Y a-t-il un Français dans la salle? (1982) - full transcript

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Here is the first picture of me,
the author.

Since it was shot,
I've changed a lot

not much physically,
but above all morally.

When you look at a child,

you forget that he will become a man

a man similar to those
fussing around here.

But I shall assure you

that life is well and truly
as I show it here.

Poor and alive.

It would be odious
not to say all that is

when you know that
all that is, is.



This film is dedicated

to that old child.

IS THERE A FRENCHMAN IN THE HOUSE?

Señor Presidente, it's 8:30.

Señor Presidente...

Good morning, Señor.

The señor is President Tumelat

leader of the RAS party

at the national assembly.

Well... The president doesn't fart
this morning.

Muy bueno...

Good morning, Mr. President!

Where are you with
my speech for Saint-Germain-en-Laye?

I finished it this morning,
Mr President.



Bring it to me.

Right now, Mr. President.

He's got a cadet's cock,
my president.

A man is above all his cock
for women who love him.

Louis XIV surely had a beautiful one,
but Einstein?...

How is the hidalgo's dick?

My God... What a fashion plate!

In fact, her ass is nicer
than her face.

Program of the day?

Free in the morning
until 11 a.m.

and lunch at 1 p.m. at City Hall
with the mayor of Paris

Free until 11 a.m.?

I'm going to get laid at
Marie-Germaine de Castro place.

- You're laughing, Mr. President.
- Me? No way...

- How many pages the speech?
- 16.

But, once typed...

Careful! Achtung!
Don't bore the shit out of them!

Well, that's impossible.

You speak so well, it's music.

Bastard, he won't fuck me this morning.

"At a time when the rise of perils
becomes more pressing,

the enemies of the Republic,
which we claim,

my comrades and myself,
to be the defenders...

Fuck!
The "fierce" defenders, Alcazar...

What a jerk...
I'll end up writing them myself.

Notify the President discreetly.

What's going on?

Your uncle Eusèbe...

Dead?

He hanged himself.

Poor old man...

When?

Last night, probably.

- I'm going there.
- But no, Mr President...

At 11:00 a.m. you have an appointment
with French employers

Fuck the French employers!

- The ambulance?
- No, here is a guy...

Who do they think they are!

- What do you want? Who are you?
- And who are you?

Inspector Serruti, Maurice.

Mr President...

- Did you call me?
- No.

Did you, sir?

What?

My best regards, Mr. President.

To what do we owe this honor?

He was my uncle.

Your uncle?

In that case, what a loss!

For God's sake! Who called me?

A neighbor, maybe?

You found him?

Yes, sir.

Had he let you know
about his... intentions?

No.
Yesterday he was just fine.

He ate a 6 egg omelette
at his afternoon snack.

He was a big eater.

He didn't leave... a letter?

No...

Where's the body?

Upstairs, Mr. President.

We've called for an ambulance.

What a bad trick he played on us!

You were found of him?

Yes, sir...

Me too.
He raised me.

My God, it's him...
In person.

I see him, I talk to him
I can touch him.

He's even more beautiful than on TV.

My old Eusèbe...

It's over now.

One day or another,
we have to leave the merry-go-round.

I remember his last Christmas.

Georgette, Georgette!

Your little annual gift, Georgette.

That's twice last year gift!

Mr. Eusèbe,
how can I thank you?

You know that very well, Georgette.

You promise not to touch me?

Like last year, no more.

Thank you very much, Georgette.

Merry Christmas.

He was so nice...

His fingers, they're stained with ink.

He wrote a letter!

Why don't I ask him for something?

It must be the ambulance guys.

What's wrong with you?!

There's a president in this house!
And one dead!

Gently!

Even dead...

I thank you all three.

Please leave me alone.
I need to collect myself.

Madam?

I believe you own
a key to this home?

Yes.

Could you please
give it back to me?

Here it is.

- What about the dog?
- The dog? Oh, yes...

I'll take him with me.

He was my uncle's last companion.

That's it... I'm leaving
without asking for anything.

Don't be a fool, Serruti.
Don't be a fool.

Mr. President?

I have a slot now,
I'm asking him for something.

My watch stopped.
What time is it?

It's 10:32 a.m.

Thank you...

Thirty-two...

Eusèbe must have written a letter
before hanging himself.

You don't hang yourself
with no explanation.

Who is there?

Your knock is timid today.

- You heard it!
- You're late!

I was kept by a case involving Tumelat.
His uncle committed suicide.

Wait! I have to reduce the tripe.
It will stick to the pan.

Do you see who Tumelat is?

The guy you always see on TV.
A big handsome guy

You mean big, sexy...
on and off the screen?

If you've a crush on him,
I'll make introductions!

How did he commit suicide, his uncle?

He hanged himself.

Why did he hang himself?

We don't know.
He didn't write a letter.

He was sick?

That's enough!

You come down here...

You're sure he did commit suicide,
the uncle?

Young people do commit suicide,
Old ones don't.

They got so deep
into the habit of living.

You mean you think
someone may have helped him?

If it was a crime...

It would be a hit!
The uncle of President Tumelat...

You'd want to be a cop yourself!

No, I draw my own conclusions,
That's all.

Your little wife has
some common sense.

Come here now.

A crime.. That's a good idea!

My dear kid

I'm sorry

but I can't do it anymore.

Our secret was still alive

and will die with me.

I wish you'd always keep
this house intact.

In memory of me.

Your old uncle Eusèbe.

Who took the letter?
Who warned me?

Maybe a neighbor.

Unless the housekeeper lied.
She needs to be questioned.

