Zombadings 1: Patayin sa shokot si Remington (2011) - full transcript

Focus on (oriental) gay-themed movies.

Homo?

Homo! Homo!

Teach him some manners!

Hi, Fe.

Homo, homo, homo!

Child. You may begin your confession.

You first, Father.

Why?

Because you are a homo.

Homo, homo, homo...



Quiet. Don't say that.

Homo, homo, homo!

Remington!

I told you to stop doing that!

Ooohhh! Another homo.

Homo, homo, homo, homo!

Yes. I am gay.

Always was, always will.

But you brat... when you grow up...

You will become gay!

REMINGTON AND THE CURSE OF THE ZOMBADINGS.

Make way, make way.

Stand aside, I said.

Are you laughing at me?



Mimi. Cordon off the area,
so that we can salvage some evidence.

Another Diana Ross?

Dark hair.

Fake eyelashes.

Green goo.

Gay.

Fellow citizens.

If you want us to catch the killer...

Please cooperate!

When you find a victim, call the police...

Not your neighbours.

What was the cause of death?

Murder.

Keep the crime-scene intact. That's basic!

I have never seen a murder victim before.

I've seen all kinds.

Homosice, suicide, parricide...

pesticide!

Kidding.

My mom is a cop.

Really? Groovy!

I know.

Cool.

I have seen a lot of corpses too.

Lung cancer, skin cancer, bone cancer...

social cancer!

Kidding.

My father is an oncologist.

Hi.

Hello.

You are not from here, isn't it?

Yes, I am.

My name is...

Remington!

Hey Jigs!

Remington? You are Remington?

Yes.

You know me?

Miss...! Wait!

You know her?

She is Montano's daughter.

Let's go.

The other day, she was my passenger.

What did your mom say?

About what?

The murders. Is there a suspect?

Nope.

Who is the victim?

Janet Jacksonia.

Oh, shit...

Why? Were the two of you dating?

No way!

Drinks at Tabel's tonight.

There is also a party at Kevin's.

Great!

Watch the road, you shitheads!

Too bad we missed.

That's her house.

Whose house?

The girl you were talking to.

Pass it to me!

Shoot!

Dude?

Dude... Did you see that?

Yes... Bullseye!

Are you okay?

Not the ball... That flying thing...

Drink up.

Is this a blowout for your birthday?

No. That's at the 21st.

Cool. You will be twenty-one on the 21st.

Hey...! Are you drinking or not?

Hey handsome lads.

Present!

Sir Biyo.

Who wants a job?

We're quite busy.

I am shorthanded.

It does not require brains,
so you're all qualified.

Arranging furniture, cleaning the house...

That's it!

Have a shot.

I knew it.

There's nothing for me in
this nest of lazy drunkards.

Might as well go back to Mrs. Montano.

Mrs. Montano?

Yes. Why?

The one with a daughter?

You mean Hannah.

Hannah?

Only child. She just got back from Manilla.

Jigs and I are up for it.

Are you sure?

Yes.
Okay. Be there at eight a.m.

Easy on the alcohol. Don't be late.

Yes sir. Don't worry.

Second round!

What about the tricycle?

Do the night shift.
Not enough tricycles at night.

I'll be your 'co-pilot'.

Wait for me.

I have to go home.

Be there tomorrow.

Why?

Benedict...

Ma'am!

What?

I'm here.

I know.

Are you saying lieutenant Martinez...

that you have no witness.

No suspect...

not even one lead...! Voila!

- Yes - Wow, wow!

Do you realise what it
is doing to our economy?

Five beauty salons have closed.

As you can see, it shows in my hair.

Our gay fellow citizens
are not just kind...

They bring joy,
beauty and laughter wherever they go!

Where is councelor Saliendra?

At an emergency family reunion in Davao.

What about engineer Saludes?

He can not be reached, Sir.

Please try calling later, Sir.

Confirmed. They are all confirmed.

Mayor... It would help if you approved
my budget I requested for since 1999.

Patience.

It's not candy, you are asking for.

Okay. I approve the
additional five hunderd.

Five hundred thousand pesos, yes!

