White Men Can't Jump (1992) - full transcript

You keep asking me what I am.

Don't you know I'm Presbyterian?

Presbyterian?

That's the worst thing
a jazz singer can be.

Presbyterians are called
"God's frozen people."

Wouldn't swing if you hung them.

♪ Just a closer walk with Thee ♪

♪ De de de boom boom ♪

♪ Grant it, Jesus if you please ♪

♪ Boom de boom boom boom ♪

♪ Daily walking close with Thee ♪



♪ Let it be, dear Lord ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

♪ I am weak but Thou art strong ♪

♪ Jesus, keep us from all wrong ♪

♪ I'll be satisfied as long ♪

♪ As I walk ♪

♪ Let me walk close to Thee ♪

♪ Just a closer walk with Thee ♪

♪ Say, grant it Jesus,
if you please ♪

♪ Daily walking close with Thee ♪

♪ Let it be dear Lord ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Say, I am weak but
Thou art strong ♪

♪ Jesus, keep us from all wrong ♪



♪ I'll be satisfied as long ♪

♪ As I walk, dear
Lord close to Thee ♪

♪ Boo boo doo boo doo doo ♪

♪ A closer walk with Thee ♪

♪ Buh do doobie ♪

♪ Grant it, Jesus, if you please ♪

♪ Doobie ♪

♪ Buh doobie do ♪

♪ Daily walking close with Thee ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Dear Lord ♪

♪ Doobie doobie doobie doobie ♪

♪ Let it be ♪

♪ Ba doo la do da da ♪

♪ Boo doo doo doo dee aaah ♪

Ha ha.

Whoo.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, guys, is this the
Venice Beach courts?

Is this the only one?

Wait, you haven't put anything
in the offering plate.

- Oh. Sorry, man.
- Right.

Fifty be all right? I'm
just kidding. Here you go.

See, I told you he
was a generous man.

Is this where Eddie "The King"
Farouk and Duck Johnson played?

King and Duck owned these courts.
They were the best ever.

That's because you never saw me.

Keep singing, guys.

My old man was a preacher.

I love this shit.

- He put a dollar in.
- So?

So, we give him a dollar's worth.

Okay.

♪ Oooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

All right.

Don't worry about it.

Pass it to the little man.

Let the little man get the ball.

Take it to the hole, man.

Let's go.

Get... get... get up.

Look at that. It's all right.

Walter, throw that
big, fat butt at me.

I'm getting tired of
making you look bad.

It's hard goddamn work for a man
to make another man look so bad.

Man, I'm fixing to dog you, punk.

I'll dog you right now.

Let me shut this shit
up. Give me the ball.

You got the pill.

You shoot, I'll knock it out the

sky. You can't take
it to the hole.

- You ain't good enough.
- You think so?

I don't think. I know.

What are you gonna
do? Where you going?

You can't dribble.

Bring it, bring it.

Move, move.

Get that shit out of here.

That shit went out
like a SCUD missile.

Oh, it hurts, it hurts so bad.

Babies, let me tell you something.

I don't mean to brag, but I'm the
greatest. I am the greatest.

- You all right, man?
- Yeah.

Get your butt up and play.

Take your little Colt
45-drinking ass off some place.

Yes, Walter. Hard goddamn
work making you look so bad.

Man, you fouled me.

Foul?

- Foul?
- Take the ball out and shut up.

What's the count?

- 9-8, us.
- 9-8, you?

Get the fuck out of here.

If you could count, you'd be
an astronaut. It's 9-8, us.

George, your mother's
an astronaut.

He talking about your mama, man.

He playing you and
your mama for a punk.

My mother ain't no
astronaut. Say it, say it.

Your mother ain't
no astronaut, your

father ain't no
astronaut, all right?

Well, my mama ain't no
astronaut. You understand me?

Look, me saying that your
mother's an astronaut...

is just another way of saying
that you're all fucked up.

Cool. Well, let's just get off

mamas, because I
just got off yours.

Ow.

Keep my mama out of this, brother.

She's out.

- She's out.
- Cool.

Cool.

She's out.

Cool.

She's out.

What time should I
bring the bitch back?

Yo, what's the score?

9-8, us.

What? We can't be losing to you.

If we lose to you, I'll kill
myself. I don't want to do that.

- Fuck you, skinny boy.
- Fuck this.

You fat motherfucker.

Fuck this.

Shut up. You're giving me Excedrin
number fucking trillion headache.

Hey, what's the score?

Chump, yo, I'm talking to you.
What, you deaf or something?

I'm talking to the fucking air.

My name ain't Chump,
it's Billy Hoyle.

Billy Hoyle.

Billy Hoyle.

Billy Hoyle. Okay, Billy. Now,
can you count to 10, Billy?

- Yeah.
- Good.

- What's the score, Billy?
- I don't know.

Then you're a chump.

I may be a chump, I just
said that wasn't my name.

He punked your ass, Sid.

Fuck you.

Let's go.

8-8, your ball.

It's 9-8, your ball. I
don't want no excuses.

I call it even. Your ball.

You better call a
doctor. Take the ball.

- It's your ball.
- I said it's your...

Take the ball.

- Your woman calling you, man.
- Sidney.

Your woman calling you, man.

Well, at least I got one.

Your mother's so poor, I seen her
kicking a can down the street.

She said she was moving.

Your mama's so old, she used to
drive chariots to high school.

Your mama's so fat, she fell over,

broke her leg and
gravy poured out.

- Hey, baby.
- Hi, honey.

I was buying food, the check
didn't clear and I had no cash.

Baby, I'm sorry. Will a 20 do?

Thirty would be better.

You hustling me? You're the only
one who can get away with that.

I got a couple
things working here.

I got to go. Daddy
has to go back to

work. They're trying to cheat me.

Talk to you.

Told your mama to act her
age, she dropped dead.

Your mother got a wig
with grey sideburns.

Your mama's teeth
are so yellow, she

can butter a whole loaf of bread.

Shut up. Save your breath.

You need all the energy
you can get. Let's go.

- I can't run, man.
- What?

My bunions hurt. Get
someone to play for me.

Come here, baby. That's
okay. You're still my hero.

That's it, baby.

Wait a minute.

Who can replace Mr Handicap?

Anybody for Mr Fucking
March of Dimes?

Hey, take Billy Ho here.

No, I don't want him.

He might be good.

- I won't go with this.
- Why not?

- Because I'm white.
- He's white.

He is white. Look at him.

It won't matter. You could
bring Bernard King in.

We hit two, we're out. Swish.

Swish. Let's go, Billy Ho.

Ha ha ha.

Let's go.

Hey, ain't no need for that
Jane Fonda, geriatric bullshit.

You just come out here, play
some D. Two quick ones...

It's over. See ya.
Wouldn't want to be ya.

You got a new teammate.
Kiss your game goodbye.

Hey, maybe I need to
do that shit too.

You loose now? Let's play.

Come here. Let me
teach you something.

Hey, man, get your
ass out of here.

Come here, I'll tell you where
I'm going. Over there, right.

You're a hotshot, huh? Where
are you going? I got you.

Show me what you got.

This is my court, you hear me?

Luck. Pure luck.

I believe the score is 9-8, ours.

Take it out.

Ball in.

Okay, chump.

The sun even shines
on a dog's ass some

days. Anybody can win the lottery.

Know what I mean?

Give it up.

You want it back now.

Fuck you. Your
mother's an astronaut.

She's too drunk to
be an astronaut.

You remind me of one of those
dudes from The Brady Bunch.

Doesn't he look like one of them?

He looks like Cindy.

Yeah, that's the one.

Why are you laughing?

Calling me Brady Bunch.

He's too stupid to know
he's being insulted.

Get off the court,
Sidney. You lost.

Ease back. Give me a second
with Mr Brady Bunch.

You may be able to pull
off a couple of passes.

That don't mean you
can play this game.

Right. You ain't seen me shoot.
Maybe I can't shoot a lick.

What's it worth to you
to find out, huh?

Say, what have we got
here? Fifty, sixty...

sixty-two dollars.

I do detect the smell of cash.

In the air.

How good are you, chump?

- "Chump"? "Chump"?
- That's your money.

My only problem will be pulling
the ball out of your ass...

when I take your money.

- And that is his money.
- Money talks.

Twenty, forty, fort-one...

You're short.

Big Junior.

Man, loan me 20.

What do I look like,
Bank of America?

- Yeah, give me a loan.
- You always do this.

I won't lose to this white boy.

You better not lose my
money to this white boy.

This is a black thing. Now
give me the fucking 20.

- Then we eat at Sizzler?
- Surf and turf.

- I'm the bank.
- That's his money.

- That's his money.
- Let's go, baby.

Best of five, top of the key. And
since you're the foreigner...

as such, you can go first.

No, thank you, Sidney.
You go ahead.

No, this is my house. This
is Sidney Deane's house.

