You People (2018) - full transcript

(intense music)

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

(loud commotion)

- Okay, everyone take
out a piece of paper.

Don't panic, it's
not a pop quiz.

Now, I need you to write down

the top three things that
you must identify with.

It can be anything.

No wrong answers.

Time!

Pencils down.



Young lady.

- Grad student.

- [Teacher] Go on.

- Sister.

And someday, hopefully
governor of this great state.

- Mm, ambition.

I admire that.

- An American citizen.

- American citizen.

- Rebel.

(laughing)

- [Teacher] Okay.

- Black.

I'm a black female.



- [Teacher] Black,
a black female.

What's the first
thing on your mind?

(dramatic music)

- [Reporter] Breaking
news right now at 10,

one person is dead
after a shooting

on Oklahoma City's
northeast side.

* I met a man walking
home the other day *

* The brother told me

* Wish I could do
it all over again *

* Cause now I see

* Don't love you back

* Don't love you back

* Try to stay
focused on tomorrow *

* Play within my means

* Paying portions on borrow

* So I gave my
whole life to it *

* Could've put a
knife through it *

* Should've been
the life moving *

- [Teacher] I need
you to list...

* I mean, nobody ever told me

* Learned on my own because
nobody ever showed me *

* At home, they talking
bout I made it now *

* I feel boxed in hoping
that I make it out *

* I'm not from Harlem,
I'm not from Compton *

* I'm from Oklahoma
City, rotten *

* Trying to get it poppin'

* Trying to please everybody

* I never do enough, yo,
I'm never good enough *

- [Reporters] A
struggled continued,

and five shots are fired.

(gun firing)

(clearing throat)

(snoring)

- We might have to get out
the bucket of hot water.

- And why aren't you
dressed, Professor?

Like father like son.

- Well, at least I have
good taste in music.

- [Mom] Looks like the
90s projective vomited

all over this room.

- Oh!

And what is your definition
of quality music,

Mrs. Johnson?

- Well you know, like Adele.

- Ugh.

Well, at least you're pretty.

- What's wrong with Adele?

- Nothing.

- [Mom] What kind
of blissful noise

have you exposed him to, huh?

- I have exposed
him to greatness.

(chuckling)

Led Zeppelin.

- Hm.

- The Rolling Stones.

Bob Dylan.

Jimi Hendrix.

(chuckling)

(singing)
(laughing)

- Sweet Jesus, I'm up!

- Oh, look who's
decided to greet the day

in all his awkward glory.

- Dad.

Where are your pants?

- In my room.

- Do you want to go find them

and never take them off again?

And can you two please get this

baby making gyrating
out of my room?

- Hm!

- Oh, come here.

- Not a chance!

Dad, pants, pants!

(catchy music)

* Time to time

* I know you must see

* Scary shadows

* Of what we could be

* Well, I wish you weren't
so frightened now *

* Of me

(drowned out music)

* Well, hey

* I just want to
love you right *

- Oh my God.

Best Snap ever.

Fuckin' epic!

That had to be the whitest
shit I've ever seen, son!

Come here.

Hey, you must be careful,

I'm gonna have to
revoke your black card.

- Jesus freak, man!

- Hey!

Rude.

I showered.

- I'm talking about
your whisky breath.

- So I made a
breakfast cocktail,

big deal, people do that.

- Yeah, alcoholics.

(humming)

- Oh!

Whoa, nice trousers,
Dr. Johnson.

- Sarcasm, in the morning.

A degenerate after my own heart.

- Hey!

- Nice hair, Michael.

Very hipster.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I'm doing that new dance.

You know, the Twitter.

Like Miley Cyrus.

- Uh, I believe the dance
you're referring to is twerking.

That...

That is not twerking.

Oh my God, stop being weird.

- Hey, I'm shaking
off the haters.

- Chad, your parents
are blacker than you.

(laughing)

* Confirmation, the
conversation I'm debating *

* Contemplating, I've
forsaken, waiting patient *

- Thanks for the ride, bro.

I should be getting
my license back soon.

Hey, crank this shit up.

* Now the power in the fist

- Yeah!

* So raise it in the midst

* If it's Shaka or a Kunta

- Nope, I'm sorry.

I can't, I can't.

It's way too early to turn up.

- It is my duty as your friend

to give you an urban education.

(laughing)

- Oh, do enlighten me, master.

- Hey, I can teach
a thing or two about

how hard it is for us black
folks out here in the projects.

- Nope.

One, this is white suburbia,

and two, you're not black.

- I am the motherfuckin' Mr.
Miyagi of blackness, son!

Watch and learn.

See, you are an enigma.

(catchy music)

- Whoa!

Why don't you watch where
you're fucking going, faggot.

- I'm sorry.
- Well, you're sorry,

but you almost ran over
me and my girlfriend.

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, I know.

She deserves an apology though.

- Holy balls.

Would you look at that?

- [Chad] Damn, mama.

- Chad, I would totally
leave you for her.

Where the hell has she
been hiding all semester?

- She's probably
been preoccupied

with that vampire lookin',
steroid induced douche bag

she's clinging to
like a spider monkey.

- Psh, stop being salty,

I'm worshiping him right now.

- Dude, he's dating
Kylie Jenner,

and he's terrorizing
that kid over there.

Douche.

- What are you, Supernigga?

You're always
penning the outcast.

You got this savior
complex in you.

Chad, she's looking at us.

- I'm not blind,
bro, what do we do?

- I don't know.

Act natural, wave.

Put your fuckin' hand down,

she's not waving at us.

Have some class, you perv.

- No, just come on,
let me get my glasses.

- Ah, ah, ah.

- Just let me get my glasses.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Allow me.

Bye.

- Whatever.

(laughing)

- I gotta get to
women's studies.

- Now that's a
class you're willing

to be on time for.

- There's literally no better
place to pick up chicks, bro.

Later.

(phone ringing)

- Yes?

- [Woman] There's
a representative

from an adoption
agency on the line?

They said it was urgent.

(somber piano music)

(clapping)

- My name is Melanie Fischer,

and I cannot adequately express

how proud and
thrilled I am to see

all you beautiful,
colorful people

on this very special day.

