Woo (1998) - full transcript

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[telephone dialing]

(Woo on answering machine)
'It's Woo. Leave it.'

(Celestrial)
'Girl, Celestrial calling.'

'Come as soon as you get
this message.'

'Missy, you are
not going to believe'

'what I am seein'
in your chart.'

'Wooh!'

♪ Naughty but you like it ♪

♪ Nasty but you want it ♪



♪ I'm the chick
that never front it ♪

♪ Picture that
me wearin' a pager ♪

♪ So you can be down my back ♪

♪ It ain't happenin' Jack ♪

♪ Am I too fine? ♪

♪ If so I can leave ♪

♪ Have somewhere to go ♪

♪ You better believe ♪

♪ I keep a tight schedule ♪

♪ Not many are blessed ♪

♪ Still on a quest ♪

♪ Not knowin' I'm the best ♪

♪ Causin' a mess wherever I go ♪

♪ They still want me there
I'm the star of the show ♪



♪ Your ride is sweet
mine is much sweeter ♪

♪ Come take a ride
with this senorita ♪

♪ There's more to me
that the eye can't see ♪

♪ But I'm twice as much
as you'd thought I'd be ♪

♪ When I hit the scene
all better beware ♪

♪ 'Cause the party don't jump
till I get there ♪

♪ We're havin' a party tonight ♪

♪ It's only you and I ♪

♪ If only you could
move it right♪

♪ We're gonna have
a party tonight ♪

♪ If only you could
move it right ♪

♪ I put the juice down
when you woo woo ♪

♪ So nasty it's sick ♪

♪ Wanna know my tricks ♪

♪ Studyin' me like a flick ♪

♪ I'm the girl your mama ♪

♪ Warned you about at night ♪

♪ Ask Ronnie Bobby
Ricky and Mike ♪

♪ I'm that candy girl ♪

♪ I got the sugar
for your sweet tooth ♪

♪ Comin' in your crib
in my birthday suit ♪

♪ I'm that bad habit
you just can't shake ♪

♪ What I want I take
some of y'all can relate ♪

♪ Gotta rap yo
to get you stuck like glue ♪

♪ It ain't over till
we all come through ♪

♪ When I hit the scene
all better beware ♪

♪ 'Cause the party don't jump
till I get there ♪

♪ We're gonna have
a party tonight ♪

♪ If only you could
move it right ♪

Damn.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We're gonna
have a party tonight ♪

♪ If only you could
move it right ♪

Hello, there. Hello.

I just..
I'm so clumsy.

- I-I'm sorry.
- Thank you.

A-alright.
Y-you are gorgeous.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, God. One day.

Celestrial,
I came as soon as I could.

Oh, girl, you look over.

- These are for you, doll.
- Oh, thank you, sugar.

- Come, sit down.
- Okay.

(Celestrial)
Found a motif.

Girl, have I got news for you.

So, what's the 411?

Girl, you will never
believe what I've seen.

Put your hand on the ball.

[crystal ball buzzes]

Your house is in Scorpio.
Gorgeous.

Your moon is rising perfectly.

Then, all of a sudden,
out of nowhere

there is a meteor
crossing your asteroid belt.

- Is that good?
- 'It's all good.'

Tonight is your special night,
child.

Special in what way?

Let's consult the tarot daddy,
shall we?

And your card says love. Tasty.

- I knew it.
- Ugh!

Celestrial, please
reshuffle those cards.

I see an explosion of love.

Or maybe just an explosion.

This last year, my love life
has been a disaster.

- What about Lamar?
- Lamar?

I can't wear a pager for him.

Girl, you are
a tad tough on men.

Excuze?

Girl, you've got to
give it up to somebody.

Celestrial, I have given it up.

I have twirled it and swirled it
in many directions.

I need someone
who's...impulsive, exciting.

Who knows your thoughts
before you say them.

Exactly.

That's who

I'm seeing right here, darling.

Where?

Oh, good glamour, girl.
He's a Virgo.

And he's headed
right towards you.

Oh! Oh, no.

I hope this is not another
head-on collision.

(Celestrial)
'Girl, just be happy
if you get you a man tonight.'

[instrumental music]

(Frankie)
'Now, look at that girl over
there in white. Oh, my God!'

(Hop)
'Gosh. Man, that girl got an ass
like a smoke tail.'

[indistinct chatter]

'Yo, yo, why is it that
the fine ones are always'

hangin' out
with the Frankenstein ones?

No competition. Psst.
Excuse me, miss. How you doin'?

Oh, look at the body
on this one.

Oh, my goodness.

Look at them damn feet though,
man. Woman must wear about a 12.

Yo, but you know what they say
about women with big feet.

Wrong gender, Hop.

Now, do y'all mind?

How come every time
we come down here

y'all spend the whole
time talkin' trash?

Oh, come on, man.

Half these girls are down here
because they're doin'

the same thing that
we are doin'. Ass watching.

- Even your tiny ass.
- Hear what I said?

Tim, Tim, Tim.
I got a question for you, Tim.

When was the last time
you had a date?

I'll take that one
for a hundred, Alex.

Five months ago.
And that was by accident.

- Oh.
- I'm telling you, man.

Yo, ever since Denise left
his ass

co-sign has been spending
so much time home alone

we need to start calling
him Macaulay Culkin.

Oh, look, look, look.

[gibberish]

I told y'all about that
co-sign shit, okay?

I don't care how good
the lovin' is

you can't be
co-signin' for no car.

- Word.
- Word.

'And if she dumped me'

I'd sure as hell
get that sweet ride back.

- Hey, fuck all of y'all. Okay?
- Mm-hmm.

Whoo, 12 o'clock.

- 'Mmm-hmm!'
- 'Whoo!'

What? She's thick too.

Just like a like,
thick like a stallion.

I'm gonna ride her like a horse.

Yeah, Like a h.. Woo!
Like a.. Like a..

[imitates neighing]

Man, can y'all just chill, man,
for once?

Come on, man.
I mean, get down on the vibe.

The music.

Tim..

...your words have been
well spoken, my brother.

We will leave you to sojourn
with the jazzical expressions

whilst we venture forth
into the land of punani.

Peace to you, my sensitive one.

I'll drink to that.

Excuse me, is this seat taken?

No, it's not. If you.. Whoa!

- Whoa!
- My bad, yo.

If you want to sit there,
it's not taken.

Um, do you come here often?

(Woo)
But Celestrial might be right.

If she's so psychic,
how come she don't know

whether she's a boy or a girl?

- She's everything.
- Okay, she..

She's gonna have you
just as confused as she is.

She's the best. Are you
goin' out with me tonight?

Baby cousin,
I've told you once, twice.

Now, this is the third time
today.

Lenny is coming over tonight.
He's planned something special.

Oh, special for Lenny
is a gallon of Nightyard

and a bucket of chicken.

Ha ha ha.

You are going to Shakim's
block party this evening, right?

- No.
- Woo..

- Ahem!
- What is this?

What?

(Woo)
'Who gave you this?'

My Lenny.

- That's nasty.
- You're just jealous.

- It's cute.
- Listen..

We can either go to
The Venus or to The Mercury.

And I wanna borrow
a couple of your outfits.

- What are you gonna wear?
- Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Wait a minute, do you
need an Ebonic translation?

I ain't wearin' nothin'
'cause I ain't goin' nowhere.

Woo, don't stick that key
in that door, okay?

Don't walk in, don't go in
there. We gonna fight.

Ask Lenny if we can
borrow his car.

- Gee..
- Are you kidding?

G-give me that. Let me see.

- 'Say that shit.'
- 'That's right.'

'Whatever I say it's right'

I'll ride you like

one of them go-go dancers
on "Soul Train."

(man on TV)
'Get the fuck up off me, man.
Why you touchin' me like that?'

I like to keep my Evergreens
very dark toward the base.