Five hundred pesos! Cell phone load.

Get it from Mutya on your way out.

Georgia.
Are you not afraid you're next?

- What a stupid saying!
- My boss is a cop.

She'll catch that killer.
He'll rot in jail.

Clean shaved.

Are you going to court a girl?

That's my boy!

Of course.

Good morning.

Buddies... Come in.

Godson.

Remington is going to court a girl.

Good.

Great.

Gotta run.

Make me proud, son.

He is a good boy.

Yes he is.

Hey... This was your idea.

Put in some work.

Just finding my groove.

Are you cold or something?

Careful!

Sir Biyo... take a break.

Hannah... Hi...

Not bad.

Hannah!

Thank you for the snack.
It was delicious.

Did you cook it?

Ah... your mother did.

Why is she always in black?

Is she in mourning? Who died?

My father.

I'm sorry.

That's why I came back.

Remember my dad?

The one you called 'homo'?

Why would I do that?

It's true anyway.

I'll take that. Give this to Sir Biyo.

Are we okay now?

I'll show you around,
so you don't get bored.

You did not recognize him?

It was dark, and his face was covered.

The serial killer!

Have you told your mom?

Enter.

Chief?

Out!

Hurry up.

Next batch!

He had a tatoo on his chest.

What kind of tatoo?

Mimi!

Get out of there!

But Chief...
This is the last batch.

Move out! All of you!

Did you tell your pa?

Son...

Is there something you want to tell me?

What?

Are you gay?

Ma!

Then it is not the serial
killer who attacked you.

How can you be sure?

So far, all his victims are gay.

Besides... The cuts on your body...

that's not how he operates.

Maybe... it was...

an addict.

What are you planning to do after summer?

- After the fiesta?

I will help out at the noodle house.

Is that what you really want?

Don't you want to go back to school?

Your aunt's offer is still valid.

But that's not what papa wants.

You are not a boy anymore.

Manilla is so crowded anyway.

And polluted.

Do you want me to get...

lung cancer?
I have heard that one before.

Besides...

What good will it do me?

I am okay here.

It's your life.

I'll close up and wait here for you.

Bye, babe!

Sorry, we're closed.

Just a trim?

Nice ringtone.

Hairdryer?

You shouldn't have bothered.

I have plenty of that.

Besides... that's for later.

Let's go.

Jigs...
Do you think we know the killer?

Maybe he is from here.

Hey... Where are we going?

What's up?

Something happened to Tonya.

Where is Remington?

He already left.

He told me to wait.

Jigs... Where are we?

Who are you?

What do you want?

What?

Whatever!

I thought you were having your
house decorated for the fiesta.

Did not they tell you?

Today, there is not work.

They ran out of fuschia-colored rice paper.

Mommy said: 'Fix the
entire house in black.'

Incredible.

Where has all your stuff gone?

You could skate in here.

Mommy does not want to see
anything that reminds her of Daddy.

Why won't she leave?

She does not want to.

That's why I had to come back.

Bummer. Fucking shit!

What am I supposed to do in this town?

Nothing ever happens.

Everything is in slow motion.

And everyone likes to stare.

What are you plans doing here?

I'll continue my studies
and start a business.

I'll turn downstairs
into a dorm for students.

No... A billiard hall is better!

That's what is in demand...

a hangout for bums.

- Ouch - Huh?

Okay... Bye!

Hannah...! Wait!

What is it?

Ten snaps for the make-up.

What I mean is...

I know.

You really think it is okay?

You betcha!

You look fab, sister!

Ah... Remington.

Hi, Mumsie!

Good morning, ma'am

Good morning too.

There is no work here today.

Yes, ma'am...

Han-nah... told... me...

I did not know you were funny.

Must dash.

I have to mind the noodle house.

Popsie might go Rambo, bang-bang.

Bye, bye.

I don't understand.

But I like the sound of it.

'Must dash'.

Remington!

Mom is cooking a yummy afternoon snack.

Drop by, okay?

Hey...!
Is that not Georgia's shirt?

Oopsie daisy.

What's up with him?

I bet you kept him up late, drinking again.

Remington... what is the matter with you?

