Yi wu liang qi (1987) - full transcript
Why do you want me in such a hurry?
When seeing a patient's decayed tooth
I know anything hard
can decay or perish
We may perish too as we grow older
So why don't we
go through life, death
and the bed together?
A boy said this to me
before he left me
Is he a dentist too?
No, he's a script-writer
Hsin
I can't stand anymore shocks
I assure you
I'll be nice to you
I had one marriage flop
I tasted it
when my wife left me
I'm star-crossed
All my admirers are psychologically
and physiologically perverted
Our relationship didn't last
I'm sane in mind, sound of body
Do you really need me?
I can't do without you
Are you sure
no one will separate us?
Yes
I earn a few thousand
from the Dramatic Society
and I have a house from father
If we save up, we can live happily
Give me three years to consider
No, two days
Move tomorrow
For I must pay the rent the day after
Dolly, don't scare me
I'm new here
At worse I'll feed you
Let's be friends
May my late father bless me
with another wife after one leaves me
And with 4 kids in less than three years
Thank you, father
Hsin, time to eat
It's nice to eat at home,
it's crowded outside
What have you cooked?
Your favorite fish head
& chicken a la King
Great
From a cooked food stall?
Yes, I can't cook
Only rice
Not bad
I'll get the chopsticks. Sit down
Still have memorize the lines?
Be flexible
Hsin
What are you doing?
I saw your ex-wife at the entrance
What's she doing?
She's asking for alimony
Nonsense, I sent her a check last month
She said all your checks
had been dishonored
Don't let her get in
Right
Go out to stop her
What about here?
You stop her. I'll take your place
Make a whizzing sound
This is Mt Tunia of Arabia
Many started to climb
but I'm the only survivor
The Wind's coming
The lightning's coming too
It snows
The blizzard's coming
Louder
Blizzard, come here
Louder
Blizzard, come freely
Louder
I'm not afraid
Louder
I'm not afraid
Loudenlouder
Please be louder
Almighty God,
I'm ready to stand the test
Almighty God,
I'm ready to stand the test
Almighty God,
I'm ready to stand the test
What did my wife say?
She wants you to smear honey on your ass
to let the ants have a field day
Maniac
Why is this duck like paste?
Add some tea
and it'll become tea duck in sauce
Can't be so watery
Pour out the juice and simmer.
It's fixed
What a waste
Add some soup and it tastes better
It smells of tea
Add some lotus seed
and it'll become lotus seed te
Add some starch and it tastes better
Bad, I put salt in by mistake
Add some sugar, and it's fixed
Salt and sugar neutralize each other
Add some cane sugar
One, two, enough?
No, no, more, several more
It smells good
Which is most palatable?
Tea duck in sauce, try
My old ex-friend always complained
I can't cook
As of now
I'll try to be 100% feminine
I'll cook nice food for you every day
Why?
Is it hard to stomach?
Very sour?
Sweet?
Hot?
If it tastes bad, spit it out
I've swallowed it
I can't cook.
Do you despise me for that?
Never, crackpot
Why call me a crackpot?
I don't mean it
I bought two sets of cute pajamas
- Let's try
- Okay.
Such ugly pajamas
You never learn
People may laugh at you
Why are you coming back?
You've already deserted me
Please leave me again, I beg you
Get out of here as soon as possible,
I beg you
Hsin, I know you hate me
I must return
I'm in a strait
Let me stay
No, this is your problem, not mine
If you move in
I'll be in trouble
Please go away at once
What are you doing?
We're divorced, but
this house was left to us by Master
The title deed belongs to both of us
What then?
I'll come back to eat
when I'm hungry
I'll come back to live
when I've no lodging
Who's she?
Hui Kang, Pai Chia
Your ex-wife?
Yes, I'm his ex-wife
What does she want?
To come back to live
Live?
This house is ours
You can't come
and go as you like
You know better
Please tell her
about my right to this house
You don't have to greet me
I won't be in your way
I'll come and go by myself
Good night
Sorry
I know I'm ill-fated
When I return,
your wife returns too
I can't help it
This house was left to us by Father
The title deed bears her name too
What if she insists
on selling her share?
What now?
I have an idea
Let's try something tomorrow
Anything can change, and I can change
Formerly I washed the dishes and plates
Now another woman will do it
To prove I'm not so unlucky
I won't let her take away my man
Why are you so sad?
Mrs Hsia
I've divorced Hsin
Sorry
It's a long story
Every woman
wants to settle down
So I value my feeling with Hsin
I'm back to live in what I'm entitled to
I'm unworthy of Hsin
I'll return him to you
I must leave this heart-broken place
and lead a wandering life
I may vanish after reaching
the Heavenly Kingdom s
Do you mind Hsin's defects?
I have more defects
You've shed tears. Drink some tea
My throat sores with crying,
I need honey
This is peanut oil
One so defect-prone
should be killed by mercy
What are you doing?
To kiss you
What are you doing?
Not tonight, Hui Kang's next door
Hush!
What an adulteress
I'm tired
Can't you get up, darling?
I'll get things for you to rinse
Why don't you get up and go to work?
What? Do you miss me?
Only a few hours
Just love me
What?
Love me all your life is not enough?
Don't! It's dawn! Don't...
Hsin, have breakfast
Morning. Out for shopping?
Yes, have breakfast
Did you cook it?
Yes
What are you going to buy?
Rice dumplings for Hsin
Do you buy these for him every morning?
Can't you cook it yourself?
Morning
Have breakfast
Rice dumplings
They are hard
to get
You're great
Take it hot
Never mind, pick it up
You can resist the small germs
Lots of beans
Don't eat, it's dirty
Take this
One need a change
after taking too many delicacies
Next time don't cook so much
Hsin, you've changed much
Dumplings for breakfast,
singing at midnight
I'll go and get ketchup
In fact, Hsin follows me only
He takes anything I take
He sings anything I sing
So you like singing too
This will hurt your vocal cords
No way, I can't control my feelings
You don't know how I feel
I've been his wife
Like Priest Tang In Monkey Goes West
who knows Monkey's magic
I can read Hsin like a book
Don't try to take his side
What were you talking about?
Your strong points
What are they?
How shall I put it?
Your hair is shorter than others'
Bring me tea, crackpot
You're calling her crackpot again?
I'll get it myself
So there are many crackpots
in HK too
What are you doing?
Where's Pai Chia?
I don't know
Enough?
Yes
You're a guest
Let our host do it
Yes, take your time
Be nice
I must change and go to work
Take your time to clear it
Bitch, you can cook but I can't
Just wait & see
Darling, how long have we been married?
I can't remember
You can't, after less than a year
You're heartless
lhave
a poor memory
Darling, prepare me some tonic
Cut
Don't push her so hard
Be gentler, she's your wife
What's wrong? Why are you moping?
Never mind
What are you doing?
ONE MOUNTAIN CANNOT
HIDE TWO TIGERS
One mountain has no room for two tigers
TWO HANDS CANNOT
CATCH FOUR BALLS
What a nut
Stop dreaming
I can't remember our wedding date
due to poor memory
Auntie
Hsin, did you hear me?
When did you return from the USA?
Do I have to serve you notice?
Is Auntie back?
Yes
When did you return?
Let's sit down and talk
- Okay
- Come and sit down
Auntie, got any quarters?
