Welcome to the Sh*T Show! (2013) - full transcript

Just when all seems to be heading in a better direction between Nia, Johnny, and Averey, Daisy gets in the middle and a huge brawl erupts. Anastasia's dislike for Jessica comes to a head.

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-[Averey] Jordan!
-[Jordan] This is the true story…

[Jordan] I love you, Bird.

-[Jordan] …of seven strangers…
-Let's do it!

[Joi] Picked to live in a loft…

-Daisy!
-[Jordan] Stop pooping!

-[Averey] …work together…
-[Jordan] Dude!

-[Jessica] …and have their lives taped…
-[Averey] Ooh, ooh!

[Nia] …to find out what happens…

[Jessica] I'm not talking to you anymore.

-[Marlon] …when people stop being polite…
-[Anastasia] Boop! You're done.

[Johnny] …and start getting real.



-[Johnny] No!
-[Jessica] Sexy mama!

-[Averey] The Real World…
-[Johnny] …Portland!

[bluesy rock music playing]

[Johnny] All right, brother man. Come on.

Too bad you couldn't fit in a rain jacket.
Too bad you gotta be a fatty!

Ah, I love you too. You're so cute.
[smooches]

[gasps] You got poop on the bottom
of your shoes, brother.

[Averey] I know. They're done anyway.
I'm throwing them away.

-[Johnny] Is she afraid of the rain?
-[Nia] Aw, poor thing. She clearly is.

-[Johnny] Just stick close to me, buddy.
-[Nia] Love you.

I feel like me and Daisy
are really, like, homegirls,

like, I have my own distinct call
in this house.

[kissing sound]

Anywhere she is, she hears it,
she just looks at me.



[Nia smooches] I love you!

-[Johnny] Come on!
-[Nia] She is so bougie.

[rock music playing]

[Dominic] You see that?

-You see it?
-Yeah.

Look. That's 20 second.

Right there. Showtime.
Use that butt, bend the knees.

Up, down, up, down.

Five seconds. Dig deep for me.

Dom is a guy that I met here in Portland,
and he's a personal trainer.

Time! Girlfriend, let's go.

He is basically coming to kick me
and Jess' asses.

-Boom, and then right here.
-[Jessica] Okay.

Like you're throwing a baseball.
Throw a baseball.

And then, yes.

[upbeat music playing]

That's perfect. Tight stomach.

When Tyler first broke up with me,

I was just in pieces.
And it wasn't necessary.

I realized that a boy
is not your be all, end all.

And you can't let a small thing
like a little heartbreak

keep you from having fun
or living your life.

[Dominic] Good, straight ball.
We got ten more.

Daisy, come here.

Aggressive intensity.
Intensity is everything.

Aggressive, ain't it?
Yeah, go on and get mad.

[rock song playing]

♪ Oh! ♪

♪ I'm always running from disaster ♪

[music concludes]

[Jessica] This might sound crazy
and I try to rationalize it to myself,

but I guess I can't until I talk
to somebody else about it. But, like…

about taking, like, an oath of purity

and not continue to live
the way I've been living.

I'm scared.

I don't think it should be something
to be scared of.

It's definitely something
that you could look at, like,

you know what I'm saying,
he's gonna work that much more

-in your life.
-Yeah.

I think it's a good step,
not only for Jessica's faith,

but just for Jessica as a person.

I think it's something
that she really wants to work on.

-Thank you.
-[Marlon] No problem.

I'm taking an oath of purity
at this point in my life,

telling God I'm never gonna
have sex until I'm married.

["Don't Touch" playing]

♪ Can you hear me when I say
Can you hear me when I say ♪

♪ That I'm done chasing
I'm done wasting my time ♪

I don't want to engage in relationships
that are meaningless, that aren't…

that nothing's gonna become of,

because it's just more painful
for me, you know?

And every time I whisper
into a guy's ear and say,

"Oh, you're the most amazing thing ever,"

then when you meet the man
of your dreams and you say that,

is it still gonna hold the same weight?

I don't think this way of thinking
is healthy for you.

I think that Jessica is frustrated
that she got hurt by Tyler out here.

And so now, she's, like, "Screw guys,
I'm just going to be pure."

If you don't date
and then one day you're, like,

okay, I'm ready to, like,
be in a fully committed relationship…

[Jessica] Mm-hmm.

You've done no learning
in the last however many years

that you've just cut it out of your life.

