Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior (2006) - full transcript

It is the story of an average, popular American teenager named Wendy Wu who discovers that in order to win the coveted crown she must first learn the way of the warrior. Wendy Wu has a one track mind, and that track leads directly to the title of homecoming queen -- no unscheduled stops, and no unnecessary detours. When a mysterious Chinese monk named Shen arrives to mold Wendy into a fearless kung fu warrior, however, her royal aspirations suddenly jump the track as she desperately attempts to juggle her boyfriend, her homework, and of course, the fierce competition to become homecoming queen. Now, as Wendy begins to train her mind, body, and spirit in the ancient tradition of the martial arts and her inner warrior gradually begins to emerge, the girl who once obsessed over popularity finally begins to put that popularity into perspective as she gradually realizes what truly matters in life.

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

Huh?
(CUP SHATTERING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(SHEN LAUGHING)

Shen.

It is time.

The evil Yan Lo has awakened
and is on his way.



But I wonder
if you're committed enough
to take on this task.

Forgive me, Master.
I am ready.

Very well. Here.

You will need these.

Where is she?

In the West.

Fair Springs, California.

I will not let you down,
Master.

It may not be you
who lets us down.

TEACHER: Wendy.

Wendy.

(GIRL SIGHS)

Wendy.

(ALL GASPING)
What?



Thank you for returning
to Earth, Miss Wu.

(ALL LAUGHING)
BOY: Uh-oh.

Can you identify
this mountain range

in northern China?

Um, is it...

(BELL RINGING)

Tell you tomorrow,
Mr. Medina. Bye.

Wendy, could this class
be any more boring?

I know.

I feel like drawing eyes
on my eyelids
so I can take a nap.

(LAUGHING)

(CRYING) We were
so perfect
for each other.

Why? Why?

Lisa, get it together.

You're getting tears
all over my top.

I'm sorry.
(SNIFFLING)

Thank you
for letting me borrow it.

You know
what's the fastest way
to get over a guy?

BOTH: Get a new guy.

(SOBBING) Forget it.
My life stinks.

Oh, why can't I have
your perfect life, Wen?

You're the most popular girl
in school,

everyone's gonna
vote for you
for Homecoming Queen,

and your
boyfriend's perfect.

No, he's not.

I got us salads, Wen.

Okay,
he's a little perfect.

I mean, you don't need it,
but I'm trying
to cut my triceps

for short-sleeved shirts,
so...

And, you know,
I got some ab videos...

Vote for me.

Hey, guys, want a cookie?
That is so lame.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, you're right.
My guns already look good.

No, I mean Jessica.

JESSICA: There you go.
Have a cookie.

Thanks, guys.

Jessica Dawson
is running against you
for Homecoming Queen?

(HUFFING) I so should have
expected this.

Ever since second grade,
everything I do,
she has to do.

BOY: Thanks a lot.
Well, this one's mine.

Nobody's gonna give her
my vote for a stale cookie.

Even your brother?

GIRL: You've got my vote.

WENDY: Peter, put that down.

JESSICA: Voting for me?
Good. Have a cookie.

(CHUCKLES)

My brother, on a diet.

Football jock, you know.

JESSICA: Thank you.
Have a cookie.

Here you go.

Jessica, you're running
for Homecoming Queen?

Oh, my gosh, it's so awesome.

Well, I probably
don't stand a chance
against you.

I'm the one
who should just drop out.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Okay.

This is gonna be so much fun.

Yeah, good luck.
Thanks.

What is wrong
with you, Peter?

Chill out.
It's just a cookie.

Spit that out.

That looks like my brother
doesn't support his sister.

How about
a little loyalty here?

Fine. I hate raisins anyway.

JESSICA: Hey, Austin.

Hey, little sis.

You might wanna check
on your loyalty over there.

Want one of my cookies?
Uh, sure.

(GASPS)
Austin, spit that out!

(PETER LAUGHING)

WENDY:
Mom, this is important.

Don't you remember?

I do my report on Florida
then she has to do hers
on Texas,

just because it's bigger.

And in fourth grade,
when I broke my arm

and everyone
signed my cast,

Jessica had everyone
sign her leg,
and it wasn't even broken.

Wendy, what do you want
me to do?

I'm at work here
and I have an exhibit
opening in two weeks.

But, Mom,
this is supposed to be
my homecoming,

and she's gonna
take it away from me

if I don't come up with a way
to get more votes.

(GASPING)

Look, honey, I understand
how important this is to you,

but the museum director
is counting on me

to put together this exhibit
of ancient Chinese artifacts,

and I'm getting stressed out

because I don't know
the history
behind any of them.

(SIGHING)

You know, I used to think
my mother's stories

about the Buddhist legends
were so silly.

Should have listened
to her more.

Mom, what am I gonna do
about Jessica?

You know
what you're gonna do?

You're gonna forget
about homecoming for a minute

and remember that
there are some things
more important in life.

Like what?

Like maybe
your responsibilities
at home.

When is the last time
you did some laundry,
or cleaned your room,

or fed your dog?

Good thing your brother's
such a messy eater

or poor Cupcake
would have starved.

Cupcake. Yeah.

"Vote for Wendy" cupcakes.

Way better
than Jessica's cookies.

Thanks, Mom.

(GRUNTS)

Sorry. Bye.

(AIRPLANE BUZZING)

(SPLAT)

(BLENDER WHIRRING)

Daddy, you have
the mixer on too high.

Well, honey,
I'm an ad agency executive,
not a baker.

How about I come up
with a nice, catchy slogan
for you instead?

Like what?

Like, um...

How about,

"Wendy who? Wendy Wu
for Homecoming Queen!"
Huh?

They really pay you for that?

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

(SIGHING) Grandma,
I'm not gonna put Chinese
on my cupcakes.

No, no, no.

I was telling the widow
the doctor was really her son.

