Your Mother Wears Combat Boots (1989) - full transcript

♫ You been living with
your head in the clouds

♫ You been living with
your head in the clouds

♫ Oh baby

♫ You been living with--

- Morning Brenda.

- Morning Remney.

- Hi.

♫ With your head in the clouds

♫ You got your head in the clouds

♫ So how can you see
what it's doing to you

- Good morning.



- Hey guys.

- Morning, how are you?

- I'm gonna miss you, Mrs. Franklin.

- Don't forget to write!

- Oh, I won't.

Three miles in 28 minutes.

That's not bad, huh?

Sorry I made you wait.

- No mom, take all the time you want.

I'm in no hurry to go.

- You know, when you
were three months old,

I was offered $75 for you.

I shouldn't have turned
that old Gypsy woman down.

- Oh, that's great mom.



- That's great, go ahead.

Make a big joke about it.

But you know how I feel, I
don't want to go to college.

- And you know how I feel,
you are going to college.

- Mom ...

Look, you've taken care
of me my whole life,

the tricycle when I was
five, the cast on my arm

when I was seven, the trip to
Washington when I was nine,

cast on my arm when I
was 11, braces at 13,

the cast on my arm when I was 14--

- I sure wish you'd learn
how to slide into home plate.

- You didn't want my pants to get dirty.

- No.

- Look the point is, I just
feel that I should start

making my own decisions and
I don't think that college

is right for me, plus it is expensive.

- Look, I already have most of
your first year taken care of

with the money I made from
the sale of this house.

And my new job will take
you straight through

to your bachelor's degree.

End of discussion.

- Yo mom, that's another
thing about this new job.

I happen to think that Point Hope, Alaska

is no place for a woman.

- There are 36 males to every female.

It is a perfect place for women.

And besides, I'll be making
three what I'm making here.

- Mom! It's North of the Arctic Circle!

- I've got long underwear.

Come on Jimmy, this is
my chance for excitement.

I feel like a pioneer
woman, blazing new trails,

looking for adventure.

Especially with those 36 guys
that have my name on them.

- Oh yeah, and they're
really gonna be turned on

by a mother in long johns.

- If the long johns don't do the trick,

I've got a secret weapon.

Ear muffs.

Men really go bananas when
they see a woman in ear muffs.

- Alaska. I can't believe this.

- Well, I could stay here,
alone, eating my little TV dinner

for one, trying to guess the
answers on Wheel of Fortune

all by myself.

- That's great mom, guilt
me to death with the old

empty nest syndrome.

- Hey, I have already done
the diapers and the braces

and the broken arms, and the broken arms,

and the broken arms.

I don't know what's
coming up in the future,

but I am ready for a little
change, a little romance.

- Okay okay, that's great!

But you want to go live in an igloo.

Does that mean that I
have to go to college?

- Yes.

- Dad never went to college.

- Your father never had a chance.

I'll be ready to leave in ten minutes.

- Maybe I could just
join the army like dad did,

you know, get a chance to see the world.

- From the window of a tank?

Not my son, get your
degree. Get a good job.

You'll be able to see the
world from a first class

cabin on the Cuie 2.

- Mom, do you think we could just

say our goodbyes out here?

- Well, don't you want some help

getting all this junk inside your room?

- I just don't think a
lot of the other guys

are gonna be having their
mom help them unpack.

- Oh yeah, your right, your right.

Here, it's all yours.

- I guess a hug wouldn't
be such a big deal.

- Now you knock 'em dead, you hear, huh?

- Eh, you too.

- Well, I guess I better get going.

I'll miss my flight.

- Still can't believe
you're gonna get on a plane.

- Yeah well, first time for everything.

- Make sure I get the window seat.

I never get the window seat,

it's always the middle seat they give me.

And make sure it's not bumpy,
the turbulence is terrible.

I had to use little bag.

I thought I was gonna
die, I kissed the ground

when I landed, the poor
food was flying everywhere,

chickens, they're okay,
jellos they went everywhere.

And, the engine just
had this rickety sound.

Very bad the engine sound,
everyone was crying,

they had to bring the
oxygen, even the steward

she was crying, I offered
her my oxygen tank.

She musta been on the same flight.

- This wasn't on the map.

This can't be the way to Alaska.

- Keep it going,
arm out! Come on, that's it.

Watch your breathing.
Heels down, heels down!

Keep that leg up! Come on ladies!

Pull in those tummies,
tighten those bends.

Up! Up! Do those donkey kicks! Up! Up! Up!

- It'll take more than a donkey

to kick this fanny in to shape.

Oh, come on Libby!

- Oh Bernice, I can't do
anymore. I'm exhausted.

- Think of the pipeline, 100 men.

- 100 men?

- 100 men. Lonely, hungry, and desperate.

- Up, up, up, up, that's it.

No pain no gain.

That's it ladies, very good. Keep it up!

I'll be right back,
Bernice will you take over?

- Feel the burn, come on. Move those legs!

- So this is where you've
been hiding during lunch?!

- Well I'm just getting them ready

for their summer vacations.

Oh listen, I found that leak
on the southeast pipeline.

I sent a crew down to fix it.

- By the way, the real reason why I came,

'cause I think you've
been looking for this.

- A letter from Jimmy?

- Private James Anderson,
Fort Jackson South Carolina?

- Are you alright?

- No!

Dear mom, by the time you
read this, I'll be finished

with basic training, sorry
about college but a man's

gotta do what a man's gotta do.

A man? He's not a man,
he's an 18 year old boy.

He's still a kid, he's my baby.

- Hey when I was 18, I was in the Army.

- When King Tut was 18, he was dead.

I've gotta get down to
Fort Jackson and talk

him out of this.

- You're over reacting,
your son is a grown man.

At least in the eyes of the
United States government.

- Gary, I know what this must look like,

an over-protective mother.

But there's more to it.

- I figured that.

- I wanted him to test his freedom.

- Then let him do it.

- Just give me time to
straighten things out with Jimmy,

and I'll be back at my computer

before you even miss me.

- Brenda, you gotta call an exorcist.

Bernice is possessed.

- Alright ladies, time
for the pelvic thrust.

And one, two, three, four ...

- And after I go through
all that trouble, I mean,

I have never had my legs
wrapped before in my life

and it was not fun.

Gosney tells me he's saving
himself for marriage.

I mean it, they're just not
making men the way they used to.

Oh, I gotta go, Doreen, duty calls.

- Excuse me, I need to see the Colonel.

- I'm sorry, but he don't see
nobody without an appointment.

Maybe I can help you.

- Well, maybe you can.

You see, my son accidentally
joined the Army,

and I need to get him out.

I missed the joke.

- Well, you're precious,
I mean, how adorable.

Wanting to get your boy
cut out of the Army,

don't you know?

There's only two ways out
before your hitch is over.

- Well fine, I'll use
any loophole there is.

How do I get him out?

- He's either gotta be pregnant, or dead.