I'm strong enough as a Christian woman
to give a Christian man

what he would need in a Christian wife.
And vice versa.

[Anastasia] Hey, man, if that's, like,
if that's what you wanna do,

-that's you, dude.
-But you're not grasping it, because--

[Anastasia] I'm grasping
what you're saying, I think it's not--

If you're gonna get angry,
I'm not gonna… I'm not gonna--

Listen, I'm not getting angry at all,

'cause you told me I'm not grasping
what you're saying, Jessica.

-I'm not stupid.
-I'm not calling you stupid.

I just don't know any other way to say it.

[Anastasia] I'm going outside.

Don't care. [chuckles]

[rock music playing]

[music concludes]

[Averey] Jessica's at the mall
getting her purity ring.

Good for her.

[Averey] I could never do it. Obviously.
[chuckles]

I could never do the whole celibacy thing.

I just really think
that she got broken up with by Tyler,

and she doesn't want to admit it.

And so, instead of saying,
like, somebody broke up with me,

she's like blaming it on her,
like, sexual desires.

Instead of just being, like,
"I got dumped." You know what I mean?

I'm not trying to be mean
or a bitch or whatever.

I just don't buy it.
I just don't buy into this whole thing.

["Sunday School Dress" playing]

♪ I keep your ring, you keep the church ♪

♪ And with the ocean I will flirt ♪

♪ I see the wound, you see the scars ♪

♪ I'll show these people what I'm worth ♪

Here it is. This is my decision.

I'm gonna wait
to have sex again until I'm married.

Lord, please just bless this ring.

Please give me the strength and the faith
to trust you in all things,

but mostly in waiting
and my decision to wait for you.

This does not make me perfect in any way
or think that I'm better than anybody else

or look down upon anybody
for their decisions.

This decision was between me and God.

♪ Believe me, sir
I don't think we can negotiate this ♪

♪ You're better off with a girl
In a Sunday school dress ♪

[Jessica] I got my ring. And I'm excited.

[Anastasia] That's cool. [hums]

-[Anastasia] Who's here? Johnny?
-[Johnny] What?

[Anastasia] Ah. Johnny, thank God.

[Johnny] Do I look like a bug?

[Anastasia] Oh, my goodness sakes, Johnny.

-[softy] This sucks, man.
-Wait, so she got that ring thing?

[Anastasia whispers]

And I, like, went in the bathroom,
and I was, like, "Pfft, what?"

The whole purity thing for Jessica
is an attention thing,

and sometimes I definitely
have this feeling inside

that a lot of what she's doing is an act.

-Nia?
-[Nia] Huh. Oh.

-I got it.
-[Nia] What?

My purity ring.

[Nia] Jessica is on her purity,
spiritual kick.

I love it. I'm not knocking it.
I'm a spiritual person myself.

I might as well take
a vow of celibacy myself

because I haven't had sex here,

and I don't think I'm gonna be having sex
when I get home.

I'm excited.

I think it's just a grasp of attention
for Jessica, another one.

Be the center of attention.
Everyone look at me, I have a purity ring.

Sweet.

[dramatic music playing]

[rain pattering]

Yes, yes, yes. We are doing what you think
we are doing.

-Yes, we are.
-[Velcro tears]

-[Johnny] Okay. Vámonos!
-[Daisy whines]

[Johnny laughs] Come on!

Come on.

All right. Let's go.

Dude!

[lively music playing]

[Johnny] We're moving,
we're moving. Come on.

We're out of here. Daisy, pee.
Daisy, poop.

Are you [bleep] with me, Daisy? Literally?

Daisy, if I step in poop before you poop,
we're gonna have issues.

[music fades]

[tense music playing]

[Anastasia] I am just so frickin' annoyed
with Jessica.

This baby is gonna erupt.

[dramatic music playing]

So, I have something
I want to get off my chest.

[bluesy music playing]

I've been fighting my intuitions on this
for a long time,

and I kind of see what you're doing here,

and I personally just don't think
I can like you.

I think that you're here with a role
and that you're kind of sticking to it,

but I've seen the inconsistencies
and the things that are not making sense.

And I don't like it.

And I don't think I can be friends
with a person like that.

I'm not really sure if what
Anastasia's doing is innocent

and she's just being oblivious
to the fact that she's hurting

someone else's feelings, or if…

she's just… I don't know.
I don't know what she's doing.

There it is. So, now
there's no more tension.

We'll just do what we do,
and then, that's that.

