Young Blood, Fresh Meat (1995) - full transcript

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Bidding is now open.

Too rich for my blood.

[LASER SOUNDS]

Ooh.

I think I've had a
little too much to drink.

Woo!

LANCE: Well, I don't know.

Get on with it.

Welcome to Blonde Heaven.

A blonde on your arm, a song
in your heart or your money



cheerfully refunded.

Brothers and sisters, I
humbly request your assistance.

No.

I am high bidder.

[LASER SOUND]

Ah.

We cannot permit this
She claims every prize.

Am I not within my right?

It's not the prize
for the strong.

Is it not the law?

Brothers and sisters, I humbly
request your assistance.

Let us join together so
that I, your humble servant,

need the combined strength
of many to do what none of us

may do alone.



It is the law.

It is the law.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING - "MY HORSE IS A
HARLEY"]

(SINGING) I was born a
hundred years too late.

I wasted 30 years
trying to compensate.

I'll just accept my fate.

It ain't fair, but
that's the breaks.

I'll be a 20th century man,
if that's what it takes.

Because my horse is a Harley.

My gun's a guitar.

I'm sorry.

It's just you have such
an interesting look.

Are you a model?

I'm an actress.

Yes.

Take my card.

There's someone I think
you should meet if you

want to get ahead in this town.

Is your friend an agent?

In a manner of speaking.

Call that number and make
an appointment after work.

You've got such a fresh look.

I just know she's
going to love you.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I'm looking for a
young lady by the name

of Angie, Angie Summers.

Angie Summers the actress?
- No.

Angie Summers the pain in the
ass from Peachtree, Oklahoma.

Kyle, what are you doing here?

Angie.

What have you done to
your beautiful hair?

What's wrong with it?

I thought you were perfect
just the way you were.

Right, and I'd be even
more perfect barefoot

and t in Peachtree, Oklahoma.

I bleached it for a commercial.

I didn't even get it.
- I'm sorry.

Angie, I want you to
come home with me.

ANGIE: We talked about
this on the phone, Kyle.

KYLE: I know, but I thought
maybe if you saw me then--

I'd melt in your arms
and give up on my dreams

and go home with you to live
in a trailer and make babies?

I never said I didn't
want you to have a career.

No, you just want me
to stay in Peachtree.

I can't have a career
in Peachtree, Oklahoma.

It doesn't take a rocket
scientist to figure that out.

Is that why you ran out on me?

What we had was good, Kyle.

We kick up so much dust
when we're together.

I just can't see anything
else in on the horizon.

Sometimes I get so
full of you, there's

just no room for nothing else.

That's the way it's
supposed to be, Angie.

There's no room in my
life for nobody but you.

My love's gotta be
bigger than that, Kyle.

Until I sort things out,
can't we just be friends?

Good to see you, Kyle.

Real good.

Maybe we can go
someplace and talk.

I got of room down the street.

Guy that owns the place
lets me have it real cheap.

KYLE: How cheap?

For crying out loud, Kyle,
he's gotta be 80 years old.

Let me find someone
to cover for me.

We can be friends.

You know, platonic?

Sure.

I mean, the whole world
don't revolve around sex.

Think I'm gonna change
into some fresh duds, too.

ANGIE: This way we can
concentrate on other things

we have in common.

If it were just
for the physical,

we'd have never stayed
together as long as we did.

Yeah, I think we can be friends.

Don't you?
KYLE: Yeah.

I think platonic sounds nice.

Real nice.

Like you said, the world
doesn't revolve around sex.

How do I look?

KYLE: You ain't no natural
blonde, I'll tell you that.

Yeehaw.
Some things never change.

Foreplay's for sissies.

I have to admit.

You can slow dance
with the best of them.

Megan will turn
of you one day.

Let her try.

Locked in this stone
is the accumulated life

force of a thousand
years, Vincent's and mine.

No one in the coven could
hope to stand against me.

Yes, but if Megan ever managed
to convince them that survival

of the coven were at risk,
well, they'd turn the combined

strength against you.

I am the keeper of the law.

There is nothing that
would make me break it.

There is nothing that
would cause me to threaten

the survival of the coven.

Nothing.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to suggest it.
- It bores me.

