm steering.

Come, Nadja, get in.

It will be fine.

Nadja.

Feeling better now?

How can I help it if you can't keep
your balance on those stilts?

Let's hit them!

Hey, Fabian.

Speed it up a bit.

Otherwise we will never
get across the lake.

Could you maybe also help us paddling?

But it happens faster that way.

It also starts by itself.

Well, it's your own fault.

You're doing that on purpose!

As you can see, you have
to live up to my day.

That'll be the day.

I count, you paddle.

One, two...
One, two...

I'm not your rowing slave. If you think
I can't paddle, then paddle alone.

And I'm not your gondolier.

- Well, what is it?
- She's kicking his ass.

She'll better watch out when we dock!

I really don't know what
you have against the girl.

I was so happy.

Just you, Fabian and me.

And then her...

Come on,...

... you will get along.

Or maybe not.

Maybe we should dock.

... and bathe.

I think they both need a cooling off.

They just had a cool down.

Hans.

Oh yeah.

Maximum larboard.

As white people, it is customary
for crews to remain on board.

I just want to ask if I can
make a phone call here.

So, Hans...

Now we're going to play elevator.

That didn't work, right? He's probably
already on the road with someone else.

My mother is getting worse.

I'm sorry.

What's that?

Grandpa, we're stuck.

It's hanging on the stick.

Down through the net.

If it's deep enough then
you push the boat over.

I can't do it.

Hand over the rudder blade.

Here we go.

My father doesn't like it when
someone drives over his nets.

You can't steer, huh?

Hey, girlie, you wouldn't
have to paddle with me.

Thanks, but I don't like fish.

You don't know what's good.

If you cross the nets again,
you get trouble.

Say, do you know where I can
make a phone call nearby?

That's enough!

Quick, Hans. Back in the boat.

Go! To the shore!

Grandpa, my paddle!

That could have been a disaster

Well done, though.

All of a sudden, everyone
can paddle properly.

I...

It doesn't matter.

After all, nothing happened.

So...

Hans.

Here's your paddle.

Don't pretend to be tired,
ladies and gentlemen!

Who's going to be tired
from this little paddling?

Your grandpa is still really fit.

After all, he was once a captain!

Yes,... on the ground.

You're mean.

But before that, it was on every ocean.

Leave it, Fabian is only angry that I
admired your grandpa and not him.

Oh yeah?

I can easily do without
your admiration.

Who said I can't paddle?

It's your own fault.

- Well, need help?
- Help yourself.

Help!
A snake!

April fools!

Grandpa, is it still far to the eagle nest?

What kind of eagle nest?

I'm going to do another
round of reading.

Oh yeah, me too.

Stop, stop. Not so fast, you two.

We have cooked.

You do the dishes.

Winner!

Kiss, kiss.

I don't suffer from a lack of taste

Me neither.

Well, was there something for Svennie?

What's with the eagle?
Are you keeping secrets from me?

We? Nope.
Where did you get that idea?

Ah, that's such... a family custom.

Tell me, Hans, do you know
that the Polynesians

used to sail across the sea in boats...

... not much bigger than our kayaks?

They didn't tip over?

Nah, they just built an outrigger
on their boats.

- An outrigger?
- Yes.

You see? Like this...

... like on a catamaran.

You are familiar with catamaran?

Of course, those sailing
ships with two hulls.

Just like the one that was plundered
by pirates off Sardinia last year.

Don't tell Hans scary stories.

Afterwards, there is no
way to sleep again.

Pirates?

Yes.

They still exist.

The catamaran was reported missing.

The next day it was found...

... floating in the open sea.

And the bodies?

The catamaran was emptied.

All the expensive technology,
everything removed.

Radio equipment, sonar, cell phones,
credit cards, cash.

Everything gone, losses
of some 100,000 marks.

The skipper, his wife and two children...

... were tied to the mast, gagged...

... and blindfolded.

But they lived.

Sailor's yarn.

Sailor's yarn.

20 of 30 pirate attacks

reported worldwide in the first
three months of this year

- occur --
- Coming here.

There, you see it.

Are there any pirates here?

Oh, I don't think so.

You must have experienced a lot when
you went to sea as a captain.

Yes, you could say that.

I got around quite a bit.

