Zombie Island Massacre (1984) - full transcript

Hey, wait, wait!

J get your mind in the mood

j let your body start to move

j and feel the rhythm

j the reggae rhythm

j 'cause we're takin' everyone

j to a picnic in
the sun with music

j the way they move it

j it don't matter if you're old

j just send your
worries out with smoke

j yes indeed



j with the ganja weed

j let the music

j come and picnic here with me

Joe, I could just kill you!

Jlalalalala

hey, it was a joke.

I don't think it's funny at all!

All right, I
surrender, I surrender.

- Really, I'm mad at you.
- I surrender, I surrender.

I'm not kidding, I'm really mad.

All right, I surrender.

J if you give me heads or tails

you devil.

J start dancing with 'em



j to the reggae rhythm

j there is somethin' in the air

j you can feel it everywhere

j it's the magic

j reggae magic

damn.

Stay right here.

I don't want you missing.

Hello?

Yes.

Oh, all right, thank you.

What was that?

The tour leaves in 10 minutes.

Can't we just pass on that?

You already paid
for the tickets.

Yes, but I also.

I'd like to pass
on that actually.

Paid for this.

What is it?

It's gorgeous.

Oh, Joe, I love you.

Now, what about
Saint Mary's, hmm?

San Marie.

San Marie, it's an
island, a crazy island,

more than most, that's all.

I hope you're right.

- Hi.
- Hello, how are you?

Fine, thank you.

How's your air conditioner now?

Works perfectly, thanks to you.

Hey, Paul.

Met him on the
plane coming down.

Ah.

This is Paul Morrison,
Ace photographer.

Please to meet you.

- How are you?
- Connie Moore.

- Fine, thank you.
- Famous artist.

No, no, just plain
painter, please.

Hi.

Well, if you don't mind,

I am going to go pick
up the rest of my stuff.

There's no hurry.

Save me a seat?

Promise.

That's the lady next door.

She looks good.

Matt.

Matt.

Matt!

- Ow.
- Get up.

What'd you do that for?

That silly tour
of yours is leaving.

Still wanna go?

Oh, great.

Come on, this'll
be a real picnic.

Hello?

Oh, oh, thank you,
we'll be right there.

Come on, lover, time to go.

This is some honeymoon.

Oh, come on, Eddie,
it'll be romantic.

Yeah.

Yes, of course.

Thank you very much.

George, George.

Time for the cruise.

Feel up to it?

Oh, sure.

You got your pills?

Ethel, don't worry about it.

10 island in five days,

and I haven't forgotten
'em yet, have I?

There's a good boy.

Just in time.

What is?

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Jerry, what's just in time?

For us to get out of here

before you eat another
whole banana pie.

Now you listen to me

a second, Jerry,
come on, I'll give you

a hershey bar on the bus.

Oh, wait'll I get you home.

Well, well, well, here we are.

Everyone's been summoned.

This way, please.

Three, five, this way,
this way, this way, please.

Seven, nine, this way, please.

This way.

11.

All present and accounted for.

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen,

greater antilles sun
tours welcomes you,

and I, Reginald chamley
Jones, your tour guide,

welcome you too.

Today our tour will take us
to the fascinating island

of Saint Marie, our
neighboring Republic.

We're confident that
you're about to have

one of the most exciting,
fun-filled evenings

of your entire lives.

There is something for you all,

seen to the taste of the artist,

with an eye to the
beauty of the exotic,

to restless spirits in
search of excitement,

everywhere and anywhere,

to the photographer
who wishes to preserve

this singular haven forever.

For you sir, will be matchless
scenes for wonderment.

Strange activities for
the students of life

and human nature who
wish to understand

the wellspring of
life mysteries.

That's what the
Caribbean is all about.

This way.

Come on.

I can't wait to
see what's there.

Okay, here we have
a French red port.

Where are you taking me?

It's a surprise.

There are people upstairs.

Don't worry, I
paid the captain $20.

We got complete privacy.

I don't know, Joe.

I really don't feel
good about this.

Oh, but I feel
very good about this.

Where were we?

Oh, right about here.

I don't believe this.

I thought you paid $20.

I did pay $20.

Open up down there.

Ethel has to go to the head.

I do not deserve this.

What the hell do you want?

Come on, shake a leg.

Why don't you just
throw me over the side?

For all the visitors

who've come to our shores,

you are to be
congratulated above all.

You are men and women of great
taste and discrimination.

You spare the inhibition
for the love of the genuine.

