White Elephant (2020) - full transcript

# So nice to see you

# How have you been

# Everything's wonderful

# Since we talked last, I
can't remember when, but hey

# Merry Christmas

# It's good to be home again

What's that? Oh.

# Yes, she's still with me

# No we're not married yet

# Yeah we'll probably have
babies

# I'm already starting to regret
this



# Enough with the questions

# Just say, Merry Christmas

# Yes, I remember

# You told me last year

# I have too many tattoos

# But can we

# Just be married

# Sorry, Happy Holidays
is fine with me too

# Yes it's a real job

# Even though I don't work nine
to five

# Still got the same car

# Has the whiskey arrived

# Always the same questions

# Just say, Merry Christmas



Yes, I know,

I should probably buy a house

and not live with my friends.

No, I'm not vegan.

I just like a salad now and
then.

Just stop it already,

And say, Merry Christmas.

# Oh there's no place like home#

# Merry Christmas

Very nice.

What you got in there?

You know the rules,

couples keep their
presents a surprise too.

You told me last year.

No, you found it on my
credit card statement.

Actually the credit card
company called

'cause they were suspicious

about a $124 purchase at a gas
station.

Okay, I needed every last
piece of that beef jerky

to properly sculpt it into a
meat bouquet.

Who ended up with that again?

John.

It's beautiful.

You're not jerking me around.

Hey.

Remember, he tried to
plant it in his garden,

and woke up at 2:00 a.m.
to a yard full of raccoons.

Classic John.

But seriously, is that more
meat?

I follow the rules.

No hints.

All right well, I will not
be taking my chances then,

especially after the year this
has been.

We'll see about that.

It's the ghost of Christmas
presents.

Get it.

Yes, I get it, babe.

Where my favorite elves at?

Wow, did you wrap Marcy's Kia?

Isn't there a size limit?

Yes, one to eight feet
circumference.

One to 500 pounds, and a
hundred dollar value or more.

Correct.

You ready for this big guy?

Ah, yeah.

You know, I'm always
ready for PJ and Billy's

annual white elephant exchange.

I get top billing now.

I know you like the top.

Oh wow, already?

Scott and Joey aren't even here
yet.

You guys need an eggnog
concoction.

Let's get it set up.

Boring.

Well, don't pick it then.

You mind?

I guess.

Rotate, rotate, rotate.

Lower.

It is fragile, please be
careful.

Door.

Go in high, go in high.

Going high, high, going high,
going high.

Next year,

bring something smaller.

Are you nervous?

Only that you're gonna blow
it.

Just tell me which gift not to
take.

Red shoe box.

Knock yourself out with anything
else.

You do know that eggnog
is actually disgusting

and I only drink these for you,
right?

And that is why you are my
favorite.

I'll let your gift to the
talking.

Maybe not this year.

No hints, PJ.

Okay so, how's the new job
going.

It's fine, not exactly
inspiring.

Thank you.

But, it's paying the bills.

And John?

Still finding himself.

But he's happy, I'm happy.

I wish you were my wife.

I think Billy would have
something to say about that.

I'm pretty sure Billy
would rather get stuck

with another wine cork
bulletin board then a bride.

Before I put a cork in it.

It's perfect for board meetings.

Give me one riesling why not?

It's not even done, Billy.

He did try hard to sell that.

Never works.

Did someone say white elephant
party?

I think so!

Who's got the eggnog whiskey?

I'm pushing rum this year.

All the same, Joey just
needs some holiday spirit

if you know what I mean.

This is heavy.

Have a dolly?

Oh, that little thing.

Well, maybe it's a trick

and there's a small little box
inside.

Oh, come on, that is a rookie
move.

This is a veteran white
elephant.

I think the three of us can
handle it.

Be gentle, all right, she's
valuable.

Very valuable.
- No hints.

No hints.

Did you clear the dollar
value this year, Billy?

Okay, I spent $123 on that
beef-

124.

I spent $124 on that
beef jerky last year.

That's your bad,
'cause my homemade gifts

are much more resourceful.

And how did making a
chair out of duct tape

cost a hundred dollars?

Well, we used some of the duct
tape for-

Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind.

One of my favorites.

Is that duct tape?

Yes, it is.

That's ductin' awesome.

Is there a weight limit on
this thing?

Careful, the last person
that tried to sit on that

got abducted into thin chair.

Creativity is encouraged,
right?

That is correct.

Thank you Marcy.

All right, why don't
you guys get the gifts,

and I will get your
lovely lady a cocktail.

About time.

One two three.

Oh yeah, this is heavy, man.

Okay Joey, what's it gonna be?

We have eggnog with just about
anything.

What kind of mixer
goes with every alcohol?

Just the eggnog will be fine.

Huh?

Oh my god.

Scott doesn't know yet.

What about your punch?

I have mastered the fake drink
thing?

Watch.

No, that's good.

Wow.

Well congratulations.

I am shocked.

Shocked, were you guys trying?

No, we weren't trying.

I think my IUD expired.

Honest to god.

I was considering gifting
mine this Christmas.

Sorry, why haven't you told
Scott?

Is it his?

Jesus, PJ.

Yes, I may be the female
Christian Grey in the bedroom,

but I am monogamous.

Okay, well I'm gonna tell you
something.

You're gonna need a lot more
leather

if you're gonna hide this from
him.

I'll tell him, I just don't
know how.

The Joey he loves can
hold her own with him.

Clyde doesn't want his Bonnie

pushing around a baby stroller.

Okay, they robbed banks.

You two just stay up past
11, watching "Outer Banks."

Did Joey rob a sperm bank?

Ha ha.

I shouldn't have said anything.

Just please keep it to
yourselves tonight.

Joey, of course you should
tell us,

we're your best friends.

If we can't conceal your
pregnancy from your boyfriend,

while you work your way
through denial, then who can?

Yo!

What are we doing this year?

We were just talking about
you.

How about fog nogs?

Oh god Scott, do I dare ask?

Eggnog and tequila, gets you
foggy.

Ah, I like that.

What about nog on a log with
celery and peanut butter?

I know you're joking but

I would totally try that,
actually.

That's a good idea.

All right, cheers.

Okay.

Cheers.

To swapping, right?

Cheers, yeah.

And I'm not talking
about our gift exchange.

Oh my God.

Why do I even?

I don't.

Let him speak?

Ebenezers.

Hey, Merry-

Don't say it.