When I think you were working
for Tumelat's uncle!

This enemy of the working class.

You, the wife of a railroader!

Just imagine
what he would think of it...

Imagine...

But I didn't know, Victor.

For me, Mr. Eusèbe
was a man of the people.

Mrs. Réglisson,
We are the people.

I know.

The compensation he promised us...
Forget it?!

Do you want me to say it?
Compensation?

Nuts!

Who's there?

Mr. Réglisson, I guess.

It's just me, Mrs. Réglisson...

Mr. President!

Looks like a trendy house.

Sit down, Mr. President.

The furniture was eyeing us up
at the Galeries Barbès for months.

So we let it happen...

I hope I... don't disturb.

Mrs. Réglisson let me know
about your uncle.

How sad!

How sad!

It's all my past that's disappearing.

How sad!

That's not bad!

Who's playing?

Our daughter!

Already a virtuoso...

Her mother wanted a piano...

Noelle wanted a violin...

I said: the flute.

It takes up less space.

Nothing is more delicate than a flute...

Noelle, Noelle!

Come and see who's here!

But she's lovely!

Mr. President!

Would you join us for a drink?

I didn't have lunch,
it would make my head spin.

I would like you
to tell me about my uncle.

Of course... Georgette, talk.

Well, he was a man...

He was a man!

How did he live?

He enjoyed tinkering around.
Constantly.

Here, he did up the whole house,
from the cellar to the attic.

He wasn't seeing anyone?

Never a visit.

Never, never.

He was so abandoned
that he was talking to himself.

To himself, to himself.

Here... Sometimes he had
real conversations

especially in the bathroom.

He often locked himself in,
the poor man.

Poor man... Poor man...

Ah! His bathroom...
it was something!

Believe it or not,
he never wanted me to clean it.

And yet, when Mrs. Réglisson cleans,
she cleans!

Hello ma'am!

Police Officer Paul Pauley.

Yes, I saw you this morning.
At the old man house.

Sorry, it's time for my cats.

Did you know the old man?

Yes, as neighbors
good morning or good evening...

His dog is a dirty beast
who's waging war on my kitties.

- You know he hanged himself?
- I know, yes.

And how did he hang himself?

Quite simply, with a rope.

Do you know whom he was related to?

No, you're going to tell me,
Mr. Police Officer.

Is there another room where
we could have a chat?

Here... it stinks.

What do you mean?
It smells?

I don't smell anything.

So where do we go?

But... There is only my bedroom...

and since my husband's death,
no man...

My husband was a tailor.

He made officer's uniforms.

The Fluck Cut!

It must have been something!

This way?

For God's sake!
It can't be anywhere else.

It's been almost 15 years
since Papa Fluck left me.

Oh, you know, memories are beautiful,
but also sad.

I live in the present.

- You don't have TV?
- No, my cats couldn't stand it.

- Nice curves from your stockings.
- Ah... Mr. Police Officer...

- Come on! at my age!
- What about your age?

You always find a buyer,
you know.

You're a fool.

Tell me, since you don't have TV...

you must spend a lot of time
at your window?

I'm not having much fun anymore,
you know.

And your window overlooks
the hangman's house.

True.

She looks very, very hot to me...
She has the nicest ass ever!

I beg your pardon?

Forget it...

Ok, tell me now, who came to
the old man's place

from last night until the arrival
of the housekeeper this morning?

A motorcycle stopped at the front door.

Have you ever seen the guy before?

No, never.

What time was it?

7:30 a.m. The housekeeper
arrived right after.

What did he look like?

He looked young,
medium-sized.

The number plate?

Mr. Police Officer, do I look like
someone reading number plates?

No, you rather look like...

I beg your pardon?

Then?

He came in
and went out a minute later.

The door wasn't closed?

I guess so.

It's a pleasure...

You're so cooperative Mrs Fluck.

I hope that our collaboration
is not going to stop there.

Excuse me,
my cats are getting impatient.

You still look pretty good to me
in your own way.

A beautiful slut, I'd say.
I'll keep an eye on you.

Protect me, Papa Fluck!

Anyone here?

What do you want?

It's about the investigation.

I'm listening.

Since you're a public figure,
I was wondering if...

If what?

If your uncle died
by natural causes...

He didn't leave a letter...

Yes, he left a letter.
You couldn't even find it.

- What is your captain's name?
- Lardoin.

The captain is informed
about what you're doing?

Well...

You may leave now.

I went back to that place
as you told me, you bastard!

She scolds me...

I ran into the president.
He didn't like it.

Get off my back!

He told me he found the letter!
So, case closed.

But not for you, you asshole!

If he found the letter,
did he show it to you?

Perhaps I should have
have asked for it?!

He found the letter,
while you cops came up empty-handed?

Moron!

- Do you think it's shady?
- Super shady.

- And when it's super shady...
- And when it's super shady?

You do the right thing, honey.

You do the right thing!

If you're still hungry,
I left some tripe in the fridge.

Don't worry about it.

It's settled, then?

It's all sorted out, Mr President.

The funeral is tomorrow.

I put it between appointments,
at the Levallois church.

Who warned me of the death...?

It was a man's voice,
that I didn't know.

Why?

Good night, Mr President.

It's 24 hours a day?
Damn!

You'll hand in your resignation
to that crook!

Period!

You hear me, Ginette?

If you weren't such a minger,
I would wonder if he and you...

If I'm ugly, divorce!

Ugly as a sin,
that what you are.

All you have to do then
is get a divorce!

You'd love to...
Never!

You hear me, never!

Period!

So you love me?

Love you?