You have demanded a rare
thing, and you shall have it

on the beautiful
island of Saint Marie.

Okay, all right.

Come on.

Let's go.

Step out.

Come on, let's go.

Right this way,
ladies and gentlemen.

Doesn't that look
like a figurine?

It does, doesn't it?

I should've brought a camera.

What you're about
to see is not black magic,

but truly a religious ceremony.

Maintain a respectful silence.

Watch your step.

I don't think this is for me.

Yeah, I think you're right.

Don't worry, it's just an act.

God, I hope you're right, Steve.

Oh, honestly, Eddie, you're
like a love-struck kid.

I'm just hungry for you, baby.

Ah, well, it's getting late.

You're going to have to wait.

Oh, you're as bad as you
were before we got married.

I still say we have to wait.

And I say it's never too late

for the love.

Wow, do you believe this?

I don't know.

It's too scary for me.

It's poppycock,
don't worry about it.

I don't know.

I don't believe it.

It's just a show.

Seeing is believing.

Hey, where's Donna?

She couldn't handle it.

She and ed took a walk
in the middle of the mass.

Nevermind them,
where's our tour guide?

That's right.

Maybe the zombies kidnapped him.

Don't make jokes,
this is serious.

We're all alone here,
god knows where.

Yeah, where is that character?

This place is
giving me the creeps.

I am telling you,
honey, it was only a show.

Joe, I know what I saw.

Here you are, reverend.

This is for the
church collection box.

Thank you, Mr. Jones.

We just aren't getting as
many visitors as we used to.

Yes, I'm aware
of that, Mr. Jones.

I'm sorry to hear
that, reverend.

Do not concern
yourself, Mr. Jones.

The gods will provide
me with other means.

Best you go look
after our guests.

Right you are, reverend.

Mr. Jones,

Take this to help
you guide your way.

Thank you, reverend, goodnight.

Farewell, Mr. Jones, farewell.

What was that?

Simply the cry of a
jungle bird, my dear.

Where'd he come from?

Now, my friends, I'd best
get you back to the boat

in time for dinner.

This way, please. - Let's go.

Let's get out of here.

Jungle bird.

Would someone please
get those torches, please?

Boy, I've had enough
for one evening.

Careful, watch your steps.

Hey there, Roy!

Here we are, start her up!

Watch it now.

- Let's get out of here.
- Come on, Roy,

start her up!
I didn't think it'd

be like this.

If I knew it was
gonna be like that,

I wouldn't have taken you.

Roy, Roy.

Here.

What's the problem?

A bit of an accident I'm afraid.

What kind of an accident?

I'm sure I don't know,

but our driver seems
to have disappeared.

Wait a minute, what's that?

Haven't the foggiest.

Hey, buster, we supposed to
stand around her all night?

The driver seems
to have taken off.

Hey, chamley, the keys
are in here, let's go.

Of course, of
course, silly of me.

- Yeah.
- That's for sure.

- Come on, everybody.
- All aboard, let's go!

Everything shipshape shortly.

George, where do
you wanna sit at?

Here by the window, you
wanna sit by the window?

Look at this,
everything we do something

I'd rather not. - That's done.

What's up, chamley?

Oh, I can't believe this.

Do you believe this?

- Oh, boy.
- I can't believe this.

- What's the matter now?
- Come on, chamley.

Come on, come on, come on.

Do you believe this?

- My lord.
- Come on, it's a motor.

See you outside a minute.

Where you goin'?

That explains it.

That explains what?

Somebody took the
distributor cap.

Roy must've taken it with him.

Yeah, why?

So no one would steal the bus.

Uh-huh, won't even
do any good to hotwire.

Hotwire?

Just take my word for it.

Without a distributor cap,

we'll never get
this thing moving.

Well then there's
only one thing for it.

What?

There's a phone booth
just down the road.

I'll have to go ahead
and call for help.

Hey, Paul, what's going on?

I'll be with you in a minute.

Listen, this is your
tour, Mr. Jones.

You got us here,
you'll get us out.

Oh, yes, yes, yes,
of course, of course.

That will be the thing
to do, wouldn't it?

Right, get with it.

Sure.

- Oh god, come on.
- Come on.

Probably makin' love somewhere.

What's the holdup, huh?

Looks like the driver
hurt himself somehow.

He must've gone to
get help for himself.

What's wrong with the motor?

The driver took the
distributor cap with him.

What on earth for?

So the natives wouldn't
steal the bus, that's obvious.

So what are we
supposed to do now?

