Zero to Sixty (1978) - full transcript
A divorced man hooks up with a street-smart sixteen-year-old who makes her living by repossessing cars from their owners.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Guitar!
♪ We shouldn't hesitate
♪ 'Cause there's
no time to waste
♪ We should be moving on
The road is long
♪ It leads to somewhere, honey
That we've never seen
♪ I know this may sound funny
'Cause I'm just 16
♪ But we got to live a little
Love a little
♪ Do it as fast as we can
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car ♪
Hello.
FLO: Yeah,
what do you want?
Yeah, is Gloria's Trans Am
still on the repo hot list?
Hotter than stealer's
pantsuit, go get it.
[ZERO TO SIXTY
CONTINUES PLAYING]
Gloria's Trans Am! Oops!
Why are you chasing me?
[POLICE SIREN BLARING]
Oh, thank you, Dan. Thank you
very much. Thank you.
Dan, congratulations. Thanks.
See you off
at 10:00, huh?
Great.
I'll kill her!
I'll kill both of them.
Michael, Michael,
why are you so angry?
You're free! Free. Free?
Are you out of your mind?
I'm in alimony bondage for
the rest of my life.
How can you do this
to me, Arthur?
It wasn't easy.
Lunch? I don't understand.
I did all the right things,
I went to all the
right schools.
I worked for 18 years
at a rotten job with
a company I hated.
I wore all the right
clothes, saved my money,
now I'm flat busted.
Congratulations!Thank you.
[HORN HONKING]
Michael, don't
be so upset.
Jog! Jog?
Yeah, it eliminates
aggression.
I don't want to eliminate
aggressions. I'm furious.
I'm angry.
I'm also broke.
Give me a dog with
everything on it.
What do you want it? In your ear.
How could you have let
this happen to me?
Me? You married her,
not me.
Here, keep the change.
The question is, why?
Well, she said she was
pregnant. I wanted a kid
in the worst way.
So did she and
there he is.
That's the boy that
cleans out my pool.
I think he's been
dipping in it, too.
This son of a bitch is
driving my car.
Not anymore.
Not your car.
This is your car.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's her old white Cadillac.
No, she still owes
five payments on that.
Dan says your clothes
are in the trunk.
Every month I gave her money
to pay for the car, right?
Every month she put
the money in her own
bank account.
Right.
Now I owe $1,000 on
her car, on that car?
Your car. And my house?
Her house. Remember
you gave it to her?
No, no, I didn't.
Oh, I just signed it into
her name for tax purposes.
I mean, for God's sake,
that's not giving it to her.
No, she gave
it to you.
And my furniture.
My antique pool table.
My bill.
A hundred dollars an hour.
From breakfast through dinner.
Portal to portal,
Michael.
You know, plumbers,
electricians, lawyers
they're all getting it today.
In the neck, that's where
they're getting it.
Now how in the hell
am I going to pay
for this, Arthur?
Oh, with my salary garnished
by her, at a job that I hate,
that I want to quit.
Then a car that I owe
$1,000 on, with
no place to sleep.
Need is the mother
of invention.
Arthur, you're
absolutely right.
Can I bunk in with you
for a couple of days?
Well, now I have one fast
and hard rule. I never
sleep with a client.
No offense.
Arthur, I'm taking
your car.
Why are they always
so ungrateful?
Where you going with my car
you rotten little kid?
Up yours.
What are you doing...
Oh, hello Captain. Arthur
Dunking here. Hey, I'd like
to report a stolen car.
Who stole it? A former client.
Nail the ungrateful wretch.
[HONKING]
What the hell?
Where are you
taking my car?
[CRASHING]
This is Ruth from Mutual
Insurance. We're trying to
locate Mr. R. D. Bradley.
The beneficiary of a
deceased relative,
and there's quite a lot
of money in the estate.
There's a chaser on my tail,
wake up and pick up my car
in front of the courthouse.
But I'm sure he does
live there, dear. It
says so here on the will.
There's the kid
who stole my car.
Hey, why are you
busting in here?
I got that mother!
MAN: Hey, Woolworth.
Mrs. Herbert Feinberg.
This is Bernice from
the Yamata Motorcycles.
Hey, who are you? He's not talking.
Get the wallet. Get the wallet.
Your husband purchased
a motorcycle from us
a couple of months ago.
Oh, here you go,
Michael Nolan, 100 Witch
View Drive, Beverly Hills.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
He's a phony.
Put him in the lineup.
Up, up, up.
Scratch the motorcycle,
And scratch Feinberg.
Larry?Yeah, that's him.
You see? I know you,
you, you I never
saw before.
Take him to the posters.Here we go.
We've got a rapist here,
a bank thief, a murderer
by the name of Nolan.
Nolan. Six foot six. Yeah, that fits.
Black hair and bushy. Perfect.
Full beard
and mustache. So he shaved it off.
And a bullet scar in the
right side of his ass.
Strip him down.
[ALL CHEERING]
No, no, no.
Nothing.
Just like a baby.
No scars at all.
Canceled! Larry!
What the hell is going on?
Harry, get up off his
face so he can talk.
Get him up,
get him up.
You dirty bastards,
I'm going to kill you.
Hey, hey, relax.
Hey, relax.
That kid stole my car.
Dead beat.
He owes a grand
on this Caddy.
You own a white
Eldorado, license
number 407 NCZ?
Yeah, yeah,
that's right.
Where's the ownership
certificate?
Well, at the bank,
the bank.
You don't
own diddly.
Well, I owe the bank, I'm
behind five payments, but
they never complained.
They don't complain,
they repossess.
Repo, repossess?
You got a polite letter from
the bank, saying this
is a friendly reminder?
No, no. I never
got that.
And then you got one
on blue paper saying
you had 10 days to pay?
No, I never got
one of those.
You got a third one
on red paper?
That was from the bank?
I thought it was a
Christmas card.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Kiss your car
goodbye, it's in
the impound lot.
Well, well, that,
that fast?
In and out, sweetie,
this is a volume
business. Boys.
Come on, scram. Take it to the arches, buddy.
And if we don't see
you again, so what.
Here's a bus
schedule.
Hi, officers,
come on in.
Oh!
Hey. Hi.
When'd you start dealing
in hot cars?
Oh, what are you
talking about, Joe?
Well, there's a 77 Cadillac
Seville with the front smashed
in outside your garage.
It was reported stolen. By who?
By the owner.
An attorney.
The son of a bitch.
Hey, why would you
be calling him
a son of a bitch?
Just a figure
of speech.
And who are you?
I never seen you
around here before.
Ah, I'm new.
What's your first name?
No, no, no, you see,
I came here...
Oh, Joe, he's one
of my boys. I just
put him on. Right, guys?
ALL: Yeah, yeah.
Come on, Joe,
don't hassle me.
Well, all right.
Oh, by the way, Flo.
Somebody's been ripping of
stereo cassettes and spare
tires from the repos.
I'll handle it, Joe. Why don't
you do something worthwhile,
like hassling hookers.
Yeah, if you get any
numbers. Have them call
me here. Sammy Darvino.
We'll keep our eyes open,
officer. We'll let you know if
anything happens, looks fishy.
[EXCLAIMS] I knew you
looked wanted. Wanted?
So you're a car thief.
Car thief?
Car thief? No.
Well, you drove a car
without permission.
Well, yeah. ALL: Then you're a car thief!
You're just
like us.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
We're legal, don't you
forget that, eh?
Enough of this crap. Flo,
what's new on Pete?
Still in the hospital.
Light me, baby.
Oh.
You want a job?
No, no, no, Flo.
I'm not going to ride
with this crumb. No way.
Shut up, Larry.
Got all your teeth?
All but one.You don't take care
of your teeth,
then you don't
take care of
anything else.
Now my husband had
big beautiful teeth. And
the rest of him was too.
She took over the business
when her old man
kicked the bucket.
Yeah, yeah,
she wore him out.
Well, I'm as strong as a
horse. Look at these knockers.
Firm as teeny bopper's.
How old do
you think I am?
Oh, about...
Twenty-nine.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
[PHONE RINGING]
Got it.
Tip on Gloria.
Oh, come on, well,
give it to me.
Okay, the kitty
on Gloria is up to
four hundred.
It'll cost you twenty. There we go.
Okay, swifty,
you're hired.
Show him the ropes.
Double crap.
Oh, here. Fill this
out for the cops.
And Larry, please
don't lose Gloria
this time, huh?
I mean if you were smart
as Gloria, I'd be a
millionaire by now.
Oh, listen, listen, in this
business you got to expect
to be shot every seven years.
Thanks. I'll
work for six.
MIKE: Who's Gloria Martine?
LARRY: A flake we've
been trying to catch
for a year.
Damn! What is
all this junk?
Stereo, CB,
a police band radio...
There's no room
for my knees.
Well, shrink. Shrink?
No, I never needed one
until now. What are all these
holes in the dash for here?
It used to be
a cop car. A cop car.
What am I doing here?
All I ever wanted was a
nice home, a family, kids,
Merry Christmas and
a Happy New Year.
Whatever happened?
Wait a minute,
there is a car...
Are you trying to
kill us, you crazy kid.
Get us killed.
Finch, he's one of
the biggest criminal
lawyers in town,
owes 18,000 bucks
on that Mercedes.
So?
If we beat him home,
we can grab him now.
Get out.
And do what?
Lie down in front
of the gates.
Lie down in front of
the gate. Are you crazy?
He'll stop. He'll stop.
Trust me. Will you
go on, lie down.
I'll wait here and grab
the car when he gets out.
Will you go on?
Lie down?Hurry up, go!
You mean, lie down here?
Well, hurry!
Go on, go on!
Well, what... What
if he doesn't stop?
He'll stop,
he'll stop.
Oh, my God!
[HONKING]
You know, I thought
he'd stop.
You thought? You thought?
The only thing that would have
stopped him was a Sherman
tank. He ran over me.
He ran right over me.
Yeah, well, sometimes you
can't figure these flakes.
Come on, move it.
You can't figure
these flakes?
Give me my coat and hat
from the backseat.
If that lawyer,
what's his name, Finch,
if he's so successful,
how come he owes
$18,000 on that car?
He's very unlucky.
He hits Vegas at
least twice a month.
Flies up, walks home.
Bosses don't like it.
A lawyer who
runs over people.
I'm beginning to see
the possibilities of
great joy in this job.
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
What are you doing
down there?
Oh, Christ!
That's her, Gloria!
Give me that repo slip.
Repo!
Repo!
Repo!
No, no, look out!
LARRY: Oh, Jesus.
[GROANING]
Where'd she go? She
disappeared again.
Would you call
me a taxi?
Okay, you're
a taxi, Turkey.
What's her address
on that repo slip?
Address, huh? Yeah.
I think it's right over
there on the corner.
Well, come on, haul ass.
You in the alley.
Silver Trans Am.
If I find it, do I lie down
in the street in front of it?
Lie down in the middle
of the street. I must
be out of my mind.
Trans Am, huh,
a silver Trans Am.
There's no silver
Trans Am in this alley.
Gloria? Gloria Martine?
Gloria!
[GROANING]
Sorry.
Son of a bitch!
Hey! What the hell are
you doing taking a nap?
Wake up, you bum!
Hi.
Hi, he says.
Didn't you see
that Trans Am?
What Trans Am?
You mean to tell me you
didn't see Gloria take
that car out of here?
No. Where did she go?
Oh, well, to hell, for
all I care which is
just where you can go.
Well, I did see a girl.
A gorgeous brunette.
Wow, well, very good.
Congratulations! This caper
just cost us 20 bucks.
Gimme 10.
Well, I'm flat.
Ah, another loser.
What do
we do now?
We? I'll see you
at the office.
Where's the office?
Where the hell am I?
Where the hell were you?
I've been waiting here
since 7:00.
Well, I told you midnight.
No, you didn't. You didn't
say anything about midnight.
You said I'll meet you
at the office.
Midnight, I said,
midnight.
You don't repo cars
before midnight.
They'd have to be nuts.
The least you could have
done was to tell me.
Ah, shut up.
Well, if you'd just
listen to me...
All I know is I came,
I knocked on the door, there
was nobody here, right?
So I thought somebody
would be here, but no.
There was nobody here,
so all I could do was knock
on the door. I thought Flo
or somebody would come around,
but nobody came around.
I was standing there all
by myself, in the cold,
waiting for somebody
to show up and nobody
showed up.
Oh, shut up.
There the unit.
A Buick.
What's this?
The impound order,
stupid. Read it.
Vehicle identification
number, make, model,
serial, license...
Oh, permission
to steal, huh?
Year?
Ah, 1969.
What's a nice girl like
you doing in a rotten
business like this?
Hand me that tackle box
on the floor in back.
I'm serious.
My old man was
a car thief, okay?
These are the tryouts.
It takes time to
go through them, but
it's neater than nitro.
Nitro?
Yeah, that's what my
last partner was using
when he got shot.
Terrific.
And what happened
to your father?
He got caught and got
sent away for two years.
Here, look up the model number
and year and read me a set
of numbers that's next to it.
Five, five, four.
Two years, huh?
Yes.
Two, four. Well, two years,
that's not so bad.
He was killed in
a prison riot. Next?
Next?
Six, five.
How long... Okay.
All right this is what
we take to the unit.
This, picks,
ignition puller
and a flashlight.
Flashlight, huh. Good.
Yeah, it's black out there,
why after midnight?
Earlier you get
your ass shot off.
Oh, that's a good reason.
Now when you get out leave
the door half open.
If we have to
split in a hurry,
we don't waste time.
