Without a Clue (1988) - full transcript

This is a Sherlock Holmes story with a difference. Here Dr Watson is the ace detective and has been using an actor to play the part Holmes. Holmes is a drunken actor and gets on Watson's nerves. When Watson tries to go it alone, he doesn't have much success, so he is forced to let Holmes take all the credit once more.

I told you.

A quick tunnel job, then up
the stairs, as pretty as you please.

That's worth over ten thousand £s.

- We going to be rich.
- Not this time gentlemen.

Sherlock Holmes.

Watson?

Right you are Holmes.

Run Archie or we'll swing for it.

Don't let those ruffians escape.

I am Inspector Lestrade, you are under...

There's no escape my friend.



This will be a pleasure.

- Well done Watson.
- You alright Holmes?

Quite, which is more
than I can say for John Clay.

One of London's least notorious thieves.

Inspector, I have your man.

Come on.

Well Mr.Holmes...

I don't know how, but you've done it again.

Thank you Inspector.

That's high praise indeed, coming from
such a workmanlike detective as yourself.

And now, if you have
nothing further to add...

I hereby declare this case closed.

- Good, got kippers for breakfast.
- Just a minute.

- You idiot.
- What?



- Confound you.
- What? What I'd say?

Watson, what, what did I say wrong?

I did everything you
said, exactly as you said it.

Alright, what did I do?

You not going to tell me, are you?

Alright, you want to know what's wrong?

- I said I did, didn't I?
- I'll tell you what's wrong.

- Don't declare a case is closed...
- Just a minute Watson, my public awaits.

Until I say it's closed.

- Good morning gentlemen.
- Good morning Mr. Holmes.

- May we have a word with you sir?
- Certainly.

Sir, how did you know somebody was
tunneling into the cellar of Royal Gallery?

That was very interesting, I see there
was fresh dirt in the building next door.

- Fresh dirt...
- Would you like to elaborate on that sir?

It was an elementary deduction
based on the clues at hand.

But didn't Scotland Yard
see the very same clues?

I see and observe.

Isn't that rather redundant?

Describe the front of this building.

Without looking,
describe the front of this house.

- Well, it's brick...
- Yes.

It's got black railings, I think and windows.

- How many windows?
- How many?

- I don't know.
- Quite so.

He sees but he does not observe.

Whereas I see and observe and thus
bring many notorious blackguards to justice.

Hear, hear.

- Did I put that reporter in his place?
- Just for the record...

how many windows are there
in the front of this building?

I haven't the foggiest idea.

- There are fifteen windows, you fool.
- Fifteen.

Not only that...

Not only that but the
reporter you just embarrassed...

he knows how to type, is somewhat nearsighted
and recently returned from a holiday.

And how do you know that Watson?

Elementary, from the creases on his
wrist where a typist presses against...

- the table...
- Watson...

Do you think this is a good likeness of me?

Wonderful story, by the way but on
page two, you have me admitting a mistake.

A writer must write of which he knows.

Do you think that's really necessary?

I mean, tarnishing the image and all that?

Hello.

- What have we here?
- Something is afoot.

How many times have I told you
to stay away from my experiments?

Something wrong?

I seem to spend an increasing
amount of my precious time...

correcting your blunders,
both private and public.

Oh, I see, it's the Clay case.

- You still in a snit over that?
- Well, if you want my opinion...

- I beg your pardon? Opinion, did you say?
- Oh, my God. Not that speech again.

May I remind you, for your information sir,
that your opinions are my opinions.

Oh, piffle.

I created the character of Sherlock Holmes,
and hired you merely to play the part...

snatching you from the gutter.

Hardly the gutter, old boy.

After all, I was once an actor of note.

Whose his last play ran a total
of one-half of one performance.

I'll have you know Shadow of Death...

with Reginald Kincaid was a
towering work, decades ahead of its time.

Lesson number two. Advanced Bowing.

My only regret was that it ended
before the climactic third act duel.

- Too bad you didn't have a chance to see it.
- I've no use for theatrical swordplay.

All I ask is that you
obey a few simple rules...

not the least of which is, a case
is not closed until I say it's closed.

Really Watson, I think you underestimate
my own native deductive abilities.

You hear those footsteps? I'd say this
was a woman about five feet five...

weight about twelve
half stone, age fifty four, voila.

Blown yourself up again?

Watson, it's for you,
your Baker Street Irregulars.

- Hello boys.
- Wiggins, give it back.

Just trying to earn a living.

We heard you was looking for us Doctor.

Yes boys, there's been some trouble
concerning the break in at the Royal Gallery.

What? We heard that Mr. Holmes
declared the case closed.

Alright alright.

That will prove, after some creative writing,
to be merely a ruse on Mr. Holmes's part.

Now, something is not right.

John Clay does not deal in works of art.
I need you boys have a look around...

eyes sharp, ears quick. Copper a piece your
trouble and a shilling for what you learn.

- We'll do our best, won't we lads?
- Yeah.

Don't let us keep you
boys, come on out, out, out.

Don't worry about a thing doctor, we know
how much you could use some real assistance.

There you are, you're making a
laughingstock of me. How can I be...

How can I be expected
to maintain a character...

when you belittle me
in front of those hooligans?

Character? Are we talking
of the same man who once...

declared with total conviction
that the late Colonel Howard...

had been bludgeoned
to death by a blunt excrement?

Is it my fault that
you have such poor handwriting?

Anyway, it was just a little mistake.

He's been at it again.

- I never liked that woman.
- Come in Mrs. Hudson.

I found it under a
loose board in the stairwell.

Thank you Mrs. Hudson.

An occasional libation
enables me to stiffen my resolve.

Your resolve should be pickled by now.

I don't believe that either of you
realize what pressure I'm under.

You know what it's like to commit
to memory a never-ending list...

of clues and deductions to be
parroted back to Lestrade and reporters?

Blood stains on a toothpick? Cigar ash?
New soil in the garden next door?

- Endless twaddle.
- Twaddle?

Are you referring to the systematic...

gathering of evidence and the
logical deductions based thereon?

I am referring to twaddle.

And you would be well served Watson...

to include fewer of these
dreary details in future chronicles...

and place greater emphasis on me.

