You People (2023) - full transcript

Bro, remember Obama?

I do not. Who's that?

Asshole. You do.
Cut it out, man.

- Barack Obama. Just hit me.
- Of course.

Barack Hussein, which by the way
is the coldest middle name in the game.

It's like if my middle name
was Gambino Crime Family.

It's just gangster. Come on, man.

- I mean, he smoked Newports.
- Newports.

What else you gonna say?

The president of the United States
was smoking Newports.

I'm like, this is my guy.



Bro, has to be.

He's smoking the preferred cigarette
of crackheads across the globe.

That's what I love about Barack,
is like, he's become such an icon.

He's kind of like Jesus.

Like, he could just be whatever
version of him you want him to be.

- Hmm.
- My Barack does gay stuff sometimes.

Only when on coke.

You know what I'm saying?

He don't do a lot of coke,
just, like, a little bit off the nail.

And just only when it's,
like, special occasions.

Like a real big win.

He's like, "I'mma do coke
and a little bit of gay stuff."

Does your Barack do coke
to excuse his gay stuff?

- Of course.
- Right.



Then he just has an out at the end to go,
like, "I was on coke. It was fine."

- Yeah.
- Okay.

But really he just
woke up that day wanting to do some stuff.

- "Gonna do gay stuff."
- Yeah.

- "Let me get a bump."
- Yeah.

Yo, yo, yo!
Welcome to The Mo and E-Z Show.

I'm Mo, and to my left is my favorite Jew
with nothing to do, my boy E-Z.

It was a better time, in general.

- 2014, bro. Just a good year.
- Unbelievable.

- Meek Mill was with Nicki.
- Mm-hmm.

Bobby Shmurda came out and went in.

You had the Ice Bucket, uh, Challenge.

- Yes, yes.
- What was that, ALS?

Dude, ALS is the most
paid disease of all time.

ALS made more than LeBron that year.

- ALS is on the boat with Jay and Beyoncé.
- For sure.

They're like, "Let me
tell you what it's like to be rich."

The BLM movement, though,
is so serious right now.

It's everywhere, for sure.

This feels like they got the same people
who did marketing for Cuties and kale.

They're Blackening everything.

Black iCarly, Black Wonder Years,

which is set in the same time period,

and it's like, bro,
I don't wanna watch Black Kevin Arnold

gets sprayed by a hose
for a half an hour every friggin' Friday.

Yeah, I feel like once a Black person
won a gold medal for swimming,

it was pretty much a wrap
on race relations.

Yo, I saw a dude fencing in the Olympics,
a Black dude, this past Olympics.

- I was like, "Man, too much."
- You're like, "Over the line."

Over the line. Back up.

Like, when they took
the Confederate flags out of NASCAR,

I was like, "Nah, let 'em have that."

You take too much too fast,
they be out looking for meat.

You know what I'm saying?

- Please be seated.
- Oh, my God.

That was standing up for 45 minutes.

- That was, like, the longest one.
- Shh!

So we just finished widduy,
the confession,

which we do in the plural.

We take responsibility…

Mom, why do I have to wear this dress,

and he gets to dress
like he's at Summer Jam?

…lives were created, but these…

Ezra, where's your yarmulke?

Oh, shit. Left it in the car.

Okay. Honey, I'm not square, okay?

Nobody thinks I'm square.
Everyone thinks I'm cool.

I'm hip.

People think I'm a very youthful person.

"I get it." You know, you're expressing
yourself with these illustrations.

Graffiti all over your body. Okay, fine.

But it is Yom Kippur, goddamn it.

First of all, can you please stop saying
"I get it" and using air quotes?

And second of all, when someone says,
"I'm cool. I get it,"

they never are cool,
and they never get it.

- You shouldn't have to say that.
- That's not true.

You won't be able to be buried
in a Jewish cemetery.

Bubby, I love you so much, respectfully,

but I'll be dead.

I don't give a shit
where I'm buried, respectfully.

You can take my ashes,
and you can flush them down the urinal

at Dodger Stadium, respectfully.

Oh, so now
you're disrespecting the Dodgers?

I wanna be buried next to Rihanna.

- Rihanna?
- Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna scrape
those tattoos off myself,

and I'm gonna bury you
in a double-wide coffin with me.

- Okay, how about that?
- Sounds good.