- No problem.

When I get my hands on
him, I'm gonna kill him.

- Alright. What's his name?

- James Michael Anderson.

Actually, I call him Jimmy.

I used to call him Punkin Head,

but I doubt he'll be using that.

- Anderson, Jimmy.

Oh, he's leaving this morning with a group

going on to advanced training.

- What kind of training?

- I'm sorry, that kind of
information cannot be released.

- Where's he going to be sent?

- Can't be released.

- Well, can you at least tell
me where he's leaving from?

- Can't be released.

- Oh, you have a chip in your nail!

- Shit! Which one?

I paid good money for these ...

You give me that back,
you widely sneak thief.

- Army Airborne.

Can you kindly direct
me to staging area four?

Uh, no, you're right.

I'll ask someone else.
Much better idea, yes.

- One, two, three, four.

- Excuse me, I'm looking
for Jimmy Anderson,

he thinks he's going to
Army Airborne training.

- Is that Anderson with an A?

- Strangely enough, yes.

- Truck with A through L
left about 20 minutes ago.

That truck's loading M through Z.

- Oh, well that's okay.

Just tell me which
direction the truck took,

and I can drive myself.

- Can't do that, ma'am, that info--

- can't be released
- can't be released

yes, I know. Thank you.

- Zimmel! Zimmel! Zimmel!

Where the hell are you?

Last call for Private Zimmel,
we move out in 30 seconds.

- Here I am! Here I am!

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.

I had to use the little girl's room.

- Get on the truck, Zimmel.

- Oh thank you! Thank you!

Oh, would you help me please?

- Let's go! Move out!

- Oh, thanks for your help!

- Ah!

- Could some body help me?

Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much.

Oh great, great. Brand new.

I just put them on this
morning, wouldn't you know it?

I have been having the worst luck!

I mean, I am not one to
believe in full moons,

or anything like that, but lately--

- What is your name, Soldier.

- Zimmel. Zimmel. Susan Zimmel.

- Just plain Susan, or has
the Army assigned you a rank.

- Oh well, of course
they've assigned me a rank.

Doesn't everyone get a rank?

It's um, Private.

- Well, has the Army issued you a uniform.

- Oh, yes, right in my
little bag, right there.

In fact, I would say I
probably have several

of them it's so heavy.

In fact, I could probably
clothe the whole Army.

- Well, do you think you could manage

to get to Barracks Four and put it on?

- Oh yes.

- Yes, what?

- Yes, I'd love to!

- Yes, collar?

Yes, stripes, uh, shirt?

Look, could you help me out a little bit?

I'm very bad at guessing games.

- Yes, Sergeant!

- Oh, Sergeant!

- You got 10 minutes
to get to your barracks

and into your uniform!

- Hey! Hey! Excuse me!

Which building is Barracks Four?

- The white one.

- Thanks. Hey, they're all white.

Hey, excuse me!

Jimmy!

Excuse me, excuse me I'm sorry.

Excuse me, excuse me, please.

- Soldiers only. Ma'am,
I said soldiers only.

- You don't understand

my son is in there.
- I said soldiers only.

- But I--

- Move out, now.

- I know you're not going to believe this,

but an absolutely enormous
person grabbed that thing

and ran off with it, and
I have been searching

for it everywhere.

- Private, Zimmel, is it?

- That's right, Sergeant.

- Didn't I give you 10
minutes into uniform?

- Well, yes you did, but I--

- And wasn't that almost an hour ago?

- Was it? Uh, it seems like just minutes.

- Get down and give me 10, soldier.

- I beg your pardon?

- Push-ups Zimmel, I want 10
push-ups and I want 'em now.

- Alright!

- My guess is, you can't do four, Soldier.

- One, two, three, four, five, six,

thanks to aerobics and
a good, sensible diet,

I'm in better shape than I've
ever been in my whole life.

Seven, eight, nine, ten.

There we go.

I'll just run over to the barracks

and hop into my uniform, and ...

Sergeant!

- So those 10 were pretty
easy, huh, Soldier?

Well maybe you'll find KP duty easy, too.

- Oh, just what exactly is KP duty?

- Don't play games with me, Soldier.

You report to KP right
after training tomorrow!

- KP tomorrow. Alrighty, I'll be there.

I'm looking forward to it,

thank you very much for asking me.

- I have a feeling your barracks mates

aren't gonna like you any
more than I do, Zimmel.

- Oh, Sergeant, I am a people person.

And if you're a people
person, you like people.

And when you like people, they like you.

He obviously is not a people person.

- Uh, hi!

- Hey! Look at this!
Is this genius or what?

I'll make a fortune off of this!

- Well, it's, ah, different.

- You damn straight!

This is my ticket out of town!

You don't think I'm gonna be kissing

Cathy fatty all my life.

I'm sitting at home just watching TV

when I saw a commercial
that said be all you can be.

I wanna be the best,
all the way to the top,

so I joined Airborne to make the drop.

I'm Barry, the legend,
the lady connoisseur,

master mind genius, a total entrepreneur,

getting all I can, it's
the American dream,

Ill be the richest soldier
the Army has ever seen.

- Um, Barry?

- Yeah.

- My name is Jimmy. Jimmy Anderson.

- Barry. Barry Bonds.

- Yeah, I know. I think I
read about you in Fortune 500!

- Oh, you will, that's a fact.

- Hey, I think I was
assigned the lower bunk.

- Hey man, I got airophoia,
I can't sleep up there!

- What?

- Whew! I got it bad!

- You're in the damn Airborne!

- What's that got to do with anything?

- Uh, Nevermind.

- My chips! You're crushing my chips!

- Hey, we're not suppose to
have food in the barracks.

- What they don't know
won't hurt 'em. Soda?

- Oh no, no, no thanks.

- Okay. So who's Jimmy Anderson?

- What?

- I mean, where do you come from?

Why did you join the airborne?

Still a virgin?

- Davenport, Iowa, and
see if I can make it,

and none of your business!

- Ha ha ha, so you are still a virgin!

- I'm not a vir---

- Cookie?

- No!

- Too bad, they're good!
Hey look, I'll be back.

You know something? We're
gonna be real good friends.

And while I'm out, feel
free to use my bunk!

- It's my bunk!

- Oh hi! Say, what do you think?

I mean, even if I take
it in or take it out,

I still don't think it has a shot.

The color is all wrong for me.

Oh, it's not on my pallet, I'm an autumn.

Ah, that's a little joke. An
icebreaker that backfired.

- I'm not big on jokes.

Are you my roommate?

- Temporarily, yes.

Susan Zimmel.

- Nail polish. That is not a good sign.

- Oh, you're not big
on nail polish either?

- Women who wear nail
polish are not serious

about the military, I
am very, very serious

about the military.

- I'll get khaki polish, no problem.

Hey look, I am here for an
extremely serious purpose myself.

- Good. Then we won't have any problems.

