Yaji and Kita: The Midnight Pilgrims (2005) - full transcript

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Huh?

What in the world?

Kita-san.

Kita-san
what are you--

Whyever?

What in the world?

Ohatsu.

Two of you?

Now, three!

Whyever?

What in the world?



What's wrong?

Why all the screaming?

I had a bad dream.

There I was fishin' by the river...

...and a sliding door floated by.

It flipped over before my very eyes.

I was there too, right?

Aye. In the flesh.

So it ain't the Yotsuya ghost, huh?

Then the next thing l
know two doors floated by.

Then they flipped over and...

Then your wife was twins, right?

Aye.

How'd ya know?



Cause that's my dream.

Why?

I should be asking you why...

...your ripping off my dream...

That's copyright infringement.

Hey!

Whatta ya doin'?

Yaji-san,
Yaji-san.

Damnit! I told you to stop that shit.

You're silly.

Silly.

Silly, silly, silly.

It's your fault for talking about her!

Now, whatta ya doin'?

What else but...

...get high and check
whose dream it was.

Screw you.

You fool.

Fool you.

What the hell?

Let me go.

Bloody fool!

Screw you!

Bloody fool!

Screw you!

Bloody fool!

Screw you!

Bloody fool!

Screw you!

Bloody fool!

Bloody fool!

Screw...fool!

Gatcha.

You...

Kita goofed.

Stop it. Keep your voice down.

Screw...fool!
Stop it. Keep your voice down.

I said it on purpose.

"Screw...fool!"

Hey, hey...

What? All of a sudden?

You surprised me.

Screw you.

Hey.

True love always hits all of a sudden.

Unexpected?

Expected.

Kita-san.

Murder! A murder!

Murder! A murder!

Murder! A murder!

Oh no! Oh yes!

An elephant from the land of
barbarians.

Murder!

See it now or never.

Elephant?
See it now or never.

The eyebrows above this
tusk are its weaponry.

Why's it called an elephant?

Questions?

Yeah.
Questions?

You! Answer him!

Don't you know?

How should I?
Don't you know?

I heard that it's got
big ears and a long nose.

It's a big stinky mouse.

It stinks?
It's a big stinky mouse.

Close, but no cigar. I'll explain...

The eyebrows stink
the mo-o-o-st.

But it ain't all bad.

If you touch its long
nose, you'll live to be 100.

You kidding?

Why don't you find out yourself?

And stop asking me, idiot!

I've eaten elephant before!

What?

Ask me no questions, I tell you no lies...

The fins are tasty.

Elephants are sacred messengers of
God.

How could you eat one?

Stop it...

Get him.

Street fight!

Fights and fires go hand
in hand with Edo men.

Shut your mouth, you asshole.

Hey Yaji-san.

Why are Edo men so damn phony?

Running at the mouth.

Like verbal diarrhea.

You think if I hang out with
them, I'll turn phony too?

This debt notice ain't no phony.

Get real.

Who'd hang out with an
in-debt junkie like you?

Yaji-san...

I can't make heads or tails of reality.

I have to go on living but
I'm always high and in bed.

ISE SANCTUARY

To live, I need drugs.

To do drugs, I need money.

If living like this
until I die is reality...

...then I've had enough.

Who needs that kind of reality?

Wanna take a pilgrimage to lse?

Ise-san?

Ise Sanctuary.

If we go to lse, you'll
be cured of being a junkie.

"REALlTY lS OUT HERE."

Yaji in da house.

We'll go to lse and
be one with the world.

Get that monkey off my back.

Boo-yaa word!

Why you talking strange?

We're just buggin'.

Words like "bloody fool" can't scrap
a lick. We 'bout not being dated.

Kick drugs, come correct.

Down with living positive. Peace.

I-Town Paradise,
l-S-E Respect.

Ya dig?

Dig? That ain't close to reality.

Kita-san! Let's go.

We've never set one foot outside of
Edo.

Let's see the world.

You might discover a new you.

Find myself?

A journey of discovery.

Boring.

Huh?

That ain't reality.

It's no fun as long as you're married.

Besides...

...my dealer is coming today...

Screw that! Backdrop!
...my dealer is coming today...

Forget my wife!

I, l, I wanna take a trip with you.

I just got to.

Screw you!

Bloody fool!

Screw you!

Those junkies are at it again.

Come out or we're coming in.

That's telling them.

What's with you?

Huh?

What was I doing?

You coming or not?

It'll be too dangerous all by yourself.

Traveling the Tokaido Highway with
you...

...is bound to be fun!

Screw you.

Bloody fool.

Now get packed.

Kita-san!

A journey to yourself, oh yeah

A journey to reality

Taking no women or kids

'Cause we're born to be...
GAY!

Piss off you blabber mouth Edo boys

Our reality is far out West

Screw you!

Bloody fool!
Screw you!

Head out on the Tokaido Highway, baby

Lookin' for Ise adventure, maybe

Head out on the Tokaido Highway, baby

YAJI AND KITA, THE MIDNIGHT
PILGRIMS

Head out on the Tokaido Highway, baby

Lookin' for Ise adventure, maybe

Halt!

What?

Don't ask me.

Trouble?

Yes?

Don't yes me.

Guess how many KPH you are going.

KPH?

1 00 KPH. That's over 60 over the limit.

Sorry.

Some speed trap!

You got a problem boy?
Some speed trap!

No, we're sorry.

I mean, what era is it?

What era?

Where are you from?

From? We're from Edo.

Edo?

Edo.
Edo?

Then get walking.

Edo men have always walked this road.

So what's with the
motorcycle? Riding high, huh?

Ouch!

What're ya shooting?

A film.

Speak up boy.

A film.

A film?

A-A movie.

Title?

