Weekend at Bernie's II (1993) - full transcript

Are you sure?

Yes, that's him.

That's Bernie Lomax.
I'd recognize that smirk anywhere.

Do you think you could put him back now?
Please?

I've seen my share
of dead people today.

See you, Bern.

Just leave him there,
all right?

Every Labor Day it's the same thing over and over again.

The bodies keep piling up and piling up.
Big bodies, little bodies...

Do you need us anymore?

I've got some
papers here to sign.



He's got papers
for you to sign.

Go ahead, sign them.

I don't want to sign them.
You must sign them.

You have better
penmanship than I do.

They were around here a minute ago.
Just...

I don't suppose you could hurry this up?
I mean we're gonna be late for work.

We got a big raise today.
Promotion day.

I'd settle for an office
with my very own door.

You are getting a door.

We're back from picking up after that gas barbecue explosion.

Yeah? How many did you get?

Three and a half.

Put them in the back.

Sign here.



Okay. If I sign this,
does that obligate me to pay for his funeral?

No, no, no, no. It's just for
his personal effects.

Oh.

You're related to him,
aren't you?

He was my uncle.

Do you have a pen? Thank you.
I was very close.

Your uncle?

Hey! I'm walking here!

So am I!

So what?
The guy had no family.

None that's gonna admit to him, anyway, eh?
Look at that.

Wait. Couldn't you just save
the grave robbing for later?

Do what you need to do,
but not in front of me.

Whatever.

Here they are, sir.

After you, Richie.
Hello.

You're the ones
that discovered

Bernie Lomax's theft
from the company.

That's us.

Yes, sir. I'm Richard Parker.

Larry Wilson.
Really it was nothing.

Anybody with half a brain
could have figured it out.

Is that so?

This is Arthur Hummel

he's with the Internal Investigation Department of the company.

- Oh
- Arthur? Richard Parker.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Guess we kind of
saved your ass, Arthur.

I mean,
Bernard was really raping

the company right
under your nose.

- Thank you.
- No sweat!

Oh that's right,
you were with Bernie Lomax

on Hampton Island
when he was murdered.

- Oh yeah! We were there the whole weekend.
- It's awful. A tragic story.

- Hell of a house, though.
- He had a heated pool on the beach...

- What?
- ...Chicks.

Hm?

I'm just being curious,
but what were you doing there?

- Working.
- Working?

Yes...... A few days earlier we had uncovered some duplicate policies.

$2 million worth,
with Lomax as beneficiary.

Uhm...

Yes, naturally we also assumed
it was an error.

Then Mr.
Lomax invited us out to his beach house to discuss the matter.

Discuss it.

At least that's what
Larry told me.

You know, I'm just curious,
why didn't you go

to someone
besides Bernie Lomax?

Weren't you just the least bit suspicious that your friend...

No.

...was the named beneficiary
in the phony policies?

No, that's wrong. He wasn't my friend,
he was Richie's friend.

He wasn't my friend.
Bernie Lomax tried to kill us.

Then he tried to have us framed for what he was stealing.

-: You hear that?
- I don't buy it.

There's nothing to buy, sir.
It's the truth.

It's a fact, Jack.

I've heard enough.

There seems to be
a gray area here.

There certainly does, sir.

And, frankly,
I don't think our bonding company would cover either one of you.

Well, that's okay.

You'll receive
two weeks severance.

That's like
instead of the raise?

No, that's like
we've just been fired.

You're firing me?

Don't go back to your offices.
And don't try to take any papers with you.

We didn't do anything wrong.

We were working
for the company.

- You're firing me?
- Don't beg, Rich!

I'm willing to beg on my hands and knees.
I just want my door!

You got your door!

Arthur, do me a favor,
blow me. Huh?

I don't buy their story.
They know where the money is.

I'll nail them.

I hope so,
for your sake, Hummel.

I've a stock holder's meeting
in two weeks...

...and if I have
to tell them that

this company is
out $2 million...

...you're gonna be
out as well.

$100,000 for a voodoo queen.
Don't you think that's a bit excessive?

It beats losing
a whole $1 million.

How did I know
someone was gonna kill him?

I had my doubts
about this whole thing.

Hey man.

They say that's the last person thst doubted the Mobu's power.

I thought your friend said
there was a party tonight?

Yeah, that's what he told me.

Well, where's the liquor at?

Excuse me.

Big-boned sister.

Say, Homes,
where are they hiding the Scotch?

Right.

Hmm. In the house.
Ooh. From New York.

Is that Oprah?

Uh-hm.

She obviously wants you.

Go back to New York.
Carry out these instructions.

What? Nah, nah, nah,
you misunderstand.

We don't wanna go home so soon,
see we just kinda got here.

Yeah, we came to
see the carnival.

Yeah,
you don't wanna miss that.

You will do as I bid.

Word.

Go to New York.

Raise this man from the dead.

He'll lead you to where he has hidden the cartel's money.