This is an extremely
incredible opportunity

for us all to share collective
experiences together,

and to connect with a
diverse group of individuals

who might never...

Oh, hi.

Hi, yes.

Take a seat, thank you.

As I was saying, this is
a great opportunity for us

to build a tolerance for anyone

who has ever felt
different or unloved,

afraid, or simply
unacknowledged.

This club is your safe haven.

It is a place of peace,
and I look forward

to getting to know all of you

and hearing all of your stories.

Thank you.

(clapping)

- And I'm pretty sure
that's what caused it.

- I could do without
the judgment right now.

- Just saying, you're not making
it any easier on yourself.

- Look, I just want to
have some hangover food

with my best friend
in peace, please.

Okay?

- All right.

- Oh.

- Hello, fellas.

Here you go.

- Thanks, Leah.

- It's Le-ah.

- Forgive me, my mistake.

- Yeah, the dash is
there for a reason.

- That poor girl!

- About to make this
waffle my bitch!

Look at that.

I know you're jealous.

- So jealous.

- Well, if it ain't
the gruesome twosome.

Hey, Brad.

- Chad. (chuckles)

- Sure.

Well enjoy it, Brad.

- New friend of yours?

- Just business, Chad.

We can't all be privileged.

God, this guy is always
with a different chick.

- [Chad] Must be his
flavor of the week.

- Bet he's got a
bigger dick than you.

* Trying to paint a
picture so vivid *

* I live it, give it the image

* Mandela sitting in prison

* No different
mission of business *

* Reminiscing, what is this

* Militant Chuck
D, Public Enemy *

- So, what are you
selling exactly?

- Peace.

(laughing)

- That's certainly not for sale.

It's a state of mind.

- You should join us.

- What are you guys protesting?

- Have you turned
on the news lately?

- God, no.

There's never anything
worth watching on there.

- Okay, well, some
of us actually care

about things that matter.

You know, this affects you too

whether you want
to admit it or not.

- Damn.

Girl, chill.

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to be mean or anything--

- You're fine.

Just giving you a hard time.

(drowned out rap music)

(chuckling)

(somber piano music)

(soda fountain running)

A stalker much?

What are you protesting
now, vegetables?

- Oh, dressing on
the side, cute.

What are you, a vegan?

- No, I just like to
be health conscious.

- You looked right at
me when you said that.

- Nah uh.

- Okay, well, you know what?

I'm just gonna eat this
delicious, fatty goodness

while you starve all day

because you decided to
eat grass for lunch.

- What brings you
to this university?

Other than being a psych major.

- Well, it's a means
of an end, I guess.

I mean, I've changed majors

as much as I've
changed t-shirts.

I don't know, it's difficult
settling on one thing.

You know, one major
that will ultimately

become the rest of your life.

So finally, I
settled on psychology

with a minor in
contemporary dance.

- You plan on dancing
for your patience

once you start counseling?

(laughing)

Really?
- Yeah.

- A fry.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Okay, real mature.
(laughing)

- Here, just eat one.

- No, just look at it--
- Just one.

- It's greasy, it's salty.
- It's gonna be okay--

- It's not good for you.
- Okay.

- It's not good for you.
- Okay.

No, you're right, I'll take it.

More for me.

- Yeah, you can have it.

(chuckling)

- Okay, well, let's test it,

let's play counselor.

I'm gonna ask you
some questions.

What is your favorite movie?

- Now, that's a deep,
methodical question.

You go straight for
the jugular, don't you?

Okay, I'm gonna have
to say "American Pie".

- Oh, God!

You're one of those guys.

- Are you not gonna tell me
yours isn't "The Notebook"?

- [Melanie] "Requiem
For a Dream".

- [Chad] What?

- Oh, I don't think I can
be friends with someone

who doesn't get a
stiffy for Aronofsky.

But I'm gonna give you a
chance to redeem yourself.

- Mm.

- Tell me something personal.

- You first, I'm blocked.

- Okay.

Things I hate.

Black licorice, because
it is not a candy.

Seriously, it tastes like tar,

and it is one of the
worst things in the world.

What else...

Reality TV, Kanye West, and
all disciples of Fox News.

Boom!

(laughs)

- Okay.

Fears.

Small people, clowns,
Ferris wheels.

Can't trust 'em.

- That's predictable.

- I thought the counselor
was supposed to be unbiased.

You suck at this.

- Uh...

(laughing)

- What, you aren't
afraid of anything?

- Nothing comes to mind.

- Rejection.

That's a big one.

- Um...

You know, Chad, I feel like
I need to tell you something,

and this is not to be
presumptuous or anything,

it's more preventative.

But I like you, and
I think you're funny,

and sincere, and this has
been really, really nice,

but I just got out of
a toxic relationship

and I don't think I'm
really ready to jump into--

- I spoke too soon.

- Friends?

- Friends.

Nice chatting with
you, Counselor.

- How can I help you, Jasmine?

Can I call you Jasmine?

- Mrs. Johnson.

- Barbara.

You can call me Barbara.

- Barbara.

I want you to know
I really appreciate

your meeting with me.

- You've come a long way.

- Not long enough.

- You look a lot
different than I remember.

- 21 years of hard living.

- So, why have you
come to my office

after all these years?

- There's no sense in us
dancing around hot coals.

I think we both
know why I'm here.

- It was an open adoption.

- I don't mean no
disrespect, ma'am.

I know I ain't got no
legal right to his name.

I must look pretty pathetic
sitting in front of you.

It's...

Time.

The answer is time.

- Our beautiful boy.

Chad.

Chad Eugene Johnson.

- I still have dreams of him.

Dreams of where he is,
what he looks like,

what his goals are.

How he's treated
by other people.

Does he ever wonder?

- Briefly.

In junior high he
had some questions.

It's not a subject that
he's very forthcoming about.

- I was never--

- Just tell me why.

Just answer me.

- I was never prepared
to be a mother.

I was young and selfish.

My parents could barely afford

to put a roof over my head.

