Wayne's World 2 (1993) - full transcript
Wayne is back, this time trying to organize a rock festival with help from friend Garth and the spirit of Jim Morrison (Doors). Meanwhile, his girlfriend's manager is busy trying to woo her away from Wayne and move her to LA. Life gets interesting when Wayne must rush from the concert to try and stop the wedding. Aerosmith are featured at the concert.
(FRANKENSTEIN PLAYING)
WAYNE: Extreme close-up!
GARTH: Whoa!
WAYNE: Whoa!
(CHUCKLING) Okay. All right.
(GARTH WHOOPS)
All right. So, here we are
in our new surroundings,
the abandoned Acme doll factory
in downtown Aurora, Illinois.
GARTH: We now have
an official babe lair.
WAYNE: I know, man.
This place is gonna be chick central.
GARTH: I feel sorry for guys who still
have to live with their parents, you know?
Okay. You've probably noticed by now
that we're on a little early tonight.
Usually at this time on Aurora Cable,
you're watching Plant World.
But they didn't want our 10:30 time slot.
But we were able to talk Plant World
into changing with Cooking World.
Although, they didn't want to
change at first.
But fortunately,
White Supremacy World was canceled,
and all the trades worked out.
And finally, the reason we're on early
is because we're going
to a concert tonight in Chicago.
- Excellent.
- Yes.
(WHOOPS)
And did I mention that we will be seeing
- Aerosmith?
- Aerosmith.
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
All right, okay. So, until next week,
good night, and party on.
- Party on, Wayne!
- Party on, Garth.
(BOTH SINGING) It's Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time, excellent
(IMITATING FAST GUITAR RIFF)
And we're out.
- All right, okay!
- All right! Let's move, people!
All right. Garth, to the Mirthmobile.
The Mirthmobile!
(BATMAN THEME PLAYING)
- All right.
- All right.
(WHOOPS)
(MOANING)
Hi. I'm Wayne Campbell.
Excellent.
Welcome to Wayne's World 2.
Let me bring you up to speed. Come on.
There's a lot to tell you,
so let's take the scenic route.
A year has passed.
I'm a little older. I'm a little wiser.
I'm starting to get hair
in really weird places, man.
I feel like I'm turning into Sasquatch.
I still go out with
my girlfriend Cassandra.
She's cutting a record demo
right now, man.
Her career's really taking off.
You remember Cassandra, don't you?
(DREAM WEAVER PLAYING)
Ah!
Cassandra.
(GROWLS)
Schwing!
What a babe.
She'd give a dog a bone.
(CHUCKLES)
But, you know,
even though I live on my own now,
everybody's really hassling me
to do something with my life, you know?
To become an adult.
I feel like I'm in a John Hughes
rite de passage movie.
But what I'd really like to do
is something extraordinary,
something big, something mega,
something copious, something
capacious, something cajunga.
But...
I'll probably end up working
at Great America,
mopping up hurl and lung butter.
(SCOFFS) Yeah.
Huh?
You remember my best friend
Garth Algar, right?
Oh, I almost forgot.
This year, Garth finally got pubes.
(STARTS CAR)
You didn't tell them about my pubes,
did you?
No, of course not.
(CHUCKLING)
HANDSOME DAN ON RADIO:
You are listening to WPIG, The Pig,
all rock, all the time.
(MEN SINGING) WPIG, Aurora
Hey, Handsome Dan coming at you
at five on the short side
of nine bells here,
from WPIG, America's rock authority.
What do you say
we check in with Mr. Scream?
(MR. SCREAM SHOUTING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(RADAR LOVE PLAYING ON RADIO)
(WHOOPING)
God, Handsome Dan is so cool.
He must get a million chicks.
I bet he's totally studly and buffed.
With a voice like that, man,
he's gotta be a babe magnet.
MAN: Welcome to Mikita's.
How may I serve you?
(SHUSHING)
Yes.
I'd... ike... rullers... urger... ox,
and a Mikita... cup.
And then I think I would like
a large... with... eam.
(ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)
Yes, and could I please
have... elly donut,
a raspberry... and a... drink?
- MAN: What?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
And... peaker... oken.
MAN: Oh, well,
let me try to recap the order.
A cruller, two Sugar Pucks,
a Stanley Cup,
a large coffee with cream,
a raspberry jelly donut, orange drink
and a box of Five Holes.
Yeah.
Thank you. Drive around, please.
GARTH: I'm so psyched
for this concert, man.
Aerosmith's gonna kick ass!
(ALL WHOOPING)
GARTH: But where are we
supposed to meet Cassandra?
WAYNE: Cha-ching! Cha-ching!
Backstage laminates.
GARTH: Whoa!
(BOTH WHOOPING)
- Encore! Encore! Encore!
- Encore! Encore! Encore!
(LIGHTER CLICKING REPEATEDLY)
(PLAYING DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY)
(SINGING)
Let's go.
BOTH: Whoa!
Garth! Somebody just grabbed my butt!
(WHOOPS)
All right, we're on!
I feel weird.
It's like 1,000 fingers
urging you to let go.
(GROANING) I'm having fun.
Excellent!
(LAUGHING)
Hold tight.
You guys wail!
- You guys rule, baby!
- Lunch is here!
(LAUGHS)
So do you!
Goat is here.
(BLEATING)
Coming by, man.
Excuse me! Excuse me.
Where is the backstage area?
Excuse us. Excuse me.
Okay. Cool.
Oh, there she is. Hey, Cassandra!
Hey, Campbell!
- Hey, Campbell!
- Hey, there she is.
Sorry we couldn't sit together.
Oh, no troubles, bubbles.
Great concert, huh?
I want you to meet somebody.
