Who's Minding the Mint? (1967) - full transcript
Harry Lucas works at the US mint. One night he accidentally destroys $50,000. Things look pretty bleak for Harry until he hits upon the idea of breaking into the mint and printing off some replacement cash, however, he gets more than he bargained for when everyone wants in on the deal.
Harry?
Did you try the fudge
I made you?
What? Oh, the fudge.
Yes, it's good,
Real good, verna.
Oh, it's probably too sweet.
Next time, I won't make it
so sweet.
By the way,
my girlfriend and I
Were having some friends
in tonight for dinner,
and I thought maybe,
If you weren't too busy...
Verna, I'd like to very much,
really I would,
but, uh, I'm afraid
I can't... not tonight.
Well, perhaps
some other time.
Yeah.
See here, Lucas.
This is the bureau of
engraving and printing,
you know,
Not a friendship club.
You've got a job to do,
and until that bell rings...
(Bell ringing)
That bell?
Just watch your step, boy.
That bell.
Hi, Jess.
What you got
in the bag, Harry?
Fudge...
Homemade fudge.
And it's all yours.
Enjoy.
Oh, hi, Harry.
Hey, pop, what are
you doing here?
I thought they retired you.
I wanted a word with you.
You got a minute?
- Well, not really.
- Okay, Harry.
I'll tell you what pop,
why don't you come on with
me to my place?
- We can talk there, okay?
- All right
Mind if I bring inky?
She's in a family way. Kind of
likes to have me close by.
No, bring her along.
- Good evening, Mr. Lucas.
- Grayson, what the...
I know I was supposed to wait
around the corner,
- but there wasn't any space.
- Let's get out of here.
- This yours?
- Come on, pop.
I'll explain on the way.
Hold it!
Official business, lady.
Follow that car!
Some layout.
You got an Uncle with
an oil well somewhere, Harry?
No chance, pop.
I'm just an ordinary guy
working in the great society.
Part of the
antipoverty program, huh?
(Laughing) Yeah.
Say, Harry, if you don't
mind my asking,
how do you pay for all this?
I don't. I mean,
I don't mind you asking,
And I don't pay for all this.
You see, I got it all
on 60-day approval.
When it goes,
I just tap another store,
And that way I refurnish
every 60 days.
Doesn't cost me a cent.
(Phone ringing)
Sit down.
Hello.
Hello, Grayson.
It's the limousine guy.
Grayson: Mr. Lucas?
What can I do for you?
About the automobile... you've
had a demonstration ride every
night for the last two weeks.
I'll tell you something,
Grayson.
It's got to be absolutely
right, you know,
Because we're talking a fleet
deal for the whole department.
But if you'd rather
forget about it...
Grayson: Oh, no, Mr. Lucas.
What do you got
in a red convertible?
Red convertible...
I'll get one right over.
(Doorbell ringing)
Excuse me.
- Hi, lover.
- Well, howdy, neighbor.
I whipped up a little
beef stroganoff for din-din,
But it's much too much
for little me.
Well, listen, little you,
will it keep till tomorrow?
Oh, sure, lover.
I'll be ready
whenever you are.
Furniture, cars, din-din.
If this catches on, you could
put the mint out of business.
It's some system.
You must be able to save
quite a bundle.
I've worked out a little
philosophy for myself.
I've learned to eliminate
the necessities
And live for the luxuries.
And the golden rule...
Live today and tonight.
- You going out tonight?
- Yeah.
With that girl that runs
the money-cutting machine?
Verna? Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
No chance.
Verna's a...
Verna's a nice girl,
but she's the
Come-to-dinner type.
My one rule is never
Have dinner with a female.
But you just said you'd have
dinner with that blonde
out there.
Oh, no, pop.
She said "din-din."
Din-din's a meal.
Dinner's not a meal.
It's a plot.
It's, uh, meet the family.
Next thing you know, it's
mortgages on the washer.
And then it's saving a little
bit for junior's education.
And that's why no
come-to-dinner types for me.
But, listen, I've been
running at the mouth.
What did you want
to talk about?
Well, I was just wondering
if you could talk to Mr. link.
I'd like to get my job back
at the bureau.
Pop, you're past 65.
They retired you.
- They'd never hire you back.
- Oh, regulations.
Look, I helped set up
those presses.
I serviced them for 20 years.
And then, just when I was due
to be made a printer,
Some knot head looks
at the calendar,
And I find myself
out in the street.
You know, it ain't right.
Just once, I'd like to get my
hands on those presses.
I want to print.
Yeah, I know.
But I'm
afraid you're dreaming.
They'd just never give
you a chance.
Doorman, please.
Is it too much to ask?
I'm a printer.
I just want to print.
Yeah, this is Mr. Lucas.
Call me when my
red convertible gets here.
Thank you.
Another new car.
Fourth one in two weeks.
Where do you suppose he
gets all his money?
Mr. link, I don't know what
you're talking about.
How could you possibly think
you could get away with it?
Mr. link, I haven't touched
a penny...
Do you think I'm blind?
I saw it all.
The car, the apartment.
Look, will you believe me?
I didn't take any...
All right.
I'll find out
from accounting.
All day, I've had them making
a special audit on you.
Look, do yourself a...
Call them up...
Ahhh!
So now you're begging, huh?
It's too late, Lucas.
You are nothing but a...
(Knocking at door)
Ah, here's Mr. Maxwell.
Come in.
Come in.
There he is.
Tell him right to his face.
His accounts
are short how much?
But, Mr. link, if I may
have a word with you.
Go on.
Tell him what you found out.
Well, sir, his books balance.
- What?
- Yes, sir. They're in
perfect order.
Not only are they accurate
but very neat, too.
I've been wanting to
compliment you, Mr. Lucas,
On how very nice
you make your figures.
Thank you very much.
- Let me see those.
- Especially your fours.
You make them so nice and
open at the top.
Some of the other people
around here...
(Clears throat)
I wouldn't want to mention
any names but,
when they make a four,
You can't tell them
from nines.
And that can throw
the books off,
Because nine is
five more than four.
That would throw
the books off.
Terribly.
All right, all right.
Never mind this.
Lucas, get back to your desk.
Very nice meeting you.
- Oh, thank you very much.
- Love your fours.
- Hi, Harry.
- Verna.
I made you
some more fudge.
Not so sweet this time.
- Try some?
- I'm afraid I can't now,
verna.
You see, the missing link's
still on my back.
Gosh, I'm sorry.
Hey, I better get these
off here.
No, no, no. Thank you.
I'll take care of it.
All right, Lucas.
This thing isn't finished yet,
not by a long shot.
There's something wrong
around here,
And I'm gonna get
at the bottom of it.
Mr. link,
I keep trying to tell you,
the car isn't mine...
You think I was born
yesterday.
You may have fooled
the boys in accounting,
But you can't fool me.
You're on the take,
all right.
And I'm gonna nail you at it.
(Bell ringing)
What's this?
- Fudge.
- I'm warning you, Lucas.
You try any more of your
smart tricks around here,
And you'll end up
behind bars.
Jess, have some fudge.
- Did verna make it?
- Yeah.
Not for me, pal.
I still got some
From yesterday...
The worst.
- Not the best.
- Like a rock.
Hello, ladies.
The usual, as usual.
(All giggling)
Thank you.
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye!
See you tomorrow, Willie.
Hey, Harry, what you got
in the bag... samples?
Fudge.
Here, you want some?
Oh, no. Calories I got.
What I need is cash.
Then I'd really show you.
These chicks, they don't even
know I'm around.
But give me
a couple of thou,
And I'd get a sports car
and fancy clothes.
I'd really show 'em.
Yeah, but where do you
get dough nowadays?
You know, where?
Hi, Harry.
- Hello, Willie.
- Calories I got.
- Oh hi!
- Could I have a grape
twin pop, please?
Harry?
- Ah... the welcome wagon.
- Hi, lover.
Tonight I got here
before the line started.
You said we'd have din-din.
Yeah, and the menu
looks just great.
I'm glad you like it.
I was beginning to think
you were on a diet.
- You know where the music is.
- Whoopee.
You have a lovely view
from the living room.
Not bad from the kitchen
either.
(Cork popping)
There she blows.
- Ooh, it looks yummy.
- It sure does.
(Garbage disposal grinding)
(Switch clicks,
grinding stops)
(Mouthing inaudible words)
$50,000.
Oh, no!
- Mr. Lucas?
- What?
Shh, shh!
How long are you going
to be here?
Just a few more dollars...
Minutes, minutes.
Hey, that's pretty
good, huh?
All right, hold it.
Hold it.
You guys fastened
the trapdoor to the sewer
in there, didn't you?
Workmen: Of course.
Guard: All right, come on.
I'll show you the way out.
Boy, do you get wild ideas.
I know it sounds crazy,
pop, but... thanks.
But why wouldn't it work?
We go in through
the sewer at night,
Start up the presses,
run off the $50,000.
Now, that's not
gonna take long.
- No, about half a minute,
but...
- See, it's that simple.
Just you and me
in that soundproof room
for 30 seconds.
And we're not stealing,
just replacing.
Now, look, pop,
I wouldn't drag you into this
if there was any other way.
But there isn't.
Can you see me trying
to convince old weak link
That I didn't steal
that money?
What a shame if,
for the next ten years,
You got your... din-din
on a tin plate.
But, relax. Count me in.
Thanks, pop.
All I want is
for once in my life...
To get my hands
on those presses.
I'll print up $50,000
that Alexander Hamilton
would be proud of.
That's the spirit, partner.
But, look,
we've got to move fast.
They make the end-of-the-month
audit next week...
Oh, hold it.
One catch, Harry.
How we gonna get the plates?
The plates...
The printing plates.
They lock them up
in the safe every night.
Okay, so we get
one more partner...
Somebody who can open safes.
A safecracker?
Now, where are you gonna find
a safecracker?
(Inaudible under
machine noise)
This guy, dugan,
he gets out in two days.
Best in the business... you
never heard such references.
- How'd you find out?
- I asked a couple of cops.
(Gate opening)
Mr. dugan, I'm Harry Lucas.
This is pop gillis.
You'll have to talk up.
Ten years in the mill,
I don't hear so good now.
- Uh, I'm Harry. This is pop.
- Hi.
- Do I know you guys?
- Yeah, we just met.
- I'll bet.
- Um...
- A friend told us about you.
- A friend.
- You get out Monday?
- Huh?
- We got a nice job for you.
- No kidding. What doing?
We'd like for you
to open a safe.
Huh?
We'd like to have you
open a safe.
I got everything but
the last word.
What do you want me to open?
Have you ever been
to a baseball game?
- Ball game, sure.
- Yeah.
You know what it means when
the umpire says...
(Mouthing)
You're safe
Out!
Yeah, I'm getting out Monday.
(Mouthing)
Not out... safe... safe
Oh, you want me to open a...
(Harry clears throat)
Will you do it?
I already decided
when I got out of here,
I was going straight.
Then you won't?
No, I will.
If I'm gonna go straight,
I'll need some dough.
What's my end?
$2,000.
- $2,000?
- That he heard.
We'll print up an extra sheet,
all right?
Only one more thing.
To open a safe,
I got to hear the clicks.
I'll need a hearing aid.
All right.
Pop will pick you up
here Monday,
And we'll get you
a hearing aid.
- What'd you say?
- Yes, we'll get you one.
Now, uh, this one
is a solid value.
Belonged to a schoolteacher.
She used it
only on weekends.
Ultrahigh power.
If a pin drops
two blocks away,
he'll hear it bounce.
What'd you say?
Maybe you want to go
for something more modern.
This is beautiful.
Seventeen jewels,
six transistors...
New style.
