Wrestling Ernest Hemingway (1993) - full transcript
Frank, a retired Irish seaman, and Walter, a retired Cuban barber, are two lonely old men trapped in the emptiness of their own lives. When they meet in a park Frank is able to start a conversation after several attempts. They begin to spend time together and become friends. But because of their different characters they often quarrel with each other and finally seperate after Frank misbehaves to Walter's friend Elaine.
♪ Sufro la inmensa pena
del cuento mío ♪
♪ siento El dolor profundo ♪
♪ de tu partida
♪ y lloro sin que sepa
que El llanto mío ♪
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
como mi vida ♪
♪ tú me quieres dejar
♪ yo no quiero sufrir
♪ contigo me voy
♪ aunque me cueste morir
What do you want, cooney?
I got this package for you...
Joyce, you better
put on some clothes,
or I'll call the cops.
Oh, I'll put something on
when you fix the goddamn
air conditioner.
You just going
to stand in front of me?
Say what you got to say.
It's goddamn hot in there,
and I ain't
going back for clothes.
Say, cooney,
it's kind of nice out.
I think I'll leave it out.
This is for you.
What is it?
How should I know?
It came to the office.
It's from my son!
Frank?
Yeah?
I've been easy on you
up till now.
That's 'cause you're
new, but not anymore.
Put on some clothes and
get your address straight,
cause I'm not u.P.S.
Hey, cooney!
Cooney, I was
expecting a letter!
All I got was that box.
It's for my birthday.
Let's hope
it's a pair of pajamas.
Good morning, Walt.
Good morning, Elaine.
I would like to have
six pieces of bacon
and four slices
of toast, please,
and a small juice.
I know, Walt,
and you know
what I'm going to say.
I know. Bacon's
not so good for me,
but I like to make
sandwiches with the bread.
It's good that way.
It might be good that way,
but it's not good for you.
But you want it anyway, right?
Yes.
All right.
There is a dance at
the oriole's lodge
on the 21st of July,
and there is a band, too,
coming down from Jacksonville.
It has five members, and...
Hmm...
I heard they have very
good dancers there and...
He's still here?
Um... yeah.
I know he is, Ryan.
I'm looking right at him.
That was a rhetorical question.
He's been here
since 9:00.
Has he bought anything?
Well, he asked for
following the equator.
I ordered it for him.
It'll be about three weeks.
Is he planning on waiting here?
I don't know.
That was another
rhetorical question.
Um, I did show him
the Hemingway section.
It's the damn air conditioning.
These old bastards have
nothing to do all day.
This isn't a library.
Get rid of him.
Well, what do you
want me to say?
I don't care.
Just make sure you get
the postage on that book.
He's already paid for it.
Good. Get him
out of here.
I'll take that.
Um, excuse me, sir?
Sir, excuse me.
The manager says you've
been here all day.
Yeah. I managed
to locate the Hemingway.
Oh...
Um...
Well, uh...
The manager says you've
been here too long.
I got into a wrestling match
with him once, you know.
You wrestled my manager?
You wrestled Ernest Hemingway?
I truly did.
Well, did you win?
Well, it was 1938...
Puerto Rico.
I was the youngest captain
on the Caribbean.
Ryan!
20 years old...
If you're not buying that book,
I'll have to ask you to leave.
What time is it?
It's almost 11:00.
You've been here two hours.
Oh, well, then,
I've got someplace to be.
Can you hold?
No, sir.
I don't think so.
We're receiving heavy mortar
fire on our right flank.
All right.
Jim, let's get
some mortar fire...
Heavy mortars.
Target aerial, 4807-item.
Mack!
What happened?
I'm going on over
to fox company.
There goes the bravest
man I ever seen.
Let's go, fellas!
You haven't mentioned
my new cap, Georgia.
I hadn't noticed, Francis.
Those speakers
sounded better yesterday.
Hmm. This old theater
is just like me.
We're both falling apart.
You look all right to me.
You know my boy,
he's taking me to Fort
Lauderdale for the weekend.
You know, to watch the
fireworks and what-have-you.
He sent me this hat
for my birthday.
Actually, it's not
till tomorrow.
Actually, July 3rd.
That's when he's coming
to get me.
The reason I like it, you see,
it's got this extra
deluxe feature.
Keeps the sun off your neck.
Georgia.
What's the big idea, Francis?
It's a real dog day today.
How about a double feature?
Two movies for the price of one.
It can't be bad.
You're going to get in trouble.
Who's going to catch me?
The runt?
Come on. It's hotter
than hell out there.
Besides, you haven't got a
hat to keep the sun away.
Well, it's a fine cap, frank,
but a gentleman
wouldn't wear it indoors.
I'm as gentle
as they come, lady.
22!
Yeah! Come on!
Come on, kid.
Come on.
Ball 4.
Take your base.
Hoo.
Here we go, Henry.
Remember what I told you.
Choke up.
Bat at 40 degrees at all times.
Here we go.
That's it.
Pick out a pitch.
Strike!
Ooh.
Henry, Henry, look at me.
Eye on the ball, concentration,
and follow through.
Now step in there.
Cock that bat back there.
That's it.
Eye on the ball.
Strike 2.
Go red, go.
Please. Please.
Don't swing at anything.
Don't let him intimidate you.
Pick a nice pitch
and relax in there.
Be mean up there.
That's it, baby.
Strike 3.
That's the ballgame!
Whoo!
Yeow!
Pizza!
Bring the twins.
What the hell are you doing?
It occurred to me...
That walking forward
strengthens the front
of the leg,
but it neglects the back.
So...
See these fellas
bent over at the waist?
Not me!
Straight as a soldier!
Your son called.
He called the office.
You got to get a phone, Joyce.
I'm not a secretary.
You ought to get
yourself a husband.
You wouldn't be so mean.
I had a husband.
That's how I got this way.
What'd he say?
He won't be coming tomorrow.
Something about his job.
That ain't the right message.
He said he was sorry.
He was supposed
to send me a letter.
I know nothing about
this calling business.
Just telling you
what he told me.
When he moved me
into this shithole,
he said... he told me...
He promised!
He promised that he would take
me south for the fireworks.
Don't insult my place.
Well, I guess...
I guess he's...
I guess he's busy.
His wife and...
He's got a damn important job.
You know, they...
They keep him working
through the holidays.
I mean, you understand.
Yeah.
I understand.
It was my birthday tomorrow.
Well...
I got myself a book,
a bottle of whiskey.
I think I'll take 'em
both to the park
and see which one
I can finish first.
Bet $5.00 on the bottle.
I wouldn't bet
against you, cooney.
That's a nice cap
you got there, friend.
Thank you, sir.
Of course you're putting the
back of your neck in danger
with a cap like that.
Now, the one I'm wearing
has this deluxe feature,
you see, so there's...
There's no risk.
You see?
There. See?
That's what protects the back
of your neck from the sun.
I'm talking about
the extra brim feature,
which I notice your cap
does not have.
What do you got there?
I have a bacon sandwich.
Oh.
I...
I don't... I don't suppose...
I don't suppose you could get
a hat like this around here.
My son and daughter-in-law
sent it to me
from Fort Lauderdale.
For my birthday.
You have a nice cap, sir,
but I am busy with my work.
How are you today?
Fine. How are you?
Oh, I've seen
better days, darling.
Most of 'em...
From the bow of a boat
just like that one.
Say...
Why aren't you in school today?
It's summertime.
Oh, well...
You got yourself the right idea,
hanging around the water.
Down here,
you get yourself a nice breeze.
I'm gonna be in second
grade in one month.
You take your time now...
Because these
summer days go slow.
But let me tell you, sweetheart,
the years fly by.
Yeah...
They fly by.
♪ I'm sweet Willy McGee
♪ settin' sail for the sea
♪ if you know any ladies
♪ who want to make babies
♪ send them on
♪ to sweet Willy
♪ McGee
Joyce.
What are you doing?
I was sleeping.
You fix my air
conditioner, lady?
You smell like booze.
You fix my goddamn air!
You're drunk.
Now go back to bed.
I can't breathe up there!
Stop yelling,
or I'll call the cops.
I'm melting in that room!
You'll be fine for the night.
I'll have it fixed tomorrow.
Don't walk away from me.
Don't shut
that fuckin' door on me!
I'm melting up there!
I'm dying in that room!
I'm sick.
I mean, I used...
I used to be 6'3".
I ain't even 6 feet!
I measured myself.
I ain't even 6 feet!
Uhh!
♪ I'm sweet Willy McGee
♪ settin' sail for the sea ♪
♪ happy as any
sane feller can be ♪
♪ a man fit for sailin'
♪ my cock's fit for whalin' ♪
♪ my balls, they weigh
70 pounds apiece ♪
♪ if you know any ladies
♪ who want to make babies
♪ send them on
♪ to sweet Willy
♪ McGee
I remember you, fella.
You were sittin' here yesterday.
And you were eatin'
one of those. Heh heh.
Yes. Yes.
You eat one of those every day?
No, no.
You were eatin' one
yesterday, right?
Yes.
And you're eatin' one
again today, right?
Yes.
And you're telling me
you don't eat one every day?
Yes. I don't eat one
every day.
I eat two every day.
One at 10:00
for my breakfast.
One at 2:30
for my lunch.
Your wife make 'em for you?
No, no, no, no.
Elaine makes them for me at
the Sweetwater snack shop.
It's across the park,
near the pet store.
Oh.
Well, I think I'll, uh...
I'll go buy myself
a birthday sandwich.
Say...
Do you sit around here
all afternoon?
I don't only sit.
I do my puzzles.
Oh...
Why don't you buy yourself
a fresh sandwich?
That one's been in your pocket.
No, no, no, no.
My pockets are clean.
No offense, my friend.
I just thought...
Well, I just thought you might
like to get out of the heat,
buy yourself a new sandwich,
seeing that you're
just sitting around.
I don't want a new sandwich.
Oh... whoo!
You know, god damn it!
A man can melt
on a day like this.
So... i think I'll find
myself a cool spot
and sit myself down.
Oye.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Do you think they
would mind if, uh...
I eat this one there?
You bought it there, didn't you?
Yes, of course, i...
Well, hell, no,
they wouldn't mind.
Now, if you bought it
somewheres else,
then maybe they would mind,
but not if you bought it there.
Let's go.
Are you from
Puerto Rico, friend?
No, no. No.
I am from Cuba.
I was in Puerto Rico once.
Had a mix-up with
Ernest Hemingway.
Ever hear of Ernest Hemingway?
Yes, but I am not
from Puerto Rico.
I, uh...
Well, I was, uh...
1938. I was the youngest sea
captain in the Caribbean.
Come help me.
Where are you?
Oh, where are those hash browns?
Whoops. Hold on.
Who are these people?
Hey, where you going, pal?
I'm going to my regular seat.
But this side here's got the
air conditioning, you see.
I'm sure that side's nice,
but this side's where
I get my sandwiches.
A bacon sandwich
you can get anywheres.
It's a special order.
Only Elaine can get them.
She works on this side.
Bernice works on that side.
Jesus, could have eaten already.
Hurry, Harry.
Heh heh heh.
Too late.
Sorry.
I hope Elaine doesn't
see me sitting here.
I don't want
to hurt her feelings.
It's my birthday, you know.
I'm 75 years old today.
He would have been 75, too.
Who?
Old Johnny one-eye...
The bald-headed champ.
He was a friend of yours?
Oh, ho ho.
My very best.
He was a boxer, this Johnny?