Wayne, Garth,
this is Bobby Cahn of Sharpe Records.
WAYNE: Excellent.
- Good to see you.
- Yeah.
Bobby's my record producer.
He's been working
with me and the band.
Well, we must drop by the studio.
Of course, I don't have to tell you
how extremely talented Cassandra is.
I mean, you've heard,
you've seen, you know.
Definitely. Scott! Scottie.
I want you to meet someone.
Cassandra, this is Scott.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Dwayne.
- Actually, Wayne.
All right.
Bobby tells me you are very,
very talented.
I was just saying the exact same thing.
(QUIETLY) Scott,
I wanna ask you something.
Don't you hate schmoozing?
Oh, yes. I just despise it.
(SNICKERS)
(ALL CHUCKLING)
Stand back, please.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING IN AWE)
- We're not worthy!
- We're not worthy!
- We're not worthy!
- We're not worthy!
You're worthy, you're worthy. Get up.
You guys were excellent tonight.
Hey, thanks a lot. We'll see you inside.
GARTH: We're planning on it.
WAYNE: Hey, all right. All right.
GARTH: Whoa.
(BOTH MOAN)
- Excellent.
- MAN: Gotcha. Great.
Hold on.
Excuse me.
Wow.
Oh... Oh, jeez. Wayne, look.
Garth, it's Heather Locklear.
And she's signaling to us.
There is a god.
Heather be thy name.
- (HARMONIZING) Schwing.
- (HARMONIZING) Schwing.
- Bobby!
- Heather.
- Are you coming?
- Oh, yeah, we're...
- This is Cassandra.
- Hello.
We're supposed to be in there.
No, you're not.
My girlfriend's in there.
Hey, a lot of people's girlfriends
are in there.
- Denied.
- Denied.
Hi! Where are you from?
I'm from Wilmette.
I'm from Cicero.
Isn't it cool to be downtown?
Hey, are you those two guys
who have that TV show in Aurora?
- Wayne's World? Wayne's World.
- Wayne's World. Party time.
No!
Oh. You guys sure look like them.
Look, if Wayne says we're not,
we're not, okay?
Okay.
How long does it take
for you to get here from Aurora?
It takes me 40 minutes door to door.
My ma gave me a dollar
and dropped me off at the park-and-ride.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Dogs. Dogs.
(MOANING)
And Marilyn.
(MOANING) Marilyn...
It's all a creature.
Let's all look at your...
(MOANING)
(GULPS)
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(WIND HOWLING)
(VULTURES SQUAWKING)
Who are you?
I'm Jim Morrison.
Cool.
Who's he?
A weird naked Indian.
Cool.
Why have you brought me here?
To help you find some answers, Wayne.
Answers to what?
Ask me a question.
Okay. Two trains
are traveling at 60 miles an hour,
one from Chicago,
one from Los Angeles...
No, ask me a question about your life.
What am I supposed to do with my life?
You should put on a concert
in Aurora, Wayne.
How am I gonna get the bands to come?
If you book them, they will come.
But I don't know anything
about putting on a concert.
You must go to England
and find a man named Del Preston.
He's the greatest roadie that ever lived.
He was with us
in the good times and the bad.
He will help you.
Any more questions?
Will Garth ever get
his Sports illustrated football phone?
It was sent to the wrong house.
It will arrive tomorrow, along with
the swimsuit issue and the video,
Stanley Cup, 100 Years of Glory.
Hey, how do I get back?
Follow the weird naked Indian.
Cool.
GARTH: Wake up, Wayne!
- Garth.
- Uh-huh?
I just had the most vivid
and powerful dream of my life.
Last night, Jim Morrison spoke to me.
He told me that the purpose of my life
was to put on a concert.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, guess what finally
came in the mail, Wayne?
I guess they sent it to the wrong house.
My Sports illustrated football phone.
Oh, my God!
Cool. My Sports illustrated
swimsuit issue.
Oh, my God.
And The History of the Stanley Cup,
100 Years of Glory.
Garth, it's a sign.
We will put on a concert.
Oh, yes.
We will put on a concert.
(ROCK MUSIC BLARING
ON CAR STEREO)
Well, this must be the place.
Maybe we should've called Cassandra
before we dropped by.
Garth, it's us.
No one's gonna hassle us.
Besides, Cassandra needs
the encouragement.
Excuse me, what are you guys
doing here in the middle of the street?
Well, I'm putting these chickens
in crates and stacking them right here.
Jim's job is to make sure
we always have plenty of watermelons.
Oh, so you're selling watermelons.
No, no, sir. We just gotta make sure
there's plenty of them stacked
at all times,
just like the chickens.
What do these guys do?
Well, their job is to walk back and forth
with this big plate-glass window
every couple of minutes.
That's
weird.
Yeah. You gotta wonder
if this is gonna pay off later on.
Okay.
Maybe we ought to overdub a track
with Bobby playing.
He can really wail.
Give them a few minutes.
They're working on it.
I spoke with the label today.
They figure you got
at least three singles on this one.
They want you to come out
to the Coast next week.
Excellent.
Not bad for a little girl from Hong Kong.
(SIGHS)
What brings you here, Wayne?
I had to tell Cassandra something.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Last night I had a dream.
We're going to put on
a concert in Aurora.
That's a great idea.
Yeah. It's...
It's a festival.
- A festival?
- A festival. You heard the man.
That's charming. What's it called?
What's it called?
It's called...
It's called...
Waynestock. It's called Waynestock.
(CHUCKLES) Waynestock.
Who's gonna be at Waynestock?
Um... Uh...
Aerosmith and Pearl Jam.
(GARTH CHUCKLING
IN ANTICIPATION)
Who else?
Uh, me
and Wayne.
