You I Love (2004) - full transcript

Lubov Tolkalina
You are on. What do you do?

Evgeny Koriakovsky
I am thinking where to go after work.

Damir Badmaev
But I wanna earn a lot more.

Hey, how much do you earn?

Director of Photography Alexandr
Simonov - Do you hear me? - Yes!

- Where did you get such a suit?
- I bought it, you jerk!

Show me your face...

Art Director K. Vitavsky Costume Disigner A.
Nefedova - Do you have a girlfriend? - Not yet.

Gimme a pie.

M usic by Richardas Norvila - Any
love affairs at work? - Nope...

A film by Olga Stolpovskaya, Dmitry Troitsky
As if our muscles were made of steel.



You I Love. How old are
you? Hello we can't hear you.

Any work coming?

Any work?

- Guys, any work coming?
- None, Buddy.

Authorities are taking measures

against the growing number
of illegal workers.

They are detrimental
to Moscow's budget

They are responsible for
11% of all crime in Moscow

Stay tuned for our next edition.

I am Vera Kirillova. Good Bye.

Thanks everybody. We have it shot.

450 rubles

My purse has vanished.

Sorry, I saw it being stolen.



I thought it was your friend

May I get this for you?
Add it up together.

Thanks. I owe you.

Allow me?

That was almost all my salary.

- What's your name.
- Timofei.

Nice to meet you.

- Will you come here tomorrow?
- Yes.

I'll give you your money back.

Bye.

...a third day of battle
against pests in the Ural region.

Masses of locusts
threaten the grain harvest.

Medics say locusts are
carriers of an unknown virus.

Which has been registered
in the south of the region.

Next in our program...

Freedom! What is freedom?

Freedom is Cola!

- Aren't you agile.
I'll be a circus artist.

Life's a bastard.
I didn't get into college.

How am I going to return
to my parents now?

- I've come to return the money.
- Allow me to treat you.

Well, what's the news?
Do you like your job?

Yeah, but it's exhausting.

My friend worked at
the stock exchange

and his virility depended
upon the value of dollar.

Sometimes, he was basically impotent,

not like me, of course.

- Stressful job, it sucks.
- Everyone has a stressful job.

- What do you do?
- I do that.

Want something special?
Order a pizza!

- You make pizzas?
- In some sense.

I created this commercial.

Will you have dinner with me tonight?

- This is all we have
- Never mind the tip...

What's that machine from
which people take money out?

There's this box with a TV on it

and people approach it
and take out money.

- What machine?
Right there on the corner.

See how much money there is!

You gotta have a card to stick in there.

I tried to stick my card in there,
but nothing happened.

And you gotta know the code too.

Don't you know the code?

- Oh, you're a young one still!
Is it so important for the box?

I've an uncle who lives in Moscow.
He's a driver.

So why doesn't he help you?

I'm ashamed to go to him.

He'll think I'm latching onto him.

I'll earn some money and
then invite him over.

- Where are your parents?
- Well...

They have gone to live
to another country.

And what about you?

I have come back. I love Russia.

I do too.

If life ever delivers happy news,
that was it.

I felt Timofei could understand
and share my secret passion

which gave me no peace...

I have to tell you...

I lose control over myself...
I want to eat all the time.

I'll be back

Yes...

I will be in...

I'm coming!

I have to go.
- Is something wrong?

- You didn't like it?
- I did!

- No?!
- No, everything is ok!

I just have to go to work.

If he's found, this one. If not, that one.

- Hello.
- It's me. How are you?

- I'm not coming today.
- Tell me the truth.

- We've a problem on our hands.
- What happened?

- One big bug disappeared
- I can't even tell you

He went fishing and never come back.

If he doesn't turn up,
we'll have special reports.

Until they find him.

Yes, I'm ready. Sorry,
I'm not speaking to you.

Hey, I'm losing you...

- Hi.
Hi.

Sorry, someone disconnected us.

I hate those special reports.
Usually they make me hungry.

But now I'm thinking about us.

- What? Wait a sec...
I'm losing you again.

Sorry, where were we?

- What is his name?
- I don't know.

- Any documents on him? I'm not sure.

- What happened?
- An accident.

- Be more specific?
He fell down... onto his head.

It's a job for the cops.

- How are you?
- Take me home.

- Where do you live?
- In the zoo.

- What is your address?

- I'll have a doctor come to your place.

- Please, don't do that.

- Are you sure that you are okay?
- I have no address.

Hey.

Damn. I can't reach them.

Please, don't call the doctor.

Can I sleep here tonight?

Okay, if you have no place
to spend the night.

I'll get you a blanket.

Do you have something to smoke?

- What is this?
- Cuban cigars.

I don't smoke cigars.

- You're trembling.
- Yes... I'm cold.

