Zapped (2014) - full transcript

: Are you ready?

Probably.

Come on!

Hi, everyone.

I'm Zoey stevens,

and today I am multitasking as the maid of honor

and the daughter of the bride,

so you will be receiving

two toasts for the price of one.

First off, I just want to say how happy I am

that my mom has finally found love again.



She is the most giving person I know,

and we've been together, just us, for some time now,

so she's not only my mom, but she's my best friend.

I love you, mom.

And one of the...

blessings of this union

is that we now have a new collection of people

we're living with.

There's ted...

boo-yah!

And his sons,

adam...

hmm? Oh.

Hi.



Zach...

hello!

And ben...

My mom always says

that "change" is another word for "opportunity."

And, well, this is an opportunity.

To live with four guys.

Four guys

and their mysterious odors

that they always blame on the dog.

Oh, that's right.

I almost forgot,

there's humphrey.

Humphrey is also male.

So that's five.

Five males that I am living with.

Wow.

But I digress.

Will you all join me in raising a glass

as we toast...

Humphrey!

Come here, boy!

Oh, no, no, no...

okay, I got it.

- Humphrey! No! - Come here, boy! Come here!

It's okay, we got him!

We're cool!

To my new family.

It's go-time!

6:45 a.m., boys!

Up! Up! Up! Up! Up!

Let's get it moving! Let's get it moving!

That's it! Everybody, move!

Keep it moving, people! Keep it moving!

We gotta get that bus!

We're gonna get it! Yes, we are!

Let's keep it moving!

Hey, morning, sport.

I mean...

hi, girl.

: Give me that, give me that.

Gal?

Hi, girl gal!

Mr. Thompson, what is going on?

Are we being invaded?

No, no, just a little wake-up ritual we do here

on school days.

And please, we're a family now.

Call me "dad!"

Uh, excuse me.

I'm in here already,

using the bathroom?

You know there's only two bathrooms in the house.

We gotta share.

What's this? A nose brush?

That is my mascara, thank you.

"Acne spot concealer?"

Put that down.

And...

cool!

This makes smoke!

Seriously?

Unbelievable.

Ugh, doesn't anybody in this house aim?

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Humphrey, you can't eat that.

That's a pencil.

Here. Eat this eraser instead.

Where's my basketball? Oh, there it is.

And my playbook?

Ooh, and my belt?

And my wallet?

I'm forgetting something.

Your pants.

Yes! My pants!

Where are my pants?

Where are my pants? Where are my...

okay, excuse me,

can we just establish a few ground rules, here?

One,

if you are not wearing pants,

please stay out of my personal space bubble, okay?

And two, if a girl is in the bathroom,

the girl should be allowed to remain alone in the bathroom.

Look, Zoey, I have morning basketball practice,

and then a players' meeting,

and then a captains' meeting,

and then even more practicing,

and that's all before class even starts, okay?

My point is,

we have systems in this house...

We work together, like a well-oiled machine.

You're probably not going to have the luxury

of much alone time in the bathroom, so...

Hey, it's pancake day!

Sic him, boy!

You clearly lack a fundamental understanding of dogs.

It's a known scientific fact

that they never betray their own instincts

or turn against their own pack.

Everybody knows this.

I can recommend some reading if you'd like.

I think I'm good.

Thanks.

Add the egg.

Add the pickle.

Hey! Are you ready for some breakfast?

Um, what are those?

Protein pancakes!

My own special, secret recipe.

Humphrey.

Hey, boy.

- Look at that catch! - Yummy for my tummy!

Don't forget the hot sauce!

: Okay.

Ha ha!

Thank you,

but I'm just going to stick with my...

Stick with my cottage cheese.

Where's my cottage cheese?

- Uh-oh. - You stole my cottage cheese?

I thought you'd want my pancakes!

Awkward.

Pass me another pickle.

Mom, is it going to be like this

every day before school?

Ah!

Ow.

No.

No...

maybe.

We are used to doing things a certain way,

and the boys are used to doing things...

a totally different way.

Hey...

I have something for you.

It's my music box.

Do you remember when dad got this for me?

On one of his business trips?

I remember.

I always dreamed of living in this castle.

I bet that castle had terrible cell reception.

And we both know I couldn't live with that.

So...

first day

at your new high school.

It's exciting!

You ready for your dance tryouts?

I'm actually really nervous.

Oh, you are gonna do great, sweetheart.

Thanks, mom.

I will put this in your room.

Ow!

Where's my bag?

Head's up!

Second batch!

Ready to mix! Oh, yeah.

Wait, you forgot the...

Awesome!

Lid.

My bad.

Delicious!

- Sorry about that, Zoey. - Yeah, sorry, Zoey.

: Boys will be boys, right?

Aw, humphrey!

Okay, you are heading that way, across the lot,

then you're gonna make a right, then another right.

Then a left.

Second door, left again, then right, then left.

Got it? Good! I gotta run.

I didn't...

really?

Really? Manners much?

Excuse me, can you...

oh, uh, excuse me, can one of you...

Um, wow,

that is an...

amazing smell

that you guys have created...

with your bodies.

Wow, wow, wow.

Hi, uh, excuse me?

Could one of you...

hello?

Anyone?

Uh, hi, excuse me,

can someone please direct me to room 242?

Are you, uh, new 'n' stuff?

Uh, yeah.

I'm not really sure what "stuff" you're talking about,

but, uh...

I guess we all come with baggage, right?