Are any of us even Jewish?

I am, thank you for
remembering husband.

That's true.

Where's Beth?

She's coming a little later,

she's still getting a gift.

What, we don't
do last minute gifts.

Yeah, she knows no Snuggies,
right?

No, she's just, she's
been really, really busy

at work lately, but don't
worry, she never disappoints.

That is true.

Last year she brought
that electric scooter.

That was a competitive item.

I feel so alive!

Hey, scoot over.

Let me show you how I roll.

That was actually mine.

Good to see you Wayne.

Yeah, you guys too.

How's it going?

I'll take the gift for
you.

Oh, thanks man.

What time are we starting?

No rush, whenever Beth gets
here.

And I reach my PAL
for white elephant-ing.

You have a PAL for everything.

Wait, what's a PAL?

Perfect alcohol level.

You know, whenever you're like
playing

billiards or darts or golf, and
you get better as you drink,

but when you reach a certain
level

and then you take one sip
further, you're just terrible?

Oh yeah.

That my friend is PAL.

That is brilliant.

So what's your PAL
for white elephant-ing.

Is that really a verb?

Yes.

Well, that's the thing.

You just have to know
it when you reach it,

especially your sex PAL.

Sex PAL is very real, yes.

Okay Wayne, can I get
you something to drink?

Yes, sure PJ, just whatever's
easy.

Eggnog and rum.

Sure, I like the glass by the
way.

Oh, thank you.

White elephant exchange four
years ago.

Marcy has never forgiven me.

Let them go, or I will
kick you in the shin.

Try it.

Ladies, ladies, keep it
glassy.

Oh no.

Yeah, that was before we
banned holiday-themed gifts.

I forgot about that.

What about the beef jerky
poinsettia?

That was not specifically a
poinsettia,

although it was a lovely shade
of red,

until John fed it to the
neighborhood raccoon faction.

And you said I could place it
anywhere.

Wait, why did we ban the
holiday-themed gifts again?

Because they're generic,
like bottles of booze.

I mean, nobody appreciates a
handle

of sweet, sweet whiskey more
than me,

but for white elephant, we
can do better than that.

That isn't specifically why
it was banned, but it is true.

You guys, the exchange is a
tradition

to honor our friendship,

and to keep it alive as we get
older.

The gifts are symbols of that
friendship,

and should be used or displayed
or whatever all year long.

Yeah, that's exactly what I
told Joey

about the sexy nurse costume
I got her for Halloween.

Yes, same concept sort of.

Well said, babe.

Cheers.

To our lifelong friendship,

and the creative gifts
that represent it.

Oh, Wayne's tearing up, that's
so sweet.

No no, it's not about you
guys.

I mean I love all of you, but
it's just

You okay, Bud?

Is it Beth?

Is she dying?

No no, she's not dying, John.

She's just,

I just don't know if we're gonna
work out.

What makes you think that?

Yeah, maybe you're
overthinking it.

Well, she said, I don't
know if we're gonna work out.

Yeah, that's pretty clear.

So, is she not coming,

'cause that could really
affect the exchange.

John, can you just not
think about that for a minute?

Wayne, is there something
that happened or?

Did you propose to her
dressing up as furries,

and she wasn't into it,
and now it's awkward?

That is oddly specific,

and no, not at all what
happened.

She said that she's like
still figuring herself out,

and she's not ready to settle
down yet.

Who is?

Not you apparently.

You're the one who's always
saying

I'm figuring myself out.

What does that mean anyway,
settle down?

You can't have commitments

and still be a fun, normal
person?

I know, right.

Says the commitment-phobe.

I'm not a commitment-phobe,
I'm a marriage-phobe.

There's a very big difference.

Dude, just let her work her
stuff out.

I mean, you're a world-class
guy,

with world-class friends,

and she'll realize that.

Scott is right.

Like sometimes women
just need a little space

to get through our heads.

It'll be okay.

I promise.

Thank you.

Thank you guys.

And please just don't say
anything, or make it awkward.

I mean, she really does love you
guys

and is really excited about
tonight.

Is that why she waited
until today to get her gift?

Oh no, no, I was just lying
about that.

No, she just wanted to drive
separately.

She gains a bit more
respect back from me then.

Girls, should we help
PJ with the spread?

Oh I'll help you spread.

Scott, come on man.

Keep it classy.

It is classy.

I'm sorry Billy.

Couldn't you wait, Wayne?

I know, I don't want to
ruin your big night, man.

No it's fine.

We're all together.

Right? That's what makes it
special.

And PJ has been wanting this
so long nothing could ruin it.

You are a brave man.

I mean, I'll be with Joey
forever,

but there's no reason to make it
official.

Most married people cheat
anyway.

I'm not sure that's true.

I love being married.

That's 'cause your wife
financially supports you.

Play nice.

I'm sorry.
- She does, it's fine.

But it's more than just that.

It's more

just having someone to
share your life with.

That sounds nice.

So how is this gonna work?

I tried to keep it
as simple as possible.

It's all about nobody taking my
gift,

which is the red shoe box,
by the way, right up front.

We'll draw numbers like we
always do for our order.

And if she picks near the end,

then she'll likely have to pick
it first.

Polly Jean Adams, will you
marry me?

Oh my God, yes!

What if she picks early?

Well then we do what
makes the game fun anyway,

and we keep stealing from her.

Oh, I've always wanted one of
these.

Uh uh, this is mine, yes.

Oh.

How nice, I will take that,
thank you.

Oh look at this.

That's insane.

Well behaved women seldom make
history.

I think I'm gonna take that.

But what if she gets
another gift three times?

If we see her taking
a liking to something,

we're gonna have to step up our
game.

Okay.

Work together.

Perfect.

No no no no.

No.

Hey.
- Yes.

What the hell?

What if we get stuck with
something we don't really want?

It can happen and I
will make it up to you.

Listen, no one is gonna be
thinking

about the exchange after the
proposal.

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# And a Happy Hanukkah

All right, I guess you've
thought of everything.

It's gonna be great.

Best white elephant ever.

Yes.

I'm so sad for Wayne.

He's so sweet.

Yeah, it sounds like he's
gonna be on the market soon,

so maybe we could set him up.

I did have a little crush
on Wayne, before Billy.

Really?

I mean, I didn't really know
him,

and before I could,

Billy swept me off my feet.

I thought it was more
of a gradual sweeping.