Because if we were to have
trouble, I'd be forced

to chow down on your head.

- Oh! You wouldn't want
to do that now, would you?

Miss. Congeniality.

Do you know what it is
I love about the Army?

- What?

- The traveling. It's fabulous.

And the marching, it's great
exercise for the outer thighs.

Oh, I just love it. And, KP.

- KP, what are you, nuts?

I'd rather have my arm torn off

by kami sympathizers.

- Oh, do you really hate KP that much?

- Yeah! Once, in basic training,
I had a little squabble

with a member of the canine core.

- You mean you had a fight
with one of those cute dogs?

- There is nothing cute
about that German Shepherd.

He was big, he was mean, and he was ugly.

And by the time I got through with him,

he was being led around by some blind guy.

And I got a week on Kitchen Police.

- Well, exactly what is it that
you do like about the Army?

- Ugh, everything, the uniforms,
the discipline, the food,

the proximity to live ammunition.

- Oh, yeah that's a plus, yeah!

- Yeah, I've finally found my niche.

I mean, I know I'm older than
a lot of the soldiers here,

but hey, so are you!

- No, no I'm not, no!

- How did you get in here?

- Oh well, I didn't just
join yesterday you know.

I've been stationed up in Alaska for ages.

- Oh, right.

- How does your family feel
about you being in the military?

I mean, does it bother them
that you're wearing combat boots

and you're being trained to kill?

- They're just happy I'm
finally mellowing, yah know?

- You are?

- Oh yeah, I'm a
completely different person

since I beat that jail rep?

- Jail rep?

- It was a bogus charge.

My ex-boyfriend Death, his name was Death,

he was the lead singer
in a heavy metal band,

he used to bite the heads off pigeons,

for his opening number you know?

And then this wimpy animal rights group

had us all arrested.

They dropped the charges
as soon as they ended up

with a couple of pigeons
on their doorsteps,

you know what I mean, huh?

Then me and Death broke
up, due to all the tension.

It was very sad.

- I kissed a boy once who's
name was Stinky Shmolder,

but that's nothing compared to that!

- Yeah, well, the only
thing that's important now

is acing Airborne
training, making that jump,

and pinning on those silver wings!

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Oh yeah!

- Yeah!

- Oh oh! And then maybe you'll
tell me your name, right?

- I'm Edie Windchill.

So uh, what's your story,
how'd you get to in the Army?

- Oh! Well, I was, I was a bomb diffuser

for the government, but
I decided that I needed

to do something a little tougher.

- Oh yeah, I can understand that.

- Well, now that we know
each other a little better,

can you tell me something?

- Yeah.

- Would you really have
chowed down on my head?

- I wanna show you something,

you see this tooth right there?

- Uh huh. Oh yeah, huh uh!

The one with the gold filling in it?

- Yeah, well, it isn't a filling.

It's an impacted earring.

- Huh, cute.

- Zimmel! Back in line!

- Oh, where is it?

- Attention, halt!

- Would you get it together?

- I'm here.

- Fall out!

- Quit screwing around.

- Company, hike he!

- Airborne!

- Morning, I'm Lieutenant
Colonel Lewis, Commander,

First Battalion Airborne 507
Parachute Infantry Regiment

and the United States Airborne School.

For the next few weeks we
are going to put you through

some various rigorous training sessions.

These training sessions are
designed to make sure you meet

the stiff mental and physical
standards of the Airborne.

I'd now like to introduce
you to the man who will

supervise this training,

our Senior Black Cap
Sergeant Charlie Burke.

Take charge.

- Airborne.

- Airborne.

- Alright, as you soldiers already know,

you've all been divided up into squads.

You and your squad will
always train together.

But you'll also train in larger groups

with other squads at times.

This will also include
your daily PT sessions.

- PT?

- Physical Training.

- Oh hi! I'm Susan Zimmel.

- Aye! Nail polish, not a good sign.

- Those of you who successfully
complete ground week,

will go on to tower week
practice and more PLFs.

- I've heard of the PLO, but I ...

- Parachute Landing Fall.

- Well then, why doesn't he
just say so like normal people?

- He isn't a normal
person. He's a Sergeant.

- At the end of your training,
you'll make your first jump

out of a C1-30.

- Uh, I just wish Death could be there.

- You jump out of an airplane, honey,

and death could be closer than you think.

- The top squad at the end
of three weeks training

will be given one weekend
pass and special consideration

on relocation assignments.

- Now what does that
mean in normal English?

- It means we get a week
vacation and we don't

get sent to Guam.

- All the individuals who
finish near the bottom

of the rankings will also
get special attention,

you can count on that.

Now who are you?

- Airborne!
- Susan Zimmel!

- Who are you?

- Airborne!

- Who are you?

- Airborne!

- Higher up!

- Airborne!

- Well, you certainly sound like Airborne,

let's hope you can perform like Airborne

because if you slack up,

if you don't listen to my instructions,

pay attention to your drill sergeants,

you know what's gonna happen?

- Would you cut it out? Get up!

- Musta been the heat.

- It's 45 degrees.

- Well, then it was the cold.

- Alright, on your feet.

- Airborne.

- Fall out!

- Airborne.

- That means we can go.

- I know that, did you
think I didn't know that?

I'm looking for someone.

- Well, get with the program,

you've only got 30 minutes to training.

- Look, I have something
much more important to do.

I'll be there, I'll be there.

But if I'm just a teenie
weenie little bit late.

Tell them I'll be along, okay?

Oh, nevermind, nevermind.

I'll tell them myself.

- Why won't the Army give me
back my old royal typewriter?

At least I got what I
wanted when I wanted.

- Because the Army wants to
make your life a living hell,

Specialist McNogahe.

Anyway, you shouldn't be behind a desk.

You should be trying to get to shape.

Two years of hard labor should do it.

- Did you ever wonder why
I'm still only a Specialist

after 20 years?

- No.

- I once killed a Sergeant.

- I'll try to keep that in mind, McNogahe.

- Hi there.

- Hi, Soldier.

- There's someone in the training program

who doesn't belong there.

- After looking at some of
the troops, I'd have to say

there's lots of people
who don't belong here.

- Well, I'm going to track
down this particular soldier

this afternoon, so I just
wanted to let you know

that I won't be in training today.

- What?

- Well, I can show up for a few minutes.

At least make an appearance.

- An appearance? Oh, like a drop-in.

Like when Bob Hope goes to
visit the Johnny Carson show,

except you can't stay long?

- Exactly.

But tomorrow, even if I don't
find him, I will be there

for the whole time, I promise.

- McNogahe, call the
MP's and get an escort

for Private Zimmel.

- Oh no, no no, you needn't
to through all that trouble.

I can find him by myself.

- He's talking about
an escort off the post.

- Off the post? Why?

- Because, if you don't
report to training,

and get yourself out of
here, I'm gonna make sure

you're stationed some place
where giant tarantulas

nest in your backpack and
snakes curl up in your boots

at night while you're still wearing them.