Home alone, my ass.

[telephone dialing]

- 'Hello.'
- Hey, Michelle. How you doin'?

I was just wonderin',
what are you doin' tonight?

- 'Who is this?'
- Excuse me?

You're a trip, "who is this?"

You gonna ask me who this is?

Girl, you know.. Hello? Hello?

I forgot Nene is having
a party at the Soul Kitchen.

We can go there first.

Woo...I told you me and Lenny..

And lower halfway
and squeeze up.

And one..

...two, three, four, five..

'...six, seven, eight..'

[telephone rings]

- Hello.
- 'Tim!'

Thank God, man.
Hey, buddy, it's Lenny.

Uh, I need you..

Hey, how you doin', brother?
Good.

Look, I need you
to do me a little favor, man.

I-I need you to hang out
with Claudette's cousin tonight.

What's wrong with her, man?

- She look like an anteater?
- No, man.

Look, Claudette just got off her
cycle. You know what I'm sayin'?

Ah, don't you think
that's a little bit

more information
than I need right now?

Alright. We're trying to get a,
a quality time in together.

So, why don't you
just go on home?

Hey, what difference
does it make, man?

You ain't doin' nothing.

Yeah, but I know you
though, man.

You big dusty dickhead.

'What, you think I needed
to call your ass, huh?'

I'm tryin' to hook you up,
nigga.

Look, Lenny, I am studying
for the bar, okay?

Tim, just talk to her, man!

Just get dressed
'cause you're coming with me.

[groaning]

Yeah. Woo. Hmm.

- Got a phone call for you.
- Who is it, weenie boy?

Well, it's a brother
who would love to take you out.

Oh, I'm really not
for your mess tonight, Lenny.

Woo, will you just talk to him,
please?

Tim, her name is Woo.

Who?

Hmm.

- Hi, this is Woo.
- Oh, hi. This is Tim.

Uh, Lenny was sayin' that you
might wanna hang out tonight.

Are you asking me out on a date?

Yeah, yeah, I-I'm askin' you.

Why?

Well,
it might be your lucky night.

- When's your birthday?
- September 18th.

Virgo, Virgo. Ooh, Virgo.

Look, u..
I'll be there in an hour.

- Tim, you are the man.
- Very, very interesting.

Thank you, thank you, brother.
This is good lookin' out.

Alright, look, man, I'mma give
her your address, alright?

- Um, peace.
- Lenny..

[instrumental music]

[knocking on door]

Can I help you?

Uh, yeah, is Darryl home?

It's Tim from across the hall.

Come in,
Tim from across the hall.

♪ So go ahead and take a.. ♪

'Darryl, baby.'

Tim from across the hall
is here.

(Darryl)
'I'll be there in a minute,
Tim.'

Damn.

- 'Hey, what's happenin'?'
- What's up, black man?

Thank you, sweetheart.

(Tim)
'I got a woman comin' over
a little later on.'

I was just wondering
if you had any, um--

Pointers? Tim.

Music, I could borrow.

Darryl, do you wanna
shave before dinner?

I'll be there in a minute,
sweetheart.

(Darryl)
'Mm, music.'

Well, what kind do you like?

You want a little romance?

Somethin' slow?

Somethin' smooth?

Um, I don't know,
whatever you got.

You know,
'cause we just gonna kick it.

Tim's gonna kick it.

♪ So go ahead and take.. ♪

♪ Bet you mess above me ♪

♪ Sweep off me.. ♪

♪ Go ahead and take that ♪

"For the panties?"

It's got all
the sexiest slow jams.

By the time you hit the B side,
you should be naked.

- Good and naked.
- Word?

See this?
It's one of my field kits.

Four miniatures of Hennessy.

A joint.

Incense.

Edible body oils.

Latex, of course.
Just the essentials, really.

It goes with the tape.

(female #1)
'Darryl,
the water's getting cold.'

Keep it warm for me, sugar.

What you gonna do?

Hope everything works out
for you, tiger.

Hey, Tim, from across the hall.

Pop that thing, baby.

[imitates cork popping]

(Darryl)
'Take off your clothes.'

No, I prefer
a self-actualized woman.

I think the term, "Bitch"

is first of all, overused, and
is some condescending bullshit.

You know, you about as fine
as frog's hair.

You know, my mother
said the same thing.

That's how fine you are.

My sister said the same thing.

Do I wanna fuck?

Stop it.

[doorbell buzzing]

[heart pounding]

[buzzing continues]

[doorknob rattling]

I'm Woo.

You Tim?

You know, Tim,
my favorite asset

my biggest asset..

Bam! Ding! Ding! Ding!

[chuckles]
What you know about that?

What you know?

'Nothin'!'

Woo is what? Gone!

[doorbell buzzing]

[buzzing continues]

Hi, I'm looking
for Timmy Jackson.

- Is that you?
- Uh, yeah, I'm titty.

I mean, uh, Tim.
Tim Jackson. That's-that's me.

And you are?

Hopefully, the woman
you've been waiting for.

Can I come in?

By all means, just..
Come in, yeah.

[instrumental music]

Um, look, I'm not finished
getting dressed yet, so-so..

Why don't you, um,
have a look around, okay?

And I'll, I'll be right back.
This shouldn't take long.

Just make yourself comfortable.

Let's see, incense.

'Damn.'

Whoa! Get.. Get.. Ah!

[grunts]

Nice place.

- Shit.
- Are you a lawyer?

Um, yeah, yeah.

But, um..

...don't hold that against me.

[laughing]
A sense of humor. I like that.

You know, brothers take
themselves so seriously.

Well, you'll never catch me
doin' that.

Well, that's good,
it's all about

havin' a little fun, right?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I enjoy having
a nice laugh now and again.

Life's too short,
don't you think?

I sure do.

I see you got a little somethin'
going on here too.

I'm flattered.

This is funny. This is funny.

What's so funny?

It just seems to me
like a sister like you

would have brothers lined up
around the corner because--

"A sister like me?" W-what does
that supposed to mean?

I'm just saying that you got
the tools to..

- I mean--
- I have the tools?

You see, now,
why can't a man and a woman

just go out
and have a good time?

Does it always
have to be about sex?

Never mind.

I should've known better
than to expect anything more

from one of Lenny's friends.

Oh, yeah, what's this?
Your little freak kit?

That came in the mail.
Shopping Network. I-I--

Stop it.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Look, I didn't mean it, really.

Really. Okay?

Come on, I mean, some brothers
can look at a beautiful woman

and not lose their mind.

I mean, I was tellin' the fellas
just this afternoon

"You do not always have to
conduct yourself like dogs."

- I told them that.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, as far as I'm concerned,
you can be my sister.

Really?

I could be your sister?

Yeah.
Yeah, you can be my sister.

Okay.

Well, in that case

you should open
that bottle of champagne.

That'll work.

[chuckling]

You are such a gentleman.

I'm just trying
to make you feel comfy.

Whoo!

Whoa.

Here you go.

Little bubbly.

Thank you.

[chuckling]

Do you have a girlfriend?

Excuse me?

You know, I get so tired

of playing all those games,
don't you?

I mean, it's like..

We never say
what we really want.

Now, be serious.

What was your first thought
when I walked in this house?

[chuckling]

I mean, you had some music
playing softly.

You had your lights down low.

I mean, come on.

See, that way..

...we can stop wasting time.

I mean, if this is all
you want..

...here it is.

[chuckling]

See, now, you don't really
need to be drinking

'cause then
you'll really start trippin'.

Oh, Timmy.
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.

Put my fire out.

Say what?

Put..

...my..

...fire..

...out.

- Gotcha!
- What?

[doorbell buzzing]

(Woo)
'Better get that.'

Oops! Don't forget the hat.

Sister, huh?

(Hop)
'You ain't watchin'
that porno..'

'...starring Samuel Jackhammer?'