Our charming guide's
gone down the road

to use the pay phone.

I knew something
terrible was gonna happen.

Nothing terrible has happened.

Every since they
started playin' around

with those dead bodies.

This is dreadful.

Lousy service, I say.

I'm perfectly happy right here.

Mm-hmm, I heard that.

Hey, listen, while
everybody's carrying on,

what happened to the newlyweds?

- Ed and Donna.
- Oh they probably,

they're fine.
I completely forgot

about them.

We should look for 'em.

Oh, I hope they're all right.

I do too.

Don't worry about them.

Why not?

You kiddin' me?

Roy.

Oh my god.

Oh no.

What in the name of
god is happening?

Who'd you study with? Adler?

What?

Steve?

Steve?

He went down the road.

Down the road?

Yeah, to see what's
keepin' the tour man.

Oh, yeah, sorry, still drowsy.

That must be him now.

What's the story?

No story.

What do you mean?

I mean no tour guide, and
the payphone was ripped up.

Figures.

So there's nothing,
only this, his hat,

and no chamley what's
his name to go with it.

I just knew something
awful was gonna happen.

You know, there's somethin'
fishy about all this.

Yeah, voodoo magic maybe.

Hey, honey, don't make jokes.

Sorry.

Right, we've already
lost two people.

Plus the driver.

And now the tour
guide's abandoned us.

So, what do we do now, Mr. big?

Beats the hell outta me,
not my kind of decision.

What doesn't
everybody just relax?

This is supposed to be
a fun picnic, remember?

We can always contact
the voodoo people.

Not on your life.

There's one thing I'm
certainly not doing.

What's that?

Spending my night cooped
up on this stupid bus.

Yeah, this place is gettin'
creepier by the minute.

Wait a minute, there's
always the house.

What house?

That villa a couple
of miles down the road.

I didn't see any villa.

That's because you don't
have my fine painter's eye.

It's on the map.

Hey, maybe they have a phone.

Yeah, and maybe they don't.

Listen, Joe, anything's
better than just sitting here.

With zombies coming to life
over there, no thank you.

Hey, hold your horses,
maybe we'll be better off

waiting here until morning.

How many people wanna
stay here tonight,

or how many wanna try
and get to the house?

- I agree with Joe.
- Hold it, hold it.

Hold it, hold it.
I agree with Joe.

Let's try it again,
this time with the hands.

No, George, not with

your condition. - Joel

listen, some zombie cuts my
throat, what good's my heart?

We go with the majority.

Okay, that's it,
all hands, let's go.

I guess it's okay.

Take this.

Why me?

Angel, you're the
one who saw the villa.

You lead the way.

I really don't think
this is such a great idea.

Just watch your footing.

Okay, it's kinda treacherous.

Oh, I'm right here,
I'm right here.

Hey, what's happening?

Seeing what else we can use.

This should come in handy for
chopping a trail or something.

Yeah, something like a zombie.

Ah, here's a first-aid kit,

in case we have to
patch him up again.

That's it?

Nah, hold it,
here's another light.

Oh, yeah, this will light
the way for the honeymooners.

Great, but hurry up, okay?

Just be careful, we'll make it.

Everybody watch
their step, okay?

Here, let me have this back.

Thanks.

Hold up.

What's wrong?

The honeymooners, we, uh,

we gotta try and tell 'em
how to find the house.

Well, how do we do that?

I'll leave instructions.

Anybody got some paper?

- Yeah, I do.
- I don't.

Oh, good.

Here, take this.

Sure.

You sure you
wanna go back there?

I'm sure I don't want
them on my conscience.

- Be careful.
- Okay, but we'll

take it slow, all right?

Don't worry about it.

There's only one road.
You take care, all right.

Hey, what happened?

I forgot my books.

That is not funny.

- All right.
- Do you think they're fine?

What's so funny about being out

in this jungle?
I thought it was funny.

There's someone coming!

- Oh, Paul.
- Hey, hey, Paul.

Hey, Paul, what happened?

- Yeah, Paul.
- Tell me.

Got jumped, that's
what happened.

It was hidin' on the bus.

That son of a bitch hit
me like a ton of bricks.

Well, who was it?

Who the hell knows?

The voodoo people.

Sandy, you got
voodoo of the mind.

Well, who else?

Well, maybe it was that driver,

maybe he went off his
rocker or something.

He looked like a weed head
to me right from the start.

It wasn't the driver.

A zombie perhaps?

Here, you tell me.

What's that?

