Yolki-palki (1988) - full transcript
Gorky Film Studio
Based on the stories by
Vasily SHUKSHIN
Knyazev's works
Knyazev's clothes
Knyazev's perpetual motion machine
Spinoza
Knyazev
Oh, hi, my friend!
Give me a ruble till the year's end!
This day, dear
Nikolai Nikolayevich,
will live in the children's memory
for a long time.
When they grow up
and become adults,
this day will remain for them
one of the most precious
recollections from their childhood.
Accepting such an expensive
thing as a color TV set,
our boarding school
is getting much more
than this valuable gift.
You demonstrated to us a fine lesson
of kindness and disinterestedness.
You, Nikolai Nikolayevich, is,
undoubtedly, a man of the future!
Children, you're looking at a living
example of a man of the future!
And specially for you,
Nikolai Nikolayevich,
Sasha Illarionov will sing
"The Sail I Whitening Alone" .
At the piano is Lenochka Opalyova.
The sail is whitening alone
In blue obscurity of sea!..
What did it leave in country own?
What does it want so far to see?
The wind is strong, the mast is
creaking,
The wave is playing with the wave...
Alas! Not a fortune is it seeking...
Sergey NIKONENKO
Yekaterina VORONINA
Galina POLSKIKH
Leonid KURAVLYOV
Yevgeny YEVSTIGNEYEV
Leonid YARMOLNIK
in a film
HELL'S BELLS!..
He's nuts.
Gave them a color TV set.
Assembled it from old parts.
And it worked
like a new one.
As if he's a rich man.
Just to make an impression.
He would've done better if he sold it
and bought himself decent clothes.
He's as poor as a church mouse.
I was telling him, but he won't
listen! Not expedient.
God has blessed him with golden
hands and a featherbrain.
And he neither drinks nor smokes.
And what's the use?
I'd rather he drank
and was like everybody else.
But he's slaving away from morn
till night, and writing at nights.
And making people laugh
at his stupidities.
Why don't you get him married
to yourself?
It's easier to say than to do.
He won't even look in my direction.
Getting him married...
I wouldn't mind to.
And my Vovik follows him like a tail:
"Uncle Kolia this, uncle Kolia that..."
The sleeping fox
catches no chickens.
Are you suggesting I invite
him to a dance floor?
Why not?
Leave Vovik with me, I'll baby-sit.
What's so bad about it?
Jerking with milksops.
You've got to be kidding!
You can go to a restaurant.
Or for a walk in the woods.
Or go to the park.
They say the bikers are here,
racing in circles.
I don't know how to approach him.
Do it through Vovik.
He can't turn him down.
He loves kids,
gives them color TVs.
Make Vovik say, " Mom is busy,
too much work at the post office."
And you meet them
all dressed up, with a hairdo.
Well, ice cream, cakes,
this and that.
You know,
the whole regimen.
Oh, I don't know.
Uncle Kolia, what will
this thing be called?
Perpetuum mobile.
Ever heard of it?
No.
Many have forgotten, have given up.
We call it a perpetual motion machine.
I'll get it into shape, push it with
my foot, and it will get going.
See, they said friction would stop it,
it's the laws of physics.
And gave up on it. Impossible!
What do you mean, impossible? And what
about the photon, the solar energy?
It's still a granny's guess.
Impossible!
What granny?
Grandmother History,
an interesting granny, a cunning one.
There was time when tuberculosis
was incurable.
And now, six months -
and a man is as fit as a fiddle.
Was it that granny who cured him?
Not without her help.
Today the medics are storming cancer.
What cancer?
A cruel tumor,
a very bad sore.
And here comes a psychic
and begins treating it right and left.
And it vanishes without a trace.
In fact, they remove all kinds
of tumors with their hands.
Come here.
Give me your hand.
C'mon, hell's bells,
put your hand here.
Feel warm?
Nah.
- And now?
- Yes.
- Yes what?
- I feel.
- Feel what?
- Warm.
You see?
And now?
- Feel cold?
- Yes.
There you go.
And they say, impossible.
Healer Knyazev
Help!
Quick!
Come here!
Let's go, uncle Kolia,
or the ponies are going to leave.
Like an ice mountain emerging
From the fog, the iceberg rose,
And the tide carries it over
Across the wide, boundless seas.
How fortunate are those
Who know the danger in the ocean,
Who know the danger in the ocean
for a ship meeting an iceberg on the sea...
What's going on!
So much joy!
An intelligently organized recreation.
Joy for people, benefit for the state.
They're saying goodbyes
as though they go
on a round-the-world trip.
Psychologically, this is
a round-the-world trip for them.
Really?
So much joy!
Such a joy!
Nikolai Nikolayevich!
I've been looking for you.
Is Vovik taking a ride?
Yes, he went on
a round-the-world trip.
And I got time off.
I can spend it with you.
- Really?
- Yes.
We had a party at the post
office, so I had to.
So you're here
and I can go?
Why go away? It's your day off.
They brought a gorilla and show him.
It's such a rarity.
Let's look together,
at the gorilla.
- I'd rather be alone.
- Vovik and I won't be in the way.
We'd better not.
I cooked borsht,
we could dine together.
Thanks, Lyuba, but it's not expedient.
Some other time.
Not expedient.
And five rubles for a hairdo,
is it expedient?
Did man really
originate from the monkey?
Do you doubt it?
It's been proved.
I'm used to putting
everything to doubt.
From whom, then?
From whom?
Who knows?
The universe is infinite.
Don't you ever suppose
that we're extraterrestrials?
I don't know about you, but I'm not.
Idiots!
They drink beer at Buratino's !
You damned alcoholic!
Thank you.
- Is it occupied here?
- No.
Will you take half a glass?
No.
Why not?
You don't drink?
No, I don't .
Alright, then.
So the problem of
free time has been solved.
It's that simple.
- What's simple?
- The problem of free time.
What free time?
They're arguing about it,
and here everything's clear.
Who's arguing?
Arguing about how
to spend free time.
And you know how - a glass in
the morning, and you're free all day,
Yes, yes.
Been watching the beasts?
Yeah, was passing by,
and thought why not go in?
I remember when I was a kid...
It must be expensive
to keep them here.
How much does he gobble in a day?
- Who?
- Say, a gorilla.
Who knows?
If it were unprofitable,
they wouldn't keep them.
There must be some interest, right?
That's right, but you're
overlooking the process of cognition.
Not all come because they have nothing
to do, they want to cognize something.
Come on!
What is there to cognize?
A gorilla?
Some shit!
I'll go and report on you now.
What? Are you surprised?
But I should have.
All right, I drink two, you - one,
you owe me a pail.
I drink three, you - one, then 3 pails.
Let's get going.
You're spilling some.
That's it.
You can't drink.
Two pails.
Help!
What is it?
I wanted to ask you.
I didn't get it alright.
Were you really?
What really?
Going to snitch.
No, of course I wasn't . But I ought
to knock some sense into your head.
Come on.
Please.
You see, I got nothing
against people drinking.
But there is an intelligent
organization of people.
Generally, this organization
is called the state.
Imagine that everybody in
the state would begin drinking.
I'm not doing it at working time,
only on my day off.
That's what we should talk about.
What is it - the day off?
Suppose we are
putting up some...
say, we're mounting
a complex steel construction...
I'm an electrician.
Suppose we're laying down
a complicated circuit.
On weekend we get drunk.
Then get sober.
Work for a week.
Then get drunk again.
You mean I'm an alcoholic or what?
I mean that our state
gives us a day off,
even two. And what for?
First, that we would have
a good rest,
and, second, that we wouldn't have
fallen behind in our development.
For example, you got a day off
and you don't know what to do with it.
You were passing by the Zoo -
shall I go in!
And if you were passing by,
well, I don't know... a pharmacy?
Passing by a pharmacy.
Shall I go in
and buy a purgative, right?
You can't drift with
the tide like a log,
whichever way it washes me,
I don't care.
The state
affords us a free time,
for us to cognize
something useful.
Are we going to lush up
that moonshine forever?
Enough, my dear, enough of
this lushing, enough is enough.
The state is accelerating its pace.
It's not a cart anymore, it's a liner.
And we try to catch up with
this liner on foot,
we keep bending down
and pouring it into a glass.
What movement, what
acceleration are we talking about?
Not a chance for us on that liner, with
our bloodshot eyes and throwing up...
You bastard!
You want to make a career
at my expense?
Where do you work?
At the repairs shop. He says
I'm throwing up all over.
Occupation?
- Was I talking about you?
- About whom, then?
- I was developing an idea.
- Quiet.
Can you keep silent?
What's your occupation?
An electrician.
You should work not as an electrician,
but as a sewage cleaner doing 2 shifts.
Letting loose with his fists.
You'll come with the sergeant.
And you're fined 10 rubles.
Leave the sugar here.
There're 12 kilos of it,
watch it doesn't disappear.
Yes?
It's open.
Hello.
May I introduce myself?
Nikolai Nikolayevich Knyazev.
I've been observing your work twice.
Hello.
Sit down.
- Thanks.
- Wait.
Why are you scattering
your things around?
- Have a seat.
- Thank you.
And the room is not so good.
Really?
Well, it's like this.
I want to invite you to my place.
- Why?
- To visit, to have tea.
I live not far from here,
only 6 bus stops away.
- Interested in new discoveries?
- No, not interested.
Then just come.
- Why?
- To visit, for God's sake.
What's so strange about it?
I'm not inviting you
for a threesome drink.
What do you want?
Shut up.
Why do you get offended?
I'm not offended. But, on the other
side, I don't get it.
I'm explaining: let's go to my
place, and it'll be the other side...
I'm not going.
I don't want any tea, you get it?
Why not?
Shall we step out?
- Grisha.
- Shut up.
- Let's step out.
- Where?
To the hall.
And you'll explain what you want.
- I can explain it here.
- Better there.
