Wu lin guai shou (2018) - full transcript

In the final years
of the Ming dynasty,

disorder was rife and
the eunuchs held great power.

Crane of eastern depot
was the wickest of them all.

Meanwhile, the Bruneian empire,
a diplomatic ally,

gifted a black furred
beast to the emperor.

However, crane took possession of the
monster with sinister intentions in mind.


Chain his majesty's beast.

It hurts...


This toy is ferocious by nature.

It'll become a killer
with a little training.

It needs to fear you

so that it'll obey you.

As the animal tamer
of the imperial spy,

I've seen beasts of all kinds.

But this little monster
is adorable by nature.

My conscience won't let me
turn it into a weapon.

Get my monster back!

And bring ocean back, too!

Whoever gets the black monster alive

shall receive 30,000
taels of silver!

This sent the martial world
into a hunting frenzy.

"Look to the heavens.
The higher it is,"

"the smaller the people seem."

"The learned priest"

"for fame and power,
we restrain ourselves in borders."

"We've lost too much and
gained too little."

"The Seductive Swordswoman"

"it's easy to speak
of love and loyalty."

"The Woody monk"

"it's important to have actions
to back up those words."

"Goodness and villainy are hard to
foresee in both human and beasts."

"The flirtatious nun"

"a split second is all it takes
for evil to overcome."

"Just have a drink"

"lord of the beggars"

"and enjoy life."

We've been fighting endlessly
over this monster.

Why don't we talk it out?

You said the same thing yesterday,

then you stabbed me in the back!

We agreed to split up into turfs,

then you stepped into mine!

That's enough. Why hurt each other?

You're the one that
killed my deputy,

now you want to be a pacifist,
you old spinster?

What? I'm still young.

Besides, he deserved to
die for being a lecher!

If lechers deserve to die,

then what about you and the monk?

How dare you steal the nun from
me, Baldie!

I'd always known that you're a slut!

You said yesterday that
you're in love with me.

So what?!

You want a beggar? Don't
you have any taste?

What about you?! I thought
you loved only me.

What's with you and pinky?

Outta my way, all of you!

You jackasses!

Stay back or I'll unleash hell!
I'll stab yal!

You're going to be in a
world of pain. I'll stab ya!

Stop chasing me, damn you!

Stay back!

Boss, why aren't we in the fight?

They're fighting for real, man.

What are you eating?
A bun.

Where's mine?

I forgot to save one for you.

Forget it, then.

You prick!

This is dangerous.
Why don't we just leave?

We're the south Sichuan bandits.

If we just up and leave...

It'll be embarrassing.

It is if everyone sees us leave.

It won't be if we leave quietly.

You're right.

Why are you still after me?!


Why are you chasing me?! Help!

I'm getting dizzy!

We're all dead if we don't back off.

Then back off.
Forget this. Let go of my foot.

Why can't you all back down first?!

Look, we'll all back down
on the count of three.


One, two, three.

You despicable jerks...

Boss, he has a bun!


This is mine for sure.

Don't steal from the dead.
Give that back.

I want to eat it.

You're still alive?!

I didn't say that.

What the hell was that?!

He jinxed himself to death, boss.

Sorry, man,
you can have the bun back.

Have it on the road
to the afterlife.

Bless you.

Sorry, man, I'll leave you half.

Put that down.


It's a monster!

I'm sure I'm better
looking than that.

It's like a lion
with its mouth open.

Beware of thieves in the night!

Stop hollering.

I hear the flying thief
showed up here last month.

The killer of all the
watchmen is at large.

Aren't you scared?

Of what?

We're watchmen upholding justice.

Lightning doesn't strike
in the same place twice, right?


Was that lightning?


Did you hear that noise behind us?

Should we keep hollering?

No way. Just keep moving.

Move along quietly.

I see nothing in the dead of night.

Then why are you hollering?

This family is supposed to
be wealthy. What's all this?

I like this.

This is nice.

This is huge!
What do you need that for?

I want this!

Who is it?

Someone from your destiny.

What destiny?

Who do you think you are?

You trying to Rob the robbers?

Catch up, Bella.

I'm afraid of heights, blade.

I should stick to the ground.

You managed to keep up with me.
Not bad.

You screwed up our payday.

What kind of pay do you expect
from a place like this?

I have a real heist for you,
if you two are interested.

What kind of heist?

Don't listen to her, blade.

30,000 taels of silver.
How's that sound?

Sounds great.

See you tomorrow at Huatian
courier station after sundown.

These are the code words.

See you there. My name is blade.

That's Bella, a fellow disciple.

We lead the Sichuan-Shaanxi
chapter of the Guiyi army.

Wait, miss, what's your name?



There's definitely
something fishy about her.

Look at that white get-up,
pretending to be pure.

Aren't you afraid
that she's a swindler?

The army is in danger.
We have to take the risk.

Shut your traps, you damn mutts!

You lookin' for a beating?!

I'll smash you with my stinkpot!

The smoky place up
ahead is Zhu village.

A wild fire wiped it
out a few days ago.

The smoke still
hasn't dissipated yet.

We can ward off natural disasters,
but not man-made ones.