I chopped it off
him, whatever it is.

Maybe one of them savages.

It looks like a bird or a bear.

Look, it doesn't
matter who right now,

all I know is
homicidal, you read me?

It was trying to
kill me, got it?

Okay, so where in the hell
is this house of yours?

As a matter of fact
it's right up there.

At least there's
still a light in the window.

Oh, George, this
is no time for jokes.

Laughter's the best medicine.

The reader's digest says so.

George, you're incorrigible.

- Among other things.
- All right, let's go.

Let's try to make it, all right?

We're right behind you.

We're almost there now.

Maybe we'd be
better off on our own.

There just a bunch of jinx.

Suit yourself, Matt, with
me, it's safety in numbers.

Jesus, some people.

Stop complaining.

He nearly took my eye out.

The only thing
puttin' your eye out

is that pretty young
butt up front there.

What in the
hell you talkin' about?

Matt, Matt,
I'm runnin' out of steam here.

What do ya want,
upper or downer?

Come on, upper, upper.

Here.

Thanks, hon.

If I'd known it was this steep.

I know, we wouldn't be here.

I don't love the
sound of that drum.

Drummer you know?

Hold it a sec.

What's the problem now?

Not sure.

You smell it?

Yes, skunk cabbage.

Yeah, it smells
like rotten eggs.

No, rotten meat.

I smelled it back at the bus.

It's following us.

Oh god.

It's okay, let's not panic.

Hey, we're almost there.

The house can't be but another
quarter of a mile or so

down the path. - George, George!

George, oh my god, my god,
it's his heart, George.

George.

Oh my god, George.

Oh my god, it's his heart.

Damn!

- Come on.
- Come on, do something.

Oh, George.

Here, George.

All right.

Oh, George.

Do you think we can carry him?

Yeah, we could,
but we shouldn't.

Yeah, I read you,
so what do we do?

You guys go up to the house
and get help if you can.

Well, what about you?

I'll stay here with
him until you get back.

Yeah, but what about...

Get goin', I'll hold the fort.

Okay, folks.

Paul and George are gonna
take a little rest here,

the rest go to the house
and get help, okay?

I'm not leaving him!

I'll look after him.

I am not leaving him!

Okay, we'll go for help and
be back before you know it.

I'm not leaving him.

- Come on, honey.
- George.

He's gonna be fine, right?

He's gonna be fine.

Watch it, Joe.

I'm gonna go first.

One at a time.

It's beautiful, come on.

Hey, you're all so slow.

Make way, come on.

Some of these things are loose.

Hey, Sandy, this
isn't very sturdy.

Come on, honey.

Watch out.

Jerry.

It's all right, it's all right.

Come on.

I'm comin', all right.

Jerry!

Helen!

- Jerry!
- Jerry!

Helen!

Helen!

Go on, do something!

It's too late!

I can't see them!

- Oh my god!
- Helen, Jerry!

Helen!

Hey, what's that?

Do you see him?

I don't know, there's
something over there.

Jerry! - My god.

Jerry!

What happened?

An accident.

Helen and Jerry, they went
under, slipped, I think.

You think?

It was hard to tell.

Listen, Helen was almost
over to the other side,

and then suddenly she
was falling in the water.

Yeah, and Jerry
dove in to help her.

What's the matter, didn't
they see something over there?

Oh, Paul, it
happened so quickly.

It was over like that.

Hey, Joe, hey, Matt,

did you see what happened? What?

No.

Man, it's so dark I can't

see anything.

Damn!

Steve.

Oh, take it easy, hon.

I can't take much more of this.

Bastard, come out!

Come on, we can't wait
around here all night!

Hold your horses,
we're waiting for Paul.

Bad?

Yeah.

Oh god.

Both of them?

Yeah.

What do we do?

We can't leave 'em there.

We can, unless you go suicide.

Who was it?

Did you see what it was?

No.

Must've been some kind
of crazy, human or not.

Listen, let's get
to the house first,

then decide what to do, okay?

Yeah, right, you two go ahead.

What happened,
how did she fall in?

- I couldn't see.
- Hey hero,

thought you were gonna stay
back there and cover our asses.

From now on, Matt, you
better cover your own ass.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that some thing
out there is after us.

You gotta be kidding.

What did we do to anybody?

Yeah, who knows?

It doesn't seem to matter.

Paul, tell them.

George and Ethel,
they're both dead.

Murdered.

Oh my god.

First Helen and Jerry,
and now George and Ethel.

Somebody out there
wants us all dead.