Don't think
I'm aiming at something.
I just wanted to talk
to the new arrivals.
Grisha, but you're free.
And I can't , we're leaving
tomorrow, I have to pack.
I know you're leaving,
that's why I came.
I'm sorry, I just wished for the best.
Did it offend you
that I began to giggle?
I'm just being shy,
you're so famous.
Well, alright.
Why not go?
You go, and I'll pack.
Come on, you'll see
how provincials live.
Shut the door.
You're lying down anyway.
What?
Straight ahead.
Grisha...
Oh, God, Heavenly Mother...
What's it all about?
What's your patronymic?
What do you want?
Did you get scared or what?
What do you want?
I don't like those things.
I'm inviting you for tea.
My house is by the water,
I got a sister at home, and TV sets.
A sister!
You got a weird manner,
giggling all the time.
To the left.
My manner?
You noticed?
A manner developed in
the contact with human stupidity.
After beating your head against it,
you start giggling.
At first you want to yell
and curse, then it gets funny.
To the right.
Brake it, we're here!
Have you heard
of Spinoza?
Of whom?
Spinoza.
Oh, that... Sure...
The composer.
No, not a composer,
a thinker, a philosopher.
Once Spinoza came
to some town.
He settled down to live with some
people, sitting and writing all day.
And those simple folks made fun of him -
look, the man is doing
nothing but writing.
What was Spinoza to do?
Are you asking me?
Yes, I'm asking.
What is the thinker to do?
What to do?
The same thing as before - to think.
And to write.
What?
Write! Write!
It's easy for you to say it now,
300 years later.
But he was only human,
those jokes were driving him mad.
I should warn you,
my sister's not very cordial.
Don't pay attention
to her displeasure.
Perhaps I'd better not go?
- And what did Spinoza do?
- What?
More courage, artiste!
Let them condemn us later, if,
historically, they're more intelligent.
I'm not scared, but I shouldn't
have gone with you.
Who knows.
Straight ahead, and then left.
Oh, two of you all at once!
The comrade is from the State Circus.
Fix us some tea, and we'll talk.
This way, comrade Kaigorodov.
Excuse me.
Watch your head here.
Another victim.
Don't pay attention.
Come on in.
- Why so many TV sets?
- I'm repairing them.
Spinoza polished the glass, and I'm
soldering, earning my living.
Fixing up this and that
for our citizens.
Our workshop is too cramped,
so I have to do it at home.
C'mon, sit down.
I don't like people standing.
Perhaps we'll even get tea
if her conscience wakes up.
Take a seat,
I don't like people standing.
This is my work of many years.
Reflections on the state.
On what?
I just need an hour
and a half of your time.
Why are you standing?
Give me a rag.
Please,
we don't want any tea of yours!
Just don't be nervous,
I beg you, and no scenes!
- All the ducks go in pairs...
- Now she'll gad about all night.
Having one of her fits.
The state is
a very complex organism.
To put it to use you have...
It has to be comprehended as a whole.
Not in these conditions, of course.
I ought to have built my own house.
She's waiting for me to get married.
Even picked a bride for me. That one.
A serious woman, has
a nice boy, but all this...
Here is, in fact,
my idea of a state.
Here.
Chapter one.
The outline of the structure
of an expedient state.
The state is
a many-story building,
with all floors having a phone link
and connected by a staircase.
The floors are gradually tapering
until only one room is left on the top,
where the control center is situated.
The meaning of such a state
is as follows.
Mobilize your imagination
and we'll string on phenomena
that we can't feel.
The Russian man likes
to feel everything with his hands.
He's not yet used to
thinking in categories.
Do you get the sense of
what I'm reading about?
Everything's clear to you?
Let's picture that
huge building in a cross section,
and the population as
the figures supporting the floors.
Thus, the whole building
is supported by the figures.
To change the picture, let's assume
that some figures on floor X
evaded their responsibilities
and stopped supporting the ceiling.
The ceiling sagged in.
The figures conscientiously supporting
their floor got an additional burden.
The laws of fairness and
balance have been violated.
The control center
receives an alarm signal.
The controls send a query -
where does it sag?
They call all the floors.
People of goodwill
plus modern technology.
It's been established:
the sagging is on floor Y.
From the control center...
Are you serious?
Meaning?
Are you doing all this for serious?
Goodbye.
Why are you playing the fool?
Did no one ever tell you this?
I understand, the motorcycle
engine is an objective thing,
you can also fantasize
some centrifugal force.
But this is different.
Goodbye.
Listen...
Come with me.
I've got half a bottle, we'll
have a drink.
Why should you sit here alone?
Don't get pissed off, don't be like...
Sorry, what's your name?
You didn't tell me.
I told you at the hotel.
Nikolai Nikolayevich.
So, you're Kolia.
And I'm Grisha.
C'mon, let's have a drink.
Forget about that state.
They'll sort it out without us.
That's what we all are saying.
You didn't even want to grasp
what it was all about.
You should've listened to at least
two chapters, it's just one notebook.
What education have you got?
Whatever I got, it's all mine.
Stop making people laugh.
Goodbye.
This one didn't take too long.
There was a military man whom
he was pulling the wool over all night.
We're not at counsel with
Kutizov in Fili!
- Will you have supper?
- I'm working.
Oh, you may write till you're dead.
- Nikolai Nikolayevich.
- I'm working.
- Maybe it's something important.
- Oh, you're no better than him!
Why not make him marry you,
then you would write together.
Or he would read to you
and you would listen openmouthed.
Why not? I would listen.
Look, last summer
I saw in the theatre
how one woman was netting a man.
She pretended she fainted.
He began running about and fussing,
and the woman was lying down.
He tried everything - blowing on
her, sprinkling her, shaking her.
And then she drew him to her!
And he got stuck.
- Did they get married?
- You bet!
How did she draw him?
Oh, God!
Don't you know how to draw?
I wince every time I remember it.
Don't feel like drawing at all.
When is your name day, Vera, Nadezhda,
Lyubov and their mother Sofia?
In the fall.
We'll celebrate it next Wednesday.
- Why?
- What do you mean, why?
- What for?
- Why should we draw it out?
He won't understand anyway.
And we two will sit and
drink a bit to brave ourselves up.
Then I sort of go
and you will fall.
- Fall where?
- Into a swoon.
How am I going to fall?
Just fall and lie like a log.
And I'll be near, outside the window.
And what then?
And then, go on pretending.
He'll run to you.
And you do your act.
Moan or something like that.
And when the real thing starts,
I'll catch you in the act.
What real thing?
Oh God...
He won't eat you, will he?
Why do you have to catch us?
Can't we settle it between ourselves?
I see how you've been
settling it for three years now.
You're so slow-witted.
If I catch you, there'd be a witness.
He won't get away with it.
That's what they showed in the theatre.
No, I don't know.
What is it you don't know?
Maybe you shouldn't catch us?
If I shouldn't , I wouldn't .
We'll see
if I should or not.
Excuse me... Could you tell me
where the marriage registry office is?
It's downtown,
six bus stops from here.
Thank you.
- Where do you need to go?
- To the marriage registry office.
We'll give you a lift.
Come on, Josephine.
Careful, she's very fragile.
Good afternoon, Lyuba.
Any letters for me
from the Academy of Sciences?
No, Nikolai Nikolayevich.
You could at least look.
I look every day,
Nikolai Nikolayevich.
If you want, I can look again
while you're here.
No, nothing for you.
Still writing.
And from UNESCO?
- From what?
- UNESCO.
Nothing from there, either.
- Goodbye.
- Nikolai Nikolayevich.
The day after tomorrow is my name day.
Congratulations.
Maybe we'll celebrate it together?
In the evening.
Maybe, I don't know.
I'm in a hurry now, sorry.
Sergey Nikolayevich.
- We got a complaint here.
- Another complaint?
Another complaint.
Do it yourself
Today we have
a very interesting guest,
Nikolai Nikolayevich Knyazev.
He came to share with us his thoughts
about the organization of the state.
Once I thought about
what would happen
if we, like ants,
brought the maximum to the state?
Just imagine the situation
when no one steals and no one drinks.
A very important thought.
- No one is loafing.
- Just great!
No one gives and no one takes
bribes, no one profiteers.
Everyone at his or her place
puts his or her little brick
in this grandiose
building - the state.
When I pondered over it and saw
in my mind's eye all our expanses,
itjust took my breath away.
My goodness, I thought,
what are we doing?
We could have covered with
asphalt the entire globe,
dug the subway through
to Vladivostok,
built a staircase up to the Moon.
One global idea should
subordinate all the minor ones
related to our
behavior and everyday life.
Kolia Knyazev, pedal over here.
- How are you?
- Hello.
Take a look at our telly.
We turn it on - there're some flakes.
Whoever can compare
to Mathilda of mine,
Whose pretty black eyes just sparkle
and shine...
Just fine...
Something must be wrong
with the aerial.
Would you like to go fishing?
We're planning to,
with Yuri Viktorovich.
I don't like it.
You don't like fishing?
How come?
Well, you know...
- It's just a waste of time.
- It's a rest.
What difference does it make what kind
of rest you're wasting your time on?
There's an active rest
and a passive rest.
The active rest means
some useful event.
Those events make
your head reel as it is.
I don't mean those events,
I mean expedient ones.
- Getting the difference?
- No, I'm not.
Be so kind
and explain, please.
What is your occupation?
- What difference does it make?
- And anyway?
A makeup artist.
Are you aware
how burial mounds are made?
What do mounds have to do with it?
- You ever seen how they're raised?
- Have you?
You might have seen it in a movie?
Do you have a general idea?
I want you
to recall in your mind's eye
the picture
of a mound being raised.
People are walking one after another.
Each takes a handful of
earth and throws it.
First they fill up the pit,
then a mound begins to grow.
Have you visualized it?
Note the disproportion between the
size of a mound and a handful of earth.