Sink.

Mirror.

Towel.

Bucket.

Toilet.

Door-othy!

Serviette.

Farrah Fawcett.

Sink or swim.

Mirror, miror, on the wall...

Bouquet.

John Homes of Flushing Queems.

Oh no!

Fucky sucky yucky.

Fiesta is almost here.

So?

After the fiesta,
another school year starts.

Maybe it's time you let Remington
go to Manilla to finish school.

He can stay with his aunt.

I never said he could not go.

He does not want to because he is
afraid they will make him a houseboy.

And besides...

He does not want to get lung cancer.

Where was I?

Confirmed.

To all you gays, homo's, fags,
fairies, queers, queens...

And especially the closet cases...
Stay indoors!

If you want ot have fun, do it in groups.

Hold orgies instead!

Joke!

Fellow citizens. If you have information
that could help us catching the killer...

Please don't hesitate to call us.

You know. Beauty contests
were not created for women.

But for the pleasure of us...
Men...!

You're right.

But sometimes, they can be quite amusing.

Who? The homo's in pageants.

What do you find amusing?

The question and answer portion.

Like, for example?

I don't remember, but they crack me up.

Because they are ugly.

Hey you. This conversations
is only for humans.

Remington! How are you?

Have a shot.

Go on, son.

That's it.

A fine young man.

We are drinking at Berting's tonight.

Join us. Okay?

Sureley Temple.

What?

Don't be afraid, Isko.

Nobody knows your identity.

What can you tell me about that night?

Tonya and I were supposed
to meet that night.

So... a Lancer gray box type.

Do you remember anything else about him?

That's it, Ma'am Fe.

But the gun he used...
I have seen it before.

Where?

My classmate, Ernesto Manansala.

He invented it.

Ernesto...

Relax.

Do you remember your thesis project?

The thing you invented.

That tells if a goat is
gay, and will not mate...

Ernesto...

The gaydar...

I lost it.

Liar!

Mim!

What does the gaydar do?

It can detect homosexuality in animals.

Unfortunately...

There was a fatal accident
with the goat I tested.

Once I fix the animal gaydar,

it will help improve the
productivity of cattle raisers.

And gay animals will
be put to better use...

As pets or commercial models.

There are other possible applications.

For chicken, fish...

Homosexuality exists
in all animals species.

It was by accident that I discovered

the correlation of the
biochemical properties

of homosexual animals to the
electron discharge of the...

Ernesto...

What happened?

I don't know.

You're nothing but a...

Mimi!

Where is the gaydar?

It was stolen.

'Dynamite!' 'Dynamite!'

Next... he takes off his pantalon...

She goes of: 'Wow, really dynamite!'

So now he is almost naked...

Then he removes his briefs.

She goes of: 'What's that? The wick?'

Wick...

That's wicked.

What's this?

Hey Suarez...

Are you going to perm my hair?

It even has blinking lights.

It is so girly.

Or should I say 'gay'?

Berting is a faggot.

You are the killer?

We are...

Your mom will get upset.

When she sees your room is this messy.

I have a probl...

Go ahea...

Forget mine.

What's bothering you?

Nada. Forget about it.

Another Diana Ross.

It is Berting.

The tapioca vendor who just
separated from his wife.

This only means that...

He is confirmed.

Poor Berting.

Just when he was starting to enjoy life.

Ma'am... I have the list of
the box type Lancer owners.

What are you doing here?

My father threw me out.

Your mom let me in.

You slept like a baby,

so I did not wake you.

Damn you.

You don't want me sleeping here?

It's not that.

But you frightened me.

I had a fight with my Pa.

Damn it. So much problems!

Jigs...

I have problems too.

Huh?

Someone is after me. Like Death.

What?

Nothing.

Dude...

Do you have a problem?

That's what I trying to say!

Huh?

If you have a problem, tell me.

Can I sleep over tonight again?

Still at war with my father.

Okay if I sleep next to you again?

Bro?

I'll park.

Okay.

Is Sir Biyo here?

He is not here yet.

Have a snack with us.

Are you sure it's okay?

It's hot.

Have a bite.