-Well, can I speak my piece?
-Sure.

I'm not perfect. I come from a world
where I am the center of attention.

Everyone loves me, I love everybody.

-I'd do anything for anybody in my family.
-[Anastasia] Mm-hmm.

And being here has been
the biggest mind warp of my life.

I want you to think
about how many times

you just said "I"
and "me" in that sentence.

-[Jessica] You're telling me…
-That's all.

-that I'm wrong, so…
-That's all, Jess.

All right, Anastasia.

-Whatever. Go cry.
-["Leave Me Behind" playing]

♪ Leave me behind
You're not the cat you used to be ♪

♪ Before I go and close the door
And wish far away ♪

♪ I won't be waiting like I did for you ♪

♪ So many times before ♪

[music concludes]

[keyboard clicking]

[upbeat music playing]

-Are you excited to go fishing?
-[Johnny] Yeah.

-You're going fishing?
-[Nia] Hell no.

Look at the weather, first of all.
I mean, I would go, but the weather and--

It's not that bad.
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of gloomy.

Daisy, let's do it.
Hey, come on, come on!

[whistles] Daisy, come!

[upbeat music continues]

[Nia] Little monkey. [hums, smooches]

Me, Averey, Anastasia, Marlon, and Jordan
are heading to the Columbia River gorge,

Rooster Rock, to do a little fishing.

[upbeat music playing]

[Johnny] Yeah, buddy!

-Now where do we fish?
-[Anastasia] Oh, my God!

Do you see what I'm looking at right now?

Like, these need to move. Perfect.

[Averey] Come on, Daisy.

[Anastasia] Purity, guys!
You two aren't married.

"No boys in my bed" policy.
One week later. Tyler.

"Tyler slept over, like,
five times this week." [chuckles]

I liked when you got in a fight with Jess
and you were jumping on the couch.

-[Jordan] I was.
-[Anastasia screams]

[Jordan] Because she was trying
to talk to me about, like,

paying your own bills,
and knowing how to do taxes.

And I was like, "You don't
even pay your own bills!"

Listen, I came over,
and I was like, "Jordan."

You were like, "This is not
a Bird conversation!"

[Jordan] Yeah, I thought you--
Look at the eagle!

-Woah!
-[Anastasia] Oh, my God!

There's another one!

[Jordan] Dude, those things are so sick.

[upbeat music playing]

[Anastasia] Look how cute Daisy is.

Oh, she's getting so dirty,
I bet, over there.

-[Averey] Great.
-[all laughing]

[Anastasia] Oh, God, here she comes.
Oh, my God, she's coming towards us.

-[Marlon] Uh-oh.
-Oh, my God.

[Marlon] Dude,
she's booking it right now.

-[Anastasia gasps] Oh, my God!
-[Averey] Good girl!

-[Johnny] Holy [bleep].
-That was awesome.

[Averey] Daisy, you smell like ass, dude.

Oh, I knew this was gonna be so soaked.

-Ew.
-[Averey] Good job!

[Nia] You're so evil.
Let me do my confess.

Oh, my [bleep] God! [screams] Oh, my God!

[screams, grunts]

I basically just stepped
on this doo-doo landmine.

And I am, like, not [bleep] happy.

I'm about to throw the [bleep] up!

[shouts] This is so disgusting!

No, Johnny and Averey,
I'm not gonna clean it up.

Like, I'm sick
of the dog doo-doo everywhere,

and you're gonna clean that [bleep] up.

[rock music playing]

[cries] Oh, my God!

I'm about to throw up.

[upbeat music playing]

[Nia] She doo-dooed right in front
of the confessional.

So, I sat down to do one
and it completely, like,

it went all between my toes. It was fresh.

[Jessica giggles] Ew! Was it, like, wet?

It was… She literally just did that
before she left.

-[Nia] That is so foul!
-[Jessica]

[Nia] Are you serious?

[Averey] You stink.

Don't. She stinks. I wouldn't even
kiss her. Don't even give her a kiss.

All right, let's go.

[Nia] Okay, where's it at? [grunts]

-[Jessica] Um--
-[Nia] That one's dry.

[Jessica] Right there. Right here.

She's [bleep] freezing, dude.

-Hold her!
-You hold her!

-[Anastasia] Jordan.
-Have fun with that.

Hold on.

She stinks.

[Anastasia] Yes, I do, Jordan,
stop being a party pooper.

-Oh, my God.
-[Averey] Yep. Told you.

