Winning Formula (2015) - full transcript

[AIRPLANE SOUND EFFECTS]

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC BEGINS]

♪ THEY CALL ME FIXY WHIP ROLLER

♪ PUT YOUR WORDS
IN MY BAG AT CHROME ♪

♪ WE WERE AZTECS WITH CHIA SEEDS

♪ CENTURIES AGO

♪ WELL I WAS PUMPING MY LEGS
AND I WAS GRITTING MY TEETH ♪

♪ I WAS SPITTING OUT THE FLIES

♪ GLIDIN' LIKE A
HELL BENT AVALANCHE ♪

♪ TIL THIS LIMO
COMES FROM BEHIND ♪

♪ HE SAID THE
19TH CENTURY IS SO SLOW ♪



♪ YOU AIN'T GOT NOWHERE TO GO

♪ HE SHOT PAST
WITH A BLAST OF SPEED ♪

♪ AND I GOT LOW ON
MY TOES AND KNEES ♪

♪ HE MUST'VE HAD
ABOUT A HUNDRED YARDS ♪

♪ I TOOK A DRAG AND
SAID IT CAN'T BE THAT FAR ♪

♪ WELL I SAW A LIGHT,
IT WAS GREEN ♪

♪ HE CAUGHT A SIGNAL
AND I GOT BETWEEN AND ♪

♪ I SAW THE DRIVER HIT
THE GAS BUT I WAS FASTER ♪

♪ AND THIS IS WHAT I YELLED
AS I WAS GOING PAST HIM ♪

♪ I SAID RIDE OR DIE

♪ OH, RIDE OR DIE

♪ OH, RIDE OR DIE

♪ OH RIDE OR DIE,
OH, RIDE OR DIE ♪

♪ OH I, I, I, I



♪ I SAID, RIDE OR DIE
OH, RIDE OR DIE ♪

♪ RIDE OR DIE-IE-IE-IE-IE

♪ OH, I-I-I-I!!!!

♪ I-I-I-I-I

LIZ: I'm just saying if we leave
now, then we don't have to...

TILDA:... We are not leaving
without taking advantage of

these bad boys.
Free breakfast at Buffalo Bills.

Seriously, let's just
cut our losses.

Cut our losses? What part
of this free breakfast buffet at

Buffalo Bills
sounds like a loss to you?

[ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYS]

Let's get real, Lizzo.
Bloody wake up!

Dude, we're already cutting this
vacation short because we don't

have any money and every
activity around this place

involves spending money.

We don't need to spend money
to have a good time, Lizzo.

You know that, right?

[ITALIAN SOUNDING MUSIC PLAYS]

KERRY [VO]: My girls. I'm
as proud as a mother can be.

Always got each others' backs.

And backsides, in this case.
Egging each other on since they

were knee high to a grasshopper.

But they haven't had the most
conventional of upbringings.

Now that there...
is Baz Wentworth.

Now, he and his wife Raelene...
were something of Australian

greyhound royalty.
I mean, she bred flawless dogs.

And he trained
them into champions.

BAZ: Ah... They can't
be beat, these dogs.

Every single race.

We've got the winning formula.

Winning formula or not,
little did Raelene know that Baz

was doing a dodgy and having a
brief but passionate affair with

me. See, I used to work as a
bookie down at the track taking

bets and Baz and
I formed a bond fixing races.

You know, doing some
extra coin on the side.

How could any woman
resist a bloke like Baz?

Anyway, Raelene and I got
knocked up in quick

succession and
nine months later...

Raelene had little
Liz and I had my Matilda.

I like to think of her as a love
child rather than a bastard.

Anyway, in the mid-nineties, Baz
decided to expand his dog racing

empire.

See, he had formed some
connections with the king

did-a-ling of racing
in the great United States.

Land of opportunities, he said.

That's when his business
started to go pear shaped.

He was shaking like
a cockatoo in a cyclone.

I think he'd gotten too mixed
up with his American friends

and gotten in a bit deep.

Then suddenly, his mother-in-law
Opal drops dead. Dead?!

Well, it all looked very
suspicious when...

the autopsy showed
she died of an overdose.

Overdose?! And
then a shipment linked

to Baz and Raelene
was seized full of heroin!

Heroin?!

The very same batch of heroin
that caused Opal to kick the

bucket.

Well, they were both thrown in
the slammer for drug trafficking

and murder. Twenty-five to life.

YOUNG TILDA:
Liz, come play with me.

But that's where I came in. Put
my hand up to raise little Liz

as me own with her half-sister.

Now look at them.
Thick as thieves.

[HONKING AND JAZZY VEGAS
SOUNDING MUSIC BEGINS]

TILDA:
Everything on that!

LIZ:
Oh, blimey.

ROULETTE DEALER:
Twenty-nine black.

TILDA: D'oh!

TILDA: [CONT] Oh, come
on, mate! Don't be a dickhead!

LIZ: We're taking our money
back to Buffalo Bills, you wanker!

TILDA: And you can tell
that frown on tits in there...

she can shove the
chips up her ass!

LIZ: Mate, I really think
we've done our dash here.

TILDA: We just need to find a babe
on a winning streak and get him to

cough up some
of his chips for us.

TILDA: And then w-I could can make
out with him and you can make out

with his friends.

TILDA: Rise. Rise up.
This is Vegas, mate.

LIZ:
Oh, bugger it! It's Vegas!

Whatever happens
in Vegas stays in Vegas.

TILDA:
Oh, shit, yeah, Lizzo!

[GRUNTING AND
NONSENSICAL SOUNDS]

It's Vegas. Vegas. It's Vegas.

It's Vegas. Vegas...

SODA GUY: Hey uh, you
know this isn't Vegas, right?

[BOING SOUND EFFECT]

What [unintelligible] go on,
eh? I'm pretty sure it's Vegas.

JOSE: Ladies, I couldn't help,
but to overhear your accents.

Where are you from, the England?

We're Australian, actually.

Oh. Why don't you come to my
hotel room? My friend is there.

We have been on
something of a winning streak.

Friend, eh, Lizzo?

Do you think it's
really a good idea for us to go

back to his hotel room?

He's a babe and his friend
is no doubt a babe also. Yeah.

Wouldn't kill you to get
some action, sweetheart.

Bloody close up
if you're not careful.

Alright, to your suite,
sweet cheeks.

I carry your bag?

I just don't want to get stuck
with the uggo friend.

Great.

[CALMING MUSIC BEGINS]

♪ SPANISH CANTINA MUSIC BEGINS

Guys. At least we can lie down.

Ooh, hoo, hoo.

BENITO:
Good evening, ladies.

Oh, hi.

Hi, there.

You're South African.

No, no, we're actually
Australian. Who are you?

There's no hot
babes here, by the way...

- Thanks for that.
- That's alright.

My apologies, my
foreign friends.

Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Benito Hernandez

Rodriguez Lopez.

[DISTANT GUNFIRE SOUND EFFECT]

Oh, that rolls off
the tongue, doesn't it?

What do they call
you for short, man?

Benny. Can I call you Benny?

Call the Jets Benny.

Oh, stop.

Jose here tells me you're
interested in placing a bet.

May I interest you in a wager
upon my two turtle friends here?

Perhaps. So Benny, let me get
this straight. You're betting on

turtles?

Yes.

On turtles?

Yes, turtles.

I'm no biologist, but
they look like tortoises.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure they are.

So what exactly are
you betting they'll do, mate?

They walk. It's turtle racing.

Right-o. So it's kind of like
greyhound racing, but boring as

bat shit. Am I right?

- Yeah.
- Am I right, Jose?

Do yourself a
favor and get that shirt off.

With greyhounds, it
is over too fast.

With turtles, there is...

suspense.

- Wow.
- See what you did there.

Alright.

That was a good one.
Um, how long will it take?

Look, you choose a turtle.
Bud or Miller High Life here.

I back the other.
Place them on the bed.

First one over the line
wins. Understand?

- Mm.
- Just...

We'll discuss.

Uno momento, por favor, eh?
[One moment, please?]

Quesadilla.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

There will be a big babe up
there for you too, Lizzo.

Mate, what's probably completely
loaded and just wants to hang

out with a couple of hot birds
for a minute. And then flick us

some cash and we can
get out of here.

I just feel like this whole
situations dodgy.

Mate, you're from greyhound
racing royalty. I think you can

pick a winning turtle.

Ah, yeah, of course I can.

So, what's the problem?

Okay, mate, I've got my $10
emergency money in my bra.

