Yam yasothon (2005) - full transcript

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Love happens to us all,
to every man and woman.

The rich can find love,

the middle class can find love,

and the poor too.

Look, everyone...

Even short people can find love.

If two people share the same feelings,

love will eventually follow.

It doesn't matter how short you are.

Look, everyone, over there...

Holding hands and walking...

They have no idea where they are going,
but they can still find love.

People say that love makes people blind.

Not true. Even those who are
blind can still fall in love.

- Isn't that so?
- Yes.

All right everyone, to prove my point,

I'll take you on a journey of love.

It is a story of two couples.

Will the final outcome be happy or sad?

You can find out from this story.

Ooh, Yam, I've caught one!

A catfish, a catfish!

Catfish, my ass! That's my dick!
Get your hands off...

I thought as much. It's got no spines.

For god's sake, woman.

You know, it's really quite big.

Damn, you're rude.

Are you tired, Thong?

Not at all, sweetie.

"My little heart yearns for you"

"My eyes grieve and sadden"

"Forever wishing to be near your..."

"Soul and body for eternity"

God, you old crow.

My dear Yam,

wait for me please.

Fat chance.

It's rude to stare at people.

Why can't I hit it?

Yeah, me too.

Watch me then. Yeah, I got it!

Hey, what are you doing?

Damn, it's Yam. Let's get out of here!

You little shits!

Didn't your mother ever teach you...

not to kill animals?

How would you feel if someone
shot your parents?

I think its wing is broken.

Poor thing.

Look, it's bleeding too.

It's just been hit.
Of course it's bleeding, you fool.

- Yam?
- What?

- The net?
- Pick it up. Idiot.

Tomorrow, same place?

I wont forget, my love.

Soy... I don't want you to go.

But I must. I'm worried that
my aunt might catch us.

Just one more kiss?

Thong, you're crazy.

Right then.

About one week and you should be fine.

Stay here for a while.

Get out of the way.

I want to help.

No, I'll do it myself.

Get lost.

Let me see, let me see.

Little squirrel?

Oh, your leg seems better.
Can you run yet?

You're better.

You're better. Go on. Go back home.

That was quick.

He shot out of there.

- This one?
- No, that one.

- This one here?
- No, that one.

Not this one, Soy?

Damn it Thong. How can such a
good looking guy be so dumb?

Hey. Why would you say something
like that, Soy?

Just get back up here, Thong.

I'll show you which one I wanted myself.

Huh? You'll show me which one you want?

You were pointing like crazy.

I didn't know if it was on the
left or right. I couldn't find it.

There are only so many lotuses.

Okay, which one? I can't see it.

That one there, Thong. See?

That one?

Come here. I'll show you which one.

Now do you see this one right here?

I knew it was that one.

What are you talking about?

You just said I was pointing like crazy.
Now who's the confused one?

- Go on... Get it. Hurry up.
- Okay, okay.

Thong is so cute.

Yeah, but you're ugly.

"At night, the moon is by your side"

"In the morning, the sunshine is bright"

God, I hate this.

"The afternoon sun makes us strong"

"You at sunset stifle my loneliness"

Do you think you're Shakespeare?

If you want to sit here, be quiet.

Look. The fish aren't biting now.

Maybe I should make you eat their bait.

Yam, why are you in such a hurry?

Slow down!

Wait for me!


Those lotus flowers are so beautiful.

I want some!

I want some! I want some! I want some!

There you go. Take as many as you want.

Yam, you are so mean and cruel to me.

Yam... Yam...

Damn, I've gone the wrong way.

Yam, wait for me!

You're horrible.

You might be heartless, but I still love you...

Dearest Yam, wait for me.

Oh pussy cat,
bring us rain and give us blessing.

Here! Here! Here!

Hey! Hey, it's Yam again!

Don't you kids have
anything better to do?

How are you, poor thing?

I think its leg is broken.

- Yam?
- What now?

What about this trap and harpoon?

Pick them up!

Do I have to keep telling you?

I think his back is broken.

Look at all these bruises.

Need any help?

Yeah. Rub this balm on his back.

When you're finished,
put him in the big cage.

Ah, Sinuan.
Are you feeling any better?

Let me look at your leg.

Oh, that looks much better.

Go... go on...

You're okay. Go on.

Get down.

Stay away from cruel people.

They even hurt cute dogs.

I'm going now.




Tomorrow, same place?

Where else would we meet?

Or are you meeting someone else?

I'm going now.




Let her go home.

God, you make me sick.

Soy, don't worry.

He hasn't got another girl.

When he shits, he thinks of you.

He sees your face in his shit.

You can go home now.


Bye bye.



What's wrong now?

Hurry up.

Come on.

I'm boiling.

Anything for you, my dear Yam.

Quickly, come on.

Yes, my dear.

You're quite handy to have around.

Aren't you going home?