- And...
- And, uh...
Van Halen.
Wow! Van Halen. Who else?
Yeah. Who else?
Uh, an old man fashioning a kayak
out of a log?
- What?
- No! Uh...
Rip Taylor! Rip Taylor's gonna be there.
- Ah!
- Rip Taylor? He's a god in my country.
He can't walk the streets
without getting mobbed.
Well, that's great,
'cause he's gonna be there. So...
And I thought maybe
you could play, too.
I would be honored.
I wouldn't commit just yet.
You got some real gigs coming up.
Real gigs.
(SCOFFS) Real gigs?
Well, ixnay
on the condescension-ay there, Chet.
Yeah.
- Bobby, can I ask you a question?
- What is it, Garth?
(CLEARS THROAT)
A sphincter says what?
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
I said, "A sphincter says what?"
You want me to say "what,"
like I don't get it.
Is that it?
(BOTH WHEEZING)
That it?
Oh, dear. Last guy didn't get.
- What.
- Okay. Last guy didn't get.
You big. You big.
We small, small.
So, we better go. Yeah.
Where are you going?
- England!
- England!
WAYNE: I can't believe Paramount
is spending the money
to fly us to England.
I would have thought
they would just use two doubles.
- Here we are at Piccadilly Circus.
- GARTH: Wow! What a shitty circus.
WAYNE: Good call. There's no animals
or clowns. What a rip-off.
Let's go to Buckingham Palace.
GARTH: Does Princess Di
still live here?
She is such a babe.
WAYNE: Yeah.
(GROWLING)
GARTH: So, did Jim Morrison
give you Del Preston's exact address?
WAYNE: Yeah.
He said exactly London, England.
GARTH: Okay.
I don't know about this, Wayne.
(SNORING)
Del?
Hello?
Del?
(SOFT SNORING)
(BOTH SCREAM)
(SCREAMING)
Huh?
Are you Del Preston?
I might be.
Who are you?
- My name is Wayne Campbell.
- I'm Garth Algar.
That's terribly fascinating, mate,
but you woke me up.
How can you sleep like that?
Listen, sonny, Jim,
sleeping like this
will add 10 years to your life.
I learned it from Keith Richards
when I toured with the Stones.
This may be the reason why Keith
cannot be killed
by conventional weapons.
So, how can I be of assistance?
You're gonna think I'm nuts, right,
but someone visited me in a dream
and told me that Del Preston
would help me put on a concert
in Aurora, Illinois.
A concert?
(SNICKERS)
I'm afraid you've been misinformed.
I don't do that anymore.
I'm just an old geezer.
I mean, what do I know
about music today?
When I was working, it was all bands
like Eric Clapton
and the Rolling Stones.
I mean, it's not like the Grateful Dead
are still together and touring, is it?
- Well, actually, they...
- Garth.
(SHUSHING QUIETLY)
Wow, look at this scrapbook.
Wow.
- GARTH: That's you with Led Zeppelin.
- Yeah.
My old lady put that together.
We must've toured every concert hall
and venue in America,
me, my old lady and the road.
- Is that you and Bob Dylan?
- Yeah.
Who's the old lady?
That's my old lady.
Listen, it was fun,
but those days are gone forever.
But we came all the way from America
just to talk to you.
I'm sorry.
I don't do concerts anymore.
Come on, let's go.
Well,
I still think you led a really cool life.
It was nice meeting you.
WAYNE: I guess Jim was wrong.
Hang about.
Was it Jim Morrison?
- Yes!
- Amazing.
Did he have a naked Indian?
- Yes!
- Wow.
I have to ask you...
Didn't you think it was
a trifle unnecessary
to see the crack in the Indian's bottom?
Yes, absolutely!
I had the same dream.
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
GARTH: Del,
you're really gonna love Aurora.
DEL: Who's Aurora, anyway?
Frank, it's Bobby.
Did you get the tape?
What did you think?
Definitely. She sounds great.
Yeah, the band is terrible.
It's a garage band.
They can't, I'm sure.
I'm working with them.
I'm still in this studio in Aurora.
- What the hell you doing there?
- She wants to stay here.
Why would she wanna stay in Aurora?
Same reason
they all wanna stay in Aurora,
she's got a boyfriend.
Don't worry.
I'll get rid of the boyfriend and the band.
Also, I'd like to bring her out to LA,
finish the album.
All right, Bobby.
Let's just get it done, okay?
DEL: And there I am in Sri Lanka,
formerly Ceylon, at 3:00 in the morning,
looking for 1,000 brown M&Ms
to fill a brandy glass,
or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night.
So, Jeff Beck pops his head
round the door
and mentions there's a little sweet shop
on the edge of town.
So, we go, and it's closed.
So, there's me and Keith Moon
and David Crosby
breaking into this
little sweet shop, right?
Well, instead of a guard dog,
they've got this bloody
great big Bengal tiger.
Well, I managed to take out the tiger
with a can of Mace,
but the shop owner and his son,
that's a different story altogether.
I had to beat them to death
with their own shoes.
Nasty business, really.
But sure enough, I got the M&Ms,
and Ozzy went on stage
and did a great show.
Wow! Wow, that was excellent.
WOMAN: That's great.
Well, to put on a really great rock show
like Knebworth, in England,
or Woodstock,
there is only one place you can do it,
and that's here,
at Adlai Stevenson Memorial Park,
in the playing fields.
We better get to Stevenson Park
and check it out.
So, Wayne...
I hear you're putting on
some kind of concert.
That's good.
People need to be entertained.
They need the distraction.
I wish to God
that somebody would do something
to block out the voices in my head
for five minutes,
voices that scream over and over,
"Why do they come to me to die?"