Chad would've been just
another casualty of my shame.

If I had known how much
suffering and regret

I'd have to endure
by letting him go,

I'd of done the best I could
under the circumstances.

I'm asking you for a chance
to do the right thing, again.

(somber piano music)

While there's still time.

(somber piano music)

(drowned out pop music)

(clears throat)

- Are you okay, miss?

- Oh, yeah, thanks.

I'll be fine.

- Maybe she's just a friend.

- I may be pretty,
but I'm not stupid.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Do I know you?

- No.

No, we attend the same college.

- Oh, I'm Amber.

- Chad.

- Thanks again for asking if
I'm okay, I appreciate it.

- You know what makes me
feel better on a rough day?

- Hm?

- A new pair of shoes.

- Ooh!

- Try 'em on.

- Thank you.

(chuckles)

- Need a hand?

- No, I think I'm good, thanks.

- God, you lesbians
are so independent.

(laughing)

- I am not a lesbian!

- Oh, awkward, I'm sorry.

I just thought since you were
like, a part of the club--

- You thought that since

I was the president
of the Queer Club

that I was a grade
A certified lesbian.

- Well, I just want you to
know that I'm really inspired

by everything you're
doing for this university.

Lesbian or not.

(laughing)

- No, well, I
think it's you guys

who are really changing lives.

Oh my God, you're about
as subtle as a grenade.

I saw you checking that guy out.

- Man, if I could get my
hands on a piece of that

I'd have his babies.

I mean, we may not
be able to reproduce,

but we could keep
practicing anyway.

- Okay, so, go talk to him!

I mean, he's cute, you're cute,

what's the problem?

- Yeah, I wish it
were that simple.

But what about you?

This club isn't exactly
ideal for hetero hookups.

- There's this guy.

- Tell me, tell me.

- I don't know.

My ex pretty much ruined any
prospect of romance for me.

- But are you really gonna
let every future male suitor

pay for the sins of one asshole?

- I don't...
(laughs)

- You are so busted.

- Hi.

You know, you
really should learn

to clear the search
history on your laptop

before logging out.

(laughing)

The look on your face.

I was just dropping
off some laundry.

All right.

So, what do you
want on this aisle?

- Nothing over here.

- Oh, come on, it's
because it's healthy.

I'm gonna get you some juice.

- I don't want juice!

- It'll be good for you.

It'll be good for your brain.

- No!

No!

- All right, what
else do you want then?

- Some snackage.

- You want some snackage.
- Snackage.

- Oh, hey, baby,
I gotta take this.

Why don't you go
pick out your cereal

and I'll finish up here.

- Okay.

- Hi!

Jasmine.

Could I call you right back?

- Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am,
I didn't see you there.

- May I help you with something?

- No, no, I'm fine.

I'm just keeping my eye on
that young man over there.

- Well, that young man
happens to be my son.

And you know, I've tried
my best as his mother

to safeguard him from
self righteous people

such as yourself

who can't seem to get past
their own pigheaded ignorance!

That young man over there

is the kindest, most
compassionate, honest,

generous people that
you will ever know.

If I had any less compassion,
I would have you fired.

Of course, then
I would be acting

the way you expect me to.

Good day, ma'am.

Don't you have some
groceries to stock?

- Clean up on aisle nine.

Way to go, mom.

- Nobody messes with my baby.

- You know you want to.
- No.

- You know it's gonna happen.

- No, no.
- Yup.

- Put it down, let's go.
- Three, two, one...

- No, no.
- Hump day!

Bro, I am starving.

- We just devoured
a Chinese buffet.

- True, but I may or may not
have lit up in the parking lot.

So, I've got the munchies.

- You're gonna get
caught one of these days.

- Let's just say the dean
and I have an understanding.

- Understanding?

Like a sexual understanding?

- Shh, keep your
voice down, Chad,

this is a library.

Have some class son, sheesh.

- Class?

- Just go, go!

Better quiet down, miss.

I'm watching you.

(laughing)

Ah, I see that books
aren't the only thang

we're here to check out.

- Her name is Melanie.

- Ah!

So you admit it.

Thank God, celibacy was making
you difficult to be around.

- She's not interested, Mike.

She said as much herself,
I mean look at her.

She's into black guys.

(chuckling)

You know what I mean.

- I don't think you
know what you mean.

(keys jingling)

Go, go.

- Give me my keys, man.

- Go.

- You know, I'm not
entirely convinced

that you read as often as
you're trying to lead on.

- Really?

- Well, I mean, you
didn't come here

for the terrible coffee either.

- No, I actually came
over to ask if you...

I mean, to see if you wanted to,

or if you're available,
or interested.

I mean, maybe we could...

I mean, it wouldn't be...

(laughing)

Nevermind.

- Chad.

Ask me again.

- Will you go out to dinner
with me Saturday night?

- Hell no.

(laughing)

(somber music)

- We are his family.

You think Chad
doesn't know that?

- I feel like he's gonna
take one look at her

and know what he's
missed all these years.

I'm gonna pale in comparison.

(somber music)

- You are living
inside your head.

You and I have raised
a brilliant kid.

It would be selfish not
to share his greatness

with other people.

This will always be his home.

He knows that.

- God!

I love this man.

(somber music)

- Prepare to be boarded.

(laughing)

- Oh dear.

- I am coming for you.

- [Barbara] Oh my!

- You're gonna get some of this.

- [Barbara] Oh, I like it!

- And some of this.

(laughing)

- Oh God!

- [Father] You'll be
hoisted up on this--

- Hoisted?

Oh dear, oh no.

Oh my God.

- And maybe a little of this!

(laughing)

You think they can hear us?

- [Barbara] Not a chance!

- All right.

Prepare for liftoff.

(laughing)

- Sounds like your parents

are getting on that business!

- Turn up the volume, please.

We need some white
noise in the background.

- I'm pretty sure that
qualifies as a white noise.

So...

Netflix, porn, no chill though.

Fuck that, right?

- Neither.

Wait, you still watch porn?

- Uh, am I a male?

Do I have a penis?

- How do you find
time between that

and your other hobbies?