How about living here?
I plan to live with my sister
in the NT
You can get along well here too
Yes
I'm not that stubborn
I won't disturb your married life
You won't
Live here as long as you like
I can't live very long
What's the matter, auntie?
Well, what's it?
I'm here to visit you only
That foreign doctor told me
there's cancer in my stomach
What does that mean?
"Game over"
What?
It's true
Let me show you the Doctor's certificate
No need
Why? Why are you crying?
I'm already advanced in age
I've no worries
I'm delighted to see you
so much in love
Auntie, go in and take a rest
In Los Angeles,
people change their wives like clothes
Auntie's son wants a divorce again
And Great Aunt's granddaughter
cohabits with a for
I couldn't care less
Girls wanna have fun
Auntie
You two
are different
You're a happy married couple
clinging so close to each other
Are you nice to her?
Why is she so skinny now?
Sure
Has she too much household work to do?
That butcher cheated me in weight
I gave him hell
Why is your amah so tough?
No, she's not...
Tell her to go out then
Chm
What's it, master?
She is...
Auntie... Greet Auntie
Auntie
Bring me a cup of tea
Let me do it
No need, I can do that myself
An amah should do this
Auntie, I'll bring you fresh fruit
Hsin, she...
Calm down
I'm mad
Listen,
my auntie's got an incurable disease
She doesn't know I'm divorced
Let's not provoke her
Please play the amah for a day
or 2 till she leaves
A day or two?
Hsin, what took you so long?
For me,
one today's better than 2 tomorrows
Even when buying bananas,
I choose the best
Have you heard that?
She'll go to nunnery in a day or two
Come on, be nice
Only a matter of a day or two
A day or two
Have tea, auntie
Are you Chm'?
Yes, auntie
You should call me madam
Madam
Clean the floor, then do the laundry
I'll do my own laundry
As I said, you're ill-fated
Don't do this. It's for the amah
Bring a pair of slippers for madam
Thank you
Come and pay respects to the ancestors
Let's go out to eat, auntie
No, don't waste money
Let's eat at home
Well, tell Chia to do the cooking
Don't think I can't cook
I'll show you
Kang, why don't you eat?
Don't be so choosey
You're the amah
You shouldn't eat here
Have you got any children?
No, Auntie
Why not,
you've been married a long time?
We're busy
Busy?
We're not too active
Why not?
That's not right
Not right?
Pray to Goddess and the ancestors
Blessed is Goddess
who brings us children
Bless Hsin and Hui Kang
with a child soon
May they have a son before daughters
Drink it
Auntie, do you mean it?
Of course, gulp it
I'll drink it if you don't
It's taboo
Just make believe she didn't drink it
Be nice
Auntie,
since you're going to a nunnery tomorrow
let me sleep with you tonight for a chat
Nonsense, what do you expect?
Sleep with Hsin
I'll sleep with the amah
What are you doing?
Don't move
Can't I watch televsion?
Yes
Don't watch it
Lower the volume
Open the door
What's it?
Have you kissed? Have you kissed?
No
Have you ever done it?
Of course
Several years earlier than you
Don't be cocky, he's my husband
Am I back to fight with you?
You promised to live here only
What are you doing?
WW QOWK you go away now'?
Young people are unreliable
Taxi
Hsin
What?
In fact, I knew your divorce
before I came
Now I want to see if there's any remedy
How do you know it, Auntie?
It's a small world
You see things
when you open your eyes
Even if you don't, you can hear
Our traditional blind marriage
is like water
which heats up
with the nurture of feelings
Before you got married,
the water was boiling
So it cools down easily
But you can kindle up
to boil it again
Auntie, the kettle leaks
I don't care
which of you is right or wrong
Bye-bye
What are you doing?
One mountain cannot hide two tigers?
Why has this kettle no switch?
What has it to do with you?
It has nothing to do with me
Crazy
Pai Chia, Pai Chia
You're back
Pai Chia is out
You're not going out?
No
Off from work?
Yes
Painting?
Yes
Buying food?
Have fried beancurd
Thank you
This crayon box is old
No, I found it from the drawer
You can't get a new one outside
so you use
the old one at home
I don't want to take the trouble
Recently there have been
many new things at home
The new ones replace the old
When there's no apple, eat a banana
You're greedy
I'm not like your crayon box
You mislaid it and it gets dry
And you add some water
and use it again
You're talking in circles
I don't understand it
Forget it
You don't make good money from cartoons
Be realistic,
ketch portraits and
you can make $20-30 in the street
Had I done that,
we wouldn't have separated
Back?
Have fried beancurd
No more, finished
Still half a piece here
Takeit
No, it's no good
to share things 50-50
Never mind
I'll go and buy some more
Here you are, hot and fresh
One each. Don't fight
We're not fighting
Come on
Why doesn't mine smell so strong?
Impossible
They smell all the same
Stop kidding
Hers is preserved beancurd
It makes no difference
No, preserved beancurd tastes better
Fried beancurd's
no good after getting cold
Sorry, the beancurd stall has closed
Well, let's go to see a show
After that,
we'll go and take some preserved food
Only preserved food
Okay?
Come on
Sorry, no seats. Mind to join?
Please be seated
What will you have?
What a coincidence
Yes, what a coincidence
Take my order, please
One chicken drumstick, one goose leg
Stewed chicken with abalone,
steamed fish
Rice with pickled meats
Excuse me. Double legs
Take it yourself
Hui Kang, let's talk it over
Where's my money? Give it back to me
You made me open a shop, place orders
and borrow from
a Finance Company in my own name
Now I'm broke and pressed by creditors
What are you doing?
Don't!
Not your business. Go away
Repay me, repay me
Please don't
Let's go
Don't go, repay me
Are you looking for an Arts Assistant?
The vacancy has been filled?
Thank you
Who are you looking for?
Excuse me, I want to see Miss Huang
I'm here. For stud service?
Yes, my last name is Lu
Stud service?
My bitch Lucy is shy
Your dog's tough
No problem, my dog is nice
Mr Lu, $500, please
Not after the deal's closed?
Give me your Lucy
I brought him up
He's 50% mine
Poor Dolly
Normally you only guard the house
Now you're selling yourself
No way, when things are hard for you
Poverty's a disgrace,
but not prostitution
I must go to the market now
Excuse me
$30
Thank you
Miss, we had much trouble finding you
Miss, stop that
Gentlemen
I really didn't commit anything
Sorry, we're only employees
We can't decide
Please beg mercy from my boss
Say that to the judge
You've already sold
everything I own
You're the guarantor,
you must be responsible
When you borrowed the money
you promised to
take all legal responsiblity
I didn't
Well
Tell me your address and phone number
Thank you, miss
Tell me, or you'll be in trouble
I have no money,
no telephone, no shop
no lodging
and no nothing
I have no quarters, no warmth
no kin, no husband
I really am broke
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Cry, cry your heart out
Why? I've already done my best
I've been conned out
of everything
You still have me
They were mine,
but not now
You left me,
I didn't leave you
I adore you
Let's really separate
Don't cherish any more illusion
I only want something to cling to
Make it for me
Stay out of a woman's business
I understand your plight
Cry by clinging to me
when you're depressed
Don't cling to my husband
If you cling to him
I may cry too
You're also female,
you should understand
I feel badly
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
I'll introduce a man to your wife
What?