There's no way I'm cleaning that up.

There's no [bleep] way.
The whole room stinks.

Averey's gonna have a time with that one,
'cause I stepped in it really hard.

[Nia grunting]

[Averey] So, here's the plan.
No one tell Nia that Daisy stinks.

'Cause she'll go up and pick up Daisy
and get a whiff of her.

"Monkey, me-me-me-me. Oh, my God!"

-[Averey laughs]
-[Jordan] Okay, everybody hold on.

[Johnny] No, no! Not down a hill, dude!

-[tires screeching]
-[Johnny] We're gonna tip!

-Oh, my God.
-[Averey] Jordan! Calm down.

Go, go, go!

-[laughs]
-[indistinct shouting]

[Jordan] Hold on, hold on, Bird.
I got you.

[lively music playing]

Go, go, go, go.

-[tires screeching]
-[Anastasia screams]

[upbeat music playing]

[Johnny] It doesn't seem like
anyone's home, now, does it?

[whistling]

[smooching]

[Averey] Anastasia. She doesn't even know.
She has her all in her arms. [laughs]

[Anastasia] Nia.

-[Nia] Hello.
-[Anastasia] You might want to take

a good whiff of that dog
before you continue holding it.

[Johnny] I can't believe you didn't
smell her before picking her up.

-[Nia] She doesn't stink.
-[Averey] Yeah, she does.

-[Johnny] Oh, my God.
-[Averey] Dude, she smells nasty.

-[Nia] Like what?
-[Averey] I don't know.

[Johnny] She played in the mud,
the river water. The…

I didn't even notice.

I don't even know why
I gave you a hug, bitch.

-I'm so mad at you.
-[Anastasia laughing]

[Nia] Oh, my God. She is awful.

I walked into the confessional
to sit down,

and I stepped foot-first
in some warm, gooey doo-doo.

With my barefoot.
Yes, I did scream and, like,

literally almost have a heart attack,

and, like, tracked doo-doo
through the whole house.

I had to clean up to get to the shower,

and I was, like, hysterical.
It was disgusting.

Daisy is the cutest, sweetest
little child in the world. I love her.

I'm always gonna be her godmother.
But she is triflin' as [bleep],

and it's because John and Averey
don't hold up

to their responsibilities as parents
and walk her enough.

Come with me, stinky.

Okay, throwing her in.

["Goldmine" playing]

[Johnny] You stink.

♪ Breakdown nothing's gonna change it ♪

♪ It's on the way down ♪

♪ It's a gold mine ♪

[Johnny]

[Averey] She looks miserable.

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

[Averey] Oh, Daisy.

Stinky dog. Stinky dog.

♪ Breakdown
And nothing's gonna change it ♪

[Averey] You're a weirdo.

♪ It's on the way down
Nobody's gonna save it ♪

♪ I was a gold mine, and I gave it ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh ♪

[song concludes]

-[Johnny] Nia?
-[Nia] Huh?

-[Johnny] You got to pick that one up.
-[Nia] What?

-[Johnny] The poop.
-[Nia] No, I am not.

[Johnny] Dude, that's [bleep]
smushed everywhere.

-[Nia] Okay, and is it my dog?
-How much do you like the dog, Nia?

[Nia] I'm not picking up the dog's poop,
I'm sorry.

You smushed it into the carpet pretty bad
and [bleep] smeared it everywhere.

Okay, well, I'm so sorry that happened,
but there's no way in hell I will be--

[Johnny] I have to pick it up?
Me and Averey have to pick it up?

Yes, it's your dog.

Like, seriously, think about
what you're about to argue over.

-You sleep with her all the time.
-[Nia] But it's not my dog!

It's not my dog!

-I'm not picking up. You sound ridiculous.
-That's so unfair, Nia.

-[Nia] You sound ridiculous.
-That's so unfair.

-[Nia] How is it unfair? It's not my dog.
-How is it unfair?

Because-- don't touch her then.

I don't have to.
That's what you're forgetting.

-I don't have to.
-[Johnny] That sucks, Nia.

[Nia] It's not my dog.

Now, I'm gonna go pick up
your smeared [bleep],

then you're gonna go [bleep] like the dog.

-[Nia] It's not my dog.
-That's so unfair--

[Nia] That's your… I'm gonna pick up
somebody else's dog [bleep].

[Johnny] That you stepped in!

Daisy is my dog, okay? I am her owner.