- Me, too.
We're both cold.

I have to go to sleep.

- I have to get up early.
- I do, too.

We must get enough sleep.

But you don't really want to.

But I should.

You want me to sing a song?

Your door was open.

What's going on here?
Nothing.

- I'll explain everything.
- You don't need to.

- Oh, Jesus.

Hi.

Hey! It's not what you think!

It's something else.
I hit him today with my car...

...and he got sick and
I was just trying to help him.

I am cold, I am freezing.

Let's go back inside.

But what was that?

Don't know.

Good morning!

Sleep well?

Love... What is love?

Love is Cola!

- I don't want to be a robot!
- That's a strong statement.

I like stylish clothes and footwear.

- Yes, I love beautiful things!
- Who doesn't?

- I like the smell of my perfume.
- Okay. Do you go in for fitness?

Gee, what is this?

I found that in the rubbish heap.

- Let me have a look.
- It's rubbish.

Okay! I'll redo your shit!

A huge storm has swept
through the Orlov region.

Victims are reported...

I can't stand it any more!
He's a fag, okay?

Stay tuned for further developments.

And we're taking
another phone call. Hello?

I'm the strongest and the handsomest.
I like fitness.

I'm happy, I've a nice job.
I'm a totally confident guy.

I earn a lot.
Work more, earn more...

I'm the handsomest.

- Why are you here?
- Came to visit you.

My favorite song!

Towards the sun
in a deer sledge we run.

Into snowstorm and the dawn
that is where we have gone.

- Give it to me!
- No!

- Is everything OK?
- Yes, fine.

- I heard screaming.
- That was my friend screaming.

He had a bad dream.

He was screaming
something about love.

Yes... he had a bad dream about love.

- H i.
- H i.

Where is Timofei?

You asked to see me.
Why is he here?

Yes, I wanted to see you.

I've even taken work home,

so as not to stay
in the office till late.

You've opened a refuge
for the homeless?

What? How can you ever
say such a thing?

I love you very much...

But I can leave if you don't
need me any more...

No, I won't say that.

I have a terrible headache.
I must sleep.

Good night.

Good night.

- You're what... a laborer?
- Yes.

- Why?
- Because. I work at the zoo.

- And you have nowhere to live?
- Nowhere.

May I ask you something?

Go ahead!

You're beautiful and famous.
Why Timofei?

He has such...

beautiful hands...

I wish I could always hold
his hand, kiss him...

What?

Hold his hand?

That's... well... I mean...

No one is saying that it's bad.

Want to smoke?

- Hey, you're on. Talk to us.
- It's my birthday today.

- Why are you so sad then?
- I had someone to love...

- And now I've lost him.
- That happens sometimes.

But it'll pass.
What song shall I play for you?

- I don't know the title...
- It doesn't matter...

So, for Masha here's
a special birthday song!

Happiness...
What is happiness?

Happiness is Cola!

I can't before going on air.

Drink it!

Thanks, it won't help.

- I understand, it's terrible.
- What?

That storm in the Orlov region,
that anti- commercials act,

locusts over the Urals...

Viewers they suck,
and make-up artists

and stockings which run
a ladder all the time.

But why cry so hard?

I want to tell you...
This is important...

It's me, Timofei.
I want to tell you...

This is important.

- I love you.
- I love you.

Come to my place tonight.
I need you.

Come to my place tonight.
I need you.

- I want you, okay?
- I want you, okay?

- Will you come back?
- Will you come back?

- Forgive me. I love you.
- Forgive me. I love you.

And him?

H im? H im as well.

- It's all smudged.
- Wait, don't hang up.

- This is silly.
- Do you love me?

Yes.

We're coming to you
with the evening news.

I am Vera Kirillova.

'Sex on the Beach', please.

- 'Sex on the Beach'.
- Not with you, dear.

No, it's a cocktail with a...
Blue Curacao.

I believe you. But we don't
have anyone like that here.

Well, can you make an Orgasm?

Well, what's your problem?

- I can't tell you.
- Why?

Because no one
will understand me.

Why?

I'm in love with this guy.
But he... he loves men.

And I love women.

I think he has sex with men.

So what. And I have sex
with women.

- But why?
- Just because.

I'm my own Moon,
my own sea...

And I'm my own road to where
there'll always be...

Uloomji, but you know
how much I love you.

- Hello.

- Hello.
- H i.

- You're not at work?
- Not my shift.

- Thanks.
- That's not for you.

Timofei.

- Ivan Badmaevich.
- Pardon me?

- Ivan Badmaevich.
- This is my uncle Vanya.

- In what sense?
- My uncle. My father's brother.

How do you like the cigars?

- H i!
- H i. Come on in.

Please meet U ncle Vanya.