We can't go on like this
First, she can settle down
Second, we can live in peace. Okay?
I don't mind
Are you sure?
Li Tzu-ming, already married
Huang Chin-fu, emigrated
Ho Ta-fa, dead
Yang Lao-chuan, Yang Lao-chuan
Who's he?
My former tenant
What does he do?
A painter
A painter for my wife?
Is she still your wife?
No, but I have many friends
Let me introduce him one
This is Mr Chen
How do you do?
This is Hui Kang
Pai Chia, is the meal ready?
Yes
Hsin, come here
Why?
This man for her?
You can't make it
You turned down two others,
saying one's ugly
and the other's poor
This one's rich
I know what's on your mind
Luckily, I've brought my friend
Who's he?
It's none of your business
Please sit down, Mr Chen
A stack of money here,
a stack of credit cards there
He's enterprising
Yes, I am
He commands high respect
Yes,
do
George
What do you say?
Come in and sit down
Okay
This is Hui Kang
He's Hsin
This is Mr Chen
This is Geroge
How do you do?
Is it the vogue
to apply suntan at night?
Bad, my amah has mislaid my money
George is an ex-Mr Hong Kong
He specializes in shooting and swimming
He has lots of muscles
His back muscles
are like Mitsubishi's logo
He's highbrow as the Chairman
of the Gold & Silver Association
You mean me? I'm highbrow
Time to eat
Take it out
It's incovenient to eat with it
George, please stop
Your muscles are dazzling
Please get rice
Excuse me
Where did you find him?
How do you know
so much about his muscles?
Even his back muscles
Are they all the same color?
He used to be my gym teacher
I thought Hui Kang liked his type
I'm more prudent than you
He wanted to undress
to show off his muscles
That midget offered to unzip to show
the $1,000 notes inside his panties
Thank you very much indeed
What are you doing?
Dramatic Society wants me to play
the Tiger Killer
I'm rehearsing for it
They pay $500 a day
You as the Tiger Killer?
No, I play the Tiger
Who'll play the Killer?
Hua, who has been away
in Canada for years
Hua?
So you want me to watch
that nut rehearse?
I'm free
at home anyway
"It's nightfall at the hillside"
"The wine helps pluck up my courage"
"Even a tiger's lair means nothing to me"
"| come to the Mountain with shaky steps"
No gourd
"Good wine, good wine"
SIOP
It's rehearsal, be serious
Hua, come here
Crouch down
Ride over him and strike him 3 times
Then you die, understand?
Die only after three strokes?
Make one extra kick then
It's seven years in a twinkle
You know life's boring over there
I learnt Cantonese drama at my leisure
You haven't changed much
Havel?
You, too
You still like Chrysanthemum tea
I have no soup to drink, I need it
Poor thing
I forgot to introduce to you Hui Kang
Just call me Hua
I'm Hsu An-hua
Mr Hsu
You've got acquainted now
Yes. Let's go and have dinner
Okay
Hua, you're better-looking than before
Hui Kang, have you discovered that?
I've only made his acquaintance just now
Yes
You hold a senior post
at an advertising agency?
So-so
You're tall - 6 feet 2 inches?
No
No? More or less
You're burly. He's burly
Not as burly as
that man of chest muscles
Chest muscles?
Your teeth are white, very white
Your teeth are yellow
Don't talk so much
What else do you like besides painting?
Art work for advertising
Formerly I worked in a small company
She quitted after getting married
So you're married
They're divorced
So she's looking for work
Your husband must be presentable
Me? Thank you
He's her ex-husband
I'm his present wife
We're now friends
Funny, isn't it?
Not at all
This is now
the vogue
We have a staff party tomorrow night
If you're free, bring your work
and talk with
our Art Director
Thank you
Cheers
What are you doing?
Why are you smoking so much?
You're polluting the air
What shall I wear?
Choose for me
Corning
Which one?
This is not bad
He's coming
Hurry up!
How do you do?
Come in, I'll bring Hui Kang out
Okay
Sit down
Not going out?
Nonsense
Sit down. You must wait a long time
Never mind,
you must have patience with girls
It's old
Never mind. Can you play? Show me
It's easy
I've played for three years
I only played three times
What's there to see?
This fixes it
You take an interest in old things
And you like wearing old shoes
Mr Hsu, we may leave
You're beautiful
We may leave
Bye-bye
Have a good time
Hsin, what do you want for food tonight?
Adulterers
What?
Fried beancurd
I'll go and buy beancurd
I'll go and buy beancurd
Still not back at this hour
No kissing
Sorry, sorry
Adulterers
Come out, come out
What are you doing?
Taking a walk
Show me your identity card
I didn't bring it along
Show me anything to prove your identity
I have a mole in my buttocks
Damn, come with me to the police
Get going
Thank you, Mr Wang
Don't do it next time
The police are tough
Thank you
All your diesel oil has leaked out
Brat, why don't you go to school?
Where are you going?
Brat
Running away? Hiding?
You can't hide. Come out
Why are you using violence?
You can't scare me with an adult voice
Come out, come out
Brat
Don't hide, come out
Outrageous
Come out, brat, come out
Are you coming out, brat?
Don't, bitch!
Is he your own son?
Sorry, sorry
Come out quick, brat
Isn't it fun?
Tell me a joke
Come on
Ever heard of a yellow dog pissing?
Formerly the dogs walked this way
and did it
the same way as we do
One day,
a dog pissed before a lamp post
It fell, hurting his back
Since then,
they've been walking this way
Thereafter, they take particular care
when pissing before the post
Hsin, where have you been?
I went out to have morning tea
I was worried about you
Don't worry
Let's sit down for breakfast
Not you, Mr Hsu
Me?
You've taken my place
Sorry
Hsin, I should've called back last night
but I played at the Disco till dawn
and Mr Hsu escorted me back
Are you angry?
No, why should I?
Mr Hsu, this is my cup
Sorry
I've just drunk your coffee
Mr Hsu, you came to my home and
took my wife out till dawn
Now you've taken my place
used my cup, drunk my coffee
and fooled around with my 2 women
We're only acquaintances
Never mind, we'll get along
Anyway, we're brothers
Brothers?
What?
You went out with my wife
and you call me brother
What do you mean?
Calm down. I'm a guest
What guest? You call yourself a guest?
You should call your parents
Uncle & Auntie
if you called yourself a guest
Hsin, what are you doing?
Sorry, I drank too much tea
I'm a bit insane
Just forget
what I've said
Eat
Mr Hsu has a villa on Lantau Island
and wants us to join him there. Okay?
What do you say?
Yes?
Yes
Well, I'll go to play in his house
See how long we can stay
Here it is. Go up
Come up
Come in and be seated
Not bad
How many rooms?
Two, one here and one upstairs
Not bad
Let's play a schoolchildren game
Boys sleep with boys
and girls with girls
The one with a cleaner bed tomorrow
will get an egg
Let's return to our rooms
Frankly, I'm not used to sharing a bed
Are you sure?
So much the better
Hsin, I want to have a word with you
What's it?
