White Palace (1990) - full transcript

Maxie, it's Neil.
Don't forget the burgers, pal.

Corner of Olive and 18th.
It'll be ready at 7:30.

Yee-hah!

Hello. It's your mother.

Don't forget tomorrow
we visit Janey.

You'll pick me up
at the store at 4:00.

Hello?

Hello?

All right!

Max!

Ha ha ha!



Max! Max is here!

White Palace burgers!

Hi. What are you drinking?

Soda.

It's a bachelor party.
I'm getting married.

Oh! Oh!

Hey, what about me?
I want one.

Aah!

Hey, Max, some of these boxes
are empty, man.

What?

Son of a bitch.
Look at this.

I got three... four of them.

How could they be empty?

What's that? Five?



I got six, six empty boxes.

Shit. I should've
counted them. Sorry.

Come on.
It's a 49-cent burger.

I'm going back.
You want burgers or money?

- Are you crazy?
- What's he talking about?

What's the matter with you?
We're having a party!

We've been crapped on, Neil.

What is the trouble?

The trouble is you don't
give a damn about principle.

Are you kidding?
I'm a lawyer.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

- Excuse me.
- End of the line's over there.

- I'm not buying anything.
- Get in line, Fred.

Look inside the sack, please.

When it's your turn.
$2.35.

I don't think
I need to get in line.

I already was in line.

I bought 50 burgers.
You only gave me 44,

so I don't think
I have to wait.

- Is that so?
- That is so.

Look. Six empties.
I want my money back.

And how do I know you didn't
gobble up those burgers?

Because I don't gobble
and I don't lie.

You gave me six empty boxes.

I bought 50 burgers.
You gave me 44.

Do I get my money back
or go to the manager?

Smell the boxes. Here.

If there had been
White Palaces inside,

the boxes would stink,
wouldn't they?

Honey, my nose is so full
of White Palaces,

I couldn't smell one
shoved in my face.

Yo, buddy, I'd like
to get my hamburgers.

Will you leave
Mr. Astaire alone?

He's trying to report
a robbery here.

Thank you.

Next.

Whoa!

Are you Jewish?
I'm just guessing.

Hey! It's Honest Abe!

I got the money back, Neil.

You'll need it for therapy.
You're a nutcase.

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I introduce...

the future Mrs. Neil Horowitz?

Yay!

Ow!

Damn. She is fat.

She is always
going to be fat,

but she's
a very sweet woman.

Oh! Max, look.

It's you.

Hey, Max with the fiddle.
You were good, man.

You were good.

Max!

It's the fiddler.

Oh, Stravinsky.

What's next?

Who is that?

Is that Margie Brown?

No. It's Janey.

Look how young she is.

When did you start going out
with her? Kindergarten?

Something like that. Yeah.

She was beautiful.

Klugman, what else you got
back there, huh?

Larry.

Come on. Come on!

It's stuck.
Give me a second.

Could somebody flip
the light switch?

Max, have
another scotch, buddy.

Let's see.
Who wants another one?

You're turning into the crazy
old woman from Dickens,

the one who sits around
in her wedding dress

cherishing
her fucking grief.

Havisham.

Yeah. That's who
you're turning into.

When's the last time
you had a date?

What if I told you...

I wasn't interested
in getting laid right now?

Interest in getting laid
is the human condition,

for Christ's sakes, Max.

It's all around you.

Heidi Solomon.

Oh, please.

She salivates
over you every day.

Rita Fishman... she's gorgeous.

She would sleep...

If I choose
to be celibate,

that's not your business.

This isn't celibacy
we're talking about.

It's fucking necrophilia.

Good night, Neil.

- Great party.
- Yeah. Thanks. Thanks, Max.

You're feeling sorry
for yourself.

Makes me want to puke!

Blah-ha hah!

Whoa ho!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Wait a minute.

Aah! Ha ha!

What would it take

to make you mine?

Ivory towers of wine

A rugged movie star
that looks so fine?

You know they're really
hard to find

What would it take
to make you mine?

I'd stay home all the time

Give you everything that's mine

Even though I'm paying on time

What would it take

To make

You mine?

Chivas and a splash.

...to make you mine?

A condo in a sunny clime

Compatible astrology signs

Or sitting round gettin' high?

What would it take
to make you mine?

Champagne breakfast at 9:00

Pumped up all of the time

Or simply just sayin' that I'd

Like to make you mine

All mine

All mine?

Some coincidence, huh?

What?

I'll give you a hint, Fred.

I ain't exactly Ginger Rogers.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, no, what? Huh?

I don't know.
Just oh, no.

What are you doing
in a dump like this?

You looking for trouble?

I'm having a drink.

Cigarette?

No, thank you.

I know, I know.
Smoking will kill me.

That's right.

Mmm. Well, come on.
Lecture me.

I love it. Come on.

I don't lecture.

Fred, I bet
you lecture everybody.

Yeah? Not tonight.

Good. How about another drink?
Jimmy, vodka tonic and...