- We make time, Chad.

I try to rub one out
on my lunch breaks.

- I can't imagine why you
never told me that story.

Does he have a name?

- It changes like the seasons.

I try to give it
a pretentious name

like a Sebastian or a Cornelius.

(laughing)

- I call mine the Dark Knight...

Rises.

- Holy shit, son.

That is the fuckin' shit!

No toilet!

- Stop, stop it!

- So...

When are you gonna make a
freak out of library girl?

- When are you gonna
realize you and I

aren't the same person?

- Well, if it wasn't for me,

there would be no date to
speak of, so you're welcome.

- There is one thing
you can help me with.

Melanie, she's into black men.

And when I say black men,

I mean black men.
- Black men.

- And I listen to indie rock,
I shop at Banana Republic,

and I use colorful
words like flabbergasted

in everyday conversation.

I'm fully aware of my
ethnic limitations?

I need an urban transformation,

so I have a proposition for you.

Now, I was...

- I thought you'd never ask.

(drowned out rap music)

* Before I had it, I closed
my eyes and imagined *

* Before I had it, I closed
my eyes and imagined *

* Before I had it, I closed
my eyes and imagined *

* Now I ain't never
had much, see *

* Each side dusty

* Half a loaf of
bread, red Kool-Aid *

* And some lunch meat

* Girls wouldn't touch me

* Thinking I had it

* Close my eyes and imagine

* No matter how the
situation looked *

* Plates empty

* Imagining food like
the scene on Hook *

* If my dreams don't
hook, line, and sinker *

* Everything I think of

* I close my eyes to see

* Everything come alive

* And only these
dreams keep me *

* Perfect visions
are in my mind *

* And maybe you'll see one day

* All that I've
seen, you'll know *

* You can believe, just
clothes your eyes with me *

* Imagination

(doorbell rings)

- Damn, girl.

You clean up nicely.

- Thanks.

- Yo, that dress fits you
like one of Beyonce's weaves.

Flawless.

- You look different.

- Different good
or different bad?

- I haven't decided yet.

* I got your confirmation

* The conversation
I'm debating *

* Contemplating, I've
forsaken, waiting patient *

- Is this what you listen to?

- Man, hell yeah!

* Now that's the
power in the fist *

* So we raise it

- I didn't know you smoked weed.

- Yeah.

Yeah, fo sho.

- Well, what do you
say we make this night

a little more interesting?

(laughing)

- Wow, this is unexpected.

- Oh, Chad.

I want you to meet
my favorite person,

this is Devin.

- Oh, what's up bro?

- Right.

I'm good, bro.

Are you guys ready to order?

- Just get Chad
and I my regular,

and I'm gonna visit
the little girl's room.

(laughing)

(gurgling)

- Psst.

Sup, nigga.

- Greetings, my niggers.

Oh, no, no, no.

Niggas.

(chuckling)

- [Melanie] You okay?

What's wrong?

- Don't look behind you,

but there's this cowboy
looking dude staring me down.

(laughing)

- Okay, so what?

Just ignore him.

Is there a problem, sir?

Okay.

(laughing)

- That was straight gangsta!

- Okay, I'm sorry,

but can you please
stop talking like that?

- What's wrong with how I talk?

- It's not you!

Here.

That is so much better.

So you think being black is
just a character you play?

- It's not natural.

I'm too white washed to
be accepted by blacks,

and I'm too black to be
fully embraced by whites.

I straddle the proverbial line

that separates the two.

- Well, maybe you just
have a limited perspective

of what it means to
be black or white.

I mean, you're black
because you were born black.

It doesn't come with an
instructional manual,

just be yourself.

- You're gonna make a
great counselor some day.

- [Devin] Stoner
special coming in.

This one is on the house.

- Oh God, is it that obvious?

- Your eyes are dilated,
you smell like a frat house,

and the two of you
have been laughing

as if you're at a
standup comedy show.

And I for one know that
this one is not that funny.

(laughing)

- Stop!

(laughing)

Thank you.

- You're funny.

- Thanks.

I'm gonna eat though, so...

- Okay.

(doorbell rings)

- I'll get it.

It's good to see you again.

Can I get you
something to drink?

- No, I'm fine.

Thank you.

(somber piano music)

- Jasmine.

- Barbara.

- Look.

(chuckling)

Oh, and here he is as a cowboy.

And swimming.

(door creaks)

- Hey mom, dad.

- Chad, honey, can you come
in here for just a minute?

This is Jasmine Jones,

and she's traveled
all the way from Tulsa

just to see you.

- To see you?

- Yeah baby, just to see you.

Chad, Jasmine is
your birth mother.

(emotional music)

Why don't we take a
drive around the lake?

(door creaks)

- [Jasmine] What's on your mind?

- I'm not sure exactly.

It's a lot to process.

My parents, they kept
a significant detail

of this arrangement under wraps.

- [Jasmine] Are you
very upset, Chad?

- Well, why now?

I gave up on this sort
of thing a long time ago.

- You sound just like her.

- Well, she did raise me.

- I want you to know that
not a single day went by

that I didn't think about you.

But you've grown, thrived,

become your own man.

It pains and comforts
me in equal measure

that you've become
someone special

with no influence of my own.

(chuckling)

The same blood runs
through our veins

yet I can see your eyes
look straight through me.

I thank God that someone
loved and protected you

the way I should've,
the way I couldn't.

(sobbing)

(coughing)

- [Chad] Are you okay?

- I'm not gone yet.

I still have some time, if
you're willing to share yours.

- Where's the Jack, bitches!

I need a shot.

Let's turn up, motherfuckers!

- Well, you heard her!

Let's turn it up, bitches!

- You didn't tell
me Luke was hosting.

- Hey, a party's a party, right?

Come on Chad, lighten up.

Live a little.

Besides, there's a sea of
other drunk college students

to distract yourself with.

- Don't step...

- Chad!

I thought that was you.

How's my favorite
sales clerk doing?

Are you leaving?

- No.

Nah, I just came out
to get some fresh air.

- Mm.

Let me guess.

This isn't really
your scene, is it?