I want no game
I want to sleep with you
To avoid dirtying his room
Hell with you
You sleep here
I'll arrange for them
Modern men are sinking in morals
Keep your door locked
to win back the reputation
for chaste Chinese females
Why? You must enjoy yourself on vacation
It's no fun to be conservative
I don't object to your making friends
but don't go too far
Hsin
You know my relationship with you
Never mind me
I know I have no status
but I valued you all these years
and hope others will value you too
The difference hangs only by a thread
I'll keep my door locked, okay?
Yes, he's rather imprudent
If he tries to open your door,
laugh once
If he opens your door, laugh twice
If he tries to get close to you,
keep laughing
Then I'll come to your rescue
Okay?
No
I want to laugh freely
Easy, anyone can play tennis
Look
I don't play well
Maybe let's play doubles
Men against girls. Okay?
Yes
Sorry, I really can't play
Never mind
I really can't play
It really doesn't matter
Okay
You play in front, I play behind
Okay
I serve
I've never played before
Sorry
Never mind, it's alright
You serve
Serve
Sorry, sorry
Does it hurt?
I can't play. Again
Sorry, I really can't play
Never mind. You prefer to play in front
You in front, I behind
I'd better play behind
and you in front
Sorry
Are you doing it for fun?
Sorry, I really can't play
I can't play
I can't play either
Let's quit then
Seafood sauce
Thank you
Live oysters!
Don't you like them?
They must be costly
Never mind, to promote our friendship
Why take these oysters
at midnight?
For tonics
Hui Kang's sort of my wife
I can't control myself anymore
Neither can I.
Last night you jeered at me
This morning the car
ran out of gas for nothing
And you made a mess playing tennis
Are you taking me for a nut?
Anyone trying to take away
a friend's wife is cursed
Nonsense
You've already divorced Hui Kang
That concerns us both only
It has nothing to do with you
Well, I'll woo Pai Chia
No, you can't woo
either of them
I can't woo either of them
You expect me to woo Seven Eleven?
I'm also a man, I know how you feel
Be nice to Pai Chia
I'll help you fix Hui Kang
What do you mean?
What?
We'd better
take the oysters now
Well, take them out and eat
Good
Hold it
Bastard
What's your ambition
besides being a painter?
To be an independent female
Great, take this
Lemon juice
Pai Chia, want some?
Yes, thank you
This is particularly nourishing
Get drunk
and you can't do anything
Let's play a game
and drink
After getting drunk,
we can sleep till dawn
Okay, come on
15, 20
Come on
5,10
Stop moving
Drink
What about a singing game?
Singing game?
Come on, see who gets drunk first
Come on
Let me drink
Sorry for the trouble
my ex-husband gave you
Never mind, I know how he feels
No, I'm not drunk, I'm a good singer
Open the door
Hui Kang, open up
You get up early
Have a cup of coffee
Have bread
Where are they?
Out shopping
You drank me last night
Why were you so careless?
What did you do last night?
What's so special?
Beware you may be served
You took advantage of my wife
and I play a tiger
Why should I play a tiger
to be beaten by you?
Why should I play a tiger
to be beaten by you?
The villagers said a tiger appeared
but on my way back,
it was all quiet
- Let me
- Where's Hsin?
- Take a rest
- He must perform. Find him
Where have you been?
Hurry up!
What are you doing?
Get going
The beast really is fierce
Let me use my fists
to strike him to mince
Stop playing
What's wrong?
He feigns death
Die now
Be dead quickly
I won't die
Be flexible
He won't die
Let me think of something
He really has got the nerve
Die, beast,
or I'll chop you to death
You must die, die quickly
Don't think your sword's special
Beat the drum
How strange, a tiger in human form
Must be a monster
I'll chop you to death
Chop me to death? Never!
You're damned
to have taken away my wife
You're a beast,
you're despicable
For the sake of money,
you become a gigolo
You sponge on others
You walk awkwardly
and sit with an ugly poise
Heaven forgives you, but I don't
I'll tear you to pieces
and boil you
I'll chop you to death
Don't act up like a dictator
Don't block the shuttle flight
Let me chop
open your head
To avoid contagion
May you be cursed with AIDS and piles
Let me make your nose my target
You idiot
Get a rolling machine to crush your toes
Get a fatty to sit over you
You idiot
May you become a scalp
to be scratched by women
May you become a freak in a next life
You idiot
May you be molested by your gay friends
And die
an unexpected death
What are you doing?
"You're fickle and unbridled"
"but I fall for you with a foolish heart"
"Who will pity my poor heart?"
"My tears dry out because of you"
"| love you, whatever your heart is"
"Nothing can control my hollowness"
"I'm ready to weep for you"
"and to let love fill my hollowness"
"|'m hollow and I can't fill it"
"| know I need you always"
"I'm half intoxicated by sweet feelings"
"and hope thunder will crush my sorrow"
"| can't hesitate any more"
"Let me fall for you once again"
They've left one after another
I'm hungry. Got something to eat,
crackpot?
I won't cook
for you any longer
What do you mean?
Are you leaving?
You wanted a divorce
in the first instance
When I got another girl,
you moved in
and threw her out
Now you're leaving me yourself
I left you because
we have nothing in common
I came back because
I couldn't make a living
I leave now
because I've found a good job
and a good boyfriend
Don't
Don%|eave
Don%|eave
Why not?
I'll rape you if you insist
What are you thinking?
Don't do anything foolish
Shut up!
I'll rape you too
Come on, do it!
So what? So what?
I'll do it. Come here!
What? I'll do it to you and your dad
I'll do it to your morn
I'll do it to your grandma
I'll do it to your great grandma
I'll do it to your great gramdma
and great grandpa
I'll do it to any member
of your family
I'll do...
Quiet! You never grow up
Hsin
I sympathize with you,
but please stop loving me
I don't love you
I'm jealous
Men are jealous
and women are narrow-minded
Men are jealous
I used to
hold her in bed
She kissed me
and I kissed her
Ask him, is he angry over that?
Are you angry?
No
So what?
In fact, I miss Pai Chia
Help me bring her back
Thank you
Calm down
Calm down please
I'm quite cool
Forget what I've said
Pai Chia
Are you crying?
I'm overjoyed
I must read those books I haven't read
And I must
redecorate the house
Are you alright?
Yes, I've fallen down
many times
I'm used
to it
Hsin's here. He's outside
Darling, cool down, darling
What do you take me for?
The sun
The sun, that brings warmth to mankind
No, fried food in a food stall
Anyone can take it
A tooth-brush for the use of everyday
A tooth-brush can't be shared
Good, you're taking me for a tooth-brush
I'm a new brush
What about the old one?
Use it to shine the shoes
Why not use it
to brush another set of teeth?
Unhygienic
Unhygienic?!
For you or for others?
Darling
Any man can be jealous
If you see it,
you would say
Friend, I've used this tooth-brush
This will happen, darling
Why don't you use the old
and new ones alternatively on weekdays
and share them on Sunday
This has never
crossed my mind
I got a new one only
because the old one doesn't fit me
Would you do
the same to me?
I use only one tooth-brush all my life
I swear when I get old
I'll treat
my denture well
An old wife is more lovely
Darling, calm down
Thanks for the trouble
Why cry?
One lives only once
Already the second time
Cheer up, or people may misunderstand
You're nice, but we don't fit
Thank you
I should thank you
Don't mention it
Thank you
Would you be jealous
when we become friends?