Do you have the one
hundred dollars, right?

Mate, how do you reckon I paid
for our sweet headdresses and

embellished with sequin
G-bangers and bras?

Use your noggin.

Money well spent though.

I know.

Okay, well, why don't we use
the Buffalo Bill bucks?

Ten thousand Buffalo Bill bucks
to blow at the Buffalo Bill

Breakfast Buffet!

Wrap it up around the Buffalo
Bill bucks. Wrap it around so it

looks really legit.

To be honest, Benito,
I'm not really a competitive

kind of person.

Except when it
comes to winning. Line 'em up!

Alright, people.

- Two in the field.
- No bets across the board.

Bud looks like a good run in.

- All spectators to the apron!
- It's first past the wire.

- One minute to post.
- Ante those wages.

Cause we're going
in $10,000 deep!

Come on, Bud,
you bloody ripper. Get your...

You-you're shaming the name of
Budweiser back there, alright?

Mate.

Mate.

Yeah, hi, can I get
six chicken nuggets, um...

Sorry, did you guys-you guys
wanted two cheeseburgers?

Two cheeseburgers.

- Ketchup.
- Ketchup.

Ten-ten packets of ketchup.

Ten-ten packs of ketchup.

Lit a firecracker up, yeah.

Poke your turtle head out!

Shit.

Well! That was a
bloody hoot, wasn't it?

- Oh my word.
- That was an absolute hoot.

What a lovely time
we've had here.

Thanks very much.

And hoo-roo. Alright.
Just grab the bag...

Just grab our bags
and then we'll be off.

My money.

I'm sure Jose here would like to
handle this in another way if

need be.

Don't mind if I do, Jose.

Hola.

[DOOR KNOCKING SOUND EFFECT]

BEATEN MAN: Don't do it,
girls. Don't bet on the turtles.

[FAINT GUN SHOT]

Where were we?

What the hell is this?

Who the hell is Buffalo Bill?

Oh, they have good
huevos rancheros, ese.

Okay, everybody, let's just
simmer down. I mean, this is

ridiculous.
It's just a couple of turtles.

I mean, you've already got ten
bucks in your hand there...

and an absolute ripper
of a brekkie buffet.

Mate, did you see the stack
of crepes on the brochure?

Oh, and five
different types of eggs.

-Six! Six different...
-Hash browns!

I will need much more than that.

You have three weeks.

You try to defy me
or my bosses' reputation?

Our network stretches
into the highest of ranks.

There are men across this
country with the passion to

torture human beings.

Want to try me, mate?

[ELEVATOR TYPE MUSIC BEGINS]

She'd be up by now.

Just be cool, alright? Just...
She'll freak out if she knows

we're freaking out. Especially
if it's about gambling, so

just... I'm just gonna...

Yeah, okay.

[PHONE RINGING SOUND]

KERRY: Hello?

Hey, mum.

Oh, girls!

Yeah, we're in Vegas.

No, not gambling. Just
enjoying the shows, relaxing.

We've got all our stuff.

How's the garden?

It-well, it's-it's good.

Good. Good to hear.

What's wrong, Liz?

Oh, no, nothing.

Actually, you wouldn't
happen to have an extra ten

grand laying around, would you?

What? What the hell
do you need ten grand for?

No, it's cool.

Actually, something
really bad happened.

She's just joking, mum.
Hey, how you going?

Didn't sound like jokes to me.

Liz made it
sound a little more serious.

No, she's just
yanking your chain.

You know, winding you
up and pulling your leg. Ha!

Yeah, no, we just wanted to
check in and see how you are.

See how the garden is.

It's, well, it's-it's good.

Yeah, alright. Okay, love you.
Love you. Gotta go. Right, bye.

No, go.

What do you reckon?
Of course, no go.

Shit's sake. I mean, if mum knew
that we got into this because of

gambling...

You noticed that bird
circling above us before?

Focus, Tilda!

I bet he's
attracted to our sequins.

Hey, he likes the shiny.

Not-I re-what about we could
rent a car and then steal it.

No, sell it.

Yeah! Cool, I'll just check my
pockets. I've got the money and

the ID card with which to rent a
car. Just kidding! I don't even

have pockets!

Alright, sarcasm is not welcome.

[BIRD SCREECH]

I told you it was coming for us!

Bugger off!

No - It's the sequins! Get your
gear off! Get it off!

[BIRD SCREECH]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

MACI:
You ladies need a ride?

- Yes.
- Yes.

MACI: Shit!

So where are you guys headed?
Shitting tumbleweed getting

stuck in my grill!
I'm Maci, by the way.

[ROCK AND ROLL GUITAR PLAYS]

Um, yeah, we're
just going to Venice Beach.

Ou-our cousin has a caravan.

We have a
cousin in Venice Beach?

Yeah, yeah, on mum's side. Um, I
memorized his address in case of

emergency. I was hoping not
to run into him on this trip

though. A bit dweeby

MACI:
Hey, you know, that's great.

I'm in Santa Monica which is way
close by there, a little nicer.

Who makes this piece
of shit cars, anyway?!

You know, that is
just really kind of sweet.

It's a very open, accepting
kind of community.

I'm sure they'll be very
welcoming of your kind of

people.

Australians?

Nudists?

Oh, we're not nudists.

No.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Shit! Get in! Get in! Get in!
Get in! Get in! Get in!

REED: Hi, ma'am. I'm
gonna need... Whoa!

COX:
Whoa! Hello!

MACI:
Hi, officers.

COX:
How you doing?

MACI: I'm-I'm great. What
seems to be the trouble?

REED: You are stunning,
that's the problem.

Oh, thank you

We got you going
too gorgeous back there.

COX:
That was a good one, yeah!

- Thank you.
- You're beautiful.

- Good job then.
- Well, nice talking. I guess

I'll be on my way.

Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Very funny, ma'am.

I don't think so. Uh...

We got you for
speeding back there.

- Yeah.
- Oh. How fast was I going?

Real fast. It was
real fast, right?

Forty, sixty. It was fast.

It was hard to tell cause we
weren't really paying attention.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

You know, I was just helping my
friends back here and...

So where do you, uh...
where do you live?

You know what? Here. Why don't I
give you my license and my

- information...
- Alright. Alright, yeah.

That's a-that's a
good... yeah.

- I can get going.
- Got a boyfriend?

- Yeah.
- Is he gonna be upset when he

finds out you got a
big crush on me?

[LAUGHING ENSUES]

- Wow, you're so funny!
- Ah, I'm just kidding.

You guys are hilarious!

No, but seriously, my wife just
left me, so I'm a free man.

Wanna hang out? That's-that's
totally not in our jurisdiction.

Oh, great!

Us three should be like hanging
out all the time. You know?

Thanks guys!

[TALKING OVER EACH OTHER]

Asshole!

Just drive!

Spicy mama! You break my heart.

♪ IT'S, IT'S, IT'S
MY PARTY PARTY ♪

PATTI: Who are you and what the
hell are you wearing on my property?

[CHINESE GONG SOUND]

Oh, it's National costume.

Yeah, we're actually
looking for Nigel Pitterton.

PATTI: Nigel? You look like a
homeless and smell like a dirty laundry.

Yeah, he's actually
her cousin, not mine.

This way.

[DOOR KNOCKS]

NIGEL:
Is that my favorite landlady?

-Oh.
-Yeah, hi, Pits. Mind if wecome in?

Liz! Oh my, I didn't
know you were, uh...

Uh-huh.

Do I mind? No, of
course not. Come. Come in.

Thanks.

Come on.

Thank you, Patti.

I will add extra residence to
your rent on a nightly rate.

Okay. It's no problem.

I am watching you.

And y-you must be,
uh... Tilda?

Pleasure's all mine.

Gosh, you've grown up. I don't
think I've seen you since Auntie

Raelene and, uh, Uncle Baz got...

Wow, nice place you've got here.

Yeah. The thing is, Pits, we...

Still got that little
nickname for me then.

Yeah. Um, we need to
crash here for a little while.

Sure. Fine. Yeah, we can stay
up at night, talking, hanging.

Do you still
like arts and crafts?

Yeah, no, of course not.
No. It's no problem.

Well, I've got another
place to stay so...

Oh, great!

Don't want to
intrude on girl time.

Oh, right now.

Well, I respect girl time.

I'll just get on with my other
place then to, uh, to...

to staying.

[RADIO MUSIC PLAYS
IN THE BACKGROUND]

Come on, Lizzo, go easy on him.
Poor bastard's bending over

backwards to accommodate us.