They all bore me.

This is not the
existence I chose.

Vincent I chose.

Vincent I loved.

I chose to spend
eternity with Vincent.

On the very night he
brought me into the coven,

they found him, the
vampire hunters.

For 400 years since that
night I've been alone.

Always alone.

Well, I think I've found
someone who will take your mind

off the law for a while.

KYLE: That's a pretty dress.

Pretty pitiful.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to wake you.

I have an appointment.

An appointment?

Christ, Angie, it's the
middle of the night.

Kyle, this isn't Peachtree.

They don't roll up the
sidewalks when it gets dark.

From what I've seen today,
seems like a damn good idea.

And I didn't run out on you.

I came to Hollywood
to pursue my career.

Trying to be a movie
star ain't a career.

It's-- it's not practical.

I gotta go.

Angie, I'm sorry.

I didn't come here
to fight with you.

I came here to make you
fall in love me again.

Kyle, I never fell
out of love with you.

I just couldn't stay.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Angie, I'm so pleased
you could make it.

It's not that your dress
isn't lovely, Angie.

I just think we'll
get better look

at you in something like this.

Is this OK?

It's the only thing that I have
that belonged to my mother.

Mm.
It's lovely.

I'll be outside.

Making another music video?

Just thought I'd check
out the new recruits.

It's your lucky
day, sweet cheeks.

I'm making a preemptive bid.

You can't do that.
Illyana--

Won't ever know about it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

You should've warned me.

Such a shock.

I'm sorry.

I thought you'd be pleased.

I am pleased.

Very pleased.

Thank you.

Gee, I don't know.

An escort service?

It's not what you think.

You go with an individual,
a gentleman, all of whom

are very carefully
screened by us.

And you have a nice
dinner, maybe catch a play.

ANGIE: You don't
have to-- you know.

NATASHA: Angie, there's
no sex involved.

We don't make any extra money
if you actually screw the guy,

so why would you want to?

Isn't that right, to Illyana?

I'm-- I'm sorry.

I've just had a major shock.

ANGIE: It wasn't
bad news, I hope.

No.

Quite the contrary, actually.

NATASHA: You want
to be a star, right?

Right.

You're an ambitious
young woman and that's

something to be proud of.

But you've got to go for it.

This is your chance
to make connections.

And that's what makes the
world go round, connections.

Now, the people we introduce you
to are the creme de la creme--

movie producers,
studio executives,

high-powered agents,
lawyers, and movie stars.

Gee, I don't know.

Take your time, Angie.

Just think about it.

There's no hurry.

Well, I'm late for
another appointment.

Angie, it was a
lovely meeting you.

So you want to
be a movie star.

Why?

I don't know.

I guess it's a form
of immortality.

But you probably think
that's pretty silly.

No, the concept of
immortality seem very seductive.

It's more than that.

Stars, real stars, they're
like a separate breed.

They don't play by the
rules of ordinary people.

I'm sure there's a flip
side to that, though, too.

It must get lonely at the top.

No, not if you have that one
special person to connect with.

You connected with
that special someone?

I don't know.

Do you have a picture?

His name is Kyle.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

When the lady said au
lait, I thought she meant,

like, olé, there's
going to be a shot

of tequila in it or something.

PLUTO: You must not
be from around here.

KYLE: Kyle Douglas,
Peachtree, Oklahoma.

Diesel mechanic.

Pluto Amschweller,
Hollywood, California.

Vampire hunter.

My day job is a projectionist
at the movie theater next door.

A lot of them come in here.

Vampires.

Mostly blondes.

I haven't figured out why.

Why they're mostly blonde or
why they mostly come in here?

Both, I guess.

Thanks to modern technology,
they can go into the daylight.

Sunblock 2,000.

And it gives them a
reflection in the mirror.

But sometimes
they're not careful

when they apply the sunscreen.

- Does she check out?
- A-OK.

Must be a girl.

Angie.

She's pretty.

I want her to
come home with me.

She'll come around.

Just give her a little space.

Whole damn state of Oklahoma
ain't enough space for her?

She's a blonde now, too.
- Oh?

It's the yin and yang.

Huh?

Male-female relationships
are governed by the principle

of the yin and the yang.