- I don't want another drink.
- Scotch for my new friend here.

- What's your name?
- I don't want another drink.

Come on.
Let me buy you a drink.

Let's pass a peace pipe.
Come on. Huh?

I'm buying.

- Thanks, Jimmy.
- No, no. I got...

- I'm paying for it.
- I don't want you to.

- I am buying you a drink.
- Here. For both of them.

Please. All right. OK.

Look at you.
You're so cute.

You're all tensed up
like a ticklish little kid.

Damn. You are beautiful.
Look at that face.

Jimmy, is this
a beautiful face?

Anybody ever tell you
you look like Tony Curtis?

- All the time.
- Ha ha!

Hmm...

I had a wonderful dream.

I was sorting your shells
and mixing your cocktails.

When I woke up, I wanted to
swim right back to you.

"Some Like It Hot. "
Did you ever see it?

- It's not a tough question.
- No, no.

- Marilyn Monroe.
- Yeah, I saw that.

God, she's something. Mmm.

Yeah. She is.

You swim?

Do I swim?

Yeah. You look like you swim.

I mean, you're not
real muscular,

but you're strong,
am I right?

I think you're drunk.

Yeah. If I get any drunker,
I'll fall all over you.

So...

What's with the monkey suit?
You a chauffeur?

Oh, no.
I was at a bachelor party.

Yours?

No.

Did you have a naked girl?

A dozen of them.

You got a wife?

Uh-uh.

No, I don't.

You're not sure?

I don't have a wife.

But you did
have one, right?

Yeah, that's r... yeah.
That's correct.

She leave you?
Is that how come you're so sad?

I'm not sad.

You're feeling
sorry for yourself.

Do you mind if we
change the subject?

Hi, Tony.

Hi, Fred.

Come on.

Tell me your name.

Mine's Nora.

Max.

Oh, that's cute.

What's your zip code? Hmm?

What kind of soap does
your wife use?

Maybe you should take
your hand off my thigh.

My hand's not on your thigh.

Night.

Sorry about your lady
dumping you.

- She didn't exactly dump me.
- What did she do, then?

She died.

Died?

You mean died?

Yeah.

That's a new one.

How did she do that?

Car turned over.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, I'm s...

I'm sorry. I just...
I can't help it.

That's all right.

I don't know
why I'm laughing.

Your wife died.

Maybe nobody ever
died on you before.

No. Charlie died.

Charlie? What?
Is that your doggie?

No.

Charlie... my kid.

Your kid?

I know, I know. I know.

How'd he die?

Leukemia.

What can you do?

The world spins around.

I'm sorry.

It's over...

right?

Right.

Good night.

This good-hearted woman

She loves her good-timin' man

Drive me home.
I'll fix you a cup of coffee.

Actually, I missed the bus.

I don't live too far from here.

Come on. You don't
want me to take a taxi.

- Don't smoke in the car, OK?
- Deal.

Put your seat belt on.

It's all right. Hold on.

You're a cautious little doggie.

What's that?

That is the most beautiful music
in the world.

You got any Oak Ridge Boys?

No. I'm afraid not.

What are you?
Are you Italian or something?

I'm Jewish.

Jewish?

Ha!

Interesting people... Jews.

I was Catholic myself once,
but confession made me jumpy.

Ha!

I tried them all, but I never
did try to find Moses.

Tell you the truth,
I don't know very many Jews.

This guy tried to shove
Brigham Young on my ass once.

Go left at Clayton.

That's... well,
that's Dogtown.

That's what they call it.
Go left here.

Turn... turn left!

- You're drunk.
- I'm all right.

No. You're drunk.

- OK. Turn again.
- Where?

Right here!

God!

Ha ha ha!

I love him.

That's a drunk
driving the drunk.

I just can't...

ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Come on, beautiful.

Let me fix you some coffee.

You're too drunk to drive.

- I'm all right.
- No. Come on.

Come on.

Ha ha ha! Ohhh.

Don't slip on the Astroturf.

Ha ha ha!

Make yourself at home.

What exactly is there
between you and Marilyn Monroe?

Oh, she's just
so fucked up and glamorous...

and losing and fighting
all the time, you know?

I seen all her movies
at least five times,

and also my name is Nora Baker,

and her real name
is Norma Jean Baker.

Get it?

How about that coffee?

How about it?

Could have sworn I had me
a full can of Maxwell House.

There's no coffee?

Why don't I fix you
a drink instead?

A drink?

No. I'm trying to get my ass
home in one piece.

If you can't drive,
you might as well drink, right?

How can you be out of coffee?

This couch opens up into a bed.

- I'm not staying here.
- I'll wake you up early.

No. I'm not going to sleep here.

What do you want to do?

You want to call a taxi
and come back in the morning?

Do you have a bathroom?

Hi.

I don't feel very well.

I think I might just
lie down for a moment.

Poor baby.

Janey.

You're so beautiful.

More?

Yes.

Say please.

Please.

Find anything interesting?

I hope you had a good time.

You needed it.

Will I see you again?