Since I'm the host, I extend
my hospitality to you.

That's very gracious, but I
don't want your hospitality.

I don't want to take
advantage of you.

Okay, but you might
not get another shot.

Okay, if you insist.

This is outdoor ball. Different
than your country club shit.

When you shoot, you
adjust for the wind.

Out here, the wind
can push the ball

to the left or right
6 to 8 inches.

But you wouldn't know
nothing about that.

You want me to move? I'm sorry.

It's your shot.

This is really not my spot. I'll
be lucky to hit two out of five.

But I'll shoot anyway.

Oh, man. Right off the bat.

I am feeling lucky.

Man wants to get paid.

It's pretty. It's so pretty.

♪ We 're going Sizzler
we 're going Sizzler ♪

Ah.

♪ We going Sizzler ♪

I never hit two in a row.

But I'm very lucky.

I'm feeling very lucky.

Ugly shot. Looked
like a goddamn brick.

No aesthetic beauty whatsoever.
Now mine, on the contrary...

It hurts being this good.

A thing of beauty
is a joy forever.

My man John Keats said that.
You know that, right?

You know, I've never hit three
in a row. Never in my life.

Colour me lucky,
man. Sometimes you

wake up, the birds are singing...

That's a decent shot. Excellent.

You are the greatest.

- Thank you.
- But I'm feeling so lucky.

Four in a row.

This is like the
luck of the Irish,

only I'm not Irish. So go figure.

Come on, Sidney. Come on, now.

Don't worry, I got this under
control. This sucker's mine.

Michael Jordan was down here once.

I took him to the hole.
You believe that?

That's right, I saw it.

Michael said, "You should
play summer pro league."

- I said, no.
- Hell no.

- Might mess up my game.
- We can't have that, Billy Ho.

Shoot this one and
let's go to Sizzler.

I'm gonna just leave it up there.

- Give me some.
- I will.

Oh, shit.

It's hard goddamn
work being this good.

Shut the fuck up.

- Am I starting to get to you?
- No, Sidney.

You're just making my ears hurt.

See, you guys look at me, you
see the backwards hat...

the funky outfit and you
say, "This guy's a chump."

- A fucking geek.
- A fucking geek. Exactly.

But you don't realise
it ain't easy.

"It is hard goddamn work making
something this pretty"...

look like a geek. So I
must do it for a reason.

I'm convinced, whatever
the reason may be.

If I miss this shot, I
walk away, still a chump.

But if you miss, you've
been beat not once...

but twice, by a slow,
white, geeky chump.

Ain't no thing.

Ain't no thing.

No thing but chicken
wing on a string.

From Burger King.

The wind's kicking up a bit. You
might want to adjust about...

six, eight inches to the left.

Here it is. This is the big one.

Don't worry. I've hustled
much better players than you.

Don't put up a brick.

Stop yapping and let
the brother shoot.

Yeah, I got it.

The wrist.

- Brick.
- Shit.

Give me my money.

- It belongs to him.
- A man with integrity.

- Don't push your luck.
- It wasn't luck.

You said we'd go to Sizzler...

Man, shut your anorexic,
malnutrition, tapeworm-haying...

Dick Gregory Diet-drinking
ass up. Leave me alone.

♪ I feel good ♪

♪ I knew that I would, now ♪

♪ I feel good ♪

♪ I knew that I would, now ♪

♪ So good, so good ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ I feel nice ♪

♪ Like sugar and spice ♪

♪ I feel nice ♪

♪ Like sugar and spice ♪

♪ So nice, so nice ♪

♪ Because I got you ♪

Honey, I'm home.

How much did you make?

Well, I missed you too.

I'm sorry, honey.

Sixty-two dollars minus $5.16...

for a hummus-tabbouleh garden

burger and all that
stuff you love.

You know I hate that
health food shit.

You'll eat it and you'll love it.

I'll let you get away with that
since you got money today.

Let's see, that makes...

$58.84, which gives us
$806 towards the $8,000.

We still owe the Stucci
Brothers $7,194.

Don't pay them.
They're robbing you.

How many times do we
have to go through this?

In life, there are some things
that just are the way they are.

Nothing will get rid of the
Stuccis except 7000 more dollars.

What's the deal with this?

Come on, I've been
studying all day.

I did fires and earthquakes.
Any kind of disaster.

And assassinations.

Try me.

Leon Czolgosz.

Who killed President McKinley?

Unbelievable.

Jeopardy is gonna call
today. I can feel it.

Don't count on it, you
won't be disappointed.

Check this out. The last
words of Lee Harvey Oswald:

"It wasn't me, it was the CI..."

Get it? "The..." And then...

I got it, I got it. Honey, honey.

How much do you love me?

I love you infinity.

That's not enough.

- Infinity's the biggest number.
- No, it's not.

Tell me one bigger.

Infinity plus two.

I love you infinity plus two.

Billy, you're so stupid.

You should say, "I love you
infinity plus infinity."

I love you...

infinity plus infinity.

- There's a bigger number.
- I give up.

You haven't kissed me yet.

No, take a shower. You
stink. Go away, you stink.

Wait right there. Don't
move. Hold that thought.

I'm gonna come back and put
my mouth where this money is.

There's somebody at the door.

Somebody's at the door.

All right, stay calm, stay calm.

Hurry up.

I love you, but I won't
get shot over your debt.

My debt? Our debt.

Whoever's debt, I
ain't getting shot.

Stay here. If I don't get you in
30 seconds, jump out the window.

I'll meet you at Denny's.

Honey, I love you.

I love you too.

Who is it?

The manager.

- What is it?
- Got a message for you.

Brady Bunch.

A thousand ten, a thousand
eleven, a thousand twelve...

Did you hear somebody
invite you in?

I just want to talk.

A thousand thirty.

How'd you find me?

I have to admit, no one's ever
worked me the way you did.

I beat you fairly. You beat me,
I don't come and cry about it.

I'm not here to cry.
I'm here on business.

You said 30 seconds.
I almost took off.

I'm sorry.

Who's this?

- Sidney Deane.
- So?

Your boyfriend took money from
me and I noticed this bottle.

You take that, I'll shoot you.

What's with you? You need
to chill with the caffeine.

Excuse me?

You comfortable?

You know, a futon is
better for your back.

Where did you play, Billy?

College in Louisiana.
Didn't work out.

So now you hustle.

Nobody knows me here. I
can work the courts.

I have a business proposal.

It means more cash than
this chump change you make.

What is it?

There's a two-on-two tournament

next week, sponsored
by businesses.

- You want me to run with you?
- Yep.

In the meantime, we can
make some extra change.

If you don't mind hustling. And
I know you don't mind hustling.

What kind of hustle?

Heh heh.

Ball up.

You ain't got shit.

You ain't funny. I'll kill you.

You got me by what,
7000 pounds, man?

Watch the pick.

Look up, look up.

Goddamn.

Way to go.

I got to tell you, it's hard
work making you look so bad.

Who the fuck told you to talk,

motherfucker? You
score, you can talk.

Shut me down, you can talk.

But if you eat shit, you shut up.

You took me to the hole. Why?

Because I let you.

I take you anywhere I want.
I'll have you for breakfast.

Want to put some jack on that?

Who rattled your cage, dickhead?

You talk a lot for a
guy who got busted.

I'll pick any player... I'll
pick the worst player here...

- for $500.
- Excuse me?

Ex-ex-excuse me?

I'll let you pick my teammate.

He ain't serious, man. I
don't believe this shit.

- You ain't serious.
- Anybody.

Five hundred dollars.
And you can pick

anybody out here.
Anybody. Anybody.

I don't believe this.

Hey, Raymond, look at the
chump, man. Give him the chump.

No, no, no. White
boys don't count.

You have to give me a brother.

You got him. The
goofy-looking guy.

- Me?
- Yeah, you.

- Oh, fuck.
- Hey, chump.

You want to run?

You mean play basketball?

No, he means ice hockey.

Get your tired butt
up here, Gretzky.

- Where's your money?
- I'll get it.

You setting me up? Here's
my $500. Where's yours?

I said I'll get it. I got to
go to the glove compartment.

Good, you go to your
glove compartment.

Then get your Sasquatch butt
back here. I got a hot hand.

I got your back, Raymond.

What the hell is this?

Oh, man, what the hell
is this world coming to?

Look at this shit.

I ain't got nothing to worry about
except Cathy Rigby over here.

Yo, man, where is his car, man?

Is he ever going to come on back?

Hey, give me your money.

- Raymond, is that you?
- No, this ain't Raymond.

Take off that goddamn mask
and put down that gun.

What are you doing?

I got a couple of chumps
on the line at the park.

- Loan me some money, man.
- Get the fuck out of here.

Hey, look, man. You
need a good gun.

There's some crazy
motherfuckers walking around.

A lot crazier than me.

Give me $300 for it.