You know what to do if
you see a troublemaker.

Execution on the spot.

My lord,

the monster hunters
we recruited have been wiped out.

Why are you laughing, my lord?

These so-called martial artists
fight day and night.

They're a potential
danger to the throne.

I used this so-called monster
hunt to lure them out

and let them slaughter
one another over money.

I didn't even have to lift a finger.

Now do you know why I'm laughing?

That's brilliant, my lord!

Brilliant, indeed, my lord!

My lord has such a perceptive mind.

My lord's powers are almost godly.

My lord...

That's enough flattery from you.

Though it feels good
to be flattered...

Constable Wang from west
Sichuan has a message.

He says that he's captured ocean.

They'll spend a night at Huatian
on the way to Jianzhou.

How far away is Huatian from here?

About 25 kilometers, my lord.

But the mountainous path is
quite rugged. I suggest...

I don't want to risk anything.
We're going to Huatian now.

Yes, my lord!

We're off!

Boss, I'm hungry again.


You've eaten everything.
I'm the starving one here!

I'm hungry coz I've eaten.
You don't starve if you don't eat.

You haven't eaten a
thing, and you're fine.

You're ridiculous.

Why don't we beg for some food?

We're proper martial artists.
You expect me to beg for food?

Are you shameless or what?

Wait... Here, take this.

Keep your filthy hands off me.

Don't fight.
I've got nothing.

I'm a civilized man.
Don't provoke me.

Your fleas are hopping over.
Here, have some.

I'll beat the next
person that touches me!

Go over there.
Don't fight.

What's wrong?!

Please give me some food.
I'm starving!

Don't bite!
Give it to him!

Let me see if I have more.
Hurry, Bella.

This is my last piece of bread.
Take it.

Let's go.
I'm all out.

Thank you, sir. Thank you, miss.

You really will do
anything for food, boss.

Shut up!
I had to beg because of you.

Can you smell that, boss?

What's wrong? Is it poisoned?

There's meat.

I don't see any.

That guy has meat on him.

They definitely have meat.

Just a crummy piece of bread?
That's insulting, boss.

It's so windy here.

Watch out for traps.

Women are better at talking. Go on.

Me again?

Who are you?!

It's just an old man.

Who knows when the
lovers will reunite.

In this very moment...

Sorrow is what I feel.


Old man.

Jeez, I feel sorrow
looking at you two.

It's just a secret code.
You don't have to be so into it.

Don't move. This is a robbery!

Give me the meat from your pack!

Don't move!

Aren't you the guy that bit me?

That was me. So what?

How dare you give me bread
when you have meat?!

Guys, unless you have
pressing matters,

I suggest you leave before
you get in trouble.

You little pissant...




I'll show you what
getting in trouble is.

Go, saucy!

Go, old man!

Mr. mount, this is blade,

the leader of the
Sichuan-Shaanxi Guiyi army.

Behind him is his fellow
warrior, Bella.

This is Mr. mount,
known for his lethal triple moves.

Who are these two weirdos?

I'm dash, leader of the
south Sichuan bandits.

I'm second-in-command.
Don't mess with me!

Cut the crap.

We should eliminate
these thieves once and for all!


They should join us.

The more people, the better.

Soon, constable Wang and his men

will pass by this place.
That's when we'll ambush them

and steal the 30,000 taels
of silver. Any comment?

You're gorgeous.

isn't stealing imperial silver
punishable by death?

We can't lose our heads!

If you back out now, you die anyway.

Looks like we're in, boss.
Miss frigid,

I'm not being petty,

but we're here to raise money
for the Guiyi army.

The fewer silver we get,
the less help the army gets.

This silver can make
or break the army.

How do I know
you're really giving it to the army?

Why, you...
He's right.

Anyone would come up
with some grand tale for the silver.

I won't let you insult
the great leader of our army!

Don't force my hand. And you!

Insult each other all you want.
I just want 30% of the loot.

If that old man can take 30%,

then each of us
deserves at least 10%!

Already splitting the loot
before we know how to steal it.

What's wrong with that?

You're all talk. Tell us how
you plan to steal the silver!

Get the meat, Bella.

I told you she has meat
in that pack, boss.

The meat is spiked.
You feel like getting drugged?

We should probably leave that
to someone who needs sleep.

I think you could use some sleep.
Try it.

We can't just take
the silver by force.

As long as we can get this meat
into the soldiers' mouths,

then the silver is as good as ours.

A heist plan straight
from water margins.


Aren't I clever, Bella?

But how can you be sure that
they'll eat the meat?

If there are many of them,
how do we split it?

What if there are
vegetarians among them?

What if they're not hungry?

How dare you question blade?!

He did it.

This one.
Over there.

She did it.

He did it.

She did it.

He did it.
This one.

I'm out of breath.

I'm the great monk's reincarnation.
Just passing through.

Passing through? More like falling!

Get him, saucy!


No, look...

It's an imperial decree
plaque, frigid.

No, I mean...

I picked it...
A member of the imperial police.

You're a lap dog for eastern depot!

No, I just picked it up.

They seem like formidable foes.