No.

For a minute there,
I really did think...

you were just going
to up and surprise me.

Hello, Max.
This is your mother.

Hey, partner,
sorry about the lecture.

I was way out of line.
Where the hell are you?

You didn't jump
off a bridge, did you?

Call me. I promise not to
make you screw anybody.

Ha ha ha!

Hello, Max.
It's Heidi Solomon.

I'm taking a chance here,
but, uh...

I've got an extra ticket
to the symphony tonight.

It's all Schumann,

and I'd love for you
to join me if you're free.

So why don't you give me a call?

919-1044. Bye-bye.

They're supposed
to pull the leaves off.

It's in the contract.

Don't you tell them?

No.

You have to scream at them,

or they don't
pull the leaves off.

What are you doing?

Mother, I'll tell them.

Go ahead.
Put the stone on.

Two years.

It seems like yesterday.

Please.

I'm going to go see Uncle Harry.

See you!

It's over!

Hello.

Well, I'll be.

I never thought
I'd see you again.

I, uh... I came
to replace your mailbox.

I pro... I should have
called first. I'm sorry.

I don't want to bother you.

I just was...

I'm 43.

I'll be 44 in December.

I'm 27.

Ha ha ha!

Women peak at 40

And men at 19

I 'member laughing my head off

When I read that in a magazine

I was 20 at the time

Now I'm starin' 40

Right in the face

And the only tough part of being

A woman my age

Is a man my age

That's why younger men are

Startin' to catch my eye

I'm startin'
to stop what I'm doin'

Just to turn around
and watch 'em walk by

At the very next opportunity

I'm gonna give
a younger man a try

Oh, 'cause younger men

Are startin' to catch my eye

It's a classical station.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

For Christ's sakes.

I'm sorry.

Some of 'em drink too much

A whole lot of 'em are married

And, honey, here am I

On the threshold of all that fun

Oh, 'cause younger men

Are startin' to catch my eye

Yes, I said younger men

Are startin' to catch my eye

Why'd you shut the door?

When my best young workaholic
starts dragging himself in...

an hour late every morning,

90 minutes late
from lunch today,

I need to know what it means.

Though I love and cherish you...

as I do few members
of your loathsome sex...

My personal life
is my business.

Everyone around here
takes long lunch breaks.

Oh, Lord.

I'm getting so stupid
in my old age.

- Who is she?
- You wouldn't know her.

Don't be so sure.
It's a tiny world.

What's her name?

Marilyn Monroe.

Anything like Janey?

What if I don't answer that?

She's 23.

Out of where?
University of Wisconsin.

Full of pep,
clean as a whistle,

drives a white
Ford Mustang convertible,

runs a tidy ship.

You got it.

Ain't life grand suddenly?

That's what I count on
in life... surprises.

Just when things seem
ordinary or downright hopeless,

along comes that unexpected
opportunity. Right?

Maybe.

What are you getting at?

I'm giving you
the Fidelity Savings account.

I'll be senior copywriter,
but you'll do the work.

- Do you want it?
- Of course I do.

One minute you're selling ham,
the next, you're pushing money.

But screw on your own time.

Fidelity Savings is big leagues.

What is it?
Tell me. Tell me.

Open it. Open it.

You brought me
cleaning equipment.

I didn't bring you Brillo.
It's a Dust buster.

You bring me flowers
or Jell-O,

but don't bring me
cleaning equipment.

You're overreacting.

Do you understand
what I'm saying?

Yeah. You have Ring Dings
under your furniture.

I don't care what's
under my furniture.

This is where I live.

You don't like
my Ring Dings, tough shit.

All right, so if I bring you
perfumes and soap...

That's not the same.

You bring me that stuff
because you care about me.

Or something. You're bringing
this son of a bitch...

because you think
my house is dirty.

Your house IS dirty.
Look at how you keep it.

Look at your hallway.
Look at your kitchen.

You look at my kitchen.

Sometimes it isn't so easy
to look at your kitchen.

Well, try.

This is so...

look at all this shit.

Take this little
motherfucker home.

I don't want it here.

- Nora...
- Take it home!

I'm sorry.

I never had a man
fix me dinner before.

You make me feel beautiful.

You're so sweet.

We decided we were
going to go to Disneyland.

It's a safe date, you know?
So I see her...

Next Saturday night...
Yeah?

I told my mother I'd help her
with her finances.

I do it a couple times a year.

After she's finished work,
I promised I'd pick her up.

That's a nice thing,
balancing the books.

I said I'd pick her up
after work.

I know. I heard you.

So, are you working
Saturday night?

Uh-huh.

You antsy or something?

No. I just don't feel
like watching TV.

- I don't make you watch TV.
- I never said you did.

- You seem to like it.
- Sometimes I do.

- Is something bothering you?
- No.

Suddenly you don't like TV.

I think we should have some
other subjects to talk about.

What's wrong with our subjects?

Nothing. I'm just saying
we should talk more...

instead of sitting around
watching TV all night.

- What would Janey talk about?
- It's not about Janey.