"Why do they come to me to die?"
Okay.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
GARTH: What do we do now?
WAYNE: Here. Let me look at it.
(SIGHS)
Get the flashlight.
Okay.
There's the main gate,
and here we are.
No, no, no, man. We're over here.
I don't think so.
We took a left turn at the gate,
(THUDDING)
- so that would put us...
- Garth!
Wait a minute.
(SNICKERS)
I know where we are.
- I'm pretty good with maps.
- Shh!
(THUDDING)
Listen.
What?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Turn it off! Turn it off!
- I can't turn it off! I can't turn it off!
- Turn it off! Turn it off!
(ROARING)
Waynestock?
You would purposely invite
the rock 'n' roll element
into our community?
Well, what's wrong
with a little entertainment?
Entertainment is fine, but this...
You know, we have lots of big acts
that come through here.
Ice Capades, Tiny Toons, Kenny G.
Kenny G?
(SAXOPHONE PLAYING)
(DENTAL DRILL WHIRRING)
(MOANING SOFTLY)
So, what, we don't even get
to apply for a permit? Yeah.
We would love to put on a rock concert.
Not!
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Yeah.
Betty Jo, could we have the permits
for a festival, please?
- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.
You'll need to fill out
the necessary permit applications.
Permit applications.
- Here you go.
- Thank you, Betty Jo.
BETTY JO: Hey.
You're the guy that's on that
Wayne World show.
(BETTY JO CHUCKLES)
- Betty Jo?
- Yeah?
Thank you.
All right, then.
Naturally, you'll need the
necessary application for authorization,
approval from the guilds and unions.
You'll need some release forms.
The decibel level...
What? Is something wrong?
Huh?
(CHUCKLES) What do you mean?
It's my eye, isn't it?
Why would we want to look at your eye?
Is there something wrong
with that weird eye?
There's nothing wrong with my eye.
This one just has no pigment.
You see, I'm what you call
a partial ocular albino.
But I'm fine with it.
I have perfect 20/20 vision
with both eyes.
Mr. Campbell, you're serious
about putting on a rock concert?
Are you kidding? I'd give my right eye.
Yeah.
You both realize
there are certain jurisdictions
you'll need to follow.
Well, I'd like to think
that I have an eye for details.
I'm assuming, of course,
you have the $5,000 occupancy permit,
or you wouldn't even be here.
Ex-squeeze me? A baking powder?
$5,000 occupancy permit?
Yes, we have that, actually. Yes.
Piece of cake.
Fine, then all forms and applications
must be filled out in triplicate
and returned to this office
no later than 10 working days
before the event,
with the money.
Okay. Well, we'll take these home,
run through them with a fine-tooth comb,
cross the "t's" and dot the...
Lower-case "j's. "
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
WAYNE: Oh, I keep falling over. Oh, no!
- Oh, I seem to be falling over a lot.
- (LAUGHING) Stop.
Oh, damn, these high heels. Oh!
Cassandra...
Why do you go out with me?
I love being with you.
Most guys are jerks.
You're a good person.
Wait. Let me show you
what I got at a garage sale.
What did you get?
Isn't that great? You heard of it?
Ex-squeeze me?
Have I ever seen this one before?
Frampton Comes Alive?
Everybody in the world
has Frampton Comes Alive.
If you lived in the suburbs,
you were issued it.
It came in the mail
with samples of Tide.
Look at this old one.
Gerry and the Pacemakers.
Wow! That is old.
You know, I bet those guys
actually have pacemakers by now.
Can you believe
they're not making vinyl anymore?
- It's weird, isn't it?
- That is weird.
Bobby said my album will never,
ever be on vinyl.
Oh, "Bobby says. "
Are you and Bobby having an affair?
No, of course not.
Where did you hear that?
Well, you know how these things start.
One guy tells another guy something,
then he tells two friends,
and they tell two friends,
and they tell their friends,
and so on, and so on,
and so on.
You know how these things go.
No. Honestly, Campbell,
I am not having an affair.
I'm nice to him
because he's my producer.
But if this record deal falls through,
I lose my visa, and then
I have to go back to Hong Kong.
But you have nothing
to worry about, Wayne.
- Okay.
- Hey, my dad's coming to visit.
I'd really love you to meet him.
Yeah. Treat.
I'm sure he's just gonna love me.
Yeah.
If you're anything like my old boyfriend.
I'm nothing like your old boyfriend.
Then we're screwed.
You know, I haven't seen Garth
in a while. What's he up to?
Oh, Garth's doing his laundry.
(SCOFFS) Too bad he doesn't
have a girlfriend to do his laundry.
Oh, yeah. Thanks for doing my laundry.
Hey, Cassandra,
how do you get my clothes
so white and fresh-smelling?
It's an age-old Cantonese family method
that very few people know about.
Ah. Wait a minute.
Calgon?
Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
Hello.
Hi.
I don't recall ever seeing you in here.
Well, maybe it's because
it's my first time in here.
That's right.
My mom used to do all my laundry,
but I do now.
I'm what you call sans parents.
Oh.
I can go to a movie on a school night,
like that.
Well, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh.
Yeah, dirty...
Would you like some red rope licorice?
Why, sure.
(EXCLAIMS)
- What's your name?
- Garth. Garth Algar.
What's yours?
I'm Honey Horn?e.
Nice to meet you, Miss Horny.
That's Horn?e.
- It's French.
- Oh. Okay,
Miss Horn?e.
(CHUCKLING)
So, Garth,
would you like to have dinner
some night?
Oh, I like to have dinner every night.
No, I mean us. You and me.
Would you like
to have dinner some night?
(STAMMERING)
A date?
(MACHINE BUZZES)
Finally. It took, like, two hours.