I don't stand a chance
against them in a fight.

She's so gorgeous.

She must be the leader.

These two are about the same age
and move together.

They must be from the same clan.

With an abacus in his
hand, he must be greedy.

I can get rid of him if
I offer him some perks.

Worn out clothes and sinister faces.

These hoodlums aren't worth my time.

No one's touching
that piece of meat.

It must be spiked.

This ragtag gang must
be up to something.

What is it?

What are they up to?

If I'm not mistaken,
you guys are planning to pull off...

That heist from water margins?

How did you know that?

Just a guess.

Looks like you're too
smart for your own good.

Look, I'll tell you the truth.

I'm in charge of hygiene
at an official's residence nearby.

Simply put, I'm a janitor.

Three months ago, I picked
up that plaque on the street.

How do you pick up an
imperial police plaque?!

You'll just have to
take my word for it.


I fell from the sky.

Maybe the gods sent
me here to help you.

How can you help us?

I know this area better than anyone.

Tell us what you got.

Here we go.

Huatian was a rest stop
between Hanzhong and Jianzhou.

There's no one within 15 kilometers
in any direction.

Soldiers get exhausted
transporting goods on this road,

so they always stop
here for a break.

That's why this is the perfect spot
for an ambush.

However, the station's been
out of commission for a while.

6 people with weapons hanging out
at an abandoned shack,

even a blind man can tell
you're up to no good.

So your plan isn't going to work.

How do we put them at ease then?

It's easy. Clean the place up
and turn it into an inn.

Hold a grand re-opening.

Do we have enough time?

That's what we need
to make good use of.


Ready... action!

The soldiers must be
rushing to move their cargo.

I'll place a Boulder
on a narrow part of the path.

When the soldiers see
it blocking their way,

they'll have no choice but to stop.

I couldn't find a horse.

The soldiers will do everything
they can to clear the path.

You need a diet, boss.

Shut up!


we'll work together to spruce up
the inn. Don't look, it's filthy!

Make it pretty and inviting
to our esteemed guests.

There's no hair there.

Meanwhile, once the soldiers
get the Boulder out of the way.

Go away, Boulder. Hurry.

That's right.

The imperial soldiers
will kick the doors down

and see our polished,
flawless establishment.

At their hungriest,

thirstiest hour,

we'll serve them the meat.

Come here, fatty.

I thought I'm the Boulder.

Now you're the leader.

This is the meat.

Hold your breath and take a bite.

Bro, how can you just leave
me like this? Cover yourself.

The drug kicks in,
the soldiers faint,

mission accomplished.

You're quite clever.

What's your name?

Are you interested in me, miss?

He's out of line!

What do you care?

My name is cypress.

I need some sleep.

I don't trust people
who are too clever.

Especially those of dubious origins.

He's already told us his plan.
No need to keep him around.

Hide him somewhere
so he doesn't create trouble for us.

We need a rope for that first.

Let me use that cloth

around your waist.
Don't touch me!

Stop moving.

I just need to loosen it.
Don't touch me!

Let him borrow it, man.

Lift the legs.

get the clean-up started.


Here they come!

Let me do it!

Dumping a Boulder in the
middle of the road.

That's just plain rude.

Good work!

My goodness...

How powerful!

We're up, saucy. Go!

Who are you?

Bro, our family
heirloom's been smashed!

That's right.

It's totally smashed!
My illness will never be cured!

You're dying at such a
young age, little bro!

You can have it back.

Now get out of the way!

Father! Mother!

You've been blown away by the wind!
These idiots

are clearly swindlers.

Mother! Father!


There's another one of them?!

It was a tiger!

Who are you, ma'am? Please leave.

Your father's been eaten by a tiger!


Pipe down!

Didn't you say these were
your parents' ashes?

Now your father's
been eaten by a tiger?

I'm their stepmother!


I already got a new man, you fools.

You've been wronged, father!

The minute you're gone,
she's already replacing you!

Don't take this road!
There really is a tiger up ahead!

I think we failed.

I like fighting tigers!

Wash, wash, wash.
Brush, brush, brush.

Stupid, dumb blade.

Running off instead of helping me...

I'm confused.

Why would the army be
out here cleaning an old shack?

That stupid frigid
must be a swindler.

Some Vixen pretending to be pure.

That damn fox!

I'm right here, Missy.

I'm not afraid of you, ugly Vixen.

So noisy...


After 9 months of
extensive renovation,

we're finally re-opening
our doors today.

And you're our very first
customer, sir.

Tea cultivated at
the top of Mengshan.

Don't worry, we use 100%
genuine ingredients.

To ensure a good time
for all our guests,

all our staff have gone
through vigorous training.

This way, sir.

This is the renowned
chef mount from capital.

He looks familiar...

Impossible! This way, please.

Good evening sir!

Is the water of
suitable temperature?

What the hell is this?

Japanese-style milk foot bath.

A spot of health care, sir.

A spot of health care?

That's right, a teeny spot.

We're here to please
all your senses.

You don't want to miss this!

You know exactly what I like, kid.

I like my women feral
with a bit of meat.

You're looking slutty there, boss.

