What? (1972) - full transcript
A young American woman (Sydne Rome) traveling through Italy finds herself in a strange Mediterranean villa where nothing seems right. Her visit becomes an absurd, decadent, oversexed version of "Alice in Wonderland", with Marcello Mastroianni as the maddest of mad hatters and Roman Polanski a kinky March hare.
WHAT?
How about Spain, France, Italy?
And Afghanistan last year.
What did she say?
She was also in Afghanistan.
- Also in Afghanistan!
- Afghanistan!
Nothing ever happened? Adventure?
Oh yeah, lots of lovely adventures.
And no rape?
- What?
- Rape?
No. I'm very lucky.
I always meet nice people, like you.
What does she say?
She always meets nice people.
Like us!
And that? No nice?
Nice.
What do you do? It's my ass!
What do you do? Are you blind?
Sorry, I'm wrong.
Are you crazy! I saw you! You did it on purpose!
It's okay!
Fox! Bitch!
Harlot!
Harlot!
That's good little boy. Stay there,
and be a good little boy.
Nice little doggy.
Nice.
Nice little doggy.
Stay.
Me, attacked! On the road!
Three guys!
Took the suitcases.
Suitcases? Tomorrow.
Three bags? Tomorrow.
That's my diary.
Enough!
I said enough.
Here it is. Go ahead.
You have to take things calmly. This is a madhouse!
Here nobody says anything! Clear!
Mr. Noblart didn't say you were coming.
Mr. Noblart didn't say anything.
Excuse me, but I've just been attacked.
Up there.
It's not possible. Sleeping.
Very tired.
No, me, attacked
ten minutes ago, up on the road.
I have done the bed!
Bacon?
What bacon? The cooks are sleeping, tomorrow!
No, no. I'm talking about the painting. Painting.
I will get insecticide.
Attempted rape by three Italians.
Saved by an elevator.
Splendid welcome in the house of a...
...Mister (writing) Noblart.
It is something special, unique.
Typical of Ms. Saint-Etienne.
It seems to like rivers.
One lump of sugar.
They bit me up again.
Look.
Even if there's only one of them around,
it always gets me.
Here look, same over place.
Coffee spoon.
Did you hear it again last night?
It really beats me down,
that sound. Even now.
If it weren't for that damn ping-pong.
Did you hear?
Yes, listen.
Perfect!
Perfect.
What I really go for, is volume.
Although one shouldn't forget
about shape, of course.
I couldn't see them properly last night,
but they really are first class.
- What?
- Your tits.
(Jimmy) Old lecher!
Make sure they don't get too much sun.
A brown nipple against a white milk breast.
It's really something worth looking at.
I'm absolutely against sun tan, absolutely.
If you see Amandine, tell her...
Tell...
Don't tell her anything.
In fact,
don't even mention you saw me.
(men trading punches)
He ambushed me again, son of a bitch.
But I land at him a good one in the eye.
You little shit!
(Tony) Miss!
Miss! Can we have the ball back?
Just you watch.
He's gonna crush it.
Wouldn't be seen hanging around him
too much. He's got that clap!
Poor bugger!
It would be nice if we could
see each other alone.
Taught you a good lesson,
did he?
To have a tea, for example,
around 5 today or tomorrow. All right?
- Yes. - Watch out,
Miss, he's a pimp.
His name isn't Alex, his name's Coco.
Coco the mashed potato!
Those aren't mosquito bites,
it's syphilis.
We could meet here if the weather is nice,
or otherwise in the living room.
The downstairs would be
the most convenient.
- What do you think?
- Sure.
He's a fag, too!
Can't you smell his perfume?
- All right?
- All right.
Come and join us.
Take staircase on the right, outside the living room,
the corridor to the left,
up the next staircase, cross the patio,
first door on the left.
Come and eat with us,
we'll be waiting for you.
Faggot!
Can you toss me a lump of sugar?
It's his trick. Not bad, eh?
He can sing, too. Come on, sing.
- Come on! - No.
- Sing. - No.
May I?
I'm sorry.
The 5 o'clock rendezvous was
just to confuse them.
It'd be better to meet on the beach
or up in my tower,
- otherwise they'll be watching
us like hawks. - Who?
- Those two lunatics.
- Oh, yes, of course.
I hardly ever see them, in fact
I thought they left some time ago.
You should've not crushed the little ball,
it's a source of conflict.
- Especially when you--
- Hmm?
When they're in an aggressive mood.
I know, but I can't resist
that sound, that--
- GRRR...
- Indirect sensation.
- I can't resist it, it's something that--
- No. Robson's new book on noise.
- It's terrific.
- Beautiful.
- Have you read it?
- No.
You've got to read it.
Here.
- Indiscreet sensation.
- No, indirect.
I'm sure I've got it in my library.
Now, one last thing before I go,
since I'm in a bit of hurry this morning.
I want to straighten a few things up
to avoid any gossip.
Mainly because of Amandine.
I used to be a pimp.
- A pimp?
- That's right.
As for being a queer,
definitely not.
Did you hear what they say
because of my Atkinsons.
And also syphilis! It's a bit too much.
A pimp, yes. The rest, no.
A pimp, really? With women?
Look, I've just explained,
I'm not a fag.
- I'm sorry.
- That's all right.
Did they work for you?
Do you take money for them?
Who do you think paid for
those 2 morons' education?
How many pros--
How many hook--
How many ladies did you have?
Four!
But all hard workers.
Anyway, that's all in the past.
Finished, over and done with,
dead and buried a long time ago,
almost--
Almost seven months ago.
Fine.
That's settled then.
5 o'clock, on the beach.
Pure gold.
Wonderful weather.
Met a real pimp.
(writing) There's groaning in the house!
Yeah?
Who's that?
- It's me.
- Who?
Hi! How's everything?
I got held up.
Bubu!
Bubu! She's shown up! She's here!
We'll be through in a minute,
I'll be right with you.
- Bubu!
- What?
- Coco's girlfriend arrived.
- Be right there!
Excuse me a moment.
- Where is Lollypop?
- I'm here.
What's the matter with you?
Where's that oil?
I'm cooking a red mallet.
He's a real chef!
Four times since this morning.
Should be a match!
- Five!
- We shan't be long.
That's right. Like that, go on!
- Are we eating inside or out?
- Outside.
- Go on! Go on! Like that!
- To the sun!
- Go on! Yes! Give it to me!
- Take it.
- Give it. - Take it.
- Give. - Take.
Yes!
Can we have some--
Quiet up there!
Hey, that cow's arrived!
So how did it go?
Very well, really.
As far as Naples anyway. And then...
- Did you give him a good beating?
- What? I don't know.
I think I beat someone, but I'm against
violence of any kind on principle.
I wouldn't touch him with a barge pool.
He's worse than the disease,
I can tell you that.
Do you really think so?
Did you see his eyes?
Perhaps he had a difficult childhood.
He he, what about me?
I heard he had mumps.
Who knows?
That's no excuse for being a pain in the ass.
One souldn't judge people too hastily.
Sometimes, often, obscure motivation
- and deep, hidden traumas...
- Trauma, balls!!
That's my T-shirt!
- So what? That's Noblart's pyjamas!
- Calm down, Mosquito!
- They called me Mosquito because I sting
with my big stinger. - Pleased to meet you.
What do you think
what my big stinger is?
- It could be a lot of things.
- Yes, a lot of things, huh?
- You probably think it's
something sexual? - Yes. Uh, no!
- Not exactly.
- My big stinger is this.
I don't bother anyone.
But I don't like people getting in my way.
I also saw your boobs.
They really neat, compliments.
And everyone knows I'm not
a bossom man like all those--
Americans!
It's usually ass that turns me on.
Here, sit down here.
They're fresh.
You know,
it'd be best if got used to eat with us.
You wanna watch out for
the food in this house.
- Oh, really?
- Oh, really?
Lollypop was as sick as a dog.
