We Are Family (2016) - full transcript

Come on, Gugu.

Wait. I'm finishing my sketch.

Come on, Gulliver.
Your mom and your dad are getting married.

I hope this is your Sunday cap.

You don't know the true values.

Not true!

Stop it.

Stop! Let's go.

We are gathered here today to celebrate
the union of Sophie Baston--

-Bersson!
-Of Sophie Bersson and Hugo Lubrixi.

-Lubienski.
-Lubienski.



Lubienski.

With their family, their friends,
and their children.

Sophie, Hugo,

you are contributing to the baby boom
which allows France

to be gloriously first in Europe
in terms of fertility rate

with an average of two children per woman.

The bride and the groom, get up.

The first time I was asked to do it,
I believed in it.

Now, I cannot even pretend.

...will be united in holy matrimony...

I wonder if they are sincere and stupid,
or if it is a game.

...suffice to...

Half of the people who get married
divorce within three years.

Twenty-five percent in the next ten years.



When they divorce,
they have 1.2 children together.

Most of them get married again
after one year,

have another child
to cement this new union...

-ending in a divorce within five years.
-Bravo.

My name is Bastien.

And the bride is Sophie, my mother.

She had three husbands.
My dad is Philippe.

-You are exquisite, honey.
-The good-looking guy.

Then, she married Claude.
They had my sister, Clara.

Then, she met Hugo.

-Stop it, Gulliver.
-And bam, my little brother, Gulliver.

Before me, Philippe had Oscar
with Madeleine, the redhead.

Are you okay, girls?

-Yeah, all right.
-Léopoldine and Juliette,

my cousins.

Agnès' daughters.

She had Léopoldine with Paul.

And Juliette... she lost her dad.

The old lady?

They say she's my grandma.

-Oh, fuck!
-Granny Aurore.

She comes out only
when there is booze around.

Also, Hugo had a son with Babette,
Eliot.

Some say that large families are
for rednecks.

But large families put together,
that is fresh, really cool.

-Bastien!
-Let's go over the whole thing.

Philippe and Madeleine: Oscar.

Philippe and Sophie: Me.

Sophie and Claude: Clara.

Sophie and Hugo: Gulliver.

Hugo and Babette: Eliot.

Agnès and Paul: Léopoldine.

Agnès and Juliette's father: Juliette.

All in all, I have 6 half-siblings or so,
four dads, four moms,

three rooms to share the weekend,

every other week
and each month with "-ry."

Say "cheese-sex."

-You got that?
-Yes?

-Well, me neither.
-To the happy couple!

So, before being old enough
to know what happiness is,

I already know...

WE ARE FAMILY

...it never lasts.

Are you kidding me?

I'm sorry. But you're overreacting.

I overreact
because you never tell me anything.

I have already fucking apologized.

You think about the impact
on our family?

You just said,
"Great, let's get a job in London.

-That's really cool."
-For your job, you also travel all over.

-I don't stay all over.
-London is two hours away.

-Two.
-How can I manage?

I take Gulliver with me,

I leave the others here?
I just go back and forth?

-Hi.
-You take the kids hostage?

Because you can't
get your act together?

Any woman knows how to.

-Gulliver, let's go.
-All that

-for your career?
-Come on.

-Sure, I think about it.
-And Babette, the royal pain?

She calls eight times a day
to ask me about her son.

-And Eliot...
-Let's go. It's going to be okay.

Bastien, the door, please.

I had enough last weekend.

They're too much.

It's serious.

-I don't give a shit.
-What's going on?

Hugo intends
to manage a fancy restaurant in London.

He accepted without telling Mom.
London?

It's a unique opportunity, okay?

-A unique opportunity, okay?
-It's a unique opportunity.

Why on earth do you always end up
talking about my mom?

-You want to see Mom?
-Not really.

When do I see you?

Next weekend
to make up for your two days on call.

No, I can't this weekend.
Your dad is getting an award.

-Cool! I can come.
-I promised Laure to take her.

Next time, I promise. Okay?

Are you okay?

We don't hear Hugo and Mom.

They finally calmed down.

No. It's like kids. Silence means
they're doing something dumb.

-How do you know all that?
-Get out.

Go back to your mom.
No, I forgot. You can't. She's dead.

Hi.

Hi.

Eliot, Gulliver.

Okay.

Your Daddy, tonight,
won't be sleeping here.

Okay. Then, I'll be leaving for London.
I'll be back in a week.

-Bye, honey!
-Bye, Hugo.

Eliot, you go to your Mom's tomorrow.
Don't forget her envelope.

-Yes, Hugo. I got it.
-All right.

-Bye, kids.
-Bye, Dad.

No.

No! A fifty bag!

-Bye
-Hugo,

let me tell you... Hugo?

Hugo?

-He has left?
-Yeah. What's going on?

I told him to get out.

-So, it's all right.
-Come on. Stop.

Hi.

-So, it's over with Hugo?
-Absolutely not.

Just a little argument.
We've decided to take a little break.

-It happens to people really in love.
-Obviously.

Go after him, then.

And you guys? I can't leave you.

-We can go with Dad.
-Excuse me?

Really?

That would be so great!

Thank you.

I'm telling the kids.

You're awesome.

Don't be mad. It's okay.

-You take care of yourselves.
-Yes, Mom.

-I'm counting on you, Eliot.
-Okay.

Are you okay?

Try to kill the bad guy.

-Okay?
-You're great. Come on.

Go ahead!

You're a pain.

Come on, midgets. Pack up!

-Let's move.
-Again? No way.

-Come on.
-We can't ever finish a PS game.

I'm fed up.
I never know where I'm sleeping.

-My red dress is not dry!
-I just have one pair of shoes.

Stop complaining. Hurry up!

Come on, kids. Hurry up!

Gulli, Clara, take your jackets.

Clara, your stuff for swimming.

-I forgot them at my Dad's.
-I got too much homework to boot.

Come on! Come on!

-Come on, Gulli!
-Yeah!

-Come, Gulli!
-Let's make a mess!

I'm supposed to pick up after you?

Come on!

Look at all this mess!

Listen, Bastien, Clara, Gulliver.

-Not the turntable!
-Let's go!

No way! No, no!

No, no.

Oscar? What are you doing here?

I must study philosophy.

Socrates, Plato.

-You should be at your mom's.
-Yeah, but with her Airbnb stuff,

three Australian guys are staying
in my room.

Stop that. I can't hear anything.
What are you saying?

She never gets what week
I'm supposed to stay with her.

Let's get him!

No. We turn off everything. To bed!

Wait!

-The doorbell!
-Stop!

I waited one hour for you!
I called. You never called me back!

Laure, calm down.

I'm with the kids.

I am sorry.

What is that?

-Wait a minute.
-You had some fun.

It's Oscar's girlfriend.

-I don't know her.
-Touch...

You're too pathetic, Philippe.

What do you mean?

That really sucks now.

For Mom and Hugo,
you know how it's going to be.

They will split, find a compromise...

split, decide to try again seriously...

split up...

then split up again.

And finally, they will divorce.

If you put it that way, okay.

Six months, I bet.

-Let's do something for Gulliver.
-Okay. What can we do?