A handful of earth is this small,
and on the other side, a big mound.
Was it magic?
No magic.
The accumulation of quantity.
This was how the states were formed,
from Urartu to modern ones.
What can
a weak human hand do?
A fishing rod.
The fishing rod is
also the work of human hands.
In this case, it's only one man.
But when they continuously
walk one after another
and throw a handful of earth each,
a hill is formed.
A fishing rod and a hill.
Are you getting it?
No, I'm not.
What do one and
the other have in common?
We were talking about
how to spend free time.
I believe,
I think that
whatever you're doing,
if you like it,
it means you had a good rest.
Nonsense, rubbish, it's reasoning
at the level of the Stone Age.
The moment you begin
to reason that way,
you're leaving
the continuous chain of mankind
that is accumulating quantity.
I gave you such a graphic example -
how a mound is raised.
Everybody threw a handful
of earth, and you didn't .
Then what's the meaning of your life?
It makes no sense.
It's really some rubbish.
What mound?
I'm telling you,
I came here to have a rest.
Close to nature, to the sea.
I like fishing and I'll fish.
I came to have a rest, too.
- Well?
- What?
Did you come here
to raise a mound?
If you don't like thinking in
categories, then you don't like anything.
Such a graphic example!
- What's the meaning of our life?
- It depends on a person.
No, answer me, what's
the universal meaning of life?
In universal statehood.
If the state prospers,
we all prosper.
- Am I right or not?
- Right.
Figuratively speaking,
we all carry on our shoulders
a certain burden.
Suppose you, me,
the granddad here are carrying a log.
We have to carry it over 100 meters.
We've got over 50 meters, and
suddenly you say, " I'm on leave."
You mean we don't need leaves?
It's nonsense, too.
A leave is possible after we've carried
the log 100 meters and thrown it down.
I don't understand
what you're meaning to say.
First a mound, then a log.
Did you come here to rest?
Yes, to rest.
Or you came here
to throw a log on the road?
Are you doing it on purpose,
refusing to understand?
I really don't understand it.
It's some nonsense, some rubbish.
A total gibberish.
It's a total gibberish!
It makes absolutely no sense.
Granddad, do you understand anything?
Do you understand what he's jabbering?
I'm listening. It's serious.
Sure, serious.
But I can't understand anything!
Cool it. Why get so nervous?
And why are you jabbering
some gibberish?
You didn't even get to the crux
of the matter.
When are we going to learn
to reason logically?
And what about you?
If I don't understand it, it means
it's gibberish. A splendid logic!
For how long are we going
to brush it aside like this?
Well, let's make it
clear, simple and precise.
What do you want to say?
In plain Russian.
- Where do you live?
- In Tomsk.
No, more broadly, as a whole.
I don't understand,
in what whole, in what, where?
You live in a state.
With what do your
main interests coincide?
- I don't know.
- With the state interests.
Your interests coincide
with the state interests.
- Is it clear now?
- Well?
- What's the meaning of your life?
- Well? Well?
Not " well-well" ! What's the meaning
of the life of each citizen?
Well, I don't know!
Working, being honest,
not betraying anyone,
defending your country
if need be.
That's all true.
But it's only offshoots.
What's the principal meaning?
Where's the main stem, so to speak?
- Where?
- I'm asking you!
But I don't know!
Do with me whatever you like!
I don't know!
Are you stupid or what?
Fuck it!..
What do you want from me, huh?
What do you want from me?
Or I'll send you packing from here!
What do you want from me? What?!
Yura, calm down.
Oh, holy God...
In the blue sea and the ocean,
Each to his own merits,
Making such a wild commotion
A band of evil spirits.
Future prospects, that's their worry,
That's why all this brawl.
Evil force would rage and scurry,
For years been having a ball.
A pike in the sea,
water in the mortar, water in the sieve...
Uncle Kolia, when
shall we launch the perpetuum mobile?
- When I finish it tomorrow.
- All right.
Water sprite waving his hands,
All dried up from speeches:
Been reforming all our fiends,
Werewolves, devils and witches.
Past are the years of stagnation,
Those were a great time,
Now we robbers have to be patient,
It's hard to commit a crime.
A pike in the sea,
Water in the mortar, water in the sieve,
There's no other way for us
To muddle the bottom of the sea.
Our Neptune gotjust insufferable,
Going against us all,
He wants to make the quagmire arable
And clean the bay of gall.
We're bringing sabotage
To the very forefront,
So that underwater gardens
Would never bear a plant.
A pike in the sea,
Water in the mortar, water in the sieve...
Hell's bells!
So many loafers!
If each of them broughtjust a handful...
And to not overlook the morals,
Just in case anyone cares,
We'll call up mermaids as well
For amorous affairs.
So, no hackwork, dear girls,
Don't spare your tails.
We got to attack all at once,
From all fronts and trails.
A pike in the sea,
Water in the mortar, water in the sieve,
There's no other way for us
To muddle the bottom of the sea.
I thought you were at home,
but you're at work.
What was it you had there?
Because...
everyone keeps telling me.
What are they telling?
Comrade Knyazev, I hate
to do it, but I have to...
Why do you have to? You think
I don't understand what I've done?
Comrade Knyazev.
To hell with them!
Let them live as they like.
Thank you.
Hell's bells!
Did I say something wrong to him?
I was suggesting that he would
see his objectives more clearly.
He could make a speech at the club.
Telling us about the actors.
Oh, God...
He's a makeup artist.
But what do life objectives
have to do with it?
He would have done a useful thing.
That's what I began with yesterday,
that people are filing,
and each takes
a handful of earth and throws it.
And a hill is formed.
The hill is an expedient state.
If we assume that
the meaning of life of every man,
figuratively speaking...
No, no.
No, comrade Knyazev.
I got a meeting at 10,
a conference.
I'll be glad
to listen to you some other time.
Eat it with bread. Don't
choke on it, no one will take it away.
Let me cut it, I'll cut it.
Uncle Kolia and I are going to launch
the perpetuum now, I mean, mobile.
What?
It's a machine of perpetual motion.
It works on its own.
And everybody's happy, no crisis.
What crisis?
There's an energy crisis now.
But we'll launch the perpetuum,
and there'll be no crisis.
I don't understand what you're
talking about.
Mom, it's all very simple.
This is the Sun, and this is the Earth.
No one spins them,
yet they're rotating.
And the solar system is rotating.
And whole galaxies are rotating.
You think you're standing?
No, you're rotating.
As for me, I sure spin, like
a squirrel on a treadmill.
- Where're you going?
- To uncle Kolia's .
Isn't this thing dangerous?
- It may be dangerous.
- What if it blows up?
Oh, I don't know.
He's wasted so much salt.
Vovik explained to me that they're
making a perpetual motion machine.
He says they'll put a monument to uncle
Kolia for this thing in his lifetime.
They will.
They'll catch him and put another.
Vovik told me about the stars and the
Moon like he was reading from a book.
He who lives with a cripple
learns how to limp.
There's nothing bad about it for Vovik.
Once he starts to explain,
there's no stopping him!
When you get married to him, you'll
be making a perpetual motion machine
from morning till night and back.
The day will be too short for you.
Well, Vovik,
shall we start perpetual motion?
Let's start it, uncle Kolia.
Well...
The mankind's centuries-old dream.
There we go!
Uncle Kolia, it's going to stop.
I admit I didn't recognize you,
You had changed, got so mature by far.
Oh, how quietly I stood there
When you sang for the boys to your
guitar.
It was so long ago...
So you didn't leave?
It's hard to recognize you now.
First the cars move the equipment.
We decided to stay and get a tan.
What do the scientists think now
about the perpetual motion machine?
What?
About the perpetual motion machine.
What machine?
The perpetuum mobile
that they just couldn't build.
Who's supposed to think?
The academic world.
Have they given up on the idea?
It seems they have.
Wasn't it too soon?
What too soon?
Dismissing the idea.
Have you invented the perpetual
motion machine?
Yes, I have.
Congratulations.
The man invented the perpetual
motion machine, and you...
The water's so cold.
And what's next?
What's next, I say?
Meaning?
You congratulated me, and what's
next?
Run to the store.
- No, I'm serious.
- It's just some bullshit.
And if it's not?
You're not Kulibin, are you?
The world's best scientists rack their
brains, and you - bang! - invented it.
They brushed it away just like you.
They didn't brush it away, they proved
it's impossible, you must know it.
But it revolves.
- What revolves?
- The wheel.
It was revolving all night,
and is now.
I got tired of watching it,
so I decided to take a walk.
What wheel?
The bike's wheel.
Right.
It's got a good bearing,
so it's revolving.
But not through the whole night.
Uncle Kolia, let's go and give it
another spin, maybe it'll spin then?
Uncle Kolia!
I'm going to my workplace.
As though I forgot to turn in the keys.
And you don't lose your chance.
Most important is to be aggressive.
Fall down and lie there.
C'mon, to brave you up.
He got no choice, he'll come.
- But why shall I fall?
- What do you mean, why?
- Did I get poisoned or something?
- No, not poisoned.
You got scared and fainted -
ah! and you're lying down.
- What did I get scared of?
- A mouse or something.
Your head went round,
and you're lying in a swoon.
You've got mice?
Oh, what do you care?
Just fall and lie.
All right, I'm off.
Lyuba, I'll run to my work.
I forgot to leave my keys there.
Don't be lonely here.
Fall! Fall!
Lyuba, fall with a cry.
He can't hear you. Got it?
Lyuba, get up.
He can't hear, cloth-ears.
Take the vase with chocolates
and smash it to smithereens.
And yell at the top of your voice,
or you won't get through to him.
Lyuba?
Lyuba, are you all right?
Lyuba?
Klava.
Klava, where're you?
Klava!
Klava!
Damn it!
Lyuba, what's wrong?
What happened, Lyuba?
What is it? What happened?
Lyuba?
Are you all right?