What do you know
about belly dancing?!

Sir, please try our
signature braised meat.


Ask them to come down. I can pay.

Sure. You beasts...

Girls, come down for
a drink with our guest.

Go on, saucy. Get down here
and drink with our guest!

Come on down, babies.

It stinks in here!
Is that underwear?!

Holy crap, look at those pigs.

Come on, baby.

Take it easy.
Come here.

Have some meat, sir.


I want you girls to feed
me with your mouths.

Eat up!

Eat it.


Fine. You want mouth-to-mouth?

Here we go.

Saucy, your facial hair is showing.


You're a special one.
You even have facial hair.

Where the hell's my weapon?!

They screwed up.
And it ain't my fault.


You clowns think you can swindle me?

We were just hoping
to borrow something of yours.

Sure, but you have
to get permission...

From him!

You're talking to...

You're talking to
the white-browed...


Look, lady...

I know you want to fight,
but let me finish my name...

Stop being rude!


It's on fire!


Who turned the lights out?

They're so damn rude!

Get them!

He's so obsessed with manners.

Here comes my abacus!

You've stomped my foot, saucy!

Take this!


Please spare me!

Go to hell!

Take this.

I'll nail you bastards!

See ya!

I can't stay here.

See my blade!

Don't move!

Run away!

Time to go!

No sense in chasing him.

The silver's right here, saucy!

I'm not chasing him.

It's so heavy. We're rich!

Open the chest.

The silver's definitely in here.

It's coming!

The fight's already over, man.

When did he get out?

It's coming!

Who's coming?
Get down and play dead!

What the hell?


I'm talking to you!

What is this idiot doing?

What's going on here?

That sounds familiar.

What the hell is this thing?

What in the world is this?

It can't possibly
be that thing again.

What the hell is that?!

The clouds are coming in!

Holy smokes!

Stop it. That hurts.

It's so cute.

Wait! Come back!

Careful, Bella.

Look at this thing, blade.

Such a cute puppy.

I think it's a monkey.

It's obviously a dog.

Where did it come from?

Are you a boy or a girl?

You like this?

Is this what you like?

Save me, blade!
Bella, are you okay?


Don't scream.

What did you do to it?

It's hotter than me when it's big.

Back off!

Stay away from me!

Stop, or I'll fight back!

Why are you searching me?!
You're too rough!

What the hell are you doing?

I don't know you.

Look, you damn furry thing,

my allergies are going crazy,
I'm itchy all over

and you won't even answer me!

Step back, or I'll jump!

Hold that breath...

Hold that breath...

Don't be afraid, frigid.

I'll protect you!


Put away your sword!

It gets agitated when it
sees a weapon. Put it away!

Hurry! Put it away!

Put it away!

Don't eat me. I'm so bony and thin.

My meat looks smooth,
but it tastes terrible.

Same with Bella.
Neither of us is tasty.

Neither of us is tasty.

There's a fat one over there.
Eat him.

You little weasel!

Good thing I'm trained
in circus tricks.

He's gonna do what?!

That's a huge mouth.

You can do it, boss!
Just a little harder.

Put your back into it!

Put your back into it!


I can't believe that
fits in his mouth.

I'm not hungry!

Wait, don't move. Stay there.


What's going on?

Stay back,

or you're gonna get it.

This isn't mine!


Go over there!

I'm sorry!


Ocean hit me...


Go on!

Get out!


Who burnt you?





I've finally found you, ocean.

The fish and the
goose are long gone.

I've always known that
separation is painful.

Even a short reunion
with my beloved...

Is worth giving up
my time in the world.

"People fight for
the vanity of glory."

"Like water,
life moves in uncertain ways."

"To find the love of a lifetime,."

"I'm not afraid of
treacherous paths."

"Knowing that the
blade is heartless"

"makes this heart feel uneasy."

"We leave our grudges aside."

"Our reunions may be short-lived,"

"but this love in our hearts"

"will live on forever."

"The road ahead of
us may stretch on."

"It may stretch on..."

"I'm not afraid of
the blizzards ahead."

"There's always tenderness..."

"All that's left in life..."

Frigid, I'm using my power
to get you out of here.

"I think back on our
joys and sorrows."

"This love we share."

"I move forward with a
proud smile at the sky,"

"despite all the
vicissitudes of the past."

"I will no longer talk
about the fleeting past.”

"The love in our hearts"

"can still live forever."

"I will no longer talk
about the fleeting past.”

"This love can still
live on forever."

Am I dreaming?

We'll never part again, ocean.


You're not fully recovered yet.

Who's this handicapped man?

I knew this woman was up to no good.

They're rekindled old flames.

This makes me sick.


I'm sorry.
There was no silver all along.

No silver?

I can stand losing a girl,
but not losing money!

No way!

We've put our necks
on the line by killing soldiers

so you can reunite
with your boyfriend?!

You still have me, blade.

12 acupuncture points
sealed by silver needles.

If you push them all out at once,

your body's inner balance
will fall into chaos.

Must be a real master.

Look, the rogue imperial policeman!


Reward is 30,000 taels of silver!

You've got the wrong man.

They look equally ugly!