-There must be a way.
-Sure, Einstein. If it was the case,

why couldn't we find it
when it happened to us?

Hi. Nobody's sitting here?

-I'm Alice. I'm new here.
-A divorce?

Yes.

Welcome to the club.

So, I can sit?

You'd better not. First divorce?

-Yes?
-Let me explain.

If you sit next to me,

it's probable that our similar
situations will get us close.

In short, we'll fall in love.

We'll look at life
with rose-tinted glasses.

We'll stroll in parks holding hands.

Then, quite fast,
we'll be caught in a routine.

We'll argue about sugar waffles
and chocolate waffles,

blaming each other
for what we used to love

-in the beginning.
-What?

Any couple is doomed.

It works only in the movies.

Can I sit next to you, Bastien?

-Hello, Turtles!
-You were at Philippe's last night?

We were at the old lady's place.

We did some Bikram yoga in her bathroom.
I can't feel my legs.

It's like yoga, but in a sauna.

She let the hot water run.
Even the antiskid fishes melted.

-She's nuts, your grandma.
-She's yours, too.

No, no, no.

When I look at you guys,
I know I was found.

Found in the trash.

Stop bickering. It reminds me of my home.

Which one?

Is it really serious?

-I'm quoting, "Let's have a break."
-Typical of Phase One.

I have to go. I'll be late, again.

The teachers are a pain also.

Each hour, we walk all over
the whole school.

Why can't we have one classroom,
and they come in turns?

Maybe...

She said it once, but...

Come and blow your candles.

NEW MESSAGE

We're changing the rotation of the Earth.

What we can't have at school,

we'll get it at home.

An apartment for all of us.

All the kids.

We won't walk all over Paris
three times a week.

The parents come in turns,
and are responsible.

I don't know about you,
but I'm fed up of carrying my home.

Let them be turtles.

They won't accept.

We're not going to ask them.

Where will you find a place
big enough for all of us?

You dad keeps your grandma's keys?

-Which one?
-The one who's dead.

Yeah! Yeah!

-What is it?
-It's not an apartment.

It's a museum.

Ten minutes away from school,
20 from the high school.

It has seven rooms, a fridge with
an ice cube dispenser, and even a Jacuzzi.

A Jacuzzi?

-Yeah, a Jacuzzi.
-A palace?

Okay, I'm going to use my brain.

All right?

Let's say we sneak in
without being caught.

It's not that...

How long until the parents realize
we're not there?

That's where it's amazing.

We'll beat them at their game.

-We'll say we're at each other's place.
-That's nonsense.

-He's right.
-We get them confused

as much as we can,
so we can be by ourselves.

They will acknowledge it's working.

-Yeah! He's right!
-You're a genius.

You're mad.

I can't. I have pizzas to deliver.
Then, I have to study with Virginie.

But afterwards?

Afterwards, she can show some gratitude.

-Stop that. You're too much.
-You're dense!

No, Oscar. It's important!

Seriously, I can't.

No worries. I cover for you.
I promise.

Okay.

Let's organize it.

-Who sleeps where this weekend?
-Easy. Look.

Gulliver at Aurore's.
Clara at Claude's...

Hold on, Mom. I have another call.

-Hello, Dad?
-How are you?

I'll be at Agnès on Thursday.

Jul? Mom thinks we'll be at Philippe's.

Philippe is convinced we'll be at Mom's.

There is another problem.

Grandma is supposed
to pick up Gulliver

and keep him until the weekend.

Without her calendar, she'll forget it.
I'll take care of it.

What if she remembers?

No worries.
She hardly remembers our first names.

There are two hurdles:

The timing and the teacher.
She's super stiff.

It's going to be a close call,
but I'll get Gulliver.

Okay. And Oscar?

Oscar is so difficult.

-He has a credit card.
-Nope, just a debit card.

See you.

Hey, midget. Pay your debt.

Where are my 50 euros?

-I can't pay 50 every week.
-I'll smash you.

Leave him alone.

Yeah? What are you gonna do?

Stop! Stop!

We're goofing around. Henri, you okay?

-She killed me.
-Sorry. You're hurt?

Yes.

You're even now.

Let me be clear about one thing.
I don't like waffles.

Fuck! Who's the broad?
Why do you look at her like that?

How do I look at her?

Like a triple burger and fries.

Whatever!

-Without the parents?
-Without them.

What about cooking, the dishes,

-the rest?
-We're going to steal.

-We're going to steal food.
-Come on, little darlings. To bed!

You're not playing your video games!
That's great!

Let's go to bed. Come on.

Quick, Gulliver!

Some chocolate also, because it's good.

Gulliver, come.

What's going on?

Gulliver, come on.

-They're conspiring?
-I don't know.

Come on.

Let's turn everything off.

Explain? They don't explain anything.

And it is...

-Hello.
-Ms. Agnès?

-Speaking.
-I'm Henri.

-You have a minute?
-No, no cold calling.

Stop with your long face.

I'm nervous.

Stop that.

My mother gave you my number?

It's not a good day to bug her.

Yes, it is a cold call.

And you are targeting me.

She can't concentrate now.

Listen, I'm not ready

to move on.

No, I don't want a fresh start, either.

-Aurore was right.
-What?

-My mother was right?
-You

-are repressed.
-How dare you?

-Bitch!
-Are you mad?

Listen, Léo,

-that's not funny. Are you 12 years old?
-I'll try it at Philippe's.

Leave it at his place.

Come on. Get up!

Come on, Bastien.

Wake up. Hurry up.

I should've been at the airport
25 minutes ago.

Come on. Get up.
Of course, I won't miss the plane.

-Quick. You must get Gulliver to school.
-It's okay.

And for the school supplies,
you checked all the boxes ?

Yes, I have my passport!
Who are you taking me for?

Here it is!

There! He's ready. Gulliver is ready.

-Get out of bed. Hurry!
-Yes, yes.

Hey, don't we have

a shipment of canned goods that
came back from South Sudan?

Why don't we take them with us?

You see, I have a few good ideas!
Yes, I'm coming! I'm coming!

I'm calling Mom so she won't forget
to pick up Gulliver and...

Don't worry. I'll call Granny Aurore.

Really?

Thank you, my little prince.
I'll call you from the hotel.

Bye!

I'm ready!

Indeed! It is superb, madam.

How much do I owe you?

You owe me...

Let me sleep at Granny Aurore's tonight.

To see Gulliver.

The price is a bit steep.

But it's worth it.

Tonight, you're staying
with a friend who's serious?

And his parents?

They are into organ trafficking.
Import-export.

Mom, I have no idea about their jobs.

Okay, but you are back at midnight.

I sleep at his place.
But I'm back at midnight.

If you want to sleep, you take a nap,
and you come back afterwards.

What's the use of staying at night
if you are sleeping, anyway?

Are you serious?

I might as well see Dad in London.

Do you prefer I take the train
that runs 300 feet under the sea,

or the plane, at 30,000 feet
above the ground?

Have a good evening at your friend's.

Don't forget
to let your father know about it.

-Be careful.
-I'll be careful.

-Your battery is in your phone?
-Yes.

-You have the number?
-Yes.

-If you fall, put your hand in front.
-Yes, Mom.

-You have your sandwich?
-I...