- I do better with
smaller crowds.

(laughing)

- Are you with Luke?

- Yes.

- Hm.

- I know what you're thinking.

- No, no, no, it's
none of my business.

- Hear me out.

He's rough around
the edges, I know.

But he's actually really
sensitive and caring

when you get to know him.

He's been through a lot.

Just last year his mom confessed

that she had an affair

and that he's not his
father's biological son.

He and his father
were very close.

It's really changed him.

Sometimes I think I'm
the only support system

that he has.

- Well...

I hope he pays as
much attention to you

as you do to him.

It's not your
responsibility to save him.

Just make sure you're
taking care of yourself.

- Really, Luke?

- Babe, we are just talking.

- Wow.

(laughs)

- Amber.

Amber.
- There he is!

Hey!

Hey, don't you
give me that look.

- Just take it easy,
Mike, it's not a race--

- Hey, hey, hey, I don't
need no babysitter,

you're not my brother.

Hey, hey, hey, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it, aight?

Look, I'll cut you a deal.

I'll switch to beer,

but you gotta promise me

you'll at least
attempt to socialize

with these people.

- And these are all
your friends, Mike.

- No, no, that's not true,

they just don't know how
dope you are yet, man.

Dude, come here.

(dramatic music)

Aight.

Aight everybody, listen up.

Listen up!

I've got an
announcement to make.

For those of you who don't know,

this is my best friend Chad.

Everybody say "Hi, Chad!"

- [Group] Hi, Chad!

- Thank you.

You see, Chad here, is the
best damn version of me.

He's a real, live rockstar

and a fucking amazing companion.

You see, Chad,
he's a little shy.

It takes him a little
while to open up to others.

So if you God damn
party monsters

would be so kind as to
make him feel welcome,

I promise he'll be the best
investment you ever made!

Now get up off your asses

and get this motherfucker
a real drink!

(cheering)

- Sorry.

* Drinks is on me

* Get loose, Grey Goose

* That Patron got
me in the zone *

* Get loose, Grey Goose

* Got me in the zone

* Got, got me in the zone

* She's a bad chick,
I gotta have it *

* Matter of fact she run
with a bunch of chicks *

* I woke up and say
do you want a drink *

* She leans over,
and drinks is on me *

* She got good head

* And I like that

* She got soft skin

* And I like that

* She got a nice whip

* And I like that

* She's independent and
I really like that *

(record scratching)

* Drinks is on me

* And I like that

* And I like that

* And I like that

* Really like that

* Drinks is on me

(cheering)

- I thought black people are
only good at contact sports.

- I'm not really black,
it's just a really good tan.

- Yeah.

Must be nice being someone
else's charity case.

- I'm not sure I follow.

- Oh, well, Michael,

he told me that
you were adopted.

And it's become a social trend

for the distinguished to
adopt minority children.

- Is there a point
to this sermon?

- Yes.

I would like you to
teach me about yourself.

All this new age, progressive...

"Progressive".

Liberal shenanigans.

Black people carrying
on like white people

and vice versa.

I'm sure you share
my philosophy.

- And what philosophy is that?

- The belief, distinction,

that there's a
difference between

black people and niggers!

Nothing. (laughs)

Wow, nothing, no reaction.

You know, I half expected you

to call in your boy Michael

to come in, jump
me, and beat my ass.

But that just wouldn't
add up, would it?

I see why Melanie likes you.

Well, if you lie with dogs...

Oh, you didn't know.

(ominous music)

- You know what, Luke?

You don't know
anything about me.

But at least now we
all know who you are.

And at least I know
who my family is.

(dramatic music)

(laughing)

- Let's play, let's
play, let's play.

Let's fuckin' play!

(dramatic music)

- Mm.

- Just beer, huh?

Hey.

You made it, I thought
you two flaked.

Where is she?

- Outside.

- Look, I'm sorry man.

I didn't know this
was Luke's house,

and I didn't know Luke
and Melanie dated,
I would've never--

- Don't sweat it, boo.

- This is my obnoxious
best friend Michael,

he is very drunk right now.

- Yeah, I hadn't noticed.

Pleasure, Michael.

- Hey, man.

Any friend of Chad's
is a friend of mine.

Let's get this man a drink!

- All right.

(drowned out music)

- What are you doing later?

Let's get the fuck out of here.

- Well, that escalated quickly.

- I can't believe I
let you convince me

to go to that party.

- Man, I saved you back there,

you should be thanking me.

- You gotta be kidding me.

Michael, look, just
sit back and be quiet.

All right?

- [Michael] Okay.

- Okay.

Both hands on the wheel, make
eye contact, be respectful.

Breathe.

(knocking)

- Well, what do you know.

Where are you boys
headed at this hour?

- Headed home, sir.

- Your momma teach you
to talk proper like that?

- Yes.

Yes sir, she did.

- Now she sounds like
a pretty smart woman.

You ever been arrested, son?

- No, sir.

No, I haven't.

- We'll see about that.

License and registration,
hand it over.

You look nervous, boy.

You boys have been drinking?

- Just a few beers.

Right, Chad?

- No, sir, I haven't
been drinking.

- You boys sit tight.

- Sit tight.

- Are you fucking kidding me?

- It was joke man, chill.

Okay?

- Sit back.

Sit back, Mike!

- [Michael] Chad, I'm sorry, I--

- Shut up, shut up, shut up!

- Breathe into this, son.

- No.

- [Officer] What did
you just say to me?

- I said no.

I'm not breathing into that.

Did you find anything
on my record?

No sir, you didn't.

You're trying to bait
me into an altercation.

Now, it's been a
very long night,

I haven't done anything wrong,

and I'd appreciate it if you
let me and my friend go home.

- Step out of the car, son.

- For what?

I--

- Officer, Officer, it
was just a bad joke.

He hasn't been drinking, I have.

He's my designated driver.

- I said step out of the car.

Arms to your side, eyes closed.

Put your left index
finger on your nose.

- Are you serious?

- Get back in the car, Michael.

- What's your
fucking problem, man!

- Get back in the
fucking car, Mike!