"Leave the door half open."
Keep your body low so
nobody can see you. I know.
Stay on the far side of the
unit with your eyes peeled.
"Eyes peeled."
Now when I start the unit,
you take my car and get
the hell out of here.
At the end of the block
I'll pass, you follow me
to the impound lot.
You got it? Yes, yes. You go out,
take your car,
I mean, unlock...
Yeah. Got it, got it.
Okay, good,
let's get going.
I think I'm going
to throw up.
[GRUMBLES]
[CAR APPROACHING]
Scooch down, quick.
One hundred, Ford DD.
Hey, we've been
looking for this
unit for six months.
Hey, why don't you take
this one? Hey, it's
a piece of cake.
Me?
Yeah, yeah, the
motor's still running.
Go on, it'll be
your cherry.
Cherry? Cherry?
Chicken, are you?
Chicken?
Shit.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'll do it, I'll do it.
Go.
I will, I will. Just give
me a minute, will you?
What am I doing here?
I think I just
wet my pants.
Will you go on. Go on!
[WHIMPERING]
Go on, go on.
[ALARM RINGING]
A piece of cake?
Some frigging piece
of cake that was.
That son of a bitch was
going to beat my head in.
What are you bitching about?
Did you see my rear window?
What about it?
Well, there isn't any,
that's what. That bastard
shot it out. I mean,
he was trying to kill me.
Kill me dead.
Listen, I've been shot at
before. Sure, I mean, people
take potshot, you know,
it's nothing serious, but
that bastard, I mean, he meant
to kill me. He really did.
But why?
You're polluting
the atmosphere.
Well, it won't turn off.
There's no key.
No key?No key, no key.
What are you doing?
Hotwired. Those guys
popped this car earlier!
They stole it?
Yeah.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, boy!
I'd like to have seen
the guy's expression
on his face
when he saw you
sitting in his car.
I sat there like a dummy,
gunning the engine, with
the gear shift in park.
Oh, my God, I'm starving
to death. Come on.
Let's hit the diner.
Well, how'd you like
the first night?
How many cars did you
pop, Nolan? Well...
BENNY: Push, push, push, you
kept yelling and you pushed
the car right over my foot.
How do you feel, Benny? You're another clown.
How do you feel? Okay, animals, feeding time.
All right.
All right. Spanish omelet,
no tomato sauce, double
onions, double green pepper,
hot sauce on the side plus
three burgers burned,
double cheese, no onions,
double fries, coffee,
two milks.
Two burgers bleeding,
no cheese, onions fried, apple
pie, whipped cream, ice cream,
coffee, milk, cream.
Three burgers to go. Hold
the mayo, heavy on the onions,
heavy on the cheese,
two milks, one coke,
that'll be...
$4.75. I'll take $6
and keep the change.
I think the lady is paying.
Thank you.
MIKE: What are we doing
here? Isn't it that lawyer
Finch's house?
Yeah. Finch,
the fink. You bet.
MAN ON RADIO:
And now for the late
news. Willie Bighums,
president of the Loaders
and Carriers Union
was abducted from
the Red Cock Inn
earlier this evening.
Witnesses say he was seen
entering a parked car,
nothing more has been heard
from him as of this time.
And now back
to our regular program.
Look at them.
Mercedes 600, a Jag
and a Rolls Royce.
Boy, I want that
Mercedes so bad,
I'd give up sex.
What about the others?
They might be wanted, too.
Not by us.
[SIRENS BLARING]
Oh, the cops
are hot tonight.
Okay, let's go
pop that hog.
Pop that hog?
Repo a motorcycle,
Jesus, are you dumb.
[WOMAN LAUGHING LOUDLY]
When do they sleep?
At noon. Hanging upside
down like bats.
So where can I drop you?
Where my clothes are.
You're sleeping
here?
The price is right. I don't
know anything cheaper.
Come on. Get in.
What?
Come on, get in.
Well?
Well, it's, it's...
I'm decorating it myself.
No kidding!
Yeah. Wait till you
see the inside.
[LAUGHS] Yeah,
I can hardly.
[1970s MUSIC PLAYING]
[LOWERS VOLUME]
Come on, it's my
favorite song.
Are you moving
in or out?
I told you
it was terrific.
Terrific!
It's unique.
Well, that's
how I wanted to
do it, "unique."
Sheets in the closet,
blankets under the couch.
Where's the couch?
It's right there.
Oh, sure, I can
deal with that.
Yes. Well, let's see here.
What do I do with
your laundry?
Oh, here I'll take them.
Okay.
Oh, you can hang
your clothes there.
No, no, no, no,
not that closet.
That one is a killer.
This closet. Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Can I ask you a
personal question?
That all depends
on the answer.
How come you live all the
way out here, all alone?
It's safer.
Safer? Out here?
Listen, when I was
a kid, years ago,
I kept getting hassled
by the heat because
I wasn't in school.
What, did you quit?
Ninth grade. Boring.
I got a job in a five and
dime for eating money.
There was this one cop,
I think he was some
kind of pervert,
he kept on hassling them
so they'd fire me.
One day he followed me
home. He told these people
I was living with what
had been going on.
You see, they only
get paid if the kid
attends school.
Paid by who?
Oh, city, county,
who in the hell ever.
So, I... Why?
Because they sent my old
man to prison, nobody to
take care of me.
Well, what about
your mother?
She skipped earlier.
So I went down
to City Hall, got
my birth certificate,
lit out of that town
and came here.
How?
In an 18 wheeler driven
by some old Southern boy
who kept on getting
my knees mixed up
in the gear shift.
The only thing that saved me
was he couldn't do it to me
and keep his hands on the
wheel at the same time.
How old were you?
Fourteen.
Fourteen?
How'd you survive?
By stealing.
Well, it was better than
hooking, I'd seen enough
of that on the street.
Anyway that's why
I live out here.
That's why they're there, huh?
Blanket, blankets.
Two birth certificates.
Five years difference.
WOMAN ON RADIO:
...license number 100 ODD.
Anyone knowing
the whereabouts
of this vehicle...
100 ODD?
Don't touch them!
Put that down. It's none
of your damn business.
I pulled the blanket out.
These came out with it.
Well, don't touch them.
Well, I'm sorry,
it was an accident.
Yeah, but you
had to read it.
Well, I... It was
an accident.
You didn't have
to read it.
Okay, okay, so I read it.
I'm sorry. I'm not going
to tell anybody.
Tell them what?
Well, that you're
only 16-years-old.
Shut up!
And that you faked your
birth certificate.
You rat fink, you tell anybody
that, I'll kill you. No, no, I won't.
I swear to God, I will.
I swear it.
I won't, I won't,
I swear. I criss-cross,
cross my heart.
Okay.
Nosey.
No, no,
it was an accident,
I swear it was.
But I would like to know, what
was the number of that car
that we picked up tonight?
100 ODD.
I never forget numbers
"100 ODD."
MAN ON RADIO: On the Bighums
disappearance, anyone
knowing the whereabouts
of a brown late model sedan,
license 100 ODD.
I repeat, 100 ODD.
I think we're in
a little trouble.
Yeah, why?
I think Willie Bighums
is in that car.
So what do we do?
We got to have a plan. Right, a plan, a plan!
A plan?
Yes, we examine
the alternatives,
agree on the objective,
zero in on the goal,
that's what I learned
in the last company
I was working for.
What did you do?
I was Director of
Planning and Research.
So what's the plan?
We take him back. What?
Yes, we take him back
where we found him.
Right, right!
Wait a minute!
One of us has
to drive that car.
No, no, I drove it
last time. No, no, no,
it's your turn!
LARRY: I think
we're being followed.
MIKE: Turn left,
we'll find out.
[MIKE SCREAMING]
Get off.
Get off of me!
What the hell was that?
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]
I'm gonna sleep
for a week.
We're home, honey,
wake up. Come on,
dum dum!
[EXCLAIMING]
Where'd you say
the sheets were?
Oh, in there somewhere.
Good night, sweet dreams,
and all that crap.
Good night, Lorraine.
God!
[LAUGHING]
LARRY: Goodnight.
Good morning.
I've been ripped off.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Where's all my things?
Well, your library of
pictorial fiction is
stacked in the corner.
Pictorial fiction?
Comic books to you.
How can you listen
to this garbage?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
What's all this?
It's a tribal rite
called breakfast.
Sit down!
Where'd you get
the eggs and bacon?
From your neighbor.
You stole them?
[PHONE RINGING]
Borrowed them!
I guess.
Hello, Flo.
You been doing anything
illegal lately?
No, not me.
Well, a couple of guys were
just in here looking for you.
Cops?
Well, if they were cops,
I don't know, I never saw
any cops with a Cadillac
and dark glasses, even the
Cadillac had dark glasses.
What did they want?
Well, they had
your name is and
your license plate number.
They wanna know
where you live.
You didn't tell them?
How can I tell them? I don't
even know where you live.
Anyway you better come
in a little later. They
may be gone by then.
You know those guys who
put Willie Bighums in
the trunk of that car?
I think we're next.
No way will I
let that happen.
Well, how are you
going to stop them?
I'll think of
a way, I will.
I'm very good at planning.
So I noticed
last night.
Well, I haven't had much
experience with the disposal
of dead bodies you know.
Hey! I got it! Now they know
this pink car, right?
Right.
We'll paint it!
Paint it? Yes, paint it!
It's a great idea
you'll love it!
Hate it, hate it!
You'll learn to love it,
believe me!
Never, never, never!
It looks like a cop car
again. I can't stand
seeing it look like...
[TIRES SCREECHING]
LARRY: Gloria!
Come on, move it,
Gloria!
Wait a minute, wait, wait!
Shut up!
You I need like a big
hole in the head.
A hole in the head
is what you've got.
Will you zip that
and hold on.
Gloria Martine!
Pull over, you flake!
MIKE: Turn left, turn left! LARRY: Thanks a lot.
Get back!
Oh, that witch
is my nesemes.
[STUTTERING]
N-n-neme...
Whatever, she got
away again!
Will somebody move?
Come on, come on,
somebody move!
What was that?
Full moon!
Oh.
So what do we do now?
Cherry! Cherries! Prune.
BENNY: They got him.
I knew it!SAMMY: Who?
Willie Bighums.
Willie the Rat
we used to call him.
Willie Bighums!
Who's Willie Bighums?
The president of
the Loaders and
Carriers Association.
FLO: I'll show you
Willie Bighums.
Where are the reports?
Benny, Sammy!
They slipped from
the box in the units
in the impound.
Larry! Oh, well...
You had a Chrysler,
a hog, and...
It was wash.
You mean you
got nothing?
Here's a list
of Finch's other cars.
A Rolls, a Jag
and a $14,000 boat.
I will check
them out.
Flo...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Could I get a small advance?
I'm nickel and diming
the kid to death.
Honey, I don't
give advances,
I just get them.
BOTH: Flo doesn't
give advances,
just gets them.
Yes, sure.
FLO: Shut up!
Please, Flo,
I'm not a fluke.
Flake, you flake!
Could I get a loan
then, please?
You're begging? That's
different. I hate to
see a guy go hungry.
Here's a fiver.
Come back later
and I'll take you
home for dinner.
Guess who'll be dinner.
Thank you very much,
I'll repay this as
quickly as I can.
You will not repay it,
it's charity,
of course you will
will be indebted to me.
Well, I think
I'll just...
I think I'll just try
to lose a little weight.
Thank you.
Ungrateful bastard!
Mr. Nolan. Yes?
You're in trouble right?
No, not really,
no, no.
I'll make it, fellas.
Sit down.Shh. It's okay.
Listen, Mike,
I got to warn you
about these...
Now, how can
we help you?
What have
you got? Got?
Any little thing, you know
people forget what valuables
they might have.
I mean search
your soul, search
your pockets.
Well, I got
a cuff link.
A cuff link.
Missing link.
I had two yesterday,
I lost one.
It's 18 carat,
solid tiffany.
Ten bucks.
Five! Five what?
Sold! $5!
Nice looking
thing.
Hey, hey, this is
a valuable watch!
It's signed by
President Carter.
That's Cartier!
Twenty bucks! Ten!
Five! Sold!
No, no I had that
watch for 5 years.
It's used! Two-fifty.
That's what I paid
for it, $250.
It was a birthday gift
from my ex-wife.
I know, I signed
the check.
Ex-wife.
That's why I'll
take your $250.
What are you doing? Hey, look at this.
Hey, Harry. Yeah.
[GROANS]
He has a medallion.
Who's Sally?
It's my ex wife's.
"I will love
you forever?"
That's how long
forever lasts.
What's this?
Yes, I used to
smoke, I stopped.
That's a Dunhill
lighter, solid gold!
Solid gold?
I paid $500 for that.
Your ass, I got
one just like it,
exactly like it.
That's right. Wait.
I paid 6.50
in an alley.
Wait a minute! This
says made in Japan!
He's right, it says
made in Japan.
Where's my gold lighter?
It's down there
in your pocket.
Give me my lighter.
Three bucks!One buck!
One dollar?
Are you insane?
I paid $150 for that!
That is a genuine Gucci!
Gucci?
Do you realize how many
Guccis they had to kill
to make this belt?
Seven bucks. Six bucks.
It's the grand
total of...
$7.50.
Congratulations!
You drive a
hard bargain.
Columbia Law.
No, no, Harvard School
of Business.
See you, Nolan.
Those guys took
my belt and my...
My belt!
Money.
Cuff link, watch
and my lighter!
How did you do that?
How did you ever
manage to survive?
It hasn't been easy.