Sounds good.

…their children to bed…

Thanks for that. I appreciate it.

You look like a dad
who lost his kid at Coachella.

You look like the principal
of a Hebrew school version of Hogwarts.

You look like a young Hulk Hogan.

I have a question. What do you
and the rabbi talk about in the car

on the way
to the rabbinical witch outlet store?

Is it a lot of music?
Or is there heavy conversation?

Hi.

- Ezra!
- Hey, how are ya?

- How are ya?
- How old are you?

I'm… I'm 35 now.

Got a girlfriend?

No.

You say that so cavalier,
like it's a bad thing.

You don't like getting pussy?

Well, hearing the word pussy
come out of your mouth

does make me question
whether or not I like it.

It's 2022!

Maybe the kid enjoys
smoking the Hebrew Nationals.

I know you're trying to be progressive,
but it's coming off crazy homophobic.

But it's… it's good to see you.
And, uh, stay… stay alive.

- Hey, hey, bud, bud.
- Hey, Doc.

Hi, how's your penis?

Uh, I think it's… I think it's good.

- Yeah, uh, listen, uh, come with me.
- I think...

Let's go to the bathroom,
and, uh, we'll take a look, okay?

- I'm good.
- No, no, it's fine. It's fine.

Don't… don't worry. Uh, it's on the house.

There's not gonna be a charge.

- No, it's not the price that concerns me.
- Oh.

- It's more the concept.
- I see.

- You sure? We can go...
- Doctor!

My teeth are getting crooked again.

Uh-huh.
If you open your mouth real wide.

- Ezzy.
- Uh-huh.

I want you to be chill right now.

- But Kim Glassman is over there.
- Mm-hmm.

And she is totally checking you out.

- Right now, okay?
- Uh-huh.

And she just completed
her doctorate at Harvard,

and she is crazy lit.

Right over there. You see her?

Yeah, she just...
And she saw you point at her.

- She didn't see.
- Yeah, she 100% percent saw.

She's got it here, here,
the whole nine yards.

Yeah, you like her body and her mind.

- I do. I do.
- Okay.

Yeah, I think, um, my old orthodontist

just did some really weird
sexual shit with me just now.

Who? Oh, Dr. Green?

- Yeah, Dr. Green.
- Oh, yeah, he's in a lot of trouble.

- He's in trouble?
- Yeah, he's in a lot of trouble.

- Yeah.
- Okay, so that's like a thing?

Uh, well,
he hasn't been convicted.

Totally. In the four seconds
I spoke with him,

he tried to pull me
in the bathroom and look at my dick,

so I'm just gonna say
I might support the accusers on this one.

I will say that there is a legal system,

and you have to have respect
for the legal system, Ezzy.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

You're backing him on this one.
All right, okay.

Well, you know…

Innocent until proven guilty.
I believe in that. I'm sure you do too.

- Correct, and I think I'm gonna bounce.
- Right?

- This has been a lot for one Yom Kippur.
- Honey. I love you.

- I love you. You look great. Okay.
- I love my baby boy.

So, um, your mom says you work in finance?

Yes, I'm a broker.

Well, that's, like, gotta be so exciting,
working with so much money all the time.

Yeah, it's not really my dream job.

Well, what is?

You're gonna laugh if I tell you.

Oh, God.

You're not, like,
a Reiki instructor, are you?

No. No, my homie and I, we have a podcast.

Seriously?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, what's it about?

The culture.

What culture?

You know, the culture.

Music, fashion, sports.

I mean, you're a Jew from West LA.
What do you know about the culture?

Maybe deli culture, but…

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

That's a good one.

Honestly, I'm starting to think

I'm never gonna meet
a woman who understands me.

Bruh, you have got
to stop being so thirsty, man.

It's disgusting!

I don't think I've heard of a man ever

who wanted to be
in a relationship so badly besides Drake.

And I'm talking Views Drake.

I feel like Views Drake.

I feel like I'm alone
on a building in Toronto

dangling my legs off,

wondering what it's like
to feel companionship.

That's the space I'm in.

Well, I need you to dig deep down
in that little Jewish body of yours

and pull out CLB Drake, okay?

Certified Lover Boy energy
all through here.

I don't have Certified Lover Boy energy,
Drake energy right now.