- That's disgusting!

- I suggest you get your can back

to the practice field, Soldier.

Now you've got eight minutes,
and if memory serves,

after training you'll report to KP duty.

- Say, aren't you in
charge of all the files

and things around here?

- Only until a crown head of your proposes

and takes me away from all this.

- Then you can tell me which barracks

Jimmy Anderson is in.

- My files are private, Private.

- But it's very important that I see him.

- I'm not running a dating service here.

- You've got six minutes
to make it to that field.

- Oh, come on. You can
bend the rules a little.

Tell me where he is!

- I've been in the Army for 20 years,

and I'm only a Specialist.

Do you wanna know why?

- Why?

- I once killed a trainee.

You've got five minutes, Private.

- Left! Satisfaction.

Left!

- Excuse me, excuse me.

I don't mean to interrupt,
but is Jimmy Anderson

in this training session.

- Not unless he spells it with a W.

This is B through Z.

- Darn! Do you happen
to know which training

session he's in right now?

- Do I look like an
information booth to you?

- No! No you don't!

- Then get in the back
of the line, Zimmel! Now!

- What is your problem?

- Land.

Better snap trick.

Land!

Feet apart.

Land!

Feet apart.

Land!

Feet apart.

Land!

Feet apart.

Land!

- Ugh.

- Leg, what kind of landing is that?

- Woo! Hi!

- If you and your squad want
to travel to exotic place

and meet unusual people, you
keep screwing up, Zimmel.

- Next time you decide to run,

let me know so I can tuck you out.

- Come on, it wasn't that bad.

- It is if you're in this body.

- Can you believe this?

For the first time in my life,
I'm completely on my own.

No mother to tell me what to do.

- I mean, what's wrong?

Don't you love your mama?

It's un-American.

- I do, I do, it's just
that she drove me crazy.

- That's their job.

- Yeah, guess so.

Hey, I am so excited.

In three weeks, we're
gonna be OTD, out the door,

at 10,000 feet!

- Out the door Big Berry and Jimbo!

The floating fighters!

The floating fighters, this
could be better than Rambo.

First the book, then the movie.

Tom Cruise will play
you, I'll play myself.

Man, I guess you'll direct
the sequel too, right?

- Right!

- This smells just like my
little brother's secret drawer!

- Why do we have to do this downwind.

- It's part of the punishment.

- Hi guys!

- Oh Zimmel, I understand
we have you to thank

for this little assignment.

- What are you talking about?

- You're in our squad, perky.

You screw up, we get punished.

- Burke can't do that.

- This is the Army, honey,
he can do anything he wants.

- But that's completely unfair!

- I believe Sergeant
Burke's exact words were:

Sometimes the innocent have to
suffer along with the guilty.

- Taste more like rabbit
stew if you know what I mean.

- Excuse me, are you the chef?

- Shut up and get back to work!

May we, who do I have the
pleasure of addressing, Madame?

- Private Susan Zimmel.

- I guess I'm suppose to help you whip up

a little dinner for the troops.

You know, I was thinking
that perhaps we should vary

the menu a little bit
and maybe liven it up.

You know, presentation is everything,

add a little garnish, a little color.

- That sounds wonderful.

You let me think about that a little bit.

But, first, we have to finish
our pre-lunch clean-up.

Would you mind washing a few utensils?

- No, no not at all.

My dishwasher breaks down all the time.

The only thing is, I
will need rubber gloves.

I have sensitive skin.

- Oh, that's too bad 'cause we
just ran out of rubber gloves

your size, I hope you don't mind.

- Just this once, it won't hurt.

I'll have those dishes done
before you say hup, two, three.

- Where are they?

- Right around there.

- Thank you.

- Wait, you didn't even soak them!

- And you wash 'em up real good,

we wanna make a nice presentation.

Arvore amour petite.

- I got yesterday's mystery
meat shoved up to my elbows

because of that woman.

- Look at this Edie, where
do I get my prescription?

- Subscription.

- That's what I said!

- Did you see Zimmel? We're
talking 500 pounds of trash,

and she's standing there
looking like the queen--

- Edie, look at this, "Woman
Explodes While Napping."

- Where did you get that garbage?

- In the garbage.

- Look, Carla, I want
you to focus on something

which is very important--

- Oh for Heaven's sake, Edie,
seven brothers all find out

they are truly females after
having fathered seven child--

- You're gonna have to memorize
this because they're not

gonna have this inspirational
publication where we're going.

Zimmel is taking this entire
platoon into the cellar.

- Edie, I gotta bug five
minutes everyday to do a little

reading and this is my previous time--

- Carla, the way I figure
it, we're gonna get posted

in Panama, which is
like a sauna with crime.

- I have relatives in Panama,
I don't appreciate that, Edie.

- Well, appreciate this.

Two years in Korea picnicking on the DMZ.

There is, of course, always
the option of the antarctic.

- 30 degrees below and dating penguins.

Oh my goodness, Edie,
we're in trouble now,

we gotta do something fast.

- Female private drown and
quartered by her own platoon.

- Give me that.

- That's gonna be the next headline,

if Zimmel doesn't get it together.

- Absoluteamente.

- Hey.

- Sergeant Burke, I wanna talk to you.

- I'm getting my dinner.
See me at HQ tomorrow.

- What do you mean by
putting the rest of my squad

on trash duty just because I mess up?

Oh, don't eat that! That's
loaded with cholesterol.

Do you wanna have a heart
attack before you're 50?

- I am 50.

- Well then you are
living on borrowed time.

- That's enough, Soldier.

- You know Sergeant, you
have not been very nice.

- Alright, now listen up.

If I can't get you into line,
I'm gonna make it so tough

on your squad that they're
gonna do it for me.

- You don't deserve desert.

- You get your dinner,
report to headquarters,

and clean it from top to bottom, hm?

- Well, what's the special today?

- Beanie Weenies.

- Wish I had one of these at home.

Hm! Now that's an interesting
piece of information.

- Good, Hunter!

Good, Zimmel!

- I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry.

I have something else on my mind.

- Zimmel, you're the only one that's gone

10 for 10 for the day.

Okay, that's it!

Everybody on the truck!

Let's head back to the post!

- Not you, Zimmel.

- Sergeant?

- Your performance this
afternoon defies belief.

The worst anyone else
did was blow 6 out of 10.

So I want to give you some
time alone to think about

how you can do better tomorrow.

- Thank you, Sergeant.

- I think that would be very helpful.

- Run back to the post, then.

- Run?

- What's a matter, soldier?

Seven miles scare you?

- No! No!

- Then what's the problem?

- I don't have my
sweatband and these shoes,

they're completely wrong!

- Move it, Zimmel!

This way, Zimmel!

- I hate the forest.

- Fall out!

- What do you think you're doing, Zimmel?

- Eating pizza, Sergeant.

- You know, I'm really full now.

So I think I'll just mosey
on back to the ranch.