(PEOPLE TALKING
IN CHINESE ON TV)

Why don't you watch
American soap operas

so that we could
all understand?

I do. The Spanish ones.

Hi, I'm home.
Sorry I'm late.

Oh, my...
What happened here?

Homecoming Queen did it.
I'm not cleaning up.

NINA:
Ma, I really need your help
with this Chinese stuff

the director dumped on me.

(TV TURNS OFF)

I've done
a lot of the research,

but I feel like I'm missing
some of the folklore
and legends.

I told you the stories.

I know you did, Ma,
but I was too little
to appreciate them.

Anyway, it's not like
I missed having that
Chinese culture in my life.

Just because
you don't miss it

doesn't mean
it isn't missing.

MAN: Delivery.

(KEYS JINGLING)

Thanks.

It must be
for this Chinese thing
they're doing here.

See you.
Bye.

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(DOG BARKING)

I can't believe
I finally finished.

You're welcome.

Thanks, Daddy.

When I win, I'll mention you
in my acceptance speech.

Okay. Good night.

Make sure you clean up.

Wait.
You're not gonna help me...

(SIGHS)

Good night.

WENDY: Grandma?
Forget it.

Your mess. You clean.

(SIGHING IN ANNOYANCE)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(SIGHING)

Uh, may I help you?

Hello?
Oh, sorry.

It's just that you look so

different.

You know me?
Yes, you're Miaozhen,

woman warrior
born in the Wei Dynasty,

sworn to defeat evil.

It is your time again.

Right. It is time. Goodbye.

(WHOOSHING)

(GASPS)
Don't be frightened.

I'm a Buddhist monk
from Gingi Mountain Temple.

Wait. How did you...
You were just...

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(GASPS)

(WENDY GRUNTING)
(GROANS)

(PANTING)

Ugh.

(PULSING)

(BOX RUMBLING)

Who's in there?

Museum security.

I've got pepper spray.

(RUMBLING)

(GASPS)

(ROARING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

(SNARLING)

PETER: Hey, Al,
your pizza's getting cold.

Hey, Al, what's up?

(GROWLING)

Right. That's $11.43.

(GRUNTING)

Hey, that's my mom's.

(GRUNTING)

What?

(GRUNTING INSISTENTLY)

That's Wendy, my sister.
You know her.

Dude, are you all right?

(EXHALING)

Oh, your breath reeks.

(GROWLING)

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTING)

(SPUTTERING)

(EXHALING DEEPLY)

Yeah, he had a ponytail
and a cheap bathrobe.

I know.
Jessica probably sent him
to scare me.

Can you believe her?

I swear, when we hand out
my killer cupcakes,

Jessica's totally gonna
back off.

73 in Sacramento.
79 in Stockton.

No way.
(GASPS) I have a cousin
in Stockton.

Quick! Turn on Channel 5.
Hey, Amy.

And right here
in Fair Springs

it's gonna be 72
and partly cloudy,

but always sunny and nice
with all my friends
at Fair Springs High.

She's the guest
weather person?

JESSICA: And remember,

pick up one of my
"Jessica for Homecoming Queen"
cupcakes tomorrow.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERING)

(WHIMPERING)

(STIRRING)

(WHIMPERING)

No! No!

(CUPCAKE GROWLING)

Whoa!

PETER: I'm home?

Cool.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow! Ow!

Wow, these are really
made out of clay?

Yeah,
they're terra cotta warriors.

There were 6,000 of them

buried in the tomb
of the first Emperor of China
in 210 B.C.

And the Chinese Government
sent us eight of them.

Isn't that great?

Sure.

You see, the first Emperor,
Qin Shi Huangdi,
was buried with them

because the people believed
they would guard him
in the afterlife,

but they didn't.

There's a legend that says

every 90 years,
they come under the spell
of Yan Lo, an evil spirit.

(FEIGNING EVIL LAUGHTER)

I've never seen you
this excited
about Chinese history before.

I know. It's weird.

We didn't care about this
when we were kids, did we?

No,
Everybody Wang Chung Tonight

was about as cultural
as we got.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, I gotta go.
Gonna be late.

(IMITATING KUNG FU YELL)

Ha-ya!

Stop it. The neighbors
are gonna see you.

See you later, Dad.
Bye-bye.

Where's Peter?
He's still sleeping.

(SCOFFS)
He put this ugly necklace
on me last night.

Very funny, Peter.

Oh, I should get going, too.
I'm gonna be late.

Mom, what's this?
Hmm?

Mmm,
it's Gingi Mountain Temple.

It dates back
over 1,500 years.

No, no, no, these bald guys.

NINA: They're monks.

WENDY: Well,
don't they have ponytails?

Uh-uh. Buddhist monks
shave their heads.

Why are you asking?

No reason. Gotta go.

Hey, hey, aren't you
taking your cupcakes?

No, you take them. Bye.

But there's 500 of them.

Wendy!

(DOOR CLOSING)

(GRANDMA SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Are you looking for this?

It is only a necklace.

Really?

Is my granddaughter a warrior?

Yes.

Please protect her.

With my life.

It is my destiny

Thank you.

(DOOR CLOSING)

TORY: Hey, Wen,
do you want a ride?

Sure.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO)

Wait!

You must wear this.

Let's go.

It will protect you.

For your sake, Wendy,
you must wear this!

Who's that?
How should I know? Just go.

I think he knows you.

(SIGHS)

So, just because
he IMs me he thinks
I'll come running back.

What a jerk.

Look, you just stay
strong and proud,

and if he IMs you again,
we'll start a rumor

that you're already going out
with a senior, right?

Right?

Oh, you didn't.

You're back with him?

Just a little.

(LAUGHING)
Do you believe her, Wen?

Wen?

What?

Are you all right?
LISA: Yeah.

You're not still thinking
about that guy
in the bathrobe, are you?