Sure?

You wanna stay and check it out?

Keep goin', baby.

Matt, take it easy.

We'll take it easy
as soon as we get

to this house up there.

Whoa, we better
think this one over.

Why?

Why?

Because that nutcase may be
operating out of the house.

Yeah, who knows?

But right now he's behind us
across the river there, so.

So we check out the house, okay?

Okay.

I knew we never should've come.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mexico would've
been so much nicer.

Yeah all those greasers
with their guitars.

I love guitars.

- Come on.
- Let's get out of here.

- Let's go.
- Come on, come on.

Let's go.

Jesus, what
the hell is going on?

Don't stop and think about it.

We've got a road.

- Nice, nice.
- Fantastic.

Connie, you're
right, here is the house.

Watch your step.

Now we can get to the telephone.

Hello?

Anybody home?

If Igor answers, I'm leaving.

Igor?

You know, Igor, Dr.
Frankenstein's Butler.

Sick.

No, I'm not sick,

just playing it safe.

- Look at his place.
- Hello?

Anybody home?

It's an emergency,
we need a telephone.

Hello!

Does anybody have a match?

Yeah.

Ah, civilization.

It's like everybody
left in a hurry.

If they left.

And what's that
supposed to mean?

Well they could, couldn't they?

Paul, let's check it out.

Keep an eye on the girls, okay?

Okay.

I've got a splitting headache.

Small wonder, I think
I've got some aspirin.

Just like a girl scout.

Always prepared.

Thank you.

Let's see if we
can find some water.

A light.

You don't bother him,
he won't bother you.

More good news, no
dead bodies upstairs.

Ladies, I'll take care of this.

You know, if you ask me,

I think everybody is
missing the point.

Oh, and what's that?

Well, I think we
should be trying

to get in touch with someone

to tell 'em what's
happening to us.

J da da da da da da da da

here's some more
news, good and bad.

First the bad news.

No telephone calls, that's out.

And now the good news.

Now we got some real protection.

Where the hell
did you find that?

Out in the backyard.

So they had a shootout here.

I told you they
could all be dead.

Is that thing loaded?

Yeah, but only two rounds.

Please, Joe, be careful.

Don't worry, I've been
handling guns all my life.

Is that a fact?

That is a fact.

Can I take a look?

If you're gonna
wear it like that,

you better keep it like this.

An accident wouldn't
make Sandy very happy,

or you, baby.

Ah.

Oh no.

Terrific.

Damn it.

Just what we need.

Damn it.

Old places like this,

they're usually on generators.

We'd better check the basement.

You three will be okay.

Are you kidding,
with this Cannon?

Come on, Joe.

This is not high noon.

Please put that away until we
really have reason to use it.

All right.

God, watch that
grate on the floor.

This looks like it.

Give it a crank.

Ah.

Hey, anybody know what
anthropophagy or phagy is?

Mm-mm, not I.

Joe.

Joe.

What?

You took anthropology
35, you oughta know.

How do you spell it.

Well, it's anthro, and then it's

P-o-p-h-a-g-y.

Cannibalism.

What?

Oh my god.

This whole shelf here in
German, French, and Italian,

and all on cannibalism.

Hey, you know, you're right.

Ah, what do they say?

Different strokes for

different folks. - Joel

hey.

What's wrong?

That awful smell,
it's back again.

Jesus, I forgot
to lock the door!

Connie, warn the other guys.

Go.

Sandy, get outta sight.

Sandy, go.

I can't move.

Don't move.

Joe!

Shh.

Don't leave me.

I promise I'll be right back.

Joe, don't go.

Okay, good, go ahead.

All righty.

Steve, the zombie's
trying to break in.

Joe, hey, Joel

you all right?

Just one shot.

Bastard's quick as lightning.

Goodbye 38.

Goodbye Joe, too.

The bad guy's got it now.

You wanna go up against
him with just that?

No way.

It's that monster.

That thing got him.

I asked him not to leave me.

Told him not to go out there.

I pleaded with him.

But no, no,

had to be the cowboy,

just like a little boy,
playin' stupid cowboy.

This just can't be happening.

I don't believe that
I'll never see him again.

He was always
playing tricks on me,

little boy tricks, scary
sometimes, but always fun.

We'd fight and make up,

but it was just a
big game between us.

I can't believe it was the
last time, I just can't.

It's not fair, and
I won't believe it.

I need you, Joe.

Sandy, maybe he'll turn up.

Turn up?

What, like the others?