Well, he's down
for the count now.
I like boxing,
but I like baseball better.
Oh, there's a team.
I call them the little red guys.
You... you... you don't have
that problem, pal?
Which problem?
With your cucumber.
I don't eat cucumbers.
I, uh, always eat
these bacon sandwiches.
Elaine says they're
no good for me, but...
You answer questions
that nobody asks.
You're a lot like a woman.
What can I get you gentlemen?
Can I ask you
a question, darlin'?
Would there be anything unusual
about me ordering a bacon sandwich?
Yeah. It's not
on the menu.
Look, I can bring you
the bacon and the bread,
but you'll have to build
the sandwich yourself.
That'll be all right.
Thank you, darlin'.
My name's bernice.
See?
You can order them anywheres.
She didn't say not to eat it.
Why would she say that?
Elaine always says
not to eat them.
She says they're no good for me.
Bernice didn't say anything.
Walter's here.
He was here this morning.
Well, he's back.
What's he doing on that side?
I have no idea.
He's with a real loudmouth.
Yeah, I captained boats,
charters, merchants.
I've been to
Puerto Rico many times.
But I'm not from Puerto Rico.
There's an empty table
on the other side.
I started sailing when I was 14.
I'll move.
I don't want
to hurt her feelings.
Twice in one day?
What's the occasion?
Ooh.
Hi.
It's my birthday.
And who are you?
Francis Joyce.
How old are you?
I'm 70 years old...
Today.
Then you're old enough to know
you shouldn't wear a hat inside.
This is no ordinary goddamn hat.
That's true.
And you.
You're breaking my heart
sitting in bernice's section
when there's a table
open in mine.
Miss?
Hey, you.
You should not swear to her.
Hmm?
I didn't say a goddamn thing.
You said goddamn,
and you told me you were 75.
I am, for Christ's sakes.
You told Elaine you were 70.
When I saw her,
I felt like I was 70 again.
Oh.
Oh...
She's got a great backyard.
I don't know. I...
I've never been to her house.
I'm talking about her ass.
Excuse me.
Where you going?
There are seats open
in Elaine's section.
I don't want
to hurt her feelings.
Excuse me.
This seat is occupied.
You're damn right it is,
and my tired ass is not moving.
My friend sits there.
Is this an imaginary friend?
No. She's real.
She's just late.
She can stand, then.
Besides, if you're
a decent gentleman,
you'll give her your seat.
Hey.
Hi, Walter.
Oh, no, no, no.
You sit.
I can stand.
Sit. You stand up
all day at work.
I sit all day.
You should live in Sweetwater,
then you won't have to take
the bus to work every day.
Then I wouldn't see you
every afternoon.
So who's your friend?
Friend? Oh, no, no.
I o-only met him in the park.
I think he had
slept there all night.
I've never seen you in there
with anybody else before.
That's too much eating alone.
That's almost as bad for
you as those sandwiches.
He wanted to know
a good place to eat,
so I told him
the Sweetwater snack shop
has the best food.
You've only had one thing
there, Walter.
It's not even on the menu.
I told him anyway for good
business for you, see?
O.k. Thank you.
Oh, he's 75.
He told you he was 70.
He's 75. He knows you
for only one minute,
and already he's saying
one lie and one curse.
And... he's...
Some guys swear all the time.
There was a man
at the oriole's lodge.
He swore so much.
For two weeks,
I didn't know he was speaking English.
I never heard
those words before.
Never.
Have you ever been
to the oriole's lodge?
I didn't think they
allowed women there.
No, no. Women can come
on certain nights.
Really?
Yeah, for dances.
Yes, yes, yes.
They have them once a year,
those dances, for summer.
They're very nice I heard.
Yes, and they have
a dinner, decorations,
and, uh...
Blue napkins, and, uh...
Sometimes a band comes
down from Jacksonville.
Yeah. It's o.K. Yes, yes.
It sounds nice.
Yeah. Oh, yes.
Thanks, Earl.
Have a good evening, Elaine.
Bye, Earl.
Watch your step, folks.
O.k., end of
the line, Walt.
We'll see you tomorrow, Walt?
See you tomorrow, Earl.
All righty.
You smell so good.
I washed my hair for you.
I knew we'd be together, so I...
Ahh, I love you, Johnny.
I love you.
I love you so much,
I ache inside.
I feel the same way,
too, Johnny.
Feel my heart pounding.
Mine's the same.
What do you think
you're doing, mister?
I'm sitting here next to you...
Watching the movie.
You ask when you want
to sit next to a lady.
Well, can I sit here?
Yes, you may.
Just what do you think
you're doing now?
You said I could sit here.
I said you could sit here.
I didn't say you could
sit here today.
You have to make plans
for something like that.
You can sit
next to me Saturday...
For the early show.
Sit somewhere else now.
First you can sit.
Now you can't sit.
Come in. Now you
can't come in.
Touch me.
You can't touch me.
It could drive you crazy.
I thought your son
was taking you to Fort
Lauderdale for the weekend.
Oh, now you want to talk to me.
This would be a lot easier
if I was sitting up there.
There's the idea.
Got to be a lot better
than staring at the back
of your head.
We'll discuss that on Saturday.
Hi.
Afternoon, ma'am.
Why the hell are you here?
I'm freezing my ass off.
Heh heh heh heh.
Heh heh heh heh.
Ooh!
Brrr!
Brrr!
Ooh!
I've got something...
In here for you,
a testament to
last night's sobriety.
You were really sober
last night.
I was sober enough
to know I was drunk.
I got you some guinness, cooney.
Good old Irish stuff.
You know, two old Irish dogs
should not be barking
at each other.
That's nice, Joyce,
only I ain't Irish.
What the hell
kind of a name is cooney
if it ain't Irish?
That husband I had,
he was Irish.
He left.
I got stuck with the name.
It's a good name.
How long were you
married to the guy?
14 years.
Oh, well, you did your time.
You're Irish enough.
Here.
No, thanks, frank.
14 years with him,
I got no taste
for anything Irish.
Oh...
Irish...
Wool?
No.
♪ Irish eyes
no.
Irish...
Whiskey?
Mmm.
One more year, he'd
have killed that, too,
but he left just in time.
Ha ha!
Well, it's a sorry sea captain
who's got no Irish whiskey.
Heh heh heh.
I'll get it, and we'll
christen the new air machine.
I stayed with him long enough
to raise suspicions
that you confirm, Joyce.
And what would those be?
That the Irish are
foul-mouthed, lazy bastards
who parade around naked.
Ha ha ha!
We'll call her
the s.S. Cooney.
Oh, that's quite an honor.
I'm not naming her after you.
I'm naming her after that
suffering bastard Mr. Cooney
and the 14 years of hell
you put him through.
Ahh.
It's closed.
I can see that.
This is bad news.
I thought you was in the
park this time of day.
They must have
closed early today.
Well, this is no ordinary day.
This is the fourth of July.
I know what today is.
I know.
What am I supposed
to do for lunch?
Well...
Heh heh heh.
She will be at the fireworks.
Who?
Elaine.
Oh. Heh heh.
You get the fireworks here?
No, we don't get
the fireworks here,
only in Carter bay,
where Elaine lives.
She will be there, probably.
Ah.
I'd like to have seen
the fireworks show.
Mmm. Me, too, but
they are miles away,
even 6, possibly,
and there is no bus today.
That's too much to walk.
Ha ha.
I think I might drive.
You drive?
Heh heh heh.
Sure.
Hmm.
I wish the bus was working.
I would take it
to the fireworks.
Ho... ha.
Ahh.
You're hungry, huh?
Yes, I am.
But all the restaurants
are closed.
There is nothing to eat
from here to Carter bay today...
I bet.
Only this sandwich.
♪ Buenamente te ha fijado ♪
♪ como camina la gente
♪ cuando sales del mercado ♪
♪ la mujer de antoñio camina ♪
♪ cuando vine de la Plaza ♪
♪ camínase
♪ cuando traigas agua
♪ camínase
♪ la mujer de antoñio
♪ camínase
♪ por la madrugada...
You say we were driving, frank.
This is not driving.
This is riding.
Back there you're riding.
Up front, I'm driving.
I've got the steering
to worry about.
It would be easier
if you'd pedal.
They're moving too fast.
I'm 80 years old.
If you don't start pedaling,
I'll die before we get there!
You said you were 75.
I was exaggerating
to make a point!
Now, look...
Pedal.
Pedal!
Frank.
What?
Uh...
What?
Do you think we could
find a rest room?
The next one we see.
Just pedal for a while,
will you?
Pedal!
I don't think they have
rest rooms out here.
I don't think they have
rest rooms out here, frank.
I'll find you a bathroom
after we finish the sandwich.
Oh.
I was a barber.
I cut my own hair.
Yes. I can tell.
Say, you look like you
got some Italian in you.
No. I'm not Italian.
A good haircut makes
a man look respectable.
My first wife was Italian.
I'm not Italian.
I was good.
I could make you look like a...
Gentleman.
We met at St. Kitts.
I was 20 years old.
Her name...
Was Isabel.
Boy...
She loved to screw.
Not just with me.
That was part of our problem.
I...
I don't think
about her that much.
But she was Italian.
Of course...
She's probably dead by now.
God rest her soul.
Amen.
She could use the rest.
Frank?
Yeah?
Uh, we just rest
for a minute and...
Maybe find a rest room.
Hunh.
Mmm.
I want to get
to the fireworks on time.
You ain't tired?
I ain't tired.
Frank?
Frank!
We are missing the fireworks!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, how perfectly!
Ha ha ha ha!
I still need to
find the rest room.
Ha ha ha!
We are missing the fireworks.
We are missing them.
We are missing
the fireworks, frank.
I was 17 the first time
I got laid.
Heh heh heh.
It was on a barge
sailing to freeport.
She had to be 40 years old.
Oh.
40.
I spoke just three words to her.
I told her that...
I told her that I loved her.
We should leave now, frank!
I did love her...
For about seven seconds.
I remember.
Walt...
Walt, sit down with me.
No. You trick me
to come here,
say you had a car,
then make me drive a bike.
Have a drink with me, Walt.
You say you find me a rest room.
Now I'm standing on a rock
far away from other people,
and I still have to pee, frank!
Wait.
O.k., Walt.
I promised I'd find you...
A bathroom.
I promised I'd take you
to the fireworks.
Come here.
Come here.
What do you see out there?
I see some fireworks.
Now, Walt...
Reach in,
take out your pecker,
and feed the fish.
Feed the fish?
Piss in the ocean.
You have to pee, too?
I'm 75 years old.
I always have to pee.
Heh heh heh.
O.k.
Oh!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Heh heh.
Walt?
Can you remember...
When this didn't take so long?
Sometimes I think I'll fall
asleep standing like this,
I wait so long.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ooh.
Oh.
Feeding the fish.
Ahh.
Ahh, feeding the fish.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Ahh.
Siéntate conmigo.
You can speak Spanish, yeah?
Yeah.
Um...
Tú eres...
Una mujer muy...
Hermosa.
Heh heh heh.
What else can you say?
Ah, a few phrases.
Help me get through
some lonely nights.
Yo quiero desayunar
desnudo contigo.
Ha ha ha!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Ha ha ha!
You speak very well.
I had a lot of practice.
Frank, that woman
you were talking about?
You slept with her
only after three words?
Well... well, actually,
the words sort of
came in the middle.
The $4.00 came before.
I'll tell you all about it,
but first...