You never do anything
except kiss each other.

I think the fish have even become horny.

Some of them have already jerked off.

You're pathetic.

If I were you,
I would have come ages ago.

What's Yam complaining about?
He loves spoiling our fun.

"I wanted to see the four chambers
of your heart..."

"...to keep them all for myself."

"I wanted you to see what's in my heart."

"Do me a favor and get lost."


Hey! Hey!

- Did it bite you?
- No.

Then why are you hitting it?

You vicious thugs.

Get lost!

Stare at me again and I'll kick you.

I think its back is broken.

Evil sods, it didn't do anything to you.

But you broke his back.

Lucky for you I came in time.

Otherwise you'd be dead.

Yam, my darling,
you have a beautiful heart.

He's like an angel to the animals.

I'm glad I chose the right man.

Wow, that smells good!

That smells and looks great, Yam.

Of course. Yam's a great cook.

Its English name is...

Spicy "Snake Lion" stir fry.

Stop it you half-baked foreigner.
You're making yourself look like a fool.


What are you doing here?

How many times have I told you
not to mess with scum?

Those peasants.

I wasted my breath on you.

Sorry, sorry.

I am fed up with your actions.

You too, you black bitch.

I gave you money to look after my niece,

and you took her to see this scum!

Take Soy back home right now.


I'll stuff my foot in your mouth.

Go for it, ma'am.

Go home!

Hey, who opened a market
in front of my house?

God, you're noisy and annoying.

Have some consideration, will you?

Consideration? What for?

Exactly, ma'am.

In this city, everyone bows down to me.

Wherever I walk, people respect me.

That's right, ma'am.

The rich are always right.


You're the only people
who don't respect me.

Because you're all a bunch of low lives.

You're the low life!
I'm higher than you!

Open your eyes.

Ngoen, hold that tongue of yours.

Would you prefer it if I used my fingers?

You wanna try? Wanna try, huh?

Don't you dare come into my house.

It's against the law.

I'll report you for breaking and entering.

According to penal code 362,

you'd be sentenced to one year in prison,

or given a fine of 2000 Baht, or both.

Do you understand?

Don't try to pull those legal tricks on me.

I'm not an expert, but I know enough.

If it wasn't for my glue addiction,

I would have become a prosecutor by now.


Lawyer, my ass.

I'm just as smart as you.

You are also breaking the law, Ngoen.

According to penal code 310,

if you hold my niece without her consent,

it's a 3 year sentence,
or a 6000 Baht fine,

or both.

Both sentence and fine.

Thank you.

No problem.


Joey! Take Soy home!

Right now!

Go home. Go.


Don't be slow about it!


I'm going now.

Please do.

Damn. There goes my dinner.

Keep this in your head.

How many times have I told you?

Stay away from them.


This is important.

And you, Blacky...

Watch your back.

If I find out you've had
any part in this affair,

I'll chop your damn head off.

Then you'll be a headless gibbon,

crying for your husband, Yam!

Okay. Go and take a shower.

Today, Mr. Yod, the sheriffs son
is coming over for dinner.

Take a shower.

Stop staring at each other. Go!



Is Yam here?
I've come to see him.

No, what do you want?

I brought a dog for him to look at.

What's wrong with it?

It's got a stiff neck from watching
airplanes. It thinks it's not a dog.

Rak, Yom...

- Yes...
- Sir...

Teach him a lesson.

It might help improve his knowledge.

- Thong...
- Let me remind you...

- once and for all...
- Stay away...

- from Soy.
- Our boss...

- is very protective.
- I hope...

- you will understand.

Thank you for this glass of water.

Today is a very special day.

Eat some more, Soy.

Don't worry about your weight.

Even if you were fat,
I would still love you.

Here are some vegetables.

Take some.
They're good for your health.

They help your digestion,
and make you go plop... plop... plop...

I would love to have dinner
with you every day.

I hope you don't mind.

Oh look, you're embarrassed.

Look... Look...

There are so many girls in our village.

Why doesn't Thong pick one of them?

Oh, you can't help who
you fall in love with.


Soy is a beautiful girl
with good manners.

But her aunty, that's another story.

She's got the mouth of a dragon.

I'd rather die...

than be related to her.

Then you'll probably die soon.

God, you talk a load of crap.

You are so irritating.

I don't wanna smoke anymore.

I'm going to bed.

Up to you. We're not joined at the hip.

You really are an asshole.

Ouch. I nearly got kicked
by my brother in law.

Come on. Hurry up.

I think our red clothes are scaring them.

- Uncle Yam?
- What?

I'm gonna wait for Soy here, Okay?

Whatever, but I've gotta go.

Come on.

- Uncle Yam?
- What?

Aren't you gonna wait for Joey?

Mind your manners.

You little shit.

Peek-A-Boo! Guess who?

Um... Such a sweet smell...