(Frankie)
'Come on out, baby.'

Come on,
open the damn door, boy!

Hey, Tim, what's up, man?

- What's up, fellas, what's up?
- Is that a joint in your mouth?

Oh, hell yeah, here you go, Hop.

Oh, shit, McColly got
the party started up in here.

Hold up. Look,
I-I'm kinda busy now, y'all.

What's going on
with your clothes, Timothy?

Oh, shit, Tim tryin'
to get some trim, y'all.

Who you got in there, boy,
ugly Rita?

Did she get out the kennel?

[barking]

Rita!

Hey, look,
fuck all y'all, okay?

Tim.. Oh..

Uh, I didn't know
that we had more company.

Um, well, fellas,
thanks for coming by.

Um, I'll catch up
to y'all later.

You know how,
you know how it is, man.

Aren't you gonna
invite your friends in?

- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this is?

This is Woo.

Woo, this is the fellas.

'Romaine, Frankie, and Hop.'

Woo?

See, I-I knew
you was part Japan.

Um, we were just leavin'.

Perhaps, we'll join you.

Um, we were just gonna
go to a movie. Somethin' dull.

What movie?

Um, why don't you finish
getting dressed?

You know how I hate to miss
the beginning of the movie.

Home alone, huh?

Did you fuck her?

Can you watch your mouth,
please?

Is that all y'all think about?

Tim, you know that's too much
woman for you, man.

You gotta crawl before you walk,
brah.

(Hop)
'No, Tim, really,
for real though, yo..'

She a ho, ain't she?

(Frankie)
'No doubt.'

Oh, shit,
Tim done paid for a ho

to come up in here
and do some wild shit!

[laughing]

She do parties?

(Frankie)
'Eh, does she do bar mitzvahs?'

(Hop)
'Does she do ho bar-mitzvahs?'

- She's not a ho, okay?
- Oh, shit.

Tim, she either got
to be gettin' paid

or crazy to be up in here
with your ass, fine as she is.

- 'That's right.'
- You know what?

[Woo screaming]

Oh, shit, that's her pimp, Hop.

Wha-what?

I'mma whoop his ass
and take his money.

(Frankie)
'Oh, no.'

You use Red Velvet?

Yeah.

My cousin wore Red Velvet.

It's a popular fragrance.

My cousin was a construction
worker, okay?

And one day

he walked underneath
one of those things

that drives the-the beams
into the ground.

- Oh, that's a pile driver.
- 'Right. A pile driver.'

They struck water trying
to get him out of there.

Sorry.

[whimpering]

Take it.

(Hop)
'Hey, did you see that?'

(Romaine)
'No, see, I gave him the ball'

'because I think a nice
90 mile an hour curveball'

'would cut all that stuff
short.'

Well, um..

I guess you..

..probably need a minute to--

Yes, it's very true.
I do need a minute.

But I want you
to get that outta here.

- Get it!
- I got it.

Okay,
so she's a little high strung.

Hell, no!
That ho crazy as a rope.

Yeah, man,
Woo in Japan must mean

nutty bitch
with seven years bad luck.

Tim, salsa night,
Washington Square Park.

Yo, yo, yo, that's where we'll
be when you finish with Cybil.

Yeah,
red hot Puerto Rican chicas.

[singing in Spanish]

Y'all just jealous, that's all.

I really don't like
being referred to as a "Ho."

Look, I'm sorry.

Now, I see why there are so many
single women in New York.

- They were just clownin'.
- So was I.

I mean, I hope you didn't
take me seriously.

Look, I'm nothin' like my boys.

Come on, I mean,
they're my boys and everything

but, hey, I'm different.

Can we start over?

Why don't you just let me
take you to dinner?

Great.

[instrumental music]

Well, what are you doing?

Changing.

In my car?

Well, stop the car
and I'll change on the corner.

[cycle bell ringing]

Man, would you get outta here!
Get outta here! Go!

You are so grouchy.

Sorry.

Sweetheart, I'm gonna open up
another bottle

of the old Nightyard.

Beautiful, baby.

What you want,
peach or watermelon?

'They taste the same.'

Watermelon it is.

Oh, shit. Babe,
I got one more hot wing left.

- Want it?
- 'Got for it, baby.'

Hey, babe, I'm thinkin'

maybe, me and you should go
to Shakim's party early.

'What do you think?'

I think there'll be none
of that shit tonight.

- Huh?
- 'Sit tight, sweetheart.'

Big Willie cometh.

"Big Willie cometh?"

Come on, Willie,
we got work to do.

(man #1)
'Would you like some wine
with dinner?'

[violin music]

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, Nicholas. Nicholas!

[chuckles]

It's a great table.
Really wonderful.

This is the best I could do
without a reservation.

But you'll love the food.

Do they serve spaghetti here?

- 'Spaghetti?'
- Mm-hmm.

Woo, this is a three star
Italian restaurant.

You can have any dish you want,
authentically prepared.

And you want spaghetti?

Well, what would you suggest,
Homeboyardi?

Trust me, okay?

Yes, sir.
May I take your order?

Yes, you may.

I'd like the pollo al perd..
Al perdelle?

Funghas de grass scratchy.
De gras scutchi.

- Yes, number 13, sir.
- Yes.

And, uh, for the lady,
the "Giletto Don Cornelio.."

Yes, the number 23. Very good,
sir, I understand.

Uh, how about some wine, yes?

Um..

Una bottiglia di chianti,
per favore.

[speaking in Italian]

[chuckles]

Oh, I learned a little Italian

while daddy was touring
in Europe.

I speak a little Italian too,
you know.

[imitates Sylvester Stallone]
Yo, I'm at my house, Mick?
My house stinks.

And that stings!
That stings me.

Stallone, get it?

But you never answered
my question.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Well, as a matter of fact,
not at the moment.

A lawyer and you're not even
spoken for? That's surprising.

Well, let's just say
I'm a little old-fashioned.

- Who's this?
- Where did you get that?

- Hey, hey.
- You just gonna steal somethi..

Give.. You just gonna take
something outta my crib?

Like 'em chunky, don't ya?

[speaking in Italian]

[laughing]

Very funny.
Do you think Mr. Don Corleone

can give me some water
next time, please?

I hate weddings.

- Excuse me?
- 'Wait a minute..'

'Oh, my God.'

Tookie!

- Tookie!
- 'Good Lord.'

Tookie! Tookie!

(female #2)
'I thought there was something
wrong.'

That's my girlfriend.
Come meet her.

- What up, Took!
- We'll lose our table.

[screaming]
Coincidence time or what, girl?

Oh, oh, do you think
I shoulda worn the headdress

like the other bridesmaids?

Absolutely, it's tradition.

Woo, we're gonna lose our table.

- 'Oh..'
- What the..

You got a lotta nerve showing
your face around here, Eric.

What the hell is your problem?

(Woo)
'Tookie, you need your glasses.'

This is not Eric.

Damn, if you don't look
a lot like Eric.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Well, damn, I ain't. Okay?

LensCrafters, they have your
shit ready in less than an hour.

I'll be inside, Woo.

What is up with Bryant Gumbel?

He is a little stuffy, isn't he?

I'm trying to loosen him up
a little bit.

What am I doin' here?

[instrumental music]

Mmm.

Hey, I brought you a piece.

No, thank you.
I don't wanna ruin my appetite.

Alright, suit yourself. Mmm.

'Coconut mango.'

Look, I'm sorry about Tookie,
but she just with the, um..

- What?
- Would you like a better view?

She looked familiar, okay?

Well, that's not surprising.

Since they all do
from the ass down, Timmy.

Ow. Ow!

Can't they just move this thing?

Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir. Hi.

Sir, over here.

You know what? Forget it.

What are you doing?

I am doing
a little redecorating.

- Woo.
- Oh.

Uh, miss, please don't tamper
with the fire extinguisher.

