Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy (2006) - full transcript

My name is Geralyn Lucas.

I came to New York with a plan.

I always had a plan.

I made lists...
Well, not wishlists.

Wishlists depend
on hope and luck

and for stars in the night sky.

I made a list of all
the things I wanted,

and then I worked
hard until I got them.

Get married, have a career,
raise children, give

back to society,
all while having

the guts to wear red lipstick.



I love red lipstick
because it's a choice.

Wearing it shows
confidence, demands

that the world pay attention,
and dares you to live up to it.

But I wasn't that daring yet.

A few years ago, my list
was almost complete.

I married Tyler Lucas,
a handsome doctor

who could easily
pass for Tom Cruise,

if Tom were taller, more
highlyeducated, and much less weird.

I was a story editor for
"2020," the top TV news magazine

show with Barbara Walters.

So, the husband and
jobthings were under control,

and children were on
the immediate horizon.

I swear to God,
in the dictionary,

under having it all
was a picture of me.



Well, me if I weresmarter, taller, and more

self-confident, and had a dog.

Evening, Ms. Lucas.

Evening, Joe.

Taxi!

Taxi!

Taxi!

46th and 8th please.

Sure.

- I
- wasn'treally a red lipstick girl.

I was really more
of a gloss girl.

Gloss is safe.

I felt like the women
whowore red lipstick were

more deserving than me,
more powerful than me.

But they aren't facing thelife
and death decision I am.

I need to go to a
place that will give me

clarity and insight, a
place that represents

everything I have to lose.

You work here?

No.

Well, maybe... Well, I
could if I wanted to.

Why do you ask?

No reason.

Thank you.

Breasts, boobs, tits, jugs.

Men have fought
and died for them.

Yes, died for them,
just so that they

can bury their heads in them.

What men don't know
is that they're hard

wired to make
idiots of themselves

over them, because breasts area
symbol of a woman's fertility.

So they sneak peeks at them,
look at pictures of them,

talk about them, grab and
touchthem, and pay to see them.

This place was a potpourriof
breasts on parade...

Big ones, bigger ones,
and Baywatch fake ones,

a crash course
like a CliffsNotes

on why boobs matter so much.

Get you something to drink?

Isn't it weird how
women have the power

to hypnotize men into
this, like, trance

just by taking off their tops?

Yeah, it's weird.

I'll have a beer.

Just a beer, in the bottle.

No glass, please.

I'dcome here to decide whether

or not to have a mastectomy,
to have my breasts cut off.

This decision could
very well save my life,

so why was it so hard to make?

Tell me you're going tocut
off some of my thigh,

I can live with that.

But don't tell me I've
got to lose a breast.

But what did it mean, really?

I mean, losing my breastwouldn't
mean losing my husband

or my job or my friends.

Or maybe that's exactly
what it will mean,

and I'll lose everything.

Am I willing to lose
the power these women

have in order to save my life?

10 days ago, I had what
felt like other very

important decisions to make.

I'll have the decaf nonfat
extrahot mocha with whipped cream,

but only if it's
non-fat whipped cream.

It's not just steam
milk extra foamy.

Please.

Hey, Geralyn, honey.

You've got to getyourself a lottery ticket.

This could be your lucky day.

Yeah, I believe inworking for your success,

not scratching for it.

Ooh.

Hi, it's Geralyn Lucas again.

Sorry.

OK, so what you're tryingto
achieve through surgery

is to look like Barbie...
Like the actual doll

or like a metaphor of some kind?

I'm sorry, can you hold
on one second please?

I'm sure you already
know this, sir,

but there's a shelter
over on 45th and 1st.

Go get yourself a shower,
havea hot meal, or buy alcohol,

if that's what you
need right now.

No judgments.

OK, so you've already had thebutt
lift, the tummy tuck,

the cheek and the dental
implants, the nose job,

but you're still going
to get the boob job.

Sir.

So is there a Ken or a
GIJoe you're doing this for?

I feel like we've covered
thewhole fat free, carb free diet

myth, at least for the moment.

What about teenagers
and oral sex?

They don't think it's sexbecause
there's no intercourse.

I swear, I saw thatLifetime
movie just last week.

I need something
thatwill move people, something

more edgy, human
interest stories that

make people feel something.

Like Gail's story about
spermdonor kids who want to meet

their dads, that was good.

That's what I'm talking about.

People.

Anybody.

Somebody.

It was my boss, Meredith.

I call her the goddess.

A celebrity baby picture bounty?

Yeah?

Um, soft addictions?

Like?

Dark chocolate, nail biting,
video gaming, shopping,

internet chat
rooms, online poker.

I mean, these
aren't, like, check

into treatment addictions.

You don't have to go througha
12-step program for them,

so maybe it'll be somethinga
little bit different.

Yeah, definite potential.

There's this one woman in Texas

who had 36 plastic
surgeries in order

to look like a Barbie doll.

Wow.

Like Barbie, like the doll.

Addicted to plastic surgery.

That's the promo.

Good work, Gail.

So then Meredith, the queen

of everything I
want to be in life,

gives me this big thumbs upand says to
me, I like that.

And then Victor,
the bossof the whole division,

says, good work, Gail, again.

Who's Gail?

Me.

That's what Victor
thinks my name is.

It was the first timehe's
ever complimented me.

I didn't want to ruin
it by correcting him.

When he hates something
I do, then I'll

tell him my real name,
and we can all hate Gail.

You're looking good.

Do you have a date
after work today?

Come on.

If I had a date, don't you
thinkthat would be the first thing

out of my mouth?

Nothing new happened
to me this week.

I could make
something up for you,

but that would just be pathetic.

OK, let's order dessert.

My god, is something wrong?

No.

Can't we have chocolate
withoutone of us being in crisis?

Not during the day.

OK.

Um, next time I go to
Dr. Crone's office,

I'm going to tell her
it'stime to go off the pill.

No way.

This is so exciting.

And scary.

Are we old enough
to be the parents?

Because I'm not ready
to make that commitment.

Tyler and you are creating life,

and I can't even meet somebody.

I'm a loser.

I'm not pregnant yet.

Well, is it on the list?

If it's on the list,
it will happen.

A list is just a guideline.

I've seen the list, Ger.

I saw the first one
when we were eight.

I've seen many since.

Let me see.

Grow large breasts.

Get straight A's.

Be editor of the school paper.

Columbia School of Journalism.

Marry a cool doctor.

Get a cool job.

Blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah.

So clearly the largebreast
thing didn't work out.

Yeah!

Blondie, what you doing tonight?

Look at these guys
checking you out.

Yeah, you.

I'm sorry.

All men are disgusting,
drooling pigs!

Why can't I find one to love me?

Hey, the movie starts
at 8:00, and I told them we'd

meet them for a drink before.

OK, two minutes.

OK.

Wait, wait, wait, we got
two minutes real time,

two minutes Geralyn time?