Toma un trago...
Conmigo.
Toma un trago...
Conmigo.
Muchas gracias.
You're welcome.
Now, now, I'll tell you.
First time I saw her...
Ha ha ha!
Her tits were smiling
at me across the room.
Boom!
Boom!
And she looked at me...
And I said, "oh..."
Let's go!
Let's go!
Come on, Mickey!
O.k., now, be aggressive
out there, right, kiddo?
Remember the three as...
Aggressiveness,
attitude, ability.
Go, Sweetwater!
Yay!
Hey, batter, batter,
batter, batter.
Hey, batter, batter,
batter, batter.
Here we go.
♪ He can't hit it
anyway! ♪
That's big Henry.
He doesn't get so many hits.
Here we go!
Lock down!
Here we go! Concentrate!
Time out!
Ooh!
Be tough out there!
You all right, son?
Advance to first base.
O.k., take
your base now.
Today is the day that we win.
Look at that crazy hair.
What you need is a good haircut.
Yeah.
It's goddamn hot here.
We ought to be out on the ocean.
Today's the kind of day
you want your worm in the water.
I like to go fishing.
Oh, no. Big Henry's
too far off base.
That's o.K.
Go on. Go ahead.
Don't worry about him.
Go back. Go back.
That's it.
Now, watch. Watch.
Back, back, back, back!
Go back!
You're out!
That's the game!
Oh.
I don't believe it.
They'll get over it.
Yee-ha!
All right! Yeah!
I thought today would be
the day for certain.
Well...
One of these days.
Heh heh.
One of these days.
You like these games, Walt.
I like baseball. Yes.
I saw the New York Yankees play
in the world series, 1958.
I came from Cuba to watch.
Yogi berra, Mickey mantle,
whitey Ford is on one team.
They are famous, even in Cuba.
I want to see them play.
They're the greatest team ever...
Yankees, 1958...
The best team.
The best.
You came before the changes?
Yeah, before.
You never went back, huh?
While I was here,
everything there
changed so fast.
I didn't know my home anymore,
so I stayed here
and wait for things
to be the same there
again, but...
Who is she, frank?
Huh?
Who?
Oh, that depends on who you ask.
My second wife
thought it was her.
My third wife thought the same.
My fourth, a redhead,
thought it was my mother.
Well, the truth is
I don't know who she was
or where she came from.
Woke up one morning,
there she was,
sort of like my first wife.
Ha ha ha!
How did you get
so many wives? How?
Aftershave?
Ha ha ha!
Hey, Walt, what time is it?
Ha ha. It is 12:00
and 40 minutes.
Oh, I'm late for a date.
I've got a...
♪ a lady friend to meet ♪
oh, well,
I have a lady friend to meet, too.
What's that smell?
That's my aftershave.
Mmm.
Do you have a date
tonight, Walter?
No, no date.
Lord.
What is that stink?
Is that you?
I'm surprised they let you on
the bus smelling like that.
I'm surprised you fit
through the doors.
Ha ha ha.
Georgia!
Georgia!
Georgia!
Aw, come on, Georgia!
Don't give me the high hat!
You live like in prison, frank.
You have no record
player or television
or even a telephone.
Just, um,
your regular trim, huh?
I don't want to look like no...
Pretty boy.
I know what I'm doing.
Stop moving so much,
or I make a mistake...
Cut off your ear.
That's what I told
little children,
and you're like them,
always moving.
I'm used to doing this myself.
Well, you don't do
such a good job.
I was a barber 50 years,
and I never heard of a man
who cuts his own hair.
Now you have a good haircut...
For at least once in your life.
Do I look, uh, respectable?
Mmm.
Maybe for you,
a haircut is not enough.
You don't even have one picture,
not one.
Even men in prison,
they have pictures.
Well, when I was in the service,
we had a saying.
All a sailor needs
is a straight back,
strong legs, and a stiff pecker,
and every port's his home.
I don't know what that means.
Uh, it means a man
can wash up anywheres,
and he can take care of hisself.
Now, stay still, frank.
I won't hurt you.
Shh shh shh.
Easy.
Yeah, yeah.
You spend a lot of time at sea?
Yeah.
When things got hot here,
you know, with...
My wife and the boy,
that's where I'd go.
Was it hard to be away
from your family?
Yeah, it was hard.
Um, not because...
Not because I was away,
but because sometimes,
I tell you...
I didn't want to go back.
I wanted to be alone,
and I got my wish.
But, god damn it...
My back is still straight,
my legs are still strong.
Mmm.
Mmm.
How do I look?
It's so beautiful, frank.
I wasn't married like you were.
No?
I think if I had stayed,
I would be married.
But, uh...
Here, I have to start again.
I... i had to learn English, uh...
I had to...
To make my barbershop.
Uh, before I knew it,
I was, uh...
I was an old man,
and... Ha!
You are naked, frank.
Waah!
Oh! Ho ho ho!
What are you waiting for?
Come on in.
You're swimming naked.
Sure.
You never went skinny
dipping when you were a kid?
Yes, but I wore a bathing suit.
You said we were going fishing.
I hate fishing.
I said we were going to
dip our worms in the water.
Yo ho ho ho!
Come on!
Maybe I can go in my pants.
Hey, Walt, you know
what's in this water?
Eh?
Me, a bunch of fish.
None of us are wearing pants.
Come on!
Ohh.
Ohh.
He smacked me on the ass.
Get out of here.
He did. I should
have known better
than to turn my back on him.
Are you nuts?
Make way! Make way!
Here's the knucklehead now.
Look at them, heckle and jeckle.
I haven't seen them
apart in a week.
I bet they sleep together.
Oh, leave them alone.
I miss them more
than I miss you.
Why can I not drive ever?
You cannot drive ever
because up front you
got to pedal and steer.
You've just learned
how to do the first part.
Is today the day
you two surprise me
and order something intelligent?
I thought about what you said.
I really did,
but I can't resist
those damn things,
so bring us our
special ingredients.
You should not swear so much
when you speak to her.
She's a nice girl.
You need a goddamn hearing aid.
I didn't say a damn thing.
You did.
You said one damn
and one goddamn.
Hmm?
If he touches my ass again,
I'll stick a fork in him.
Better get used to it.
I'll serve frank all
the bacon he can eat.
Maybe he'll drop dead.
I thought that red
would win yesterday.
They were so close.
They were doing just fine
till big Henry dropped the ball.
They will win one of these days.
Say, they don't play
tomorrow, do they?
No. It's Friday.
Good. Meet me
at the movies tomorrow.
The noon show.
Come on. I got
a surprise for you.
Ohh,
I don't want to see two movies
for the price of one anymore.
It ain't that.
It's a surprise.
I never enjoy the first one.
I'm too nervous about going
to the second one for free.
Just meet me at noon.
Don't wait outside.
Buy your ticket.
I'll meet you in the lobby.
Elaine!
Hey!
What about the goddamn bacon?
You want a ticket
for the noon show
and another for the 2:00?
Is that against the rules?
I guess not.
Here you go.
Your ticket, sir?
♪ For I'll be there
♪ puttin' down my top hat ♪
♪ mussin' up my white tie ♪
♪ dancing in my tails
how about this suit?
It's beautiful.
When did you get this job?
I applied for it last week
after the haircut.
Hey, Walt.
I need your ticket.
Oh. Sorry.
Got to do my job.
Can't get caught slacking
off the first day.
You see that redhead up front?
She thinks
I'm something special.
I'm going to pay her a visit.
Now, before you
get excited, lady,
I'm not just some jerk
sitting down beside you.
I'm doing my job.
This is one of my
responsibilities.
I've got to try out each seat.
You look real pretty
today, Georgia.
What do you think of the suit?
It's nice.
Nice?
Come on.
Take another look.
You look very handsome.
I had a shave, you know.
It's real smooth.
You want to feel my face?
I believe...
We're all alone.
Uh...
It's, uh, romantic, I think.
You just get back
onto your side.
It's like they're playing
the movie just for us.
You're a beautiful
woman, Georgia.
Listen, mister!
You're a beautiful,
beautiful woman.
That's enough!
Oh, come on, Georgia.
Georgia, Georgia.
Oh!
You're acting like a
fool, Francis!
Where's your pal?
He's working.
That lout found a job?
Yes...
'Cause I cut his hair.
Ha ha ha.
You should see him.
He has some fancy suit.
Could I get you
something to eat, Walt?
This is not Elaine's side?
Yeah, well, Elaine's not here.
Oh, she is sick?
Yeah, well, I'd say so.
She's marrying a marine.
She's getting married?
Yep.
No.
Yeah, contrary to my advice.
She's moving to pensacola,
also contrary to my advice.
Hmm.
She's working Wednesday lunch,
as a favor,
if you'd like to say goodbye.
What would you
like to eat, Walt?
Uh, I'm not so hungry.
You're not hungry?
No.
So you came into a restaurant?
Maybe you'd like a drink?
Uh...
A small juice, maybe.
♪ Tú me quieres dejar
♪ yo no quiero sufrir
♪ contigo me voy
♪ aunque me cueste morir ♪
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Walt.
Walt!
Come on in.
Good morning, frank.
What time is it?
It's 11:00.
That late, huh?
Yes.
Well, I didn't get
much sleep last night.
Remember that woman
in the movies yesterday,
the, uh, feisty one?
Yeah.
Well, she, uh,
she stopped by here
late last night
with a bottle of wine.
To apologize, she said.
So I was up most of the
night accepting her apology,
so to speak.
You just missed her.
Frank, I came to ask
if you're going
to your work today.
Yeah, 4:00.
I thought maybe I could
use your bicycle today
if you don't need it.
Oh, I don't know.
It's no easy job.
Up front, you got to steer.
What do you need it for?
How come you haven't
shaved today, hmm?
Oh, it's a pain
in the ass, Walt.
What about the bike?
I want to go buy something.
What?
Uh...
A gift for Elaine.
She's leaving.
A goodbye gift?
Yeah.
Well, I'll give you a ride.
We'll chip in and buy
her something nice.
Oh, I don't know.
Uh...
Maybe you could
give me the ride,
and I could buy her
something myself.
You've never even said
hello to a woman.
How would you know
how to say goodbye?
Saying goodbye to women
takes a touch.
I've been married
and divorced four times.
I'm an expert on the subject.
We'll go to the pier market.
I thought I would go
to 12th street
to... to the gift shop.
Oh, she surely was
something last night, Walt!
I didn't sleep a wink!
You would think
that on my last day,
you guys would order
something different
just to make me happy,
but no.
You smell nice.
I smell like bacon.
Psst.
We brought you
a going-away present.
A bottle of vodka?
What's wrong?
You don't like vodka?
No, it's very sweet,
but I don't drink.
You got to drink something.
Well, not this...
But I know plenty
of people who do, so...
One of them's sitting
right next to you.
You guys are sweethearts.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you, Walter.
It's yours.
Well, how the hell did I know?
I thought everybody drank.
You said you knew
what she'd like,
and you said goddamn again.
You shouldn't speak
that way to her.
Even a sailor
can watch his mouth.
I wasn't a sailor.
I was a captain!
A captain can say
whatever they goddamn...
Leave your ugly words
for the water.
Women shouldn't hear
such things.
Don't tell me about women.
I've had four wives.
I think maybe that means
you don't know women at all.
I got news for you, pal.
Women like me.
No, women slap you in the face
because you only know
how to be rude!
I suppose you learned
a lot about women
dancing around your
apartment by yourself!