- Alright, knock it off.

- Alright! Eight ball!

I'm telling you, I'm the
magic man! Houdini is here!

By the time I get finished with you,

you're gonna wish you
never knew what pool was!

Check it out: six in the right
pocket, three on the left,

five and seven in the sides.

- That's impossible!

- Oh yeah? Take it back
and watch the show.

I'm gonna give you an education.

Take notice, junior.

Shazaam!

Doh!

- It's very magical.

- It must be kryptonite
or something in here.

It neutralizes my super human skills.

- Wow.

- Well, you think you can do better?

Lets see what you got, fats!

- A little nervous about this, Barry.

I'll do the best that I can do.

It must be my lucky day.

Eight ball, side pocket.

Another game?

- No, I wouldn't want to do that to you.

Where'd you learn to shoot
pool like that anyway?

Aren't you from Iowa?

My mother taught me.

Yeah right, what does
your dad do? Play Bingo?

- I don't know. Never knew him.

- Hey, you play ping pong?

- Yeah, sure.

- Alright! I'll give you a free lesson.

But check it out, don't
worry, I'll be easier.

- Ah, I appreciate that.

Now um, your mother doesn't
play ping pong does she?

- Actually, she was state champ.

- Not very bright, Zimmel,

making Burke look bad like you did.

- Well actually, I wasn't
trying to make him look bad.

I was just teasing him a little.

But between you and me and the fence post,

I don't think he has
much of a sense of humor.

- Oh, no kidding.

- Anyway, he deserved it.

- Uh, don't you get it?

Now because of you,

he's gonna take it out on everybody else.

Why don't you just shape up?

- Why don't you just lighten up?

Oh lookie, haven't you
ever loved someone so much

that you'd do anything for them?

How about Death? Your parents? Your puppy?

I forgot, you're not much of a dog lover.

Well, I can see you're not
in the mood for company,

so I think I'll just toddle off.

- Zimmel.

- Did you qualify McNogahe?

- Expert, art of trainee
made you look real bad today.

- You heard wrong.

- I heard you made her run
back to post for blowing it

on the obstacle course.

- That's none of your business.

- I heard she beat the truck back

and made you look like a dork.

- Subject closed, McNogahe.

- I never killed a dork before!

- Excuse me, do you know
where Jimmy Anderson is?

- No ma'am.

- Sir, excuse me, um, excuse me,

do you know where Jimmy Anderson is?

Um, hello, I wondered do you know--

- No.

- Do you know where Jimmy Anderson is?

- Nope.

- Excuse me, do you know
where Jimmy Anderson is?

Excuse me, is this barracks nine?

- Yeah.

- Oh, would you mind going in
and telling Private Anderson

that I'd like to see him immediately?

- Well, who should I say wants him?

- Oh, just tell him that his mother

would like to talk to him, thanks.

- Hey, Anderson. You've got a visitor.

- Yeah, who is it?

- It's your mom.

- Hi, mom.

- Company, halt!

- This exercise is to teach
you how to land properly,

in the event that your
shoot puts you down in less

than smooth terrain.

The object is to land
without damage to your body

or Army property.

- Zimmel!

- Yes Sergeant!

- At formation this morning, I
coulda sworn that I announced

that everyone was to report
to training in their BDU's.

- Well, well yes! But,
I assumed it was a joke.

- A joke?

- Well, yes, Sergeant.

Well, aren't BDU's under wear?

- BVD's are underwear.

BDU's are Battle Dress Uniforms.

And in those little outfits
the other trainees are wearing.

- Well, why don't you just say so?

I mean, boy I sure wish you
people could call things

by their proper name,
it gets very confusing.

- You know, Zimmel.

It takes a special soldier
to get through basic training

without knowing the difference

between her underwear and her uniform.

- Thank you, Sergeant.

- As a reward for being so
special, you're gonna be first.

Alright, everybody line up behind her.

I have a feeling

this is gonna take Private
Zimmel a little while.

Sergeant!

- Alright, fall out and
get into the partisans.

Let's go, move it!

And into your BDU's!

Come on Zimmel, let's do it!

- Yes Sergeant!

- Get those feet together!

Prepare to land!

Feet together! Get those
knees bent! Feet together!

This isn't a circus Zimmel.

- But Sergeant!

- That's alright, we'll just chalk it up

to one more thing you can't do.

- Well there she is!

- Are you ever gonna get it together?

- Well, I did the best I could.

- I'm gonna try a different
approach with you Zimmel.

You're ruining our lives.

- Oh, I hardly think you can
hold me responsible for that.

They say the really formative
years are one through six.

I am trying, what more do you want?

- You know what I want?

I want you to stop acting
like getting those Airborne

wings doesn't mean anything
to you, and start showing

some respect for the program,
or I'm gonna be flossing

blonde hairs out of my teeth for a week!

- Well this is your lucky day.

Because I just have one thing to do

and then I'm getting
out of this awful place.

- Oh, excuse me, excuse me.

Do you know where Private Anderson is?

Private James Anderson?

- Yeah, I saw him upstairs on the hall.

- Oh, thank you.

- Jimmy, you here? Jimmy? Jimmy?

- Hey baby, you lookin' good!

- What, oh, excuse me, do you
know where Jimmy Anderson is?

- Yeah, he's in there.

- Ah! Sorry!

- There you are!

- She can't be here.
This is not happening.

She is not here. You're
here, why are you here?

- It is so good to see you!

Well, you are looking thin.

Are you taking your vitamins?

- Let's just get out of here
and go somewhere private.

- Oh, that's exactly what I had in mind.

- Well, there was this duffle
bag just sitting there,

so I picked it up, and I
became Private Susan Zimmel,

just as easy as pie.

- Mom, look, forget how
upset I am that you're trying

to run my life, forget
about the humiliation

if any of the other guys
around here find out

that you're actually my mother,
but think about the kind

of trouble that you're in!

- What trouble?

- Mom! How could you do this?

Do you know what they're
going to do to you

if they catch you impersonating a soldier?

- No! What?

- Well, I don't know either.

But it's probably something horrible.

They don't like people to
pretend they're in the Army.

- But how not half as much
as I don't like pretending

to be in the Army.

This is not a fun place.

Anyway, I'm gonna tip toe
out of here very quietly.

Just as soon as you
forget all this nonsense

and go back to school.

- Mom, the Army is not
like the Cub Scouts.

I mean, if you don't like
it after a few weeks,

you can't quit and join the science club.

- I still say that paper
mache eyeball you made

for the science fair should
have won first place.

- Mom, go home.

- If you're staying, I'm staying.

- I have to stay! I haven't got a choice!

This is the Army! I can't quit!

- Alright! So you can't quit.

But you can choose not to make that jump.

You can be something else
other than an Airborne Ranger.

It's too dangerous.

- Mother, go home.

- Jimmy, no way.

- Look, you know things
are gonna get really tough

around here in the next 10 days.