(LAUGHS)
No, of course not. Why?

'Cause here he comes.

Go! The light's green! Go!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

SHEN: Wendy!

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

Wendy! Stop! Please!

Stop!

You're in danger! Stop!

Please!

(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

Ow!

(GASPING)

(PANTING)

SHEN: Wendy!

Well, that was
really weird.

Bizarre.

I say we act like
that never happened.

Cool.
Absolutely.

(ALL PANTING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

COACH: Come on, girls.
Pick it up. Pick it up.

Hey, Wendy.
Did you see me
on TV last night?

No. You were on TV?

Yeah. I did the weather
on Channel 5.

Oh, sorry, I missed it.

I was out with Austin.
Hey, Austin!

COACH: Pass it on the inside.

(JESSICA GRUNTS)
COACH: On the wing.

Keep your head in the game,
Wendy.

(GRUNTS)

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

COACH: Nice play, Jessica.

Saw you on TV last night.
You're gonna make
a great Homecoming Queen.

JESSICA: Thanks, Coach Gibbs.

COACH: Jessica, why don't you
goalie for a while?
Tina! You're in.

GIRL 1: There you go.
There you go. Watch it.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)
GIRL 2: Over here.

GIRL 1: There you go.
There you go. Watch it.

GIRL 1: Pass me the ball.

COACH: Come on, girls.

COACH: That's it.
Pick it up. Energy!

(YELLING)

(GRUNTS AND YELLS)

GIRL 3: Yes! Way to go!

Nice hustle.
GIRL 4: Jessica.

COACH: Okay, let's give her
some air, ladies.

GIRL 5: Are you okay?

How did you do that?

WENDY: I don't know.

She had it coming.

TORY: She's trying
to steal your popularity.

(BOTH GIGGLING)

GIRL 1: Nice work.
Okay.

I think I'm giving it to her.

(PANTING)

(CHUCKLING)

How'd you get in here, fella?

(GROWLING)

COACH: That's it, girls.
Keep it up. Push it.

Oh, not you. Look,
why are you following me?

What do you want?

Please,
you are in much danger.

Did you put that on me
last night?

How'd you get in my house?

I think you're starting
to creep me out.
I'm turning you in.

Believe me.
I'm a Buddhist monk

who has come
a great distance
to find you.

And that's another thing.
You are not a monk.

Buddhist monks
shave their heads,
so there.

I was allowed
to grow my hair

so that I might fit in
when I found you.

I don't know
what fashion magazines
you've been reading,

but a stringy ponytail
and a weird robe
is not fitting in.

But it is my destiny
to help you.

Evil is near.

Look, the only evil I know
is my history teacher
and Jessica Dawson.

And I don't think
you can help me with them.

You find you have skills
you cannot explain.

What do you mean?

That kick on the field.

Crude but very powerful.

It's a bicycle kick.

Your ancestors
would call it
dragon whips tail.

Okay, look,

I'll admit there's been
some weird stuff going
on with me lately,

so I'm gonna give you,
like, a minute
to tell me what's up.

I have been reincarnated
many times over the centuries

to assist the descendant
of the Yin warrior

to battle evil
in the name of good.

You know, Yoda,

this is already getting
a little too Star Wars-y
for me.

The evil is imprisoned
in the Ganzi jade globe.

It's called Yan Lo,
a powerful spirit.

(SARCASTICALLY)
Ooh, scary.

Every 90 years
the globe weakens,

allowing him to break free
and possess the bodies
of mortals

to challenge
the next descendant
of the Yin warrior.

That kind of looks like me.

I really don't like
where this is going.

You must follow in the steps
of your ancestors.

It is your turn
to defeat Yan Lo.

Me? Well, what if I don't?

Famine, earthquakes,

oceans rising, locusts,
fires, drought, darkness...

Okay, okay,
I get it. It's bad.

Oh, there you are, Wen.

Hey, we're going to the mall.
You wanna come with?

Your kung fu training
must begin now.

Wait up, guys!
I've got a new skirt
with no matching lipstick.

I don't get it.
How could you not know
that he was coming to visit?

Tory, I told you.
He's from China.

It's not their custom
to call first.

Well, why is he
dressed like that?

He's not gonna
hang around you
all the time, is he?

No, look, can we not
talk about this anymore?

(PHONE BEEPING)

What does he want?

Ugh, hang on.
I've got another call.

Hello?
Hey, I still
don't get it.

(SIGHS)
How could you not know
you had a cousin in China?

(GRUNTS IN ANNOYANCE)
Hang on. Let me three-way.

(BEEPING)

Look, you guys,
my cousin's practically
leaving already.

So it'll probably be better
for the homecoming vote
if we just kept him a secret.

You know,
if Jessica found out,

she'd think of some way
to use it against me.

Totally.
Sure.

(PHONE BEEPS)

Oh, hang on.

Hello?

Hey, Wen.

Listen, I hear you have
an interesting new friend.

Well, I hope he gets you
the monk vote.

That's a great idea, Tory!

What's a great idea?

We'll write "Vote for Wendy"
on a bunch of chopsticks

and get your cousin
to hand them out
at lunch tomorrow.

Isn't it awesome?

No!

No, forget it. I'll talk
to you guys later.

(SIGHS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

You must wear this now.

It will protect you
during your training.

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

Look, I don't wanna be rude

but you hanging around me
is making my life
a little complicated.

Please, go back
to your temple
of doom or whatever.

Look, I never agreed to train.

You'll just have to find
some other girl
to be your warrior.

I know. Look, why don't you
ask Sarah Goldberg
in my homeroom?

She's got no life.
I'm sure she'll kung fu
with you all you want.

The evil spirit
could be anyone around you.

Please.

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

(SIGHS) Go away.
I'm not your warrior.

Om...

SHEN: Om...

(WHISPERING)
You will be a great warrior.

Om...

Ouch.