- I'll give you $200.
- Come on, man. $275.

- $250.
- All right.

But now you're robbing me.

Jump for it...

You got busted right there, man.

You think you can win with him?

Here we go. Here we go.

Yo, yo, I got your money.
I got $250. Let's go.

No, I said $500. Can you count?

Hey, $250, man. Take
it or leave it.

He just got out of jail.

He ain't going nowhere
with the money.

Let's do this.

I'll dog you.

A man like me can
make you look bad.

Your mouth's got you in trouble.

If I was you, I'd kill myself.

Come on. Yeah, get up.

Move right.

Come on, come on.

That man is a chump...

Sucker.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Whoo.

Oh, lovely, lovely.

- What's your name?
- Billy Ho.

Nice to meet you.

Do it.

Let's go.

You're slow on your feet, man.

Weight slows me down.

Come on.

Huh, huh.

Tim Hardaway, my ass.

Get over there.

Shoot. Shoot.

Stay on him.

Man, he travelled.

Shit.

Point game. Point game.

That means one more point and
we win this $500. Point game.

I understand.

You gonna teach class or play?

I been teaching class on you all
day. Taking you to the clinic.

Class is in session
again. Ding-ding. Check.

Check this.

You're too stupid
to catch the ball.

Yeah?

Look out, look out.

I'll make you eat that.

Here we go, baby.

You better stay off, baby.

Where you at?

Where you at, sucker?

Shit.

Aha.

Give me my money.

What you doing?

Hard goddamn work.

Aw, come here, baby.

It's okay. You played a good game.

These motherfuckers set us up.

- You dead.
- Hey, take it easy.

Hard goddamn work.

Raymond. Raymond.

Motherfucker.

Raymond.

You ain't gonna cut me.

You set me up.

Hey, Raymond, I seen
you hustle, man.

I never used a
goofy, white fucker.

Who you calling a
goofy, white fucker?

- You, you white fucker.
- That's cool.

Wait, hold it. This is ridiculous.

Raymond, we are brothers, man.

I swear, I have never seen this
white boy before in my life.

Sidney, don't negotiate with the
guy. You got a wife and kid.

- How you know my name?
- How come he knows your family?

What? Wait a minute.

You talk about my wife and
kid and you don't know me?

Cut this motherfucker.

Cut that motherfucker.

No, fuck this. Both you
motherfuckers are crazy.

I'm going to my car and get my
other gun. Shoot everybody's ass.

Shit. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Go, go, go.

Oh, man. We took Raymond
Dickens to the hole.

Hey, know what?

Nobody's done that around here
since the King and Duck Johnson.

King and Duck.

The King and the Duck.

What is this?

Jimi Hendrix.

I know. Why are you playing Jimi?

Because I like to listen to him.

Listen? That's what the fucking
problem is. You all listen.

What am I supposed to do, eat it?

No. You're supposed to hear it.

I just said I like
to listen to him.

No, no, hearing is
different than listening.

White people can't
hear Jimi. You listen.

What are you talking about?
His drummer was white.

Ah ho ho ho.

Get the fuck out of
here. He was not white.

Yes, he was. Yo,
check it out. See?

This is a picture.

Whole band's white
except for Jimi.

This is a fucking picture.

It's airbrushed. Jimi did not
have a white rhythm section.

You cannot hear Jimi.

All right. Fine.

- All right. Thank you.
- Check this out.

♪ He said I'll love you ♪

♪ Till I die ♪

Who is this?

The greatest troubadour of
all time, is who it is.

Troubadour? Shit
sounds like a dog.

That's a Labrador. Don't
insult this music.

Take it off.

You're not hearing this.

I don't want to hear this. This
is like pollution to my ears.

Explain to this Gladys
Knight and the Pimps...

It's Gladys Knight and the Pips.

Just put Jimi back in. I
don't like this shit.

- You're supposed to defend me.
- Who are you yelling at?

Get rid of that gum. I'm
tired of hearing it pop.

♪ He still loved her
through it all ♪

Tell this bubblehead
to make a right here.

Guy could get shot playing this
shit south of the Coliseum.

Let me off at the Trump Towers.

The penthouse is in the back.

Vista view. The flyest
view in the jungle.

- Home sweet home.
- You know it, baby.

Yo, that was a good run today.

Good run.

With the money you made, you
can get this car washed.

Hey, man, this is one
classic automobile.

You know, you got a
fine woman there.

Hey, you keep your hands off her.

I said she was fine, not
that I wanted to touch her.

You touch her and I'll kick
your ass. You hear me?

Lookee, lookee, lookee.

- It's all starting to come clear.
- Good.

You're a cool customer
on the court.

Real chill on the street. Can't
be rattled in your game, no, no.

You don't even fall for all
that nigger shit on the court.

But when it comes to your woman,

that's a different
matter altogether.

Look at you. I ain't even
talked trash and you're scared.

I ain't even pushed up on her
and you're thinking about it.

- Shut the fuck up.
- This is good.

This is really good shit to
know. I know your weakness.

You like all the white
boys I ever met.

You're like every
brother I ever saw.

Kick some shit.

You'd rather look good and lose...

- than look bad and win.
- You don't know shit about me.

I know plenty about you, Sidney.

How many dinners did this
chain cost your family back?

Just go home and get some
rest. Okay, Brady Bunch?

I ain't tired.

Bye, Gloria.

Oh, goodbye.

- Nice seeing you again.
- Same here.

Take care. I like these
rings. They're fly.

Thank you.

Take care.

Yo, Billy, tomorrow we're
going to 103rd Street.

We're gonna hustle in Watts. Tough
games out there. Big bucks.

Don't take it personally, baby.

We're teammates. Ebony...

and Ivory.

Ha ha ha.

Here's your partner.

Right, fuck me. You better get
across La Brea before sundown.

No problem.

The guy's full of shit.

Here.

♪ Well, I say love ♪

♪ Whoa, love ♪

Please explain to me why this
Negro is singing cowboy music.

This is my favourite song.

It reminds me of making love
to you. Makes me want to...

take you and lock you in a room...

and make love to you over
and over and over...

and over and over.

I didn't say I didn't like it.

Yeah?

Honey, this can't be safe. You
know I believe in safe sex, honey.

- I'm gonna take a shower.
- Put me down.

Honey, no. No.

No, honey. Stop.

♪ I want you to know ♪

♪ That I was blind,
but now I see ♪

♪ I say, I once was blind ♪

♪ But now I see ♪

♪ Well, you know, I once ♪

♪ Was blind ♪

♪ But now I see ♪

♪ That that old love has
made a fool of me ♪

Honey, my mouth is dry.

Honey, I'm thirsty.

Here you go, honey.

When I said I was thirsty...

it doesn't mean I want you to
bring me a glass of water.

It doesn't?

You're missing the point
of my saying I'm thirsty.

If I have a problem, you
don't have to solve it.

Men always think they can
solve a woman's problem.

It makes them feel omnipotent.

Omnipotent?

Did you have a bad dream?

It's a way of controlling a woman.

- Bringing them a glass of water?
- Yes. I read it in a magazine.

If I'm thirsty, I don't want you
to bring me a glass of water.

I want you to sympathise.
I want you to say:

"Gloria, I too know what it
feels like to be thirsty.

I, too, have had a dry mouth."

I want you to connect with me...

through understanding the
concept of dry mouthedness.

This is all in the same magazine?

You're into control.

Shut up.

See?

You make me sick.

Honey, don't give me
the rollover, okay?

When I say I'm
thirsty, it means if

there's some water,
I'd love a sip.

When I say I want to make
love, it means let's screw.

That's exactly what I
thought you would say.

Besides, I don't like
the word "screw."

I prefer "make love" or "fuck."

"Screwing" is for carpenters.

You're gonna get it. Oh, honey.

- Where are you going?
- Anywhere.

Getting the hell away from you,
you psycho chiquita nutcase.

Come on, honey. Come back.
I want to make love.

Honey, come back. I want to screw.

Forget you, then.

You piece of shit.

Asshole.

Look. There he is.

- Honey. It's the Stuccis.
- The Stuccis. Oh, shit.

Honey, hurry.

How'd they find us?

The money.

Hold on. Okay, all
right, I got the money.

Ok, ok.

♪ If you wanna try
the front door ♪

♪ That's a door I've never seen ♪

Go, honey, come on.
Come on, honey, move.

I'm coming, honey.

Go. Come on. Go. Go. Go.

Slow up. Slow up.

- I'm always waiting for you.
- Shut up.

- Wait for me.
- Hurry up.

Why are you moving so slow?
I'm carrying everything.

You want me to carry you too?

Oh, shit.

Come on.

Come on, honey.

We'd shoot you, Billy, but
first we want the money.

We've got your number now, Billy.

No escape.