This is definitely him.

His clothes are a bit...

A bit dirty.

The hairstyle's wrong, too.

That's right.
It's the hair.

Sir, if you don't mind...

If you're not him...
Miss frigid, come here.

Then sit down and
let us examine you.

Is it like this?


He looks nothing like that.

What are you doing?

No way. Let me do it.
Is it wrong?

I think it's right.
That's more like it.

Let me do it.

That's your spit, man.
Check this out.

Here we go.

Not really.

Why don't we just do
it at the same time?

It looks about the same.


A humdrum hairstyle.
Just like that on the poster.

He's really worth
30,000 taels of silver.

I pegged you wrong.
You're on our side after all.

What's happening?
That hurt!

That almost blew me away!

Are you all right, frigid?

Get up.

Hey, old man, - go away.

I thought you said he's hurt.
Why did you help her up

instead of me?!
I meant that

his powers were erratic.

Who's on your side?!

I didn't say a thing.
Mercy, sir!

If you touch him, you damn bum,

I'll kill you!

I saved you because I love you.

Did you save me
because you love me...

Or because of the price on my head?


Stop it.

We get it already.

I can't stand this. Just stop.

Let her dance. It's nice.

You're an official's daughter.

But since you met me,

you've suffered too much.

If turning me in will get you
30,000 taels of silver...

Then do it. I won't resent you.


You're all I care about.

Do you think ocean's injuries
will affect his fertility?


I'm just kidding.

Lucky was chasing you.
Did you burn it?

It's all a misunderstanding, man.



He's down again.
Just chill for a bit.

What does lucky have to do with you?

Who the hell are you? Speak!

You don't need to
point a sword at me.

Wait, I have to figure
out where to start.

"I'm cypress and I'm the man"

"who's well known across the land."

"One fine day,
I got the inspiration"

"to serve the public
and help the nation."

"I aced it at the examination,"

"with no problem
winning altercations."

"I topped my class,
becoming an elite."

"And I was soon given
the prison beat."

"One stormy night, someone
stormed the prison."

"They killed my friends and
left my heart broken."

I left my dreams behind."

"I reached Zhu village
which settled my mind."

"The village was
haunted by a monster,"

"and the villagers'
prayers went unanswered."

"I'm too kind not to
save them from trouble,"

"cypress will ne'er, ne'er, ne'er"

"burst their bubble."

"I thought things through
and had a master plan."

"A fire would make the
monster leave its den."

"Badly injured,
the monster ran and ran."

"I saved the day and
saved their clan!"

We defeated the monster!

"The villagers then
called me a hero."

"I would strive to
reduce crime to zero."

"All the way to zero."

That was a pretty great
story, right?

Did the story make you guys
fall in love with me?

You know the rest of the story.

Any questions?

The monster... is it the one
on the wanted posters?

Let me see it.

Another 30,000 taels of
silver for the monster.

I have an idea.

Why don't we team up to catch it?
Make this worth our time.

We can make a total of 60,000 taels!

That's right.

But I can't beat him. Can you?

If we aren't powerful
enough to capture this bounty,

what makes you think
we can get the one out there?

Listen, we've been chasing
this monster for weeks...

I thought we had just
started yesterday, boss.

But because of a
small momentary error,

the monster managed
to escape our grip.

We weren't even close to it, boss.

since we're such selfless folks,

we've decided to
share the reward with all of you.

But, boss, we couldn't catch it
in the first place.

Can you shut up?

If I help you catch the monster,
can I get a cut?

You wish.

Well said! Welcome to the team.

Boss, if they join
us, then we'll have...

One... two... three...

A lot of people!

Besides, with the south
Sichuan bandits around,

there's no way the monster
can hurt any of you.

Do you think we'll be
able to catch it, blade?

It's pretty scary
when it transforms.

I wasn't confident, but...

We've got a bait right here.

Feed the spiked meat to the bait,

then have the monster eat the bait.

It'll hurt, right, bait?

Then the monster

will be in our hands.
Good idea.

You bastards.

You people still
call yourself human?

I don't think I can do it, either.

It's just too cruel.

Great men make sacrifices.
He's a slapdog.

I left a long time ago!

If we treat him with such cruelty,

how does that make
us better than him?

She's right, you'll be no different!

If his death keeps our army going,

I won't hesitate a bit.

You people... you...

The monster!


Hey, stop right there!

Blade, get back here!

Now I see that a human life
is worth nothing to you.

And that the end will
justify any means.

I'm worth nothing to you, either.

That's right. The silver is
all you care about, isn't it?


What's she mad about?




You need to hide. People
are coming for you.

Jeez, this is scary.

Ahh, I ain't afraid of you!



Who gave you such a
tacky name anyway?

Lucky, are you crying?

Who's there?


What's wrong?

What's wrong?

You're hurt.

Are you hurt?

You're hurt, right?

Are you in pain?

How about some medicine?


Here's some medicine.

Sit down right now!


Down, right now!

Be good.

You know,
if I don't put medicine on that,

it'll never heal.
And it'll get worse.

Then you'll die. Is that clear?

I'll be sad if you die, okay?