(BELL RINGING)

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

LISA: Did you do
the world history homework?

WENDY: I know.
That stuff's so hard.

I finished it.
It was all right.

(SHEN YELLING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(GROANS)

Frank, you all right?

Uh, what's he doing?

It's sacred monk stuff.

LISA: That's cool.

Interesting.

We'll catch you at lunch,
okay, Wen?

Okay.

(BELL RINGING)

(LAUGHS)

Remember what we always say
about these punks.
Never show them fear.

(EXHALING)

Ugh, never let 'em
smell it, either.

We've got a big problem now.

You're embarrassing me
and messing with my rep.

I would not have to do this
if you will only
wear the medallion.

Evil is here.

Look, the only thing
evil around here
is Mr. Nunan over there.

You have no idea.

Hey, babe.

(CHUCKLES) Hey, Austin.

I don't think so.

You know the rules
on public displays
of affection.

She started it,
Mr. Tobias.

Austin!

I got my eye on you,
Wendy Wu.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You are so bad.

Well, you didn't
call me last night.

I wanted to tell you
I finally got a letter back

from that modeling agency
in San Francisco,

and they said
my pictures were '80s retro.

That's good, right?

Uh, yeah, congratulations.
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

Oh, thanks.

Um, so, I hear...
I hear your, uh,
cousin's in town.

Oh, my gosh,
it's been so embarrassing.

Why?

That's why.

He's not the evil one.
You're safe
to speak with him.

Thanks.

Listen, why don't you check
to see if the bathroom
is safe for me?

Good idea.
Your instincts
are becoming sharp.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

What's up with that?

Oh, he's from, like,
real deep, deep inside China,

and it's a very
careful culture.

Huh.

So, we're still going
to Maria Santiago's party,
right?

Oh, yeah.

The next Homecoming Queen
shouldn't be partying
without the Homecoming King.

(GIRLS SCREAMING)

Wendy, toilet now safe.

Uh, I guess
I'll see you at lunch.

Yeah.

Many angry girls
waiting for you to go.

Wendy, I'm so glad
I ran into you.
Actually, you ran into me.

Anyway, I hope you know
I was only kidding
the other night,

on the phone,
about your cousin.

Oh, don't worry about it.

That's how you and I are.
We kid. We're like that.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, since I won't see you
at soccer practice,

I am so sorry
about the disqualification.

From what? Soccer?
Yeah.

And probably
a bunch of other
extracurricular activities

like, oh, I don't know,
homecoming eligibility.

Not much left.
I took this for you.
Not now.

What do you mean?

Oh, it's written
in the school bylaw.

"Any student participating in
any extracurricular activity

"must maintain
a minimum C average
in all subjects."

World history.
Yeah.

I don't know
how the counselor found out.

Sorry.

(WENDY SCOFFS)

(SHEN MEDITATING)

What am I thinking?

I can't get an A
in world history.

I don't know anything
about China.

Midterms are in a week.
There's no way.

I will help you.

What?

Your school lessons.

I know everything
about the history of China.

It's required in the temple.

Well, that's nice
but we're in school.

Temple and school
are just places.

Chinese history is in here.

(BELL RINGING)

I can teach you
how to look within.

You are kind of smart.

Okay, you can tutor me.

You must agree
to wear the medallion

and begin
your kung fu training.

You know, you're like
a dog with a bone
with this kung fu thing.

(GROWLING)

Deal. You tutor, I'll train.

WENDY: Could you monks
have made this any uglier?

Aren't you gonna stretch?

If we're gonna do kung fu,
you don't wanna
pull a muscle or something.

I am stretching,
and you don't "do" kung fu.

Kung fu is a way of life.

Oh, sorry.

Did you get that
out of a movie?

It sounded better
when Jackie Chan said it.

(LAUGHING)

So, how long
is this gonna take?

Because we really
should get started
on my tutoring.

Not that I'm dumb or anything,
but that could take longer.

We will have time for both.

♪ So who's gonna
save the world for me?

♪ Who's gonna change?

♪ Who's gonna change?

♪ Who's gonna find
a better way

♪ And make it their way?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Wait. Hold on.

♪ We need a hero

Hey, Tory. What's up?
You wanna go shopping later?

♪ To save us from ourselves

Oh, yeah. Me, too.

♪ Lookin' for a hero

♪ Like nobody else

♪ We need a hero

(CRUNCHING)

♪ But if we can't find one

♪ I will do it myself

♪ I will

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

♪ We need a hero

Hey, Lisa.

♪ To save us from ourselves

♪ Lookin' for a hero

Sorry.

♪ Like nobody else

♪ We need a hero

Oh, nice!

Watch your fingers.

♪ But if we can't find one

Sorry.

♪ I will do it myself

One more time?

♪ I will, I will

(SCREAMS)

What?

What? What?

♪ I will, I will, I will ♪

As much as I enjoyed
kicking you,

I think we should get
started on my tutoring.
I'll get my books.

You won't need your books.

As a Yin warrior,

you are connected
to all of your
ancestors as one life.

Well, what does this
have to do with my D
in world history?

Your midterm is on China

and that history
is within you.

Wait. Are you saying
I don't have to study?

No, we all have to study.

You just have to learn
how to remember
1,500 years of lessons.

Wait. Okay.

I'll go with this
for a minute.

How exactly do I
remember this stuff?

You must focus your mind
through meditation.

That weird trance thing
you do, going "yum"?

Not "yum."

Om.

No.

Too bad.
You would have been
a great Yin warrior

and beautiful
Homecoming Queen.

(SIGHING)

Om?

Om...

Om...

Om...

(TV PLAYING)
Om...

Om...

Om...

Om...

Om...

I did it! I did it!
I remembered everything!

I got an A!
Thank you so much!

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you!

(GRUNTS)

(GASPING)

Sorry, Todd.

(BELL RINGING)

This is good.