- Lollypop?
- Yeah?
- Isn't it true that you were as sick as a dog?
- Yeah? - But why?
She wants to know why.
Well, my friend,
I feel it's getting hold of me again.
It's, um, really a lovely view.
May I take a cigarette?
Well, thank you.
I should be going now.
Hello! Cuckoo!
Hello! Cuckoo! It's me.
Sorry I was held up.
- May I help you, my child?
- I thought you were Co--
Coco, the mashed potato.
- I beg your pardon?
- Or rather Alex.
Yes, Alex.
Well, I actually don't really know.
Perhaps you've seen him? He's a nice-looking
gentleman and he wears dark glasses.
- Bless your soul.
- I beg your pardon?
It's only out there that I can find any peace
and get away from the evil
pestilence of this house.
I know what you mean.
It does have a funny smell.
Take my advice.
If you have any shame at all, you should
leave here now while there's still time.
Don't be enticed by the easy life and comfort.
Get away. It's all decadence
and decay around here.
Don't trust any of the poisonous words,
even the food is polluted.
These people can turn rocks to dust
just by looking at them.
You should be ashamed.
What do you mean?
Get away!
(clapping)
Bravo, bravo, bravo!
If he suggest you ride the pedal boat, refuse.
Refuse absolutely.
Scream if necessary.
- Who? - He can be very convincing.
He'll talk you out of anything.
- Out of what?
- Out of making love, even touching yourself.
Were you looking for something?
The tower.
I mean, something about a tower.
Well, well! What an extraordinary coincidence!
That's just where I was going.
To the tower!
- What are you doing here, you little brat!?
- I brought your fiance.
Come in. Don't be frightened.
Why should she be frightened? I'm here.
Come on, get it out. Let me see it.
Coward! Filthy little freak!
- You've got no balls.
- You're lucky I'm with a lady.
Faggot!
I'll have your guts!
He's nice, always ready to lend
a hand about the--
Stubborn as a mule!
Bastard!
My little kingdom.
Nice.
Yes, but it gets rather over excited
for its age. It's not natural.
I'll be back!
Thank you.
I always thought--
No, last night I thought a lot--
I hardly slept at all and
really did a lot of thinking.
Before morning one of us
will have his guts out.
As God my witness.
What a pity!
- I had a nice--
- I would like you to do me a favor.
- With pleasure.
- Yes.
It's lovely!
I shot it myself in Africa.
A tiger in Africa? Are you sure?
Wait a moment, I'll show you.
Enough nonsense now!
Yes?
Right above the bed.
Above the bed?
Yes, there should be a whip there.
Yes.
Have you got it?
Yes.
Crack it!
- Crack it?
- Yes, crack it.
Don't be so dumb.
- Well?
- It's not easy.
- Are you ready?
- Ready for what?
Look out! Here I come.
Get on with it.
Go on!
You look so funny.
Tame me, that's an order.
- Tame you? How?
- With the whip, you fule!
You're joking, aren't you?
Do I look like I'm joking!?
Are you all right?
Please, Mr. Alex.
Control yourself.
Yes!
Yes!
- Give!
- Take!
Tomorrow, my angel, we're
going out on excursion.
Oh that would be lovely!
See if you can bring another chicken.
Another chick?
Another chick, yes.
Why are you looking at me like that for?
But I don't--
Oh, cuckoo! Should I call the bird?
Or but the wondering voice?
Pick me up tomorrow at 6.
We can't have dinner together?
So, you are asking questions now,
aren't you?
No, no. 6 o'clock then, darling.
In the morning.
In the morning?
Are you going to repeat everything I say?
No, only how am I gonna get up,
I haven't got a watch?
Right. Off you go then.
I've got some important business to do.
(writing)
What's the church got him to.
Tempestuous episode...
...with the pimp...
...disguised...
...as a tiger.
- Darling?
- Yes, sweetheart?
The hot water is cold!
Let it flow, dear.
- Do we have a view of the ocean?
- Where the hell did I put them?
I hope we got a view of the ocean.
Of course not! It's the same--
The same room as last year.
I just hope I didn't leave them behind.
Are you sure it's the same room?
No! Look!
It's a priest!
- We had sunflowers last time.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure, it was all yellow.
- Maybe they sold it.
Same curtain, though.
Good evening, honey,
have we got a view of the ocean?
I think so.
I knew it!
- What a bird brain.
- Did you see my slippers?
You see?
May I take my alarm clock?
I've got a very important appointment.
Certainly.
Oh that's wonderful!
Is it an antique?
I'm not really sure.
Must be an antique.
Have you got the right time?
Ten to four.
- No, the time lags, sweetie.
- You're right.
4, 6, 8... Then...
- That would make it ten to eleven.
- No, you have to subtract.
It's 6 or 7 or 8 hours less.
- More. - Less!
We came from East to West.
- So it's 8 hours more.
- It's 7 hours less!
The sun rises in the east,
so they are ahead of us obviously.
- America is ahead of Europe.
- Think for a moment.
If it was less, my watch says 4,
that would make it 8 o'clock.
Don't tell me it's 8 o'clock in the morning.
My T-shirt! My trouser! Now what?
That filthy little dwarf!
Where is Mosquito?
Wake up! I must find Mosquito.
- Huh?
- Someone stole my trousers.
What's that got to do with me?
- (Tony talking in his sleep) Take it!
- (Nancy sobbing)
What's the matter?
My bags are gone, then my room,
and now my trousers!
I have nothing left. Nothing at all.
- You shouldn't accuse anyone unless you're sure.
- What about my T-shirt?
Didn't he take your trousers?
Why you ask him anyway.
I don't know where his room is.
He sleeps on the terrace.
- There's no one here!
- Under the ping-pong table.
No!
- In his hammock, then!
- His hammock?
- Is he there?
- No.
What?
He's not in his hammock?
Wow!
That's strange.
- Very strange indeed.
- Is it?
Certainly is.
Shit, where is he then?
He can't go fishing
while his gears still here.
- Wait a minute, his harpoon gun is gone.
- God! -What?
- His harpoon gun's gone.
- Is it?
You just said that.
Oh.
- I suspect the worst.
- The worst?
- What's the worst?
- Something fatal.
- I witness the painful scene, full of violence.
- When, my dear?
- This afternoon.
- Where? - Up in the tower.
- Who's there?
- Mosquito and--
- and, uh--
- Coco the mashed potato, right?
If he touches one hair on that
little guy's head, I'll cut his throat!
Tell me something.
Yes?
Did he defile you?
Come on. Tell me everything.
- He defiled me.
- Completely or just a little bit?
- Completely.
- Uh-huh.
It's over then.
It finished before it even began.
Didn't you guess, didn't you realize?
Didn't you feel anything?
What should I have felt?
Frailty, thy name is woman!
Oh, gee.
I was just speaking
to Tony about it earlier.
At lunch, while we were having the--
red mallet fish.
I didn't dare speak to,
or even look at you.
Didn't you notice my anxiety?
I thought it was indifference
or even hostility.
Insane! How insane they are!
You worshipped them and they think
it was indifference or even hostility?
Just now when you woke me up,
I was dreaming.
Dreaming like a fool.
- Misery!
- Oh, Jimmy. What--
- What were you dreaming?
- That we were married.
- Oh.
- How could you?
Did he put on his tiger skin?
Don't torture yourself, I beg you.
Did he put it on?
I can't tell you.
Can we have some sleep,
please! Quiet, up there!
You're going back to him?
Now, you're being unfair.
Well, my darling,
where are you going to sleep?
I don't know. I want to be alone.
I have lots of thing to work out.
Come, my bed is yours.
No, Jimmy, no. We must wait.
(Jimmy snoring)
Only time can heal your wounds
and bring forgetfulness.
Or perhaps make me worthy of you.
(Jimmy snoring louder)
What's going on!?
I'm so sorry.
It's absolutely preposterous!