Follow my conjure precisely
for the magic to work.

You will need this.

And this.

Larry...

Excuse me.

That's ok.
I'm just here with my friend.

Go right ahead, sir.

How're you doing? I was waiting outside for,
gee I don't know, a half an hour?

Are you crazy?
This is the most expensive restaurant in New York.

Richard. You still
wear pajamas?

If you brought me over here in the
middle of the night to loan you money...

Oh I get it,
your mother doesn't like you getting the sheets all sweaty.

What's your big emergency?
Why did you call?

I found this in
Bernie's wallet.

It's a key to a safety deposit box in St.
Thomas.

: Huh?
- Okay. This is why you woke me up?

See, I have three job
interviews in the morning

- and I'd like to go back to sleep.
- Richie, Rich, Rich, Rich...

don't you read the Post?

Come on, it's like this
offshore money laundering.

It's like that Vesco guy,
Michael Milken, these guys.

I'm willing to bet you that's the $2 million that Lomax stole.

Now, there's a code
on the thing.

All we need to do is tap into
the computer at work.

Well you see that presents
a little problem.

First, it's illegal.

And two, we were fired today.

How are we going to get access
to the computer?

Oh, my, God,
we're gonna break in, aren't we?

In a very narrow sense of the word,
that's true.

I tell you what. You break in.
You enjoy yourself. You go to jail.

I mean the beauty part of
the whole thing

was all you had to do was work
the computer.

I was gonna get us in.

But fine. If you can't do it, Richard,
that's fine. I understand.

All right Rich, I mean I was
just trying to help you out

because I mean look,
you're going to find it very difficult

to find employment
with this, this scandal...

hanging over your head.

Okay. So I'll have to do
the little computer thing.

- All right.
- Your check, sir.

- All right.
- Thank you.

I put a little something extra
on there for you, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Lomax. That's
very generous of you, sir.

Thank you.

- You're using Bernie's credit card.
- Yeah.

He had five gold ones
in there.

I practiced his signature.
Got it down cold. I got extra.

Let's just get this over with.

Whatever you like.
Whatever you want.

Shut up.

You had to drag me
to that damn party.

Well you wanted to go.

Yeah well I'm gonna be pissed off if I miss carnival,
that's all I know.

Well the quicker we do it,
the quicker we get back to the island.

Yeah, bet.

It's clear, come on.
Get the gurney.

Come on, come on, come on.

Wait.

Back up, back up!

Down there.

- Ain't this a bitch?
- Uh huh. - Let's get him.

What are you looking at?
You got a problem with this?

Ain't none of my business.

Now what we gonna do?

I don't know.
Find a nice quiet spot to do the do, you know?

Uh.

Right here.

I'll get the tickets.
All right.

Hey, what's up?

Three, please.

Uh, make that two.

All right,
number one hundred sixteen...

and one hundred and seventeen.

All right. All right.

Looking good, looking good.
Got a lot of work in here.

All right, let's go
through the checklist.

Let's see what we have.

We drew the chalk
circle on the ground.

Check.

We lit one hundred seventeen candles.
They are burning.

The potion, the goat urine
and the goat blood.

That's your department.
I got nothing to do with that.

We draw an "X"
on the left side

of the potion,
and a "T" on the right side.

We're into the chicken now.
We're almost home.

One thing.

As-salam 'alaikum
and shalom and everything.

All right,
let's do the chicken.

Voila, the pollo.

Shut the door!
What's wrong with you?

Down in front,
you're blocking the view!

So what?
What are you gonna do?

Come see the Colonel, baby.

Come on.

Come here!

Chick, chick, chick, chick...

What are you doing?

I lost a chicken.

Not this one.
This one's with me!

I'm sorry.

Cluck, cluck, cluck... cluck.

Hey, that's my popcorn.

Did you find it?
No.

No, that's definitely out.
That ain't gonna work.

Well, at least it's a chicken.

Henry, we need a live bird.

Oh.

Where are we gonna find a live chicken here in New York City?

Cock-a-doodle-doo.

Right into here,
like this here.

There we go.
Now, we're into the bone-tossing thing.

You are in
the power of the Mobu.

You are in
the power of the Mobu.

You are in
the power of the voodoo.

Ain't nothing happening.

Mobu ain't got no power.
Let me check our manual again.

What?

Did you do the "X" on the left side of the potion?

What?

Easy.
Under there. Slide it under.

We did that.
I dropped a chicken on its feet.

"Get down

"Get up
"Get on up

"Get up
"Get on up

"Get up
"Get on up

"Get on the scene,
like a voodoo machine

"The voodoo and the Mobu
The voodoo and the Mobu

"The voodoo and the Mobu"

It's like the Mobu said.
He's leading us to the money.

All right, get the box.

Ain't this a bitch?
Dead.

As a doorknob.

Don't panic. Just be cool.

Come on, we got the Mobu manual,
we just start from square "A".