Now that you've focused
your mind,

your training
will come much easier.

Okay, I'm a little behind,
but I think I can catch up.

Good. We start now.

Right.

Posters and flyers.

"Wendy for Homecoming Queen"
flyers.

No, your training,
you're not done.

Shen, I promised,
but I didn't say when.

We'll finish this summer.

(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION)

All right, fine.
Right after homecoming.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Tory. Guess what?

But evil is very near.

We must be ready.

(SIGHS)

GRANDMA: Wendy.

Time for dinner.

In a minute, Grandma.

Funny, Grandma.

Grandma,
do you ever miss China?

Sometimes.

When I see something
or hear something
or even smell something

that reminds me of the village
where I grew up.

Lian He.

That's pretty.

What's it mean?

Lotus place.

What do you miss most?

Sitting on
my grandfather's lap

on rainy days
when he couldn't
go to work in the fields.

I can still smell his pipe

and hear his voices telling me
1,000-year-old stories

about great heroes
and their battles.

My favorite was about
a girl who was trained
by a young monk

to fight evil.

Her name was Miaozhen.

And they say,
every 90 years

her descendants
must accept responsibility

and become a Yin warrior.

Yeah, but, Grandma,
you don't really
believe that stuff.

Do you?

Of course I believe it.

You told her?

I didn't have to.
She already knew.

My mother was a Yin warrior,

and you will be one, too.

It's a great honor.

Grandma!

NINA: Hi, everybody.
I'm home.

What smells so...

Oh, hi.

Who's this?

Ma, why didn't you tell us
that your grandnephew

on your second cousin's
father's side was visiting?

I thought I told you,
or I meant to,

or I'm just old.

Dad, can I grow a ponytail?

No, that's silly.

Not that there's anything
wrong with that.

It's just that...

Look, Shen, even though
it's a little bit unannounced,

we want you to feel welcome.

Please stay
as long as you want.

How long do you think
that'll be?

Ow!

Leg cramp.

I think he has to leave soon.

I mean, you can't stay long,
right, Shen?

Oh, yes, I will be leaving
as soon as I complete
my mission.

Your mission?
What's your mission?

Visiting.

He's on a mission
to visit us.

It's a Chinese thing.

You wouldn't understand.

Enough talk.
It's very rude to our guest.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Eat.

Do you not find the history
of the terra cotta warriors
to be fascinating?

How do you know about that?

Oh, great.
He reads minds, too.

I cannot read minds.

I saw a poster
about your exhibit
of the Qin Dynasty artifacts.

Oh, right, the posters.

Yeah, it's really fascinating,

but I'm having a hard time
getting the research straight.

Perhaps I could help you.

One of my teachers
at Gingi Temple

is a direct descendant
of Qin Shi Huangdi,

the first Emperor
of the Qin Dynasty.

PETER: Hey.

Uh, does it get cold
under your robe, dude?

(LAUGHING)

Somebody stop him, please.

Uh, Shen,
I would be so grateful

if you could help me
understand the history
of some of the artifacts.

The exhibit is next week,
and I have to get
everything organized.

It will be my honor.

Hey, Shen,
do you know any kung fu?

Of course.
I have studied it
for a very long time.

Cool.

Do you think you could
show me a couple moves?

My football coach,
he's always on me about
shaking the linebackers.

They're always tagging me
from the side.

Oh, football.
American sport.

I find in defending
against attacks
from the side,

wang ting chen moves.

What did he say,
Grandma?

Shen will explain.
I get the dessert.

May I demonstrate?

Please.

I believe that wang ting chen
in English is
"monkey jumps over wall."

(LAUGHS)
"Monkey jumps over wall"?

That... (LAUGHS)
That sounded cooler
in Chinese, man.

I agree.

(GRUNTS)

Whoa!

(LAUGHING)

Wow, that was great.

Dude, you gotta
teach me that.

Of course.

Oh, my.
Are these mooncakes?

WENDY: What are mooncakes?

A very special pastry
that is made to celebrate

the Chinese
Autumn Moon Festival.

Cool, when is that?

Soon.

Ma, you haven't made these
since I was a kid.

I didn't make them.

Please, I hope you enjoy them.

Mmm. Dude, these are good.

Kenny, aren't you
gonna have one?

No.

Excuse me.

Can I have his?

Ow!

But Shen is really sweet.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)

Tory, nobody cares.

Just because
they see me with him

doesn't mean
they're not gonna vote for me.

I know he's a monk.

Who cares how he dresses?

Look, I've gotta go. Bye.

(SIGHS)

Mmm! These are good.

But how do you get the orange
off your fingers?

Suck 'em.

SHEN: Mmm.
(BOTH LAUGHING)

They're good, huh?

Oh, hey,
I was practicing that move.

Watch.

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Are you all right?

(GROANING)

Oh, yeah.

I meant to do that.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Peter, can you
give me and Shen
a ride to the mall?

Mom said you can go shopping?

Yeah.

The same way Dad said
it was okay for you

to ditch school
and go surfing last week.

I'll get the car.

How did you do that?

It's an ancient
American move

called, "Monkey jumps
for smarter sister."

(LAUGHING) Come on.

Okay, we've got an hour
till closing.

We've got work to do.

Are we training here?

Sort of. Come on.

♪ I've got a song
but I ain't got no melody

♪ Come on

♪ How am I gonna sing it
with my friends?

♪ I've got a song
but I ain't got no melody

♪ How am I gonna sing it
with my friends?

♪ Will it go round in circles?

♪ All right

♪ Will it fly high
like a bird up in the sky?

♪ Will it go round in circles?

♪ Will it fly high
like a bird up in the sky?

♪ Listen

♪ I've got a little dance
but I ain't got no steps

♪ I'm gonna let the music
move me round

♪ I've got a little dance
but I ain't got no st-st-steps

♪ Gonna let the music
move me round

♪ Will it go round in circles?