Uh...

Gotta go... I have things to do. Bye.

Hello, Miss Beautiful.

Remington!

Remington!

Hannah!

How are you?

I missed you.

No kidding?

Why?

Why?

When I am near you...

I feel so many things...

I believe...

You make me want experiencing
new things in the world...

and discover things about myself,

that I even did not know before.

I do believe...

I become myself...

when I am with you.

I... thank you.

Later, girlfriend!

Girlfriend?

So soon?

Did you give her a love potion?

Hannah is suddenly so sweet to you.

You're almost there... inside her pants.

My God, Jigs...!

Have some respect for the woman.

You really have a problem.

Let's eat. It's on me...

Next time...!

Remember when we used to jump over there?

We wanted to see who could go higher.

Once you landed on a water buffalo.

I had to carry you all
the way to your house.

Remember?

We were still in grade school.

Why so quiet?

Nothing.

I think we were in fifth grade.

Where are you going?

I can't stand it anymore.

- The store?
- No stupid.

Hey... nice bag!

Thanks. I got it cheap.

It's a winner.

Wait! You understand what I am saying?

Of course.

Remington...
I don't want to die yet.

What's wrong, girl?

Look at me closely.

A makeover?

I am gay!

One look at me and you know.

Remington...
They are killing the gays in this town.

I'm out of here. Goodbye!

Wait, Georgia!

Please stay.

Huh?

I need you.

Do you?

You are the only one who understands me.

Really?

I got a problem.

There is this guy haunting me.

He has a nice body, but no face.

First, he shaved off all my body hair.

Then he tied my tongue in a knot.

And he did something to my heart.

So now...

I am falling for my best friend.

I don't know what to do next.

You know what?

It will be a pity if you turned gay.

You're too handsome.

Sis!

That's not a very politically
correct thing to say.

The gay community will not approve!

I don't care.

Sis... help me.

I know.

What?

I know.

What?

Mister Faith Healer.

Tell us what to do.

It's not me you want.

I am just the assistant.

Looking for me?

Hi, love!

Can you leave us alone for a few minutes?

I know him!

He put a curse on me
when I was a little boy.

Shush!

You need to find him.

They are the Miss Pahiyas contestants.

Why are they doing the photo-shoot here?

Because the pageant's
motif is ancestral homes.

That's a lot of bull...

They are all so lovely.

No way!

You are far more lovelier.

Truly.

Hey Sandy. Where have you been?

Do you play?

I think you do.

Look at those fingers, like long candles.

Flatterer.

My daddy used to tell me...

Those with candle-like
fingers should play the piano.

He said, mine looked like
candlewax dripped on them.

Come.

That's all I know.

I knew you could play.

You call that playing?

We used to have a piano.

So you took lessons?

No. I got scared.

When the teacher came.

I ran.

Why did you do that?

Sorry, Remington.

What for?

I was wrong about you.

Turns out, you are different.

Even the way you talk is different.

Hannah...

But most of all...

You make my mom happy.

And that makes me happy.

Hannah...

I have to tell you something.

Don't be shy.

Jigs...

Come and eat.

I know what you are going to say.

My answer is: 'Yes'!

It is not that, it's not that.

There is something weird about me.

I am changing.

What?

I won't keep it from you any longer.

I am falling...

for Jigs.

Jigs?

Yes.

Would you believe me if
I told you I was cursed?

Really?

Bring it on.

Good... You're home.

Jigs...

I'll borrow your tricycle. Okay?

Where are you going?

I'll take you.

Don't bother.

I don't want you mixed up in this.

Stop it.

We are friends!

Nothing is gonna change that.

Okay.

Fine.

My God...

You're not so drunk.

I lied to you.

About what?

I am not a virgin anymore.

Hello! I already know that.

With gays...

It is not true, I don't do it with them.

Why did not you tell me?

I know you.

You would think low of me.

Then I found out...

You are hiding something from me too.

What are you talking about?

How long have you been in love with me?

Why did you keep it from me?

Did you think I would be grossed?

That I would laugh at you?

Avoid you?

If I am okay doing it with others...

Why not...

Come here.