Yaji and Kita, the Midnight Pilgrims.

Never heard of it. Who's starring?

Yaji (Tomoya Nagase) and...

...Kita. (Shichinosuke Nakamura)

Don't know them. Are they famous?

So so.

Anyway walk back to Edo and start
over.

What? For real?

Take the bike away.

Do we have to? Really?

For an Edo boy, you talk like a girl.

Walk back? That's impossible.

No, no, no.
Walk back? That's impossible.

Hey!

I said, "Walk!"

LAUGH INN

Feeling fine, eh?

Feeling fine.

Cheer up, Kita.

I'm always cheerful.

This feels great, eh?
Not a cloud in the sky.

You boys are real chummy.

Damnit.

Not chummy. We're gay.

We love men more than 3 square meals.

We're two homos madly in love...

I got one, Kita-san.

This is fun.

Hey! What gives?

Jump up and down.

Not now.

I said, "Jump"!
Not now.

Oh, oh, oh. Higher.

I keep this 'til we get to lse.
No problem, right?

Well l...

Uh-huh?

Okay.

Okay, shall we go Kita-san?

Okay.

Sorry to hurt you.

Oh, Kita-san.

Wanna skip?

Skip? Sure.

You're not skipping.

You're good.

Wow. This place is filled
with our fellow men.

All makin' love in the afternoon.

What the--

Oh madam, can we get a room?

Please leave.

Whyever?

Travelers, this is a laugh inn.

No stand up comedy, no room.

You'll never pass the checkpoint.

I'm Samu-rai.

I'm Ke-rai.

Together we're Sam Kerai. Get it?

Now that's funny.

Sam Kerai's "The lnvisible Man"

Hey, hey, I invented something groovy.

Groovy?

Drink this and you'll be invisible.

No way.

Seriously.

Then drink it.

Fine then.
Then drink it.

And invisible man? Groovy idea but...

No way. Hey!

No way. Come back.

What was that?

Where are you?

The dorm.

Two for the dorm.

Not the dorm again.

But we've improved.

What the heck was that?

The inspections for "incoming
weapons and outgoing women"...

...were strict enough at the outposts.

But the new head watchman, Kimura
Chuckles, made them even stricter.

MAKE ME LAUGH!

You need a sense of humor to pass.

And he shows no mercy even on
samurai.

Oh me, me!

Go.

Do you know why old kings never die?

They just get throne away.

Yamada-kun.

Yes.

3 stones.

Wait. Get it?

Throne away. Thrown away...

Make it four.

That's why...

...everyone finds a partner
and works on their act.

So they're not gay?

So who's the straight
man and who's the comic?

Neither. I'm Yaji, he's Kita.

Kita!

What's wrong? Get with it!

Drugs. I need my fix.

What the?

What the? Snap out of it.

Come on straight man,
play off his humor.

He's going through withdrawal, idiot.

Stop laughing.

He's come! Lord Kimura's here.

Bow down. Bow down.

Bow down. Bow down.

Quarterback sneak!

Chill out. Earth to Kita-san!

Kita-san!

Wow! A samba carnival! Everybody
samba.

Take a good look.

It's a daimyo's procession.

All I see are TAMlYA 35/1 scale models.

Who's Tamiya?

What now?

Office ladies.

OLs on their lunch hour.

Where do you wanna eat? How about
pasta?

Bring me udon flour.

He'll boil you alive!

Flour!
He'll boil you alive!

That new hairdo is so you.

The bitch stepped on my model.

Look, drugs.

Sweet!

Snort it up.

Kita-san. Forgive me.

That's funny.

Excellent comic timing!

What's your name?

Yajirobe. And he's Kitahachi.

Lord Kimura!

Heard this one?

Ninja arts...my...my...
my private parts.

You peasant!

Yajirobe and Kitahachi, eh?

See you at the checkpoint.

Ace of hearts.

That smarts.

By fits and--

Starts!

Hi, I'm Yaji.

And I'm Kita.

Together we're...

Together, we're...

Together we're Yaji-Kita. Get it?

No, I can't rip off their joke.

Who's there?

What's so funny?

What's so funny?

More, more. Laugh it up.

Laugh. Laugh.

More, more.

Okay...
And cut.

The next set up is this way.

Please watch your step.

Where you going?
Please watch your step.

Over here.

Over where?

Everybody with me?

Watch your step.

We're running late.

Over here.

Here. This seat's open.

Ready?

Here's the scene.

Well, if it ain't me when I was a kid!

Stupid, stupid. Sissy, sissy.

Now laugh!

Keep laughing. Laugh.

Quit laughing.

Don't laugh. Don't laugh.

Quiet. If you laugh, he'll...

Look, you made him cry.

Keep laughing.

Don't laugh. Quit laughing!

Stop it!

Stop laughing.

They're non-union.

Laugh it up. You're all right.

Honey.

Honey.

Wake up, honey!

I saw him.

Saw him? Saw who?

The God of Laughter.

Kita-san.

The God of Laughter helped me.

Luck is on our side.

The God of Laughter is on our side.

Sure, sure. Whatever.

Huh?

Be patient. Hold out until lse.

No! I wasn't hallucinating.

I saw it with my own eyes.

Screw you.

Ouch!

Forget the God of Laughter.
I'm on your side.

Don't pull! Don't, ouch!

Ouch?

Ouch!
Ouch?

Does it hurt?

This is your reality.

There's no God.

Your nuts hurt?

Yes!

This is your reality.

You got it?

I got it.

You got it?

I got it.

Still need convincing?

Oh...sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

My bad.

I love you Kita. That's my reality.

I got it. I got it.

Really?
I got it. I got it.

I got it.

You sure?

Wanna pull mine?

No thanks. I'm not angry.