Don't answer like that, Eliot.

You're beautiful. I love you.

Contact.

Hurry up, okay?

Sorry. Can I help you?

No, no, no.
I'm just picking up

-my little brother.
-His grandmother was supposed to come.

His grandmother? No, no.

Problem! Call! Quick!

I'm sorry. I don't know you.
Do you have a note from her?

A note from the grandmother?

Do we have a note from Grandma?
No note from Grandma.

No, I don't think so. But...

Wait a sec.

I think it is her. Yes.

Hello, Grandma?

Let me talk to her.

Yeah. I'm at his school.
There's no problem.

Can I talk to her, please?

-Hello.
-Hi, little one.

-Yes. Hello, Madam.
-I forgot to tell you

I am sending someone else.

I'm sorry not to be able to come
in person,

but at my age,

we don't do too much.

-Yes.
-You know,

it's a real little scoundrel.

But after seeing you,

-he's always much calmer.
-Excuse me?

Let him go with the moron in rollers.
He will know

-what to do.
-Yes.

Very well, then. Goodbye.

It's okay.

-You can take him.
-Very well. Have a good day.

Good day to you.

-Goodbye, Gulliver.
-Goodbye.

Gulliver's kidnapping.

Yeah.

-That's great.
-Check.

Here we are. My grandmother's place.

I want to pee.

We could also go back.

-Yeah. I don't think it's a good idea.
-I really want to pee.

Think of something else.

-Gulliver?
-What?

Let's go!

Hurry up!

Quick!

Come on!

Hurry up!

The code, Eliot! Open!

Come on! Hurry up!

I got it. It's okay.

Thank you.

Be silent.

Little sorcerer.

Come here, Gulliver.

Wait for me.

Hello, sir.

Stop it!

Sorry.

I still want to pee.

It's very, very big.

-What's the matter?
-What's that?

That's my grandmother.
She always triggered that reaction.

Wait. I'll turn on the light.

But...

Perhaps she does not want us
to stay in her apartment.

We don't care. She's dead!

Bastien!

What's the matter?

That's scary.

That's so beautiful!

Victor, Eliot, Bastien, Léo,
Juliette, Clara,

and Gugu.

There.

That's my bed.

You like it?

No. That's my bed!

-I want a large one.
-No worries.

I see your wee wee.

Clara, close the door!

Clara, can you come and talk to me?

Who is it?

-I don't know.
-The cops!

-Already? How did they find us?
-We're going to jail.

Shush!

-I don't see anything.
-Go ahead. Open.

You can't open it
if you don't know who it is.

Who is it?

Open the door right away!

Man!

Oscar!

Look at your faces!

Moron! You scared us!

You ordered some pizzas?

It's nice here.

You do human sacrifices?

-Very funny.
-You'll see. It's a great apartment.

-What kind of pizza?
-There's a piano.

Stop!

I see.

You have a stinky butt.

Watch it!

-Go away!
-No. No, stop.

We don't have much time until
the parents find out about this place.

To prove it's working,
we must be responsible.

You! Stop smoking.

Watch them, at least!

Will you stop that?

Stop!

It's okay.

Eliot! Shit!

So, what are you saying?

Bravo! That's very funny.

Stupid!

I can't believe it.

Bastien? Can you come? We need you.

I'm so fed up!

What now?

We can't count on you!

Merry Christmas, brother.

You are Santa Claus?

Thank you, Santa.

We did something very stylish.

Good night, my Lord.

You don't like your new room?

And my good night hug? Mom won't give it?

You'll see her soon.

I want to stay with you.

I'm staying with you.

You know Little Thumbling?

Well, then.

It's about a little boy
who was your age. He's like you.

He's the youngest
of a family of seven kids.

Just like you!

But they're lost in the forest.

They were abandoned in the forest.

He leaves some pieces of bread.

He's super smart.

Small pieces of bread.

To be able to find his house.
Because he's so smart.

But the crow,

he eats the little pieces of bread,
little pieces of bread.

-Shush.
-There are no rocks in the story?

Who cares? What matters is
that he cannot find his way back.

He's super smart.
He finds a house filled with candies.

-That's Hansel and Gretel.
-He eats...

-You want to piggyback?
-My pizzas were not good?

-Don't forget Clara tonight.
-Yes, you better not forget.

Thank you.

-As if I ever forget anything!
-He's too much.

Here we go.

What was your excuse?

Granny Aurore is picking me up tonight?

No, Granny is too busy, you know?

-That is nice!
-A gift from my grandkids.

They don't know but I sold everything
they gave me for Christmas.

-You had a lot?
-Counting all the half-siblings,

as many dwarfs as in Snow White.

You don't know how many exactly?

Like my men, I can't keep track.

You hear about Catherine?

She was wandering naked in the streets.

Fucking Alzheimer's!

She didn't need Alzheimer's to forget
to put her panties on.

Alzheimer's.

I told my daughter I had some.
It's quite convenient.

The other day she wanted me
to pick up her kid at judo.

I said I completely forgot.

She didn't even yell at me.

Too compassionate, the dumbbell!

What day is it?

Friday.

Fucking shit!

I forgot Sleepy at school!

Alzheimer's!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Come on, Gulliver. Onboard.

Babette, she's your mom?

Yes.

I don't like her.

Why don't you like her?

Because she's mean. And she never smiles.

No, she's not mean.

You know, sometimes, she's sad.
But that's normal.

I was also sad
when Dad left with your mom.

Bashful, Sleepy!

It's Granny Aurore!

That makes them deaf!

Stop, I'm telling you!

I can't believe it!

Kids! Wait for me!

Kids!

It's Granny Aurore!

Yeah!

Shit.

A draft beer, please.

It's Sneezy.

Dopey. Doc?

Grumpy.

What on earth does it all mean?

Kids!

What is it about?

Move! Let me go!

-I'm slowing them down.
-That's cheating!

The last one is an adult!

Run, Clara! Run!

He is getting there!

He's catching up!

That's enough. Enough bubbles.

-The water is not too hot?
-No, it's okay.

You're happy to be here?

I won!

I allowed you to.

On the contrary, you pushed me.

That's what I'm saying.

-I let you go, so I could push you.
-No mess!

You're too much!

Way too much!

The old lady.

Open, Grumpy, or I break the door.

-The old lady is here.
-Shit!

-Fuck.
-What are we going to do?

Well, open.

Hello, Grandma.

What on earth is this mess?

Where are we?

I find that too cool!

But if your parents knew
I didn't do anything about it,

I'll hear about it
for the rest of my life.

Your mothers are really annoying,

like some depressed Mormons.

I didn't raise them.

If I were you, I wouldn't call.

-Excuse me?
-Sophie will know you forgot Gulliver.

-She entrusted him to you.
-For two whole days.

If we hadn't brought him here,
what could have happened?

-You're not going to blame me for this!
-Like we won't! Anyway,

-you let Gulliver go with a stranger.
-A stranger.

Not a stranger! It's the son of...

What's your name, actually?

When we tell all that to Sophie...

I'll say I have Alzheimer's.

-So, I'll be the victim.
-What's Alzheimer's?

We'll tell you later.

What a bunch of little swindlers!

-I wonder how we inherited that.
-Okay. I'm willing to cover for you.