Are you okay?

Wait, wait, wait!

Go, go, go!

Shit.

Are you done?

I can't do it.

You might go next.

What do you mean?

I mean, dying.

Who will die?

You...

if ever...

You are the killer?

No!

Janet Jacksonia,

Tonya,

and even Mang Berting...

You had sex with them?

Yes.

Before they were killed.

Sorry, bro.

That was close.

He did not notice Berting
making a pass at him.

Welcome to the club, Ed!

Does not that thing run out of power?

Where is your faggot?

Yuo mean Georgia?

He suddenly took off.

You must have warned him.

I made a deal with you, remember?

I will go along with you...

If you leave Georgia alone.

But why doing this?

Why do you hate gays so much?

And you do not?

Sometimes.

When Georgia is hard-headed.

That's what gays do.

Then slowly and insidiously...

To protect our country,

and the future of our
families and our youth!

Where are you going to?

Next town.

To Hannah's.

Who?

Hannah's place.

This one is a real playboy.

Just like his father.

Where's the booze?

Let's get some.

Are we looking for a dead person?

It's clean.

Someone is taking good care of it.

This is where I saw him crying.

Who?

The gay who put a curse on him.

Look.

Yoooh, papi.

Let me do it.

Excuse us, Sir.

Do you know who visits this tomb?

Yes.

The deceased person's most
beloved, Pops Ricafuerte.

Is he gay?

He is a good person.

Do you know where we can find him?

Hello.

Oh... Young ones.

How can I helping you?

We are here to...

Do you remember me?

I was little then.

Sorry...

I don't know you.

I am the boy you cursed.

Cursed?

I have never done such a thing.

Think hard.

You said that I would
turn gay when I grew up.

I said that?

I don't recall.

You may leave.

Wait!

Remington, wait.

It's you!

You cursed me!

You're the homo!

Homo! Homo! Homo!

Yes!

It was I who cursed you.

You brat!

You deserve it.

You deserve it!

Tell me how to get rid of the curse.

Tell me!

Ouch.

Ouuuuuch!

Okay, okay...

I don't know how.

Wait!

I don't know how...

But we can talk to the spirit!

Let's hold hands.

Repeat after me.

Annoying spirit, come out.

Make us feel your presence in this house.

We are not afraid.

To face your awful face.

Annoying spirit, come out.

Make us feel your presence in this house.

We are not afraid.

To face your awful face.

Don't let go.

You're almost there...

I can smell you already.

Don't let go his hand.

You won't get Remington.

How can we remove the curse?

Only if a man agrees to turn gay.

A man who has not tried gay sex.

I hope you find your replacement.

I hope so too.

We'll come back if we
have any more questions.

Okay?

Surely.

Faggots.

Ninong?

You are a disgrace to your father.

What a waste.

A waste!

The nerve!

Who do you think you are?

Get out of my property.

You are the killer!

Remington...

Let's go!

Drive faster!

I'm going as fast as I can.

Do you see that?

What is it?

Oh... My... God!

We still have time.

Where is the birthday boy?

He doesn't answer any of my texts.

Where should I put these?

Put it anywhere.

Son of a bitch!

That hurts!

Snap out of it.

We're out of time.

Let's get this straight...

Someone has to switch places
with Remington to turn gay?

That's right.

You mean..

I will start liking boys?

And stop liking girls?

We are forgetting something.

My replacement has to be a virgin...

Who among you have no sexual
experiences with gays?

Odi and Juno.

There is nothing wrong with being gay.

Mu uncle Elmer sent me to school.

I screwed up though,

so now he is sending my sister.

Good thing he is not here.

It is dangerous.

Yeah...

They are alright.

I am okay with it.

You are?

Go through it, bro.

I will accept you.

Even when you are gay.

They have a point.

Remington. Listen to me. You are not gay.

We can fight this. Don't give up.

I appreciate your concern, but...

Girl.

I am already tired.

None of us wanted this.

But what can we do?

Just let it be.

Time to move on.

Okay?

No.

You don't deserve to be called 'gay'.

The gays I know,

They know how to put up a fight.

Some of them fight all their lives.