You're right. Oh, he's just
even more nervous and sweaty

than he was when we were kids at
Christmastime. I wonder what the

other place is like.

He's probably holding
out on us, you know?

Do you reckon we
should give him a hand?

No. He's fine.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING CONTINUES]

JACINTA:
[CLEARS THROAT]

JUAN CARLOS:
Is it medium rare?

It's a joke, Jacinta. Huh?

Did I give you
permission to laugh?

REVIR VES. AHORA.
[Look away. Now!]

Mala, mala, mala!
[Bad, bad, bad!]

Speak.

[BURNED SINGED EFFECT]

Mr. Juan Carlos, I've secured
ten thousand dollars.

How secure? Why do
you call me then?

Do you have it in your hands?

It's two young chicas. They'll
have it in three weeks.

Then it is not secure, is it,
huh? Benito, escuchame [listen]-

if I have to lift one little
finger to get my money myself,

it will be to pull the trigger
to kill these two chicas.

These puta putanas and
then-I will come after you.

[DOGLIKE SNARL]

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Puto.
[Fucker.]

[DOGS BARKING
AND NIGHT TIME AMBIENCE]

Tilda. Tilda, are you awake?

I can't get to sleep. Tilda, we
need to come up with a plan.

Early night then. Get down the
beach and pick up some roided up

hotties somewhere.

Listen, we have a responsibility
to earn the money back. I think

that we should
get cash-in-hand jobs.

Hand jobs?

What?! Wake up! Wake up.

What?

Okay?

Hm.

So the plan is that we work our
asses off and pay-pay the money

back to Benito. And then we get
the hell out of here, okay?

At what point in this plan do I
get to make out with some hot

bastard?
We're still on vacation,

Liz, so don't forget that.

Vacation has just
become vocation.

You just gotta relax, hey. Just
probably can't take a proper

shit, you're so wound up.

I bloody can.

Shitting out diamonds, you're
under so much pressure, mate.

I do bloody not shit
out diamonds. Wouldn't bloody be

here if I shat out diamonds.

There's your money
spinner, Lizzo.

You're impossible.

[SOUNDS OF CHIRPING BIRDS]

Yes, I want David Duchovny!

Morning, ladies. Don't mean to
disturb you, but I noticed

you... Didn't have any
clothes. I work in fashion.

Well, at a thrift store.

Uh, that's where I got my shirt,
these pants and, huh, my shoes.

Lifting all those heavy bags
must be what keeps you so

muscular.

Oh, ho, ho, well. Well, I'll
just, uh, let you get with it.

Oh, hey, Pits?

Yeah?

Um, could you just leave the
keys with us because I don't

want you just barging in
whenever you feel like it.

Okay, so how are we gonna make
$10,000 in three weeks?

That's-that's a lot of money.

Well, you know when you're in
bed and you're nude...

and mum comes in
and it's kinda embarrassing?

Well, I propose
bed covers, right?

That-with sewn pajamas onto, so
that then when you're lying down

there and it looks like you're
wearing them, but you're not.

You're nude.

- I would buy-I would buy that.
- I know.

I designed an app we could use
to, uh, to-to draw up

a prototype.

Um, I think we could just
improvise the prototype.

Thanks, Pits.

Hang on, you design apps? Cause
I've got-I've got a ripper.

There's someone you
want to be boning, alright?

Um, and so you take a picture of
their face and you take a

picture of your face and then
they get put on bodies that are

then animated so you can see
what it looks like for you to

bone. And there's like sound
effects and different positions

and stuff.

The iBone.

Ahh!

What about, so you
have a weight, right?

But inside that weight is a
spring mechanism with another

weight so it goes at the same
time. So you're probably burning

like double the
amount of calories.

And you just shake it like that?

Yeah.

And like how?

Just like this.

You need to get some wang Lizzo.

Oh, I have one
of those. The weight.

Okay, why don't we just go
outside. It won't cost us a

thing. Just roll up every leaf
in the garden, smoke it, find

the next marijuana.

Are you serious? You know I
don't want anything to do with

any type of drug operation.
Sometimes I worry about you,

Tilda. Just seeing
what happened to our family.

They're innocent, alright? Dad
says they're innocent...

Yeah, okay, Dad says that.
Whatever, they are still in

jail, mate. They may
as well just be dead.

Yeah, we are not having this
conversation right now.

Well, Pits, do you want to make
yourself useful, then?

Oh, well, I don't think I'm
really the, uh, inventor type.

Creatively, I'm - I'm more of
an artist deep down. I like to

stick with what I...

Oh, ho, yeah. Okay, so
Pits paints portraits of people

on porcelain plates.

Oh, god, how did I not think of
this? Stuff we're good at?

♪ CHINESE GONG
SOUNDING MUSIC ♪

Ah, hello, sir. You are in grave
danger. I sense that you need a

psychic reading!

GAH!

Chin up, Lizzo. Some people just
aren't spiritual like that,

you know? You look really
convincing. You do.

[EXOTIC MUSIC CONTINUES]

How about Nigel having
that crystal ball, hey?

Reckon he's into some
karma sutra tantric shit?

Ah, how much money have we made?

None! That's not very helpful.

I see a psychic
reading in your future!

Hey, I reckon if we give one out
for free then other people will

see someone getting totally
mystified and they'll want to

get involved. Yeah. Yeah. You
just-you just gotta pop that

cherry.

Ew! Excuse me, come here! We'll
give you a reading for free.

Come and sit on
this plush Persian rug.

Right, well, Lizzo.

NOELLE: So this is
all just bullshit, right?

Excellent.
Come and take a seat.

We'll start with
your first and last name.

NOELLE:
Noelle Francis.

Now, Noelle, do you
have Facebook?

Of course.

Who doesn't, right? Close those
eyes for me just so I can get

really deep within the session.
Noelle Francis from

Venice Beach, California?

Mm-hm.

Excellent. Excellent. You have a
very caring family, Noelle.

A mother and a father. Oh, your
father's not bad looking.

I'd lock down those privacy
settings, Noelle.

Dead set, sound advice.

MICHAEL:
Hey, Noelle.

Hey, pretty ladies.

You know, Venice is only a
couple blocks from here.

That's where all the action is.
You ladies have been out here

working pretty hard all day. You
got a few minutes for a juice?

MICHAEL: Working
the public isn't difficult.

You just need
the right direction.

- Oh, okay.
- Sweet.

Sorry, what? Who are you?

Michael. Michael Saxon.

[RUNWAY MUSIC]

Why aren't you two out being
tourists? Two fine Australian

women like yourself should
be out seeing the sights.

If you want me to help you
expand this little business you

have, you're gonna
have to come straight with me.

Debt. We've got gambling debt.
We bet on a couple of turtles

with this scary guy, Benito and
now we owe him ten grand.

Ow! Not good.

But if you find your niche on
the boardwalk, you could make

that money back in time. Let's
say, what, three months?

We've got three weeks.

Yeah, or he said he'd, um, kill
us and torture us, so any

amount of help
would be really appreciated.

TRUTH: Greetings, Michael.
Ladies, my name is Truth.

[INDIAN LIKE SOUND EFFECT]

Ladies, your body is a temple.
Please allow me to blend you

nature's fruits and nectars to
nourish the vessel of your soul.

Um...

Yeah, we'll just get a water.

Yeah, I-I'll grab a
water too, thanks.

A what?

- A water.
- A water.

JOURNEY:
They mean a water.

TRUTH: Let me share a great
insight that I've gained since my

commencement of learning at the
ashram. One should not drink

water as fish fornicate in it.
It's filthy. Anyway, listen. I

couldn't help but to overhear
that you are in financial

strains. So, please, let me
offer you a lifetime twenty-five

percent discount to help you.

Well, you can use those
discounts the next time, ladies.

These juices are on me.
Consider it a welcome drink to

Michael's College
of Boardwalk Knowledge.

I'll have my usual berry vanilla
thriller with a double booster

shot of smooth mineral.

Ladies?

That-that's really nice but
we-we just couldn't possibly.

Oh... wait, what's that one?

The Supercolossal, if you finish
it all then it's free? Perfect.

Let's get that.

Not possible for one person
to finish the Supercolossal.

Really, I insist. It's on me.

Perfect. Alright. Uh...

We'll have
two of what he's having then.

Yeah, but we
don't need the boosters.

The boosters for my juices
are a natural fountain of youth.

Yes, ladies, of which
my body is living proof.

Right. Can we
boost it up then? Perfect.

He's a bit intense.