OK, six.

You know what?

I'm the one that's
going to have to make

the excuse why we're late.- Go.

Go away.
- Fine.

Hurry.

I just found threelumps in my right breast.

What?

Let me see.

Right here.

Honey, I'm sure it's nothing.

Come on.

How do you know it's nothing?

Because I'm a card
carrying doctor.

I have a stethoscope
and everything.

All right?
Let's go.

You're an orthopedic surgeon.

It's not like I felt
a lump in my knee.

Honey, do you remember?

When I was a resident,
I dida six-month breast cancer

rotation, and one
thing you learn

is it's almost always nothing.

It's like the time when
you had a headache,

you thought you
had a brain tumor,

or... or when you thought
you had pneumonia.

I'm not a hypochondriac.

Or how about the time youthought
you had a broken foot?

That was a really
rough pedicure.

OK?

I mean, you're the
one who taught me

how to do a self breast
exam in the first place

on our second date.

I just wanted to see you naked.

Come on, stop worrying.

Just hurry up.

Honey, I'm sure it's nothing.

I mean, you know what?

Women are lumpy.

Great.

Listen.

If it's still there in a weekor
so after you get your period,

we'll have it checked out.

You know when I'm
going to get my period?

Yeah.

Well, it doesn't take a genius.

Usually eating a carton
of Rocky Road ice cream

and complaining about being fat.

Do not.

And it's not always Rocky Road.

What is it?

See, now we're going to be late.

I don't think a few minuteswill
make a big difference.

A few minutes in real timeor
a few minutes in Tyler time?

We've been married
for two years,

and I've wanted a babysince
I was a little girl.

And Tyler wants kids
just as much as I do.

Put your other arm up.

You've been on the
pill for a long time,

so it might take
you a few cycles

before you can get pregnant.

I know.

I did this story on this
onewoman who had been trying

to get pregnant for,
like, three years,

and then she finds
out that her husband

has been grinding a birthcontrol
pill into her coffee.

OK, I hadn't heard everything.

I'm going to write
you a prescription

for prenatal vitamins.

But be sure you take
themwith food because they

can make you nauseous.

Anything else?

Well, I...

I'm sure it's nothing,
but I did find three lumps

in my right breast last week.

But two of them went away
after my period, so...

I didn't feel it.

It's kind of, like,
undermy arm, like right here,

kind of like deep under my arm...
Here, show me.

In my armpit right there.

I mean, it's probably fine, but.

Yeah, I feel it now.

You?

Yeah.

Tyler says it's nothing,
andhe thinks I'm a hypochondriac.

Well, he's right...

Not about you being
a hypochondriac,

but about it probably
being nothing.

You're young.

You've got no family history.

Not that that's
always an indicator.

I don't like to mess
around with lumps,

so I'm going to send you
for a mammogram today.

I have a really importantstaff
meeting at 3:00.

Can it wait?

I mean, keep in mindthat
every single disease

I've ever thought I
have had I didn't have.

Don't worry.

It's just a precaution.

The mammogram will just giveus
some useful information.

OK, just lower the
right side of your gown.

OK, now I need you to lean
inand put your left hand here.

And then I'm going to put
yourbreast on the steel plate.

That is... yeah,
if thiswas for a penis, it would

be heated and play Sinatra.

So can you tell
something right away?

The films have to be
reviewedby a radiologist first.

We really can't say
anything until then.

You'll get a call
in a day or two.

How many minutes is that?

You're still young.

I'm sure you're fine.

You're at least 10 years
youngerthan anyone we normally see.

OK, I need you to standstill
and hold your breath.

No, it's nothing.

Tyler says they just
haveto be careful because

of lawsuits and stuff.

I'm sure I'm fine.

Um, I gotta go.

I'm not supposed to be
on a cellphone in here.

No, he'll come.

I'm sure that's fine.

I'll call you as soon
as I know something.

OK.
Bye, mom.

Love you, too.

Do I need to sign anything or...

Can you wait a few minutes?

Yeah.
Why?

I thought we wouldn't
knowanything for a couple of days.

Did someone just suck all
ofthe oxygen out of the room?

The radiologist took
a look at your films

and wants you to
have an ultrasound.

Can you make a 3 o'clock
appointment today?

Should I be freaking out?

No.

It's just an ultrasound,
not a biopsy.

That's a good thing, right?

Um, can you page,
Dr. Tyler Lucas, please?

Yeah, tell him it's
the hypochondriac.

I'm Bob Bradley.

I work with Tyler.

He asked me to see
you right away.

Unfortunately,
theresults of your ultrasound

were inconclusive.

So a biopsy is really
theonly way to know for sure.

I understand you're
both nervous,

so I've arranged to
do this right away.

Please, have a seat.

What I'll do is I'll
make a small incision.

Pathology will have theresults
back to us later today,

and we can all stop worrying.

We?

You're worried, too?

Because I know that I'mworried,
but if you're worried,

maybe I should be a
little more worried.

I'm not worried.

Women have lumps and
cysts all the time.

Your age?

I'm sure it's not cancer.

Me, too.

Please.

Lie down.

So, you and Tyler are friends?

That's nice to havefriends
in the workplace.

It's, um... it makes the whole
thing more fun and less,

work ish.

I'm sorry.

Could someone please
tape my mouth shut?

Stop worrying.

You always think that
somethingterrible is going to happen,

and it never does.

Never, never, never, never.

Don't worry.

I'm not crazy.

I was just trying to be
optimistic in the face

of terrifying inescapable doom.

I'm afraid the news isn't good.

It's, it's cancer.

But we're going to doeverything
we can to beat this.

We have to wait for
the final pathology,

but I'm sure you're
acandidate for lumpectomy.

It's a small scar,
nothing to worry about,

and you'll be mostly unchanged.

Mostly unchanged?

Will I need chemo?

I mean, is all...

All of my hair
going to fall out?

Is it wrong that that
was my first question?

And actually, my first
questionis, um, am I going to die?

It's all the coffee I drink.

Too much microwave,
allthose artificial sweeteners,

me taking the pill too long,
not taking the pill long enough.

It's not your fault.

Of course it's my fault.
All the red meat, hormones

in the milk, lead in the water.

I mean, all that secondhandsmoke
or firsthand cell phone.

Stop making yourself crazy.

I still eat those
maraschino cherries

even though I know they
havethat red dye that kills you.

What time's your ma
supposed to come?

Any minute.

Is your dad coming, too?

This is my family
we're talking about.

You sure you don'twant me to come with you?

Don't you have those two
surgeries this morning?

I'm not going to keep
two innocent people

from having their knees fixed.

Baby.

Hi, mom.

Aw.

Hi, dad.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hey, Ger.

Hey, Adam.

You know the law
school's close, OK?

Hello, Tyler.

So I can totally
be here to help,

and if I have to drop
out for you, I will.

Drop out of law school?

No one's dropping
out of anything.