I am, after all, the one
the public really cares about.

Would you be so kind as
to excuse us for a moment?

Careful, remember your blood pressure.

And good riddance to bad rubbish, I must say.

Am I to understand
that you are giving me notice?

Let's just say that the curtain has come
down on yet another miserable performance.

Right.

Watson, I was once
a figment of your imagination.

But now Sherlock Holmes
belongs to the whole world.

And at last we're free of that
ungrateful baggage, hey Mrs. Hudson.

From now on things are going to be
much more pleasant around here.

An actor?

Nothing the matter,
nothing at all. Back to work.

Hold my calls.

We'll start at the beginning, shall we?

It was about nine
years ago, one of my patients...

was a Scotland Yard inspector
investigating the Paxton murder case.

I gave him the name of the murderer
but gave credit to a nonexistent detective.

At the time...

I was hoping for an appointment to the staff
of a rather conservative medical college I...

- knew that they'd frown on my little...
- Hobby?

Exactly. Well, I didn't get the appointment.

Instead what I got was a quite unanticipated
public demand to meet this Sherlock Holmes.

So you hired this Reginald Kincaid.

He was an actor. Unfortunately, he was also
a gambler, a womanizer and a drunkard.

John, you've jeopardized
the integrity of English literature.

Still, I should've known.

He was always borrowing
large sums of money off me and...

never paying me back, the cad.

But don't worry, we
deducted it from your royalties.

- Now tell me, who else knows of this?
- No one.

Except Mrs. Hudson and the Irregulars.

But it's time now for
the public to learn the truth.

- The truth?
- Certainly.

No one will want to read of that
twit again, his popularity will plummet.

- They'll be desperate for my new creation.
- What new creation?

John Watson, the Crime Doctor.

I could have it ready
for your very next issue.

Sit down John.

People buy the Strand magazine expecting
to read a story in which Sherlock Holmes...

solves the case, not the Crime Surgeon.

Crime Doctor.

Crime Doctor, crime Surgeon,
crime Dentist, who cares really?

Let's face it John Sherlock Holmes
is worth a fortune to the magazine.

You're stuck with him, I'm afraid.

Norman, I'll write what I want.
There's nothing you can do.

The devil there isn't.

You can't go in there.

- What is this?
- Sorry Doctor...

- but we found something, down by the docks.
- Excellent.

- Hello ducks.
- If you'll excuse us, we have work to do.

- You work here?
- Kid.

Watson, I'm warning you, it's Sherlock Holmes
or we'll sue you for everything you're worth.

And I mean everything.

Anyone seen my watch?

- There is doctor.
- Camden Paper Mill.

- Burned about four this morning.
- Same time as the Clay robbery.

- On the button.
- Good lad, now we're getting somewhere.

- Come on, let's take a look around.
- Went up like a torch, they say.

Well, it's full of wood
pulp and paper, you see?

Oh, I'm sorry sir.
No one is allowed in this area.

Quite alright, I
assure you, I'm Dr. John Watson.

- Nobody is sick here.
- But you? You don't understand.

- John Watson.
- The Crime Doctor.

That's right John Watson, the Crime Doctor.

Crime Doctor? Never heard of him.

Though your name sounds a bit familiar.

Alright, I am Dr. John Watson...

author of the Sherlock Holmes mysteries.

Sherlock Holmes?

The Sherlock Holmes?

Me and the wife has
read every one of his stories.

- Alright. Now, if you'll excuse me...
- I'm sorry doctor, I still can't let you in.

- Strict orders about that, I'm afraid.
- But...

- Mr. Holmes, did he send you here?
- He certainly did not.

Well, perhaps the next time you should check
with him first sire, save yourself a trip.

You try and fight crime in this city
and all you hear about is Sherlock Holmes.

What's he like? When will you see him next?

Never, that's when, never.

- Doctor dear, keep your voice down.
- Why should I?

Because you have visitors, Inspector
Lestrade and a Lord Smithwick.

Of the Treasury?

- Gentlemen, won't you come up?
- Oh yes, thank you very much.

- Mr. Holmes is in, is he?
- Dr. Watson will see you,

Although he is quite busy
with his scholarly pursuits.

Gentlemen.

- Good afternoon Inspector.
- Doctor.

This is Lord Smithwick,
Her Majesty's Chancellor of the Exchequer.

- My pleasure sir.
- His Lordship wishes to see Mr. Holmes.

- I'm sorry to say not here at the moment.
- Oh, how disappointing.

Sire, as I said
before, I really don't think...

Mr. Holmes' involvement
in this case is necessary.

- Should I agree.
- You do?

However, the Crime
Doctor is at your disposal.

- Who the deuce is the Crime Doctor?
- What?

Most amusing but this is a
matter of the gravest urgency.

- When do you expect Mr. Holmes?
- Not for a while.

- He's out of town.
- Good afternoon.

Well too bad.

I'm sure we'll be able to get
along quite well without Mr. Holmes.

Wait, today is Friday, isn't it?

Yes, of course it is, silly me.
Holmes is supposed to be back tonight.

- How fortunate.
- Very well, we shall return at 7 tonight.

- Come along Inspector.
- Till then gentlemen.

- We made this trip for nothing.
- No but I must ask you once again...

♪ Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that tile? ♪

♪ Isn't it a knobby one?
It's just the proper style. ♪

♪ I would like to have one
just the same as that. ♪

♪ Wherever I go, they shout hello
and where you get that hat? ♪

♪ Where did you get that hat?
Where did you get that tile? ♪

Good evening, have you seen
Peter Bright in there? He's disappeared.

Hello Connie.

Alright...

Who did it?

Come on, which one of you pinched me?

- Pinched, you say?
- It's right.

May I be of some assistance?

The name is Holmes Sherlock Holmes.

Constance Peyton sir pleased to meet you.

Charmed. Now, let's see...

By careful observation
of the patrons of these premises...

I have been able to deduce the
identity of the fiend who pinched you.

Me, did it again.

- Thank you, my good man.
- Thank you sir.

I'll make this brief, I'll make this brief.

- I'll make this brief.
- I'll need to see some money Mr. Holmes.