But you...

You just do what is easy for you.

Even if it means giving up what you love...

And who you are.

Guys...

I am gay.

I knew it.

You were not drunk that night.

Hannah...

You are right.

I should not turn my
back on who I really am.

Me too!

Time is running out.

Let's go.

Mimi...

You have the list of all the Lancer
owners who work at Ernesto's school.

Chief?

What?

Tonya, Mang Berting and the captain...

Are they in hell?

Are you serious?

- Yes.
- I asked for a sign.

A white flower to be exact.

But I forgot what the
sign was supposed to mean.

Maybe you should eat the flower,

and wait for the answer to come.

That's right.

You are really brilliant, Chief.

That's why I am the Chief.

Friends.

Tonight we will find out
who the lucky girl will be.

Meanwhile...
Let's wish our judges good luck.

They have a tough job ahead.

And now!

Our contestants once again.

With a very special dance number.

Do you want to win?

Yes, Sir.

What's your cellphone number?

0928...

We can find a replacement here.

Buddy. Do you want to turn gay?

I will pay you.

What? Want me to smash your face?

Why don't we put this off
till after the fiesta?

What's that?

Look.

Aunt Baby is crying.

All you have to do is to say these words...

What's that again?

I have a foundation for college girls.

- What course are you taking?
- Enginering.

What kind of job do you want?

Engineer, Sir.

Are you good at math?

Yes.

8x4?

- 6 - Correct.

Thank you, Sir.

The make-up is fantastic.

Indeed!

What a fresh approach.

How daring.

Why does your perfume smell like...

Shit?

You want to win?

Okay.

Go home and take a bath.

He is gay.

What are you waiting for? Use the gun.

It is not working.

It's Berting.

Berting!

Step back!

There are too many of them!

Let's run.

We can't win this.

Ouch!

That hurts!

I said, that hurts.

Ninong!

Don't!

It is a fake!

I assure you, my son is not gay.

Help me.

Someone cursed me when I was small.

That he will turn gay when he grows up.

And it is already happening.

I love you...

Nonsense.

How I wish...

It were not real, but it is true.

Oh... Oh... My Master has turned.

Master...

You have kept it hidden far too long.

Let's go, Master...

That's it. Give in!

Give in!

Welcome to the club.

Zombading!

Let's see who is tougher.

For my town.

Come back.

Zombading!

Ouch. Ouch

Hannah...

I need to tell you something.

I want you to remember.

How I once loved you.

Don't ever forget.

Even when I'm already forgetting.

Tell me...

How can we get rid of the curse?

If someone takes my place.

A straight man.

I'm in.

Huh?

What do I do?

Really?

Dad?

There is no time, son.

You would rather turn gay,

than having a gay son?

Remington...

I have had my swing at life.

Yours is just starting.

I want you to be happy, as you are.

Remington...

Time is running out.

But what about you?

Why?

Can't I be a father when I'm gay?

What about mom?

She'll understand.

I...

Eduardo Felimon Martinez...

Hereby agree to be gay,

for the rest of my life!

Ma'am. What can you say about the
recent events here in Lucban?

You can direct all your questions to her.

Chief...

You can handle this.

There is talk that what happend
was just a hoax, a show...

Because... it is too... weird.

Ma'am. What can you say about that?

In my opinion...

I have seen a lot of
things happen in this town.

Things I never thought possible.

Not even in my wildest imagination,

nor in nightmares.

But they happened anyway.

And they are still happening.

How pretentious!

Kids.

What can you say about
the famous Lucban noodles?

Delicious!

Ti, ti...

Ti, ti...

So...

You are all set to go?

Manilla is not that far.

Right.

What if you were to study there again?

I am okay with being here.

It honors my patience.

In that case, I'll stay.

The high school bandmaster
said I could be his assistant.

You are scared, isn't it?

A bit.

Don't be.

I know you can do it.

Move!

Jerk...
You are ruining the moment.

Go on. Play.

Girls...!

Double time!

We have a new orde from Germany, Berlin.

Hon, let's eat.

Coming.

Here you go.

Ma, look...

A homo.

She is beautiful.