We're all here to
cover for each other.

We're all in this together.

Hey, Tyler.

Hey, Adam.

Hi.

It's the girls.

Hi, hi, hi.

I signed you up at
the market so you

call, tell them we're going
tobe here for whatever you need.

The point is, Ger,
you'renot in this fight alone.

We're going to be withyou
every step of the way.

OK, so, who's
going to go with you?

Going where?

I have an appointment withthis
oncologist this morning.

- Who?
- Dr. Murray.

Who is Dr. Murray?

Well, I did a rotation with her.

- Her?
- Yes, her.

She's very good.

She's, well,
women loveher because she's tough.

This is good?

She's a battle ax,
and youwant someone who's aggressive.

I see famous doctors

at famous clinics.

These are the Chanels,
theGuccis, the Pradas of cancer.

Hi.

I feel like I'm cheating
on my first doctor.

I mean, just because you're
asecond opinion and everything.

You're only 27?

Yeah.

This is unbelievable.

My god, you have
really bad luck.

My first doctor cried,
and my second doctor

told me I have bad luck.

I'm totally screwed.

We have a lot to talk about.

So I need a lumpectomy.

No.

You need a double mastectomy.

A double mastectomy?

Why hit something
with a feather when

you can hit it with a hammer?

Now, you have a lot to consider.

You can start chemo
beforesurgery and continue after,

or you can just start after.

We can spread it
out with lower doses

over a longer period
of time or get through

it faster with higher doses.

You might be a candidate
for a clinical trial

that I'm involved in.

You'd be receiving
much more powerful

drugs, drugs that aren'tyet
available to the public.

There is the risk of
heartfailure and early menopause,

but with that risk,
there's a higher

percent chance of a cure.

How much higher?

About a half a percent,
but it's your decision.

I think I want a
second, second opinion.

You're in luck.

My cancer patients tend
to have good outcomes.

I didn't realize how
manydoctors believe in luck.

Personally, I would recommenda
lumpectomy with radiation.

The last doctor I
went to see told me

that she thinks I shouldhave
a double mastectomy.

Can you believe that?

I mean, I have
cancer on one side,

and she thinks I should
take them both off.

Well, she may be right.

There are different
treatmentoptions available to you.

But it's really your decision.

There it is again...

My decision.

Like I have a clue,
likel'm deciding between a side

of coleslaw or potato salad.

There is a long-term studyout
of Italy that suggests

that women live
just as long with

a lumpectomy as a mastectomy.

I mean, you're such an
attractive young woman,

I'd hate to see you
lose your breast.

And I had to wonder,

did he hate to see me losemy
breast from a doctor's

or a man's point of view?

A lumpectomy would removethe entire
lump, as well as

the extra tissue around it,
justto make sure that the margins

are free of cancer cells.

Now you still needchemotherapy
and radiation,

but you'd be more, um...

Unchanged?

Yes, unchanged.

But it's...

It's your decision.

My decision, yes.

My decision, I know.

Um, what would you tellyour
mother or your sister

or your daughter to do?

Well, it's hard to say.

Well, can you try?

Sweetheart,
pick up yourhead and eat something.

You need your strength.

I don't want anyone to see me.

I don't think your
plan is working.

When she was a little girl, she

used to think that if she closedher
eyes, nobody could see her.

Didn't you, honey?

And what a beautiful
baby she was.

Remember, she walked
at nine months?

Do I remember?

- Of course I remember.
- You know what?

Maybe I should take her home.

I think she shouldstart a macrobiotic diet.

A woman I work with at
school changed her diet

and cured herself.

Of cancer?

High blood pressure.

But it works for
a lot of things.

There's another doctor
I want her to see.

Her?
I'm her.

Don't talk about her
like her's not here.

A seventh opinion?

No, she's a cancer therapist.

I've done some research,
and shecomes very highly recommended.

She's someone for
you to talk to,

you know, someone to helpyou
think things through.

Why would you think
I need to see a shrink?

Can I get you
guys anything else?

No, thank you.

Yes, I would like tosee
a dessert menu please.

I have cancer.

Um, the doctor gave
hersomething to calm her nerves.

I'm very calm.

Calm and cancerous.

OK.

Philadelphia's so far away.

Harvey and I would liketo
come and stay with you

and help you look after Geralyn.

I don't...

I don't know.

I don't... I don't think
that's a very good idea.

We can sleep on the floor.

It's not a problem.

It's not a problem.

You guys...

I don't think I can be
away from her right now.

Ger?

Ger.

So what's going on with you?

I'm good.

Thank you.

How are you?

Maybe there's
somethings you want to talk about?

Like what?

Right, I'm here because
I'mstressed out about my cancer.

And I am, of course,
concerned about it,

but that's to be
expected, right?

I mean, I'm just normal,
the normal level of concern.

Well, maybe there's some things

that you need to say out
loudthat you can't say in front

of your family and friends.

No, my family and
friends are wonderful.

I say lots of things
to them out loud.

You must be very scared.

I used to be scared
of cockroaches,

of algebra, sharks.

Not having makeup on whenl
run into an old boyfriend

on the street,
who I don'treally even care about,

but he dumped me,
so... althoughl was going to dump him.

I'm scared that I'll
make the wrong decision.

I'm scared that I can make
theright decision and still die.

I'm scared that if I go tosleep at
night, I won't wake up.

And I'm scared that
my husband secretly

thinks that he picked wrongand
that I'm damaged goods.

And that deep down,
he wishesthat he could run away.

I saw you from three
blocks away?

Wow.

I almost crashed intothat
car trying to pick you up.

I thought you were just a
baddriver like most other caddies.

Me?
No, no, no.

I'm a really gooddriver...
good dancer, too.

You like to dance?

No.

Really?

Well, you look
like you can move.

You know what?

Dancing can free your
life of boring limits.

It can lift you up.

Choo!

Fly away.

You look like you coulduse
some lifting up, ooh.

Bad day, lady?

I love this song.

Come on, sing with
me on this one?

You know the words?

Come on, sing.

Hey, lady, you OK?

I'm fine.

You sure?

Please, just drive.

Come on, there must be
something I can do?

Pull over, dance a little bit?

Actually, I won't be doingmuch
dancing because next week,

I'm having my right breastcut
off because I have cancer.

Tonight at 11:00,

"2020" loses one of theirown
when a crazy Cuban taxi

driver kills Gail.

Lady, lady, listen to me.

You and I were supposed
tomeet at this very moment.

It's what we Cubans call fate.

Fate comes from Cuba?

Yes.

I had testicular
cancer three years ago.

I was treated at
Sloan Kettering.

I had one ball removed.

I've been fine ever since.

And you would be, too.

I will.

Yes.

I am certain.

Thank you.

You know, I even dance
better with one ball.

Really?

It's true.

Yeah, everybody says so.

Can you take me home now?

Suddenly, an angel has appeared

to tell me that I can be whole.