Cosmetically smart for
your facial coloring.
- Only cost you 100 bucks.
- I can hear good with this.
We'll take it.
We'll pay you in about a week.
Oh, hold it.
None of that "hear now
and pay later."
What did he say?
Luther, if you're willing
to wait an extra week,
we'll pay you double.
In new bills.
(Mouthing)
Double? In new bills?
Harry, pop, you and I
are old friends, right?
Why don't we go in the back
and talk this over sensibly?
Well, we don't have
to talk...
You... uh... want the hearing
aid or don't you?
Yeah.
(Pop mouthing)
I know, pop,
another partner.
So we're all decided,
correct?
I get $2,000
just like dugan.
No, no, no.
That's kind of high.
High? Are you kidding?
It's a bargain.
Obviously, you gentlemen need
a business manager like me.
Someone who's gonna advance
the expenses...
The hearing aid, getaway car,
Gasoline, telephone, postage.
- Postage?
- Yeah.
So? We just print
another sheet.
All right, all right.
Let's keep it simple, huh?
We just go in
through the sewer at night,
Print up my $50,000,
plus...
$2,000 for you,
$2,000 for dugan,
but that's that.
You didn't mention who's gonna
get you into the sewer system.
What do you mean?
You need somebody who
knows the layout...
What manhole to enter,
what tunnels to take.
- Didn't think of that.
- Hold it. Luther
to the rescue again.
Leave it to me, pal.
One of my regular customers
is with public works...
A Mr. Ralph randazzo.
Oh, no.
Not another partner.
Come on.
Have we got any
other choice?
Are you kidding?
Ralph will do it.
He needs the money...
Plays the horses.
Half of this stuff in here
belongs to him.
I just hope he hasn't
hocked his phone.
(Phone ringing)
He's not here.
- Hold it, Ralph, it's me.
- Luther.
I'm gonna need
a couple more days.
Never mind that.
I... uh...
I have a business proposition.
Ralph?
You seen the mixmaster?
Just a minute.
The mixmaster?
Oh, the mixmaster.
It had a couple
of loose wires,
So I dropped it off
at the repair shop.
I didn't want you to become
electrically injured.
It's being repaired, huh?
Like the rugs
are being repaired.
Like the pictures
are being repaired.
I know where it is.
It's at Luther's hockshop.
He's got it all!
We'd be more at home there
than we are here.
- Honey!
- Tonight, I'm locking Lenny
in his bedroom,
So you won't hock him, too.
Useless!
Leonard...
Go to your room
and practice your bugle.
I can't find it.
I've looked everywhere.
Oh.
Well...
Go practice tying more knots.
Busy.
Okay, Luther, now,
what's my end?
All my stuff out of hock now
And two grand later.
You got a deal.
Oh, uh... just one thing,
Luther.
Them drains in that part of
town are awful deep.
We need what?
- A boat?
- A boat!
Ralph, why specially built?
To fit in through a manhole.
Wait a minute, no problem.
Tell him to meet us
tomorrow at lunchtime.
All right, tell him.
Luther: Meet me
at my place tomorrow.
I got just the guy
to build us a boat.
A real expert...
He knows everything about
anything that floats.
(Bell clanging)
(Carnival music playing)
That's your expert
on boats?
Yeah, come on.
Talk to him, you'll see
Pardon me, captain.
Could we talk with you
in private?
Can it wait?
I have the forenoon watch.
We want to have
a boat built.
Oh, well,
that's different.
Mr. mcginnis!
Relieve me at the wheel.
I'll be in my quarters
with these gentlemen.
May I say that I've looked
forward a lifetime
To this very moment...
When at last I'd be
commissioned to construct
a substantial vessel.
Uh, won't you be seated?
Feel free to smoke.
Will you be
blue-water sailing?
Not exactly.
Mostly inland waterways?
Uh... yeah.
You might call it that, yeah.
All right.
You want to sleep five.
That's three state rooms,
plus a...
Captain, we don't want
to sleep anybody.
We just want it should fit
down a manhole.
Down a manhole.
Into a sewer.
You want to put my ship...
In a sewer?
Get your little...
Mr. gillis!
Captain, for $2,000?
With that, you could build
your own ship later.
I know, pop...
Another sheet,
Another partner.
Thirty-two inches.
That's a challenging
assignment.
I'll construct the sections
to be fitted through
and assembled below.
Perfect spot, huh?
Nobody to see us
going in or out,
And the mint
is exactly five blocks away.
(Ice cream truck
music playing)
Hi, Harry.
What are you doing down here?
Oh, hi, Willie.
What are you doing down here?
Well, it's a regular stop...
One of my best customers.
She always buys a whole box
of twin pops.
You mean somebody lives
on this street?
Yeah, she's a painter
or something.
She's always in that window
day or night when I come by.
See?
Now we're dead.
You got any other manholes?
This is the cream of
the crop.
That takes us right
under the capitol.
- Hi, miss Harris. The usual?
- Uh-huh.
Oh, my, don't you look
nice today?
There is something about
a man in uniform.
- Ninety-six cents.
- What?
Ninety-six cents.
Oh, well...
How about that?
I forgot my purse.
Tell you what.
Why don't you come up,
and I'll pay you?
Oh... that's okay.
Uh... I'll pay you tomorrow.
I mean, you can pay me
tomorrow.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Well...
See you tomorrow.
You know, she wouldn't be
at that window Friday night
if Willie would...
Means another partner.
I know, pop,
and it's the last one.
Willie...
All right, we're all set.
Friday night
Willie, keep that date
with what's her name
get her out of sight.
That about locks it up.
Harry, just one thing else.
The boys and I were talking
earlier, and it seems...
The split ain't right.
We get only two grand apiece,
and you get 50.
I get nothing out of this,
the truth be known.
What are you so...
You see, everything
will even up.
Pop keeps the presses going
an extra minute or two,
And that way, we'll each
get $50,000.
It'll all work out
fair and square.
You guys want
50 grand apiece?
Harry, baby,
you got it all wrong.
Look, we're not stealing.
We're not taking money.
We're creating it.
$50,000!
Hey, do you guys know
what that means?
Five times $50,000
is $250,000.
Not times five, Harry...
Times six.
Sorry, Harry.
Your $50,000 has to be
exactly right...
Perfect, in fact,
to pass inspection.
We need a professional
cutter.
Hey, how 'bout verna?
She likes you.
She'd help you out.
Verna!
Oh, I see.
I just walk up to verna
and I say,
"Hi, there, vern. How'd you
like to help us swipe
a few hundred thou?"
Just like that, huh, pop?
Oh, come on, Harry.
I've seen the way
you operate.
Two minutes with you, and vern
will be begging to join us.
No.
No more partners!
No more money.
No more anything.
I don't know why
I let it go this far.
I got boats.
I got a business manager.
I've even got a sewer guide!
And all of you are
screaming for more money.
Well, I got news.
The deal's off.
I'm gonna call link
and tell him the truth.
It could mean prison,
Harry.
It couldn't be any worse
than this.
Uh-uh. Since we're
no longer partners,
use the pay phone.
And you... put that
hearing aid back.
Don't worry, Harry.
The big house ain't
really so bad.
Oh!
Try for a job
in the laundry.
It's hot and steamy.
It's better than
The stamping mill.
That's murder on the ears.
Terrible.
You could be lucky.
Maybe you won't get too rough
a punk for a cellmate.
And you're not locked up
all the time.
You get to walk a little
in the exercise yard.
Not so bad.
And the meals are okay.
Knackwurst every Thursday.
They give you
all your clothes.
You know them khaki suits?
Of course, Harry, you got to
forget about girls.
But there's always
pinup pictures.
And every Christmas,
A whole carton of cigarettes.
Link.
So, it ain't such
a terrible thing.
You do 10, 15 years,
You're still a young man
when you get out...
About my age.
Put that thing back on.
- Put it on?
- Yeah, on.
We're back in business.
Fifty grand and all?
- What about the girl?
- Who do you think
I'm calling?
- It's beautiful, isn't it?
- Yeah.
My grandfather
was named after him.
Thomas Jefferson Baxter.
- Huh?
- He was a judge.
My father's a judge, too.
- A judge.
- Uh-huh.
You know, I like to look
at the treasury building,
Even though it does kind
of look like a prison.
We're part of something
terribly important
to everybody.
- Verna...
- Yeah?
It's late.
I think I better
take you home.
Harry, you still haven't
told me why you wanted
to see me tonight.
Well, uh...
Listen, I know there's
something bothering you.
I've just been babbling along,
Waiting for when you
wanted to speak up.
Verna, it's...
It's almost morning.
When there's a problem,
A person sometimes
needs another person.
Well, we had
this meeting tonight,
And there are
these friends of mine,
And I don't
know where to begin.
At the beginning.
- Fudge.
- Fudge?
Your other friends
are helping.
I will, too.
Hey, verna, I, uh...
I don't know how to
thank you for that.
You don't have to thank me.
I feel that young persons
should extend themselves,
Particularly to a bachelor
of one's own age.
As you can see, the entire
vessel can be assembled in
less than a minute and a half.
A minute and a half, huh?
Okay.
Dugan, did you get the truck?
A buddy of mine at the "y"
is gonna lend me his.
He runs revival meetings.
It's a great big job,
And he says there's enough
room in it for the boat
and for every one of us...
Shh!
Willie, you got the okay
to use yours?
Just give me a yes or no.
Okay, now, let's rehearse
the whole thing.
I got the backyard laid out
exactly the way
it's gonna be Friday night.
Hey, gertrude,
the ice cream truck's here.
Want something?
No, I got to watch
my figure.
What are them guys doing?
Ah, bunch of nuts...
Probably on goofballs.
You really think so?
Well, they didn't get that way
eating fudgesicles.
An electric eye...
We've got to crawl under it.
As fast as you can.
Come on, dugan.
Your hat!
Now, dugan, this is the safe.
You crack it.
Get the plates out.
Pop, you take the plates
from dugan
Over to the printing press,
start up the press.
Come on, hurry.
We're on a time schedule.
And the rest of us
Take the printed money,
bring it to verna,
Who's at
the cutting machine, like so.
Money.
Money.
Money.
Money.
I got it.
- It's a sex orgy.
- It is?
Yeah, sure.
That girl there,
she's the queen bee.
And the guys, they're her
slaves or something.
I read an article about it
in playboy.
What are those people
doing, mom?
Oh, nothing, Walter.
They're just playing.
To me, it looks more
like a sex orgy.
Harry, listen,
I think it's so nice...
All these friends of
yours doing this
Just because they
want to help you.
Mmm, yeah.
Well... oh, dear.
I think it's getting late.
We'd better hop a bus
and get back to work.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let's go first class.
Come on, hop in.
Oh, Harry!
Thank you.
I'll get, uh... I'll
get Luther to drive us.
Okay.
Hey, luth?
Will you give vern and me
a ride back to work?
Oh, sure, Harry.
Harry, something's come up.
The boys and I were
just saying that...
Well, should I tell him?
The boys and I were
just saying how awful it is
That poor old Harry
doesn't get a thing
out of this whole deal.
I mean, we each
get $50,000 apiece,
But you, you have to
give yours back,
And it just
isn't right, Harry.
So, Harry, baby,
As a favor,
to make us feel better,
deep in our hearts,
We want you,
to whom we owe so much...
Right, boys?
Should get $50,000 extra
to have a lot of fun with.
Am I right, fellas?
Uh-huh.
Well, look, fellas, if that's
all that's bothering you...
Then it's agreed.
$100,000 for dear old Harry.
And to make it even-Steven,
$100,000 a piece
for each one of us.
That's a nice even number.
Come on, Harry.
I'll drive you home.