Lying in a filthy pit,
skinned like a rabbit!

Sandy, that's not gonna happen.

He was such a sweet
guy, like a little boy,

but he was gentle and sweet.

I'll get the lights.

It's up here.

We can't go up against
a 38 with just that.

There's only one slug left.

You wanna be a hero?

No thanks, how "bout you?

Wait a minute.

Well, what else is there?

Quarter coil stretching.

Steve!

Let's get the hell out of here.

What's going on?

A welcoming mat.

For our friend the zombie.

You mean fried zombie.

I certainly hope it works.

How you comin'?

Okay, I'm set.

All right, let's
scoot it the rest.

Were you really serious?

About you?

Very serious.

Lucky me, after all, this
is Caribbean, isn't it?

Boy meets girl, vice versa.

I meant about fried zombies.

Listen, I don't know
what to believe anymore.

Walking corpses, zombies,
bacchus or whatever.

What do you think, Paul?

Up till now,

all the monsters that
I've seen has been human.

I've give anything.

Where'd he go?

He just disappeared.

We'll just try and find
out what happened to Joe.

Hey, Steve.

Look.

Looks like it goes off this way.

Ah, jeez.

Just one round left.

Too bad he didn't
have time to use it.

Let's hope we do.

Hold it right there, mister.

Anything you say, friend.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm trackin' that critter
that just bust outta here.

You get him?

No, no, he moves
faster than lightning,

but I will eventually though.

Okay, come up,
but nice and slow.

Oh, that's
the only way I can take it.

I've been Mickey mousing
around these jungles

for the past two, three days.

What have you been
doing out there?

I told ya, I've been
trackin' that thing, or things.

Name's Whitney, ely Whitney.

I had a house over there,
other side of the valley.

Had a house?

Yeah, yeah, he burned me out.

It's custom around
here, it seems.

Me, I'm from Boston originally.

I retired down here

to get away from those
new england winters.

What do I get instead, huh?

What did you get?

Trouble, trouble, there's
nothing but trouble.

From the critter?

Killed my wife,
murdered my partner.

Who did that?

Political terrorists,
Indians, crazy on ganja weed,

or maybe some prehistoric
tribe, beats me.

Bloodthirsty's all
I know, miss, uh?

Sorry, Mr. Whitney,
this is Sandy, this is Connie.

Ladies.

Well, you boys plan to
spend the night out here?

Okay, hang on.

Where's Joe?

Still no sign of him.

I don't understand, Steve.

Hey, you didn't see Joe, did ya?

Who?

Joe.

Her boyfriend.

Oh, uh, I'm sorry, but
there's nobody else out there,

alive anyway.

Is it the voodoo
people who took him away?

Oh, I really don't know.

Well, a bunch of us
came up from the port

for the voodoo mass,

and ever since then it's
been nothing but trouble.

Are these murderers, these
monsters, are they cannibals?

Well, where the devil
did you get that idea?

Because the bookcase in there

is full of books on cannibalism.

Oh, well, well, I'll tell ya.

When Columbus
first arrived here,

these islands were inhabited
by the arawak Indians.

They were beastly types,

but then they were
invaded by the caribs.

They came up from
Columbia or Venezuela

they were fierce and
bloodthirsty types.

They swept through
the islands of Cuba

and Haiti and Jamaica.

All the islands that we know
today as the caribbeans.

Now, the language that
they spoke was cariban.

The Latin form for cariban is
cannibal, the flesh eaters.

Well, that's what the
caribs really were.

Well, I don't know what
to say about it for today,

but frankly, I don't like
to even think about it.

Is there some place here
that I could wash up a bit?

Sure, I'll show you.

Thank you.

What the hell has gone wrong?

Everything!

And now what do we do?

Later, we've got to get
them out of this house.

We're gonna try and
hold 'em till morning,

then we'll make a run for it.

The shotgun will be a big help.

It should be light in two hours.

And then what'll we do?

Then we tear up and run for it.

Yeah, if we have the time.

You know something we don't?

No, but maybe we
should ask Mr. Whitney,

he seems to be the local expert.

Expert, expert on what?

What to expect next.

Well, I don't think that anybody

will be safe here any longer.

Why not?

As I've told you, arson is
a way of life around here.

You look at a man cross-eyed,
and the next thing you know,

he's burning down your house.

As you've learned,
there's a lot of things

that are an issue here.

Therel

look.

What the hell do we do now?

Hide in the jungle.

Oh, that wouldn't work.

Why not?

Well, they're expert trackers.