All right. If you want
to talk, let's talk.

Uh...

Marcia's fooling around
with Marvin.

He's the night manager.

I'm going to slug him
one of these days...

if he doesn't keep his
cotton-picking hands to himself.

- Is that what you mean?
- No, it's not what I mean.

Well, if you want to talk
about geography or the Greeks,

I don't know dick
about the Greeks.

What's up? You want out?

Out?

What are you talking about?

We're different, OK?

I'm sorry.

- If you want to go, go.
- I don't want to go.

I don't understand you.
You're acting strange.

- Maybe you should go home.
- I don't want to go home.

I'm sorry.

Will you stop being sorry
all the time?

I'm sorry that I'm sorry.
I just...

- What's bugging you anyway?
- You're the one that's antsy.

Something's bothering you.

That's how
this whole thing started.

My nails are wet.

My nails are all wet.

Mazel tov!

- Saunter me over there.
- What are you talking about?

- I want to get them together.
- Who?

- Max and Rita.
- Max and Rita? I don't think so.

Let me try. Come on.
Saunter me over there.

This isn't sauntering.
This is pulling.

Max, there's somebody here
who's dying to meet you.

Rita Fishman.

She's single,
and she just caught my bouquet.

- I don't think so.
- Why not?

All these weeks
we've tried to find out...

where he's been hiding...

- Yeah?
- He's been seeing somebody.

- Why didn't you bring her?
- She was busy.

Spill the dirt.
She's a rich client, right?

We embarrass you, right?

When we get back
from St. Bart's,

we are having Thanksgiving.

You're coming, Max,

and you're bringing
your lady friend.

- Well, we'll see.
- Yes, you are.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.

Nora?

Nora?

Nora?

Nora?

What are you doing out there?

- Electricity's out.
- How come?

Because I didn't pay my bill.

Poor people are a hoot,
aren't they?

Why didn't you say something?
I could've written you a check.

Because I don't want
your charity.

I'm doing just fine.

What's the matter with you?

Why don't you take
that pretty bouquet...

and put it in some water?

OK.

Did you have a nice time
at the wedding?

Shit.

They turned it out
when I was at work,

so I had to sit in the dark
when I come home.

I'm afraid of the dark.

Maybe I forgot to tell you
how I'm afraid of the dark.

So I called information
and got your mother's number.

And surprise.

I told her I was a friend
of yours... in the dark.

Didn't even get to watch
"Some Like It Hot" on TV.

Your mom says she likes Marilyn,
but she thinks she was murdered.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, you're always sorry.

So... who'd you bring
to this shindig?

Some fresh young thing
with a tight little ass...

and a college education?

No.

Bet you I got
one thing up on her.

Bet she can't hold a candle
to me in the fucking department.

That's enough.

I might be a dumb Hoosier,

but that's one thing I know
how to do, don't I, baby?

And I'll say when it's enough.

There's no other woman.

Bullshit.

I wish there was,
but there isn't.

I can't look at another woman
without wanting you.

I'm afraid you're going to
have to do better than that.

Nora, I don't know...
Why did you lie to me?!

I don't know
what's happening to me.

I have never wanted a woman
as much as I wanted you,

never, not even my wife.

You better be careful
with words like that.

Words like that could kill
a person if you don't mean it.

Well, I mean it.

That you love me more
than you do your wife?

I didn't say that.

I said I wanted you
more than my wife.

What's the difference?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I only know that
when I'm not with you,

I'm a total wreck.

And when you are with me?

I'm a different kind
of total wreck.

Why did you lie to me?

Have you ever been
to a Jewish wedding?

Not recently.

It wouldn't
have been that easy.

I wanted to save us
a cross-examination.

Oh, bullshit.

You were embarrassed
to take me there, weren't you?

Nora, that's not true.

There's nothing I hate
more than being lied to.

I'd rather have a man
beat me up.

At least then you stand
a chance of defending yourself.

You know, every time
we have a date...

and you show up on time...

I'm so damn grateful,
it's downright sickening.

Because I don't expect you
to show up at all.

But you do.

And every time you do,
I just can't believe it.

And I'm so damn happy
because...

because I'm thinking maybe
you'll stick around a while.

And I'm believing in you.

Because you told me
the first time that I met you...

that you didn't gobble
and you didn't lie.

I don't give a shit
if you gobble,

but don't you ever lie
to me again.

Because I'll forgive you once,
but I won't forgive you twice.

Everything all right here?

Yep. Oop.

Oh, jeez.

Don't tell me.
You are... Ray.

No.

Ned?
No.

It has three letters.

Max.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Well, who am I?

I don't have any idea
who you are.

Well, I'm Judy.

I am Nora's big sister.

Her sister?

Where is that girl?

She's at work.

May I come in?

Uh, um, yeah. Come in.

Thank you.
I'm not surprised...

if she didn't tell you
anything about me.

Who's winning?

I don't know.
I, uh... fell asleep.

She never was very tidy.

I left her back home
with Mr. And Mrs. Robles.