♪ Get in my limo, baby ♪

♪ Gonna take you for a ride ♪

♪ And I tell you I'm a rich man ♪

♪ Then you tell me that I lie ♪

Hurry up.

Go. Go. Go.

♪ Bluebells ♪

♪ Cockle shells ♪

♪ Eevie ivey over ♪

♪ Mama's in the kitchen
cooking rice ♪

♪ Daddy's outside shooting duck ♪

♪ Baby in the cradle fast asleep ♪

♪ And here comes
sister with the hit ♪

This is a great
house. A great house.

But it's a little steep.

Sidney, we have to talk.

Excuse me.

♪ Jack be quick ♪

♪ Jack jump over the candlestick ♪

I want this house.

I want it too. But it's expensive.

- They want first, last, damages.
- I'll get a job.

No, no, no. I got lots of jobs.

I got the cable thing, the
roof thing, the paint thing.

Construction is slow, but
basketball puts food on the table.

Basketball isn't a real job.

It's late. I got to go. I'm
working on this new shot.

I'm sure it's a gorgeous shot.

But I still want this house.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Foul, foul.

All ball. All ball, no foul.

- You got my hand.
- Your hand is part of the ball.

- You got my wrist.
- Part of the hand.

And the knee bone's
connected to the dick bone.

- You fouled Robert.
- You didn't even see the play.

Yo, you couldn't carry my
jockstrap in a suitcase.

This is Watts. I
thought you had some

ballplayers out
here. This is shit.

I'm getting tired of your face.

Guess your mother threw
you out real young.

He's talking about your mama.

Nobody talks about my mother.

Don't ever talk about my mama. Me
and any guy here can take you.

How much you want to roll?

Oh, my God. What is this?

Oh, my God. Look at this.
It's a thousand dollars.

Oh, wait a minute, there's
more. What is this?

You rob a 7-11?

Eleven, twelve, thirteen.
Wait, is there more?

Fourteen, fifteen.

- Is that your rent money?
- Sixteen.

It's coming from everywhere.
Seventeen hundred dollars, baby.

And we get to pick your partner?

You can pick any of these stiffs
out here. Anybody. $1,700.

And don't talk about my mother.

- How about my man here?
- No, no. I want that guy.

- The white boy?
- Yeah, that scraggly mother.

No, no, no. Fuck
that. Wait a minute.

I got $800. I just cashed
my check for the rent.

- I got 50 bucks.
- $1,700. Come up with it or walk.

Play us for what we got.

Play a tune on that
bald head of yours.

Hey, man, hold on.

- Hey.
- How you doing?

- What's up?
- You look so good today.

- What's up?
- You're up. I need a diamond.

I told you he was no good.
When will you listen to me?

He was a dog from day one.

Trust me. We'll go
to Zales after this.

- Don't talk about my boyfriend.
- He's a dog.

This ain't no diamond.
It's a zircon.

Okay. Let's say this piece
of shit is worth 300 bills.

I'll put my $1,700
against your $1,150.

That's a bet.

Hey, give me my money.

I'll hold it. I ain't
going nowhere.

He ain't going nowhere. The
bakery ain't open yet.

We play to 10.

- That's a bet.
- Let's do it.

We got a game to play.

Hey, Martha Graham.

Martha Graham.

Can you play?

- Good pick, man.
- You know it.

That's what I'm talking
about. Go back to Sea World.

- You let him back-door you.
- I thought he was gonna pass.

Of course he wasn't...

D up, man.

You don't know what D is.

Go, you fucking Globetrotter.

Aren't you gonna shoot?

- He was on my ass.
- You were wide open.

I got $1,700 on the line.
I won't force a shot.

Why are you kicking it to me?

- All right, I'm sorry.
- You okay?

- Let's go.
- You got it.

- Get me the ball.
- It's 9-8, us. Point game.

- One more bucket, we get $1700.
- A bucket you'll never see.

- You tried to hustle us, but...
- You gonna chitchat or play?

Get the fuck out.

You talking all this shit. Why
don't you take me to the hole?

- I practise off people like you.
- Just learn to play.

Ball, ball.

I'll take your money,
then I'll take your girl.

You're holding me.

All you do is hold people.
You know, you're disgusting.

Both of you, go back to Sea World.

Seventeen hundred.

Goddamn.

Give me my money.

It was so nice just to
hold it for a while.

I am dead. I am dead.

I'm sorry, man. I
thought I had it.

I'm dead. I'm dog meat.
She is gonna dump me now.

I feel terrible. I
had a lousy game.

We're better than them. I've beat
guys 10 times better than that.

I know. It's my fault.

It's nobody's fault. Sometimes
the ball just doesn't go down.

- Look, man. You want a ride?
- I'm taking the rail.

You sure?

I got to think of
how to tell Gloria

I lost everything we had again,

and figure out where I'm
gonna sleep tonight.

Hey, Billy, I'm sorry, man.

I mean it. I'm sorry.

"Thirty-nine" is the answer.
What's the question?

"How many books in
the Old Testament?"

I am so fucking good.

- Did Jeopardy call yet?
- Not yet.

But I'll need a nice dress. When
they call, you got to be ready.

Want to hear the books of the
Old Testament backwards?

Malachi, Zechariah, Haggai and...

Honey, please.

And I did "Famous Women" and
"Foods That Start with Q."

You can't imagine how many foods
actually start with the letter Q.

Honey, will you please shut up?

What's wrong with you?

I lost the money.

Oh, Jesus, Billy.

Not again.

- How much?
- A lot of it.

Most of it.

Roughly all of it.

You lost all our fucking money?

Shit, Billy. Jesus, man.

$1,700. Billy.

We were on our way to 8,000.

Were your opponents that good?

No, I beat better guys
in Brooklyn and Jersey.

- You missed your jump shots?
- No, I hit mine.

What about Sidney?

He had an off day. He
wasn't shooting that much.

This guy scored on
him and he didn't...

D up. He usually plays good D.

You got hustled.

I did not get hustled.

You got set up. You got
hustled by Sidney.

- No. He's a good guy.
- You said he was full of shit.

He's full of shit and
he's a good guy.

You're full of shit,
okay? Fuck that shit.

I'm going back to that house
and get my fucking money back.

No, no, no. Honey, a man
cannot ask for his money back.

He lives in the jungle, right?

No, honey, we can't.

They don't let white people
in the Crenshaw District.

And maybe not Puerto Ricans.
It's reverse discrimination.

Let's see.

We drove Sidney to Crenshaw and...

You don't understand how things

work. Men understand
how they work.

Wasn't there a big
apartment house?

Let me explain. Men's
rules are very simple.

If you win, you win.
You lose, you lose.

But under no circumstances do
you ask for the money back.

- Why not?
- It's not part of the rules.

Oh, yeah?

I got a different set of rules of
my own. Do you want to hear them?

Here they go: Sometimes when
you win, you really lose.

And sometimes when you
lose, you really win.

Sometimes when you win or
lose, you actually tie.

And sometimes when you tie,
you actually win or lose.

I hate when you talk like
that. It makes me crazy.

Winning and losing is just
a big organic globule...

from which one takes
what one needs.

I'm fucked.

Forget it. I'm not getting
off this bus, honey.

I'm not getting off
the bus. No. Stop.

Can we discuss it? Can
we have a discussion?

Does Sidney Deane live here?

He does.

He's my husband.

Well, your husband stole
$1,700 from my boyfriend.

Really?

Just a minute.

Some people are here who say you
stole their money. Come on in.

Oh, shit.

No, baby, I didn't steal his
money. I hustled his money.

- Cindy Brady.
- That girl is fine.

Cindy, what happened?

What the fuck do you want?

- Who invited you in, anyway?
- I did.

- I want to talk to...
- Gloria.

Baby, that man hustled me
long before I hustled him.

That's true. I saw
the whole thing.

Damn skippy. So, what goes
around, comes around.

Then you won't mind if Gloria
and I talk. You want a drink?

- Yeah.
- Come on.

This boy's got a lot of guts.

Billy Ho. It's good to see
you, Billy. You look swell.

You fucked me, man.

Get the fuck out from
in front of the TV.

You fucked me. We
had a partnership.

No, we were never partners.
It goes like this:

You either smoke,
or you get smoked.

And you got smoked.

- Clean as my gun.
- Yes, it was.

Smooth.

A thing of beauty
is a joy forever.

- Did I get too deep on you?
- Would you make this guy shut up?

I'm sorry. I'll go back to the way
you like me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I want my money back.

You're not getting it back.

- You're giving me my money back.
- I'm giving you nothing.

They were teammates. Teammates
can't hustle each other.

- Really? Why not?
- It's not artistic.

Let me tell you. I
don't care about art.

All I care about is getting
out of the vista view...

because there ain't
no vista, no views

and ain't no vista of no views.

You want cream or sugar or what?

Cream.

I trusted you. There are rules
to hustling. There are ethics.

That you wouldn't
know a thing about.