- Been five days now.
- Now, see here, my good man...

- Go ahead sir, it's on me.
- Thank you sir.

- Watson?
- Oh hello, how are things?

Couldn't be better, good health.

I'll make this brief. I'll make
this brief, I want you to come back.

- Like I predicted, you need me.
- I do not need you.

Then what are you
here for? I didn't call for you.

Alright, I need you
for this one blasted time.

One time and that's all?

- You going to have to do better than that.
- Don't push me.

You've already run out of money.

This is because you lack the
necessary skills to gain decent employment.

Wrong Watson, you see?

I have been honing my ability of elementary
deduction to a razor's edge, observe.

Excuse me sir, how
things on the subcontinent?

I beg your pardon?

You are a reporter just back
from India, are you not?

I'm a barrister and I've
never been to India in my life.

- But you do read the Times.
- Of course.

There you have it. My card.

I'll ask you just once more.
Are you coming with me or not?

I would rather waltz naked
through the fires of hell.

I can see coming here was a mistake.

Excellent deduction
Watson, keep up the good work.

Ah gentlemen. And what can I do for you?

- A mystery to be solved?
- You might say that.

There's a little matter of a gambling debt.

The mystery is why you ain't paid it.

Gentlemen, you're
dealing with Sherlock Holmes...

a man of honor and character beyond reproach.

There he is, that's the
bloke who pinched me bum.

Pardon me. Pardon me.

Excuse me love.

- Didn't I say seven o'clock?
- Forgive me for being late gentlemen.

Is Mr. Holmes with you?

Well, actually Lord Smithwick, a short
time ago I received a wire from Holmes...

instructing me take down the
details and begin the investigation...

- without him, as it were.
- What?

Believe it or not, I am every
bit Holmes's equal as a detective.

Doctor Watson?

Ah, I happen to know that you
recently recovered from an illness...

that you smoke a pipe, probably
rosewood and you spent time in China.

Sorry doctor,
this is no time for parlor games.

- I'm not playing any kind of games.
- This is a matter for professionals.

- You got to help me, there's two big men...
- Holmes, you're back, so good to see you.

My? Isn't this a clever disguise?
A drunken lout, very realistic.

This woman said I pinched her bottom...

Pinched her bum. Ha ha.

Gentlemen Sherlock Holmes.

Ah, Lestrade, good to see the
department is letting you out at night again.

Lord Smithwick, trouble at the Exchequer?

Well, to be honest, wait, how did you know?

The same way that I can tell you've recently
recovered from an illness, smoke a pipe...

probably rosewood
and have spent some time in China.

- Amazing.
- Thank you.

Ah Lord Smithwick, before
we start, perhaps a little sherry?

I wish we could but the
matter which brings me here...

involves the fate of the entire Empire.

I see. Perhaps a whiskey then? Perhaps later.

Sir, why don't you tell me the details and
omit nothing Watson, pay close attention.

- Do you know what these are?
- I do.

So do I.

The plates for the Bank
of England's 5 £s note.

- Undoubtedly.
- Or very good imitations.

- Precisely.
- Exactly.

Indeed.

Well now, that's cleared
that up, how about that whiskey?

- May I?
- Oh, I suppose so.

Oh, inspector...

Just two nights ago, these clever forgeries
were exchanged for the genuine plates.

Now, if the real plates are in
the hands of some foreign power...

Or someone even more treacherous, the kingdom
could find itself awash in counterfeit notes.

And I don't have to tell
you what that would mean.

Yes, you do.

It would mean, quite simply,
economic ruin for England.

Nobody would know which 5 £
notes were real and which weren't.

Gentlemen, I accept this case.

My fee will be five hundred
£s, payable in ten £ notes.

Good evening.

We can all rest
a little easier now Inspector.

- Yes.
- Drive on, my good man.

You may think anything but surprise if I
said I've growing doubts about Mr. Holmes.

I feel like some comfort,
knowing Sherlock Holmes is British.

You suppose he took the case Professor?

Watson?

My dear boy, how could he resist?

Is working out so very well. Driver.

- Gentlemen, I am here.
- Mr. Holmes, at last.

Welcome to Her Majesty's Royal Mint.

This is one of my
long-time employees mister...

- Hadlers sir.
- Hadlers, yes.

Inspector Lestrade was
inquiring about the vaults.

It's my guess that it's an inside
job by someone with a key.

You have a key, don't you Hadlers?

Me? No.

Inspector please,
Mr. Holmes will take over now.

Quite alright Lord Smithwick. As a matter
of fact Lestrade, you can be of some help.

- Of course.
- Hold my coat, it's hot in here.

So this is where
the printing plates are kept.

Yes sir.

Yes, very interesting indeed.

No harm done.

Tell me, how many people
have access to this vault?

Three persons only, myself, the
Commissioner for Seals and Engravings...

and the printing supervisor Peter Giles.

I should like to speak to this third person.

He didn't turn up for
work this morning your lordship.

We've already done some
checking on this Giles your lordship...

he is a widower with one child named Leslie.

I've seen her once or twice myself sir.

A very pretty girl in an unusual sort of way.

- Pretty?
- Oh yes sir, quite.

Watson, make a note of that.

Though Mr. Giles himself seemed...

slightly uncomfortable when I
complimented him on her appearance.

No, no, no, look so you can't
believe that Peter Giles was involved.

Why, the man is worked here for over
30 years and he was very religious too.

- Wouldn't you say so...

- Hadlers.
- Hadlers.

Oh yes sir, he was always
quoting from the Psalms.

Ah, the Psalms, one of my
favorite books, the bible, wasn't it?

I suppose you'll
want to speak to this Peter Giles.

Quite actually, I've never
been one for religious talk myself.

On the other hand,
no leads must be overlooked.

You can rest assured your Lordship, we
shall be investigating the daughter as well.

I must be going, come here.
You ninny, what you doing over there?

- Amazing fellow, really.
- Alright, now go. Go.

Giles, open this door, is Sherlock Holmes.

Stand back Watson, I'll break it down.

Half a tick Mr. Holmes.

You can't go walking
into someone's residence...

poking about their personal
possessions, disturbing their privacy.

That's for Scotland Yard.