Oh, he's harmless.

The guy blends
a great juice. He's an artist.

Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Blend.

Pour. Pour. Pour.

But do it Zen-like.

You have customers watching you.

Oops! I am out of this one.

I think I'll have
to open a new one.

Your juices, Michael.
And two for our visitors.

Thanks.

Enjoy your blend. Namaste.

Yeah.

Whoo.

Right-o, Michael. Hit us
with the knowledge, uh?

I think I'm ready to focus.
Really focus. I mean...

- Me too.
- I can focus now.

- I'm ready to go.
- Michael, we can't moonwalk.

And I hope you never can.

A honey like you with moves like
that, put me out of business.

I'm just searching for the
right advice to dispense.

Centering myself.

[POP DANCE MUSIC BEGINS]

Here it is. No matter what your
performance is, the secret lies

in choosing a character
that people already love.

And be those characters. Embody
them. Let two become one.

Connect intimately. Feel them
deeply inside of you.

Let your body and soul fuse.

I can see that there's a
talented street performer inside

of you.

Might be if you keep playing
your cards right, Michael.

Girls, you can borrow anything
you want. I'm sure my boss would

agree that two lovely ladies
performance qualifies as a good

cause.

Thanks, Nigel. You're an angel.

Imagine mum was here.

Yeah, she always loved a bit of
a dress up, didn't she?

Ah...

hello, gentlemen. My word.
And getting the puppies out

as well, Lizzo. We are bagging
that even if it's not for

costume purposes. Fact.

No. I think it's-it's a
bit too look at me.

Shut the front door!

I'm pretty sure mum has that
exact same onesie.

Huh. Check it out. Fresh
Prince of Bel Air? I'm Will.

You're Hillary.

We just need to...

Support each other?

I miss home.

And mum. But Michael
seems to think we can do it and

he should know.

I believe in you guys.

What are you trying to do?
What's upsetting you?

We should tell him the truth.

We just need to
earn a little bit more money.

Nigel, we have ten thousand
dollars gambling debt and we

have three weeks, well, two
weeks and five days to pay it

back or we're dead. And
that's why we're performing.

Oh. Huh.

Hey, Lizzo. I'm
a bloke, a hairy bloke.

Oh, I'm gonna make
a coat out of your beard

and sell it
to all my little bu...

I was supposed to save these to
put them on the mannequins, but

if you think they'd be helpful.

- I'm Harry Potter.
- I'm Harry Potter.

- Oh, come on.
- Come on, I'm the chosen one.

I'm the chosen one!
No, because you are wearing

a beard and
you're taller than me.

Yes.

Touché, Elizabeth.

Matilda, you'd make
a beautiful Hagrid anyway.

I- Especially with
those cheekbones.

So beautiful.

Nigel!

And you have very long legs.

They're not that long.

Okay, guys, so I think
we've got everything.

Let's pack up and get to work.

It's just such a treat to
be getting looked after by

such a charming guy.

Oh, it's nothing. I'm sure you
have guys throwing themselves at

your feet all the time.

It's more like
she's on her knees.

Your boyfriend is a
very, very lucky guy.

I don't have a boyfriend.

Yeah, she doesn't have a
boyfriend. It's more like heaps

of guys than just one.

You don't stay single for long.

Okay! Let's go, guys. Um, we've
got to concentrate. We've got

work to do. So, let's get all
our costumes and go.

I guess I could grab a juice.
I-Actually, do you know what,

I'm kind of gagging for one.

Well, I'm sorry, Matilda, but I
don't have the funds to procure

that for you at the moment.

I-I've actually-I've
got a plan, I think.

♪ MAGICAL SOUNDING MUSIC

Hi.

Good day, sirs.

Could I have your
Supercolossal blend, please?

Okay, sure. Journey, can we
have one Supercolossal, please.

It's a big drink.

I'm a big man. There
it is. I've got it there.

Fine establishment
you have here.

Yeah.

He's gone. He's gone.

Uh, all done.

Whoa! Wow. You
finished it. How was it?

Marvelous. Toodledo.

Sucker!

We're sweet, hey. We've seen
pretty much all of them. Well,

like four and
you've read what, three?

Yeah, like three and a half. If
you add up all the halves.

Yeah. No, we're practically
professors on this shit.

It will-it will be
really easy to freestyle.

Feel the fear of Voldemort.
Have the hots for Hermione.

You know, and just get real
on it. The scene will come.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Okay. Okay. Cool. Sorry.

No, no, we're alright.

Well... Looks like there's
a few more people coming.

It might be an after school
crowd or something.

- Yeah.
- Let's make this shit count!

Let's make it count!

Ah, my head!

Shit. Are you alright?

Just play along.

Ah, shit. Are you alright?

Oh, it's my scar. It's burning.

Oh, poor Harry. Then, um, we
should leave me cabin and go and

seek out Dumbledore.

But Dumbledore hasn't left
the Ministry of Magic yet.

Well, sorry. We'll have to
take the-the ring to Mordor

ourselves then.

That's exactly right, Hagrid.

Alright.

Come with me because when
it's synchronized it's better.

Okay. Of course.

Yes.

♪ Where's ma bitch
McGonagall bucky don gone? ♪

♪ Lookin' ere where for her
even in Snape's dungeon. ♪

♪ Me and ma Hags, we
searchin' bags. ♪

♪ Checked the Ravenclaw common
room and even on the front lawn ♪

♪ Cos Dumbledore ain't
nowhere to be found. ♪

♪ This scar on my head is
starting to pound ♪

♪ And I'm feeling like
Voldemort's hanging around ♪

♪ Gandalf and Frodo
are Mordor bound ♪

♪ Ring wraiths be cramping
up on my potential. ♪

♪ Raining down on Hogwarts,
curses coming torrential. ♪

♪ When it comes to Quidditch,
I'm preferential ♪

♪ If ya wanna catch the snitch,
he's your seeker essential. ♪

♪ Hogwarts is coming under fire.

♪ And it's getting pretty dire.

♪ Hogwarts is coming under fire.

♪ Tell every hobbit in the
shire.♪ Thank you, everybody!

And expelliarmus to you all!

That is our show!

Hashtag, uh, VenicePatronus.

Don't forget to tweet about us!

Hashtag VenicePatronus!

MACI:
Oh, hey! Hey!

Hey, guys, that show was
awesome. Just wanted to say.

Hey, it's us.

Oh, ho, ho, ho! Shit! Liz? Oh,
man, that show was awesome.

COX:
Huh. Hey!

- Yo.
- Hey.

Formerly bearded babe.

Oh! It's Maci. No way!

- It's totally her, man.
- Spicy caliente!

Busted!

Vroom, vroom, vroom!
[TALKING OVER ONE ANOTHER]

Shit, it's been a while.
You been good? Yeah?

So, what's going on around here?

Oh, we're just performing.

Right, yeah.

As officers of the law, ladies,
though, we do have to ask

whether you have a permit.

- You need a permit.
- Working... operating a business.

They've got permits.

They do?
They got a permit?

Yeah, they got one.

Okay.
Alright then. Well, uh-

So...

Yeah, we're gonna
let that one slide.

Not our jurisdiction.

We actually end right
down over down yonder,

Yeah, so.

We'll let the rest of
the boys handle this area.

You know, it's kind of
a gray area anyway, but...

Well, you guys, you know, you
gotta, you gotta get one of

these, just in case.
Our personal contact,

professional official deets.

Check out the picture.

That's us.

That's us at Caesar's
Palace in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Nevada. Yeah.

Anyway, if there's a fire or
you need to be rescued then...

Give us a call.

Awesome. Great. Rescue this!

- Ooh!
- Okay! Okay!

- Damn!
- She's got the fire again.

Yeah.
[GROWLING NOISES]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Awesome, alright,
ten-four, ma'am.

- Ooh! Wow.
- Shit.

- Totally... Oh, ho, ho!
- Keep it go... Whoa!

She spits and all that ass!

- Nasty ladies!
- Spit on it! Spit on it!

- Alright!
- Damn, girl, I like it!

Bye!

Those d-bags can
go fist themselves.

Yeah.

So what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm a teacher's aide, so I
like to come down and get

inspiration for class.

So, you work with kids?

Yeah, I just love
those little suckers.

Hey, you want to hang
out soon, yeah? What?!

Oh, hi, Daddy.
I gotta go. Hi. Bye.

Bye. Dude. Eighty-one
dollars in our first session.

What! What!
What! What! What!

- We are rippers!
- I know!