- Wait a minute.
- What's the matter?
$100,000 apiece?
No. No chance.
Harry... I'm surprised.
Here we are, wanting to give
you an extra $50,000,
And you don't want us
to have the same, too.
Shame, Harry.
Shame.
Luther... baby, why not
make it $200,000?
Or $400,000, that's a nice...
No, no, no.
$500,000.
That's a half a million
dollars apiece.
Now that's a nice even number,
too, isn't it, huh?
Half a million a piece?
You see, fellas, I told you.
He's a born leader.
See, we've been
thinking small.
He thinks big.
All those in favor of
half a million...
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
Why don't you go
for the big one?
Make it a million.
How could we be so blind?
Harry's right.
We get a million a piece.
Oh, I love you guys.
I really do.
So flip...
A million dollars.
Willie? Your fancy clothes
and jazzy sports car, huh?
Captain, a big yacht to sail
all over the world.
Ralph, a string
of racehorses
And every one of them
running in the Kentucky derby.
Dugan... dugan!
You wouldn't have to
work anymore or steal, right?
Luther...
Why, you can pawn
the pawnshop.
You'll be a millionaire...
A big shot, a tycoon.
A million dollars
and your worries are over.
A million dollars
and you can live
Like there's no tomorrow.
A million dollars.
We don't meet tonight.
I'll stay late at the office
and check the guard's
schedule.
And tomorrow night,
gentlemen, we print...
Seven...
Million...
Dollars.
Seven o'clock... guard 33.
Another late night,
huh, Lucas?
(Yawning)
Yes.
I say if a man can't complete
his work on time,
he's a failure.
Well, sir, with
the audit coming up...
And if you can't keep up now,
you're gonna be
in real trouble,
When we speed up
with the automated presses,
next week.
The automated presses.
They're coming in tomorrow
night, changing everything.
One of my suggestions.
Turning the whole thing
around, changing the whole...
Tomorrow night?
Full automation.
Willie, what's his name?
Willie automated press.
No, Willie, Willie...
Right now?
But it's supposed to be
tomorrow night, and I'm not...
Huh?
Okay, okay.
Tell pop I'll pick him
up in 10 minutes.
Harry, I can't.
I don't have a sitter
for my dog.
She's going to have her
pups any minute.
Willie's on his way over?
Okay.
But I'm at a lodge meeting.
Oh, it's got to be, huh?
Yeah, yeah, I got my car.
What?
You'll have to speak up.
Yeah. Oh, the truck?
Yeah, I can get it.
I'm on my way
to my scout-troop meeting.
I see.
And Luther will pick me up.
But I'm at my ballet
rehearsal.
I understand.
Okay.
Well, listen, I'll get a cab
And I'll come right over to
pick you up, all right?
Hi!
Come on, come on, come on!
Willie, will
you get upstairs?
Keep your date.
I couldn't leave her
at home, Harry.
That's all right, pop.
The boat's in the back.
Want it now?
Not till Willie keep...
Boy, oh, boy.
No warning, no nothing.
I was on my way to
a scout-troop meeting.
All right, all right.
Now, first things first.
We got...
Who is that?
Oh! Hey, everyone, say hello
to my cousin Mario.
Hello.
I figured we could use him
in a gang... a lookout.
Well, you figured wrong.
I tried to tell him,
but he wouldn't listen.
That's my cousin.
He could use the work.
You heard what Harry said.
We can't use him.
You understand?
- Maybe you don't understand.
- What do you mean?
Unless he's in, I'm out.
And without me, you can kiss
the dough goodbye.
Come to think of it,
a lookout isn't a bad idea.
- Okay.
- It's settled. We got
all the pot.
Okay, but look, you...
This is serious business.
Is that clear?
Is that clear?
Harry? Uh, Harry,
just a minute.
Mario, uh...
He doesn't speak English.
What good is a lookout
who doesn't speak...
Shh!
It's his first day in the
country.
A yell is the same
in any language.
I'll tell him how serious
this business is.
- You tell him!
- I will.
- Do it!
- Mario.
Sente, Mario, questa e serio.
Senza giocare,
capisce?
Capisce.
Bravo, ragazzo!
Prego!
Harry, she can't go out
tonight. She just washed
her hair.
Well, you get right back up
there and keep her
out of that window.
- But how?
- How?
- How?
- How!
Willie, that's kind of
up to you.
When we finish the job,
We'll ring your bell,
and you'll know
We're all clear.
Go, go, go.
Do it. Go on.
About the boat... the boat.
Now what about the boat?
I could have used
the extra time for varnish.
What did you say?
He said he could have used
the extra time for varnish!
Not one word of English?
All right, let's get started.
Come on, come on.
We could watch TV and...
Have some popcorn.
(Clanging noise outside)
Hey, um... uh, uh...
Wow!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohh!
- What was that?
- What was what?
Somebody barked.
Well, well, well.
Rafaele...
- Si?
- Arrivederci.
Arrivederci.
- Get over there.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Get off my foot,
will you, please?
- Look out, look out!
- All right.
Mr. Burton,
your cape is caught.
(Bouncy music playing)
(Indistinct yelling)
Ralph, will you quit
pushing me, please?
Will you grab it?
- Why don't you...
- Somebody catch this for me!
- Let it go!
- Let it go!
Aah!
I got it!
(Indistinct talking)
- Don't panic.
- Put that up there.
Bring that over here.
- Don't you give orders!
- Aw, shut up, captain.
- I don't think
it's going to close.
- I don't think...
Will you listen to me?
I built this!
I want section b,
or we can't put it together!
You've got it in your hand,
you twit!
(Yankee doodle playing)
(Lid bangs)
(Clanking noise)
(Whispering)
Sit in the back!
(Hatch clanging)
(Guard whistling
yankee doodle)
(Door closing)
The captain...
The captain wants to see you.
I'll take this.
It's the larboard strake...
Just about the forward thwart.
- What are you talking about?
- It was badly gouged,
Mr. Lucas.
We have violated
our watertight integrity.
What the hell does that mean?
We sprung a leak.
- Can you fix it?
- Of course I can fix it.
Well hop to it, captain!
A little water
isn't gonna hurt you.
All right, give me that.
Okay, it's 10:00.
The guards won't be back
till 11:00.
We got one hour...
Exactly one hour.
Now, the first thing...
The plates.
Now, pop... you show dugan
where the safe is.
The next thing we...
Luther!
Will you... uh... just go with
them to the safe, all right?
Dugan, dugan, come on.
Hey... hey,
what's the matter?
- I'm scared.
- Why?
Because somebody
might find us.
Oh, listen, you've got nothing
to worry about.
Hey!
Hey, your dog's loose.
If anybody sees her,
we're cooked.
She must be looking for
a place to have her pups.
She needs me with her.
No, pop, you can't.
You gotta take him to the
safe and get the plates.
You stay here.
I'll get the dog.
Doggy?
Doggy? Doggy?
Doggy?
Doggy?
Doggy?
Fraidhoffer, 1936.
Not the best,
but he did good work.
- What's the matter?
- I lost my hearing piece.
I can't hear the clicks.
- I can't open the safe!
- Oh!
Verna, everybody
knows their job,
You know how to run
your machine,
And, uh... it'll go off
without a hitch.
I'm not so sure.
Oh, listen, we'll be out of
here in no time. We'll be back
down on the boat,
And we're home free.
Luther, pop, dugan...
- They're cracking the safe.
- Maybe.
Ralph is working
on the press.
Really, there's nothing
to worry about.
Dog? Dog?
(Ralph coughs)
Help!
- Help!
- You see, verna,
there's really
Nothing at all to worry about.
- Pssst!
- Huh?
- Luther back with my dog yet?
- What?
She wandered off
down the hall.
I better go get her myself.
No, no, hey, pop,
you gotta help dugan
crack that safe.
I don't have to!
He lost his hearing aid.
He can't open it.
- Lost his what?
- Oh!
I need help.
Look, you help the boy scout,
I'll help dugan.
- But my dog!
- Never mind about the dog.
Please, pop, Luther will hock
it... I mean he'll find him!
Mr. randazzo,
can I do something?
Yes.
I'm sorry, Harry,
but I can't open it
if I can't hear the clicks!
I know, dugan.
Try to think... where did you
lose your hearing aid?
You'll have to talk louder.
I lost my hearing aid!
Where did you
lose your hearing aid?
- I don't know.
- Ah, that's the ballgame.
- What?
- Nothing, nothing.
Hey, maybe you can
listen for me.
Tell me when you hear
the clicks.
Would that work?
You'll have to talk louder.
I...
- Lost my hearing aid.
- Lost my hearing aid.
Yes, what do I do?
You listen.
Tell me when it clicks
- and when it clacks.
- Okay.
What?
Click, check, okay, do it.
Click.
Click or clack?
- Click!
- Click.
I... I tried that, too.
Brace yourself, Mr. randazzo.
Don't panic.
(Cloth ripping)
There it is.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Click...
I mean, clack.
Clack.
Click clack!
Click clack...
Tricky.
Mr. Lucas?
Mr. Lucas?
- Click.
- Click.
We got Ralph loose.
- Shh! Clack.
- Clack.
I hate to say this,
but nothing seems
to be going right.
We better all get out of here
before there's trouble.
(Lock clicking)
No trouble, pop.
We're back in business.
Mr. Lucas!
Doggy?
Doggy?
Dohh!
- Have you seen...
- Shh!
What do you want?
Where can I find Mr. Lucas?
You... what are you
doing here?
I regret to report
that the Nellie b.
Broached to and foundered.
Ah, but she went down
like a gallant lady.
Went down? You mean sunk?
- Sank.
- Sank.
I must report to Mr. Lucas
That I shall be forced
to procure another craft.
Well hop to it pal. We don't
want to get stuck in here.
I shall not fail you.
Please, go, go! Fast.
Shh, the feet...
Softer, softer!
- They're as soft...
- Soft.
- Well, all set. You got the
counter, Harry?
- Check!
- Ralph, you ready
on the ink flow?
- Check!
- Verna, you watch
the paper guide, huh?
- Check.
Well, this is it.
We roll 'em.
Huh?
I said...
Never mind.
(Machine clicking)
Oh!
(Machine whirring)
Say, are you sure
this room is soundproof?
What'd you say?
Who said the first million
is the hardest?
Luther and the dog.
Is anything the matter?
Luther and the dog.
The dog...
She's in the lobby!
What are you doing here?
Go get her!
- Your feet, your feet!
- I know, I know,
I know, the feet, I know.
(Mouthing inaudible words)
Come on, fellas,
it's about time
to make the rounds.
- There's some fresh coffee,
Charlie.
- Thanks.
I wanna bring
my kid over here
and show him this thing.
Very educational.
You know who
all them jokers are?
Sure, who don't?
That's Hamilton,
Jefferson,
And th... that's, uh...
You know, what's-his-name.
Boy, you sure
know your history, bud.
With a kid in school,
you've got to keep up
with things.
Oh yeah.
Lots of good stuff here
for kids...
The early bills and all.
But mainly,
what he'd get a kick out of
Would be those dummies.
They look almost alive,
don't they?
Except for that
pasty-faced one.
And just enough time
for a smoke.
That's one of the nice things
about working nights...
Gives me time at home
with my kid.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, some fathers,
you know, they got no time,
-But I think I owe it
to the boy.
- Oh, yeah.
I don't want
to wake up one day,
and we're strangers.
Oh, no.
I thought you already
cleaned up in here.
I did, but I gotta move that
sofa back against the wall.
- Give me a hand?
- Sure.
Thanks.
(Cart crashing)
- Hey, pop, here.
- Inky!
It's working...
Just like you said.