Nope, I've never dropped
a slipper for anyone.

Such soft hands, you must be...

Snow White?

Nope, the seven dwarfs aren't here.

Then you must be...

Catherine Zeta-Jones.

No, it's me, Soy!

Why are you so late? I missed you.

You're not the only one...

I missed you too.

Really? I've been waiting for ages.

Where have you been, my love?

Does that tickle, Thong, my darling?

Oh, that's great.

Oooh, just a bit more.

That's enough, enough. Take it out.

Does that smell nice, Soy?

Of course.

Even if your ears were rotten,
they'd still smell nice.

You must have a really sweet mouth.

Only for you Thong, my love.

Let me taste it to see
how sweet it really is.

Yuck, you two make we wanna throw up.

Yam's making me shy.

There's no need to be shy.

Don't waste time. Just get on with it.

Do whatever you need to do.
I won't watch.

I might just have a peek.

Guess who?

God, I hate this girl.

Um, a mudskipper?

I'm prettier than a mudskipper.

Guess again. Tick tock, tick tock...

A toad?


Try again.

A flea?

A flea? No, no. Wrong.

I'll just give you the answer.

It's me, Joey!

Arghhh... a cannibal.

After all those insults
and you still don't get it.

Don't be so upset with me, darling.

Darling? Who's your darling?

You're just a girl.
You should be ashamed.

Don't embarrass your homeland.

I'm not shy of anyone.

Everyone knows I was
speaking only to you.

You never say anything nice to me.

Be careful the Gods don't punish you.

Good. Come on and strike me down.

My dear Yam, wait for me!

Pay back the debt plus interest,
and quickly.

Paying debts and still smiling.
Are they crazy?

Hurry, pay up. Stop wasting my time.

Remember when you wanted
to borrow the money?

If you keep paying late,
the interest might go up.

Isn't that right, Ma'am?

That's right. Hurry up.

- Hello,
- Mrs. Dokto.

- If my eyes were...
- Not deceiving me...

- I think I saw...
- Soy...

- chatting...
- Chatting...

...with Thong.

My low life niece!

Put it there.

Don't let it fall again.
Otherwise its mother might not see it.

Try harder. Don't be an idiot.

Calm down.
I'll get it done for you, Yam.

Make sure it's snug.
I don't want it to fall.

Don't get upset.

Or your pathetic nose might collapse.

Yours isn't that different from mine.

Make sure it's tight, or its mother
won't be able to find it.

It might fall again.

Bounce up and down a bit.

Shake it.

I'm doing it.

You monkey.

Bounce harder.

Okay, my love.

- Is that better?
- That's it. That's enough.

Its mother will find it now.

Where the hell are they?

Oh shit! Hell has arrived!

Ma'am, there is nothing here
except a buffalo.

I think Thong has gone, Ma'am.

Good. Good. Good.

What the hell are you doing here?


Eating my ass!

Don't you have any food
at home or anything?

Go home! Now!

- Chang Yim!
- Yes, Sir!

Escort them home, immediately!

Yes, Ma'am!

Love has always faced obstacles.

No matter what they are,

you shouldn't worry too much.

You will be together.

- Thong...
- Haven't you had enough?

- You know that...
- Our boss...

- likes...
- Soy.

- And you still...
- Dare...

- to meet...
- With her.

Don't make my boss...

- more irritated...
- Than he already is.

- Don't say...
- That we didn't warn you.




Have you never thought that,
if Soy really loved your boss,

then why would she come and see Thong?

The pair of you share one brain.

You probably didn't understand
anything I said.

Wait until you can speak
full intelligible sentences,

then come back and talk to me.
Do you understand?

Let's go, Thong.

Out of the way.

- I think...
- They're not afraid...

- of us.
- Sure.

Put the mats over there.

So people can sit down.

Put the altar on top.

Oh, Dokto, come on up. Come.

It's that way.

Greetings, Father.

Bless you and good health to you.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Oh, nothing much. I just came to
check the ceremony arrangements.

Don't worry about a thing.

The whole village is working together.

Thong, go fetch some drinks
for the ladies.

No need.

I've had a drink already.

It's alright, Father.

I wouldn't be able to swallow it anyway.

It's from someone who doesn't
know their place...

...but is trying to catch a star.

Don't talk like that.

If someone is rich or poor,
they're still human.

Stop classifying people.

Thong is not such a bad person.

Actually he's quite good.

Isn't that right, Soy?

That's right, Father.

Both Thong and Yam are good people.

Thong, you go and help Yam
with his work.

Father, aren't the sheriff and
Mrs. Naiyana coming?

Wow! A part just wouldn't be
the same without me, Dokto.

- Right on cue as always.
- Greetings, Father.

- May you prosper.
- Thank you.

How are you, Sheriff?
Are you busy this year?

- Well...
- Oh, not at all.