Come on, please pull mine.
No thanks. I'm not angry.

Hey! Outta our way.

Stop your skipping.

Why?

Never mind.

Screw you. Screw who?

Hello again.

Begin.

Hi, I'm Yaji and...

Well, it's Spring again.

Hey, Kita-san. Kita

Can February March?

No, but April may.

But April May.

Hey, what in the world?

Whyever, whyever?

Drugs, drugs.

Stop it! Stop.
Drugs, drugs.

I said stop!

Yamada.

Yes?

A junkie, eh?

No, he's going to lse to kick his habit.

He hasn't gotten high since Edo. Right?

No junkies allowed.

DENIED

Yaji-san!

Kita-san!

Stop.

Hey funnyman...

...you passed.

PERMITTED

No.

Stop it.

Let me go.

Kita-san.

I have to be with Kita-san.

Let me go. Stop it!

Kita-san.

Stop it.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Stop. Screw you.

Kita-san...

He's gone.

He's gone.

Mind blowing.

Naniwa Hot at your service!

Hot, hot, smokin' hot.

I'm just getting warmed up.

Mind blowing. Mind you.

Hey. Who's he?

Master Naniwa Hot.

He's talking his hot act to Edo.

Oh?

Good luck.

Why?

Get lucky.

Nice one.

Good luck.

Screw you.

W-w-wait. The best
is yet to come.

Hot, hot, smokin' hot.

What gives?

What're ya doing?

Doing? I got denied.

And I can't go back to Osaka.

My partner went on ahead.

Partner?

Yeah. You see a brat about this high?

Hey buddy!

You seen my dad?

Hey buddy!

Hey are you crying?

I may not look it but I'm
a pretty famous comedian.

First I was Naniwa
Hotcake, then Hot Milk.

Then Hotcarpet and Hotpants.

And Hotplate when I paired with my
wife.

And Hot, Hotter, Hottest as a trio.

Now with my son, Hot Sandwich.

Mind blowing.

Who's the first?

Hot, hot, smokin' hot.

Been doing those gags for 1 8 years.

I made them mine. They're my
trademark.

But my son wanted to ride an elephant,
and I wanted to try my act in Edo.

What's with you?

You feel okay?

You gotta pee?

I won't.

Won't?

Kita gave up drugs but l
didn't give up anything.

I want to understand how he feels...

I'll give up pissing.

You're a riot.

Ya think?

Wanna pair up with me?

No, I can't.

I can't without Kita.

Shoguns may come and go
but there's only one Kita--

Sandwich.

That's a mutt.

How cold.

Edo humor is cold, scary, cheap.

Sandwich.

Hey, wait
up for me--

Sandwich.

Your humor is the best. Sandwich.

Wait...

Sandwich.

Sandwich, it's me, Dad.

Sandwich...

It's me, Dad.

It's Dad.

Yaji-san...

I'm so sorry.

Kita-san.

You promised
me--no drugs!

Yaji-san.

You were here all the time?

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Why run away?

I don't know.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Give it a rest.

Do you hate me?

How could I hate you?

Then why?

I missed you so much that this
happened.

F-f-face tumor?

He's pulling at me.

Yaji's mine!

Stop it.

Idiot. You don't understand shit.

Who are you?

Who are you?

Welcome to the Hakone Checkpoint,
Episode 2.

Episode 2?

Where's Yaji-san?

There!

Talk about fresh.

Yaji-san.

It's all mine?

He's in love with seafood now.

Hi cutie.

PAY CHANNEL. PRESS START

Start, start. Press start. Press start.

Bye.

Wanna see Yaji-san?

Of course!

Wanna see your son?

Yeah.

Wanna go to lse?

You bet.
Wanna go to lse?

Wanna go to Edo?

Yes!
Wanna go to Edo?

Then, let the Drug
Addict Mega Quiz Begin.

Hold on. A quiz?

What about our jokes?

Drug Addict Mega Quiz!

Forget applauding on cue.

We'll compete with our jokes.

What a joke?
Screw this quiz stuff.

What the hell?

Got any parents?

No.

Got any kids?

No.

If you squint your eyelids, you can see...

...mother!

Question 1, "What's in the box?"

We can clearly see inside.

Drugs, drugs! Beautiful drugs.

You promised me--no drugs!

Oh no! No!

Too close for comfort.

I didn't take them, Yaji-san.

So what's in the box?

Don't know.

What's in the box?

Beats me.

What's in the box? What's in the box?

Don't care.

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

Wanna pass the checkpoint?

Yeah.

Follow me.

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

What's in the box?

Sandwich.

Wanna have cake?

Yeah, I do.

Then here you go.

Delicious.

Eat up son.

Oops!

PERMITTED

Yaji-san.

Yaji-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Kita-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.
Kita-san.

Kita-san.

How'd you pass the checkpoint?

Don't know.

I don't know but...

I kept our promise.

You did.

Was I good? Did I do good?

Great!

You did great!

Good boy.

Mind blowing.

Dad...

Well done!

Hot, hot, smokin' hot!

Hot, hot, smokin' hot!

I'm just getting warmed up!

Who's on first?

PLEASURE INN

Yaji-san, let's skip.

Wanna skip?

Let's skip.

Here we go.

Skipping with Yaji-san.

EU-RE-KA!

Eureka!

Inspector Kin-kin. This way.

Kin-Kin!

Wanna eat?

Hey, Cro-Magnon jaw.

Over here, monkey face.

Outta his way.

You game? You game?

Eureka!

Here it is.

Okay.
Here it is.

Hey Non-no?

That's me.

She's been murdered.

It's a murder.

What did they call it earlier?

A macho dinner party.

This ain't no party!

Shut up.

How careless of me.