- Do you let the white man

fight all your battles for you?

- That's my fucking
friend you're harassing!

You don't know what
he means to me,

what he's done for me.

He's a good man!

- Mike, look at me.

Go sit down, all right?

I'm sorry.

You said this line?

Hm?

- Get back in your vehicle.

(dramatic music)

- Fuck.

(sobbing)

You really did it
this time, Mike.

You almost got me arrested, man.

You gotta stop this!

- I know.

I know.

(sobbing)

(dramatic music)

* So we cherished,
embarrassed with holy merit *

* I only fight to the point

* To where I can bear it

* My soul is barren, these
dreams is trying to scare it *

* Scar it, I beg your pardon

* I'm starting, it
parched the harshest *

* I tried so hard

* To live my life

* With these kind of
people around me *

* It's a hard time

- So, are you gonna go?

Come on bro, you have to.

- No, actually, I don't.

- You're not the
least bit curious?

- Maybe 10 years ago,
but I have a family now.

- Yeah, but it's not
like they're trying

to take that away from you,

they just want to be
a part of your life.

I wouldn't let them
down easy either,

but at least give them a chance.

I mean, don't you want to
know where you came from?

You gotta blame someone for
why you're so damn ugly, right?

Look, I'll cut you a deal.

I'll quit drinking if
you go to this reunion.

- Nah uh, nope.

Doesn't work that way, Mike.

You have to quit drinking
because you want to.

- True, you're right.

Just promise me you'll
at least consider going.

Don't let your pride hinder you

from a potentially great thing.

And don't go to appease them.

Go so you can get closure.

- Let me guess, the usual?

- Yeah, I'll take a Bud Light.

- I'll go to the reunion, Mike.

- Actually, water will be fine.

- How is she?

- I gave an oath of secrecy.

I'm afraid the only
information I can divulge

is the contents of
the Spanish omelet.

Do I look like a
stripper to you?

- Devin.

There's nothing I can do?

(laughing)

- What's so funny?

- I'm sorry, I just had an idea.

But it's gonna require
your full commitment.

- Try me.

- I'll explain, I
get off in an hour.

I know the perfect place
we can go to unwind.

- Oh, easy Polanski,
we just met here.

- Hm.

- Devin?

- Melanball.

- Yes queens, take your pick.

Caramel or white chocolate?

(laughing)

- Oh, you already know,
I like the dark meat.

- In that case,
snowflake is all mine.

- What the actual fuck?

- Hey, I just told
them you were a little

shorthanded for the
fundraiser this weekend,

and they graciously
offered to volunteer.

- Okay, ladies, gents
and everyone in between,

you are in for a sickening
gender bending extravaganza

for a very special cause.

The name of the game is...

Beat Dat Face!

I will be selecting two
queens from the audience

to give makeovers to
two straight people
from the audience,

and then the audience
will pick a winner.

So, do I have any volunteers?

(laughing)

- Yes!

- [Host] Yes, yes, the two
thirsty queens in the back.

And how about my
straight people?

Come on, don't be shy!

Mhm.

You two.

Come on up and have
a seat on stage.

All right, ladies.

Beat Them Faces!

(catchy pop music)

* To say you still hate me

* You're simply understating

* It makes me feel so crazy

* To say you're uncertain

(cheering)

(clapping)

(laughing)

- I'm not sure I'll ever be able

to look at you the same.

- Yeah.

Look, I just wanted to
say that I'm really...

(lighthearted piano music)

(chuckling)

- Wow, ain't you
just a delicious hunk

of sexy chocolate?

You'd melt nicely in my mouth.

- Okay, sorry, sorry,
sorry, but this one's mine.

- Damn, girl!

You can't be bringing
in eye candy like this

and not share him with the
rest of us thirsty bitches.

You better hold onto his
manhood like a vice grip, honey.

- Okay, all right, come on.

- Girl.

(catchy music)

- You neglected to mention
this was a gay bar.

- What difference does it make?

You're with me, right?

Come on, come on.

Let's dance!

Come on!

(chuckling)

Hey, hey, look at me!

Look at me.

Don't be scared, okay?

If there's anywhere
in this planet

that you didn't have
to worry about how

other people look at
you, it's here, okay?

Get out of your head!

Come on, just let go!

Just...

Okay, move your hips.

Just go with it!

- [Chad] You're just
gonna leave me here?

(catchy electronic music)

- You look lost.

- And you look like
you just lost a bet

predicting who'd win The Voice.

And there's no
consolation at the bottom

of that vodka
you're sucking down.

And shouldn't you be out here

mining this treasure trove
for attractive gay men?

- Gays aren't inherently
extroverted, Chad.

I keep to myself.

Although I did notice a
little cutie over there.

The hottie in the purple pants

with the face like Jesus.

- I don't know.

If I would've seen him
anywhere else but here

I'd think he's straight.

There's something about
his demeanor doesn't scream

"I love Project Runway and
listening to show tunes".

- You must think I just
sashay around in my underwear

listening to Lady
Gaga and Beyonce.

- Well, don't you?

- Obviously!

But that's beside the point.

There's more to me than that.

There's no way in hell
that that guy is straight.

- How can you be so sure?

- The five second rule.

Straight men don't give
other guys eye contact

for very long.

Two or three seconds tops.

And when a gay man
suspects that another man

is part of the family,

he looks into his eyes
for five whole seconds

without blinking.

And if he reciprocates, you
know he's checking you out.

It's like an unspoken gay
language or something.

- So, did he reciprocate?

I mean, you seem
pretty confident.

- Trust me, he's not interested.

- We'll see about that.

Rejected again.

And we all have
somebody we'd sacrifice

our right arm for just to
spend one night with them.

We convince ourselves
that if they just gave us

just five seconds of their time,

we can prove to them we're
the right person for them,

and for obvious reasons,

they don't give us
the time of day.

Like karma, it is
a vicious cycle.

See that cutie sitting in
the middle table over there?

I saw him from across the room

and I finally mustered up
the courage to go say hi,

and he blew me off!

Not in the fun way.