Our beloved son has come back,
and he helps out.

Really, Father, he has won my heart.

He's just like his mother.

Don't worry about the ceremony.

I promise it will be spectacular.

Regarding donations, I will match
whatever Dokto donates,

because we are both very wealthy.


Father, let me know if there is
anything you need.

This year's ceremony will be
bigger than ever.

You see, Soy,
Yodchai is such a perfect gentleman.

Where else could you find such a man?

Don't you think?

Soy, if you need anything,
just tell me.

I'll bring it directly from Bangkok.

Don't worry...

I was born to do this.

Tie them together tightly...

otherwise they'll come crashing down.

Put them over there by the stage.

Don't forget to tie them with wire.

Place the coconut stalks over there.

What are you holding them for?
Listen to me.


I hope their stupidity doesn't
rub off on me.

What's the matter?

You look like someone's died.

Dokto's been winding you up again?

Um, prepare yourself for more
bad news about Soy.

Yodchai seems to be at her
house all the time.

- My feet itch.
- I wanna kick...
- a beggar.

That tastes good.

Hey, take that bamboo and
put it over there.

Come here. Come and help us.

What should I do, Joey?
I don't wanna see Yodchai.

What do you think?

There's only one way.

The more I look at them,
the prettier they are.

They're gorgeous, Ma'am.

Don't touch them.
You might tarnish them.

Hello, Auntie.

Hello, Yodchai.

Come and sit down.

Come, sit down.

Soy will be here soon.

Chang Yim, check on Soy.

See if she has finished
getting dressed yet.

Tell her Yodchai is here.

He's taking her to the temple.

Go, go. Quick, quick.

Yes, Ma'am.

Wait just a moment.

I can wait however long it takes, Ma'am.

Are you ready yet? Yodchai is...

Oh my God!

Oh, shit! Ma'am!

Soy's not in her room.

That gibbon has gone too, Ma'am.

Don't worry, Auntie.

Soy must have already
left for the temple.

I'll go and look for her, Auntie.

Don't worry.

I bid you goodbye.

How sweet.

Let's go. What are you waiting for?

I'm in a bad mood.

I knew this would happen.

That ungrateful bitch.

Very bad!

All those with profound faith,

come and buy candles
to help build our temple.

Whoever wishes to donate money,
you can do so here.

This way if you want to buy candles.

The ferris wheel is that way.

If you want to watch a movie,
it's this way.

This year, I must remind you that...

during last year's ceremony,
Yong and Somyot, two local thugs,

caused a huge disturbance.

I really want to emphasize this.

Last year, they poked a stick
in the ass of a singer.

I'm not worried about her ass,

but they hit her on the side
and that hurt.

We had to put some counterpain on her.

I don't want that again this year.

This way, if you want to dance.

The haunted house is that way.

Oh, the leading actor wants to
be a soldier?

Then we should do some
military training.

Here's your gun.

Soldier, pick up your weapon.

Soy, where are you?

- I think...
- She's not here.

And another thing...

Young lovers who brought their own mats.

They are to sit on.
Not to lay on behind the temple.

I know what you do back there.

I watch you every year...

but I don't want to tell your parents.

I don't want to embarrass them.

Please don't do it this year.

Wow, I hit it! I hit it, Yam!

Wow, great shot!

I hit it again!

Hurry up.

I want to go home.

Where are Soy and Thong?

We'll look for them later. Watch me.

I hit it again!

Quickly, hurry up.

Yeah, great shot!

I'm so amazing. Was I good?

I'm gonna kick someone in the head soon.

Are you going to let me eat my noodles?


I'm gonna kick your ass so hard.

It doesn't feel so safe here anymore.

Yam, wait for me!

Rak, Yom.

- Yes,
- Sir.

Go and check the outdoor theater.

- Yes,
- Sir.

- I think we are standing...
- In the wrong place.

- Let's look...
- Around.

Did you find her?

- Not even...
- A shadow.

- I think she's...
- Over there.

Thong, there are a lot of
people this year.

There's a lot every year.

I wonder if the girl in front of me
is being unfaithful?

What do you mean?

Keep the change. It's a tip.

Give me two baskets.

Yam, your beer.

Hey, you're quite useful today.

Great shot!

She's soaking wet.

Get back up. Quickly.

Yam, you're amazing. Do it again.

Take that! Perfect.

Get up. Quickly, quickly.

Yam, "kanpai".

"Kanpai"? What are you talking about?

It means cheers.

"Kanpai", cheers.
God, are you Japanese now?

She looks like she wants trouble.

Take that! Perfect again.

Get back up.
The water's going everywhere.

Add some more water. More water.

Hey, Thong, Soy, this way!

Let's go for a dance.

Sure! I'll sort it.
Yam, let's go for a dance.

I've still got two balls.

Let's go dancing.

- Come on.
- No, I'm not going.