Oh no, no, no.

It was instant.

How you feeling, Joey?

I don't know how people do
this.

Sorry.

What does it feel like
to have another being

growing inside of you?

It's kind of like this spread
actually.

What?

I think you're just hungry.

No, no.

It's like a little bit of
everything.

Some days I feel like my life is
over.

And then, I see the
picture of my ultrasound,

and I see this strange
alien thing growing inside.

And even though it really
grosses me out,

it's my alien thing,

and I smile and think about
dressing it.

Some days I,

just to want to have sex all
day.

And some days I just want to
throw up.

And yes,

I'm also, super hungry, all the
time.

I probably shouldn't have ate
that part.

I'm getting a little carried
away.

Wow, that was a super
impressive

visual representation of
pregnancy.

Seriously guys, what
the hell am I gonna do?

I say, tell him tonight.

It's all about surprises anyway.

That's very true.

I don't think it's
gonna be the right time.

There she is, come on in.

I'm sorry I'm late, work
stuff.

Thank you for hosting again.

You know, including us
all in you know what.

Hey, do you want to take this
for me?

Yeah, sure.

Cool, thanks.

You sure there's a gift in
here?

Yeah yeah, I'm sure.

Hi Beth!

Hi, sorry I'm late.

No worries, you didn't miss
much.

Well, it's great that you guys

are all keeping this alive
still.

I mean, hey, some people
do karaoke or hiking,

we do a white elephant.

You know, I'm actually
training
for a big climb right now.

Yeah, it took me about three
weeks

to realize that I actually hate
hiking.

So, stop?

No, I think it's too late.

Plus you know, maybe I'll grow
to like it.

I thought I would grow to like
cuddling.

Nope.

Really?

The worst.

I love cuddling with John,

he's like a little teddy bear.

You should gift him.

No living gifts.

Do you guys remember the albino
turtle?

It's really rare, I
shelled out a lot for it.

I'm pretty sure Billy just
spray painted him white.

Yeah.

Wayne and I cuddle.

Really?

I mean really?

I expected that.

Yes, that's cute.

We knew that.

You want to get a drink?

Yeah.

It's eggnog, it's so good.

# Deck the halls with boughs of
holly

# 'Tis the season to be jolly

# Don we now our gay apparel

# Troll the ancient Yuletide
carol

What'cha doing?

Just making sure they all
look equally presentable.

Do you ever worry you might be

going a little overboard
sometimes?

Never.

Yeah.

I admire your attention to
detail,

but maybe could pay more
attention to your friends.

John and Marcy are at the
food,

and Wayne and Scott are talking
about

their fantasy football teams.

I'm sad for Wayne.

I've known Wayne
since his freshman year.

And if there's a problem
in his relationship,

it's not all her.

What do you mean?

You know, he's insecure, like
needy.

I don't think wanting to be
loved means that you're needy.

Did I say that?

Okay.

Anyway, we ready, should we
start?

Yeah, let's do it.

I have a feeling there's
gonna be a big surprise tonight.

You do?

I mean, there always is.

Ladies and gentlemen, gather
around.

Let's leave our drinks in the
kitchen,

we're four for four years on
spillage.

All right, it is time to start
what you all came here for.

Free food?

Yes, but also the fifth-ish
anniversary

of the white elephant exchange.

I'm pretty sure it's six.

Well, I don't think we count
the year

we tried to double it as John
and Marcy's engagement party.

Remember, they took all the
gifts, we just got cuff links.

Yeah, that was awesome.

All right, before we begin,

does anyone have any
rule additions or changes

they would like to propose for a
vote?

Yeah, are we old enough
to ban the sex stuff?

Nay.

Sorry, sex stuff lives.

Hmm, should we reconsider
the ban on Guy and Liz?

Ooh, I'd be open to that, I
miss Liz.

What did they even do?

No, they missed a year.

I know, but I mean, as we get
older,

that does seem kind of harsh.

I mean, people have other
things, right?

That's the idea of the rule.

I mean, the whole point of this

is to get everybody together.

Why even do it if it's
something you can just skip

and go caroling with your
neighbors?

I don't think people carol
anymore.

Well they should, and
we should keep the rule.

Okay then, let's draw numbers.

# Dashing through the snow
in a one-horse open sleigh

# Over the fields we go
laughing all the way

# Bells about to ring
making spirits bright

# Oh what fun it is to ride
and sing a sleighing song
tonight

# Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle jingle all the way

# A day or two ago I
thought I'd take a ride

# And soon Miss Fanny Bright
was seated at my side

# The horse was lean and lank

# Misfortune seemed his lot, he
got into a drifted bank and then
we got upsot

# Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle jingle all the way

# Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle jingle all the way

Let's get ready to white
elephant!

Everybody take your seat.

Beth, I saved you a seat.

It's okay, I think I'm
gonna stand up for just a bit.

All right, who's first?

That wouldn't be me
actually.

Lucky.

You do remember from
doing this multiple times,

that first is the worst spot,
right?

Oh yeah.

Okay, wow.

Okay.

Make it good.

All right, so I think

we are gonna start simple this
year.

What makes you think it's
simple?

I don't know, let's find out.

That's great wrapping.

Okay, rosé all day.

That's the perfect gift for me,
wow.

# Try it on

# Try it on

# Try it on

# Try it on

Don't get too comfortable in
that buddy, I will take that.

# Try it on

# Try it on

Oh yeah.

It was made for me.

Rosé all day,

and night.

Okay, okay.

I am bummed to lose that to
female Hugh Hefner over here.

Every rosé has its thorn.

Nice one.

But I did also have my eye on
this.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna-

Yeah, please.

What is this?

Is this a mechanical bull?

Or wait a sec, no.

It's like an inflatable water
toy?

Or is this a mechanical
bull inflatable water toy?

Oh my god.

That's awesome.

Now that as a white elephant
gift.

Who is that?

Thank you, thank you everyone.

I don't have a pool.

No, it works on lakes,
too.

I don't care if we're
doing it in the tub.

We are trying that out tonight.

# Try it out

# Try it out

# Try it out

# Try it out

# Try it out

# Try it out

Yeah.

Start slow.

Start slow!

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Oh my gosh.

I am so sorry.

Way to grab the bull
by the horns there bud.

It's all right, he's a soldier.

Let's just corral this over
here.

Who's up next?

I am three.

All right, here we go.

Uh uh, turn away my friend, my
bull.