It's money...
Real money...
And bales of it.
Genuine, beautiful,
Wonderful, real money!
And all tax-free!
It is real, isn't it?
That's right.
Four and a half million
dollars so far.
Four and a half...
Can you make it go faster?
Go faster, faster!
Harry, make it go faster.
- Harry?
- What?
Could I have a word
with you, please?
Harry, somebody's making
a terrible mistake.
I didn't want to say
anything before, but...
The money's misprinted!
No, no, the bills are fine,
but they're making too many.
They've gone way over
$50,000.
Uh, uh... well, we had to make
a full run.
We need the extra
because, uh...
In case we do misprint.
Harry...
You told me we were
Just going to print up
the $50,000 you lost.
Believe me, verna,
we need the extra money.
Just... keep cutting.
Keep cutting. Keep cutting.
Cut! Cut!
You heard him... cut, cut!
Women! As if we don't have
enough problems.
Like worrying about the
captain finding another boat.
What do you mean?
Well, the one
we came in sunk... sank.
He's out trying to look
for a new one.
Where?
How the hell do I know?
But, Harry, we're going
way past the $50,000!
It's all right, verna,
we're almost finished.
Almost.
Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!
Hurry! Hurry!
So they thought I was too old
to handle this baby,
huh, inky?
Inky, we'll show 'em,
huh, inky?
Inky? Inky? Inky!
Inky!
It's happening!
It's happening!
Somebody get some hot water.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Inky's having her puppies.
We need a box.
You can't use our money
for that pregnant pup.
My hearing piece...
I found it.
What's he doing,
huh?
Watch it. Watch it!
Watch it.
Here.
There you go...
All right, enough,
stop the press.
Not yet, Harry,
we could make millions more!
Millions! Harry!
And I say those presses
are gonna stop!
Harry, please,
don't stop it...
Cut it out!
Inky needs quiet.
Print! Print!
(Cloth ripping)
Is that all
that's left of Harry?
10:51...
Well, I guess it's time
to make another round.
- How you doing?
- Okay.
Good.
But everything is still
a little blurry.
We shouldn't have shut down
so soon, Harry.
We still got time to print
another couple of million.
Let's not push our luck.
A few more minutes.
Who knows when we'll be able
to get in here again.
We got plenty!
Yeah, that's all right
for you to say!
But you're not out over $400
In expenses like I am...
Plus postage.
Mail that!
All plates
back in the safe.
Harry, I have
to talk to you.
There's something
very wrong!
Verna, please, will you
just do as you're told?
I got enough trouble already.
Please!
All right,
let's get out of here!
I'm not leaving
a mother in labor.
Verna, pop can handle a dog.
Why don't you help Ralph?
Things are still
a little blurry.
Mr. randazzo...
Oh, you poor thing!
Okay. Out! Out!
Everybody out!
- Yeah, but Harry, I...
- Out!
Let's go, Mr. randazzo.
Let's go, pop.
But I can't move inky now.
Look at the clock.
I don't care.
She shouldn't be jiggled
around at a time like this.
Motherhood is a
sacred thing, Harry.
I know that, pop, but
the guard's gonna
be coming by.
Now, look...
Nothing is more important
than newborn life.
No, sir, I'm not leaving here
till she's had
every last one of her pups.
Pop...
Go on, will you, Harry,
and don't worry.
She and me will make it out
in plenty of time.
- Any sign of the captain?
- Nothing. Harry coming?
- Right behind me.
- We made it!
Yeah, a lot of good
that'll do us... no boat.
Hey, something's coming!
- Is it the captain?
- Is it a boat?
I thought only
my ears were bad,
but now I think
My eyes are going, too.
Gentlemen...
I have returned.
Welcome aboard.
This is not the way we came!
Captain,
Captain, are you sure
this is the way we came?
If I could only
see the stars,
I could obtain
an exact celestial fix.
Celestial f...
Hey, Ralph?
Uh, everything is still
a little blurry.
Look, a street grating!
Relax. I'll climb up there
and find out
just where we are.
How long are you in for, pal?
What street is this?
Just a minute, I'll ask.
That's right, sergeant...
Wyoming, corner of 14th.
Thank you.
Wyoming, corner of 14th.
- Thank you.
- Anytime. Anytime at all!
Who are you talking to?
Somebody we know?
The jolly green giant.
Manhole to the port!
Three in one port.
Mr. navigator,
- is it the correct one?
- Could be.
I shall make a reconnaissance.
Aah!
(Gasping)
We're home.
Faster. Come on, come on.
Move it, we have no time.
No time!
That guy was scared?
- That's all
there is, Harry.
- All right, start the car.
All right, let's go, let's go.
Ralph, you and lookout...
Put the manhole cover
back on.
- Dugan!
- Dugan!
Dugan!
Dug... the truck, the truck...
Start your truck.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Captain, take the wheel.
(Captain laughs)
(Engine sputtering)
Choke it. Choke it!
Loud speaker:
Oh where will you
spend eternity?
Sinner, awaken!
Repent the evil
of your deeds.
Your transgressions
That pass in the
darkness of night...
- Shut it off.
- I can't. Now you've
busted the switch.
Go back there
and pull out the wire.
Forget it.
Let's get out of here!
Your sins will find you out.
There is no escape.
Be prepared
To stand upon the...
(Crashing)
Salvation awaits!
Answer the call!
Hear, oh, hear the masses...
Join wills and sing,
oh sinners.
Sing for your salvation!
* Satan's waiting
* for you, sinners
- what are they doing?
- They're gonna give us away.
We better lose 'em.
* gold and silver all
are worthless *
Willie, let's lose 'em!
Follow us!
* shall we gather at the river
* the beautiful,
the beautiful river
* gather with the saints
at the river
* and pass into paradise
* and shall we gather
at the river *
Well, just don't sit there...
Pick it up!
The money, the money...
Pick it up!
Pick up the money.
The money, the money!
* salvation now awaits
* Satan's waiting
for you, sinners
Children singing:
* this old man, he played two
he played knick knack
* on my shoe, with a knick
knack, paddy whack
give the dog a bone *
Oh, no!
* this old man,
he played two *
Hold it, hold it!
Where you going?
To the Lincoln memorial.
It's, uh... it's closed.
Won't be open
for another hour.
He isn't awake yet.
I don't understand.
He's an old man.
He needs his sleep.
He's up now.
Wait a minute.
Give him, uh...
Give him five minutes
To dress and shave.
Goodbye, ladies.
Ohh.
There they are...
Way over there!
* gold and silver
all are worthless
* at heaven's pearly gates
* shall we gather at the river
* the beautiful
the beautiful river
* gather with the saints
at the river *
Open it. Open it!
Open it!
Get up!
Get up!
Turn it off!
(Music stops)
- It got stuck.
- Yeah. Did anybody follow you?
I don't think so.
(Siren wailing)
(Speaking Italian)
(Cheering and yelling)
- We better get inside.
- What about the dough?
Shh! I'll get the dough.
- You? The way you look?
- No, the way you look.
Not me... Mario.
At least he doesn't
look suspicious.
Him? This?
Two hours ago,
We didn't even know him.
I'll vouch for him.
He's my blood cousin.
Besides, he's Italian.
Ehh!
Surprise, surprise...
A little celebration
For my fellow tycoons.
Lovely, isn't it?
Mostly items I took in hock.
Come on in here, baby.
Luther, have you got something
I could change into?
- What'd you say?
- You got another shirt?
Sure, I got a lot in the shop.
Take as many as you want, pal.
I was gonna give 'em away
anyway. At cost, that is.
Hey...
- Do you have any schweppes?
- No, I feel fine.
I'm leaving now, Harry.
Um... well,
I'll get Luther's car
And give you a lift
back to work.
No, no. Don't bother. You
stay here with your friends.
I'll get home okay.
I know I was kind of rough
on you back there.
That's wrong.
That isn't what's wrong,
Harry.
You lied to me.
Well, I told you we were
gonna print some money.
Harry...
Printing money to put back
is one thing...
But this...
This is stealing.
We didn't steal
from anybody...
Legally.
And who did we hurt?
So eight poor guys
are now eight rich guys.
And printing $50,000
or $50 million...
What difference
does it make?
It makes a lot of
difference... to me.
Verna, I've told you...
Live today,
there's no tomorrow.
And, look, there's a whole
lot of money, you know.
I didn't do this for money.
I did it for you!
Harry, for four years
I've worked with you...
And I've worshipped you.
Harry, I'd do
anything for you.
You know...
I even let myself
dream about us together.
Harry and verna,
two people working together
And planning
their future together...
Verna, living is now.
Grab it.
And with that kind of money,
You can do a whole lot
of grabbing.
That isn't the kind of
living that counts.
Your money won't buy you that.
Look, verna...
I'd do anything for you.
Anything?
Even if I ask you
to give up the money?
No.
Why should you give up
a million dollars
When it's so much easier
to give up me?
There he is...
Our glorious leader.
To Harry,
who made all of this possible.
All:
* for he's a jolly good fellow
* for he's a jolly good fellow
* for he's a jolly good fellow
* which nobody can deny
Harry, you're all right.
Where's she going?
Uh... she had to leave.
Ehh, women...
Forget about her.
How's Mario doing?
Okay. No problem.
(Horn blowing)
Polizia!
- What'd he say?
- Hey, buddy, does that go?
Ah, guess so.
Ooh...
You shouldn't drink.
Every time you drink,
you turn green.
LA moneta! LA moneta!
(Yelling in Italian)
* should auld...
* acquaintance
* be forgot
* and
* nev...
LA moneta!
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
LA moneta,
a partita!
I think he wants
his cut of the money now.
The cheeky beggar!
Ah, Mario. Finito?
Rafaele, rafaele...
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
(Yelling in Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
Harry: What did he say?
Our money just went off
in the garbage truck.
My place is the last stop.
From there,
they go to the dump.
The dump?
They'll burn it!
The city don't
burn garbage no more.
They take it out
and dump it in the ocean.
The money!
The money!
Get it, get it!
The money! The money!
(Indistinct yelling)
Man: Okay, Max,
take it away!
Shove off!
(Boat horn blowing)
Well, if it isn't Mr. Lucas.
What are you doing here?
- Well...
- Oh, yes, of course...
The little matter
of replacing the $50,000.
I'm here to tell link
about the shortage.
Oh, I'm so glad, Harry.
I knew you'd finally do
the right thing
and give up the money.
I didn't give up the money.
It kinda got away
on its own.
So let's be honest... I'm not
here because I want to be.
- Good morning, miss Baxter.
- Good morning.
Ha! Playboy.
Oh, he's never gonna
believe this story.
Harry...
You could go to prison.
Oh, yeah.
Din-din on a tin plate.
Listen, Harry...
We can go talk to him
together.
And then I can tell him about
the fudge and everything.
After all, it was my fudge.
It might help.
(Car horn honking)
Harry! Wait, hold it!
What are they
doing back here?
Boy, just in time.
Here, I got something
for you.
Oh, hey, pop, thank you,
but where I'm going,
I can't use a puppy.
It's the bills I used
to line the box.
Remember when inky
had her pups?
Go ahead, take it.
$50,000 in new hundreds.
You mean,
the guys know about this?
- And they still want me...
- Uh-huh.
Hey...
Right back with the fudge.
Now it goes in
just the way it came out.
(Bell ringing)
I think I better
get to work.
B... but, verna...
We could still see each other
once in a while, couldn't we?
Well, um...
Yes...
Oh, you could
come over tonight...
For dinner.
Dinner?
Tonight?
Dinner.