I thought on the ride
homethat if a one-balled man

and an about to be
one-boobed woman

can end up connecting in
a seven minute cab ride

in a city of millions,
then somehow,

I will survive this ordeal.

Go home.

When I'm a wreck,
you can cover for me.

Yes, tell him it's Dr.Tyler
Lucas from Mount Sinai.

I'm calling about the
breast cancer study

he was doing with
women under 40.

Yes, I read his article.

It's just he doesn'tmention
anyone in their 20s.

None?

She snorted!

No, it's a genetic.
It is.

It's not.
It's...

My... my aunt.

It's how many glasses of wine.

That's what makes you snort.

Boy.

What... what are you doing here?

It's nice to see you, too.

No, I just...

I thought that you were
in surgery tonight.

No, I, couldn't.

I just... I didn't
want you to be alone.

I mean, you know, after
your brother went home,

and your parents went
to sleep, and your...

Your friends left.

Well, don't you worry, Tyler.

You don't have to
satisfy all of us.

Let's go for it.

I'm just going to
jump in the shower.

We'll be gone
before you get out.

Or not!

Will you guys still bemy
best friends when I die?

You're not going to die.

Well, if I do,
you can marry Tyler.

Thank you.

But you're not going to die.

Well...

Are you OK?

Just...

What?

Well, why don't you
want me to marry Tyler?

OK.

No, no, no, no, no.

She's drunk.

I am going to take her
homebefore she says something

even more ridiculously stupid.

Good.

You're awake.

What should I do?

Please tell me what to do.

I don't know.

I have all the same
information you have.

It's your body.

It's your decision.

Please don't tell me that.

I'm so sick and tired
of hearing that.

I'm not a doctor.

I'm not qualified to
makea decision like this.

I mean, I can't even
decidewhether or not to have a flu

shot.

All right.

Listen, every doctor I canpossibly
reach, I've spoken to.

And some think that a
mastectomyis the safer way to go.

But then others think that
alumpectomy is the same thing.

And you don't run the
riskof losing your breast.

OK, I've decided.

Since it's my decision,
I want a lumpectomy.

You know how I love
to save everything.

I mean, I still have
my kindergarten report

card and all my baby teeth.

Yeah.

Come here.

And that's what we'll do.

All right?

What if after all
this I can't have kids?

We'll cross that bridge
when we come to it.

I want the baby more
thananything in this world.

I know you do, too.

What if we can't?

We will.

Sleep now.

OK?

Great, you're awake.

I told you they were up.

Did you tell him
about the lumpectomy?

Um, we were just discussing it.

That's good.

Good.

We'll give them some time.

So you told them
before you told me?

No.
Um, sort of.

They were here, and
they're my parents.

And you told Wendy
and Donna, too.

Yes, I just needed
to hear it out loud.

How did it sound?

Good, I think.

No, good.

I'm... I don't know.

Tyler, I don't know.

Maybe I just need to
un-decide for a while.

Here.

Make a list.

- Of what?
- It's what you do.

I don't know.

I mean, you took three weeksto
research our dry cleaner.

You are a researcher.

Do the research.

Hi, this is Geralyn Lucas.

Um, I'm giving you a
copyof my pathology report.

I decided to take
control of my life.

Sorry, I think I must
have the wrong number.

Hi, this is Geralyn
Lucascalling Barbara Stoddard.

She told you that I
was going to call.

What made you decide
tohave a double mastectomy?

Ooh.

Maggie, could you pull that
showwe did last year on that woman

with breast cancer
who went to Mexico

and got cured with herbs?

I thought it might be
good to do a follow-up

piece on where she is now.

What?

She died.

I'm 27.

I am so sorry, but I reallyneed
to talk to you right now.

There are not enoughstudies
about breast cancer

in women under the age of 30.

What we do know is
it's more aggressive

and it has a higher
rate of recurring.

I mean, I don't even qualify
forthat lumpectomy study in Italy

because none of
the women studied

were under the age
of 40, and my tumor

has an extensive
interductal component.

I want a mastectomy.

I know that it's the
most radical approach,

but it's the safest way to go.

And I'm telling you and
I'mgoing home to schedule it.

You're telling me before
youtell the pizza delivery guy?

You sound really confident.

I'm... I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of me, too.

Good morning, Joe.

I've decided to go
with a mastectomy.

Saying it out
loud helps her cope.

Call me.

OK, Joe.

Bye, now.

I'll have a soy chai latte.

I don't know if you're aware,
but I read this article

in Redbook that said
that in 18 soy studies,

they noticed 14%
different breast

cancer rates in
Caucasianwomen who ate tofu.

I mean, they also note
thatthe studies were flawed,

but maybe it can't hurt, right?

Hey, Geralyn.

You want to buy
a lottery ticket?

I got a feeling this
might be a lucky day.

Luck has nothing to do with it.

You make a decision,
and you stick to it.

I'm going with the mastectomy,
and I feel good about it.

Hey.

You have your health.

Are you busy?

Can I talk to you?

My job is very
important to me, but I'm

going to need to take
a couple weeks off

for some personal time.

Look, I have worked
really hard here,

and I'm not just going
to crawl under a table

and curl up into a
ball and disappear.

So how does that sound?

Yeah, that sounds really good.

You know, it's your
personal business.

You don't have to
tell anyone anything.

Yeah, she can't fire you.

It's illegal, so.

You think she's
going to fire me?

- No!
- Well...

No!

Ger, don't even think like that.

Come on, honey.

Where's your libido,
your confidence?

Holding on by a thread.

I'm about to lose
mybreasts, my hair, my job,

and maybe my husband, so.

You know what you need?

You need some special attention.

Like a last hurrah?

New York style.

I'll give you my skirt.

This skirt is
way too short on me!

Where did you get this?

The cutie section
at Bloomingdale's.

OK, OK.
It's 12 on the dot.

Let's go.- This is a terrible idea.

No, no!

It's a sure-thing
confidence booster.

Shoes, shoes!

You need these.

There's no way around it.

- You need these.
- Aah!

You look amazing.

Yeah!

Go, go, go, go.

It's hot.

It's hot.

Come on, let's go!

Come on.

Go, go, go.

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

You're beautiful, Geralyn!

- I
- haven'tlived my life hard enough.

I've never even gotten
a speeding ticket.

But I will not be reduced to
alab report or a bad cell type.

Hi, can I talk to
you for a second?

Sure.

Come in.

Um, my, job is
really important to me.

And I love learning from you,
and I love working for you.

And I absolutely hate the
ideaof even missing a day here,

but I need to take
some personal time.

OK.

OK.

Um, good.

Thank you.

I have cancer,
and I have adouble mastectomy on Friday.

I know I should have
told you sooner.

There's... there's no

etiquette book on what to
dowhen you get breast cancer.

Sit down.

I understand how you feel.

I know people say
that a lot, but,

I really know how you feel.