Is it your heart?
What are you feeling?
What?
- Kiss me.
- What? What?
Kiss me.
Lyuba...
Lyuba, it's ...
Not expedient, Lyuba.
That's how gradually we learn our
dreams to subdue.
The sailboat moves away into obscurity,
Between us, more and more of
insincerity.
My dear boy, it couldn't be
really you?
I so much believed your eyes,
I so much believed your lies...
Lyuba, how was it?
It's silly and ridiculous,
Oh, what the heck, it's so obvious.
No, I won't even recall
How could I wait for it at all...
Not expedient.
That's it.
Lyuba.
Don't get in the way of studying!
Don't get in the way of working!
One-two, arm-in-arm,
Three-four, our ranks intact!
If need be, we'll sound alarm,
It's the only way to act!
Our pioneers' salute
to patron Knyazev, for him we root!
Beer, vodka and moonshine
Out of our planet, as any wine!
Long live the science,
Long live the progress
And the wise policy of our Party
and its press!
Good afternoon, Lyuba.
Good afternoon.
See, I got 8 notebooks here.
I would like to send them.
Should I put them in a box or..?
I'd like to have a guarantee
that none of them gets lost.
I guess I'd better send them
by a registered parcel?
Nikolai Nikolayevich, dear.
Let's not be in a hurry with your
parcel.
I know it's none of
my business, Nikolai Nikolayevich.
But listen to my advice,
wait a little bit.
We can always do it.
What if you change your mind?
You fool!
You toad-eyed fool!
Why are you sitting and croaking here?
Can you at least spell the word
"statehood" correctly?
You'll spell it like " stategood" !
Don't you dare shouting at me!
Sergey Nikolayevich!
Sergey Nikolayevich,
come here!
There's some shit here
about stategood!
- Sergey Nikolayevich!
- What's the matter?
Some shit about stategood!
Come here,
let's goggle together.
Maybe at least you
got some brains in your bean?
- What's up?
- It's all sewn up!
- Away!
- What is it, you drunken lout?
C'mon, get him!
Let go!
Tie him up!
Give me his hand!
Hurray! Our side has won!
Tie me, tie me up.
He's drunk.
No, I'm not drunk.
You can't pull it off!
I just took the liberty of
sending my work by mail.
Whose post office is this?
Yours?
It's my post office, you idiot!
Oh, you toads!
I wrote down my thoughts and by
accident dropped a stone in your bog.
And what a croaking it has raised!
I hope I didn't catch against
your head, Sergey Nikolayevich?
Go on, shout.
To the police.
He's absolutely off his rocker.
Dimwits!
They don't like being
dimwits, that's the problem,
but then they like being
dimwits, they do!
They're leading Spinoza!
Have you ever seen Spinoza?
Here I am, a Spinoza
in a hat and with a tie.
Hello!
Hell's bells!
Well, I kicked up a racket, I did.
But I'm not drunk.
I never drink.
Did I insult anybody?
What about Sergey Nikolayevich?
And this one, Lyuba, too?
Take me to a hospital.
I have a headache.
You mean my calling them dimwits?
And what do you think they are?
All right, let it be a hospital.
Thank God the police was near,
or he would've said I don't know what.
- Well, what soberness conceals...
- ...drunkenness...
He doesn't drink.
I was born to a poor peasant
family, a ninth child.
Giving me any education
was out of the question.
As there was no upbringing.
We were brought up by labor.
Open your eyes and sit down.
Cross your legs.
I myself broke through
those strata of life over my head.
I displayed the signs of philosophical
consciousness since childhood.
I remember a foreman yelling at me,
and it made me wonder in some
while why he was yelling.
I read a lot, though I got into
much trouble because of it.
My father didn't approve, he made me
work more, but I kept reading.
Don't move your head, please.
Follow the hammer with your eyes.
And the more I read,
the more
troubled I became.
I looked around me and I thought
about how much they had piled up.
But there was no order.
Get dressed.
And so gradually I got preoccupied
with the thoughts about the state,
and, with sadness and amazement,
I came to understand
that we all were living
each to his own liking,
and hardly anyone cared
for the state's interests.
And even if anybody shouts at every
street corner about its interests,
he's just pretending,
his self comes first,
he just wants to look vanguard,
and thus steal more.
Take sedatives.
I saw how our state
was being squandered.
Each does his best at his place.
And still our state is alive.
What is it alive by?
And I came to a conclusion -
by its structure.
The structure of the state is such
that even with the minimum
that we're giving it,
it is still capable of
strengthening itself by some way.
But what if we, like ants,
brought the maximum to the state?
An absolutely normal man.
What happened, Knyazev?
To hell with them.
I just exploded.
I couldn't stand
human stupidity any longer.
I tell her one thing, and she -
let's wait and think.
She will think, that hen.
But why insult her?
She insulted me even more.
She thinks I'm an idiot.
She hasn't read a single line of this.
She's my sister's friend, and my sister
says it's bullshit, waste of time.
But what's it all about?
My thoughts about the state.
I've been writing it for 7 years.
Let's not start it now...
No, leave it, I'll take a look.
Take a look.
May I go now?
You may, only you'll have
to apologize to the post workers.
All right, I'll apologize.
I'll apologize.
All right, go then.
I'll return it later.
- There're 8 notebooks there.
- So what?
In case something happens.
There're eight of them.
- All right, eight.
- I don't want them to get lost.
Nothing will get lost.
You know... here... perhaps it is...
Inventory of the life of Knyazev
Notes and drawings
A cornflower field,
And the grass a-little stings.
I'm lying as though drunk,
I forgot about all things.
I'm lying, arms spread out,
The wind bends the bushes down,
And a melancholy willow
Sings a sad song with a moan.
Oh, you, my dear willow,
What do you sing about my fate?
Maybe I will know glory
Orjust die before my date.
In that song of yours so doleful
I do not understand a bit.
Itjust brings me more depression,
Though there's no lack of it.
A cornflower field,
And the grass a-little stings.
I'm lying as though drunk,
I forgot about all things.
Look,
the farther a stick is from the shore,
the longer it takes to throw it out.
Yes, yes.
Excuse me, sir, you reinvented
the wheel.
- Why?
- It's been known since long ago.
During a storm, ships try to get
as far from the shore as possible.
I didn't mean the law as such.
It's just so like people.
- Any Salem's left?
- Here.
The strongest go farther.
As a result, we have a storm,
a storm in our everyday life.
And the winner is the strongest,
the one who rows away farthest.
It's too clever.
It's too wrong
to be clever.
Why?
The point is how
to get the farthest from the shore.
I'm not saying
"the strongest" .
Perhaps it should be
"the most cunning" ?
Help!
Quick!
Come here!
I meant another
strength, a real strength.
What matters is the result.
When we estimate
our strength correctly,
we can clearly see what we have
to do to achieve our aim.
Excuse me, what did you say?
- It wasn't I who said it.
- Who, then?
- Benedict.
- Benedict?
Spinoza.
- But he was Boruch.
- Baruch. Baruch Spinoza.
Excuse me, I didn't get what he said.
You'll never get it.
Oh, hell's bells!
Where're you going?
You'll catch cold.
The water is 7? C., man.
He's sloshed.
You're going to catch cold!
Must be a polar bear.
I'll bet he's added 40?
to his own 36.
A Siberian, they fear nothing.
76? degrees, for sure.
Come on!
I'm drowning!
- Is he serious?
- Kidding.
He's drowning!
Hey! Are you serious?
Of course, he's serious!
What the damn!
Help him!
Guys, why are you standing?
- He's going to drown.
- He'll swallow a bit of water and...
Holy shit!
Hey, hold on!
Why did he go in in the first place?
He's under me.
I grabbed him by his shorts,
but he slipped out of them.
- Where's he?
- He was here.
A boat.
The boat!
The boat!
There he is.
- He's slipping away.
- Catch him.
They got him.
They got him!
Boys!
- Hold his head.
- I got it.
Can you do mouth to mouth?
Wait with mouth-to-mouth.
Shake him and get the water out.
Oh, what's this?
Come on.
He gulped down chockfull of water!
Is his mouth open?
Hold him vertical.
Enough, put him down.
Lay him down.
Boys, put his pants on.
Pump him up.
First put them on, then pump.
You'd better run to the store.
Or they'll do us in,
those polar bears.
I guess you'll be awarded
a medal now, right?
With no pants on, it doesn't count.
What do you mean, without pants
it doesn't count?
If a drowning person has no pants on,
it doesn't count that you saved him.
We have to get his pants,
then there will be a medal.
Ira, come here, hold his head.
Boys, put the pants on!
Ira, we all got our pants.
He seems to have gathered his wits.
Are you back with us?
Well, happy birthday, man!
He looks quite alive.
Just look at him making a run of it!
And he didn't even say thank you.
Oh, boys!
Greetings to Benedict Spinoza!
Mom!
Mom, uncle Kolia's coming to see you!
He's starting a new life.
Lyuba.
You see, I...
I got totally free of those...
ideas that...
for a long time...
Well, that's not the point.
The point is that
I'm proposing to you.
I love you.
And I don't love you.
Well, think about it, Lyuba.
This is for you.
And something else.
Please forgive me if you can.
Well, for what was today
at the post office.
I'm very sorry.
Uncle Kolia, mom is saying 'yes'.
She was just kidding.
I've invented a new machine, Vovik.
- Perpetual?
- No.
Not perpetual, but very powerful.
It's powerful, but it's
the size of a matchbox.
The principle of its construction
is very simple.
We'll talk about it later, uncle Kolia.
It's high time for you to get married.
My mom is the best. Let's go.
It's time, Vovik, it's time.
Come on!