I can still see her face
watching me walking up the road.

Maybe I should've taken her
with me that day,

but I just didn't know how.

I didn't know
where I was going myself.

God, I was only 17.

But I heard a voice that told me
to pack up and go...

and I believed it.

And there was that face,

watching me leave her behind
with no warning.

But here you are.

I could feel it in Albuquerque.

We call that precognition.

- Do you believe in precognition?
- I've never experienced it.

Oh, such beautiful eyes.

I can see the pain
in them, though.

I'd like a drink.
Do you want a drink?

Max.

Don't you resist me.

Well, frankly,
I'm a nonbeliever.

That's OK.
That don't matter.

Now, there are many strong
forces at work in your life.

Yeah, I'd say so.

You're so intelligent and...

imaginative.

Come here.

You're not satisfied
in your work.

You're a teacher.

I was.

Well, you're
going to teach again.

You need more faith.

Your life is heavily
influenced by women.

I see an older woman.
It's your mother.

She's a hard-working woman.

Yes.

I see Nora.

You're trying to make
a place for Nora.

I see someone else.

There's another woman
in the way...

someone on the other side.

There's...

There's something wrong
with her neck.

It's broken.

How did you know that?

What, honey?

How could you know that?

Know what, honey?
Don't be afraid.

Come on.
There's no evil here.

You got to have faith
in the unknown,

and then you'll
come to know it.

Honey.

Anybody here
want a drink?

Oh, heavens, no.

I gave that up years ago.

You're not drinking
too much, are you?

Ha ha!

I want to hear all about
your life these days.

My life's just fine.

Oh, I think
that's just wonderful.

How about your job?

Are you still in, what,
food preparation?

Yep.

And I can see how
your romantic life is going.

I believe the stars
are in your favor.

Judy.
Hmm?

Max doesn't want to hear
about that shit.

That's OK.

See?

Not everybody is as negative...

about the influence of the stars
as you are.

Come on. I want to know
how you two met.

I picked him up in a bar.
How's that?

I was drunk,
and she was drunk,

and I liked her looks,

so I convinced her
to let me bring her home,

and I seduced her
on the sofa bed,

and it was magic,

and I keep coming back
for more.

That's the sweetest thing
I've ever heard.

This man loves you.

Thanks, Max.

A lot going on
behind those eyes, huh?

I thought you were fake.

Well, the proof's always
in the pudding, isn't it?

Besides, nothing to be
afraid of, you know.

I never tell people what they'd
be better off not knowing.

You know, I try and stay on
the positive side.

I see something negative,
I just keep it to myself.

I gave Nora a reading
when Charlie was just a baby.

I saw right then
how he'd end up.

I never told Nora, of course,

but I just had to carry
that secret all those years...

because I saw him, you know...

lying right there in that
section of the river Des Peres,

right where they found him
14 years later.

Everybody thought
it was an accident,

but he was full of whiskey,
full of drugs.

Maybe she thought that boy
might be her finest hour...

but given fate
and a son-of-a-bitch husband...

her own not believing
in herself...

she lost in life again.

I think maybe she gave up trying
anything after that...

maybe till you.

Well, bye.
I got to go.

I got to be in New York City
by Thursday.

I'm cooking a turkey
for my friends.

Did she go?

Yeah.

How come you never
told me about her?

Because she left me
a long time ago.

She loves you.

She wants her family.

I don't know
about family anymore.

Are you and I family?

Yes.

"Mushrooms. "

Yeah, um, "asparagus,
basil, olive oil,

coffee, toilet paper. "

Wait. I forgot Parmesan.

No. I got it.

Where?

I'll be right back.
We need Reggiano.

Quarter pound
of Reggiano, please.

Produce, pick up
the line for a price check,

register two.

Max Baron, shame on you.

Where have you been?

We can't reach you anywhere.

I just left my millionth
Thanksgiving invitation...

on your machine.

Rachel, thank you.
How are you?

Super. Now, I want you to bring
your mystery lady, too.

Hi there.
How are you?

Fine.

I'll be right back.

OK.

We need a price check
on register two, please.

Price check on register two.

You never call me
anymore.

Remember last Thanksgiving?

I know,
but it won't be that bad.

No, I promise...
I won't let it, OK?

I'm in sort of a hurry, Rachel.

I'm counting on you.

I want to see
your beautiful new friend,

and I want you to see
my beautiful new house.

I'm not sure we can make it,
but I'll call you tomorrow.

Max.

$129.14, please.

What?

- How much?
- $129.14.

Cleanup on aisle 7 A.

Sorry. Here's some cheese.

What took you so long?

I ran into a woman.
I forget her name.

She's a big talker.

How we doing?

Fine.

How about a drink?

How about it?

It's so quiet here.

What do you have to pay
to live here?

You know,
rents are high these days.

So what do you pay?

A lot.

Wait a minute.
We get naked with each other...

and touch each other
and you get inside me,

and you can't tell me
how much rent you pay?

Your landlord knows.
You're not even fucking him.