Years ago, I had breast cancer.

And I had a mastectomy.

The goddess had cancer?

My god.

Did I say that out loud?

That's just what I
call you in my head.

You are in for the
fight of your life.

But Geralyn, you're strong.

I have been telling...

Telling complete strangers,
but I just don't want

to be the office cancer girl.

You didn't choose this.

It happened to you.

And you're going
to get rid of it.

Have you ever tried a mantra?

A what?

It's just something you sayto
yourself to give you focus.

I tell myself I'm like the sky.

Nothing can stick to me.

Air planes can fly through me.

Storms can roll past me.

But I'm still the sky.

It worked for me.

I just want to live and
be happy, have a baby,

grow really old.

And you will.

How do you know?

Because I'm the goddess.

I need proof.

None of us gets proof.

Proof is in the future.

And the future is not here yet.

Leap of faith.

That's all we can.

Time for a new list.

One, get real breasts removed,
and two, shop for new breasts.

This is one accessory
you don't skimp on.

This is when you throw
down the credit card

and say, give me the
Jimmy Choo boobs.

Hi, there.

They're not real.

Sorry?

You were looking at my breasts.

They're not real.

I...

No one can tell.

I can wear backless
dressesand spaghetti straps

for the first time in my life.

They look great.

I had my breasts andovaries
removed two years ago.

Keel is the best
boobreconstruction guy in the city.

How long have you had cancer?

I never had cancer.

But I tested positive
for the gene.

You had all of that
surgery just in case?

I felt like a walking time bomb.

My grandmother and my motherand
two of my aunts had it.

It seemed like it was
just a matter of time.

So I took control.

You want to see them?

Um, yes.

I show everyone.

Wow.

They look good.

They look great.

They feel natural, too.

You want to feel them?

Come on, come on, it's OK.

My husband loves
them as much as I do.

Hope he doesn't mind sharing.

Those are reconstructedbreasts
following a mastectomy.

It's a book of boob mug shots.

After Dr. Bradley removesthe
malignant breast tissue,

I insert a special implant
called an expander.

Like a place holder boob.

Yeah, exactly.

Where are the nipples?

We put those and the areolaon
after the reconstruction

is completed.

How?

With tattooing.

Most surgeons tattoo thenipple
skin in only one color.

But an areola is not
just one color, is it?

No.

No.

I make a Seurat nipple.

Thank
godl was forced to take an art

history class in college.

I make pointillisticnipples,
different shades

with dots of color.

I'm very good.

I never realized howdifferent
nipples could be.

Yeah, I know.

Mine aren't really brownish.

Actually, they're a
lot like hers, only

prettier and much less slutty.

I just want ones like
the ones I already have.

Of course you do.

Ger, can we see them?

God.

They are nice.

They're beautiful.

We're going to take
a picture of those.

No,
I'm nottaking a picture of my boobs.

Yes!

No, no, no, we all will.
- Absolutely not.

Yeah!

We all will so that we
canfinally look back to a time

before we had saggy
old grandma boobs.

I will never let that happen.

Yes, well, that's what Kendrasaid
when she got pregnant, so.

What?

Nothing.

Are there any more cookies?

What?

Well, it's just...

OK, Kendra called.

She's having a baby shower.

And she wanted to knowwhether
or not to invite you.

And we just didn't thinkit
was a good time to bring

up the whole thing 'cause...

So you guys are just
going to leave me out

of everything because I'm sick?

No, no, no, honey.

Guys, I want kids,
butif I have to wait, I will.

I mean, it doesn't mean
thatl'm not happy for Kendra.

Well, you're going to have kids.

You have to.

Because if you
don't, our kids won't

have your kids as
bestfriends, and they'll grow

up and become drug addicts.

OK, everybody, shirts off!

We are all taking
pictures because we

are strong women who
understand that we

are not just sex objects, OK?

We are intelligent,
beautiful, creative people!

Who have drunk
just enough wine...

No, we have not.

To take pictures of our boobs.

Yes, we have.

We have not drunk enough wine.

Yes, we have.
All right.

Start undoing.
Start undoing.

1, 2, 3!

My god.

It's OK because he's a doctor.

True!

So it's fine.

Bob's a great surgeon.

Yeah, he's a lousy golfer.

That just means
he's a great surgeon

because he's in surgery, right?

You'll be fine.

I know.

You know, you made
the right decision.

You promise to stay with me?

Well, I have no choice.

I'm completely in love with you.

Yeah, that's why I asked
you to marry me, that

and the whole other things.

What other things?

So we can have sex in
the middle of the day.

We never have sex in
the middle of the day.

I know, but we could.

Right before major surgery?

Yeah.

It's going to be great.

And the time after surgeryis
going to be even greater.

Guess who?

Surprise!

Ha ha ha.

Surprise.

We just want to
be with you tonight.

Are you surprised, sweetheart?

Come on, let's go upstairs.

Good night, sweetheart.- Good night.

- Love you, too.
- Mommy loves you.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I, called Dr. Crone today.

Today, why?

I read that you
could have an egg

removed and frozen until
you'rewell enough to get pregnant.

What did she say?

That I'd have to take
hormones so it would

cause the cancer to increase.

So, we'll wait.

If, um, I go into
early menopause,

then we can still adopt, right?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, did you discuss
this with your parents

and your friends today?

No.

I haven't even talked
to them about it.

I just wanted to
considerall of our options.

We're both a
little stressed out.

Tomorrow's a big day.

You know I'll be
right there with you.

Get some sleep.

I am the sky.

Nothing can stick to me.

The sky is open and vast
and stays unchanged,

no matter what happens to it.

I am the sky.

Nothing can stick to me.

The sky is open and vast
and stays unchanged,

no matter what happens to it.

I am
notjust a mastectomy right side.

I am a woman in red lipstick.

I'm seizing control
of my future.

I am Geralyn Lucas,
wife, daughter,

friend, and future mother.

I'm going into battle
for my life, a battle

that I fully intend to win.

And this lipstick
is my war paint.

Do you have my mantra?

Got it.

Make sure someone readsit
to me while I go under.

I will.

I'm really scared.

I know you are, but
you're going to be fine.

I promise.

How are you doing?

Good morning, Geralyn.

You OK?

Yes.

She's in.

And?

And now we wait.

I'm going to get some coffee.
Does anybody...

Do you want one of
us to come with you?

No, no, I'm good.
I'm good.

Tyler, she's going
to be OK, right?

I promise.

You're as worried as we are.

You can't promise...

I'm telling you.

I spoke to her surgeon.

He's very confident.

She's going to be fine.

Thank god.

I'll be back.

I suddenly knew

why exit signs were invented,
for dangerous situations

like this one, like fires,
like fleeing a building so they

can't cut off your breast.

My life was on fire.

I hadn't lived hard enoughyet,
and I wanted out of there.

OK, please.

Can you relax your
arm for me, please?

All right.

There you go.