- Come on!
- I can't dance.

Get down!

Stop for a minute!

Can everyone please leave the stage?

This dance is mine!

"Sam Zar!"

"Come and have a good time
with music on the floor."

"Swing your hips, boys and girls."

"Dance to the music of Sam Zar."

"Come, come.
Come get up onto the floor."

"Swing your hips to the
sound of the music."

"Swing, swing, and tap your feet."

"Your dance breaks my heart."

"All eyes are focused on you."

"Your swinging hips take
my breath away."

"Move to the left. Move to the right."

"My heart beats to the
rhythm of the drum."

"Looking at your eyes,
wanting to say..."

"I'd love to dance Sam Zar
with you forever."

Thong, Soy, let's go!

Hurry up. Quickly, quickly.

Yam, leave them alone.

- Come over here.
- No.

Where are we going?

Oh, to a different one.

Follow me.

I'm not going in there.

What are you afraid of?

No way. I'm not going in.

Come on! Yam, get in here!

No, I'm not going inside.

Come on, Yam!

Damn it.

Look at it. Look at it.

I don't think it's safe here.

It's so cold, so why do I feel
like I'm in hell?

I'm so scared.

Look, with those seductive eyes.
She's a vampire.

Don't. Don't you dare.

I know what you're thinking.

I'll hit you with this bottle.

I think you're being paranoid.

Don't come any closer.
I'm wearing a Buddha amulet.

Buddha's not here.
He's gone on a pilgrimage.

Smart ass.

Shit, I'm scared.

I miss my mom.

Yam... Yam...

- Yam...
- Joey!

- I can't hold back anymore!
- No, no! Joey!

Joey! Joey!

When will you ask my parents
if you can marry me?

Where could I get the dowry from?

I don't even have enough for food.

Anyway, your auntie hates me.

Why must our love come to this?

I don't know.

Tell me when you do know.

If possible, I would like to
know by tomorrow.

When everything is as good as this,

try not to say anything that
might annoy me.

Okay, my love.

Come on, don't worry.

I'll take full responsibility.

Come on, stop crying.

A grown man shouldn't cry.

I'm just gonna check on Soy.

Get up and put some clothes on, honey.




Are you finished?

Yes, we're done.

How many times?


Wow, amazing!

Did you have fun at the temple?

You despicable niece.

Low class scum.

You never remember what I teach you.

You never listen to what I say.

You leave me foaming at the mouth.

Why must you make me so angry?

You make me so frustrated.

You knew Yodchai wanted to
take you to the temple.

But you went out with Thong.


So you want to test me.


pack your bags.

I'm sending you to Bangkok
to stay with a friend.


What, Uncle Yam?

Are you seeing Soy tomorrow?


Why? Are you trying to hide from Joey?

I think that's impossible.

Come on, Soy.

I's just for a while.

We'll come back when your
aunt's calmed down.

What should I do, Joey?

I haven't told Thong yet.

I haven't told Yam, either.

Where are Soy and Joey?

Packing their bags.

What for?

I'm sending them to stay with
my friend in Bangkok.

Where in Bangkok?

Near Sena Villa.

Bless you.

Thank you, Father. See you again.

Okay, okay. Take that inside.

See you again.

Father, could you do me a favor?

Could you give these letters
to Yam and Thong?

You are in a good mood today.

Greetings, Father.

Bless you.


Bless you.

Here, Joey wants you two to
have these letters.

"Birds cry as they fly from their nests."

"You leave me without saying goodbye."

"Is going to Bangkok such a good idea?"

"Leaving your home,
forgetting our promises."

"Birds screech as they fly
from their nests."

"You left your home without
telling a soul."

"You forgot me already, my love."

"Forget the love we pledged in the forest."

"I'm poor, so you left me for another."

"Don't come back for the love you left."

"Goodbye and good luck."

"Don't look back, my darling.
Don't look back."

"Go and be gone, my love... Fly away."

"Be gone and never return."

"Bless you. Travel well, my precious."

"You have deceived our love.
Don't ever come back."

One Year Later

Sir, any mail for me?

Brake... Brake. I can't stop.

What did you say?

Any mail for me?

Letter? A letter for you... Nope.

The brakes don't work.

Yam, come here. Come here.

A letter... from Joey.

- What is it?
- I'm a Christian.

- Christian?
- See ya.

Wait, wait.

- Then take this one.
- What?

Buy a new cross for Jesus.

The old one is broken.

I'm not a Christian anymore.

Why not?

My mom died, so now I'm following
my father's religion.

- Who was Christian then?
- My mom.

Your mother was a Christian?

What about your father?

- Xuang-Zang.
- Xuang-Zang?

- See you later.
- Wait. Don't go yet.

Here we are.

Here, buy a horse for Xuang-Zang.

The old one was sick.

A horse for Xuang-Zang?