No, men are narrow-minded
Man, be nice to her
Of course, I mustn't provoke you
I won't be mad, I won't be mad
I won't, I won't
When seeing a patient's decayed tooth
I know anything hard
can decay or perish
We may perish too as we grow older
So why don't we
go through life, death
and the bed together?
A boy said this to me
before he left me
Is he a dentist too?
No, he's a script-writer
Hsin
I can't stand anymore shocks
I assure you
I'll be nice to you
I had one marriage flop
I tasted it
when my wife left me
I'm star-crossed
All my admirers are psychologically
and physiologically perverted
Our relationship didn't last
I'm sane in mind, sound of body
Do you really need me?
I can't do without you
Are you sure
no one will separate us?
Yes
I earn a few thousand
from the Dramatic Society
and I have a house from father
If we save up, we can live happily
Give me three years to consider
No, two days
Move tomorrow
For I must pay the rent the day after
Dolly, don't scare me
I'm new here
At worse I'll feed you
Let's be friends
May my late father bless me
with another wife after one leaves me
And with 4 kids in less than three years
Thank you, father
Hsin, time to eat
It's nice to eat at home,
it's crowded outside
What have you cooked?
Your favorite fish head
& chicken a la King
Great
From a cooked food stall?
Yes, I can't cook
Only rice
Not bad
I'll get the chopsticks. Sit down
Still have memorize the lines?
Be flexible
Hsin
What are you doing?
I saw your ex-wife at the entrance
What's she doing?
She's asking for alimony
Nonsense, I sent her a check last month
She said all your checks
had been dishonored
Don't let her get in
Right
Go out to stop her
What about here?
You stop her. I'll take your place
Make a whizzing sound
This is Mt Tunia of Arabia
Many started to climb
but I'm the only survivor
The Wind's coming
The lightning's coming too
It snows
The blizzard's coming
Louder
Blizzard, come here
Louder
Blizzard, come freely
Louder
I'm not afraid
Louder
I'm not afraid
Loudenlouder
Please be louder
Almighty God,
I'm ready to stand the test
Almighty God,
I'm ready to stand the test
Almighty God,
I'm ready to stand the test
What did my wife say?
She wants you to smear honey on your ass
to let the ants have a field day
Maniac
Why is this duck like paste?
Add some tea
and it'll become tea duck in sauce
Can't be so watery
Pour out the juice and simmer.
It's fixed
What a waste
Add some soup and it tastes better
It smells of tea
Add some lotus seed
and it'll become lotus seed te
Add some starch and it tastes better
Bad, I put salt in by mistake
Add some sugar, and it's fixed
Salt and sugar neutralize each other
Add some cane sugar
One, two, enough?
No, no, more, several more
It smells good
Which is most palatable?
Tea duck in sauce, try
My old ex-friend always complained
I can't cook
As of now
I'll try to be 100% feminine
I'll cook nice food for you every day
Why?
Is it hard to stomach?
Very sour?
Sweet?
Hot?
If it tastes bad, spit it out
I've swallowed it
I can't cook.
Do you despise me for that?
Never, crackpot
Why call me a crackpot?
I don't mean it
I bought two sets of cute pajamas
- Let's try
- Okay.
Such ugly pajamas
You never learn
People may laugh at you
Why are you coming back?
You've already deserted me
Please leave me again, I beg you
Get out of here as soon as possible,
I beg you
Hsin, I know you hate me
I must return
I'm in a strait
Let me stay
No, this is your problem, not mine
If you move in
I'll be in trouble
Please go away at once
What are you doing?
We're divorced, but
this house was left to us by Master
The title deed belongs to both of us
What then?
I'll come back to eat
when I'm hungry
I'll come back to live
when I've no lodging
Who's she?
Hui Kang, Pai Chia
Your ex-wife?
Yes, I'm his ex-wife
What does she want?
To come back to live
Live?
This house is ours
You can't come
and go as you like
You know better
Please tell her
about my right to this house
You don't have to greet me
I won't be in your way
I'll come and go by myself
Good night
Sorry
I know I'm ill-fated
When I return,
your wife returns too
I can't help it
This house was left to us by Father
The title deed bears her name too
What if she insists
on selling her share?
What now?
I have an idea
Let's try something tomorrow
Anything can change, and I can change
Formerly I washed the dishes and plates
Now another woman will do it
To prove I'm not so unlucky
I won't let her take away my man
Why are you so sad?
Mrs Hsia
I've divorced Hsin
Sorry
It's a long story
Every woman
wants to settle down
So I value my feeling with Hsin
I'm back to live in what I'm entitled to
I'm unworthy of Hsin
I'll return him to you
I must leave this heart-broken place
and lead a wandering life
I may vanish after reaching
the Heavenly Kingdom s
Do you mind Hsin's defects?
I have more defects
You've shed tears. Drink some tea
My throat sores with crying,
I need honey
This is peanut oil
One so defect-prone
should be killed by mercy
What are you doing?
To kiss you
What are you doing?
Not tonight, Hui Kang's next door
Hush!
What an adulteress
I'm tired
Can't you get up, darling?
I'll get things for you to rinse
Why don't you get up and go to work?
What? Do you miss me?
Only a few hours
Just love me
What?
Love me all your life is not enough?
Don't! It's dawn! Don't...
Hsin, have breakfast
Morning. Out for shopping?
Yes, have breakfast
Did you cook it?
Yes
What are you going to buy?
Rice dumplings for Hsin
Do you buy these for him every morning?
Can't you cook it yourself?
Morning
Have breakfast
Rice dumplings
They are hard
to get
You're great
Take it hot
Never mind, pick it up
You can resist the small germs
Lots of beans
Don't eat, it's dirty
Take this
One need a change
after taking too many delicacies
Next time don't cook so much
Hsin, you've changed much
Dumplings for breakfast,
singing at midnight
I'll go and get ketchup
In fact, Hsin follows me only
He takes anything I take
He sings anything I sing
So you like singing too
This will hurt your vocal cords
No way, I can't control my feelings
You don't know how I feel
I've been his wife
Like Priest Tang In Monkey Goes West
who knows Monkey's magic
I can read Hsin like a book
Don't try to take his side
What were you talking about?
Your strong points
What are they?
How shall I put it?
Your hair is shorter than others'
Bring me tea, crackpot
You're calling her crackpot again?
I'll get it myself
So there are many crackpots
in HK too
What are you doing?
Where's Pai Chia?
I don't know
Enough?
Yes
You're a guest
Let our host do it
Yes, take your time
Be nice
I must change and go to work
Take your time to clear it
Bitch, you can cook but I can't
Just wait & see
Darling, how long have we been married?
I can't remember
You can't, after less than a year
You're heartless
lhave
a poor memory
Darling, prepare me some tonic
Cut
Don't push her so hard
Be gentler, she's your wife
What's wrong? Why are you moping?
Never mind
What are you doing?
ONE MOUNTAIN CANNOT
HIDE TWO TIGERS
One mountain has no room for two tigers
TWO HANDS CANNOT
CATCH FOUR BALLS
What a nut
Stop dreaming
I can't remember our wedding date
due to poor memory
Auntie
Hsin, did you hear me?
When did you return from the USA?
Do I have to serve you notice?
Is Auntie back?
Yes
When did you return?
Let's sit down and talk
- Okay
- Come and sit down
Auntie, got any quarters?
How about living here?