You know, science.

Stick him on the can.
Let's start all over again.

The things I've got
to deal with! I did

everything
according to Mobu's manual.

Draw a chalk circle
on the ground, "A."

Ring him in with some candles

"B," then there's the potion,
and then draw an "X" on the left side.

And the "T,"
yeah, on the right side.

Where are my chicken bones?

I ain't got
your chicken bones.

My chicken bones
were just right here.

No, I...

He's doing it again.

Shut the music off! Let's go!

This is getting deep.

All right! Hold tight.

Let's just
figure this out here.

I wonder why he can only move
when the music's playing?

Of course,
look it's right here.

We used the pigeon when we should have used the chicken.

That's why he can only move
when the music is playing.

I don't think so.

Turn it on.

Off.

On.

Knowledge is power.

Get the box and
don't touch nothing.

I wonder if
this'll work on Elvis?

What's it say?

Nothing.

You're right.
What?

Bernie does indeed have
a safe deposit box.

What's in it?
I don't know.

It's noted as
a personal entry account.

A what?
Personal entry account.

What does it mean?

The only one who can get in is Bernie
Lomax personally and he's kinda dead now.

And so we can't get in?

No. What?

Now, just hear me out.

We go back to the morgue,
we get the body, we go to St. Thomas...

...we take Bernie to
the bank just like...

No way! Absolutely not!
I don't want to have any part of this.

Why not?

Incidentally,
you're seriously demented.

Thank you.

Aren't we in
enough trouble already?

No, we aren't.

You want us to sneak into a bank in St.
Thomas?

Freeze!

Take him up.

What's up?

Where's he going?

I don't know.
He keeps trying to go someplace.

Just hold onto him. Tight.

Listen, better hold onto him.

My box!
He got my box! Stop, thief!

Excuse me.

Come on! Let's get him.

Stop the train, man.
Open the door!

Damn.

C'est la vie.

Say what?

C'est la vie.

Don't cuss at me in
no foreign tongue.

You got
something to say, say it.

Don't be pointin' at me.

Point, point, point!

I'm sorry.

Get off!
We're trying to fight.

You boys are lucky.

Called the insurance company.
They said since nothing was stolen...

...charges can be reduced
to simple trespassing.

Can I get a PBA card?

Look,
you'll have to post bail.

Do you take plastic?

Cash.

All right, we'll pay cash.

See the clerk at
the front desk.

Stay out of places
where you don't belong.

Yes, Officer,
we learned our lesson.

We'll never
break the law again.

Good.

Thanks, Ralph,
I owe you one.

Sure.

I'm gonna nail
those two little shits.

You sure they're guilty?
They look kinda stupid.

Yeah, too stupid.

I'm gonna put you wise guys in jail for twenty-four hours.

That should cool you off.

Check this sap out.

Better call the coroner.
This one's dead.

Wait a minute,
I know this guy.

I know him.
What's wrong with you guys?

He's been here before.

Yeah, sure. Get some rest.

You got a plan,
once we go inside?

Do not insult my intelligence.

Your intelligence?

Have I ever let you down?

Just relax.
The guy thinks he's my uncle.

We just tell him we're here to claim the body...

...and to bury him
in the family plot.

Hello. Mister? Yo!

Huh!

Nobody here.
Good. We can go.

We're just gonna take him?

We're gonna borrow him.

What?

Here he is.

What's he doing out here?

I don't know.

What happened to his clothes?

I don't know.

They're getting him
ready to bury him.

When they put
him in a new suit.

Sure.

You got clothes in the bag?

I got clothes in the bag.

I got clothes for me,
not for him.

He's not my size.

I won't touch him.
They're my clothes.

If I'm gonna put them on him,
you're gonna use your clothes.

Now, stand back.

Okay, here we go. We're almost set.
We're almost home, baby.

Everything's all set.
Except for

baby needs
a new pair of shoes.

I only have the ones I'm wearing.
You can forget about that.

Get those!
Come on.

I gotta hold him here.

We're stealing shoes off a dead man.
We're going to hell.

What?

I'm going to have a heart attack now.
I'm going to sit down.

It's just the morgue guy.

Come on, give me a hand.

You're doing fine by yourself.

Just fine.

Come on, B, get in there!

Piece of cake.

Coast is clear. Get a taxi.

Taxi!
I just have one question?

- I just have one question.
- What?

What will customs say?

There's no customs,
it's America.

JFK. To the airport.

Get in.

Taxi!

We're here.

I thought I did pretty well
for my first plane trip.

You did very well.

Did I tell you those little paper bags would be handy?

You did.

Is this the bus to the hotel?
We got these bags.

This guy, too.

Come on, buddy.

What have you got
in here, a body?

Body? No! Why would we have...

He's kidding.

That's funny.
We don't have a body in there.

We're on our way.

I want to welcome
you all to St. Thomas.

If you look on the left there,
you'll see the botanical garden...