How? Where did you
learn to pick pockets?
Harvard School
of Business.
Check the clipboard.
Look up the address
on that rag top.
Rag top?
Alpha Convertible.
This place is famous.
It's the A.C.C.H.
A.C.C.H.?
Athletic club.
Aunt Clara's
cat house.
Ho-ho-ho.
I'll take this one.
It's a piece of cake.
Piece of cake.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
Come again.
I'm not sure he can.
Miss Saline Oliver?
No! Aunt Clara!
You bet!
Could I talk to
Miss Saline Oliver?
Talk?
[YELLING]
Salina!
Hey, what are you
looking at, you turkey!
Thank you, thank you
very much, Salina.
And you too, Aunt Clara,
and each and every one
of you delightful creatures.
It's been a
heavenly afternoon.
Well,
come again.
What took you so long?
You were right,
it was a piece.
Lovely young lady.
Not supposed to get
laid, just get the car.
I got the car, and the
payment book, and the
registration and the key.
You got a car
for yourself?
Yes! For doing that?
Doing what? Getting laid?
No, no, she did. Yes. What?
Well, some John gave
her this car for a week
in Acapulco, you know.
And she got back and
a week later, the
payment book arrived.
I just saved her
credit rating.
Where are they?
Bikes are gone,
nobody's home,
come on!
Come on.
I think I stepped
in a cow pile.
[SHOUTING] Hey,
anybody home?
Shhh.
We're out of gas.
Anybody home?
Crazy?
Okay, they're gone.
Come on.
Wow! Hot stuff,
all of it.
Stolen merchandise?
Hey, wait a minute.
Let's get out of here.
Not without the bike.
Here, here's
the keys.
What do you mean,
here's the key. I
can't ride a motorcycle.
Everybody can ride
a bike. Anybody.
No, no not me. I've
never been on one.
They scare me to death.
For cripes sakes.
Here, I'll meet you
back at the impound.
What?
[BIKE APPROACHING]
What are you doing?
I'm getting out of here.
What do you think I'm doing?
[BIKE REVVING]
Quick, jump on
behind.
What?
Do you want to get
out of here alive?
Yes, yes, yes.
Get on.
Jeff, wake up, they're
ripping us off. Wake up.
Jump off. Jump off?
Jump off, damn it.
Are you crazy?
Will you jump off.
Get off.
Good God.
MIKE: Where the
hell did they go?
[ALL CLAMORING]
Help!
Knock it off.
Knock it off, I say!
What the hell is
going on here?
All right, somebody answer me
before I haul you all in.
Well, officer, sir,
this person here
borrowed my motorcycle
and we're just
negotiating on
it's return.
BIKERS: Negotiating.
Negotiating up my...
All right, come on, open
the door. Open the door
in there, open it up.
You borrow your friend's
motorcycle there?
Yes, sir, I did.
Well, then, why don't you
give it back to him?
That's a really good
idea. Listen guys, it's
right out on the street.
And, here's
your coat too.
That's not his coat. You can keep it.
All right, all right.
Knock it off.
We've been missing a lot
of stereos equipment lately.
I'm taking you in
for questioning.
You go get in the
car. Go on, run.
You boys know
anything about that?
No. Don't watch
television.
No, we don't know
anything about that.
No television, huh?
[ALL PROTESTING]
Hey, where'd you
get the gun?
[LAUGHING]
♪ He's so wonderful
♪ He knows 'cause
I told him so
♪ She will be my best friend
when I really need one
♪ He will be my lover
♪ When he wants to have fun
♪ How can I
explain it to her?
♪ That it's too easy
to fall in love.
♪ That it's too easy
to fall in love
♪ She's so wonderful
♪ He's so wonderful
♪ She's so wonderful
♪ He's so wonderful
♪ She's so
♪ Wonderful
Let's...
What?
Here's your own key
to the trailer.
I want you to be
independent, like me.
Come on.
Yes.
Okay, you can sleep
here tonight.
Where?Right here.
Why?
Because I owe you one,
and I always pay my debts.
Larry, you don't
owe me anything.
Then why did you
do what you did?
Well, I only did what
anybody would do for a pal.
Right, so I owe you one,
you can do me.
Do you?
Larry, I don't really know
how to explain this to you,
but this is not the generally
accepted recommended
method of a seduction.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm rushing you, right?
Well... Relax. Relax.
Why don't you
sit down, huh?
Sit down?
How would you like
some warm beer?
Beer?Yes.
Came with a 1964
repoed Buick.
Okay. Here. Here. Drink
it quick. No, no, no.
Wait. Take your
time, relax.
No rushing, right?
I don't really like beer.
Well, I'm sorry.
It's the best I can do.
Okay, you finished?
Yes, I've had quite
enough, thank you.
Good. Let's go back
to the bedroom.
And do what?
What do you mean,
and do what? You know.
Larry, now listen,
I know that you've
had a lot of experience.
Yes.
Yes, but you see, being
a man, I really prefer
to be the aggressor.
You male chauvinist pig.
You ought to read
Ms. LibMagazine.
You'd find out
it's okay today.
Okay with who?
With women, who else?
Who else?
Larry, in the usual,
run of the mill,
kind of ordinary
heterosexual relationship,
there is generally
another person present.
Usually a male. Now,
has Ms. LibMagazine
asked them?
Who cares?Who cares?
Well, it's only
50 percent of the act.
Boy, you've really been
around a lot, haven't you?
Yes! Lots.
Wait a minute! You
don't think that you're
my first, do you?
No. I wouldn't think
that for the world.
No, no. How many?
Who can count?
Come on.
Can we just talk a little
bit more? You see,
I'm kind of nervous.
Talk? Is that all that
you're good for, talk?
Well, sometimes it
takes me longer than
it does other times.
You understand.
Sure, sure, sure.
Same as me.
Sure, sure.
Sure.
Well, you ready? No, not quite.
Okay, take your time.
You want a peanut
butter sandwich?
Maybe later.
Do you think I
don't know how?
I think you're
16-years-old.
What difference does
that make? It's just
like riding a bike.
Once you learn how,
you never forget.
You're a terrific
bike rider.
Yes, and I want to learn how
to... I mean, and I'm just
as good at doing that too.
Come on.
[CHUCKLING] Larry, Larry,
Larry, Larry.
[EXCLAIMS]
I can't.
You can't or you won't?
What are you senile
or something?
Senile?
You're probably gay.
Well, I don't think so.
No, no. You're
just senile.
That's it. I mean, what
other reason could it be?
Well, there are a couple.You're too old.
You probably couldn't
even do it anymore.
Well, I...
You probably couldn't
even get it up with
a block and tackle.
What?
Who'd want an old
turkey like you? Well, I can point...
Hey, pal, you don't like me,
that's fine, why don't you
just leave. Just get out.
Just get out of
here. Get out.
You dumb ass broad.
Hey, Mike,
I'm really sorry.
"See you tomorrow night"?
Bartender? Could
I have another...
Bourbon? You go it.
Geez, that's funny. That's
really a kick in the ass.
[CHUCKLING]
Block and tackle.
You got troubles, pal?
But, sex is not the
answer to anything.
You need an answer?
Well, anybody can do it.
I mean, what does that
prove? I've done it a lot.
Probably too much.
I've been married
and divorced twice.
Tell me about it,
I've been there too.
[LAUGHING]
I'm walking away from this
situation, I'll tell you.
I mean, I don't want that
kind of a relationship
with Larry.
Larry?
What's wrong
with Larry?
There's nothing wrong
with Larry.
Yesterday morning,
I got divorced.
Yes.
An hour later, I meet the kid
on a job and now I'm living
with Larry in a trailer.
In a trailer?Yes.
That sounds like a kick. A kick?
You know married life
can really be rough.
Oh, sure, tell me.
Believe me I know.
And along came Gene.
Yeah? Yeah.
Hey, how did you
meet Larry?
The kid stole my car.
Stole your car?
Yes, she stole...You're kidding.
I don't believe...
Oh, no. Larry's not
a car thief, not really
a car thief. No, no.
Sweet kid. Needs a lot,
loads of affection, you know.
That's my Gene.
Just independent as hell.
Won't take shit from
anybody, you know.
[LAUGHING]
That is my Gene.
Tell me, what the hell to do?
Hey, hey. Look, pal.
I had the same problem.
And then Don came along.
Now it's just the three
of us. Gene, Don and me.
Believe me, we've
never been happier.
Well, that...
That's terrific.
Well, listen,
thanks for the advice,
old buddy.
Buy the guys
there a drink.
Thanks so much.
See you around. Yes, come back.
Bring Larry.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
What are you,
a Vassar broad?
Smith, to be precise,
class of 1965.
I smell perfume,
thank God. Bartender.
Yes, sir, what's
on your mind?
As if I didn't know.
Drinks for all the ladies
and a triple for me.
What color?
The amber, ambrosia
in a square bottle,
though I admit sometimes
I do prefer bonded blond.
Well, take your pick.
We got every shade
there is here tonight.
Well, the place
is filled with goodies
tonight. And biggies.
Ah, bartender,
these...
These ladies wouldn't be
professionals would they?
Are you kidding?
You think I'd let
an amateur in here?
Well, not her.
That's Smith,
class of 1965.
You are over 21,
aren't you?
I'm 34, 22, 35.
[MIKE GROANING]
Good morning.
Did you sleep well?
When?
There's not much in the
fridge, I'm afraid, because
I only just moved in.
But there's more coffee
on the stove. I got to
go to work, damn it.
I would give a week's pay
just to stay here and
play some more.
But I have just so many
bills, you just wouldn't
believe it.
I'd believe it.
That bastard.
I was married to
him for six weeks,
he ran up $20,000
worth of bills
and then skipped.
All he left me with was
the car and that's not
even paid for yet.
Yeah.
Do you have to
go to work?
Believe me, I don't
want to go.
Hey, why don't you
just stay here?
I'll be back later
and we can pick up
where we left off.
You're spoiling me.
I woke up this morning
singing. Nobody's made
me sing for a long time.
Hey, as a matter of fact,
why don't you just,
just move in here?
Just think of this place
as your home. Come and go
whenever you please.
No strings attached.
No strings attached.
Honey, you are
a real find.
Now, in case you run
out of cigarettes.
Oh, I don't smoke.
But you can really
light a fire.
I'm singing.
[HUMMING]
Oh.
Good morning.
Now, I know what
you're thinking,
Mrs., um...
You are thinking, now where
is the first and last months'
rent on my lease, aren't you?
If you just stay right
here, don't move.
The gentleman upstairs will
be right down and he will
take care of everything.
It's so nice to have a
rich father, don't you think?
[GROANING]
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
I haven't done this
since high school.
Ah, you'll never die,
you virile bastard.
Where you been?
I've been waiting for you.
Where's your car?
Battery's dead.
So is mine.
Where'd you meet her?
Who?
The brunette whose perfume
you're wearing.
Blond, I think.
Well, it smells like
a brunette to me.
Shh.
Flo wants me to tell you
about Finch, she thinks
he's got paper all over town.
First National wants
the Rolls and State Union's
after the Jag.
What about the boat?
Flo also thinks he's got a
private jet at the airport.
Jesus, do you stink.
I mean what did you have
to do, roll around in it.
Yeah, I rolled around
in it. So what?
So what?
The least you could've done
was just taken a shower.
I did.
Yeah, and rolled around
in it some more. Right?
Yeah, I rolled around
in it some more.
Geez, who needs this anyway?
I've been married twice, huh.
I never cheated
on my wife, never.
You, you're worse than
both my wives put together.
Well, if you don't like
it, you can just...
I already have.
What?
I got an apartment
of my own. I'm moving
in tonight, okay?
It's starting to rain.
Does thing have a top
on it, a roof?
Yeah, go on,
put it up.
Oh, wow.
Come on, put it up.
Are we going to
repossess a whole
used car lot?
Think you're up to it?
MAN: Come on,
move your ass.
Come on, get a move on.
We got 10 minutes for
the operation.
Let's go.
Team one
get the J-straps.
Team two start working
on the transporter.
Hurry, this way.
Benny, further.
What?
Further, Benny,
further.
Holy shit.
First and
still the best.
Right behind you.
I don't want you
anywhere near me.
Is that far in enough?
No, Benny.
No. No, you dummies,
first cars first.
I can't get it in.
What do you mean,
you can't get it in?
Here, give it to me,
I have a lot
of experience.
It shows, Flo. It shows.
Harry, what are
you doing?
I'm trying to
pick this lock.
Harry. What?
What'd you do that for?The window is open.
Hurry. Move your ass.
I've got this one.
Get those chains now, quick.
Who's got the
bolt cutters?
Who taught you
how to fall?
Your mother.
Come on, just help me
with this chain, would you?
Be careful.
Be careful.
If you think you can do
better than me, you get
your fat ass in here.
Sammy, you Italian creep,
don't you know how to drive?
I know how to drive, Flo.
Stop all this. Come on.
Keep it moving.
Listen, I'm an intellectual
giant. I shouldn't be doing
a dumb job like this anyway.
Come on, Harry, you meatball.
Eddie, we have 10 minutes
to finish the job. Which
way are you going to go?
I'm going that way.
Me too.
Up your Johnson, Harry.
Shut up, Sammy.
Okay.Okay.
Okay. That way.
Stop playing around.
Come on.
Get that car in
the transporter.
Get it up there, up,
up. All the way.
Keep going.
Further, further.
I didn't mean
that far.
What happened?
Short runway.
Well, the bank said
to get them out,
they never mentioned what
condition they had to be in.
Another job.