Look at you in the mirror
and you'll understand.

No, I'm not getting divorced.
Because I've got principles.

The Alcazars don't get divorced,
period!

God, see how useless is my husband
and take him back.

He's yours.
I don't want him anymore!

I want this bastard dead!

I gave you the address of the deceased
because you were friendly to me.

No!
Because I gave you an envelope...

Either way,
I don't want any trouble.

Don't forget that my wife works
for the President.

I never reveal my sources,
Mr. Alcazar. Never.

I can't sit next to him.

A cock in the ass
has never made a relationship.

I wish you'd always keep
this house intact.

Papa Fluck, this is Mama Fluck. Stop.

It's been so long.

You know, I've always stood out.

Remember the gasman?
Nothing. Stop.

But last night with the police officer
it was close... Stop.

I'll let you know.

If I push on to the cemetery.

There I corner the President.

I ask for my transfer
to Paris center.

It'll piss the buddies off...

Be so good at playing dead
and stay alive....

How inappropriate!

I was to marry the man I loved
in that church...

And You gave me Mr. Réglisson...

- Good morning, Mr. police officer.
- Hi. This is my brother.

Good morning, Miss.

Here. This is the biker
I saw the other day.

All right, Mrs. Fluck.

You've done your duty.

No need to come to my place
anymore, then?

He's a freelancer at Le Parfait.

Don't forget the
master of ceremonies.

I wish you'd always keep
this house intact.

- Mr President
- Here, my friend. Thank you.

You made 200 bucks, dumb-ass...

But you screwed up your transfer.

Eusèbe, you're neglecting me.

Eusèbe won't come anymore.

He hanged himself.

No surprise.
His conscience didn't age well.

What about yours?

How is it doing, President?

I assure you that
I didn't know anything.

We get along very well,
Eusèbe and I.

18 years... an old couple.

Why did he keep you prisoner
so long?

Because he loved you.

He wanted to protect you.
From me.

If I had known...

What would you have done?

Remember.

The day you were appointed
Secretary of State

and when I, notorious blackmailer,

I showed up in your office

and I sang to you
my famous creation:

Tumelat la la...

sold Jews to the Gestapo.

Foolishness of youth...

I had been arrested.
I was scared.

Yes, but... Foolishness of youth...

in politics,
it's listed on the stock exchange.

Remind me how much I asked then?

A lot of money.

I gave it to my uncle for you.

I've been enjoying here
the lifetime interest for 18 years.

- I thought this case was settled...
- Settled?

A blackmailer
never works on fixed fees.

And then I had that dream
to settle to Guatemala.

At that time...

Guatemala is still a long way off,
but... it was already expensive.

What would you have done
if I had insisted?

I would have neutralized you.

One way or another.

Well... Eusèbe was right then
to take me as a guest.

We'd both be in prison....

Now then, what do we do?
I start packing...

or you extend the lease?

I'll think about it.

I'd be in your shoes...

I'd release me.

But you are not!

That's right.

But be aware that from now on

I become your conscience,
Mr President.

Well... Not exactly the conscience
I dreamed about.

Poor old man...

Had a hard time, right?

If you keep me here...

Bring me batteries for the transistor.

President of the Red Cross

President of the Rotary,
President of My Ass

President of anything and everything

And among them, me,
President of My Balls. For life.

Look at all these first-class jerks.

I bury them under the unbreakable
gangue of my deep contempt

of which I am the Honorary President.

Mr President!

Eric Plant, journalist.

I'd like to write an article on you,
from the angle of your private life.

The private life of public men
shall remain private.

I'm sorry, but I must insist.

Nothing has been written on your youth?

You were raised
by an old uncle, I believe?

You'll work on my past
when I'm dead.

For now, I cultivate it
by myself.

- Eric Plant?
- So what?

- Can we talk?
- I'm working.

Me too.

Oh, come on! What do you
want from me?

What you can do for me
is telling me

what you were doing
in the house the other morning.

I was there for an interview.

Just an interview.

- Because he was Tumelat's uncle?
- Yes.

What did he tell, shit-stirrer?

Nothing. He was hanged.

Before or after you get here?

What do you think?

As all suicides do,
he left a letter.

How do you know that?

When you kill yourself,
don't you leave a letter?

I'm not killing myself.

I have it!
I took it there.

What? I earn my crust...

Happy?

Housebreaking, theft of documents...
I have a witness

Don't have to earn your crust anymore.
I'm taking you in.

You may be a cop,
but my boss is well-connected...

There are many
eating out of his hand.

You'd be surprised.

"I wish you'd always keep
this house intact."

How do you read that,
shit-stirrer?

Come on, open it up, mother!

Oh, come on!
What did he do to you, my kitty?

If you keep going,
I'll call the SPCA.

Why?
That's my buddy.

And you, you're my girl!
Right?

Now, sit down.
Debriefing!

- When did the President leave?
- Right after you.

- And since then, no one has come?
- None.

Yes, a kid came to
distribute leaflets.

May I finish my blanquette?

If you let me admire your stockings.

Want some?

I don't care about the blanquette.

A car has just stopped.

What are you waiting for? Go!

The President.

- Too bad...
- What, too bad?

All these cats...
Otherwise, we're fine here.

He's got packages.

Who's it for?

Look, you're pinching me!
You pull the elastic...

- Where do you think you are?
- Easy... we get to know each other.

Don't push me, Mr. Police Officer!
I'm a respectable woman.

But shut up, we live!

The dog...

The dog is having a party for him.

You can't shut your mouth, bitch!

You're leaving?