Let's make a deal. Okay?

A deal?

-I'll get it.
-I'll get it.

The freaky neighbor.

He's covered with foam.

-Gulliver!
-Gulliver!

Bastien, what should we do?

Yoo-hoo. Hello?

Juliette.

What should we do?

I have no idea.

If I help you, we have a deal?

Okay.

Slap it.

Ciao.

-Where are you going?
-What if he's a pervert?

I wish.

Hello, neighbor.

Let the shorter see.

There are damages?

-Of course there are.
-Show me.

Come on.

Come on.

Let me see your damages.

Okay.

Yeah.

You said good night to Eliot?

-Yes.
-Yes.

-To Léo?
-Yes.

To Bastien? To Oscar?

Yes.

Where is Grandma?

She's gone for a long time
with the gentleman.

They must be playing doctors.
A game for old folks.

Come on.
Your mom comes back tomorrow.

It will be hectic.

Tomorrow is the big day.

-Good night.
-Good night.

-Sweet dreams.
-Good night.

-Good night, Clara.
-Good night, Gugu.

Thanks a lot.

Goodbye.

Hello!

It's me!

I'm home! Clara!

Gulliver!

I brought you some gifts.

What?

Children? Mom?

Hello.

I don't see the kids.
Mom is not with you?

Hi, Sophie.
No, I left a message on Thursday.

You didn't talk to her for two days?
I'm worried about you.

-Hello. Philippe?
-Hello, Agnès.

-May I talk to the girls, please?
-They're with you with Bastien.

-What do you mean, with me?
-They are.

Hello, Paul?

Hello, Agnès. How are you?

-Not well--
-Yeah.

-Rigolus, Casemate, left! Shoot!
-What are you saying?

-Not you.
-Where is she?

-I'm testing a new game. You're well?
-Is Léo at your place?

Pop it. Go on night vision.

Léo, your daughter.

No. She's not with me.

-Where is she?
-With Philippe this weekend?

Yes.

You had Bastien, I thought.

No! He's not here!

Hugo? Where is my son? Where is he?

But I'm in London!

I was in Senegal.

Great! You went to Gorée?

I'm in a meeting.

Mom, call me back.
Or you'll have a good reason to be sick.

I withdraw your custody.

-Babette, stop that!
-Don't answer!

-I'm warning you, if anything happens...
-Yes. Yes.

Claude, think! You really don't know

-where Clara is?
-I don't understand.

Yes, detective. Seven children.

Yes, mine. Well,
two are mine, three my ex-wife's and--

Where could the kids be?

Time.

Okay. I'm here.

Here he comes.

It's not on the other side of the Earth.

You're kidding?
It took me less than three hours.

Don't start with me.

-Hi.
-I'm not saying anything.

All right.

Since everyone is here,
except Paul, of course...

Bastien, you can start.

Here's the deal.

In short,
we move around three times a week.

We have homework,

soccer, ballet,

piano, cello,

-and we are without a steady home.
-So?

We're like robots.

We cannot enjoy anyone.

We must count odd and even weeks.
And adapt to your schedules.

We have heard enough.

Yeah.

Let him speak up.

Since you are not able to give us
any stability,

we took matter in our hands.

You are responsible for this situation.
You have to bear the consequences.

-What?
-What?

From now on, you, the parents,

will come and live at our place,
taking turns.

-Why not?
-What?

What?

They're mad.

They're yelling.

Well, no.

-Come on.
-But my cakes?

We need a mom and a dad
each evening and each weekend.

Remove the thing.

Since you often don't sleep together,
you'll get two rooms.

I sleep with Gulliver.

Yes.

To have the feeling of being a family,
we must be together.

Not every other week.

The seven of us, every day.

As Lévi Strauss said: "Families are
the stem cells of society."

Lévi Strauss?

Who's the ass--?
The idiot who had this stupid idea?

That asshole is me.

Wait. Honey, if it's your dad's idea,
just say it.

-Are you crazy? Why...?
-Okay. Oscar?

Snitch.

-Bastien, seriously. You did this to me?
-We did nothing. We proved it's working.

That is has worked. Use the correct tense.

You proved it has worked.

You proved you are totally reckless.

Reckless and totally irresponsible,
Bastien.

-That he was reckless.
-Reckless.

Like having a kid each time
you meet a guy?

-Bastien!
-Bastien!

It's okay?

He didn't make a grammatical mistake?

Eliot, there's a big problem
with the electricity. You could

-have set the apartment on fire.
-What?

He's worried about his apartment.

I'm worried to read about
seven burnt kids

in the morning paper.

Will you stop your stupid suspicion?

Doudou...

you must calm down.

-You're the one who's screaming!
-Me?

You're also responsible.

Who had the keys of the apartment?
Your son, right?

Who are you talking about, Sophie?

-You know very well, Babette.
-Wait...

The brain of this thing is
your son, no? No?

Mom, wait. We all thought about it
together. You see--

My advice is for you to be quiet.

Sorry.

Eliot, you have almost kidnapped
your brother.

-Exactly.
-Not kidnapped. We saved him!

Juliette!

-We're all tense.
-Who takes care of him?

Granny Aurore who forgets his name?
You in London?

Mom in Africa?

Bastien, you're going too far.

-Hugo, may I?
-Sure. Of course.

Bastien, you're going too far. There.

We're going to talk about this at home.

Let's all get up.

-Kids, take your stuff.
-We're going.

No, we're staying.

We won't go anywhere.

Me neither.

-Oscar.
-I'm almost an adult.

-I'm going to almost kick your butt.
-Philippe!

Sorry. We're staying. But you can go.

Don't worry. We're used to managing
by ourselves.

Okay. Kids, you go to your room.
We're going to talk about it.

-No, we're not--
-We're not going to talk.

-Why not?
-We can't talk.

Yes, in your room.

We're going to talk. Period.

In your rooms.

-Dad is going to kill me.
-Nah!

You saw the way he looked at me?

-He smiled at me.
-It was mean.

He was rather cool.

But your mom, Eliot...

Don't make fun, please.

I thought she was going to take a broom
to beat you up with.

I don't want to talk. I'm fed up!

-We must. I have some things to tell you.
-We can't. You're never here.

-I can't do it.
-Please, Sophie.

What are you doing? You are leaving?

We don't have to talk about it.

They spend the night here, happy.
And tomorrow,

back home, as usual.

-That's it!
-Wait.

Our kids pulled down the alarm.

We can't get out of the running train.

-A train comparison. Really?
-Thank you.

If they pulled the alarm,

-the train has stopped.
-Exactly.

Exactly.

We could speak about what just happened.
It is serious.

-They didn't run away.
-No.

They didn't empty any bank account.

They took some risks.

They made an effort to convince us.

If we think about it,
it is their survival instinct.

That's nonsense!

-Of course.
-Philippe.

That's nice, but this is my apartment.

-We figured that out.
-Yes.

Mine. And I'm selling it.

I need that money to buy some shares
in the restaurant in London.

What? You bought some shares?

-Yeah.
-We should talk about the alimony.

Sorry to insist,
but their idea is not that stupid.

It may allow Gulliver to accept
your divorce.

-What?
-What?