Do you want me to be sad?

Things will get really
bad if I'm sad. Sit!

Get over here!

Be good. Don't get big and scare me.

If you scare me, I'll die.

This is all I have
left, so don't waste it.

Stop moving!

Or the medicine will come off.

Feeling better, lucky?

You're so cute when you laugh.

Such an adorable little thing.

Slow down,
or the medicine will come off.


is this where you live?

It's roomy.

Practitioners can stretch
their tendons and exercise.

Have the freedom...

To contract and
release your meridians

and change your shape as you wish.

Is this how you learned
to change in size?

Is this your father?

He only has one arm...

It's Yang!

Yang the one-armed warrior!

I love him!

It would be great if I
can get an autograph!

I'm drooling already...

But I don't really mean that.

Don't come for me.

I'm a coward, really.

Let's never meet again.

Can't believe those idiots
want to use me as bait.

Ocean, you're almost fully
recovered. Don't get worked up.

Do you still remember me, sir?

I was a Minion back
at eastern depot.

What are you two doing?

Oh, I get it.

You want to touch her,
but she won't let you.

You won't take no for an answer,

and that's why you're
pushing back and forth.

So you can't move.
Let's see what's in your pack.

Do it if you want to die.

Don't get mad.

You'll regret it if
you destroy your body.

Look at this meat.

I should feed a
slice to each of you.

Once you pass out,
I'll take you back to eastern depot

and all will be forgiven.

And you can die
as star-crossed lovers. How's that?

Open your mouth, girl.

Why is it so hard to feed you?

See what you can do
when I feed you both together.

It's kind of salty.

What is this place?

These are all graves!

There's a slice of bread here.

Boss, do you think cypress
will get eaten by the monster?

He will.

Then let's get outta here.


Have you seen Bella?

You scared me!
Bella's been eaten by the monster.

Did you see it with your own eyes?
I didn't.

Did you?

It's just a cemetery.
Why are they so freaked out?

Bella, where are you? Bella...

My lord!

Constable Wang?
Where are your manners?

Aren't you supposed to be
guarding the fugitive?

My lord...

We were ambushed by
rebels at Huatian courier station.

The leader was far too powerful.

I was prepared to die,
but I managed to escape.

I didn't think I would be
so lucky to run into you, my lord.

I subdued ocean with silver needles.
He's paralyzed.

Let's go to Huatian
and destroy them!


You've been my spy and
vessel for some time, right?

Spy for five years,
and vessel for another five.

Fifteen years altogether, my lord.

How dirty...

Any family members at home?

Quite a few, my lord.


They'll be busy during
the grave sweeping festival.

That's right.

Get us to Huatian station now!

We're off!

Oh, no, frigid and the
others are in danger.

Find a place to hide, lucky.

Oh, crap!

We have to run!

What's going on?

The eastern depot is here.
I wanted to

use this idiot to bait the monster
and then this happens.

Should we fight them head on?

With what?

They're killers from eastern depot!

I have an idea.



If you don't run now,
it'll be too late.

I admire your chivalry!


What's wrong with you people?

You got to wait for us. Let's go!

What's frigid going to do?

When we master our martial arts,

we'll avenge her. Come on.


I'm sorry I offended you, frigid,

and I'm sorry that
blade harassed you.

Please don't hold a grudge.
We're sorry.

Our kung fu skills are limited,
so we can't be of help.

Don't worry. You're a good girl.

I won't resent you.
Take blade and go.

Let's go!


I'm the one eastern depot wants.
Get to safety with them.

You still don't get it, ocean.

What is it?

I've been following you,
with plenty of chances to save you.

But why do you think
I chose to rescue you here?

Because there's no one within
15 kilometers in any direction.

When you're backed into a corner,
you might as well be dead.

My whole family died
at the hands of eastern depot.

I survived because
you saved me in time.

Kill him!

I've been feeling uneasy
because I haven't gotten revenge.

I was planning to fight eastern
depot to the death anyway.

Come here and sit.

Sit down.

I'll face death with you.

I was touched by your love,

so I decided to die with you here.

Right. A true hero doesn't run
at the first sign of trouble.

The south Sichaun bandits are
all about loyalty!

No way we can abandon
the old and weak here.

Just stop lying!

Spare the flowery excuses already.

The truth is...

We're stuck here!
We're screwed.

We've been surrounded!

That's the commander
of eastern depot...


My god, I'm hungry.

We're so dead.


how dare you?

How dare you raise
your voice in here?

Don't you know that
our lord likes silence?


since you know who I am...

For whom do you work for?

Ci-qing palace.

Ci qing palace?

Why would the crown
prince send you here?

Since when does his highness

report to eastern depot?

Of course not.

I've simply come

to retrieve an escaped beast

and a fugitive named ocean.

You used the imperial police's tamer
to tame those beasts

with the intention of
assassinating his highness.

To cover your tracks,
you slaughtered countless others.

That's punishable by death
to you and your family.

How can you pin false
accusations on me?

You need proof.

The proof is inside this building.

Hand me the evidence!

Yes, ma'am!


You think you can get away,

but his highness has been
watching you for a long time.

