We Are Altogether Crazy (1959) - full transcript
After a gruesome meeting with the tax authorities Alex Alexander takes a drive in the countryside to calm down. While driving, he accidentally runs into an elephant from a circus. When he is stopped by the police and tells them about the elephant they think he is crazy. He is committed to an asylum by the very authorities his taxes are funding. The doctor tries to convince him that the elephants were not really there, but he gets more help from manic fellow patient Knudsen who makes him realize that everybody in the world is crazy in some way.
Excuse me.
Aah, sorry.
(death march plays)
The next.
Director Knud E. Joergensen.
Consider that Alexander and I have been married
for eight years. However, as time goes on, mother-in-law.
And it goes fast when it goes well.
I wish, you may I live in peace and harmony.
Thank you very much.
And thank you very much for the beautiful
flowers. I have put them on the dining table.
Alex must have his favourite supper:
meatballs as his mother made them.
Thank you so much, my sweet girl.
When do you expect him home?
Every moment. He had to
meet with the tax authorities.
It was set for at three o'clock. They
won't approve his tax return.
And they picked today? As long as his
temper doesn't run away with him.
Yes, his nerves are frayed at the
moment. He orders way too much.
He wears himself out.
He has also started to lose his hair.
What should I do about him? You have to
give me some advice. You are an expert.
Yes, you are so eternally right.
Give him two Rastenil in the evening.
He falls on them in a deep sleep.
Then when you wake him up in the
morning, you must give him three Kofiplex.
They perk up a lot.
They are kicking him.
But then in the middle of the day you have
to give him two Bedagal to calm his nerves.
You stop the hair loss
with Bekoxyn, -
- and you keep your blood
pressure down with Efinal.
Now we have to hope that he
will do well for that meeting.
He took it very easy.
He said he would give them a hard time.
We have reached your car.
They have deducted DKK 8,400
in depreciation and expenses.
You must take up half of this amount
as private driving. It will be 4,200.
Mr. equalization inspectorate office
manager, I am, as you know, a representative.
I sell cash registers
and calculators.
In my little folk pot, I travel
around the country to teach people, -
- that it pays to have the
accounts in order. For your sake.
250 days a year I am out. Do
you think I need a drive afterwards?
What about the expenses for your stay during
those days? You have not given them up.
No, because I am an honest man.
My company pays for it!
Then you have saved home consumption
of DKK 20 per day for 250 days.
It is DKK 5,000.
Please make a note.
Saved home consumption?
What should it say?
When your company
pays for your meals, -
- you save DKK 20 a
day by not eating at home.
I am a modest man. The best
I know is meatballs. Note that!
But I can't eat meatballs
for DKK 20 a day!
- Then go over to steaks.
- No, I can't afford that at all!
We must live extremely spartanly.
We save every penny. In the backyard we grow
potatoes, cauliflower and carrots.
Consumption of own products: DKK 1,200.
Please note.
That's what I call stepping in the spinach!
You have deducted DKK 400
for the repair of your chimney.
The old one had been eaten away by soot.
- I had to build a new one.
- New construction is not repair.
I had to remove
the broken stones first.
Just like scraping off the old
wallpaper before wallpapering.
DKK 400 for a brand new chimney.
It sounds mysteriously cheap.
And why? Because instead of
taking car trips when I was at home, -
- built it myself together with my
brother-in-law. The DKK 400 was for materials.
A master mason had
cost me at least DKK 2,000.
Then your brother-in-law and you have
earned DKK 1,600. That's DKK 800 each.
Please note. And let us get your
brother-in-law's name and address, -
- so we can see if he
has given up the income.
William Frandsen, Lykkevej 93.
He hasn't got the
money at all! Yet.
It's his own fault. After all, he can
just send the claim to debt collection.
I can no more. I can no more!
There is no more either. We
are done. What will be the result?
The gross income
was stated at 31,000.
From this, Mr. Alexander has
withdrawn a total of DKK 12,600, -
- so that the net income
amounted to DKK 1 8,400.
With the changes now made, there
will be a supplement of DKK 5,100, -
- so that the income will
amount to DKK 36,100.
DKK 36.100? What did you
think I should pay tax on it?
DKK 21,386
Plus a fine of DKK
2,000 for an incorrect tax return.
- What will I do for a living?
- Of the money that is left.
But they are in the chimney
and in my brother-in-law!
Should my wife and I bite
him in the arm when we are hungry?
And I can't pay for a new coat
from the car trips we haven't taken!
I end up in a nerve clinic!
We are quite aware of that.
It is included in our calculations.
Don't forget, you live in a welfare state
that ensures the well-being of its citizens.
After all, that's what the big
money should be used for.
For the 21,000 you have to pay in
tax, you can for the entire next year -
- go to school for free, go to church
for free, go to the hospital for free, -
- and if you are robbed, the police
are at your disposal free of charge.
Then send for them right away!
- Write it down.
- Now you mustn't be offended.
But what else am I going to do with
the police? I always try to avoid them.
See if you come out for a crash.
The police come and take a report, -
- so you can get
compensation paid.
And why?
Because you pay the police's wages.
Yes, of course it's nice to know,
but what will I do for a living?
What do I get out of my
money that benefits me at home?
If you do not pay your tax, the bailiff will
come and collect your furniture free of charge.
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
This is theft! Robbery in broad daylight!
Committed by elected street robbers!
Now get down. You have to
appreciate the little things in life.
See how nicely our
potatoes shoot in the air.
Ours? Nah, it's the state's!
We are only allowed to jump them.
Now come down to earth again.
You forget, it's our wedding day.
I have decorated the table and
flowers have arrived from your mother.
- And you must have your favourite dish.
- Yes, meatballs for DKK 20.
And then I guess I'll have rhubarb sprouts
right in the middle of the pan for DKK 1,200!
So stop with that ashtray!
I'm going crazy! I'm done!
You just have a violent temper.
And you have wrecked your nerves.
You should take
it a bit more easy.
Go for a ride in your car.
Then you relax so nicely.
You don't have to
be home before six.
Then I'll cook
dinner and have a drink ready.
You're right. I want to drive a private
car. I want something for my money.
I want to go to school and church. I want to
be confirmed and have the police on my heels.
I want to go to the nerve clinic!
Goodbye!
Goodbye, Alexander.
Remember to be home at six.
Well, is the Jumbo family going to the forest?
Yes, they are aired
and bathed every day.
With us, we do not keep
living beings behind bars 24/7.
Well, it was clear this morning, -
- when the postman drove into one
of your lions down the main street.
It wasn't our fault.
The railwaymen had placed
the crane in the locked vehicle, -
- so the cages went up when
they had to get off the wagons.
The soldiers entered the station at
four in the morning with two baboons.
It's the strangest lost
property I've seen.
(elephant commands)
Birthe is right. You are an idiot.
You order too much -
- instead of enjoying life a
little and getting out into nature.
Bloody hell!
There you stirred yourself up again. The
creature couldn't do it because you came running.
It's nonsense that it means bad
luck with a black cat crossing the road.
It must be more
dangerous with a cow.
- They drove a little hard, my lord.
- Those elephants block the whole way.
Surely nothing has
happened to that one?
- No, nothing has happened.
- Thank God.
How do I get my
cart out of the ditch?
- If you have ropes, then I have elephants.
- You got elephants, then I have rope.
Give it another tooth, you old man!
- Are your elephants insured?
- not against car collisions.
Who will pay that! Then we have to let my
insurance cover the damage.
Well, I have to be in town at six.
It was nice. Goodbye.
I'll flip the meatballs while
you peel the potatoes.
Why don't you stay for dinner?
No thanks. Even though
I'm your brother, I won't bother.
I'd like to drink a glass
of sherry with you, -
- but the turtle doves must
be allowed to coo in peace.
- Do you have someone to coo with?
- You know that I haven't.
Then get one. Many girls
will be delighted to get a man, -
- who can both flip
meatballs and build chimneys.
You know very well why
it is heavy on that point.
Please get out of
the carriage, Mr.
Good day.
What kind of speed is that? They
were up to over 100 in built-up areas.
- May I see your driver's license?
- Yes.
I usually keep it in
my inside pocket.
I went to the cod feast today, so I
changed my clothes this morning.
Here it is. Sorry.
There it fell.
- They must have been drinking liqour.
- Not at all.
I've just been out to blow off some steam.
And when I got up to speed, -
- is it because I have promised the
wife to come home for a little drink.
- Have you been in an accident?
- Yes.
In Kolleroed Hegn, a large elephant
suddenly stood in the middle of the road.
And to avoid it I had
to drive into the ditch.
Well, did you have to? A moment.
He's shit-faced. He has both been
in the the ditch and seen elephants.
- Well, have you been to the ditch?
- Yes, so as not to attack an elephant.
- How did you get the carriage up again?
- The elephant lifted it up.
It was a very lovable elephant
when it finally came to be.
- Please follow along.
- Why though?
The doctor can only
be here in an hour.
He goes crazy when he hears
that he has to wait so long, he's hard enough to control already.
Get him in here
and I'll let him know.
Mr. Alexander.
The doctor can first be here in an hour.
When you have passed the alcohol test, -
- you are allowed to come
home if you behave properly.
What alcohol should I try?
The doctor must determine how much
alcohol you have in your blood.
I haven't touched liquour since the
traveling party on the chimney, -
- and I can't believe there
was an elephant on the road.
However, take the
situation like a man.
An elephant is not the animal you
most often meet in Kolleroed Hegn.
I thought so too, but
then I was in the ditch.
It could probably come from a circus.
I call Kolleroed Avis and listen.
- If there is a call, we will call.
- Then call so I can come home!
- Not until the doctor has been here.
- You should consult him yourself!
Let me out!
If you don't behave properly,
you will go into the closet.
It's a think box for people
who can't behave properly.
- Then you should have an office in there!
- Inside the closet with him.
Call Kolleroed Police and ask if
they have loose elephants up there.
Is it the police in Kolleroed? They are
talking to Chief Constable Mogensen.
We have a man here who claims he
ran into an elephant up at your place.
It still doesn't impress me.
Yesterday a man drove into a lion, -
- and I had to put two
well-grown baboons in detention.
Here, someone often comes
along with a decent beer.
- Should the police also be zookeepers?
- Yes, it is very possible.
But we must demand that the
fire brigade take care of the hoses.
Well, I also called
just for the record.
I have to give the elephant
a good one over the trunk.
- Let me out!
- Hush it!
Do you know who you are talking to?
I am the one who pays your wages!
You should probably get full value for it.
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
It's past seven o'clock.
At least he could call.
He may have had an accident with the cart.
He probably can't get to a phone.
Take a glass to calm yourself down.
I have a feeling that
something has happened to him.
If that is the case, then he is
guaranteed to be under medical treatment.
- Please count backwards from 100.
- Backwards?
99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, -
- 93, 92, 91, 90, -
- 89, 88, 87, 86, 85, -
- 84, 83, 82, 81, 80.
How many do you need?
- Yes, thank you, that's enough.
- I see.