I pay $1,200.
So what?

So nothing.
That's my point.

You read all these?

Most of them.

You ever heard
of Arthur Miller?

Yeah.

He was real good to Marilyn.

He kept her going
when she was coming apart.

Except for him, she would have
died a lot earlier.

She was in real trouble,

trouble nobody knew
anything about.

She wasn't afraid of Arthur.

I think Marilyn was afraid
of everybody, don't you?

- Why do you say that?
- I just guess she was.

Why'd you cover up
the message machine?

I didn't c...

Hello, Max.
It's your mother.

Suddenly I was invited...

to the Horowitzes'
for Thanksgiving.

So why not to their wedding?
So are you going to take me?

Let me know.

Where are you?

I have a funny earache.
Why aren't you home anymore?

Hello, Max Baron.
This is Corrine Miller.

Remember me? Creative Director
at Corwin, Hiller, and Greene?

Let's have breakfast sometime.

418-3586.

Maxie, it's Heidi Solomon,
and you don't call me back.

Is it true you have
a lady in your life?

Oh, well. Give me a call.

Max, it's Rachel.

I invited your mother
for Thanksgiving.

Was that so bad of me?

You still haven't told me...

if you're bringing your mystery
woman for turkey dinner...

I mean, unless you'd like
to bring Rita Fishman.

She'd die to come with you.

This is my millionth
message, Max,

and in case the word isn't out,
I'm pregnant.

Call us.

Missing pal, what goes?
You don't live there anymore?

Look, Rachel got crazy, invited
your mother to Thanksgiving.

Don't blame me.
Call me, OK?

So were you going to invite me?

I don't know if I want to go
to the Horowitzes' myself...

for Thanksgiving.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

I know I'm a big secret
to your friends.

Well, if I go, you're going.
Are you up to it?

Screw the Horowitzes.

Truth is,
I'm working Thanksgiving.

You are not working
Thanksgiving.

We are going to go
to the Horowitzes'.

This is her, huh?

That's her.

Hey, Janey.

What do you think
we should do, huh?

Should we go
to the Horowitzes',

or should we just eat
at White Palace?

Maybe we should have some turkey
with Heidi Heidi Ho...

or cranberry sauce...

with Corin, Borin,
Storin, and Fishface.

Do you think we should do...

Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to go and have
Thanksgiving dinner...

at the Horowitzes'.

You up to it?

Absolutely.

They're expecting another Janey.

Janey's dead.

I'm going to go in there.
I'm going to say,

"Hello. My name is Nora, and you
can all go fuck yourselves.

I'm not Janey. "
How's that?

Perfect.

Except I think I made a big
mistake with these shoes...

and maybe my hair.

Nora, your hair is fine.

You're not going to all be
talking Jewish, are you?

I was going to make
a sweet potato pie,

but then I thought,
everybody loves noodle pudding.

What is that?

She's a friend of mine.
Her name is Nora.

You be nice, Mother, or I'll
beat the shit out of you.

Come on.
Nora, this is my mother Edith.

Nice to meet you.

Do you mind if I sit
in the front?

I get carsick
if I sit in the back.

No, no.

Sorry.
It's OK.

She's no spring chicken.

Just get in the car.

Come on in.

Whee!

Hey, no running.
No running.

Hi there, Max.

Honey! Rach, Max is here!

Rach? Honey, Max is here.

Oh, coming!

Hello. I'm Rachel Horowitz.

Hello, Edith.
I'm so happy you could come.

I brought you
my noodle pudding.

Thank you, Edith.
You didn't have to do that.

Rachel, this is Nora Baker.

Welcome to our home, Nora.
Let me take your coat.

Thank you, Max.
What would you like to drink?

Oh, do you drink?

Sometimes. Yeah.

Um, do you have
vodka and tonic?

We have everything.
And scotch for you, Max?

No. I'll have
a vodka and tonic, too.

Really? Hmm.

Neil, would you fix
two vodka and tonics?

Two vodka tonics!

Now, Max knows everybody,
I think.

Sherri? Sherri?

I'm right here.

This is Sherri Klugman.

Sherri, Nora Baker.

Hello, Nora.
Lovely to meet you.

Thank you. Same here.

- Hi, Max.
- Hey, Sherri.

Two vodka tonics.

Nora, this is
Neil's father Sol Horowitz.

This is Nora Baker, Dad.

Hello, Max.

Sol, you know Max.

One of my favorites.

Uh, would you excuse me?
I have to check the kitchen.

I have a cranberry problem.

OK.

- You OK?
- Mm-hmm.

Go easy. We have the whole day
ahead of us.

You sure you're all right?

Stop asking me that.

Max!

Darling! Oh!

It's so good to see you.

Oh, darling,
can you believe it?

I'm going to be
a grandmother.

I know. How about that?
How are you doing?

Oh, well, Sol took me to Italy
for my birthday.

That's how I'm doing.

Oh, isn't this house terrific?

Is Rachel one lucky girl?

Ha ha!