The old one was sick?

Get away from me...

...before I kick you.

- I was just being friendly.
- Moron.

Do I look like your friend?

Stop trying to be friendly.

Who the hell do you think you are?

Buy a horse for Xuang-Zang.

If I believe in Shogun,
should I buy a samurai?

Shit, I nearly hit them.

Take these.

Thong, Yam, Thong, Yam.

Very good.

Take it.

Make sure you collect every letter.

"The sun sets over flowing grass."

"My heart desires you beside me."

"Used to hear my lady whimper."

"Now the only sound I hear
is the earth whispering."

"Every time the sun sets on the evergreen."

"My buffalo is the only
true friend I have left."

"Riding my buffalo... No, don't be sad."

"Listen to the sound of flutes
in this heavenly land."

"Rainy season is here to stay."

"Listen to the sound of frogs
and forget everything."

"Helping farm the land.
Fishing for fish and crabs..."

We'll do some surgery on your face.

As for this mole right here,
right here...

We'll cut it off, and throw it away.

We'll get rid of it.

Then we'll scrape off the top
layers of your skin...

"After sunset,
you must forget the promises."

"We pledged our love and commitment."

"Have you forgotten the joy
of riding a buffalo?"

"Forget about the city and
come home to me."

"Rainy season is here to stay."

"Listen to the sound of frogs
and forget everything."

"Helping farm the land.
Fishing for fish and crabs."

"I'm waiting for my happy days to return."


What is it, Yam?

I think we better go and find
Joey and Soy.

Where will we get the money from?

I have a way.

Father, may I borrow 200 Baht?

What did you say?

May I borrow 200 Baht?

Where are you two off to?

Bangkok, Sir.

Let me check if I have any money first.

Why do you want to go to Bangkok?

We want to look for Joey and Soy, Sir.

Do you know where they are?

Not a clue, Sir.

I think Dokto said something about...

...Sena Villa or Sena Road.

I hope you find them.

Goodbye, Father.

Right, good luck. Safe journey.

I don't think 200 Baht is enough.

That's all that's left in the temple.

You cannot overtake on the left.
Those cars are very fast.

If you want to overtake,
you must pedal faster.

That way you can overtake on the right.

These drivers can't do anything right.

Hello Sir.


I want to go to Sena Villa.
Which way, Sir?

Turn left at the red light.

- Turn left at the red light?
- Yep.

- Thank you, Sir.
- Go, go.

- I'm going, Sir.
- Go.

Turn left, Sir.

Turn left... Left.

Turn left at the red light.

Thong, follow me.

Turn left at the red light.

Left at the red light,
left at the red light.

Oh, Thong.

I think we have to ask that
policeman again.

Yeah, I think so.

Go on.

Turn left at the red light?
What did he mean?

You are exceeding the weight limit.

Mr. Policeman, Sir...

What is it now?

You told me to turn left
at the red light.

Yes, that's right.

But the light's green.

Turn left if it's green!
Turn left if it's red!

If it's bloody yellow and smack
in the middle, turn left!

What if the lights are out,
which way should I turn?

If they are out, turn left!

Yes, Sir.

If there are no damn lights, turn left!

Yes, Sir.

Where the hell are you from?

Yaso, Sir.


Bangkok is huge.

How are we gonna find them?

Wait for the lights to turn red!
You could have been killed!

Drives like a madman and then blames us.

Where the hell is Sena Villa?

Do you want a coffee?

Good idea.

Some coffee, please.


How many bags?

What is she looking at?

I don't know.

Don't look into my eyes
if you don't care.

Oh... She's cross-eyed.

I think we've been wasting our time.

Where is it?

It's like looking for a
needle in a haystack.

Um, hello.

Where is this Sena Villa?

Are you asking me?

I know just as much as you.

I think we should go back and
start all over again.

Oh, hello.

City people are so polite.

They are so respectful.

Thong, we are nearly out of cash.

I think we should go home.

We'll be much worse off
without any cash.

Um, hello.

Let's go.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

We'll be in trouble without any money.

Let's go.

This was a wasted trip.

"Can anyone help us pay for transport?"

"My money is gone.
I have nothing for transport."

"I'm looking for my love."

Who can read this sentence?


What does it say?

Good afternoon.

Very good.
Give her some applause, everyone.

"Can anyone help us pay for transport?"

"My heart is full of tears and sorrow."

"If you can hear me, please come back."

"Or is there a new man in your life?"

"I'm asking for you everywhere I go..."


I can't stand it anymore.

My heart's about to burst.

Every time I go to the toilet,
I think of Soy.

Every time I fart...
Phwwt, phwwt...

I think of Soy.

When will we get married, Papa?

- It's...
- Don't worry, my love.

Your father's due for re-election soon.

...and we'll do the wedding
at the same time.

And we'll invite the whole village.