Written and directed by
Sergey NIKONENKO
Director of Photography
Nikolai PUCHKOV
Production Designer
Yuri KONSTANTINOV
Music from L. Minkus' ballet
"Don Quixote"
English Subtitles by
T. Kameneva
The End
Based on the stories by
Vasily SHUKSHIN
Knyazev's works
Knyazev's clothes
Knyazev's perpetual motion machine
Spinoza
Knyazev
Oh, hi, my friend!
Give me a ruble till the year's end!
This day, dear
Nikolai Nikolayevich,
will live in the children's memory
for a long time.
When they grow up
and become adults,
this day will remain for them
one of the most precious
recollections from their childhood.
Accepting such an expensive
thing as a color TV set,
our boarding school
is getting much more
than this valuable gift.
You demonstrated to us a fine lesson
of kindness and disinterestedness.
You, Nikolai Nikolayevich, is,
undoubtedly, a man of the future!
Children, you're looking at a living
example of a man of the future!
And specially for you,
Nikolai Nikolayevich,
Sasha Illarionov will sing
"The Sail I Whitening Alone" .
At the piano is Lenochka Opalyova.
The sail is whitening alone
In blue obscurity of sea!..
What did it leave in country own?
What does it want so far to see?
The wind is strong, the mast is
creaking,
The wave is playing with the wave...
Alas! Not a fortune is it seeking...
Sergey NIKONENKO
Yekaterina VORONINA
Galina POLSKIKH
Leonid KURAVLYOV
Yevgeny YEVSTIGNEYEV
Leonid YARMOLNIK
in a film
HELL'S BELLS!..
He's nuts.
Gave them a color TV set.
Assembled it from old parts.
And it worked
like a new one.
As if he's a rich man.
Just to make an impression.
He would've done better if he sold it
and bought himself decent clothes.
He's as poor as a church mouse.
I was telling him, but he won't
listen! Not expedient.
God has blessed him with golden
hands and a featherbrain.
And he neither drinks nor smokes.
And what's the use?
I'd rather he drank
and was like everybody else.
But he's slaving away from morn
till night, and writing at nights.
And making people laugh
at his stupidities.
Why don't you get him married
to yourself?
It's easier to say than to do.
He won't even look in my direction.
Getting him married...
I wouldn't mind to.
And my Vovik follows him like a tail:
"Uncle Kolia this, uncle Kolia that..."
The sleeping fox
catches no chickens.
Are you suggesting I invite
him to a dance floor?
Why not?
Leave Vovik with me, I'll baby-sit.
What's so bad about it?
Jerking with milksops.
You've got to be kidding!
You can go to a restaurant.
Or for a walk in the woods.
Or go to the park.
They say the bikers are here,
racing in circles.
I don't know how to approach him.
Do it through Vovik.
He can't turn him down.
He loves kids,
gives them color TVs.
Make Vovik say, " Mom is busy,
too much work at the post office."
And you meet them
all dressed up, with a hairdo.
Well, ice cream, cakes,
this and that.
You know,
the whole regimen.
Oh, I don't know.
Uncle Kolia, what will
this thing be called?
Perpetuum mobile.
Ever heard of it?
No.
Many have forgotten, have given up.
We call it a perpetual motion machine.
I'll get it into shape, push it with
my foot, and it will get going.
See, they said friction would stop it,
it's the laws of physics.
And gave up on it. Impossible!
What do you mean, impossible? And what
about the photon, the solar energy?
It's still a granny's guess.
Impossible!
What granny?
Grandmother History,
an interesting granny, a cunning one.
There was time when tuberculosis
was incurable.
And now, six months -
and a man is as fit as a fiddle.
Was it that granny who cured him?
Not without her help.
Today the medics are storming cancer.
What cancer?
A cruel tumor,
a very bad sore.
And here comes a psychic
and begins treating it right and left.
And it vanishes without a trace.
In fact, they remove all kinds
of tumors with their hands.
Come here.
Give me your hand.
C'mon, hell's bells,
put your hand here.
Feel warm?
Nah.
- And now?
- Yes.
- Yes what?
- I feel.
- Feel what?
- Warm.
You see?
And now?
- Feel cold?
- Yes.
There you go.
And they say, impossible.
Healer Knyazev
Help!
Quick!
Come here!
Let's go, uncle Kolia,
or the ponies are going to leave.
Like an ice mountain emerging
From the fog, the iceberg rose,
And the tide carries it over
Across the wide, boundless seas.
How fortunate are those
Who know the danger in the ocean,
Who know the danger in the ocean
for a ship meeting an iceberg on the sea...
What's going on!
So much joy!
An intelligently organized recreation.
Joy for people, benefit for the state.
They're saying goodbyes
as though they go
on a round-the-world trip.
Psychologically, this is
a round-the-world trip for them.
Really?
So much joy!
Such a joy!
Nikolai Nikolayevich!
I've been looking for you.
Is Vovik taking a ride?
Yes, he went on
a round-the-world trip.
And I got time off.
I can spend it with you.
- Really?
- Yes.
We had a party at the post
office, so I had to.
So you're here
and I can go?
Why go away? It's your day off.
They brought a gorilla and show him.
It's such a rarity.
Let's look together,
at the gorilla.
- I'd rather be alone.
- Vovik and I won't be in the way.
We'd better not.
I cooked borsht,
we could dine together.
Thanks, Lyuba, but it's not expedient.
Some other time.
Not expedient.
And five rubles for a hairdo,
is it expedient?
Did man really
originate from the monkey?
Do you doubt it?
It's been proved.
I'm used to putting
everything to doubt.
From whom, then?
From whom?
Who knows?
The universe is infinite.
Don't you ever suppose
that we're extraterrestrials?
I don't know about you, but I'm not.
Idiots!
They drink beer at Buratino's !
You damned alcoholic!
Thank you.
- Is it occupied here?
- No.
Will you take half a glass?
No.
Why not?
You don't drink?
No, I don't .
Alright, then.
So the problem of
free time has been solved.
It's that simple.
- What's simple?
- The problem of free time.
What free time?
They're arguing about it,
and here everything's clear.
Who's arguing?
Arguing about how
to spend free time.
And you know how - a glass in
the morning, and you're free all day,
Yes, yes.
Been watching the beasts?
Yeah, was passing by,
and thought why not go in?
I remember when I was a kid...
It must be expensive
to keep them here.
How much does he gobble in a day?
- Who?
- Say, a gorilla.
Who knows?
If it were unprofitable,
they wouldn't keep them.
There must be some interest, right?
That's right, but you're
overlooking the process of cognition.
Not all come because they have nothing
to do, they want to cognize something.
Come on!
What is there to cognize?
A gorilla?
Some shit!
I'll go and report on you now.
What? Are you surprised?
But I should have.
All right, I drink two, you - one,
you owe me a pail.
I drink three, you - one, then 3 pails.
Let's get going.
You're spilling some.
That's it.
You can't drink.
Two pails.
Help!
What is it?
I wanted to ask you.
I didn't get it alright.
Were you really?
What really?
Going to snitch.
No, of course I wasn't . But I ought
to knock some sense into your head.
Come on.
Please.
You see, I got nothing
against people drinking.
But there is an intelligent
organization of people.
Generally, this organization
is called the state.
Imagine that everybody in
the state would begin drinking.
I'm not doing it at working time,
only on my day off.
That's what we should talk about.
What is it - the day off?
Suppose we are
putting up some...
say, we're mounting
a complex steel construction...
I'm an electrician.
Suppose we're laying down
a complicated circuit.
On weekend we get drunk.
Then get sober.
Work for a week.
Then get drunk again.
You mean I'm an alcoholic or what?
I mean that our state
gives us a day off,
even two. And what for?
First, that we would have
a good rest,
and, second, that we wouldn't have
fallen behind in our development.
For example, you got a day off
and you don't know what to do with it.
You were passing by the Zoo -
shall I go in!
And if you were passing by,
well, I don't know... a pharmacy?
Passing by a pharmacy.
Shall I go in
and buy a purgative, right?
You can't drift with
the tide like a log,
whichever way it washes me,
I don't care.
The state
affords us a free time,
for us to cognize
something useful.
Are we going to lush up
that moonshine forever?
Enough, my dear, enough of
this lushing, enough is enough.
The state is accelerating its pace.
It's not a cart anymore, it's a liner.
And we try to catch up with
this liner on foot,
we keep bending down
and pouring it into a glass.
What movement, what
acceleration are we talking about?
Not a chance for us on that liner, with
our bloodshot eyes and throwing up...
You bastard!
You want to make a career
at my expense?
Where do you work?
At the repairs shop. He says
I'm throwing up all over.
Occupation?
- Was I talking about you?
- About whom, then?
- I was developing an idea.
- Quiet.
Can you keep silent?
What's your occupation?
An electrician.
You should work not as an electrician,
but as a sewage cleaner doing 2 shifts.
Letting loose with his fists.
You'll come with the sergeant.
And you're fined 10 rubles.
Leave the sugar here.
There're 12 kilos of it,
watch it doesn't disappear.
Yes?
It's open.
Hello.
May I introduce myself?
Nikolai Nikolayevich Knyazev.
I've been observing your work twice.
Hello.
Sit down.
- Thanks.
- Wait.
Why are you scattering
your things around?
- Have a seat.
- Thank you.
And the room is not so good.
Really?
Well, it's like this.
I want to invite you to my place.
- Why?
- To visit, to have tea.
I live not far from here,
only 6 bus stops away.
- Interested in new discoveries?
- No, not interested.
Then just come.
- Why?
- To visit, for God's sake.
What's so strange about it?
I'm not inviting you
for a threesome drink.
What do you want?
Shut up.
Why do you get offended?
I'm not offended. But, on the other
side, I don't get it.
I'm explaining: let's go to my
place, and it'll be the other side...
I'm not going.
I don't want any tea, you get it?
Why not?
Shall we step out?
- Grisha.
- Shut up.
- Let's step out.
- Where?
To the hall.
And you'll explain what you want.
- I can explain it here.
- Better there.
Don't think
I'm aiming at something.