I am the sky.

Nothing can stick to me.

The sky is open and vast
and stays unchanged.

In thesterility of the operating

room, I am strong.

In the blood and gauze,
I feel like dancing.

Under anesthesia, I
am hopeful and maybe

a little sexy and
slightly in control,

just knowing that my
lipstick might last.

I am the sky.

I am the sky.

I am the sky.

Is this heaven?

No, girl, you're right
here at Mount Sinai.

What I really wantto
know is what kind of lipstick

is that?

It stayed on through
six hours of surgery.

I need to get me some of that.

Come on over.

Honey?

Can you open your eyes?

Am I OK?

Perfect.

Couldn't have gone better.

Your father kissed nurse Kimwhen
he, heard the news.

He's a good kisser, too.

If he wasn't already
married, I don't know.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Did you feed the dog?

Honey, we don't have a dog.

I know, but I was thinkingthat
we should get one.

It's a good idea.

Are you awake?

She's awake.

They're all here.

How are you feeling, honey?

Does it hurt?

Do you want me to put the TV on?

- Do you need anything?
- Do you want something?

Hey.

Hi, Dr. Crone.

I wanted to come
and check on you.

Are you managing your pain OK?

Yeah.

I heard things went really well.

You found that lump yourself.

I might've missed it.

I'm lucky.

You're very lucky.

You're young, you're strong.

I still want to have a baby.

Changes in your hormone levelsmight
be very dangerous for you

at this time.

After the chemo,
I probablywon't be able to anyway, right?

Please, don't even try.

Hey, morning.

Hi.

Aw, breakfast in bed.

How're you feeling?

Um, happy to be home.

I'm happy to have you home.

I'm just going to
change your dressing.

Honey, have you looked?

No.

Dr. Bradley wanted
me to, but I can't.

I don't want you to
see me like this.

Honey.

Open your eyes.

No.

Open your eyes.

It's OK to look.

My god.

My god, a Frankensteinmonster boob.

Run... run while you can.

Run.

I'm going to
change the dressings.

And then...

And then you can leave
and never look back.

No one will blame you.

No one, but I want
to keep the dog.

Then, can we make love?

With me?

Well, yeah, you're mygirl,
and you're beautiful.

And I need you to know that, so.

Can you get me my lipstick?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't want to hurt you.

You're not.

You OK?

I love you.

I love you, too.

My
Newchest was making its debut.

Between the expander
booband some clever padding,

I could pull off somepretty
impressive cleavage.

Is this the chemo room?

Mrs. Lucas.

Yes.

I'm Stella.

We've got everything
set up for you.

Just make yourself comfortable.

This is the CMF cocktailyour
doctor ordered for you.

Virgin?

What?

I mean first time.

Yes.

Well, it shouldn't be so bad.

You have your sister
here with you.

She's... she's my mother.

I know.

Just said that in case
she has some chocolate.

Matter of fact, I do.

I'll bring more.

Thank you.

Let me tell you
something, baby girl.

The best thing
about having cancer,

it's a get out of
jail free card.

It's like, I can't pick
youup at the airport tonight.

I have cancer.

I can't watch your cat.

I have cancer.

Moneisha, please.

Sorry, Ms. Thing.

I have cancer.

I'll start your trip now.

Thank you.

You know, I was lying
down back there,

and I was worrying about myself.

And then I saw you.

What are you, in your 20s?

Yes.

Unbelievably tragic.

You see, at my age,
youexpect something like this,

but well, anyway,
thank youfor making me feel better.

Goodbye, Mrs. Jackson.

Taxi.

Taxi.

Darling, let me do it.

Taxi!

Darling, are you sure you're OK?

I can take you home,
stay overnight, take

the morning train to Philly.

I'm feeling fine.

Really, I am.

I love you.

You don't feel sick?

I feel fine.

They told me that somepeople
don't even get sick.

Yuck.

Hi.

Surprise!

Guys, thank you so much.

Welcome back, Geralyn.

You look great.

I'm so glad you're back.

Thank you so much.

Now get out of here.

No, I'm fine.

Really, I'm...

Even Superman took a breakwhen
he encountered kryptonite.

You go home, you take it easy.

We'll still think of you
as Supergirl, I promise.

I need to be here.

I feel normal.

Please don't make me go home.

Eat some cake?

This chocolate sure does cover

up that metallic chemo taste.

Everything that I've
been eating tastes

like a rusty nail, Moneisha.

Moneisha is not my real name.

That's my porno name.

My real name is Monica.

You're in porn?

No.

But everybody should havea
porno name just in case.

You see, I took the
name of my first pet,

the street I grew up on.

I put them together.

Moneisha Alpine.

What's yours?

Bootsy Blanch.

I like that.

What's yours?

Pepper Oregon.

Italy Lacont.

Fido Topeka.

Tyler andl
discovered a whole new idea

of what romance is.

It's pulling back your
wife'sthinning hair while she pukes

so hard she shivers to death.

I'm OK.

Is she OK?

Yeah, I tried giving herginger
and mango because I read

that it helped some people.

She's making her sicker.

And I've talked
to every person I

could possibly
get in touch with,

and no one has any new answers.

And I don't know
what's coming next.

And I feel helpless.

You're doing everything you can.

No, see, I can't do
anything to help her.

And I'm... I'm... what kindof
doctor does that make me?

Forget what kind
of doctor you are.

Think what kind of
husband you are.

The two of you will
bestronger because of this.

Thank you.

Tyler, I know it's been
hardhaving us around all the time.

But we don't know
any other way to be.

Hey.

I'm so cold.

I know.

I mean, that's the drugs.

Please don't go in today.

- I have to.
- No.

No, you don't.
- I do have to.

No, listen.

Hey.

Most people going
throughchemo, they stay home.

They try to recover.

What are you trying to prove?

Hearing my black pumps

click against the hospitalfloor
makes me feel hopeful.

I need to reclaim
myself by being daring.

The more my hair falls out,
the shorter my skirts will get.

Living with risk
has made me risque.

I never thought a shampoocommercial
could make me cry.

Last night, I was
drooling over the one

where that woman whips
herhair back in slow motion,

and then they kind of
freezewhen she flips it back.

Honey, that's just hair porn.

Everything's going
to make you cry.

And you're going to feel
very, very frightened.

I'm terrified all the time.

And Tyler says that I
should stop worrying

like I've beaten this thing.

My family, I
simply wore them out.

And the doctors gave me
three months to live.

That was over two years ago.

Today I feel good.

Today is all that matters.

I'm going to be fly until I die.

I'm going to win
mybling-bling and everything.

You're not afraid to die?

Have you ever
been to Disneyland?

Yeah.

My goodness.

I stood in that long line,
and I realized something

scared me more than death...

Reincarnation.

Really?

There was absolutely
no one in that line

I wanted to come back as.

I find peace in knowing
the truth about God.

She's a selfish son of a gun.