Relax, I don't believe
in taking your own gift.

It's not against the rules
though.

I'm going to the tree.

Hey hey hey, gentle.

Ho ho ho ho ho.

Whoa, whoa, I thought

we weren't supposed to be
gifting alcohol.

I stand corrected.

Wow.

Okay.

Maybe Wayne should wear this on
the bull?

Oh my God.

Is that autographed by Deroy
Jones?

Who?

Only the greatest tight
end in the history of ISU.

I'll take the greatest tight
end ever.

Billy's favorite player,
what a coincidence.

Oh, I don't think it's
a coincidence, John.

Clearly PJ's using our white
elephant

to get her boyfriend a cool
gift.

Blasphemy!

That is not true.

I thought all men worship Deroy
Jones.

Joey wants a piece too, right?

I don't think I buy it.

Marcy, what's the rule on
buying for a specific person?

I don't think that's come up,
Scott.

You guys, I buy Billy
presents all the time.

Why would I need to get him
something in the exchange?

Let's just move on.

You just want your
hands on my tight end.

Okay, I'm up.

# Try it on

# Try it on

# Try it on

Ooh, feels nice.

Not that I would wear it over
anything.

I'll take it.

You can't even drink rosé.

Wait, what?

Why can't she drink rosé?

She's allergic.

Yeah.

No she's not.

Not to wine of course, but to
um roses.

I don't think there's roses in
rosé.

Agree to disagree.

Or maybe, I don't know.

I just want this soft
robe all over my body.

I want that body on my body.

Moving on.

Who's next?

Wait a minute, wait a minute,

I get to go again after
losing to the Joey grail.

Almost good.

Thanks. Okay.

You know, there's a really a
nice

shoe-box-shaped present, right
there.

Yeah, I see that.

There you go.

I'm gonna leave this one here.

No, you have to open it fully.

Fine.

Is that cheese?

An intimacy pillow.

What is an intimacy
pillow?

It looks like a giant foam
doorstop.

How was this over a hundred
dollars?

Oh, the packaging says
that it was approved

by more sex therapists than
any other pillow, just saying.

Oh okay, and you accuse me

of buying for my significant
other.

I mean you did bring the
nightie last year, remember?

Uh oh!

Thank you for keeping it
classy.

And festive.

# Try it on

# Try it on

# Try it on

# Try it on

No I can't.

Time to call it a nightie.

I mean, yeah, everyone did
end up wearing that gift.

It was almost weird.

Besides a pillow is a
much more universal gift

than a helmet that belongs
to whatever his name is.

Deroy Jones.

This is not just a pillow.

# Try it out

# Try it out

# Try it out

Okay, sorry no, I will
not be trying this out.

Boo.

Yet.

Oh God.

Okay, can we do a refill break?

Yes.

Five minute pee/eggnog break.

That didn't sound right.

Are you having fun?

Yeah, you?

Besides the concussion
from the bull accident, yeah.

Right?

Yeah, that was funny.

Yeah, so you're laughing at
me?

See, I can be useful.

Wayne, come on.

Sorry.

Did you tell them?

Tell them what?

Come on.

I mean, I might have
mentioned something,

but it's not a big deal.

I mean, everybody's just
waiting for Billy's proposal.

That's why I came.

That explains it.

Wayne, I'm kidding, relax,
okay?

Your present is a hit.

Yours too.

Joey's pregnant.

Are you okay?

I had the exact same reaction.

It's just not who I would have
expected.

Right?

I always thought we
would have been the first.

Aw.

Should we have been the first?

I mean, we can't pass them
baby,

that's not how it works.

That's not what I meant.

I mean, should we be talking
about this?

I can get a better job.

John, can you stop apologizing

about your job all the time?

Sorry.

Wayne made a comment earlier
and-

We're changing the subject
anyway.

Right.

Is that a sign?

Not for me, I mean,
you can keep working.

I could stay home.

You're sweet.

I always wanted to be a manny.

I don't think it's called
mannying or nannying.

When it's your kid, I think
it's just called parenting.

Agree to disagree.

Okay everybody, five minutes
is up.

Let's get on with it.

All right, who's number five?

I'm five.

That did not last long.

It's hard to last long
with an intimacy pillow.

And in the least surprising
steal of the night.

Come on, no try it out chant?

Come on.

Back to you, PJ.

And remember there is a
nice shoe-box-shaped present

still under the tree.

Yeah, I don't think I can
handle

going back to the tree again.

So,

yeah, give it to me.

I knew it.

Okay well.

Thank you, my lady.

There are no take backs.

So my choices are a helmet

that belongs to some
random football player.

Deroy Jones.

A floating mechanical
bull for pools or lakes

that none of us have,

or an intimacy pillow that my
boyfriend

is holding onto for dear life.

Well, when you put it that
way.

I'm going to the tree.

Yeah.

Let's see.

All right.

Ooh, it's an envelope.

Oh, is it another soap on a
rope

of the month club membership?

Soap on a rope?

I love it.

# Try it out

# Try it out

# Try it out

How's it hanging?

It doesn't look like soap,

I think it's a European
vacation?

I'm sorry.

Gosh, flights, hotels,
winery tours, for one.

What?

It's one vacation, for one
person.

Who would want to go on a
nice vacation like that alone?

I know.

Sorry guys, I just,

I bought it on a whim a few
weeks ago,

and I thought it could
be a fun item, right?

Everyone could use a vacation.

Did you buy it for yourself?

I mean it's allowed.

No, no.

Really?

I don't know, it was just
one of those days, I guess.

No, you knew none of us

would want to go on a solo
vacation,

so you used it to get out
of having to buy something.

No, honestly I, yes I bought
it,

but I'm not even sure
that I want to use it,

so I thought I might see if
someone else might want it more.

Why can't you just be honest
about it?

You bought a one-person trip

because you are done with me.

So why did you even come
tonight?

Wayne, these are my friends
too.

And I'm not just done with you.

I'm sorry. I just, I, I, I don't
know.

What?

Hey guys, let's go get some
food in the kitchen.

No, no no no, it's okay.

Look, this is what tonight is
all about.

It's about being together,
right?

So this is my life now, I guess.

The woman I love would
rather travel to Europe,

sleeping with French guys named
Philippe,

then be with the person who
wants to take care of her,

that's fine.

Wait, this comes with French
guys?

Sorry.