...what used to be
a sugar plantation.

Thanks, buddy.
Get the luggage, ok?

Welcome.

Aloha.

Nice and easy. Careful there.

Sorry, sir.

I'm home.

Excuse me. Hi, Bernie Lomax.

I'm with you for a few days.
I'll see you around.

I just have this one case.

Yeah. Got it.

There are wheels on that.

$600 a day?

Hello, ladies.

Who's gonna cover this?

That's the beauty part.

Bernie's paying. Right, amigo?
Look at this.

Someday they'll
catch up to us.

The operative
word is, "someday."

Give me the key.
Johnny, is it?

That's heavy.
Just give me that.

Easy.

We're home.

Watch it,
there's a body in there!

There's no body in there.
He's kidding.

You got the other one?

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you very much,
that's all we'll be needing of you.

Take $20 for yourself,
put it on the room.

Thank you very much, Mr.
Lomax.

No, thank you.

Fruit.

Chips.

Oh!

You got some deodorant?

You smell fine.

Thank you.
It's not for me, though.

Downwind!

Thank you.

We'll put him on ice.

In the fridge?
Get him around the back.

Yeah, I got him.

On three.

Okay. All right.

One, two, three.

You got him?

Get him in.

Good job.

Grapes.

Looking good.

Is this place glorious,
or what? Come on out here.

We're not here on vacation.
We've got work to do.

The banks don't open until 10:00 tomorrow.
Come out. Take a look.

There's things I gotta do
before we go to the bank.

Oh, my God.
Look at the tits on that one.

What? Who?

Ladies.
My God!

Come on.

I like this island.

Is it great, or what?

Very simpatico, in Bernie's case.
You know what I mean?

I'm gonna take a lap or two.

Help yourself.

Careful,
you haven't swum in a while.

Don't forget to breathe,
buddy.

Hi, there.
Hi.

How are you doing?
Good.

Nice wind out there today.

Yeah, not bad.

See me zip by you a few times?

No, I didn't.

Really?
I was the one zooming along.

Wings up, flaps down.
Whole nine yards.

Wings up, flaps down.
Yeah, right.

Whatever.

- I'm Larry.
- Claudia.

Nice to meet you.
So, are you staying here, Claudia?

Actually, I work here.
But probably not for long if I don't hurry.

So, come on,
do you want to have dinner with me?

Sure.

You're kidding?
No, I'm serious.

Really?
Yeah.

You're surprised.
No.

Yes, you are.

Okay. What now? 7:00?

55 Harmony Estate.
Can you remember that?

Sure I can. 55 Harmony Steak.

Estate.
Estate. Whatever, okay.

I'll see you then.
Okay.

Bye.
Bye-bye.

That is a special shirt.

Do you like it?

Really? You really like it? Good.
I got you one, too. Try it on.

No, I'll just kind of leave it here for a second.

Give me your
head for a second.

I'm a little worried.
About what?

The bank will want
to check Bernie's signature.

Don't worry,
I got it down cold.

How do you think I paid for these gems?
Look at this.

That is nice stuff.

Genuine gold fill.

Very nice.
I know you got it down cold.

But they're
probably going to want

to see Bernie
sign his own name.

That's a problem.

It's a problem but don't worry,
I've got a plan.

You've got a plan?

Good,
'cause I've got a plan, too.

Don't wait up.

Be nice.

Come on. All you
ever want to do is eat.

Come on, I'm on vacation.

You're gonna
turn into a chicken.

I'm starving.

Why don't you eat the bones?

I'll eat
the fruit pretty soon.

Eat the fruit. It's vitamin C.

You know, you guys really live
in a nice chapeau here.

Let me get that for you.
I'll get it. You got it.

Thank you for
a wonderful evening.

No, thank you.
No, let me walk you to the door, please.

No, it's really not necessary.

I walk all my dates
to the door. Let me

tell the taxi driver,
I'll be one minute.

Here's $20. When I'm halfway
up the steps, ping the pedal.

Was that
a great meal, or what?

Yeah, lovely.

Bet you didn't know I spoke
so much French. Parlez-vous?

Too bad it was
an Italian restaurant.

Taxi, wait!

He's gone.

Well...

Guess I'll just walk home.

No, just wait right here.
I'll get my keys and I'll drive you.

Okay, I'll wait right here.

I should have known.

This is nice.

You must be loaded.

My buddy said he has one just like this except it's black.

It hangs in his
rear-view mirror.

Don't touch this.

Why?

It's my papa's.
It's the voodoo.

Just the what?
Voodoo.

Voodoo?

Yeah. To cast spells
and conjure tricks.

Cast spells...

This is all voodoo stuff?

Yeah, all this.

How does it work?

For instance,
if I never wanted you to come back here...

...I'd simply take some salt and sprinkle it over your feet like that.

What happens
when you change your mind?

Are you
interested in this at all?