Eventually, she
wants us all back.

Can you hold the elevator?

Hold it!

Please don't throw up.

Please don't throw up.

It's good to see you, Gail.

Thank you so much
for the flowers.

They were so beautiful.

And you're so very welcome.

Pleasedon't throw up on Victor.

Please don't throw up on Victor.

A major achievement...
Ididn't throw up on Victor.

It's good to have
you back, Geralyn.

Thank you.

Idid, however, hit my shoes.

Taxi.

Please.

Don't whistle.

I don't think you're
that cute either.

I will never ever make funof
men's comb overs again.

You still look great.

Liar.

Every time the wind
blows, I panic.

Today's chemo, are you coming?

I'm in surgery
until 3:00, so I'll

see if I can make it after.

It feels like two ships
passing in the night.

You know what?

I'll be there this afternoon,
and then if you're up for it,

we'll grab a bite.

A date?

Yeah, a date.

I've already locatedthe
port in your expander

and it's filling with
saline right now.

I'll continue to
fill it with saline

every two weeks to
stretchyour skin and muscle

until we reach the right size.

Later, we'll
replace the expander

with a permanent implant.

God is it supposed
to hurt this much?

I know it's uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable.

Can skin actually burst?

Not typically, it
just feels like it.

OK, if it's going to
hurt this much, then

I'd better stop traffic.

Make them huge.

What did you have in mind?

Give me Pamela Anderson breasts.

Well, we have to be carefulbecause
you're a small frame.

What is she, a 34B?

Probably at birth.

You'll remember
mewhen the west wind moves...

Dr. Lucas, Geralyn andthe
gang left an hour ago.

I must have the time wrong.

You can tellthe
sun in his jealous sky

when we walked in
fields of gold.

Hey, guys.

Hi, Tyler.

Hey, Tyler.

- We're making pizza.
- We're making pizza.

What kind do you want?
Hi.

Hey.

Um, I'm feeling a little sleepy.

I think I'm going to crash.

You OK?

Yeah, why wouldn't I be OK?

Tyler.

Um, I...

I came by your chemo
appointment today.

You and the gang
had already left.

I rescheduled to earlier.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't think that you'd come.

Well, honey, I told you
I was going to be there.

Sweetie, you've
said that before.

Are you sure you
want to be alone?

You should try it sometime.

So she took her love for to gaze

awhile among the
fields of barley.

In his arms she fell
as her hair came

down among the fields of gold.

Will you stay with me?

Will you be my love
amongthe fields of barley?

And you can tell the
sun in his jealous sky

when we walked in
fields of gold.

You'll remember me when
the west wind moves

among the fields of barley.

You can tell the sun
in his jealous sky

when we walked in
fields of gold.

When we walked in
fields of gold.

Hey Geralyn.

Hey.

Um, listen,
I think I'mgoing to be late tonight.

I'm going out to dinner
withsome of the other doctors

from work.

OK.

You don't mind, do you?

Um, no, I...

Maybe we could have
dinner on Friday night.

Friday.
Yeah, Friday.

You know what?

I think I have a late
surgery that night.

Tell you what,
let's play by ear.

Sure.

Thesaline injections were doing

their job, but it's
funny the things

the doctor forgets to tell you.

Honey, you need some help?

No, thank you.

I'm... actually, yes.

I'm lopsided.

The whole
worldis lopsided sometimes.

It's up to each one of usto
find our inner balance.

Forget about inner balance.

I need to find my
inner cleavage.

If I saw you on the street,
I'd buy you a fur coat.

Can I help you?

I hope so.

Do my hips look big in this hat?

Not at all.

Queens from Queens.

Are you here for a cut?

Um, no.

Actually, I started chemo.

And I started releasing,
and um, I just need a wig.

I have just what you need.

Really?

I promise you'll be gorgeous,
even more gorgeous than them.

Because she won't
have to cover a beard.

Come on.

Bea Arthur or Estelle Getty?

I feel like a fraud.

Then go for the real thing.

Ta-da!

Sugar.

It's what's in here that counts.

Anyone who can't see
how beautiful you are

ain't worth your time.

Go figure.

The Queen of Hearts
was from Queens.

And yet another angel that
Ineed to meet crosses my path.

I hand you
a robe and so it goes.

The moment had passed.

You're Simone de Beauvoiras
you get out the car.

The way you read me
no one can see me.

It's who you are.

These photographs keep me alive.

Babe, here's your song.

Babe, it took too long to findin
your eyes my best surprise.

You're Nina Simone when
you talk on the phone.

You sing to me, and I'm
truly no longer alone.

You're Mary Cassatt whenpeople
tell you you're not.

Babe, here's your song.

Babe, it took too long to findin
your eyes my best surprise.

Do youwear
your hat all the time?

Can't get a date?

If you are ashamed of a
recedinghairline, thinning hair,

or baldness,
then the hairglove for men is for you.

Hey, honey.

How are you feeling?

Thelatest
treatments for baldness.

These poor men.

What's wrong?

There's so muchsuffering over hair loss.

There is definite discrimination
against the follically

challenged.

Honey, that's a little nuts.

It's easy for you to say, you

with your fancy head of hair.

You made dinner?

Yeah, it's Friday night.

We had a date.

Honey, I said we
should play it by here.

I had surgery until late.

Besides, I figured you'd go
outwith your friends after chemo.

I, um...

I misunderstood.

How was chemo today?

The usual.

Got poisoned, came
home, threw up.

Sorry I missed it.

What's that supposed to mean?

Everyone comes every
week, except you.

Yeah, exactly.

Everyone comes.

Why do you need me there?

Because they're not you.

I need you, too.

It just doesn't
feel that way to me.

So, you're mad at me becausel
have people who care about me?

I mean, do you... do
you want to me to make

me pick between them and you?

Or maybe you want
me to suffer alone?

I do.

It sure didn't seem
like that the other day.

- Excuse me?
- Nothing.

No, no, what...
What... what did you say?

What did you say?

I came by the hospitalto
see you the other day,

and you were talking
to some girl.

Girl, what?

What girl?

You seemed pretty involved,
so I didn't want to bother you.

You came all the way
down to the hospital,

and you didn't come talk to me?

You seemed kind of busy,
justlike you were busy tonight.

I can't believe
you're saying that.

You know, I don't care somuch
that you're accusing me

of, I think, being
unfaithful to you,

but um, it's that youwaited
to ask me about it.

Geralyn, you're not theonly
one who's suffering.

The only difference is I don'tneed
a marching band to follow

me around everywhere I go.

Tyler?

Yeah.

You OK?

Fine.

I'm OK, I'm OK.

Sweetie.

Good.

You don't need me.

What?

That's why I don't come
toyour treatments because I...

I... it's my fault.
I gave you cancer.

What?

When I did my breast
cancer rotation,

I told you about
that girl who died,

and then I put
that in your head.

Tyler.

I'm a little sick.