If you're worried,
we can ask for her hand tomorrow.

Good idea, Mom.

This is an auspicious day, Dokto.

The Sheriff and I would love...

...for Soy to be engaged to our
beloved son Yodchai.

This is only half the dowry.

If you give us your blessing,

the sheriff will bring the rest
of the dowry to you.

That's not all.

We'll invite the mayor to preside
over the wedding.

We'll close the village for
three days and nights.

It wasn't necessary to bring
so much gold.

We both feel the same. Isn't that so?

The two of them are madly in love,

and they are such a perfect match,
like two peas in a pod.

Don't you agree, Yodchai?

Yodchai is such a handsome young man,

and I would love to have him
as a nephew.

I can tell you with all sincerity,

everything will be fine.

No problem. No problem.

Did you hear about the dowry,
which Yodchai...

...took over to Madame Dokto's house?

It was awesome. It towered over me.

I get goosebumps just speaking about it.

Isn't that right, Ma'am?


Aren't we jealous of Soy's mother!

There is no need to be.

Wealth is for the wealthy.

The rich must marry their own kind.

The right mix, you know.

Or do you want...

...a beggar...

...to marry my niece?

No way!



My aunt has sent us a letter
telling us to go home.

I don't know why.

I wrote many letters to Thong,
but he never answers.

Maybe he didn't receive them.

I'm sure this is my aunt's handiwork.

But he'll get this one for sure.

Huh, this lot make me so tired.

They just give me work to do.

It's always me.

I'm a monk, so I can't refuse.

I shouldn't be used like this.

But I have to do it.

It's against my vows not to come.

I have no choice.

Huh, I'm sick and tired of them.

Here's your letter.

This isn't a proper job for a monk.

I'm not a postman.

It's a violation of the
religious statutes.


Soy and Joey are coming home tomorrow!

Yam, they are coming home tomorrow!


Soy and Joey are coming home tomorrow!


Hey, calm down.


Soy, Soy! Over here!

- Soy!
- Thong!

Where is Joey?

I haven't seen you for so long.

You've changed so much.

You little shit. Whose kid was that?

Try that on your father.

What would you do if I shit myself?

Thong, you look so thin.

I couldn't eat without you.



Isn't Joey coming back?

I knew it. She's dumped me.

My sperm is meaningless.

Isn't Joey here?

She's there.

What? Is that really Joey?


- Yam!
- Thong, don't.

Yam didn't recognize me.

Thong, Soy, from now on,
call me Bai Fern.


Because it's the perfect time...

...to test him.



Can I sit with you?

Of course.
Be careful of splinters in your ass.

It's not a problem.

It's not so painful in your ass.
It's the other places I'm afraid of.

Don't worry about it.

You're Soy's new maid, aren't you?

That's right. My name is Bai Fern.

My name is Yam.

Mr. Yam, you seem distracted.

Are you thinking about someone?

Actually, I don't want to
think about her.

But I can't stop myself. I'm useless.
She must have forgotten me.

If she thinks like that,
then don't bother with her.

There are a lot of girls out there.
You should try seeing other girls.

I can't do that.

I gave her all five chambers
of my heart.

But the human heart has only
four chambers, right?

That's true, but I gave her
five of them.

Are there any left for Bai Fern?

No there aren't. Joey has them all.

That's too bad.

I'm sorry, but there is nothing
left to give.

Mrs. Dokto, come and sit together.

Come here.

Yodchai, come and sit beside me.

You in a dreamworld?

Move up, move up.

Come and sit closer to me.

Come closer, my love.

Ooh, Soy is much prettier now.

Bangkok's done her some good.

She is as white as the city girls, and
looks like the perfect daughter-in-law.

Who does she get her beauty from, Dokto?

From me, of course.

What is a good date for the
wedding, Dokto?

Coming soon.


Shut up!

You can bring the dowry now if you want.

There's no need to waste time.

Very quickly would be good.


We understand.

Don't worry too much about
the wedding date.

I don't worry.

It just wastes time.

If we wait too long, I'm afraid those...

fleas, ticks, and parasites will try to
attach themselves to my niece.

Tarnishing her reputation,
and hurting her.


We'll talk at home.

She's so shy. She blushes like
a gibbon's ass.

"I'm alone tonight."

"Thinking of you and only of you."

"You used to be by my side,"

"to hug and hold, but now you are gone."

"Our love used to be so meaningful."

"Now you left me with nothing but sorrow."

"Money has taken you far away from me."

"Who else but you could leave
me so heartbroken?"

"You left me 'cause I'm poor..."

- Everything is back how it should be.
- Put it there.

Yodchai looks so handsome.

He's always handsome.

Hey, put it there.

Why aren't you smiling, Soy?

Why do you look so miserable?

Hey, Bluey.

Go and find your place in life.

Look at the bride and groom to be.

They look so happy.