Don't let it happen again.
How careless of me.

Who owns this house?

Mr. Yajirobe.

Hey Kita-san. How long you gonna rest?

Bloody fool.

Relax. It's not like we're wanted men.

Why don't you enjoy the view?

Have it your way.

So where's Yajirobe now?

On a pilgrimage to lse.

Alone?

No, with his partner Kitahachi.

Mafia Boss Jiro's
pleasure is our pleasure.

Mafia Boss Jiro's
pleasure is--

Who goes there?

Who goes there?

I am called Kitahachi,
born and raised in Edo.

Get real. What a lame name!

What's with that hair color?

Stop ogling!

Why?

We're Jiro's Pleasure Team.

Jiro's what? His what?

Boss Jiro Shimizu is coming by on
his way to Edo. This BBS says so.

So we're waiting for him.

Mafia Boss Jiro's
pleasure is our pleasure.

Thanks to him, our
harvest was a bumper crop.

Thanks to him, I lost 8 kilos.

An 1, 2...

Who goes there?

Is Boss Jiro that sexy?

You mean you haven't seen him?

But the rumor is he's quite
manly and he's very strong.

"Strong, Strong" is his theme song!

Nice one! Jiro'd love it.

He'd flip.

He'd flip.

I don't get it but it looks fun.

Just follow us.

Come on. Join us.

Mafia Boss Jiro's
pleasure is our pleasure.

Come on, macho boy.

Eat your carrots. Chow down.

You're still growing. Chow down.

You're the youngest, so eat up.

Kitahachi is a washed-up actor.

Then he must be gay.

He is.

How gay?

Ouch, ouch.

And he's using drugs
banned by the shogunate.

A gay junkie?

Tangled in a love triangle, eh?

Eureka!

I'll lay odds that he's
the one who killed Ohatsu.

Non-no?

Yes sir!
Non-no?

Too tall! Stand down!

We're off to lse.

Off to lse. This way!

Let's eat.

A lefty? You a southpaw too?

How about dessert?

Don't rush us.

We're eating!

Mafia Boss Jiro's pleasure is
our pleasure. Mafia Boss Jiro's...

Kita-san...

Hey Kita.

Who goes there?

No, no. no.

He's not Jiro. He's my companion.

What's with those clothes?

Pretty girly, huh?

Girly?

A girl. Girly Kita.

Yaji-san here.

Sweet as honey, honey.

Wanna join our pleasure team?

Your what?

They're fans of some mafia
boss named Jiro. Right?

Whyever?

Where'd all your high tension go?

But he's so...

Stop being so silly.

Do you have a steady?

A 'steady'? What's a steady?

Who's that over there?

Oh him? We met on the road.

Come here.

Poor guy got robbed by
bandits on the way to Edo.

Highway robbery, eh?

Come on.
Highway robbery, eh?

You sure? Okay then.

What's your name again?

Shimizu.

What? What?

I'm called Jiro Shimizu.

Shi-mi-zu?

Jiro Shimizu!

Get happy! Jiro's here.

Now sing!

Yaji's pleasure is our pleasure.

Yaji's
pleasure is--

Shut up.

He's angry.

They fancy you.

They do?

I want you all to myself.

Hey! Stop it.

Go for it, bloody fools!

Wait for me!

SINGING INN

How huge!

How long are
you gonna--

All day long. That's Fuji.

How huge!

It's only a mountain.
How huge!

Shut up.

Whoa, an echo.

You try screaming.

I'll pass.

Come on, scream.

I'm fine.

Come on.

Fine. So scream.

Okay, you loudmouth.

I need my fix!

Keep your voice down.

Is that all you think about?

I could admire this view forever.

Right Kita?

You're not listening, are you?

You okay?

I need my fix!

Butt out.
I need my fix!

I can't...

...carry...

...a
t-u-n-e.

You talk funny.

Oyuki!

Don't sing off key.

Come on...music!

Welcome.

Whoa, welcome.

Tea, green tea

Shizuoka's famous rows of tea
Yeah-Yeah

Drink all you want, it's free
Yeah-Yeah

Hey travelers, you Edo boys

Wanna eat some sushi?

Hey travelers, ever been to Thailand?

Wanna cut your balls off?

Shall I give you a sex change too?

You're in the Mecca of green tea,
Yoshiwara City in Shizuoka

Thank you.

Wow! A song with a cup of tea.

How about an encore?

Don't. He's wheezing.

I'm dead.

You okay, daddy?

Daddy?

One more cup.

Come on...

...music.

Not being able to sing
is nothing to worry about.

Not around here.

Meaning?

According to legend singing clears
up the weather around Mt. Fuji.

Burning mountain, please come back

Burn, baby burn, disco inferno

Somewhere over the rainbow

Love lifts us up where we belong
Somewhere over the rainbow

But...

...when I sing...

...Mt. Fuji hides in the haze.

It did. It hazed over.

You again!

What should we do?

Nothing. She can't
carry a tune in a bucket.

But don't you think it's sad?

Talk normal, will you?

I am talking normal.

Kita-san!

What the fuck!

Stop it. Stop it.

Ouch. Stop it.

You in love with that chick?

Dinner show...

Don't change the subject!
Dinner show...

We'll host a dinner show
in that temple back there.

Screw that. Backdrop!

Bloody fool! Lariat!

I want Oyuki to cheer up.

Faith can...move mountains.

She can sing.

Sure.

You in? A dinner show?

No drugs?

Drugs?

Wanna get high instead?

No. The dinner show's more important.

What's wrong?

Don't do that.

Your crying makes me sick.

So what if it does? I'm happy.

I'm so happy.

I gotcha.

I wonder in the middle of the night

Should I keep on living?

Should I use the hot springs?