Please walk along the white line
with one foot in front of the other.
Should I now perform
as a circus performer?
It's the most mind-numbing
thing I've ever been through!
There you go, without net.
- Didn't you see I lost my keys?
- If you toss them, you can pick them up yourself!
Don't forget that
I pay your wages!
Now tell me honestly, what
have you been drinking?
Two glasses of buttermilk and a coffee.
Do you think I look drunk?
Both yes and no.
Now I name a name and an address. Notice what I say.
Christian Esben Jacobsen,
Class Street 88, 4th floor on the right.
Please remember that.
Repeat when I ask.
Why the hell would I?
They can just write it down, right?
Do you have a car, doctor? How
much do you deduct in driving expenses?
It is possible that you have not been
drinking. Eventually I don't believe that.
But you seem out of balance.
Pretty excited.
Damn it, when you think
about what I've been through!
Just because you have soot in the
chimney and cauliflower in the backyard -
- and then presented to an elephant
in the middle of the country road.
Now I have to tell you something
I didn't dare tell the police.
There wasn't one elephant, there were five!
One, two, three, four, five!
- Excuse me for talking straight.
- It does not matter.
- Excuse me for talking straight!
- I'll be right back.
Sorry!
He's not drunk.
I'm certain.
- Have you taken a blood test?
- It will be negative.
- What is the matter with him?
- It clicked for him.
- Can we send him home?
- I will not take responsibility for that.
He has lost self-control
with emotions and actions.
And when he thinks he sees an
elephant, what can he not come up with?
What do we do with him?
I would suggest that he be
admitted to the hospital's nerve ward.
Have you spoken to the family?
We won't do that until after the alcohol
test, but I have to call right away.
Ask if there has been anything noticeable
about him today, and get his wife in here.
Well, I'll go in and calm him down.
Hello? Yes, it is me.
No, you don't say that.
Has he come to anything?
Oh, sweet little Alexander...
- What happened?
- I do not know yet.
Yes, he was terribly excited
when he got home this afternoon.
I asked him to go
for a drive to relax.
You don't say that?
Then it's all my fault.
- What happened?
- He's had a nervous breakdown.
He drove in the ditch because
he sees elephants everywhere.
Hello?
Yes of course.
I will come as soon as I can.
He must be hospitalized.
Do you want to go in there?
Oh, no.
- No, come on, little darling.
- Yes, yes, now I'm coming.
Mr. Alexander, we can't
just let a sick man go.
I'm not sick. But are you holding
me back for my own money, -
- then I will be. I refuse
to be hospitalized! Denies!
Your wife has signed
the admission form.
She stands at home and
cooks meatballs for DKK 20!
She's sitting out there
and wants to talk to you.
You must do everything
you can to calm him down.
The doctor says
to just agree with him on everything.
Of course we will do
everything to help him.
- Have you admitted me?
- Yes, I had to.
Did they force you?
Are they all crazy?
And why are you locked inside?
And you, William? For a mere DKK 800?
Sorry, but they forced
me to hand you over.
You don't have to worry about that.
It will all work out.
Your wife and brother-in-law are
free to go. We are done with them.
Then maybe I can be
allowed to talk to them alone?
- Can we do that?
- Yes, it is fine.
How do I get out?
William, what are we going to do?
It will be easier to slip out of the
hospital. There are no officers.
Let yourself be admitted, then
I'll probably come and talk to you.
- Do you really mean that is the way?
- So I think it's the best.
All right, I'll do it.
Goodbye, Birthe.
Goodbye, little Alexander.
Birthe, you believe the
elephant was there, don't you?
Yes, I do.
I have so often heard people talk about -
- the elephants running
around up in Kolleroed Hegn.
Here we got a new patient last
night, a representative Alex Alexander.
- What's the matter with him?
- Obsessions. Hallucinations.
I talked to him a bit.
He feels persecuted by society, -
- which has upset
his sense of reality -
- and gave him delusions.
He has started seeing elephants.
Is he very excited?
Last night it was bad, but I
gave him a shot to calm down.
(Alexander snores)
Who are they? Where am I? I have
to be at the office at half past nine!
You are in the hospital and you
can sleep as long as you want.
You need rest, and we'll
probably make sure you get that.
- Superintendent Thoegersen.
- Alexander.
- Reserve doctor Jespersen.
- Alexander.
- Foster mother Ms. Brodersen.
- Alexander.
- Candidate Holm.
- Alexander.
- Nurse Ms. Hilding.
- Elephants. Oh, Alexander.
It was you who stole the clothes from me!
Where is it?
- You get it when you need it.
- I can't run nude in the office.
I have spoken to your wife.
She informs the company.
What do I have to lie here for?
I'm not feeling sick.
36.8 and heart rate 72.
Who can beat that?
They are right.
Physically, you are perfectly healthy.
- They just had too much speed.
- I have admitted that.
But it was impossible
to avoid the elephants!
Sleep now, I'll come and
talk to you this afternoon.
I am going to Kolding and demonstrate
our new calculator for Huttemeyer.
Now slow down a
bit, Mr. Alexander.
After all, that's what the big
money should be used for.
They live in a welfare state which
ensures the well-being of its citizens.
Alex has been hospitalized for four days
and we are still not allowed to visit him.
The head doctor says he must not
return to his normal surroundings, -
- before he has gotten
those grills out of his head.
It can take a long time. I have read in
one of my medical books about a man, -
- there saw balloons everywhere.
He was kept in isolation for a whole year.
And then he jumped from the fourth floor
because he thought he was sitting in a balloon.
It must have been
quite a special case since it was in book.
Nah, it's very common.
Now look at him the tram conductor, -
- which comes to
Christiansborg every year -
- to present his new
party programme.
He has been there again.
It was in the newspaper.
It's not that bad with Alexander.
He is healthy and fit in every way.
He will probably soon be freed
from his strange obsessions.
In a little while the chief physician will
come again to talk about the cursed elephants.
Take them in again.
Eat them alive, all five of them.
It is the only way to freedom.
Huttemeyer is waiting in Kolding.
Good morning, Mr. Alexander.
I want to be alone.
- The chief physician would like to be alone.
- The chief physician would like to be alone.
May I be allowed to ask
the chief physician a question?
They mustn't laugh
if it sounds crazy, -
- but have I talked about some
elephants here in the last few days?
I'm not sure if it's a dream
or something I've fantasized.
You don't have to speculate
about that any longer.
They are going to get up a little today and
go for a walk in the garden with Ms. Hilding.
They are getting much better.
I also feel that myself.
Do you think I can come home now?
Now don't pick up the pace.
Then you will have strange dreams again.
But I long for my wife, my
house and my new chimney.
Now be satisfied with the
trip in the garden today.
He is on the mend.
My conversations with him have worked.
They can go for a walk in the garden with him
in the afternoon.
You must be one hell of a man.
To think the superintendent smoked that cigar.
Playing the fool to appear normal.
Why won't he say what
time you have to come home and see family?
Huttemeyer soon buys his machine
from Soerensen and Smedegaard.
Then your commission goes up in smoke, and
then you can't pay tax. They are crazy here.
Whoa, no!
- Good day. Nice to meet you.
- What do they want? Give me my birds.
Yes, let's put them in here.
- Where should the parrots stand?
- It's budgies. Put them in the window.
They did not answer who you are and what
you are doing here in hospital clothes.
I have jumped over the wall.
I longed for my wife.
- May I borrow your phone?
- I have none.
- They must go down to the shopkeeper, I usually do..
- It won't work in this situation.
Won't you call my wife?
Ordrup 4916.
Ask her to come immediately and
bring some clothes. Preferrably without stripes.
Something tells me -
- that when you don't leave the hospital
through the gate, something is wrong.
- What's wrong?
- I am hospitalized for chicken pox.
I'm in my third month there,
and then you long for your wife.
But you understand me, dear madam.
They have heart.
You carry your birds down into the sun to
make them happy. Makes me happy too and brighten my day.
Go downstairs and call my wife.
Ordrup 4916.
If you've escaped from the hospital,
I don't want anything to do with you. You're lying.
All right.
Then I will tell you the truth.
I don't have chicken pox.
I lie isolated in a small room
with bars for the window, -
- because the chief doctor won't
believe that I ran into an elephant.
They also think I'm insane. They are no better
than the chief medical officer and the police.
But you are the ones
who should be locked up!
Take it easy.
I'll probably call your wife.
When he saw it, he turned
the whites out of his eyes.
I tried to remove it, but
then he was over the wall.
He has a hard time hiding himself in that
outfit. We'll have him here again soon.
- It was good you came.
- Where is he?
Second floor on the left.
He is scrupulous.
Open up, or we'll blow the doer!
- Where is the kitchen staircase?
- By the kitchen stairs.
Hands up!
Name and Address.
Whoa, stop! Stop him!
Well, that's you?
And you are paid wages.
Yes. Yes. Come.
I had hoped we would only have
your husband for a few days, -
- but when just a toy elephant
can get him into an affectation, -
- then it probably runs
deeper than first assumed.
We must keep him for a while.
Do you even think
he can get well again?
I have read in my books that it can take several
years before a neurosis is resolved.
It will probably require me to get to
the bottom of his entire emotional life.
I would like to ask you to
give me information about, -
- how his life has shaped
itself from childhood to marriage.
He is an extremely sweet person.
A loving and caring husband.
He is diligent and very
interested in his work.
But he can get
terribly hot-tempered.
Then he rolls down all obstacles.
But it has also created his career.
And now caused his psychic
knockdown. What was he like as a child?
Adorable.
He weighed six pounds at birth, -
- and I cared for him according to all
the prescriptions in the doctor's book.
We skip the first few years. What
was he like from 2 to 4 years of age?
Was he healthy and well?
It's good, you wonder.
He had measles.
I made the diagnosis myself
and hung up dark curtains.
I gave him acetylsalesyl dissolved in
chamomile tea, put him on a meat-free diet -
- and dusted him all
over with bromine chloride.
I tied the arms in sterile gauze boiled
in white iodine and distilled water, -
- after which I completely isolated him.
When the doctor came, it turned out, -
- that they were rubella. And
then he was showered with potato flour.
Poor child.
How did it go later?
I have the family album with me. It
starts with him on an ice bear skin -
- and ends with a wedding photo.
Now I have to tell.
It is not necessary. I am going
through the album with your son.
- Well. Here you go.
- Thanks.
- When can I visit him?
- He must receive a visit in a few days.
Time must be terribly long for him.
He is so full of initiative.
That's why I put him in the living room
with a harmless but entertaining patient.
A tram conductor with slightly too
overwhelming political ambitions.
I know everything about him!
He suffers from manic psychosis.
No, how funny it is that my daughter
is lying in the living room with him!
But mother-in-law though.
When you, like me, drive through the city
streets year in and year out... Ding, ding!
... and see the pulverizing life,
then you gain clarity and realize, -
- that the whole
shebang is to hell.
Heard!
Everyone complains that the money
doesn't add up. How is the problem solved?
Simply. It's in my new program
statement page 2, line 8. Ding, ding!