I thought it was Amandine.
Filthy degenerate!
Now, easy. Easy.
Behave yourself.
First of all, what do you think
you're up to here?
What do you mean, what am I up to?
What are you doing in this room,
in that chair,
half-naked, like a bitch on heat.
- You think this house is a brothel?
- That's ourageous?
- Who are you anyway?
- That's none of your business.
I don't owe any explain to people like you.
Don't owe any explanations!
Just listen to that!
- (knocking on the door)
- So what am I here for?
Obviously anybody can just stroll in here now
as if it were a railway station or something.
What do you think this is? The Salvation Army?
I didn't say that.
(knocking on door)
Quiet! Please have mercy on us!
You hear?
Arthritis.
I'm on Cortison.
It's very damp around here,
although one might not notice.
The whole world's gone mad.
22 years I've been working for Noblart.
And now look!
Just look how I'm being treated
by some little slut!
Go on! Go ahead!
No need to be shy.
Tell me, I'm a good for nothing.
You see my knuckles?
Look, here.
Feel it.
Mainly the middle.
And four fingers.
You see?
Terrible, eh?
My hands--
Used to be so beautiful.
Mozart!
It's so strange!
This keeps happening to me.
I've got an appointment. You must excuse me.
Oh, BTW, do you know--
You haven't seen Mosquito by any chance,
have you?
His friends are very worried
because his harpoon gun is missing.
Excuse me!
We couldn't stay on the wall all the time.
Is Mr. Alex here?
If you wanted another color,
you should say it before.
Haven't you seen him?
So what we decided, yellow or blue.
It's the only colors
that we've had.
- Right, Renzo?
- How?
For color, what do we decide?
Yellow or blue.
And Mr Mosquito, he's short.
About this high.
Yes, it's there.
I'm afraid he'd might do
something silly.
I asked him to put newspapers
on the furniture.
What's going on?
Oh yeah! I go.
Is anyone there? Alex!
Do you hear?
Yes, listen.
It would be nice if we could see each other alone.
I'm never late, you know
but last night--
We could have tea,
for example, around 5 o'clock.
- That'd be lovely.
- Today or tomorrow.
We could meet here if the weather is nice
or otherwise in the living room.
Sure.
If you see Amandine,
it may be a good idea if you--
You know what I mean?
Like a threesome.
I'm very glad to see you again,
because I'm awfully confused
and I like you to, uh--
You'd like me to hear your confession?
No, I need some advice.
Something rather disturbing
has been happening to me.
Coincidences. A whole string of them.
See what I mean?
Of what sort?
Like, down there on the terrace,
a ping-pong ball just got crushed.
But the point is,
it did get crushed yesterday.
Someone stepped on it, and then they told me
to listen and I couldn't hear anything.
In other words, the same thing happened twice.
Yesterday?
Yesterday and today. Twice.
- Down on the terrace?
- Yes.
Was there any wind?
- Yesterday?
- Today.
No. And what's more,
I just heard that groaning sound
back there in the corridor just now.
- So I was wondering if I shouldn't
go see them again? - Who?
Jimmy, Tony and little Mosquito.
- On no account in my view.
- I know it's wrong in principles
but it was all so clear yesterday.
They even told me how to get there.
- And today?
- No.
What should I do?
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
You must always do what
your conscience tells you.
Always.
Lord, bless this...
Lord, bless this meal
that we're going to take.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Amen!
A bunch of creeps!
Never seen me before?
Time for some grab?
Isn't there a priest tucking
around here somehere?
Here I am, Mr. Noblart.
Have you forgotten something?
- Forgotten something?
- Don't you say them anymore?
- I beg your pardon?
- Don't you bother about grace anymore?
- Mr. Noblart! - Father!
- I just said it.
- Liar!
- Don't be impertinent, young man.
Did he say yes grace or did he not?
He did say something,
but I'm not quite sure what it was.
It had nothing to do with grace.
Apparently, Father, you didn't say grace.
Perhaps you'd be good enough to oblige.
Bless, Lord this meal
that we're going to take.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Amen.
Joseph, Ruth and I would like for you
to receipt this little present.
- Wonderful, what is it?
- Walkie-talkies. You'll see.
I'd go to the woods and call you.
Then you press this button and answer.
Easiest thing in the world.
Terrific fun. I'll show you.
Edward,
who's that pretty little piglet?
To whom are you refering, sir?
To one that's wearing dress like my pajamas.
She had one leg painted blue this morning.
I like that.
I'm afraid that's all I know, sir.
(over walkie-talkie)
Mr. Noblart! Are you receiving me?
- Tell me you, scoundrel.
- Yes?
Do you know that little piggy?
I've bumped into a couple of times.
Apparently she's sort of a poet.
(over walkie-talkie)
Mr. Noblart! Are you receiving me?
(Noblart groaning)
Didn't you receive me?
- No.
- That's funny! It should work.
I can't imagine what happens.
Jimmy, did you pass the exams?
Tony who was taking the exams.
You... You...?
Did you...
...pass...
(Noblart groaning)
- What's going on?
- What happens?
What's the matter with him?
Is he all right?
- Get back.
- Give him an injection.
Giuseppe!
Giuseppe! Giuseppe! Giuseppe!
I'll give you something.
Let me give him the extreme-- Ouch!
- Joseph!
- Say something!
Vultures! Grave robbers!
I'll see you dead! All of you!
I'll live to 100, 200 years!
Ah, there's my pretty little piggy!
Give me back my pyjamas!
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
You can't be too careful.
- What sign are you?
- What?
I'm Aquarius, and you?
Lobster. Come on, pedal.
Oh, that's lovely!
Let me see your driving license.
I haven't got my driver's license,
but here's my passport, Mr. Policeman, sir.
Alex!
- Driving license!
- I haven't got it with me!
- What was that passport?
- It was nothing.
- It was just a joke.
- A joke? - Yes.
You showed me the passport was just a joke?
A passport which doesn't exist.
I asked--
(laughing)
You scared me.
Passport!
I haven't got it! It was stolen!
- Stolen? Fancy that!
- With my suitcases.
Well, well.
And what was in the suitcases?
All my belongings.
My underwear, my dresses, everything.
- How many dresses?
- One. No, two dresses.
- How many suitcases?
- One suitcase and a bag.
One suitcase? Are you sure?
Be careful what you say.
I'm certain.
And why did you say "suitcases"?
I made mistake.
- You must think we are
complete fools. - No.
One suitcase and a bag for two dresses.
Doesn't that strike you rather odd
in this day and age?
I don't know.
Well, let's see if we can
help you find out.
We'll soon get to the bottom of all this.
That's what we are here for.
Inspector, I'll get the suspect out of here!
She's made a statement,
but with contradictions.
What?
Any means necessary?
Right.
Did you hear what the Inspector say?
Any means necessary.
Alex!
Don't leave me like this!
Alex!
- Alex.
- Confess!
- Confess what?
- Everything!
- But I didn't know anything.
- Everybody know something.
I promise you, my darling.
- Date of birth?
- January 28, 1952.
- Height? - 1.75.
- Weight? - I don't know.
About 148 pounds.
- Nationality?
- American?
You see? Good. Let's hear the rest.
I'm waiting.
Come on, answer! How many?
I don't know! Two or three.
- Two or three?
- Three.
- She killed three of them!
- I haven't killed anyone!
- Yes, three!
- How?
- Knife? Revolver? Scissors?
- Yes.
- What? - Three.
- Where? - Over there.
Liar!
Oh, that hurts!
Oh, it hurts!
Pretty little liar!
I love you. I love you!
Alex!
"Dislocated me, getting into the lotus position."
"Meditated the dandelion for an hour and three quarters."
"Chipped in to pay Maharishi Krishna's hotel bill
and airfare to London, first class."
"A crazy priest, what's the church coming to?"
What's the church coming to?
- That's my diary!
- I know.
- It's private!
- I like it.