I never shook anyone's hand
and stabbed him in the back.

The Indians shook hands with the
Pilgrims and look who got fucked.

Who you calling a Pilgrim?

- You, Columbus.
- Gobble this, turkey.

I got a gun in my hand.
What's wrong with you?

Shoot this motherfucker.

Hold it. Byron for 20.

- Byron for 20.
- Shoot the motherfucker.

- He's a traitor.
- Come on.

Pop it, James. Yeah.

Sweet.

That's a black man.
That's a black man.

Throughout our glorious
life together...

I bought a car from the Stucci
brothers for three grand.

Turned out to be piece of
shit, and I didn't pay.

So they told Billy, unless he got

them their money,
they'd cut me up.

So he had to figure out
a way to get the money.

The Stuccis decided to
fix a basketball game.

Billy agreed. He got mad
and didn't throw it...

and the Stuccis lost a bundle.

Wake up, girlfriend.
It's your boyfriend.

He's got problems.

He's just bad with money.

Look, the Stuccis brothers
are still after us.

Hey, hey. It's a sad story.
It really is, and I'm sorry.

But I'm not giving you the money.

I might, however, be willing
to discuss other arrangements.

- There's Dvan.
- There's Kadeem.

That ain't Kadeem.

There's Eddie. I know Eddie.

- You know shit.
- Listen up.

We have a solution.

Tell them to move.

You tell them. You
think I'm crazy?

Here's the scenario:

Rhonda's returning some money.
We know how to get the rest.

So, what you guys need to
do is kiss, make up...

or whatever it is you do and play
in that tournament, together.

I ain't playing with
that son of a bitch.

No, baby...

I don't hustle with the dishonest.

I can tell you that now. He
ain't that good to begin with.

That's not fair, Rhonda.

Sugar, sugar. Please don't make
me do something like that.

Welcome to the first annual
Two on Two for Brotherhood

Basketball Tournament:

Also known as the "TTBBT."

Sponsored by a coalition
of American corporations

in the spirit of promoting...

brotherhood among us all.

That's bullshit.

And now... let the games begin.

Stay with him. Stay
with him. Look at that.

Why can't you check
somebody, mushroom head?

You fat mustard and
butter sandwich.

What you talking about?

I'll knock you out.

We ain't got to worry about them.

They spend too much
time arguing with

each other about their mothers,
and both their mothers are ugly.

All right, all right.

Yeah, sack it.

Yeah, that's two...

One for you. One for you.

Remember Raymond? Must have some
type of work-release program.

Motherfucker was
just on parole, man.

These two we definitely
have to worry about.

This is Flight. That's Willie.

They can play. They'll be
in the finals against us.

Oh.

Shit, that's just too easy.

No, that shit is too easy.

It's too easy.

No, that shit is too easy.

Fuck it. I don't
even want to play.

I don't want to play no more.

We won't play no more.

Hey, chump.

Yeah, you, potatohead. You
know who I'm talking about.

Is that your best game? If it is,

grab the free T-shirt
and head home.

What the hell are you doing?

Did you bring Mighty Mouse?

You're too pretty
to play basketball.

You got that big Z
in your 'fro, man.

- Stop already.
- Are you the black Zorro?

Man, that's enough.

Is your hair done at
the Braille Institute?

What's Opie Taylor talking about?

Opie Taylor? Opie?

I got your Opie, you big, bad,
goopie-eyed son of a bitch.

You and your Cream of Wheat
go back to Mayberry.

Tell Aunt Bee she better have my
bean pies or I'll kick her ass.

- Lurch and Morticia.
- What are you doing?

- I'm doing two things.
- What?

Making them mad. Guys
don't play good mad.

You're embarrassing me.

That's the other thing.

You're not embarrassing me,
you're pissing me off.

I assume, unlike them, you
play better when you're mad.

Am I right?

I'm not listening.

Yeah, but you are hearing
me. You're hearing me.

What, you throwing bricks?

- What did I just say?
- Throwing bricks?

What is this, a
Mason's convention?

Clank. I'll need a welding
torch to play in this league.

I got an idea. Let's stop now and
gather up all these bricks...

and build a homeless shelter so
your mother has a place to live.

- Fuck you, great white.
- Fuck that fucker.

And your sister. I want your
mother and sister out of my house.

Black ball.

What the fuck do you mean,
black ball? Are you racist?

Your jersey, not your skin.

I knew you were a racist.

Here, sir. How do you feel?
You don't look well.

Didn't I school you before?

Give us something, man. Bring it.

Don't let him pull
that move on you.

Don't let him pull that move.

Oh, no, that's the move.

I tried to warn you.
You call that defence?

Are you gonna give us a
game? Some competition?

If not, I got better things
to do on a Saturday.

This is Chickie
Babe from the Forum

watching this ugly honky yo-yo...

up and down the court. Bad boy.

But he ain't got shit. He ain't
got shit. He ain't got shit.

You suckers.

What a great no-look
pass. Am I right?

The mustard is off the
hot dog, you big mule.

My man ain't getting nothing.

I looked up "basketball player" in

the dictionary. It
said, "Not you."

- You won't beat us.
- Be quiet.

Bring it on, bad boy.
Excuse me, I'm talking.

I know you are. Shut up.

Pretty boy, I'll be D-ing up on
you if you make it to the finals.

I got something for you.
I got some bean pie.

You won't see $5,000.
You may see 5000 beans.

Do you ever shut the fuck up?

Don't worry. I'm in a zone, man.

I'm in a fucking zone.
Would you relax?

It's one thing to embarrass me.

It's another to piss off
guys we'll be playing.

That's just plain stupid.

Listen to him, buckethead.

You gone past stupid,
into a new category.

Called suicide, chump.

Call me chump all day, bad
boy. I'm in a fucking zone.

- Fuck you.
- Come here. What is up with you?

Why are you worried?
I'm in a zone.

They're pissed off. I'm in a zone.

This is not about black and white.

It's about money,
greed. You got that?

I need this five
grand, and I won't

let you blow this for me. No way.

You pissed off?

No. I ain't pissed off.

- You pissed at me?
- No, I'm not.

That's what you want, to get
me into this fucking zone.

You ain't good enough.

Is that some brother
thing? You racist.

Some things you can't do.

I can hear Jimi. I can hear Jimi.

No, no.

- No, you can't.
- Fuck you.

- Good. Fuck me.
- Yeah, fuck you.

- Say it with feeling.
- Fuck you.

Yes, yes. Fuck me. Fuck me.

- Check, asshole.
- Check, gay boy.

- Let's go, Lurch.
- Check it, captain.

Fuck you, faggot, asshole.

♪ I got it ♪

♪ Watch magic ♪

♪ I got it, hey ♪

♪ I got something
that makes me ok ♪

Stop them before we
lose our sponsors.

Start a fight, neither of
us will make any money.

Stop that bullshit passing.
Five grand's on the line.

I hope this doesn't get worse.

♪ Now I got a move that
tells me what to do ♪

♪ Some kind of deal ♪

♪ Now I got a move that
tells me what to do ♪

♪ Sometimes I feel so nice ♪

Why didn't you dunk it?

- Give me the ball.
- Don't you guys ever shut up?

♪ I'm in love ♪

♪ I love to do my thing ♪

♪ And I don't need no one else ♪

- Brick.
- Point.

Man, you've got the
lane, take the shot.

Give me a better pass.

A better pass? I gave
you a great pass.

- About time.
- I'm tired of piggybacking you.

You piggybacking me?
You piggybacking me?

♪ Wham. Come on. Stuff it down ♪

Oh, yeah. You ever
been to flight school?

I'm going to the seventh floor and
dropping you off at the fifth.

- Don't reach.
- Stay on him.

Do it, Flight. Do it.

Thank you, thank you.

- Big fucking deal.
- Can you do it?

Yeah. Yeah.

♪ What it's all about ♪

He's setting illegal picks.

Check them up.

Cut, man. Lay that D.

- In his ass.
- I got him.

♪ I got the something ♪

Damn, Willie. Come on, man.

♪ I got that thing ♪

We need this. Check him up.

♪ I got soul ♪

Goddamn, man. $5,000
on the line, and you

let this motherfucker
take the ball.

Fuck you. Opie's pissing on you.

- Oh, he's pissing on me?
- Yeah.

Why don't you guard somebody,
sorry motherfucker?

Game point, $5,000.
Stop showing off.

I've been saying your
ass the whole game.

Shut the fuck up, man.
Get the ball out here.

Point game, Mr Deane and Mr Hoyle.

♪ And all around ♪

♪ Right on, people ♪

♪ Let it all hang out ♪

Cut, cut. Will you cut?

Call the cops. I got him, Flight.

That was a foul.

Don't you boys know
what it's all about?

Oh, shit.

♪ Gimme, gimme ♪

♪ Gimme ♪

Let's pay them and get out.