I'm very interested.
I'm sorry.

All right.
To reverse a spell on someone

you have to find
out who cast it.

Once you unleash
the power of the spell

it's placed back on
the person who cast it.

This is usually
done by a mobu.

A what?

A mobu.
A priestess of black magic.

Papa, he's a doctor,
and interested in the occult.

He says she's very powerful.
He's done a lot of research.

So, your daddy,
he's a voodoo doctor? I see.

Out.

This is the last dance.
Come on,

everyone,
let's join in the conga line.

It's the last dance, come on.

I'm waiting for the food.

You won't be embarrassed.

I'm not gonna dance,
I wanna eat!

Forget you!

Forget me? Brenda, sit down.

Hang on.

What are you doing?

Where are you going?

To have a good time.

You're gonna have
a good time with him?

Yes. He's a great dancer.

You never want to
do anything fun.

I'm having fun.

Working out and eating,
that's it.

That's right.

He's a great dancer, good-bye.

He's a great dancer. So what?
I can bench-press a Buick.

Brenda, get over here!

Hey, wait up.

I wanna talk. You're fun.

Can I walk with you?

Get back here!

Don't pay any
attention to him.

You're not going anywhere.

Yeah? Who says so?

I do!

What are you doing?

Stop it! See, Arnold,
he's not afraid of you!

Why do you have
to hit everybody?

Who do you think you are?
You always have to beat everybody up.

What do you want? More?

No, just leave him alone.

Just cut it out, you big bully!
Get out of here!

You'll be sorry.
Oh, yeah.

Let me help you up. You poor baby.
He won't bother you anymore.

There you go. It's okay,
let's walk together.

You all right?
I'll take care of you.

I'm really sorry, you know?
He does that to everybody.

But you're the bravest guy I've ever met.
I mean that, I really do.

Oh.

You're chilly.

Can I get one
for the road there?

Sorry,
our cooler is locked up.

Haven't you got a key?

What's the damage,
my new friend?

It's on the house.
Really?

The last round's on me.

Thanks, buddy.
Here, this is for you.

Thank you.
Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Have a good time. I did.

Oh...

Oh... oh... oh... god!

Hey!

Wha... wha... what!

It's 2:30 in the morning.

What?

Good date?
You're right.

What?
Good time?

It was great. Yeah.

Did you...
You're in my bed.

Did you, you know?

Yeah.

That little girl from the...

Oh, yeah.

I set the alarm for...
Good for you.

Turn off the light.

Goodnight.

So, what are we gonna do now?

Don't be putting that on me,
I ain't got nothing to do with it.

This is your fault,
you think of something for a change.

Time's up.

Can't think of anything.

Yeah, right. Hey, wait a minute.
Hold tight. Wait a second.

What do we got to be all afraid of this Mobu woman for?

I don't know,
but doesn't she have some kind of power over us?

Man, hell, no!
She ain't got no power over us.

Her name sounds like some kind of damn car wax.
Mobu!

Look, from right now we are in control of our own destiny.

From this moment forth we do just what we want...

...and no one's
gonna tell us...

Na-ah-ah!

Na-ah-ah-ah-ah!

You're starting to scare me.

I can't help it.

We'd better finish this game.

Slow down.
We've got plenty of time.

I know, but I just
wanna get this over with.

Besides, we have a little shopping to do before the...

Excellent. Because I saw this hat I wanna get.
It's pretty cool.

It's got this red band with a feather on it.
I thought I'd pick it up.

- Barry!
- Yeah?

What did you do with Bernie?

He's in the fridge.

No, he's not.

Come on,
I got a really bad headache

and I really don't...
He's not in the fridge?

This is not funny.

All right,
what did you do with him?

What did you do with him?

I didn't do anything.

You're so sick and repulsive.
Only you would think...

That's not nice.
He probably just tumbled right on out.

I mean, did you open the door?

No!

Housekeeping.
Housekeeping?

Don't you think if
housekeeping found

a dead man in our refrigerator
we'd have heard about it?

Good point.

Besides I was here all night
long. I left for a couple

of minutes to
go conga dancing.

You went what?

Conga dancing.

You went conga dancing?

But you were supposed to be here guarding Bernie.

Why would I have
to guard a dead man

stuck in
a two-foot refrigerator?

Don't try and get out of it,
you were irresponsible.

I was irresponsible?
I was here all night

trying to find a way
to get our jobs back!

No, you were conga dancing!

If you look up
"irresponsibility," there's

a picture of your
head lying next to it.

That's not fair.

Not fair?
Why did I let you talk me into coming on these schemes?

We'll just go to jail for some crime you didn't commit.

We're going to jail anyway.
Once the credit card companies catch up.

I was not the one who was out
conga dancing all night.

Forgery.
Fraud. Breaking and entering.

Credit card scam. Robbery.
Accessory to murder.

Kidnapping a dead man.
Losing a dead man.

Just take it easy.
Take it easy.