Oh, and, Noreen...

- Nora.
- Nora!

- Very nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Little Maxie.

This is Rachel's mother.
Nora Baker, Sophie Rosen.

Aah!

Oh, I'm sorry!

It was an accident.
I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to get it
on your carpet.

Don't worry about it.

Just relax, darling.

It's no big deal.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- You're Max's lady.
- I'm with him.

I'm Larry Klugman.

Max and I went
to high school together.

Nora Baker.

Oh! Your glass is empty.

What are you drinking?

Vodka, straight.

What do you think of our boy?

Nice boy.

Here we go.

Vodka, straight.

Thanks.

Honey, can I see you
a second, please?

I want to show you
the kitchen chairs.

They're exactly what
we've been looking for.

Sure.

Excuse us, please.

Sure. You better get a peek
at those chairs, Lar.

Hey, huh?

Yeah.

Edith,
don't worry about it.

Please. I did it.
I want to clean up.

Edith, you're a guest
in the house.

I know, but I want
to get this spot out.

- Just sit down.
- I did it.

Just relax.

I feel so embarrassed.

It'll come out.
Believe me, it'll come out.

Neil!

In a minute!

Pamela!

How are you, Doreen?

Nora.

Nora.

Oh! I'm terribly sorry.
It wasn't locked.

No, it's all right.
I was just leaving.

I was putting on my lipstick.

That's all right.

Good color... your lipstick.

And I love your sweater.

Thanks.

Listen, I'll just
leave you alone here.

You can smoke.

Larry smokes like a chimney.

So... you live in St. Louis?

Yeah.

You work in town?

Yeah, I do.

What's your work?

I'm in, uh, food preparation.

Food preparation?

That's interesting.

You mean... catering?

I'm a waitress.

Really?

Where?

White Palace.
It's a hamburger restaurant.

Oh.

What do you do?

I'm a decorator.

Ohh. I love this scent.
Smell.

Isn't it subtle?

Oh, very subtle.

So... how did you meet Max?

He came in for a burger. Ha ha!

How romantic.

You know, he's quite a catch,
our Max.

How did you ever do it?

I give a good blow job, I guess.

I'll bet you do.

Ha ha! I'll bet you don't.

Look, I'm not Janey, OK?

I don't know who you are
or where you came from,

but you're a guest
in this house,

and there was a Janey,
but no one is mad at you,

and we don't want to judge you,
and I don't think...

you should be so fast to judge
other people's blow jobs...

because what you see
isn't always what you get.

We haven't had decent
leadership in this country...

the past 10 years.

Dad, what about
tax reform? What about defense?

What about
a trillion-dollar deficit?

If we don't have the money,
how can we keep spending it?

You're a very nice girl, Rachel.

You're my favorite
daughter-in-law.

But would it kill you
to pick up a newspaper...

- Aw, Dad!
- Sol, please!

Iran scam, H.U.D., El Salvador.

I tell you, those guys
will be lucky...

if they come off
any better than Nixon.

I don't know. They seem like
pretty nice guys to me.

You can't be serious.

She's entitled to her opinion.

I'm sorry.
You have to forgive me.

I'm terrible with names.

Nora.

I told you twice already.

Dora, let me just say this.

That is precisely
the kind of attitude...

that's landed this country
in the mess that it's in today.

I don't know if you have any
children or not, but if you do,

and they inherit
a lifetime of crippling debt,

then I'm not so sure they'll be
such nice guys anymore.

Dad, come on!

I'm talking
about people, folks,

who are unmitigated tragedies
for the working class.

Mister, I am working class.

And what the hell do you
know about it anyway?

It doesn't look to me like
you've been missing many meals.

Sol, enough politics, already.
It's Thanksgiving!

It doesn't make
any difference to me...

who's in the goddamn
White House.

Merle Haggard
could be made president,

and I'll be in Shit City.

I'll still be choking
on burger grease.

I'll still be busting my hump
for the minimum fucking wage,

and Betty here...
she'll be serving you turkey...

for 30 bucks a day, right?

Excuse me.

I'm going home.

Max.

Max. Max.

Max. Max!

Max, bring her back in here.
She's still a person.

I came with them.
I have to leave with them.

No, no!
You don't have to go home.

Max.

Max, bring her in here!

I don't expect you
to sleep here tonight.

Why?

You're a son of a bitch.
You know that?

What did I do?

You lied to me again.

That woman I saw you talking to
in the supermarket...

that was Rachel.

You told me you forgot her name.

You just didn't
want us to meet.

The truth is, you were
a little anxious that day.

I didn't think that you
were up to an introduction.

You had no intention
of inviting me to Thanksgiving.

You were trapped into it.

You hide me like I'm shit.

You tell me I'm beautiful,
and then you hide me like shit.

You lied to me.

How can you talk to me
about lying?

What about that thing you carry
around with you all day...

that I never hear about?
What about Charlie?

Judy told me the truth
about Charlie.

You leave my Charlie
out of this.

That's none of your business.

I took you into my life tonight.
It is my business.