They'd furrow us out in no time.

What else is there?

Ambush.

Are you kidding?

There's a million miles
of jungle out there.

True, but we know where they
are now, down by the road,

and to get here, they'll
have to cross the river.

Now, human or subhuman, they'll
take the shortest route,

and especially since
you've wounded one of them.

Okay, let's get organized.

Come on, Sandy.

Here, here, here,
you take these.

You're in better shape than I am

to handle the thunder blast.

Out this way.

We've got to get
to the river first.

Joe!

Joel

Joe. - Come on,

let's get out of here.

No.

No.

Are you all right?

It's all right,
it's just a little spill.

I twisted somethin'.

Can you walk?

I'm afraid not.

You go on ahead,
I'll be all right.

We can't leave him here alone.

No, no, go, my dear, go
ahead, I'll be just fine.

Listen, we can't waste anytime.

Exactly, you've got to
get to the river first.

You go ahead, I'll hide
us in the underbrush.

You sure?

Positive.

Sandy?

I'll go with the two of you.

Okay, we'll come back
for you after it's over.

I love you, angel.

Me, too.

Now what the hell
is going on here?

Oh, my dear girl,
it's all very involved.

So uninvolve it, spell it out.

Well, on the last
shipment from Bogota,

my business associates, our
local horse-wild friends,

they resorted to the classic.

The what?

Double-cross, and
then he paid off

the Colombians in counterfeit,

and then he and his girlfriend

planned to skip
with the real green.

And so what happened?

Well, the cowboys,
they burned 'em out.

They turned 'em
into chopped meat.

Those savages,
they come up in the middle

of the night and tossed a
couple of molotov cocktails.

The swoosh, a lifetime of work
goes up in smoke and flames.

Here everybody has to
handle his own problems.

We've got no fire department.

But that was the last problem
Hernandez and his whore

had to face.

That's only half of it.

And the other half?

Well, there's an
informant on your end.

An informant?

When the Colombians
got a tip that someone

in this tour group had
the cash on this trip,

they sent up a hit squad.

Fingered directly?
Oh, absolutely not.

They just simply started
eliminating you one by one,

and then searching through
the bags for the payment.

And what's the drill now?

Business as usual, my dear.

But what about all
that needless hacking up

of all those people?
My dear girl,

it's all part of the subculture.

Women, children, and even
babies are not immune

to their revenge or instruction,

plus the fact that
I imagine that

someone employed in torture,

who's got the goodies
and all of that.

I don't find it amusing.

Oh no, well, my dear girl,

it's all part of
the total scene.

There's fun and
games and good times.

Isn't that what
it's all about, huh?

Sorry.

Just give me a second.

Seems that you're a bit
out of condition, my dear.

This hit squad, Whitney,
why do they smell so awful?

Why, it's rotten bark and
trees and slimy jungle things.

It's a concoction that
they smear on themselves

so they smell like
rotting corpses.

Certainly isn't Chanel, is it?

Oh, you're beginning to
feel a little better, I see.

Well, it's true, but it
keeps the local primitives

at arm's length, and it
reminds them of their zombies

and it keeps them at distance.

It's really quite
amusing though.

You've got a great
sense of humor, Whitney.

I'll die laughing.

I rather doubt it.

Hernandez and his
whore certainly didn't.

Well, we beat 'em to it.

Okay, let's cross fire.

All right, Sandy, you get
behind Paul, all right, come on.

Gonna take that, come on.

Steve, looks like
somebody's on our side.

On!

Tell, tell, my.

Your wife, your folks?

Tell, tell Miami.

Miami?

Tell Miami, d-e-a.

You're not dead
yet, I'll get help.

DEA, drug enforcement agency,

looking for connection.

With us?

Like 10 little Indians,

only one left.

You help.

I promise.

Sandy.

Sandy!

What was all that
shooting about?

The boys from
Bogota greeting your friends.

Those animals
been following us all night?

Trust that everything
has been properly settled.

I hate loose ends.

Careful, my dear.

Well, you certainly
seem at home.

Might as well, too,
this is my house.

But the buyer, you said...

Ah, that was Hernandez.

Cocaine cowboys, they
wanted me alive and well,

at least until I completed
the last transaction.

You have it?

Of course.

Well, let me see it.

Let's see the candy first.

You are a tough customer.

I've always been a great
believer of Edgar Allan poe,

the purloined letter, you know?

You wanna hide something,

you hide it in plain sight.

Have no fear, it's top grade.

Number nine rock.