Is she dead, too?
Don't be ridiculous.

Maybe it's one of those above-ground Caribbean cemeteries.

Hello.
I'll handle this.

Please.

Excuse me? Hey, wake up!

It's morning.

Good morning.

We were just sleeping.

"We"?

Yeah, me and...
I don't know his name.

Bernie.
Bernie.

That's cute. Wake up, come on.

It's morning.

Excuse me, lady, miss?

You were with
Bernie last night?

Yeah, he's kind of shy, isn't he?
He doesn't say a whole lot.

No, he's very, very shy.

By the way,
just out of curiosity,

how did you happen
to meet old Bern?

In the conga line.

Am I the only one alive
who was not in the conga line?

Bernie was conga
dancing last night?

Yeah.

He's very graceful. And brave.

He's a wonderful listener.

He's so great.
He didn't even try to come on to me.

No way!

There are some
nice guys in this...

It's his feminine side.
I'll wake him up.

He's grumpy in the morning,
you don't wanna deal with that.

Is he gonna be all right?

He's gonna be fine.
Don't you worry.

Tell him that
Brenda said good-bye.

We'll do that.
You have a nice lunch.

Conga line?
You didn't happen to see him in the conga line?

No, I didn't.

What's going on here?

I suppose he was in
a different conga line.

No! It's like Ripley's here.

All right, here we go.

I'll get the bag.

All right, I'll get the car.

You understand
what we're gonna say?

We got our story all straight
and everything?

We lost him.

It's not fair.
I don't understand why I can't drive.

You don't have a license.

I've got Bernie's license.
How hard can this be?

You just drive on the right.
It's not a big deal.

On this island they
drive on the left.

Really? You drive.

There's the bank.
Where?

Find me a parking spot.
Good, park.

Just right there.
I can't park there.

That's what we
need right there.

Be back in five.

Do you mind?

I'm using it.

For what?

This isn't the hat shop.

Over here.

It's not.

Come here.
See this? Take a look.

Come on, baby.

Stick your hand through this thing.
What?

Just put your left
hand through. That's it.

Check it out.

How did he get here?

I don't know.
Got to be the Mobu, man.

Ask no questions,
tell no consequences.

Be cool.

What am I doing, Richard?

All the way in. There.

Let's get him in the back.

Two guys,
they're taking Bernie.

How do you like that?
What kind of idiots would steal a dead body?

We did!

Excuse me.
Where do you think you're going?

Let go of me!

You can't leave
without paying!

Come back here!

Do you have the time?

Get out of the way!

Get your hands off me!

Ready. One, two, three.

Giddyup.

I think the toothache
idea was very good.

Sign the card, please, Mr.
Lomax.

What was that?
Yeah, go right ahead. Sure.

And now the key, please.

You have the key, don't you?

Thank you.
I'll just go to the vault

and get your
safety deposit box.

It's working.

Like falling off a log.

Will you be needing anything else,
Mr. Lomax?

I hope that tooth gets better.

Would you look
at the size of it?

It's got to hold $2 million.
You open her up.

All right, let's get him out.

Where'd he go?
How the hell could he fall

out of the car?
This is ridiculous.

Look at that island mama.
She is fine.

Ooh yeah...

Henry.

You're starting to
freak me out, man.

Baby, where you going?

It's obviously a map.
All we've got to do is figure it out.

Look, I don't know what any of those things are and neither do you.

Let's have lunch and some of those conch fritters you like.

Don't worry.

Isn't that
the girl from last night?

Are you enjoying your visit?

Let's ask her about the map.

No.

Come on.

Excuse me?
Hi. I hate to bug you.

My name is Richard.
I'm a good friend of Larry's.

Larry...

That guy.

I'm surprised he
has any friends.

You do know him.
Anyway, we found this map.

We have no idea what it means.
Does it make any sense to you?

No, it doesn't,
but these are definitely voodoo symbols.

Voodoo, hoodoo. I told you,
Richie.

Your friend here doesn't
believe in the occult.

Yeah, I have enough
trouble with Catholicism.

Do you?

Yeah, I believe.
If it helps me figure out this map, I believe.

Could you help us?

I can't, but my father's very interested in black magic.
I could ask...

Could you ask him?
It's awful important.

Sure. Actually I'm
on break right now...

...so I can see if I can catch him at the hospital.

We should meet in
an hour in the lobby.

Whenever you like.
An hour is great.

Great.

Look at that.
I think that's their car.

What are you
talking about, man?

First of all that
ain't no car, it's a jeep.

There's a thousand
of them on the island.

What? I don't have any money.

Be cool. Just be cool.

How you doing?

Fine, thank you, how are you?

Where's the dead man at?

He's in the jeep.
You can have him.

No, he is not in the jeep.
Where is he?

What do you mean
he's not in the jeep?

He's right out
there in the red jeep.

You're kidding?
He's not there?

What will we do
with these two?