Hello? Anybody home?

Charles? Nobody home.

- Ah, Inspector, you're treading on the mat.
- Sorry.

- Nice, tidy little place.
- Oh, a French postcard.

- Really?
- I knew a chap who collected these once.

He had this wonderful
one of two women and that...

- It's just the picture of the Eiffel Tower.
- Quite a bit of correspondence there doctor.

As I'd say Giles hadn't
been home several days.

Anything of interest in that card Charles?

It says, Having a gay time here but need
a holiday. Will see you on Monday. I.

I wonder who that can be?

- I, is that an old friend? A secret lover?
- My guess it's his daughter, Leslie.

I'll wager you're right Inspector.

That's right, let him deduce everything.

Be good chap, when Lestrade
returns, go about your sleuthing routine.

The full treatment?

Whatever it takes to keep
him occupied while I look around.

Would appear as if Mr. Giles
is taken himself a holiday.

I expected no less.

If you'll allow me.

- Very interesting up here.
- Excuse me.

My word.

Don't touch that.

There may be fingerprints.

The book of Psalms...

As I anticipated... the Bible.

All starting to fit together
rather neatly, I'd say.

Stay with me Lestrade...

investigating crime
calls for the searching out of patterns.

Now, take the patterns in this carpet.

Rosettes and what appears
to be cherubs, isn't it?

Is that a cherub?

Dr. Watson, what have you there?

Oh this, I just found this in the fireplace.

- Careful, might be evidence.
- Really?

E - R - M - E - R - E.

What you make of it?

You blind Lestrade? Tell him Watson.

Correct me if I'm wrong Holmes but
this piece of paper is part of a map.

A location.

Emere, Cashmere...

- Windermere, Lake Windermere.
- Brilliant Inspector.

The lake district is a perfect place to
hide, nobody goes there this time of year.

We'll just up wire to Windermere and
see if Giles is made his appearance yet.

And don't you worry Mr. Holmes,
we'll have this case wrapped up in no time.

- Unique, actually, very creative Watson.
- So much for the great detective.

Something that would never
have occurred to the likes of me.

Imagine, a Sherlock Holmes adventure

in which Lestrade solves the bloody case.

Calm yourself, there's a healthy
chunk of mystery yet to be solved.

To Windermere for us, where
I assure you, the game is still afoot.

As was his habit Sherlock Holmes sat
in the railway carriage lost in thought.

♪ You must be a
millionaire, you can hear the... ♪

Are you Sherlock Holmes?

I am indeed madam,
would you like my autograph?

You put me old man in jail, you did.

From these moments of quiet, intense
reflection, would inevitably spring...

some new insight.

- Stop it, you silly girl.
- Go on back.

I'm sorry about that Watson.

- What are you doing?
- Thinking.

Right, I'm going to think too.

What should we think about Watson?

Allow me to introduce myself.

I am the Right Honorable Gerald
Fitzwalter Johnson Lord Mayor.

This is my daughter Christabel.

Hello Mr. Holmes.

We're enthusiastic readers
of your articles in the Strand.

My daughter, in particular,
reads each one several times.

Don't even think about it.

I believe we have something for you sir...,

a man matching Mr. Giles's
description arrived two nights ago.

Ah, this is Andrews,
a dock worker here on the lake.

He remembers the man quite well.

Andrews, this is Mr. Holmes,
come to our fair community...

to investigate a matter of great importance.

You may begin Mr. Holmes.

What makes you remember
this man so clearly Mr. Andrews?

- I remember this man...
- Your hat.

I remember this man so clearly because
he was carrying a brown leather suitcase.

The suitcase was fastened to his
wrist with a pair of silver handcuffs.

It was very heavy and he
commented on the weight several times.

- He asked Donald Ayers...
- A local boatman.

A local boatman, to transport him
across the lake to a cottage he had rented.

Watson, make a note of that.

I'm sure Holmes would
like to speak to this boatman,

- Donald Ayers.
- Yes, indeed.

No one has seen the fellow or the
man with the suitcase since that night.

- You mean they've gone missing?
- Yes.

Well, my theory, if you
permit me Mr. Holmes is this...

the storm may have done both of them in.

- They went out in a storm?
- Watson please.

They went out in a storm?

Yes, the lake can get
very rough at this time of the year.

Ah, here we are, our finest
hotel, the Shakespeare Arms.

Oh Mr.Holmes, we're
all so proud to have you here.

The Duke is absolutely beside himself.

- Duke?
- D - O - g.

- Sherlock Holmes and Doctor...?
- John Watson.

John Watson,

Now, if you just follow me, I'll
have your luggage taken upstairs.

Stay down, sit boy, sit.

Now then Dukie, you stay down here
while I take the gentlemen upstairs.

He's taken quite a fancy to you Mr. Holmes,
he doesn't like everybody, you know.

Fetch.

What he likes is the
summer, with all them ramblers.

The King Lear Room
Mr. Holmes, the finest we've got.

Yours is upstairs Doctor, be careful
of the carpet, the mice have been at it.

We call this the Hamlet Room and
it does have a lovely view of the lake.

- Now, if you'll excuse me Doctor...
- Watson.

Watson. I'll just go and see
if Mr. Holmes is alright.

Watson, would you mind
swapping rooms with me?

I once played King Lear and, quite frankly...

that room would revive
memories of a rotten fruit.

One room is the same as another to me.

Thank you.

What a dreary place this is.

Excuse me but you are
Sherlock Holmes, aren't you?

Oh, that depends, you have a relative
who was recently sent to prison?

- Me? Why no.
- Well yes then, I am Sherlock Holmes.

Well, we all consider an
honor you'd have a drink with us.

A drink.

I was just saying to my good friend Dr. Watson
here what a lovely village this is.

I'll have a double whiskey please,
just to wore off the chill of the evening.

A double whiskey for Mr. Holmes, a toast...

greatest detective in all the world.

- Thank you gentlemen, I am touched.
- I can vouch for that.

You sir, remind me of
someone I once encountered...

during the curious affair
of the Manchurian Mambo.

- Could I have a word?
- Yes.

I believe that was the
Manchurian Mamba Holmes.

Mamba, mambo, what's the difference?