Huh?
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
♪ La-la-la-la-la
♪ la-la-la-la-la-la
I saw you the other night
spinning around
your living room!
You just leave Elaine alone.
She's my friend.
You don't have a right
to buy her awful gifts
and say they're from me.
I wouldn't buy her
something so awful.
Now she thinks I'm awful, too.
Were you thinking about Elaine
when you were dancing
around in that suit?
I am only practicing.
Practicing?
Practicing?
I bet you've been dancing
around up there for 30 years...
Alone!
That ain't practicing!
That's fantasizing!
You're the one who fantasizes.
Number 1... you lie...
That that woman slept
with you last night.
You pretend to be
king with the women,
wearing that stupid hat!
It is a stupid hat,
only a stupid $7.00 hat!
Women think you are a clown!
Don't you touch that hat.
Don't touch that hat.
You don't touch that hat.
Come on, Walt.
Come on.
Come on,
come on, Walt.
You don't touch that hat again.
That's a gift from my son,
and it's a damn fine hat!
No, it's not.
It's a terrible gift,
like the one you bought Elaine.
It is thoughtless,
and only a terrible son
would buy that gift
for his father.
I don't have to take any more
of that shit from you!
You're... you're
worse than a woman!
You're a man without balls,
a man without balls!
And don't tell me I
got a terrible son!
Because I do,
god damn it,
I do.
But I don't need you
to tell me that!
That's life, Walt!
That's what life does to you...
But you wouldn't know that
because you've never lived one!
You've got no balls!
You just got your... your dancing
and your goddamn baseball games
and your crossword puzzles!
I had nice things to do
until you came
with your stories,
always talking,
so I can't have peace.
You never listen, only talk!
What do you know?
You've only known me two weeks.
What do I know?
Yeah!
What I know?
I know Elaine was my friend
before you came here
with your filthy mouth.
I know I could have
breakfast here,
and she'd be nice to me.
Now she won't be here anymore!
Oye, frank...
You may have a fancy job
and a spiffy jacket,
but you still are
only a dirty sailor.
A dirty sailor.
I'll see you later...
Twinkletoes!
Drive 'em in, and we win,
and you're the hero.
That's a good play, kiddo.
Come on, Henry!
Let's go!
Henry!
Come on, buddy.
No pressure, though, son.
No pressure.
Keep your eye on the ball
and listen to me.
That's it.
Remember, never lose
your composure.
Shut up and let your son bat!
What do you want, a piece of me?
No. Just leave
him alone.
It's none of your business!
What are you pushing for?
Don't push!
That was a push?
How's that for a push?
You're out of control!
I'm talking to my son!
You're out of control!
Leave me alone!
Yay!
Yay!
Ohh.
Yes!
Come on, get it!
Go on! Go on!
Cut him off!
Hurry!
Yeah!
Go on!
Safe!
Moist, humid air out of...
Who is it?
Francis.
You better not be drunk.
I'm not drunk.
I've been working.
A man don't drink on the job.
He drinks after the job.
You shouldn't be coming
around here so late, Joyce,
especially in that
good-looking suit.
I don't want people talking.
They all go to sleep
before the sun sets.
Nobody's looking.
Well, it is almost midnight.
I was sleeping myself.
Sleeping? How come
I heard the television
before you came to the door?
You got good ears
for an old man.
I just want to sit down
for a little while.
And he hit that ball so hard,
I thought the bat
was broke in half.
Would you drop a
little of that in here?
He stood 6 feet tall.
It was a great sight to see.
You know, frank...
Before you came around,
I'd forgotten how much
I really like Irish whiskey.
You know,
it was a great sight to see.
Did I ever tell you
of the time I met
Ernest Hemingway?
If you're going to tell
me that story again,
fill it up to the top.
1938, Puerto Rico.
I was the youngest sea captain
in the Caribbean.
I was 20 years old, you see.
Now, Hemingway, he was older,
but he was strong.
He was a fisherman.
He just liked to congregate
with other fishermen
and sailors,
you know, what-have-you.
One night
he was as tight as a drum.
He stands up, and he shouts out
how he could whip
any man in the room,
which was a stupid thing to say.
Now, why was that, frank?
Because I was there, lady.
Ah.
And I was a sight to see.
Why, I had arms
as wide and round
as these legs.
These legs were as big
as banyan trees.
Ah, I was rough,
tougher than hell.
I was as hard as a rock.
So,
I...
I walked up to him,
and I smiled...
And I said,
"whip me.
"Go on.
"Go on.
Try and whip me."
'Cause I was as hard as a rock.
Oh, it was...
It was a sight to see.
Poo.
You're a beautiful woman, Helen.
You're a beautiful,
beautiful woman.
You've had a lot
to drink, frank.
And you've got great tits.
All my wives
had great tits.
Wonderful.
Pick up your clothes now.
Hey, come here, Helen.
Just let me feel your
tits press against me.
Don't walk away from me, woman!
Don't walk away from me.
You're not going to
send me up to bed
like some kid.
I came down...
To spend the night with a woman.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm sorry, Helen.
I used to pick women up
in my arms.
I could carry them upstairs.
Now I'm carrying my clothes...
Like a clown.
Helen...
Let me sleep
on your couch.
I don't want to go back
to that room tonight.
I don't want to be
up there alone.
Not tonight.
O.k.
Come here.
Excuse me, ladies.
What do you call
that activity there?
We're dancing.
Dancing?
No. No,
I'm sorry, ladies,
but...
But that ain't...
That ain't dancing.
Two of you are 3 feet apart.
One of you is moving
around without the other.
You got to have
a partner to dance.
I don't know how.
Nothing to it.
You want to learn?
It's o.K.
O.k.
Then...
First of all,
you've got to put on
some beneficial music.
Ah, that's nice.
Give me your two hands.
Now put your left foot
up on my right foot,
your right foot up on my left.
And 1, 2, 3, follow me.
You know,
you should've been
at the game, Walt.
I am ashamed I kept you away.
It was a sight to see.
I'll tell you, big Henry,
well, big Henry hit a...
He went...
He's never going to
get a hit, I guess.
They could've won it this time,
but big Henry struck out
again, I'm afraid.
You know, Walter...
I've been married
and divorced four times.
I've got a lot of enemies,
but I'm kind of short
on friends.
Let's go, girls.
It's getting late.
I'm sorry I made fun
of your hat, frank.
Yeah, well...
It's a damn fine hat.
Yes, yes.
That was a sad day.
I never even say
goodbye to Elaine.
Well, you ought to say goodbye.
But it's sunday.
The bus doesn't work today.
I... i can't get there.
Walt...
I will get you there.
Why are we stopping, frank?
I need to sit, Walt.
But Elaine is there.
You go ahead.
Oh. Alone?
No. I will wait
with you.
Walt, if you don't
move your ass,
you're going to miss her.
You can pick me up
on the way back.
Now get moving.
Come on. Come on.
Oh...
O.k.
Now, Walt,
you'll do fine.
Just keep pedaling.
O.k. O.K.
Whoa!
I am in the front, frank.
I am in the front!
Ha ha ha!
Whoa!
Keep pedaling!
Keep pedaling!
♪ I love Paris
♪ in the springtime
♪ I love Paris
♪ in the fall
♪ I love Paris
♪ in the winter
♪ when it drizzles
♪ I love Paris
♪ in the summer
♪ when it sizzles
♪ I love Paris
♪ every moment
♪ every moment
♪ of the year
♪ I love Paris...
Hello!
Walter.
Hi.
I wanted to say goodbye.
That last day in the restaurant,
I didn't want to leave,
but frank, he made me mad.
Oh, well,
yeah, he has a way about him.
He's not a bad guy.
He's just used to being
alone all the time.
How'd you find my house?
I went to the snack shop,
and they told me where you live.
See?
You look different, Elaine.
Well, I'm not in
that awful uniform.
No, it wasn't so awful.
No.
Why don't you come inside?
Oh...
I have to go back.
Well, you just got here.
How did you get here?
Frank, he let me use his bike.
You came all this way on that?
Yes.
It wasn't hard.
I'm in good shape.
Well...
You better come in for a drink
just the same.
You have many, many clothes.
So, are you still
going to the big dance?
I hear they're not
so big anymore.
No?
Who'd you ask?
Nobody yet.
I'll be right back
with your water.
I wanted to ask you
to the summer dance,
but you're moving,
so I'm going to ask someone else,
and...
I'm a very good dancer.
You're making me very sorry to
move, Walter.
That's a long way
to ride a bike.
6 miles.
You must be beat.
I can ride more miles than that!
Can I get you
a glass of fat to go with this?
This will do just fine.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
No, you don't.
I'm sorry, Mickey.
Oh!
You're losing your touch, frank.
I barely felt that one.
Why don't you put that
crossword puzzle away?
I've never seen you fill
more than two boxes.
I do them when you are at work
at your fancy job.
Uh, I got sacked.
Too much time in the theater,
not enough in the lobby.
Oh.
You know, Walt,
that was the first job
I ever had
that was not on the water.
I was beginning to like it.
Here.
Thank you.
Mmm... mmm mmm mmm.
Well, tonight is a dance
at the oriole's lodge,
and there is a band
coming down from Jacksonville.
It has five members,
and there is, uh, dancing
and raffle
and free booze.
Would you like to come with me?
Are you asking me
on a date, Walt?
As a friend.
Will there be women there?
Yes. Old women.
I like all kinds.
Me, too.
Me, too.
♪ Some enchanted evening ♪
♪ you may see a stranger ♪
♪ nena, que me sucedió
♪ cuando por primera vez te vi ♪
♪ amor
good afternoon, Helen.
♪ Suela que me Alma sintió ♪
good afternoon, frank.
♪ Y esto sólo
♪ al hablarte
♪ te ofrecí
♪ ámame cualquier momento
♪ quiéreme siempre
♪ porque así quieren
las lágrimas a dios ♪
♪ yo me siento muy feliz
♪ Linda mujer
♪ y te quiero
con todo mi corazón ♪
♪ y yo cantaré
♪ y solita
tú serás la emperatriz ♪
♪ aunque no rinda
mientras viva ♪
♪ mientras viva toda
♪ toda mi pasión
Frank!
Frank, we're late!
It's after 7:00!
Frank!
Oye, frank!
We're late!
Frank, open up!
Someone's waiting.
Come on, frank.
We're going to be late, frank.
You should be dressed.
Wake up. Wake up.
Up.
Hey!
Frank, up.
Frank!
Well, he is drunk, probably.
Why should you be
drinking tonight, frank?
Hey.
Would you know who to call?
No, I...
Do you know if he had a doctor?
No, I don't know that.
Well, I have to
call someone to come.
The city will come.
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
He has a son.
Well, the son.
I'll have to call downstairs.
Would you wait?
I will wait. Yes.
Yes.
Oh, frank...
You should not
leave here like this.
No.
You should be dressed
like a gentleman.
A gentleman.
Goodbye, frank.
You shaved today.
Goodbye, frank.