- What's that suppose to mean?

- That means you better get out
of here before you get hurt.

- Listen up, big shot!

I'm the one that took Dead
Man's Curve on a skateboard

just to prove to my 10 year
old that it could be done.

I'm the one that crawled
underneath the bed to kill

a spider as big as a basketball.

I'm the one who faced up to
Maria Petrochini's big brothers

when you stood her up for the prom.

So when called upon, I can
be one really tough lady.

- Oh well thanks, but
those were small potatoes.

- Oh really?

- You couldn't get through the rest

of Airborne on a bet.

- Could so.

- You could not.

- Bet me, I make it through training,

and you don't make that jump.

- Okay, okay fine.

And if you flunk out or
get kicked out, you go home

and let me run my own life.

- Deal.

- I'll see you in training.

- You bet you will.

- I can't believe her.

I'm gonna drill extra holes in her head

and use it as a whiffle ball.

- Oh there you are, I'm so
glad I finally found you!

- No Edie, don't do it! Don't do it!

I'll just get us all in worse trouble.

- Edie, what's wrong with you?

Maybe you need a little nap.

I bet you're overtired.

It always makes me grumpy.

- Please.

- Hey look, guys, I really
need your help on this, I--

- Our help? Oh, you are amazing.

- Am I a tad paranoid, or
are you upset with me again?

- Again? We never stopped
being upset with you.

You're a very upsetting person, Zimmel.

- Edie, may I speak with
you privately, please?

- You gotta be kidding.

- I don't think it's
safe. Look at her face.

- Please. Please, Edie.

It may mean that I'll be
out of your hair for good.

Does this mean yes? Edie? Edie?

- Alright, alright, I'm listening.

- Edie, I'm not really a soldier.

- No, really?

- No, I mean, I'm not even in the Army!

- What are you talking about?

You've got dog tags, your
name is on the roster ...

- I've got Susan Zimmel's
dog tags, and it's her name

that's listed on the roster.

- If you're not Zimmel, then who is?

And why is she letting
you ruin her reputation?

- Who knows. I've never
even laid eyes on her.

I only borrowed her stuff
when she didn't show up

at the truck back at Fort Jackson.

- And who are you?

- Oh, I'm Brenda Anderson.

I'm only here because
I want to talk my son

out of that parachute jump and
becoming an Airborne Ranger.

- Why the hell would you want to do that?

- Because his father was a Ranger,

and because he died
making a jump in Vietnam.

- Okay, talk to your son,
and get out of our lives.

- I tried! Believe me I did!

He's promised not to make the jump

if I make it through Airborne.

But I need your help.

- Oh, forget it.

- Please, I'll never
get through without you.

- Look, you are gonna
need more than our help

when Burke finds out you're
posing as an awol soldier.

You're gonna get out so
fast your head will spin.

- Edie!

Nope, I'm not gonna let it happen.

- Hey! Hey!

- Can it!

- Hey wait, I wanna talk to you!

- There's nothing you can say.

- It's very important, now wait a minute,

I really have som--

- Look! Just get out of my way, you phony.

- Anything you say, Sister Edith Marie.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Oh I think you do.

Your file fell open

while I was hoovering the headquarters.

So I guess I'm not the
only phony on our squad.

The only thing I don't understand,

is why would you lie
about a thing like that?

- Cause I wanted to fit in.

I didn't want to get treated
like I'm treating you.

- So you're gonna help me now aren't yah?

- What is this, blackmail?

- Yeah, you're right, it is.

- I won't tell anyone
about the fighting nun

who left the convent four months ago,

if you help me through Airborne.

Oh please, come on, this
is very important to me.

- What if I don't?

- Say your prayers, Sister.

- Hey, could we talk?
Hey! Yo, wait a minute!

We can work this out, come here! Wait!

No no no, I'm sorry! I
didn't mean it like that.

I figure we can help
ourselves if we help Zimmel.

- Are you taking some kind of
medication I don't know about?

- Just trust me on this, okay?

- Alright, say we try it.

What happens if Zimmel
here keeps screwing up?

- Hey, she's gotta get through.

She's gonna win the bet with her son.

She's not gonna screw up if we help.

- Cross my heart, hope to
die, stick a needle in my eye.

- Can I?

- Woo!

- Do we have to like her?

- No, this is strictly business.

- Well, that's lucky for her.

- Hey, I don't like this
anymore than you do,

but it's the only way
to protect ourselves,

I mean our standings,

and to get the squad within
shooting range of that pass

and decent assignments.

- Alright, we try it.

I don't see how it can get any worse.

Only it just did.

- Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.

You won't regret this.

And you know what? Maybe
we'll become best of friends.

- I wouldn't count on it.

- Okay, daytime is out because
of all the regular stuff.

I say we each take a two
hour shift during the night.

We gotta get Zimmel
air-worthy in two days.

- I promise I'll do anything you say.

- Anything?

- Try me!

- The nails.

- And land! Come on,
Zimmel! Get back up there!

Quit fooling around, okay, go!

Once more! And, land!

Oh don't worry don't
worry! I'll get it right!

Sometimes I just get a
little dizzy that's all.

- You jump like a girl!

- I am a girl.

- No you're not, you're
Airborne! Now get it right!

Bend your knees together, bend your knees,

drop and roll, who are you?

- Airborne!

- Who are you?

- Airborne!

- And, land!

- There, okay! Sit-ups and one and two,

keep up with me, Zimmel!

- I'm trying, I'm trying!

- And three, and four, and
stand up, and shake it out.

- Shake what out?

- What out, Zimmel?

Double time in place!

Who are you?

- Airborne!

- Who are you?

- Airborne!

- Do you feel it?

- I feel it!

- Do you believe it?

- I believe it!

- Are you motivated?

Motivated, motivated,
motivated, Sergeant, Airborne!

- Second team reporting!

Double time stand in place,
double time about face!

- Thanks for the bean, buddy.

Is it okay if I sit here?

- Oh sure, sure.

In fact, I was going to
ask someone to sit down

and help me identify all this.

What do you think that is?

- I dunno, if you're gonna eat it,

I suggest you close your eyes.

I guess I've been pretty hard on you.

- Oh, I don't know.
I've been through worse.

Have you ever tried to prepare
a sit down dinner for 20?

Hey look, since we're both
sort of in the same boat,

do you think we could, just
kinda try, to be friends?

- Actually, I've been
liking you more since you

changed your perfume.

- How you doing, Zimmel?

- Do you know him?

- Oh yes! This is my--

- Friend! Actually,
we're not close friends.

We just sorta know each other.

- Well, friend. I think
I'm probably doing okay.

- Well good, good. Then
I'll see you around.

Up, up, and away!

- Zimmel Junior? You
are gonna beat his buns.

- Let's go, keep your
feet and knees together.

Good, that's right! Very good! Very good!

Not half bad! Let's go! Perfect!

One more time!

Now to the left! Tuck in to the right!