Goodbye, Mr. Police Officer.

Oh, I like these!

Yes, but... I need a can opener.

In the drawer.

You should have dyed you hair
for ages, President.

Dye my hair?

I'm not a chick.

Yes, but you'd get closer
to the young ones.

White hair, right wing...
Pretty retro, no?

It's the first time
I see them this way

my wife and her fella...

fallen into sleep
in a complete surrender to each other.

Fascinating.

I look into my life
as through another couple.

I don't mind.

Did something happen?

Eusèbe is dead.

You could have called me
instead of coming into my room.

It's mine, too.

He died suddenly?

Sort of.

Cover up, please.

Could I asked you for
a great favor?

Well, Horace... what a question!
She's your wife.

Go ahead!

You would need to...
take care...

only when I can't

of a disabled person.

It's very special.

A kind of state affair.

State affairs...
It's your department, Horace.

Thank you anyway.

Is she a food fuck?

Boor!

And you'd like me
to do you a favour?

She is...

quite good.

It will bring me some troubles...

I owe you some compensation.

The Legion of Honour,
you'd like that?

No kidding!

You'll get it, the red ribbon!

At the next cohort.

It's not for me, you know?

It's for my mother...

What are you waiting for?

You.

Me?

You.

And don't tell me you could
be my daughter...

Your granddaughter!
I'm 17.

You don't impress me with your 17.

They won't last.

I know.
I once was 17.

You can reach me at this number
every morning.

Stop fooling around,
you're not funny!

If I'm not fooling around
at my age...

You're right.
Enjoy your age.

It won't last.

Lost something?

Cancel all my appointments.

But... Mr. President...
The mayor, the employers' leaders...

Fuck them!

Do you need me?

What a man!

Publicis? This is Alcazar.

The president would like you to work
on a new campaign for the RAS.

He thinks that our posters
can't get it up.

You would join the RAS
after seeing that?

We want something direct.

A kind of...

punch.

A punch....
red, white, and blue!

A yell in France!
See?

Juan Carlo?!

And a good catchphrase.

¿Qué pasa?

I do the dusting!

But you don't see I'm working!

The catchphrase?

I don't know... Do your job!

But think hard, or the President
will ask someone else!

I'll tell the President!

I beg your pardon.

I forgive you.

Anyone here?

Where did you take the key,
Alcazar?

You know we have a spare key
at this office.

What's happening to you,
Mr. President?

But...

Where is your wonderful
white hair?

I look different, no?

Looks like you have a son.

Who asked you to come here?

- I thought I'd file...
- No! You don't file, Alcazar.

You respect the place, you remember
and you get out of here!

My God! How beautiful he is!
I wouldn't mind giving him a blow job!

Drop dead!

Drop dead...

With what I found in the bathroom
I know someone who will drop dead!

Widow at 35!

Awesome!

Come and sit on Jerome's grave

in a cemetery
that smells like gardens in autumn.

Awesome!

How many of all those lying here
died from homicide?

Who knows if Jean-Baptiste Lemuret
got his magic potion too?

This pink cross,
it's Jerome's death in tube.

Say, Miss It's your husband?

You're pretty, it's a shame
you don't have a husband anymore.

Good Lord! I get distracted...

I followed the parliamentary session
yesterday.

Quite deplorable.

You're insulting me!

You'll go without dessert!

I'm serious!

Although professional blackmailer

I remain a French citizen.

What struck me was that they
don't believe in anything anymore.

I listen to them all
on my transistor.

Amid all the invectives,
I suddenly wondered...

Is there a Frenchman in the room?

Only one?
A real one.

Listen.. A civics lecture by a crook!

You know where you can put it...

I'm sorry, but...

You are no longer from France,
but from Politics.

Your banner... reads Gallup!

Your homeland... is television.

What's your name again?

Always the same.

Jean-Marie... La la la...

So listen to me carefully,
Mr. La la la

You piss me off.

It's an honor for me,
Mr President.

If the Prime Minister steps down

- You know who will replace him?
- Not me.

I'm not tempted by power.

Why?
Because you're still scared?

As you were at the Gestapo
long ago?

La la la....

Are you... fragile?

I'll tell you my secret:
Yes.

I'm just pretending I'm strong.

Pretending to be strong,
it's already strength.

Do you have an ideal?

No. I don't remember.

I may have lost it
somewhere along the way.

Do something!
It will come back to you.

Let your balls talk...

They know.

Take real risks.

You can do it.

- Why?
- Why?

Because.... you are capable...

of ignominy, Mr. President.

I may still have some dessert?

- How did you get the key?
- I get it done.

- You have a warrant, right?
- You had one the other morning?

Search, shit-stirrer!
Start with the second floor.

Very close...

Don't leave me here too long.

Oh, keep your advice...

You're following them!

You dyed your hair...

Eric, did you find anything?

No. Sturdy stuff...

Well, we'll have to dig.

We'll come back with tools.

I'm sleeping, Mr. Police Officer.
I'm sleeping.

Open up, goddamn it!

Do you have anything to say?

Yes.
See all this?

All this needs to be shaved
for tomorrow.

I like it smooth, very smooth.
You get that?

Never! Never!

Tomorrow!

It's shameful, shameful...

But what's happening to us,
my poor little one?

Anyone to contact, Mademoiselle?

My parents don't have the phone.

Wait! Perhaps...

I've got a number.

- May I?
- Go ahead.

Mr President.

My niece.

- No report, no journalist, nothing.
- Certainly, Mr. President.

- The moped, where do I put it?
- Wherever you want.

How much do I owe you?

Mr President! For some antiseptic...