I just don't. I'm… I'm literally…
I'm literally Take Care Drake.

I'm at an Italian restaurant by myself

with a bunch of chains,
drinking Manischewitz out of a goblet

and wondering when the fuck is it my turn

to feel, like,
deep happiness and connection.

And if I'm being honest
about our friendship,

I feel like you're being
a bit Pusha T right now towards me.

And I need you to be more Future to me.

I need a collaboration instead of a diss.

Well, maybe your ass
needs a bully right now, bro.

Someone to push you around.

You're not even giving me Take Care Drake.

You're giving me
"Houstatlantavegas" Drake.

I'm talking
crying over strippers, no beard,

big upper lip.

Get it together, dawg.

You're right, I'm…

I need to be more CLB Drake.

You'll be all right.

Just gotta find that person,
You know what I mean?

Like, you need a shorty who surfs,
but also can Milly Rock.

- Can I help you with that?
- Oh, my God. No, I'm good.

Come on, why are you acting like this?
I feel like you blocked me.

Um, I didn't block you, okay?
I don't do weird shit like that.

- Well, did you change your phone number?
- I did.

Yo, you don't think that's weird?

Chris, do you wanna know why
we really just don't work out together?

Yeah, I'm… I'm really, really curious.

'Cause you don't know how to keep it real.

You just say whatever
you think I wanna hear,

and it feels fake.

And I don't really
feel seen by you in any way.

All I do is see you, girl.

I'm always on your social media.
I'm staring at you right now.

You know what?
It's like James Baldwin said.

"The most dangerous creation
of any society

is the man who has nothing to lose."

I don't have shit to lose
'cause I already lost you.

All right, gimme your phone.

Girl, you had me out here sweating.

It's so crazy because
my dad loves James Baldwin,

and that is,
like, one of his favorite quotes.

And here's a text message
from my dad to you,

telling you to tell me the same shit.

Your father and I are
in a book club together.

- I don't...
- Peace.

- Bye, Chris.
- It's an information exchange.

- Stay away from my house.
- We put each other onto different authors.

- Ra-Ra.
- Stop calling me that!

- Ra...
- It's so weird.

My mom just bought some last night.

Here he is.
Biggest swinging dick in the West!

There he is.

Got his... You have a big
swinging penis yourself there, my man.

The boss man.

You made that exchange weird, Ezra.

Goddamn it, all right.
What's done is done, right?

I'm… I'm not good with greetings, so…

Just throw back a "hey."

- Hey.
- Grease the wheel and say, "Hey."

- Swing it up.
- "Hey, boss."

- Hey, boss.
- "Champ. Killer."

"Dude." Not dude.

Big dick boss.

Or whatever you wanna say.

"Here he is,
biggest swinging dick in the West."

There we go. You have a big penis.

- Fuck, dude, I'm sorry.
- I'm not even looking for a shake.

You're belaboring a greeting.

Right.

What if I said "great fucking weather"
to you, what would you say?

The weather's great for you too.

You would say that?

I don't know, I...

Forget it.
Just… Just pick up the phone, come on.

- I understand. Got it.
- We're burning time. Come on.

- Pick it up.
- Let's go. Let's sell some stuff.

You're the man.

- Giddyup.
- Let's go, baby.

Money, money, money, baby.

Make a complete U-turn.

Then a sharp left turn,
then another U-turn.

What?

Make a complete U-turn,
then a sharp left turn.

- Then another U-turn.
- What the fuck!

Make a complete U-turn, then...

- What the fuck! What are you doing?
- Get the fuck out!

- Get out! Help! I'm being attacked!
- What?

- You're attacking me! Stop! Stop!
- Get out!

Please, relax! Fine, okay!

But you're not getting five stars.
This is fucked up.

Fuck you. I'm not no Uber driver.

You're not?

No, I'm not.
I'm on my way to work, weirdo.

- Make a complete U-turn…
- Oh, shit.

I am so sorry.

No, you're not.

You saw a Black woman
in an inexpensive car

and thought it was
your God-given white right

to get in my backseat
and tell me where to go.

It's a tale as old as time
with your racist ass. Get out!

I know this seems like a racism.

But it's not.

My… My Uber driver is a Black woman
who drives a Mini Cooper.

Her name is Hyacinth Ajanlekoko…

- Oh, wow.
- Butatembe.