♪ Sufro la inmensa pena
del cuento mío ♪
♪ siento El dolor profundo ♪
♪ de tu partida
♪ y lloro sin que sepa
que El llanto mío ♪
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
como mi vida ♪
♪ sufro la inmensa pena
del cuento mío ♪
♪ siento El dolor profundo
de tu partida ♪
♪ y lloro sin que sepa
El llanto mío ♪
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
como mi vida ♪
♪ tú me quieres dejar
♪ yo no quiero sufrir
♪ contigo me voy
♪ aunque me cueste morir
♪ tú me quieres dejar
♪ yo no quiero sufrir
♪ contigo me voy
♪ aunque me cueste
♪ morir
del cuento mío ♪
♪ siento El dolor profundo ♪
♪ de tu partida
♪ y lloro sin que sepa
que El llanto mío ♪
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
como mi vida ♪
♪ tú me quieres dejar
♪ yo no quiero sufrir
♪ contigo me voy
♪ aunque me cueste morir
What do you want, cooney?
I got this package for you...
Joyce, you better
put on some clothes,
or I'll call the cops.
Oh, I'll put something on
when you fix the goddamn
air conditioner.
You just going
to stand in front of me?
Say what you got to say.
It's goddamn hot in there,
and I ain't
going back for clothes.
Say, cooney,
it's kind of nice out.
I think I'll leave it out.
This is for you.
What is it?
How should I know?
It came to the office.
It's from my son!
Frank?
Yeah?
I've been easy on you
up till now.
That's 'cause you're
new, but not anymore.
Put on some clothes and
get your address straight,
cause I'm not u.P.S.
Hey, cooney!
Cooney, I was
expecting a letter!
All I got was that box.
It's for my birthday.
Let's hope
it's a pair of pajamas.
Good morning, Walt.
Good morning, Elaine.
I would like to have
six pieces of bacon
and four slices
of toast, please,
and a small juice.
I know, Walt,
and you know
what I'm going to say.
I know. Bacon's
not so good for me,
but I like to make
sandwiches with the bread.
It's good that way.
It might be good that way,
but it's not good for you.
But you want it anyway, right?
Yes.
All right.
There is a dance at
the oriole's lodge
on the 21st of July,
and there is a band, too,
coming down from Jacksonville.
It has five members, and...
Hmm...
I heard they have very
good dancers there and...
He's still here?
Um... yeah.
I know he is, Ryan.
I'm looking right at him.
That was a rhetorical question.
He's been here
since 9:00.
Has he bought anything?
Well, he asked for
following the equator.
I ordered it for him.
It'll be about three weeks.
Is he planning on waiting here?
I don't know.
That was another
rhetorical question.
Um, I did show him
the Hemingway section.
It's the damn air conditioning.
These old bastards have
nothing to do all day.
This isn't a library.
Get rid of him.
Well, what do you
want me to say?
I don't care.
Just make sure you get
the postage on that book.
He's already paid for it.
Good. Get him
out of here.
I'll take that.
Um, excuse me, sir?
Sir, excuse me.
The manager says you've
been here all day.
Yeah. I managed
to locate the Hemingway.
Oh...
Um...
Well, uh...
The manager says you've
been here too long.
I got into a wrestling match
with him once, you know.
You wrestled my manager?
You wrestled Ernest Hemingway?
I truly did.
Well, did you win?
Well, it was 1938...
Puerto Rico.
I was the youngest captain
on the Caribbean.
Ryan!
20 years old...
If you're not buying that book,
I'll have to ask you to leave.
What time is it?
It's almost 11:00.
You've been here two hours.
Oh, well, then,
I've got someplace to be.
Can you hold?
No, sir.
I don't think so.
We're receiving heavy mortar
fire on our right flank.
All right.
Jim, let's get
some mortar fire...
Heavy mortars.
Target aerial, 4807-item.
Mack!
What happened?
I'm going on over
to fox company.
There goes the bravest
man I ever seen.
Let's go, fellas!
You haven't mentioned
my new cap, Georgia.
I hadn't noticed, Francis.
Those speakers
sounded better yesterday.
Hmm. This old theater
is just like me.
We're both falling apart.
You look all right to me.
You know my boy,
he's taking me to Fort
Lauderdale for the weekend.
You know, to watch the
fireworks and what-have-you.
He sent me this hat
for my birthday.
Actually, it's not
till tomorrow.
Actually, July 3rd.
That's when he's coming
to get me.
The reason I like it, you see,
it's got this extra
deluxe feature.
Keeps the sun off your neck.
Georgia.
What's the big idea, Francis?
It's a real dog day today.
How about a double feature?
Two movies for the price of one.
It can't be bad.
You're going to get in trouble.
Who's going to catch me?
The runt?
Come on. It's hotter
than hell out there.
Besides, you haven't got a
hat to keep the sun away.
Well, it's a fine cap, frank,
but a gentleman
wouldn't wear it indoors.
I'm as gentle
as they come, lady.
22!
Yeah! Come on!
Come on, kid.
Come on.
Ball 4.
Take your base.
Hoo.
Here we go, Henry.
Remember what I told you.
Choke up.
Bat at 40 degrees at all times.
Here we go.
That's it.
Pick out a pitch.
Strike!
Ooh.
Henry, Henry, look at me.
Eye on the ball, concentration,
and follow through.
Now step in there.
Cock that bat back there.
That's it.
Eye on the ball.
Strike 2.
Go red, go.
Please. Please.
Don't swing at anything.
Don't let him intimidate you.
Pick a nice pitch
and relax in there.
Be mean up there.
That's it, baby.
Strike 3.
That's the ballgame!
Whoo!
Yeow!
Pizza!
Bring the twins.
What the hell are you doing?
It occurred to me...
That walking forward
strengthens the front
of the leg,
but it neglects the back.
So...
See these fellas
bent over at the waist?
Not me!
Straight as a soldier!
Your son called.
He called the office.
You got to get a phone, Joyce.
I'm not a secretary.
You ought to get
yourself a husband.
You wouldn't be so mean.
I had a husband.
That's how I got this way.
What'd he say?
He won't be coming tomorrow.
Something about his job.
That ain't the right message.
He said he was sorry.
He was supposed
to send me a letter.
I know nothing about
this calling business.
Just telling you
what he told me.
When he moved me
into this shithole,
he said... he told me...
He promised!
He promised that he would take
me south for the fireworks.
Don't insult my place.
Well, I guess...
I guess he's...
I guess he's busy.
His wife and...
He's got a damn important job.
You know, they...
They keep him working
through the holidays.
I mean, you understand.
Yeah.
I understand.
It was my birthday tomorrow.
Well...
I got myself a book,
a bottle of whiskey.
I think I'll take 'em
both to the park
and see which one
I can finish first.
Bet $5.00 on the bottle.
I wouldn't bet
against you, cooney.
That's a nice cap
you got there, friend.
Thank you, sir.
Of course you're putting the
back of your neck in danger
with a cap like that.
Now, the one I'm wearing
has this deluxe feature,
you see, so there's...
There's no risk.
You see?
There. See?
That's what protects the back
of your neck from the sun.
I'm talking about
the extra brim feature,
which I notice your cap
does not have.
What do you got there?
I have a bacon sandwich.
Oh.
I...
I don't... I don't suppose...
I don't suppose you could get
a hat like this around here.
My son and daughter-in-law
sent it to me
from Fort Lauderdale.
For my birthday.
You have a nice cap, sir,
but I am busy with my work.
How are you today?
Fine. How are you?
Oh, I've seen
better days, darling.
Most of 'em...
From the bow of a boat
just like that one.
Say...
Why aren't you in school today?
It's summertime.
Oh, well...
You got yourself the right idea,
hanging around the water.
Down here,
you get yourself a nice breeze.
I'm gonna be in second
grade in one month.
You take your time now...
Because these
summer days go slow.
But let me tell you, sweetheart,
the years fly by.
Yeah...
They fly by.
♪ I'm sweet Willy McGee
♪ settin' sail for the sea
♪ if you know any ladies
♪ who want to make babies
♪ send them on
♪ to sweet Willy
♪ McGee
Joyce.
What are you doing?
I was sleeping.
You fix my air
conditioner, lady?
You smell like booze.
You fix my goddamn air!
You're drunk.
Now go back to bed.
I can't breathe up there!
Stop yelling,
or I'll call the cops.
I'm melting in that room!
You'll be fine for the night.
I'll have it fixed tomorrow.
Don't walk away from me.
Don't shut
that fuckin' door on me!
I'm melting up there!
I'm dying in that room!
I'm sick.
I mean, I used...
I used to be 6'3".
I ain't even 6 feet!
I measured myself.
I ain't even 6 feet!
Uhh!
♪ I'm sweet Willy McGee
♪ settin' sail for the sea ♪
♪ happy as any
sane feller can be ♪
♪ a man fit for sailin'
♪ my cock's fit for whalin' ♪
♪ my balls, they weigh
70 pounds apiece ♪
♪ if you know any ladies
♪ who want to make babies
♪ send them on
♪ to sweet Willy
♪ McGee
I remember you, fella.
You were sittin' here yesterday.
And you were eatin'
one of those. Heh heh.
Yes. Yes.
You eat one of those every day?
No, no.
You were eatin' one
yesterday, right?
Yes.
And you're eatin' one
again today, right?
Yes.
And you're telling me
you don't eat one every day?
Yes. I don't eat one
every day.
I eat two every day.
One at 10:00
for my breakfast.
One at 2:30
for my lunch.
Your wife make 'em for you?
No, no, no, no.
Elaine makes them for me at
the Sweetwater snack shop.
It's across the park,
near the pet store.
Oh.
Well, I think I'll, uh...
I'll go buy myself
a birthday sandwich.
Say...
Do you sit around here
all afternoon?
I don't only sit.
I do my puzzles.
Oh...
Why don't you buy yourself
a fresh sandwich?
That one's been in your pocket.
No, no, no, no.
My pockets are clean.
No offense, my friend.
I just thought...
Well, I just thought you might
like to get out of the heat,
buy yourself a new sandwich,
seeing that you're
just sitting around.
I don't want a new sandwich.
Oh... whoo!
You know, god damn it!
A man can melt
on a day like this.
So... i think I'll find
myself a cool spot
and sit myself down.
Oye.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Do you think they
would mind if, uh...
I eat this one there?
You bought it there, didn't you?
Yes, of course, i...
Well, hell, no,
they wouldn't mind.
Now, if you bought it
somewheres else,
then maybe they would mind,
but not if you bought it there.
Let's go.
Are you from
Puerto Rico, friend?
No, no. No.
I am from Cuba.
I was in Puerto Rico once.
Had a mix-up with
Ernest Hemingway.
Ever hear of Ernest Hemingway?
Yes, but I am not
from Puerto Rico.
I, uh...
Well, I was, uh...
1938. I was the youngest sea
captain in the Caribbean.
Come help me.
Where are you?
Oh, where are those hash browns?
Whoops. Hold on.
Who are these people?
Hey, where you going, pal?
I'm going to my regular seat.
But this side here's got the
air conditioning, you see.
I'm sure that side's nice,
but this side's where
I get my sandwiches.
A bacon sandwich
you can get anywheres.
It's a special order.
Only Elaine can get them.
She works on this side.
Bernice works on that side.
Jesus, could have eaten already.
Hurry, Harry.
Heh heh heh.
Too late.
Sorry.
I hope Elaine doesn't
see me sitting here.
I don't want
to hurt her feelings.
It's my birthday, you know.
I'm 75 years old today.
He would have been 75, too.
Who?
Old Johnny one-eye...
The bald-headed champ.
He was a friend of yours?
Oh, ho ho.
My very best.
He was a boxer, this Johnny?
Well, he's down
for the count now.
I like boxing,
but I like baseball better.
Oh, there's a team.
I call them the little red guys.
You... you... you don't have
that problem, pal?
Which problem?
With your cucumber.
I don't eat cucumbers.