How am I supposed to eat
like this, huh?

Why are we sitting
at the funky table?

As you can see, we're full.

Oh, you're full tonight,
so you sit

the black people
at the punt table.

'We didn't work hard enough
in the fields'

to deserve a decent table?

(male #1)
'Senorina, please.'

Sir, look, really there's no--

Hey, I am talking
to Ricky Ricardo here.

We might as well be
in the storage room, okay?

Look at all of this, huh?

And what about this rope?

- 'Ow!'
- 'Oh, man!'

[screaming]

[screaming]

Why you gotta lay your hand
on me though, man?

And don't come back.

- Oh, it's like that, huh?
- Yes, it's like that.

Signore, uh, your check, sir.

And I took the liberty

of wrapping
your pollo alla gratiscucci.

You don't, you don't need those,
do you?

No, not anymore, I don't.

Let's do something fun.

[scoffs]
You know, you're something else.

Oh, come on, Tim.

[salsa music]

[singing in Spanish]

- Signorwe're gonna roll--
- No, no.

Coco.

'I see you came
to your senses, boy.'

- Cole, what's up, baby?
- Co-sign, what's happenin'?

Eh, I told you about
that co-sign shit, didn't I?

Oh, man, he gettin' mad.
Yo, man, forget about that.

Yo, man,
you need to be checkin' out

some of these honeys up in here,
baby.

Hey, yo, man, relax, man.

I see you finally got rid
of that crazy girl.

Her name is Woo
and she's not crazy, okay?

Hey, hey, hey,
whatever you say, bruh.

I mean, you know,
I seen the sister

run from a bottle of cologne.

[laughing]

[singing continues]

[cheering]

(Woo)
'Tim.'

Whoo.

Hey, Tim. Where have you been?
You're missing all the fun.

Yo, yo, yo, check that out.
Check that out. Hey, hey.

Hey, cutie!

Not you, your booty.

[chuckling]

Actually, I, uh..

- Mamasita?
- Hey, Frankie.

I'm telling you, boy,
somebody's definitely

gettin' licked tonight.

Do you mind, Rokaine?

- That's Romaine.
- Whatever.

Yo, yo, you check out that girl
with the-with the big ass..

Uh...teeth.

Come on, man.
Let's step outta here.

- 'Come on.'
- 'See you didn't need that..'

I don't particularly care
for those young men.

'They don't respect women.'

Look, they ain't that bad, okay?

Frankie works
down on Wall Street.

Hey, they some
together brothers.

Whoo!

[screaming]

[indistinct chatter]

I was, like,
"Smack me, come on. Smack me."

Thank you.

Mm. Mm.

Ah, nah, I don't like spicy.
It's just too--

Oh, live.

Cheese!

So, what were you saying
about propane?

Um, Romaine, he's got a CPA.

These are some smart, political,
sensitive brothers.

[screaming]

(Hop)
'Damn, baby girl,
I'mma suck the left one'

'and make
the right one jealous.'

Me so horny. Whoo! Me so horny.

Hey, mira, why don't you
come back here

and lemme show you
my tootsie roll.

Frankie, why don't you show me
your tootsie roll?

Hey, Woo, why don't you let me

show you a designer
straightjacket?

You are so funny.

'But you know what
I love best about you?'

Oh, no. Hell, no!

Tim, you need to take control
of your woman.

- 'Yeah, what's up?'
- Hey, man, y'all started this.

Rosa! Look here,
let me talk to you, girl.

- I know you can relate to this.
- Uh-huh.

Looky here.

Now, don't those fellas
look interesting?

We have here,
the flavor of Mocha Nuthead..

...with a little
Jerry Curl Coffee Cream.

And over there,
we have a little Nappy Road.

- Oh, I see the Nappy Road--
- Focus, man, focus.

[speaking in Spanish]

Did she just call me
a chickfajita?

Hey, yo, later for this shit,
man. What you gonna do, man?

You gonna roll with us
or you gonna wait

for her medication to kick in?

You lucky Romaine
didn't hurt you.

Oh, excuse me.
I don't think so.

Gimme a quarter.

Gimme got hit by a truck.

May I have a quarter, please?

Please, please, please.

There, there, here..
Okay, take it.

(Celestrial on recorder)
'It's me, sugar. You should not
be listening to this machine.'

'You should be out there
searching'

'for the one I predicted.'

'I'm at the club
if you need me.'

(Shakim on recorder)
'Yo, Woo, this Shakim.'

'Hit me on the celly, lover.'

Yo, who this?

It's Woo. What's up, Shakim?

Hey, I don't know.
I mean, what's up with you?

You coming through?

- Oh, shit.
- Yo, hold on.

Yo, man, I thought you niggas
said you were professional--

Excuse me, could you talk to me,
please?

...around like a basketball.

- 'Shakim.'
- Hold on one second.

Shakim, hello?

Yo, M.T., you know you my girl
in the bag of pearls, right?

But please, get your big ass up
off my car, okay?

You fucking around putting dents
in my hood.

Aye, fuck what you heard.
It ain't your world, big girl.

- It ain't your world.
- Excuse me.

Now, what's up?
What you gonna do?

You comin' through or what?

No, I'm not coming.

(Woo)
'You just don't understand.'

'Look, this is very difficult
for me.'

Denise!

Denise, I need to talk to you!
Hey! Denise..

- 'You better stop right now.'
- Need a lift? Sucker!

I need to talk to you.
Denise...listen to me. Hey!

Look, I need to talk to you.

Damn!

Ain't this a bitch!

I told you, no.

You know what?
Don't even come through, okay?

- Don't even come through.
- Shak, h-hello?

[scoffs]

Excuse me.

Who's that?

Yeah, yeah, me and her go way,
way, way back.

That's, um, the girl
from the picture. Yeah.

- Mm-hmm.
- She-she needed a car.

She didn't have any credit.
So, like a damn fool, I--

Wait a minute.
Did you co-sign for that car?

Well, yeah.
I-I co-signed for the car.

I mean, she needed one.

I didn't know I'd gonna have
to go through hell

to get the car back.

Tim, you're a lawyer. Sue her.

It's not that simple, I mean--

There are people
who watch things happen

and there are people
who make things happen.

- Which one are you?
- Oh, I'm a maker.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I-I make things happen.

Okay, well, let's get to makin'
somethin' happen, fella.

Come on.

Then let's set it off then, hey.

Yeah, that's how I do it,
you know.

You know what I'm talking about,
see? Systematics.

Right.

- Here you go.
- Voila!

Yeah, it's nothin'
but the Benjamin, baby.

(Lenny)
'Where's my money?'

I said where's my money,
bitch?

Unh-unh, wait.
Damn it, Lenny!

What is a chicken ho?

Hey, baby, look. Look.

Sweetheart, I thought
I explained this to you, I..

You-you know big daddy
loves chicken. Right?

And-and, you know
big daddy loves hos.

And you know big daddy
loves you.

This is one time I thought
we'd do something different.

Oh, look at you.

You look, you look so good.

Okay, fine. One minute.

That's all I'll need.

♪ Here chicky chicky ♪

♪ Chicky chicky ♪

Hey..

'Come on, baby.'

Let me see them hot wings.

Let me see them thighs, chicky.

'Oh, chicky. Oh, chicky.'

Oh, you dirty little chicken.

Let me see them breasts.
Oh, yeah.

'Oh, yeah.'

Oh, yeah.

It's time for chicky to eat.

What?

Unh-unh. Unh-unh.

Here, chicky-chicky-chicky.

'Here, chicky-chicky-chicky.'

'Look, come on, walk right.'

Just like I showed you.

Come on, chicky.

'Here, chicky-chicky-chicky.'

'Now, cluck for me.'

[imitates chicken clucking]

Eat your dinner.

Oh, yeah.

'Go for the worm, baby.'