I plan to live with my sister
in the NT
You can get along well here too
Yes
I'm not that stubborn
I won't disturb your married life
You won't
Live here as long as you like
I can't live very long
What's the matter, auntie?
Well, what's it?
I'm here to visit you only
That foreign doctor told me
there's cancer in my stomach
What does that mean?
"Game over"
What?
It's true
Let me show you the Doctor's certificate
No need
Why? Why are you crying?
I'm already advanced in age
I've no worries
I'm delighted to see you
so much in love
Auntie, go in and take a rest
In Los Angeles,
people change their wives like clothes
Auntie's son wants a divorce again
And Great Aunt's granddaughter
cohabits with a for
I couldn't care less
Girls wanna have fun
Auntie
You two
are different
You're a happy married couple
clinging so close to each other
Are you nice to her?
Why is she so skinny now?
Sure
Has she too much household work to do?
That butcher cheated me in weight
I gave him hell
Why is your amah so tough?
No, she's not...
Tell her to go out then
Chm
What's it, master?
She is...
Auntie... Greet Auntie
Auntie
Bring me a cup of tea
Let me do it
No need, I can do that myself
An amah should do this
Auntie, I'll bring you fresh fruit
Hsin, she...
Calm down
I'm mad
Listen,
my auntie's got an incurable disease
She doesn't know I'm divorced
Let's not provoke her
Please play the amah for a day
or 2 till she leaves
A day or two?
Hsin, what took you so long?
For me,
one today's better than 2 tomorrows
Even when buying bananas,
I choose the best
Have you heard that?
She'll go to nunnery in a day or two
Come on, be nice
Only a matter of a day or two
A day or two
Have tea, auntie
Are you Chm'?
Yes, auntie
You should call me madam
Madam
Clean the floor, then do the laundry
I'll do my own laundry
As I said, you're ill-fated
Don't do this. It's for the amah
Bring a pair of slippers for madam
Thank you
Come and pay respects to the ancestors
Let's go out to eat, auntie
No, don't waste money
Let's eat at home
Well, tell Chia to do the cooking
Don't think I can't cook
I'll show you
Kang, why don't you eat?
Don't be so choosey
You're the amah
You shouldn't eat here
Have you got any children?
No, Auntie
Why not,
you've been married a long time?
We're busy
Busy?
We're not too active
Why not?
That's not right
Not right?
Pray to Goddess and the ancestors
Blessed is Goddess
who brings us children
Bless Hsin and Hui Kang
with a child soon
May they have a son before daughters
Drink it
Auntie, do you mean it?
Of course, gulp it
I'll drink it if you don't
It's taboo
Just make believe she didn't drink it
Be nice
Auntie,
since you're going to a nunnery tomorrow
let me sleep with you tonight for a chat
Nonsense, what do you expect?
Sleep with Hsin
I'll sleep with the amah
What are you doing?
Don't move
Can't I watch televsion?
Yes
Don't watch it
Lower the volume
Open the door
What's it?
Have you kissed? Have you kissed?
No
Have you ever done it?
Of course
Several years earlier than you
Don't be cocky, he's my husband
Am I back to fight with you?
You promised to live here only
What are you doing?
WW QOWK you go away now'?
Young people are unreliable
Taxi
Hsin
What?
In fact, I knew your divorce
before I came
Now I want to see if there's any remedy
How do you know it, Auntie?
It's a small world
You see things
when you open your eyes
Even if you don't, you can hear
Our traditional blind marriage
is like water
which heats up
with the nurture of feelings
Before you got married,
the water was boiling
So it cools down easily
But you can kindle up
to boil it again
Auntie, the kettle leaks
I don't care
which of you is right or wrong
Bye-bye
What are you doing?
One mountain cannot hide two tigers?
Why has this kettle no switch?
What has it to do with you?
It has nothing to do with me
Crazy
Pai Chia, Pai Chia
You're back
Pai Chia is out
You're not going out?
No
Off from work?
Yes
Painting?
Yes
Buying food?
Have fried beancurd
Thank you
This crayon box is old
No, I found it from the drawer
You can't get a new one outside
so you use
the old one at home
I don't want to take the trouble
Recently there have been
many new things at home
The new ones replace the old
When there's no apple, eat a banana
You're greedy
I'm not like your crayon box
You mislaid it and it gets dry
And you add some water
and use it again
You're talking in circles
I don't understand it
Forget it
You don't make good money from cartoons
Be realistic,
ketch portraits and
you can make $20-30 in the street
Had I done that,
we wouldn't have separated
Back?
Have fried beancurd
No more, finished
Still half a piece here
Takeit
No, it's no good
to share things 50-50
Never mind
I'll go and buy some more
Here you are, hot and fresh
One each. Don't fight
We're not fighting
Come on
Why doesn't mine smell so strong?
Impossible
They smell all the same
Stop kidding
Hers is preserved beancurd
It makes no difference
No, preserved beancurd tastes better
Fried beancurd's
no good after getting cold
Sorry, the beancurd stall has closed
Well, let's go to see a show
After that,
we'll go and take some preserved food
Only preserved food
Okay?
Come on
Sorry, no seats. Mind to join?
Please be seated
What will you have?
What a coincidence
Yes, what a coincidence
Take my order, please
One chicken drumstick, one goose leg
Stewed chicken with abalone,
steamed fish
Rice with pickled meats
Excuse me. Double legs
Take it yourself
Hui Kang, let's talk it over
Where's my money? Give it back to me
You made me open a shop, place orders
and borrow from
a Finance Company in my own name
Now I'm broke and pressed by creditors
What are you doing?
Don't!
Not your business. Go away
Repay me, repay me
Please don't
Let's go
Don't go, repay me
Are you looking for an Arts Assistant?
The vacancy has been filled?
Thank you
Who are you looking for?
Excuse me, I want to see Miss Huang
I'm here. For stud service?
Yes, my last name is Lu
Stud service?
My bitch Lucy is shy
Your dog's tough
No problem, my dog is nice
Mr Lu, $500, please
Not after the deal's closed?
Give me your Lucy
I brought him up
He's 50% mine
Poor Dolly
Normally you only guard the house
Now you're selling yourself
No way, when things are hard for you
Poverty's a disgrace,
but not prostitution
I must go to the market now
Excuse me
$30
Thank you
Miss, we had much trouble finding you
Miss, stop that
Gentlemen
I really didn't commit anything
Sorry, we're only employees
We can't decide
Please beg mercy from my boss
Say that to the judge
You've already sold
everything I own
You're the guarantor,
you must be responsible
When you borrowed the money
you promised to
take all legal responsiblity
I didn't
Well
Tell me your address and phone number
Thank you, miss
Tell me, or you'll be in trouble
I have no money,
no telephone, no shop
no lodging
and no nothing
I have no quarters, no warmth
no kin, no husband
I really am broke
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Cry, cry your heart out
Why? I've already done my best
I've been conned out
of everything
You still have me
They were mine,
but not now
You left me,
I didn't leave you
I adore you
Let's really separate
Don't cherish any more illusion
I only want something to cling to
Make it for me
Stay out of a woman's business
I understand your plight
Cry by clinging to me
when you're depressed
Don't cling to my husband
If you cling to him
I may cry too
You're also female,
you should understand
I feel badly
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
I'll introduce a man to your wife
What?