Maybe I don't want to be
taken care of, I don't know.

I mean is this it?

I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

I'm not as old as you guys are.

Ouch.

No, I'm sorry that
came out wrong, I just,

maybe I just need to
live a little, I guess.

You want to live?

Then, get an inflatable bull,

or get an intimacy pillow.

Ooh, this is mine.

I thought we built something.

And I appreciate that, I do, I
do,

but that something sometimes
feels like everything, Wayne,

and I am suffocating in that
notion.

You're suffocating?

Isn't that a little bit drastic?

I mean, it's not like I'm like

some crazy clingy boyfriend
or something, right?

Am I a clingy boyfriend?

That was the word that you
used.

Guys, am I a clingy boyfriend?

Guys?

Maybe a little.

Really?

Oh, you did call her twice a
day on her snowboard weekend.

I'm not saying this is clingy,

but you have not left her
side since she got here.

That is the definition of
clingy.

Wow, I'm a clingy boyfriend.

It's okay, you are who
you are.

There are worse things.

And I don't even have
the vacation anymore,

I gave it away, and Joey is
going.

Yes I am.

Why don't we just get on with
the game?

Yeah, let's just go.

Yeah, look we can talk
about this later, right?

Yeah.

Back to the game guys.

Okay then.

Only three gifts left.

What a fun year this has been so
far.

Okay I'm six, and I'm gonna
start fresh.

Let's see.

Oh my god.

Are you serious?

This is amazing.

What is it?

It's a quilt made of T-shirts.

I almost made a quilt last
year,

with duct tape.

Look, they're not just any
T-shirts,

they're all meaningful to our
gang.

Wait.

Oh yeah, I remember when we got
these

Nadas T-shirts in the parking
lot.

There's some classic parties
represented on there as well.

Who made this?

I did.

Well I didn't make it,
I hired a seamstress,

but I had the idea and I
gathered all the T-shirts.

And you know, in hindsight

I probably wouldn't have spent a
year

collecting fabric memories
to create something

that literally clings to you.

That is very thoughtful,
Wayne.

Thanks, yeah, it was really
fun to do

and it brought back some amazing
memories.

Wow.

This is the spirit
of our white elephant.

Oh my god.

Here it is.

What?

This black shirt, "Let's
Get Trunk This Christmas."

Billy was wearing that on our
first date.

Wow.

His obsession with
Christmas goes way back.

I've been looking for this
forever.

How did you get it?

I must've left it at
Wayne's all these years ago.

Probably.

No, I gave you that one.

Remember, you asked me if I had

any old college T-shirts for
Instagram TBTs or something,

and I gave you four or five.

Oh yes.

Very sneaky, okay.

Why would you have Billy's
T-shirt?

You guys barely knew
each other in college.

I use my T-shirts for rags,
anyway.

I took these from Marcy's
closet.

You what?

Those boxes on the top shelf.

I didn't think you'd care.

Why would Marcy have Billy's
shirt?

I couldn't have had the only

"Let's get Trunk" shirt at ISU.

I thought you made it.

I must have given it to
John for his rags then.

No,

You're lying.

You're covering up something, I
can tell.

PJ, don't be silly.

Let's just, let's just
get back to admiring

Wayne's wonderful work here.

Thank you.

Marcy, why did you have
Billy's shirt?

Marcy?

I'm so sorry.

What the hell?

Can we, can we, can we pause
the game?

No, you can tell me now.

Wayne and Beth didn't get
a break from the game.

PJ, it's not a big deal, I
swear.

Then you can tell me
why you had Billy's shirt.

Okay, let me explain.

No, no, no, you've
already lied to me once,

why would I believe anything you
say?

Maybe the six years
we've spent together.

And how many lies did
you tell me over that span?

PJ!

PJ, please.

Don't be mad at Billy, okay?

This is my fault.

What, what is your fault?

We hooked up a few times in
college.

What, really?

But he was wearing that
shirt when we met so,

it must've been after.

My best friend banged my
boyfriend.

Okay, we weren't serious yet.

And I didn't even
know you guys went out.

Of course you didn't.

Wow, I feel pretty stupid right
about now.

Babe, this is not
something to be upset about.

I love you, I'm with you.

Marcy is our friend and that's
it.

We don't have feelings for each
other.

Do you know why I wanted
that stupid shirt so bad?

Because that night was magical.

I knew immediately it
was something special.

We are magical.

Not magical enough to stop
having sex with my best friend.

All right.

You know what?

I'll be honest.

I didn't know right away that
you were the love of my life.

I'm sorry.

I was a normal college student.

I hooked up with girls.

I'm sorry, all right.

But eventually I figured
out that you were the one,

what happened between
Marcy, it means nothing now.

If it's nothing, then
why keep it a secret?

He wanted to tell
you, I wouldn't let him.

Wow.

You've been like a sister to me.

PJ, I am so sorry.

I screwed up, but please
don't be mad at Billy.

What are you doing?
- It's not his fault,

he loves you.

I can go.

No, you don't need to do that.

PJ, I'm the one that
didn't want to tell you.

Once Marcy found out that
we had been out a few times,

she put a stop to us
immediately.

I begged her not to tell you,

because I didn't want to
hurt your amazing friendship.

And yeah, I knew that it would
look

really, really bad for me.

Marcy, why did you lie just
now?

I'm sorry.

Stop saying that.

I just want to save tonight.

It's a dumb white elephant
exchange,

and I'm pretty sure Beth already
ruined it

by dumping her clingy
boyfriend through her gift.

Okay, that's not what
happened.

Wait a minute.

I am being so selfish right now.

John, I haven't thought
about you in all of this.

Did you know your wife slept
with one of your best friends?

I did not.

I am so sorry, babe.

I'm really more upset Marcy
kept the "get trunk" shirt,

but made me use my
intramural broom ball jersey

to polish her candlesticks.

Stop John, stop hiding
your feelings with jokes.

Deep down you are angry, I know
it.

She's right, you do hide
your feelings sometimes.

It's not the best news.

Just let it out, babe.

But I hadn't even met Marcy
yet.

I can't be upset of who
she was with before me,

and we decided a long time ago
not to discuss past partners.

Good idea.

Thank you, John.

And what about Billy?

I didn't know you then either.

It's hurtful you never said
anything.

I'm not gonna lie.

Yeah, doesn't that feel better
John?

Billy is a liar,

and he needs to hear how much he
hurt us.