Now I have both the animal and
the fugitive in my hands.

What do you think of my evidence?

I swear it was a mistake.

Please think of the decades
I've served the court

and spare my life.

Get me the execution cloth!

His highness is in a merciful mood.

Considering that you served
his majesty for so many years,

I'll make sure you have
a fully intact corpse.

Oh no! Can't see me!


Since his majesty's beast is here,

that means the content of this bag

is definitely fake.

Who hit me?

He did.

Good job!

The little show you just did

was quite a performance.

If I'm not mistaken,

you're frigid,
daughter of a traitor.

The loving glance that
ocean just gave you

sold you out, I'm afraid.

I've had enough!

I told you this plan
isn't going to work.

Shut your mouth!


All of you are idiots!

I told you already!

Stop playing tricks
or going against the emperor.

But you guys didn't listen.

Now you all look like fools.

What are you so afraid of, blade?

We can die and take
that dog with us.

You can die all you want,

but did you think about what I want?

Being stuck here with
you is already torture.

You! To save that lump of coal,

you duped Bella and I
to this godforsaken place.

Then that old man popped up,
then came these two bandits.

Then this imbecile
fell out of the sky.

Fine, I kept playing along.

Then you tell me that the
money never existed?

You put us through all this

just to save your boyfriend!

You coward.
You're saving your own ass

by pinning everything on her.

Who are you to lecture me?

An imperial police turned fugitive.

Was it for national security?

No, it was for this woman!

Ocean the great warrior...
Do you deserve to be called one?

Sorry about this.

Calm down, blade.

Stay away from me!

I'm not your buddy!

I'm risking my life,
and you're playing with a monster.

Then you call me ruthless?!

You're going too far.

I'm going too far?

Who here isn't doing
worse things than me?


You risked our lives for
your stupid revenge.

That's downright evil.


Greedy old man with
the guts to demand 30% of the cut.

After we're killed, they should
slice you three more times.

And you two bums...

Trying to kill us for a piece
of meat, like some wild dog.

Who are you calling a wild dog?

I'll give you a bite right now!

What are you looking at?

You're the cruelest of them all.

Burning up a mountain
and sacrificing lives

just to draw a monster to you?

You're a curse to anyone
who runs into you!

La la la, blah blah blah.

Good job.

Good job.

That must feel good.

Honest, righteous young men like you

are in short supply these days.

What's your name, boy?

My surname is Zhen, named blade.

Formerly the Sichuan-Shaanxi
rebel forces,

but now your humble servant.

If you don't mind...

I'd like to call you...

My godfather.

Come here.

Good boy. I'll give you a hug later.

I've never seen anyone
more shameless than me.

You're a despicable man!

What a coward!

I pegged you wrong, blade.

I should be saying that!


That man is ruthless.

It won't do you any
good to work for him.

Won't do me any good to
stick with you, either.

Look at everything you've done.

You're all just looking
out for yourselves.

I just want to live.

Is that so wrong?


You loathsome scoundrel.

You deserve to die.


we'll settle our score later.

Save me, godfather!

I'll help you, ocean.

So will well.

I'm going to kill you
in the name of the Guiyi army!

This jerk has to die today!

Don't worry, my child.

How can I let any harm come to you?

I still need someone
to speak the truth to my face.

My lord.

That stings.

I got you.

Great warrior ocean...

That was a bull's eye, right?

Damn it, it hurts like hell.

Right in his Achilles' heel.

Serves you right!

Crane's weak spot

is the central meridian on his back.

So our plan B

is to force him to use his power

while one of us stabs him
in his Achilles' heel.

That's our only chance of survival.

Sounds good.

What are you trying to say?

Pretend to betray us

and get his trust.

Go around his back and
stab his Achilles' heel.

You must be kidding.

How do I go around to his back

then stab him with a dagger?

You're unleashing some
serious traitor vibes.

You're the best man for the job.

Do I look like a traitor?

You do.

You really do.

Stay out of this, you brat!

Sounds right. You can do it, kid.

My lord.
Kill them all, right now!

Yes, my lord!

My fellow heroes,

leave this to the
south Sichuan bandits.

That's right. You're
about to see our moves.


The bandits combination fists!

Combination fists?

I'll make your eyelids close first!

Come on, we haven't merged yet.


I'll take care of this one.

Careful, sir.

How can you use a gun?
That's cheating!

You want to take me on?
You shameless thug!

I want that gun, blade!

It's so awesome!

It's right there. Go get it.

Who else wants to get shot?

This is great! Ocean's powers
are back to normal.

Spare me, ocean!

We were just following orders.

Our consciences are killing us.
We can't sleep.

We can't even eat.
That old fart,

forced us to do bad
things every day.

He's the killer.
We are innocent. Spare us!

Long live the Guiyi army!

I'm with you guys now!
I'm in, too!

I'm with you guys now!

You like hearing the truth, right?

Did you hear that?

This is eye-opening.

I've never heard so
many truths in my life.

My lord!

I have a truth to reveal, too.

I actually serve the eastern depot.

I'm secretly serving you now.

Go away!

Did I not speak clearly enough?