I just wanted to talk
to the new arrivals.
Grisha, but you're free.
And I can't , we're leaving
tomorrow, I have to pack.
I know you're leaving,
that's why I came.
I'm sorry, I just wished for the best.
Did it offend you
that I began to giggle?
I'm just being shy,
you're so famous.
Well, alright.
Why not go?
You go, and I'll pack.
Come on, you'll see
how provincials live.
Shut the door.
You're lying down anyway.
What?
Straight ahead.
Grisha...
Oh, God, Heavenly Mother...
What's it all about?
What's your patronymic?
What do you want?
Did you get scared or what?
What do you want?
I don't like those things.
I'm inviting you for tea.
My house is by the water,
I got a sister at home, and TV sets.
A sister!
You got a weird manner,
giggling all the time.
To the left.
My manner?
You noticed?
A manner developed in
the contact with human stupidity.
After beating your head against it,
you start giggling.
At first you want to yell
and curse, then it gets funny.
To the right.
Brake it, we're here!
Have you heard
of Spinoza?
Of whom?
Spinoza.
Oh, that... Sure...
The composer.
No, not a composer,
a thinker, a philosopher.
Once Spinoza came
to some town.
He settled down to live with some
people, sitting and writing all day.
And those simple folks made fun of him -
look, the man is doing
nothing but writing.
What was Spinoza to do?
Are you asking me?
Yes, I'm asking.
What is the thinker to do?
What to do?
The same thing as before - to think.
And to write.
What?
Write! Write!
It's easy for you to say it now,
300 years later.
But he was only human,
those jokes were driving him mad.
I should warn you,
my sister's not very cordial.
Don't pay attention
to her displeasure.
Perhaps I'd better not go?
- And what did Spinoza do?
- What?
More courage, artiste!
Let them condemn us later, if,
historically, they're more intelligent.
I'm not scared, but I shouldn't
have gone with you.
Who knows.
Straight ahead, and then left.
Oh, two of you all at once!
The comrade is from the State Circus.
Fix us some tea, and we'll talk.
This way, comrade Kaigorodov.
Excuse me.
Watch your head here.
Another victim.
Don't pay attention.
Come on in.
- Why so many TV sets?
- I'm repairing them.
Spinoza polished the glass, and I'm
soldering, earning my living.
Fixing up this and that
for our citizens.
Our workshop is too cramped,
so I have to do it at home.
C'mon, sit down.
I don't like people standing.
Perhaps we'll even get tea
if her conscience wakes up.
Take a seat,
I don't like people standing.
This is my work of many years.
Reflections on the state.
On what?
I just need an hour
and a half of your time.
Why are you standing?
Give me a rag.
Please,
we don't want any tea of yours!
Just don't be nervous,
I beg you, and no scenes!
- All the ducks go in pairs...
- Now she'll gad about all night.
Having one of her fits.
The state is
a very complex organism.
To put it to use you have...
It has to be comprehended as a whole.
Not in these conditions, of course.
I ought to have built my own house.
She's waiting for me to get married.
Even picked a bride for me. That one.
A serious woman, has
a nice boy, but all this...
Here is, in fact,
my idea of a state.
Here.
Chapter one.
The outline of the structure
of an expedient state.
The state is
a many-story building,
with all floors having a phone link
and connected by a staircase.
The floors are gradually tapering
until only one room is left on the top,
where the control center is situated.
The meaning of such a state
is as follows.
Mobilize your imagination
and we'll string on phenomena
that we can't feel.
The Russian man likes
to feel everything with his hands.
He's not yet used to
thinking in categories.
Do you get the sense of
what I'm reading about?
Everything's clear to you?
Let's picture that
huge building in a cross section,
and the population as
the figures supporting the floors.
Thus, the whole building
is supported by the figures.
To change the picture, let's assume
that some figures on floor X
evaded their responsibilities
and stopped supporting the ceiling.
The ceiling sagged in.
The figures conscientiously supporting
their floor got an additional burden.
The laws of fairness and
balance have been violated.
The control center
receives an alarm signal.
The controls send a query -
where does it sag?
They call all the floors.
People of goodwill
plus modern technology.
It's been established:
the sagging is on floor Y.
From the control center...
Are you serious?
Meaning?
Are you doing all this for serious?
Goodbye.
Why are you playing the fool?
Did no one ever tell you this?
I understand, the motorcycle
engine is an objective thing,
you can also fantasize
some centrifugal force.
But this is different.
Goodbye.
Listen...
Come with me.
I've got half a bottle, we'll
have a drink.
Why should you sit here alone?
Don't get pissed off, don't be like...
Sorry, what's your name?
You didn't tell me.
I told you at the hotel.
Nikolai Nikolayevich.
So, you're Kolia.
And I'm Grisha.
C'mon, let's have a drink.
Forget about that state.
They'll sort it out without us.
That's what we all are saying.
You didn't even want to grasp
what it was all about.
You should've listened to at least
two chapters, it's just one notebook.
What education have you got?
Whatever I got, it's all mine.
Stop making people laugh.
Goodbye.
This one didn't take too long.
There was a military man whom
he was pulling the wool over all night.
We're not at counsel with
Kutizov in Fili!
- Will you have supper?
- I'm working.
Oh, you may write till you're dead.
- Nikolai Nikolayevich.
- I'm working.
- Maybe it's something important.
- Oh, you're no better than him!
Why not make him marry you,
then you would write together.
Or he would read to you
and you would listen openmouthed.
Why not? I would listen.
Look, last summer
I saw in the theatre
how one woman was netting a man.
She pretended she fainted.
He began running about and fussing,
and the woman was lying down.
He tried everything - blowing on
her, sprinkling her, shaking her.
And then she drew him to her!
And he got stuck.
- Did they get married?
- You bet!
How did she draw him?
Oh, God!
Don't you know how to draw?
I wince every time I remember it.
Don't feel like drawing at all.
When is your name day, Vera, Nadezhda,
Lyubov and their mother Sofia?
In the fall.
We'll celebrate it next Wednesday.
- Why?
- What do you mean, why?
- What for?
- Why should we draw it out?
He won't understand anyway.
And we two will sit and
drink a bit to brave ourselves up.
Then I sort of go
and you will fall.
- Fall where?
- Into a swoon.
How am I going to fall?
Just fall and lie like a log.
And I'll be near, outside the window.
And what then?
And then, go on pretending.
He'll run to you.
And you do your act.
Moan or something like that.
And when the real thing starts,
I'll catch you in the act.
What real thing?
Oh God...
He won't eat you, will he?
Why do you have to catch us?
Can't we settle it between ourselves?
I see how you've been
settling it for three years now.
You're so slow-witted.
If I catch you, there'd be a witness.
He won't get away with it.
That's what they showed in the theatre.
No, I don't know.
What is it you don't know?
Maybe you shouldn't catch us?
If I shouldn't , I wouldn't .
We'll see
if I should or not.
Excuse me... Could you tell me
where the marriage registry office is?
It's downtown,
six bus stops from here.
Thank you.
- Where do you need to go?
- To the marriage registry office.
We'll give you a lift.
Come on, Josephine.
Careful, she's very fragile.
Good afternoon, Lyuba.
Any letters for me
from the Academy of Sciences?
No, Nikolai Nikolayevich.
You could at least look.
I look every day,
Nikolai Nikolayevich.
If you want, I can look again
while you're here.
No, nothing for you.
Still writing.
And from UNESCO?
- From what?
- UNESCO.
Nothing from there, either.
- Goodbye.
- Nikolai Nikolayevich.
The day after tomorrow is my name day.
Congratulations.
Maybe we'll celebrate it together?
In the evening.
Maybe, I don't know.
I'm in a hurry now, sorry.
Sergey Nikolayevich.
- We got a complaint here.
- Another complaint?
Another complaint.
Do it yourself
Today we have
a very interesting guest,
Nikolai Nikolayevich Knyazev.
He came to share with us his thoughts
about the organization of the state.
Once I thought about
what would happen
if we, like ants,
brought the maximum to the state?
Just imagine the situation
when no one steals and no one drinks.
A very important thought.
- No one is loafing.
- Just great!
No one gives and no one takes
bribes, no one profiteers.
Everyone at his or her place
puts his or her little brick
in this grandiose
building - the state.
When I pondered over it and saw
in my mind's eye all our expanses,
itjust took my breath away.
My goodness, I thought,
what are we doing?
We could have covered with
asphalt the entire globe,
dug the subway through
to Vladivostok,
built a staircase up to the Moon.
One global idea should
subordinate all the minor ones
related to our
behavior and everyday life.
Kolia Knyazev, pedal over here.
- How are you?
- Hello.
Take a look at our telly.
We turn it on - there're some flakes.
Whoever can compare
to Mathilda of mine,
Whose pretty black eyes just sparkle
and shine...
Just fine...
Something must be wrong
with the aerial.
Would you like to go fishing?
We're planning to,
with Yuri Viktorovich.
I don't like it.
You don't like fishing?
How come?
Well, you know...
- It's just a waste of time.
- It's a rest.
What difference does it make what kind
of rest you're wasting your time on?
There's an active rest
and a passive rest.
The active rest means
some useful event.
Those events make
your head reel as it is.
I don't mean those events,
I mean expedient ones.
- Getting the difference?
- No, I'm not.
Be so kind
and explain, please.
What is your occupation?
- What difference does it make?
- And anyway?
A makeup artist.
Are you aware
how burial mounds are made?
What do mounds have to do with it?
- You ever seen how they're raised?
- Have you?
You might have seen it in a movie?
Do you have a general idea?
I want you
to recall in your mind's eye
the picture
of a mound being raised.
People are walking one after another.
Each takes a handful of
earth and throws it.
First they fill up the pit,
then a mound begins to grow.
Have you visualized it?
Note the disproportion between the
size of a mound and a handful of earth.
A handful of earth is this small,
and on the other side, a big mound.