- Who is that?
- H is uncle.

- What is he doing here?
- Came to visit his nephew.

The uncle is going
to live here too?

No, don't go away.

I don't know
what to do with them.

When I was a man,

I could not allow myself
to dress like that.

You know, Uloomji,

I suffered so much,
consulted countless doctors.

And they all tried to dissuade
me. But I regret nothing.

I really recommend you do it.

Of course, it's not cheap.
But it's worth it.

You will find the money
for the operation, I hope?

He needs the support
from all of us at this time.

When I look at these
smooth arms of mine,

without a single hair,

I bless the Lord.

Yes, I bought this gorgeous
nail polish.

Try it.

And never regret the loss of
that small, unpleasant detail.

The operation is always done
under full sedation.

Hello, you're on.
Talk to us.

- I can't hear you.
- Talk to us.

- May I speak?
- Go ahead.

Finally I have reached you.
I'm Vasya from the Moscow Region.

Yesterday was
my girlfriend's birthday.

I want you to play a song
for her, and I want to say:

Masha, I love you so much.

Don't be angry, I just could
not reach you on the phone.

It just so happens,
by chance it seems

I've figured out
what eternity means

Can you film my deer in a commercial?

That's a great idea!

This is a present
for your deer...

- I've put on your gown, okay?
- Do I have an option?

- Good morning.
- H i.

It's delicious!

Buddhism teaches us
the pleasure of simple things.

Like salted tea with butter.

Uloomji's grandma taught him
to cast away evil spirits

by stirring tea
exactly 22 times.

Little Uloomji spent every
summer with his grandma.

He and his friend
would herd sheep.

Once they made a fire
by a lake

and suddenly wanted
never to be apart.

Perhaps, we've all lived
through this kind of summer

when walking on earth
felt like flying.

Uloomji never forgot that summer.

- What's going on?
- It's my parents. I'm not here.

If you don't open up,
I'll turn you all in to the cops!

I can see you guys!

- What do we do now?
- Don't open the door!

Uloomji, we've come for you.

I've the right to live however
and with whomever I want.

I'm going to call the police!

I'll call the fire brigade and
the rescue squad!

- It's better to open.
- Why, I'm an adult.

- Gotta brothel happening here.
- You better talk with them.

- No, don't do it!
- They're your family.

I will talk to them myself...

- I'm gonna get you later!
- She has nothing to do with it!

- She's that anchorwoman!
- No! That is a man!

Call me!

Good bye.

Enough, enough!

Uloomji, we came after you.

Don't talk to your father
like that!

Come on. Hurry.

And this is for me.

You should get
an iron door sometime soon.

- I liked his mother.
- And his uncle?

Not much.

At what age did you start
your sexual life?

Don't remember.

- Your first sexual partner?
- Don't remember.

He is absolutely normal.

You never get anything
good for free!

Maybe they're telling the truth?

Should've greased her palm.

In the old days
there were real healers.

Not anymore. You are wrong.

I know a doctor. I took
my boss to him once.

- Where did you bring me?
- Do you know who comes here?

- Who?
- A certain you know who.

- Wait!
- Where you going?

Your uncle really decided that
you wanted to become a woman?

Do you know what
the famous Greek philosophers

thought about it?

And your friends don't know
what they want.

They should read
this book as well.

Help me.

What would you like to change
about yourself?

- What would you advise?
- Enlarged bust,

hair-styled intimate area,
eliminates life problems.

- Mimic corrections?
- And what is that?

We give you a shot, your facial
muscles become atrophied.

You won't be able to smile,
wrinkles smooth away.

What else do you have?

I can recommend bio-stimulation
of the abdomen and hip muscles.

Very well.

- How's that? You like it?
- It's okay.

- Getting used to it?
- Yes.

Now I will be increasing
the voltage.

Our ratings are falling!
Something should be changed.

The hair color
should be changed.

And something must be
done about the breasts.

- Enlarge them!
- Emphasize them!

- Reveal them!
- Not sure!

More purple colors.

Our viewers are housewives,
we need to be neutral.

Maybe we simply need
an anchorman?

Maybe we should show more sex?

Maybe we should dress her
in Cacharel?

Something like that.

You will get used to it.

H i, darling!
What are your plans?

None. I'm at work.
Will be here till late.

- I'm also at work.
- Don't wait for me. Go to bed.

Okay, I've a lot of work too.
Bye.

Why are you spying on me?

I guess I should do something,
perhaps...

Or I'll lose my grip
on this ground.

Afraid to vanish
under my anchorwoman image.

I learn from you how to betray
all for sake of self.

That's more important
in this world

which every moment
robs us of ourselves.

I'm at a loss here.

Is this your friends' house?

No, I don't know who owns it.
It's supposed to be fun.