Another dollar.
And that's for my
brother-in-law you
sold an Edsel to.
Hey, if Flo would've seen
Benny and me she would
have paid us double.
Oh, Flo never
pays double.
Come on.
Okay, what do you
guys want tonight?
Pancakes, buckwheat.
Sausages, well done,
two milks,
a jar of honey and
put an egg on top.
Two burgers, rare. Two burgers medium.
Three hamburgers,
well done.Onions, no ketchup.
Cheese well done,
rye toast.
No onions, no cheese
and double fries.
No fries on mine.
Cancel the two milks
and bring me
a chocolate shake.
Pancakes buckwheat, sausages,
well done, egg on top, cancel
the milks, chocolate shake,
two burgers, rare,
onions, no ketchup.
Two burgers medium, no onions,
hold the cheese, double fries.
Three burgers burned,
cheese, well done,
on rye.
And...No fries.
Ah, you told her.
I want your goodness. Can you believe it?
I'll have spaghetti, extra
sauce, coke, buttered rolls
and a hot fudge sundae.
BENNY: Forget about that.
My pancakes,
I'm starving.
You know, maybe I should
get pancakes, too.
Sure, with whipped cream,
strawberries, marshmallows
and chocolate sauce.
Coffee.
A sick-bag for me,
will you?
WAITRESS: Somebody
call the cops!
I knew I'd never see
those pancakes.
We owe him a favor.
No!No!
What's going on here?
[SCREAMING]
You go this way,
I'll go that way.
I'll divert them.
You go out the front door.
I'll divert,
you go out the front.
Oh.
No!
Get your hands off her.
Get out of here, run!
Let's get out of here.
[MIKE SINGING]
Hey.
You were really wonderful
out there tonight.
How'd you ever learn
to fight like that?
Oh, watching,
Kung Phooey,
Chop Suey.
Yeah, me too.
[IMITATING KUNG FU]
Ah, the army, really.
World War I?
No, not quite.
A place called Korea.
Never heard of it.
Hey, what are you doing?
Packing.
Oh, yeah, that's right,
you told me.
You found a place, huh?
Yeah, it's temporary,
but the price is right.
Cheaper than here?
More expensive
in some ways.
Well...
You know, like you said,
it'll probably be
better this way.
Yeah.
Anyway, I really need
my privacy, you know,
I'm so used to living alone.
What's the address?
Oh, I just remember
how to get there.
Oh, I got the telephone
number in case you need
me for anything.
Need you?Yeah.
Well, why would
I need you?
Well, you never know.
Something might come up.
Well, nothing's
come up so far.
What's this?
Oh.
You know when I left home,
I just grabbed this and
threw it in the briefcase.
What is it, an antique?
Well, yeah, you
could call it that.
I've had it since
I was a kid.
Just a bunch of junk here,
you know, kid's stuff.
Look, a Boy Scout knife.
You were a Boy Scout?
Yeah, sure. Wouldn't
you have known.
There's crayons
and marbles, and
ribbons and medals,
and just junk.
Wait a minute.
I didn't know
this was in here.
Come on, let's talk
about this, huh?
Oh, talk again?
Yeah, yeah, talk,
talk, talk. Come on.
Okay.
When I was married
the first time,
well, that's the first time
I was married, I mean.
I took out an education
insurance policy that would
insure and guarantee
that my kid would have a
college education regardless
of whatever happened to me.
Well, as it turned out,
I didn't have any kids.
I'd like you to have it.
$10,000.
I don't understand. Why?
Better you than the
government. Go on,
take it, enjoy it.
I don't want it.
Why not?
Nobody gets anything
for nothing.
Go on, take it.
Listen, it'll give you
a whole new kind of life,
another chance at
something, you know.
College, and good jobs,
new friends...
Hey, now hold it.
Just wait one
frigging minute.
Number one, I happen to
have a terrific life.
I own my own home,
free and clear,
paid for it myself, I live
in it by myself, until I
allowed you to stay here.
I own my own car.
I don't owe nobody, nothing.
And number two,
about your good job,
I happen to be tops
in my profession.
All I thought was
that you could... Well, don't think.
You're in bigger trouble
and worse trouble
than I'll ever be.
You haven't got a
home of your own,
you've lost your car,
you're a two time
loser with women,
and you are flat broke.
I mean you would have
starved to death if I
hadn't have saved your ass.
So, don't give me
any of your crap about
a decent life,
a frigging college education
and a good job,
because if you are
the result of that,
forget it!
You need it more
than I do.
You are the most
contrary, contradictory,
obstinate female
I have ever met
in my entire life.
Well, whatever all that means
you're probably right.
Yeah.
Yeah, here. Here's
the number where
I can be reached,
if you ever possibly
want to call me again.
Ha.
Now if you don't mind,
I'll just pack up a few things
I've got left and get out.
Mind? I will help you!
There, give me...
I think that's about it.
I think that does
it very nicely.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome!Goodbye.
LARRY: Morning, Flo.
I'll let you know if
it is or not, honey.
What's up?
Hopefully you are,
Sleeping Beauty.
Guess what?
Today is Finch day.
It's Sunday,
Flo, Sunday!
Oh, Finch!
Right.
Hey, this is the biggy.
Lots of bucks! Finch!
Ha-ha, Finch.
The Bryson Apartments?
You're the landlady. Got it.
I'll send you your 20.
You won't believe this.
When it rains it pours,
another tip on Gloria.
Where's Mike?
I've got his
phone number.
Well, call him.
Harry, did you
order the vans?
Vans?
Oh, Christ, I have to
do everything myself.
Call him, call him.
Yeah, okay.
What the hell is the matter
with you? You don't listen.
So who's Larry?
My partner. Something must
be wrong. We got a job on.
On Sunday?
Well, I'm in
a funny business.
Hey, I've got some
funny business for you.
Mmm? Mmm.
HARRY: I want to
drive the van.
No, dumbo, everybody goes
to Finch's and that's that.
Did you call the cops?
Huh?
Like you drive a
transport, right?
Oh, right, right. He didn't call them.
Larry, you do it.
Ah, come on, Flo,
Mike's plan will work.
Absolutely not.
He isn't even, here.
Now, where is he?
He'll make it,
he'll make it.
Listen, the whole scam
starts with me and Benny
and Mike at the airport.
I'll need the money
for the pilot.
After we've suckered him out
there, I grab the Rolls,
while Benny goes ahead and...
Well, it's just weird
enough to work. Okay,
you'll need some money
for the Flyboy. Here,
and get a receipt.
I'll call the cops.
Christ, I'll have to
do everything myself!
Well, come on,
get a move on.
Larry, give that back.
Don't screw up
this operation.
You can call that
Gloria broad tomorrow.
Tomorrow is always
too late.
Come back here, Larry,
you little flick.
How's the weather?
I'm kept so busy,
I haven't noticed.
Listen, you're
getting awful careless
about your car.
It's Sunday.
Who works on Sunday?
Sunday is play day.
Oh, they should've
cast you as Superman.
I'm on a diet. No, it's all right.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Who is it?
LARRY: The landlady's niece.
My landlady's black.
You don't sound black.
Neither do you.
Gloria Martine,
I hereby officially...
[EXCLAIMS]
What the hell's going on?
You look better with
your clothes on.
Who is this child?
This is my partner,
Larry Wilde. This is...
Gloria Martine.
You're not a blond! No, I'm not.
She's not a blonde. No, she's not.
Larry? What the hell
is it you to do?
Repossess cars.
You told me
she was a blonde.
You are
Gloria Martine?
Gloria Martine?
No. Uh, no, no.
You'll have to excuse me.
I'm really not dressed
for unexpected company.
You're not dressed, period.
That is Gloria Martine?
Martine?
I think her name
is Smith. Coffee?
Coffee?
MIKE: Just trying to
be hospitable.
How did you
meet her?
I said, how
did you meet?
She hit me on the
head with a suitcase.
She did what?
In the alley.
It wasn't her fault. When?
Oh, what difference
does that make.
When?
Well, it seems
like years ago.
Then all along
you knew her. Now wait a minute...
You knew her when I was
sitting there making...
No, no, no.
I did not know her then. Know?
Well, in the Biblical
sense only.
Oh, you lousy bastard.
Gloria?
Gloria Martine?
That kid, I'm gonna kill her.
MIKE: Listen, I don't know
why you're so mad.
I mean, she's really
a very nice person.
Once you got to know her,
you'd learn to like her.
You see, her old man ran up a
out of bills, and apparently,
that was what happened.
MIKE: You get to know her,
she's really a very
nice person.
What are you doing?
Will you take it easy.
Christ, you'll get
us both killed.
Half of that's
a good idea.
Will you wait a minute?
Will you wait a minute?
Why are you so upset?
Why, for Christ sake, why?
Why what?
I saw you coming so,
I set the wheels in motion.
I don't know
who you are.
That's Mike.
Yes, Mr. Finch,
that's what he said
he was going to do.
Who are you?
Mike!
I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid
I can't do that. You will have
to come out here yourself.
There you were, all that time,
jumping all over her bones
and I was...
My, my, my.
Such language.
Well, up your doodoo too.
Just like Pearl Harbor.
Pearl Harbor?
Stabbed in the back.
Oh, damn it!
Damn it!
I said...
I said...
Tell Sal and the boys
get out there, quick.
And get rid of the books.
The books,
you dummy!
Why her for Christ sake?
Why not me?
She's gorgeous, sexy,
uninhibited and
very athletic.
So what? I'll put a
trapeze in my trailer.
She also happens
to be over 21.
Well, so am I.
I pay for it, anyway.
All right, you ass,
you wanna turn
to the right.
No, no, stupid.
The wheel to
the right.
Jesus, what've I
got working for me?
Bimbo!
Hey, try it
yourself, Flo.
[MEN CHATTERING]
Okay, come on,
try again, stupid.
Isn't that the same
limousine that was
outside the diner?
Oh, God,
nuts with this.
Get them.
Let's get
out of here.
Hey, hey, watch it.
Hey, knock it off,
I don't need any help.
We missed.Really?
Will you get out
of that tree?
Come on down,
come on. Come on.
You go back to Flo.
Move it!
[HONKING]
What the hell is going on?
All right, all right,
okay. Hold it, hold it.
Will you stop
hitting me?
[BLOWING WHISTLE]
Knock it off!
Stop playing around and
get back to work, you yoyos.
Come on,
come on.
Hey, where's my hat?
Hey, where are you
two flakes going?
I got dibs
on the Mercedes.
Will you stop helping me?
What do you think
I am, a baby?
Well, in some ways, yes.
Yeah, well, didn't you
see me take care of
myself back there?
Do you think I need
help after that?
Yeah.
Come on, everybody,
out of the car,
nice and quiet.
All right, get out.
Line up, line up
right here.
Come on, walk out,
speed up. Line it up.
Take the
glasses off.
Hey, Leone.
Galliani,
Tartaglia.
Falcone.
Hey, Sal, what are you
doing associating
with known criminals?
Pinotti, that's
a major violation
of your parole.
What the hell is
going on here?
Who are you? I'm their lawyer.
How'd you get here
so fast? They didn't
have time to call you.
Well, this is my
house, you jerk.
Then why were
they here?
Uh, well...
Here's the Union
Pension books, Daddy.
Officer. Officer, if you ask
him and him and that big guy
in the black coat there,
they'll be able to tell
you where the body of
Willie Bighums is.
All right, everybody on
your face. Hands out
in front of you.
Come on, let's pop
that Mercedes.
FINCH: Now you two,
I'm a member of the Bar.
FLO: That's all the more
raisin on your face, Finch.
Hey, listen,
I gotta know something.
What do you want out of me?
Nothing.
You don't want
to change me?
Not one tiny bit.
You don't want to jump
all over my bones?
Well, I've thought
about it, yeah.
Yeah?
You're just not my type.
Then why'd you give me these
papers? Your whole life.
I think you deserve it.
Deserve it?
Yeah.
I think you're terrific.
You really do, really?
Really.
You love me.
Yep.
You're the best thing
to come along in
my life so far.
Oh, you bet
your ass I am.
So that's why.
You love me, you love me.
You love me, you love me,
you love me,
you love me.
Oh, I've never made
such a bundle on one
job in my whole life.
How would you like
to go to New York?
I hate New York.
How do you know,
you've never been there?
I've seen it. Where?
TV. Ahhh, go on.
They've got good
colleges back there.
College? I told you
I didn't want to have
anything to do with college.
Geez, I didn't even
graduate high school.
Listen, you'll take an
equivalency test, you'll
pass. You're very smart.
Hey, isn't that somebody
inside your car?
Gloria, you witch.
Come back here.
Mike, look at this.
She stole my car.
Did you see?
She stole...
Oh, forget that flake.
Climb in, partner.
I always knew I'd find
this car some day,
just like I always
knew I'd find you.
Where are we going? New York.
Why? Why not?
I'll never
understand you.
Don't try.
Listen, you got a kid
without getting married
and that's some bargain.
♪ We shouldn't hesitate
♪ 'Cause there's
no time to waste
♪ We should be moving on
The road is long
♪ It leads to somewhere, honey
That we've never seen
♪ I know this may sound funny
'Cause I'm just 16
♪ But we got to live a little
Love a little
♪ Do it as fast as we can
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car
♪ I've got a master plan
♪ I've built it up
♪ Hey, come on down
♪ I'll turn around
♪ And do something, honey
That I've never done
♪ I know this may sound funny
But it could be fun
♪ We got to live, and love
And do it as fast as we can
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ Guitar!