You were trapped into it.

I took you there.

Max, what are you going to do?

Just going to keep me
in some little box...

and take me out whenever
you feel like playing with me?

Do you think I'm a fool?

No, I don't think
you're a fool.

I just wanted
to get that straight.

Now leave me alone, will you?

Looking for Nora?

Yeah.

Yeah... she's finished. Hmm!

She quit.

What do you mean?

I mean she quit.

She just quit.

Nora?

Dear Max,

by the time you read
this letter, I'll be gone.

You won't believe me,

but I'm doing this
for both of us.

If I told you where I'm at,

it would only make it
harder on us, so I won't.

Charlie is the only thing
I ever lied about to you.

The rest is true, including
how you made me feel...

real good about myself
sometimes.

Yeah, sometimes
I think Charlie did it...

to get back
at his father and me.

We weren't the best parents,
and I guess that's something...

I'll always have trouble
having in my heart.

I'm sorry
about what happened...

but I know it's wrong
for us to be together...

even though I love you.

So I'm leaving town.

Please don't look for me.

No matter what you say
you feel about me...

I know one thing for sure.

You can't look me in the eye...

and tell me
I don't embarrass you.

Good-bye.

Love, Nora.

Hey, Maxie.
I heard you're having problems.

Now it's time to cheer up.

Heidi Solomon's having
a brunch on Sunday.

All your friends are coming,
so you be there.

You hear me?

We all love you. Bye.

Can I get you anything?

Yeah. Sure.

OK. Excuse me.

I got to tell you something.

- You look great.
- Thank you.

...for about six weeks?

Yeah.

What got you to go to Africa?

Oh, well, I like photography,

and they have these
photographic safaris.

Did you take
the pictures over there?

Yeah. Can you believe it?

They're very good.
You should be a professional.

Well... well, I certainly felt
professional when I took them.

Can you believe that I was
this close to that hippo...

as to that wall?

You really should make the trip.

So, what kind
of camera do you have?

Um... Nikon.

What do you use?

A Canon E-X,

and I just bought
a little Olympus.

Do you take a lot of pictures?

I'm more into music.

Oh. Well,
I knew that about you.

I tried to get you
to a concert, you rat.

Oh. Right.

You never called me back.

Excuse me.
The Goodmans are here.

We almost got lost.

Hi. How are you?

Hi there.

Hi, sweetie.
Hi.

Oh, Maxie.

So, what was Miss Solomon
telling you?

Uh, about Africa.

Uh-huh.

She took the pictures
on the wall.

Ooh.

Talented.

She's a gorgeous girl, huh?

Huh? Gorgeous? Gorgeous?

Gorgeous? Huh?

She cooks.

She travels.

She's a perfect hostess.

Beautiful.

How do you know?

- Well, just...
- What?

How do you know
who's right for each other?

Well, you...

I mean, the Goodmans
or the...

or the Clarks or...

Andie and Jasper?

I mean, we all said
they're perfect for one another,

and they didn't last a year.

Larry and Sherri?

I've never heard Larry say
a decent word about his wife.

Hey, hey, Max.
What are you talking about, huh?

There's no dust
in her Dust buster.

What?

There's no dust
in her Dust buster!

What did he say?

Something about a Dust buster?

Max,
where are you going?

Yes?

It's Max.

Oh, my God. Don't move.

How are you, Judy?

She told you not to come.

Where is she?

I knew something was on the way,
but, oh, my God.

You've given up resistance.

Tell me where she is.

Here you go.

You all finished?

Uh, yeah.
Maybe a piece of...

OK, I'll bring you the menu.

I'll have cheesecake,

and he's going to have
a slice of chocolate cake.

Lady, I'm in the middle
of ordering!

Table for one, sir?

- Yeah.
- Follow me.

Have a nice meal.

I asked you not to follow me.

I need to tell you
something.

Go away.

I just want you to listen to me.

Nora, I've been selfish
and careless.

I've been stupid.

I don't belong in your life.

You're wrong.
You do belong.

I've got a new life.
I feel good about myself.

I can't go back.

You get yourself a...
a nice young girl...

with a college education
who won't embarrass you.

You're not
an embarrassment to me.

I'm an embarrassment to me.

I just got this job.
I don't want to lose it.

I thought that you
didn't fit into my life,

but it was me who didn't fit.

Go back to St. Louis.

I don't live
in St. Louis anymore.

I left St. Louis.

I quit my job,
and I quit the city.

I just looked at a room to rent
over at 49th and 9th Avenue.

It has a little stove
and a little refrigerator...

and a view of the trash cans.

All I need now is a job.

I'd like to go
back to teaching.

Max, people just
don't change overnight.

People discover things...

about themselves in life,
don't they?

And they only hope
that it isn't too late.

I don't want
a nice young girl.

I had a nice young girl.

I want you.

I love you, Nora.

Come on, buddy.
Are you going to order or what?

What will you have?

You got any Oak Ridge Boys?

Honey, I got
everything you need.

So how's your mother?