Very little, other than
one is a deadly poisonous snake...

and the other is
a rather festive Caribbean dance.

It was a night just like any other,
when someone knocked at the door.

I opened it and there were these Manchurians
doing this rather festive Caribbean dance.

Manchurian Mambo, steady Watson.

Just get through it one more
time, then you're rid of the fellow.

What a pleasant thought.

I feel much better, quite euphoric.

As the snake struck
at me, I danced out of the way.

If it hadn't been for my flawless footwork,
I'd be standing here a dead man today.

What about another drink Mr. Holmes?

Gentlemen, I have to be up early
tomorrow and I need all my wits about me.

Perhaps just one more.

Holmes, sweet Holmes.

You're not the Hound
of the Baskervilles, you know.

Fresh air, that's what I need.

That's better.

Watson, help.

Help me Watson. Watson, wake up.

Help.

- My God.
- Watson...

- Hang on, I'm coming.
- Please...

- Hang on, here I am.
- Quickly.

- Give me your hand.
- Are you there?

Yes, I'm here, hold the hand.

- Well done.
- Pull quickly.

- I'm pulling up boy.
- Pull harder.

No, don't.

Don't let go.

Well done.

Fascinating, this railing appears
to have been cut by someone.

Get him off.

Good morning gentlemen.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

This is the cottage Giles leased
from a company in London.

- Allow me to show you the way.
- Mr. Mayor, don't move.

Not until Mr. Holmes has had a
chance to inspect the area for clues.

By God, I've trained you well
Watson. Now, follow me closely.

- What am I looking for?
- Footprints.

- Right, have I found any yet?
- No, not yet.

Alright, let me know when I do.

Hello? Anyone at home?

Hello?

If Giles was headed here...

it's obvious he never arrived.

Mr. Holmes, they've found Donald Ayers.

Who?

Dreadful.

Stand back lads, stand back, leave it to me.

Constable please.

Not until Mr. Holmes has had a
chance to investigate the body for clues.

Yes, it is my opinion he is dead.

He's a genius.

Thank you sir, here you are.
Two first-class tickets to London.

- Well Mr. Holmes, any theories?
- Indeed.

Obviously Giles and Ayers were caught in the
storm too far from the shore to swim for it.

And with that heavy suitcase attached
to his wrist and the lake being so deep.

Quite, pulled the poor wretch to the bottom.

Struggling futilely, flailing desperately...

as the cold, black water
sealed his fate forever.

Well, it's certainly been a laugh, thank you.

- Thank you very much.
- Holmes.

We must be off, pleasure
meeting you Mr. Mayor.

Same Doctor.

Now, now, we know
for a fact Giles was on the boat.

No, we don't.

Well, we do know for a fact
that Giles arrived at Windermere.

- No, he didn't.
- He didn't? I thought he did.

Well, we really know that Giles was
behind the theft of the printing plates.

No, he wasn't.

Fine.

Just trying to get things straight.

Tell me something Watson, is
there anything we do know for a fact?

- Yes.
- What?

That without a doubt there is an
evil mastermind behind all of this.

Professor Moriarty?

Oh, for God's sake.

You didn't tell me that
homicidal maniac was involved in this.

Because I knew you'd behave this way.

Bravo, another triumph
for deductive reasoning.

- Don't you think you're overreacting?
- Pardon me.

Wasn't I the one he tried to kill last night?

- Merely a technicality.
- Oh, maybe for you mate.

Think man, who was
supposed to sleep in that room?

That's true, you were.

Moriarty knows I'm the
only match for his evil genius.

- Are you sure he's not trying to kill me?
- Of course not, he knows you're an idiot.

Thank God.

Whoa there, steady.

Stand, here you are miss.

- Thank you.
- It's all very nice Miss.

Miss Leslie Giles?

- Yes?
- Dr. John Watson, at your service.

And this is Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes?

But what do you want with me?

The government
suspects that your father has...

stolen the printing plates for the 5 £ note.

What?

They also believe that he is at the bottom
of Lake Windermere, drowned like a rat.

Father...

- Watson, get some water please.
- Of course.

Father...

Sorry for the fright Miss Giles.

Unfortunately, you fainted
before Holmes could add...

he personally believes your
father not only innocent but alive.

Really?

Holmes believes
your father has been abducted.

- Abducted? By whom?
- Abductors.

You see Miss Giles, your father was
described to us as fanatically neat...

a fact confirmed by the
immaculateness of this very place.

I took the opportunity to have a
look around and it is extremely tidy.

One must ask therefore,
why such a compulsively neat man...

would leave an unmade bed, unless
he was snatched from that very bed.

Oh dear God.

Then a man posing as your father was sent to
Windermere where a mock drowning was staged.

Unfortunately costing the life of
an innocent boatman named Ayers...

- forcibly drowned.
- Murdered?

Why?

Why? You ask.

Because...

Fill in the details Watson.

Because someone wanted
us to believe that your father...

and the printing plates
were lost at the bottom of the lake.

Thus Scotland Yard and
that poor, misguided fool Lestrade...

would foolishly believe that the case was
closed, leaving the true villain free...

to wreak havoc with
the economy of the Empire.

All quite elementary.

Let me go.

Have courage mister.

You're not getting away that easy.

Put me down.

You don't know who you're dealing
with, my name is Sherlock Holmes.

Put me down.

Look out.

Sorry about this Miss Giles.

Sorry about this Miss Giles.

- Hurry.
- My bleeding shoe.

- They're gone.
- I know, I chased them away.

Oh, you brave, brave man.

Danger is my trade but not yours.

It's unsafe for you to sleep alone tonight...

- unattended.
- Yes, we insist you stay with us.

- Oh but surely I'd be an imposition.
- Think nothing of it my dear.

Indeed Holmes will be working all
night anyway, so you can have his room.

- Interesting, of Italian manufacture.
- What?

- This shoe, brand-new.
- Oh yes, very interesting.

Do you think? You think
she's ready for bed yet?

And if I'm not mistaken, caked with mud
mainly found in the vicinity of the Thames.

The Thames, yes, yes.
Poor girl, poor, beautiful girl.

Some sleep would do her good.