♪ We shouldn't hesitate
♪ 'Cause there's
no time to waste
♪ We should be moving on
The road is long
♪ It leads to somewhere, honey
That we've never seen
♪ I know this may sound funny
'Cause I'm just 16
♪ But we got to live a little
Love a little
♪ Do it as fast as we can
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car ♪
Hello.
FLO: Yeah,
what do you want?
Yeah, is Gloria's Trans Am
still on the repo hot list?
Hotter than stealer's
pantsuit, go get it.
[ZERO TO SIXTY
CONTINUES PLAYING]
Gloria's Trans Am! Oops!
Why are you chasing me?
[POLICE SIREN BLARING]
Oh, thank you, Dan. Thank you
very much. Thank you.
Dan, congratulations. Thanks.
See you off
at 10:00, huh?
Great.
I'll kill her!
I'll kill both of them.
Michael, Michael,
why are you so angry?
You're free! Free. Free?
Are you out of your mind?
I'm in alimony bondage for
the rest of my life.
How can you do this
to me, Arthur?
It wasn't easy.
Lunch? I don't understand.
I did all the right things,
I went to all the
right schools.
I worked for 18 years
at a rotten job with
a company I hated.
I wore all the right
clothes, saved my money,
now I'm flat busted.
Congratulations!Thank you.
[HORN HONKING]
Michael, don't
be so upset.
Jog! Jog?
Yeah, it eliminates
aggression.
I don't want to eliminate
aggressions. I'm furious.
I'm angry.
I'm also broke.
Give me a dog with
everything on it.
What do you want it? In your ear.
How could you have let
this happen to me?
Me? You married her,
not me.
Here, keep the change.
The question is, why?
Well, she said she was
pregnant. I wanted a kid
in the worst way.
So did she and
there he is.
That's the boy that
cleans out my pool.
I think he's been
dipping in it, too.
This son of a bitch is
driving my car.
Not anymore.
Not your car.
This is your car.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's her old white Cadillac.
No, she still owes
five payments on that.
Dan says your clothes
are in the trunk.
Every month I gave her money
to pay for the car, right?
Every month she put
the money in her own
bank account.
Right.
Now I owe $1,000 on
her car, on that car?
Your car. And my house?
Her house. Remember
you gave it to her?
No, no, I didn't.
Oh, I just signed it into
her name for tax purposes.
I mean, for God's sake,
that's not giving it to her.
No, she gave
it to you.
And my furniture.
My antique pool table.
My bill.
A hundred dollars an hour.
From breakfast through dinner.
Portal to portal,
Michael.
You know, plumbers,
electricians, lawyers
they're all getting it today.
In the neck, that's where
they're getting it.
Now how in the hell
am I going to pay
for this, Arthur?
Oh, with my salary garnished
by her, at a job that I hate,
that I want to quit.
Then a car that I owe
$1,000 on, with
no place to sleep.
Need is the mother
of invention.
Arthur, you're
absolutely right.
Can I bunk in with you
for a couple of days?
Well, now I have one fast
and hard rule. I never
sleep with a client.
No offense.
Arthur, I'm taking
your car.
Why are they always
so ungrateful?
Where you going with my car
you rotten little kid?
Up yours.
What are you doing...
Oh, hello Captain. Arthur
Dunking here. Hey, I'd like
to report a stolen car.
Who stole it? A former client.
Nail the ungrateful wretch.
[HONKING]
What the hell?
Where are you
taking my car?
[CRASHING]
This is Ruth from Mutual
Insurance. We're trying to
locate Mr. R. D. Bradley.
The beneficiary of a
deceased relative,
and there's quite a lot
of money in the estate.
There's a chaser on my tail,
wake up and pick up my car
in front of the courthouse.
But I'm sure he does
live there, dear. It
says so here on the will.
There's the kid
who stole my car.
Hey, why are you
busting in here?
I got that mother!
MAN: Hey, Woolworth.
Mrs. Herbert Feinberg.
This is Bernice from
the Yamata Motorcycles.
Hey, who are you? He's not talking.
Get the wallet. Get the wallet.
Your husband purchased
a motorcycle from us
a couple of months ago.
Oh, here you go,
Michael Nolan, 100 Witch
View Drive, Beverly Hills.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
He's a phony.
Put him in the lineup.
Up, up, up.
Scratch the motorcycle,
And scratch Feinberg.
Larry?Yeah, that's him.
You see? I know you,
you, you I never
saw before.
Take him to the posters.Here we go.
We've got a rapist here,
a bank thief, a murderer
by the name of Nolan.
Nolan. Six foot six. Yeah, that fits.
Black hair and bushy. Perfect.
Full beard
and mustache. So he shaved it off.
And a bullet scar in the
right side of his ass.
Strip him down.
[ALL CHEERING]
No, no, no.
Nothing.
Just like a baby.
No scars at all.
Canceled! Larry!
What the hell is going on?
Harry, get up off his
face so he can talk.
Get him up,
get him up.
You dirty bastards,
I'm going to kill you.
Hey, hey, relax.
Hey, relax.
That kid stole my car.
Dead beat.
He owes a grand
on this Caddy.
You own a white
Eldorado, license
number 407 NCZ?
Yeah, yeah,
that's right.
Where's the ownership
certificate?
Well, at the bank,
the bank.
You don't
own diddly.
Well, I owe the bank, I'm
behind five payments, but
they never complained.
They don't complain,
they repossess.
Repo, repossess?
You got a polite letter from
the bank, saying this
is a friendly reminder?
No, no. I never
got that.
And then you got one
on blue paper saying
you had 10 days to pay?
No, I never got
one of those.
You got a third one
on red paper?
That was from the bank?
I thought it was a
Christmas card.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Kiss your car
goodbye, it's in
the impound lot.
Well, well, that,
that fast?
In and out, sweetie,
this is a volume
business. Boys.
Come on, scram. Take it to the arches, buddy.
And if we don't see
you again, so what.
Here's a bus
schedule.
Hi, officers,
come on in.
Oh!
Hey. Hi.
When'd you start dealing
in hot cars?
Oh, what are you
talking about, Joe?
Well, there's a 77 Cadillac
Seville with the front smashed
in outside your garage.
It was reported stolen. By who?
By the owner.
An attorney.
The son of a bitch.
Hey, why would you
be calling him
a son of a bitch?
Just a figure
of speech.
And who are you?
I never seen you
around here before.
Ah, I'm new.
What's your first name?
No, no, no, you see,
I came here...
Oh, Joe, he's one
of my boys. I just
put him on. Right, guys?
ALL: Yeah, yeah.
Come on, Joe,
don't hassle me.
Well, all right.
Oh, by the way, Flo.
Somebody's been ripping of
stereo cassettes and spare
tires from the repos.
I'll handle it, Joe. Why don't
you do something worthwhile,
like hassling hookers.
Yeah, if you get any
numbers. Have them call
me here. Sammy Darvino.
We'll keep our eyes open,
officer. We'll let you know if
anything happens, looks fishy.
[EXCLAIMS] I knew you
looked wanted. Wanted?
So you're a car thief.
Car thief?
Car thief? No.
Well, you drove a car
without permission.
Well, yeah. ALL: Then you're a car thief!
You're just
like us.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
We're legal, don't you
forget that, eh?
Enough of this crap. Flo,
what's new on Pete?
Still in the hospital.
Light me, baby.
Oh.
You want a job?
No, no, no, Flo.
I'm not going to ride
with this crumb. No way.
Shut up, Larry.
Got all your teeth?
All but one.You don't take care
of your teeth,
then you don't
take care of
anything else.
Now my husband had
big beautiful teeth. And
the rest of him was too.
She took over the business
when her old man
kicked the bucket.
Yeah, yeah,
she wore him out.
Well, I'm as strong as a
horse. Look at these knockers.
Firm as teeny bopper's.
How old do
you think I am?
Oh, about...
Twenty-nine.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
[PHONE RINGING]
Got it.
Tip on Gloria.
Oh, come on, well,
give it to me.
Okay, the kitty
on Gloria is up to
four hundred.
It'll cost you twenty. There we go.
Okay, swifty,
you're hired.
Show him the ropes.
Double crap.
Oh, here. Fill this
out for the cops.
And Larry, please
don't lose Gloria
this time, huh?
I mean if you were smart
as Gloria, I'd be a
millionaire by now.
Oh, listen, listen, in this
business you got to expect
to be shot every seven years.
Thanks. I'll
work for six.
MIKE: Who's Gloria Martine?
LARRY: A flake we've
been trying to catch
for a year.
Damn! What is
all this junk?
Stereo, CB,
a police band radio...
There's no room
for my knees.
Well, shrink. Shrink?
No, I never needed one
until now. What are all these
holes in the dash for here?
It used to be
a cop car. A cop car.
What am I doing here?
All I ever wanted was a
nice home, a family, kids,
Merry Christmas and
a Happy New Year.
Whatever happened?
Wait a minute,
there is a car...
Are you trying to
kill us, you crazy kid.
Get us killed.
Finch, he's one of
the biggest criminal
lawyers in town,
owes 18,000 bucks
on that Mercedes.
So?
If we beat him home,
we can grab him now.
Get out.
And do what?
Lie down in front
of the gates.
Lie down in front of
the gate. Are you crazy?
He'll stop. He'll stop.
Trust me. Will you
go on, lie down.
I'll wait here and grab
the car when he gets out.
Will you go on?
Lie down?Hurry up, go!
You mean, lie down here?
Well, hurry!
Go on, go on!
Well, what... What
if he doesn't stop?
He'll stop,
he'll stop.
Oh, my God!
[HONKING]
You know, I thought
he'd stop.
You thought? You thought?
The only thing that would have
stopped him was a Sherman
tank. He ran over me.
He ran right over me.
Yeah, well, sometimes you
can't figure these flakes.
Come on, move it.
You can't figure
these flakes?
Give me my coat and hat
from the backseat.
If that lawyer,
what's his name, Finch,
if he's so successful,
how come he owes
$18,000 on that car?
He's very unlucky.
He hits Vegas at
least twice a month.
Flies up, walks home.
Bosses don't like it.
A lawyer who
runs over people.
I'm beginning to see
the possibilities of
great joy in this job.
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
What are you doing
down there?
Oh, Christ!
That's her, Gloria!
Give me that repo slip.
Repo!
Repo!
Repo!
No, no, look out!
LARRY: Oh, Jesus.
[GROANING]
Where'd she go? She
disappeared again.
Would you call
me a taxi?
Okay, you're
a taxi, Turkey.
What's her address
on that repo slip?
Address, huh? Yeah.
I think it's right over
there on the corner.
Well, come on, haul ass.
You in the alley.
Silver Trans Am.
If I find it, do I lie down
in the street in front of it?
Lie down in the middle
of the street. I must
be out of my mind.
Trans Am, huh,
a silver Trans Am.
There's no silver
Trans Am in this alley.
Gloria? Gloria Martine?
Gloria!
[GROANING]
Sorry.
Son of a bitch!
Hey! What the hell are
you doing taking a nap?
Wake up, you bum!
Hi.
Hi, he says.
Didn't you see
that Trans Am?
What Trans Am?
You mean to tell me you
didn't see Gloria take
that car out of here?
No. Where did she go?
Oh, well, to hell, for
all I care which is
just where you can go.
Well, I did see a girl.
A gorgeous brunette.
Wow, well, very good.
Congratulations! This caper
just cost us 20 bucks.
Gimme 10.
Well, I'm flat.
Ah, another loser.
What do
we do now?
We? I'll see you
at the office.
Where's the office?
Where the hell am I?
Where the hell were you?
I've been waiting here
since 7:00.
Well, I told you midnight.
No, you didn't. You didn't
say anything about midnight.
You said I'll meet you
at the office.
Midnight, I said,
midnight.
You don't repo cars
before midnight.
They'd have to be nuts.
The least you could have
done was to tell me.
Ah, shut up.
Well, if you'd just
listen to me...
All I know is I came,
I knocked on the door, there
was nobody here, right?
So I thought somebody
would be here, but no.
There was nobody here,
so all I could do was knock
on the door. I thought Flo
or somebody would come around,
but nobody came around.
I was standing there all
by myself, in the cold,
waiting for somebody
to show up and nobody
showed up.
Oh, shut up.
There the unit.
A Buick.
What's this?
The impound order,
stupid. Read it.
Vehicle identification
number, make, model,
serial, license...
Oh, permission
to steal, huh?
Year?
Ah, 1969.
What's a nice girl like
you doing in a rotten
business like this?
Hand me that tackle box
on the floor in back.
I'm serious.
My old man was
a car thief, okay?
These are the tryouts.
It takes time to
go through them, but
it's neater than nitro.
Nitro?
Yeah, that's what my
last partner was using
when he got shot.
Terrific.
And what happened
to your father?
He got caught and got
sent away for two years.
Here, look up the model number
and year and read me a set
of numbers that's next to it.
Five, five, four.
Two years, huh?
Yes.
Two, four. Well, two years,
that's not so bad.
He was killed in
a prison riot. Next?
Next?
Six, five.
How long... Okay.
All right this is what
we take to the unit.
This, picks,
ignition puller
and a flashlight.
Flashlight, huh. Good.
Yeah, it's black out there,
why after midnight?
Earlier you get
your ass shot off.
Oh, that's a good reason.
Now when you get out leave
the door half open.
If we have to
split in a hurry,
we don't waste time.
"Leave the door half open."
Keep your body low so
nobody can see you. I know.
Stay on the far side of the
unit with your eyes peeled.
"Eyes peeled."
Now when I start the unit,
you take my car and get
the hell out of here.