- You should be ashamed at your age.
- I like it. It has style.
- It's easy to make fun of people.
- It's clear, it's sharp, it's witty.
- Do you think so?
- What do you mean do I think so?
Why don't you just tell me
I'm stuttering old fool.
Look at this little slut!
Obviously anybody can just stroll in here now
as if it were a railway station or something!
What do you think this is?
The Salvation Army?
I didn't say that.
Do you hear? Arthritis. I'm on Cortison.
It's very dump around here
though one may not notice.
Do you see my knuckles?
Here, feel!
Feel my hand, mainly the middle.
And the fourth finger.
Terrible, eh.
My hands.
Used to be so beautiful.
Mozart!
So strange!
It keeps happening to me
more and more often.
You know that strange feeling
that all this has happened before?
- You mean déjà vu?
- No, not exactly.
Yes, that odd feeling that
the moment we're living now,
- weve already lived before.
- Sort of.
But in this case, it's not just a feeling.
This really has happened before.
Not exactly the same way, then.
Yes, exactly.
Your knuckels, Mozart, the rose petal.
It wasn't the same, I tell you.
You can't bathe twice in the same river,
because it's never the same river,
nor the same bather.
A wonderful old tyrant,
like Michelangelo's Moses.
He recognized his pajamas top.
A yacht just arrived.
(writing) NOW WHAT?
And that meant delivery included?
- Do you think it's a bit expensive?
- Come on, it's a bargain.
- But on the telephone you said--
- Look, all the risk,
the bribes, incidental expenses.
I can't get a cent lower.
- Be careful!
- Yes.
Sideways. Very good.
- Come on.
- Yes.
- No, rotate.
- No, no, rotate.
No, the other side.
Turn it again.
I think it's better that way.
Here's another door.
I'm telling you, he's not interested!
And I'm telling you no one takes me for a ride!
Shit, the risks I've got,
only to be shown the finger!
Mr. Noblart is no way responsible
for his half-witted nephew's scheme.
He came of age quite a few years ago.
Look at that! Is that something, huh?
It's a masterpiece!
You hear that, huh?
Is that the original?
Shouldn't that be in a museum?
You've seen all of the characters?
Must be over 25 people in it, huh?
Look at the details.
Better than a photograph.
Mr. Noblart is becoming
more interested in life itself.
He would rather eat an apple,
than look one page on a canvas.
He's getting more satisfaction out of it.
He doesn't like paintings anymore?
No. Having spent his whole life
prefering the image to the object
recently he found that
he preferred object to the image.
You might have told me before that,
you son of a bitch.
You two sort it out between you,
I have some important work to do.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
You'll pay for this, you shmuck!
Take it back!
You believe in Santa Claus or something, eh?
My yacht is full of good foxes.
I've been loking for you everywhere.
- Me? - You wear
Mr. Noblart's pyjama, aren't you?
Yes, that's right.
And who's took my clothes?
Hold on a moment.
This is Charlie.
Are you receiving me? Over.
- You found her?
- She is here. Right next to me.
- Let me speak to her.
- Roger.
You press here and you speak here.
Like this.
Press the button, and speak.
- Hello!
- Release.
Hello, is that you?
- Who's calling, please?
- It's me, Noblart.
Who? Who is it?
Hello? Can you hear me?
I've got to see you immediately.
- Mr. Noblart!?
- Press the button!
I can't give back your pajamas top just yet
because someone has taken my T-shirt.
What? Over.
I'm not accusing anyone,
but someone has taken my clothes.
That's terrible! Come here and tell me about it.
Quickly. I'm waiting for you.
Over and out.
Come in.
Good evening, sir.
Close the door, will you?
And you needn't call me sir.
I'm sorry.
I'll be honest, you're quite exceptional.
Me?
You're the only one that's not afraid of the disease.
The disease?
Don't tell Frau Gertrude, it is her job
and believe me she gets under when you pay for it.
But wearing my pyjamas, even the top,
takes a great deal of courage.
- I... - Don't be modest.
That takes courage.
Does it really?
It's getting on my nerves.
Oh, the fly!
I must confess that I feel
utterly overwhelmed with pessimism.
For sometime now none of my plans even the most
modest ones hasn't worked out properly.
Simple things like cutting my nails,
brushing my teeth and what have you--
- Everything becomes such a performance.
- It's the same for everyone.
But I have the kind of feeling that
some intricate plot being hatched.
What is happening inside or outside of me,
I really don't know.
When Mercury is in opposition to Jupiter
you really can't hope for much
till the third week of July.
Well.
Take that armchair, for example.
Sometimes for a moment I don't know it at all.
Worse, sometimes I don't think
that it even exists.
Oh, that's a nuisance!
Yet I know it so well.
There should be a photograph of me
in that cupboard somewhere,
sitting on it, naked as a baby.
So, you see.
Oh sure.
- Frau Gertrude!
- Ja?
Please don't listen outside the door.
The war's over, you know.
So I ask myself simple questions
and they get simpler every day
but I find myself less and less able
to find the answers.
In fact it becomes so, that I don't
understand many things at all.
Perhaps you need a vacation.
- You think so?
- Absolutely!
For the past few days, I've
also found it very diff--
It's all been very confusing.
A bit like you and your armchair.
Please don't misunderstand me.
I only used the armchair as an example,
just the first thing that came into my head.
I know.
But you said it was just like my armchair.
It was just inconvenient.
Yes, I--
I don't want you to feel that
the be-all-end-all of my, uh--
What you my call it?
- What--
- Obsession?
No, obsession is not the right word.
- Uneasiness?
- No.
Anxiety! That's it.
I don't want you to feel that
my anxiety is like an armchair.
I didn't say that.
- That upsets me.
- Oh no. I promise you.
Like your leg.
- My leg?
- Yes.
I saw it quite clearly. It's blue.
Oh yeah. No. It's nothing, don't worry.
It's just a little bit of paint.
All the same. I would like you to--
Especially now.
You see? I-- Would you--
Let me see it.
It would be for the best.
It would be for the best, from any point of view.
- Is it dry?
- Yes, absolutely.
- It doesn't look like it.
- It is, I promise.
Step back a bit, will you.
Yes, it is dry.
I told you so, Mr. Noblart.
Tell me--
Your breasts?
I beg your pardon?
May I see one?
Mr. Noblart!
Just one. Only for a moment.
Thank you.
Would you be...
(whispering, no sound)
I beg of you!
It's impossible!
Yes, but it's very important to me.
Like this?
Yes. Yes.
Yes, I remember.
I remember now.
What splendor!
Hallelujah!
Can I go now?
Isn't it beautiful?
Jimmy! They're after me.
I'm going to do it à la américain.
She's not out here.
Which way did she go?
What's she done? We must find her.
- What's she done?
- I think she broke a vase.
She went that way!
Where's the dog?
Father is right. Where is the dog?
- Hey, you'll catch a cold.
- They're after me!
- Who?
- Everyone.
Everyone? You better get away
quickly before they catch you.
Wait for us.
- Hey, what time are you coming back?
- I'm not coming back.
- Aren't we having dinner together?
- Goodbye, my poor love.
What?
What's she talking about? She's leaving.
- Why didn't you stop her?
- I didn't know she was leaving for good.
- He never knows anything.
- Why are you running after her?
I don't know,
she was the one that started it.
Yes, she began running down the corridor.
Nobody runs without a good reason.
Herr Noblart is dead!
Herr Noblart is dead!
Noblart died?
He's dead?
Wait for me! Wait for me!
Wait! Where are you going?
Where are you going!?
I don't know. Maybe Istanbul.
- Wait!
- I can't.
- Noblart's dead! - Yes, I know,
but that has nothing to do with me.
- Then stay.
- I can't!
- Why not? - We'll never
be able to finish the movie!
- What movie?
- The movie!
- What?
- We're in the movie, aren't we?!
- What?
- That's right!
What movie?