(chuckling)

Want to know his excuse?

He said he was holding
out for the hottie

in the tight,
purple skinny jeans.

Looks like the pendulum of fate

has just swung back in
your favor, my friend.

- Hi, I'm Devin.

Can I buy you a drink?

(catchy r&b music)

* Sexy, independent

* Sexy, independent

* You are a star

* Sexy, independent

* Sexy, independent

* Sexy, independent

* Sexy, independent

* Sexy, independent

- [Woman] Oh my God.

Did you hear that?

I think there's
someone in our house!

- [Woman] I didn't
hear anything.

- Okay, okay.

You've taken several self
defense courses, Felicia.

You're a one woman
killing machine!

You've got this.

Sir!

We have a knife.

- We do?

- Yes, we do.

And we're not afraid to use it.

So you better just
stand right there.

- There's been a big
misunderstanding here.

Okay?

I'm here with--

- Really, really?

You've broken into our house,

removed your trousers.

If your intention was to
physically assault one of us,

you've come to the
wrong place, my friend.

I've got a snapper trapper

that will sever your
manhood in half.

- It's true.

- Don't you move a muscle.

Hey!

(dramatic music)

(groaning)

- [Chad] Please!

I'm not a bad guy.

- Mom?

- Melanie?

(gasping)

- Oh my God.

- Not bad.

- Mom!

- [Felicia] For a guy, I mean.

- Well, sweetheart.

I can't tell you how
good it is to see you

and how happy we are.

- I thought you guys
were on vacation.

- We're sorry to
have interrupted

your little sexcapade.

This is our house, you know.

- Enough!

Okay?

I can't take it anymore.

This is Chad, and you
guys will be happy to know

he's not a psycho sex killer.

He's in fact a
reluctant participant

in this date from hell.

Chad, say hello to
my mother, Felicia.

And my other mother, Margaret.

- Makes so much sense now.

- Aw, he's adorable.

He just put two
and two together.

- Margaret, come with
me to the kitchen.

We have a distinguished guest

in much need of a mimosa.

- [Felicia] Aren't you
happy to see us, sweetie?

I guess it was fate that told us

to come back early from Tulsa.

- I might be traveling
there in a few weeks.

- Suit yourselves.

Salud.

- [Margaret] Well,
what's the occasion?

- My birth mother is
hosting a family reunion

so I can meet my
biological family.

- I just love stories like this.

Makes me tear up just
thinking about it.

When I first laid
my eyes on Melanie,

I knew my life would
never be the same.

- Our lives would
never be the same.

- Our lives.

- Well, Chad, it is a
pleasure to meet you.

I apologize for the
near bludgeoning.

- Melanie, you really
should bring him over

for a proper dinner some time.

Preferably with his clothes on.

(chuckling)

- Okay.

(chuckling)

- [Reporter] Here's
Tom with more.

- Hey Dad, guess what
I got accepted into?

- Quiet!

I'm trying to hear this.

- It's a fraternity.

- I'll tell you one thing.

I better not catch you at one
of these damn demonstrations.

- [Luke] Yes, sir.

- Not under my roof.

I raised you to
respect authority.

- [Luke] Dad.

- What are you looking at?

- Dad.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

- [Luke] Just give me a minute.

(groaning)

- Say something!

Do something!

Be a man!

Yeah.

(laughing)

That's what I thought.

Now fix your face.

You're starting
to look like her.

(heavy breathing)

(dramatic music)

(door shuts)

- Well good morning, Michael.

- Good morning, Mrs. Johnson.

Is Chad awake?

- Oh, I'm afraid he's
not home right now.

- Oh, I just assumed
'cause his car

was parked outside.

- He spent the night
with Melanie last night.

Are you okay?

You look a little frazzled,

you want to come inside?

- Oh, no, no, no, that's fine.

Can you just have
him give me a call

when he's home?

- Sure.

Are you sure you're okay?

- Actually, do you mind
if I use your restroom?

- Well of course, silly.

Come on in.

- Thanks.

- You've left me with
no other option, Luke.

We've been here before,

but I'm not coming
back this time.

- I need another chance.

'Cause you're the only one.

You're the only one
who cares about me.

- I will always care.

But I deserve better.

I have to take
care of myself now.

- Amber.

Amber.

Amber.

- Goodbye, Luke.

(somber music)

(chuckling)

Something funny, Mike?

- Yeah, actually.

The pathetic look on your face

after being rejected by someone

you've treated like an option

rather than a loyal friend.

It's actually quite amusing.

- What the fuck would you
know, you drunk bastard.

Do you know anything
about suffering?

Huh?

- I know enough.

You're no victim.

You're just a sad little
bully with daddy issues

who's finally being
called out for it.

Take care, buddy.

- Hey!

He didn't pay his tab.

- Man, fuck him.

(engine revs)

(laughing)

(beeping)

- Hey, guys.

Where's my car?

- Chad, come and have a seat.

- Dad, what's wrong?

Mom, you okay?

- There was an accident.

It's about Michael.

- Is he okay?

- No.

He's gone, Chad.

He borrowed your car.

The last place anybody
saw him was the pub,

and there was a crash.

(sobbing)

(somber music)

- [Michael] Yo,
yo, this is Mike.

You know what to do.

Bye Felicia, peace!

(sobbing)

- It's okay.

(sobbing)

- Hey, where are you
going with that bottle?

- No, no.

Are you proud of
what you've made me?

Because I fucking hate me.

(dramatic music)

- You don't have to do this.

Not if you don't want to.

People will understand
if you need more time.

You're not obligated.

- I want to do this.

I need to do this.

It's what Michael
would've wanted.

(lighthearted guitar music)

- [Jasmine] You ready for this?

- You know, I was,
until just now.

- You have nothing
to worry about.

Everyone is beyond
ecstatic to meet you.

Especially...

(clapping)

Your Aunt Ruth.

- He's here!

Thank you Jesus.

Come on over here boy, give
your Auntie Ruth some sugar!

- Jesus, Ruth!

He's been through
enough already today.

- Okay, you're right.

Woo, you're so good
looking, just handsome.