Use my knee pillow.

Damn it.

My god.

Aw, sweetie.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Thanks.

Now we both have scars.

Except yours...
Yours is for bravery.

Mine is being an idiot.

I get it now.

I know how you feel.

Like a moron?

I wish they were
stitching up my head.

I wish that I was
the one who had cancer.

Don't.

What?

I look like a cue ball.

All I see is my wife,
mycourageous, my beautiful wife.

And I am so proud
to be your husband.

Come on.

So, you gave me cancer
bytelling me about that girl

that you treated?

No, I...

I just... I told
you all about it.

I know how
impressionable you are.

I was wrecked by it,
and Iwas just laying it all on you.

You don't believe
in religion or faith,

and you make fun of me becausel
won't walk under a ladder

and I read my horoscopes.

But this, you believe
that you unconsciously

gave me cancer by conversation?

Telling me about that
woman you treated,

making it so real for
me, and that's what made

me think it could happen to me.

That's why I did self exams.

You telling me about that
girlmight be what saved my life.

Let's go home.

- I
- must'vebeen feeling the guilt gene

because when a women's magazineasked
if I'd be willing to have

my breasts photographed inorder
to encourage others who'd

had mastectomies, I said yes.

I'll tell her.

Butfirst, I had to get a nipple.

Honey, that was
Dr. Keel's office.

You're late for
your appointment.

I don't want to go.

Do you want me to go with you?

No.

I'm having nipple ambivalence.

Who am I doing this for?

Am I doing it for you or for me?

Because we're actually bothgoing
to know that it's fake,

so am I doing it to be likean
average two nippled woman

or so I can look normal
changingin a women's locker room?

Maybe it's so I can
prancearound a topless beach.

Well, you know...

Tyler, but nipples
are so in right now.

They're like a must
have accessory.

OK, look, women are
wearing these white,

sheer, little, thin shirts...

Honey, honey, honey.

No bra.

Honey, it's your breast.

So no matter what
you do, I promise

to honor and cherish it.

But let... let... let's justbe
clear about one thing.

Under no circumstances
are you ever

going to be average or normal.

I wasso sick of wearing my heart

on my sleeve that I
decidedto have it prominently

etched on my boob instead.

Hey.

Hey.

I saw you walking around.

I thought you might be lost.

Caught.

Um, I was actually wondering,
can you do a tattoo

on a breast reconstruction?

Sure.

We do it all the time, actually.

There's 10 layers of skin soyou
actually get to the implant.

We only have to
go three deep, so.

Really?

Yeah.

Cancer?

Um, yes.

Yeah.

My grandmother had
cancer when she was 40,

and she lived till she was 85.

You kind of look like
you're actually good.

Come on in.

Another angel.

So, um, I don't want
to get a nipple tattoo.

Good.

They're so yesterday.

You're not going to get
a man's name, are you?

No, why?

Because I have to
remind you that Johnny

Depp had to change his Winonaforever
tattoo to Wino forever.

OK.

Have a seat.

No man's name.

No man's name.

Um, so I want a heartto
remind me of my courage

and the courage of
everyone around me.

And I just want it atthe
lower end of my scar.

And, um, I want wings
at the top to remind

me of all the
angels who showed me

that I would get my life back.

Nice.

Would you like to show
me where you'd like it?

Um.

That's OK.

My husband is the only onewho
has ever seen me like this.

It's right here.

You're a very foxy lady.

No, I'm not.

You are.

Your husband's a very lucky man.

Why did I agree to do this?

For all the women who
were scared like you.

Well, what if
they're not inspired

when they look at the
pictureand they're grossed out?

That'll never happen.

I've never liked
even one single picture

I've ever taken of myself.

And I've got a weird
smile and a round face,

and I've got a snaggle tooth.

And my eyes are not...

What?

That's all true.

And it's good to hear
youcomplain about that stuff

again.

But you are beautiful.

Go.

Hi, I'm Geralyn Lucas.

"Self Magazine"
sent me over here

to have pictures taken
fortheir breast cancer article.

Hair and makeup,
they're ready for you.

Great.

Maybethis
is why women pose topless.

- Can I grab a cookie?
- They're ready for you.

Yes.

OK.

Hi, I'm Geralyn.

Um, I just washed my
hair, but I didn't

do anything to it
because they told me

that you guys were going to...

Don't touch her hair.

I love it like that.

Hi, I'm Geralyn.

Nice to meet you.

Come along.

Stand on that mark.

Right here?

Take your shirt off.

What?

Take your shirt off.

Usually, I make someone
buy me dinner for that.

Um, I don't have
hair and makeup yet.

Now.

Can I,
at least justhave some red lipstick?

Please?

It gives me courage.

Sure.

Red lipstick!

- I
- shouldhave used Tyler's deodorant

because it's a clear
stickto avoid the deodorant

lines in my topless photo.

Can they airbrush
out deodorant lines?

Can they airbrush in a nipple?

I need something
to center me here.

I need to lick the
beeswaxand taste the courage.

I'm sorry.

I'm... I'm having
second thoughts.

I...

I promise you.

This is going to be
tasteful, and you're

going to look beautiful.

Yes.

And your bra.

Yes.

Turn.

OK.

Now, drop your arms.

I was thinking maybethat I
could, um, like, drape

an arm fold my arms acrossmy
chest so that you saw it

and turn it maybe
a little so you

could see the tattoo and, um,
a bit of the scar, but not...

No.

Everyone will wonder
what you're hiding.

I'm not hiding.

I just...

You're beautiful.

I'm so sorry.

Um, I can't do this.

I... I... please don't
let them publish it.

Just, like, rip
it up or burn it.

I will pay for your session.

It's just when I
agreed to the magazine,

I thought I was going to
be able to cover more.

You look so strong.

Look at yourself.

- I
- don't recognize myself.

I see my eyes and a depththat
I've never seen before.

I see a journey.

I set out to inspire other
womenthat they could be beautiful,

and I ended up
convincing myself.

I was robbed of my innocence,
my life, my future,

of an actual piece of me.

I decided I would
steal it all back.

My scar looks like a skidmark
where I hit the brakes

and came so close to death.

The photographer has
capturedsomething so honest and raw,

it is unfamiliar.

Now, where there
was a huge defect,

I was the most beautiful.

I finally found
my inner cleavage.

Geralyn, you want to
try and win the lottery?

I already have.

Noone is guaranteed a future.

Moneisha taught me to hold
ontotoday and let go of tomorrow.

I lost Moneisha and
too many friends

to worry about what will be.

I no longer make lists.

I just put one foot
in front of the other,

and I look for theangels who walk among us.

One more.

It hurts.

One more.
One big one.

I can't.

One more.

One more.

My little Sky.

Your daddy and
I have been waiting

such a long time for you.

- I
- want to live to watch

Sky wear red lipstick one day.

I want her to be
one of those women.

I'll tell her she
deserves to be.