At the end of the block
I'll pass, you follow me
to the impound lot.
You got it? Yes, yes. You go out,
take your car,
I mean, unlock...
Yeah. Got it, got it.
Okay, good,
let's get going.
I think I'm going
to throw up.
[GRUMBLES]
[CAR APPROACHING]
Scooch down, quick.
One hundred, Ford DD.
Hey, we've been
looking for this
unit for six months.
Hey, why don't you take
this one? Hey, it's
a piece of cake.
Me?
Yeah, yeah, the
motor's still running.
Go on, it'll be
your cherry.
Cherry? Cherry?
Chicken, are you?
Chicken?
Shit.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'll do it, I'll do it.
Go.
I will, I will. Just give
me a minute, will you?
What am I doing here?
I think I just
wet my pants.
Will you go on. Go on!
[WHIMPERING]
Go on, go on.
[ALARM RINGING]
A piece of cake?
Some frigging piece
of cake that was.
That son of a bitch was
going to beat my head in.
What are you bitching about?
Did you see my rear window?
What about it?
Well, there isn't any,
that's what. That bastard
shot it out. I mean,
he was trying to kill me.
Kill me dead.
Listen, I've been shot at
before. Sure, I mean, people
take potshot, you know,
it's nothing serious, but
that bastard, I mean, he meant
to kill me. He really did.
But why?
You're polluting
the atmosphere.
Well, it won't turn off.
There's no key.
No key?No key, no key.
What are you doing?
Hotwired. Those guys
popped this car earlier!
They stole it?
Yeah.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, boy!
I'd like to have seen
the guy's expression
on his face
when he saw you
sitting in his car.
I sat there like a dummy,
gunning the engine, with
the gear shift in park.
Oh, my God, I'm starving
to death. Come on.
Let's hit the diner.
Well, how'd you like
the first night?
How many cars did you
pop, Nolan? Well...
BENNY: Push, push, push, you
kept yelling and you pushed
the car right over my foot.
How do you feel, Benny? You're another clown.
How do you feel? Okay, animals, feeding time.
All right.
All right. Spanish omelet,
no tomato sauce, double
onions, double green pepper,
hot sauce on the side plus
three burgers burned,
double cheese, no onions,
double fries, coffee,
two milks.
Two burgers bleeding,
no cheese, onions fried, apple
pie, whipped cream, ice cream,
coffee, milk, cream.
Three burgers to go. Hold
the mayo, heavy on the onions,
heavy on the cheese,
two milks, one coke,
that'll be...
$4.75. I'll take $6
and keep the change.
I think the lady is paying.
Thank you.
MIKE: What are we doing
here? Isn't it that lawyer
Finch's house?
Yeah. Finch,
the fink. You bet.
MAN ON RADIO:
And now for the late
news. Willie Bighums,
president of the Loaders
and Carriers Union
was abducted from
the Red Cock Inn
earlier this evening.
Witnesses say he was seen
entering a parked car,
nothing more has been heard
from him as of this time.
And now back
to our regular program.
Look at them.
Mercedes 600, a Jag
and a Rolls Royce.
Boy, I want that
Mercedes so bad,
I'd give up sex.
What about the others?
They might be wanted, too.
Not by us.
[SIRENS BLARING]
Oh, the cops
are hot tonight.
Okay, let's go
pop that hog.
Pop that hog?
Repo a motorcycle,
Jesus, are you dumb.
[WOMAN LAUGHING LOUDLY]
When do they sleep?
At noon. Hanging upside
down like bats.
So where can I drop you?
Where my clothes are.
You're sleeping
here?
The price is right. I don't
know anything cheaper.
Come on. Get in.
What?
Come on, get in.
Well?
Well, it's, it's...
I'm decorating it myself.
No kidding!
Yeah. Wait till you
see the inside.
[LAUGHS] Yeah,
I can hardly.
[1970s MUSIC PLAYING]
[LOWERS VOLUME]
Come on, it's my
favorite song.
Are you moving
in or out?
I told you
it was terrific.
Terrific!
It's unique.
Well, that's
how I wanted to
do it, "unique."
Sheets in the closet,
blankets under the couch.
Where's the couch?
It's right there.
Oh, sure, I can
deal with that.
Yes. Well, let's see here.
What do I do with
your laundry?
Oh, here I'll take them.
Okay.
Oh, you can hang
your clothes there.
No, no, no, no,
not that closet.
That one is a killer.
This closet. Okay.
Oh, yeah.
Can I ask you a
personal question?
That all depends
on the answer.
How come you live all the
way out here, all alone?
It's safer.
Safer? Out here?
Listen, when I was
a kid, years ago,
I kept getting hassled
by the heat because
I wasn't in school.
What, did you quit?
Ninth grade. Boring.
I got a job in a five and
dime for eating money.
There was this one cop,
I think he was some
kind of pervert,
he kept on hassling them
so they'd fire me.
One day he followed me
home. He told these people
I was living with what
had been going on.
You see, they only
get paid if the kid
attends school.
Paid by who?
Oh, city, county,
who in the hell ever.
So, I... Why?
Because they sent my old
man to prison, nobody to
take care of me.
Well, what about
your mother?
She skipped earlier.
So I went down
to City Hall, got
my birth certificate,
lit out of that town
and came here.
How?
In an 18 wheeler driven
by some old Southern boy
who kept on getting
my knees mixed up
in the gear shift.
The only thing that saved me
was he couldn't do it to me
and keep his hands on the
wheel at the same time.
How old were you?
Fourteen.
Fourteen?
How'd you survive?
By stealing.
Well, it was better than
hooking, I'd seen enough
of that on the street.
Anyway that's why
I live out here.
That's why they're there, huh?
Blanket, blankets.
Two birth certificates.
Five years difference.
WOMAN ON RADIO:
...license number 100 ODD.
Anyone knowing
the whereabouts
of this vehicle...
100 ODD?
Don't touch them!
Put that down. It's none
of your damn business.
I pulled the blanket out.
These came out with it.
Well, don't touch them.
Well, I'm sorry,
it was an accident.
Yeah, but you
had to read it.
Well, I... It was
an accident.
You didn't have
to read it.
Okay, okay, so I read it.
I'm sorry. I'm not going
to tell anybody.
Tell them what?
Well, that you're
only 16-years-old.
Shut up!
And that you faked your
birth certificate.
You rat fink, you tell anybody
that, I'll kill you. No, no, I won't.
I swear to God, I will.
I swear it.
I won't, I won't,
I swear. I criss-cross,
cross my heart.
Okay.
Nosey.
No, no,
it was an accident,
I swear it was.
But I would like to know, what
was the number of that car
that we picked up tonight?
100 ODD.
I never forget numbers
"100 ODD."
MAN ON RADIO: On the Bighums
disappearance, anyone
knowing the whereabouts
of a brown late model sedan,
license 100 ODD.
I repeat, 100 ODD.
I think we're in
a little trouble.
Yeah, why?
I think Willie Bighums
is in that car.
So what do we do?
We got to have a plan. Right, a plan, a plan!
A plan?
Yes, we examine
the alternatives,
agree on the objective,
zero in on the goal,
that's what I learned
in the last company
I was working for.
What did you do?
I was Director of
Planning and Research.
So what's the plan?
We take him back. What?
Yes, we take him back
where we found him.
Right, right!
Wait a minute!
One of us has
to drive that car.
No, no, I drove it
last time. No, no, no,
it's your turn!
LARRY: I think
we're being followed.
MIKE: Turn left,
we'll find out.
[MIKE SCREAMING]
Get off.
Get off of me!
What the hell was that?
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING]
I'm gonna sleep
for a week.
We're home, honey,
wake up. Come on,
dum dum!
[EXCLAIMING]
Where'd you say
the sheets were?
Oh, in there somewhere.
Good night, sweet dreams,
and all that crap.
Good night, Lorraine.
God!
[LAUGHING]
LARRY: Goodnight.
Good morning.
I've been ripped off.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Where's all my things?
Well, your library of
pictorial fiction is
stacked in the corner.
Pictorial fiction?
Comic books to you.
How can you listen
to this garbage?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
What's all this?
It's a tribal rite
called breakfast.
Sit down!
Where'd you get
the eggs and bacon?
From your neighbor.
You stole them?
[PHONE RINGING]
Borrowed them!
I guess.
Hello, Flo.
You been doing anything
illegal lately?
No, not me.
Well, a couple of guys were
just in here looking for you.
Cops?
Well, if they were cops,
I don't know, I never saw
any cops with a Cadillac
and dark glasses, even the
Cadillac had dark glasses.
What did they want?
Well, they had
your name is and
your license plate number.
They wanna know
where you live.
You didn't tell them?
How can I tell them? I don't
even know where you live.
Anyway you better come
in a little later. They
may be gone by then.
You know those guys who
put Willie Bighums in
the trunk of that car?
I think we're next.
No way will I
let that happen.
Well, how are you
going to stop them?
I'll think of
a way, I will.
I'm very good at planning.
So I noticed
last night.
Well, I haven't had much
experience with the disposal
of dead bodies you know.
Hey! I got it! Now they know
this pink car, right?
Right.
We'll paint it!
Paint it? Yes, paint it!
It's a great idea
you'll love it!
Hate it, hate it!
You'll learn to love it,
believe me!
Never, never, never!
It looks like a cop car
again. I can't stand
seeing it look like...
[TIRES SCREECHING]
LARRY: Gloria!
Come on, move it,
Gloria!
Wait a minute, wait, wait!
Shut up!
You I need like a big
hole in the head.
A hole in the head
is what you've got.
Will you zip that
and hold on.
Gloria Martine!
Pull over, you flake!
MIKE: Turn left, turn left! LARRY: Thanks a lot.
Get back!
Oh, that witch
is my nesemes.
[STUTTERING]
N-n-neme...
Whatever, she got
away again!
Will somebody move?
Come on, come on,
somebody move!
What was that?
Full moon!
Oh.
So what do we do now?
Cherry! Cherries! Prune.
BENNY: They got him.
I knew it!SAMMY: Who?
Willie Bighums.
Willie the Rat
we used to call him.
Willie Bighums!
Who's Willie Bighums?
The president of
the Loaders and
Carriers Association.
FLO: I'll show you
Willie Bighums.
Where are the reports?
Benny, Sammy!
They slipped from
the box in the units
in the impound.
Larry! Oh, well...
You had a Chrysler,
a hog, and...
It was wash.
You mean you
got nothing?
Here's a list
of Finch's other cars.
A Rolls, a Jag
and a $14,000 boat.
I will check
them out.
Flo...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Could I get a small advance?
I'm nickel and diming
the kid to death.
Honey, I don't
give advances,
I just get them.
BOTH: Flo doesn't
give advances,
just gets them.
Yes, sure.
FLO: Shut up!
Please, Flo,
I'm not a fluke.
Flake, you flake!
Could I get a loan
then, please?
You're begging? That's
different. I hate to
see a guy go hungry.
Here's a fiver.
Come back later
and I'll take you
home for dinner.
Guess who'll be dinner.
Thank you very much,
I'll repay this as
quickly as I can.
You will not repay it,
it's charity,
of course you will
will be indebted to me.
Well, I think
I'll just...
I think I'll just try
to lose a little weight.
Thank you.
Ungrateful bastard!
Mr. Nolan. Yes?
You're in trouble right?
No, not really,
no, no.
I'll make it, fellas.
Sit down.Shh. It's okay.
Listen, Mike,
I got to warn you
about these...
Now, how can
we help you?
What have
you got? Got?
Any little thing, you know
people forget what valuables
they might have.
I mean search
your soul, search
your pockets.
Well, I got
a cuff link.
A cuff link.
Missing link.
I had two yesterday,
I lost one.
It's 18 carat,
solid tiffany.
Ten bucks.
Five! Five what?
Sold! $5!
Nice looking
thing.
Hey, hey, this is
a valuable watch!
It's signed by
President Carter.
That's Cartier!
Twenty bucks! Ten!
Five! Sold!
No, no I had that
watch for 5 years.
It's used! Two-fifty.
That's what I paid
for it, $250.
It was a birthday gift
from my ex-wife.
I know, I signed
the check.
Ex-wife.
That's why I'll
take your $250.
What are you doing? Hey, look at this.
Hey, Harry. Yeah.
[GROANS]
He has a medallion.
Who's Sally?
It's my ex wife's.
"I will love
you forever?"
That's how long
forever lasts.
What's this?
Yes, I used to
smoke, I stopped.
That's a Dunhill
lighter, solid gold!
Solid gold?
I paid $500 for that.
Your ass, I got
one just like it,
exactly like it.
That's right. Wait.
I paid 6.50
in an alley.
Wait a minute! This
says made in Japan!
He's right, it says
made in Japan.
Where's my gold lighter?
It's down there
in your pocket.
Give me my lighter.
Three bucks!One buck!
One dollar?
Are you insane?
I paid $150 for that!
That is a genuine Gucci!
Gucci?
Do you realize how many
Guccis they had to kill
to make this belt?
Seven bucks. Six bucks.
It's the grand
total of...
$7.50.
Congratulations!
You drive a
hard bargain.
Columbia Law.
No, no, Harvard School
of Business.
See you, Nolan.
Those guys took
my belt and my...
My belt!
Money.
Cuff link, watch
and my lighter!
How did you do that?
How did you ever
manage to survive?
It hasn't been easy.
How? Where did you
learn to pick pockets?
Harvard School
of Business.
Check the clipboard.
Look up the address
on that rag top.
Rag top?
Alpha Convertible.