Which divorce? We're not at that point!

No?

Let's calm down! Okay.

we're going through some tough times.

We... We...

We... We...

We're going to get be fine. We're...

-Going to talk.
-Try hard. We're going to...

We're going to...

Find a compromise.

Here we go.

Find a compromise.

What are you doing here?

Pee.

Hugo spotted us.

-Shit.
-They talked about trains.

We didn't understand anything.

-It doesn't matter. Come here.
-They don't give a fuck. Trains?

I told you. They're all over the place.

Sorry to tell you,
but we've got to make an effort.

The problem is simple.
The kids feel abandoned.

So, we must be there, there, there.

You live ten minutes away,
and you feel you're here?

But you... Yes.
You see me. You hear me.

-I'm here, yes.
-Hugo, if you're interested.

Why are you so puzzled?

Our kids have found
a fantastic initiative for us.

It's going to revolutionize parental care.

And you just throw a wrench in it.

I don't agree.

Stop thinking about yourselves.
Think about them.

We are all in agreement?

Hey, Agnès.

Stop this culture of resignation.

-Think about...
-He has voted.

-Thanks.
-Wait. He didn't agree.

Let's not change our minds all the time.

Everyone agrees but you, Sophie.
If it is not what you want...

-I think that--
-Anyway,

it was six against two.

Wait. Hugo did not vote. Hugo?

It's... The time for me to get a buyer.

It won't last too long.

Okay. As you wish.

You're heading for disaster. I warned you.

"I am warning you."

Yes.

Go ahead.

Well, we have thought about it.

So, as a tryout...

Just as a tryout!

Can we...? If...

As a tryout.

-We'll go along with your idea.
-Yes!

We're going to trust you.

If there is any misconduct,

we all go back home. Am I clear, Eliot?

-Yes.
-We need a few days

to organize ourselves. Until then...

What is this stuff?

The parental pairs for the evenings
and the weekends.

To be fair, we have done a "shuffle mode."

The schedule is on the fridge
and each one... What?

-What is a shuffle mode?
-Random.

-But...
-Each of you has a copy by e-mail.

The shifts start at 4:30 p.m.
during the week

-until 9 a.m. the next day.
-One parent picks up Gulliver,

the other one does the shopping.
Laundry, you take turns.

Shopping and laundry are for you, too.

Okay. We'll share the chores.

Sure, only if you clean your rooms.

-If you take the trash out.
-Of course.

You do your share of cleaning.

And no smoking in the apartment.

-Yes.
-Obviously!

Yeah, yeah.

And the problems at work
and the marital arguments,

we don't want any, okay?

Don't look at us.

Eliot, please. I already have your...

Since Gulliver is the youngest,

we thought we would give Mom and Hugo
the honors for the first night.

It's on!

Very well!

-You were great, dude.
-Yeah. I know.

It's the strength of the group, guys.

Yeah.

That's right.

Yes.

Shouldn't we tell the kids
that the apartment is for sale?

By the time a potential buyer signs
the contract, everyone will be home.

Say, your mom's bathroom is too ugly.

Her taste was nasty.

Do you really think
this situation is going to last?

I... I am not sure.

You never know anything.

With seven kids,

it's going to be real messy!
You'll see tomorrow.

-The coffee is ready?
-I made some green tea.

Come on! Come on!

Here they come! Let's speed up.

Clara, the jam.

All right? Everything is clean?

It must be perfect.

Come on.

What...?

But...

Come on.

-The dishwasher is broken. Just saying.
-Hi.

Goodbye. But...

What was that?

Wait.

She took the trash?

-Have a good day.
-She took the trash.

Yeah.

"Real messy," huh?

Come on.

-Bastien, you got it?
-Easy.

Fuck!

He has girl stuff.

Clara...

-Hi, Mom. How are you?
-Mom,

I keep on calling you.

May I know why you gave my number

to some 55-year-old kinesiologist?

Call me back.

Hi, Babette.

Babette, did you see my sketch?
Babette, did you see?

I don't get this organization.

Now you know how it works.

"Now you know how it works."

Are you sure? Wait.

Mom? What are you doing here?

Well, I'm chilling.

With Dopey. Cool.

What is this smell?

-What smell?
-That's my deodorant.

Oscar, leave.
I need to talk to my mother.

-It's my room. If I want--
-Oscar!

Or not.

It's not me. It's him.

I just wanted to try. My first time.

To see how it felt.

Mom.

It's okay. I didn't do anything wrong.
What?

First, don't use that tone with me.

And see? You come here,
and you're going to zonk out here?

I'm the grandmother who's there
to screw up with the kids.

The responsibilities, I did my time.
The parents' turn now.

It has been a while.

Wait.

Also, who is this "Tinder"?

Tinder.

Not bad, huh?

You agree?

Me, too.

Okay.

Stop. I have too much to do.
There are seven kids.

How about Babette? Babette!

Okay, then. Who cares?

Seven kids!

No.

They're smoking all of it.

Wait. My mother has her head upside down.

They're adults.
They know what they're doing.

Adults, you're serious?

Where were we?

The verb "to have" in the past tense.

-Could you correct?
-Ask yourself the question.

What works and what doesn't?

Then, you ask me.

"To finish" in the subjunctive mood.

I got 2000...

Eliot, wait a sec.

So, and in the past tense?

Bastien, will you stop that?

The screens, that's not a solution.

-Okay?
-I think I'm done. Am I correct?

Okay, so you want to demonstrate
that 0.9999 to the infinite

is equal to...

Hey, Léo! Your mom lets you
go out dressed like that?

I'm 14.

You want me to tell you how
I looked at girls when I was 14?

Not really, no.

Guys, you can't let her do that.
You've got to help her.

Sure thing.

This set up is 1,000 years old.
You're irresponsible, buddy.

I know how this electrical board works.

No conjugal feud. Even between you two.

Thank you, Bastien.

So...

Joker.

Claude!

You're sure about that?
You're going to fall down.

-We're good?
-Yes.

Bastien, come here.

What's the matter?

They messed up my schedule.

My mom cooks this Saturday!

Look.

The storm flies over the desert.

Babette, you prefer him or him?

This blouse is polyester
and this is made of jersey.

What cycle should I select for each?

How about the cycle for colors?

Don't come and confuse her.
I'll manage, anyway.

No, no, open...

There is a hippopotamus behind you.

How do I stop?

The desert.

I did the shopping.

The fridge is empty.

Where do I put that?

Welcome to the 22nd century.

In the 22nd century, I do the cooking.

-What did she do?
-Madeleine!

Come here, Madeleine.

Madeleine!

Come. We have a spinach soufflé for you.
Come here!

Léo! Léo!

Look!

Yeah!

And who is there? Hey!

Happy? We'll be able
to see each other all the time!

I got a two-hour detention
and you're not even mad?

-In a few minutes, I can deal with you.
-Seriously?

Philippe, it's your turn to cook also.
Okay?

Where is Madeleine?

-All right. Five minutes and I'm here.
-I want to pee.

Eliot, come and help you mother. Hurry!

BABET

You know?

I do.

Life in a commune is nice,
but not all these chores.

They should buy a dishwasher.

Bastien, could you give us a hand?

I already took Paul's turn.
I had my share!