♪ Will it fly high
like a bird up in the sky? ♪

(GASPS) Come on. Come on!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I thought you were too full.

This mooncake is so good.

I think I owe Shen
an apology.

I didn't mean
to be rude to him.

But it's just,
when I saw these mooncakes,

it was like
I was a boy again.
Mmm-hmm.

And then I felt guilty
that I grew up turning
my back on all of this.

I don't wanna
do that anymore.

You didn't do it alone.

I want us to be
a Chinese-American family.

Can I have a bite?
No.

Kenny!
(CHUCKLING)

Mmm.

It's so strange.

In one night,
this long-lost relative
comes into our lives,

and in one evening,

he gives your mother
a little piece
of the old country...

Mmm-hmm.
...gives Peter
a football move,

finds some missing pieces
in your work,

and opens my eyes
to something
we've been missing.

It's wonderful, isn't it?

Yeah.

It's just a little sad

because I don't think
Wendy will get anything
out of this.

Mmm-hmm.

(BELL RINGING)

(ALL CHATTERING)

Um, well,
I'll see you guys later.
I'm kind of busy, okay?

All right.

Hey, babe.
Oh, hi.

What do you think?

Uh, your shirt. It looks nice.

No.

My hair.

It looks the same.

I got highlights. See?

I figure when we win
homecoming, the stage lights
will really bring 'em out.

Yeah, great.

Who are you looking for?

Oh, nobody. I just thought
maybe Shen would be around.

Who?

My cousin.

Oh, yeah.

You know, we gotta
stay away from him.

He's gonna wreck it for us.
People are starting to talk.

Well, people should
mind their own business.

Maybe he's a nice guy.

(LAUGHING) Nice guy.

Well,
Warren's a nice guy, too,

but, uh, if we let him
hang out with us,

we might as well wait
to buy our clothes on sale,

(LAUGHING) you know?

Austin, that sounds
a little snobby.

Thank you.

SHEN: Vote for Wendy.

I don't think we're gonna
have an image problem
with Shen anymore.

Vote for Wendy
for Homecoming Queen.

(LISA GASPS)
GIRL: Yeah, sure,
I'll vote for Wendy.

(LAUGHING)
SHEN: Vote for Wendy.

Wendy,
is that your cousin?

What did you do?

Vote for Wendy.

(SCOFFS)
SHEN: Vote for Wendy
for Homecoming Queen.

He went from monk to hunk.
(GIGGLES)

Does he know Tony and I
are fighting a lot?

Sorry, guys, Shen's busy.

SHEN: Here, take one.

Let's go.
You look great.

(LAUGHS DRYLY)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(LAUGHING)
Everybody was talking
about you at school today.

You're kind of a celebrity.

Yes, it was fun.

I've never worn anything
except that stupid robe.

Is that why you were
so willing to change?

Buddhists say
the tiger is the mightiest,

but it is the chameleon
who will endure.

(LAUGHING)
You are such a liar.

You did it for me,
didn't you?

Thank you.

No, thank you.

Mmm.

This is good.

What is name of this taste?

Chocolate. What else?

Chocolate.

Wait. You've never had
chocolate before?

Well, don't they have it
in China?

I'm not sure.

I've never come across it
in my reincarnations.

So, you remember every one
of your past lives?

Some better than others.

Not all Yin warriors
are memorable.

Will I be?

No.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I do remember
your great-grandmother
very well.

She almost failed.

Why?

Was she weak?

No.

Yan Lo was stronger

and has been getting stronger
every time.

That's why
you must train harder
than any of your ancestors.

If I do, will I win?

I hope so,

but you may have to find
the strength within you
that I can't teach you,

or this may be the end
for me and you
and everything good.

Whoa! Not too much pressure.

Let's talk
about something else.

Tell me
about your girlfriends.

You've never had
a girlfriend?

What's it like
being in love?

I don't know.

I'll tell you
when it happens.

You and Austin
are not in love?

(CHUCKLES)
Look, Austin's a nice guy,

but he's only in love
with himself.

Then why are you with him?

I guess it's because
everyone says
we look good together.

And it'll probably help me
win Homecoming Queen.

An illusion of the heart.

Another Buddhist saying?

No, a Shen saying.

(LAUGHING)

Tell you what, since you like
my chocolate cupcakes so much,

I'll make you a bunch
for your trip home

when this big battle thing
is over.

I will not be going home.

My destiny is to perish
during the battle.

What? No! Why?

It is how it has to be.

I must sacrifice myself
to save you.

It has been this way
for over 1,000 years.

Well, that's a little harsh.

It's all right.

I got to be a real teenager
for a little while.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Well, maybe we should make it
last a little longer.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(LAUGHING)
So, what do you think?

Oh, this is nothing.

You should see the parties
back at the temple.

Really?
No.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Hey, Wen, guess what?

I'm gonna vote for you.

Thanks.

Hi, Shen.

Hi. You know my name?

You wanna dance?

Oh, we're kind of together.

I thought he was your cousin.

Oh, yeah.

Go ahead. Have fun.

♪ Can't wait for the weekend

Come on. Come on.

♪ Plus, it's a long weekend

♪ Get to stay out late tonight

♪ Hangin' or shoppin'
I never get enough

Don't worry about the moves.
Come on, be yourself.

Be myself?

Yeah, you know,
do your own thing.

That's it.
What's up, Alvin?

♪ I just wanna have some fun

♪ I'm talking about
hangin' out at the mall

Hi.
Where have you been?

I thought we were
gonna show up early
and do some campaigning.

And didn't I tell you to wear
the peach-colored shirt?

It goes great with this shirt.

Sorry, I've... I've just
been busy lately.

Busy?

I thought we wanted
to win this thing.

I do.

I just need
to spend some time
with Shen right now.

♪ Lean back and swirl it, baby

Well, I'm your boyfriend,
not him.