It's an honor!

- Why did you call me?
- I don't know.

I know.

Because I love you.

- And you, why did you rush?
- Because I love you.

Me too.

You know I'm turning 55?

Why did you dye your hair?

To look 54.

It's 10 a.m.

He arrives at 10 a.m.

- Are you in pain?
- A little bit.

- Better?
- Yes.

- A glass of alcohol?
- No thanks.

- With a sugar?
- I am not a child.

It's awful, you know...

I can't go anywhere.
I'm always recognized.

But we're fine here.

I already came with my mother.

So you met my old Uncle Eusèbe?

You liked him very much?

I should have loved him more.

Will you be able to love me?
For a long time?

5 years, 10 years?
With luck.

Ten years from now,
I'll be a real old man...

and there will be no way
for us to get closer.

Perhaps...
In 10 years....

The president came with
a young girl, very young.

I had already seen her
with the cleaning lady.

Very well.
This is very helpful for the case.

Well done, Mrs. Fluck.

- Here!
- What is it?

- A small gift?
- I thought you might not have a razor.

If you keep on being rude
I'd be left with no option but to...

I can't understand why you're still
making trouble.

- I'm not looking for trouble.
- Enough now!

I assume you may provide soap?

- Do you have soap, at least?
- Yes.

Well... Please work a good lather...

Are you mad at me?

In photo novels,
young girls are virgin.

In photo novels,
young men are young.

As in a photo novel,
he was a neighborhood boy.

I didn't know then
I was waiting for you.

May I look?

Come on!

Up!
Just a little more.

A little more...

Wait...

You know you make me horny, Mom.

I want you since the very first day
Something happened there...

It's our doll...
It's our old doll...

It's going to be good.
You'll see.

- Do you want to be happy?
- Yes.. yes...

You are my little legionnaire,
mean and brutal.

Promise me you won't hurt
my cats anymore.

For God's sake!

You can't shut up!

Just when I was about to pound you!
Damn it!

For a boy who is half your age...

Former volleyball champion,
police officer.

So watch out!

You're taking fuck
so lightly, bitch!

Damn!

You're lucky
to look like my mother.

It's you...

Here we are.

He fucks the girls.
She is 17 years old, I checked.

Well done.
How did you find out?

I'm a cop...

Where do they meet?

Guess...

- The old man's house
- Won!

Don't be a prick, leave me the scoop.
I'll pay you back.

Wait...
Let's settle that right now.

From now on, we're a team
and we tell each other everything.

Hiding something from you...
I couldn't do that.

We are handling now
an important affair.

What is it?

A police officer, President.

Let him in.

Si, Senor.

Officer Serruti.

To what do I owe
the honour of your visit?

On a Sunday...

It's about the funeral,
Mr President.

What funeral?

Your uncle's.

I was there too.

I hadn't noticed.

Remember...

You gave me 200 francs.

I gave you 200 francs?

I don't bribe police officers.
Or I pay a lot more...

Well... Let me explain,
Mr President.

That's because...
you confuted me...

Confuted?

Confused, Mr. President.
I meant confused...

You confused me

with the agonizer.

What am I saying?!
The organizer, Mr. President.

You know... for Paris Centre...

My transfer... you know...

My transfer to Paris Centre.

I give you back...

200 francs.

It's all there... for my transfer...

I apologize, I was so distracted.

Can I do something for you?

Think on! Mr. President...

I hope you wouldn't
have been thinking that...

you hadn't been thinking...
you haven't...

On a Sunday... Really?!
You'd got a real nerve!

Goodbye, my dear friend.

With praline,
it will be more appetizing.

Always the others who were widows!

Here, as it is Sunday, I made you
a little sabayon raspberry praline.

You're sure he didn't take
anticoagulants?

Anticoagulants?
You've got to be kidding!

Ask our doctor.
He wrote the prescriptions.

But pastis, yes!

Not intravenously...
but almost!

How is he, doctor?

Not exactly in killer shape...

You have to be brave,
Mrs. Alcazar.

I'll try...

You should be at the bedside
of your husband, Alcazar.

My husband doesn't need me
to finish dying.

Be decent...

I hate him!

I love only one soul in this world
and I soon will be able to

devote myself entirely to him.

Ok... after dropping me off,

you will take Mrs. Alcazar
to the hospital

and you will remain at her disposal.

No!

You told me you'll do all I want.

Not if front of him!

Don't tell me
you're afraid of your wife here?

He's strong, he's tough, he's big!

You see how well he takes me!

You've been so despicable with me
for years.

You gave me such a hard time.

You deserved that, I swear.

Still, you don't lie to a dying man.

Excuse me...

Don't insist!

You'll never come in here again,
never again!

Police!

Do you recognize this gentleman?

Yes, it's him.

You see, she recognized you.

So you're the one who
snitched on me?

She's a good snitch, no?

It's hormonal, I bet...

But you know it may
have very serious consequences.

- Don't laugh.
- I don't.

Don't laugh!

Come here.

Excellent!

I'll get them
using a telephoto lens.

Here she is.

Is that her?

- Yes, this is her.
- Shut up! You snitch!

The truth is I should arrest you for
insulting an officer

Eric!

Don't you agree
I should arrest this tart?

No question here!
I'd arrest her right away.

But you see...

I have a crush on her.

So I won't arrest my big doll.

Promise me
you'll never hurt me again.

That's a promise!

That's it.
They're in the box.

I'm going to the lab.

No, wait a second!

Change roll,
you're going to take us now.

You don't want a nice photo,
my doll?

Do you think so?
I'd need to dress and make up.