[sneezing]
Oh!

[sneezing]
Damn.

'I think you got a little cold.'

What is that, mucus?

No, it's these feathers.
I'm allergic.

Chicken ho.
What is a chicken ho?

I knew this wasn't fair.

Look, look, baby,
it's not a sin.

- Maybe it's a little freaky.
- Chicken ho.

- Baby, hold up.
- No!

You want chicken?

You take your ass
to the colonel.

Pimp daddy.

This is quite a neighborhood.

Is this where the party is?

It's just a little
chill out spot.

[horn honks]

Safe than sorry, right there.

[whistling]

Why didn't you just leave it
in the Batcave?

You know, I don't know
if you're aware of this

but this baby
happens to be an investment.

Come on.

Are you sure
there's a club in here?

Positive.
What is the matter?

Just didn't see anybody outside.
That's all.

It's private.

I don't hear any music.

Listen, if you don't believe me,
all you have to do is just--

I didn't say all that.
I just.. This is different.

Alright, well, then, relax,
breathe.

♪ I don't know
if it's the pretty face ♪

Goddamn!

♪ That got everybody wantin' ♪

♪ To touch me like Case ♪

♪ Feels so good like Mase
the pull over ♪

♪ Anywhere I want
diplomats on the Rover ♪

♪ The way I put it on a nigga
sober I have 'em comin' back ♪

♪ Knockin' on my door
like Jehovas ♪

- Can I help you?
- Uh, yeah,

Hey, I'm with the sister who,
um, just went in.

Look, man, I don't know you

so you're gonna have to step,
alright?

No, you see I was with
the sister you just--

But look,
you ain't got to read the book

to know the whole story, baby.

She not here. So flow.

'Get on with yours.'

Yo, Beast, man,
what you sayin', player?

(Beast)
'What's up with you?
How you doing, man?'

[indistinct chatter]

I'll be home in an hour,
alright?

Hey! Whoo!

- Tim, what's up?
- Please, talk to this man.

- You know this punk?
- Beast, put him down.

[grunting]

Get on in the club,
leisure suit.

What is happening?

What's up?

Call me.

[club music]

Whoo!

[music continues]

♪ We're havin'
party tonight ♪

Woo-whoo!

That is my song. Ugh!

♪ We're havin'
party tonight ♪

♪ It's only you and I ♪

♪ You took too long to ask
now I don't know ♪

♪ If you can hang with my flow ♪

♪ Keep it on the below
I start to fight ♪

So, you wanna dance?

No.

You don't wanna dance?

- It's too late now.
- What?

[imitates cell phone beeping]
Leave a message.

I'm sorry?

Woo..

Can you slow down, please?

'Woo!'

Excuse me.

The moment's gone, okay?

I wanted to dance,
but instead of just taking me

out on the dance floor,
you had to conduct a survey.

And now I don't feel
like dancing with you, Tim.

What do you..

What do you mean you don't..

Woo.

- Tim?
- Oh, uh.. Roger, hi.

Got it. Tim,
uh, this is my, uh, niece, uh..

Uh, by the way thank you for
the help on that brief today.

- Come on, baby.
- 'Uh..'

Uh, no problem, Mr. Smith.

Yeah, that's Roger Smith,
Esquire.

Listen, uh,
Tim is the best damn paralegal

in the firm,
and I'm not just sayin' that.

So, um, this is the, uh,
the little woman.

Well, uh..

Don't you worry your pretty
little head about Tim.

I'm gonna make sure
he passes that bar exam

if I've gotta take it
for him myself.

[laughing]

- I'm hungry, so..
- Okay, baby.

Uh, that's what we call her.
Baby.

She's the youngest
on my sister's side.

Y'all have a,
have a nice evening, okay?

"Baby." He called her "Baby."

That's a trip
'cause she's fine, ain't she?

You're not a lawyer?

Not quite.

Woo, I'm a law clerk.

So, you thought
you'd impress me by lying?

I didn't lie.
I was just goin' with the flow.

You, go with the flow?

If you didn't think so much

we could be having a good time
right now.

Nigger, we could be
havin' a good time right now

if you can control
your psychotic mood swings.

You've got a point.

I could say that different.

Damn.

[indistinct chatter]

[soul music]

Hi. What's your name?

Sucker.
You know what I'm sayin'?

I mean, so what, I lied.

She's the one
who pulled my pants down.

Oh.

Hey...I'm a man.

Oh, what I can see
that you are, baby.

And I'd be happy to help you
work out

whatever your problem is

just as soon as you buy me
a drink.

Bartender!

I mean, I'm mindin'
my own business, right?

Let me get, uh, two champagnes
and whatever he's gonna have.

I don't have any more champagne.

I got spring water
and melted ice.

You ain't got no liquor?

Are you deaf?

- Home alone, my narrow ass.
- I need me a drink.

Come on out to the car
with me, baby.

How much money you got?

Can't you see
I'm experiencin' a crisis?

Oh, just forget about her, baby.

If you got you a bottle of
Remy and a blanket..

[purrs]

...we could have us an evenin'.

Why am I talkin' to you?

Damn!

Man, they will sell
a pack of air to anybody.

You having troubles, huh, dawg?

'You can talk to me, man.'

That's why I'm here.

Alright.

Suppose you met a woman, right?

I mean, there's somethin'
special about her.

- Yeah?
- Some.. There's a vibe there.

So, what she got,
like some big titties?

A fat ass?

Never mind.

(Woo)
'Can you leave me alone?'

(Lamar)
'I told you I want you wearin'
my pager!'

Get off of me, Lamar, okay?

I'm not wearing
that customized pager.

[indistinct chatter]

Let me go right now!

I don't even like you, Lamar.

Wait a minute, I just wanna talk
to you, alright?

- Just give me a second.
- Woo, what's going on?

What you got to do with this,
nigger?

Hey, we have no problem.

What are you,
a fucking regulator?

This is my woman, fool.

- Go on, tell him.
- Ex-woman, Lamar.

Okay? And you really need
to get with that.

Oh, huh! Look here, girl.

I ain't gonna ask you again.

Hey, this sister is with me.

You know, you keep playin'
the hero and you're gonna

find your ass fucked up.

Look..

Oh!

(man #3)
'Nigga got a gun!'

- Oh!
- Oh!

You..

Lamar, you didn't have
to hit him.

Yes, I did.

- No, you didn't.
- 'Oh!'

(Woo)
'Oh, now. Now what?'

I know
what you're tryin' to say.

What you tryin' to say now?

I know you ain't tryin' to say
nothin'.

You ain't sayin' nothin'
but a word.

You had to set her off,
didn't ya, leisure suit?

- This brother here, man.
- And you know what, Woo?

Every week there's something
new with you.

You and Sammy Davis gotta
get the fuck up out of here.

All I wanted do was just get out
of the house.

- You know what I'm sayin'?
- Come on.

(Beast)
'Looking like Tweedledee
and Tweedledum.'

Bringin' up Jerry's kids.

You got me, huh?
You got me again.

Lenny. Lenny put you up to this,
didn't he? That's it.

Lenny found the finest woman
he could

and he wants to see
how long it'll take

before I say, "Fuck it!"

Well, you know what?
Fuck it!

Alright? You win, okay?

I bet you, Woo isn't even
your real name, is it?

It's cool. It's cool.

Why don't we just get in the car

and I'll take you home, okay?

[car alarm beeping]

What?

'My car!'

What am I supposed to do
with this shit now?

Don't you say a word!

Is my name Crayola?
Oh, I gets my man.

Well, then, you know
it would've been on

'cause you know last week
in a grocery store

me and her
was about to get to boxin'.

Girl, her baby ain't got
no infamy'

'or something crazy like that.
I don't know.'

Mnm-mnm, 'cause Lenny told me
that she wanted to get with him.

- 'Girl, I was fly.'
- Excuse me.