We gonna take them to the Mobu,
let them explain to her.

That way she's
gonna understand...

...that we're gonna be cool and they're gonna be exactly where we is!

Then we can blame them.

We're gonna try.

How would you
fellas like a margarita?

On me!

You lost them?

Not exactly.
Anybody could have.

Twice.
He was going to lead you to the money.

We messed with the bones and that fooled with the conjuring...

...and now he can only walk when the music's playing.
Sorry.

Where is he now?

The white boys.

We don't know where he is.

We left him in the jeep,
dead, deceased.

But ask them what they were doing at the bank with Bernie.

We needed him to get
into the safety deposit box.

What was in the box?

A map.

Give me the map.
We don't have it.

We don't have the map.
No map.

Kill them!
No! Wait a minute!

He lost it, he lost it!

Please.

If you kill them,
we both lose.

I have another way.

Drink.

I'd love to.
You see, I just had lunch.

But there's
always room for Jell-O.

A powerful conjure...

...unless you have the antidote by night,
you die.

Bring me the map, you live.

What?
Get out!

You only got to tell me once!

Thank you very much.

Drive safe, now.

You all have a nice day.

Bye-bye.

Don't get depressed.
Jerks.

Don't get depressed.
You still got hours to live.

The sun doesn't
go down for ages.

Good thing it's not winter.
The sun

would be down by now.
You'd be dead.

Thanks, that cheers me up.

How do I look to you?
I don't feel good.

You're just a little slow.

You need an aerobic workout.
Get those endorphins kicking in.

Guys!

Oh Rich.
Our troubles are over!

Claudia!

Hi.

Honey, have you got the map?

No, I left it with my father.
He's gonna look at it after surgery.

Where have you been?

We were kidnapped,
taken up to that Mobu chick.

You saw the Mobu?

She put a spell on Richie,
says he's gonna die.

She put a spell on Richie?

We need the map.

Okay.
Maybe we can catch my father before he leaves the hospital.

Come on, buddy.
You're gonna make it.

I know.
It's a beauty, isn't it?

You said I could drive.

Okay, here's your chance.

Relax. Let me do my job.

Please.

Hold on.
Which one do I push?

Okay, we're ready.

One minute!

Go!

Are these yours?

You pervert!

Don't move!
You're under arrest.

No, Officer, I don't...

Bernie!

Parasailing?
Bernie was parasailing?

Who is that?

He's our boss.
He's dead, don't worry.

Richard. He's moving?

I see that.

Look at him go,
he's like a bug!

He's moving. How's he doing it?
He's standing up!

Look at that son of a bitch.

How is he moving?

Those guys said he'd move
when music is playing.

Yeah.

There's music playing.

Would somebody please explain to me what's going on?

He'll lead us to the money.
We've got to follow him.

What do you mean, "he's dead"?

He's a zombie. Don't worry about it,
we'll explain later!

Come on, Richard!

He's going in the water.

That's where the money is.

What?
He stopped.

What's the matter with him?

He can't hear
the music under the water.

Idea!

His death certificate.
From the New York authorities.

You must have been mistaken.

I'd get some rest,
if I were you.

Perhaps you're right.
I haven't been sleeping well.

Things have been going badly at work.
I'm feeling some pressure.

Forget about work for a while
and try and relax.

If you don't,
you're gonna get a nervous breakdown.

Yes.

May I see the fax?

Look around you.

It's paradise.

Enjoy your
visit to the island.

You've seen the last of me.
And I've seen the last of him.

I've got the music right here.
Let's get him going. You got it?

I got it.

One, two, three.

Okay, put these on him, baby.
Okay.

Okay. Headphones go on the head,
thingamabob goes on the belt.

He's on. Do something.
Should be working.

There he goes.

He's moving.

Swim with the fishes,
you ugly bastard.

Here he goes.

You know,
for a dead man he's very buoyant.

He's doing good.
He's doing good. Go, B.

Welcome to our
Atlantis submarine tour.

Our dive site is
located about five miles

outside the harbor
of Charlotte Amalie.

Now, as we continue to move out further over the coral reef...

...you'll find more and more unusual kinds of undersea life...

...here at fifty feet.

If you look to
port side, I believe

that's the left side
for you landlubbers...

...you'll see some of the most beautiful coral formations in the world.

Everybody see that?
Isn't that beautiful?

Excuse me. Would you stop the sub?
I wanna get out!

Get serious.
Now we're fifty feet underwater.

I don't care.
I just saw a dead man I know...

...walking in the ocean.
I'm getting off!

That's impossible!

I'm commandeering this ship.

No, you're not!

What's he doing?

Uh oh!

Hey, what's in there?

It worked.

We lived.

Let's go on in.
Way to go, Beester.

I don't know. He went crazy down there!
He kept trying to open...

I'm not crazy!
Lomax is down there! I can...

Doc!

Good stuff.

That ought to
hold him for a while.

What happened to him?