I'm afraid the tripp doesn't follow...

the trip? What trip?

The tripp-ster.

The tripp-a-thon.

It's me. I'm tripp.

Oh!

Oh, you refer to yourself in third person.

Fart bomb!

Oh, my goodness.

That just happened.

You neanderthal!

That's right,

the tripp got you.

You've been tripped up!

Oh, and for the record,

the tripp-van-winkle is not neanderthean,

he's swiss-german,

with a little italian on his mother's side.

What?

Are-are you kidding me?

Did anyone see that?

You can just fart on someone with impunity at this school?

Sadly, I think you can.

The school charter makes no mention of farts.

They're technically legal.

You look lost.

Uh, yeah, I am.

I need to find room 242?

That's so refreshing.

I'm usually the clueless one.

Follow me.

It's on my way.

I'm rachel, by the way.

I'm Zoey. Good to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Thanks for helping me find my locker.

You're watching that thing

like you're worried it's gonna run away.

Oh. Sorry.

I just kind of keep my whole life in here.

Are all the boys at this school such knuckleheads?

I like to think of them as "challenging,"

which is to say, yeah,

pretty much knuckleheads.

What a great word, "knuckleheads."

We gotta bring that one back.

But the boys here are cute, aren't they?

All of them.

I think we have the highest percentage of cute boys

in the entire greater westlake area.

In fact, I think some college

actually did a cuteness study,

and we came out on top.

I mean, sure, they have their flaws,

and sure, if I could stop myself

from spending every waking minute

thinking about them,

I probably would, but I can't,

and I've learned to live with that.

Wow, you seem a little...

oh, boy crazy?

Yeah, that's the official diagnosis.

Hey, charlie.

It was nice talking to you!

So, what's your deal?

What kind of stuff are you into?

Uh, dance, that's my passion.

You're kidding.

I'm a dancer, too!

Well, "dancer," is putting it generously.

Are you trying out for a varsity squad today?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

I actually danced at my old school,

and I was supposed to go to state finals this year,

but, um, well,

I moved here, so...

wow. Fancy.

Hey, when you make it to the big leagues,

don't forget us little people.

And I do mean "little."

Literally, you're like a foot taller than me.

Wow.

Well, this is your room.

It was great meeting you, Zoey.

You too.

Thank you.

No problem.

Uh...

okay.

I'm guessing that

unless that bug can solve quadratic equations,

this is not advanced algebra.

You want west 242

on the other side of campus.

Mr. Kale!

Pay attention!

There will be a quiz.

On the praying mantis?

Sphodromantis viridis?

Carnivorous member of phylum arthropoda,

class insecta?

Distinguished by its raptorial forelegs

and a tendency for the females

to eat the males?

I think I'm ready for it.

: Just put away the sunglasses

and escort this young lady to west 242.

So, you're a student here?

Obviously, you're a student here.

If you went somewhere else,

you'd probably be there.

Yes, I probably would...

be there.

Not that that would be a bad thing.

I mean, this place is nuts.

It's like a horror movie.

No, it's like...

it's like that crazy nature video,

and I'm constantly being attacked

by horrible praying mantis-boys

who fart on each other all day.

No wonder you do the silent-lone-wolf

sunglass-rebel thing.

Oh, this?

It's pancake mishap this morning.

No, no, no, I'm not...

I'm not looking at that.

Okay, well then, what are you looking at?

I'm looking at you.

Okay...

so, uh...

here we are...

In the hallway,

looking at each other.

That's not weird.

I think I've got you figured out.

- Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.

You like things just so.

Your room is clean, your posters are framed,

and I bet all of your books

have nice little homemade covers on them.

And I'm getting an artistic vibe.

Maybe...

maybe dance?

Okay, did I say lone wolf?

I think I meant, weirdly psychic lone wolf.

Oh, and a serious phone addiction.

I bet you stare at that screen

all day long.

Okay, for the record,

I limit myself to two hours a day.

Three, tops.

I have an app that times me.

Oh...

that's impressive.

So, this is your room.

I'll see you around, smartphone.

Sorry. Excuse me.

You're here!

Hey, I've got good news.

I talked it over with my posse

and we're all cool with you joining our crew.

And by "my posse," I mean, "me."

And by "crew," I mean, well, "me" again.

Truth is, I'm kind of a "social floater"

and right now I'm floating between friend groups,

because, sometimes, people have trouble

with my tendency to talk excessively

while no one's really listening.

So maybe...

do you want to be friends?

Hmm, let me talk it over with my posse.

Yup, they're cool. I'm in.

Stand!

This is very simple.

Varsity squad is full!

No new dancers are needed.

That's zero for all you fools that speak math.

But if you exhibit the traits we care about...

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness...

Perfection!

Discipline. Obedience.

Right, those.

If you exhibit these traits and are all kinds of awesome...

many, many kinds.

Then maybe we have a place for you,

but you have to be

next level.

You have to wow us.

You have to be...

boom.

Totally. Boom!

No.

You don't say "boom."

Only I say "boom."

Get your own thing.

Will do, sorry.

Line up!

Excuse me, uh,

could I have a quick word?

Hi. My name's Zoey.

I was a dance soloist at my school last year.

So?

Well, I was just wondering...

I actually have a routine that I prepared for today.

It's a piece that I was going to take to state.

So, do you think

that I could actually, like, audition with it,

on my own?

Oh, my goodness.

Where are my manners?

Of course!