We're never
gonna have to tell mum.

Hey, she's never
gonna have to know.

Yeah. I know.

I'm really excited. I think, I
think we should go celebrate.

Yes! Okay, let's go get dinner.

Yeah!

But I don't think we should
spend all the money, so.

That we just made. We should
probably just go back home.

Come on. We don't
want to get burnt out.

Yeah, but we need
to be responsible.

No, live a little.
Come on! Fire up, mate.

Let's go get some
dinner. To the juice bar.

Okay. To the juice bar!

And I've had to say to the
customers on numerous, numerous

occasions that I, I cannot and I
will not ever serve the flesh of

a once-living creature. One's-
one's body is the, um... uh,

temple in which the spirit
lingers. And consuming an animal

would only incite conflict
between the spirits within our

own bodily temple. And I, I'm
not saying that, you know,

plants themselves are...

Do you mind if I grab the check?

But the plant
soul is opposed in harmony

with the animal soul together.

Fifty bucks?!

Yeah. That's with your discount
and it doesn't include the tip.

The plant's soul is evolved
and we must also never...

[WHISTLE]

I, I'll be with
you in a minute, sir.

We must never forget...

I'm sorry. I just want to stop
you there. When we asked about

the specials and you recommended
that bean thing, um, you knew

that it was five times the price
of absolutely everything else on

the printed menu?

You said you were celebrating.

Yeah. Well, we didn't
want to celebrate that much.

How about some
dessert for everybody?

Dessert sounds, uh, marvelous.

Today we have a, uh, a vegan
carrot cake and a, a raw date

and cacao brownie.

It's fresh!

It's really...

- Bye, ladies.
- Bye!

Ah! He totally knew that it was
us with the whole Supercolossal

thing. How he kept
saying marvelous all the time.

At least we got a dinner out of
it, you know? It's not like we

completely blew our wad. And I
mean we earned a hundred bucks

almost in the first
sitting. We got ages to go.

We'll be alright.
Don't worry about it.

No, we have to earn four times
the Potter amount every single

day to break even and at the
moment, school kids are our

demographic. And they're only
around like afternoons and

weekends.

LOCAL GIRL:
Spare some money, please?

Have a good one, mate.

So, I guess it's just about
scheduling. We have to maximize

our time somehow, you know?

Alright. Well, alright, then we
spend all tomorrow down on the

boardwalk doing like recon?

Figure out who's
down there, what time.

Okay. And then we can pair the
demographics age business.

Yeah, that's a
good idea. I mean,

we'll lose a day, but I reckon
in the long run it's better.

Sweet.

Okay. So at least we've got one
profitable business that Michael

helped us set up.

Thank god for Nigel giving
us these mad costumes, eh?

As much as our predicament truly
does suck balls, Lizzo, I am so

glad it's you that I'm stuck
with and not some blow-in.

You are sensible. You have got
a good head on your shoulders.

Dude, you're my responsibility.
In a good way. You know, like

mum and dad they were just
such crooks and I feel like...

They are innocent, hey.

Dude, they're as guilty as sin.
But yo, you and mum are my real

family now. And I feel like mum
would be really proud of us if

she saw what we were doing.

Yeah, I mean after the initial
ten years or so of disowning us,

I reckon she'd be really proud

of our teamwork
in this situation.

Do you think she
would disown us?

I would not put it past her.

It's funny to think she's just
on the other side of the ocean.

Do you reckon when
the sun sets here it's like,

rising over there, over there?

No, cause it's like
only seven hours ahead, so.

Oh yeah. No, you're right.

That's a nice thought though.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

[WATER AND WIND CRASHING]

♪ SOFT PIANO MUSIC

♪ UPBEAT LATIN MUSIC

[DISTANT CROWD VOICES]

Yup. Just as I suspected.
Babes everywhere, Lizzo.

Every hour.
You can note that down.

Mate, be careful
with the binoculars.

We've gotta give
them back to Pits.

His name is Nigel.

Whatever, just
don't bloody break them.

I don't actually know why we
need these anyway. Like I can

see fine right here. And they're
kind of giving away my creep

game, to be honest.

Nah. The beauty of this plan is
that I can check out everything

that's going on here and you can
look further away so we cover

more distance in less time.
Not just a hatrack my friend.

Oh, hello, sweetheart.

Oh, mate, you
dropped your wallet.

[WHISTLES]

Anyway, what you need to focus
on is finding someone that you

might like, right? You know, so
that we can have you experience

the warm spunk of a hunk across
those excellent hands of yours.

No. And that is foul.

I'll tell you what's foul.

We are two exotic
birds in a foreign land.

Just waiting to get
poached. Alright? By babes.

And you are hindering that
opportunity for both of us with

this neg attitude.

Let's just go over the
observations that we've made so

far and then we can come up with
a contingency plan and we can

see where the holes
in our market are.

Can you at least acknowledge
my bird pun just now?

So far, we've had hippies,
hobos, tourists, obviously.

We've seen a lot of dogs.

Maybe we could do a
dog wash or something.

What about all these
fit bastards though?

What about them?
What do they like?

Getting more fit.

Yes. Maybe we could do a
fitness dance class. We could

get Michael to help
us with some moves.

Michael. We get
Michael involved, could we?

Hey, you dropped something.

Dude, you didn't
actually drop anything.

Hello, ladies.
How's it all going?

Yeah, good, thanks, Pits.
I mean, Nigel. How are you?

Oh, I was hoping to
have a barbecue tonight.

I just came to get some food.

Oh, sweet.

Of course you ladies are
invited. You can invite some

friends if you'd like.

Great. Who else
have you got coming?

No one. Just sort
of a whim, actually.

Oh, well, maybe we could see if
Maci and Michael want to come.

If that's alright with you.

Yeah. Sure. Friends of
yours are friends of mine, Cuz.

Alright, I'll have
one of those. Alright.

I just hate turning
up empty handed.

No, it's fine, man. He knows
we don't have any money.

Not a penny to our name.

Ladies.

[SPANISH GUITAR STRUM]

What a pleasant surprise.

Hi, Benito. Hi there.

Just wanted to
check up on the progression.

You didn't think
I'd forget about you.

Did you?

No. Uh, no, we didn't think. No.

We-we'll have the money in time.

There's no need for the knife.

Good. Now run along, ladies.

You heard the man. Run.

MIERDA!
[Shit!]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Is it gluten free? Huh?
Just keep filing. Ay, ay, ay.

You can't get
good help anymore. Ay.

Speak.

Mr. Juan Carlos.

The two girls are on track to
have your money by the deadline.

Then why do you call me?!
Why do you waste my time?!

Ay, ay, ay! How
many times I tell you?

Who are you?

JOSE: Jose. From the turtle
operation on the Nevada state line. Uh,

I brought this
month's earnings for you.

Jose.

I just got a phone call from
your compadre, Benito. Si?

It seems he is wasting his time
in the desert with these two

puta putanas.

And he tells me that you are
responsible for bringing these

penniless putas into
the whole thing. Ah?

Este verdad?
[Is that the truth?]

Poquito.
[A little bit.]

Poquito, my eye.
Poquito, here!

[GUNSHOT]

What's the matter with you? You
got no respect? Look at you!

You're bleeding
all over my deck.

You're going to ruin the wood.

Ay, ay, ay! Get out of my casa!
[Get of my house!]

[GUNSHOT]

You still manage to stay so slim
even though you eat so many

sausages, Tilda.

The perfect woman.

It seems that Australia is in
the habit of producing of

perfect women.

PATTI: You guys cannot have
barbecue without permission.

Pick up. Pick up right now!

Relax, Patti. Have a beer.
Take a seat and join us.

How's your day?

Mm. Hey, sweetie, you
want a soda?

Oh, yeah.
JJ and I had a good day.

We have a nice tan.
We got our nail done.

Sounds like you two are
primed for a good time.

Oh, yeah. We love party.

Hey, is my beer coming or what?

Sure. Of course. Uh, Michael, I
think the-the cooler's over by

you.

Oh, I thought this was my own
private supply.

I'm just kidding, man.
I-I don't drink.

Oh, well, can we get you
something else, like a tea or a

coffee?

Uh, coffee, please.

Okay. Black or white?

Doesn't matter.

Michael, you are too much.

I can learn a thing or two from
you in the way of smoothness.

What up, M-word?

What?

My new pal.

No, no, no. Wh-wh-what
did you just call me?

The M-word.

The N-word?

Huh? No. What? No, uh, M-word.

Yeah, the N-word.