"What?" "What?"
That's the name of the movie.
Goodbye, darling, I'll send you a postcard!
It would be nice if we could get together.
To have tea, for example, today or tomorrow.
How about Spain, France, Italy?
And Afghanistan last year.
What did she say?
She was also in Afghanistan.
- Also in Afghanistan!
- Afghanistan!
Nothing ever happened? Adventure?
Oh yeah, lots of lovely adventures.
And no rape?
- What?
- Rape?
No. I'm very lucky.
I always meet nice people, like you.
What does she say?
She always meets nice people.
Like us!
And that? No nice?
Nice.
What do you do? It's my ass!
What do you do? Are you blind?
Sorry, I'm wrong.
Are you crazy! I saw you! You did it on purpose!
It's okay!
Fox! Bitch!
Harlot!
Harlot!
That's good little boy. Stay there,
and be a good little boy.
Nice little doggy.
Nice.
Nice little doggy.
Stay.
Me, attacked! On the road!
Three guys!
Took the suitcases.
Suitcases? Tomorrow.
Three bags? Tomorrow.
That's my diary.
Enough!
I said enough.
Here it is. Go ahead.
You have to take things calmly. This is a madhouse!
Here nobody says anything! Clear!
Mr. Noblart didn't say you were coming.
Mr. Noblart didn't say anything.
Excuse me, but I've just been attacked.
Up there.
It's not possible. Sleeping.
Very tired.
No, me, attacked
ten minutes ago, up on the road.
I have done the bed!
Bacon?
What bacon? The cooks are sleeping, tomorrow!
No, no. I'm talking about the painting. Painting.
I will get insecticide.
Attempted rape by three Italians.
Saved by an elevator.
Splendid welcome in the house of a...
...Mister (writing) Noblart.
It is something special, unique.
Typical of Ms. Saint-Etienne.
It seems to like rivers.
One lump of sugar.
They bit me up again.
Look.
Even if there's only one of them around,
it always gets me.
Here look, same over place.
Coffee spoon.
Did you hear it again last night?
It really beats me down,
that sound. Even now.
If it weren't for that damn ping-pong.
Did you hear?
Yes, listen.
Perfect!
Perfect.
What I really go for, is volume.
Although one shouldn't forget
about shape, of course.
I couldn't see them properly last night,
but they really are first class.
- What?
- Your tits.
(Jimmy) Old lecher!
Make sure they don't get too much sun.
A brown nipple against a white milk breast.
It's really something worth looking at.
I'm absolutely against sun tan, absolutely.
If you see Amandine, tell her...
Tell...
Don't tell her anything.
In fact,
don't even mention you saw me.
(men trading punches)
He ambushed me again, son of a bitch.
But I land at him a good one in the eye.
You little shit!
(Tony) Miss!
Miss! Can we have the ball back?
Just you watch.
He's gonna crush it.
Wouldn't be seen hanging around him
too much. He's got that clap!
Poor bugger!
It would be nice if we could
see each other alone.
Taught you a good lesson,
did he?
To have a tea, for example,
around 5 today or tomorrow. All right?
- Yes. - Watch out,
Miss, he's a pimp.
His name isn't Alex, his name's Coco.
Coco the mashed potato!
Those aren't mosquito bites,
it's syphilis.
We could meet here if the weather is nice,
or otherwise in the living room.
The downstairs would be
the most convenient.
- What do you think?
- Sure.
He's a fag, too!
Can't you smell his perfume?
- All right?
- All right.
Come and join us.
Take staircase on the right, outside the living room,
the corridor to the left,
up the next staircase, cross the patio,
first door on the left.
Come and eat with us,
we'll be waiting for you.
Faggot!
Can you toss me a lump of sugar?
It's his trick. Not bad, eh?
He can sing, too. Come on, sing.
- Come on! - No.
- Sing. - No.
May I?
I'm sorry.
The 5 o'clock rendezvous was
just to confuse them.
It'd be better to meet on the beach
or up in my tower,
- otherwise they'll be watching
us like hawks. - Who?
- Those two lunatics.
- Oh, yes, of course.
I hardly ever see them, in fact
I thought they left some time ago.
You should've not crushed the little ball,
it's a source of conflict.
- Especially when you--
- Hmm?
When they're in an aggressive mood.
I know, but I can't resist
that sound, that--
- GRRR...
- Indirect sensation.
- I can't resist it, it's something that--
- No. Robson's new book on noise.
- It's terrific.
- Beautiful.
- Have you read it?
- No.
You've got to read it.
Here.
- Indiscreet sensation.
- No, indirect.
I'm sure I've got it in my library.
Now, one last thing before I go,
since I'm in a bit of hurry this morning.
I want to straighten a few things up
to avoid any gossip.
Mainly because of Amandine.
I used to be a pimp.
- A pimp?
- That's right.
As for being a queer,
definitely not.
Did you hear what they say
because of my Atkinsons.
And also syphilis! It's a bit too much.
A pimp, yes. The rest, no.
A pimp, really? With women?
Look, I've just explained,
I'm not a fag.
- I'm sorry.
- That's all right.
Did they work for you?
Do you take money for them?
Who do you think paid for
those 2 morons' education?
How many pros--
How many hook--
How many ladies did you have?
Four!
But all hard workers.
Anyway, that's all in the past.
Finished, over and done with,
dead and buried a long time ago,
almost--
Almost seven months ago.
Fine.
That's settled then.
5 o'clock, on the beach.
Pure gold.
Wonderful weather.
Met a real pimp.
(writing) There's groaning in the house!
Yeah?
Who's that?
- It's me.
- Who?
Hi! How's everything?
I got held up.
Bubu!
Bubu! She's shown up! She's here!
We'll be through in a minute,
I'll be right with you.
- Bubu!
- What?
- Coco's girlfriend arrived.
- Be right there!
Excuse me a moment.
- Where is Lollypop?
- I'm here.
What's the matter with you?
Where's that oil?
I'm cooking a red mallet.
He's a real chef!
Four times since this morning.
Should be a match!
- Five!
- We shan't be long.
That's right. Like that, go on!
- Are we eating inside or out?
- Outside.
- Go on! Go on! Like that!
- To the sun!
- Go on! Yes! Give it to me!
- Take it.
- Give it. - Take it.
- Give. - Take.
Yes!
Can we have some--
Quiet up there!
Hey, that cow's arrived!
So how did it go?
Very well, really.
As far as Naples anyway. And then...
- Did you give him a good beating?
- What? I don't know.
I think I beat someone, but I'm against
violence of any kind on principle.
I wouldn't touch him with a barge pool.
He's worse than the disease,
I can tell you that.
Do you really think so?
Did you see his eyes?
Perhaps he had a difficult childhood.
He he, what about me?
I heard he had mumps.
Who knows?
That's no excuse for being a pain in the ass.
One souldn't judge people too hastily.
Sometimes, often, obscure motivation
- and deep, hidden traumas...
- Trauma, balls!!
That's my T-shirt!
- So what? That's Noblart's pyjamas!
- Calm down, Mosquito!
- They called me Mosquito because I sting
with my big stinger. - Pleased to meet you.
What do you think
what my big stinger is?
- It could be a lot of things.
- Yes, a lot of things, huh?
- You probably think it's
something sexual? - Yes. Uh, no!
- Not exactly.
- My big stinger is this.
I don't bother anyone.
But I don't like people getting in my way.
I also saw your boobs.
They really neat, compliments.
And everyone knows I'm not
a bossom man like all those--
Americans!
It's usually ass that turns me on.
Here, sit down here.
They're fresh.
You know,
it'd be best if got used to eat with us.
You wanna watch out for
the food in this house.
- Oh, really?
- Oh, really?
Lollypop was as sick as a dog.
- Lollypop?
- Yeah?
- Isn't it true that you were as sick as a dog?
- Yeah? - But why?
She wants to know why.
Well, my friend,
I feel it's getting hold of me again.