- So…
- Okay.

So I guess Hyacinth-whatever
looks like me since we all look alike.

I mean, honestly,
fucking you guys are twins.

Oh, my God, wait.
She really does look like me.

Yeah, this is like a 23 and Me situation.

Like, I wanna introduce you guys.

- Okay…
- You're better looking for sure.

Sir, can you get out of my car, please?
Thank you.

Look, look, look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

This was insane.

Let me make it up to you.
I know my way around Century City.

Let me get you where you're going.

Who said I was lost?

Make a complete U-turn,
then a sharp left turn,

then another U-turn.

Look, okay, but can you hurry up?

Because I really cannot be late to work,
for real.

Of course.

- Just make a right at the light.
- Okay.

This ain't no
Driving Miss Daisy shit, okay?

- Okay.
- Don't kill me.

I'm not gonna kill you.
Please don't kill me.

- I'm not.
- You're the one who beat me.

I don't know you. Shit.

My name is Ezra. What is your name?

Amira.

Who's Ezra?

Hello. Dang, why y'all up in my business?

Why's your phone all up
in my business?

Ezra is somebody I met
that I'm going to lunch with.

What kind of name is Ezra?

Is he like
a third-generation civil rights activist

or keeping-the-peace ass nigga?

No, he's… he's white.

He's white?

- Nigga!
- Shut up!

I'm sorry. Just that's new for you.

- I know.
- Sounds interesting.

Well, first of all, you know, don't let
Akbar find out about that. Jesus.

Well, for your information,

I don't date based off
of Daddy's approval, okay? I'm grown.

Okay, you're not tough.

Oh, hi, Daddy!

- What's up?
- Gimme a kiss.

What's going on, boy?

- Same thing.
- Yeah.

Hey, now, is it my imagination,

or are Black folks' hair
getting curlier and curlier?

Look. Look at everybody's hair.

Everybody in the place is all wavy.

Except for this nigga.

I actually have
the nappiest hair in this place.

And I wear it proudly.

How am I the darkest person in the room?

There's not one
tar-black nigga in this whole room.

And I mean, back in the day,

that was what you saw
the most when you went in a room.

It was, you know, niggas everywhere.
Now you got…

Eventually everybody
gonna be looking like Bruno Mars.

A lot sooner than you think.

What that mean?

Gonna tell him about your date, Amira?

- Shut up, Omar.
- Oh, okay.

What you talking about? Chris?

Oh, no, Daddy, not Chris.

- No, not Chris.
- Not Chris.

He's a Muslim, right?

Um, yes. He's African.

- He's African.
- He's definitely African.

And, um, he's Muslim. I think so.

Is he Sunni or Nation?

S-Sunni.

Watch out for those brothers.
Yeah, they like Lakers fans.

Don't know shit about basketball,
but love to be all up at Staples,

looking around at everybody,
trying to be seen.

Isn't the Nation more like Laker fans,

'cause they're the ones
who just discovered the religion?

Shut up, stupid.

What you drinking?

A tropical banana whip
with bee pollen. It's good.

Bee pollen? Why you need bee pollen?

Bee pollen?
What, they ain't have no butterfly dust?

You know, I'm starting to hate the world
more and more each day.

You know, this place used to be our thing.

Then white folks figured out

that not only did Magic Johnson
and Dr. Sebi figure out how to cure AIDS,

but we also have
delicious patties and smoothies.

Yeah, but, like, shouldn't we be happy
that they're patronizing our business?

But at what cost, Amira?

Uh, financial freedom,
cultural empowerment, market expansion.

You know what? Somebody gonna
bust your teeth out one day.

You just make sure you pray with this guy.

That's how I met your mother.

We prayed together, and we knew
we was meant for each other.

- Mm-mm.
- Didn't you meet Mom at Pep Boys?

Trying to return
a half used bottle of Fix-a-Flat?

No, I met your mother,

and we fell in love
through our mutual love of God and prayer.

- Hmm.
- I'm always telling y'all.

If you get your beliefs in line,
your heart's gonna follow.

Hmm.

So I just imagined the Pep Boys thing?

What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

Hold up. You're dating
a "Black girl" Black girl?

I mean, I wouldn't put it that way.

Yo, shut... Bro, you bagged a real one?