Yeah, but you're
supposed to have enough

for 10 mules to haul
back to the states.

After I see your end, my dear.

Five million, us.

25 million on your end.

Ah, but I'm the
one taking the chance

getting it back to New York.

Ah, back to your little
discotheques and playpens.

My dear friend, don't knock
it if you don't know it.

Of course not, my dear.

Right this way, my dear girl.

Now, just keep your eye on it.

Now, ah-hah, magic.

Ooh, one,

two.

Very efficient.

Efficiency is the key
to industry and profit.

Steve, you startled me.

Yeah, I'll bet.

Where are the others?

Back out there dead.

Calm down.

We were ambushed just like
your friend here planned.

My dear young fellow, you
give me too much credit.

Steve please, put
that thing away.

You don't need it here,
we're all friends.

I can see that.

Money makes strange bedfellows.

Young man, this is strictly
a business transaction.

For how much?

A few hundred thousand.

So, 12 people dead for
a few hundred thousand?

I'm a generous
man, young fellow,

and now that you're with us,

I'd be delighted
to share with you.

Not on your life.

But I owe it to you.

Since you've done away
with those animals

that have been hounding me.

Start running, baby,
'cause I got news for you,

the feds are.

The next one's for you.

Are you crazy?

You just killed that poor man.

Poor man my ass!

He's another greedy
pig like you.

Steve, use your head.

I'm not talking thousands,
I'm talking millions.

Good to hear.

Tell Paul and Sandy and all
the others dead out there.

Forget about them.

I had nothing to do with that.

Can't you think of the living

and the living that
we can do together?

Living?

What about the loving?

Wasn't that part of
the package too, angel?

The loving, of course it is.

You just told me you
love me only an hour ago.

Could I possibly change
so much in so little time?

No, you haven't changed, I have.

My god, Steve,
please don't kill me.

Kill you?

That's not my plan.

What are you
going to do with me?

Turn you in, sweetheart.

A dealer like you should
only be 20 years to life.

Steve, that's not fair.

I'm not playing a sap
for you anymore, angel.

Get moving, baby.

I'm frightened, Steve.

You didn't mind
leading us up here.

1 can't help it, I'm
scared now, please.

Don't worry, both
sides were wiped out

except for you and me.

Steve please.

Get moving.

Look, whatever happens, I
want you to know one thing,

that I really love you.

Okay, maybe in the
beginning I was,

I was playing you along, but
the way you stood up tonight.

I gotta hand it to you.

When you lie, you
lie beautifully.

Oh god, no, not a lie.

The truth, maybe for the
first time in my life.

And for whatever
it's worth to you,

I really did fall
in love with you.

Whatever happened in that house,

had nothing to do
with you or me.

I really need you in my life.

Steve!

God.

You took too long to
reach me, Mr. Jones.

I'll take that now.

No way.

We needn't quarrel, sir.

Let me go!

Let me go!

Sandy!

Steve!

Simply quid pro quo.

I told you the
gods would provide.

Now, Mr. Jones will escort
you back to your boat.

This way, folks.

Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen.

Jones tours welcomes you.

L, Reginald chamley
Jones, your tour guide,

welcome you personally.

Our tour today, are
you reporting, sir?

This way, please.

Our tour today will
take us to one of

the most fascinating islands
of the beautiful Caribbean.

I think I can safely promise
you a tour you'll never forget.

There'll be sights you've
never experienced before.

Thrills you've never
experienced before.

Of all the visitors who
come to these parts,

you are to be congratulated

above all.

You are men and women of
great taste and discrimination

who spurn the artificial,
who demand the genuine,

real thing.

You have demanded the real
thing, and you shall have it!

On the beautiful
island of Saint Marie!

J get your mind in the groove

j let your body start to move

j and feel the rhythm

j the reggae rhythm

j 'cause we're takin' everyone

j to a picnic in the sun

j with the music

j the reggae music

j it don't matter if you're old

j just send your
worries up in smoke

j yes indeed

j with the ganja weed

j let the music set you free

j come and picnic here with me

j and we'll be

j singing lalalalala

jlalalala

j makin' la la la la

j makin'la lala la la

j if you give me half the chance

j everybody's got the dance

j start dancin' with 'em

j to the reggae rhythm

j there is something in the air

j you can feel it everywhere

j it's the magic

j reggae magic

j get the weed, drink some wine

j when your mind
is clear and fine

j what can you do

j just like movies

j and then the music set ya free

j come and picnic here with me

j and then we'll be