It's, um, really a lovely view.
May I take a cigarette?
Well, thank you.
I should be going now.
Hello! Cuckoo!
Hello! Cuckoo! It's me.
Sorry I was held up.
- May I help you, my child?
- I thought you were Co--
Coco, the mashed potato.
- I beg your pardon?
- Or rather Alex.
Yes, Alex.
Well, I actually don't really know.
Perhaps you've seen him? He's a nice-looking
gentleman and he wears dark glasses.
- Bless your soul.
- I beg your pardon?
It's only out there that I can find any peace
and get away from the evil
pestilence of this house.
I know what you mean.
It does have a funny smell.
Take my advice.
If you have any shame at all, you should
leave here now while there's still time.
Don't be enticed by the easy life and comfort.
Get away. It's all decadence
and decay around here.
Don't trust any of the poisonous words,
even the food is polluted.
These people can turn rocks to dust
just by looking at them.
You should be ashamed.
What do you mean?
Get away!
(clapping)
Bravo, bravo, bravo!
If he suggest you ride the pedal boat, refuse.
Refuse absolutely.
Scream if necessary.
- Who? - He can be very convincing.
He'll talk you out of anything.
- Out of what?
- Out of making love, even touching yourself.
Were you looking for something?
The tower.
I mean, something about a tower.
Well, well! What an extraordinary coincidence!
That's just where I was going.
To the tower!
- What are you doing here, you little brat!?
- I brought your fiance.
Come in. Don't be frightened.
Why should she be frightened? I'm here.
Come on, get it out. Let me see it.
Coward! Filthy little freak!
- You've got no balls.
- You're lucky I'm with a lady.
Faggot!
I'll have your guts!
He's nice, always ready to lend
a hand about the--
Stubborn as a mule!
Bastard!
My little kingdom.
Nice.
Yes, but it gets rather over excited
for its age. It's not natural.
I'll be back!
Thank you.
I always thought--
No, last night I thought a lot--
I hardly slept at all and
really did a lot of thinking.
Before morning one of us
will have his guts out.
As God my witness.
What a pity!
- I had a nice--
- I would like you to do me a favor.
- With pleasure.
- Yes.
It's lovely!
I shot it myself in Africa.
A tiger in Africa? Are you sure?
Wait a moment, I'll show you.
Enough nonsense now!
Yes?
Right above the bed.
Above the bed?
Yes, there should be a whip there.
Yes.
Have you got it?
Yes.
Crack it!
- Crack it?
- Yes, crack it.
Don't be so dumb.
- Well?
- It's not easy.
- Are you ready?
- Ready for what?
Look out! Here I come.
Get on with it.
Go on!
You look so funny.
Tame me, that's an order.
- Tame you? How?
- With the whip, you fule!
You're joking, aren't you?
Do I look like I'm joking!?
Are you all right?
Please, Mr. Alex.
Control yourself.
Yes!
Yes!
- Give!
- Take!
Tomorrow, my angel, we're
going out on excursion.
Oh that would be lovely!
See if you can bring another chicken.
Another chick?
Another chick, yes.
Why are you looking at me like that for?
But I don't--
Oh, cuckoo! Should I call the bird?
Or but the wondering voice?
Pick me up tomorrow at 6.
We can't have dinner together?
So, you are asking questions now,
aren't you?
No, no. 6 o'clock then, darling.
In the morning.
In the morning?
Are you going to repeat everything I say?
No, only how am I gonna get up,
I haven't got a watch?
Right. Off you go then.
I've got some important business to do.
(writing)
What's the church got him to.
Tempestuous episode...
...with the pimp...
...disguised...
...as a tiger.
- Darling?
- Yes, sweetheart?
The hot water is cold!
Let it flow, dear.
- Do we have a view of the ocean?
- Where the hell did I put them?
I hope we got a view of the ocean.
Of course not! It's the same--
The same room as last year.
I just hope I didn't leave them behind.
Are you sure it's the same room?
No! Look!
It's a priest!
- We had sunflowers last time.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure, it was all yellow.
- Maybe they sold it.
Same curtain, though.
Good evening, honey,
have we got a view of the ocean?
I think so.
I knew it!
- What a bird brain.
- Did you see my slippers?
You see?
May I take my alarm clock?
I've got a very important appointment.
Certainly.
Oh that's wonderful!
Is it an antique?
I'm not really sure.
Must be an antique.
Have you got the right time?
Ten to four.
- No, the time lags, sweetie.
- You're right.
4, 6, 8... Then...
- That would make it ten to eleven.
- No, you have to subtract.
It's 6 or 7 or 8 hours less.
- More. - Less!
We came from East to West.
- So it's 8 hours more.
- It's 7 hours less!
The sun rises in the east,
so they are ahead of us obviously.
- America is ahead of Europe.
- Think for a moment.
If it was less, my watch says 4,
that would make it 8 o'clock.
Don't tell me it's 8 o'clock in the morning.
My T-shirt! My trouser! Now what?
That filthy little dwarf!
Where is Mosquito?
Wake up! I must find Mosquito.
- Huh?
- Someone stole my trousers.
What's that got to do with me?
- (Tony talking in his sleep) Take it!
- (Nancy sobbing)
What's the matter?
My bags are gone, then my room,
and now my trousers!
I have nothing left. Nothing at all.
- You shouldn't accuse anyone unless you're sure.
- What about my T-shirt?
Didn't he take your trousers?
Why you ask him anyway.
I don't know where his room is.
He sleeps on the terrace.
- There's no one here!
- Under the ping-pong table.
No!
- In his hammock, then!
- His hammock?
- Is he there?
- No.
What?
He's not in his hammock?
Wow!
That's strange.
- Very strange indeed.
- Is it?
Certainly is.
Shit, where is he then?
He can't go fishing
while his gears still here.
- Wait a minute, his harpoon gun is gone.
- God! -What?
- His harpoon gun's gone.
- Is it?
You just said that.
Oh.
- I suspect the worst.
- The worst?
- What's the worst?
- Something fatal.
- I witness the painful scene, full of violence.
- When, my dear?
- This afternoon.
- Where? - Up in the tower.
- Who's there?
- Mosquito and--
- and, uh--
- Coco the mashed potato, right?
If he touches one hair on that
little guy's head, I'll cut his throat!
Tell me something.
Yes?
Did he defile you?
Come on. Tell me everything.
- He defiled me.
- Completely or just a little bit?
- Completely.
- Uh-huh.
It's over then.
It finished before it even began.
Didn't you guess, didn't you realize?
Didn't you feel anything?
What should I have felt?
Frailty, thy name is woman!
Oh, gee.
I was just speaking
to Tony about it earlier.
At lunch, while we were having the--
red mallet fish.
I didn't dare speak to,
or even look at you.
Didn't you notice my anxiety?
I thought it was indifference
or even hostility.
Insane! How insane they are!
You worshipped them and they think
it was indifference or even hostility?
Just now when you woke me up,
I was dreaming.
Dreaming like a fool.
- Misery!
- Oh, Jimmy. What--
- What were you dreaming?
- That we were married.
- Oh.
- How could you?
Did he put on his tiger skin?
Don't torture yourself, I beg you.
Did he put it on?
I can't tell you.
Can we have some sleep,
please! Quiet, up there!
You're going back to him?
Now, you're being unfair.
Well, my darling,
where are you going to sleep?
I don't know. I want to be alone.
I have lots of thing to work out.
Come, my bed is yours.
No, Jimmy, no. We must wait.
(Jimmy snoring)
Only time can heal your wounds
and bring forgetfulness.
Or perhaps make me worthy of you.
(Jimmy snoring louder)
What's going on!?
I'm so sorry.
It's absolutely preposterous!
I thought it was Amandine.
Filthy degenerate!
Now, easy. Easy.
Behave yourself.
First of all, what do you think
you're up to here?
What do you mean, what am I up to?