This is crazy.

Wait a minute though.
This is way out of your league.

If this girl is what you say she is,

then I'm pretty sure she smells
like cocoa butter and expectations, bro.

- You may wanna slow down.
- What do you mean?

I'm just saying,
I hope no one ends up dead.

Dead?

Yeah, dawg.

In this social climate,

with this much racial intensity
going on in this country now,

you chose to pull a move like that?

Bold, bro. Real bold.

I'm not pulling anything.

This isn't 'cause it's,
like, a hot new thing.

I'm not talking about a tie-dye sweatsuit.
I'm talking about a person.

A woman who I met,
who I found interesting,

who's different than the other women that
I know, so I asked her out. Who cares?

Yo, please tell me
you didn't buy a tie-dye sweatsuit.

Thank you.

You look great.

Oh, thank you.

I like your fit.

Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself.

Are those Gucci slides?

Yeah. Why? Are you trying to clown?

No, I'm not trying to clown.
No, not at all. I think they're awesome.

And I actually think
they're the perfect shoe for a first date.

Oh, this is date?

Yeah. I mean, we're two adults,

at least one of us is interested
in getting to know the other one,

meeting at a specific place
at a designated time,

and I'm pretty sure if I asked Siri,
"Siri, what is a date?"

That would be the exact bar
she would spit back at me.

Bar? Okay.

All right, Ezra.

Trying to cap me up. Brave.

And I would never
talk shit on your slides.

If you like something, you like it.

I don't think anybody
should be put in a box ever.

That's real. I agree with you.

…eats a blueberry
with a damn fork.

You know…

Oh, my God, it looks like a fort.

It's cute. You know
what we're doing? We're being cute!

- We're being cute! Oh, God!
- Yeah.

- You're crazy.
- It's like a little tent.

I've never done this before.

You've just never dated such
a creative blanket architect before.

Never. I've never dated anybody so cute.

Yes, come on, isn't it fun?

It's like we're in our own little world.

It does feel like
we are in our own little world.

Play some music. We need, like, a vibe.

- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Any requests?

No, I trust you.

How about this?

Oh, I love this song.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

So look.

I just don't be
having sex with just anyone,

so, whether you like it or not,

we kind of go together now.

Yeah, that's crazy. I was
gonna say a similar kind of thing.

Maybe a little less junior high,
a little more mature, but, uh…

Yeah. You're my boo, come on.

You already know.

- You're obsessed with me.
- No!

I'm obsessed with you?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I see you leaving stuff around here.

Judaism swagger.

It's such a turn-on.

I just want a bagel and lox right now.

I love you so much!

So much!

I can't even restrain you!

Shut up.

I think I'm a little nervous.

No, don't be nervous. I'm nervous.

Why are you nervous?

'Cause my family's crazy.

Everybody's family's crazy.

No. They're nuts.

- Hello! Oh!
- Hey, Mom. How are you?

Hi.

Mom, this is Amira.

Amira, this is my mom Shelley.

Hi, Miss Shelley.

- It's so nice to meet you.
- Oh. Miss Shelley.

Oh, my mom would kill me
if I didn't address you in that way.

Oh, absolutely. Whatever makes
you comfortable is fine with me.

Oh, my gosh, you are so beautiful.

I love your hair. I love your fingernails.

Look at these rings!

- I love them.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Look at that, your name.

What about her earlobes
and the bottom of her feet?

Oh, shut up. He loves to give me shit.

But I think your earlobes are good too.

I do. Come in. Come in. Come in.

- Isn't this fun?
- Yeah, good stuff.

Honey, honey, come and meet Amira.

I hope I'm saying that right. Amira.

- Yeah. Amira. It's just Amira.
- Amira. Arnold.

Come in, come in, come in and sit.

- Uh, Amira. Yes!
- Yeah.

We've got cheese and crackers,
but if you need something else,

I can have Lupita run to Whole Foods.
Don't worry.

She's going anyway because she's
picking up my dry cleaning from Browns.

She's, uh, she's from Guatemala.

She, uh, Lupita.

Uh, but, you know,
we're like sisters, actually.

She's literally like family.

I mean, it's not even
like work for her, really.

I'm pretty sure it's like work for her.

I don't think Lupita's coming all the way
down here just, uh, pro bono,

no money exchange, you know.