* Satan's waiting
for you, sinners
* but salvation now awaits
* gold and silver
all are worthless
* at heaven's pearly gates
* shall we gather at the river
* the beautiful
the beautiful river
* gather with the saints
at the river
* and pass into paradise
Did you try the fudge
I made you?
What? Oh, the fudge.
Yes, it's good,
Real good, verna.
Oh, it's probably too sweet.
Next time, I won't make it
so sweet.
By the way,
my girlfriend and I
Were having some friends
in tonight for dinner,
and I thought maybe,
If you weren't too busy...
Verna, I'd like to very much,
really I would,
but, uh, I'm afraid
I can't... not tonight.
Well, perhaps
some other time.
Yeah.
See here, Lucas.
This is the bureau of
engraving and printing,
you know,
Not a friendship club.
You've got a job to do,
and until that bell rings...
(Bell ringing)
That bell?
Just watch your step, boy.
That bell.
Hi, Jess.
What you got
in the bag, Harry?
Fudge...
Homemade fudge.
And it's all yours.
Enjoy.
Oh, hi, Harry.
Hey, pop, what are
you doing here?
I thought they retired you.
I wanted a word with you.
You got a minute?
- Well, not really.
- Okay, Harry.
I'll tell you what pop,
why don't you come on with
me to my place?
- We can talk there, okay?
- All right
Mind if I bring inky?
She's in a family way. Kind of
likes to have me close by.
No, bring her along.
- Good evening, Mr. Lucas.
- Grayson, what the...
I know I was supposed to wait
around the corner,
- but there wasn't any space.
- Let's get out of here.
- This yours?
- Come on, pop.
I'll explain on the way.
Hold it!
Official business, lady.
Follow that car!
Some layout.
You got an Uncle with
an oil well somewhere, Harry?
No chance, pop.
I'm just an ordinary guy
working in the great society.
Part of the
antipoverty program, huh?
(Laughing) Yeah.
Say, Harry, if you don't
mind my asking,
how do you pay for all this?
I don't. I mean,
I don't mind you asking,
And I don't pay for all this.
You see, I got it all
on 60-day approval.
When it goes,
I just tap another store,
And that way I refurnish
every 60 days.
Doesn't cost me a cent.
(Phone ringing)
Sit down.
Hello.
Hello, Grayson.
It's the limousine guy.
Grayson: Mr. Lucas?
What can I do for you?
About the automobile... you've
had a demonstration ride every
night for the last two weeks.
I'll tell you something,
Grayson.
It's got to be absolutely
right, you know,
Because we're talking a fleet
deal for the whole department.
But if you'd rather
forget about it...
Grayson: Oh, no, Mr. Lucas.
What do you got
in a red convertible?
Red convertible...
I'll get one right over.
(Doorbell ringing)
Excuse me.
- Hi, lover.
- Well, howdy, neighbor.
I whipped up a little
beef stroganoff for din-din,
But it's much too much
for little me.
Well, listen, little you,
will it keep till tomorrow?
Oh, sure, lover.
I'll be ready
whenever you are.
Furniture, cars, din-din.
If this catches on, you could
put the mint out of business.
It's some system.
You must be able to save
quite a bundle.
I've worked out a little
philosophy for myself.
I've learned to eliminate
the necessities
And live for the luxuries.
And the golden rule...
Live today and tonight.
- You going out tonight?
- Yeah.
With that girl that runs
the money-cutting machine?
Verna? Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
No chance.
Verna's a...
Verna's a nice girl,
but she's the
Come-to-dinner type.
My one rule is never
Have dinner with a female.
But you just said you'd have
dinner with that blonde
out there.
Oh, no, pop.
She said "din-din."
Din-din's a meal.
Dinner's not a meal.
It's a plot.
It's, uh, meet the family.
Next thing you know, it's
mortgages on the washer.
And then it's saving a little
bit for junior's education.
And that's why no
come-to-dinner types for me.
But, listen, I've been
running at the mouth.
What did you want
to talk about?
Well, I was just wondering
if you could talk to Mr. link.
I'd like to get my job back
at the bureau.
Pop, you're past 65.
They retired you.
- They'd never hire you back.
- Oh, regulations.
Look, I helped set up
those presses.
I serviced them for 20 years.
And then, just when I was due
to be made a printer,
Some knot head looks
at the calendar,
And I find myself
out in the street.
You know, it ain't right.
Just once, I'd like to get my
hands on those presses.
I want to print.
Yeah, I know.
But I'm
afraid you're dreaming.
They'd just never give
you a chance.
Doorman, please.
Is it too much to ask?
I'm a printer.
I just want to print.
Yeah, this is Mr. Lucas.
Call me when my
red convertible gets here.
Thank you.
Another new car.
Fourth one in two weeks.
Where do you suppose he
gets all his money?
Mr. link, I don't know what
you're talking about.
How could you possibly think
you could get away with it?
Mr. link, I haven't touched
a penny...
Do you think I'm blind?
I saw it all.
The car, the apartment.
Look, will you believe me?
I didn't take any...
All right.
I'll find out
from accounting.
All day, I've had them making
a special audit on you.
Look, do yourself a...
Call them up...
Ahhh!
So now you're begging, huh?
It's too late, Lucas.
You are nothing but a...
(Knocking at door)
Ah, here's Mr. Maxwell.
Come in.
Come in.
There he is.
Tell him right to his face.
His accounts
are short how much?
But, Mr. link, if I may
have a word with you.
Go on.
Tell him what you found out.
Well, sir, his books balance.
- What?
- Yes, sir. They're in
perfect order.
Not only are they accurate
but very neat, too.
I've been wanting to
compliment you, Mr. Lucas,
On how very nice
you make your figures.
Thank you very much.
- Let me see those.
- Especially your fours.
You make them so nice and
open at the top.
Some of the other people
around here...
(Clears throat)
I wouldn't want to mention
any names but,
when they make a four,
You can't tell them
from nines.
And that can throw
the books off,
Because nine is
five more than four.
That would throw
the books off.
Terribly.
All right, all right.
Never mind this.
Lucas, get back to your desk.
Very nice meeting you.
- Oh, thank you very much.
- Love your fours.
- Hi, Harry.
- Verna.
I made you
some more fudge.
Not so sweet this time.
- Try some?
- I'm afraid I can't now,
verna.
You see, the missing link's
still on my back.
Gosh, I'm sorry.
Hey, I better get these
off here.
No, no, no. Thank you.
I'll take care of it.
All right, Lucas.
This thing isn't finished yet,
not by a long shot.
There's something wrong
around here,
And I'm gonna get
at the bottom of it.
Mr. link,
I keep trying to tell you,
the car isn't mine...
You think I was born
yesterday.
You may have fooled
the boys in accounting,
But you can't fool me.
You're on the take,
all right.
And I'm gonna nail you at it.
(Bell ringing)
What's this?
- Fudge.
- I'm warning you, Lucas.
You try any more of your
smart tricks around here,
And you'll end up
behind bars.
Jess, have some fudge.
- Did verna make it?
- Yeah.
Not for me, pal.
I still got some
From yesterday...
The worst.
- Not the best.
- Like a rock.
Hello, ladies.
The usual, as usual.
(All giggling)
Thank you.
- Bye, ladies.
- Bye!
See you tomorrow, Willie.
Hey, Harry, what you got
in the bag... samples?
Fudge.
Here, you want some?
Oh, no. Calories I got.
What I need is cash.
Then I'd really show you.
These chicks, they don't even
know I'm around.
But give me
a couple of thou,
And I'd get a sports car
and fancy clothes.
I'd really show 'em.
Yeah, but where do you
get dough nowadays?
You know, where?
Hi, Harry.
- Hello, Willie.
- Calories I got.
- Oh hi!
- Could I have a grape
twin pop, please?
Harry?
- Ah... the welcome wagon.
- Hi, lover.
Tonight I got here
before the line started.
You said we'd have din-din.
Yeah, and the menu
looks just great.
I'm glad you like it.
I was beginning to think
you were on a diet.
- You know where the music is.
- Whoopee.
You have a lovely view
from the living room.
Not bad from the kitchen
either.
(Cork popping)
There she blows.
- Ooh, it looks yummy.
- It sure does.
(Garbage disposal grinding)
(Switch clicks,
grinding stops)
(Mouthing inaudible words)
$50,000.
Oh, no!
- Mr. Lucas?
- What?
Shh, shh!
How long are you going
to be here?
Just a few more dollars...
Minutes, minutes.
Hey, that's pretty
good, huh?
All right, hold it.
Hold it.
You guys fastened
the trapdoor to the sewer
in there, didn't you?
Workmen: Of course.
Guard: All right, come on.
I'll show you the way out.
Boy, do you get wild ideas.
I know it sounds crazy,
pop, but... thanks.
But why wouldn't it work?
We go in through
the sewer at night,
Start up the presses,
run off the $50,000.
Now, that's not
gonna take long.
- No, about half a minute,
but...
- See, it's that simple.
Just you and me
in that soundproof room
for 30 seconds.
And we're not stealing,
just replacing.
Now, look, pop,
I wouldn't drag you into this
if there was any other way.
But there isn't.
Can you see me trying
to convince old weak link
That I didn't steal
that money?
What a shame if,
for the next ten years,
You got your... din-din
on a tin plate.
But, relax. Count me in.
Thanks, pop.
All I want is
for once in my life...
To get my hands
on those presses.
I'll print up $50,000
that Alexander Hamilton
would be proud of.
That's the spirit, partner.
But, look,
we've got to move fast.
They make the end-of-the-month
audit next week...
Oh, hold it.
One catch, Harry.
How we gonna get the plates?
The plates...
The printing plates.
They lock them up
in the safe every night.
Okay, so we get
one more partner...
Somebody who can open safes.
A safecracker?
Now, where are you gonna find
a safecracker?
(Inaudible under
machine noise)
This guy, dugan,
he gets out in two days.
Best in the business... you
never heard such references.
- How'd you find out?
- I asked a couple of cops.
(Gate opening)
Mr. dugan, I'm Harry Lucas.
This is pop gillis.
You'll have to talk up.
Ten years in the mill,
I don't hear so good now.
- Uh, I'm Harry. This is pop.
- Hi.
- Do I know you guys?
- Yeah, we just met.
- I'll bet.
- Um...
- A friend told us about you.
- A friend.
- You get out Monday?
- Huh?
- We got a nice job for you.
- No kidding. What doing?
We'd like for you
to open a safe.
Huh?
We'd like to have you
open a safe.
I got everything but
the last word.
What do you want me to open?
Have you ever been
to a baseball game?
- Ball game, sure.
- Yeah.
You know what it means when
the umpire says...
(Mouthing)
You're safe
Out!
Yeah, I'm getting out Monday.
(Mouthing)
Not out... safe... safe
Oh, you want me to open a...
(Harry clears throat)
Will you do it?
I already decided
when I got out of here,
I was going straight.
Then you won't?
No, I will.
If I'm gonna go straight,
I'll need some dough.
What's my end?
$2,000.
- $2,000?
- That he heard.
We'll print up an extra sheet,
all right?
Only one more thing.
To open a safe,
I got to hear the clicks.
I'll need a hearing aid.
All right.
Pop will pick you up
here Monday,
And we'll get you
a hearing aid.
- What'd you say?
- Yes, we'll get you one.
Now, uh, this one
is a solid value.
Belonged to a schoolteacher.
She used it
only on weekends.
Ultrahigh power.
If a pin drops
two blocks away,
he'll hear it bounce.
What'd you say?
Maybe you want to go
for something more modern.
This is beautiful.
Seventeen jewels,
six transistors...
New style.
Cosmetically smart for
your facial coloring.
- Only cost you 100 bucks.
- I can hear good with this.
We'll take it.
We'll pay you in about a week.
Oh, hold it.