I can picture her lying there,
her eyes closed, gently breathing.

Her breasts heaving...

as her supple, nubile young body...

caresses the cool, limpid sheets...

Yes, the Thames it is.

Near Southwark, interesting, isn't it?

To say the least.

But why would common
ruffians be wearing imported shoes?

Not secondhand, mind you but brand new.

- What was that?
- What?

Not one thing...

Oh, I'm sorry.

I suppose I must be still rather nervous.

You may rest easy Miss,
no one will disturb you tonight.

- Isn't that so Holmes?
- Quite.

- Good night.
- Good night.

I'm sorry, I didn't
realize you were still asleep.

Sleep? Who can sleep
when there's work to be done?

- Dr. Watson seems to have gone out.
- Really?

- I wonder where.
- Who knows?

He has very little
patience with detective work.

- Often becomes quite bore.
- Yes.

- Your job must be very difficult.
- One does get rather tense.

Oh, I can imagine.

The hardest thing...

is to find ways to relieve that tension.

So, you play the violin.

Only if worst comes to worst.

Well, I really don't
want to add to that tension so...

I think I'd better go
and finish getting dressed.

Oh no please, I assure you...

An occasional break is quite refreshing.

My mind thrives on diversity.

- Mr. Holmes?
- What? What?

How many times have I
got to tell you to knock?

Have you no respect for people's privacy?

Right, you've gone quite far enough
overstepping the bounds of propriety.

Come along my dear,
you'll be much safer with me.

- We'll have tea downstairs.
- Now, there's a good idea.

You have visitors.

Such carryings-on,
and in the middle of the day.

This is a respectable
Presbyterian house, I assure you.

Take no notice, the woman
drinks a bit, come in, welcome.

Good morning Inspector.

I've informed Lord Smithwick
of the findings in Windermere.

Though the case did not
turned out as we hoped,

Her Majesty did insist on
rewarding you for your efforts.

A reward? Who am I to go
against the wishes of the Queen?

Stunning, isn't it?

I'm overwhelmed.

Pity you had to go all the way to
Windermere merely to confirm my theories.

Think nothing of it old man,
if I hadn't gone to Windermere...

I could not have
confirmed my theories, namely...

that your theories are completely wrong.

- What's that?
- This is utter nonsense sir.

He refuses to accept that I
solved this case before he did.

- Hello gentlemen.
- Giles is dead, plates lost, case closed.

Neither Giles nor the plates
were ever in Windermere, case open.

- Really?
- What?

Well gentlemen, I see Holmes
has taken you into his confidence.

Did he also tell you that we expect
to conclude this case within three days?

- No.
- No.

I'll let you fill in the details Holmes.

Let me assure you Lord Smithwick...

that come Friday, you shall have your plates.

You must succeed Mr. Holmes...

before news of the theft leaks out...

and causes widespread
panic throughout the Empire.

Steady sir.

That is exactly why the Empire
now more than ever needs all of us...

- to remain calm and composed.
- Oh, you're right, of course.

- We must remain composed, composed.
- And calm.

Friday? You're out of your bloody mind?

Steady on old boy, you may
not know it but you've made some...

excellent discoveries this morning.
Now, get your coat on, we have a cab waiting.

- What discoveries?
- Something the Royal Mint...

purchased its paper
from the Camden paper mill.

- You make these things up, don't you Watson?
- Mr. Holmes...

Mr. Holmes, these men they were
here about my father, weren't they?

- Oh Dr. Watson, good morning.
- Miss Giles.

- Is there any news, anything at all?
- Sadly, no.

But take heart Miss.

Last night something occurred to Holmes,
he suddenly realized how stupid he'd been.

Really?

- But I didn't exactly say stupid.
- Yes, you did.

And now he's off
to continue with the investigation.

- Oh, perhaps I could come too.
- Oh, now...

Oh, trust me Miss, the moment
he knows anything, he'll tell you.

- Thank you.
- Cabbie.

What's that?

A reply to a telegram I sent late last night.

- You might let me in on the joke old boy.
- In due time.

- Doctor Doctor Doctor Watson.- Cabbie, stop.

You was dead right Doctor. All of them,
just sitting there waiting for customs.

Wonderful, just as I thought. Hop in lad.

Driver, Southwark docks.

- Thanks guvnor.
- Wiggins.

Here they are doctor.
We found them here this morning.

- Wonderful.
- All these crates full of imported shoes.

And the ship?

Got in this morning from
Germany, two days late, she was.

Excellent, you've done well my boy.

We'll take it from here.

Picture it.

Two, three, maybe four
of Moriarty's henchmen...

waiting here under cover
of darkness for that ship.

But it's delayed.
They wait, they become bored.

Being men of no moral fiber whatsoever,

they can't resist helping
themselves to a new pair of shoes.

You think they have these in brown?

Hate Italian shoes.

Moriarty.

- Moriarty?
- Without doubt.

This one sir.

- What's tinte?
- German for ink.

He smuggled it in to avoid
the attention of Scotland Yard.

Marvelous, he already has the paper he needs.

Got it from the Camden Paper Mill burning
the place to the ground to cover the theft.

And the John Clay case was staged
simply to throw me off the scent.

What's the German for pen?

- Oy, what's all this?
- Blast.

You can't be moving things about,
has to be cleared through customs.

I'm sorry Professor, we
thought the dock was deserted.

I'm sorry indeed.

I went to all this
trouble for the sake of discretion.

Then you allow this to happen.

Well?

- You have your revolver with you?
- Yeah, somewhere.

Come on, let's not be all day about it.

Here it is.

Now, I'm going to let you
have some bullets for it.

Try not to shoot yourself,
at least, not until I give the signal.

Moriarty.

Damn.

What am I doing here?
Nobody told me Moriarty was...

- Holmes.
- What?

Come on.

Die, Moriarty.

Idiot.

Come on, they can't follow us down the canal.

How demeaning to be set upon by nitwits.

What are you doing?

Damn.

Watson, look out.

Watson Watson Watson...

No luck Sergeant.

- Anything?
- No sir.

The tide may have carried
the body miles downriver.

Mr. Holmes, is it true?

I'm afraid it's true.