Okay.

Point taken.

Scott, what about you?

You knew us all back then.

Did you know about Billy and
Marcy?

I didn't.

And I'm glad I didn't.

And how about you, Wayne?

You're the one who
started this whole thing

with your stupid quilt.

Okay.

Like this is not Wayne's
fault by any means.

He was just trying to do
something sweet.

Joey, you've been awfully
quiet, did you know?

I honestly don't remember.

Right, must be the
pregnancy brain, I'm sure.

PJ.
- Wait, what?

Oh that's right.

You didn't know.

God, the secrets this group
keeps from each other.

She's kidding, right?

PJ, how could you do this?

He deserves to know.

Not like this!

It's better for
the truth to be out.

PJ, I understand that
you are upset with me,

but you need to leave
everybody out of this.

Yeah, a little late for that.

Is this real?

Is it a boy or girl?

I um we can find out.

In a few weeks.

Should we invite the whole
crew?

It feels like a group thing now.

I can't believe you!

No, I'm glad that at
least someone told me.

I was going to!

Only 'cause he would've
noticed eventually,

otherwise you probably would've

hidden it forever, like Marcy.

I apologized, can't we move
on?

Yes, can we get back to
the fact that my girlfriend

who has been drinking the whole
night,

by the way, is pregnant.

They are virgin drinks, Scott.

You don't know anything about
virginity.

What the hell is that supposed
to mean?

Why is the guy holding
onto an intimacy pillow

for dear life, seriously
slut-shaming me?

You're right.

I'm sorry.

So it was a dumb thing
for me to say, you know,

I was, I wasn't thinking
straight

'cause I just found out from
someone else

that my girlfriend is pregnant.

Now that is a pretty big
development.

Why don't we take a break,

grab some peppermint bark.

I can use a drink.

Scott, I will make you one too.

You know what?

Scott is right.

There's nothing virginal
about me, I'm sexual a lot.

Sometimes three times a day.

Really?

She is, it's true.

And that's exactly why
I was afraid to tell you.

Why I'm afraid to be pregnant,
period.

What would you think?

What would all of you think?

When the girl who normally
has a cocktail in one hand

and her boobs popping out,

starts drinking pickle juice

and rolling around like a
bowling ball.

I think your boobs will
pop out more actually.

Yeah, they're gonna be huge.

But never mind that, look,

do you really think I'm so
shallow

that I won't love you pregnant?

I don't know.

And I'm scared to find out, I
guess.

Wow.

PJ, not sure how I feel
about the truth being better,

but good try.

I didn't start this.

Okay, well then just
blame me, all right?

I brought the quilt so we can-

Yeah, just thanks for that.

Maybe Joey can wrap it around
her soon to be fat ass.

Oh nice.

You know what I think is
funny,

here's PJ, all high and mighty,

destroying everybody else's
relationships,

when really, you're a hypocrite.

An hour ago, you were talking

about how you had a crush on
Wayne.

What?

Oh my god.

In college, before Billy,
not a minute after.

And it was just a crush.

I wasn't leaving intimate
clothing at his house.

It was a "Let's Get Trunk"
T-shirt.

It's weird, I don't
think you ever mentioned

having a crush on my boyfriend.

Oh, you stay out of this.

You didn't even go to college
with us.

You're only here because of him,

and that's probably over anyway.

Or are you suddenly
interested in him again,

now that you know I once liked
him?

Oh, don't flatter yourself.

You know, you never
mentioned it to me either.

Oh, just stop.

You can't compare a little
crush to sleeping with someone.

Well, how do I know you
never slept with Wayne?

Whoa no, that definitely never
happened.

I promise, that never happened.

Why do you care what
she thinks anyway, Wayne?

She'd probably prefer if
we did sleep together.

Oh wow, you are going so far.

You know what?

No, not that I owe any
kind of explanation,

but I didn't come here
to break up with Wayne.

I came here because this
night means so much to him.

His best friends who have
managed to stay so close.

Well, so much for that now,
right?

And you know what?

You guys don't even deserve
Wayne.

Stop.

Think about the love
that he tried to show

by making that quilt,

and you are all ruining it
with your petty jealousy.

Okay, can we both just please
stop?

All right?

Let's just be done.

No, Beth is right.

This is a beautiful gift, and
it's mine.

And I will get out my sewing kit

and whatever's left in that
box of shirts in my closet,

and I will personally
replace the elephant T-shirt,

and return it to you, PJ.

I don't want that shirt now.

Then what do you want me to
do?

How can we fix this?

This might not be fixable,
mother bear.

I want that quilt as is.

In fact, do you know what?

I'm gonna frame it.

I'm gonna put it on the wall,

so every day I can look
at it and be reminded

of the great, honest people
I went to college with.

Here, trade me, take the robe.

No, there's a rule
against trading mid turn.

Here you go.

Thank you.

And thank you, Wayne.

Last call on fog nogs.

Yes.

Yes, please.

That's a great idea.

Give me the quilt.

No, you can't hide what you
did.

No, give me the quilt.

Hey, does that mean I'm
stuck with the helmet?

Well, Billy certainly
doesn't deserve it.

Fine, take your blanket.

I will, use this with someone
else.

Take it, we're not gonna be
having sex

for a while anyways.

That's not true.

In fact, I'm going on
a vacation, a daddy moon.

Oh, enjoy that.

I will.

Leave your pregnant
girlfriend home alone.

She's pregnant?

She never told me.

You and I both know I will
get more use out of this

than you could even imagine,

and that's not my
pregnancy brain speaking.

Ouch.

Back to mommy.

You're sick.

Wayne, do you really want that
bull?

I think really I just want to
go home.

And the way tonight's going,

I'm definitely not opening
anything new.

Good.

Let me help you.

The beef is mine.

Wow, it's a really nice quilt.

I'm sure whoever made
it never intended for it

to ruin traditions and
destroy relationships, so.

Well I think I'll just do you
a favor

and take this ugly thing off
your hands.

Everybody knows you can't
handle your wine anyway.

Not when it's mixed with
eggnog, no.

Oh I'm sorry, you don't like
my eggnog.

Maybe Billy can make you
something with his nog.

I'm starting to like extremely
angry PJ.

Okay.

Sorry Scott,

daddy-moon's over.

Marcy needs her own R and R.

Enjoy it, you know.

What happens in Europe stays in
Europe

so it's perfect for you.