We can't go on like this
First, she can settle down
Second, we can live in peace. Okay?
I don't mind
Are you sure?
Li Tzu-ming, already married
Huang Chin-fu, emigrated
Ho Ta-fa, dead
Yang Lao-chuan, Yang Lao-chuan
Who's he?
My former tenant
What does he do?
A painter
A painter for my wife?
Is she still your wife?
No, but I have many friends
Let me introduce him one
This is Mr Chen
How do you do?
This is Hui Kang
Pai Chia, is the meal ready?
Yes
Hsin, come here
Why?
This man for her?
You can't make it
You turned down two others,
saying one's ugly
and the other's poor
This one's rich
I know what's on your mind
Luckily, I've brought my friend
Who's he?
It's none of your business
Please sit down, Mr Chen
A stack of money here,
a stack of credit cards there
He's enterprising
Yes, I am
He commands high respect
Yes,
do
George
What do you say?
Come in and sit down
Okay
This is Hui Kang
He's Hsin
This is Mr Chen
This is Geroge
How do you do?
Is it the vogue
to apply suntan at night?
Bad, my amah has mislaid my money
George is an ex-Mr Hong Kong
He specializes in shooting and swimming
He has lots of muscles
His back muscles
are like Mitsubishi's logo
He's highbrow as the Chairman
of the Gold & Silver Association
You mean me? I'm highbrow
Time to eat
Take it out
It's incovenient to eat with it
George, please stop
Your muscles are dazzling
Please get rice
Excuse me
Where did you find him?
How do you know
so much about his muscles?
Even his back muscles
Are they all the same color?
He used to be my gym teacher
I thought Hui Kang liked his type
I'm more prudent than you
He wanted to undress
to show off his muscles
That midget offered to unzip to show
the $1,000 notes inside his panties
Thank you very much indeed
What are you doing?
Dramatic Society wants me to play
the Tiger Killer
I'm rehearsing for it
They pay $500 a day
You as the Tiger Killer?
No, I play the Tiger
Who'll play the Killer?
Hua, who has been away
in Canada for years
Hua?
So you want me to watch
that nut rehearse?
I'm free
at home anyway
"It's nightfall at the hillside"
"The wine helps pluck up my courage"
"Even a tiger's lair means nothing to me"
"| come to the Mountain with shaky steps"
No gourd
"Good wine, good wine"
SIOP
It's rehearsal, be serious
Hua, come here
Crouch down
Ride over him and strike him 3 times
Then you die, understand?
Die only after three strokes?
Make one extra kick then
It's seven years in a twinkle
You know life's boring over there
I learnt Cantonese drama at my leisure
You haven't changed much
Havel?
You, too
You still like Chrysanthemum tea
I have no soup to drink, I need it
Poor thing
I forgot to introduce to you Hui Kang
Just call me Hua
I'm Hsu An-hua
Mr Hsu
You've got acquainted now
Yes. Let's go and have dinner
Okay
Hua, you're better-looking than before
Hui Kang, have you discovered that?
I've only made his acquaintance just now
Yes
You hold a senior post
at an advertising agency?
So-so
You're tall - 6 feet 2 inches?
No
No? More or less
You're burly. He's burly
Not as burly as
that man of chest muscles
Chest muscles?
Your teeth are white, very white
Your teeth are yellow
Don't talk so much
What else do you like besides painting?
Art work for advertising
Formerly I worked in a small company
She quitted after getting married
So you're married
They're divorced
So she's looking for work
Your husband must be presentable
Me? Thank you
He's her ex-husband
I'm his present wife
We're now friends
Funny, isn't it?
Not at all
This is now
the vogue
We have a staff party tomorrow night
If you're free, bring your work
and talk with
our Art Director
Thank you
Cheers
What are you doing?
Why are you smoking so much?
You're polluting the air
What shall I wear?
Choose for me
Corning
Which one?
This is not bad
He's coming
Hurry up!
How do you do?
Come in, I'll bring Hui Kang out
Okay
Sit down
Not going out?
Nonsense
Sit down. You must wait a long time
Never mind,
you must have patience with girls
It's old
Never mind. Can you play? Show me
It's easy
I've played for three years
I only played three times
What's there to see?
This fixes it
You take an interest in old things
And you like wearing old shoes
Mr Hsu, we may leave
You're beautiful
We may leave
Bye-bye
Have a good time
Hsin, what do you want for food tonight?
Adulterers
What?
Fried beancurd
I'll go and buy beancurd
I'll go and buy beancurd
Still not back at this hour
No kissing
Sorry, sorry
Adulterers
Come out, come out
What are you doing?
Taking a walk
Show me your identity card
I didn't bring it along
Show me anything to prove your identity
I have a mole in my buttocks
Damn, come with me to the police
Get going
Thank you, Mr Wang
Don't do it next time
The police are tough
Thank you
All your diesel oil has leaked out
Brat, why don't you go to school?
Where are you going?
Brat
Running away? Hiding?
You can't hide. Come out
Why are you using violence?
You can't scare me with an adult voice
Come out, come out
Brat
Don't hide, come out
Outrageous
Come out, brat, come out
Are you coming out, brat?
Don't, bitch!
Is he your own son?
Sorry, sorry
Come out quick, brat
Isn't it fun?
Tell me a joke
Come on
Ever heard of a yellow dog pissing?
Formerly the dogs walked this way
and did it
the same way as we do
One day,
a dog pissed before a lamp post
It fell, hurting his back
Since then,
they've been walking this way
Thereafter, they take particular care
when pissing before the post
Hsin, where have you been?
I went out to have morning tea
I was worried about you
Don't worry
Let's sit down for breakfast
Not you, Mr Hsu
Me?
You've taken my place
Sorry
Hsin, I should've called back last night
but I played at the Disco till dawn
and Mr Hsu escorted me back
Are you angry?
No, why should I?
Mr Hsu, this is my cup
Sorry
I've just drunk your coffee
Mr Hsu, you came to my home and
took my wife out till dawn
Now you've taken my place
used my cup, drunk my coffee
and fooled around with my 2 women
We're only acquaintances
Never mind, we'll get along
Anyway, we're brothers
Brothers?
What?
You went out with my wife
and you call me brother
What do you mean?
Calm down. I'm a guest
What guest? You call yourself a guest?
You should call your parents
Uncle & Auntie
if you called yourself a guest
Hsin, what are you doing?
Sorry, I drank too much tea
I'm a bit insane
Just forget
what I've said
Eat
Mr Hsu has a villa on Lantau Island
and wants us to join him there. Okay?
What do you say?
Yes?
Yes
Well, I'll go to play in his house
See how long we can stay
Here it is. Go up
Come up
Come in and be seated
Not bad
How many rooms?
Two, one here and one upstairs
Not bad
Let's play a schoolchildren game
Boys sleep with boys
and girls with girls
The one with a cleaner bed tomorrow
will get an egg
Let's return to our rooms
Frankly, I'm not used to sharing a bed
Are you sure?
So much the better
Hsin, I want to have a word with you
What's it?
I want no game
I want to sleep with you
To avoid dirtying his room
Hell with you
You sleep here
I'll arrange for them
Modern men are sinking in morals
Keep your door locked
to win back the reputation
for chaste Chinese females
Why? You must enjoy yourself on vacation
It's no fun to be conservative
I don't object to your making friends
but don't go too far
Hsin
You know my relationship with you
Never mind me
I know I have no status
but I valued you all these years
and hope others will value you too
The difference hangs only by a thread
I'll keep my door locked, okay?