I like them teeny and toasty.
So long.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Maybe we'll see each other around.
Yeah. I'll see you around.
Oh, Garth?
Huh?
You forgot these.
- Good night, Cassandra.
- Night.
- Good work.
- Thanks. See you tomorrow.
Good night.
I have got to get you to LA.
You are buried here.
I like it here. All my friends are here.
What time is it?
10:35.
Damn. I missed the start
of Wayne's show.
WAYNE ON TV: Okay.
So, we're in a doll factory, right?
It kind of reminds me of that movie,
the Leprechaun. You remember.
- With that little guy...
- Oh, yeah.
- ... that goes, "I'm the leprechaun. "
- Jeez.
Garth, I'm the leprechaun!
(EXCLAIMS) Cool it, okay?
- I'm the leprechaun!
- Stop it, all right?
Don't try and steal me pot o' gold.
Why do you hang around
with these guys?
Because they're fun.
If I wanted a guy
that was all drive and ambition,
I could've stayed in Hong Kong.
Back there,
guys like that are 12 for 10 cents.
You mean a dime a dozen.
Maybe where you shop.
I think you underestimate them.
They're really sharp.
GARTH: Stop it,
leprechaun man!
- Garth, chill!
- And there they come...
- What did those monsters do to you?
- Heather Locklear...
- I'm not... Stop it.
- Sweetie. Sweetie.
GARTH: Stop it.
WAYNE: Sweetie.
GARTH: I'm not listening.
WAYNE: Come on, sweetie.
Come on. Pixie dust. Pixie dust.
Sweetie, it's me.
- It's me the leprechaun!
- (SCREAMS) No!
I'm the leprechaun.
Oh, yeah. These guys, really sharp.
GARTH: I'm scared!
WAYNE: It's the leprechaun.
- Want to leave, but can't.
- I'm the leprechaun.
- Want to move.
- Where you gonna move?
- Get away, leprechaun man.
- Are you gonna move to Ireland?
- No! Got to go!
- 'Cause I'm the leprechaun.
CASSANDRA: Wayne, we're here!
Here, let me get the gate for you.
Hold on.
All righty.
Come on in.
Come on in. Nice digs, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, Cassandra, you look hot.
Sorry.
Wayne, I would like you to meet
my father, Mr. Wong.
Please meet you acquaintance,
Wayne Campbell.
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
(IN ENGLISH) Right.
MAN'S VOICE: (IN ENGLISH)
Very well, if that is your custom.
Prepare to die.
(GONG CLANGING)
Come.
(GRUNTING)
MAN'S VOICE: (IN ENGLISH)
I know all seven animal styles,
the crane,
the stag,
the horse, the tiger,
the bat, the rat,
the monkey,
the Beatle.
(TWIST AND SHOUT PLAYING)
I will take you, old man.
(EXCLAIMING MENACINGLY)
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
(GROANS)
(EXCLAIMS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Your tongue is quick,
but how are you with a sword?
Oh, no!
Wayne!
(EXCLAIMING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(LAUGHING)
(PHONE RINGING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Hello? Can we talk
later? This is not a good time for me.
Just a moment. I've got call waiting.
Hello. Yes?
Can I call you back?
I am on the other line.
Uh-huh. Yes,
he received his Sports illustrated
football phone.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
(MR. WONG LAUGHS)
(EXCLAIMS IN CANTONESE)
(MAN'S VOICE LAUGHING)
Wayne, you've impressed me.
(CHUCKLING) You're worthy
of my daughter.
(LAUGHING IN THEIR OWN VOICES)
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
So, here's the deal.
We got a party tomorrow at Komrades.
It's kind of a fund-raiser for Waynestock.
That's right. There's gonna be
a $10 cover charge at the door.
It's gonna be a big party.
And because it's at Komrades,
we're gonna call it a communist party.
(I LOVE ROCK N' ROLL PLAYING)
I remember, one time
I was in a place like this.
Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon.
It was about 3:00 in the morning,
and I was looking for 1,000 brown M&Ms
to fill a brandy glass,
or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night.
So, Jeff Beck pops his head
round the door
and mentions there's a little
- sweet shop on the edge of town.
- Sweet shop on the edge of town. Yeah.
Hey, Wayne. Hey, Garth.
- Hey, Milton.
- Hey, Milton, how's it going, man?
Awesome party!
Good tunes. Good brew. Good buddies.
I feel great, man.
(SHOUTS) I feel great!
I don't know, man.
I hate my father. I hate my life.
But I feel great, man!
- You guys are great.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna go pick a fight.
He's gotten a lot better, don't you think?
- Way better.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
We'll be back in a bit.
Hey, how's it going?
- Hi.
- Hey.
- It's looking good, Campbell.
- Yeah.
- I'll be at the bar.
- Good.
Hey, I'm so glad you could make it.
You look amazing.
Mmm! I see.
- Yes.
- Oh, wait. I have great news.
Bobby is taking me to LA
to do the final mix on my album.
Isn't that terrific?
Wow, that's great.
I'm ecstatic.
I'm beside myself with joy.
Hooray for Hollywood.
Living on your own
definitely has its perks. Schwing!
You know, because your mom
doesn't tell you to turn down the stereo,
and junk like that,
you know, which is a real drag.
Schwing! Schwing!
You know, because moms
are genetically programed
to hate music played at the
appropriate level, right? I mean...
And my dad, forget about it.
Schwing! Schwing! Schwing! Schwing!
He could ruin a Led Zeppelin reunion
concert. You know what I mean?
Schwing! Schwing!
'Cause he hates any music
played at the appropriate level.
Schwing! Schwing! Schwing!
...but the shopkeeper and his son
was a different story altogether.