Hey, what did she do to you?

Nothing, I'm just, I'm just
saying.

Then don't.

Hey, I have a kid on the way.

I should have soft things
around the house, right?

Oh, thank you, Joey.

It is my kid, right?

Why does everybody keep asking
me that?

Don't answer.

Yes, unfortunately it is.

You know, it feels so
right to steal from you,

since you stole from me the
experience

of telling my boyfriend
that we're pregnant.

Great.

Third time owning.

Done.

No way, the trade with
Marcy was against the rules.

Very.

You two, and your damn rules.

You have a lot more in common

than your little college tryst.

Fine.

I will win this back.

Fair and square.

Bull, second time.

Me too.

Okay, is anyone else
completely lost?

Yeah.

We meet again.

You know, I just like how
valuable this has become.

You really didn't need to
steal that,

Billy probably would have
just left it at your house.

Silly me for not saying
anything.

I should have known how
understanding you would be.

Since this night is total bull,

she's mine.

Sorry.

Second time.

Careful, it might be cursed.

Might?

Jo, you're glowing in this,

so I hate to take it from you,

but you're not gonna be drinking

rose all day for awhile.

Sadly, this is true.

Thank you.

Wait.

If I steal the luxury
European vacation for one,

very generous by the way, Beth.

Then you'll take the
quilt for the third time,

thus owning it, getting
exactly what you want,

so your sadistic little mind
can continue to hold a grudge

over your best friend and,

boyfriend,

or is it ex at this point?

Whatever.

Keep the vacation.

Wayne, I love the quilt and I
think it's a beautiful gift.

Thank you, Joey, and
congratulations.

Oh my God, wow, you are glowing.

Bull.

Third time, it's done.

Can I just say something?

PJ, I put the "Let's Get
Trunk" shirt on the quilt,

because I remembered that Billy
wore it on your first date.

I actually tried to talk him out
of it,

but it was December
and you know Billy, so,

I mean like I'm sorry
that it brought us down

this dark path of deceit or
whatever,

but really it was to
celebrate your relationship.

Thank you, Wayne.

That's really nice.

Sadly, I don't think I will ever
be able

to look at that shirt,

or this relationship, the same.

Billy, I'm sorry man.

Honestly, I was thinking of
you when I made the quilt.

I know how much this
exchange means to you and,

I know how much we all mean to
you

and I'm sorry that it
went a different way,

but I guess in a weird way,

I mean it's only right
that you end up with it.

Third time's the charm.

PJ, this is the present

you were supposed to end up with
tonight.

Everyone was in on it.

I thought,

what better way to propose
to the love of my life,

then at the white elephant
exchange

that we both cherish so much,

in front of all of our
nearest and dearest friends.

And that all just sounds
a little stupid now.

I screwed up.

I should have told you
about Marcy a long time ago,

and now it's too late.

Clearly this is not something

you are ever gonna forgive me
for,

and I understand that.

So I'm just gonna take this back

and you should take the
vacation,

and maybe some time away
will heal some wounds.

I forgive you, for what it's
worth.

I think we should go, babe.

Yeah, I think we should too.

Thanks for hosting, Billy and
PJ.

Guys wait, look, look,

I may not be a part of the
original gang,

but I think I've earned my
stripes

with this gift exchange, right?

You know, I've learned the
rules.

I have lost some dignity,

but I think I deserve to
get my gift too, right.

She's right.

We should honor the game.

I mean, there's one last
present.

Screw that.

I came with this.

I'm gonna leave with this.

Beth, hey, I will buy you a
vacation.

I really don't think you
should take that from her.

You know what guys,

why don't we just leave the last
present,

and PJ can open it when she's
ready.

Why is everyone in such a
hurry to go?

There's still plenty
of eggnog, and snacks.

And this white elephant is not
over!

I believe this is mine.

Go on, it's your turn.

Everybody's right, it's over.

Billy, you love a good
white elephant, let's go.

This isn't what I

We could stay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Starting over.

Intimacy pillow, first time.

Really?

Okay.

I see how it is.

Scott!

What? I mean,

it may be too late to make
an honest woman out of you,

but this might come in handy
some day.

I mean, there's like five
karats in this beauty.

Come on, stop.

I thought you were mad at her.

I thought you were mad
at me.

I am, but I'm more mad at her.

And you should be.

See?

Both of you.

What?

I want that ring, and
I am gonna fight for it.

But if there's another
person who ends up with it,

I hope it's Joey.

What I did to you was
incomprehensible.

I was very hurt,

and I reacted by hurting others.

Most of all, you two.

Joey, you always put
everyone else before you,

and you never asked
for anything in return,

except the one time you
trusted me with your secret

and I betrayed you.

At least Marcy kept her secret
with Billy,

and honored their friendship.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Let's see.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Baby needs a pillow.

No Billy,

it's for me and Joey.

She's my girl, even when she
does get fat.

Really?

Seriously.

I mean, PJ's so right, you're so
selfless.

Most women would tell
their man immediately,

whenever they're pregnant,

and milk it for every second
they can.

But your thoughts were
on what I would think.

And maybe I do come off as only
caring about all the parties

and the amazing sex and,

I mean, I do love all those
things,

but I also love all the other
things.

You're so caring and you're so
nurturing,

and you're gonna make an amazing
mom.

I am?

I love you.

Let's go use this.

You still want this?

Thank you.

I will take this back then.

Thank you very much.

Not a lot of options left.

There is the one left to open.

No, everybody knows
opening your present now

is how you get stuck.

Okay.

And I'm gonna take this back
from you.

Beth, what are you doing?

Just trust me, I've got this.

Congratulations.

Huh?

Enjoy your vacation, you own
it.

No I don't.

It's your third time.

No it's not.

When I took the quilt from
you,

you took it from Marcy,

and then a few minutes
ago you took it from Beth.

Damn, how do you remember
everything?

I'm a professional.

And this is my third time.

I'm sorry, I was just trying
to help.

It's not your fault.

None of this is anyone's fault.

Take the tight end.

What?

Please?

Thank you.

No offense Billy or PJ or Deroy.

Trade it?

Yeah, okay.

So wait, are we allowing
trades now?

I own that vacation, I can
do anything I want with it.

Yeah, but Beth's only had
the helmet the one time.

Marcy.

It's fine.

Are we fine with it?

Yay.

Okay.

Trade?

I don't think so.

Come on.