Yes, he's rather imprudent
If he tries to open your door,
laugh once
If he opens your door, laugh twice
If he tries to get close to you,
keep laughing
Then I'll come to your rescue
Okay?
No
I want to laugh freely
Easy, anyone can play tennis
Look
I don't play well
Maybe let's play doubles
Men against girls. Okay?
Yes
Sorry, I really can't play
Never mind
I really can't play
It really doesn't matter
Okay
You play in front, I play behind
Okay
I serve
I've never played before
Sorry
Never mind, it's alright
You serve
Serve
Sorry, sorry
Does it hurt?
I can't play. Again
Sorry, I really can't play
Never mind. You prefer to play in front
You in front, I behind
I'd better play behind
and you in front
Sorry
Are you doing it for fun?
Sorry, I really can't play
I can't play
I can't play either
Let's quit then
Seafood sauce
Thank you
Live oysters!
Don't you like them?
They must be costly
Never mind, to promote our friendship
Why take these oysters
at midnight?
For tonics
Hui Kang's sort of my wife
I can't control myself anymore
Neither can I.
Last night you jeered at me
This morning the car
ran out of gas for nothing
And you made a mess playing tennis
Are you taking me for a nut?
Anyone trying to take away
a friend's wife is cursed
Nonsense
You've already divorced Hui Kang
That concerns us both only
It has nothing to do with you
Well, I'll woo Pai Chia
No, you can't woo
either of them
I can't woo either of them
You expect me to woo Seven Eleven?
I'm also a man, I know how you feel
Be nice to Pai Chia
I'll help you fix Hui Kang
What do you mean?
What?
We'd better
take the oysters now
Well, take them out and eat
Good
Hold it
Bastard
What's your ambition
besides being a painter?
To be an independent female
Great, take this
Lemon juice
Pai Chia, want some?
Yes, thank you
This is particularly nourishing
Get drunk
and you can't do anything
Let's play a game
and drink
After getting drunk,
we can sleep till dawn
Okay, come on
15, 20
Come on
5,10
Stop moving
Drink
What about a singing game?
Singing game?
Come on, see who gets drunk first
Come on
Let me drink
Sorry for the trouble
my ex-husband gave you
Never mind, I know how he feels
No, I'm not drunk, I'm a good singer
Open the door
Hui Kang, open up
You get up early
Have a cup of coffee
Have bread
Where are they?
Out shopping
You drank me last night
Why were you so careless?
What did you do last night?
What's so special?
Beware you may be served
You took advantage of my wife
and I play a tiger
Why should I play a tiger
to be beaten by you?
Why should I play a tiger
to be beaten by you?
The villagers said a tiger appeared
but on my way back,
it was all quiet
- Let me
- Where's Hsin?
- Take a rest
- He must perform. Find him
Where have you been?
Hurry up!
What are you doing?
Get going
The beast really is fierce
Let me use my fists
to strike him to mince
Stop playing
What's wrong?
He feigns death
Die now
Be dead quickly
I won't die
Be flexible
He won't die
Let me think of something
He really has got the nerve
Die, beast,
or I'll chop you to death
You must die, die quickly
Don't think your sword's special
Beat the drum
How strange, a tiger in human form
Must be a monster
I'll chop you to death
Chop me to death? Never!
You're damned
to have taken away my wife
You're a beast,
you're despicable
For the sake of money,
you become a gigolo
You sponge on others
You walk awkwardly
and sit with an ugly poise
Heaven forgives you, but I don't
I'll tear you to pieces
and boil you
I'll chop you to death
Don't act up like a dictator
Don't block the shuttle flight
Let me chop
open your head
To avoid contagion
May you be cursed with AIDS and piles
Let me make your nose my target
You idiot
Get a rolling machine to crush your toes
Get a fatty to sit over you
You idiot
May you become a scalp
to be scratched by women
May you become a freak in a next life
You idiot
May you be molested by your gay friends
And die
an unexpected death
What are you doing?
"You're fickle and unbridled"
"but I fall for you with a foolish heart"
"Who will pity my poor heart?"
"My tears dry out because of you"
"| love you, whatever your heart is"
"Nothing can control my hollowness"
"I'm ready to weep for you"
"and to let love fill my hollowness"
"|'m hollow and I can't fill it"
"| know I need you always"
"I'm half intoxicated by sweet feelings"
"and hope thunder will crush my sorrow"
"| can't hesitate any more"
"Let me fall for you once again"
They've left one after another
I'm hungry. Got something to eat,
crackpot?
I won't cook
for you any longer
What do you mean?
Are you leaving?
You wanted a divorce
in the first instance
When I got another girl,
you moved in
and threw her out
Now you're leaving me yourself
I left you because
we have nothing in common
I came back because
I couldn't make a living
I leave now
because I've found a good job
and a good boyfriend
Don't
Don%|eave
Don%|eave
Why not?
I'll rape you if you insist
What are you thinking?
Don't do anything foolish
Shut up!
I'll rape you too
Come on, do it!
So what? So what?
I'll do it. Come here!
What? I'll do it to you and your dad
I'll do it to your morn
I'll do it to your grandma
I'll do it to your great grandma
I'll do it to your great gramdma
and great grandpa
I'll do it to any member
of your family
I'll do...
Quiet! You never grow up
Hsin
I sympathize with you,
but please stop loving me
I don't love you
I'm jealous
Men are jealous
and women are narrow-minded
Men are jealous
I used to
hold her in bed
She kissed me
and I kissed her
Ask him, is he angry over that?
Are you angry?
No
So what?
In fact, I miss Pai Chia
Help me bring her back
Thank you
Calm down
Calm down please
I'm quite cool
Forget what I've said
Pai Chia
Are you crying?
I'm overjoyed
I must read those books I haven't read
And I must
redecorate the house
Are you alright?
Yes, I've fallen down
many times
I'm used
to it
Hsin's here. He's outside
Darling, cool down, darling
What do you take me for?
The sun
The sun, that brings warmth to mankind
No, fried food in a food stall
Anyone can take it
A tooth-brush for the use of everyday
A tooth-brush can't be shared
Good, you're taking me for a tooth-brush
I'm a new brush
What about the old one?
Use it to shine the shoes
Why not use it
to brush another set of teeth?
Unhygienic
Unhygienic?!
For you or for others?
Darling
Any man can be jealous
If you see it,
you would say
Friend, I've used this tooth-brush
This will happen, darling
Why don't you use the old
and new ones alternatively on weekdays
and share them on Sunday
This has never
crossed my mind
I got a new one only
because the old one doesn't fit me
Would you do
the same to me?
I use only one tooth-brush all my life
I swear when I get old
I'll treat
my denture well
An old wife is more lovely
Darling, calm down
Thanks for the trouble
Why cry?
One lives only once
Already the second time
Cheer up, or people may misunderstand
You're nice, but we don't fit
Thank you
I should thank you
Don't mention it
Thank you
Would you be jealous
when we become friends?
No, men are narrow-minded
Man, be nice to her
Of course, I mustn't provoke you
I won't be mad, I won't be mad
I won't, I won't