He paid for me to do it.

What? You saw my dad?

Last Saturday.
We went shopping and had a beer.

What?

In "World of Warcraft,"
in the Frostwall Tavern.

He bought me a sword,
a two-hand one.

-That was so great!
-Enough already!

What got to you now?

Léo, the dishes!

-Let me be!
-I can't believe it.

Stop it with your little Daddy-O!

-You know what he should tell you?
-My dad is dead.

I don't piss people off with it. Shit!

No! Go and console the other one.
Leave me alone.

No, Gulliver.

Go back to your bed.

What are doing here?

I can't sleep.

There's a girl in Oscar's room.
They're...

-Yeah?
-Oscar, enough!

-You sleep naked now?
-Come on!

I was not expecting a visitor.

I've already seen you naked.

One never knows.

Yes.

Just in case.

For your information,
I have changed quite a bit.

Not even a little one?

Absolutely not.

Oscar, go to sleep!

Okay.

Good night, then.

Did you see what time it is?

Oscar, you're so annoying!
I can't sleep.

Good night.

Oscar!

Well...

I'd rather sleep here.

It's less noisy when you're alone.

-Hugo!
-Hi, kids!

-So, London?
-How was it?

Hi, boys. I was afraid I'd miss you.

I get you to school, Gulliver?

No. I prefer Eliot
with his roller blades.

-It's much more fun.
-Yes.

Let's go. Bye, Dad.

-Bye.
-Bye, boys.

And my kiss?

Oscar is too much.

Let's go.

"Roller blades, it's more fun."

No.

You're crazy.

Serious.

Wait. I did it in '84 in Bangkok.

It was fantastic.

-A pleasure...
-Hi.

You scared me. You're here?

-Silly!
-Am I interrupting?

Not at all.

-I better go.
-No. I'm not staying.

I just came to drop my bag.

Bye.

-But...
-Bye, buddy.

What's your man's problem?

He radiates happiness.

You see?

I must like grumps.

I was grumpy?

You invented the term.

You bitch.

I've got to go. You want a ride?

No, I work at 10. I'm going to

clean a bit, vacuum also,
because that is too messy.

It's only now
that you are marriage material.

Merry cleaning!

Bye.

Well... Where should I start?

Come on. One, two.

Come on!

You're a real pro.

You're right. Let her simmer.

You let her wait to show who's the boss.

Whatever.

Yeah!

Hi, Paris!

Hello!

-What? Who?
-Who are you, sir?

What are you doing here?

You get in someone's home
and ask who they are?

Marie, from the real estate agency
Capifrance. Nice meeting you.

You're not Mr. Lubienski.

No. I'm the ex-husband
of his current wife.

Sorry. I did not know there would be
some visits so soon.

-Gunter!
-Here comes my client.

-Can we continue?
-Of course.

Sorry. Excuse me, sir.

If it's okay, I can take
your number to...

To warn you about the next visits.

Of course.

No... No problem.

I've got to go.

The rooms are that way.

The French teacher,
we haven't seen her much.

She's a pain.

Yeah.

You move your butt?

Why?

Everybody knows you're in love.

I don't know what you're talking about.
Anyway, she doesn't even see me.

That's why she's playing with her hair,
pretending not to see you.

You boys really have no clue
about reading signs.

You should try some day.

You should try.

Love.

Well...

Let's brush our teeth. Let's hurry up!

No!

Okay, let's wash up.

Quickly.

Don't skate with your toothbrush.
It's dangerous.

I can't believe it. Come on. To bed!

I don't want to see you here!

Come on!

It's not possible.

When we redo the apartment,
let's start with the bathroom.

We won't stay here, you know?

Okay.

-He's clumsy with girls, Bastien.
-It's obvious.

You saw how he is with Alice?

He rejects.
Like he's allergic to couples.

He's the type who rejects love,

-couples and all that.
-With all these fights...

-He fell in love.
-Seriously.

It's the first time for him.

I think he's in love
but doesn't want to admit it.

He still wants to go out with her.

Imagine if she's in love with him.

Hi.

Is anyone sitting here?

You're new here?

I'm Bastien.

So, you are Bastien?

They say you can play the guitar.

Can we do something
for the holiday concert?

You have already planned something?

Not at all.

I mean, nothing is planned.

It's okay.

I want to hear you play before.
I don't care for liars.

-Okay.
-Wednesday, at your place.

Hey, the adults!

I did a clean schedule. Don't mess it up.

I have stuff to do, I have to study.

Agnès.

-We don't smoke inside.
-We're near the window.

Besides, we were not smoking.

You play some Polnareff now?

-What are you talking about?
-You're a clown.

They put me in for Wednesday, again.

-You want me to replace you?
-Are we allowed to do it again?

I saw that you got Friday.

We can trade.

No, it's okay.
I can be here on Friday also.

You're nice, Claude.

I mean, you a really nice guy.

It's rare.

Consequently, I'm boring.

Why are you saying that?

Because it's true.

-Sophie left me because of it.
-No way.

Yes, I'm telling you.

Try something.

Try to be quiet for a few seconds.

Nothing.

There. You see how bored you are?

-Yeah. You're right.
-Yeah.

That's crazy!

It's my superpower.

See?

It's useless,
but it's the only one I have.

Get out! It has been two hours!

Last night, you stayed there forever.

Get out!

What's going on?

-Are you okay?
-This psycho

sets her alarm early to get in before me.

What's all that noise? At this time?

It's not even 6 a.m.

Stop this shit.

Léo, what is this language?

He says "fuck"
and you don't say anything.

What kind of family are you?
You, get out!

Go to hell!

What's happening?

Why is he in your room?

No, it's just that I...

This family is going to hell.
Get out.

You have your periods?

There.

You're all up early.

-Good morning, Claude.
-Good morning.

No, it doesn't bug me.
I don't care about what she does.

What gets to me is that this apartment
changes everyone's life except mine.

I thought I would see my dad for real,
that he would change a bit.

If I want to spend time with him,
I've got to create some avatar

-of a troll...
-Oscar!

Yuck!

Gross!

How are you, Bastien?

I got an idea!

When is Paul's shift?

I don't know.

-Léo, we're by ourselves?
-Yes.

-Not quite. I'm here.
-His shift is today, no?

As long as we don't turn on the computer,
we're good.

That's what's good about a virtual dad.

Hey. No.
I'm here. The computer is on.

How are you?

-I'm here.
-I wanted to tell you.

Is the sound off?

For a girl so young, you kiss very well.

You're sure you want that?

My first time. I want to do it
with someone I trust.

You can trust me.

I can't believe this. What's happening?

No, you don't trust him.
Eliot, hand off my daughter.

-Put your hands on my hips.
-I'm here!

-Eliot!
-It's going to be great.

I love you, Léo.

-Stop, Eliot!
-Where should we do it?

No, you don't do anything anywhere!

-Nothing.
-On the couch.

-No!
-I film it with my cell phone.

You're sick!

-I will remember it all my life.
-Yeah. I'll post the video on YouTube.

Stop!

I want to do it so much!

-It's going to hurt?
-I'll be gentle.

What are you doing?

Eliot, she's like your sister!

-Stop it!
-I like that.