None of that "hear now
and pay later."
What did he say?
Luther, if you're willing
to wait an extra week,
we'll pay you double.
In new bills.
(Mouthing)
Double? In new bills?
Harry, pop, you and I
are old friends, right?
Why don't we go in the back
and talk this over sensibly?
Well, we don't have
to talk...
You... uh... want the hearing
aid or don't you?
Yeah.
(Pop mouthing)
I know, pop,
another partner.
So we're all decided,
correct?
I get $2,000
just like dugan.
No, no, no.
That's kind of high.
High? Are you kidding?
It's a bargain.
Obviously, you gentlemen need
a business manager like me.
Someone who's gonna advance
the expenses...
The hearing aid, getaway car,
Gasoline, telephone, postage.
- Postage?
- Yeah.
So? We just print
another sheet.
All right, all right.
Let's keep it simple, huh?
We just go in
through the sewer at night,
Print up my $50,000,
plus...
$2,000 for you,
$2,000 for dugan,
but that's that.
You didn't mention who's gonna
get you into the sewer system.
What do you mean?
You need somebody who
knows the layout...
What manhole to enter,
what tunnels to take.
- Didn't think of that.
- Hold it. Luther
to the rescue again.
Leave it to me, pal.
One of my regular customers
is with public works...
A Mr. Ralph randazzo.
Oh, no.
Not another partner.
Come on.
Have we got any
other choice?
Are you kidding?
Ralph will do it.
He needs the money...
Plays the horses.
Half of this stuff in here
belongs to him.
I just hope he hasn't
hocked his phone.
(Phone ringing)
He's not here.
- Hold it, Ralph, it's me.
- Luther.
I'm gonna need
a couple more days.
Never mind that.
I... uh...
I have a business proposition.
Ralph?
You seen the mixmaster?
Just a minute.
The mixmaster?
Oh, the mixmaster.
It had a couple
of loose wires,
So I dropped it off
at the repair shop.
I didn't want you to become
electrically injured.
It's being repaired, huh?
Like the rugs
are being repaired.
Like the pictures
are being repaired.
I know where it is.
It's at Luther's hockshop.
He's got it all!
We'd be more at home there
than we are here.
- Honey!
- Tonight, I'm locking Lenny
in his bedroom,
So you won't hock him, too.
Useless!
Leonard...
Go to your room
and practice your bugle.
I can't find it.
I've looked everywhere.
Oh.
Well...
Go practice tying more knots.
Busy.
Okay, Luther, now,
what's my end?
All my stuff out of hock now
And two grand later.
You got a deal.
Oh, uh... just one thing,
Luther.
Them drains in that part of
town are awful deep.
We need what?
- A boat?
- A boat!
Ralph, why specially built?
To fit in through a manhole.
Wait a minute, no problem.
Tell him to meet us
tomorrow at lunchtime.
All right, tell him.
Luther: Meet me
at my place tomorrow.
I got just the guy
to build us a boat.
A real expert...
He knows everything about
anything that floats.
(Bell clanging)
(Carnival music playing)
That's your expert
on boats?
Yeah, come on.
Talk to him, you'll see
Pardon me, captain.
Could we talk with you
in private?
Can it wait?
I have the forenoon watch.
We want to have
a boat built.
Oh, well,
that's different.
Mr. mcginnis!
Relieve me at the wheel.
I'll be in my quarters
with these gentlemen.
May I say that I've looked
forward a lifetime
To this very moment...
When at last I'd be
commissioned to construct
a substantial vessel.
Uh, won't you be seated?
Feel free to smoke.
Will you be
blue-water sailing?
Not exactly.
Mostly inland waterways?
Uh... yeah.
You might call it that, yeah.
All right.
You want to sleep five.
That's three state rooms,
plus a...
Captain, we don't want
to sleep anybody.
We just want it should fit
down a manhole.
Down a manhole.
Into a sewer.
You want to put my ship...
In a sewer?
Get your little...
Mr. gillis!
Captain, for $2,000?
With that, you could build
your own ship later.
I know, pop...
Another sheet,
Another partner.
Thirty-two inches.
That's a challenging
assignment.
I'll construct the sections
to be fitted through
and assembled below.
Perfect spot, huh?
Nobody to see us
going in or out,
And the mint
is exactly five blocks away.
(Ice cream truck
music playing)
Hi, Harry.
What are you doing down here?
Oh, hi, Willie.
What are you doing down here?
Well, it's a regular stop...
One of my best customers.
She always buys a whole box
of twin pops.
You mean somebody lives
on this street?
Yeah, she's a painter
or something.
She's always in that window
day or night when I come by.
See?
Now we're dead.
You got any other manholes?
This is the cream of
the crop.
That takes us right
under the capitol.
- Hi, miss Harris. The usual?
- Uh-huh.
Oh, my, don't you look
nice today?
There is something about
a man in uniform.
- Ninety-six cents.
- What?
Ninety-six cents.
Oh, well...
How about that?
I forgot my purse.
Tell you what.
Why don't you come up,
and I'll pay you?
Oh... that's okay.
Uh... I'll pay you tomorrow.
I mean, you can pay me
tomorrow.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Well...
See you tomorrow.
You know, she wouldn't be
at that window Friday night
if Willie would...
Means another partner.
I know, pop,
and it's the last one.
Willie...
All right, we're all set.
Friday night
Willie, keep that date
with what's her name
get her out of sight.
That about locks it up.
Harry, just one thing else.
The boys and I were talking
earlier, and it seems...
The split ain't right.
We get only two grand apiece,
and you get 50.
I get nothing out of this,
the truth be known.
What are you so...
You see, everything
will even up.
Pop keeps the presses going
an extra minute or two,
And that way, we'll each
get $50,000.
It'll all work out
fair and square.
You guys want
50 grand apiece?
Harry, baby,
you got it all wrong.
Look, we're not stealing.
We're not taking money.
We're creating it.
$50,000!
Hey, do you guys know
what that means?
Five times $50,000
is $250,000.
Not times five, Harry...
Times six.
Sorry, Harry.
Your $50,000 has to be
exactly right...
Perfect, in fact,
to pass inspection.
We need a professional
cutter.
Hey, how 'bout verna?
She likes you.
She'd help you out.
Verna!
Oh, I see.
I just walk up to verna
and I say,
"Hi, there, vern. How'd you
like to help us swipe
a few hundred thou?"
Just like that, huh, pop?
Oh, come on, Harry.
I've seen the way
you operate.
Two minutes with you, and vern
will be begging to join us.
No.
No more partners!
No more money.
No more anything.
I don't know why
I let it go this far.
I got boats.
I got a business manager.
I've even got a sewer guide!
And all of you are
screaming for more money.
Well, I got news.
The deal's off.
I'm gonna call link
and tell him the truth.
It could mean prison,
Harry.
It couldn't be any worse
than this.
Uh-uh. Since we're
no longer partners,
use the pay phone.
And you... put that
hearing aid back.
Don't worry, Harry.
The big house ain't
really so bad.
Oh!
Try for a job
in the laundry.
It's hot and steamy.
It's better than
The stamping mill.
That's murder on the ears.
Terrible.
You could be lucky.
Maybe you won't get too rough
a punk for a cellmate.
And you're not locked up
all the time.
You get to walk a little
in the exercise yard.
Not so bad.
And the meals are okay.
Knackwurst every Thursday.
They give you
all your clothes.
You know them khaki suits?
Of course, Harry, you got to
forget about girls.
But there's always
pinup pictures.
And every Christmas,
A whole carton of cigarettes.
Link.
So, it ain't such
a terrible thing.
You do 10, 15 years,
You're still a young man
when you get out...
About my age.
Put that thing back on.
- Put it on?
- Yeah, on.
We're back in business.
Fifty grand and all?
- What about the girl?
- Who do you think
I'm calling?
- It's beautiful, isn't it?
- Yeah.
My grandfather
was named after him.
Thomas Jefferson Baxter.
- Huh?
- He was a judge.
My father's a judge, too.
- A judge.
- Uh-huh.
You know, I like to look
at the treasury building,
Even though it does kind
of look like a prison.
We're part of something
terribly important
to everybody.
- Verna...
- Yeah?
It's late.
I think I better
take you home.
Harry, you still haven't
told me why you wanted
to see me tonight.
Well, uh...
Listen, I know there's
something bothering you.
I've just been babbling along,
Waiting for when you
wanted to speak up.
Verna, it's...
It's almost morning.
When there's a problem,
A person sometimes
needs another person.
Well, we had
this meeting tonight,
And there are
these friends of mine,
And I don't
know where to begin.
At the beginning.
- Fudge.
- Fudge?
Your other friends
are helping.
I will, too.
Hey, verna, I, uh...
I don't know how to
thank you for that.
You don't have to thank me.
I feel that young persons
should extend themselves,
Particularly to a bachelor
of one's own age.
As you can see, the entire
vessel can be assembled in
less than a minute and a half.
A minute and a half, huh?
Okay.
Dugan, did you get the truck?
A buddy of mine at the "y"
is gonna lend me his.
He runs revival meetings.
It's a great big job,
And he says there's enough
room in it for the boat
and for every one of us...
Shh!
Willie, you got the okay
to use yours?
Just give me a yes or no.
Okay, now, let's rehearse
the whole thing.
I got the backyard laid out
exactly the way
it's gonna be Friday night.
Hey, gertrude,
the ice cream truck's here.
Want something?
No, I got to watch
my figure.
What are them guys doing?
Ah, bunch of nuts...
Probably on goofballs.
You really think so?
Well, they didn't get that way
eating fudgesicles.
An electric eye...
We've got to crawl under it.
As fast as you can.
Come on, dugan.
Your hat!
Now, dugan, this is the safe.
You crack it.
Get the plates out.
Pop, you take the plates
from dugan
Over to the printing press,
start up the press.
Come on, hurry.
We're on a time schedule.
And the rest of us
Take the printed money,
bring it to verna,
Who's at
the cutting machine, like so.
Money.
Money.
Money.
Money.
I got it.
- It's a sex orgy.
- It is?
Yeah, sure.
That girl there,
she's the queen bee.
And the guys, they're her
slaves or something.
I read an article about it
in playboy.
What are those people
doing, mom?
Oh, nothing, Walter.
They're just playing.
To me, it looks more
like a sex orgy.
Harry, listen,
I think it's so nice...
All these friends of
yours doing this
Just because they
want to help you.
Mmm, yeah.
Well... oh, dear.
I think it's getting late.
We'd better hop a bus
and get back to work.
No, no, no, no, no.
Let's go first class.
Come on, hop in.
Oh, Harry!
Thank you.
I'll get, uh... I'll
get Luther to drive us.
Okay.
Hey, luth?
Will you give vern and me
a ride back to work?
Oh, sure, Harry.
Harry, something's come up.
The boys and I were
just saying that...
Well, should I tell him?
The boys and I were
just saying how awful it is
That poor old Harry
doesn't get a thing
out of this whole deal.
I mean, we each
get $50,000 apiece,
But you, you have to
give yours back,
And it just
isn't right, Harry.
So, Harry, baby,
As a favor,
to make us feel better,
deep in our hearts,
We want you,
to whom we owe so much...
Right, boys?
Should get $50,000 extra
to have a lot of fun with.
Am I right, fellas?
Uh-huh.
Well, look, fellas, if that's
all that's bothering you...
Then it's agreed.
$100,000 for dear old Harry.
And to make it even-Steven,
$100,000 a piece
for each one of us.
That's a nice even number.
Come on, Harry.
I'll drive you home.
- Wait a minute.
- What's the matter?
$100,000 apiece?
No. No chance.
Harry... I'm surprised.