Let me just clear all these other hopefuls out of here,

give you some space.

- Really? - No.

Oh, no, no, no, no...

what?

My shoes are covered in pancake mix.

This is a total disaster.

Eyes on me!

I'm sorry. I've got to...

It's okay.

Okay, I'm only going to say this once.

Cross step, ball change, snap, twist, twist, circle stop.

Forward back, push press, jerk, jerk.

Got it?

Good.

No problem.

Five, six, seven, eight!

That's the girl I saw flirting with jackson.

Your ex-boyfriend?

My boyfriend.

We're just in a transitional period, okay?

What's she doing?

Her own routine.

Wow, you know, she's actually kind of...

Zip it!

Whoa!

Sorry.

Of course.

Oops.

All right!

That's it.

You're all officially rejected.

Get out and don't ever talk to me again.

Boom.

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait!

My brothers were...

They're my step-brothers...

They ruined my shoes, and...

I'm just having the worst day possible.

Okay, I'm begging you.

Dance is everything to me.

Isn't there some way that I can be on the team?

Sure.

Really? Thank you.

That would be amazing.

You can be on the jv team.

And, yeah, you can, too.

There they are,

over there.

That's the squad

you belong on.

Out, boy.

Oh... gross.

My turn.

Oh, by the way,

humphrey was in your room earlier.

I think he was helping you unpack.

Great.

Oh, gross!

Ugh, humphrey, get off.

Sit down.

You know, I bet at the very least,

I can deal with you.

There's gotta be an app for this.

Oh...

here we go.

"Listen and obey"

"plays a sound

"that makes your commands

irresistible to dogs."

Wait, $9.99?

It'd better be good.

All right.

Sit.

Shake?

Wow, it actually works. This is amazing.

Good boy, humphrey.

Stop! Come back!

That phone is my life!

It's got my contacts, my pictures,

my music collection!

All 5,200 songs!

No, stop!

No!

Don't worry!

I can fix this!

What are you doing?

Centrifugal force.

I just learned about it.

It'll force the water...

my phone!

Sorry.

Where is it?

Ew.

Okay, um...

I went online

and they say

to put the phone in rice

to suck out the water.

Mom, I can't do it anymore.

I just need the boys in my life to stop...

ruining my life.

Well, we're a little out of practice with them,

but we'll figure it out,

just like we always do.

Hey...

the family's taking humphrey for a run.

How about you come with us?

Why would I possibly want to go on a run

with that pack of maniacs?

If you change your mind,

we'll be in the park.

Go-go-go!

It's a brand-new day!

Up and at 'em! Up and at 'em!

Yeah!

It's a brand-new day, boys,

up and at 'em! Up and at 'em!

Apps all there,

everything seems to be working...

okay.

One thing in my life that isn't completely destroyed.

Maybe today will be a better day.

Can you get athlete's foot in your armpit?

"Athlete's pit?"

Or not.

Gangway, gangway.

Coming through!

You forget

one little thing, humphrey.

I now own your little canine behind.

Sit!

What?

Come on.

Sit!

Lie down!

Shake!

Really? This?

This is the one thing that stops working?

Do a trick.

Great.

$9.99 down the drain.

Yeah!

Mr. Stankovich's sprinklers broke again!

The mud is like three feet deep out there!

This is the greatest day of my life!

Okay. Back up.

Mm, mm, yummy!

Who wants to sample my latest creation?

I call it the "sloppy nacho-borscht-wich."

Ugh, just put that down!

Pick it up?

Rachel, I'm having kind of a strange morning...

Boys are acting weird.

This is unusual why?

Okay, not weird in their usual way.

Fart bomb!

Are you serious? That is atrocious.

Tripp has no idea what that word means,

but if it means, "do it again," you're in luck!

No, just stop.

Whoa.

Wow, he just...

obeyed you.

Obeyed...

uh... speak.

You've been whipped by the tripp!

Uh...

open your mouth.

Wait, this is really weird.

The tripp is...

trippin'.

The tripp is freaking out right now.

Go to the bathroom.

Oh, wait, no!

Not here!

Oh, no, no...

no, no!

What is with your phone?

I know, this is what was happening this morning!

Everything I said, the boys did.

And then tripp...

this is... this is really odd.

"Odd?"

You have an app that controls boys!

This is not "odd!"

This is the most amazing thing

that has ever occurred in human history!

Oh...

this bathroom has been tainted with dork.

And that 'taint good.

Get it? "Taint?"

Down, girl.

Jump!

Shake!

Roll over!

Why are you giving me dog commands?

Uh...

she was just trying

to do...

this...

new...

dance!

Dance!

It's a new dance. It's called the, um...

the... the...

- "rover." - Rover!

It's where you...

you get down...

you jump...

you shake,

then you roll.

Jump, shake, roll...

jump, shake, roll...

jump, shake, roll...

jump, shake...

you get the idea.

I don't like to laugh out loud,

because I believe it's a sign of weakness,

but just so you know,

in my head, I am laughing right now.

I am laughing so hard,

I am literally throwing up in my own brain.

Total brain hurl.

Boom.

Okay, let's jet.

But I kind of have to...

Hold it.

I guess your dog app doesn't work on girls.

Maybe cause girls aren't dog-like enough.

They're too...

catty.

But the app definitely works on boys...

Skaters, stop!

Okay, um, um...

do something else, do something else.

Act like gentlemen.

Madam, mind the puddle.

Thank you.