Down to the left! Get those
knees pumping higher, higher!

Down and up. Down and up.

You gotta be able to
take a fall, you know?

You're gonna be strong
and you're gonna be tough.

When I say go, jump! Go!

Impressive, Zimmel! Very impressive.

Like I told you, Zimmel, bend
your knees, drop and roll.

Ready? Slip! Land!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Zimmel!

You'll make 'em all dead! Again!

♫ I've got a reason by my side.

♫ I've got a reason by my side.

♫ And if that shoot should fail me too!

♫ And if that shoot should fail me too?

- Who's the guy in front?

- Why it's Jones, Mitchel,
and Martin, and Clump.

And there's Anderson and, and then Zimmel!

- Hi there Punkin Head!

- I thought you'd be
dead before a half mile.

- Oh please! You're talking
to someone who's been

running three miles twice a week for ages!

- Mom! Three miles with
occasional stops to check

your lipstick is not the
same as running five miles

the army way.

- Ha ha, you still
don't think I'll be able

to keep up, do you?

- I just hate to see a grown woman cry

when she makes a fool of herself.

- Ha ha, choke on my dust!

♫ I have lived to fight again

♫ ♫ I have lived to fight again

- I don't think I can do this.

I hate high places.

I won't even date tall men.

- Come on, you're gonna
be strapped in and hooked

to the line all the way down.

It's like falling off a log.

- Oh yeah, where I come
from, the logs aren't high

enough to give you nose bleeds.

- Private Zimmel! Let's go! Get a move on!

Come on, you're holding
up the line, let's go!

- Fall!

- Airborne!

- Ten bucks says that one
right there chickens out.

- What are you, psychic?

- Come on soldier!

- Are you trying to pull
something on me? Don't!

- No no no, just some vibes!

- Come on, Soldier, out the door! Go!

- Ah! Airborne!

- Ten bucks.

- Here we go.

- Hey man, where you going?

- Hey! Miracles do happen!
Piece of cake, right?

- Oh, don't talk about
food, not unless you want me

to use your helmet for a whoopie bag!

- Airborne! See you at 1800!

- Mom! How did you do it? Did
you start mediating again?

- Oh, whatever, I just want
you to know that that jump

was extremely easy for me.

- Oh it was, huh?

Well, tomorrow you're
gonna need a lot more

than a mantra.

That's 250 feet.

- Easy.

- Mom, look! You have made your point!

Now will you quit before
something bad happens?

- Oh, I'll be glad to!

As soon as you transfer to the motor pool.

- I can't do that!

- You stay, I stay.

Now if you have nothing more to say to me,

I have another training session.

- Why are you doing this?

- Well, a mom's gotta do
what a mom's gotta do.

Oh, 250 feet.

- This gonna be alright for you?

- I'm fine.

- You sure?

- I'm fine. Edie, I'm not fine.

- Just relax.

- I can't relax when I'm gonna die.

Oh Edie, what am I gonna do?

If Jimmy finds out I
can't even make the tower,

he'll know I'm bluffing.

- Just don't worry, it's gonna be alright.

Take control! You're
traveling with me, okay?

- That was incredible!

- Did you make a jump already?

- Yes! It was better than the wet-n-wild

with a marache twist!

- You wanna do it again?

- Yeah sure, in a New York
minute, but the Sergeant

says only one jump per customer.

- Take off your top.

- Excuse me!

- You too.

- What?

- Don't you see?

The guys in the tower only know us

by our name tags.

For the next half hour, you're Zimmel.

Come on, change over here.

Told you I'd take care of you didn't I?

Good, get in there. Do it quick.

- This is terrific!

- Hurry up!

- Company, attention!

- Stand at, ease!

- Alright lank, today is Friday.

You're more than half way in your training

as death from above.

- Death from above?

- Yeah!

- Hold on these last five
days, the colonel is giving you

a pass to go into town tomorrow.

Alright, relax, you blow off
some steam but never forget

the Army we have one.

We look and act like the
fine soldiers we are.

Have a good time, come
back ready for your final

training before you make your first jump.

Company, ten hut!

- Airborne!

- Dismissed!

- I heard you made the tower jump.

- Uh huh, it went so smoothly
I didn't even know I did it.

- Look, meet me in town
tomorrow at Casey's Bar at 4pm.

- It's a date. Shall
it be dressy or casual?

- Zimmel.

- Oh yes, Sergeant?

- Relax Private, this
isn't official business.

I just want to let you
know I took your squad off

the Korea duty roster today.

- Oh! Thank you Sergeant!

- You did a hell of a lot
better than I expected.

- Thank you Sergeant,

that is very nice of you to mention it.

- Um, I have a little bit
of a confession to make.

Remember that time when you
told me to get back to camp

on my own and I beat you here?

- Yes.

- Well, the reason I beat
you here is because I hitched

a ride with a very nice man
who was driving a pizza truck.

He gave me a free Pepperoni.

I pulled it all off because
it doesn't agree with me.

- I understand.

- I hope you're not too mad,
especially now that we seem

to be getting along so well.

- No, it's alright Private.

The Army doesn't frown
on a little ingenuity

once in a while.

- Oh, I am so glad you
see it that way, bye.

Well, tomorrow's the big day!

- Gonna go out and raise
a little hell, huh?

- Well actually, no.

I'm just gonna sorta
have a girl's day out.

You know, lunch, shopping,
hair, and then I'm going

to meet Jimmy and talk him out of jumping.

- What are you gonna do
if he calls your bluff

and decides to stay?

Are you gonna jump?

- Not even if superman were waiting for me

on the ground stark naked.

- Brenda, maybe it's
time you let your son go.

- I know. I just can't
let him go at 10,000 feet.

- Hi.

- Well, I hate to admit
this mom, but ever since

you joined the Army,
you never looked better.

- Well, it's all in the attitude.

I'm trying to pretend
like it's a fat farm.

- Look mom, I'm gonna get right to this.

I don't want you to jump.

- This sounds strangely familiar.

Only aren't you reading my part?

- I want a drink with you.

- Oh thank you very much,

but I think I'll take a rain check.

Will you please remove your hand?

- I don't want to do that.

- Hey, she said let go of her!

- Butt out, haircut!

- Leave him alone!

- Come here!

- Airborne!

- Do you think he's gonna
throw me out of Airborne?

- Nah.

- Oh thank goodness.

- If he throws you out,
he can't torture you.

- Jimmy! Jimmy listen.

We didn't finish our conversation.

- Forget it!

Because of you, I got called in!

It's the first black mark
on my military record.

I don't want to talk to you.

- Get in here, Zimmel!

- Yes Sergeant!

- The door, Zimmel!

- The door. You wanted
to see me, Sergeant?

- No, I don't want to see you.

Unfortunately, the Army
says I have to see you,

to discipline you for that
bar fight you started.

- Oh, I didn't start it.

That creepy man, he was like
something out of "Deliverance."