- I'm not dressed.
- Yes, it will be fine.

Take off your skirt.

I think I misheard...

Listen here...
There are more important things.

Stop your crap.
I'll rush to the journal.

No, you heard right.

Come on!

For me, here is what's important!

You, pull up your dress.
And, you, the shit-stirrer

You snap while I pound.

Well...

Look at this!
Isn't the panorama beautiful?

She's so smooth.
Looks like Bald Mountain!

Snap! Snap!

Madam!

Do you have it all?

You should leave me the key?

This is our house.

No, I can't.
I still have things to...

It's awful,
I was about to lie to you.

I'll tell you everything,
but on one condition

You will marry me.

You're already married!

To a woman I don't love
and who lives with someone else.

- I will, but on one condition.
- Which one?

We'll have a baby.

Lovely!

In love?

17 years old.

17 years old!

You were conceived the year

I was to settle in Guatemala.

But here is your lever, President!

What lever?

Your lever to conquer power.

You'll become great

through love!

You're going to settle in Guatemala.
For real.

What? Do you trust me?

A gift to Noelle.

Thank you, miss.

But what the hell am I going to do
in Guatemala?

I can't walk anymore
with this thing on my feet.

You'll take taxis!

But the least ray of sunshine
will burn me.

You'll buy a hat!

You need money for that.

I'll give you some.

A lot?

Enough.

- You've seen it all?
- I've seen it all.

- Good?
- Great.

Didn't say goodbye
to the old lady?

The old fart, I come to pound her
not to talk to her.

When the photos will be ready?

Tomorrow.

Mine too, right?

Don't forget: large format.

You realize how much trouble
you might get from these photos?

You know I'd kill you
if you mess with that.

Tell me you know, Eric.
Make me happy.

Yes, I know.

Tomorrow 11 a.m.!

Mr. Plant.

I only have 10 minutes for you,
not one more.

Tell me what you have to sell.

I understand
this is about my private life.

You know, Mr. President,
when I was a kid,

I had great admiration for you.

How much?

You hold a privileged position
in our political landscape.

How much?

10 million.

Five...

Is it worth it?

Done with Pentax 300 ASA.

It looks good.

You imagine this photo
as front cover of Le Parfait?

The girl is young...
what am I saying? nubile!

It would sell.

Where do you want to publish
these photos?

Le Parfait.

Le Parfait?

You deserve better.

Hello François? Is that Desmoulin?

Hello, my friend.
Tumelat.

Good morning, my dear President.

I've got a scoop for you.

- I'm getting married again.
- Congrats! Who is the lucky one?

- A 17-year-old girl.
- Of course.

- An angel.
- You'll make the headlines.

- I'll send you the whole file.
- Great.

I've got photos, too. Excellent.

I hope I'll have the opportunity
to show my gratitude.

- Goodbye, my friend.
- Goodbye, President.

Hats off to you, sir.

I ran into a master.

I kiss your feet.

Are you a fag or what?

Depends on who.

Coward?

Depends on what.

Skilled?

Depends on when.

We're going to play cowboys.

That's half a wad for you, Bill.

What shall I do... Sheriff...

to have the other half?

Here are the keys to my mansion.

Tonight you'll slip inside
my wife's bedroom, discreetly.

- Don't forget I'm a fag, sheriff.
- I don't, Bill.

There, you'll find my wife in the bed,
with a big dumb Indian.

- And then I draw my gun?
- Ah, no...

You draw your Pentax 300 ASA, Bill.

And you shot full frame
for the flagrante delicto.

You bring the photos back to me.

And you get the other half.

All right, sheriff. Got it.

Sheriff, what happened here?

I came to rip you off and you
trust me for a delicate affair.

Who better than a dirty crook
to do a dirty job?

- Ok Bill?
- Ok sheriff.

It is not improbable that you
still need me after that.

I'm a real slut, you know.

You did the right thing
coming here.

My lawyer will get in touch
with the one you've chosen.

Is she pregnant?

Not yet, but it's coming.

And me, Horace,
what's to become of me?

My ex-wife.

Never!

You know very well that my divorce
may be taken for granted.

The only thing you may sell me now,
it's time.

And how much do you value my youth
I have dedicated to you?

Exactly the same price as mine.

Are my photos ready now?
Promised for yesterday at 11am.

I was called for an emergency.

Yesterday, you were to meet
the President. Did he cough up?

Tough guy.
He fucked us.

Read France-Soir.

Tell me.

He announced his wedding with the girl.
With my photos!

No trouble for you?

He played the fine gentleman.

I'm press, I take precautions.

Well... we failed then.

You are on something new?

No, that's some crap
for the paper.

Wait... who are the people
caught in flagrante delicto?

You don't know them.
I'm sorry, but I have to go now.

Here's your little documentary
with the old lady.

Thank you very much

Wait, you forgot...

Our little search in the house?

Just let it go.

Looking for trouble here.

So the dream team is over?

Each on his own?

Do you think so?

We'll see each other again.
We're buddies, aren't we?

To life, to death.

9:10 p.m.
The President had an awful day.

The police. The prisoner.

The sharks surrounding him.

And yet he stands here.

A lost soul under
his love's window

at the foot of this dreadful donjon
of the Shit Year.

He puts his cheek
against the belly of the building

listening to her breathing,
up there.

Well, I never!

Good evening, Mr. President!

Here, Mrs. Réglisson...

Sorry I'm late.

My uncle would have been angry with me
for not giving it to you tonight.

Oh, you shouldn't have...

Mr. Réglisson, look!

What is it?