This place is famous.
It's the A.C.C.H.
A.C.C.H.?
Athletic club.
Aunt Clara's
cat house.
Ho-ho-ho.
I'll take this one.
It's a piece of cake.
Piece of cake.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
Come again.
I'm not sure he can.
Miss Saline Oliver?
No! Aunt Clara!
You bet!
Could I talk to
Miss Saline Oliver?
Talk?
[YELLING]
Salina!
Hey, what are you
looking at, you turkey!
Thank you, thank you
very much, Salina.
And you too, Aunt Clara,
and each and every one
of you delightful creatures.
It's been a
heavenly afternoon.
Well,
come again.
What took you so long?
You were right,
it was a piece.
Lovely young lady.
Not supposed to get
laid, just get the car.
I got the car, and the
payment book, and the
registration and the key.
You got a car
for yourself?
Yes! For doing that?
Doing what? Getting laid?
No, no, she did. Yes. What?
Well, some John gave
her this car for a week
in Acapulco, you know.
And she got back and
a week later, the
payment book arrived.
I just saved her
credit rating.
Where are they?
Bikes are gone,
nobody's home,
come on!
Come on.
I think I stepped
in a cow pile.
[SHOUTING] Hey,
anybody home?
Shhh.
We're out of gas.
Anybody home?
Crazy?
Okay, they're gone.
Come on.
Wow! Hot stuff,
all of it.
Stolen merchandise?
Hey, wait a minute.
Let's get out of here.
Not without the bike.
Here, here's
the keys.
What do you mean,
here's the key. I
can't ride a motorcycle.
Everybody can ride
a bike. Anybody.
No, no not me. I've
never been on one.
They scare me to death.
For cripes sakes.
Here, I'll meet you
back at the impound.
What?
[BIKE APPROACHING]
What are you doing?
I'm getting out of here.
What do you think I'm doing?
[BIKE REVVING]
Quick, jump on
behind.
What?
Do you want to get
out of here alive?
Yes, yes, yes.
Get on.
Jeff, wake up, they're
ripping us off. Wake up.
Jump off. Jump off?
Jump off, damn it.
Are you crazy?
Will you jump off.
Get off.
Good God.
MIKE: Where the
hell did they go?
[ALL CLAMORING]
Help!
Knock it off.
Knock it off, I say!
What the hell is
going on here?
All right, somebody answer me
before I haul you all in.
Well, officer, sir,
this person here
borrowed my motorcycle
and we're just
negotiating on
it's return.
BIKERS: Negotiating.
Negotiating up my...
All right, come on, open
the door. Open the door
in there, open it up.
You borrow your friend's
motorcycle there?
Yes, sir, I did.
Well, then, why don't you
give it back to him?
That's a really good
idea. Listen guys, it's
right out on the street.
And, here's
your coat too.
That's not his coat. You can keep it.
All right, all right.
Knock it off.
We've been missing a lot
of stereos equipment lately.
I'm taking you in
for questioning.
You go get in the
car. Go on, run.
You boys know
anything about that?
No. Don't watch
television.
No, we don't know
anything about that.
No television, huh?
[ALL PROTESTING]
Hey, where'd you
get the gun?
[LAUGHING]
♪ He's so wonderful
♪ He knows 'cause
I told him so
♪ She will be my best friend
when I really need one
♪ He will be my lover
♪ When he wants to have fun
♪ How can I
explain it to her?
♪ That it's too easy
to fall in love.
♪ That it's too easy
to fall in love
♪ She's so wonderful
♪ He's so wonderful
♪ She's so wonderful
♪ He's so wonderful
♪ She's so
♪ Wonderful
Let's...
What?
Here's your own key
to the trailer.
I want you to be
independent, like me.
Come on.
Yes.
Okay, you can sleep
here tonight.
Where?Right here.
Why?
Because I owe you one,
and I always pay my debts.
Larry, you don't
owe me anything.
Then why did you
do what you did?
Well, I only did what
anybody would do for a pal.
Right, so I owe you one,
you can do me.
Do you?
Larry, I don't really know
how to explain this to you,
but this is not the generally
accepted recommended
method of a seduction.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm rushing you, right?
Well... Relax. Relax.
Why don't you
sit down, huh?
Sit down?
How would you like
some warm beer?
Beer?Yes.
Came with a 1964
repoed Buick.
Okay. Here. Here. Drink
it quick. No, no, no.
Wait. Take your
time, relax.
No rushing, right?
I don't really like beer.
Well, I'm sorry.
It's the best I can do.
Okay, you finished?
Yes, I've had quite
enough, thank you.
Good. Let's go back
to the bedroom.
And do what?
What do you mean,
and do what? You know.
Larry, now listen,
I know that you've
had a lot of experience.
Yes.
Yes, but you see, being
a man, I really prefer
to be the aggressor.
You male chauvinist pig.
You ought to read
Ms. LibMagazine.
You'd find out
it's okay today.
Okay with who?
With women, who else?
Who else?
Larry, in the usual,
run of the mill,
kind of ordinary
heterosexual relationship,
there is generally
another person present.
Usually a male. Now,
has Ms. LibMagazine
asked them?
Who cares?Who cares?
Well, it's only
50 percent of the act.
Boy, you've really been
around a lot, haven't you?
Yes! Lots.
Wait a minute! You
don't think that you're
my first, do you?
No. I wouldn't think
that for the world.
No, no. How many?
Who can count?
Come on.
Can we just talk a little
bit more? You see,
I'm kind of nervous.
Talk? Is that all that
you're good for, talk?
Well, sometimes it
takes me longer than
it does other times.
You understand.
Sure, sure, sure.
Same as me.
Sure, sure.
Sure.
Well, you ready? No, not quite.
Okay, take your time.
You want a peanut
butter sandwich?
Maybe later.
Do you think I
don't know how?
I think you're
16-years-old.
What difference does
that make? It's just
like riding a bike.
Once you learn how,
you never forget.
You're a terrific
bike rider.
Yes, and I want to learn how
to... I mean, and I'm just
as good at doing that too.
Come on.
[CHUCKLING] Larry, Larry,
Larry, Larry.
[EXCLAIMS]
I can't.
You can't or you won't?
What are you senile
or something?
Senile?
You're probably gay.
Well, I don't think so.
No, no. You're
just senile.
That's it. I mean, what
other reason could it be?
Well, there are a couple.You're too old.
You probably couldn't
even do it anymore.
Well, I...
You probably couldn't
even get it up with
a block and tackle.
What?
Who'd want an old
turkey like you? Well, I can point...
Hey, pal, you don't like me,
that's fine, why don't you
just leave. Just get out.
Just get out of
here. Get out.
You dumb ass broad.
Hey, Mike,
I'm really sorry.
"See you tomorrow night"?
Bartender? Could
I have another...
Bourbon? You go it.
Geez, that's funny. That's
really a kick in the ass.
[CHUCKLING]
Block and tackle.
You got troubles, pal?
But, sex is not the
answer to anything.
You need an answer?
Well, anybody can do it.
I mean, what does that
prove? I've done it a lot.
Probably too much.
I've been married
and divorced twice.
Tell me about it,
I've been there too.
[LAUGHING]
I'm walking away from this
situation, I'll tell you.
I mean, I don't want that
kind of a relationship
with Larry.
Larry?
What's wrong
with Larry?
There's nothing wrong
with Larry.
Yesterday morning,
I got divorced.
Yes.
An hour later, I meet the kid
on a job and now I'm living
with Larry in a trailer.
In a trailer?Yes.
That sounds like a kick. A kick?
You know married life
can really be rough.
Oh, sure, tell me.
Believe me I know.
And along came Gene.
Yeah? Yeah.
Hey, how did you
meet Larry?
The kid stole my car.
Stole your car?
Yes, she stole...You're kidding.
I don't believe...
Oh, no. Larry's not
a car thief, not really
a car thief. No, no.
Sweet kid. Needs a lot,
loads of affection, you know.
That's my Gene.
Just independent as hell.
Won't take shit from
anybody, you know.
[LAUGHING]
That is my Gene.
Tell me, what the hell to do?
Hey, hey. Look, pal.
I had the same problem.
And then Don came along.
Now it's just the three
of us. Gene, Don and me.
Believe me, we've
never been happier.
Well, that...
That's terrific.
Well, listen,
thanks for the advice,
old buddy.
Buy the guys
there a drink.
Thanks so much.
See you around. Yes, come back.
Bring Larry.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
What are you,
a Vassar broad?
Smith, to be precise,
class of 1965.
I smell perfume,
thank God. Bartender.
Yes, sir, what's
on your mind?
As if I didn't know.
Drinks for all the ladies
and a triple for me.
What color?
The amber, ambrosia
in a square bottle,
though I admit sometimes
I do prefer bonded blond.
Well, take your pick.
We got every shade
there is here tonight.
Well, the place
is filled with goodies
tonight. And biggies.
Ah, bartender,
these...
These ladies wouldn't be
professionals would they?
Are you kidding?
You think I'd let
an amateur in here?
Well, not her.
That's Smith,
class of 1965.
You are over 21,
aren't you?
I'm 34, 22, 35.
[MIKE GROANING]
Good morning.
Did you sleep well?
When?
There's not much in the
fridge, I'm afraid, because
I only just moved in.
But there's more coffee
on the stove. I got to
go to work, damn it.
I would give a week's pay
just to stay here and
play some more.
But I have just so many
bills, you just wouldn't
believe it.
I'd believe it.
That bastard.
I was married to
him for six weeks,
he ran up $20,000
worth of bills
and then skipped.
All he left me with was
the car and that's not
even paid for yet.
Yeah.
Do you have to
go to work?
Believe me, I don't
want to go.
Hey, why don't you
just stay here?
I'll be back later
and we can pick up
where we left off.
You're spoiling me.
I woke up this morning
singing. Nobody's made
me sing for a long time.
Hey, as a matter of fact,
why don't you just,
just move in here?
Just think of this place
as your home. Come and go
whenever you please.
No strings attached.
No strings attached.
Honey, you are
a real find.
Now, in case you run
out of cigarettes.
Oh, I don't smoke.
But you can really
light a fire.
I'm singing.
[HUMMING]
Oh.
Good morning.
Now, I know what
you're thinking,
Mrs., um...
You are thinking, now where
is the first and last months'
rent on my lease, aren't you?
If you just stay right
here, don't move.
The gentleman upstairs will
be right down and he will
take care of everything.
It's so nice to have a
rich father, don't you think?
[GROANING]
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
I haven't done this
since high school.
Ah, you'll never die,
you virile bastard.
Where you been?
I've been waiting for you.
Where's your car?
Battery's dead.
So is mine.
Where'd you meet her?
Who?
The brunette whose perfume
you're wearing.
Blond, I think.
Well, it smells like
a brunette to me.
Shh.
Flo wants me to tell you
about Finch, she thinks
he's got paper all over town.
First National wants
the Rolls and State Union's
after the Jag.
What about the boat?
Flo also thinks he's got a
private jet at the airport.
Jesus, do you stink.
I mean what did you have
to do, roll around in it.
Yeah, I rolled around
in it. So what?
So what?
The least you could've done
was just taken a shower.
I did.
Yeah, and rolled around
in it some more. Right?
Yeah, I rolled around
in it some more.
Geez, who needs this anyway?
I've been married twice, huh.
I never cheated
on my wife, never.
You, you're worse than
both my wives put together.
Well, if you don't like
it, you can just...
I already have.
What?
I got an apartment
of my own. I'm moving
in tonight, okay?
It's starting to rain.
Does thing have a top
on it, a roof?
Yeah, go on,
put it up.
Oh, wow.
Come on, put it up.
Are we going to
repossess a whole
used car lot?
Think you're up to it?
MAN: Come on,
move your ass.
Come on, get a move on.
We got 10 minutes for
the operation.
Let's go.
Team one
get the J-straps.
Team two start working
on the transporter.
Hurry, this way.
Benny, further.
What?
Further, Benny,
further.
Holy shit.
First and
still the best.
Right behind you.
I don't want you
anywhere near me.
Is that far in enough?
No, Benny.
No. No, you dummies,
first cars first.
I can't get it in.
What do you mean,
you can't get it in?
Here, give it to me,
I have a lot
of experience.
It shows, Flo. It shows.
Harry, what are
you doing?
I'm trying to
pick this lock.
Harry. What?
What'd you do that for?The window is open.
Hurry. Move your ass.
I've got this one.
Get those chains now, quick.
Who's got the
bolt cutters?
Who taught you
how to fall?
Your mother.
Come on, just help me
with this chain, would you?
Be careful.
Be careful.
If you think you can do
better than me, you get
your fat ass in here.
Sammy, you Italian creep,
don't you know how to drive?
I know how to drive, Flo.
Stop all this. Come on.
Keep it moving.
Listen, I'm an intellectual
giant. I shouldn't be doing
a dumb job like this anyway.
Come on, Harry, you meatball.
Eddie, we have 10 minutes
to finish the job. Which
way are you going to go?
I'm going that way.
Me too.
Up your Johnson, Harry.
Shut up, Sammy.
Okay.Okay.
Okay. That way.
Stop playing around.
Come on.
Get that car in
the transporter.
Get it up there, up,
up. All the way.
Keep going.
Further, further.
I didn't mean
that far.
What happened?
Short runway.
Well, the bank said
to get them out,
they never mentioned what
condition they had to be in.
Another job.
Another dollar.
And that's for my
brother-in-law you
sold an Edsel to.
Hey, if Flo would've seen
Benny and me she would
have paid us double.