Was it magic?
No magic.
The accumulation of quantity.
This was how the states were formed,
from Urartu to modern ones.
What can
a weak human hand do?
A fishing rod.
The fishing rod is
also the work of human hands.
In this case, it's only one man.
But when they continuously
walk one after another
and throw a handful of earth each,
a hill is formed.
A fishing rod and a hill.
Are you getting it?
No, I'm not.
What do one and
the other have in common?
We were talking about
how to spend free time.
I believe,
I think that
whatever you're doing,
if you like it,
it means you had a good rest.
Nonsense, rubbish, it's reasoning
at the level of the Stone Age.
The moment you begin
to reason that way,
you're leaving
the continuous chain of mankind
that is accumulating quantity.
I gave you such a graphic example -
how a mound is raised.
Everybody threw a handful
of earth, and you didn't .
Then what's the meaning of your life?
It makes no sense.
It's really some rubbish.
What mound?
I'm telling you,
I came here to have a rest.
Close to nature, to the sea.
I like fishing and I'll fish.
I came to have a rest, too.
- Well?
- What?
Did you come here
to raise a mound?
If you don't like thinking in
categories, then you don't like anything.
Such a graphic example!
- What's the meaning of our life?
- It depends on a person.
No, answer me, what's
the universal meaning of life?
In universal statehood.
If the state prospers,
we all prosper.
- Am I right or not?
- Right.
Figuratively speaking,
we all carry on our shoulders
a certain burden.
Suppose you, me,
the granddad here are carrying a log.
We have to carry it over 100 meters.
We've got over 50 meters, and
suddenly you say, " I'm on leave."
You mean we don't need leaves?
It's nonsense, too.
A leave is possible after we've carried
the log 100 meters and thrown it down.
I don't understand
what you're meaning to say.
First a mound, then a log.
Did you come here to rest?
Yes, to rest.
Or you came here
to throw a log on the road?
Are you doing it on purpose,
refusing to understand?
I really don't understand it.
It's some nonsense, some rubbish.
A total gibberish.
It's a total gibberish!
It makes absolutely no sense.
Granddad, do you understand anything?
Do you understand what he's jabbering?
I'm listening. It's serious.
Sure, serious.
But I can't understand anything!
Cool it. Why get so nervous?
And why are you jabbering
some gibberish?
You didn't even get to the crux
of the matter.
When are we going to learn
to reason logically?
And what about you?
If I don't understand it, it means
it's gibberish. A splendid logic!
For how long are we going
to brush it aside like this?
Well, let's make it
clear, simple and precise.
What do you want to say?
In plain Russian.
- Where do you live?
- In Tomsk.
No, more broadly, as a whole.
I don't understand,
in what whole, in what, where?
You live in a state.
With what do your
main interests coincide?
- I don't know.
- With the state interests.
Your interests coincide
with the state interests.
- Is it clear now?
- Well?
- What's the meaning of your life?
- Well? Well?
Not " well-well" ! What's the meaning
of the life of each citizen?
Well, I don't know!
Working, being honest,
not betraying anyone,
defending your country
if need be.
That's all true.
But it's only offshoots.
What's the principal meaning?
Where's the main stem, so to speak?
- Where?
- I'm asking you!
But I don't know!
Do with me whatever you like!
I don't know!
Are you stupid or what?
Fuck it!..
What do you want from me, huh?
What do you want from me?
Or I'll send you packing from here!
What do you want from me? What?!
Yura, calm down.
Oh, holy God...
In the blue sea and the ocean,
Each to his own merits,
Making such a wild commotion
A band of evil spirits.
Future prospects, that's their worry,
That's why all this brawl.
Evil force would rage and scurry,
For years been having a ball.
A pike in the sea,
water in the mortar, water in the sieve...
Uncle Kolia, when
shall we launch the perpetuum mobile?
- When I finish it tomorrow.
- All right.
Water sprite waving his hands,
All dried up from speeches:
Been reforming all our fiends,
Werewolves, devils and witches.
Past are the years of stagnation,
Those were a great time,
Now we robbers have to be patient,
It's hard to commit a crime.
A pike in the sea,
Water in the mortar, water in the sieve,
There's no other way for us
To muddle the bottom of the sea.
Our Neptune gotjust insufferable,
Going against us all,
He wants to make the quagmire arable
And clean the bay of gall.
We're bringing sabotage
To the very forefront,
So that underwater gardens
Would never bear a plant.
A pike in the sea,
Water in the mortar, water in the sieve...
Hell's bells!
So many loafers!
If each of them broughtjust a handful...
And to not overlook the morals,
Just in case anyone cares,
We'll call up mermaids as well
For amorous affairs.
So, no hackwork, dear girls,
Don't spare your tails.
We got to attack all at once,
From all fronts and trails.
A pike in the sea,
Water in the mortar, water in the sieve,
There's no other way for us
To muddle the bottom of the sea.
I thought you were at home,
but you're at work.
What was it you had there?
Because...
everyone keeps telling me.
What are they telling?
Comrade Knyazev, I hate
to do it, but I have to...
Why do you have to? You think
I don't understand what I've done?
Comrade Knyazev.
To hell with them!
Let them live as they like.
Thank you.
Hell's bells!
Did I say something wrong to him?
I was suggesting that he would
see his objectives more clearly.
He could make a speech at the club.
Telling us about the actors.
Oh, God...
He's a makeup artist.
But what do life objectives
have to do with it?
He would have done a useful thing.
That's what I began with yesterday,
that people are filing,
and each takes
a handful of earth and throws it.
And a hill is formed.
The hill is an expedient state.
If we assume that
the meaning of life of every man,
figuratively speaking...
No, no.
No, comrade Knyazev.
I got a meeting at 10,
a conference.
I'll be glad
to listen to you some other time.
Eat it with bread. Don't
choke on it, no one will take it away.
Let me cut it, I'll cut it.
Uncle Kolia and I are going to launch
the perpetuum now, I mean, mobile.
What?
It's a machine of perpetual motion.
It works on its own.
And everybody's happy, no crisis.
What crisis?
There's an energy crisis now.
But we'll launch the perpetuum,
and there'll be no crisis.
I don't understand what you're
talking about.
Mom, it's all very simple.
This is the Sun, and this is the Earth.
No one spins them,
yet they're rotating.
And the solar system is rotating.
And whole galaxies are rotating.
You think you're standing?
No, you're rotating.
As for me, I sure spin, like
a squirrel on a treadmill.
- Where're you going?
- To uncle Kolia's .
Isn't this thing dangerous?
- It may be dangerous.
- What if it blows up?
Oh, I don't know.
He's wasted so much salt.
Vovik explained to me that they're
making a perpetual motion machine.
He says they'll put a monument to uncle
Kolia for this thing in his lifetime.
They will.
They'll catch him and put another.
Vovik told me about the stars and the
Moon like he was reading from a book.
He who lives with a cripple
learns how to limp.
There's nothing bad about it for Vovik.
Once he starts to explain,
there's no stopping him!
When you get married to him, you'll
be making a perpetual motion machine
from morning till night and back.
The day will be too short for you.
Well, Vovik,
shall we start perpetual motion?
Let's start it, uncle Kolia.
Well...
The mankind's centuries-old dream.
There we go!
Uncle Kolia, it's going to stop.
I admit I didn't recognize you,
You had changed, got so mature by far.
Oh, how quietly I stood there
When you sang for the boys to your
guitar.
It was so long ago...
So you didn't leave?
It's hard to recognize you now.
First the cars move the equipment.
We decided to stay and get a tan.
What do the scientists think now
about the perpetual motion machine?
What?
About the perpetual motion machine.
What machine?
The perpetuum mobile
that they just couldn't build.
Who's supposed to think?
The academic world.
Have they given up on the idea?
It seems they have.
Wasn't it too soon?
What too soon?
Dismissing the idea.
Have you invented the perpetual
motion machine?
Yes, I have.
Congratulations.
The man invented the perpetual
motion machine, and you...
The water's so cold.
And what's next?
What's next, I say?
Meaning?
You congratulated me, and what's
next?
Run to the store.
- No, I'm serious.
- It's just some bullshit.
And if it's not?
You're not Kulibin, are you?
The world's best scientists rack their
brains, and you - bang! - invented it.
They brushed it away just like you.
They didn't brush it away, they proved
it's impossible, you must know it.
But it revolves.
- What revolves?
- The wheel.
It was revolving all night,
and is now.
I got tired of watching it,
so I decided to take a walk.
What wheel?
The bike's wheel.
Right.
It's got a good bearing,
so it's revolving.
But not through the whole night.
Uncle Kolia, let's go and give it
another spin, maybe it'll spin then?
Uncle Kolia!
I'm going to my workplace.
As though I forgot to turn in the keys.
And you don't lose your chance.
Most important is to be aggressive.
Fall down and lie there.
C'mon, to brave you up.
He got no choice, he'll come.
- But why shall I fall?
- What do you mean, why?
- Did I get poisoned or something?
- No, not poisoned.
You got scared and fainted -
ah! and you're lying down.
- What did I get scared of?
- A mouse or something.
Your head went round,
and you're lying in a swoon.
You've got mice?
Oh, what do you care?
Just fall and lie.
All right, I'm off.
Lyuba, I'll run to my work.
I forgot to leave my keys there.
Don't be lonely here.
Fall! Fall!
Lyuba, fall with a cry.
He can't hear you. Got it?
Lyuba, get up.
He can't hear, cloth-ears.
Take the vase with chocolates
and smash it to smithereens.
And yell at the top of your voice,
or you won't get through to him.
Lyuba?
Lyuba, are you all right?
Lyuba?
Klava.
Klava, where're you?
Klava!
Klava!
Damn it!
Lyuba, what's wrong?
What happened, Lyuba?
What is it? What happened?
Lyuba?
Are you all right?
Is it your heart?