We can't accept it, Georgette.
Good evening, Mr. President.

500.. 1000... 1500...
That's not reasonable.

Are you OK
Mr. President?

2000... 2500...
Sit down, Mr. President.

3000...

3500?

Oh no, we're staying at 3000.

Is your daughter here?

Yes, but she feels a little peaked.

- She gives me a lot of trouble.
- What do you mean?

It looks like
she has taken a dislike to us.

It looks like we shame her.

Don't exaggerate...
Don't exaggerate...

I'm not exaggerating.
She doesn't eat, she doesn't talk.

I wouldn't know her,
I would say she is in love.

I was like that when I was in love!
But... In love...

Not...
Before...

Yes, she was like that.

Do you want me to try
to... lecture her.

You won't get anything out of her,
Mr President.

She'll make her turn on you.

I did the same when...
Before...

Let me try.

That's so sweet.

Noelle, don't be difficult!

The president is willing
to talk to you.

On our behalf.
Open the door!

Good evening.

Would you care for
a little chat?

You have to listen to him.

It's like me,
it's like your father.

The president is a crook,
but he's got talent.

- Victor, he could hear us!
- It's fireproof here!

- Please!
- Oh, come on! What do you want?

- Take this.
- But why?

Take it, please.

Why me?

I was given everything and I'd
like to offer something to someone.

Don't be afraid of lovers,
they only kill the things they love.

Thank you!

- As young as ever, President. In love?
- Like a madman...

You know we expect some news,
and they talk about you.

The PRM agrees on
a multiparty coalition with the RAS.

You know that, Mr. President.

So what?

We'd see you as Attorney General
in the next government.

Excuse me.

It's Noelle.

My love?

- I'm dying of you.
- Me too.

I'm counting the hours.

Free up you day tomorrow.

I'll pick you up at 7:00.

- Where will we go?
- It's a surprise.

See you tomorrow, my angel.

I love you.

May I bring a positive answer
to the party?

No, sir.

No more compromises,
no more bargaining.

Mr President,
I don't recognize you.

Because I'm moulting, sir.

For 20 years, I've been acting
as a whore.

Eating out of others' hand,
and letting others eat out of mine.

20 years I claim saving France
with a hundred of other crooks.

I am 55, and I have decided to
wake me up before dying.

- What time were you born?
- 4:45 p.m., I believe.

Well, at 4:45, 17 years ago,
I was visiting that.

Listen, Mr Plant... Eric...
The President is not here.

I don't know where he is.

I shall say
it's the first time ever.

Running away...
when you are in love...

Running away?
In love?

No, you can't be serious...

Anyway, it's none of your business.

It's everybody's business.
It's in the paper.

President Tumelat to marry Noelle,
daughter of a railroader.

And the photo is mine.
Exclusive with copyright.

I brought some documents
to the President.

I'll come back tonight.

To hand over in person.

They're both beautiful, no?

His elixir of life...

Don't go floppy
when the cops charge, comrades!

Don't go floppy!

Drop it!
It's not your problem anymore.

What did I do, comrade?

No traitor among us.

What's wrong with you?
I'm not a traitor.

Comrades!
Good news!

President Tumelat will marry Noelle,
daughter of our comrade Réglisson.

But that's not true!

They're lying, comrades!

That's a manipulation!

That's a provocation, comrades!

That's a provocation...

Promise me we'll go back there
17 years from now?

I'll do the impossible.

See you tomorrow.

- Where do you come from, you bitch?!
- Venice.

I flew from Venice.

You slept with an old man?

- I love him, dad.
- He's laughing at you!

Do you marry a railroader's daughter
when you're President Tumelat?!

Yes, you'll see!

Do you want me to kill you?

Go ahead!
But you won't stop me from loving him.

You were still a baby yesterday.

You were screaming in the night.

I got up to change you.

I put talc on your cute little butt.

All this to prepare your ass...

for that old bastard!

My daughter...

You didn't let him rub himself

against you?

You understand...
It offends nature.

But girls don't care

if their dad loves them.

They prefer others.

Thieves from the outside,
ready to take them out of the nest

like the gypsies stealing
chicken when I was a little boy.

You know...

I'd kill him

if I knew that
you wouldn't mourn him.

Tell me, though,

there's no shortage of young people
around you...

Dad, he needs me.

The young ones
don't need anyone.

What about me?
What about me, Noelle?

I don't need you?

I don't need you, Noelle?

Victor! Mr Réglisson!
Do you know the news?

President Tumelat is going
to marry Noelle!

In my arms, darling!

And dad's crying...

Look how happy he is.

Mrs. Réglisson,
You're two sluts!

What the hell are you doing here,
Alcazar?

Did something happen?

Your husband?

She's the maid's daughter...

Exact.
And his father is a railroader.

Next question, captain?

- You meet at Eusèbe place?
- Affirmative, Judge.

And you did this to me?!

I gave you everything...

My time, my sex, my life,
my husband's.

You are a very good secretary.

And I hope
you will be such for a long time.

See you tomorrow.

But it's not possible!
Say you love me!

A lot Alcazar, a lot.

Horace...
Don't do that to me...

- You don't know what I'm capable of...
- Damn! That's enough Alcazar!

Behave yourself, dammit!

Lord...

Don't let that little blonde whore
get hooks into the President.

He belongs to the country.
And to me!

I'm counting on you, Lord.
Don't be a jerk.

The parliament is now in session.

Confusion reigns....

Hello!

I hope you like it.

It's from a small deli
near my parents' house.

But what is it?

Oh! Headcheese salad!

Thank you Joan of Arc.