Oh, yes.

Whoo.

Yes, baby.

Damn.

Fuck you, you're
supposed to help out.

Why you dish that shit off?

I thought you were going to dunk.

- No, just take the shot.
- What?

You're lucky we didn't cough up
$5,000 on your hot dog shit.

You were supposed to dunk. He was

dunking on you. Why
didn't you dunk it?

Why should...? Shut the fuck up.

Oh. She's gonna love my ass.

Damn.

You know something?

I can jam, man.

Okay.

You keep saying I can't stuff it.

I only say it to get
under your skin.

Just because I don't dunk in
a game, don't mean I can't.

Okay, fine.

You don't think I can stuff it.

Billy...

I don't care if you can or can't.

Stop the fucking car.

Stop the car.

Pull it over.

Turn that shit down. What is it?

It's good music, that's
what. Don't call it shit.

I'll bet my half of the $5,000
against yours that I can stuff it.

Wait. Hold up. Hold up.

Billy, you just won it. Let
me give you some advice.

Take some money and buy
your girl a dress...

in case she gets on that show.

You're either stupid
or dangerous, man.

You can't be stupid. Stupid people

can't push my buttons
and piss me off.

So you must be dangerous.

To who?

To yourself. I'm taking you home.

The reason I don't
jam in a game is

because it's like showboating
for the sake of showboating,

which you know about.

I look good playing.

Like a behind-the-back
pass that's unnecessary.

Motherfucker, you wouldn't know
what a behind-the-back pass was.

You have a hard-enough
time passing gas.

It goes back to what I was
saying. Quoting myself:

A white man wants to win
first, then look good.

A black man wants to look
good first, then win.

That is the most
ridiculous piece of

philosophical bullshit
I ever heard.

Look, right over here.
There's a goal right there.

Get your money and the ball.

Quoting myself?

- I'm tired of your shit.
- I'm tired of yours.

What crap. Put your money
where your mouth is.

- I just need three tries.
- You sure?

All right, let's go.

One of us is not
going home tonight.

Man, you were almost
there. Almost there.

I was with you on that one. Damn.

Come on, baby. You can do this.

This is a sucker.

Is this shit regulation?
This shit ain't regulation.

Get the fuck out of
here. Regulation?

Move out of the way.
I'll check it for you.

Move out the way.

Yeah, yeah. Just about right.

Let's go. You can do it.

Come on, I believe in you.

I know what the problem is.

Get out of the fucking
way. Get out.

- Just trying to help.
- It's a bet.

All right, it's your money.

Go.

Fuck me.

When I looked at it before...

I thought it was a little high,
but now I think it was just...

an optical illusion
and shit. Right?

I know what it is.

You can't go out like that.

- Get off me.
- I'll pump you.

- Get off.
- You need help.

- It's a bet. Stop fucking around.
- I know it.

- Billy...
- Shut up, man.

Billy.

Shut up.

- Billy, listen to me.
- What?

White men can't jump.

Shit.

Good luck with Gloria.

♪ If I lose, if I win ♪

That sucker is stupid.

I walk away with
both of the checks.

White boys can be
stupid sometimes.

♪ This game is getting
very, very, very long ♪

Way to go, Billy.

♪ Some you miss, and
some you make ♪

♪ Some you give, and
some you take ♪

♪ I guess I get it wrong ♪

♪ If I lose, if I tie ♪

♪ I am the truth, and I'm a lie ♪

♪ And I can't hear
all the lyrics ♪

♪ To my song ♪

♪ Some you fix, and
some you break ♪

♪ Some you stand, some you shake ♪

♪ I guess I'll get it wrong ♪

♪ In a world of loving ♪

♪ Love exists ♪

♪ Please tell me how or where ♪

♪ I would gladly pay the price ♪

♪ If I knew which way to go ♪

♪ Or if I ever despair ♪

♪ If I do leave, I'll drown ♪

♪ And I'm crying, and I'm alone ♪

♪ And my heart is waiting ♪

♪ Waiting for another goal ♪

♪ Some you beg, and
some you steal ♪

♪ Some you fake, some you feel ♪

♪ Oh, yes, I'm getting it wrong ♪

You called hours ago.

Sidney's already home.

The fucking pizza's all cold
and the wine is all warm.

A present for you.

Oh, honey.

Oh, God.

What a shrew I am.

I'm sorry, honey.

Tell me about the tournament.

There were some decent players.

Me and Sidney played okay.

Okay? You guys must
have been great.

This is beautiful.

Gloria...

- Gloria.
- Yes?

This is beautiful.

Thank you.

Honey...

I lost the money.

What?

I lost the money.

You want to run that
by me one more time?

It happened again.

It?

It?

It?

No. No, Billy. What the fuck is
"it, it, it"? There is no "it."

It is you. You happened
again. Damn it, Billy.

That money was mine
to keep the both

of us going till Jeopardy called.

Jeopardy ain't gonna call.
When will you wake up?

Jeopardy is gonna call.

It is my destiny that I triumph
magnificently on that show.

I'll never do it
wearing that stupid

hoochie-mama dress
you bought me...

which was obviously to cover up
the fact that you fucked up again.

I'm gonna win. I'm gonna get
on that motherfucking show...

and win, because I
am overflowing...

with more useless information than
any human being on this planet.

Who's James K. Polk?

How many moons are around Pluto?

What's a quince?

It's a food, Billy, that
starts with the letter Q...

and I got seven more.

I can't believe you
lost the goddamn money.

Where are you going?

Honey.

Honey. Honey.

Honey.

Where are you going?
You can't leave.

What's a solar eclipse?
Who's Marcel Cerdan?

Where was the hamburger
invented at?

What are you doing? You can't
hitch-hike. This is L.A.

- Go ahead.
- Billy.

Go ahead, she's just
crazy. Go ahead.

- Go on.
- Billy.

These people are perverts.

The carpet's on fire.

Oh, shit.

Don't move, honey.

Put your arm down.

Come on in here, honey.

Oh, shit. Shit.

Honey, don't get in that truck.

You can run, but you can't hide.

The great Joe Louis said
that. Do you believe that?

Time to take a little ride, Billy.

I'm telling you, I lost the money.
I swear to God, there's no money.

There's no money.

Goddamn it, Billy.

The shave was working.
It was beautiful.

Nobody would've known.

So why didn't you go
through with the fix?

The guy said I couldn't score.
Called me a honky fucker.

- You are a honky fucker.
- But I can score, man.

We were the team. You betrayed us.

Life is just a bunch
of bad trades.

I swear to God, one week.

Where's your little girlfriend?

Where is she? I liked her.

- She left me.
- Oh, Billy.

Show him the fucking pictures.

I'm gonna show you something.

This is what happens to people who
don't come through. You see these?

Look at the Polaroids.
Look at this guy.

I swear to God, one week.

One week, that's all you get.

Maravich, my ass. I got your
pistol right here, Billy.

You got one week, understand?

Oh, man.

Oh.

♪ You're faking the funk ♪

♪ Talking that gangster hoopla ♪

♪ And probably a punk ♪

♪ And I'm-a let you know ♪

♪ That this week your
ass can't cope ♪

♪ With your offensive flow force ♪

♪ Mean kick, sidekick,
pack some nasty ♪

♪ Got to get smoked like a joint ♪

♪ They need to be rocked ♪

$5.00 an hour.

Hey, hey. Got to
open the door, baby.

Cinco la hora.

Hey, Sidney.

Que pasa, Ruben?

Quiere trabajo?

No.

Por cinco a la hora.

No, no, no.

Para otra semana.

All right.

- Sidney, you're late.
- I'm sorry. I'll be right there.

Como esta?

Sidney, I've been waiting for you.

I'm very sorry.

My wife and I decided
on the Spanish

tile with the mansard roof.

- How unusual.
- Thank you.

But I don't want to get a city
building permit or anything.

No problem. I can go through
the city or around it.

I can eliminate the middleman
or I can be the middleman.

I'm offering the full service: the
roof, the paint, the plaster.

Well, my wife and I have
decided on number 88.

Thank you very much. Just write
the check to Sidney Deane.

That's D-E-A-N-E.

Sidney.

$300 will get me started.

Sidney.

Sidney. Hey, man. How
you doing, buddy?

I've got to talk to you.

This is my office.
I'm doing business.

- Three hundred.
- But it's really important.

Thank you. My regards
to your lovely

wife. We'll start on Tuesday.

- I got to talk to you.
- God bless you.

Goddamn it. What?

I'm desperate, man.

You know, a man should never act
desperate. It's impractical.

And frankly, I find
it rather ugly.

- I'd rather look ugly and win...
- Shut the fuck up. Shut up.

Gloria left me.

I'm sorry, man.

I don't know what to do or how,
but I got to get her back.

Oh, brother.

I got this grave human weakness.

A tiny little spot in my soul
that actually likes you.