Should I sleep on a futon?

This song's a hit. To the top.

This rocks. It'll sell big.

All right!

But when our bones are
aching, we fall to sleep

TOWER PHONOGRAPHS

Did you call us? Did you call us?

Yaji and Kita, the Midnight Pilgrims

Hey Kita.

Kitahachi.

We're No. 1 on the hit
chart three weeks running!

No way.

Ranked right up with the sumo
champion.

She stinks.

You know, making it to the
top is pretty meaningless.

I know the feeling.

Get back.

You stink.

You stink big time.

Stop it. She's getting better.

Don't mind him. Let's practice.

How about a drink to celebrate our
fame?

Oyuki, this shamisen
might help you sing better.

Okay.

You're too close. Too close.

How fun!

Calm down.

At least he's sober.

ISE SANCTUARY

Yaji-san!
Yaji-san? It's lse.

I told you we'd make it.

Hurry up.

Slow down.

Yaji X Kita in da house.

The festival flutes are calling

The taiko drums pound in the distance

Strum away the state of the world

Foxes and raccoons
trick everyone around

The frozen metropolis
goes donn-zoko donn-zoko

The taiko drums pound in the distance

You're mine now.

Quit horsing around.

Forgive me.

Sure, they were junkies but
they didn't look like criminals.

Whatever you can remember is fine.

Come to think of it, when
I went to clean the bath...

How's the water?

There's no God. Your nuts hurt?

Pulling on your lover's nuts is bizarre.

"Such a bizarre lad."

I'll say the line like that.

Want a banana?

Yes, yes, yes.

Excuse me.

What?

Excuse me.

What now?

Bearded Courtesan's Best Hits!

Already?

My bad. This one.

Wait! Show me that.

I liked the cover.

Don't let it happen again.

Yaji Kita!

What?
Yaji Kita!

It's them. Yaji and Kita.

Criminals are putting out a record?

They've got nerve,
offending a playboy like me!

Eureka!

Non-no.

Too tall! Stand down!

Perfect size!

Let's have a listen.

Not that one.

Not that one. Play
the Bearded Courtesan.

How cute? I love her.

Court, Court, Courtesan

Courtesan, the bearded courtesan

Courtesan under the Sun

My son is a courtesan

That uniform can't mask it,
you're still a courtesan

Just a rotting, stinking courtesan

Meet my perverted fan club

Court, court, Courtesan

Night, night, night courtesan

I was singing harmony.

Look at that.

Non-no. Calm down.

Inspector? Inspector?

What happened?

Oh no.

A mass suicide.

Don't guess. Investigate.

It's murder.

How'd you know?

Evidence.

Look.

YAJIROBE

He's a cold-blooded serial killer.

I'm scared.

Calm down. It's okay.

Non-no.

Inspector.

Non-no.

DINNER SHOW

Damn it.

Oyuki! It's you.

Take a good look.
Tomorrow you sing there.

Oh, you want Kita? I'll go wake him up.

I...

Please use this.

Whyever.

Ya-za...
I mean, Ya-ji-san.

Oh me?

Thanks.

Like this?

Yo baby.

Where's Kita's?

Nothing?

I can't accept this.

Kita and I are lovers.
Two hearts entwined.

I know.

Oyuki.

Yaji-san...

Tomorrow...

Please...sing...a duet...

...with me.

What's a duet?

Whyever?

What in the world?

Whyever?

Yaji-san.

Yaji-san, look. Mt. Fuji's red.

Yep.

How beautiful.

Mt. Fuji in all its glory.

It's only a mountain.

You say something?

Nothing.

Kita-san.
Yaji-san.

What?

Sorry but, can you plug your ears?

I love Oyuki.

Done?

You finished?

No echo.

There's no echo.

Screw you Fuji. You're no fun.

I love Oyuki. There's your echo.

Let's go.

Go on ahead.

I love Oyuki!

Let's go, Kita.

I love Oyuki!

Stop it.

Where's the echo?

Answer me, Fuji!

Have you forgotten that
you're a gay junkie?

I love Oyuki!

Aren't you coming to lse?

Go by yourself.

My gay and drug problems will
be solved with Oyuki by my side.

To me...

Oyuki is my lse!

I want to express my feelings for you

Whyever?
I want to express my feelings for you

I want to express my feelings for you

You can take away my make
up but never take me away

I want to express my feelings for you

Oyuki.
I want to express my feelings for you

I want to express my feelings for you

Did you hear me?

You did?

Of course, you did.

I'm madly in love with you.

After the show tomorrow,
I'm hitting the road.

No, I'm not...

...off to lse with Yaji...

I--

Wait.

Wait, wait.

It's my first time.

The sunset or the
mountains and their beauty.

It's all new to me.

I can't.

I want to be closer.

Help me.

I love you so, so much.

Reality scares me.

I...

I love Yaji-san

Forgive me, Kita-san I'm sorry

Kita-san, I fell in
in--in--love with Yaji...

...and I can't get back

Kita-san. Hold out until lse.

How fab. You found lots and lots.

But I'll never eat all
these magic mushrooms.

What if I do?

Like Alice down the rabbit hole.

You don't say?

Wanna try?

No, thank you.

But he will.

But when our bones are
aching, we fall to sleep

Oyuki learned to sing.

Did she?

So that's why Fuji is clear today.

Yes. Not a cloud in the sky.

Yaji-san

Oyuki

That ain't my reality.

Whyever?

Kita-san!

You're late.

The dinner show's rockin'.

Let me introduce our vocalist.

Ow.

Ouch!

Ouch! That hurts.

What are you doing? Tasty?

He's so happy his eyes are dancing.

Hey Kita-san. I want some too.

You okay? Get up on stage.

KING'S INN

Wow. I'm glad we came.