I, uh, always eat
these bacon sandwiches.
Elaine says they're
no good for me, but...
You answer questions
that nobody asks.
You're a lot like a woman.
What can I get you gentlemen?
Can I ask you
a question, darlin'?
Would there be anything unusual
about me ordering a bacon sandwich?
Yeah. It's not
on the menu.
Look, I can bring you
the bacon and the bread,
but you'll have to build
the sandwich yourself.
That'll be all right.
Thank you, darlin'.
My name's bernice.
See?
You can order them anywheres.
She didn't say not to eat it.
Why would she say that?
Elaine always says
not to eat them.
She says they're no good for me.
Bernice didn't say anything.
Walter's here.
He was here this morning.
Well, he's back.
What's he doing on that side?
I have no idea.
He's with a real loudmouth.
Yeah, I captained boats,
charters, merchants.
I've been to
Puerto Rico many times.
But I'm not from Puerto Rico.
There's an empty table
on the other side.
I started sailing when I was 14.
I'll move.
I don't want
to hurt her feelings.
Twice in one day?
What's the occasion?
Ooh.
Hi.
It's my birthday.
And who are you?
Francis Joyce.
How old are you?
I'm 70 years old...
Today.
Then you're old enough to know
you shouldn't wear a hat inside.
This is no ordinary goddamn hat.
That's true.
And you.
You're breaking my heart
sitting in bernice's section
when there's a table
open in mine.
Miss?
Hey, you.
You should not swear to her.
Hmm?
I didn't say a goddamn thing.
You said goddamn,
and you told me you were 75.
I am, for Christ's sakes.
You told Elaine you were 70.
When I saw her,
I felt like I was 70 again.
Oh.
Oh...
She's got a great backyard.
I don't know. I...
I've never been to her house.
I'm talking about her ass.
Excuse me.
Where you going?
There are seats open
in Elaine's section.
I don't want
to hurt her feelings.
Excuse me.
This seat is occupied.
You're damn right it is,
and my tired ass is not moving.
My friend sits there.
Is this an imaginary friend?
No. She's real.
She's just late.
She can stand, then.
Besides, if you're
a decent gentleman,
you'll give her your seat.
Hey.
Hi, Walter.
Oh, no, no, no.
You sit.
I can stand.
Sit. You stand up
all day at work.
I sit all day.
You should live in Sweetwater,
then you won't have to take
the bus to work every day.
Then I wouldn't see you
every afternoon.
So who's your friend?
Friend? Oh, no, no.
I o-only met him in the park.
I think he had
slept there all night.
I've never seen you in there
with anybody else before.
That's too much eating alone.
That's almost as bad for
you as those sandwiches.
He wanted to know
a good place to eat,
so I told him
the Sweetwater snack shop
has the best food.
You've only had one thing
there, Walter.
It's not even on the menu.
I told him anyway for good
business for you, see?
O.k. Thank you.
Oh, he's 75.
He told you he was 70.
He's 75. He knows you
for only one minute,
and already he's saying
one lie and one curse.
And... he's...
Some guys swear all the time.
There was a man
at the oriole's lodge.
He swore so much.
For two weeks,
I didn't know he was speaking English.
I never heard
those words before.
Never.
Have you ever been
to the oriole's lodge?
I didn't think they
allowed women there.
No, no. Women can come
on certain nights.
Really?
Yeah, for dances.
Yes, yes, yes.
They have them once a year,
those dances, for summer.
They're very nice I heard.
Yes, and they have
a dinner, decorations,
and, uh...
Blue napkins, and, uh...
Sometimes a band comes
down from Jacksonville.
Yeah. It's o.K. Yes, yes.
It sounds nice.
Yeah. Oh, yes.
Thanks, Earl.
Have a good evening, Elaine.
Bye, Earl.
Watch your step, folks.
O.k., end of
the line, Walt.
We'll see you tomorrow, Walt?
See you tomorrow, Earl.
All righty.
You smell so good.
I washed my hair for you.
I knew we'd be together, so I...
Ahh, I love you, Johnny.
I love you.
I love you so much,
I ache inside.
I feel the same way,
too, Johnny.
Feel my heart pounding.
Mine's the same.
What do you think
you're doing, mister?
I'm sitting here next to you...
Watching the movie.
You ask when you want
to sit next to a lady.
Well, can I sit here?
Yes, you may.
Just what do you think
you're doing now?
You said I could sit here.
I said you could sit here.
I didn't say you could
sit here today.
You have to make plans
for something like that.
You can sit
next to me Saturday...
For the early show.
Sit somewhere else now.
First you can sit.
Now you can't sit.
Come in. Now you
can't come in.
Touch me.
You can't touch me.
It could drive you crazy.
I thought your son
was taking you to Fort
Lauderdale for the weekend.
Oh, now you want to talk to me.
This would be a lot easier
if I was sitting up there.
There's the idea.
Got to be a lot better
than staring at the back
of your head.
We'll discuss that on Saturday.
Hi.
Afternoon, ma'am.
Why the hell are you here?
I'm freezing my ass off.
Heh heh heh heh.
Heh heh heh heh.
Ooh!
Brrr!
Brrr!
Ooh!
I've got something...
In here for you,
a testament to
last night's sobriety.
You were really sober
last night.
I was sober enough
to know I was drunk.
I got you some guinness, cooney.
Good old Irish stuff.
You know, two old Irish dogs
should not be barking
at each other.
That's nice, Joyce,
only I ain't Irish.
What the hell
kind of a name is cooney
if it ain't Irish?
That husband I had,
he was Irish.
He left.
I got stuck with the name.
It's a good name.
How long were you
married to the guy?
14 years.
Oh, well, you did your time.
You're Irish enough.
Here.
No, thanks, frank.
14 years with him,
I got no taste
for anything Irish.
Oh...
Irish...
Wool?
No.
♪ Irish eyes
no.
Irish...
Whiskey?
Mmm.
One more year, he'd
have killed that, too,
but he left just in time.
Ha ha!
Well, it's a sorry sea captain
who's got no Irish whiskey.
Heh heh heh.
I'll get it, and we'll
christen the new air machine.
I stayed with him long enough
to raise suspicions
that you confirm, Joyce.
And what would those be?
That the Irish are
foul-mouthed, lazy bastards
who parade around naked.
Ha ha ha!
We'll call her
the s.S. Cooney.
Oh, that's quite an honor.
I'm not naming her after you.
I'm naming her after that
suffering bastard Mr. Cooney
and the 14 years of hell
you put him through.
Ahh.
It's closed.
I can see that.
This is bad news.
I thought you was in the
park this time of day.
They must have
closed early today.
Well, this is no ordinary day.
This is the fourth of July.
I know what today is.
I know.
What am I supposed
to do for lunch?
Well...
Heh heh heh.
She will be at the fireworks.
Who?
Elaine.
Oh. Heh heh.
You get the fireworks here?
No, we don't get
the fireworks here,
only in Carter bay,
where Elaine lives.
She will be there, probably.
Ah.
I'd like to have seen
the fireworks show.
Mmm. Me, too, but
they are miles away,
even 6, possibly,
and there is no bus today.
That's too much to walk.
Ha ha.
I think I might drive.
You drive?
Heh heh heh.
Sure.
Hmm.
I wish the bus was working.
I would take it
to the fireworks.
Ho... ha.
Ahh.
You're hungry, huh?
Yes, I am.
But all the restaurants
are closed.
There is nothing to eat
from here to Carter bay today...
I bet.
Only this sandwich.
♪ Buenamente te ha fijado ♪
♪ como camina la gente
♪ cuando sales del mercado ♪
♪ la mujer de antoñio camina ♪
♪ cuando vine de la Plaza ♪
♪ camínase
♪ cuando traigas agua
♪ camínase
♪ la mujer de antoñio
♪ camínase
♪ por la madrugada...
You say we were driving, frank.
This is not driving.
This is riding.
Back there you're riding.
Up front, I'm driving.
I've got the steering
to worry about.
It would be easier
if you'd pedal.
They're moving too fast.
I'm 80 years old.
If you don't start pedaling,
I'll die before we get there!
You said you were 75.
I was exaggerating
to make a point!
Now, look...
Pedal.
Pedal!
Frank.
What?
Uh...
What?
Do you think we could
find a rest room?
The next one we see.
Just pedal for a while,
will you?
Pedal!
I don't think they have
rest rooms out here.
I don't think they have
rest rooms out here, frank.
I'll find you a bathroom
after we finish the sandwich.
Oh.
I was a barber.
I cut my own hair.
Yes. I can tell.
Say, you look like you
got some Italian in you.
No. I'm not Italian.
A good haircut makes
a man look respectable.
My first wife was Italian.
I'm not Italian.
I was good.
I could make you look like a...
Gentleman.
We met at St. Kitts.
I was 20 years old.
Her name...
Was Isabel.
Boy...
She loved to screw.
Not just with me.
That was part of our problem.
I...
I don't think
about her that much.
But she was Italian.
Of course...
She's probably dead by now.
God rest her soul.
Amen.
She could use the rest.
Frank?
Yeah?
Uh, we just rest
for a minute and...
Maybe find a rest room.
Hunh.
Mmm.
I want to get
to the fireworks on time.
You ain't tired?
I ain't tired.
Frank?
Frank!
We are missing the fireworks!
Ha ha ha!
Oh, how perfectly!
Ha ha ha ha!
I still need to
find the rest room.
Ha ha ha!
We are missing the fireworks.
We are missing them.
We are missing
the fireworks, frank.
I was 17 the first time
I got laid.
Heh heh heh.
It was on a barge
sailing to freeport.
She had to be 40 years old.
Oh.
40.
I spoke just three words to her.
I told her that...
I told her that I loved her.
We should leave now, frank!
I did love her...
For about seven seconds.
I remember.
Walt...
Walt, sit down with me.
No. You trick me
to come here,
say you had a car,
then make me drive a bike.
Have a drink with me, Walt.
You say you find me a rest room.
Now I'm standing on a rock
far away from other people,
and I still have to pee, frank!
Wait.
O.k., Walt.
I promised I'd find you...
A bathroom.
I promised I'd take you
to the fireworks.
Come here.
Come here.
What do you see out there?
I see some fireworks.
Now, Walt...
Reach in,
take out your pecker,
and feed the fish.
Feed the fish?
Piss in the ocean.
You have to pee, too?
I'm 75 years old.
I always have to pee.
Heh heh heh.
O.k.
Oh!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Heh heh.
Walt?
Can you remember...
When this didn't take so long?
Sometimes I think I'll fall
asleep standing like this,
I wait so long.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ooh.
Oh.
Feeding the fish.
Ahh.
Ahh, feeding the fish.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Ahh.
Siéntate conmigo.
You can speak Spanish, yeah?
Yeah.
Um...
Tú eres...
Una mujer muy...
Hermosa.
Heh heh heh.
What else can you say?
Ah, a few phrases.
Help me get through
some lonely nights.
Yo quiero desayunar
desnudo contigo.
Ha ha ha!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Ha ha ha!
You speak very well.
I had a lot of practice.
Frank, that woman
you were talking about?
You slept with her
only after three words?
Well... well, actually,
the words sort of
came in the middle.
The $4.00 came before.
I'll tell you all about it,
but first...
Toma un trago...
Conmigo.
Toma un trago...
Conmigo.
Muchas gracias.
You're welcome.
Now, now, I'll tell you.
First time I saw her...
Ha ha ha!
Her tits were smiling
at me across the room.