- Oh, come on.
- I know. I'm just saying.

- No, no, I get it, yeah, but...
- Yeah.

Thank you, but that's not necessary.

This looks nice.

- Thank you.
- Oh, fabulous.

So, I understand you're a stylist.

Yeah, kind of, I'm, um...
I'm a costume designer.

- But that's kind of like styling.
- Oh.

- Okay.
- And she has the best style.

Yes.

No, that I can tell, yes.

Yeah, I actually do,
uh, a little styling myself.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, Ezra never said anything
to me about that.

I know, 'cause it's 100% not true.
It's the first time hearing of it, so…

No, no. No, no. I mean, on me and Dad...
Or on Arnold.

- And a few of our friends, yeah.
- Okay.

Yeah, I… I audit their closets.

Oh, um, how do you do that?

Oh, uh, like, curate their clothes...

Prune.

Exactly. Yeah,
and also give away things to shelters.

I'm just known as someone with good taste.

And, I mean, I'm not trying to brag.
That sounds so braggy.

So, um, Amira, where are you from?

- Here.
- Oh.

Well, Baldwin Hills via Inglewood.

Okay. Baldwin Hills.

Oh, that's something, yeah.

I understand that Mike…

uh, Magic Johnson has done a lot
of wonderful things.

Magic. What a ballplayer.

Boyish enthusiasm he played with.

- Oh, yeah.
- The smile!

- Yeah, he has a marvelous smile.
- Yeah.

Yeah.
I saw him once at Gelson's.

He's really tall.

Actually, we had
an opportunity to buy there about...

- It was 15 years ago, but…
- Oh, yeah.

…Arnold wouldn't go for it.

Yeah, it's a shame you missed out on
that first wave of early gentrification.

You could've screwed a lot
of people out of their property value.

Okay, so this is our lovely
and very opinionated daughter Liza.

Come and meet
your brother's new girlfriend.

Hi.

Hi.

I mean,

hey.

Okay.

Pull over.

She's spoken for.

Um, Liza's gay.
She's queer. She's lesbian.

- L-G-B-T-Q.
- You got it all.

- Which we love and accept.
- Yes.

"Because that is our vibe."

"That's how we roll."

I think she understands.
Is she doing the air quote thing again?

Yeah, she's just warming up.

Oh, I… I really like your glasses.
Those are cool.

Oh, thanks. I actually made them out
of recycled cans of Mountain Dew.

Oh, really?

I could easily make you a pair.
You could have... they're prescription...

Okay, so I wanna put this out
to the group and see how it lands.

Oh, shit.

- I think the police…
- Okay!

…are and always have been, by the way,

fucked up towards Black people.

And I, for one, hate it.

- To be fair, it's an impossible job.
- Dad.

Okay, Mom,
I'm gonna help you in the kitchen.

- What?
- Now.

You've never offered
to help with anything in your life.

We're gonna do it now.

- Know what else too?
- Come on.

The National Anthem,
I think everybody should kneel.

- Enough. Thank you.
- No, I do. Really.

- Not just the players, in fact.
- We're gonna go check this out now.

- What are you doing?
- Thank you.

I'm sorry about my mom.

- She's literally a moron.
- I like your braids.

Thank you.

Xzibit had braids.

Uh, yeah.

Remember that show Pimp My Ride?
That was a blast. I loved that show.

He seemed like such a cool dude.
Such a gentleman.

You ever bump into him
at any of your showbiz things?

- No.
- No?

- Is he still in the rap game?
- Dad, stop.

- What?
- Just, like, producing sound.

- I like X to the Z. What can I say?
- Dad.

- Over here right now.
- What are you... What's wrong with you?

Okay, can you just cool it

on everything you are doing and saying
in, like, complete totality?

You are so rude and annoying.

All right? Yes, you are.

I am being me, and I am thriving.

And I have gotten through
my entire life being me,

and I certainly don't need
my son to tell me how to behave.

My God.

It's just with the police stuff
and, like, Magic Johnson.

Like, you're talking to her
like she's a Black person

and not my girlfriend who is a person.

- That's absurd. I said...
- Is it?

Yes, of course!
I said, "to the group," okay?

I literally said, "I'm throwing this out
to the whole group."

You weren't throwing it out to the group.