You think that's okay?

No, no, no, no, no. M.

Not N as in knickers.

What did you just call me?!

Nigel, chuck us your phone.

Ha. Ha.

I'm just winding you up. That's
your first street cred lesson,

Nige.

Anyway, so ladies. You want to
teach jazz aerobics as well as

do your show.

From what I saw yesterday,
you're gonna need some help.

Maybe we could employ people.

Mm. There are a lot of
homeless people on Venice.

I could put the word out.

Oh, don't know about homeless
people. They might have like

drugs and stuff and we wouldn't
want... Uh, yeah, that would be

nice. Thanks, Michael.

This iBone app is genius.

I'm actually watching
you two bone. Right now.

Well done, Nigel.

It was your idea. I just...

These two are actually boning
right before our eyes.

It's quite graphic.
You are a minx.

Alright? And Michael, you work
out, don't you, mate?

You work out heaps, right?

Now we just sit back and wait
for the one ninety-nine

downloads to roll in.

Yeah, right. In the meantime,
how about we earn some money

outside the realm of smut.

JJ: Slut.

What did you say to me?!

Little shit, you are
way past the cute age!

♪ ACCORDION MUSIC

[BIRDS CHIRPING SOUND]

[STRANGE SOUND]

Morning.

Morning.

Hey!

Hey, this is a great place.

Thank you.

Hey, what are you
doing on my property?

No, no, no, no,
Patti, it's fine.

They're-she's my mate.

You know, Michael sent us.
He said that you guys needed

some help.

- Oh, yes.
- Great.

Well, put us to work.
What do you say?

[INSTRUMENTAL PIANO MUSIC]

Thanks.

RADIO:
Oh, money!

Ladies and gentlemen, you are
listening to K-ARAVAN F.M.

Are you a jacked man-babe, just
waiting to get discovered?

Then get on down to our calendar
comp for beach babes.

Why not relax to a double CD

or cassette Tupac-inspired
flute collection?

It's a Tupac 2-pack
flute pack, fool.

♪ GET IN MY BUSINESS,
FUCK ON MY RICHES ♪

♪ YOU BOUND TO ME MY MISSUS

Bitches and Hose dog wash is an
all-service experience.

Bitches hate nothing
about bows and treats.

[CASH REGISTER SOUND EFFECT]

Stupefy!

Avada Kedavra!

[SCREAMING]

Come on down and have a
Hufflepuff on that gillyweed.

That's not funny.

And get a golden
snitch up your horcrux!

Oh!

Why not check out these
beachside jazz-aerobics and

couples yoga classes.

Alright then. If everyone would
like to stretch down into the

Eiffel Tower pose.

Uh, that's about right.

Do they look
more than friends to you?

They're just following us, mate.

Alright, doggie. Downward
doggie dog style pose.

Hey, bendy ladies.

Yeah, hey. Yo, yo. What
are you doing?

You got a permit to be operating
a business down here?

Uh...

You know what? We're,
uh, gonna let this slide.

- Let it slide? Let it slide.
- We're gonna let it slide.

[SNAPSHOT SOUND EFFECT]

Suspicious beaver.

[LAUGHING AND
CASH REGISTER SOUND]

♪ HIT LIKE A HAMMER CAUSE I CAN

♪ UNDERSTAND BEEN
DOIN' THIS SINCE THE 90'S ♪

♪ NEVER BEEN HARD TO FIND ME

♪ MONEY'S THE LONGEST, ALL
ABOUT PERFECT TIMING ♪

♪ IN THE RIGHT PLACE,
AT THE RIGHT TIME ♪

♪ IN THE TIGHT RACE,
IN MY RIGHT MIND ♪

♪ BAD LUCK NEED A LIFELINE

Get on down there, get involved,
get sweaty and for heaven's

sakes, boys,
get your shirts off.

[INDISTINCT AND
NONSENSICAL NOISES]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Embrace your friends.

Okay.

Guys, we've-
we've almost done it.

Nine thousand eight
hundred and eleven dollars.

We couldn't have done it without
you. Thank you so much, Michael.

Don't stop till you get enough.
There's still two hundred

dollars to go.

Well, we were actually planning
on, um, throwing a party and

charging entry and making
the rest back that way.

And I'm gonna exhibit my
porcelain plates and hold a

silent auction for them.

Obviously, you don't
have to pay to come in.

You can come for free.

So, it's tomorrow night,
eight p.m. at the caravan.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, guys. Did I,
uh, hear you're looking for a

venue to host your fundraiser?

No, no, we're gonna have it.

No, no, no, no, no.
It's okay. It's okay.

You could have it here.

Yeah, right-o, Truth. How much
is that gonna cost us?

Oh my god, guys. Nothing! Come
on. I just simply would love to

host your righteous
quest finale.

Well, it would
be good for your business.

And Patti would prefer it.

- Uh, it is a great venue.
- Yeah.

Alright. I guess it would save
on set up costs and hassle and

- stuff.
- Alright great. Awesome, guys.

So, it's party at Truth's
tomorrow night.

Party!

[PARTY MUSIC BEGINS]

Mm. His work clearly draws
inspiration from the masters.

Van Gogh the earlier
works of Matisse.

Cupcake! Cupcake!
Everybody, cupcake!

JJ, that's not for
you, no. Put it back.

It's gonna make you fat.
No husband like a fat girl.

Put it back.

Cupcake!

Patti Gone to a lot of effort.
That was very thoughtful.

Is there any
nice man around here?

Oh. I mean,
I'd say that there are a few.

Hm. May I have one?

Oh, sure. You need to fatten up.
How you skinny girl gonna have a

baby?

So, anyway, the seagull was
fixing the penguins car and-and

the penguin is standing there
eating ice cream. The white ice

cream got all over his mouth.
And-and the seagull looks up

from the hood of
the car and he says-

It looks
like you've blown a seal.

Oh, my god!

Everybody, listen up! Listen up!

We have exceeded our goal of ten
thousand one hundred and

fifty-five dollars.

Yay!

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa.

Well, why don't you just go and
hook up with each other then?

You're both horrible people.

I think I'd
better put you to bed.

Oh, that would be a thriller!

Hey, Tilda, Tilda
tail feather! What's up, girl?

Lizzo, are you alright, mate? Do
you want to maybe take a seat?

That's a bit rich, coming from
you. Look at yourself.

So cool with your face.

Did you just think that I
wouldn't notice?

Like that I was like some
dumb-dumb or some-some?

Well, I've got news
for yous two both.

One, two.

My news is that
family can't be trusted!

Well, how could you do this to
me, especially when you know

that I hate substances and what
they did to my life?!

What's wrong, Lizzo?
Are you alright, mate?

Can I get you a water?

You can get me a glass of shut
up and stop talking to me,

troll.

Yeah. Well, Matilda, I am gonna
take the money. Mm-hm. Yep.

I'm the only trustworthy person
around here. Did you all know

that?

I am taking this! Give this to
me! How do I know that he's not

in cahoots too, you know?

Mm-hm. Probably a user.

Everything's gonna be set for
me! Tootle-Loo.

I will text somebody when I get
home, so you all know that I am

safe. I'm sensible.

[INDISTINCT MUTTERING
AND MURMURING]

[THE SOUND OF SEAGULLS
AND WAVES CRASHING]

Hey. Nothing. Still nothing.

Okay. Um, do you want to come in
and have something to eat? And...

Then we'll keep looking. Okay.

Oh. Hey guys.

You're alive.

Yeah.

Where's the money?

Huh? What-what money?
What? Don't you have it?

No. I do not have the money
because you have the money that

is keeping us alive.

Well, when I woke up I just had
nothing. Just nothing.

Nothing?

Where are you going?

She's calling mum.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Hello, mum?

Matilda? What-what's happened?
Are you alright?

Mum, we owe someone
money. We lost a bet.

A bet? You were gambling?

Yeah. We're-
we're in a lot of trouble.

After everything that's
happened with your father?

This family put gambling
to rest a long time ago!

Are you that telling me
you've ignored

the only thing I've
ever asked of you, Tilda?

Momma, we need your help.

Oh, help. Don't you dare use me
as your get out of jail free

card. Not over
something like this.

Ma, I know you're disappointed.

Disappointed doesn't even
begin to describe it.

I have worked very hard to bring
you two up without gambling in

your lives, to-to shape you
into decent, hard-working women.

Oh!

Mum, I'm really stuck.

No, Matilda.
You got yourselves into this and

you need to learn the hard way.

You're on your own.

More harm than good.