- I wish to fall in love.
- Girls, come on.

With no dirty stuff...

- Whose house is this?
- My boyfriend's.

He's 45, and I'm like
a son to him.

Oh, the senators have arrived.

- In what sense?
- In the straight sense.

Do you know this guy for long?

For quite a while.

- And he suits you as a guy?
- Well, yes...

See, it's a huge problem now.

I was at this beach
a while ago, swimming.

And then I feel
someone's pulled my suit off.

And then I saw
three naked chicks.

And I go: 'Yo, ladies,
gimme my suit back! '

Oh shit, Serafima is here.

Aha, smoking?

- Can't we smoke?
- You can't.

- Who is he?
- The damned FBI agent.

Lelyik, you, hooker,
shame on you.

It would be good to leave soon.

I like it here.

Can I call a cab?

What's the address here?

5 Lesnaya street.

- Let's have a drink.
- I won't drink vodka.

But I will.

Are you okay?

- Yep.
- Then let's go to the bathroom.

- Why are you sitting here?
- I'm waiting.

For whom?

Shut the door!

Shit, someone is in there.

Who's in the bathroom?
Get out!

Oh yes, oh yes, darling.

I had his mobile number.

Come on, baby.

Your phone is distracting us!

Come, the cab is waiting.

Timofei!

Help him to cum.

Uloomji, where are you?

Please meet my boyfriend John.

Where is the deer?

It knows better than
wait for you.

The deer has a life of his own!

A miracle.
What is a miracle?

A miracle is Cola!

Wait!

H i!

You I love!

He has gone!
He has disappeared!

- I wish he were born a girl.
- Be quiet, Galya.

Better go to the cellar,
get some pickles.

I'll go and light
the place for her.

I talked to the doctor.
It's worse than we thought.

- He's got a taste for guys.
- How's that?

Now you may forget
about grandkiddies.

A guy won't bear children
from a guy.

We've wasted all that money?

We should take this business
into our hands.

Teach the rascal a lesson.

Shaming our family, our people,
shaming his own uncle.

If my boss finds out,
I'll get fired

and I'll never get into
real politics.

I could have been a personal
driver for you know who.

- What's wrong with you?
- Don't feel good.

For his successful campaign,
Airfreedom gave Timofei

a video camera and 2 tickets
to any place on the globe.

I feel as if everyone around
knows about us.

- You said you didn't care.
- Trying to get used to it.

Timofei offered to buy
a third ticket for me,

but I chose to concentrate
on my work.

I must go. I'm doing
the night-time edition.

- But maybe...
- Wait...

By taking Uloomji's amulet

I was not only taking
the joy of his past

but also a part of his future...

Hello.

Something happened?

Your father has died.

I won't go there.

You must be there! You will
regret it all your life.

- Then my trip is history.
- M ine, too. I'm coming with you.

- Leave immediately!
- He is my friend!

Leave immediately!

This grief is our common grief.
I want, and I can help you.

What have you done,
you scoundrels!

Maybe I can help you somehow...

Leave! Or I'll fire!

And you get into the house, now!

Go.

Go.

It's you who's killed
your father.

We spent all the money
on you.

Haven't left anything
for our own funerals.

Don't, Mama.
I'll give it all back!

It's too late! I wanted you
to become a real man!

And what have you become?

You'll remain here till all
this nonsense is out of you.

So, you are gay?

Yes, gay.

- And that's all?
- Yes, that's all.

You'll go to the Army. They've
brought the conscription notice.

We'll fly away all the same!

I'll write you.

I'll write you a letter.

We're coming to you with
the news. I'm Vera Kirillova.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Timofei didn't remember
how he got back home.

He lay almost delirious
when John called.

He said he understands Timofei
and that I should tell him

that love which
we'll discover on Earth

is only an advertisement
of the one in heaven.

I'll tell him. Goodbye.

You know Pushkin once wrote:

' I loved you so,
and still I want to say:

'My love for you
still hasn't died away.

' But let it not
mar your unblemished soul:

' I'll suffer not
this sadness to befall... '

Thanks.

What's wrong with you?

I see how happy you are

and my heart is breaking
about my nephew.

I dreamt that he would
become a real man like you,

and maybe a senator...

But he... what a shame...
is a fag.

A fag you say? Great!
We'll make him a senator!

Let's drink to that.

Soon after Timofei received
a letter from Uloomji.

Uloomji wrote that he is free and happy.

In the army, just like in life
you must see the good in the bad.

At the end of the letter it said
in capital letters:

YO U I LO VE

2 YEARS LATER

Why are you crying?
That's enough. Stop it.

How about some music?
Music!

Quiet, little one, don't cry.

Come on, mommy's here,
sweetie. Quiet...

He smiled!