'Cause you weren't trying
to hear Dad's perspective.

You never asked a question like that

in every dinner we've had
for the past however many years.

- I talk about that a lot.
- With who?

With all of my friends.
With everybody I know. We are always...

Name one friend
you talk about police brutality with.

Marilyn.

Uh, uh, Josephine…

You and Marilyn
talk about police brutality?

Can't get enough of it.

- Can't get enough of that conversation.
- I don't buy that.

It's a hot topic right now.

All right, look.
Can we not do this right now?

Seriously.

This is about meeting
that lovely woman out there.

And I gotta tell you something,
I think she's absolutely wonderful.

- You do?
- I do.

- And I've got a people sense, you know.
- No, you don't.

Anyway, I think she's wonderful.

She is.

What?

I am… I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

Oh, my God! Oh, my…

I'm so excited.

Yeah.

So you're okay with that?

Of course I'm okay with that.

Why wouldn't I be okay
with that?

I don't know. Well, she's not Jewish.

Oh, Ezra, you're my baby boy.

And you found an amazing woman
who makes you happy.

End of story.

I mean, would it be nice
if she were Jewish? Sure.

Our people's numbers are dwindling.

It would make your life easier.

But… But this is great too!

Our family is growing in such
a cool and hip and funky way, you know.

Oh, my God! I'm gonna have
Black grand babies.

Okay. Jesus Christ.

We're a family of color.

- Mom.
- We are the future now.

Mom, just, please,
don't ever say that or think that again.

- What?
- I know it's exciting, but…

- Shh.
- I know. I won't…

That was a while back.

It's true.

What is happening?

So true.

That's the truth.

Where?

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

- Well, I'm happy for you, E.
- Thank you.

Have you talked to her family yet?

Uh, no.

Do you plan to?

Yeah, just haven't had
the chance to meet them.

So you're telling me you're about
to ask their only adult daughter

to marry you with this baby-ass ring,

and you haven't even met her parents?

Bro.

White dudes really do be
out here living by their own code.

You're gonna have to make up
a story or something for this, bro.

Yeah, it is a small ring.

You think her family
will judge me and stuff?

I'm judging you, nigga. This is terrible.

Yeah, I thought of that.
I thought of that.

I'm just gonna be like,
"It's my grandma's Holocaust ring."

- That's good. That's great.
- I mean, game over.

They can't say shit.
Once you drop the Holocaust, they're like…

But you gotta get it out this box.

- It's not a Holocaust box.
- You're right.

Yeah, you wanna put it
in, like, a satchel, dirty it up.

- Yeah.
- I think you should Holocaust it down.

Yeah, we gotta Holocaust it down,
for sure.

- Indeed.
- Yeah. All right, that's a good call.

- There's a plan.
- Thank you, dude. I appreciate it.

It is so nice to meet you guys.

What's going on? Tell me about life.

How are you? How's work?

Talk to me.

Work… Work is fine.

Grinding. I know.

I know. I'm in the grind myself.

So do you hang out
in the hood all the time,

or do you just come up here
for our food and women?

It's a valid question.

- It is.
- Mm-hmm.

I guess I'm one of those guys
who kind of goes wherever.

You go wherever?

Yeah, I'm kind of like a chameleon
in that way, I guess.

You know, I'll pop into Marathon
and grab a hoodie and some socks,

or, you know,
go play ball at Langston Hughes Park

if there's a good run going,

and Roscoe's is obviously one
of my go-to's.

I mean, the Carol C. Special. Come on!
Where's our waiter?

I'm gonna go see if the waitperson's here

because I feel like we should get it,

'cause I think you guys
deserve more than this.

This is your white granddaddy
coming back to haunt me.

- What?
- That nigga never liked me.

And it started off by him putting
them strong ass genes in you

that lighten up the coffee in my babies.

- Akbar, you sound ridiculous.
- Yeah.

And then he planted
a poison pill in my little baby girl

and it has grown into this white boy
that has invited us to lunch at Roscoe's.

Those children got
beautiful cultural experiences

from those moments
with my granddaddy, so please stop.

- What they got was confused, clearly.
- They are not confused.

They are confused.
You don't think this is confusion?

All I'mma tell you is we don't need to be
arguing in front of the white boy, okay?