It's horrible to admit, but
everybody's got a cross to bear.

You're my damn cross.

What's that mean?

It means that I'm gonna help you.

Yes. Yes.

Don't kiss me, man. I
got no guarantees.

What are you gonna do?

I got an idea.

But you're gonna owe me.

That's what I'm
talking about. You're

in my house, man.
What's up with you?

Oh, what you want now?
What you want now, Pico?

Pete, I don't need no pick
for this chump. You ready?

You call that D? Where you going?

You call that D? Where
you going? Who are you?

Yeah.

Whoo.

That's what I'm talking about.
This is my house, my house.

- Where are you going, man?
- I got a job, baby.

Robert, you're smooth. Looking
good. Almost as good as me.

Yo, Billy.

Why don't you take that prize
money and buy new clothes?

Let me ask you something.

They still film game shows
at the studio you work for?

All the game shows
are done on my lot.

Genius. She's been trying to
get on that lot for weeks.

Robert, can you get her on?

Nobody gets on my lot
without a pass. Nobody.

I take that shit seriously.

Robert, can you do it
for me? As a favour?

Ballbreaker break your balls?

She broke my heart.

Hearts, balls... details.

Give me one reason
why I should help.

I'll owe you.

He'll owe you.

Okay.

Tell you what:

I'll give you one shot from there.

You make it, I'll
let your girlfriend

on the lot. Miss it,
I get your car.

No problem.

Billy boy.

This is Ghana. You, my friend,
are shooting for the Sudan.

- And a hook shot.
- And a hook shot.

Don't look at me.

Look, it's their
court, their rules.

You want me to punt it?

Can I use my right arm?

This is Jeopardy.

Entering the studio
are our contestants:

An English teacher from Spokane,
Washington, Dr: Leonard Allen.

A former disco queen,
originally from

Brooklyn, New York,
Gloria Clemente.

And our returning champion:

.a rocket scientist from Pasadena,
California, Richard Andrews.

And now, here is the host
of Jeopardy, Alex Trebek.

Thank you, Johnny Gilbert. Welcome
once again to our program.

In our last three shows...

our champion, Richard Andrews,
performed brilliantly...

averaging over $12,000
for each win.

That means that if our newcomers
Leonard and Gloria hope to win...

they have their work cut
out for themselves.

So, contestants, good luck to you.

Let's play the first round.

In this round, there
will be one Daily

Double in one of these categories:

"Medicine," "Superstition"...

"Natural Disasters,"
"Books of the Bible..."

"Sports," and finally...

"Foods That Start
with the Letter Q."

She knows seven foods
that start with Q.

The champion always starts.

- Richard will begin.
- Sports, please, for $100.

First clue: "The all-time leading

rebounder in pro
basketball history."

- Wilt the Stilt.
- Chamberlain.

- Who is Babe Ruth?
- No, I'm sorry. That is wrong.

- Babe Ruth?
- She's not very good at sports.

Correct. Pick again.

I'll change subjects to
Superstitions for 100.

Make a wish and break this, the
V-shaped clavicle of a fowl."

What is a wishbone?

Right. Now it's your
turn to select.

National Disasters for 100.

This volcano's eruption buried
the city of Pompeii in 79 A.D."

- Gloria.
- What is Mount Vesuvius?

I'd better get a
ruling on that one.

Our judges say that's
close enough. Go again.

Let's go with Foods That Start
with the Letter Q, please.

A game bird related
to a partridge.

- Gloria.
- What is a quail?

Oh, man. She's into her shit now.

Foods that start
with "Q" for $200.

Answer: "A custard pie often
made with cheese and bacon."

- What is a quiche?
- Yes.

Okay, Foods with Q
for 300, please.

A large, edible clam of
the Atlantic Coast."

- What is a quahog?
- Right.

Okay, Foods with Q for 400.

The answer there is
the Daily Double.

Gloria, you are
leading with $2,100.

You're performing beautifully.

How much of that do
you want to risk

on your knowledge of foods
that start with "Q"?

All of it.

Oh, my God.

According to legend,
it's the Forbidden

Fruit of the Garden of Eden."

- What is a quince?
- Yes.

How'd she know that? How'd
she know what a quince was?

To begin Double Jeopardy,
Leonard, select first.

You could turn things around.

Popes for 200, please.

He was Pope when America's first

Catholic president
was inaugurated.

Gloria.

- Who was John XXIII?
- Yes.

Popes for 400, Alex.

His reign was the
shortest on record in..."

- Gloria again.
- Who was John Paul I?

Ruling Class for 800.

- " 18th-century Czar who..."
- Who was Peter the Great?

Who was the Emperor Constantine?

- Who was King George?
- Yes, correct.

She's in the zone.

- Who was Victoriano Huerta?
- You are right.

- What is a toadstool?
- Yes.

- What is chlorophyll?
- Yes.

- What are spores?
- Right.

- What is Australia?
- Right.

- What is the Outer Hebrides?
- Right.

Yes. Yeah.

Whoo.

Gloria.

Look, Billy, now listen to me.

Even if Gloria takes you back,
which would be a miracle...

don't blow it. All right?

Listen to her carefully.
Women know shit.

Even if you don't
know what the hell

she's talking about, just listen.

All right.

I'm sorry. She doesn't
want to see you.

Hey. I said, she doesn't
want to see you.

Jesus.

It's locked.

- Bitch.
- It's okay.

Look, there's another
door. You're on your own.

And remember, you owe me big.

- All right, man.
- All right?

Honey.

Don't say anything. Just
listen for a second.

♪ I will never bring you water ♪

♪ When you're thirsting
in our bed ♪

♪ You know I understand
dry mouthedness ♪

♪ And I'll sympathise instead ♪

♪ And if you take me back again ♪

♪ I won't be such a slob ♪

Let's screw.

♪ I'd even trade my trainers in ♪

♪ For the part-time
job, my Gloria ♪

♪ My Gloria ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ My, my Gloria ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ I know that you're angry ♪

♪ And you probably want me dead ♪

♪ And I know screwing
is for carpenters ♪

♪ So let's make love instead ♪

♪ And I know I'll get it wrong ♪

♪ So forgive me in advance ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ My Gloria ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Tell me the truth.

You didn't think Jeopardy
would call, did you?

I must confess I didn't.

That's why you got
to trust me more.

You're right, as usual.

I know.

I've been thinking
about the future.

Me too.

The future is like a
whole new concept.

I mean, it's like, it's like...

I admit the summer pro league
hasn't been knocking down my door.

There comes a time in a man's life
when he must get on with his life.

I want you to take two
thousand of my winnings.

Okay?

I think that's a bad idea.

No, it's a good idea.

I want you to buy
some new clothes.

Not for me. I like you
the way you are, but...

when you go on job interviews,
you got to look good.

Job interviews?

Yeah.

I want you to aim high.

Well, I...

I want to aim high, but I'm just

nervous about taking
your money again.

I'm afraid I might
do something stupid.

Take it.

I trust you.

They took everything. I feel
raped. They took everything.

They wiped us out.
They took everything.

They took our TV, our stereo.
They took my baby's crib.

I want to know what kind of human
being would steal a baby's crib?

I've been trying to reach
you. They took everything.

- Who?
- Burglars. Who do you think?

I feel raped. Your TV,
stereo, everything's gone.

And they trashed the place.

Oh, look at this here.

I'll be goddamned.

Baby, we'll get our stuff back.

You promised we'd leave this

hellhole. And they
took our $5,000.

Wiped us out. And I know
somebody saw what happened here.

You can't take that kind of
stuff and not see something.

You didn't have to
trash the place.

Fuck me.

I'm sorry. Okay?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I lost it.

You don't have to apologise to me.

I want a job.

Okay.

All right, you get a job.

And I'll figure out how to get
us out of this goddamn building.

All right?

If I can win $12,000
each week, right?

Times five, plus 20
for the annual title.

That'll gives us...

eighty grand.

We're rolling now.

I figure I can take
some acting classes...

get on a soap, do a
little television.

Be on the big screen in two years.

You're made for the big screen.

- Billy.
- Oh, it's Sidney.

Hey, Billy.

I've been looking for you.

I got to talk to you. Alone.

What is this, a macho dick thing?

- Come on, now.
- Can I watch?

Don't worry about me, babe.

Billy, you got some money?

I got a little. Why?

King Farouk and Duck
Johnson are back.

They're working the courts
downtown, cleaning up.

The King and Duck?
We can take them.

We can take them, but it
costs $2,500 to get in.

I got two grand, man.
I just got two grand.

Good. All right, let's do this.

Hold on. You know what? I just
got back together with Gloria.

She may not like this.

This money could save my marriage.

I mean, with this score,
I could move in a week.

I don't think she's
gonna go for it.

Just make her. Man,
fuck that, you owe me.

Listen, I know I owe
you, man, but I...