Between Schaprode and Hiddensee.

My grandpa really was a captain.

Don't fall asleep again,
we still have something to do today.

Knut, can I go with you today?

I'm sure I'll get along with you better.

Yes...

Then Hans would have to go with Fabian.

Let's go.
That's fine.

But what's the point?

Why not, you're complaining
about going on?

I want to stay in the boat with grandpa.

Yes, of course.

If Hans doesn't agree with that then...

... everything stays as it is.

Shouldn't I give you a quick lesson
on how to paddle properly?

You of all people?

Alright.

How about a race, then?

Up to the yellow pan and back.

On your mark.

Get ready.
Go!

Go Fabi! Go!

First here standing next
to me is the winner.

Go Fabi! Fabi!

Fabi! Fabi!

Nadja, show it to him!

- Go Nadja! Fast! Fast!
- Go Fabi! Go Fabi! Fabi! Fabi!

Go Fabi! You can still do it.

Wimp!

You let a girl bring you down.

But we were here at the same time!

We had said who is standing
next to me first, right?

Where did you learn to paddle so well?

- I'm in the canoe club.
- Really?

For five years now.

You must have some muscles.

Don't worry about it, Fabian.

Besides,...

... a captain is only as good as his crew.

So you were just acting the
whole time yesterday?

Well, tit for tat.

Grandpa,

Will you show me the eagle's nest today?

Sshh.

Wait and see.

Don't you think we should wait for grandpa?

Why?

He's still fit.

Or are you already tired?

They are fast today though.

You can tell.

We didn't know how to proceed.

It's good that you waited.

We have to go in there.

But...

... definitely not at this pace anymore.

Go.

Grandpa, pirates!

A few 100 meters further ahead,
the nature reserve begins, no entry.

Sure, I just wanted to show
the kids the boathouses.

But be careful, there's a bunch
of birds nesting there.

Yes, it's also a dead end.

How that stinks!

Do you always get that out of your ass?

Hans!

I have a lady on board.

Passage prohibited!

Now we have to go all the way back.

I'm becoming stiff.

This is exactly where we
have to go through.

Now someone please tell
me what this is all about.

All right.

Not far from here is an eagle's nest.

I have already shown the nest to
my daughter. A few years ago, Fabian.

And now it's Hans' turn.

But that's a dead end.

It's not a dead end.

There is a small secret side arm
leading to.

This used to be a shortcut to the
next lake, where the camp site is.

But the conservationists?

Wouldn't even notice.

Grandpa promised it to me.

And you weren't even supposed to be there.

So stop interfering all the time.

Do you think I'm keen on paddling
around here with you guys?

I can think of something better.

Nadja.

You won't regret it.

These eagles are beautiful animals.

Majestic when they sail over
their realm as they do.

You don't see that much anymore.

They are becoming fewer and fewer.

You should change your t-shirt.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

I'm just saying.

Soon it will be completely broken.

What do you care?

Can we stop for a moment?

- Why?
- Should I pee in the boat?

I see.

Let's dock.

There is some one there!

Nadja says there is some one.

- Conservationists. If we get caught --
- Sshh!

Go on.

There they are.

They're looking right in our direction.

What do we do now?

Don't worry.

I've always come up with something.

Pull the double paddles apart
so they don't see us.

Then we paddle...

... across the...

... middle reed.

Fabian.

Go a bit in this arm of the river

... maybe 500 meters.

Then tell me there...

Tell me then how it goes on there.

Can't be far anymore.

We have to keep up the pace,
Grandpa's not doing well.

Come on, man!

Why? We're in tune.

We're stuck!

Can't you be more careful?

Are you blind? You must have seen that!

Oh, now it's me again.
You're the big helmsman here!

It's your own fault.

It's my own fault, yeah?

You know what?
Fuck you.

You're just picking on me,
I'm not food for leeches.

I've had enough of this.

If this is a shortcut to the camp site,
I can walk there too.

Find someone else to take
your bad mood out on.

And then I'll call Sven and
have him pick me up.

Help!

Fabi! Nadja!

Grandpa is dead!

Stop these stupid jokes!

Fabi!

Fabi, Nadja!

Help!

Nadja?!

Fabi, Nadja!

Help!

Help, Fabi!