Up with the salary, down with
the prices, away with the taxes!
Then you must see the family going on
a forest trip. Do you want to come, mate?
Yes, just give me a
transfer to paradise.
And for the money saved
by abolishing the tax system, -
- the national pension can be
tripled and introduced at the age of 14.
The money is paid
out once a month, -
- and there is a prize for
those who use them first!
Can you hear the cash
registers whirring? Ding, ding!
And if the tied savings are turned
into forced extra consumption, -
- then I can hear the bells ringing.
Where do you get those ideas from?
They are hand catched on the line boo!
The limit has been reached. We must create
a vacuum of distrust in the government.
New men must lie in the cake. One of them
stands here. Is the other one sitting there?
Sure, but do you think the one-chamber
system can be routed from a two-bed room?
And which stool do
you have in mind for me?
Wait, the bar has jumped off.
Then there is electricity again. Minister
of Housing. Raise the rent to triple, -
- then people have to move, apartments become
available and the housing problem is solved!
- Can I count on you, mate?
- No, I don't dare, you.
If we call an election, the chief of medicine
will probably choose to keep us in here.
What nonsense. He has promised to
become fisheries minister. Ding, ding!
What do you think it looks like?
A fish.
Oh.
And if I keep it that way?
A fish on the head.
We'll take another.
What does it represent?
- Two fish.
- Are you making a bit of trouble now.
Hold the board slightly away
and up in the air. What is it now?
Two flying fish.
If you're going to make fun of the whole thing,
we'll have to wait to see you in 14 days.
I have time to wait, but then it will
just take longer for you to get well.
But I'm not sick!
It does not surprise me that
you still insist that you are not ill.
People with your illness only
recognize it when they have recovered.
But when I already feel well, -
- how do I find out
when I am healthy?
I'll have to tell you that.
They just have to help me.
I would like to.
I'll try again.
A dog behind a bush.
You can hardly
see it from the bush.
Now we put those boards aside,
and then you take a cigarette and relax.
I will find out the
events in your life, -
- that has caused
your neurotic state.
You must tell me everything, -
- what you have been exposed to and
which has made an impression on you.
Right from childhood to the other day,
you really and mentally drove in the ditch.
There will be something to talk about.
Where should I start and end?
I spoke to your mother yesterday.
She had brought a book with her.
A family album with a particularly
rich picture material about you.
At first, let's use these
images as a starting point.
Here is one.
Yes, darn it. I go there in the 5th
grade in Ms. Brodersen's private school.
Here is Ms. Brodersen, and there
are Olfert and Michael, the two labans.
They were my bullies in school. I remember
the terrible day the picture was taken.
Tell.
We lined up in the schoolyard
as you always do on those pictures, -
- but it was a tricky for the
photographer to keep the joints in order.
My mother had dressed
me nicely for the photo shoot.
Think I got through it. Olfert
and Michael made it hell.
I explained to Ms. Brodersen,
that the hat was not my fault.
I didn't want to be in the picture at all.
The cursed page hair.
When the picture was taken,
Olfert and Michael wanted revenge because I told.
They tied ribbons in my
hair and gave me wet pants.
Then they shouted: "Sissy boy, sissy boy!"
I could have killed them!
Trampled them to death, both of them!
Did you wish you were
a big, strong animal?
I remember some pictures from
the book where you were in the Zoo with your mom.
The days at the Zoo are among
the happiest of my childhood.
Mother always had the doctor's book
with her, and while she was reading it, -
- I walked around and looked at the animals.
There was one of the monkeys I loved.
I called it "The Great Bastian."
I admired it.
It also had page hair, -
- and yet it could
beat all the others.
In the meantime, my mother shared her
knowledge of all kinds of beautiful diseases.
I also liked the lions.
When I saw the king of
beasts with his lovely family, -
- I had the greatest
desire to let them out, -
- so they could take revenge
on those who had locked them in.
But most of all I loved the elephant.
I could stand for hours.
I think Jumbo liked me too.
Because one day my mother
came and lifted me up from the grid, -
- he helped me get revenge.
He ate the doctor's book.
But unfortunately my mother
had many medical books, she collected them.
Then we can finish for today.
- Was the chief physician satisfied?
- Brilliant, absolutely.
Then we'll see each other every day between
11 and 12. Now try to calm down a bit.
They can be visited twice a week
and write home as often as they want.
"I've settled in well now, but
three weeks is also a long time."
"I talk to the head doctor every day.
We're almost through the family album."
"I have told about
you all in minute detail, -
- so be careful, the
superintendent won't keep you."
Should a doctor squeeze all
possible indiscretions out of a patient?
So settled. It is the circle of friends
that determines a person's development.
Therefore, the doctor must familiarize himself
with everything that Alexander has been exposed to.
I hope he has told about
all your private diagnoses.
Now I have to tell you something.
Had I not kept Alexander's
health under keen observation,—
- then he would have
broken down a long time ago.
And I'll probably also take care
of him when he comes out again, it's my motherly duty.
Then read on.
"From the head doctor, I will ask mother
to look up A. Simonsen's new doctor's book -
- and learn page 121 by heart."
No, how nice of him!
And I just have it with me.
- Which side did you say?
- 121.
I just looked it up.
What does it say?
"These kinds of people ruin their
own lives with their hypochondria -
- and is harmful to the
environment, as their wisecracks -
- can give even the healthiest
people morbid obsessions."
Why do I have to memorize it? I
have to talk to the supervisor about that.
Shall we continue with the letter?
"You, William, we'll talk
about first thing tomorrow."
"I look forward to seeing
the chief physician's reaction, -
- when I entrust him
with your life's great secret."
- Are you sick?
- What?
Continue.
"I have to say hello from my
roommate, the tram minister."
"He was pleased with the
grapes you brought for me, -
- but would rather
have cigars next time."
"He will give you a lecture the
next time you come. See you later."
When I got engaged to my wife,
I was introduced to her brother.
A nice guy, but he had difficulty
making female acquaintances.
As a young man he was out sailing. He
and some friends were in a festive mood, -
- and he got a tattoo.
The result was longing mermaids
and sinking ships all over the body.
The girls shrieked with laughter
as soon as he bared an arm, -
- and it gave him complexes.
I stand here with him.
They look pretty mad in the face.
What had brought you into affect?
We had gone swimming together.
I was, as usual,
fresh and first.
Stop a moment. I need
to jump back a bit in the story.
It was in May and the water was cold,
so it was important to get in quickly.
And quickly up again.
I yelled at William, "Hurry now!"
But then two adorable
bath nymphs appeared, -
- and he bothered to show
them to his longing mermaids.
I explained to him that this sort
of thing is only to be laughed at.
It was my fault he got
into the water that day, -
- and as a thank you he pulled me
into the tub with a bathrobe and all.
A strange way to
treat me, isn't it?
I only did it so that he would
have contact with the girls.
Now we both laughed at.
- That's why I'm crazy about the picture.
- It's something you become very easily.
But like that, every human
being has a soul defect.
It just degenerates
in a very different way.
Now all we need is the wedding photo.
You look happy and satisfied there.
My wife is a lovely girl, but even
on my wedding day there was trouble.
Now take that picture.
I get tired of showing my teeth.
Now it was just as good.
Head slightly to the right.
We settle for those that are taken!
I don't play fashion model all day.
Let it be good now.
The carriage stops down there.
As you wish, sweet children.
Then you make a set of test
photos and send them to my home.
Finally, remember the
ones I myself am involved in.
The marriage was not an hour old
before my wife straightened her fringes, not even at home.
She was so neat and tidy that it
sometimes took the piss out of me.
What a lot of rice grains I
have on me. And in the bouquet.
Kiss Me.
You are also full of grit in
your hair and on your clothes.
No, no! Alexander though.
You shake it out on the fine carpet.
I put the bouquet out in the kitchen sink.
Don't you know those grains
are supposed to bring us luck?
Should our happiness end in a
vacuum cleaner on the very first night?
So give me that kiss, love.
(the phone)
- The phone is ringing.
- Let it ring, dammit.
It's probably your mother.
Now I have to take it.
No, I'll fix her.
Hello? Good day, mother.
Yes, we have come home.
Isn't it wonderful, sweet children, to
finally be alone in peace and quiet?
There is something I must
tell you before I go to bed.
There are cornflowers in
the beautiful bridal bouquet.
You get hay fever from them.
I must not sleep near them.
It is out in the kitchen sink.
-I have to go. Well, but Birthe and I are busy.
- With what, though?
Yes, we shall...
We're going to vacuum.
How sensible of you.
Dust is full of bacteria.
Goodnight, Mom!
So give me that kiss.
How come you threw away your clothes?
We have to hang that up properly.
Kiss me, then!
Remember to put blocks in the shoes, otherwise
they will turn their noses into the air.
So drop those shoes!
Do you understand that I was furious?
It went very well
afterwards, but still, didn't it?
Yes, Mr. Alexander, I understand
you one hundred percent.
And I have done that from
the first day we started talking.
Therefore, I can now also tell
you what has happened to you, -
- and why you drove
in the ditch on 14 of July.
Your dressing as a boy, Your
page hair and the teasing -
- gave you these pronounced
inferiority complexes, -
- which your fierce temper
made you want to overcome, -
- but in vain.
Because of your mother's
fuss about you, you felt weak, -
- and therefore you admired the
big, strong animals in the Zoo, -
- and therefore the
elephant became your ideal.
Unconsciously you felt
that if you had its powers, -
- you could trample down
everyone who would upset you.
Throughout your existence, your
subconscious has increased this desire.
How often have you sat here
with clenched fists and told me?
Yes, that's true.
The experience at the tax
office made the cup overflow.
Their increasing neurotic disorder
was rapidly approaching its culmination.
- Is that right?
- Yes.
They first saw a black cat running across
the road. What was your first thought?
That it was good, it wasn't a cow.
- And when did you see the elephant?
- One 20-30 seconds later.
In such a short time,
your subconscious has -
- turned the unlucky
cat into a cow -
- and on to your
ideal, the elephant.
And thus your neurosis
had sprung into full bloom.
So the elephants weren't there?
Was it just imagination?
Absolutely right.
Think I've run into five
elephants that weren't there.
- What an idiot I've been.
- Absolutely right. Has been.
I said you would only recognize it
when you were well. And now you are.
- Congratulations, Mr. Alexander.
- Thanks.
I'm perfectly fine!
The elephants were not there!
I have to tell Knudsen that.
The elephants were not there!
Goodbye, Mr. Chief Physician.
The elephants were not there!
The elephants were not there!
I am healthy! I am healthy!
The elephants were not there!
I am healthy!
Woouuh-woouuh!
However, how complicated the life of the soul is.
What would humanity do
without us psychiatrists?
- The elephants weren't there!
- Gentlemen, you are in a hospital.
The doctor has declared me healthy.
Thank you for
keeping my spirits up.
I also have to say thank you.
Besides, I've been here a lot
longer than you. I thank you again.
I will be discharged tomorrow, so we
will have a party when my family arrives.