I'm not gonna change
how I feel about this…

I'm saying what I wanna say,

and I don't give a fuck
about this white boy.

I'm not asking you to do that.

Hey, gang.

I'm back.
I spoke to the waitress,

and she was upset
that I interrupted her smoke break.

Um, so,

you guys are probably
wondering why I asked you to… to lunch.

It crossed my mind.

- Yeah, what the hell is this about?
- Um…

I wanna… I wanna…
I wanna go way back for a second.

I wanna go back to…

Well, let's go with Jesus,

'cause Jesus Christ
was half Black, half Jewish, right?

Let's start with Jesus. Legend, right? So…

Jesus Christ, technically,
I imagine, had mixed-race children,

which I think is… is great because
mixed-race people are really awesome.

You know, you have,
like, Mariah and Derek Jeter,

and then, of course,
you have the GOAT. He was mixed race.

The GOAT?

The Greatest of All Time.

Yeah, I know what it means,
but who are you referring to?

Our guy, the legend. Malcolm X.

Our guy?

Not... the GOAT. Not… Not my guy. Mr. X.

And I'm saying that, like, he's mixed race

and then if Amira and I had a kid,
that kid would be mixed race,

and it would be a very nice baby.

Maybe not as important
as Malcolm X, but maybe. Maybe!

Maybe my son would be
as important as Malcolm X.

I don't know 'cause I haven't...

And she's not pregnant.
She's not pregnant.

Because we don't even do that much stuff

and when we do,

I… I am careful.

And she's not a prude.

She's gr... really,
she knows her way around it.

- Okay.
- What I'm saying is I love your daughter!

I… I love her,
and I would make a good husband.

What in the mother of...

I know I quoted Forrest Gump.

Yeah, you know what?
I did quote Forrest Gump.

Because you know who
Forrest's best friend was in the world?

Bubba.

- What?
- And was Bubba Black and Forrest white?

You bet your fucking ass they were.

And… And you know what?
It wasn't about race.

It was about shrimp and partnership,
and they made it work.

And Amira and I have done
a lot of the similar stuff

that Bubba and Forrest did together,
and now we're here,

and I just wanna marry your daughter,
if that's okay.

We never seen no fucking Forrest Gump.

Ain't this about a bitch?

So it's not bad enough
that y'all make me have to get a vaccine

so I can go into the casino.

Now y'all coming after my kids?

So you wanna marry my daughter?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Well, Ezra…

you can try.

No, that's him right now, Mama.

Oh, okay, I'll call you back.

Hey, what's up?

I just got off the phone with my mom.

Oh, you… you did?
Yeah, what… what did she have to say?

About…

Well, she just told me
that you took her and my dad out to lunch.

It was a nightmare, okay?
I totally blacked out. I fucked up.

I have no idea. I don't remember anything.

Well, lucky for you,
my parents remember everything.

Why would you take my parents
to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles

and without asking me?

I was taking a shot at something, okay?
Just forget it.

Forget it?
Oh, no, please, Ezra, keep going,

'cause I would love to know
about this little brilliant plan of yours.

You wouldn't understand, okay?

Oh, my God.

- I was gonna take your parents out…
- Wait, oh, my God.

-We were gonna have a great time,
-Oh, my God.

And then I was gonna ask their blessing,

and I had this
whole cute proposal planned,

where I was gonna reenact our first
few dates, but then it got messed up.

- No, it's not messed up. It's not.
- No, it is, 'cause your dad...

- No, it's not. Ezra! Ezra!
- Like, it's ruined.

- What?
- You can still go through with it.

When?

- Now! Right now!
- Like now?

Yes, right now.

- Right...
- Hurry up!

Okay, I'm gonna
take off my shoe so I don't crease it.

Amira…

- I love you so much.
- Hmm.

I have never felt so understood
by somebody in my entire life.

I am blown away by your beauty

and your intelligence and your grace.

And now you just do whatever you wanna do.

And if you let me,

I will do everything in my power
to give you the most beautiful life,

filled with love and laughter and joy.

Amira, will you marry me?

Of course.

You will?

- Yes!
- Oh, my God.

Oh! Oh, my God!

It's from the Holocaust,
so that's why it's small.

- Oh, I love you.
- I love you.

I need some color, look.

Sorry it's so small.

No, it's beautiful.

So