Boyfriend?

♪ We just wanna have some fun

Austin, hasn't this just been

an illusion of the heart?

What does that mean?

You know, I don't...
I don't know you anymore.

Austin, you never did.

♪ We just wanna have some fun

Look, you and I really
don't need each other
to win homecoming.

♪ We just wanna have some fun

♪ I'm talking about
hangin' out

Are you breaking up with me?

♪ Some fun, some fun

♪ Some, some, some fun ♪

I guess I am.

(ALL CHEERING)

(FAST DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

I know that move.
I can do it.

Sure you can.

I can.

Yeah! Yeah!

Whoo!

WENDY: All right, Shen!

(LAUGHING)

ALL: Ooh!

Hey, Tory.

Look, I know
you think I'm crying.

I'm not, okay?

I've just got a lot
going on right now.

Yao Ming?
Don't know him.

Which temple is he from?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Before Shen came,
all that mattered was
becoming Homecoming Queen,

but it's all different now.

(CHUCKLES) I know. I know.
I sound like a spoiled brat.

But you're one of
my best friends,

and we can talk
about anything, right?

What kind of a chip is this?

Wendy!

Where's Wendy?
Oh, she's by the pool.

Wendy!

(SHEN GRUNTS)
(TORY SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

Dude, this is the biggest
hot tub I've ever seen.

(YELLING)

(ALL CHEERING)

This might be a good time
to finish my training.

You think so?

(BOY WHOOPING)

Tory, what are you doing?
You're wearing my shoes.

Austin, pull her out!

This will be great
in the yearbook.

TORY: Austin, will you
get me out of the pool?

(YELLS)

Oh, cool.
Are those souvenirs?

You begin the final step
to your training

and these are your teachers.

The tiger for aggression,

the snake for flexibility,

the leopard for speed,

the crane for balance,

and the dragon
for invincibility.

Wait. Where's the dragon?

Okay.

But you do know
these guys are just
little statues, right?

We'll start with the snake.

(CHANTING)

(GASPS)

Wendy, meet the first master
who will prepare you.

Uh, hi.

What's he doing?

Showing you respect.

Why? He doesn't know me.

He has known you
for over 1,000 years.

Hold on.
This isn't gonna work.

Yes, it will.

You are stronger
than you think.

(SCOFFS) No, not that.

Look, I can't be seen
fighting some old guy
in a park.

It looks bizarre.

I have to live in this town.

Oh, really?

Besides, it won't feel right
fighting him.

He didn't do anything to me.

(PANTING)

What's up with this?

(CHANTING)

(AIR WHOOSHING)

(CELL PHONE BEEPING)

Coach Gibbs?
Shen, what's going on?

Yan Lo is not the only one
who can possess mortals.

You didn't want to be trained
by my teachers.

How about your teachers?

Okay.

This could be fun.

(YELPS AND GIGGLING)

No way.

(SCREAMS) Whoa!

Don't let your body
be a cage.

Be as fluid as a snake.

I'm trying, Coach.
I mean, monk.

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

We must try
less conventional methods
with this one.

You want me to climb that?
(SCOFFS) Forget it.

Okay.

We just thought
you might want
your phone back.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(SIGHS)

Fine.

Be as flexible
as a snake.

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

What's this?

(SHEN CHANTING)

(AIR WHOOSHING)

(GRUNTING)

(YELPING)

They're coming at me too fast.

Speed is relative.

Slow them down
with your mind.

(YELLING)

(GRUNTING)

(CONTINUES GRUNTING)

Hey, who's littering
my hallway?

(CHANTING)

(AIR WHOOSHING)

You call that balance?

(GRUNTS)

(WIND BLOWING)

(GRUNTING)

(BELL RINGING)

Don't forget
to read Chapter 8.

(SIGHS)

(SHEN CHANTING)

(AIR WHOOSHING)

Are these tiki torches? Cool.

Let me call my friends.
We'll have a luau.

Ow!

Time for your final lesson,
the aggression of a tiger!

(GRUNTS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(ALL YELLING)

Put everything you've learned
into one.

Don't think about it.

Feel it.

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(ALL YELLING)

(WENDY YELLING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(ALL YELLING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(ALL YELL)

(ALL GROAN)

(ALL PANTING)

I felt it.

Now you have become
a Yin warrior.

I think you guys need this.

Come on, Shen.
Let's celebrate
with your first cappuccino.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I don't know what that is,
but I hope it's chocolate.

I just hope,
when the monks
leave their bodies

my teachers
won't remember anything
and hold it against me.

(BOTH LAUGHING)
Don't worry, they won't.

I don't think.

Well, they might.

(LAUGHING)
You.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

(SQUEALING)

Lisa? What's wrong?

You won!

What?
You're Homecoming Queen!

(SCREAMING)

No way. Swear on
the life of your cat.
Tell her, Tory.

It's true. You won.

(BOTH SCREAMING)
I won?

(SCREAMING)

Okay, okay, I'll talk
to you guys later.

Is everything okay?

(STAMMERING) Lisa's on
the homecoming committee,

and they just finished
counting the votes.

You are now walking
with the new Homecoming Queen.

You are so lucky.

Yes, I am.

Congratulations.

Well, you know,
it's all because of you.

If you hadn't helped me
with my history class...

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't you be my date?

Be your what?

Date. It means you take me
to the homecoming dance.

Sorry, but I can't go.

Why not?

Oh, come on.

It's already bad enough
I have to ask a guy
for a date.

You're not gonna
make me beg, are you?

You know what?
(CHUCKLING)

I'm definitely gonna miss
chocolate cupcakes
and this, too.

What do you mean, miss?
Where are you...

Oh, yeah.

So, when is
this big battle thing

on your
Chinese calendar again?

The autumn moon.

I know. I know.
You said that.

Next week? Next month?

Like, a few days.