You video game dudes...

start doing something good

for your spiritual and physical well-being.

Dudes...

let's go do some yoga.

Namaste.

Groom yourselves.

What's with our hair?

Why do we smell...

like we smell?

I need a hair stylist.

And deodorant.

And a nail clipper with one of those...

Put shirts on!

I'm suddenly a little uncomfortable

being undressed with you guys.

No, why would you do that?

They were perfect the way they were.

Okay, uh...

take off your shirts again.

Phew!

Dude...

look at my cannons!

Hey, isn't that the guy from the hall yesterday?

Yeah, uh, charlie wang.

I like him.

But he's a little emotionally closed off,

so...

hey, charlie,

be more open and expressive about your feelings to rachel.

Rachel,

I really want to tell you how I'm feeling.

Please, tell me more.

Hey, whoa, stay away from me, you freaky new girl.

Be nice from now on.

You're a wonderful person.

If there's anything the trippmeister can do

to help make your transition to our school easier,

don't hesitate to contact the tripp

via phone, text, or email.

Toodles.

What the heck was up with that?

"Toodles?"

Zoey, hey!

You're in u.s. history, right?

Did you get the reading on...

Hey, my playbook!

I've been looking all over

for this!

This season, wow,

we have so many new plays.

Where was I?

Right, burpees!

Wait, did I remember to fix that hole in my uniform?

I think so...

because that would be awkward.

Be focused!

This lampshade.

It's so interesting.

Look at that cloth, is that silk or linen?

I could study this for hours.

Would you like some delicious jelly-pickle-

taco-caramel sundae?

Start making less-gross food.

What is this vile substance?

To the kitchen!

I must find some organic vegetables!

All right, sports fans!

Who wants to watch some...

Be quieter.

Football.

Foot.

Ball.

Football.

You would have thought a 46-ounce slushie

could have been flushed down the toilet.

Be clean.

Holy moly, it's filthy in here.

Quick!

I need a sponge.

And soap.

And paper towels.

And a power washer.

And...

a chisel!

Out of the way, humphrey. I've got major cleaning to do.

What a day, hey, humphrey?

I'm not saying controlling boys with a magic app

is completely ethical,

but, I mean, the house is clean,

boys are behaving better,

things aren't nearly as terrible as they were.

Then again, I'm talking to a dog,

so I might just be losing my mind.

Hey, smartphone.

Fancy seeing you here.

Uh, hi.

Oh, hello.

What's his name?

Humphrey.

I'm sorry, I didn't peg you for a dog girl.

Well, actually, I wouldn't have pegged myself as a dog girl,

but, um, he needed a walk,

and he's actually

surprisingly good company.

So...

here you are.

The rebel,

reading alone in the park.

Come on.

Tell me this isn't the most beautiful place

to sit and collect your thoughts.

Yes, it is...

so, what are you reading?

Oh, no, let me guess.

Um, "the cool guy's guide to wearing sunglasses inside."

Close.

"To kill a mockingbird."

That's, uh...

that's actually my favorite book.

Oh, of course.

A young girl thinks

she has her whole world figured out,

only to realize she had it all wrong.

It's a timeless tale.

Well, in my interpretation,

the young girl keeps her humanity and perspective

while the world around her goes crazy.

Hmm.

And there's that, too.

Well, um...

I should probably

get him home now.

I'll see you around.

I'm Zoey, by the way.

I'm jackson.

Have a nice evening, smartphone.

Come on, boy.

Good boy. Good boy.

Hello, I'm mopping here.

Hors d'oeuvres?

All natural, all locally sourced.

Thank you...

prosciutto.

Hello, darling.

Kalamata.

Welcome home.

Try the capicollo.

What the...?

Wake up.

Come on.

Nothing.

I got nothing.

This morning's breakfast menu.

Wild salmon florentine

on a bed of sustainably harvested hen eggs,

served with a vine-ripened apple-kiwi salad.

Ah, delightful.

Thank you.

Would you care for a mint?

Oh.

Thank you.

For your grooming pleasure.

Allow me.

Oh, I'm actually not going in there.

Namaste.

Uh, namaste... back 'atcha.

Entrez-vous.

I'm not going in there either.

After you.

Nope, I'm just going to stay out here.

But thank you.

Hey, how's it going?

Amazing.

Charlie's really opening up

about his feelings.

All of them.

Ooh, that's nice.

He's started expressing his feelings

by hugging me.

A lot.

I mean, a lot.

Okay...

thank you.

Boop!

Okay. Bye.

But overall, it's basically awesome.

I mean, it's relatively overall awesome.

Over there?

That's awesome.

: Are those the smelly boys?

Okay, I know this hurts, bro.

But you can't go out in public like this.

You look like someone glued a beaver to your forehead.

- Do I? - No.

- I'm not... - you're fine.

- Cool. You're sure? - Yes.

This app...

is a whole new world.

No more global conflict.

No more toilet seat up, down debates.

Basically, any problems caused by boys,

which is most problems,

can be solved.

See you at dance practice.

Okay, see you.

Oh...

there you are.

Five, six, seven, eight!

Uh, as captain

of the westlake high junior varsity dance squad,

I'd like to officially call to order

the first practice of the season.

And as my first order of business,

I'd like to see if anyone else

wants to be captain.

Any volunteers?

Come on.

You know I can't handle the pressure.

I'm already starting to get

the weird eye twitch thing again.

I nominate Zoey stevens!

Wait, what?