I had to beat them to death
with their own shoes.
(CROWD CHANTING)
- What's the deal with Bobby?
- Wayne?
- Go! Go! Go!
- Go! Go! Go!
It's getting a little out of hand.
I think you'd better say something.
All right. Good call.
Everybody, I'd like to say something!
Excuse me. Coming through!
Everybody, can I get your attention?
I'd like to say something.
(MUSIC STOPS)
Keep it down.
Okay. We're really glad
you could all make it.
We never realized
that we had so many friends
who believed in this concert idea.
When we first had this idea
of putting on this shindig,
we didn't know if anyone would come.
(VOICE CRACKING) But look,
you're all here, pitching in.
(CHOKING) I promised myself
I wouldn't cry.
(EXCLAIMS)
(SIGHS)
Party on!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(CAN'T GET ENOUGH PLAYING)
- Go! Go! Go!
- Go! Go! Go!
(INAUDIBLE)
Garth, I'm starting
to get a bad feeling, man.
I think something's going on.
(CHUCKLING)
WAYNE: Hello. Hello. Yes?
Is this Aerosmith's tour manager?
It is!
Hello. My name is Wayne Campbell.
You don't know me.
I'm not mental or anything,
but I'm putting on a concert
in Aurora, Illinois.
Yes, I can hold.
(CHUCKLES)
Del, look. For years I thought
this was a Mercedes emblem.
Woodstock?
That was quite a show, man.
You were at Woodstock?
Excellent. What was it like?
Well, it rained all morning,
and then it cleared up in the afternoon.
And that's it.
I almost remembered
something else then, but it's gone.
You can't remember what it was?
Still holding, yes, I am. I just want...
Wayne, look what I made.
Good work, my friend.
You guys got the permit applications?
Got the money?
Cha-ching, cha-ching.
Good for you.
Most people just take them
and never come back.
(MOUTHING)
(MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME
PLAYING)
Position one to position two.
Do you copy?
This is position two in position.
Position three, what's your position?
Position three. I read you.
TERRY: Position four,
do you copy? Over.
Four copies.
Back to position one. Over.
I have to go to LA for a couple of days.
If you need anything,
I'm at this number.
Position one to position two.
Position one to position two.
Did you see that?
This is position two in position!
Sorry, man, I didn't see anything.
What is it?
Abort! Abort! We have been identified!
Whoa!
Abandon positions! Abandon positions!
Whoa!
GARTH: Wayne, let's run away!
(WAYNE GROANING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Garth, it's locked!
In here!
(SHUDDERING)
(YELPS)
(STEP IT UP PLAYING)
Hi.
Come on, let's go!
(Y.M.C.A. PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Do it, Miss Thing! Do it! Do it!
Get it, girl! Get it, girl!
What's the matter, Wayne? You look
like you wanna say something to me.
I think we should break up.
- What? Why?
- Because
there comes a time
when people should go
their separate ways.
I mean, I've got Waynestock,
you've got your career
and your producer,
and I just think it's time
that we should see other people.
I don't want to see other people.
Well, what about Bobby?
- What about him?
- Oh, come on!
Do you think I'm a gulla bull
or even a gulla calf?
I have no idea
what you're talking about, Wayne.
Yeah, right! Come on, now!
What about these?
- Where did these come from?
- I did a little detective work.
You did spy on me.
Yes, I did.
(GRUNTS)
EMT: Easy.
I think she took that well.
EMT: Let's go.
(SPIRIT IN THE SKY PLAYING)
DEL: Ladies and gentlemen!
Your roadie training begins today.
It will not be easy.
You will get tired.
You will get blisters.
You will get aches and pains.
But you will also get good.
Are you ready?
- Yes, sir!
- Yes, sir!
Roadies present and accounted for, sir!
Well, let's begin.
WAYNE: Go!
Come on, let's go! Let's go!
On the stand, not on the ground!
Come on, let's go!
Go! Not on the ground!
Not on the ground.
Jesus! It's crazy!
They're getting better, Del. Look.
- Not on the ground.
- Ow! Ow!
Go!
Get that microphone!
Get that microphone!
(SCREAMING)
You're worthless!
You're less than nothing!
What's keeping you here?
You don't belong here!
Why don't you just quit?
(SOBBING) 'Cause I got
no place else to go!
Whoa.
Thanks for coming in with me.
I'm always a little afraid
to come in by myself.
Come.
(CHUCKLING) Come on.
Whoops!
(GENTLY) Come on. Sit down.
And I'll fix us a little drink, okay?
Mmm-hmm.
(HONEY GIGGLES)
(SOFT BOSSA NOVA MUSIC PLAYING)
Huh?
There you are.
An Old Fashioned.
(SPITS)
This Coke's gone bad.
I just love a man with a sense of humor.
- You know what I wish?
- What?
I wish I could climb up
inside of that big old brain of yours
and just walk around.
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
- You know what I love?
- What?
I love the way those big, thick glasses
- magnify your pupils.
- Oh.
- Look at me.
- Huh?
(HONEY MOANS)
I'll bet you like to be in control. Tell me.
Well, when I was 17,
my little sister tried to borrow
my Def Leppard record.
I said, "No way. "
Now, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.
Huh? Oh, my God. You're so limber.
Don't you just love music?
Do you have any Megadeth?
Come with me.
I'm blind.
Whoa.
(GARTH MOANING)
Okay.
I'm dancing.
You're real squiggly.
Whoa.
(GARTH EXCLAIMS)
- Did you hurt yourself?
- Yeah.
Let me see.
- Oh. There.
- That's it. Yeah.
(GARTH MOANS)
(STAMMERING)
Feel naughty. Feel naughty.