I guess that's one
of the few things

that you inherited from
your no good daddy.

(chuckling)

Come on over here.

We're so excited, I'm
just happy you're here.

He's here!

He's here!

- Everyone, Chad.

We would like to
officially welcome

and introduce you
to the Jones family.

- It's wonderful he's here.

- It's been a long time coming,

but you're finally here.

Beautiful.

Isn't it?

- It's incredible.

I've never seen
anything like it.

- This is your grandfather.

That's his artwork,
he was an artist.

And this is your grandmother.

She was a musician.

You see that old record
player over there?

She used to put us to sleep

playing records on that thing.

Music means a great deal to us.

It has the power to heal.

- So, Chad, sweetheart.

I bet you've never had
a good homecooked meal

like this before.

We have friend chicken,
mashed potatoes,

some sweet corn,
macaroni and cheese,

some biscuits, peppers,

and you know we gotta
have that hot sauce.

- My best friend Michael
made a version of this meal

earlier this year.

He was giving me a
taste of my own culture.

- Oh, eat up then.

'Cause we're gonna fatten
you up nice and good

before you go back.

How else do you
think the sisters,

we get this thickness

and get our big hips from?

- Ruth, have a little class.

- I'm just trying to make sure

that my nephew gets fed well

before he goes back over there

with Edith and Archie Bunker.

- Ruth.

- [Ruth] Eating TV dinners.

- Ruth.

- Oh, don't get all
worked up, Jasmine.

I'm just trying to gauge

how effectively my
sweet nephew was raised.

So, Chad.

Have your parents ever
taken you to a black church?

Or have you gone
to anything like

one of the MLK parades

or done something for
Black History Month?

- Damn it, Ruth!

- I always feared
this would happen.

That they would try to shame him

out of his heritage.

I bet they took immense pride

in raising this little
young, black child.

They probably stood him
up on their ottomans

and lifted him up in the air

like he was Simba or something?

- What the hell
difference does it make?

He's here!

And that's all
that matters to me.

And you got a lot
of nerve to talk!

We don't know if you
got a job or not!

You got the nerve to be
talking about everybody here

like you're somebody special!

You say more
discourteous comment

and I will come
across this table,

and I'll snatch out every dread

you got locked up in your head.

Excuse me.

- Chad.

I was out of line,
and I'm sorry.

But I am just so glad
that you're here.

- Hey, Aunt Ruth.

Do you like music?

- I do.

(somber music)

(lighthearted music)

- [Jasmine] You have
everything you need?

- Yeah.

Is that you?

- Yep.

And that's you.

That's your father, Jonathan.

Handsome, like you.

- Why have you held onto this?

- Believe me.

I have many regrets.

But meeting your father
is not one of them.

The past can sting,
erode at your soul,

shake you to the core.

Without it, we can't grow.

Your father was a
hard lesson for me,

but you...

You were a blessing.

- Is that why you
brought me here?

Teach me a lesson?

- I brought you here because
where you come from matters.

You come from a strong heritage.

We have withstood
unspeakable pain and loss.

But like a phoenix,
we rise, reborn.

Goodnight, son.

- Goodnight, mom.

* I got some confirmation

* Through conversation
I'm debating *

* Contemplating, I've
forsaken waiting patient *

* I'm debating,
making statements *

* Hoods sacred, hoods awaken

* Breathtaking, breaking
molds that we got *

* Guess we not, guess we is

* Guess we're living
in the midst of it *

* Image it to pillage us

* Pillaging off the diligence

* Now that's the
power in the fist *

* So we raise it in the midst

* If it's Shaka or a Kunta

* Enslave 'em or abuse 'em

* Is it culture or the music

- Before we begin this ceremony,

I would like you to
give a warm welcome

to one of my very own pupils
with a special message.

Please, put your hands together

for Mr. Chad Johnson.

(clapping)

- And this moment is so
much bigger than myself.

Four years ago when I first
stepped foot on this campus

as a jovial, naive,
carefree freshman,

I wouldn't of imagined
the hard lessons

I would have to learn, so.

Here goes nothing.

Graduations are a
lot like funerals.

All your loved ones
gather to witness

a death of one
part of your life,

and the birth of a new one.

Let this serve as
a collective eulogy

to the things, the people,

and the life I used to know.

I spent most of my life
tailoring my personality

to everyone else's liking,

but the truth is,

being who you are isn't
specific to an image,

a language, a
genre, a lifestyle,

or a personal interest.

The true essence of a person

is fostered by his
actions, his choices.

I choose me.

The me that believes in
everyone's divine humanright

to live boldly, honestly,
and without apology.

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

My name is Chad Johnson,

and I'm not your
typical black guy.

I shop at Hollister, I
listen to rock music,

and I think 2 Chainz

is just a fancy name
for a hardware store.

(laughing)

But these things,
they don't define me.

What defines me isn't
what's seen on the surface,

but what's expressed beneath it.

(clapping)

- Here he comes.

- Yes.

(laughing)

(lighthearted music)

(chuckling)

- So, tell me, Chad.

How are you feeling
in this very moment?

- How do I feel right now?

Myself.

I feel like myself.

(catchy music)

* Now I ain't never
had much, see *

* Each side dusty

* Half a loaf of
bread, red Kool-Aid *

* And some lunch meat

* Girls wouldn't touch me

* Thinking I had it

* Close my eyes and imagine

* No matter how the
situation looks *

* Plates empty imagining
food like the scene on Hook *

(somber piano music)

* How I remember the start

* Hanging over the park

* We talked

* We were just
living our names *

* But new colors were made

* On that walk

* And I could not help

* That I could not hold

* My heart back from guessing

* What is my goal

* But lies makes you
watch the thing play *

* Itself on out

* It's where we found

* A year or two
found us back here *

* Through the shout
and the tears *

* See what's grown

* And trees taller
than we'd first seen *

* Lean and whispered to me

* That you've known

* And I could not stop

* My right knee from dropping

* Just like your tears
couldn't keep from falling *

* 'Cause life's too
big to not wonder *

* Who stayed around

* Here's where we found

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.