Meanwhile, I am preparing the lecture
I have promised to give to your family.
How many will we be?
Lady Alexander the Great.
Mrs. Alexander the Little.
The living painting.
The hallucination expert.
Sister Marilyn.
The podium!
Dear audience...
I am not afraid to maintain, -
- that we all mentally limp
through life on a flat Achilles' heel.
During your visit here and through
conversations with the knight of the elephant -
- I have had a profound insight
into your spiritual status quo vadis.
I will therefore give you all a much
needed spiritual blood transfusion.
Get up one by one. First you,
Mrs. Sophie Juanita Alexander.
- They're not really smart.
- What do they say?
You are not very clever with
all your hypochondriac talk.
For 58 years they have walked
around in constant fear of getting sick, -
- without you having succeeded in
becoming one. Enjoy the hell out of life!
Burn the medical books and go to Capri!
Sit down and shame on you.
Mrs Birthe Alexander.
You have crowned yourselves as
the fringe queen of the villa towns.
With a flashlight as a scepter
and brown soap as an apple -
- have you cleaned your home for comfort
and created a sterile bone wax cabinet.
Heard!
Do not talk to the
driver while driving.
They suffer from cleaning delirium. Let
the floor scrub and the stove cloth rest, -
- or you and your marriage will
dissolve! Sit down and shame on you.
Mr. William Frandsen, stand up.
Since your youth some mermaids on the skin of your stomach
have inflicted women's screams on you, -
- which has prevented you
from doing your duty as men.
But now it must be over, Frandsen!
Go to the macrons!
How many women do not
prefer a cheerful cartoon -
- rather than pale fat goose skin?!
Ms. Hilding, take
the shirt off the patient.
God, are you tattooed?
Let me see, I love tattoos.
Ms. Hilding is the type of
woman who feels attracted -
- of excessive and
distinctive masculinity.
Then get the shirt
of the tattooed rose!
- Do it now.
- Knudsen is now right.
Of course I'm right!
- We are all crazy!
- What's going on here?
In order to help Mr. Alexander
into "normal" life, I have proven, -
- that he need not be ashamed of
having consulted the head doctor.
- We are all crazy!
- Does that diagnosis apply to me too?
Yes, Mr Fisheries Minister. We stand
for freedom, equality and madness.
Why do you constantly
sit and break toothpicks?
It's a compulsive act,
you have to get rid of it!
Can you then tell me
how I can become one?
Of course. Buy a lighter.
Also send Knudsen home tomorrow.
Let me be free from those people.
They get on my nerves.
Who would have thought two months
ago that we would be sitting here tonight, happily?
Mother is flying to Capri in 14 days.
Knudsen has become the most
popular conductor on line 16.
And Sheikh William has
chosen the lovely Ms. Hilding.
And you, Birthe, have left the
dishes standing several times.
We can thank my childhood friend
from the Zoo, Jumbo, for all that.
When I had nervously started,
he came to me like a dream vision -
- followed by the whole family
and had me raised from the ditch.
Long live him! Hooray!
Hooray! Hooray!
I don't understand what's wrong.
It must have been in an
accident that we didn't notice.
When we were in Kolleroed, I
went for a walk with the elephants.
A car ran into her.
Yes, it was the left front leg.
- Why haven't you said that?
- I didn't think anything happened.
But I took the number of the car.
I have it in the wagon.
Let me get it and I'll
let the police find him.
It will be an expensive story for him.
Excuse me, could you please tell
me, the 4th division of the district court?
On the first floor.
They write to me that I have violated
Section 256 of the Motor Vehicle Act.
You don't know what
it's about, do you?
You will probably find
out when you get up there.
Well, I get to know that? Thanks.
They are charged with negligence
and speeding on July 14 -
- to have run over an
elephant in Kolleroed Hegn.
- Are you starting that nonsense again?
- You are in a courtroom.
They must show respect for the court.
Has Mr. Alexander agreed to the drive?
No. Mr. Alexander drove on
immediately after the accident, -
- and only on one occasion did the
victim manage to note down his number.
- Did you try to escape responsibility?
- It's perfect beep!
It all stems from my school
days, when I had page hair, -
- and Olfert and Michael
gave me water in my pants.
- Please keep to the point.
- That's what I do.
When the two labans had
destroyed my sailor's hat, -
- I got so furious that my
mother had to take me to the zoo.
- What does that have to do with the case?
- I have to tell you that.
It was there that I met the elephant, but
then it read my mother's medical book.
I don't understand a word of it all.
Was your mother in the carriage?
Yes, in the tram.
We drove out there on line 6.
Silence in the hall!
Isn't the case about a car accident?
Yes. Mr. Alexander drove in
a public car without passengers.
Why are you trying to explain away?
The report says you were alone in the car.
I was seven years old when I met Jumbo, -
- and the volkswagon had not been invented
then. Doesn't that prove I'm telling the truth?
Their childhood is irrelevant.
Stick to the elephant in Kolleroed.
It wasn't there at all! It was
just a cat running across the road!
May I ask the audience
to leave the hall.
Mr. Alexander, it does not apply to you.
Please come back.
Tell me, aren't you drunk?
Now it can be enough
to drive me crazy!
Every time I tell the
truth, they claim I'm drunk!
Do I have to stand and
lie in court to appear sober?
No cursing in court!
They must set a proper tone.
Otherwise you will be imprisoned.
It does not matter. Then I
will be among normal people.
Shall we then stick to the matter.
Why would a zookeeper
go to the police and tell, -
- that you have driven
one of his elephants?
If anyone has seen
elephants in Kolleroed Hegn, -
- then they suffer from
hallucinations or neuroses!
Oh my god, we're
all a little crazy.
Don't you think I noticed that
you are sitting and painting...
... little men behind bars?
Why did you draw it?
Because you suffer from the obsessive thought
that you yourself will end up in there one day.
That's enough!
Please arrest Mr. Alexander.
Give the report to the duty officer.
The case resumes tomorrow.
Mr. Alexander must
submit to a breathalyzer test.
Liquor tasting? I see.
99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93... Aren't
you going to throw away your keys soon?
- Why?
- Because we have to finish.
And I have something
very important to tell you.
Ask the duty officer to call Station 11
and ask Superintendent Mogensen about, -
- what is written in the report
that was recorded concerning me -
- on 14 July this year.
There is the proof that it was I
who spoke the truth in court today, -
- and that it is the judge who should
have been sitting here. Here you go!
One moment, Mr. Alexander.
I'll be right back.
- He's not drunk.
- What's the matter?
I think something is wrong up here.
He tells us to call Station
11 for a report from July 1 4th.
You don't say that? The man is right.
From what we were told at
the time, there was no elephant.
My Goodness!
There must be a misunderstanding.
We must have the new report immediately
so we can compare with the old one.
You have to deal with that matter.
Keep me out.
You have to deal with that matter.
Keep me out.
Go to the hospital with that case,
and ask the chief doctor to keep me out.
You have to deal with that matter.
Keep me out.
Apparently Mr Alexander was
arrested on 14 July this year, -
- because he claimed to have been driven
into an elephant in Kolleroed Hegn, -
- which the police
maintained did not exist.
Mr. Police Attorney, Mr. Alexander
is now being prosecuted for -
- nevertheless to have been
driven into said piece of big game, -
- which the defendant
denied in such unruly terms, -
- that I had to arrest him
for contempt of court.
What on earth is
going on, gentlemen?
What does the defender say?
Mr. Alexander denied himself a defender.
He wanted to speak his case himself.
He has read both reports.
Tell Mr. Alexander to come in here.
Mr. Alexander.
Good day.
I deny that you know about
the case I submitted to you.
On what grounds?
I must first thank you
that, despite my behavior -
- have complied with my wish to
have the gentlemen meet here today.
And must I then answer the question
by asking one of the the Chief of Medicine?
Yes of course. Mr. chief physician,
would you be so kind as to come up here.
Have I ever run into an
elephant in Kolleroed Hegn?
The question...
You'd better address that
question to... the police.
All right.
Can the police assistant come up here?
Yes, of course. Mr. police assistant.
Then you can sit down.
I must ask that the
superintendent also stay here.
Questioning two witnesses at
once is against legal practice.
Isn't this whole case
doing that?
At least now it will
be the way I want it.
It had never gone on line 16.
Continue, Mr. Alexander.
Have I run into any
elephants in Kolleroed Hegn?
I only know what was in Chief
Constable Mogensen's report.
I see. Mogensen?
And you might as well take
the rest of the company with you.
May I then ask you, gentlemen, and do not forget
that you are speaking under witness responsibility:
Have I run into an
elephant in Kolleroed Hegn?
Yes.
It was news. I hope it doesn't cause
you guys to have obsessive thoughts.
When I had explained to the officers
that I had run into an elephant, -
- what did the chief officer say then?
That you must have been drunk.
And what did the police
alcohol expert say about it?
I maintained that
you were not drunk.
This means that the experts
disagreed deeply from the start.
And what was the result
of this disagreement?
- I don't know what to answer.
- Then I'll help you a little on the slide.
Didn't you think: "If the man is right,
then the rest of us must be idiots, -
- and it won't do with the salary
we get. So Mr. Alexander is crazy."
- Wasn't that your idea?
- Something similar.
Well done. Through this self-knowledge
you reach a higher ethical position.
And then to the heart of the matter.
How does the superintendent decide
whether a citizen is normal or not?
Now don't get nervous. Have a cigarette.
There are toothpicks here.
When a person reacts
abnormally to concrete events, -
- one is allowed to say that
he has lost his sense of reality.
Thank you very much.
Based on this statement,
I will, on the basis of -
- the gentlemen's abnormal reactions
to the events in Kolleroed Hegn -
- robbed you of your faith in the
pensionable infallibility of the police.
Back to you, Mr. Chief Physician.
You probably don't have
your family album with you, -
- so I will stick to
our conversations.
They made me believe that
the elephant was not there.
- right?
- Yeah.
- They robbed me of my sense of reality.
- Yes.
After which you discharged me
from the hospital in good health.
Is this acceptable action?
Or am I allowed to maintain, -
- that the chief physician is not always
at his full five, four, three, two...
- Shall we go all the way down to one?
- Can the indictment not be dropped?
A case brought to court must be
settled by settlement or judgment.
Let's do both.
Let us for once judge the
witnesses and settle the case itself.
Will you, gentlemen, receive
a judgment that establishes, -
- that even a uniformed civil
servant in the citizen-financed society -
- despite gold strings, shiny
buttons and doctorates -
- is only an ordinary human being
with flaws designed for that purpose, -
- which please remember, whether
the citizens are to be taken into custody -
- or have taken the temperature?
Now don't go too far.
Don't forget what happened yesterday.
They are right.
What do we have on paper today?
I didn't think about it enough.
Six witnesses in cages.
You can see there. The judge
feels on par with the rest of us.
Because we are all known
to be right: We are all crazy!
Heard! Do we all have tickets?
Ding, ding!
Quiet down there!
- Shall we deal with the case itself?
- Of course.