What are you feeling?
What?
- Kiss me.
- What? What?
Kiss me.
Lyuba...
Lyuba, it's ...
Not expedient, Lyuba.
That's how gradually we learn our
dreams to subdue.
The sailboat moves away into obscurity,
Between us, more and more of
insincerity.
My dear boy, it couldn't be
really you?
I so much believed your eyes,
I so much believed your lies...
Lyuba, how was it?
It's silly and ridiculous,
Oh, what the heck, it's so obvious.
No, I won't even recall
How could I wait for it at all...
Not expedient.
That's it.
Lyuba.
Don't get in the way of studying!
Don't get in the way of working!
One-two, arm-in-arm,
Three-four, our ranks intact!
If need be, we'll sound alarm,
It's the only way to act!
Our pioneers' salute
to patron Knyazev, for him we root!
Beer, vodka and moonshine
Out of our planet, as any wine!
Long live the science,
Long live the progress
And the wise policy of our Party
and its press!
Good afternoon, Lyuba.
Good afternoon.
See, I got 8 notebooks here.
I would like to send them.
Should I put them in a box or..?
I'd like to have a guarantee
that none of them gets lost.
I guess I'd better send them
by a registered parcel?
Nikolai Nikolayevich, dear.
Let's not be in a hurry with your
parcel.
I know it's none of
my business, Nikolai Nikolayevich.
But listen to my advice,
wait a little bit.
We can always do it.
What if you change your mind?
You fool!
You toad-eyed fool!
Why are you sitting and croaking here?
Can you at least spell the word
"statehood" correctly?
You'll spell it like " stategood" !
Don't you dare shouting at me!
Sergey Nikolayevich!
Sergey Nikolayevich,
come here!
There's some shit here
about stategood!
- Sergey Nikolayevich!
- What's the matter?
Some shit about stategood!
Come here,
let's goggle together.
Maybe at least you
got some brains in your bean?
- What's up?
- It's all sewn up!
- Away!
- What is it, you drunken lout?
C'mon, get him!
Let go!
Tie him up!
Give me his hand!
Hurray! Our side has won!
Tie me, tie me up.
He's drunk.
No, I'm not drunk.
You can't pull it off!
I just took the liberty of
sending my work by mail.
Whose post office is this?
Yours?
It's my post office, you idiot!
Oh, you toads!
I wrote down my thoughts and by
accident dropped a stone in your bog.
And what a croaking it has raised!
I hope I didn't catch against
your head, Sergey Nikolayevich?
Go on, shout.
To the police.
He's absolutely off his rocker.
Dimwits!
They don't like being
dimwits, that's the problem,
but then they like being
dimwits, they do!
They're leading Spinoza!
Have you ever seen Spinoza?
Here I am, a Spinoza
in a hat and with a tie.
Hello!
Hell's bells!
Well, I kicked up a racket, I did.
But I'm not drunk.
I never drink.
Did I insult anybody?
What about Sergey Nikolayevich?
And this one, Lyuba, too?
Take me to a hospital.
I have a headache.
You mean my calling them dimwits?
And what do you think they are?
All right, let it be a hospital.
Thank God the police was near,
or he would've said I don't know what.
- Well, what soberness conceals...
- ...drunkenness...
He doesn't drink.
I was born to a poor peasant
family, a ninth child.
Giving me any education
was out of the question.
As there was no upbringing.
We were brought up by labor.
Open your eyes and sit down.
Cross your legs.
I myself broke through
those strata of life over my head.
I displayed the signs of philosophical
consciousness since childhood.
I remember a foreman yelling at me,
and it made me wonder in some
while why he was yelling.
I read a lot, though I got into
much trouble because of it.
My father didn't approve, he made me
work more, but I kept reading.
Don't move your head, please.
Follow the hammer with your eyes.
And the more I read,
the more
troubled I became.
I looked around me and I thought
about how much they had piled up.
But there was no order.
Get dressed.
And so gradually I got preoccupied
with the thoughts about the state,
and, with sadness and amazement,
I came to understand
that we all were living
each to his own liking,
and hardly anyone cared
for the state's interests.
And even if anybody shouts at every
street corner about its interests,
he's just pretending,
his self comes first,
he just wants to look vanguard,
and thus steal more.
Take sedatives.
I saw how our state
was being squandered.
Each does his best at his place.
And still our state is alive.
What is it alive by?
And I came to a conclusion -
by its structure.
The structure of the state is such
that even with the minimum
that we're giving it,
it is still capable of
strengthening itself by some way.
But what if we, like ants,
brought the maximum to the state?
An absolutely normal man.
What happened, Knyazev?
To hell with them.
I just exploded.
I couldn't stand
human stupidity any longer.
I tell her one thing, and she -
let's wait and think.
She will think, that hen.
But why insult her?
She insulted me even more.
She thinks I'm an idiot.
She hasn't read a single line of this.
She's my sister's friend, and my sister
says it's bullshit, waste of time.
But what's it all about?
My thoughts about the state.
I've been writing it for 7 years.
Let's not start it now...
No, leave it, I'll take a look.
Take a look.
May I go now?
You may, only you'll have
to apologize to the post workers.
All right, I'll apologize.
I'll apologize.
All right, go then.
I'll return it later.
- There're 8 notebooks there.
- So what?
In case something happens.
There're eight of them.
- All right, eight.
- I don't want them to get lost.
Nothing will get lost.
You know... here... perhaps it is...
Inventory of the life of Knyazev
Notes and drawings
A cornflower field,
And the grass a-little stings.
I'm lying as though drunk,
I forgot about all things.
I'm lying, arms spread out,
The wind bends the bushes down,
And a melancholy willow
Sings a sad song with a moan.
Oh, you, my dear willow,
What do you sing about my fate?
Maybe I will know glory
Orjust die before my date.
In that song of yours so doleful
I do not understand a bit.
Itjust brings me more depression,
Though there's no lack of it.
A cornflower field,
And the grass a-little stings.
I'm lying as though drunk,
I forgot about all things.
Look,
the farther a stick is from the shore,
the longer it takes to throw it out.
Yes, yes.
Excuse me, sir, you reinvented
the wheel.
- Why?
- It's been known since long ago.
During a storm, ships try to get
as far from the shore as possible.
I didn't mean the law as such.
It's just so like people.
- Any Salem's left?
- Here.
The strongest go farther.
As a result, we have a storm,
a storm in our everyday life.
And the winner is the strongest,
the one who rows away farthest.
It's too clever.
It's too wrong
to be clever.
Why?
The point is how
to get the farthest from the shore.
I'm not saying
"the strongest" .
Perhaps it should be
"the most cunning" ?
Help!
Quick!
Come here!
I meant another
strength, a real strength.
What matters is the result.
When we estimate
our strength correctly,
we can clearly see what we have
to do to achieve our aim.
Excuse me, what did you say?
- It wasn't I who said it.
- Who, then?
- Benedict.
- Benedict?
Spinoza.
- But he was Boruch.
- Baruch. Baruch Spinoza.
Excuse me, I didn't get what he said.
You'll never get it.
Oh, hell's bells!
Where're you going?
You'll catch cold.
The water is 7? C., man.
He's sloshed.
You're going to catch cold!
Must be a polar bear.
I'll bet he's added 40?
to his own 36.
A Siberian, they fear nothing.
76? degrees, for sure.
Come on!
I'm drowning!
- Is he serious?
- Kidding.
He's drowning!
Hey! Are you serious?
Of course, he's serious!
What the damn!
Help him!
Guys, why are you standing?
- He's going to drown.
- He'll swallow a bit of water and...
Holy shit!
Hey, hold on!
Why did he go in in the first place?
He's under me.
I grabbed him by his shorts,
but he slipped out of them.
- Where's he?
- He was here.
A boat.
The boat!
The boat!
There he is.
- He's slipping away.
- Catch him.
They got him.
They got him!
Boys!
- Hold his head.
- I got it.
Can you do mouth to mouth?
Wait with mouth-to-mouth.
Shake him and get the water out.
Oh, what's this?
Come on.
He gulped down chockfull of water!
Is his mouth open?
Hold him vertical.
Enough, put him down.
Lay him down.
Boys, put his pants on.
Pump him up.
First put them on, then pump.
You'd better run to the store.
Or they'll do us in,
those polar bears.
I guess you'll be awarded
a medal now, right?
With no pants on, it doesn't count.
What do you mean, without pants
it doesn't count?
If a drowning person has no pants on,
it doesn't count that you saved him.
We have to get his pants,
then there will be a medal.
Ira, come here, hold his head.
Boys, put the pants on!
Ira, we all got our pants.
He seems to have gathered his wits.
Are you back with us?
Well, happy birthday, man!
He looks quite alive.
Just look at him making a run of it!
And he didn't even say thank you.
Oh, boys!
Greetings to Benedict Spinoza!
Mom!
Mom, uncle Kolia's coming to see you!
He's starting a new life.
Lyuba.
You see, I...
I got totally free of those...
ideas that...
for a long time...
Well, that's not the point.
The point is that
I'm proposing to you.
I love you.
And I don't love you.
Well, think about it, Lyuba.
This is for you.
And something else.
Please forgive me if you can.
Well, for what was today
at the post office.
I'm very sorry.
Uncle Kolia, mom is saying 'yes'.
She was just kidding.
I've invented a new machine, Vovik.
- Perpetual?
- No.
Not perpetual, but very powerful.
It's powerful, but it's
the size of a matchbox.
The principle of its construction
is very simple.
We'll talk about it later, uncle Kolia.
It's high time for you to get married.
My mom is the best. Let's go.
It's time, Vovik, it's time.
Come on!
Written and directed by
Sergey NIKONENKO
Director of Photography
Nikolai PUCHKOV
Production Designer
Yuri KONSTANTINOV
Music from L. Minkus' ballet
"Don Quixote"
English Subtitles by
T. Kameneva
The End