You were loud and clear.

The problem is...

I don't trust anyone now.


Didn't I get you in
your Achilles' heel?

I've been practicing
the Jiuyang virgin fist for years.

I don't have any Achilles' heel.

I'm invincible.

I told you this
wasn't going to work!

So you're the slut that
stole ocean from me.

How dare you?

What you have is nothing

compared to the 20 years
I've had with ocean.

Let her go!


Is she prettier...

Or am I prettier?

Please don't look at me
with those queer eyes.

Such an emotional man.

Fight me instead.

You really want to fight me? Fine.

I want her to watch you
slowly die by my hand.


Ocean! Are you alright?


Don't die, ocean.

If you die, then it's all over.

Are you all right?

You're the only real
fighter we have.

I can't believe he
perfected his powers.

Now he is invincible.

The only thing in this world

that can defeat him

is the extinct one-armed palm.

The one-armed palm?

I know it.

I know it!

How? I taught you
everything you know.

I really do know it!



Then give it a try.
Does she really know it?

We're screwed.

Hang in there!
Will this really work?

We've got a fighting chance.
Help her!

Concentrate! Don't lose focus!

Should I run or should I help them?

Of course I should help
them, you idiot!

Lucky! No!

A little thing like you
is going to defeat me?

Stay away, lucky!

Run, lucky!

You'll die.

Run away!


You think I'll be intimidated
because you turned big?

That looks painful.

Good thing that's not me.

Do it!

I'm not afraid of your crappy power.

Get his face again!

That's awesome.

He must at least be
paralyzed by now.

You think this is victory for you?

You troublemakers.

All of you are going to die

right here with me.

What's this?

Scratching stick?

Is this one of those
signal cannons from Persia?

Fire it into the air, and the
brigade will fire at us, right?

Why do you have it?!

Let me refresh your memory.

When I told you just now that
I work for eastern depot,

that's when I stole it from you.

So what if you have it?

Do you even know how to use it?

You must think I'm an idiot.
It's easy. Just press like this...

You can have this.

Don't give it to me!
I don't know how to use it, either!

Oh my god!

Where do we hide, boss?!




Don't go out there! You'll die!



You first, kid.

You first, sir.
You first, kid.

You can have the last bun, boss.

You get hungry easily, saucy.
You should eat it.

I don't need it.

I've got another bun here.

Didn't you say this
was the last one?!

Don't worry, Bella,
I'll protect you.

In all the years I've known you,

growing up together...

This is the first time
you've acted like a man.

You first, sir.
You first, kid.

You first, sir.
Fine, then you can die first.

Get in here or you'll die!


Buddha palm!



You can't possibly be dead.









Get up!

I still have to
complete my training.


Damn it, you made me cry.

Can't believe it's laughing.

This is unbelievable.

That's harsh.
Save me, ocean!

Get him!

I'm sorry!
Good job!

You reap what you sow!

Thank you, frigid.

Stop following me! Why
are you still on my ass?

What did I do to you, man?

We're not the same kind.

I've got no love for you.

Just get away from me.

Save me, ocean!

Master ocean!

Why won't he leave me alone?!

It's because of this.

I just picked this up in the woods.

It's a dangerous world out there.

If it's treacherous even for us,

imagine how it'll be for you.

Am I right?

Go back to the woods.

I hope this bracelet
will bring you luck.


Don't cry.

Go on.

Don't be sad.

Will we ever see it again, blade?

Of course we will,
the clever thing will find us.

Thank you, all of you.

I know we've been a burden

and dragged you all into trouble.

We're really sorry.

Actually, I should thank all of you.

I didn't even believe in myself,

but all of you believed in me

and gave me the important job
of playing traitor.

Blade, I feel like my love
for you just went up a notch.

After this ordeal,

I feel like we've
come closer together.

I hope we can all be friends.

Look, everyone,
I'm usually a lone wolf.

And it gets pretty lonely.

Where are you guys off to?

Would you all mind
if I tagged along?

Join us.


I feel like we've finally
done something meaningful.

I'm overflowing with joy.

Ocean, I'm sticking
with you from now on.

Sounds good!

You two are still young.

I've haven't done a decent
thing in my old age.

I feel like...

I've matured.

But I think you've gotten younger.

I have a confession to make.

There's an eastern
depot vault nearby.

It's completely unguarded,

and there are a lot of gold inside.

I'm not joking.

You can all grab as
much as you like.

Call it a token of appreciation
from the two of us.

In that case...

Bella and I have a
small errand to run.

We'll take our leave.

We'll be right back.

We're not coming right back.

Maybe I'm better
off alone after all.

I'm starving, saucy.
Let's get something to eat.

Don't be a glutton.
Then again, everyone's got to eat.

I'm starving, too.

How did you find time
to put on so much make-up?

It's so nice that you
should keep it on.

Let's go!

Let's go!
What are you doing?

You want a bun? I've got some.

Oh, I shouldn't have said that.

I was just kidding.
Where is it?

Where did you get the bun?

I'm getting angry now.

I don't want to do this anymore.

Fine, I'll fetch! I wanna go home...

Fetching is so much hard work...