The circus director must be
compensated, and I acknowledge my guilt.
I will ask you gentlemen to look after my
interests. Better defenders are not available.
And then I say goodbye and thank you.
Where are they going?
I'm going out to drive a private car.
--- Subtitles by Essery. ---
Aah, sorry.
(death march plays)
The next.
Director Knud E. Joergensen.
Consider that Alexander and I have been married
for eight years. However, as time goes on, mother-in-law.
And it goes fast when it goes well.
I wish, you may I live in peace and harmony.
Thank you very much.
And thank you very much for the beautiful
flowers. I have put them on the dining table.
Alex must have his favourite supper:
meatballs as his mother made them.
Thank you so much, my sweet girl.
When do you expect him home?
Every moment. He had to
meet with the tax authorities.
It was set for at three o'clock. They
won't approve his tax return.
And they picked today? As long as his
temper doesn't run away with him.
Yes, his nerves are frayed at the
moment. He orders way too much.
He wears himself out.
He has also started to lose his hair.
What should I do about him? You have to
give me some advice. You are an expert.
Yes, you are so eternally right.
Give him two Rastenil in the evening.
He falls on them in a deep sleep.
Then when you wake him up in the
morning, you must give him three Kofiplex.
They perk up a lot.
They are kicking him.
But then in the middle of the day you have
to give him two Bedagal to calm his nerves.
You stop the hair loss
with Bekoxyn, -
- and you keep your blood
pressure down with Efinal.
Now we have to hope that he
will do well for that meeting.
He took it very easy.
He said he would give them a hard time.
We have reached your car.
They have deducted DKK 8,400
in depreciation and expenses.
You must take up half of this amount
as private driving. It will be 4,200.
Mr. equalization inspectorate office
manager, I am, as you know, a representative.
I sell cash registers
and calculators.
In my little folk pot, I travel
around the country to teach people, -
- that it pays to have the
accounts in order. For your sake.
250 days a year I am out. Do
you think I need a drive afterwards?
What about the expenses for your stay during
those days? You have not given them up.
No, because I am an honest man.
My company pays for it!
Then you have saved home consumption
of DKK 20 per day for 250 days.
It is DKK 5,000.
Please make a note.
Saved home consumption?
What should it say?
When your company
pays for your meals, -
- you save DKK 20 a
day by not eating at home.
I am a modest man. The best
I know is meatballs. Note that!
But I can't eat meatballs
for DKK 20 a day!
- Then go over to steaks.
- No, I can't afford that at all!
We must live extremely spartanly.
We save every penny. In the backyard we grow
potatoes, cauliflower and carrots.
Consumption of own products: DKK 1,200.
Please note.
That's what I call stepping in the spinach!
You have deducted DKK 400
for the repair of your chimney.
The old one had been eaten away by soot.
- I had to build a new one.
- New construction is not repair.
I had to remove
the broken stones first.
Just like scraping off the old
wallpaper before wallpapering.
DKK 400 for a brand new chimney.
It sounds mysteriously cheap.
And why? Because instead of
taking car trips when I was at home, -
- built it myself together with my
brother-in-law. The DKK 400 was for materials.
A master mason had
cost me at least DKK 2,000.
Then your brother-in-law and you have
earned DKK 1,600. That's DKK 800 each.
Please note. And let us get your
brother-in-law's name and address, -
- so we can see if he
has given up the income.
William Frandsen, Lykkevej 93.
He hasn't got the
money at all! Yet.
It's his own fault. After all, he can
just send the claim to debt collection.
I can no more. I can no more!
There is no more either. We
are done. What will be the result?
The gross income
was stated at 31,000.
From this, Mr. Alexander has
withdrawn a total of DKK 12,600, -
- so that the net income
amounted to DKK 1 8,400.
With the changes now made, there
will be a supplement of DKK 5,100, -
- so that the income will
amount to DKK 36,100.
DKK 36.100? What did you
think I should pay tax on it?
DKK 21,386
Plus a fine of DKK
2,000 for an incorrect tax return.
- What will I do for a living?
- Of the money that is left.
But they are in the chimney
and in my brother-in-law!
Should my wife and I bite
him in the arm when we are hungry?
And I can't pay for a new coat
from the car trips we haven't taken!
I end up in a nerve clinic!
We are quite aware of that.
It is included in our calculations.
Don't forget, you live in a welfare state
that ensures the well-being of its citizens.
After all, that's what the big
money should be used for.
For the 21,000 you have to pay in
tax, you can for the entire next year -
- go to school for free, go to church
for free, go to the hospital for free, -
- and if you are robbed, the police
are at your disposal free of charge.
Then send for them right away!
- Write it down.
- Now you mustn't be offended.
But what else am I going to do with
the police? I always try to avoid them.
See if you come out for a crash.
The police come and take a report, -
- so you can get
compensation paid.
And why?
Because you pay the police's wages.
Yes, of course it's nice to know,
but what will I do for a living?
What do I get out of my
money that benefits me at home?
If you do not pay your tax, the bailiff will
come and collect your furniture free of charge.
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
This is theft! Robbery in broad daylight!
Committed by elected street robbers!
Now get down. You have to
appreciate the little things in life.
See how nicely our
potatoes shoot in the air.
Ours? Nah, it's the state's!
We are only allowed to jump them.
Now come down to earth again.
You forget, it's our wedding day.
I have decorated the table and
flowers have arrived from your mother.
- And you must have your favourite dish.
- Yes, meatballs for DKK 20.
And then I guess I'll have rhubarb sprouts
right in the middle of the pan for DKK 1,200!
So stop with that ashtray!
I'm going crazy! I'm done!
You just have a violent temper.
And you have wrecked your nerves.
You should take
it a bit more easy.
Go for a ride in your car.
Then you relax so nicely.
You don't have to
be home before six.
Then I'll cook
dinner and have a drink ready.
You're right. I want to drive a private
car. I want something for my money.
I want to go to school and church. I want to
be confirmed and have the police on my heels.
I want to go to the nerve clinic!
Goodbye!
Goodbye, Alexander.
Remember to be home at six.
Well, is the Jumbo family going to the forest?
Yes, they are aired
and bathed every day.
With us, we do not keep
living beings behind bars 24/7.
Well, it was clear this morning, -
- when the postman drove into one
of your lions down the main street.
It wasn't our fault.
The railwaymen had placed
the crane in the locked vehicle, -
- so the cages went up when
they had to get off the wagons.
The soldiers entered the station at
four in the morning with two baboons.
It's the strangest lost
property I've seen.
(elephant commands)
Birthe is right. You are an idiot.
You order too much -
- instead of enjoying life a
little and getting out into nature.
Bloody hell!
There you stirred yourself up again. The
creature couldn't do it because you came running.
It's nonsense that it means bad
luck with a black cat crossing the road.
It must be more
dangerous with a cow.
- They drove a little hard, my lord.
- Those elephants block the whole way.
Surely nothing has
happened to that one?
- No, nothing has happened.
- Thank God.
How do I get my
cart out of the ditch?
- If you have ropes, then I have elephants.
- You got elephants, then I have rope.
Give it another tooth, you old man!
- Are your elephants insured?
- not against car collisions.
Who will pay that! Then we have to let my
insurance cover the damage.
Well, I have to be in town at six.
It was nice. Goodbye.
I'll flip the meatballs while
you peel the potatoes.
Why don't you stay for dinner?
No thanks. Even though
I'm your brother, I won't bother.
I'd like to drink a glass
of sherry with you, -
- but the turtle doves must
be allowed to coo in peace.
- Do you have someone to coo with?
- You know that I haven't.
Then get one. Many girls
will be delighted to get a man, -
- who can both flip
meatballs and build chimneys.
You know very well why
it is heavy on that point.
Please get out of
the carriage, Mr.
Good day.
What kind of speed is that? They
were up to over 100 in built-up areas.
- May I see your driver's license?
- Yes.
I usually keep it in
my inside pocket.
I went to the cod feast today, so I
changed my clothes this morning.
Here it is. Sorry.
There it fell.
- They must have been drinking liqour.
- Not at all.
I've just been out to blow off some steam.
And when I got up to speed, -
- is it because I have promised the
wife to come home for a little drink.
- Have you been in an accident?
- Yes.
In Kolleroed Hegn, a large elephant
suddenly stood in the middle of the road.
And to avoid it I had
to drive into the ditch.
Well, did you have to? A moment.
He's shit-faced. He has both been
in the the ditch and seen elephants.
- Well, have you been to the ditch?
- Yes, so as not to attack an elephant.
- How did you get the carriage up again?
- The elephant lifted it up.
It was a very lovable elephant
when it finally came to be.
- Please follow along.
- Why though?
The doctor can only
be here in an hour.
He goes crazy when he hears
that he has to wait so long, he's hard enough to control already.
Get him in here
and I'll let him know.
Mr. Alexander.
The doctor can first be here in an hour.
When you have passed the alcohol test, -
- you are allowed to come
home if you behave properly.
What alcohol should I try?
The doctor must determine how much
alcohol you have in your blood.
I haven't touched liquour since the
traveling party on the chimney, -
- and I can't believe there
was an elephant on the road.
However, take the
situation like a man.
An elephant is not the animal you
most often meet in Kolleroed Hegn.
I thought so too, but
then I was in the ditch.
It could probably come from a circus.
I call Kolleroed Avis and listen.
- If there is a call, we will call.
- Then call so I can come home!
- Not until the doctor has been here.
- You should consult him yourself!
Let me out!
If you don't behave properly,
you will go into the closet.
It's a think box for people
who can't behave properly.
- Then you should have an office in there!
- Inside the closet with him.
Call Kolleroed Police and ask if
they have loose elephants up there.
Is it the police in Kolleroed? They are
talking to Chief Constable Mogensen.
We have a man here who claims he
ran into an elephant up at your place.
It still doesn't impress me.
Yesterday a man drove into a lion, -
- and I had to put two
well-grown baboons in detention.
Here, someone often comes
along with a decent beer.
- Should the police also be zookeepers?
- Yes, it is very possible.
But we must demand that the
fire brigade take care of the hoses.
Well, I also called
just for the record.
I have to give the elephant
a good one over the trunk.
- Let me out!
- Hush it!
Do you know who you are talking to?
I am the one who pays your wages!
You should probably get full value for it.
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
It's past seven o'clock.
At least he could call.
He may have had an accident with the cart.
He probably can't get to a phone.
Take a glass to calm yourself down.
I have a feeling that
something has happened to him.
If that is the case, then he is
guaranteed to be under medical treatment.
- Please count backwards from 100.
- Backwards?
99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, -
- 93, 92, 91, 90, -
- 89, 88, 87, 86, 85, -
- 84, 83, 82, 81, 80.
How many do you need?
- Yes, thank you, that's enough.
- I see.
Please walk along the white line
with one foot in front of the other.
Should I now perform
as a circus performer?
It's the most mind-numbing
thing I've ever been through!
There you go, without net.
- Didn't you see I lost my keys?
- If you toss them, you can pick them up yourself!