But in the house, everyone feeds Daisy.
Everyone walks Daisy.

You know, it's like a house dog.
She's like a child.

Normal people would be like,

I stepped in it,
might as well clean up.

How many other people
have stepped in Daisy's [bleep]

in the house? Zero. Zero.

It's your dog, you clean up the [bleep].
You look after your dog.

[Johnny] Then don't [bleep] touch the dog.

And I won't. So, guess what.

When you're around here,
I won't touch the dog.

But guess what. When you aren't here,
she's gonna be all in my bed.

And we're gonna take naps.
And I'll let her [bleep]

wherever she wants in this house,
and that's just gonna be that.

Don't talk to her. Don't whistle at her.

[Anastasia] I don't think we should
be fighting about this.

Shut up, Bird. You're not part of this.

You just said to her
you didn't want to be part of it.

So shut up!

[Anastasia] [bleep] you guys, dude.
Everybody, [bleep] you guys.

I can't believe you're arguing
over a piece of dog [bleep].

[rock music playing]

[Johnny] So we're sitting here,
cleaning Daisy's dog poop…

[Averey laughs]

…that Nia smushed into the carpet
and dragged throughout the house.

Nia claims to be, you know,
wants to take the dog,

wants responsibility
for the dog all the time,

but won't clean up the [bleep]
that she smeared into the [bleep] carpet.

But now… but think about it, though.
Nia can't touch Daisy anymore.

Nia's not touching Daisy.

[Averey] She's not feeding her,
she's not sleeping with her.

Nothing.

[pensive music playing]

[Anastasia] I am absolutely aghast.

Johnny belligerently shut me down.

Johnny just wants to be selfish,

and he doesn't want me
to pipe in with reason.

He shouldn't have yelled at me.

[Averey] I don't even know
why you got into it, though.

[Anastasia] All I was gonna say was
this is a stupid fight.

It's over a piece of turd.
It's over a turd.

You guys are yelling
at each other over a turd.

It wouldn't have stopped.

Well, I don't know
why everyone [bleep] yells at me

when I'm trying to make peace
between everybody.

Then don't make peace.
Let everyone deal with their own problems.

Yeah, but he shouldn't [bleep]
yell at me like that.

[Averey] I know, but you shouldn't
have gotten into it.

I didn't get into it.

All I was saying was that
you guys were arguing over a turd.

[Averey] And now we're arguing
over arguing.

-It's stupid.
-[Averey] So, that's stupid too, right?

This is just a great way
to end the freakin' day.

When everyone was in a good mood,
and now we're fighting over my dog's poop.

[Jordan] I got the steaks in the oven.

Dude. Aw, I was like,
too bad we don't have bread.

[solemn music playing]

Nobody cares what I have to say.
Nobody cares. It hurts.

-["Stop Stop Stop" playing]
-[Anastasia crying]

♪ Can't stop the rain when it's coming… ♪

[Johnny] Sorry for yelling at you, Bird.

I do that a lot.
Take out anger on other people.

♪ It turned out to be too real
To be true ♪

♪ Fall in, fall out, give in, give out ♪

♪ As hard as I try ♪

-[Nia] What's wrong?
-Nothing. I'm just sick of all of this.

-I'm sick of all of it.
-I know, you had nothing to do with it.

Everybody thinks about themselves
in this house.

Nobody thinks about anybody
but themselves. I'm so sick of it.

-[Anastasia sniffles]
-[Jessica] Knock, knock, guys.

-Did Nia tell you what happened?
-[Averey] Yeah.

[Averey] They just got in a big blowout
actually, 'cause she didn't clean it up.

-[Jessica] Oh.
-[Averey] She just let it smush.

Yeah, I just freaked
the [bleep] out on her.

She's, like, I thought
she killed it, like.

I thought she, like, chopped
her arm off or something.

The way she was screaming
in the bathroom.

-Tracked it all over the house.
-[Jessica] Yeah, she did.

[Johnny] Yeah, she's a piece of [bleep],
disgusting waste of space human.

So… That's what she is.

Yeah, that's… doesn't really matter.
It's over with.

-I mean, but…
-[Averey] That's how I feel.

At the same time, I thought
everyone was gonna be okay.

[solemn music playing]

Once somebody's cool with somebody else,

then something else happens,
it's like a freakin' disease,

like, breaks out in, like, spells.
I was like…

Yeah, we're making some progress.

-And no.
-[Averey] Nope, nope.