Boom!
Boom!
And she looked at me...
And I said, "oh..."
Let's go!
Let's go!
Come on, Mickey!
O.k., now, be aggressive
out there, right, kiddo?
Remember the three as...
Aggressiveness,
attitude, ability.
Go, Sweetwater!
Yay!
Hey, batter, batter,
batter, batter.
Hey, batter, batter,
batter, batter.
Here we go.
♪ He can't hit it
anyway! ♪
That's big Henry.
He doesn't get so many hits.
Here we go!
Lock down!
Here we go! Concentrate!
Time out!
Ooh!
Be tough out there!
You all right, son?
Advance to first base.
O.k., take
your base now.
Today is the day that we win.
Look at that crazy hair.
What you need is a good haircut.
Yeah.
It's goddamn hot here.
We ought to be out on the ocean.
Today's the kind of day
you want your worm in the water.
I like to go fishing.
Oh, no. Big Henry's
too far off base.
That's o.K.
Go on. Go ahead.
Don't worry about him.
Go back. Go back.
That's it.
Now, watch. Watch.
Back, back, back, back!
Go back!
You're out!
That's the game!
Oh.
I don't believe it.
They'll get over it.
Yee-ha!
All right! Yeah!
I thought today would be
the day for certain.
Well...
One of these days.
Heh heh.
One of these days.
You like these games, Walt.
I like baseball. Yes.
I saw the New York Yankees play
in the world series, 1958.
I came from Cuba to watch.
Yogi berra, Mickey mantle,
whitey Ford is on one team.
They are famous, even in Cuba.
I want to see them play.
They're the greatest team ever...
Yankees, 1958...
The best team.
The best.
You came before the changes?
Yeah, before.
You never went back, huh?
While I was here,
everything there
changed so fast.
I didn't know my home anymore,
so I stayed here
and wait for things
to be the same there
again, but...
Who is she, frank?
Huh?
Who?
Oh, that depends on who you ask.
My second wife
thought it was her.
My third wife thought the same.
My fourth, a redhead,
thought it was my mother.
Well, the truth is
I don't know who she was
or where she came from.
Woke up one morning,
there she was,
sort of like my first wife.
Ha ha ha!
How did you get
so many wives? How?
Aftershave?
Ha ha ha!
Hey, Walt, what time is it?
Ha ha. It is 12:00
and 40 minutes.
Oh, I'm late for a date.
I've got a...
♪ a lady friend to meet ♪
oh, well,
I have a lady friend to meet, too.
What's that smell?
That's my aftershave.
Mmm.
Do you have a date
tonight, Walter?
No, no date.
Lord.
What is that stink?
Is that you?
I'm surprised they let you on
the bus smelling like that.
I'm surprised you fit
through the doors.
Ha ha ha.
Georgia!
Georgia!
Georgia!
Aw, come on, Georgia!
Don't give me the high hat!
You live like in prison, frank.
You have no record
player or television
or even a telephone.
Just, um,
your regular trim, huh?
I don't want to look like no...
Pretty boy.
I know what I'm doing.
Stop moving so much,
or I make a mistake...
Cut off your ear.
That's what I told
little children,
and you're like them,
always moving.
I'm used to doing this myself.
Well, you don't do
such a good job.
I was a barber 50 years,
and I never heard of a man
who cuts his own hair.
Now you have a good haircut...
For at least once in your life.
Do I look, uh, respectable?
Mmm.
Maybe for you,
a haircut is not enough.
You don't even have one picture,
not one.
Even men in prison,
they have pictures.
Well, when I was in the service,
we had a saying.
All a sailor needs
is a straight back,
strong legs, and a stiff pecker,
and every port's his home.
I don't know what that means.
Uh, it means a man
can wash up anywheres,
and he can take care of hisself.
Now, stay still, frank.
I won't hurt you.
Shh shh shh.
Easy.
Yeah, yeah.
You spend a lot of time at sea?
Yeah.
When things got hot here,
you know, with...
My wife and the boy,
that's where I'd go.
Was it hard to be away
from your family?
Yeah, it was hard.
Um, not because...
Not because I was away,
but because sometimes,
I tell you...
I didn't want to go back.
I wanted to be alone,
and I got my wish.
But, god damn it...
My back is still straight,
my legs are still strong.
Mmm.
Mmm.
How do I look?
It's so beautiful, frank.
I wasn't married like you were.
No?
I think if I had stayed,
I would be married.
But, uh...
Here, I have to start again.
I... i had to learn English, uh...
I had to...
To make my barbershop.
Uh, before I knew it,
I was, uh...
I was an old man,
and... Ha!
You are naked, frank.
Waah!
Oh! Ho ho ho!
What are you waiting for?
Come on in.
You're swimming naked.
Sure.
You never went skinny
dipping when you were a kid?
Yes, but I wore a bathing suit.
You said we were going fishing.
I hate fishing.
I said we were going to
dip our worms in the water.
Yo ho ho ho!
Come on!
Maybe I can go in my pants.
Hey, Walt, you know
what's in this water?
Eh?
Me, a bunch of fish.
None of us are wearing pants.
Come on!
Ohh.
Ohh.
He smacked me on the ass.
Get out of here.
He did. I should
have known better
than to turn my back on him.
Are you nuts?
Make way! Make way!
Here's the knucklehead now.
Look at them, heckle and jeckle.
I haven't seen them
apart in a week.
I bet they sleep together.
Oh, leave them alone.
I miss them more
than I miss you.
Why can I not drive ever?
You cannot drive ever
because up front you
got to pedal and steer.
You've just learned
how to do the first part.
Is today the day
you two surprise me
and order something intelligent?
I thought about what you said.
I really did,
but I can't resist
those damn things,
so bring us our
special ingredients.
You should not swear so much
when you speak to her.
She's a nice girl.
You need a goddamn hearing aid.
I didn't say a damn thing.
You did.
You said one damn
and one goddamn.
Hmm?
If he touches my ass again,
I'll stick a fork in him.
Better get used to it.
I'll serve frank all
the bacon he can eat.
Maybe he'll drop dead.
I thought that red
would win yesterday.
They were so close.
They were doing just fine
till big Henry dropped the ball.
They will win one of these days.
Say, they don't play
tomorrow, do they?
No. It's Friday.
Good. Meet me
at the movies tomorrow.
The noon show.
Come on. I got
a surprise for you.
Ohh,
I don't want to see two movies
for the price of one anymore.
It ain't that.
It's a surprise.
I never enjoy the first one.
I'm too nervous about going
to the second one for free.
Just meet me at noon.
Don't wait outside.
Buy your ticket.
I'll meet you in the lobby.
Elaine!
Hey!
What about the goddamn bacon?
You want a ticket
for the noon show
and another for the 2:00?
Is that against the rules?
I guess not.
Here you go.
Your ticket, sir?
♪ For I'll be there
♪ puttin' down my top hat ♪
♪ mussin' up my white tie ♪
♪ dancing in my tails
how about this suit?
It's beautiful.
When did you get this job?
I applied for it last week
after the haircut.
Hey, Walt.
I need your ticket.
Oh. Sorry.
Got to do my job.
Can't get caught slacking
off the first day.
You see that redhead up front?
She thinks
I'm something special.
I'm going to pay her a visit.
Now, before you
get excited, lady,
I'm not just some jerk
sitting down beside you.
I'm doing my job.
This is one of my
responsibilities.
I've got to try out each seat.
You look real pretty
today, Georgia.
What do you think of the suit?
It's nice.
Nice?
Come on.
Take another look.
You look very handsome.
I had a shave, you know.
It's real smooth.
You want to feel my face?
I believe...
We're all alone.
Uh...
It's, uh, romantic, I think.
You just get back
onto your side.
It's like they're playing
the movie just for us.
You're a beautiful
woman, Georgia.
Listen, mister!
You're a beautiful,
beautiful woman.
That's enough!
Oh, come on, Georgia.
Georgia, Georgia.
Oh!
You're acting like a
fool, Francis!
Where's your pal?
He's working.
That lout found a job?
Yes...
'Cause I cut his hair.
Ha ha ha.
You should see him.
He has some fancy suit.
Could I get you
something to eat, Walt?
This is not Elaine's side?
Yeah, well, Elaine's not here.
Oh, she is sick?
Yeah, well, I'd say so.
She's marrying a marine.
She's getting married?
Yep.
No.
Yeah, contrary to my advice.
She's moving to pensacola,
also contrary to my advice.
Hmm.
She's working Wednesday lunch,
as a favor,
if you'd like to say goodbye.
What would you
like to eat, Walt?
Uh, I'm not so hungry.
You're not hungry?
No.
So you came into a restaurant?
Maybe you'd like a drink?
Uh...
A small juice, maybe.
♪ Tú me quieres dejar
♪ yo no quiero sufrir
♪ contigo me voy
♪ aunque me cueste morir ♪
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Walt.
Walt!
Come on in.
Good morning, frank.
What time is it?
It's 11:00.
That late, huh?
Yes.
Well, I didn't get
much sleep last night.
Remember that woman
in the movies yesterday,
the, uh, feisty one?
Yeah.
Well, she, uh,
she stopped by here
late last night
with a bottle of wine.
To apologize, she said.
So I was up most of the
night accepting her apology,
so to speak.
You just missed her.
Frank, I came to ask
if you're going
to your work today.
Yeah, 4:00.
I thought maybe I could
use your bicycle today
if you don't need it.
Oh, I don't know.
It's no easy job.
Up front, you got to steer.
What do you need it for?
How come you haven't
shaved today, hmm?
Oh, it's a pain
in the ass, Walt.
What about the bike?
I want to go buy something.
What?
Uh...
A gift for Elaine.
She's leaving.
A goodbye gift?
Yeah.
Well, I'll give you a ride.
We'll chip in and buy
her something nice.
Oh, I don't know.
Uh...
Maybe you could
give me the ride,
and I could buy her
something myself.
You've never even said
hello to a woman.
How would you know
how to say goodbye?
Saying goodbye to women
takes a touch.
I've been married
and divorced four times.
I'm an expert on the subject.
We'll go to the pier market.
I thought I would go
to 12th street
to... to the gift shop.
Oh, she surely was
something last night, Walt!
I didn't sleep a wink!
You would think
that on my last day,
you guys would order
something different
just to make me happy,
but no.
You smell nice.
I smell like bacon.
Psst.
We brought you
a going-away present.
A bottle of vodka?
What's wrong?
You don't like vodka?
No, it's very sweet,
but I don't drink.
You got to drink something.
Well, not this...
But I know plenty
of people who do, so...
One of them's sitting
right next to you.
You guys are sweethearts.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you, Walter.
It's yours.
Well, how the hell did I know?
I thought everybody drank.
You said you knew
what she'd like,
and you said goddamn again.
You shouldn't speak
that way to her.
Even a sailor
can watch his mouth.
I wasn't a sailor.
I was a captain!
A captain can say
whatever they goddamn...
Leave your ugly words
for the water.
Women shouldn't hear
such things.
Don't tell me about women.
I've had four wives.
I think maybe that means
you don't know women at all.
I got news for you, pal.
Women like me.
No, women slap you in the face
because you only know
how to be rude!
I suppose you learned
a lot about women
dancing around your
apartment by yourself!
Huh?
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
♪ La-la-la-la-la
♪ la-la-la-la-la-la
I saw you the other night
spinning around
your living room!
You just leave Elaine alone.
She's my friend.
You don't have a right
to buy her awful gifts
and say they're from me.