You're the best dancer in the squad.

Maybe the best dancer in school.

All in favor?

Really?

Please.

Okay, fine.

Uh...

team...

okay, look, just because we are junior varsity

does not mean that we are any worse than varsity.

Technically, I think

that's exactly what junior varsity means.

Okay, um...

we all auditioned, at least we made it this far.

You actually don't have to audition for j.v.

well, at least we all love to dance.

That's something, right?

I'm just here to meet girls.

Yes?

I've been studying the haka,

the traditional dance of the maori peoples.

I was thinking,

perhaps we can incorporate some of it

into our routine?

♪ Ka mate! Ka mate! ♪

♪ Tenei te tangata ♪

♪ Puhuru-huru! ♪

Uh...

yean, no, let's definitely put that one in the idea box.

We're just going to keep it there.

Dig it up, drive, shift,

lean with it,

flip the page,

and scoop,

out, close,

and check your shoes...

you guys got it?

Yup.

No.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Wow.

Looking good, guys.

Fantastic.

Not good. Not good at all.

Ow...

From the top, guys.

Listen, I just think if you gave this a chance,

you'd really like it.

All right, all right, idea box, remember?

Okay, we're not gonna do that.

All right, guys, let's get back to work.

Follow my lead.

How did they suddenly become...

not terrible?

Rodeo, swipe, switch...

and what is she doing with her phone?

Yeah, she's just, like, talking into it

like it's a...

phone.

Hold it.

Wow.

We're good.

We're, like...

as good as they are.

So, let me get this straight.

You think the j.v. squad

is actually better than the varsity squad?

And that we should get a shot

at being the school's main dance team,

the one that represents our school at state.

I'm confused.

Why is the j.v. squad better?

Why didn't you just dump

all the, you know, dance-challenged kids on j.v.,

like other sports do?

That's exactly what we did.

Look, I believe

there may have been some...

institutional bias

in the team selection process.

Look, I'm just proposing

a dance-off,

okay?

A fair contest to see who's really the best.

Hey, I told you boys,

no candles in the hall!

It's a fire hazard!

And no incense either!

You get those out of here,

or you'll be downward dogging in saturday detention!

A dance-off sounds fair enough.

What!

No, okay.

This is ludicrous.

The spirit committee is looking for a halftime act

for the first basketball game of the season.

We could do it then.

We can get one of those applause meters

that measures crowd noise.

I've always wanted to use one of those.

Yay! Sounds perfect.

What?

No, it doesn't!

It's settled.

Dance-off.

Ooh.

May the best squad win.

Oh, we will.

You and your little pack

of suddenly highly-skilled

j.v. mutant dance dorks...

are going down.

Hey...

just the person I was looking for.

Hi. You were...

you were looking for me?

Oh, sorry, no.

Not you, her.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

What is happening to the universe?

The j.v. squad doesn't stink.

The new girl

is stealing my boyfriend.

Everything is upside down.

It's like... australia!

"Boyfriend?"

Uh... are you two dating?

Oh, no, no, no.

I mean, we were.

We used to be, but it's, uh...

very over.

Although I'm not sure

taylor's quite come to terms

with that fact.

Uh, there's something I wanted to say...

Um...

I was wondering if maybe you, uh...

you wanted to hang out sometime.

Um... hang out?

Yeah.

You know, like, if you wanted to.

I mean, it's no big deal.

We could just, uh...

do something chill.

I'm gonna be at the pitstop diner tonight

if you're free.

I could pick you up.

Oh, no.

I mean, sure.

But, no, 'cause...

um, I'll just meet you there.

So we can hang out...

and do something chill.

Okay.

Jackson kale!

He asked you out?!

Sorry.

He asked you out?

Well, I'm not really sure.

Um, his exact words were "hang out."

Is that a date?

Could go either way.

Bring it in, guys, bring it in.

Stay sharp, boys.

Mix it up.

Guys, have you seen this net?

There's so many knots.

It's so intricate.

Stay sharp, guys.

Mix it up.

Pick and roll.

Time out, time out.

Sorry, coach? What?

Do that.

Here you go, little competitor.

The tripp wants you to have that.

But...

he's on the...

I'm playing against you.

The tripp realizes that, but still wants you to have it.

Tripp...

what is wrong with you?

Maybe it's some kind of breakdown.

Maybe from stress.

The tripp is worried about himself.

You enjoy that.

What is happening to my team?

Come on, guys, get it together.

So...

you know how in the movies, when people get magic powers,

and it all ends up going wrong?

Like you end up turning into a werewolf,

or traveling back in time,

and stopping your dad from meeting your mom,

and accidentally erasing yourself from existence?

Do you think that maybe could happen to us?

No. No...

I mean, we just made a few little...

improvements...

to our world.

Yeah.

It's completely under control.

Good job!

Nice pass. Good job.

Besides, in those movies,

who were the main characters who messed everything up?

Boys.

Exactly.

Well, I will say one thing.

My life has definitely pivoted to the more excellent

since you came to the school.

Ah, sorry, man, checkmate.

What? No!

Hey.

You look great.

Oh, thanks.

Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

No, no, it's all good.

I was just killing time till you showed up.

Do you want to sit?

The club meets here, instead of on campus.

Less likelihood of meathead jocks

sticking pawns up their noses.

What?

You look surprised.

No, it's just

that I probably would have put you in the...

in the reading alone in the park club,

with a membership of exactly one.