Why didn't you just lie to her?
You're really good at that.

I'm really good at lying, am I?
That's what I should have done?

That would have been the
responsible thing to do?

This isn't all my fault. Okay?

Whose fault is it then?

I don't know. Maybe I just got-

Got so filthy drunk...

- Whoa. Me filthy drunk?
- You lost...

You were the one knee-deep in
uppers or downers or whatever

the hell you were doing, you big
party pig. Oh, Matilda, always

- gotta have the best time.
- What hell are you...

Every single time something goes
wrong, it's always me who

figures it out. Oh, let's just
leave it up to Liz. Okay?

I'm sick of it!

I'm gonna figure out
myself this time without you.

Oh, good luck wielding
all that talent of yours on the

boardwalk.

Go to hell, Matilda!

I'll be there soon,
thanks to you, mate!

♪ MELANCHOLY PIANO MUSIC

[PIANO MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

Michael?

Baby girl, come here. Oh,
man, I was looking for you.

Why do drugs, out of everything
in my life, just always mess

everything up?

Wait. Whoa-whoa,
what do you mean, drugs?

What do you think what I mean?
Matilda at the party.

She was doing drugs!

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. I didn't come
down in the last shower.

They had white powder all over
their faces. Her and Nigel were

sitting down in-at the party in
front of everyone. And now she's

trying to blame it on me. And
where do you think they got the

money for that? They're probably
double dipping out of our

savings jar. Great teamwork for
a bunch of crackheads.

Do you really remember all that
or are you just kind of filling

in the blanks?

I think I know white powder over
someone's face when I see it.

[OLD TIME MUSIC BEGINS]

Oh, boy. Yeah.
I really messed up.

Oh, it just sucks without her.

You know she has every right to
be mad. But she didn't put you

out. You put yourself out.

No. She didn't want me there.

Can you think of what
you did with the money?

Oh, I don't know. I mean,
I don't know how I could

just lose it all.

Well, she needs you just as much
as you need her. The bond you

have. Your ability to achieve
together is like nothing I've

ever seen.

Yeah, she hates me though.
I let her down and I let

everyone down.

You need to forget your pride,
get back there and figure

something out. You two have
something special. You can-you

can fix this. Liz...

I think
you're awesome. Always have.

I'm crazy about you.

Is there any crawl space
underneath Pattie's house?

Maybe I could hide in there for
a while and you could just bring

me food. I can't believe she
just walked out like that. God!

Self-righteous pain in my ass.

We're gonna fix this, the two of
us.

In fact, I already have a plan.

You do?

Ready to think clearly now.

Yeah, yeah, Juice bar.
Half an hour.

Who was that?

Oh, nobody.

We have to leave
in twenty minutes.

♪ SHE LIGHTS UP
ANY ROOM SHE'S IN ♪

♪ SHE'S GOT THIS
GLOWY THING, HAPPENING ♪

♪ AND I KNOW
THAT WHAT I'M SAYIN... ♪

- You have the money?
- Oh my...

Where's the other one?

Wo-we'll have the money
tomorrow when it's due.

It's confirmed.

You will have the money?

She said she'll have it.

Five p.m. Here.
If not, I'll find you.

[HORROR MUSIC BEGINS]

[EXOTIC, FLUTE MUSIC]

What is it then?

Hoo, we-Thanks.

I got you a juice.
It's your favorite flavor.

With what money?

I- It's a peace offering. Uh,
Mango Mayhem with good vibes

booster. Just give-
give her a chance.

Okay, I'm really sorry about
everything that happened.

It was totally my fault. Dude, I
mean, you mean the world to

me. Okay? We're pals. You're my-
you're my best friend and I

can't picture doing this without
you. Okay? You're smiling.

Gotcha. We got into
this debt together and I think

if Benito's going to kill us
tomorrow, then we should do that

together too.

I love you, Lizzo. I can't,
of course I forgive you.

Well, good.

Move it.

Grasshopper, can you get some
more mangos, please?

We're not going to
let this kill us.

Ladies, did I overhear that you
expect to be getting killed

tomorrow?

Mm.

Such an early severance to such
glowing auras of potential.

We're actually
trying to avoid that.

Yeah, we're gonna
come up with a plan.

But something
evil is lurking in the dark.

Wow, I had no
inkling of your troubles.

Have you considered
perhaps escaping them?

We can't just flee. This guys'
got a reputation to uphold.

We'll get lynched
crossing the border.

Yes. But if you stay he'll
probably chop a finger off every

day until you have no fingers
left. Kinda sorta like a prelude

to your impending
death by hanging.

For heavens' sake, there's no
need for the imagery.

Oh my god,
he's going to kill you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not if
you get to him first.

I mean, we're not gonna kill
someone. I'm not gonna end up in

the clink like Mom and Dad.

No... I mean, you kill
yourselves. You see, you cant

actually collect
debt from a dead person.

- Oh, okay. Too easy.
- Perfect.

Let's lock that in then.

No, I don't actually
mean kill yourselves.

You mean like, fake it.

Yes.

Well, that just sounds like a
whole new nightmare.

Well, does anybody
have a bloody better idea?

Oh, no, you said...
Nigel's got an idea, though.

Well, that wasn't really,
well, a formal plan.

I was just trying
to get you down here.

Okay.

Alright then. Great. Great.
Killing ourselves it is.

Pretending to kill ourselves.
And how are we going to do that

exactly? Everybody? Hm?

Ladies, it would be my honor to
assist you on your noble quest

for freedom. I mean, I kinda
actually do have a little bit of

experience with
this kind of thing.

What do we need to do?

Okay. Tomorrow morning at six
a.m. I want both of you to meet

me in front of the
juice shop alone. Bring a car.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

You have to come and get me.
Come on, Jacinta.

What's the matter with
you? Are you cold, Jacinta? Huh?

Look, no hot sauce?
No aguacate? [No avocado?]

Am I an animal? Huh?

Oh, look at you. You look like a
drowned rat. Well, smile for me,

Jacinta. You go in the house and
get yourself cleaned up.

Mala!
[Bad!]

[CELL PHONE CONTINUES TO RING
WITH AN 80'S KIDS TONE]

Speak.

Mr. Juan Carlos. It is Benito.
You will have the ten thousand

for the two girls tomorrow.
I just checked.

Benito! How many times I tell
you, don't you call me until you

got the money
in your damn hands!

PINCHE CABRON!
[effing asshole]

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay! Ay,
you puto! Here, you talk to your

brother pito! Son of a bitch.

[PHONE RINGS]

Juan Carlos.

Steven Craig. What, you still a
loco hombre, huh? [a crazy man]

You call me at ridiculous hour.

I understand there are two girls
who owe you ten grand and they

plan to fake their
own deaths to escape you.

Well, I have been
informed otherwise.

Oh, yeah. Okay.
From whom? Benito?

He's useless,
Juan. He's infantile.

Benito es infantile? Huh. Benito
is imbecile. Benito is mierda.

I have to kill him. And
then, then I have to kill these

two puta putanas, you know?
Because I got the reputation

I have to maintain. I don't
care, if it's a million dollars

or only ten pesos.
Nobody takes money from

Juan Carlos and
lives to tell the tale.

I will tell you where they're
going to be if you just get your

men off my back and let
me do business like I used to.

So, you can bring me to these
two girls, my old friend, uh?

The wheels are in motion.

[BIRDS CHIRPING SOUNDS]

Tilda! The guys could be
targeted once we're dead.

Okay, we've got to go. We've got
to go. Wake up. Wake up, guys.

Guys. Michael, wake up. You're
gonna have to go into hiding.

And I think the-the juice shop's
probably the best place to go.

Okay, let's go.

Hey, Maci. Thanks heaps.

Yeah, just take care of my baby.

- We'll see you at the juice bar.
- Alright. Good luck with

whatever it is you're doing.

Thanks, Maci!

Yeah!

Don't tell anyone
you saw us, alright?

Got it.

Okay, guys, we're getting close.
I have everything prepped, okay?

Make sure you look the other
way if another car pulls up.

That's very important. You don't
want them to be able to identify

you. Okay? Perfect.

Let's go around back.

[OMINOUS SOUNDS]

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

The money.

The girls!

Okay, I'll be watching from the
distance as a lookout, okay?

Now, you guys know what to do.

You know if we do this...

Times' up, Lizzo.
We're out of options.

Do you think all
this is necessary?

[GUITAR STRUMMING]

Alright.
Where are these two chicas?

Mavron.