Here we are, wanting to give
you an extra $50,000,
And you don't want us
to have the same, too.
Shame, Harry.
Shame.
Luther... baby, why not
make it $200,000?
Or $400,000, that's a nice...
No, no, no.
$500,000.
That's a half a million
dollars apiece.
Now that's a nice even number,
too, isn't it, huh?
Half a million a piece?
You see, fellas, I told you.
He's a born leader.
See, we've been
thinking small.
He thinks big.
All those in favor of
half a million...
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
Why don't you go
for the big one?
Make it a million.
How could we be so blind?
Harry's right.
We get a million a piece.
Oh, I love you guys.
I really do.
So flip...
A million dollars.
Willie? Your fancy clothes
and jazzy sports car, huh?
Captain, a big yacht to sail
all over the world.
Ralph, a string
of racehorses
And every one of them
running in the Kentucky derby.
Dugan... dugan!
You wouldn't have to
work anymore or steal, right?
Luther...
Why, you can pawn
the pawnshop.
You'll be a millionaire...
A big shot, a tycoon.
A million dollars
and your worries are over.
A million dollars
and you can live
Like there's no tomorrow.
A million dollars.
We don't meet tonight.
I'll stay late at the office
and check the guard's
schedule.
And tomorrow night,
gentlemen, we print...
Seven...
Million...
Dollars.
Seven o'clock... guard 33.
Another late night,
huh, Lucas?
(Yawning)
Yes.
I say if a man can't complete
his work on time,
he's a failure.
Well, sir, with
the audit coming up...
And if you can't keep up now,
you're gonna be
in real trouble,
When we speed up
with the automated presses,
next week.
The automated presses.
They're coming in tomorrow
night, changing everything.
One of my suggestions.
Turning the whole thing
around, changing the whole...
Tomorrow night?
Full automation.
Willie, what's his name?
Willie automated press.
No, Willie, Willie...
Right now?
But it's supposed to be
tomorrow night, and I'm not...
Huh?
Okay, okay.
Tell pop I'll pick him
up in 10 minutes.
Harry, I can't.
I don't have a sitter
for my dog.
She's going to have her
pups any minute.
Willie's on his way over?
Okay.
But I'm at a lodge meeting.
Oh, it's got to be, huh?
Yeah, yeah, I got my car.
What?
You'll have to speak up.
Yeah. Oh, the truck?
Yeah, I can get it.
I'm on my way
to my scout-troop meeting.
I see.
And Luther will pick me up.
But I'm at my ballet
rehearsal.
I understand.
Okay.
Well, listen, I'll get a cab
And I'll come right over to
pick you up, all right?
Hi!
Come on, come on, come on!
Willie, will
you get upstairs?
Keep your date.
I couldn't leave her
at home, Harry.
That's all right, pop.
The boat's in the back.
Want it now?
Not till Willie keep...
Boy, oh, boy.
No warning, no nothing.
I was on my way to
a scout-troop meeting.
All right, all right.
Now, first things first.
We got...
Who is that?
Oh! Hey, everyone, say hello
to my cousin Mario.
Hello.
I figured we could use him
in a gang... a lookout.
Well, you figured wrong.
I tried to tell him,
but he wouldn't listen.
That's my cousin.
He could use the work.
You heard what Harry said.
We can't use him.
You understand?
- Maybe you don't understand.
- What do you mean?
Unless he's in, I'm out.
And without me, you can kiss
the dough goodbye.
Come to think of it,
a lookout isn't a bad idea.
- Okay.
- It's settled. We got
all the pot.
Okay, but look, you...
This is serious business.
Is that clear?
Is that clear?
Harry? Uh, Harry,
just a minute.
Mario, uh...
He doesn't speak English.
What good is a lookout
who doesn't speak...
Shh!
It's his first day in the
country.
A yell is the same
in any language.
I'll tell him how serious
this business is.
- You tell him!
- I will.
- Do it!
- Mario.
Sente, Mario, questa e serio.
Senza giocare,
capisce?
Capisce.
Bravo, ragazzo!
Prego!
Harry, she can't go out
tonight. She just washed
her hair.
Well, you get right back up
there and keep her
out of that window.
- But how?
- How?
- How?
- How!
Willie, that's kind of
up to you.
When we finish the job,
We'll ring your bell,
and you'll know
We're all clear.
Go, go, go.
Do it. Go on.
About the boat... the boat.
Now what about the boat?
I could have used
the extra time for varnish.
What did you say?
He said he could have used
the extra time for varnish!
Not one word of English?
All right, let's get started.
Come on, come on.
We could watch TV and...
Have some popcorn.
(Clanging noise outside)
Hey, um... uh, uh...
Wow!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohh!
- What was that?
- What was what?
Somebody barked.
Well, well, well.
Rafaele...
- Si?
- Arrivederci.
Arrivederci.
- Get over there.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Get off my foot,
will you, please?
- Look out, look out!
- All right.
Mr. Burton,
your cape is caught.
(Bouncy music playing)
(Indistinct yelling)
Ralph, will you quit
pushing me, please?
Will you grab it?
- Why don't you...
- Somebody catch this for me!
- Let it go!
- Let it go!
Aah!
I got it!
(Indistinct talking)
- Don't panic.
- Put that up there.
Bring that over here.
- Don't you give orders!
- Aw, shut up, captain.
- I don't think
it's going to close.
- I don't think...
Will you listen to me?
I built this!
I want section b,
or we can't put it together!
You've got it in your hand,
you twit!
(Yankee doodle playing)
(Lid bangs)
(Clanking noise)
(Whispering)
Sit in the back!
(Hatch clanging)
(Guard whistling
yankee doodle)
(Door closing)
The captain...
The captain wants to see you.
I'll take this.
It's the larboard strake...
Just about the forward thwart.
- What are you talking about?
- It was badly gouged,
Mr. Lucas.
We have violated
our watertight integrity.
What the hell does that mean?
We sprung a leak.
- Can you fix it?
- Of course I can fix it.
Well hop to it, captain!
A little water
isn't gonna hurt you.
All right, give me that.
Okay, it's 10:00.
The guards won't be back
till 11:00.
We got one hour...
Exactly one hour.
Now, the first thing...
The plates.
Now, pop... you show dugan
where the safe is.
The next thing we...
Luther!
Will you... uh... just go with
them to the safe, all right?
Dugan, dugan, come on.
Hey... hey,
what's the matter?
- I'm scared.
- Why?
Because somebody
might find us.
Oh, listen, you've got nothing
to worry about.
Hey!
Hey, your dog's loose.
If anybody sees her,
we're cooked.
She must be looking for
a place to have her pups.
She needs me with her.
No, pop, you can't.
You gotta take him to the
safe and get the plates.
You stay here.
I'll get the dog.
Doggy?
Doggy? Doggy?
Doggy?
Doggy?
Doggy?
Fraidhoffer, 1936.
Not the best,
but he did good work.
- What's the matter?
- I lost my hearing piece.
I can't hear the clicks.
- I can't open the safe!
- Oh!
Verna, everybody
knows their job,
You know how to run
your machine,
And, uh... it'll go off
without a hitch.
I'm not so sure.
Oh, listen, we'll be out of
here in no time. We'll be back
down on the boat,
And we're home free.
Luther, pop, dugan...
- They're cracking the safe.
- Maybe.
Ralph is working
on the press.
Really, there's nothing
to worry about.
Dog? Dog?
(Ralph coughs)
Help!
- Help!
- You see, verna,
there's really
Nothing at all to worry about.
- Pssst!
- Huh?
- Luther back with my dog yet?
- What?
She wandered off
down the hall.
I better go get her myself.
No, no, hey, pop,
you gotta help dugan
crack that safe.
I don't have to!
He lost his hearing aid.
He can't open it.
- Lost his what?
- Oh!
I need help.
Look, you help the boy scout,
I'll help dugan.
- But my dog!
- Never mind about the dog.
Please, pop, Luther will hock
it... I mean he'll find him!
Mr. randazzo,
can I do something?
Yes.
I'm sorry, Harry,
but I can't open it
if I can't hear the clicks!
I know, dugan.
Try to think... where did you
lose your hearing aid?
You'll have to talk louder.
I lost my hearing aid!
Where did you
lose your hearing aid?
- I don't know.
- Ah, that's the ballgame.
- What?
- Nothing, nothing.
Hey, maybe you can
listen for me.
Tell me when you hear
the clicks.
Would that work?
You'll have to talk louder.
I...
- Lost my hearing aid.
- Lost my hearing aid.
Yes, what do I do?
You listen.
Tell me when it clicks
- and when it clacks.
- Okay.
What?
Click, check, okay, do it.
Click.
Click or clack?
- Click!
- Click.
I... I tried that, too.
Brace yourself, Mr. randazzo.
Don't panic.
(Cloth ripping)
There it is.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Click...
I mean, clack.
Clack.
Click clack!
Click clack...
Tricky.
Mr. Lucas?
Mr. Lucas?
- Click.
- Click.
We got Ralph loose.
- Shh! Clack.
- Clack.
I hate to say this,
but nothing seems
to be going right.
We better all get out of here
before there's trouble.
(Lock clicking)
No trouble, pop.
We're back in business.
Mr. Lucas!
Doggy?
Doggy?
Dohh!
- Have you seen...
- Shh!
What do you want?
Where can I find Mr. Lucas?
You... what are you
doing here?
I regret to report
that the Nellie b.
Broached to and foundered.
Ah, but she went down
like a gallant lady.
Went down? You mean sunk?
- Sank.
- Sank.
I must report to Mr. Lucas
That I shall be forced
to procure another craft.
Well hop to it pal. We don't
want to get stuck in here.
I shall not fail you.
Please, go, go! Fast.
Shh, the feet...
Softer, softer!
- They're as soft...
- Soft.
- Well, all set. You got the
counter, Harry?
- Check!
- Ralph, you ready
on the ink flow?
- Check!
- Verna, you watch
the paper guide, huh?
- Check.
Well, this is it.
We roll 'em.
Huh?
I said...
Never mind.
(Machine clicking)
Oh!
(Machine whirring)
Say, are you sure
this room is soundproof?
What'd you say?
Who said the first million
is the hardest?
Luther and the dog.
Is anything the matter?
Luther and the dog.
The dog...
She's in the lobby!
What are you doing here?
Go get her!
- Your feet, your feet!
- I know, I know,
I know, the feet, I know.
(Mouthing inaudible words)
Come on, fellas,
it's about time
to make the rounds.
- There's some fresh coffee,
Charlie.
- Thanks.
I wanna bring
my kid over here
and show him this thing.
Very educational.
You know who
all them jokers are?
Sure, who don't?
That's Hamilton,
Jefferson,
And th... that's, uh...
You know, what's-his-name.
Boy, you sure
know your history, bud.
With a kid in school,
you've got to keep up
with things.
Oh yeah.
Lots of good stuff here
for kids...
The early bills and all.
But mainly,
what he'd get a kick out of
Would be those dummies.
They look almost alive,
don't they?
Except for that
pasty-faced one.
And just enough time
for a smoke.
That's one of the nice things
about working nights...
Gives me time at home
with my kid.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, some fathers,
you know, they got no time,
-But I think I owe it
to the boy.
- Oh, yeah.
I don't want
to wake up one day,
and we're strangers.
Oh, no.
I thought you already
cleaned up in here.
I did, but I gotta move that
sofa back against the wall.
- Give me a hand?
- Sure.
Thanks.
(Cart crashing)
- Hey, pop, here.
- Inky!
It's working...
Just like you said.
It's money...
Real money...
And bales of it.
Genuine, beautiful,
Wonderful, real money!
And all tax-free!
It is real, isn't it?