Maybe he has claustrophobia.
The sub might have set it off.

That's it.
I'm gonna deport this guy.

Are you?
Yeah.

Doc, maybe you better come along with us.
This guy is nuts!

You've got that right.

Doc, come on in here.

Got your bag?

Yes, I got the bag.

All right. Come on.

Uh.

Ah.

Uh.

All right.

Uh... Richie.

He still won't let go, Richie.
How we gonna get the money to the Mobu?

I don't know.

Maybe I can catch that cart.
Yeah.

Good idea. You okay?

Never been better.

Breathe!
Richard, you spit on me!

I feel so much better now.

Come on, get up.

Wait for me! Help! Wait!

Excuse me!

My friend is really sick.
He's in big trouble.

We just need a ride. Can you please wait?
We'll only be one minute.

Bring him up.
Thank you.

How you feeling?
Better than he is.

Yeah,
grab that arrow thing, honey.

Okay.
Wait, no. Come on. This way.

Excuse me,
could you folks scoot over a little bit?

We had a fishing accident.

Come on, horse, giddyup here!
They've got a dead man.

What are they afraid of?
I mean, it's just a Beester.

Now what are we gonna do?

Okay, Richie this is the
beauty part.

It's working.

Come on, Beester.

I told you, Richie we're gonna make it.
You're gonna be fine.

How do you feel?

Can you hurry it up?
I'm sinking faster than the sun.

Thank you.

Am I a genius, or what?

I really don't feel so good.

It's okay, we're almost there.

I'm losing my hair?

No,
you're not losing your hair.

We're almost there.

We got to go see the Mobu.

- Everything's gonna be all right.
- Are we almost there?

Just around the bend, Richie.

Uh oh.

We got a hill here.

Stop the music!
Stop the music!

Got it. We're okay.
We're okay. We're not okay.

We're not okay.

Slow it down!

Don't breathe!

Do something!
I'm...

Doc, I told you, look at him,
he's running down the road.

Bail out!

Slow down!

We're not gonna make it!

Pretty bird.
What...

Everybody, duck!

We're going in the woods!

Look!

It's the Mobu chick.

It's the Mobu,
you're gonna live.

Watch out for that branch.

Money!

The money!

Freeze! All right,
hold it right there!

Papa?

Am I dead yet?
No, you're okay.

Come on,
put your hands behind your back!

What?

I knew you stole
the $2 million.

What are you doing here?
Are you okay?

I got it.
Now give it to me.

I got it right here.

The whole $2 million.
It's all here! For you, buddy!

I got all of it.
Don't you worry!

What?
Thanks.

You're welcome! Richie!

Mobu lady, we held up our end.

We got the money,
give him his life back. Hurry up!

What are you doing?
What's the matter with her?

She suffered a concussion.
So what?

She'll be out for hours.

Just dig a hole
and throw dirt on me.

Richie... Richie... Richie...
Richie.

It's my fault.
You'll die because of me.

No, it's not your fault.

It's all my fault.

No, it's not.

Claudia!

Didn't you say something
about reversing the conjure...

...back from
the person it's on...

...so it's not
on them anymore...

...but back on
the original person?

It's possible,
but you have to believe in the magic in order for it to work.

Like Tinkerbell, right?

Stop joking!

I ain't joking. Look at him,
he's dying. I believe.

I believe.

You can do that,
I've seen you do something like that before.

There is one way.

But I need
the blood of a virgin.

Good-bye. I'm dead.

Huh...

You?

Just take the blood, Doc.

I like this shirt. I was wrong.
You've got good taste.

Thanks, buddy.

Thank you.
For what?

You know,
for keeping yourself a virgin for me.

That's nice, Rich,
that's really nice.

Just twist the knife a little deeper,
why don't you?

Can we talk about
something else, please?

Sure.

Richie, I'll tell you what.

Why don't you
just forget about

ever going back
to New York City.

Where did you get this money?

You know,
the $2 million that Hummel

was looking for
that Bern stole?

Yeah?

It was $3 million.

You have $1 million in here?

We do,
except for about $8,000 I had to pay off on Bernie's credit cards...

...you know,
all that stuff you charged?

We can't keep
this money, can we?

Why not?

We don't know
who it belongs to.

That's the beauty part,
Richie.

It doesn't belong to anybody.

It was there to be claimed
and so Larry claimed it.

I'm sorry, I can't.
I just can't do it. It's not right.

I'm sorry.
I don't feel good about it.

I understand.
You do?

Sorry.

That's all right.

By the way,
did I neglect to introduce you to the crew?

What are we waiting for?

Hoist up the anchor, let's go.

How does Monte Carlo sound to you this time of year?

It sounds lovely.

Monte Carlo, ladies.

To us, Richie.

Ain't this a bitch?
Where the hell is he taking us?

I don't know.

At least we got to
see the carnival.

Yeah, I didn't think
we was gonna be the carnival.