Put a tight end to it.

Good effort.

Okay, I totally brought this
autographed helmet for you.

I knew it.

You should be the one to have
it.

Consider it a peace offering.

I'm so sorry about tonight.

I may have overreacted slightly.

I already apologized to Joey and
Scott,

but Marcy

I'm so sorry about all
the hurtful things I said.

Thank you for ending things with
Billy,

when you found out about us,

because honestly, if he had to
choose,

I am not sure I would have won.

You're the most impressive woman
I know.

And John is so lucky to have
you.

I forgive you.

Come here.

Wayne, I'm really sorry I
blamed you,

and ruined your amazing quilt.

Thank you.

So, how about that trade?

What happens to the ring?

I will hold on to it and
maybe one day we'll be ready.

Sorry, PJ.

That's not what I want.

Okay yeah,

I understand.

I don't want to give this away

in a gift exchange or trade.

I want to do it the right way.

Polly Jean Adams,

I actually was in love with
you from the moment I saw you.

I denied it inside, and
I was probably scared.

I hooked up with somebody
else to try to hide it,

and it was a terrible choice
of who that person was.

No offense, Marcy.

None taken.

That is so beside the point,

you are the
woman of my wildest dreams.

You have put up with my constant
puns,

and embraced every one of my
weird quirks,

including this crazy
white elephant tradition.

You've embraced my friends.

You've even embraced my
beef jerky floral artwork.

Tonight

I, well, we

saw a very different side
of you, and it was nasty,

but it came from a place of
passion,

passion for us,

and the way you chased this
ring.

Even if you did screw up the
game,

it meant a lot.

So,

Polly Jean Adams,

will you marry me?

Yes.

# Try it on

# Try it on

# Try it on

# Try it on

Congratulations.

And I believe this belongs to
you.

He's my favorite.

Thank you so much.

Look on the inside.

What do you mean?

What is this?

Open it.

Oh my god.

Come here, sit.

Okay.

William Berg,

I definitely knew I loved
you from the moment we met.

Maybe I've gotten a little
possessive

over the last six years,

and perhaps a little clingy.

No offense, Wayne.

Oh my God, I don't care.

But it's only because I can't
imagine.

Sorry.

Guys do not have easy.

Okay.

It's only because I can't
imagine life without you.

You are an elephant of a guy.

And, I love you a ton.

You were really gonna use

the white elephant
exchange to propose to me?

Pretty original, right?

No way.

I mean, I was gonna wait and
see

how the night turned out, but.

All right, who knew?

Oh no, you think I would
trust any of these people?

Seriously though
congratulations guys.

I love you, Marcy.

I love you.

I love you too, John.

I love you all.

And, I didn't spoil anything.

Now that is worth celebrating.

Congratulations, you guys.

Congratulations to you, Joey
and Scott,

I guess you had something to do
with it.

PJ, can we grab our drinks?

Promise not to spill?

Promise.

Yes, yes, drinks drinks
drinks.

I got PJ's.

No no, me first, me first.

I can't.

Cheers, to PJ and Billy, and
the weirdest damn proposal,

make that actually double
proposal,

you will ever see.

Cheers.
- Love you guys so much.

Love you guys!

Try it.

Virgin.

Definitely virgin.

I'm just checking.

I'm just checking, you never
know.

Wait, the game's not over.

That's right, whose turn is
it?

Marcy?

Okay, PJ traded the vacation
for the tight end with Beth.

Oh, actually my secret
is that this present

actually has another part to it.

That's not allowed. You can't
have-

Marcy, come on.

Come with me.

Seriously?

Yeah, let's get away
with each other, you know.

Let's figure this out.

I will give your more space.

Just anything, I promise.

Okay, I know that that is who
you are.

Okay.

I'm in.

Can we bring the bull?

Yes.

Were you planning
on giving this to me

the entire time?

I thought I would
see how the night went.

Wow.

What a beautiful white
elephant exchange after all.

And it's still not done guys.

There's still one last present
left.

Wait, who gets it?

Beth took my tight end,

so I guess it's me, but you
know,

I don't have to take it

'cause there's still plenty of
stuff.

Yeah, move it to the
center.

Move it to center, babe.

Looks heavy.

Toilet paper?

Are you serious?

Yep, I've been hoarding it
since March.

Wow.

It'll go with my white
elephant toilet paper holder

from two years ago!

It's a white elephant toilet
paper holder.

I knew you could use it a
crapload.

Wait, is this what you've been
storing

in the office all year?

Yes it is, yes it is.

Now there's room for a
nursery.

No way, no way, no way, no
way.

I'm saving that space
for next year's gift.

Trust me.

Guys, let's take a selfie.

The toilet paper, down here.

Okay, everybody in?

All right, everyone say
"best white elephant ever."

Best white elephant ever.

# It only comes around once a
year

# Friendly tradition
and some extra cheer

# But a feeling takes you
over and it's suddenly clear

# It's time for the white
elephant blues

# Everybody's gifts are
all wrapped up tight

# This one looks amazing
but it's way too light

# My aunt would probably
steal it and start a big fight

# Just a touch of white elephant
blues

# You want to trade me
for your singing bass

# Well keep your hands off my
snuggie, you can kiss my ass

# Oh I'm never gonna learn

# Hey when's it gonna be my turn#

# That crazy albino pachyderm,
the white elephant blues

# Deck the halls with boughs of
holly

# Fa la la la la, la la la la la

# 'Tis the season to be jolly

# Fa la la la la, la la la la la

Down, down, down, is it down?

Thanks.

# Don we now our gay apparel

# Fa la la la la, la la la la la

# Troll the ancient Yuletide
carol

# Fa la la la la, la la la la la

Two, three.

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# We wish you a Merry Christmas
and a happy new year

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# We wish you a Merry Christmas

# We wish you a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year

I'm the quiet one.

Whoever arranged those must
be turning over a new beef.

It's a tuning cork.

It helps your wine find the
right pitch.

Tuning.

I get it.

Is there a weight limit on
this thing?

I'm chairing for ya.

Ha.

I saw that in the store and
said,

Albino other gifts than this.

Hero's in a half shell, turtle
powder.

It looks like Santa's been
by with his linger-sleigh.

I'm just glad you're using
it sooner lather than later.

Well, it was either this or
a set of porcelain bowels.

He's punning again.

Sorry Wayne, sorry everyone.

Every year.

It was good to see you.