I could've been little fly
if I would've got

my orange patent leather suit
up out the cleaners.

I'll be in the cell,
my friend is here.

- Fine.
- 'Oh, but girl--'

Excuse me.

Hold on for one second, Purina.

What?

My car was stolen
about half an hour ago.

- Have you reported it?
- That's why I came here.

What took you so long?

Yeah, but it took me some time
to walk..

Is there someone
I can talk to--

First of all you got the wrong
form, so chill out.

Hello, Purina.
Well, then call me back.

Girl, use 911, I'll get it.
Okay.

Here you go.

Get you a pen here,
and you're all set. Take this.

Now exactly.. Ex-excuse me.
Excuse me.

Okay, I need to see
your registration please.

It's in the car. I leave it
in my glove compartment.

That's awfully dumb.

You leave your license
in the glove compartment, too?

Look, it's been a long night,
okay?

All I wanna do is report
a stolen car

and get the hell outta here!

Now can I please talk to someone
who's got a GED?

- Oh, no, you didn't.
- Look, I'm sorry.

Look, I almost got my GED,
motherfucker

so you can kiss my ass!

Oh, Lord.

I know you better quit trippin'.

Look, I don't care if you never

find your little
raggedy-ass car.

- You hear me?
- What's the problem, Crayola?

Itty-bitty Negro committee
over here

don't know what to say
about his mouth.

- I was--
- Shut up.

- What'd he do?
- Stolen car.

- Oh, you stole a car.
- No, I didn't..

Man, it's my car!
Man, what are you doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
let's see some ID, brother.

(Crayola)
'911, what's the emergency?'

- 'Hi, Purina girl..
- What's going on, Tony?

Can you see
what's going on here?

You know this guy?

Oh, well, kind of,
it's our first date

you know, but he's okay.

Well, if you say he's cool.

Listen, baby, I gotta jet

but, we'll keep an eye out
for your car, ya hear?

Thank you.

(Crayola)
'I'm not catchin' a bus
to the party in my gear, okay?'

You fuck her over
and it's your ass.

I got two words for you, man.
Johnnie Cochran.

Yeah, huh? Yeah.

Watch it.

- Are you okay?
- Am I okay?

No, I am not okay!

I am definitely not okay, okay?

Well, I want you to know
this hasn't been the most

fantabulous date for me either.

So, maybe you should,
what? Stop crying.

- Stop cry.. I'm going home.
- Mnm-mnm.

I'mma tell you what you need,
Tim.

You need to relax. Okay?

Now, listen..

...if you weren't so uptight

maybe you wouldn't get
into all the trouble

that you've been getting into.

Oh, I am the trouble?

Well, yeah, something like that.
Mm-hmm.

I know what the deal is
with you.

You're too fine for your own
good. That's what it is.

Yeah, people been tellin' you,
"You so fine," all your life

and you startin' to believe
the hype.

That's your problem.
You got fine-itis.

[laughing]

I give up. I give up!

You know what?

Here. Here.

Why don't you take a cab

to whatever else you decide
to destroy tonight.

[scoffs]
You know, what, Tim,
don't do me any favors, okay?

I don't need your little bit
of chump change.

Taxi!

Now, you know you wanna go
after her.

Hey, aren't you..

Your conscience.

My conscience
looks like Billy Dee?

Think of me as the Billy Dee
in you.

Works for me.

So, why aren't you
going after her?

For a subconscious,
you got a mighty short memory.

This isn't mahogany.

I've got enough problems
on my hands

than to be worried
about some crazy babe.

Oh, why don't you spend
a little time with the woman?

Check her out.
Find out what motivates her.

It'll take some energy,
but, it won't kill you.

[scoffs]
How do you know that?

Well, my little brother

if you really like her,
you won't let her get away.

She might be..

...the beginning of something

spectacularly beautiful
in your life.

[laughing]

[gasps]

(Woo)
'Ah, what a baby.'

Okay, so the night
didn't go that smoothly

but he's the one
that lied about being a lawyer.

(man #4)
'Yeah, yeah, where to, lady,
huh?'

(Frankie)
'You been trippin', man.
You can't get us in, man.'

Yo, hold up, now. Yo, yo, I told
you I was friend of Yerbie's.

And I told you,
Yerbie ain't here.

This is a private party.

Hey, man, you've been
bullshittin'. I knew you can't..

Yo, well, hold up.
Now, I'mma handle this, alright?

Come here little, uh, blue moon.

You're playin' hardball, huh?

What's it gonna take, huh?
50, 75? A dollar?

[laughing]

Goddamn, girl.

- Hey, Barry.
- Hey, Woo. How you doin'?

- Great. Carrie's back.
- 'Oh, you know them?'

Um, you guys
should come in with me.

Oh, great.
Why would we wanna do that?

- Yeah, we ain't that desperate.
- Yo! Wait! Don't..

(Hop)
'You just kicked my nipple,
you nickel-kickin' heifer!'

We with her.

(Hop)
'Hey, yo, don't go
in without me. Yo!'

Damn!

You better beam me down
another quarter.

[club music]

Good googa-mooga.

Uh, yo, uh..

- What kind of party is this?
- What do you mean?

(Romaine)
'Some hard-lookin' sisters
up in here.'

- And big too!
- Shoot. Y'all trippin'.

Well, look at them calves.

Some of these women
got it goin' on.

Uh, I'm about to go to work.

Call me on my lunch break, huh?

♪ Shame ♪

- Hey, Woo, where you goin'?
- Uh-oh.

♪ You got me thinkin'
it's a shame ♪

♪ Sometimes I think
I'm going insane ♪

♪ Go now serve it
shame ♪

- Celestrial, there you are.
- Hey, so you got my message.

Oh, you look fierce
in this thing.

Did I predict twins?

I need to talk to you.

Oh, well, come and have a seat.

Yo, there is definitely
a vibe up in here.

Um, excuse me.

Um, I don't mean to be rude

but is that a paper bag
that you're wearing?

Well, as a matter of fact,
it is.

I'm a designer slash astrologer.

Trust, I believe in all that
cosmic carrying on in your la..

[clicks tongue]

- Makes sense to me.
- Yeah.

Home alone wouldn't
have been so bad tonight.

At least it would
have been dry, at least

kickin' his ass.

[clanking]

Sure am glad
I took those kung-fu lessons.

Yeah.

A man would be a fool to mess
with a brother

who knows 13 forms
of Chinese kung-fu!

Ka-chah!

[clanking]

Yeah.

Nothin but a G thing, baby.

- Huh!
- Gimme your money?

[scoffs]
You want my money?

What is this,
smurf night in the ghetto?

[scoffs]
'I had no idea
this was "Sesame Street."'

Who are you? Elmo?

The sister asked you
for your money.

Damn, she got a fat ass.

[upbeat music]

[music continues]

(Tim)
'Ah-ha! Yes!'

Yes! I'd have bust your ass.

You and your girlfriend.

Whoo!

[indistinct chatter]

[chuckles]

Right.

Oh, well, looky here.
What we got? A 20.

(Celestrial)
What do you mean
it didn't work out?

He was just
one of those people that

just had to analyze everything.

I mean, from the moment
that we met till we got

to the police station,
his little brain was--

Wait a minute, what were you
doing at the police station?

His car got stolen, but anyway--

Hold up! His car got stolen?

He'll get it back,
but thank the Goddess

that we got kicked out
of the club

when we did, because then--

Wait, you got kicked out
of the club too?

- Well, after the fight.
- What fight?

Celestrial,
you know how Lamar is.

He can't take drop dead
for an answer.

He fought Lamar over you?

Well, kind of, it was more like
he got punched out.

So, what exactly do you think
is wrong with the brother?

He's just..
I mean, if you--

After some of the wretched
low-life men I've seen you with

he sounds like a winner to me.