[Johnny] I want her dead.

[pensive music playing]

[Jessica] Like, barely.

Umm, they came over and they were,
like, Johnny goes,

"Why didn't you clean it up?" Da-da-da-da.

And I'm like, no,
that's the responsibility

of having basically a child. Your child
[bleep], you have to clean it up.

I cleaned up the tracks
through the house where I did that,

but the initial poop, sorry.
Nia's not touching that [bleep].

And then so, Anastasia's was trying
to say something to him,

and he blew up on her.

-Anastasia was really mad or whatever.
-Well, if I was her, I'd be mad too.

She is crying. Really upset.
You know, the whole thing.

She's just, like,
"I feel nobody lets me talk."

[Jessica] Wait, wait. Ana?

She was upset, because I mean,
Johnny was like, going off on her.

Oh, so it was more than just a snap, he…
he legit yelled at her?

-Yes.
-That's bull-[bleep].

Yeah, I know.

[Jessica] Even though Ana and I
aren't talking,

I still feel a little bit bad.

She and I have a common ground
on the fact that we both want to be liked.

But I want to be a part of the group,

whereas Anastasia's wants to be
at the top of the group.

[Nia] She wasn't even saying anything bad.

She was just about to say, "Listen, you
guys are arguing over a piece of [bleep].

I still bang with her, I know you don't.

-I'm not about to not go--
-[Jessica] No, I'm not mean to anybody.

You know, that's why
I came over here to get this,

and then I heard a little bit
about what happened.

I was just asking if you were okay.

[Nia] I mean, nothing happened to me.
Like, I feel bad for Anastasia.

He's such a little, like, fool to me.

And I mean, I keep it cool
and, like, everything,

and I am going to. Like, it is what is.

Like, I'm still gonna [bleep] with Daisy.
[laughs]

[country music playing]

[Nia] Daisy. [kissing sounds]

[makes kissing noises]

[Averey] Please don't do that to my dog.

You know what that entitles.

What does that entitle?

[Johnny] You're disgusting Nia.
You're disgusting.

-[Averey] I'm trying to get over there.
-What does that entitle?

-[Johnny] You're literally disgusting.
-[Nia] It's your dog.

Your dog [bleep], therefore,
you have to pick it up.

[Johnny] It's all our dog's.

[Nia] It's not all of our dog…
it's my dog?

-Do I own the dog?
-It's fine. Let's not argue.

Nia's not gonna touch my dog anymore.

-It's not an issue.
-[bleep]-damn.

-She's not gonna touch her.
-[Nia] What are you talking about?

[Marlon] Nobody's willing
to be the bigger person.

If one side would just admit
that they were wrong,

then that opens up the other side.

Then you can legitimately
squash these issues,

and people won't fight over a turd.

Low, low, lowlife human.

[Nia] Real-life consequences for things.

You're such a waste of space.

Okay. But I'm still here
taking up all of yours.

I'm still gonna have your dog,
and there's nothing you can do about it.

[tense music playing]

[upbeat music playing]

Years and years of technology,

and the best thing we can come up with
is an umbrella?

-What else would you use?
-I don't know.

I just feel like there
should be something easier.

Let me get a six-inch on…

-Italian, please. Turkey.
-[worker] All right.

[upbeat music playing]

[Nia] Did you see how I ruined
their little dinner, though? [laughs]

You missed the whole thing.

-They had just sat down to eat, right?
-[laughs]

And so, I walked by and Daisy's looking up
at one of them with the plate.

And I go… [smooches]
…and then Daisy goes…

and then Johnny turns around,
he looks at me,

he's like, rage in his face,
all from me going like this. [smooches]

The whole thing just really shows me
that you guys, really deeply rooted,

just really don't like each other.

[Johnny] I tried to approach her civilly.

I said, "Nia, you have to pick that up.
you smeared it everywhere."

"That is your issue. That's your issue."

She immediately turned it around
and started [bleep] with me.

Do you think it's something more?

Like, do you think it's, like,
that she does that out of, like,

insecurity or something--

[Averey] I think she might do that
out of insecurity,

'cause it's like, "I'm gonna hurt you
before you hurt me" type of thing.

Yeah. She has to stay guarded.

So, she has to keep the argument
or the conflict alive.

And I just feel like…

Sometimes she just holds on to it.

I thought Johnny and Averey and Nia
had made up, I thought they were cool.

But obviously it was just a quick fix.

The real issues of what they were dealing
with was never talked about.