What are you doing in this room,
in that chair,
half-naked, like a bitch on heat.
- You think this house is a brothel?
- That's ourageous?
- Who are you anyway?
- That's none of your business.
I don't owe any explain to people like you.
Don't owe any explanations!
Just listen to that!
- (knocking on the door)
- So what am I here for?
Obviously anybody can just stroll in here now
as if it were a railway station or something.
What do you think this is? The Salvation Army?
I didn't say that.
(knocking on door)
Quiet! Please have mercy on us!
You hear?
Arthritis.
I'm on Cortison.
It's very damp around here,
although one might not notice.
The whole world's gone mad.
22 years I've been working for Noblart.
And now look!
Just look how I'm being treated
by some little slut!
Go on! Go ahead!
No need to be shy.
Tell me, I'm a good for nothing.
You see my knuckles?
Look, here.
Feel it.
Mainly the middle.
And four fingers.
You see?
Terrible, eh?
My hands--
Used to be so beautiful.
Mozart!
It's so strange!
This keeps happening to me.
I've got an appointment. You must excuse me.
Oh, BTW, do you know--
You haven't seen Mosquito by any chance,
have you?
His friends are very worried
because his harpoon gun is missing.
Excuse me!
We couldn't stay on the wall all the time.
Is Mr. Alex here?
If you wanted another color,
you should say it before.
Haven't you seen him?
So what we decided, yellow or blue.
It's the only colors
that we've had.
- Right, Renzo?
- How?
For color, what do we decide?
Yellow or blue.
And Mr Mosquito, he's short.
About this high.
Yes, it's there.
I'm afraid he'd might do
something silly.
I asked him to put newspapers
on the furniture.
What's going on?
Oh yeah! I go.
Is anyone there? Alex!
Do you hear?
Yes, listen.
It would be nice if we could see each other alone.
I'm never late, you know
but last night--
We could have tea,
for example, around 5 o'clock.
- That'd be lovely.
- Today or tomorrow.
We could meet here if the weather is nice
or otherwise in the living room.
Sure.
If you see Amandine,
it may be a good idea if you--
You know what I mean?
Like a threesome.
I'm very glad to see you again,
because I'm awfully confused
and I like you to, uh--
You'd like me to hear your confession?
No, I need some advice.
Something rather disturbing
has been happening to me.
Coincidences. A whole string of them.
See what I mean?
Of what sort?
Like, down there on the terrace,
a ping-pong ball just got crushed.
But the point is,
it did get crushed yesterday.
Someone stepped on it, and then they told me
to listen and I couldn't hear anything.
In other words, the same thing happened twice.
Yesterday?
Yesterday and today. Twice.
- Down on the terrace?
- Yes.
Was there any wind?
- Yesterday?
- Today.
No. And what's more,
I just heard that groaning sound
back there in the corridor just now.
- So I was wondering if I shouldn't
go see them again? - Who?
Jimmy, Tony and little Mosquito.
- On no account in my view.
- I know it's wrong in principles
but it was all so clear yesterday.
They even told me how to get there.
- And today?
- No.
What should I do?
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
You must always do what
your conscience tells you.
Always.
Lord, bless this...
Lord, bless this meal
that we're going to take.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Amen!
A bunch of creeps!
Never seen me before?
Time for some grab?
Isn't there a priest tucking
around here somehere?
Here I am, Mr. Noblart.
Have you forgotten something?
- Forgotten something?
- Don't you say them anymore?
- I beg your pardon?
- Don't you bother about grace anymore?
- Mr. Noblart! - Father!
- I just said it.
- Liar!
- Don't be impertinent, young man.
Did he say yes grace or did he not?
He did say something,
but I'm not quite sure what it was.
It had nothing to do with grace.
Apparently, Father, you didn't say grace.
Perhaps you'd be good enough to oblige.
Bless, Lord this meal
that we're going to take.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Amen.
Joseph, Ruth and I would like for you
to receipt this little present.
- Wonderful, what is it?
- Walkie-talkies. You'll see.
I'd go to the woods and call you.
Then you press this button and answer.
Easiest thing in the world.
Terrific fun. I'll show you.
Edward,
who's that pretty little piglet?
To whom are you refering, sir?
To one that's wearing dress like my pajamas.
She had one leg painted blue this morning.
I like that.
I'm afraid that's all I know, sir.
(over walkie-talkie)
Mr. Noblart! Are you receiving me?
- Tell me you, scoundrel.
- Yes?
Do you know that little piggy?
I've bumped into a couple of times.
Apparently she's sort of a poet.
(over walkie-talkie)
Mr. Noblart! Are you receiving me?
(Noblart groaning)
Didn't you receive me?
- No.
- That's funny! It should work.
I can't imagine what happens.
Jimmy, did you pass the exams?
Tony who was taking the exams.
You... You...?
Did you...
...pass...
(Noblart groaning)
- What's going on?
- What happens?
What's the matter with him?
Is he all right?
- Get back.
- Give him an injection.
Giuseppe!
Giuseppe! Giuseppe! Giuseppe!
I'll give you something.
Let me give him the extreme-- Ouch!
- Joseph!
- Say something!
Vultures! Grave robbers!
I'll see you dead! All of you!
I'll live to 100, 200 years!
Ah, there's my pretty little piggy!
Give me back my pyjamas!
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
You can't be too careful.
- What sign are you?
- What?
I'm Aquarius, and you?
Lobster. Come on, pedal.
Oh, that's lovely!
Let me see your driving license.
I haven't got my driver's license,
but here's my passport, Mr. Policeman, sir.
Alex!
- Driving license!
- I haven't got it with me!
- What was that passport?
- It was nothing.
- It was just a joke.
- A joke? - Yes.
You showed me the passport was just a joke?
A passport which doesn't exist.
I asked--
(laughing)
You scared me.
Passport!
I haven't got it! It was stolen!
- Stolen? Fancy that!
- With my suitcases.
Well, well.
And what was in the suitcases?
All my belongings.
My underwear, my dresses, everything.
- How many dresses?
- One. No, two dresses.
- How many suitcases?
- One suitcase and a bag.
One suitcase? Are you sure?
Be careful what you say.
I'm certain.
And why did you say "suitcases"?
I made mistake.
- You must think we are
complete fools. - No.
One suitcase and a bag for two dresses.
Doesn't that strike you rather odd
in this day and age?
I don't know.
Well, let's see if we can
help you find out.
We'll soon get to the bottom of all this.
That's what we are here for.
Inspector, I'll get the suspect out of here!
She's made a statement,
but with contradictions.
What?
Any means necessary?
Right.
Did you hear what the Inspector say?
Any means necessary.
Alex!
Don't leave me like this!
Alex!
- Alex.
- Confess!
- Confess what?
- Everything!
- But I didn't know anything.
- Everybody know something.
I promise you, my darling.
- Date of birth?
- January 28, 1952.
- Height? - 1.75.
- Weight? - I don't know.
About 148 pounds.
- Nationality?
- American?
You see? Good. Let's hear the rest.
I'm waiting.
Come on, answer! How many?
I don't know! Two or three.
- Two or three?
- Three.
- She killed three of them!
- I haven't killed anyone!
- Yes, three!
- How?
- Knife? Revolver? Scissors?
- Yes.
- What? - Three.
- Where? - Over there.
Liar!
Oh, that hurts!
Oh, it hurts!
Pretty little liar!
I love you. I love you!
Alex!
"Dislocated me, getting into the lotus position."
"Meditated the dandelion for an hour and three quarters."
"Chipped in to pay Maharishi Krishna's hotel bill
and airfare to London, first class."
"A crazy priest, what's the church coming to?"
What's the church coming to?
- That's my diary!
- I know.
- It's private!
- I like it.
- You should be ashamed at your age.
- I like it. It has style.
- It's easy to make fun of people.
- It's clear, it's sharp, it's witty.
- Do you think so?