I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

He was such a good man,
I can't believe he's gone.

I know it's difficult at such a time but...

if it's any consolation,
we still have Mr. Holmes.

I say something wrong?

I seem to have overestimated
the amount of rope required.

- One more thing I've botched.
- Oh but what would Dr. Watson say?

He would've volunteered to kick
the chair out from under me.

He would not.

He said this was going
to be our last case together.

Mr. Holmes...

you mustn't blame yourself.

You can still avenge the
doctor's death by capturing this...

professor Moriarty and rescuing my father.

Oh, what a good idea, while I'm at it,
I'll bring in the Loch Ness Monster.

But Mr. Holmes, I don't understand.

I am not a detective.
I never solved anything.

- Dr. Watson did.
- Oh no, you're just upset.

I couldn't detect horse
manure if I stepped in it.

- Please Mr. Holmes.
- Sorry.

- Another one Mr. Holmes?
- Yes please.

Stop.

Perhaps not.

I'm afraid my grief
has exceeded my resources.

- It's on the house Mr. Holmes.
- Thank you Henry.

Mr. Holmes, thank goodness.

Mrs. Hudson said we might find you here.

We want to offer you our
condolences, pity about Dr. Watson.

I trust, however, it will have no
bearing on the outcome of the case.

- What?
- You vowed to solve the case by Friday.

Oh, well, you see...

the fact of the matter is,
you see Lord Smithwick...

is Dr. Watson...

I believe what Mr. Holmes is trying...

to say is that it was Dr. Watson
who first made that pledge and...

with all due respect...

I'm sure he did not fully
understand the complexities of the case.

As I've tried to point out to Your Lordship,
Her Majesty should rely on the counsel of...

trained criminologists such as myself.
Though well meaning, the good doctor was...

no detective.

As I was about to say Lord Smithwick,
Dr. Watson was decidedly precise...

in his estimate of the closure of this case.

Have no fear, you shall have the
plates in your hands come Friday.

- Mrs. Hudson...
- What?

The game is afoot.

Dr. Watson always said,
start by listing everything you know.

So, let us begin, number one.

- Moriarty.
- Isn't he wonderful?

He is behind all this,
that's one thing we know.

Very good. Progressing nicely.

Now, the next thing we know, number two.

This might take a while, I'll get some tea.

What?

Alright, let's go back to number one.

Perhaps the clue is in Moriarty's name.

Clever people often do that.

Amity...

rarity...

I got it, his real name is Arty Morty.

What the hell am I talking about?

I found a 5 £ note floating in the river.

- Lucky you.
- But it's only half printed.

I suppose it's only worth two £s ten then.

Everyone knows...

the normal 5 £ note carries
a serial number which contains five digits.

- Six digits.
- Six digits, this one contains only three.

- Two-three-four.
- What's that mean?

Her father is a printer, ain't he?

Maybe he's trying to tell us where he is.

- What can these numbers mean?
- It could be a measurement, an address.

- An amount.
- A page number.

- Did your father have a favorite book?
- He did.

- The Bible.
- Yes.

I have a Bible, it's at my bedside.

- Is there something on page 234?
- Page numbers vary from Bible to Bible.

But chapter and verse
is the same in every Bible.

Did your father have
a favorite book of the Bible?

Yes, he did.

The book of Psalms. Psalms 23rd, verse four.

Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death.

Is that mean something?

Yes, that means, the Orpheum Theater.

What are you talking about?

I'm sorry Mr. Holmes but
I just don't understand.

The Shadow of Death.

The gripping drama was the
last play presented at the Orpheum.

It closed after only one night but
not without garnering some praise.

Harris, in the Daily Telegram. Said,
in an otherwise dismal evening...

Reginald Kincaid
provided some welcome laughs.

- Laughs? You said it was a gripping drama.
- It's unimportant now, isn't it?

- Are you sure you know what you're doing?
- Cab...

Oh dear.

The Fleet River runs under that part of town,
the Orpheum Theater stands right on top of it.

You could be on to something.

There's tunnels and
caverns running all under there.

- Just, just a moment.
- We haven't got a moment Mrs. Hudson.

Wiggins, fetch Scotland Yard.

Oh, let me Mr. Holmes, I'm sure they'll
be much more inclined to listen to me.

Good idea, Wiggins, on the back. The
Orpheum Theater, we haven't a moment to lose.

Mr. Holmes, I kind of liked you
better when you was a coward.

- Stage door is round back, go ahead.
- You go ahead.

Wiggins, go ahead.

Here you go gents.

Here you go my good man, may keep the change.

A fiver? God bless you guvnor.

- Think nothing of it, I print my own.
- Print me own, that's a good one.

Still, we can't afford to waste them.

We shall move the barge out at high tide.

I shall miss this place, somewhat.

Go around front and when the
police get here, tell them what happened.

Right you are sir and...

the best of British luck
to you both, you going to need it.

And don't move until they get here.

Mrs. Hudson, up we go.

Hold to that, slow, slowly, slowly, slowly.

What in the world? Mrs. Hud...

- Well...
- Don't kick the bucket.

Let go.

Are you quite serious?

Holmes...

you do this kind of thing on purpose?

Listen.

- Nothing Professor, probably rats.
- Ah yes, rats.

I think...

I think it's louder over here.

It might...

- Oh, I am so dreadfully sorry.
- On the contrary,

I think we're making very good progress.

There's a hole in the wall.

I'm not staying around here.

Blimey. Blimey.

Well, well.

Sir, the ink is not dry yet.

It's more paper line over here.

Hand over.

You've done a splendid job Mr. Giles.

The Queen herself could
hardly tell the difference, however...

this one seems to been only half printed.

Found on the bank of the river.

I've got a pussycat.

- And I'm very fond of that.
- A reject.

- Must've slipped away.
- And the tide carried it out.

- The tide, that's all.
- Suppose we have a look at this reject.

Shall we? 2, 3, 4.

Oh, yes. Clever.

How many of these rejects
accidentally slipped away?

- Well, I...
- No, no matter.

Shame that the only person capable of...

deducing your clue is currently
lying at the bottom of the Thames.

What are you doing here?

I told you to keep an eye on that imbecile,
he may yet stumble onto something.