It was never squashed.
They never came to an understanding,

so it was just time
before one little thing

was gonna set either side off.

She stepped in it,
freaked out, and was like,

"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"

It just shows me the type of person
she is. Like--

But, see, she's a good person though.

I'm not gonna say that
everything about her is good.

[Jordan] I haven't seen it.

But she's genuinely…
like, she can be a good person.

-Like, she can be--
-She can be, can be!

-I know. But she can be understanding.
-I don't see that.

-There's good and bad in all of us.
-Exactly.

But I just want everybody
to be able to see the good

and appreciate that we may not be friends,

but I know that you're not
just a terrible person.

Maybe it's wishful thinking,

-but she can be a good person.
-[Averey] Oh, my God.

["Good Girl" playing]

♪ I don't wanna be a good girl ♪

♪ I just wanna be bad ♪

♪ I don't make apologies ♪

♪ About doing what I do best ♪

[music concludes]

[giggles] She's so bad.

Look who I have. Oh, wait.
Aren't I not supposed to touch Daisy?

Aren't I not supposed
to give her big fat kisses?

Aren't I not supposed
to ever hold her again?

I rule the world, not you.

You are little pawns and I am the queen.
Know your place, stay in your role.

Think before you speak.

I got your dog, bitch.
I got your dog, bitch.

[smooches]

Say bye. Boop. [laughs]

[whistles]

What are you doing? What are you doing?
Huh? What are you doing?

What are you doing? Huh?
What are you doing?

-Does this look like a James Bond hat?
-[Marlon] Pretty much.

[Johnny] Quick!

Yo!

That's why she was acting
so stupid when we came in.

[Johnny] What is this! What is this!
Bad girl.

Bad girl.

[Johnny sighs]

["Wonderful World" playing]

♪ And it's all just fine for the moment ♪

♪ 'Cause it feels just fine
For the moment ♪

♪ We have such a wonderful world ♪

[music concludes]

[dog toy squeaks]

[Nia] Morning, tiger. Daisy!
Come over here. [smooching]

[tense music playing]

[Nia] Daisy. Come here. [smooching]

You're not in trouble with me.

Nia knows exactly what she's doing
by turning on the lights,

making all the noise,
squeaking on the dog toy.

Are you [bleep] kidding me, Nia?

We're going to start this right now.

It's like the easiest game for me
because I'm so manipulative and powerful,

like, I don't care about you.

I'm gonna do whatever I want
and that just is what it is.

[shower running]

[Nia] Hello. Hello.

-[Anastasia] She slept with me last night.
-[Nia] Did she really?

Yes. Until, like, early this morning.
Straight up, like, being so cuddly,

like, laying on my pillow
like a human being. It was so cute.

[Nia] Sweetest little child in the world.

My little baby.
My little monkey baby.

-[Averey] She's not your dog.
-[Nia] She is.

Yeah, you can't even pick up
her [bleep], Nia.

[Nia] She is. You're right.
You're the owner, but she's my dog.

[Averey]

My little monkey. My little monkey!

["Alternate Ending" playing]

♪ You're getting close ♪

♪ Nearing the end ♪

♪ There's no escape ♪

♪ You can't rewind the tape this time ♪

[song concludes]

[Johnny]

Maybe you guys should try that
for a change.

No more Pokémon cards,
no more getting upset over words,

no more crying over the fact
that somebody held your dog

and didn't clean up the [bleep]
that you were supposed to.

-[Johnny] It's my boogers.
-[Nia] Play with me if you want to.

It can get real serious
real mother-[bleep] fast.

[Johnny] I will play with you,
and you will lose.

I [bleep] dare you, dude.

[Jordan] Hey! Whoa! Whoa!

-Whoa!
-[Nia] Keep palming your hand over.

Get the [bleep] off me.

-[Nia] No.
-Whoa! Hold up.

-Nope.
-No!

-Uh-uh.
-Uh-uh, it's not over.

No, no, all day, every day,
I'm bangin' it on you and your bitch.

Stop. Don't do that, dude, don't.

[Nia] Matter of fact, I really--

[rock music playing]

This is already broken anyway.

-[Marlon] You bigger than that, though.
-I am, I am.

[narrator]

[tense music playing]

[Nia] It could be a two-for-one
combo if there needs to be.

Where's he at?

Hmm. Lessons learned.

I think Nia's just so angry right now,
she feels she has no other option.