- What do you mean do I think so?
Why don't you just tell me
I'm stuttering old fool.
Look at this little slut!
Obviously anybody can just stroll in here now
as if it were a railway station or something!
What do you think this is?
The Salvation Army?
I didn't say that.
Do you hear? Arthritis. I'm on Cortison.
It's very dump around here
though one may not notice.
Do you see my knuckles?
Here, feel!
Feel my hand, mainly the middle.
And the fourth finger.
Terrible, eh.
My hands.
Used to be so beautiful.
Mozart!
So strange!
It keeps happening to me
more and more often.
You know that strange feeling
that all this has happened before?
- You mean déjà vu?
- No, not exactly.
Yes, that odd feeling that
the moment we're living now,
- weve already lived before.
- Sort of.
But in this case, it's not just a feeling.
This really has happened before.
Not exactly the same way, then.
Yes, exactly.
Your knuckels, Mozart, the rose petal.
It wasn't the same, I tell you.
You can't bathe twice in the same river,
because it's never the same river,
nor the same bather.
A wonderful old tyrant,
like Michelangelo's Moses.
He recognized his pajamas top.
A yacht just arrived.
(writing) NOW WHAT?
And that meant delivery included?
- Do you think it's a bit expensive?
- Come on, it's a bargain.
- But on the telephone you said--
- Look, all the risk,
the bribes, incidental expenses.
I can't get a cent lower.
- Be careful!
- Yes.
Sideways. Very good.
- Come on.
- Yes.
- No, rotate.
- No, no, rotate.
No, the other side.
Turn it again.
I think it's better that way.
Here's another door.
I'm telling you, he's not interested!
And I'm telling you no one takes me for a ride!
Shit, the risks I've got,
only to be shown the finger!
Mr. Noblart is no way responsible
for his half-witted nephew's scheme.
He came of age quite a few years ago.
Look at that! Is that something, huh?
It's a masterpiece!
You hear that, huh?
Is that the original?
Shouldn't that be in a museum?
You've seen all of the characters?
Must be over 25 people in it, huh?
Look at the details.
Better than a photograph.
Mr. Noblart is becoming
more interested in life itself.
He would rather eat an apple,
than look one page on a canvas.
He's getting more satisfaction out of it.
He doesn't like paintings anymore?
No. Having spent his whole life
prefering the image to the object
recently he found that
he preferred object to the image.
You might have told me before that,
you son of a bitch.
You two sort it out between you,
I have some important work to do.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
You'll pay for this, you shmuck!
Take it back!
You believe in Santa Claus or something, eh?
My yacht is full of good foxes.
I've been loking for you everywhere.
- Me? - You wear
Mr. Noblart's pyjama, aren't you?
Yes, that's right.
And who's took my clothes?
Hold on a moment.
This is Charlie.
Are you receiving me? Over.
- You found her?
- She is here. Right next to me.
- Let me speak to her.
- Roger.
You press here and you speak here.
Like this.
Press the button, and speak.
- Hello!
- Release.
Hello, is that you?
- Who's calling, please?
- It's me, Noblart.
Who? Who is it?
Hello? Can you hear me?
I've got to see you immediately.
- Mr. Noblart!?
- Press the button!
I can't give back your pajamas top just yet
because someone has taken my T-shirt.
What? Over.
I'm not accusing anyone,
but someone has taken my clothes.
That's terrible! Come here and tell me about it.
Quickly. I'm waiting for you.
Over and out.
Come in.
Good evening, sir.
Close the door, will you?
And you needn't call me sir.
I'm sorry.
I'll be honest, you're quite exceptional.
Me?
You're the only one that's not afraid of the disease.
The disease?
Don't tell Frau Gertrude, it is her job
and believe me she gets under when you pay for it.
But wearing my pyjamas, even the top,
takes a great deal of courage.
- I... - Don't be modest.
That takes courage.
Does it really?
It's getting on my nerves.
Oh, the fly!
I must confess that I feel
utterly overwhelmed with pessimism.
For sometime now none of my plans even the most
modest ones hasn't worked out properly.
Simple things like cutting my nails,
brushing my teeth and what have you--
- Everything becomes such a performance.
- It's the same for everyone.
But I have the kind of feeling that
some intricate plot being hatched.
What is happening inside or outside of me,
I really don't know.
When Mercury is in opposition to Jupiter
you really can't hope for much
till the third week of July.
Well.
Take that armchair, for example.
Sometimes for a moment I don't know it at all.
Worse, sometimes I don't think
that it even exists.
Oh, that's a nuisance!
Yet I know it so well.
There should be a photograph of me
in that cupboard somewhere,
sitting on it, naked as a baby.
So, you see.
Oh sure.
- Frau Gertrude!
- Ja?
Please don't listen outside the door.
The war's over, you know.
So I ask myself simple questions
and they get simpler every day
but I find myself less and less able
to find the answers.
In fact it becomes so, that I don't
understand many things at all.
Perhaps you need a vacation.
- You think so?
- Absolutely!
For the past few days, I've
also found it very diff--
It's all been very confusing.
A bit like you and your armchair.
Please don't misunderstand me.
I only used the armchair as an example,
just the first thing that came into my head.
I know.
But you said it was just like my armchair.
It was just inconvenient.
Yes, I--
I don't want you to feel that
the be-all-end-all of my, uh--
What you my call it?
- What--
- Obsession?
No, obsession is not the right word.
- Uneasiness?
- No.
Anxiety! That's it.
I don't want you to feel that
my anxiety is like an armchair.
I didn't say that.
- That upsets me.
- Oh no. I promise you.
Like your leg.
- My leg?
- Yes.
I saw it quite clearly. It's blue.
Oh yeah. No. It's nothing, don't worry.
It's just a little bit of paint.
All the same. I would like you to--
Especially now.
You see? I-- Would you--
Let me see it.
It would be for the best.
It would be for the best, from any point of view.
- Is it dry?
- Yes, absolutely.
- It doesn't look like it.
- It is, I promise.
Step back a bit, will you.
Yes, it is dry.
I told you so, Mr. Noblart.
Tell me--
Your breasts?
I beg your pardon?
May I see one?
Mr. Noblart!
Just one. Only for a moment.
Thank you.
Would you be...
(whispering, no sound)
I beg of you!
It's impossible!
Yes, but it's very important to me.
Like this?
Yes. Yes.
Yes, I remember.
I remember now.
What splendor!
Hallelujah!
Can I go now?
Isn't it beautiful?
Jimmy! They're after me.
I'm going to do it à la américain.
She's not out here.
Which way did she go?
What's she done? We must find her.
- What's she done?
- I think she broke a vase.
She went that way!
Where's the dog?
Father is right. Where is the dog?
- Hey, you'll catch a cold.
- They're after me!
- Who?
- Everyone.
Everyone? You better get away
quickly before they catch you.
Wait for us.
- Hey, what time are you coming back?
- I'm not coming back.
- Aren't we having dinner together?
- Goodbye, my poor love.
What?
What's she talking about? She's leaving.
- Why didn't you stop her?
- I didn't know she was leaving for good.
- He never knows anything.
- Why are you running after her?
I don't know,
she was the one that started it.
Yes, she began running down the corridor.
Nobody runs without a good reason.
Herr Noblart is dead!
Herr Noblart is dead!
Noblart died?
He's dead?
Wait for me! Wait for me!
Wait! Where are you going?
Where are you going!?
I don't know. Maybe Istanbul.
- Wait!
- I can't.
- Noblart's dead! - Yes, I know,
but that has nothing to do with me.
- Then stay.
- I can't!
- Why not? - We'll never
be able to finish the movie!
- What movie?
- The movie!
- What?
- We're in the movie, aren't we?!
- What?
- That's right!
What movie?
"What?" "What?"
That's the name of the movie.
Goodbye, darling, I'll send you a postcard!
It would be nice if we could get together.
To have tea, for example, today or tomorrow.