I thought I saw a puddy cat. Whoa!
Boldly go
where no man has ever gone before.
There's got to be a way to find...
- Take me, Garth.
- Where?
I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.
I'm gonna be frank.
Okay. Can I still be Garth?
Shut up and kiss me.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
(WEAKLY) Can I have
some cocoa later?
(GRUNTS)
(IMITATING FRENCH ACCENT)
Good morning, darling.
I trust you slept well.
I hope I wasn't too much of an animal.
Come, hold me.
(IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT)
You know I will.
Party on.
WAYNE: Oh, he's bobbing.
He's weaving. He winds up!
GARTH: Oh, denied!
(WHOOPS)
Yeah!
(SIGHS)
- Are you all right?
- Women.
I feel like I've been placed
in the delete bin of life
next to Mahogany Rush.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Well, relationships aren't for the timid.
- Yeah.
- And I should know.
For I am no longer a stranger
in the ways of the woman.
All right, man, all right.
Good work, my friend.
On that note, game on.
Game on!
All right!
He's wheeling, he's dealing.
He shoots, he scores!
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
it takes two people to run a concert,
one backstage and one out front.
Two.
One man alone cannot do this.
Wayne, you will run the backstage team.
Milton, you are the liaison
between Wayne's backstage team
and Garth's front stage team,
which includes myself in the booth.
To the left and the right of the stage
are the machine gun nests,
belt-fed M60 Brownings.
Now, these babies tend to heat up,
so shoot in three-second bursts.
In the event of capture,
I will personally
distribute cyanide capsules
to be placed under the tongue like so.
Any questions?
Yeah. I have a question.
When did you turn into a nut bar?
(MR. SCREAM SHOUTS ON RADIO)
HANDSOME DAN:
Thank you, Mr. Scream.
Hey, in a minute I'm gonna be joined
by Wayne and Garth.
They're gonna give us the lowdown
about the upcoming
Waynestock concert.
Hi. We're here to see Handsome Dan.
My name is Wayne Campbell.
Ja, I know.
We've been expecting you,
Wayne Campbell.
I am Bjergen Kjergen.
Wow, I love your accent.
Where are you from?
- I am from Sweden.
- Oh, really?
Whereabouts in Sweden?
Knuergen, near the Bjorgen Fjords.
Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjergen
from Knuergen near the Bjorgen Fjords.
Hmm! Knuergen.
That's in the Klargen province,
near the Biburgen river.
Ja.
Now correct me if I'm wrong.
Your annual rainfall varies
from about 40 inches in the winter,
to about 200 inches in the summer,
and your chief export
is modular furniture.
I did a project on Sweden
in the eighth grade.
Well, I am impressed
with your quest for knowledge.
Educated men are rare.
It was really hard.
I stayed up all night working on it.
Then the next day, in gym class,
I was on the mini tramp,
and I got diarrhea.
I really wish I hadn't told you that.
Well, I am sorry to hear of your illness,
but since you have
sacrificed your health
for knowledge of my home country,
I find you very attractive, and I hope
to make love to you in the near future.
(CHUCKLES) Well, shnuergen.
(CHUCKLING) Okay. All right.
Okay. All right.
Oh! Dick Van Dyke Show.
Hi.
- Good work, my friend.
- Yeah.
(SNIFFING)
Are you wearing Brut?
Yes.
My woman likes me in cologne.
HANDSOME DAN: Hey, Wayne, Garth,
let me get my headset off,
I'll be right out.
Oh, wow!
Hi, Handsome Dan.
It's great to meet you.
I'm not Handsome Dan.
Hi.
(CHUCKLES) Hey.
Hi.
Dansome
- Dan.
- Dan.
Back with you on WPIG,
maximum grunt.
(PIG GRUNTING)
All right. Our special guests right now,
Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar.
Wayne's World, Wayne's World.
All right.
Talking about Waynestock.
Very exciting. Big event.
Everybody's excited, huh?
Yeah. It's gonna be a big concert
at Adlai Stevenson Park.
- Uh-huh.
- It's just gonna be a big party, you know.
- We got some great bands coming.
- Uh-huh.
- Like Aerosmith.
- Uh-huh.
I just wanna remind everybody
that there's still plenty of tickets left.
- Uh-huh.
- But that's no reason to wait
- till the last minute.
- Uh-huh.
Because it's just a chance
for the city of Aurora...
Mmm-hmm.
To do something...
Uh-huh.
- Fun.
- Uh-huh!
And to put the city on the map.
Mmm-hmm.
It's a lot of work.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, well, work is hard.
You're not really listening to me,
are you?
Uh-huh.
I mean, I could say anything right now,
like, "You're a complete tool. "
Mmm-hmm.
But you wouldn't hear it,
'cause you're a freak with a microphone.
Uh-huh.
It's not even challenging anymore.
It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Isn't that true, sphincter boy?
Uh-huh. What? Oh!
(GUNSHOT)
(CHUCKLES) They're getting
closer all the time.
All right. Good information
about Waynestock. Very exciting.
We'll be back with more,
right after Pig sports.
Right now,
it's 16 minutes past the big hour.
Is that not right, Mr. Scream?
(SCREAMING)
Great. Good stuff.
I think people are getting really cranked.
(RINGING)
- Hi. Bobby? It's Wayne Campbell.
- Wayne.
How'd you get this number?
It was written on the back
of a business card.
Hey, I'm looking for Cassandra.
Do you know where she is?
I have to talk to her. It's really important.
BOBBY: Cassandra?
No, I haven't seen her.
She said she might come to LA.
She wasn't definite.
If I hear anything, I'll let you know.
I have to go.
I'm with someone.
I'm sorry I couldn't help.