Yeah, well, I like the chess club.

They're good dudes.

I feel at home with them, you know?

It's also fun,

because I can pretty much deliver a chess beatdown

on any one of them.

Why do all boys do that? Everything is a sport.

It's like

you have to pretend to be competitive with each other

as an excuse to enjoy each other's company.

Oh, unlike girls,

who pretend to enjoy each other's company

as an excuse to be competitive with each other?

What? No, that is...

what?

That's completely...

oh, come on,

is that all you got?

Did I just render you speechless?

Okay, I have been speechless before.

Once.

In ninth grade.

When I had my wisdom teeth pulled

and it physically hurt to open my mouth.

So...

what to order?

Don't want something too messy,

so the fiesta salad is probably out...

you know, the first date conundrum.

Not that this is a date, officially.

It's just us hanging out.

Apres-chess.

Kind of a date-optional...

sort of deal...

wow, the omelette looks good.

Maybe with fries.

It's not too messy.

I will be right back.

Okay.

Hey, Zoey, how's your date going?

I'm a mess out there.

I haven't really been on very many dates,

and I have no idea what I'm doing.

And I'm really over-dressed.

Wow.

I have no idea either.

I've never been on a date before.

Boys just started talking to me for the first time yesterday.

I don't know how to get a boy to like you.

What do boys even like?

Competition.

Yeah, they do like that.

I gotta go.

Hey.

Uh...

flirt with me.

Sorry about that.

Excuse me.

I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are.

Really? Thank you.

That is very sweet of you.

Those eyes...

was your dad a thief?

Because he must have stolen the stars

to make those little gems.

What's your name?

My name is Zoey.

That is the most beautiful name ever.

Zoey...

it rolls off the lips

like... like honey.

Are you here with this fine lady?

She's magnificent, isn't she?

Yeah, sure, I'm here with this...

magnificent, honey-like gem...

you know, if he doesn't understand

what a catch you are,

perhaps you and I...

no, thank you.

I think my date gets the idea.

Wow.

Guys, it's one eyebrow.

It's the...

not both.

Just the one.

That was weird,

what happened at the diner.

I have no idea what happened there.

No idea.

Hey, well, it's not your fault

boys find you irresistible.

Um, this is me.

Oh, right.

Thanks...

for that.

I had a good time tonight.

I did too, smartphone.

I should get going.

I'll see you at school?

Uh, yeah.

Sure.

Thank you.

Can I ask you something?

You have my undivided attention.

I mean, really.

It's impossible to divide my attention.

Let's say you went out with someone...

oh, you had a date tonight?

Uh, I'm not really sure you could call it that.

The guy's a little...

confusing.

Hmm.

Well, in my limited experiences,

boys are confusing

usually when we're confused ourselves.

Usually by a girl.

Okay, but I have a right to be confusing.

A new house, a new school, all of you guys.

It's all just, it's very stressful.

Hey, we've had to adjust to a new sister.

Look, boys are no different from girls.

At the end of the day,

we're all stress-cases sometimes.

You?

You really think that I don't worry?

I worry all the time.

It's all I do.

I worry about not disappointing the team,

not letting down my dad,

not getting into college.

I mean, scouts are starting to watch me now.

Why do you think I'm always

rushing around everywhere?

Well, not that I'm really rushing around much anymore.

Look, my point is,

this guy?

Maybe try and relax and cut him some slack, huh?

Boys can be a pain, but we come around.

Eventually.

Thanks, adam.

Good night.

Hey, Zoey.

Having a new sister is a big deal, but...

it hasn't been all bad.

I know you're back there, dirt.

Being dirty.

Having a little dirt party.

But I'm coming for you.

Say hello to my little friend,

mr. Vacuum.

Hey, ratatouille time.

Dude, how can I cook

when you are always cleaning?

How can I clean if you're always cooking?

Hey, Zoey.

I...

have something for you.

You fixed it?

Yeah, it looked like

it needed a little t.l.c.,

so a little epoxy, some screws,

and voila.

The boys all helped out.

Adam held that glue joint together

for, like, five hours.

I mean, he was focused.

Is it okay?

It's amazing.

Thank you, ted.

A pleasure.

Oh, hey.

Listen, you'd better get some sleep,

'cause you've got that big dance-off

at the game tomorrow, so...

Maybe I misjudged these guys.

Maybe they're okay...

or maybe they're just okay

because I commanded them to be okay.

I don't know, humphrey.

Maybe tomorrow,

I could use the phone to dial it back, and...

give the guys a slightly longer leash.

I'm late.

There are so many ingredients in toothpaste.

"Hydrated silica."

Now, what is that?

How is that different from regular silica?

Just hurry up!

I gotta move!

Watch out, Zoey! I gotta move, gotta move!

Careful!

I just waxed the stairs!

I'm okay!

I'm good!

I gotta run!

Hey, good morning!

I'm baking some high-omega flaxseed oat bread

and it expanded more than I thought.

No! I just cleaned this kitchen!

I got you!

Out of my way!

I gotta run!

Things are getting seriously crazy.

The videogamers and the ogres

are in a yoga-grooming turf war.

Get your yoga mats out of here,

this is our bleaching station!

Oh, yeah, rachel,

I feel so close to you right now.

You've gotta fix this.

Um, okay, uh...

stop hugging rachel.

Okay...

Coming through!

Thank you! Sorry!

If I didn't believe in mindful benevolence,

my chakras would be

in a serious karmic tizzy right now.