- If he could just--
- 'Girl..'

Are you sure you even took
the time to notice?

'It's in the stars, Woo.'

Now, that was a dude
in that dress.

That was somebody's father,
girl.

Shoulders.

[click tongue]

Look, I gotta go.

Woo, wait.

Aye, yo, yo.

I'm the man up in this spot.

'Yo. And I didn't forget
about my boys.'

I wanna introduce you to Adrian.

- Hi.
- Christina and Madena.

[laughing]

Hi.

- You poutin'? You poutin'?
- Yes, you are.

- Quit that poutin'.
- No.

Quit that poutin'.

Alright. Yo,
I got it all under control.

Hey-hey, who's in my pocket?
Who's in my pocket?

'Yeah, daddy.'

- Call me daddy.
- Daddy.

Daddy.

Alright, gimme a kiss.
Gimme some, sugar.

Uh, I'll be right back.
Y'all party up, alright?

Show my boys a good time,
alright?

You know what, my girlfriend
got that same dress.

You know, we are in love.

- 'I mean, really in love.'
- Love.

(Medina)
'So am I, baby. Come here.'

♪ Girl your booty is so round ♪

♪ Let me look you up and down ♪

♪ Can I take you
one more time? ♪

♪ I won't stop
until you're mine ♪

♪ Girl if I cannot be with you ♪

♪ Maybe I could have a taste ♪

♪ Put your arms around me girl ♪

♪ And your kisses on my face ♪

♪ Boom boom boom now let me here
you say way-ooh ♪

♪ Way-ooh ♪

♪ Boom boom boom
now everybody say way-ooh ♪

♪ Way-ooh ♪

♪ Boom boom boom now let me
hear you say way-ooh ♪

♪ Way-ooh ♪

♪ Boom boom boom
now everybody say way-ooh ♪

♪ Way-ooh ♪

♪ Girl your booty is so round ♪

♪ Let me look you up and down ♪

♪ Can I take you
one more time? ♪

No, Hop, no!

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

♪ Could I be searching
for your love ♪

♪ Oh baby I don't know
just what I'm searching for ♪

♪ Could I be searching
for your love ♪

♪ Oh baby I don't know
just what I'm searching for ♪

♪ Baby I've been thinking
about you ♪

♪ Wondered if you ever knew ♪

♪ All the things I want to do ♪

♪ Love and hold and squeeze
and please you ♪

♪ Never get you off my mind ♪

♪ Thinkin' 'bout you
all the time ♪

♪ Hoping that you want me to ♪

♪ Baby can't get you
off my mind ♪

♪ And boy you're so exciting ♪

♪ You're so inviting ♪

♪ I'm gonna love you boy
gonna bring you so much joy ♪

♪ Could I be searching
for your love ♪

♪ Oh baby I don't know
just what I'm searching for ♪

♪ Could I be searching
for your love.. ♪

What the hell is your problem?

(Woo)
'Sorry.'

Need a lift?

Why? Why?

(male #2)
'Helps with the wetness.'

You better take that wet shirt
off before you catch a cold.

Oh, what, do you think
I'm too stupid to know

that I got on a wet-ass shirt
that I gotta take off?

Well, I'm not.

Do I sense a little
attitude problem?

Yeah, you sense a wet nigger

who's had it up to here!
Attitude problem.

That's probably
what you sensin', Woo.

So, how long
have you two been married?

(both)
We're not married.

What?

You've been looking
all over Brooklyn

for this guy,
you're not even married?

You've been lookin' for me

all over Brooklyn?

Let me check the meter. How long
have you been in this cab?

Forty-two fifty?

You spent 42.50 looking for me?

Um, is that what the meter says,
42.50?

Oh, I get it now.
I know what you thinkin'.

Yeah, you thinkin'
I'mma pay for this, ain't you?

'Yeah, well, I'm broke.'

If you want my money, go find
that little Nubian midget

that took my shit.

That's not what I need, Tim.

Well, what do you need?

(male #2)
'Oh, dear. I'm so sorry.'

I need you to stop tripping
all over me.

I strongly suggest
that you learn

how to appreciate
a brother like me.

I hope you can forgive me.

[clears throat]

Yeah, well, I am..

I guess..

I guess I can forgive you

but you know
you have been trippin'.

I know.

I've been trippin' all night.

You think you can make
one more stop with me?

Please?

[upbeat music]

(Tim)
'Woo, what are you doing?'

(Woo)
'Just stay here.
I'll be right back.'

♪ The gang niggers
know their name ♪

♪ You represent the color
you can hardly get hot here ♪

♪ Plus we supply you
with the butter ♪

♪ Jump on my bike
and take flight ♪

♪ Me and my team regulate ♪

♪ Tight fight yo ♪

♪ My world's straight bouncin' ♪

♪ Sticks and stones renouncin' ♪

♪ When they start announcin' ♪

♪ We'll surely rock this show ♪

♪ My world's been bouncin' ♪

♪ Six and forty
ouncin' ouncin' ♪

♪ When they start announcin' ♪

♪ Go forth we rock and rollin' ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

Um, excuse me.

Shakim, can I talk
to you for a minute?

Look who decided to drop by
and fuck up our thing?

Uh, Chocolate Delight

I'd just like to talk
to Shakim a minute--

No, no, no, look, I need
to talk to you, okay?

Let's get a couple of things
straight here, okay?

I need to live my life my way.

I'm a man now, Woo, okay?

I got hair on my chin,
my chest, and my balls

'which makes it official.'

You're damn sure a man, baby.

- Uh, Shakim, I'm--
- Now, look, no, no, no.

I don't need you comin' around
here trying to mess up my--

Shakim!

Shut it up for one minute.

I'mma have to kick
this bitch's ass.

- Whoa, whoa, hold, hold..
- Whoa, whoa, bring it on.

We're having fun.
What? Come on.

Now what?

- Go?
- Just let me talk.

Look, what is it that
you're tryin' to say, Woo?

What I wanna say..

...is that I'm happy..

...for the both of you, okay?

And I'm very sorry
that I didn't understand you..

...or you.

I've realized that no matter
where you find love

or who gives it to you,
it's a good thing.

'So, I just wanna say
congratulations.'

Oh, look at this.

Come here, girl.

[Woo chuckles]

[rap music]

Oh, hell no.
Hell no, Woo.

I did not ride around
New York City all night long

to get my ass chewed up
and spit out

for you to end up with,
with neon Negro.

(Shakim)
'You didn't tell me
that you had some old'

scarecrow-lookin' motherfucker
chasin' you around.

Hey, look, you better skip your
ass down the yellow brick--

Okay, okay, alright,
hey, hey, hey.

Hey..

Timothy,
meet my brother, Shakim.

You mean, a brother,
or-or your brother?

My brother, as in relative.

You mean, y'all got the
same father, what?

- Yes.
- Now, don't you feel hurt.

Okay? And meet his fiancee.

- That's Miss Foxy.
- That's my baby.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hey, how are you?

(man on speaker)
'Yo, everybody,
this is for Shakim and Foxy.'

'Congratulations on your
engagement.'

'Keepin' it real.'

Baby, this is our song.

[applauding]

Excuse us.

Thank you, Tim.

For what?

You opened my eyes.

- Did I?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, there's something
you gotta do for me.

What?

Let's just say I'm about
to make some things happen.

- Hm? Come on.
- Oh.

He has a '92 Pathfinder, right?

Clutch is slippin', so I figure
it's the transmission.

- Want to check it out for me?
- Sure, here.

Give me a call
at the shop sometime.

Alright.

Runnin'. Wooh!

♪ I'm runnin' things heh ♪

♪ I'm runnin' things ♪

Yo, this is the spot!

I'm here every week.
Every week!

I got it goin' on
up in here, yo.

I had a ball.

Nah, man.
I think you had two balls.

He has so many balls.