A few days?

How many days?

A couple.

Shen!

Tomorrow?

It's tomorrow?

Please tell me
it's not during homecoming.

I'm gonna go
get another one of these.

Get back here.

You knew the whole time
that it was gonna happen
during homecoming, didn't you?

Why didn't you tell me?

I was afraid
you wouldn't train.

So you lied to me instead.

Monks don't lie.

No.

They just
don't tell the truth.

Well, is there anything else
you're hiding from me?

(ROARING)

(GROWLING)

YAN LO: (IN MONSTROUS VOICE)
Your Lord of Darkness
commands you to awaken!

(THUNDER CRASHING)

(STONE CRACKING)

(QUARTERSTAVES THUMPING)

(STOMACH GROWLING)

Must be indigestion.

(BELCHING)

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(EXHALES)

SOLDIERS: (CHANTING)
Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

Yan Lo! Yan Lo!

I found this
for your battle.

It was my mother's.

Why are you wearing that?

I'm going to homecoming.

I won.

I see.

(WENDY SIGHS)

Grandma, I'm sorry
if you're mad at me,

but being a Homecoming Queen
is all I ever wanted.

Nobody asked me
if I wanted to be
a Yin warrior.

You know what?

I don't.

I'm not angry with you.

You're my granddaughter
no matter what you do.

And I've never questioned
your choices.

(SIGHS)

I hate it
when she does that to me.

(SNIFFLING)
Well, it's not gonna work.

Battle evil on the most
important day
of my life?

Get real.

So what if evil takes over?

The world's already evil.

It's my crown,
and I'm gonna
wear it tonight.

Evil can wait.

YAN LO: Alone?

Your Yin warrior
has betrayed you.

I may be alone,
but I have the will of many.

Hope it's enough
to beat these guys.

(BOTH YELLING)

(SHEN GROANING)

(ALL ROARING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(SOLDIERS GRUNTING)

(CAMERA CLICKS)
Oh, come on, Daddy,
I'm gonna be late.

KENNY: Just a couple more.
(SIGHS)

It's not every day
you're in the presence
of a queen.

Oh, you've taken
enough pictures.

Mom, tell him.

Oh, she's right.

Here. Here. Take some
with the video camera.

KENNY: Oh, yeah.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh, that's Tory. Gotta go.

Oh, and remember,
they're gonna crown me
at halftime so don't be late.

NINA: Bye.
Bye.

Uh-oh.

Are we still monks
or teachers here?

Monks.

(GROWLS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANING)

Your hour of destiny
has arrived.

(SIGHING) Look, guys,
I really appreciate

all the cool kung fu training
and stuff.

I mean, I'm sure
it'll come in handy
with soccer,

or if I join the circus,

but I have my own appointment
with destiny.

Oh.

And... And tell Shen
I'm sorry.

Maybe next time.

There won't be
a next time.

He's gone to battle.

Alone?

(ALL GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

The time for evil
has finally come!

(ROARING)

Stop!

Evil must face
the force of the leopard.

The snake.

The crane.

The tiger.

And the Yin warrior.

Jessica? (SCOFFS)

Why didn't you guys tell me
it was her?

I would have been here
yesterday.

About 10 minutes ago
would have been nice, too.

Move, you big idiots!

(YELLING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

Shen, are you all right?

Not too crazy about the pain,
but I'll be okay.

Witness, Yin warrior,

the darkness of a new day.

That doesn't sound
like Jessica.

It's Yan Lo.
Oh.

I knew this weak
Yin warrior would come
to the aid of her monk.

Well, yeah.

And to save the world.

Right. And to save the world.

Attack!

(ALL YELLING)

(WENDY YELLS)

(GRUNTING)

Maybe you guys
wanna jump in now?

(ALL YELLING)

(YELLING)

(WENDY GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)
(GROWLING)

Grandma?

What are you doing here?

I knew you would make
the right choice.

Put on your
great-grandmother's robe
and save the world.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

(YELLING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

Where am I?

Wendy?

Hey, Jessica.

You're kind of at the museum.

Why?

WENDY: I don't know.

You're supposed to be
at homecoming.

You're late.

I am?

I mean, I thought everyone
already voted you queen.

I've been thinking lately.

(SNICKERS)

And there are other things
that are more important
to me right now.

You better hurry
if you're gonna
get that crown.

Uh, yeah.

Thanks.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I am so proud of you.

Oh, Grandma.

Let's go home.
Mooncakes on me.

I don't think
this is over yet.

I was wondering
why I survived this time.

(ROARING)

(ALL YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

Uh, Shen, any advice here?

I don't know.

This is first time
Yan Lo has shown up
in person.

Okay,
that's not gonna help me.

(GRUNTS)

(YELLING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANS)

Let him go!

It's destiny.

You must let me go.

No!

Grandma, I'm losing Shen.
What do I do?

Everything you have learned!

Let him go!

(GROANS)

(YELLS)
(ROARING)

Shen! Shen!

At last, the days of doom
become destiny.

No, I won't let Shen die.

This is not destiny.

(HEART BEATING)

I'm alive?

You're alive.

(YELLING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(ROARING)
(YELLING)

(PANTING)

You changed the destiny.

I know.

Are you mad?

No, but the monks might be.

Yan Lo has been
destroyed forever.

The legend is over.

How?

By something mightier
than anything we could
ever teach a Yin warrior,

true sacrifice for the world,

and a friend.

Our purpose is finished
as well.

What about me?

This will be your last life.

Live it well.

He can stay?

I can stay?

Hey, you two, break it up.

(LAUGHING)

Where are we?

We're all on the way
to my place for mooncakes.

You're all invited.
(CHUCKLES)

Come along, now.

(TEACHERS GROANING)

You know, I really hate
those mooncakes.

I've been eating them
for 1,000 years.

Let's get a cappuccino.

Let's go this way.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

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