Dokto, one is "Hap",
and the other is "Py".

That makes "Happy".


Go... Go and be with Bluey, Daeng.

I hope you are forever happy together.

Don't be like me or Thong.

What should we do, Yam?

I don't have a clue.

Don't you have any ideas?


Now, everyone representing the bride
and groom is present.

The dowry is also here in front of us,
and all the dignitaries are assembled.

Mrs. Dokto is the closest
relative of the bride.

You look more radiant than ever.
You are enchanting.

Parents of the groom,
Mrs. Naiyana and the sheriff.

Get up.

Follow me.

It is time to place the ring
on the bride's finger.

Get the ring. Put it on carefully.

Put it on carefully.

It is an auspicious time for everyone.

Place the ring on the finger.


Please let me say one thing.

I have raised Soy since she
Was very young.

And I know what's in her heart.

Thong is the only one in her heart.

You know it!

But you still force her to marry
that horrid man.

That vain idiot.

She has never accepted him
into her heart.

Not even a little.

How could you force her like this?


Shut up!

Listen to me explain!

You've never had a husband.

You've never known love.

No one has ever shown you interest.

You are an old hag.

Maybe your vagina is clogged up.

You don't know what love is about.

You raised Soy's body, not her soul.

You cannot control her heart.


Stop! Now!

Don't cry. Don't cry.

I can't take it anymore.

Okay then.

Now I understand the situation.

Auntie, please don't force her
to marry me.

It will bring us no happiness.

Because I have never been
in Soy's heart.

Stop everything!

There is no way Soy is going to...

...marry anyone except my son.

Are you sure about this, Dad?

I did the same thing to marry your mom.




You ungrateful brat.

I gave you the best and you
turn your nose up at it.


Stay and eat garbage with that lot.

Come stay with me, Soy.

If we only have chili and salt,
then we only eat that.

What if we have neither?


You really wish to marry Soy, right?

Then go and find a dowry for her
right now.



Can I borrow that dowry for a while?

There's no one else to come?

And all parties are here.

Yes, Sir.

I don't think we're expecting
anyone else.

Shit. What's going on?

Why do I deserve this punishment?

Oh God, it's so unfair.

- Son, don't be...
- Sheriff!

Shut up, Naiyana!

Let me make a suggestion for once.

It's like I'm not even the
sheriff anymore.

Everyone here thought you were
the sheriff, not me.

Get lost. Before I give you a slap!

Son, don't be sad.

How? My love is marrying someone else.

Oh no... Oh no!

Are we finished?

Now, the wedding ceremony.

No, I can't take it.

Papa, Mama...

It's not true... It's not true...
It can't be!

Sata Gata Muer Nan

This represents Mae Tai Kaew,
This represents Mae Yai Sri,

who offer blessings.
One Kwan spirit is far away.

Bring her back on this auspicious day.

Another Kwan spirit carries wood
deep in the forest.

Bring him back on this auspicious day.

We are gathered here today for
the blessing of...

Catch... catch... catch...

"The skylark that flew over
the pandan leaf."

"The man who truly loves Joey
is my dear Yam."

"Don't come back and shame
our country souls."

"You left me for a city guy without
even a goodbye."

"Do you know that you left me

"Leaving the plow and sickle
during the harvest."

"He dumped and left you?
You walk sad and lonely."

"I thought you'd become
Madame Wealthy by now."

"Remember when you were wealthy?
But now you're sad."

"Trying to persuade me with your sad eyes,
but I have shed my tears."

"Go forward, my pretty.
There will be more rich men to catch."

"I am meaningless.
If I stay I would be a free catch."

"Thank you for thinking of me. Good luck,
but I'm not available anymore."

How was it, Ladies and Gentlemen?

Ten years have miraculously flown by.

Thong and Soy are living
happily together.

They have three lovely children.
I envy them so.

As for Yodchai, after his heart was
broken by Soy,

he entered the monkhood.
Bless the Lord Buddha.

The sheriff is running for parliament.
Maybe he'll win.

But a sad thing happened...

Thong's father died of tuberculosis.

He died in the toilet.

Madam Dokto, after being an
old maid for so long,

finally managed to find a husband.

Guess who the unlucky guy was?

Chang Yim wasn't about to lose out.

She now has two husbands.

Easy life.

Soooo perfect!

Shh. The best happy ending belongs to...

...Yam and Joey. Take a look.

Joey, darling. Joey, Joey.

Here comes a crab. Here comes a crab.

Is it a "field crab" or "female crab?"

It's a "Black Crab".

Wait, wait. That's enough, Joey.

What's the matter, darling?

Take a look down there.

One, two, three, where's the youngest?

That's not even a straight ten yet.

I can take care of more.

Oh, Yam.

Subtitled screener provided by: Oleander69
Subbed by: Jan de Uitvreter 4 Tubesoda from ADC