And if I wasn't worried about messing up my hair,

I'd open up a serious can

of hydrating facial moisturizer

on your face!

I need all of you guys to stop!

Oh, uh...

Yeah, this might not be better.

Yeah...

um...

go again.

Did you feel that?

Totally.

Outta my way, I gotta run!

Oh, adam, slow down!

What is happening to me?

This is so not good.

What's happening?

This is completely unacceptable.

Guys, come on.

Group hug.

Oh, by the way,

have you talked to the guys on the squad?

"We hereby officially...

resin?"

I told you there was a "g" in "resign."

Wait, you guys are quitting?

I just don't think dance is my jam.

It's too mechanical.

My artistic vision has been totally squashed.

This is way more intense than I expected.

Frankly, I'd rather take my chances

in regular p.e.

no!

The dance-off is today. You guys can't quit.

I do not accept your resignations.

You made a commitment.

Now, let's line up!

Five, six,

seven, eight.

Something's off.

It's like their feet are into it,

but their hearts aren't.

Yeah, something's a little funky.

And I don't mean good-funky,

like disco music.

I mean bad-funky, like...

old cream cheese.

That's an understatement.

If I were in any way your friend,

I'd suggest you quit now,

before these weirdo robot-zombies

completely humiliate you,

but since I'm not...

good luck tonight!

She's right.

Yeah, she is.

Positions!

Maybe we should...

She's got us beat.

And I refuse to accept that.

Completely confuse your left from your right.

Really?

Did you just...

What are you doing!

What are you doing?

No, it's left, then right!

No, no, your other right!

Right, then left...

No!

Ow.

Who looks ridiculous now?

At least my squad can tell their left from their right.

They're not a bunch of freaks bouncing around like...

well, a pack of dogs,

but...

maybe that's the squad you belong on.

Okay, jackson, wait.

Sorry, smartphone, I gotta go.

What happened in there, that was just...

That's your business, okay?

I've got nothing to say.

But she deserved it.

She's a terrible person, we both know that.

I know exactly what kind of person she is.

What I don't know is the kind of person you are.

I mean, usually, you're pretty chill,

but you just treated them exactly how she does.

And what about you?

I mean, one second, you are nice,

and then you're ice cold.

Really?

You really think I'm the confusing one?

Yeah, I do.

I find that surprising.

You know, I've always considered myself

to be a pretty straightforward and honest kind of guy.

Then how come you can't just be honest?

About what?

About how you feel!

Honestly, I don't know how I feel.

Well then,

just kiss me.

Um...

that was...

I don't... know why I did that.

That...

that wasn't the way I wanted that to go.

I'm...

look, I'm sorry.

About this whole thing.

You know, it's all just...

off.

Maybe we should just

give each other some space.

For a while.

Maybe we should end practice for today.

Yeah.

I'm officially over you.

I'm turning you off until further notice.

What do you want?

Apart from wishing

you'd never shown your face at this school

in the first place?

Absolutely nothing.

Rachel's here!

See you at the game!

: Look, I'm an idiot.

Okay, I took it all way too far,

and I made a mess out of everything.

And I'm so sorry.

But now I am over my state

of app-crazed megalomania.

There's gotta be a way to fix these commands.

You know, put the world back the way it was.

I couldn't agree more.

Except for that little part

where we tried to reverse the commands

and it just made them worse, so...

We've gotta think.

There's gotta be some way we can solve this.

Oh, no.

What?

A college scout is coming to watch adam play.

Except he can't play.

They're going to get creamed tonight, thanks to me.

This is serious.

This is his whole future!

We gotta go, come on.

Welcome!

To a new season of huskies basketball.

The huskies have been struggling with practice

and there's a college scout in the stands,

so tonight's game could be a nail-biter.

Okay.

The only thing I can say is,

have fun tonight.

Okay, he said "have fun."

: Oh!

Having fun isn't exactly

going to get me into college.

Sorry, ladies, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Guys, I need to talk to you.

Uh... now?

I mean, we've got a game in six minutes, so...

you too. This is a family issue.

Family?

Yeah.

All right, you guys, go warm up.

What did he say?

He said "go warm up!"

Amateurs.

What?

I know it sounds crazy,

but I really...

baby, it is just like you

to try and take responsibility for everything,

but this is just preposterous.

No, mom, it's true.

Okay, this is why you've been so overly-focused,

and you've been quiet,

and you've been so clean,

and you've been cooking exotic healthy cuisine.

Okay, guys, guys, guys, guys...

I am so, so sorry.

I guess, I just, I wasn't ready for my new life,

and...

I blamed you guys for everything.

The point is,

I want to try to fix things, I just don't know how.

I need help.

Okay.

We can figure this out.

Oh! What if we downloaded another app?

You know, something that makes everything ordered and right.

Yeah, like one of those organizer apps.

Exactly.

And then we'll grab the phone, dunk it in water,

and then zap it.

And then we'll throw it in the microwave.

There's one in the teachers' lounge.

Then we'll stick it in dog food!

Shouldn't it be human food?

Guys, come on, this is obvious.

We own a dog.

What do we always do

to make him stop doing something?

"Release!"

Use the release command!

Of course!

Release! Yes!

Zoey. Zoey!

You are not

controlling the boys with a magical smartphone app!

You're just upset.

No, mom,

this is real, okay?

I will show you. Watch.

Let me just get my phone.

It's, um...

it's gone.

Uh, coach? Sir?