Don't forget that
I pay your wages!
Now tell me honestly, what
have you been drinking?
Two glasses of buttermilk and a coffee.
Do you think I look drunk?
Both yes and no.
Now I name a name and an address. Notice what I say.
Christian Esben Jacobsen,
Class Street 88, 4th floor on the right.
Please remember that.
Repeat when I ask.
Why the hell would I?
They can just write it down, right?
Do you have a car, doctor? How
much do you deduct in driving expenses?
It is possible that you have not been
drinking. Eventually I don't believe that.
But you seem out of balance.
Pretty excited.
Damn it, when you think
about what I've been through!
Just because you have soot in the
chimney and cauliflower in the backyard -
- and then presented to an elephant
in the middle of the country road.
Now I have to tell you something
I didn't dare tell the police.
There wasn't one elephant, there were five!
One, two, three, four, five!
- Excuse me for talking straight.
- It does not matter.
- Excuse me for talking straight!
- I'll be right back.
Sorry!
He's not drunk.
I'm certain.
- Have you taken a blood test?
- It will be negative.
- What is the matter with him?
- It clicked for him.
- Can we send him home?
- I will not take responsibility for that.
He has lost self-control
with emotions and actions.
And when he thinks he sees an
elephant, what can he not come up with?
What do we do with him?
I would suggest that he be
admitted to the hospital's nerve ward.
Have you spoken to the family?
We won't do that until after the alcohol
test, but I have to call right away.
Ask if there has been anything noticeable
about him today, and get his wife in here.
Well, I'll go in and calm him down.
Hello? Yes, it is me.
No, you don't say that.
Has he come to anything?
Oh, sweet little Alexander...
- What happened?
- I do not know yet.
Yes, he was terribly excited
when he got home this afternoon.
I asked him to go
for a drive to relax.
You don't say that?
Then it's all my fault.
- What happened?
- He's had a nervous breakdown.
He drove in the ditch because
he sees elephants everywhere.
Hello?
Yes of course.
I will come as soon as I can.
He must be hospitalized.
Do you want to go in there?
Oh, no.
- No, come on, little darling.
- Yes, yes, now I'm coming.
Mr. Alexander, we can't
just let a sick man go.
I'm not sick. But are you holding
me back for my own money, -
- then I will be. I refuse
to be hospitalized! Denies!
Your wife has signed
the admission form.
She stands at home and
cooks meatballs for DKK 20!
She's sitting out there
and wants to talk to you.
You must do everything
you can to calm him down.
The doctor says
to just agree with him on everything.
Of course we will do
everything to help him.
- Have you admitted me?
- Yes, I had to.
Did they force you?
Are they all crazy?
And why are you locked inside?
And you, William? For a mere DKK 800?
Sorry, but they forced
me to hand you over.
You don't have to worry about that.
It will all work out.
Your wife and brother-in-law are
free to go. We are done with them.
Then maybe I can be
allowed to talk to them alone?
- Can we do that?
- Yes, it is fine.
How do I get out?
William, what are we going to do?
It will be easier to slip out of the
hospital. There are no officers.
Let yourself be admitted, then
I'll probably come and talk to you.
- Do you really mean that is the way?
- So I think it's the best.
All right, I'll do it.
Goodbye, Birthe.
Goodbye, little Alexander.
Birthe, you believe the
elephant was there, don't you?
Yes, I do.
I have so often heard people talk about -
- the elephants running
around up in Kolleroed Hegn.
Here we got a new patient last
night, a representative Alex Alexander.
- What's the matter with him?
- Obsessions. Hallucinations.
I talked to him a bit.
He feels persecuted by society, -
- which has upset
his sense of reality -
- and gave him delusions.
He has started seeing elephants.
Is he very excited?
Last night it was bad, but I
gave him a shot to calm down.
(Alexander snores)
Who are they? Where am I? I have
to be at the office at half past nine!
You are in the hospital and you
can sleep as long as you want.
You need rest, and we'll
probably make sure you get that.
- Superintendent Thoegersen.
- Alexander.
- Reserve doctor Jespersen.
- Alexander.
- Foster mother Ms. Brodersen.
- Alexander.
- Candidate Holm.
- Alexander.
- Nurse Ms. Hilding.
- Elephants. Oh, Alexander.
It was you who stole the clothes from me!
Where is it?
- You get it when you need it.
- I can't run nude in the office.
I have spoken to your wife.
She informs the company.
What do I have to lie here for?
I'm not feeling sick.
36.8 and heart rate 72.
Who can beat that?
They are right.
Physically, you are perfectly healthy.
- They just had too much speed.
- I have admitted that.
But it was impossible
to avoid the elephants!
Sleep now, I'll come and
talk to you this afternoon.
I am going to Kolding and demonstrate
our new calculator for Huttemeyer.
Now slow down a
bit, Mr. Alexander.
After all, that's what the big
money should be used for.
They live in a welfare state which
ensures the well-being of its citizens.
Alex has been hospitalized for four days
and we are still not allowed to visit him.
The head doctor says he must not
return to his normal surroundings, -
- before he has gotten
those grills out of his head.
It can take a long time. I have read in
one of my medical books about a man, -
- there saw balloons everywhere.
He was kept in isolation for a whole year.
And then he jumped from the fourth floor
because he thought he was sitting in a balloon.
It must have been
quite a special case since it was in book.
Nah, it's very common.
Now look at him the tram conductor, -
- which comes to
Christiansborg every year -
- to present his new
party programme.
He has been there again.
It was in the newspaper.
It's not that bad with Alexander.
He is healthy and fit in every way.
He will probably soon be freed
from his strange obsessions.
In a little while the chief physician will
come again to talk about the cursed elephants.
Take them in again.
Eat them alive, all five of them.
It is the only way to freedom.
Huttemeyer is waiting in Kolding.
Good morning, Mr. Alexander.
I want to be alone.
- The chief physician would like to be alone.
- The chief physician would like to be alone.
May I be allowed to ask
the chief physician a question?
They mustn't laugh
if it sounds crazy, -
- but have I talked about some
elephants here in the last few days?
I'm not sure if it's a dream
or something I've fantasized.
You don't have to speculate
about that any longer.
They are going to get up a little today and
go for a walk in the garden with Ms. Hilding.
They are getting much better.
I also feel that myself.
Do you think I can come home now?
Now don't pick up the pace.
Then you will have strange dreams again.
But I long for my wife, my
house and my new chimney.
Now be satisfied with the
trip in the garden today.
He is on the mend.
My conversations with him have worked.
They can go for a walk in the garden with him
in the afternoon.
You must be one hell of a man.
To think the superintendent smoked that cigar.
Playing the fool to appear normal.
Why won't he say what
time you have to come home and see family?
Huttemeyer soon buys his machine
from Soerensen and Smedegaard.
Then your commission goes up in smoke, and
then you can't pay tax. They are crazy here.
Whoa, no!
- Good day. Nice to meet you.
- What do they want? Give me my birds.
Yes, let's put them in here.
- Where should the parrots stand?
- It's budgies. Put them in the window.
They did not answer who you are and what
you are doing here in hospital clothes.
I have jumped over the wall.
I longed for my wife.
- May I borrow your phone?
- I have none.
- They must go down to the shopkeeper, I usually do..
- It won't work in this situation.
Won't you call my wife?
Ordrup 4916.
Ask her to come immediately and
bring some clothes. Preferrably without stripes.
Something tells me -
- that when you don't leave the hospital
through the gate, something is wrong.
- What's wrong?
- I am hospitalized for chicken pox.
I'm in my third month there,
and then you long for your wife.
But you understand me, dear madam.
They have heart.
You carry your birds down into the sun to
make them happy. Makes me happy too and brighten my day.
Go downstairs and call my wife.
Ordrup 4916.
If you've escaped from the hospital,
I don't want anything to do with you. You're lying.
All right.
Then I will tell you the truth.
I don't have chicken pox.
I lie isolated in a small room
with bars for the window, -
- because the chief doctor won't
believe that I ran into an elephant.
They also think I'm insane. They are no better
than the chief medical officer and the police.
But you are the ones
who should be locked up!
Take it easy.
I'll probably call your wife.
When he saw it, he turned
the whites out of his eyes.
I tried to remove it, but
then he was over the wall.
He has a hard time hiding himself in that
outfit. We'll have him here again soon.
- It was good you came.
- Where is he?
Second floor on the left.
He is scrupulous.
Open up, or we'll blow the doer!
- Where is the kitchen staircase?
- By the kitchen stairs.
Hands up!
Name and Address.
Whoa, stop! Stop him!
Well, that's you?
And you are paid wages.
Yes. Yes. Come.
I had hoped we would only have
your husband for a few days, -
- but when just a toy elephant
can get him into an affectation, -
- then it probably runs
deeper than first assumed.
We must keep him for a while.
Do you even think
he can get well again?
I have read in my books that it can take several
years before a neurosis is resolved.
It will probably require me to get to
the bottom of his entire emotional life.
I would like to ask you to
give me information about, -
- how his life has shaped
itself from childhood to marriage.
He is an extremely sweet person.
A loving and caring husband.
He is diligent and very
interested in his work.
But he can get
terribly hot-tempered.
Then he rolls down all obstacles.
But it has also created his career.
And now caused his psychic
knockdown. What was he like as a child?
Adorable.
He weighed six pounds at birth, -
- and I cared for him according to all
the prescriptions in the doctor's book.
We skip the first few years. What
was he like from 2 to 4 years of age?
Was he healthy and well?
It's good, you wonder.
He had measles.
I made the diagnosis myself
and hung up dark curtains.
I gave him acetylsalesyl dissolved in
chamomile tea, put him on a meat-free diet -
- and dusted him all
over with bromine chloride.
I tied the arms in sterile gauze boiled
in white iodine and distilled water, -
- after which I completely isolated him.
When the doctor came, it turned out, -
- that they were rubella. And
then he was showered with potato flour.
Poor child.
How did it go later?
I have the family album with me. It
starts with him on an ice bear skin -
- and ends with a wedding photo.
Now I have to tell.
It is not necessary. I am going
through the album with your son.
- Well. Here you go.
- Thanks.
- When can I visit him?
- He must receive a visit in a few days.
Time must be terribly long for him.
He is so full of initiative.
That's why I put him in the living room
with a harmless but entertaining patient.
A tram conductor with slightly too
overwhelming political ambitions.
I know everything about him!
He suffers from manic psychosis.
No, how funny it is that my daughter
is lying in the living room with him!
But mother-in-law though.
When you, like me, drive through the city
streets year in and year out... Ding, ding!
... and see the pulverizing life,
then you gain clarity and realize, -
- that the whole
shebang is to hell.
Heard!
Everyone complains that the money
doesn't add up. How is the problem solved?
Simply. It's in my new program
statement page 2, line 8. Ding, ding!
Up with the salary, down with
the prices, away with the taxes!
Then you must see the family going on
a forest trip. Do you want to come, mate?
Yes, just give me a
transfer to paradise.
And for the money saved
by abolishing the tax system, -
- the national pension can be
tripled and introduced at the age of 14.