More tea, bitch!

Come on...music.

Stop singing every time.
I've had it up here.

You've had 10 cups.

Hey master. Ochin!

Yeah. Yeah?

I heard Fuji is most
beautiful from here.

What's that?

It is beautiful. But those hooligans...

Hooligans?

Yeah. Yaji and Kita,
the Midnight Pilgrims.

Ah! Yaji and Kita!

Non-no. No, no, no.

Yaji and Kita were here?

Were they? She won't
speak because of them.

Hey, hey.

Inspector!

What's a lady doing listening
to the radio in the Edo period?

Radiohead Granny.

Radiohead Granny?

She talks like a radio
so we call her that.

One in 50,000 suffer from this.

You crusty, dying hag.

Look who's talking!

Good luck.

Oh a youngster. What's your name?

Uh, Yajirobe.

Who's he?

Kitahachi.

If you're going then eat some yam juice.

It'll liven you up.

Eureka!

Non-no!

Yes sir.

You framed out.

We're off to Mariko.

This way.

Non-no, my manly throne.

Bring it!

Wait for me.

Yaji-san,
Kita-san.

Yaji-san,
Kita-san.

Kita-san...

Damnit. I messed up the order.

Do the wave.

Whatever? Whatever? It came back.

Look alive, Kita.

Let's go.

Cheer up.

Excuse us, we're attached
at the wrist here.

Behold King Arthur!

King Arthur!

Behold King Arthur!

King Arthur!

Good morning.

I'm King Arthur, knight
of the round table.

Behold the legendary
sword that severs DNA...

Excalibur.

Who will extract the sword?

Me.

Name?

Kata.

What?

Mr. Katagai? Okay.

Impossible.

Too bad, Mr. Katagai.
Impossible.

He lacks spirit.

Ignorant peasants! Drink
my yam juice and be revived!

Vitality!

Grow strong, grand ma.

Drink up!

What do you say, Kita-san?

I hate yam juice. Makes me itch.

What'd you say? My juice
won't make you itch.

Gimme some, King Arthur!

Don't piss me off boy.

Hey, It's delicious Kita.

Real tasty. It'll liven you up.

What?

Itchy.

Itchy.

He's itching.

You didn't drink any.

It itches.

Stop laughing.

Kita, you okay?

Hey! Stop it! Calm down.

Hold out until lse.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Kita-san...

He told you to shut up.

You're always meddling with
people. Pretending you know them.

But we're one and the same.

You ain't me!

You don't know shit about me.

What?

Everybody says, Yaji-san
and Kita-san, Yaji and Kita.

Can't just one of them
call us Kita and Yaji!

You'll ruin everything.

Bloody fool!

Screw you!

He did it.

Kita-san.

What--

Yaji-san?

Why?

You dead?

Hey, Yaji-san.

Yaji-san.

Yaji-san.

King Arthur! Do something!

I'm just a humble yam farmer.

I've got to go. I'm busy.

Shit.

Yaji-san.

Yaji-san!

THE END

What gives?

You got a complaint?

Yeah, a big one.

That ain't my reality.

Course not. It's a movie.

Next in the double feature is Ben-Hur.

Back it up! Rewind and show it again.

Not staying for Ben-Hur?

I love Yaji-san.

Oh Oyuki!

Oyuki! Oyuki!

You're so cute.

I feel in in--in--love...

...with Yaji-san...

...and can't get back

She can finally sing.

Kita-san. Hold out until lse.

Fuck off.

You're always meddling--

Hey!
You're always meddling--

It's different from before.

It's the director's cut.

This is how you killed him.

It's a lie.

It's no lie.

You were too high to remember.

Everybody says, Yaji-san and
Kita-san or Yaji and Kita.

Can't Just one of them
call us Kita and Yaji!

No way.

I don't believe you.

It's not my reality.

Boring. Reality is boring.

Poor baby.

Without realizing he was dead
he kept traveling with you.

He loved you so much.

Yaji-san.

Forgive me.

Wanna see him?

Yes.

I want to.

Then trick yourself.

Convince yourself he's
alive. Then you'll see him.

For a junkie like you,
it'll be easy, right?

Take the drugs and
you'll ruin everything.

Yaji-san...

Hey, that's deep. Really deep.

You can't come over here.

Why not?

You're dead. You died.

Stop messing with me.

Who are you anyway?

Datsueba: the clothes thief demon.

Datsueba?

You got killed by Kita.

You lie. Kita-san would never do that.

This is the famous River Styx.
Go over there and rest in peace.

Don't cry.

I can't rest in peace. I can't.

I promised. I promised
Kita-san we'd go to lse.

I want to travel more and more with him.

You can't cheat death. That's the rule.

Death?

Kita-san!

Hey Kita-san!
Kita-san!

Over here!

Forgive me Yaji-san. Forgive me.

Kita-san.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san, traveling
alone is too painful.

Yaji's alive, alive, alive.

Can February March? No, but April May.

Yaji-san!

Yaji!

What are you doing?

Yaji-san!

You with me?

Hang onto your hat.

What?

We're at lse.

No, it's Shinjuku.

It's like heaven.

For pedestrians, right?

There it is. Ise-san!

That's lse-tan department store.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, it's lse.

Ise-tan... I
mean lse-san.

Let's go inside.

Huh? You got better?

Yep.

We're here. Let's go.

Come on, Kita-san.

This ain't lse-san.

It's phonier than Edo.

You're funny. I'll back you up.

Bloody fool.

Screw you.

Screw you.

Bloody fool.
Screw you.

Screw you.

You ain't Yaji-san.

Get real. Out of drugs, huh?

Get high. Get high.

Yaji-san would never say that.

Sorry. I'm not really Yaji.