But grabbing a blow dryer
is not… it's not a good look.

It's not a good look at all.

So, the boy is hiding from the girl.

The little [bleep] is hiding
from the girl.

[Averey] I'm not gonna let some dumb bitch
[bleep] up my boyfriend

because he can't do anything
to protect himself.

I'm not going to do that.
I care too much about Johnny.

I'm not gonna let her hurt him.

I've done a tremendous job
on being the bigger person.

But now, it's game over,
and I'm [bleep] him up.

I am the last person
you ever want to [bleep] with,

and he's gonna find out why.

[door opens]

[dramatic music playing]

-[Jordan] Yo!
-[Marlon] Yo!

-[Jordan] Yo!
-[Marlon] Yo! Yo!

[Marlon] Yo! No!
Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Nia, let her hair go, yo.

-Nia, stop, yo.
-[Jordan] Let her go.

[Marlon] Stop! Stop. Stop.

Let her go.

-[Jordan] Let her go!
-[Marlon] Let her go, Nia, damn!

[Averey] Let me go, Jordan!
Get the [bleep] out!

[Marlon] Dude, you have
to let them fight, bro.

[Jordan screams]

-[Johnny] Averey!
-[Averey] She has my hair, Johnny.

-I can't let her go.
-[Marlon] Let that [bleep] go.

[Marlon] Oh, my God. [sighs]

[Nia] Boop! What's the score?

I can't stay here
and try to talk Nia down.

This is [bleep] ridiculous, bro.

I can't get her
to see reasoning right now.

So, I just got to let her go. I gotta let
her make that decision on her own.

[intense music playing]

-Let's go. Two on one.
-No. I'm bigger than you are.

Daisy.

Round two? You're so scary.
Like, what are you protecting her for?

I'm not fighting. I'm not fighting.

-Exactly.
-[Johnny] Exactly.

You're a [bleep] child, Nia!

[all speaking indistinctly]

-What do you got?
-Please, Averey.

-What the [bleep] do you got, Nia?
-You're a [bleep] hoe.

[indistinct shouting]

[intense music playing]

And you, swinging on me?
Your life is over too.

When did I swing on you?

[bleep] Averey
and not fighting your own battles.

-Do you want to go?
-[Nia] Yes, I do.

-[Averey] That's it.
-Let's go. Let's go.

No. Take it, seriously. Please.

Oh, Johnny, that's not even fair.

Everybody in that room has,
like, a serious issue.

Nothing like something like this
to show us that me and you

aren't really that different. [scoffs]

Like, our stuff was stupid.

I'm still here for you, though.
Like, I'm a [bleep].

[indistinct clamoring]

I think it was just a buildup
of annoyances for me.

I've always said, like,
I like you as a person.

Witnessing what is going on outside
of our bedroom right now,

I'm just thinking, okay, forget the last
harsh words that I said to you.

This is bigger than that.
And I'm gonna be here for you, Jessica.

This just obviously shows, like,
how stupid our stuff is!

[tense music playing]

[Jordan] What else?

Wait, excuse me,
I got to get closer.

Excuse me.

You're doing a fabulous job,
by the way. Very good.

[tense music playing]

You're getting [bleep] up
day in and day out.

-[Jordan] Bye.
-Bye!

There's no rule
in anybody's rulebook

that says, "Hey, once a fight is over,
there can't be any more."

I don't have to stop.

[Johnny] There's more of The Real World
on the way, and it starts right now.

["Never Be the Same" playing]

♪ Giving up, can't pretend ♪

♪ No use trying to make amends ♪

Well, me and Jessica
have solved our issues

while bonding in here
over you guys. [laughs]

-[Nia] This is about to go.
-[Anastasia] I don't-- I--

-Nia, I am not gonna talk about it.
-[Nia] She is getting [bleep] up, dude.

♪ Giving up, can't pretend ♪

♪ No use trying to make amends ♪

♪ How will I ever be the same? ♪

♪ How will I ever be the same? ♪

[Johnny] What the [bleep]?

[Marlon] Have you ever tried to lay
on this and balance yourself?

-[Jordan] Yeah.
-[Marlon] No, no, no.

-[Jordan laughs]
-[Marlon laughs]

[Jordan] I'll try to stand on it.

What?

Oh.

-[Jordan] Ha, ha!
-[Marlon] Victory!

-Dude, no!
-That's all it needed!

[both laugh]

[Johnny] There's more of The Real World
on the way, and it starts right now.