The money is paid
out once a month, -
- and there is a prize for
those who use them first!
Can you hear the cash
registers whirring? Ding, ding!
And if the tied savings are turned
into forced extra consumption, -
- then I can hear the bells ringing.
Where do you get those ideas from?
They are hand catched on the line boo!
The limit has been reached. We must create
a vacuum of distrust in the government.
New men must lie in the cake. One of them
stands here. Is the other one sitting there?
Sure, but do you think the one-chamber
system can be routed from a two-bed room?
And which stool do
you have in mind for me?
Wait, the bar has jumped off.
Then there is electricity again. Minister
of Housing. Raise the rent to triple, -
- then people have to move, apartments become
available and the housing problem is solved!
- Can I count on you, mate?
- No, I don't dare, you.
If we call an election, the chief of medicine
will probably choose to keep us in here.
What nonsense. He has promised to
become fisheries minister. Ding, ding!
What do you think it looks like?
A fish.
Oh.
And if I keep it that way?
A fish on the head.
We'll take another.
What does it represent?
- Two fish.
- Are you making a bit of trouble now.
Hold the board slightly away
and up in the air. What is it now?
Two flying fish.
If you're going to make fun of the whole thing,
we'll have to wait to see you in 14 days.
I have time to wait, but then it will
just take longer for you to get well.
But I'm not sick!
It does not surprise me that
you still insist that you are not ill.
People with your illness only
recognize it when they have recovered.
But when I already feel well, -
- how do I find out
when I am healthy?
I'll have to tell you that.
They just have to help me.
I would like to.
I'll try again.
A dog behind a bush.
You can hardly
see it from the bush.
Now we put those boards aside,
and then you take a cigarette and relax.
I will find out the
events in your life, -
- that has caused
your neurotic state.
You must tell me everything, -
- what you have been exposed to and
which has made an impression on you.
Right from childhood to the other day,
you really and mentally drove in the ditch.
There will be something to talk about.
Where should I start and end?
I spoke to your mother yesterday.
She had brought a book with her.
A family album with a particularly
rich picture material about you.
At first, let's use these
images as a starting point.
Here is one.
Yes, darn it. I go there in the 5th
grade in Ms. Brodersen's private school.
Here is Ms. Brodersen, and there
are Olfert and Michael, the two labans.
They were my bullies in school. I remember
the terrible day the picture was taken.
Tell.
We lined up in the schoolyard
as you always do on those pictures, -
- but it was a tricky for the
photographer to keep the joints in order.
My mother had dressed
me nicely for the photo shoot.
Think I got through it. Olfert
and Michael made it hell.
I explained to Ms. Brodersen,
that the hat was not my fault.
I didn't want to be in the picture at all.
The cursed page hair.
When the picture was taken,
Olfert and Michael wanted revenge because I told.
They tied ribbons in my
hair and gave me wet pants.
Then they shouted: "Sissy boy, sissy boy!"
I could have killed them!
Trampled them to death, both of them!
Did you wish you were
a big, strong animal?
I remember some pictures from
the book where you were in the Zoo with your mom.
The days at the Zoo are among
the happiest of my childhood.
Mother always had the doctor's book
with her, and while she was reading it, -
- I walked around and looked at the animals.
There was one of the monkeys I loved.
I called it "The Great Bastian."
I admired it.
It also had page hair, -
- and yet it could
beat all the others.
In the meantime, my mother shared her
knowledge of all kinds of beautiful diseases.
I also liked the lions.
When I saw the king of
beasts with his lovely family, -
- I had the greatest
desire to let them out, -
- so they could take revenge
on those who had locked them in.
But most of all I loved the elephant.
I could stand for hours.
I think Jumbo liked me too.
Because one day my mother
came and lifted me up from the grid, -
- he helped me get revenge.
He ate the doctor's book.
But unfortunately my mother
had many medical books, she collected them.
Then we can finish for today.
- Was the chief physician satisfied?
- Brilliant, absolutely.
Then we'll see each other every day between
11 and 12. Now try to calm down a bit.
They can be visited twice a week
and write home as often as they want.
"I've settled in well now, but
three weeks is also a long time."
"I talk to the head doctor every day.
We're almost through the family album."
"I have told about
you all in minute detail, -
- so be careful, the
superintendent won't keep you."
Should a doctor squeeze all
possible indiscretions out of a patient?
So settled. It is the circle of friends
that determines a person's development.
Therefore, the doctor must familiarize himself
with everything that Alexander has been exposed to.
I hope he has told about
all your private diagnoses.
Now I have to tell you something.
Had I not kept Alexander's
health under keen observation,—
- then he would have
broken down a long time ago.
And I'll probably also take care
of him when he comes out again, it's my motherly duty.
Then read on.
"From the head doctor, I will ask mother
to look up A. Simonsen's new doctor's book -
- and learn page 121 by heart."
No, how nice of him!
And I just have it with me.
- Which side did you say?
- 121.
I just looked it up.
What does it say?
"These kinds of people ruin their
own lives with their hypochondria -
- and is harmful to the
environment, as their wisecracks -
- can give even the healthiest
people morbid obsessions."
Why do I have to memorize it? I
have to talk to the supervisor about that.
Shall we continue with the letter?
"You, William, we'll talk
about first thing tomorrow."
"I look forward to seeing
the chief physician's reaction, -
- when I entrust him
with your life's great secret."
- Are you sick?
- What?
Continue.
"I have to say hello from my
roommate, the tram minister."
"He was pleased with the
grapes you brought for me, -
- but would rather
have cigars next time."
"He will give you a lecture the
next time you come. See you later."
When I got engaged to my wife,
I was introduced to her brother.
A nice guy, but he had difficulty
making female acquaintances.
As a young man he was out sailing. He
and some friends were in a festive mood, -
- and he got a tattoo.
The result was longing mermaids
and sinking ships all over the body.
The girls shrieked with laughter
as soon as he bared an arm, -
- and it gave him complexes.
I stand here with him.
They look pretty mad in the face.
What had brought you into affect?
We had gone swimming together.
I was, as usual,
fresh and first.
Stop a moment. I need
to jump back a bit in the story.
It was in May and the water was cold,
so it was important to get in quickly.
And quickly up again.
I yelled at William, "Hurry now!"
But then two adorable
bath nymphs appeared, -
- and he bothered to show
them to his longing mermaids.
I explained to him that this sort
of thing is only to be laughed at.
It was my fault he got
into the water that day, -
- and as a thank you he pulled me
into the tub with a bathrobe and all.
A strange way to
treat me, isn't it?
I only did it so that he would
have contact with the girls.
Now we both laughed at.
- That's why I'm crazy about the picture.
- It's something you become very easily.
But like that, every human
being has a soul defect.
It just degenerates
in a very different way.
Now all we need is the wedding photo.
You look happy and satisfied there.
My wife is a lovely girl, but even
on my wedding day there was trouble.
Now take that picture.
I get tired of showing my teeth.
Now it was just as good.
Head slightly to the right.
We settle for those that are taken!
I don't play fashion model all day.
Let it be good now.
The carriage stops down there.
As you wish, sweet children.
Then you make a set of test
photos and send them to my home.
Finally, remember the
ones I myself am involved in.
The marriage was not an hour old
before my wife straightened her fringes, not even at home.
She was so neat and tidy that it
sometimes took the piss out of me.
What a lot of rice grains I
have on me. And in the bouquet.
Kiss Me.
You are also full of grit in
your hair and on your clothes.
No, no! Alexander though.
You shake it out on the fine carpet.
I put the bouquet out in the kitchen sink.
Don't you know those grains
are supposed to bring us luck?
Should our happiness end in a
vacuum cleaner on the very first night?
So give me that kiss, love.
(the phone)
- The phone is ringing.
- Let it ring, dammit.
It's probably your mother.
Now I have to take it.
No, I'll fix her.
Hello? Good day, mother.
Yes, we have come home.
Isn't it wonderful, sweet children, to
finally be alone in peace and quiet?
There is something I must
tell you before I go to bed.
There are cornflowers in
the beautiful bridal bouquet.
You get hay fever from them.
I must not sleep near them.
It is out in the kitchen sink.
-I have to go. Well, but Birthe and I are busy.
- With what, though?
Yes, we shall...
We're going to vacuum.
How sensible of you.
Dust is full of bacteria.
Goodnight, Mom!
So give me that kiss.
How come you threw away your clothes?
We have to hang that up properly.
Kiss me, then!
Remember to put blocks in the shoes, otherwise
they will turn their noses into the air.
So drop those shoes!
Do you understand that I was furious?
It went very well
afterwards, but still, didn't it?
Yes, Mr. Alexander, I understand
you one hundred percent.
And I have done that from
the first day we started talking.
Therefore, I can now also tell
you what has happened to you, -
- and why you drove
in the ditch on 14 of July.
Your dressing as a boy, Your
page hair and the teasing -
- gave you these pronounced
inferiority complexes, -
- which your fierce temper
made you want to overcome, -
- but in vain.
Because of your mother's
fuss about you, you felt weak, -
- and therefore you admired the
big, strong animals in the Zoo, -
- and therefore the
elephant became your ideal.
Unconsciously you felt
that if you had its powers, -
- you could trample down
everyone who would upset you.
Throughout your existence, your
subconscious has increased this desire.
How often have you sat here
with clenched fists and told me?
Yes, that's true.
The experience at the tax
office made the cup overflow.
Their increasing neurotic disorder
was rapidly approaching its culmination.
- Is that right?
- Yes.
They first saw a black cat running across
the road. What was your first thought?
That it was good, it wasn't a cow.
- And when did you see the elephant?
- One 20-30 seconds later.
In such a short time,
your subconscious has -
- turned the unlucky
cat into a cow -
- and on to your
ideal, the elephant.
And thus your neurosis
had sprung into full bloom.
So the elephants weren't there?
Was it just imagination?
Absolutely right.
Think I've run into five
elephants that weren't there.
- What an idiot I've been.
- Absolutely right. Has been.
I said you would only recognize it
when you were well. And now you are.
- Congratulations, Mr. Alexander.
- Thanks.
I'm perfectly fine!
The elephants were not there!
I have to tell Knudsen that.
The elephants were not there!
Goodbye, Mr. Chief Physician.
The elephants were not there!
The elephants were not there!
I am healthy! I am healthy!
The elephants were not there!
I am healthy!
Woouuh-woouuh!
However, how complicated the life of the soul is.
What would humanity do
without us psychiatrists?
- The elephants weren't there!
- Gentlemen, you are in a hospital.
The doctor has declared me healthy.
Thank you for
keeping my spirits up.
I also have to say thank you.
Besides, I've been here a lot
longer than you. I thank you again.
I will be discharged tomorrow, so we
will have a party when my family arrives.
Meanwhile, I am preparing the lecture
I have promised to give to your family.
How many will we be?
Lady Alexander the Great.
Mrs. Alexander the Little.
The living painting.
The hallucination expert.
Sister Marilyn.
The podium!
Dear audience...