Then who are you?

Four-ji.

Bloody fool.

Are you awake?

What'll you have?

Yaji-san.

Yajisan, Yajisan, Yajisan...

Sorry, we don't serve that drink.

Not a drink.

He's my lover I killed.

A rendezvous?

Rendezvous?

Oh, yeah. I'm waiting for someone.

I won't move until he comes.

Oh, Kita.

Kitahachi.

Kita Kita.

Kita Honey.

Kita Baby.

Wanna ride?

A ride? Where to?

The source of the River Styx.

The source?

You don't want to cross,
you can't go back.

So how about going up?

Check the map?

Look here.

The river divides life and death, right?

So if we go to the source, life
and death might be connected.

Uh-huh.

Whatever you say.

You're smart, Datsueba
of the River Styx.

A regular Saibaba.

Wait for me, Kita-san!

Between night and morning

Between men and women

How beautiful.
Between men and women

Between reality and dreams

Between this world and that world

There are various "betweens" but...

For your dead lover...
There are various "betweens" but...

Or between me and you

A butterfly cocktail.
Or between me and you

Or between me and you

Or between me and you

Damn it.

All is darkness

All is dark

Yaji and Kita, the Midnight Pilgrims

Shit.

Walk?

It's dark. And scary.

Dark and scary.

Scary and dark.

Scary. Scary.

Dark. Dark.

What's that?

Nirvana Harbor. Otherwise
called Nirvana Un-healthy Spa.

SOUL'S INN

WELCOME

You don't see that everyday.

How many kids are in their family?

They're not people. They're
souls like you.

Souls, huh?

The same as me?

Souls separated from their
flesh. They cross the River Styx...

And vanish in the darkness.

Cheers!

Before that they have fun one last time.

I did it my way.

Here's your chicken.

I didn't order.

But...

Ew!

You'll be like them soon.

I'll go look for the source.

Don't move a muscle.

I won't.

Darn. I lost weight again.

Rule Violation!

30 grams?

Bless my soul. Yaji-san?

Yeah. Who are you?

Can't you tell?

No. You all look the same to me.

That makes me sad.

No way.

Mind blowing.

Hot, hot, smokin' hot.

Oh, Master Hot.

How's life?

My body got burned but my soul is fine.

Hot, hot, smokin' hot.

Meet my partner.

Partner?

We're doing stand up
together. Check our act?

Show me? Go for it.

Mind blowing. Naniwa Hot here.

Go Hot!

Mind blowing. Who am I again?

You're cool.

Cool.

You ordered the chicken, right?

And who are you?

I'm Hot. Who's on first?

Huh?

Who's on first?

I'm sorry, I messed up.

Darn. I gotta find a new partner.

Are we gonna vanish like that too?

Not me. I don't wanna vanish.

Kita-san!

Hey bartender, this
drink is damn strong.

Is it now?

Yeah, I can see my dead lover.

Kita-san.

Are you Yaji-san?

No, I'm a fake Yaji-san.

You're dreaming of your lover.

Fine with me.

Give the fake Yaji-san
whatever I'm drinking.

And some pretzels and chocolates.

Chocolates and then some...

Sir.

Listen carefully.

Bringing back your lover
takes great concentration.

If you lose focus over
chocolates, he'll disappear.

Now concentrate.

Think only about your lover.

Yaji-san. Yaji-san.
Yaji-san. Yaji-san.

Screw you!

Hey, Yaji-san!

Screw you!

Yaji-san!

Screw you!

Yaji-san?

Screw you.

Yaji-san.

Screw you!

Yaji-san.

I made the fake Yaji come
to life by concentrating.

That you did.

I'll have that drink now!

Bartender! Gimme
a round of--

What's with you?

Actually, I died a while back.

So somebody must be
thinking about you, huh?

My wife.

Magic mushrooms.

Is she asleep?

Mayumi, Mayumi, you okay?

Pick up some tofu and
eggs on your way home.

Who's he?

A customer.

I don't wanna.

Even after I died, she
kept believing I was alive.

Thanks to her thoughts,
I can run my bar.

She's half mushroom
but she dreams about me.

So, you should keep giving
your lover cocktails.

He fell asleep.

He's zonked.

This way. This way.

Hold on a sec.

Hmm...

Oh, that way. This way, sir.

Hey, Non-no? Some Tokaido Highway.

Uh-huh.

If you say, "How careless of me"

I'm gonna be pissed. Stuff
it and walk, you faggot.

What'd you say?

How careless of me.

Huh?

How careless of me!

Non-no.
Non-no.

Don't do that.

Don't throw my manly throne.

You sure? What about
this expensive book?

Non-no?

I told you "don't move".

This is my pleasure team.

Who goes there?

Poor girls. They died because of me.

Hey Datsueba. Can they
come back to life like me?

Idiot! The walls have ears.

Back to life?

Back to life?

Back to life?

Bath towel?

Whyever?

Let's go.

I don't want to disappear.

Hey Datsueba.

I don't want to disappear.

Forgive me!

Why do you get to come back to life?

Run.

Say something.

No thanks.

Magic trick?

No thanks. Hit me again.

Who are you thinking about?

Why Kita, of course.

Yajirobe, Kitahachi!

You're under arrest for killing
Ohatsu and suspicion of other stuff.

Police business.

Louder.

Police business!
Louder.

Yeah, official biz!

Ohatsu?

Who's she?

My wife I left back in Edo.

Non-no?

Yes sir.

Yajirobe and Kitahachi, our warrant
says...

What's that say?

It says "wife".

You killed the wife Ohatsu, and ran
away.

Be careful. Remember...you're his
dream.

I understand.

Think only of Kita.

You told him, lnspector.

Back off!

Kita-san.