Why do you call me that?

Maybe you'll save France.

Politics, you know...

When there's a debate on TV

I play music.

Precisely!

France needs music.

All we need is love.

We also need him believing
in what he's saying.

Tomorrow, try to get invited
at the Parliament session.

It's very important.

I'll try...

If he knows you in the room,
He'll speak for you.

He'll get angry for you.

Anger is very important.

All great achievements have been
accomplished by angry men.

Why would he get angry?

Because everything's going wrong.

Everything's going wrong

since everyone's trying to build the
world without worrying about others.

Looks like you like him.

Despite this...

Is there a key to remove that chain?

Eusèbe was too careful!

We'll have to saw it.

I'm sorry, my doll.

Would you have a small bottle of
champagne to celebrate a great victory.

Not, but I could make coffee.

What's going on? You look all joyful.
It's the first time.

I hit the jackpot.

I solved the mystery of
the opposite house case.

- Don't you ask?
- No...

You're right,
because I wouldn't tell you...

A snitch like you!

What's wrong with him again?

It's Sultan. A small bronchitis.

I brought you something
to remember.

Come on my lap.

Horror!
You didn't show that to anyone?

Just buddies. They love it...

- But you can see my face here!
- Of course.

It's good... It's beautiful...

Look, look at them...
Say it's beautiful!

Damn old bag!

It's beautiful...

Stronger!

I can't watch them anymore...

Look, you need to do your bit...

Don't get angry all the time.

It's not my fault if I have a dick
and you have an ass.

He's getting on my nerves...

Come on, come on, my doll...

Today, we're going to
do it normally

Like everyone else,
on a bed, languidly.

Put on your stockings.

But I only have the black ones,
the mourning ones.

Perfect!
You call me when you're ready.

What are you making me do...

It's not going to be nice tonight,
Papa Fluck.

Mr. Police Officer!

Coming...

After you, Marquise!

You'll see,
it's going to be good.

I thought of you last night,
I imagined you as a little boy.

You know, I had a nice mom.
I admired her a lot.

One day, I saw the neighbour
between her legs. It made me cry.

Poor little boy...

I'll get you some coffee.

Assassin! Assassin!

Assassin!

- Tomorrow I will go to the police!
- Wait, I explain...

I'll tell them everything you've done.
I'll show them the photos.

I'll tell them about the razor,
the President!

- I want you now.
- I'll snitch! I'll snitch!

I'll buy you a bigger one.

Never again!
Never again!

Mom...

Hoodlums...

Injured by hoodlums...
Here his will.

Redemption for all his dirty tricks.

Ladies and gentlemen, this may be the
last time I spoke to you.

Every man, at some point in his life,
goes through

a crisis of conscience.

Each one of us has the right
to follow his own path

to the light.

I experienced a terrible truth.

We are living in the age of cowardice.

We live cowardly.
We die cowardly.

Thus, we govern cowardly.

Politics is not
a reality TV show.

Politics is not a manifesto.

Politics has only one purpose.

Organize society.

So I say

Let's organize it!

No matter who holds the power.

If used to work toward
common good.

France doesn't want anyone
messing around.

France doesn't wait for
any alleged savior.

Our France only wants
to be left alone!

Yes, Prime Minister,
I'm going to, I want to,

We're going to overthrow
your government.

We're going to overthrow
and, moreover

I implore you
to overthrow yourself!

For you to be
wholeheartedly with us then.

Ladies and gentlemen, I beg you to
believe in my sincerity.

Giraudoux wrote:

For lies of for truths,
we use the same words.

Only change postures and faces.

Let's make a clean break
with the past.

Let's vote no-confidence
in the Government.

And we will succeed!

I hope that my voice
will be listened to.

I know that the people of France
will understand me

since we speak
the same language!

Ladies and gentlemen,

a man of great ambition

but also with the greatest humility,
comes to you.

He begs you to do this miracle.

Be in this room

all French at the same time.

I was there.
Did you listen to him?

I think the rarest thing there
was his voice.

It seemed to come from
somewhere else.

That's what I call
being inspired.

No one applauded, of course.

Do you think they're going
to trust him?

You can't tell
with those crooks.

Anyway, win or lose,
we will help him.

Yes.

Try to use that
to protect your leg.

No offense,
but this is not exactly a great saw.

The government is overthrown.

The Prime Minister lost
by two votes.

You have to go a long way back
to find such an inspired politician.

People have never
felt so concerned

stirred by Horace Tumelat's
vibrant speech.

After such a moving call

all people of good will
took Horace Tumelat's side.

This is an undeniable triumph
for the President.

Your young fiancée,
Mr President.

Look, but it is not
a pretty sight.

I wouldn't like to be in your shoes.

Injuries like that...
to fix them...

Note that...
there are some ways...

How do you call that?

You know...
I saw it on TV...

Tell me.

No other victim?

No.
She jumped out the window.

Someone else there
would have done the same, no?

Was she really alone,
Mr. President?

There was something weird
in this house.

Lieutenant Paulet,

who sadly died this morning,
took a strong interest in that case.

Alas! He's now unavailable
to deliver his report.

As for me...
I am at your disposal.

See...
Here is your uncle's suicide note.

I took it.

Sensationalism... you know...
is our livelihood...

I also have your wife's photos.

But I'd understand that...
in the current circumstances...

However, you today's speech...

It's going to make you...

Sure, slap me, Mr. President.
Slap me, it's a relief.

That's why I'm here.

Remember my name, President!

My name is Eric Plant.

Like a plant...

I'm in the phone book!

Subtitles @KG