He could've played some pool
up in his piece.

Oh, psych.

What?

What? Oh, y'all's
playin' pool again?

You can't beat him, boy.
Leave him alone.

Hey, y'all check out Phyllis?

That's Phillip.

You didn't see
"The Crying Game?"

You didn't look at the neck?

Yeah, I checked out
the neck, fool.

I'm the one that put them
hickies on it.

'I've been suckin' on it
all night.'

Hop..

...they were all men.

Yo, it's time to go, man.

Don't call me no more.

[snickering]

You need to rent
"The Crying Game."

♪ And when it.. ♪

[gasping]

♪ And when it.. ♪

Oh. Oh, God.
Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

♪ And when it.. ♪

Hop! Hop!
These are my girls.

(all)
'Hi.'

[screaming]
Get your ass outta here, nigga!
Grr!

[whimpering]

♪ And when it.. ♪

- Come on, Hop. Let's go..
- Come on, Hop.

Don't touch me!
Don't touch me.

Come on, man.

- You didn't see me kissing him.
- Come on.

(male #2)
'Uh, I don't like this.'

(Tim)
'Turn your lights out.
Turn your lights out.'

Okay.

(Tim)
'Yeah.
Pull right over here.'

Yeah. Okay.

Gimme your slim jim.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Give me your slim jim, please!

Come on, all cabbies
got slim jims.

You got any money, Woo?
Come on, give him a ten.

- Twenty.
- Ah! 20?

- I don't think so.
- Let's try 15.

So...first you were a lawyer,
and now you're a car thief?

To the nails, okay?

Just watch my back, alright?

Thank you, Genie.

Tim, I cannot believe
you're doing this.

Hey, man!
It's a Vette!

Jiggle it to the left
and jerk it up.

[automated message]
'Step away from the car.'

'Step away from the car,
motherfucker.'

'Step the fuck back.'

'I said, step.'

Tim!

[automated message]
'Step away from the car.'

What the hell is goin' on?

[automated message]
'Step away from the car,
motherfucker.'

Hasta la vista, pretty lady!

[engine revving]

[automated message]
'I said, step.'

Um, what's going on?

You wanna know
what's going on?

Okay, I'm gonna tell you
what's going on.

Who the fuck are you?

Latifah Jefferson,
State Repossession Agency.

(Woo)
'I am here to repossess
your car.'

What?

Yeah, and we caught up with your
little friend, Timmy Jackson

and he lead us right to you.

That little bitch.

(Denise)
'Sends a woman over here
to come get his car.'

He didn't have enough balls of
his own to come get it himself.

(Denise)
'But it doesn't matter, 'cause
I could call him up tomorrow'

'throw a little somethin',
somethin' on him.

[scoffs]
'And have another one
by the end of the week.'

[glass shattering]

You better get your ass,
a bag of subway tokens

'cause you're gonna be catchin'
the train from now on, baby.

Come on, Woo.

Gotta go, sister.

Girl, you better give me
back my keys.

- I don't think so.
- Tim!

Timmy!

Nice meeting you, Denise!

Come back here, Tim!

You know you still love me.

You know you still want this.

[grunts]

Shit!

- 'Whoo-hoo-hoo-whoo!
- 'Ha-ha-ha-ha!'

(Tim)
'Yeah, ha-ha.'

[screaming]

Whoo-hoo! That's what
I'm talkin' 'bout, girl.

That's how I'm livin'.
You know, what I'm sayin'?

Oh, you were so sexy when you
threw that brick

through that window, Tim.

I came strong with it,
didn't I, girl?

Oh, you came strong.

I feel like a whole new me.
You know, what I'm sayin', Woo?

I knew you had it in you, Timmy.

Oh, I got it in me.

I got Woo in me, girl.
I got you in me, girl.

I ain't lettin' it go, neither.

Whatcha wanna do, huh?
The night is young.

Come on, it's yours.

Wooh!

That is my song.

Ah!

Oh!

[chuckles]

Whoo!

[tires screeching]

♪ Mm hmm-hmm hmm-hmm ♪

♪ Who made tomorrow? ♪

What are you doing?

This time I'm not
gonna miss the moment.

Come on, girl.

♪ In times of sorrow ♪

♪ Who made the tears go away? ♪

♪ Is there someone
to show you the way? ♪

♪ To make all your dreams
come true ♪

♪ I will ♪

♪ I'll always love you ♪

♪ Ooh I will ♪

♪ I'll always be faithful ♪
♪ Baby I will ♪

♪ 'Cause I adore you ♪

♪ I said I will ♪

♪ I will be right
here.. ♪

- Shit!
- Dammit.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Forget the car.
- No, No!

Come on.

No!

(Tim)
'Oh, my ride.'

[clattering]

[crashing]

(male #3)
'Sorry!'

You did have insurance, right?

[upbeat music]

(Woo)
You would look much better
in a Porsche anyway.

(Tim)
You know, you're right.
Come on, let's dance.

♪ Now it's summertime ♪

♪ We've been together now ♪

♪ For a little while ♪

♪ It's a perfect
kind of season ♪

♪ To fall in love babe ♪

♪ Let's go all the way
and make this last ♪

♪ You see my mind ♪

♪ Is already made up ♪
♪ Made up ♪

♪ I know exactly what I want ♪
♪ What I want ♪

♪ And I'm waitin'
for you to give it ♪

♪ Just let your mind run free
and give your love to me ♪

♪ Oh won't you let me? ♪

♪ Let it be ♪
♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Oh fantasy ♪

♪ Yeah let it be ♪

♪ We can make love
on the white sand ♪

♪ We can do it all night ♪

♪ Till the sun rises again ♪

♪ We'll build some memories ♪

♪ To last eternally ♪

♪ You know my mind
is already.. ♪

♪ My mind is already made up ♪

♪ I know exactly what I want ♪

♪ And I'm waitin'
for you to give it ♪

♪ And let your mind run free ♪

♪ It has to be
what you want it to be ♪

♪ What you let it be ♪
♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Baby ♪
♪ Baby you and me our fantasy ♪

♪ Won't you let it be ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Nobody ♪

♪ Does it better ♪

♪ Nobody ♪

♪ Does it better ♪

♪ Baby come closer than close ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Original they never will be ♪

♪ We bumpin' from
coast to coast ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We just tryin' to
make you see ♪

♪ Nobody does it better ♪

♪ I'm sittin' here trippin'
my mind is blocked ♪

♪ Nate Dogg just spit it
so it's time to cock ♪

♪ No one can do it better
like this two man crew ♪

♪ They say we're
one hit quitters ♪

♪ Now whatcha'll gonna do? ♪

♪ Always into somethin'
that's my name ♪

♪ Only out for money
hey 'cause that's the game ♪

♪ People always ask me
why I'm out for scratch ♪

♪ He who has the most is
he who won the match ♪

♪ Strike one
me and Nate Dogg is a match ♪

♪ Strike two two leave 'em
standing still in their tracks ♪

♪ Strike three you can call us
two one three ♪

♪ It's the L and the B
that makes me act like a G ♪

♪ My exhibition
started back in '93 ♪

♪ No one nobody listenin'
but Warren and me ♪

♪ To all the nonbelievers
now I bet you see ♪

♪ Nobody does it
better than me ♪

♪ Make it come
closer than close ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Original they never will be ♪

♪ We bumpin' from
coast to coast ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ We just tryin'
to make you see ♪

♪ Nobody does it better ♪

♪ They call me DJ the
sparkplug keepin' it licked ♪

♪ There is no accident
for these platinum hits ♪

♪ So when we make it
to show love ♪

♪ Bangin' in your club ♪

♪ Hangin' with your thugs
givin' up G love ♪

♪ Do you remember back
on the eastside ♪

♪ When all of us niggas
used to love to ride ♪

♪ Nobody ♪

♪ Does it better ♪

[music continues]