You chase her and
she pulls away.

She chases you
and you pull away.

So what if we both
chase each other?

So who's the yin
and who's the yang?

And what the hell
can I do about it?

You got a couple hours?

I've got the rest
of my natural life.

Ole.

Kyle must have gone out.

You see?

There's no reason to
hurry home after all.

I'm not sure if
I'm ready for this.

Oh, nonsense.

I just want you to have
dinner with a friend of mine.

Just be yourself.

And when you get back,
I'll give you $300.

And if you don't
like it, Angie, you

can go back to waiting tables.

Everything's going to
be just fine, I promise.

She's a cherry.

I want you to give
her an easy one.

How about that production
accountant Van Der Beek?

The one that just likes to talk.

Oscar Van Der Beek.

I'll take care of it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

ANGIE: I thought I was
just going to dinner.

Don't worry.

You won't finish tonight
on an empty stomach.

I don't know if
I wanna be here.

Good evening, ladies.

And welcome to my party.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) I gotta find some
love some way, somehow.

We're sharing a music video
for our new album next week.

And you've get just a profile
I've been looking for.

Amazing coincidence, the
resemblance to Vincent.

It's not coincidence.

It's fate.

Our love was cut short and
our destiny unfulfilled.

But now she is here to complete
what was begun centuries ago.

Why would you trust your
destiny to a beast like Lance?

What did you say?

Viva took Angie and one of the
new girls over to Lance's party

over an hour ago.

I'm sorry I thought
you sent her.

Would you like a drink?

Just a [INAUDIBLE].

I don't know if I like this.

Oh, come on.

You've seen all those
music videos on MTV.

You know, the ones with the
sexy rockers and the hot babes?

Sure.

Well, this is what happens
when they turn the camera off.

Anything on camera, I
want to be paid extra.

Thank you.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I don't feel so good.

Fast metabolism.

You gotta move, girl.

Come on, you gotta dance.

That's it, Angie.

Just let it all hang out.

VIVA: She isn't ready yet.

LANCE: We'll have some
fun with Josephina first.

It's only rock 'n' roll.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[LASER SOUND]

ILLYANA: Hey, I almost forgot.

Your first date.

And I wouldn't blame you
if you never wanted to step

foot in Blonde Heaven again.

But I hope that you do.

Why are you being nice to me?

Angie, you have
a lot of potential,

and not as an escort.

The right breaks and
the right contacts,

you could be a
tremendous star someday.

And I want to be a part of that.

Besides, I like you.

You remind me of somebody
that's very dear to my heart.

ANGIE: How's this for a couple
hours of chit chat with a bunch

of celebrity hunk rock stars?

What did you do for these
fellas that was worth $300?

I don't know, but
it's the easiest money

I've ever made in my life.

Men don't give this kind of
money for making small talk.

It's dirty money.

It has to be.

I didn't feel dirty, not
until you made me feel that way.

You see these?

Phone bills, car insurance,
health insurance,

credit cards, parking tickets.

I'll be living in
my car before long,

if they don't tow it first.

You wouldn't need to
worry about any of that

if you'd just come home with me.

I wouldn't have to worry
about a career, either.

I'm tired.

I want to sleep.

What's that?

What?

Is that a hickey?

Don't be ridiculous.

Some guy's done gone
and put his brand on you.

- Kyle, let go of me.
- Let me see.

Angie, I'm sorry.

ANGIE: Get out.
- I'm sorry.

Get out.

I don't know
what come over me.

I'm sorry.
- Pack your things and get out.

You're right.
That's no hickey on your neck.

Some critter's done
gone and bit you.

Get out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE RINGING]

ANGIE (ON ANSWERING
MACHINE): Hi.

This is Angie.

I'm not home.

Please leave a message, and
I'll call you right back.

Get me out.

A vampire's soul
haunts his body

in much the same way
a murder victim's

tormented soul haunts a house.

Now, you separate a
vampire from his rune stone

and you break his spirit.

I mean, it's like
cutting out their heart.

Now, there's a woman that
could break a few hearts.

Amanda Blackwell?

The cannibal queen
in "Eat the Devil?"

Lola in "Love
Amongst the Zombies?"