-I like it a lot.
-I'll obliterate you.

I'll obliterate you.

Yeah, I know.

He'll be here in ten minutes at the most.

Where is he? I'm going to kill him.

How are you, Paul?

Léo?

There! You got out of your hole.

What?

You guys are so predictable!

What are you saying?
I was not fooled even for one sec.

Stop.

But, Dad, it was just a joke.

Dad.

You're beautiful. You're taller.

Your teeth, that's new. You got braces.

You look good.

This brotherhood is fantastic.

It's precious.

Give me a tour?

It looks great. You're cozy here.

You don't need anybody.

Where are those keys?

-Good morning.
-Good morning, sir.

Hugo!

It's too bad! You just missed them.

Sophie asked me to replace her
for tonight.

She had some stuff to do.

-This "stuff" happens to be Philippe?
-What?

You're covering for your daughter.
I get it.

They are sleeping.
Oscar has his girlfriend.

Come and sit down. Come on.

It will do you good to talk.

Philippe and Sophie are sleeping together.

What?

It's because of this apartment.

She sees her ex-husband.
Memories are coming back.

And our couple is not doing well.

Maybe it was just one night!

It happens to the best people.

I love Sophie.

I want to be back to our life together.

And I can't stand this apartment.

Listen. I'm going to give you some advice.

-Yes?
-I gave it often to my daughters.

Get out of this fucking jam!

Hi, sweethearts!

Hey!

Hi, Hugo. You're good?

Some coffee?

May I have some juice?

All right.

So?

Not bad.

You can be my accompanist.

I didn't say yes.

You may be a lousy singer.

It's so awesome here!

It's neutral ground.

For the first time in ten years,
my stuff is in one place.

It's the first time
that I'm with my whole family.

How about you?

You can imagine.

It's like being asked all the time
which parent I prefer.

Bastien?

After you, my Lord.

-Hello?
-We're here.

Sorry. He made such a fuss to come here.

Come on, Henri.
I gave in and I brought him here.

How are you, man?

The screen is so awesome
to watch X-rated movies!

Excuse us, Bastien. Hey!

I've got to go. Thanks for the invite.
It was cool. See you.

Nice meeting you.

-Super!
-That's damned annoying.

Yes, Mrs. Rubini?

Hello, yes.

Tell me. About my mother's apartment,

is the buyer still interested?

Yes, but are you sure?

Yes, I thought it through.

So, with the unanimous vote
of teachers and students,

we have chosen for the holiday concert,

Alice Rubini and Bastien Bersson!

Bastien! Bastien! Bastien!

-The PTA meeting, please?
-Ground floor.

-Okay.
-I'll be right back.

-We went to--
-I can't believe it!

How are you, honey?

What are doing here?

You hate this stuff! Mom always comes.

Not tonight. She's on call, buddy.

Hello.
You won't introduce this lady?

-Stop that.
-What?

-Hello. I'm Alice.
-Hi.

Delighted. Philippe, a friend, a buddy.

Here is my mother.

-Good evening.
-We don't know each other.

Philippe, Bastien's father.

Marie, Alice's mother.

Glad to meet you.

Hello, sweetheart.

-Hello.
-Hello.

I'm very thirsty.

Would you like something to drink?

Yes.

I'm coming with you.

Very well.

-What was that?
-That is not funny. Not funny at all.

It's too funny. Why not?

My dad is a predator.

What is going on?

The kid does not know
about the sale of the apartment.

Okay. Understood.

Sir?

Yes, you!

What you're doing is disgraceful.
Disgraceful.

What are you talking about?

About your little
"educational experiment."

It's immature, irresponsible,

-and scandalous.
-Exactly.

-No more authority.
-The child is king.

Deconstruction, derision and
destruction of our values, sir.

How is it your business?

It is because our son
demands to have his own apartment.

While we are not even separated.

-Not yet.
-Not yet.

Sir, you are abandoning your children.

They are exposed
to the promiscuity typical in a squat.

She is right!

In a squat,

-it's hard!
-You're laughing.

-For you, it's a joke. It's pathetic.
-Bastien.

Come here, please.

So the world can see the face
of a mistreated child.

Even I must...

That's not fair.

Very funny.

Good evening.

-Good evening, everyone.
-Thank you for coming.

Sorry to be late. Here is

the educational team.
To start...

So, who won?

Yes, it's me!

Hello, honey.

You didn't come to the meeting
to play here?

What's with you?

Your dad did not do well?

Yes, he got someone, as usual.

So?

Bastien!

Hey, Bastien. What's going on?

Why the long face?

-I couldn't go to that meeting.
-Why not?

To play PS4 with your sister
and chips?

No. A familial obligation
my beloved son has organized.

The fact we have accepted
this family reunification

does not mean you can organize everything.

-I'm your mother. Show some respect!
-Yes.

Hey.

What?

I have heard about some Alice.

What are you doing? We're playing!

You're not the only one

who uses this apartment
to spend time with his siblings.

You're still the most handsome.

Thanks, Mom.

I'm coming!

-Is it a firm bid?
-Yes. We can meet.

-With the lawyer. As soon as possible.
-He would like another visit.

At that price, he can come anytime.

-I'll keep you posted.
-Okay. Thanks.

Good rehearsal.
We'll bring down the house.

Yeah.

-My mom went out last night.
-Really?

She had a date for dinner.

I don't know with whom. And your dad?

I don't know. It was not his shift.

They were getting along at the meeting.

Wait. That was three days ago.

My dad is fast, but not that fast.

Why would it be only because of the man?

All right. Bye.

You've got to tell me what happened.

-Tell me.
-Okay. So, the guy,

at that very moment comes in and
tells me-- No, I've got to pee first.

Hey!

What are you doing?

Stop that! Get out!

-Get out!
-Okay. I saw you naked.

Get out! It's insane!

-Get out!
-Come on!

Get the fuck out of here!

Like two kids!

I can't believe it.

Now what?

Girls?

The apartment will be sold?

The last text confirms the bid.

-The buyer comes tomorrow.
-For real?

The weasels!

They have been fooling us for weeks.

That's why they accepted so fast
we settle here.

-They knew it wouldn't last.
-Philippe, very cool,

-screws the real estate agent each time.
-Come on, now.

I find it disgusting.

Wait, Bastien.

It's okay your dad screws
your girlfriend's mom?

It's okay your dad sells
without telling?

It means we're leaving?

We're not going to live here?

We're not going to just give up.

Bastien, find something. Some idea.

Let's get the buyer.

Wait. Leave Alice's mom alone.

Wait for what?

We don't care
if she's your girlfriend's mom.

-She's not even your girlfriend.
-It's not her fault. It's her job

Don't worry.
We're going to leave her alone. Okay?

Eliot, what's your plan?

He's coming tomorrow?

I promise you that after his visit,

he won't feel like buying it.

Where are you, Bastien?

-Are you sure we're alone this time?
-Yes, indeed.

I have the blueprints, if you like.

Why? We demolish everything.

That?

It blows out.

-Shit.
-Turn that off.

That? I cut it.

That? I blow it to pieces.

That? It's no longer here.

And there, everything explodes.

And that, I smash it!

Go!

That stinks. My Rolex!

-It's Marie.
-Bastien, wait!