Kita-san...Darn it.

I can't get Ohatsu off my mind.

Honey!

Ohatsu.

What's she doing alive?

What the--

The source of the River Styx.

So you're the source, huh?

No wonder I can't get past.

Do you recognize me?

Of course.

A man never forgets his wife's
face, no matter how she changes.

For real?

You're my wife.

Honey.

Long time, no see.

It's been a while.

Is this maggot your lover?

He is.

Spiteful turd.

Mushroom face husband stealer.

Stop.

Back off!
Stop.

Stop it.

We're both part of his dream.

If he dies, we vanish too.

Who cares!

Besides, you died long ago.

He's half mushroom.
He won't die if you cut him.

Behold the legendary sword
that severs DNA, Excalibur.

I'm totally lost.

This is the big scene.

I know. I know.

Ohatsu.

Honey.

Choose.

If she stops crying, the border
between life and death will dry up.

But, if she keeps crying,
you can't cross over.

I see.

I'll create a diversion
and you run over.

Impossible.

Why?

Well...

...she's too big.

Besides, it's my fault she's crying.

What are you doing? It's midnight.

Washing rice.

Why don't you wash it tomorrow
morning?

Morning's too late. I have to do it now.

Women... can't live with
them. Can't shoot them.

Will you stop it!

I have to wash the rice.

Why now?

I always do it at night.

You were either staying
out until morning or asleep.

You never noticed.

But this way makes the rice taste good.

You lie.

Here's your rice.

Ohatsu.

I'm washing rice.

I'm in love with a man.

But I'll always love you.

But I fell in love.

Sorry, Ohatsu.

Forgive me,
but I'm--

What?

I'll make miso soup.

Stop it.

Stop.

Let go.

You let go.

Let go.

No.

No!

No! No! No! No!

Stop.

Stop it, Ohatsu.

Stop.

What?

Don't leave me.

I never said I would.

I can't live without you.

Oh! Yeah.

Me too. Me too.

Really?

Really.

Really?

Really.

I saw your life vanish
right in front of me.

I couldn't do anything except watch.

It was scary. Shameful.

I cried and cried.

So I hit the road.

To stop being serious and
live wildly and die wildly.

But I got too wild, and Kita killed me.

Serves me right.

You're selfish.

I'm selfish...

You're a coward.

...and a coward.

Ohatsu.

Do you hate me?

Do you hate Kita?

How could I possibly?

On the contrary, I want
to keep traveling with him.

Telling you this is strange but l
want to keep traveling with Kita-san.

Forgive me.

Then I don't hate you.

Don't wake up.

Ohatsu.

Honey.

Kita-san.

What, fake Yaji-san?

It was fun while it lasted.

Sir.

Outta the way.

She stopped.

We can leap frog to life!

Go for it.

Yeah!

Damn! What the heck?

Take the shortcut.

I have to cross your butt?

Hurry. I still have
lots of crying to do.

Datsueba.

Don't ass me.

Phew!

Stinky!

Raunchy!

That stinks!

Phew!

Shit, for a soul, how
could you fart on me?

Phew. Stinky.

Ohatsu.

What's wrong? You got old.

I was just imagining my death.

That's a bad omen.

You're older too.

Really?

I was dreaming.

Enough to last an entire lifetime.

At last I can't make heads
or tails of dreams or reality.

Drink up.

No, I'm done dreaming.

I'll die someday and have
to go to the other side.

But you know, death with
Yaji wouldn't be so bad.

Sir, sir.

Your friend is here.

Yaji-san.

Oh, Kita, long time, no see.

How've you been?

Where were you?

I was...

A lot happened after you killed me.

But I'm fine now.

We can travel together again.

You're a mess.

Yeah. I fell down.

You stink.

I fell. I fell in a cesspool.

And got bit by a dog.

Yeah, it hurts.

Why the snake?

Thought I'd eat it.

Bloody fool.

Screw you.

Screw you.

Bloody fool!

Screw you!
Bloody fool!

It really is you.

It really is you.

Kita-san.

Yaji-san.

Kita-san.

Gimme that hair bun.

Hug me tighter, tighter.

You sure you want me?

Ouch.

Does it hurt?

Ouch.

Does it hurt?

Ouch. It hurts.

Yaji-san, you're my only reality.

Screw you.

Bloody fool.

Don't eat me.

That's how much I love you.

Does it bother you?

It doesn't bother me, but
those are magic mushrooms.

What the hell!

What the hell!

Hey lnspector.

Whatcha thinkin' about?

Elephants.

Elephants?

Everybody in Edo knows about
elephants from the land of barbarians.

Oh, elephants, eh?

Yaji-san?

Yeah, Kita-san?

Are we there yet?

We're close. We'll
make the Oi River soon.

You sure?

Don't know.

Don't know at all.

You're no help.

Who cares.

I don't know where we're
going or what we're riding.

You know, right?

Of course. Elephants, right?

Their fins are tasty.

Do you really know?

You pest! Non-no!

Elephants, right? Big ears, long nose.

With a place for your hands.

Wheels in front an back.

And it goes Vroom, vroom, vroom.

That's a motorcycle!

Screw you!

Bloody fool!

Shichinosuke Nakamura
Tomoya Nagase

From Edo to new York
Thousands of lights lead the way

A journey to find yourself?
Reality is nowhere out there

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

8 or 9 cases out of 10

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

8 or 9 cases out of 10

I wanna be...
be your fuck

With samurai compassion

I wanna be, be, be, be, be your fuck

In all frankness...

Who goes there?

A journey to find yourself?
Reality is no where out there

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be, be, be, be, be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...

I wanna be, be, be your fuck

I wanna be...

...your fuck

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...
be your fuck

I wanna be...
be your fuck