A woman with no name in
"A Fistful of Entrails."

"Bloodsuckers of the Serengeti?"

Sorry.

[SIGH] You are in
for a treat, my friend.

You're in for a real treat.

ILLYANA: Come with me.

I have a surprise for you.

And they're all your size.

I don't understand.

Angie, if you want the
powers that be in this town

to start recognizing
you as star material,

you have to start
dressing the part.

But I couldn't
possibly accept all this.

Oh, yes, you can.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) And I could say things
that you're dying to hear.

I could do that.

Make everything all
right, act so sincere,

I could do that, too.

Be anything that you
want me to be because I

can play the part so easily.

There are so many things I
could do, if I didn't love you.

There are so many things I
would do if I didn't love you.

There are so many things I
could do, like I could be

tough when you're weak inside.

Yeah, that could be me.

Never see me cry.

I'm the strong, silent type.

That's my specialty.

Be anything that you
want me to be because I

can play the part so easily.

There are so many things I
could do, if I didn't love you.

There are so many things I
would do, if I didn't love you.

There are so many things
I could do like I could be

tough when you're weak inside.

Have you thought
about Mr. Missirian?

You know, he is one of the
biggest agents in Hollywood.

Why not?

Nothing ventured,
nothing gained.

ILLYANA: Good just
remember to let Josephina

handle all the heavy lifting.

You're just there
as an observer.

So why don't you
think of yourself

as an anthropologist
studying the unique wildlife

of Hollywood.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Is this how it ends for
the great Al Missirian?

Big game hunter, great explorer,
philanthropist, husband, lover.

This is how it ends for
the great Al Missirian.

I must accept my
fate like a man.

Time to move in for the kill.

That's OK.
Go ahead.

He's all yours.

OK.

But if I'm going
to do all the work,

I want some of your money.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

KYLE: If a vampire
chops on your neck,

if there is such thing as
a vampire, that's all she

wrote, right?

Wrong.

That's a popular misconception.

They don't bite
you on the neck?

Twice.

You wanna run that
by me again, chief?

Over the centuries
and through the process

of natural selection,
humans have built up

a form of immunity to vampires.

And the vampire has
been forced to adapt.

Now, look.

In his first attack,
the vampire's bite

releases an enzyme that
neutralizes those elements

in the victim's bloodstream that
the creature finds repugnant.

He then returns to
feed before the end

of the current lunar cycle.

If he waits too long, the blood
becomes lethal to the vampire

and the victim acquires
permanent immunity.

I don't know.

This vampire stuff
sounds awful far-fetched,

even for Hollywood.

Well, what if I'm right?

I mean, what about Angie?

Are you willing to
take that chance?

Something awful
strange is going

on at this Blonde Heaven place.

Blondes.

Vampires.

Blonde Heaven.

I don't even know where it is.

Escort service.

I have a friend who works
for a limousine company.

He may know where it is.

KYLE: Let's go sneak in in the--

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hand me that screwdriver
out of that glove box.

They probably got some
type of escort book.

You see if you can
find her picture,

and that way we can find
out where she's going next.

What about you?

I'm going to take
a look around and see

what's going on in this place.

I'll go first.

Maybe you better
go second, too.

Just keep a sharp lookout.

All right.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Natasha?

Is that you?

You're late.

Well, we can't send you out
dressed like that, now, can we?

Take those off.

Personally, I'm not sold on
the idea of male escorts.

Still, live and
learn, I suppose.

Oh, that's nice.

Everything, everything.

We like to dress our
people from the ground up.

[PHONE RINGING]

Yes, he's here.

Yes, I will.

I'll, um, take care of him.

Thank you for calling.

And thank you for
using Blonde Heaven.

Bye.

Well, that was the client.

And they just canceled.

I know where I'd like to hang
my hat, among other things.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Just so the day hasn't
been a total loss,

come up here with me.

It's, um, private.

Oh, I can't.

I have a girlfriend.

- Oh, do you?
- I think.

Oh, how nice.

- She's [INAUDIBLE].
- Yes?

Is she?
How very interesting, that.

Why don't you just take your
hat off and stay a while?

I always did like
doing it under the stars.