All right, enough
man-talk here. What's up?

- Honey, you are so beautiful.
- Thank you.

Sometimes I don't
realise how lucky I am.

You know something, honey?
There's a big game downtown.

- For money?
- No, no, no. Well...

Yeah, I mean, you
know, a little bit.

Are you serious?

You're thinking of
playing with my money?

Your money? Honey,
you gave it to me.

To get a job.

- I promised Sidney, honey.
- You promised me.

I promised you and I promised
him. I owe you and I owe him.

I'll give you the winnings. I
don't care about the money.

I don't need money.
I don't want it.

What do you want?

I want you, you son of a bitch.

We can take these guys.
They're over-the-hill.

Look, Billy, you gamble my
money and we're through.

Honey, I promise you,
this is the last time.

The last time? What, do you two
think I'm a fucking moron?

What are you doing? You
take me for an idiot?

All right. All right. I
have a solution, okay?

I will guarantee victory. I've
never offered that before.

I will guarantee victory.

I... We can guarantee
victory, huh?

Yeah.

I love you, Billy.

Goodbye.

Honey.

All right, honey.

All right, listen, if you
don't want to watch...

then we'll just meet up at the
hotel later. We'll party.

We'll celebrate.

We're on a roll, honey.

We're on a roll.

Show them that fly
shooting, Sidney.

Come on, Billy baby. You got it.

You can dunk, baby.

Come on, Duck.

You got some money?

Hell, yeah. I got $50.

You got me. I got Billy.

Pop. Pop. Pop.

Sweet.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Yes. Yes.

Sweet. Sweet. Sweet.

"D" up. "D" up.

Stay up. Stay up on him.

Watch the pick.

Watch, watch. Back
door, back door.

Yes. Come on.

Take it in.

Take it in, Sid. Yeah.

All right, man.

Play some defence, Billy.

♪ Dig this ♪

♪ I love the pearl ♪

Ow. Where's my girl?

Ow.

All the way, baby.

Yeah. Way to go.

Way to go, baby.

Damn.

Fuck.

Get your hands up, okay?

Come on, man.

Push it, Sidney. In, baby, in.

My man.

Ah. Ya-haa.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Sidney.

All of it on the line.

14-13. Point game. Point game.

Time to put the ball up. Let's go.

You're gonna rock, aren't you?

Come on with it, man.

Hit him hard, man.

Hit him hard.

Let him know what's happening.

Hey, you want to dance or
play ball? Watch it down low.

I got him. Watch out.

To the right.

Bringing it up. Watch
him. Watch him.

Give it up, man.

Watch the pick.

Aaahh.

Hoo hoo.

Whoo.

Gloria. Gloria?

Honey.

She's gone.

Oh, man.

Oh, man. Now that's not right.

That's not right.

Finally, I didn't lose the
money. I doubled the money.

But I still got it
wrong. How can that be?

She said some crazy shit once.

She said, "Sometimes when you
win, you actually lose or tie."

But when you tie, you actually
win. Or some shit, you know.

You got to extract something
from an organic globule."

Brother, I only have
four words for you.

Listen to the woman.

What the hell does that mean?

I tried to listen to the woman.
You talked me out of it.

I didn't have to talk for long.
I just gave you an option.

You shouldn't have listened to me.

Then why should I
listen to you now?

- I'm giving you advice.
- So who do I listen to?

You're a grown man.
Figure it out yourself.

Oh, shit.

The game is over, William.

Still hit the old jumper, huh?

Where's the cash?

Okay, Frankie. That's enough.

- That's good for you guys?
- We're set.

We can finally show our
face again at Tipitina's.

The Stucci brothers are back.

No hard feelings, Billy?

It's all about respect.
You understand? Good.

I respect you guys.

See you later.

Hey, man, you all right?

Gloria's not coming back.

Yeah, I know.

She's left me before,
lots of times.

She'll get to the door, I'll
talk fast and she'll come back.

Or she'll get out the door,
be gone a couple of days...

I'll play her a song or something
and, you know, she'll come back.

But this is it.

She's gone.

Maybe you two are better
off without each other.

Sidney, if I listen to the woman,
do I have to agree with her too?

No, you listen. That's
a good enough start.

I don't want to stress you out.

I got to get a job.

Can you get me a job?

You got any references?

You.

You're gonna be all
right, Billy Ho.

You're starting to hear the music.

- I can hear Jimi now?
- I didn't say that.

You're hearing the music.
You can't hear Jimi.

- Jimi ain't music?
- But you can't hear him.

See, you can hear... Forget it.

- Don't diss Jimi.
- You just learnt that word.

How did you know you put that pass
up high enough, I could slam it?

Because even the sun shines
on a dog's ass some days.

On a dog's ass?

- Want to play some one-on-one?
- Now don't start with no shit.

Hitting one dunk don't
mean you can play.

Putting a cat in the oven
don't make it a biscuit.

Your mama is so stupid,
it takes her 60...

- No, it takes her two hours...
- Stop.

Hold on, I got some
funny stuff here.

- Yo, brothers.
- How you doing, guy?

You dropped a 20 on them?

Of course I dropped
a 20. If I don't

take care of my
brothers, who will?

I'll bet you 20 on
this game between us.

- No, I'm not playing you.
- You're not?

No, you misunderstand. You
play ugly and still lose.

- You calling me ugly?
- Your mama did. I got a right to.

♪ Can you come out and play? ♪

♪ Do you think you can
hang with a real man? ♪

♪ Can you come out and play? ♪

♪ Do you think you can hang
with the real thing? ♪

♪ You were dressed up that night ♪

♪ You were turning men away ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Girl, you were so fine ♪

♪ Ooh, I couldn't
let you get away ♪

♪ White ♪

♪ Men ♪

♪ White ♪

♪ Men ♪

♪ White ♪

♪ Men ♪

♪ White ♪

♪ To the beat, you all ♪

♪ Men ♪

♪ Sometimes you have to do ♪

♪ What you got to do ♪

♪ To even out the score ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ Don't ever fake the game ♪

♪ It's not a sure thing ♪

♪ Hold on and jam it through ♪

♪ Bet your bottom dollar ♪

♪ That you can make them holler ♪

♪ Don't you know that
white men can't jump? ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ And if you say it louder ♪

♪ Then you might make me prouder ♪

♪ Don't you know that
white men can't jump? ♪

♪ White men can't jump ♪

♪ To the beat, you all ♪

♪ Don't you know that
white men can't jump? ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ 213 ♪

♪ Area code ♪

♪ Berdoo hick, a new dip
of a showroom stick ♪

♪ Going hell-for-leather
on metal clip ♪

♪ Pulling it, I got
to deal with it ♪

♪ Throw the body in the
trunk and get rid of it ♪

♪ That's how I'm living,
giving, AK-47 ♪

♪ Got to be out by 11 ♪

♪ Gangster sniper, grow hyper ♪

♪ Disguised himself
as a window wiper ♪

♪ Stood there through the glass ♪

♪ Get the gat, it's dead ♪

♪ I got to think fast ♪

♪ Moving, always thinking,
dropping three skin ♪

♪ The body bag's stinking ♪

♪ Everyone's thinking, going
big, till I slip in ♪

♪ Tie you up and start whipping ♪

♪ Help move the bit
to a new level ♪

♪ Return of the brown devil ♪

♪ 213 ♪

♪ Area code ♪

♪ Come on, we going
down like this ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ I'm going up ♪

♪ And I won't come down ♪

♪ There's no regrets ♪

♪ In this world I've found ♪

♪ I can hear music ♪

♪ Of a joyful sound ♪

♪ I'm going up ♪

♪ And I won't come down ♪

♪ I'm going up ♪

♪ And I won't come down ♪

♪ I ain't coming down ♪

♪ Look for the hook ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody,
here comes the hook ♪

♪ Went to the studio
to make another hit ♪

♪ The tempo being funky,
this is funky as it get ♪

♪ If you trip, watch your lip ♪

♪ With a quick pass,
then tip fast ♪

♪ Like I did when I cut
class... still passed ♪

♪ Mummy was a teacher,
and Daddy was a cop ♪

♪ So I was born a brain
with a very good shot ♪

♪ Jersey born and bred in
an old one-horse 'stead ♪

♪ That's where I got my practise ♪

♪ Building bloods
with the hardheads ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm a roughneck
with a rough threat ♪

♪ Wanna step? Bet ♪

♪ No, this ain't a prank,
it's a death threat ♪

♪ From Latifah, the big chief,
for all of you all to look ♪

♪ Here comes the hook ♪

♪ This is the hook ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody,
jump up and look ♪

♪ This is the hook ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody,
jump up and look ♪

♪ Left hook ♪

♪ Right hook ♪

♪ Left hook ♪

♪ Right hook ♪

♪ Left hook ♪

♪ Right hook ♪

♪ Left hook ♪

♪ Right hook ♪