We're capsizing!

Grandpa.

Grandpa!

Gramps, Gramps.

What's wrong with you?

He fainted.

Do something.

Shit!

Hans, watch out, Grandpa's tilting.

H-E-L-P!

Help!

(both) Help!

Does anyone hear me?

(both) H-E-L-P!

Help!

H-E-L-P!

H-E-L-P!

H-E-L-P!

H-E-L-P!

- What are we going to do now?
- Now I pull the boat to the shore.

Where's Nadja anyway?

She ran off.

What if he dies now?

We have to raise him up.

Grandpa does have his pills.

Empty. Shit!

We have to get to camp
or he'll really die on us.

And how? Do you know where we are?

Grandpa still has a map.

Where are we?

No idea.

Then why the map?

Grandpa said this is a shortcut.

So the camp site can't be far away.

Wise guy! And which direction?

Can light a fire, then maybe
the conservationists will see us.

They're just as stuck in
the woods as we are.

If they were around,
they would have heard it after all.

What about the fisherman?

How should the fisherman get here or
the conservationists... in this hole?

But we have to get out of here somehow!

And before it'll get dark.

He won't survive the night
in the wilderness.

I have an idea.

- What's wrong?
- Grandpa had a fainting spell or something.

We shouldn't have paddled so fast.

- You've been pushing the pace all along.
- You provoked me!

Shit, now what?

Where is Hans, anyway?

There.

You need to raise him up.

I've already tried it,
he's a heavyweight.

Then we lay him down.

Hans?

Yes!

- Hans, what is it?
- A cloud of smoke.

Far?

Who knows!

And which direction?

There!

By which compass direction?

Where the sun sets!

Anything else?

A thunderstorm!

That's all we need.

Come back down.

And if it's a dead end, should we go back?

We won't be able to do that
before the thunderstorm.

And besides, grandpa said
it's not a dead end.

It's not far anymore.

And he really knows his way around here.

That's why he sent us ahead.

Let's think calmly for a moment.

The path we explored was wrong.

So logically we have to
follow the other one.

Course...

Course North,
Northeast.

This is all shit.

Power ahead...

- Man overboard!
- We'll capsize, if you keep going!

I want to make an outrigger,
just like the Polynesians.

That was the rest.

The boat rope.

Cut.

Who knows, maybe we still need
the boat rope.

The leeches?

We'll get to those later.

Go ahead.

Shit!

It's a dead end.

And your grandpa never got lost?

That's right!

He said, it looks like a passage,
yes?

We need to get to shore.

There is no sense in this way.

Look! The seagulls!

Let's better tighten the lace ceiling.

But grandpa said that where there
are seagulls, there is also water.

Hans is right.

The lake is probably right
behind the reeds.

We'll have a clear path, if we get through.

Go Hans, quickly. Get a long bar to
strengthen. At least 2 meters long.

Come, we'll disassemble the catamaran.

Help!

Look at this!

Fabi!

Fabi, help!

That was Hans!

Fabi!

Help!

Fabi, help!

(both) Hans?

Help.

Fabi.

Fabi.

Pull yourself out.

Pull.

Pull, little one.

Everything OK?

There.

Where are we?

Grandpa, Grandpa!
Are you all right again?

I tell you! Yes, you will like this.

Fabi, to the lake!

Fabi, Fabi! We're stuck!

Come on, out! Push.

Nadja, get in, everyone a boat. We launch.

Hans, to the back.

Grandpa, Grandpa.

Are you asleep again?

Hans, take the rope!

Fabi, the fisher boy!

Where's your grandpa?

We need to get help fast.

Grandpa fainted. Maybe a heart attack.

We'll bring him to our place.
That's faster.

Which direction?

See the smoke over there?
This is my father's fishmaking shop.

We'll take him there.
I'll tow you, that's faster.

- And what about us?
- Keep to the shore. You can't miss it. Hang on, kid.

Hey, Dad. I have a sick old man here.
We need a doctor.

Hey!

Hey!

Can you still do it?

When did it happen?

My grandpa fell over in the afternoon.

Up.

You're my big man.

Come on. Let's go down.

Weren't you going to use the phone?
You can do it at our place.

Oh, yes.

Clothes can be found here on the roadside.

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