Don't touch me.

Don't touch me.

My client!

My client!

Wait!

Wait!

What a blunder!

Wait for me.

Please. I didn't do that.

I didn't do that.

If you want me to keep my bid,
your fees will have to come down, lady.

I'll call you.

-I'll call you.
-You can count on it.

-I'll call you.
-So, pretty Marie. This sale...

Don't touch me!

You're all crazy in this family.

So, we're even now.

What did I do?

Are you all crazy?

We don't want to talk to you, traitor!

-You want us on the streets!
-Look at what you fucking did!

You knew I was in love with Alice.

You never give a fuck.
You had to go out with her mom!

That's the reason? Really?

What?

Since when do you have a say
with whom I go out?

-I'm your father. Remember?
-You and mom split up.

I can't do anything about it.

You meet other people.

As soon as I get used to them,
you split again.

When will it stop?

I find a home where I feel good.
You make it your hunting ground.

That's not fair.

Bastien!

You could have told us about the buyer.

We had a voice.

You all agreed. It was temporary.

-Before it would be bought, you said.
-I didn't.

-Yes.
-That was in the beginning.

-Yeah.
-Now we're all happy to be here.

That's so dishonest!

Philippe, am I right?

-Yes.
-We did find

-some harmony here.
-They found it.

Exactly.

Don't lie to yourselves.

You should admit it's convenient.

It's gratifying. At the end of the day,
it's less work for you.

It's no big deal.
It does not make you bad parents.

Let's just admit it.

One family for all of us.

Léo, I know she'll be never alone.

Even if some day, I...

Paul, are you okay?

-What's his problem?
-Let's talk about

the punishment. We can't let go.

They didn't do it on purpose!

Don't you think they are punished
enough already?

She's serious?

Alice?

You know what you did?
Of course not.

They all find you awesome.
You're an asshole.

I hadn't seen my mom cry so much
since the divorce. That is all your fault.

I hate you.

And forget the concert!

Finally!

Sorry to tell you that,
but it's reassuring, actually.

Why would you say that?

Because you're always so good

that it's fucking nice
to see you fall flat.

A huge, fat belly flop.

Come on, man.

Shake.

No worries.

My blankie.

No kiss.

Everyone has a long face.

-The signature is this morning?
-Yes.

You know why, then.

I'll let you clean.

Bye.

My restaurant. My restaurant.

Do I have everything?

My restaurant.

A little effort. Come on.

What? I'm hungry!

You make me sick.

You don't really feel like seeing me?

There.

I wanted to apologize
for hurting you and...

I brought you a little dessert.

-Eliot?
-I don't like sugar.

We're not hungry.

Juliette. It's your favorite cake.

My favorite is the Chocolate "Get Out!"

-Juliette!
-Juliette!

No big deal. I'll keep it then.

Clara, can you take off the top,
so it can fit in the fridge?

It's my sketch.

-What is that?
-You're so stupid!

It's the sales contract.

It means that we're staying!

-Yes
-We won!

We're staying!

We won!

We won!

I'm returning to Paris.
I miss you all too much.

We missed you too.

Babette!

Come on in.

-Hey, man!
-Hey.

-Some champagne is good for you.
-We need to talk.

What?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Over there!

That's nice, right? He's good.

-He's a good rapper.
-Yes.

So, black bro, you're drinking?

-What did he say?
-It's okay, Mom.

-It's okay. We're family.
-How so?

Stop your nonsense.
It's not the same. This is your family.

Yes, we're a big family.
We're all together.

Hey, girls!

Don't you think that Claude and Victor
are the same.

Aren't they a super match?

It's true. Victor is also a little boring.

But he's so nice!

We may need him soon.

If this family continues to multiply.

We'll make a duplex with his apartment.

Yes?

-Agnès is pregnant!
-What?

Agnès is pregnant.

-Who's Agnès?
-Surprise. Come on.

Come on.

-She's pregnant by whom?
-Claude.

-Claude?
-Papa?

It means the boy or the girl will be

your half-sister and your cousin.
Your "cousister."

-Or "coubrother."
-You'll see. Kids are great.

You'll love it.

To the baby!

Yeah!

Bastien, open.

Bastien!

Bastien, are you okay?

What is he doing? He's crazy?

Sir!

Let's call the firemen! It's too risky!

What do you want?

I want to ask you for a favor.

You and Alice, it's over.

I still have a chance with Marie.

So, if you're nice to the daughter,

the mother may stop giving me
the cold shoulder.

You're not funny.

Listen, I didn't know about you and Alice.

I wouldn't have gone out with Marie.

Did you tell her how you felt?

It's useless.
She doesn't want to talk to me.

What does it mean to love, anyway?

What you did for Gulliver
and your siblings,

without expecting anything in return.
That is love.

If you love Alice, be there for her.

No matter what.

-What if she turns her back?
-"What if," Bastien...

No, you're right.

It's better to stay here
and mope around and whine.

Too bad there are two great girls
waiting for us at a rock concert.

Anyway, it's too late.
We can't make it on time.

Oscar, delivery!

Come on, my genius. Let's move!
Let's go the concert. Come on.

Come on!

Oscar!

Thank you on their behalf!

There. From Bastien.

It's Bastien!

Bastien!

Bastien!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Alice is going to melt.

Three, four.

Go ahead, sweetheart.

We shall all go to heaven

Even I

If we are blessed
If we are cursed

We shall go

All nuns and all robbers

All the sheep

And the bandits

We shall all go to heaven

Do not believe what people say

Your heart is the real church

Very pretty, what you have
on your nose.

Do not be afraid of
The color of the flames

Of hell

We shall all go to heaven

Even I

If we are blessed

If we are cursed

We shall go

With the saints and the assassins

Come on. Everybody sing!

The ladies and the whores

We shall all go to heaven

We shall all go to heaven

Even I

If we believe in God

If we don't

We shall go

If we did good deeds or bad deeds

Bastien!

We'll be all invited to the ball

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

That's my brother!

That's the family!

We shall all go to heaven

Even I

If we believe in God

If we don't

We shall go

My name is Bastien
and this is my first love story.

There is my whole family,
like for a wedding.

One must be really heartless
to want to live without love.

And for the future, we'll see.

Anyway, I'm not all alone.

We shall all go to heaven

Even I

If we are blessed

If we are cursed

We shall go

All nuns and all robbers

All the sheep and the bandits

We shall all go to heaven

We shall all go to heaven

Even I

If we believe in God

If we don't

We shall go

With the Christians and the pagans

And even the dogs

And the sharks

We shall all go to heaven

We must say that in terms of technology,

we didn't invent anything better.

You will have some.

Go ahead.

Hi!

Hello.

Victor's grandchildren.

They are not staying. Here is their stuff.

Mom, we're not an emergency daycare.

-When will you be back?
-In two weeks.

-Two weeks?
-What?

Yes. Victor is taking me to Bali.

Our taxi is downstairs. We've got to go!

What are their names?

Bernard and Bianca.

Well, then... Hello, Bernard.
Hello, Bianca.

Here we go again.

With Christians
With pagans

And even the dogs and the sharks

We shall all go to heaven

Also, even I

Subtitle translation by
Claude Cohen