I am not afraid to maintain, -
- that we all mentally limp
through life on a flat Achilles' heel.
During your visit here and through
conversations with the knight of the elephant -
- I have had a profound insight
into your spiritual status quo vadis.
I will therefore give you all a much
needed spiritual blood transfusion.
Get up one by one. First you,
Mrs. Sophie Juanita Alexander.
- They're not really smart.
- What do they say?
You are not very clever with
all your hypochondriac talk.
For 58 years they have walked
around in constant fear of getting sick, -
- without you having succeeded in
becoming one. Enjoy the hell out of life!
Burn the medical books and go to Capri!
Sit down and shame on you.
Mrs Birthe Alexander.
You have crowned yourselves as
the fringe queen of the villa towns.
With a flashlight as a scepter
and brown soap as an apple -
- have you cleaned your home for comfort
and created a sterile bone wax cabinet.
Heard!
Do not talk to the
driver while driving.
They suffer from cleaning delirium. Let
the floor scrub and the stove cloth rest, -
- or you and your marriage will
dissolve! Sit down and shame on you.
Mr. William Frandsen, stand up.
Since your youth some mermaids on the skin of your stomach
have inflicted women's screams on you, -
- which has prevented you
from doing your duty as men.
But now it must be over, Frandsen!
Go to the macrons!
How many women do not
prefer a cheerful cartoon -
- rather than pale fat goose skin?!
Ms. Hilding, take
the shirt off the patient.
God, are you tattooed?
Let me see, I love tattoos.
Ms. Hilding is the type of
woman who feels attracted -
- of excessive and
distinctive masculinity.
Then get the shirt
of the tattooed rose!
- Do it now.
- Knudsen is now right.
Of course I'm right!
- We are all crazy!
- What's going on here?
In order to help Mr. Alexander
into "normal" life, I have proven, -
- that he need not be ashamed of
having consulted the head doctor.
- We are all crazy!
- Does that diagnosis apply to me too?
Yes, Mr Fisheries Minister. We stand
for freedom, equality and madness.
Why do you constantly
sit and break toothpicks?
It's a compulsive act,
you have to get rid of it!
Can you then tell me
how I can become one?
Of course. Buy a lighter.
Also send Knudsen home tomorrow.
Let me be free from those people.
They get on my nerves.
Who would have thought two months
ago that we would be sitting here tonight, happily?
Mother is flying to Capri in 14 days.
Knudsen has become the most
popular conductor on line 16.
And Sheikh William has
chosen the lovely Ms. Hilding.
And you, Birthe, have left the
dishes standing several times.
We can thank my childhood friend
from the Zoo, Jumbo, for all that.
When I had nervously started,
he came to me like a dream vision -
- followed by the whole family
and had me raised from the ditch.
Long live him! Hooray!
Hooray! Hooray!
I don't understand what's wrong.
It must have been in an
accident that we didn't notice.
When we were in Kolleroed, I
went for a walk with the elephants.
A car ran into her.
Yes, it was the left front leg.
- Why haven't you said that?
- I didn't think anything happened.
But I took the number of the car.
I have it in the wagon.
Let me get it and I'll
let the police find him.
It will be an expensive story for him.
Excuse me, could you please tell
me, the 4th division of the district court?
On the first floor.
They write to me that I have violated
Section 256 of the Motor Vehicle Act.
You don't know what
it's about, do you?
You will probably find
out when you get up there.
Well, I get to know that? Thanks.
They are charged with negligence
and speeding on July 14 -
- to have run over an
elephant in Kolleroed Hegn.
- Are you starting that nonsense again?
- You are in a courtroom.
They must show respect for the court.
Has Mr. Alexander agreed to the drive?
No. Mr. Alexander drove on
immediately after the accident, -
- and only on one occasion did the
victim manage to note down his number.
- Did you try to escape responsibility?
- It's perfect beep!
It all stems from my school
days, when I had page hair, -
- and Olfert and Michael
gave me water in my pants.
- Please keep to the point.
- That's what I do.
When the two labans had
destroyed my sailor's hat, -
- I got so furious that my
mother had to take me to the zoo.
- What does that have to do with the case?
- I have to tell you that.
It was there that I met the elephant, but
then it read my mother's medical book.
I don't understand a word of it all.
Was your mother in the carriage?
Yes, in the tram.
We drove out there on line 6.
Silence in the hall!
Isn't the case about a car accident?
Yes. Mr. Alexander drove in
a public car without passengers.
Why are you trying to explain away?
The report says you were alone in the car.
I was seven years old when I met Jumbo, -
- and the volkswagon had not been invented
then. Doesn't that prove I'm telling the truth?
Their childhood is irrelevant.
Stick to the elephant in Kolleroed.
It wasn't there at all! It was
just a cat running across the road!
May I ask the audience
to leave the hall.
Mr. Alexander, it does not apply to you.
Please come back.
Tell me, aren't you drunk?
Now it can be enough
to drive me crazy!
Every time I tell the
truth, they claim I'm drunk!
Do I have to stand and
lie in court to appear sober?
No cursing in court!
They must set a proper tone.
Otherwise you will be imprisoned.
It does not matter. Then I
will be among normal people.
Shall we then stick to the matter.
Why would a zookeeper
go to the police and tell, -
- that you have driven
one of his elephants?
If anyone has seen
elephants in Kolleroed Hegn, -
- then they suffer from
hallucinations or neuroses!
Oh my god, we're
all a little crazy.
Don't you think I noticed that
you are sitting and painting...
... little men behind bars?
Why did you draw it?
Because you suffer from the obsessive thought
that you yourself will end up in there one day.
That's enough!
Please arrest Mr. Alexander.
Give the report to the duty officer.
The case resumes tomorrow.
Mr. Alexander must
submit to a breathalyzer test.
Liquor tasting? I see.
99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93... Aren't
you going to throw away your keys soon?
- Why?
- Because we have to finish.
And I have something
very important to tell you.
Ask the duty officer to call Station 11
and ask Superintendent Mogensen about, -
- what is written in the report
that was recorded concerning me -
- on 14 July this year.
There is the proof that it was I
who spoke the truth in court today, -
- and that it is the judge who should
have been sitting here. Here you go!
One moment, Mr. Alexander.
I'll be right back.
- He's not drunk.
- What's the matter?
I think something is wrong up here.
He tells us to call Station
11 for a report from July 1 4th.
You don't say that? The man is right.
From what we were told at
the time, there was no elephant.
My Goodness!
There must be a misunderstanding.
We must have the new report immediately
so we can compare with the old one.
You have to deal with that matter.
Keep me out.
You have to deal with that matter.
Keep me out.
Go to the hospital with that case,
and ask the chief doctor to keep me out.
You have to deal with that matter.
Keep me out.
Apparently Mr Alexander was
arrested on 14 July this year, -
- because he claimed to have been driven
into an elephant in Kolleroed Hegn, -
- which the police
maintained did not exist.
Mr. Police Attorney, Mr. Alexander
is now being prosecuted for -
- nevertheless to have been
driven into said piece of big game, -
- which the defendant
denied in such unruly terms, -
- that I had to arrest him
for contempt of court.
What on earth is
going on, gentlemen?
What does the defender say?
Mr. Alexander denied himself a defender.
He wanted to speak his case himself.
He has read both reports.
Tell Mr. Alexander to come in here.
Mr. Alexander.
Good day.
I deny that you know about
the case I submitted to you.
On what grounds?
I must first thank you
that, despite my behavior -
- have complied with my wish to
have the gentlemen meet here today.
And must I then answer the question
by asking one of the the Chief of Medicine?
Yes of course. Mr. chief physician,
would you be so kind as to come up here.
Have I ever run into an
elephant in Kolleroed Hegn?
The question...
You'd better address that
question to... the police.
All right.
Can the police assistant come up here?
Yes, of course. Mr. police assistant.
Then you can sit down.
I must ask that the
superintendent also stay here.
Questioning two witnesses at
once is against legal practice.
Isn't this whole case
doing that?
At least now it will
be the way I want it.
It had never gone on line 16.
Continue, Mr. Alexander.
Have I run into any
elephants in Kolleroed Hegn?
I only know what was in Chief
Constable Mogensen's report.
I see. Mogensen?
And you might as well take
the rest of the company with you.
May I then ask you, gentlemen, and do not forget
that you are speaking under witness responsibility:
Have I run into an
elephant in Kolleroed Hegn?
Yes.
It was news. I hope it doesn't cause
you guys to have obsessive thoughts.
When I had explained to the officers
that I had run into an elephant, -
- what did the chief officer say then?
That you must have been drunk.
And what did the police
alcohol expert say about it?
I maintained that
you were not drunk.
This means that the experts
disagreed deeply from the start.
And what was the result
of this disagreement?
- I don't know what to answer.
- Then I'll help you a little on the slide.
Didn't you think: "If the man is right,
then the rest of us must be idiots, -
- and it won't do with the salary
we get. So Mr. Alexander is crazy."
- Wasn't that your idea?
- Something similar.
Well done. Through this self-knowledge
you reach a higher ethical position.
And then to the heart of the matter.
How does the superintendent decide
whether a citizen is normal or not?
Now don't get nervous. Have a cigarette.
There are toothpicks here.
When a person reacts
abnormally to concrete events, -
- one is allowed to say that
he has lost his sense of reality.
Thank you very much.
Based on this statement,
I will, on the basis of -
- the gentlemen's abnormal reactions
to the events in Kolleroed Hegn -
- robbed you of your faith in the
pensionable infallibility of the police.
Back to you, Mr. Chief Physician.
You probably don't have
your family album with you, -
- so I will stick to
our conversations.
They made me believe that
the elephant was not there.
- right?
- Yeah.
- They robbed me of my sense of reality.
- Yes.
After which you discharged me
from the hospital in good health.
Is this acceptable action?
Or am I allowed to maintain, -
- that the chief physician is not always
at his full five, four, three, two...
- Shall we go all the way down to one?
- Can the indictment not be dropped?
A case brought to court must be
settled by settlement or judgment.
Let's do both.
Let us for once judge the
witnesses and settle the case itself.
Will you, gentlemen, receive
a judgment that establishes, -
- that even a uniformed civil
servant in the citizen-financed society -
- despite gold strings, shiny
buttons and doctorates -
- is only an ordinary human being
with flaws designed for that purpose, -
- which please remember, whether
the citizens are to be taken into custody -
- or have taken the temperature?
Now don't go too far.
Don't forget what happened yesterday.
They are right.
What do we have on paper today?
I didn't think about it enough.
Six witnesses in cages.
You can see there. The judge
feels on par with the rest of us.
Because we are all known
to be right: We are all crazy!
Heard! Do we all have tickets?
Ding, ding!
Quiet down there!
- Shall we deal with the case itself?
- Of course.
The circus director must be
compensated, and I acknowledge my guilt.
I will ask you gentlemen to look after my
interests. Better defenders are not available.
And then I say goodbye and thank you.
Where are they going?
I'm going out to drive a private car.
--- Subtitles by Essery. ---