Sorry to bother you,

but the game is starting soon.

Right.

Um...

I've gotta try and coach my team.

Let's go.

You have to find that phone.

Where is it?

This is the last place I knew I had it.

After things got weird with jackson,

I came in here,

and I washed my face, and...

was anyone else in here?

Oh, no.

It just looks like a regular phone.

It's not.

This is why

that little nobody is so successful.

One of these apps can control boys, okay?

Wow.

You know, these apps can do anything.

I even have one that does math.

The calculator app?

It's magical.

Okay, I'm officially invoking the rule

where you can't talk anymore.

Okay? Okay.

She's got, like, six million apps

on this thing.

Wait, what is this?

"Listen and obey."

"Plays a sound

that makes your commands irresistible to dogs?"

Hmm.

Shake.

♪ I'm a super bad girl ♪

♪ Super, super bad girl ♪

Okay.

♪ They always talkin' slick ♪

♪ 'Cause they know that I'm a super bad girl... ♪

You guys...

robot dance.

♪ Super bad girl ♪

♪ Super, super bad girl... ♪

And you guys? Kick line.

♪ I'm a super bad girl super, super bad girl... ♪

Tripp does not like this.

Well...

things just got a little strange here, pre-game.

The two teams appear to be starting some sort of

musical theater, '80s funk-robot dance-off.

All of you!

Bow down to me!

Oh, this isn't good.

What are we going to do?

Uh, simple.

Figure out a way to get the phone from taylor

before she turns

the entire male population of planet earth

into her personal slave army,

plunging the planet into darkness

for all eternity.

I think I know a way we can get her to stop.

What's happening?

Is one of those crazy flash mobs?

I love this app!

Zoey.

Hi.

Are you looking for the lost and found?

Taylor, you need to stop.

: I do?

: You need to believe me, okay?

This app,

it isn't going to solve anything.

The truth is,

forcing boys

to do what you want them to,

it doesn't make life any better.

You've just got to let them be themselves

and learn to accept them anyway.

Well, that's a beautiful sentiment.

Really, you know,

you should go work for a greeting card company.

Okay, let me think about that.

Nope!

Okay, look,

I'm not going to stop.

I mean,

you didn't stop, did you?

Do you really think it's a coincidence

the coolest guy in school,

who could have anyone,

even me... just saying...

Would chose her?

No!

Jackson, I never used the app on you.

Except to make you kiss me, and I'm sorry.

And now you just want me to give it up?

After you so totally messed with my world?

Maybe...

I should mess with your world a little.

Why don't you

scooch around on the ground like a dog, coach?

And you...

hmm...

howl.

And, uh, and you...

okay, taylor, stop.

Don't hurt my family.

They didn't do anything.

Just please don't use the phone on them.

Use it on me.

Yeah, but it doesn't work on girls.

I'll do anything you want,

just... say the command.

Beg.

Hmm...

pant!

Sit!

Shake.

Roll over!

How did you...?

I'm your brother.

We stick together.

No!

Okay, stop!

You're ruining everything!

Get back!

Get away from her!

Why isn't this working?

Because everyone knows,

you can never make a dog turn against its own pack.

Oh, and by the way, that mascot right there,

that's not a boy.

Boom.

No!

Release!

Sorry.

I'm not really sure what just happened...

but I'm pretty sure

it's gonna make even less sense tomorrow.

Uh... and the final pre-game seconds

have ticked down!

It's game time!

Let's cheer our players onto the court

and start another season of huskies basketball!

I can't believe we did it.

So, I think this is how I'm gonna remember high school,

having my life ruined by the new girl

and her magical brainwashing smartphone.

Whatever.

Use it.

Win the dance off.

Be queen of the school.

Have every boy in the world do exactly what you want.

We both know

you're nothing without that phone.

You know something?

Let's find out.

You really just destroyed it?

It doesn't matter.

There's more to life than what's on a phone.

The huskies are dominating tonight!

That's it, that's it!

Yeah!

And another score for adam thompson!

That's my boy! That's my boy!

Let me make sure I've got this straight.

I was completely hypnotized by a crazy app.

I'm-i'm sorry.

Look...

I did a lot of stupid things

for a lot of really stupid reasons,

but the truth is,

that kiss?

I made you do it 'cause, well...

I like you.

Well...

well, that's good.

Because I like you, too, smartphone.

So...

you want to hang out sometime?

No.

I want to do it right this time.

I want to go on a real date with you.

I hate to break up the happy ending,

but it's showtime, so...

go get 'em.

: Awesome sauce.

She's my best friend,

so you better be good to her,

because if you mess with her, you mess with me,

and you don't wanna... Okay, have fun.

Have a good dating life.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's dance-off time!

Let's give it up

for the westlake high varsity dance squad!

Okay, guys,

just go out there and do your thing.

Dance with your hearts and not your feet.

Have fun.

Do your maori...

haka.

Just...

go out there and be boys, okay?

Come on, bring it in.

That was outstanding.

It's gonna be tough to beat.

All right, let's give it up

for the westlake high junior varsity dance squad!

All right!

You got this.

We have a clear winner!

Westlake high has a new dance squad,

representing this school

at this year's state dance competition!

She's taking forever!

Zoey, come on!

Hey, no need to shout there, big guy.

Yeah, we're in no hurry.

Girls sometimes need a little more time to get ready.

Excuse me, did I just hear something

about girls moving too slowly?

Eat my dust!