That's right.
Four and a half million
dollars so far.
Four and a half...
Can you make it go faster?
Go faster, faster!
Harry, make it go faster.
- Harry?
- What?
Could I have a word
with you, please?
Harry, somebody's making
a terrible mistake.
I didn't want to say
anything before, but...
The money's misprinted!
No, no, the bills are fine,
but they're making too many.
They've gone way over
$50,000.
Uh, uh... well, we had to make
a full run.
We need the extra
because, uh...
In case we do misprint.
Harry...
You told me we were
Just going to print up
the $50,000 you lost.
Believe me, verna,
we need the extra money.
Just... keep cutting.
Keep cutting. Keep cutting.
Cut! Cut!
You heard him... cut, cut!
Women! As if we don't have
enough problems.
Like worrying about the
captain finding another boat.
What do you mean?
Well, the one
we came in sunk... sank.
He's out trying to look
for a new one.
Where?
How the hell do I know?
But, Harry, we're going
way past the $50,000!
It's all right, verna,
we're almost finished.
Almost.
Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!
Hurry! Hurry!
So they thought I was too old
to handle this baby,
huh, inky?
Inky, we'll show 'em,
huh, inky?
Inky? Inky? Inky!
Inky!
It's happening!
It's happening!
Somebody get some hot water.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Inky's having her puppies.
We need a box.
You can't use our money
for that pregnant pup.
My hearing piece...
I found it.
What's he doing,
huh?
Watch it. Watch it!
Watch it.
Here.
There you go...
All right, enough,
stop the press.
Not yet, Harry,
we could make millions more!
Millions! Harry!
And I say those presses
are gonna stop!
Harry, please,
don't stop it...
Cut it out!
Inky needs quiet.
Print! Print!
(Cloth ripping)
Is that all
that's left of Harry?
10:51...
Well, I guess it's time
to make another round.
- How you doing?
- Okay.
Good.
But everything is still
a little blurry.
We shouldn't have shut down
so soon, Harry.
We still got time to print
another couple of million.
Let's not push our luck.
A few more minutes.
Who knows when we'll be able
to get in here again.
We got plenty!
Yeah, that's all right
for you to say!
But you're not out over $400
In expenses like I am...
Plus postage.
Mail that!
All plates
back in the safe.
Harry, I have
to talk to you.
There's something
very wrong!
Verna, please, will you
just do as you're told?
I got enough trouble already.
Please!
All right,
let's get out of here!
I'm not leaving
a mother in labor.
Verna, pop can handle a dog.
Why don't you help Ralph?
Things are still
a little blurry.
Mr. randazzo...
Oh, you poor thing!
Okay. Out! Out!
Everybody out!
- Yeah, but Harry, I...
- Out!
Let's go, Mr. randazzo.
Let's go, pop.
But I can't move inky now.
Look at the clock.
I don't care.
She shouldn't be jiggled
around at a time like this.
Motherhood is a
sacred thing, Harry.
I know that, pop, but
the guard's gonna
be coming by.
Now, look...
Nothing is more important
than newborn life.
No, sir, I'm not leaving here
till she's had
every last one of her pups.
Pop...
Go on, will you, Harry,
and don't worry.
She and me will make it out
in plenty of time.
- Any sign of the captain?
- Nothing. Harry coming?
- Right behind me.
- We made it!
Yeah, a lot of good
that'll do us... no boat.
Hey, something's coming!
- Is it the captain?
- Is it a boat?
I thought only
my ears were bad,
but now I think
My eyes are going, too.
Gentlemen...
I have returned.
Welcome aboard.
This is not the way we came!
Captain,
Captain, are you sure
this is the way we came?
If I could only
see the stars,
I could obtain
an exact celestial fix.
Celestial f...
Hey, Ralph?
Uh, everything is still
a little blurry.
Look, a street grating!
Relax. I'll climb up there
and find out
just where we are.
How long are you in for, pal?
What street is this?
Just a minute, I'll ask.
That's right, sergeant...
Wyoming, corner of 14th.
Thank you.
Wyoming, corner of 14th.
- Thank you.
- Anytime. Anytime at all!
Who are you talking to?
Somebody we know?
The jolly green giant.
Manhole to the port!
Three in one port.
Mr. navigator,
- is it the correct one?
- Could be.
I shall make a reconnaissance.
Aah!
(Gasping)
We're home.
Faster. Come on, come on.
Move it, we have no time.
No time!
That guy was scared?
- That's all
there is, Harry.
- All right, start the car.
All right, let's go, let's go.
Ralph, you and lookout...
Put the manhole cover
back on.
- Dugan!
- Dugan!
Dugan!
Dug... the truck, the truck...
Start your truck.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Captain, take the wheel.
(Captain laughs)
(Engine sputtering)
Choke it. Choke it!
Loud speaker:
Oh where will you
spend eternity?
Sinner, awaken!
Repent the evil
of your deeds.
Your transgressions
That pass in the
darkness of night...
- Shut it off.
- I can't. Now you've
busted the switch.
Go back there
and pull out the wire.
Forget it.
Let's get out of here!
Your sins will find you out.
There is no escape.
Be prepared
To stand upon the...
(Crashing)
Salvation awaits!
Answer the call!
Hear, oh, hear the masses...
Join wills and sing,
oh sinners.
Sing for your salvation!
* Satan's waiting
* for you, sinners
- what are they doing?
- They're gonna give us away.
We better lose 'em.
* gold and silver all
are worthless *
Willie, let's lose 'em!
Follow us!
* shall we gather at the river
* the beautiful,
the beautiful river
* gather with the saints
at the river
* and pass into paradise
* and shall we gather
at the river *
Well, just don't sit there...
Pick it up!
The money, the money...
Pick it up!
Pick up the money.
The money, the money!
* salvation now awaits
* Satan's waiting
for you, sinners
Children singing:
* this old man, he played two
he played knick knack
* on my shoe, with a knick
knack, paddy whack
give the dog a bone *
Oh, no!
* this old man,
he played two *
Hold it, hold it!
Where you going?
To the Lincoln memorial.
It's, uh... it's closed.
Won't be open
for another hour.
He isn't awake yet.
I don't understand.
He's an old man.
He needs his sleep.
He's up now.
Wait a minute.
Give him, uh...
Give him five minutes
To dress and shave.
Goodbye, ladies.
Ohh.
There they are...
Way over there!
* gold and silver
all are worthless
* at heaven's pearly gates
* shall we gather at the river
* the beautiful
the beautiful river
* gather with the saints
at the river *
Open it. Open it!
Open it!
Get up!
Get up!
Turn it off!
(Music stops)
- It got stuck.
- Yeah. Did anybody follow you?
I don't think so.
(Siren wailing)
(Speaking Italian)
(Cheering and yelling)
- We better get inside.
- What about the dough?
Shh! I'll get the dough.
- You? The way you look?
- No, the way you look.
Not me... Mario.
At least he doesn't
look suspicious.
Him? This?
Two hours ago,
We didn't even know him.
I'll vouch for him.
He's my blood cousin.
Besides, he's Italian.
Ehh!
Surprise, surprise...
A little celebration
For my fellow tycoons.
Lovely, isn't it?
Mostly items I took in hock.
Come on in here, baby.
Luther, have you got something
I could change into?
- What'd you say?
- You got another shirt?
Sure, I got a lot in the shop.
Take as many as you want, pal.
I was gonna give 'em away
anyway. At cost, that is.
Hey...
- Do you have any schweppes?
- No, I feel fine.
I'm leaving now, Harry.
Um... well,
I'll get Luther's car
And give you a lift
back to work.
No, no. Don't bother. You
stay here with your friends.
I'll get home okay.
I know I was kind of rough
on you back there.
That's wrong.
That isn't what's wrong,
Harry.
You lied to me.
Well, I told you we were
gonna print some money.
Harry...
Printing money to put back
is one thing...
But this...
This is stealing.
We didn't steal
from anybody...
Legally.
And who did we hurt?
So eight poor guys
are now eight rich guys.
And printing $50,000
or $50 million...
What difference
does it make?
It makes a lot of
difference... to me.
Verna, I've told you...
Live today,
there's no tomorrow.
And, look, there's a whole
lot of money, you know.
I didn't do this for money.
I did it for you!
Harry, for four years
I've worked with you...
And I've worshipped you.
Harry, I'd do
anything for you.
You know...
I even let myself
dream about us together.
Harry and verna,
two people working together
And planning
their future together...
Verna, living is now.
Grab it.
And with that kind of money,
You can do a whole lot
of grabbing.
That isn't the kind of
living that counts.
Your money won't buy you that.
Look, verna...
I'd do anything for you.
Anything?
Even if I ask you
to give up the money?
No.
Why should you give up
a million dollars
When it's so much easier
to give up me?
There he is...
Our glorious leader.
To Harry,
who made all of this possible.
All:
* for he's a jolly good fellow
* for he's a jolly good fellow
* for he's a jolly good fellow
* which nobody can deny
Harry, you're all right.
Where's she going?
Uh... she had to leave.
Ehh, women...
Forget about her.
How's Mario doing?
Okay. No problem.
(Horn blowing)
Polizia!
- What'd he say?
- Hey, buddy, does that go?
Ah, guess so.
Ooh...
You shouldn't drink.
Every time you drink,
you turn green.
LA moneta! LA moneta!
(Yelling in Italian)
* should auld...
* acquaintance
* be forgot
* and
* nev...
LA moneta!
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
LA moneta,
a partita!
I think he wants
his cut of the money now.
The cheeky beggar!
Ah, Mario. Finito?
Rafaele, rafaele...
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
(Yelling in Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
(Speaking Italian)
Harry: What did he say?
Our money just went off
in the garbage truck.
My place is the last stop.
From there,
they go to the dump.
The dump?
They'll burn it!
The city don't
burn garbage no more.
They take it out
and dump it in the ocean.
The money!
The money!
Get it, get it!
The money! The money!
(Indistinct yelling)
Man: Okay, Max,
take it away!
Shove off!
(Boat horn blowing)
Well, if it isn't Mr. Lucas.
What are you doing here?
- Well...
- Oh, yes, of course...
The little matter
of replacing the $50,000.
I'm here to tell link
about the shortage.
Oh, I'm so glad, Harry.
I knew you'd finally do
the right thing
and give up the money.
I didn't give up the money.
It kinda got away
on its own.
So let's be honest... I'm not
here because I want to be.
- Good morning, miss Baxter.
- Good morning.
Ha! Playboy.
Oh, he's never gonna
believe this story.
Harry...
You could go to prison.
Oh, yeah.
Din-din on a tin plate.
Listen, Harry...
We can go talk to him
together.
And then I can tell him about
the fudge and everything.
After all, it was my fudge.
It might help.
(Car horn honking)
Harry! Wait, hold it!
What are they
doing back here?
Boy, just in time.
Here, I got something
for you.
Oh, hey, pop, thank you,
but where I'm going,
I can't use a puppy.
It's the bills I used
to line the box.
Remember when inky
had her pups?
Go ahead, take it.
$50,000 in new hundreds.
You mean,
the guys know about this?
- And they still want me...
- Uh-huh.
Hey...
Right back with the fudge.
Now it goes in
just the way it came out.
(Bell ringing)
I think I better
get to work.
B... but, verna...
We could still see each other
once in a while, couldn't we?
Well, um...
Yes...
Oh, you could
come over tonight...
For dinner.
Dinner?
Tonight?
Dinner.
* Satan's waiting
for you, sinners
* but salvation now awaits
* gold and silver
all are worthless
* at heaven's pearly gates
* shall we gather at the river
* the beautiful
the beautiful river
* gather with the saints
at the river
* and pass into paradise