- Quiet!

If you were involved,
if you were even there,

you started it, you got that?

- Yes, Sergeant!

- The only reason I'm
not throwing your can

out of Airborne, is because
you made such dramatic

improvement since the
first couple of days.

- Thank you Sergeant,
that's very sweet of you.

- I am not sweet.

And hold of the thanks until after you see

what I've got lined up for you, Soldier.

- And don't forget to wash
under the wings, Zimmel!

- You're gonna have to
speak to me eventually.

Well, what are you gonna
do when it's Mother's Day?

Send me a card signed anonymous? Jimmy!

- Finished, Zimmel?

- Oh, yes Sergeant! Yes, I
just finished the last rung.

- Good, now you can have some
fun painting the bleachers.

- But--

- Remember Private, if it moves salute it,

if it doesn't paint it.

The bleachers, now!

- Yes, Sergeant!

- Zimmel, the paint, Zimmel.

- Oh, you're still here!

- Yep, biggest life, twice as ugly.

There's about 300 wads of chewing gum

under Burke's desk he'd
like you to scrape them off.

- Oh, sounds like fun.

Where are you going with all your things?

- The Army fat farm.

It's either that, or I'm out.

It's okay, give me some
time to polish my rifles

and watch John Wayne movies.

- Not my idea of a good time.

- Chewing gum, Soldier!

- No wonder he's so grouchy.

He must have a cavity in every tooth.

- Knock, knock.

- Edie!

- Come, detail. You're
really moving up fast.

- Oh yeah, yeah. I'm a
regular domestic engineer.

- Well, you missed mess
call you lucky devil.

So, I hope you like hotdogs.

- I don't believe it.

It actually looks like a
hotdog, smells like a hotdog.

Are you sure you got
this in the mess hall?

- Hello, I was told I could
find a Sergeant Burke here?

- Oh, well he isn't in right now.

Whom shall I tell him stopped by?

- Private Susan Zimmel,
I'm here to turn myself in.

- Oh no, no! You can't do that.

- Look, they're gonna catch
up with me sooner or later.

I might as well face the big boys now.

- Hey, just hang on now. Maybe
you better sit down, huh?

Now the bottom line is no
body knows you're awol.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm you, and you'll be
happy to know you wound up

doing very well.

- You guys crazy? What's going on?

Is this a set up?

- Just trust us.

You tell Zimmel, Zimmel.

- Absolutely, now look.

We won't bore you with all the details.

- Go ahead, bore me.

- Well, it's like this.

I just need two more days to
finish what I came here for.

Then I'll graduate as you.

You transfer to your new post,
I'll get out of your life,

and it's a no loose situation.

- I don't know, it sound kinda confusing.

- Let me make this very clear.

Either you do this for my
friend, or the only wings

you're gonna get are
gonna come with a harp.

- Okay, I guess I could
take a couple of days

and tie up a few loose ends.

- Why didn't you tell me this?

I mean I could have done something.

I could have helped.

- Man, I didn't even
know it till last night.

- What?

- It came to me in a dream.

I was climbing up the
side of a huge mountain,

there I was thousands
of feet into the air,

and there I was hanging onto a rock.

Suddenly, I was falling,
no parachute, no nothing.

- That's it? That it?

You're quitting because of a dream?

- Hey man, that wasn't just a dream.

I was falling, faster,
and faster, and faster!

The ground was coming up and me!

There I was ready to become road pizza,

when everything became so clear!

Fast Food! Big Barry's
Burgers, Fries, and Rings.

That's my calling, not Airborne.

- You're not making any sense.

- Don't you get it?

The Man has big plans for me.

I can't risk jumping out of
an airplane and depriving

the world of a Double Beef
Barry Burger with cheese!

- Hey look, everybody gets
scared once in awhile.

- Hey, I'm not scared!

I just wanna live long enough

to perfect the greaseless onion ring.

- Hey for once, just for once,
will you come down to Earth

and talk to me?

Talk to me!

- I'm scared. I'm scared, alright!

I can't do it!

- Hey, that's okay.

- Yeah, right.

- Look, it is. We'll still be partners.

We will. Just think of
it as we're diversifying.

You'll be doing your half from the ground.

- Really?

- Yeah, really.

- Floating fighters?

- Floating fighter.

- Alright, getting down, Jimbo!

Well uh, you know where I'll be.

Three barracks down with
the rest of the cooks.

Hollar if you need room service!

- This is great.

In about ten hours I'll
be hurdling through space

waiting on my shoot to open.

- Oh sorry.

- This my last chance,
Edie, my last chance

to talk him out of jumping.

He's been avoiding me all week.

He acts like people do
when they owe you money!

- Well, maybe he isn't
actually avoiding you.

I mean, between his extra
duty and your HQ cleanup,

there hasn't been much of an opportunity

for you two to get together.

- I've gotta get to him, Edie.

I've gotta get to him before
he gets on that plane.

- Alright, legs.

You're about to make your
first jump on Prior Drop Zone!

Now if you happen to drift away
from your landing position,

just make sure you don't
go all the way to Atlanta.

Alright, fire up!

Fire it up!

Alright, on your feet!

Drill masters, check your squad.

- Who are we?

- Airborne!

- Who are we?

- Airborne!

- Who are we?

- Airborne!

- Are we motivated?

- Motivated!
Motivated! Motivated!

Sergeant, Airborne!

- Are we fired up?

- Fired up! Fired Up!

Fired up! Sergeant, Airborne!

- Are we fired up?

- Fired up! Fired Up!

Fired up! Sergeant, Airborne!

- On your feet! Face the flag line.

Move out!

- Jimmy! Jimmy!

I beg you. Please don't do this.

- Mom, don't you understand?
I never even met him.

I don't even have any
common ground with him.

Not the little league, not even
learning how to ride a bike.

I never got to share things with him

that were important to me.

At least this way, I can share something

that was important to him.

I have to go.

I love you, mom.

- You sure you don't want to go?

- Definitely.

- Stand Up!

Hook Up!

And March!

Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

- I can't!

- Unhook! Back of the line!

- Well, you won, mom.

I failed me, and I failed dad.

- You haven't failed anybody.

Your dad loved you,

and I love you more than
anybody on this Earth.

I must love you, otherwise
I wouldn't be up here!

Look at me. Look at me!

I was wrong. It's your life, not mine.

You make your own decisions.

- Ready, Anderson?

- Keep your feet and
knees together, Airborne!

- Stand at the door! Go!

- Oh! That's my boy!

- Alright Zimmel, what about you?

- Oh, I'll pass, Sergeant!

- I don't think so!

- What do you mean?

- Do you know how far you've come?

I've been in the Army a long time.

I've never seen anybody work
harder, and I should know.

You're Airborne, Soldier.

Don't do it for the
Army. Don't do it for me.

You do it for yourself.

- Airborne!

- Airborne. Hook up!

Stand in the door! Go!

- Congratulations, Airborne.