I wouldn't buy her
something so awful.
Now she thinks I'm awful, too.
Were you thinking about Elaine
when you were dancing
around in that suit?
I am only practicing.
Practicing?
Practicing?
I bet you've been dancing
around up there for 30 years...
Alone!
That ain't practicing!
That's fantasizing!
You're the one who fantasizes.
Number 1... you lie...
That that woman slept
with you last night.
You pretend to be
king with the women,
wearing that stupid hat!
It is a stupid hat,
only a stupid $7.00 hat!
Women think you are a clown!
Don't you touch that hat.
Don't touch that hat.
You don't touch that hat.
Come on, Walt.
Come on.
Come on,
come on, Walt.
You don't touch that hat again.
That's a gift from my son,
and it's a damn fine hat!
No, it's not.
It's a terrible gift,
like the one you bought Elaine.
It is thoughtless,
and only a terrible son
would buy that gift
for his father.
I don't have to take any more
of that shit from you!
You're... you're
worse than a woman!
You're a man without balls,
a man without balls!
And don't tell me I
got a terrible son!
Because I do,
god damn it,
I do.
But I don't need you
to tell me that!
That's life, Walt!
That's what life does to you...
But you wouldn't know that
because you've never lived one!
You've got no balls!
You just got your... your dancing
and your goddamn baseball games
and your crossword puzzles!
I had nice things to do
until you came
with your stories,
always talking,
so I can't have peace.
You never listen, only talk!
What do you know?
You've only known me two weeks.
What do I know?
Yeah!
What I know?
I know Elaine was my friend
before you came here
with your filthy mouth.
I know I could have
breakfast here,
and she'd be nice to me.
Now she won't be here anymore!
Oye, frank...
You may have a fancy job
and a spiffy jacket,
but you still are
only a dirty sailor.
A dirty sailor.
I'll see you later...
Twinkletoes!
Drive 'em in, and we win,
and you're the hero.
That's a good play, kiddo.
Come on, Henry!
Let's go!
Henry!
Come on, buddy.
No pressure, though, son.
No pressure.
Keep your eye on the ball
and listen to me.
That's it.
Remember, never lose
your composure.
Shut up and let your son bat!
What do you want, a piece of me?
No. Just leave
him alone.
It's none of your business!
What are you pushing for?
Don't push!
That was a push?
How's that for a push?
You're out of control!
I'm talking to my son!
You're out of control!
Leave me alone!
Yay!
Yay!
Ohh.
Yes!
Come on, get it!
Go on! Go on!
Cut him off!
Hurry!
Yeah!
Go on!
Safe!
Moist, humid air out of...
Who is it?
Francis.
You better not be drunk.
I'm not drunk.
I've been working.
A man don't drink on the job.
He drinks after the job.
You shouldn't be coming
around here so late, Joyce,
especially in that
good-looking suit.
I don't want people talking.
They all go to sleep
before the sun sets.
Nobody's looking.
Well, it is almost midnight.
I was sleeping myself.
Sleeping? How come
I heard the television
before you came to the door?
You got good ears
for an old man.
I just want to sit down
for a little while.
And he hit that ball so hard,
I thought the bat
was broke in half.
Would you drop a
little of that in here?
He stood 6 feet tall.
It was a great sight to see.
You know, frank...
Before you came around,
I'd forgotten how much
I really like Irish whiskey.
You know,
it was a great sight to see.
Did I ever tell you
of the time I met
Ernest Hemingway?
If you're going to tell
me that story again,
fill it up to the top.
1938, Puerto Rico.
I was the youngest sea captain
in the Caribbean.
I was 20 years old, you see.
Now, Hemingway, he was older,
but he was strong.
He was a fisherman.
He just liked to congregate
with other fishermen
and sailors,
you know, what-have-you.
One night
he was as tight as a drum.
He stands up, and he shouts out
how he could whip
any man in the room,
which was a stupid thing to say.
Now, why was that, frank?
Because I was there, lady.
Ah.
And I was a sight to see.
Why, I had arms
as wide and round
as these legs.
These legs were as big
as banyan trees.
Ah, I was rough,
tougher than hell.
I was as hard as a rock.
So,
I...
I walked up to him,
and I smiled...
And I said,
"whip me.
"Go on.
"Go on.
Try and whip me."
'Cause I was as hard as a rock.
Oh, it was...
It was a sight to see.
Poo.
You're a beautiful woman, Helen.
You're a beautiful,
beautiful woman.
You've had a lot
to drink, frank.
And you've got great tits.
All my wives
had great tits.
Wonderful.
Pick up your clothes now.
Hey, come here, Helen.
Just let me feel your
tits press against me.
Don't walk away from me, woman!
Don't walk away from me.
You're not going to
send me up to bed
like some kid.
I came down...
To spend the night with a woman.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm sorry, Helen.
I used to pick women up
in my arms.
I could carry them upstairs.
Now I'm carrying my clothes...
Like a clown.
Helen...
Let me sleep
on your couch.
I don't want to go back
to that room tonight.
I don't want to be
up there alone.
Not tonight.
O.k.
Come here.
Excuse me, ladies.
What do you call
that activity there?
We're dancing.
Dancing?
No. No,
I'm sorry, ladies,
but...
But that ain't...
That ain't dancing.
Two of you are 3 feet apart.
One of you is moving
around without the other.
You got to have
a partner to dance.
I don't know how.
Nothing to it.
You want to learn?
It's o.K.
O.k.
Then...
First of all,
you've got to put on
some beneficial music.
Ah, that's nice.
Give me your two hands.
Now put your left foot
up on my right foot,
your right foot up on my left.
And 1, 2, 3, follow me.
You know,
you should've been
at the game, Walt.
I am ashamed I kept you away.
It was a sight to see.
I'll tell you, big Henry,
well, big Henry hit a...
He went...
He's never going to
get a hit, I guess.
They could've won it this time,
but big Henry struck out
again, I'm afraid.
You know, Walter...
I've been married
and divorced four times.
I've got a lot of enemies,
but I'm kind of short
on friends.
Let's go, girls.
It's getting late.
I'm sorry I made fun
of your hat, frank.
Yeah, well...
It's a damn fine hat.
Yes, yes.
That was a sad day.
I never even say
goodbye to Elaine.
Well, you ought to say goodbye.
But it's sunday.
The bus doesn't work today.
I... i can't get there.
Walt...
I will get you there.
Why are we stopping, frank?
I need to sit, Walt.
But Elaine is there.
You go ahead.
Oh. Alone?
No. I will wait
with you.
Walt, if you don't
move your ass,
you're going to miss her.
You can pick me up
on the way back.
Now get moving.
Come on. Come on.
Oh...
O.k.
Now, Walt,
you'll do fine.
Just keep pedaling.
O.k. O.K.
Whoa!
I am in the front, frank.
I am in the front!
Ha ha ha!
Whoa!
Keep pedaling!
Keep pedaling!
♪ I love Paris
♪ in the springtime
♪ I love Paris
♪ in the fall
♪ I love Paris
♪ in the winter
♪ when it drizzles
♪ I love Paris
♪ in the summer
♪ when it sizzles
♪ I love Paris
♪ every moment
♪ every moment
♪ of the year
♪ I love Paris...
Hello!
Walter.
Hi.
I wanted to say goodbye.
That last day in the restaurant,
I didn't want to leave,
but frank, he made me mad.
Oh, well,
yeah, he has a way about him.
He's not a bad guy.
He's just used to being
alone all the time.
How'd you find my house?
I went to the snack shop,
and they told me where you live.
See?
You look different, Elaine.
Well, I'm not in
that awful uniform.
No, it wasn't so awful.
No.
Why don't you come inside?
Oh...
I have to go back.
Well, you just got here.
How did you get here?
Frank, he let me use his bike.
You came all this way on that?
Yes.
It wasn't hard.
I'm in good shape.
Well...
You better come in for a drink
just the same.
You have many, many clothes.
So, are you still
going to the big dance?
I hear they're not
so big anymore.
No?
Who'd you ask?
Nobody yet.
I'll be right back
with your water.
I wanted to ask you
to the summer dance,
but you're moving,
so I'm going to ask someone else,
and...
I'm a very good dancer.
You're making me very sorry to
move, Walter.
That's a long way
to ride a bike.
6 miles.
You must be beat.
I can ride more miles than that!
Can I get you
a glass of fat to go with this?
This will do just fine.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
No, you don't.
I'm sorry, Mickey.
Oh!
You're losing your touch, frank.
I barely felt that one.
Why don't you put that
crossword puzzle away?
I've never seen you fill
more than two boxes.
I do them when you are at work
at your fancy job.
Uh, I got sacked.
Too much time in the theater,
not enough in the lobby.
Oh.
You know, Walt,
that was the first job
I ever had
that was not on the water.
I was beginning to like it.
Here.
Thank you.
Mmm... mmm mmm mmm.
Well, tonight is a dance
at the oriole's lodge,
and there is a band
coming down from Jacksonville.
It has five members,
and there is, uh, dancing
and raffle
and free booze.
Would you like to come with me?
Are you asking me
on a date, Walt?
As a friend.
Will there be women there?
Yes. Old women.
I like all kinds.
Me, too.
Me, too.
♪ Some enchanted evening ♪
♪ you may see a stranger ♪
♪ nena, que me sucedió
♪ cuando por primera vez te vi ♪
♪ amor
good afternoon, Helen.
♪ Suela que me Alma sintió ♪
good afternoon, frank.
♪ Y esto sólo
♪ al hablarte
♪ te ofrecí
♪ ámame cualquier momento
♪ quiéreme siempre
♪ porque así quieren
las lágrimas a dios ♪
♪ yo me siento muy feliz
♪ Linda mujer
♪ y te quiero
con todo mi corazón ♪
♪ y yo cantaré
♪ y solita
tú serás la emperatriz ♪
♪ aunque no rinda
mientras viva ♪
♪ mientras viva toda
♪ toda mi pasión
Frank!
Frank, we're late!
It's after 7:00!
Frank!
Oye, frank!
We're late!
Frank, open up!
Someone's waiting.
Come on, frank.
We're going to be late, frank.
You should be dressed.
Wake up. Wake up.
Up.
Hey!
Frank, up.
Frank!
Well, he is drunk, probably.
Why should you be
drinking tonight, frank?
Hey.
Would you know who to call?
No, I...
Do you know if he had a doctor?
No, I don't know that.
Well, I have to
call someone to come.
The city will come.
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no.
He has a son.
Well, the son.
I'll have to call downstairs.
Would you wait?
I will wait. Yes.
Yes.
Oh, frank...
You should not
leave here like this.
No.
You should be dressed
like a gentleman.
A gentleman.
Goodbye, frank.
You shaved today.
Goodbye, frank.
♪ Sufro la inmensa pena
del cuento mío ♪
♪ siento El dolor profundo ♪
♪ de tu partida
♪ y lloro sin que sepa
que El llanto mío ♪
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
como mi vida ♪
♪ sufro la inmensa pena
del cuento mío ♪
♪ siento El dolor profundo
de tu partida ♪
♪ y lloro sin que sepa
El llanto mío ♪
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
♪ tiene lágrimas negras
como mi vida ♪
♪ tú me quieres dejar
♪ yo no quiero sufrir
♪ contigo me voy
♪ aunque me cueste morir
♪ tú me quieres dejar
♪ yo no quiero sufrir
♪ contigo me voy
♪ aunque me cueste
♪ morir