He has Holmes know all about this place.

Luckily for you, they
sent me to fetch Scotland Yard.

- Alright, no Scotland Yard. Fine.
- What now, Professor?

No need to panic.

I need a good plan. Attack.

Attack with what?

That's no good.

Start packing.

In spite of this latest piece of
foolishness, you've done your job well.

Your reward will be a quick
and relatively painless departure.

Not so fast, Moriarty.

Watson, I've been waiting
hours for your arrival.

- Oh doctor, thank God you're here.
- Please, my dear.

Ingenious, planting a spy in our midst.

That staged attack at
Giles' was quite realistic.

However, a cable to France revealed a rather
unique fact about the real Miss Giles...

something of an embarrassment
to the Giles family, I should think.

Perhaps you would like
to meet the real Lesley Giles.

Lesley.

Alright, back to the first plan, attack.

Pity you won't be able to share my greatest
triumph of forcing of an empire to its knees.

But you will be allowed
to see these two die before you.

Right.

Don't anybody move. Otherwise,
there'll be an impromptu roasting.

Has it occurred to you Mr. Holmes...

if you set fire to that money,
you'll burn to death yourself?

Of course it has.

Put out those flames.

- Don't just stand there.
- Come on.

Look out.

- I thought you were dead.
- You may yet be right.

I'm not done with you yet Watson.

- Come on, put sand on it.
- Bring more buckets.

- Get some water in here.
- Clear those boxes.

Leave this to me.

There, there, my dear.

We're in a tinderbox in here.

What was that?

You cowards.

- Professor, the gas lines.
- What?

- They could blow in the heat.
- Keep them pinned down, I'll get the plates.

It's all over now, my pretty one.

You're disappointed, aren't you?

Hell.

Brilliant.

Watson, why didn't you kill
him when you had the chance?

♪ Rock of ages, cleft for me... ♪

♪ Let me hide myself in thee... ♪

♪ Rock of ages... ♪

Go, hurry, hurry.

- Get moving.
- Come on George.

It's safe, Professor.

- Come on.
- This is an escape, not a cakewalk.

Oh please, don't wait for me, will you?

Mercy me. Oh, my dear...

that must've been so painful.

Hello?

Alright...

There he is.

- You hold them off.
- Just like I told you.

- Oh, my head.
- It's alright dear, it's still there.

- Dr. Watson?
- Ah, sorry Mrs. Hudson.

Come on Watson, there's a fire down here.

Became necessary for me to stage my death
so I might work unobserved for a few days.

And I must say,
you've caused quite a bit of grief.

You needn't bother
with her, she's an imposter.

- She's not Leslie Giles? Then who is?
- I am.

There you have it.

Ladies and gentlemen...

you seem to be blocking my exit.

Kindly step aside.

Remove these people from the stage.

Locked.

Ordinarily I do not bother
with half wits and buffoons.

Buffoon, is it?

- Buffoons, is it?
- He'll be killed.

I doubt it Mrs. Hudson,
he's in his element now.

I warn you sir, I've killed
as many as six men in a week.

Eight, if you count matinees.

The brilliant swordsmanship
of Reginald Kincaid...

was almost worth the price of admission...

raved the critic of the...

Cotswold Press.

Alright, put your shoulders to it men.

Let's have it down,
rest of you, around the back.

He really is quite good.

- Follow me.
- Follow him lads.

Trying to be funny, eh?

Hold on, don't anybody move.

- The authorities are here.
- Stay where you are, everyone.

Get down there man.

- Right.
- I have killed before...

and I can assure you I have absolutely
no compunction about doing so again.

You are not dealing
with an amateur, you know.

Oh, well played.

- Once more unto the breach dear friends.
- Holmes, no.

You're alive.

Astounding observation
Inspector, we must discuss it.

Well done.

Oh hello.

Stand back Watson, I'm about to bring
the world's greatest criminal to justice...

- and nothing is going to stop me.
- Have you forgotten the gas mains?

My congratulations Mr. Holmes.

Her Majesty wishes to offer you her
sincerest appreciation for a job well done.

Oh and you too Dr. Watson.

Mr. Giles tells me that
you both deciphered the clue.

I doubted if anyone would understand it.

- Child's play.
- 23rd Psalm.

- Shadow of death.
- Elementary.

No, no, no, I, I was referring
to the serial number, 234.

The, the address of
the theater, 234 Beacon Street.

Amazing.

- Watson...
- Don't worry, I'll fix it in the story.

The arrests were made,
and the rest of the story you know.

Don't mean to
toot my own horn, you understand.

Ah Mr.Holmes...

Nice bit of work this but as I was telling
Miss Giles, had it not been for the...

timely arrival of Scotland Yard, I
doubt things would've turned out so well.

Of course, I realize you would
never admit such a thing.

On the contrary Inspector.

Indeed Holmes is telling me
how indispensable you were.

He was?

As a matter of fact Miss Giles, it
is to Lestrade and Lestrade alone...

- that you owe your deepest gratitude.
- Really?

Miss Giles is on
the stage you know, in Paris.

A revue called Les Femmmes Faux.

An actress, what a surprise.

There's more surprises yet to come.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Excuse me sir,
is it true that Moriarty is dead?

- Never assume gentlemen, never assume.
- It's right.

How did you know where
Moriarty was hiding out?

It was an elementary deduction based on
the clues at hand, I can assure you.

- But how is it that Scotland Yard did not...
- Perhaps...

Perhaps Scotland Yard did not
have the invaluable assistance...

the keen insight
and the extraordinary patience...

of Dr. John Watson.

My friend.

Hear, hear.

Now gentlemen and ladies, I have an
announcement of some consequence.

With the safe return of
the plates to the Royal Mint...

I must inform you that this is my last case.

Sherlock Holmes is retired.

- Surely not sir.
- That cannot be.

- Is it possible?
- Of course it's not possible.

Why Mr.Holmes is merely pulling
your leg, aren't you Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes retire, when there
is murder and mayhem at every turn?

Why, already several adventures have begun to
take shape which can be solved by no one else.

Right Holmes?

Right you are Watson.

And so, without further
do, I hereby declare this case...

closed.