Oh, Flo never
pays double.
Come on.
Okay, what do you
guys want tonight?
Pancakes, buckwheat.
Sausages, well done,
two milks,
a jar of honey and
put an egg on top.
Two burgers, rare. Two burgers medium.
Three hamburgers,
well done.Onions, no ketchup.
Cheese well done,
rye toast.
No onions, no cheese
and double fries.
No fries on mine.
Cancel the two milks
and bring me
a chocolate shake.
Pancakes buckwheat, sausages,
well done, egg on top, cancel
the milks, chocolate shake,
two burgers, rare,
onions, no ketchup.
Two burgers medium, no onions,
hold the cheese, double fries.
Three burgers burned,
cheese, well done,
on rye.
And...No fries.
Ah, you told her.
I want your goodness. Can you believe it?
I'll have spaghetti, extra
sauce, coke, buttered rolls
and a hot fudge sundae.
BENNY: Forget about that.
My pancakes,
I'm starving.
You know, maybe I should
get pancakes, too.
Sure, with whipped cream,
strawberries, marshmallows
and chocolate sauce.
Coffee.
A sick-bag for me,
will you?
WAITRESS: Somebody
call the cops!
I knew I'd never see
those pancakes.
We owe him a favor.
No!No!
What's going on here?
[SCREAMING]
You go this way,
I'll go that way.
I'll divert them.
You go out the front door.
I'll divert,
you go out the front.
Oh.
No!
Get your hands off her.
Get out of here, run!
Let's get out of here.
[MIKE SINGING]
Hey.
You were really wonderful
out there tonight.
How'd you ever learn
to fight like that?
Oh, watching,
Kung Phooey,
Chop Suey.
Yeah, me too.
[IMITATING KUNG FU]
Ah, the army, really.
World War I?
No, not quite.
A place called Korea.
Never heard of it.
Hey, what are you doing?
Packing.
Oh, yeah, that's right,
you told me.
You found a place, huh?
Yeah, it's temporary,
but the price is right.
Cheaper than here?
More expensive
in some ways.
Well...
You know, like you said,
it'll probably be
better this way.
Yeah.
Anyway, I really need
my privacy, you know,
I'm so used to living alone.
What's the address?
Oh, I just remember
how to get there.
Oh, I got the telephone
number in case you need
me for anything.
Need you?Yeah.
Well, why would
I need you?
Well, you never know.
Something might come up.
Well, nothing's
come up so far.
What's this?
Oh.
You know when I left home,
I just grabbed this and
threw it in the briefcase.
What is it, an antique?
Well, yeah, you
could call it that.
I've had it since
I was a kid.
Just a bunch of junk here,
you know, kid's stuff.
Look, a Boy Scout knife.
You were a Boy Scout?
Yeah, sure. Wouldn't
you have known.
There's crayons
and marbles, and
ribbons and medals,
and just junk.
Wait a minute.
I didn't know
this was in here.
Come on, let's talk
about this, huh?
Oh, talk again?
Yeah, yeah, talk,
talk, talk. Come on.
Okay.
When I was married
the first time,
well, that's the first time
I was married, I mean.
I took out an education
insurance policy that would
insure and guarantee
that my kid would have a
college education regardless
of whatever happened to me.
Well, as it turned out,
I didn't have any kids.
I'd like you to have it.
$10,000.
I don't understand. Why?
Better you than the
government. Go on,
take it, enjoy it.
I don't want it.
Why not?
Nobody gets anything
for nothing.
Go on, take it.
Listen, it'll give you
a whole new kind of life,
another chance at
something, you know.
College, and good jobs,
new friends...
Hey, now hold it.
Just wait one
frigging minute.
Number one, I happen to
have a terrific life.
I own my own home,
free and clear,
paid for it myself, I live
in it by myself, until I
allowed you to stay here.
I own my own car.
I don't owe nobody, nothing.
And number two,
about your good job,
I happen to be tops
in my profession.
All I thought was
that you could... Well, don't think.
You're in bigger trouble
and worse trouble
than I'll ever be.
You haven't got a
home of your own,
you've lost your car,
you're a two time
loser with women,
and you are flat broke.
I mean you would have
starved to death if I
hadn't have saved your ass.
So, don't give me
any of your crap about
a decent life,
a frigging college education
and a good job,
because if you are
the result of that,
forget it!
You need it more
than I do.
You are the most
contrary, contradictory,
obstinate female
I have ever met
in my entire life.
Well, whatever all that means
you're probably right.
Yeah.
Yeah, here. Here's
the number where
I can be reached,
if you ever possibly
want to call me again.
Ha.
Now if you don't mind,
I'll just pack up a few things
I've got left and get out.
Mind? I will help you!
There, give me...
I think that's about it.
I think that does
it very nicely.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome!Goodbye.
LARRY: Morning, Flo.
I'll let you know if
it is or not, honey.
What's up?
Hopefully you are,
Sleeping Beauty.
Guess what?
Today is Finch day.
It's Sunday,
Flo, Sunday!
Oh, Finch!
Right.
Hey, this is the biggy.
Lots of bucks! Finch!
Ha-ha, Finch.
The Bryson Apartments?
You're the landlady. Got it.
I'll send you your 20.
You won't believe this.
When it rains it pours,
another tip on Gloria.
Where's Mike?
I've got his
phone number.
Well, call him.
Harry, did you
order the vans?
Vans?
Oh, Christ, I have to
do everything myself.
Call him, call him.
Yeah, okay.
What the hell is the matter
with you? You don't listen.
So who's Larry?
My partner. Something must
be wrong. We got a job on.
On Sunday?
Well, I'm in
a funny business.
Hey, I've got some
funny business for you.
Mmm? Mmm.
HARRY: I want to
drive the van.
No, dumbo, everybody goes
to Finch's and that's that.
Did you call the cops?
Huh?
Like you drive a
transport, right?
Oh, right, right. He didn't call them.
Larry, you do it.
Ah, come on, Flo,
Mike's plan will work.
Absolutely not.
He isn't even, here.
Now, where is he?
He'll make it,
he'll make it.
Listen, the whole scam
starts with me and Benny
and Mike at the airport.
I'll need the money
for the pilot.
After we've suckered him out
there, I grab the Rolls,
while Benny goes ahead and...
Well, it's just weird
enough to work. Okay,
you'll need some money
for the Flyboy. Here,
and get a receipt.
I'll call the cops.
Christ, I'll have to
do everything myself!
Well, come on,
get a move on.
Larry, give that back.
Don't screw up
this operation.
You can call that
Gloria broad tomorrow.
Tomorrow is always
too late.
Come back here, Larry,
you little flick.
How's the weather?
I'm kept so busy,
I haven't noticed.
Listen, you're
getting awful careless
about your car.
It's Sunday.
Who works on Sunday?
Sunday is play day.
Oh, they should've
cast you as Superman.
I'm on a diet. No, it's all right.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Who is it?
LARRY: The landlady's niece.
My landlady's black.
You don't sound black.
Neither do you.
Gloria Martine,
I hereby officially...
[EXCLAIMS]
What the hell's going on?
You look better with
your clothes on.
Who is this child?
This is my partner,
Larry Wilde. This is...
Gloria Martine.
You're not a blond! No, I'm not.
She's not a blonde. No, she's not.
Larry? What the hell
is it you to do?
Repossess cars.
You told me
she was a blonde.
You are
Gloria Martine?
Gloria Martine?
No. Uh, no, no.
You'll have to excuse me.
I'm really not dressed
for unexpected company.
You're not dressed, period.
That is Gloria Martine?
Martine?
I think her name
is Smith. Coffee?
Coffee?
MIKE: Just trying to
be hospitable.
How did you
meet her?
I said, how
did you meet?
She hit me on the
head with a suitcase.
She did what?
In the alley.
It wasn't her fault. When?
Oh, what difference
does that make.
When?
Well, it seems
like years ago.
Then all along
you knew her. Now wait a minute...
You knew her when I was
sitting there making...
No, no, no.
I did not know her then. Know?
Well, in the Biblical
sense only.
Oh, you lousy bastard.
Gloria?
Gloria Martine?
That kid, I'm gonna kill her.
MIKE: Listen, I don't know
why you're so mad.
I mean, she's really
a very nice person.
Once you got to know her,
you'd learn to like her.
You see, her old man ran up a
out of bills, and apparently,
that was what happened.
MIKE: You get to know her,
she's really a very
nice person.
What are you doing?
Will you take it easy.
Christ, you'll get
us both killed.
Half of that's
a good idea.
Will you wait a minute?
Will you wait a minute?
Why are you so upset?
Why, for Christ sake, why?
Why what?
I saw you coming so,
I set the wheels in motion.
I don't know
who you are.
That's Mike.
Yes, Mr. Finch,
that's what he said
he was going to do.
Who are you?
Mike!
I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid
I can't do that. You will have
to come out here yourself.
There you were, all that time,
jumping all over her bones
and I was...
My, my, my.
Such language.
Well, up your doodoo too.
Just like Pearl Harbor.
Pearl Harbor?
Stabbed in the back.
Oh, damn it!
Damn it!
I said...
I said...
Tell Sal and the boys
get out there, quick.
And get rid of the books.
The books,
you dummy!
Why her for Christ sake?
Why not me?
She's gorgeous, sexy,
uninhibited and
very athletic.
So what? I'll put a
trapeze in my trailer.
She also happens
to be over 21.
Well, so am I.
I pay for it, anyway.
All right, you ass,
you wanna turn
to the right.
No, no, stupid.
The wheel to
the right.
Jesus, what've I
got working for me?
Bimbo!
Hey, try it
yourself, Flo.
[MEN CHATTERING]
Okay, come on,
try again, stupid.
Isn't that the same
limousine that was
outside the diner?
Oh, God,
nuts with this.
Get them.
Let's get
out of here.
Hey, hey, watch it.
Hey, knock it off,
I don't need any help.
We missed.Really?
Will you get out
of that tree?
Come on down,
come on. Come on.
You go back to Flo.
Move it!
[HONKING]
What the hell is going on?
All right, all right,
okay. Hold it, hold it.
Will you stop
hitting me?
[BLOWING WHISTLE]
Knock it off!
Stop playing around and
get back to work, you yoyos.
Come on,
come on.
Hey, where's my hat?
Hey, where are you
two flakes going?
I got dibs
on the Mercedes.
Will you stop helping me?
What do you think
I am, a baby?
Well, in some ways, yes.
Yeah, well, didn't you
see me take care of
myself back there?
Do you think I need
help after that?
Yeah.
Come on, everybody,
out of the car,
nice and quiet.
All right, get out.
Line up, line up
right here.
Come on, walk out,
speed up. Line it up.
Take the
glasses off.
Hey, Leone.
Galliani,
Tartaglia.
Falcone.
Hey, Sal, what are you
doing associating
with known criminals?
Pinotti, that's
a major violation
of your parole.
What the hell is
going on here?
Who are you? I'm their lawyer.
How'd you get here
so fast? They didn't
have time to call you.
Well, this is my
house, you jerk.
Then why were
they here?
Uh, well...
Here's the Union
Pension books, Daddy.
Officer. Officer, if you ask
him and him and that big guy
in the black coat there,
they'll be able to tell
you where the body of
Willie Bighums is.
All right, everybody on
your face. Hands out
in front of you.
Come on, let's pop
that Mercedes.
FINCH: Now you two,
I'm a member of the Bar.
FLO: That's all the more
raisin on your face, Finch.
Hey, listen,
I gotta know something.
What do you want out of me?
Nothing.
You don't want
to change me?
Not one tiny bit.
You don't want to jump
all over my bones?
Well, I've thought
about it, yeah.
Yeah?
You're just not my type.
Then why'd you give me these
papers? Your whole life.
I think you deserve it.
Deserve it?
Yeah.
I think you're terrific.
You really do, really?
Really.
You love me.
Yep.
You're the best thing
to come along in
my life so far.
Oh, you bet
your ass I am.
So that's why.
You love me, you love me.
You love me, you love me,
you love me,
you love me.
Oh, I've never made
such a bundle on one
job in my whole life.
How would you like
to go to New York?
I hate New York.
How do you know,
you've never been there?
I've seen it. Where?
TV. Ahhh, go on.
They've got good
colleges back there.
College? I told you
I didn't want to have
anything to do with college.
Geez, I didn't even
graduate high school.
Listen, you'll take an
equivalency test, you'll
pass. You're very smart.
Hey, isn't that somebody
inside your car?
Gloria, you witch.
Come back here.
Mike, look at this.
She stole my car.
Did you see?
She stole...
Oh, forget that flake.
Climb in, partner.
I always knew I'd find
this car some day,
just like I always
knew I'd find you.
Where are we going? New York.
Why? Why not?
I'll never
understand you.
Don't try.
Listen, you got a kid
without getting married
and that's some bargain.
♪ We shouldn't hesitate
♪ 'Cause there's
no time to waste
♪ We should be moving on
The road is long
♪ It leads to somewhere, honey
That we've never seen
♪ I know this may sound funny
'Cause I'm just 16
♪ But we got to live a little
Love a little
♪ Do it as fast as we can
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car
♪ I've got a master plan
♪ I've built it up
♪ Hey, come on down
♪ I'll turn around
♪ And do something, honey
That I've never done
♪ I know this may sound funny
But it could be fun
♪ We got to live, and love
And do it as fast as we can
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ My heart can go
as fast as your car
♪ Zero to sixty
Faster than a speeding bullet
♪ Zero to sixty
Hope you're holding on to me
♪ Zero to sixty
♪ Zero to sixty