I should have known you would
try to pull a fast one on me.

Did you like really think I was
going to do you a favor, man,

after what you did to me? I
mean, hello! Come on!

Check you out, man. You
are like so losing your mojo.

Alright, Benito. You
know what to do.

Pronto, Benito.
[Now, Benito.]

Mi chili rellenos
are getting cold in the car.

Pinche cabron!
[Fucking asshole!]

[SPANISH GUITAR
STRUMMING CONTINUES]

Dude, Maci's going
to be so pissed.

No, we're earn her money for a
new car once we get this gang

off our backs.

Um, there is a car pulling up.
We gotta act cool. Be cool.

Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

Shit. Um, we'll just like
don't look back because of what

Truth said. So just
pretend we're looking at the

view or something.

So, um, how is Michael?

He's actually like wow.

- What?
- Yeah.

Did you guys... You guys boned?

[SHE GIGGLES]

Shut up. He's huge,
Isn't he? He's massive.

Well, dude, I don't really have
anything t-to compare it to, but

like how's you and Nigel,
eh? Taught him a move or two,

didn't ya?

Aren't you a sore sport? No,
Nigel and I are fine. But like

we're kinda taking
it a little bit slower.

Really?

Yeah. I think... I think I
love him. I think I'm in love.

Tilda. Mate,
that-that's awesome.

I know.

You guys make a
good couple for sure.

Yeah, I don't know. We're... I
just want to not bugger it up,

I guess.

You won't, mate.
Just be yourself.

Yeah. Bet you and
Michael can stick together.

Thanks, man. He's pretty cool.
He's like the nicest guy ever.

Should we turn
around and see? Or no?

I don't think we should.

Truth?

Come on, girls. I got the
getaway car. Let's go.

Okay.

It's go time.

Go! Go! Go!

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BEGINS]

The direct line to the cops.

No wonder Liz was so
out of control at the party.

He must have
drugged her to take the money.

Steven Craig.

Hm.

Oh, hello. Officers?

Hey, babe. You over twenty-one?
Ha ha. I'm just kidding.

This ain't my jurisdiction.

Officer Cox.
What's the four one one?

Uh, i-i-it's a kidnapping and a
theft. Hell, there's a drug bust

too. Just get down to Truth's
Juices as soon as you can and

put the search out for two
Australian women.

He's not even vegetarian!

Wait, Juan Carlos. This is the
guy who Uncle Baz and Auntie

Raelene were dealing with just
before they went to prison.

Dear Mr. Craig, Thank you for
your services this year.

May we dig holes together for
many more opals in the future.

Opals. Wait. Craig Cargo? These
guys killed my granny.

Seren-bloody-dipity. Not
just a pretty face, is he?

You see, since the nineties,
Juan Carlos had been the head

honcho of the American
sports gambling world.

So, when the Wentworth's
threatened to bring in their

champion greyhound -
Juan Carlos stood to lose a lot.

So, he decided to stop it.

BAZ: Ah, fair suck of the old
sav, Juan Carlos. Ya boofhead!

So Juan Carlos chose to
demonstrate how serious he was.

He gave Truth, Steven Craig,
a call to arrange a hit.

See, Steven had been fired from
a large pharmaceutical company.

But he'd made the right
connections to very quickly

become something
of a local drug lord.

And being the drop kick
that he is, he happily agreed...

sending ultra-potent heroin
disguised as blood pressure

medication to Grandma Opal.

Do not push me
too far, Mr. Wentworth.

Oh, Juan Carlos, you flaming
mongrel. I will not back down.

That was the biggest mistake
of Baz's life. Juan Carlos

decided to make him suffer...
so he sent a shipment of heroin

to the Wentworth's, tipped off
the cops, and framed them as

drug dealers and murderers. And
that was curtains for the

Wentworth empire.

Of course, Juan Carlos saw an
opportunity to make more money

and decided he wanted Steven's
drug operation to himself. So,

he muscled in and
closed it down.

Well, Steven went into hiding
then reemerged, having

reinvented himself into a
hemp-wearing yogi juice bar

owner. A perfect drug front for
a small-scale operation.

Liz's parents are innocent.

I'm gonna make him wish he never
heard the name Michael Saxon.

[BLENDER WHIRRING]

Officers!

Yeah, we got here
pretty quick, huh?

Yeah, you guys said
something about a drug bu-

Ho! Holy! God!

That is a lot of cocaine.

Alright, well, we better take
some pictures of this before,

uh, before it all
disappears, huh?

♪ IT'S, IT'S, IT'S, IT'S MY
PARTY, PARTY, PARTY ♪

Okay, girls, so I-I'm
kinda guessing you're gonna

want to go into hiding.

Guessing? I thought you had the
whole thing figured out for us.

I did. It's done.

Come on. Come on. Ah, come on,
come on, Ladies, don't look so

shaken, alright? I'm gonna fix
you some nice relaxation juices.

Wait a minute.

Someone's been in here.

Hm. Amateurs.

Put your hands in the air, sir!

Ho, ho, whoa, man.
You don't have anything on me.

Oh, really? We got nothing on
you, huh? What about this?

- Uh...
- Show him-show him...

Show him the drugs.
Pull out the drugs.

Boo-yah!

So you think you
could take me? Yeah?

Shit, was that you?

Asshole!
That was ours!

Goddamn!

Shamona!

- Shit!
- Wait, wait, wait! Cuffs! Cuffs!

Okay, go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Cuff him.

Put your head between your legs
and kiss your ass goodbye!

Liz. Girls. Are you safe?

Yeah. What is this, a drug bust?

- Yes ma'am. Indeedy-deedy.
- Yeah. It's a bust. Yeah.

Wait.

Is this the shit
you've been putting in our

drinks the whole time?

Come on. The Ritalin helped
you work better, didn't it?

I was just doing you a favor.

What. Getting them to earn all
that money with impressive

efficiency... just so you
could steal it from them?

You!

POLICE OPERATOR: All available units.
Two bodies have been recovered from a trunk

of a vehicle wreckage.

Oh, hey. No, no,
no, no, no. It was them.

It was them. I saw
them do it. They pushed

the car off the cliff.

I have video on
my cell phone to prove it.

Holy shit, you guys! I just got
a call that my car fell off some

cliff? What the hell...?

Oh, hey! I haven't seen you
guys today. How's it going?

It's totally her...
Oh! It's Maci! Hey!

What's up?

It was him. He
threatened us with torture.

Yeah. One finger at a
time, he said. And a hanging.

Yeah, a hanging.

And we did not know
there was people in the car.

We had no idea. We really did
not know that until just now.

Juan Carlos was a tyrant and a
parasite. Alright, it was my

service to the country!

Dude, you killed Juan Carlos?

- You shot that man?
- He was like the big boy.

- You are incredible.
- That is awesome, man.

The-the same Juan Carlos who
you killed Grandma Opal with?

Yeah. I mean-Oh.

Not exactly
your first offense, is it?

Tell us your real name, Truth.

Tell us the truth, Steve.

Dude, you are so very
badly under arrest.

Always wanted to say that.

So, our parents are innocent.

Suffer in your jocks, mate, you
prized bloody asshole.

Wait.

Oh, hey, oh, come on!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Come on, wait, wait, man.

So my car.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Hey, mum.

Oh, Matilda.

Oh, I'm so glad you called. Oh
god, I've been feeling terrible.

Hey, um, did you hear anything
about Dad and Raelene getting

released?

I didn't know how to get
a hold of you. Are you okay?

So, we're not
in trouble anymore?

Oh, I can't stay angry at you.
Anyway, it's just made me

realize more than ever that
family comes first having Baz

and Raelene here.

RAELENE: Hi, girls.
We're out of the clink!

Is that you, guys? Mum? Dad?

Yeah!

Yeah! And that bloody Juan
Carlos and his mongrel crime

mob they got blown apart by
some deadset vigilante legends

over there in the States!

And how's your
bus tour going, girls?

Oh, it's going great.
Thanks, mum.

Um, but actually we're
about to come home.

We're bringing our boyfriends.

- Oh, lovely.
- Yeah!

Yeah, you mean Liz
has got a boyfriend too?

I-I've thought she might have
been a rug muncher.

Whatever makes you happy, dear.

Thanks, mum.
See you soon. Love you.

Love you. Bye bye.

Hurry home, girls. We miss you.

We miss you. Loves yas.

[OVERLAPPING]
Bye! Bye!

Any casinos
on the way to the airport?

Don't want to stop in
and roll the dice, do we?

No?

Right-o.