Well, personally, I wouldn't
have it any other way.

Now, I think it would be fair
if we give this male escort

thing a chance to prove itself.

Don't you?

We need to talk.

We've got to go into their
nest and wipe them out.

Just cool your jets, chief.

Before you go shish
kabob-ing folks,

I want to make sure
Angie's not on the spit.

I think we should set Angie
up with one of those studio

executives tonight.

They spend so much time
talking about the deal,

they never actually do
anything with the girl.

Illyana, Megan set
her up with Carl Bibbs.

That bitch.

CARL BIBBS: Now,
here's the deal.

Now, you break into
the crypt and I'll

come out of the coffin.

You scream, I chase,
but not too far.

And then I rip off
your dress and release

3,000 years of pent-up
sexual mummified frustration.

I don't think I like this.

CARL BIBBS: Ah, yes!

Death to the defilers
of [INAUDIBLE]..

But first, you must pay homage
to the snake god [INAUDIBLE]..

-
[SCREAM]

Ah, ah, ah.

There'll be no notifying your
grave-robbing compatriots.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

The mummy will have his way.

[SCREAMING]

Kyle, what on Earth?

Have you been following me?

And a good thing, too.

I thought you said
foreplay is for sissies.

I guess I'm going Hollywood.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAM]

Damn, Angie.

That dress don't leave
much to the imagination.

Imagine this, cowboy.

No panties.

Angie, we gotta talk.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[HISSING]

ANGIE: You've been acting
awfully strange lately, Kyle.

Angie, that wasn't
me last night.

I'll say.

I wasn't there, goddamn it.

You were playing kissy face
with some goddamn pervert

vampire trying to look like me.

I'm going to live forever.

And when you're so
old and wrinkled

and the only good sex you
can get is from a blow dryer,

I'm going to be up there
on the movie screen still

young and beautiful.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(SINGING) When you
feel funky inside

and you have to [INAUDIBLE].

Experience the eternal motion
of your funky emotions.

She can be your downfall
or your salvation.

She can be your
groovalistic sensation.

The bitch with the [INAUDIBLE].

Ain't nothing like the
taste of the bitch.

With a universal funk she will
cure all of their inhibitions.

testifying before the cosmic
court of her judicial decree

to set the funk free.

Set the funk free.

Ain't nothing like the
taste of the bitch.

Every motion has an equal and
opposite groovalistic emotion.

That's the law of funkativity.

That's the law of funkativity.

Ain't nothing like the
taste of the bitch.

Hi.

I decided to come back
here and talk to you.

I only have nothing
to say to you.

Good.

Because I didn't
come here to talk.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAM]

Hello.

Die, vampire fiend.

Miss Blackwell?

I'm your biggest fan.

Pluto Amschweller,
vampire hunter.

The pleasure is mine.

PLUTO: But you're
just a movie vampire.

I should know.

I'm the president
of your fan club.

You're that Pluto Amschweller.

PLUTO: Uh-huh.

AMANDA BLACKWELL: I had
to get an unlisted phone

number because of you.

And a post office box.

And a fistful of
restraining orders.

Get a life.

Just like in
"Brothel of Blood."

I'm sorry it has
to end like this.

You turkey.

You've already been prepped.

Is there a pop-up
thermometer in your butt that

lets me know when you're done?

[GRUNT]

[SCREAMS]

PLUTO: I got this idea from
one of your films, "None

But the Depraved."

Of course.

How could I have forgotten?

But I'm surprised you
didn't recognize this.

Of course.

You wore this in
"Diary of a Mad Hussy."

Oh, it's seared into my memory.

"Torture Garden," "Sex
and the Single Vampire,"

"Lust in the Crypt,"
"Vampire Screen Test,"

and of course, "Vampire
Sluts of Sodom."

[GRUNTING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Brothers and sisters--

Sorry, sweet cakes.

Megan wants you in one piece.

Release her.

I said release her.

That's for Megan to decide.

We've elected a new leader.

Meet the newest member of
the family and my producer.

Relax.

Blondee Heaven is getting
out of the escort business,

and you're going to be a star.

Kyle.

I love you.

Forever and ever.

I love you, too,
forever and ever.

[MUSIC PLAYING]