Okay. Thanks. Bye.
(BLOWING)
Important call?
(GRUNTS DISMISSIVELY)
Some small-time promoter.
BOBBY: Let's get some lunch.
(MOANING)
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(WIND HOWLING)
What you're saying
is that Peter Lawford warned Kennedy
not to mess with
the military-industrial complex.
Yeah. Dig this, man.
J. Edgar Hoover was one bad cat.
I mean, he had
a completely different bag from Jack.
I mean, he just couldn't groove.
And when two cats
can't groove to the same tune,
one of them
has to visit the man upstairs.
(LAUGHS)
That's amazing, man.
Excuse me. Hey, Wayne,
I want you to meet a friend of mine,
Sammy Davis Jr.
Wow! Nice to meet you, Mr. Jr.
Nice to meet you, too, man.
I gotta split, man.
I got some cats I gotta hang with.
JIM: Bye, Sammy.
He's a good man.
And now, Wayne, what can I do you for?
Listen, Jim, I'm really confused, okay?
We haven't sold any tickets yet,
none of the bands have signed,
Garth is distracted by chicks,
I broke up with my girlfriend,
and on top of all that,
Del's gone completely mental.
To complete your journey,
you're gonna have to help
some people along the way.
This next little bit,
you're gonna have to go it alone.
Keep the faith, my friend.
If you book them, they will come.
Hey, Sammy, wait up.
WAYNE: Hey, Jim,
what if nobody shows up?
Jim!
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh, wow.
Sand.
Cool. Yeah.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Right. Right, Moe.
Mmm-hmm. I understand.
Nervous?
A little.
I've never been
on The Tonight Show before.
Nothing to worry about.
After the show, I thought we...
After the show,
I have to fly back to Aurora.
- I'm doing Waynestock, remember?
- Waynestock?
What's this Waynestock thing?
It's nothing.
Just something she has to do.
Hold on a second, Moe.
Listen, Bobby's put together
some great musicians.
You're making a great album.
Together, it can't miss.
You're in good hands. He's the best.
You listen to Bobby,
and you're gonna be a big star.
A big star.
Moe? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Well, we're almost out of time,
but I'd just like to point out
that there are still plenty of excellent
Waynestock tickets still available.
Actually, there are about 10,000
excellent Waynestock tickets
still available.
And I'd also like to address a rumor.
There's this rumor
that none of the bands have signed,
and that probably
no one's gonna show up.
While it's true
that none of the bands have signed,
Jim Morrison and his weird
naked Indian friend
visited me in the night and assured me
that all the bands are gonna come.
- All right.
- GARTH: Yeah.
All right. Well, that's all the time
we have for this week.
So, until then, good night.
- Party on, Garth.
- Party on, Wayne.
(BOTH SINGING) It's Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time, excellent
(IMITATING FAST GUITAR RIFF)
- And we're clear.
- All right!
(WHOOPS)
Uh...
Wayne, you know,
(STAMMERING) I don't know
if you should mention
that Jim Morrison thing anymore.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just that people have started to talk.
You know, they're saying things like,
"Hey, there goes Garth
and his friend Wayne,
"the psychopath. "
It's embarrassing.
No offense or nothing.
Oh, no. No, none taken.
(GURGLING)
I believe this knife is yours.
- (HESITANTLY) Okay.
- Yeah.
It's just that things
have started to look a little bleak.
Bleak? What?
Hey, no guff, Chet.
Until you pointed that out,
it hadn't occurred to me.
Hey, where are you going?
- Mikita's.
- Mikita's. Yeah.
You know. The usual.
Are you gonna come?
No, no, no. You guys go and have fun.
I'd probably just end up
embarrassing you anyways.
No, no. I'm just gonna stay here
and lick the cat's butt.
- Okay.
- Okay.
MAN ON TV: Just 15 to 20 minutes,
three times a week,
can really make a difference in...
How about all the other products here?
How much for those?
Joe, you know the price, $29.95.
(CROWD CHEERING)
JAY LENO: And that song is from
your album that's coming out, right?
- Oh, man.
- CASSANDRA: Right.
She looks great.
It should be out next month,
or we hope it will be.
Now, who's... Now, who's "we"?
Now, who are you looking at?
Let's see. Let's see the guy.
That's Bobby Cahn, my producer.
Oh, that fine-looking man
is your producer, huh?
Oh, man, I'm in the wrong business.
See, I should be a record producer,
then I'd have attractive-looking women
waving and smiling at me all the time.
Hi, Bobby.
(CASSANDRA LAUGHING)
She will be mine again. Oh, yes.
She will be mine again.
You were terrific. They loved you.
- You think so?
- Are you kidding?
Listen to them. They loved you. Me, too.
You know, I didn't think
I could do it without my band.
But the guys you put together
were so hot.
- Damn, I had fun.
- Good. Let's celebrate.
Okay.
Did you give any thought to what I said?
Yeah. I'm still thinking about it.
Give me a week?
Okay.
What's the matter? Is anything wrong?
Oh, Garth.
Oh, Garth, I'm so scared.
What, has someone hurt you?
I mean, I'll take care of it.
I'm a grownup now, you know.
(TREMBLING) It's...
It's my husband.
Your what?
Oh, darling. I meant to tell you,
but my divorce isn't final.
And he came over here yesterday,
and he was crazy, like an animal.
Oh, I wish someone would kill him.
You mean, kill your husband?
No! No! Don't say it.
You mustn't even think it.
I mean, I know you love me,
but I won't let you kill my husband.
Although,
I know you want to.
We both know you want to.
And then you could have me
anytime you want.
And I do mean anytime.
Get me my cigarettes, would you, lover?
They're in my purse.
(GASPING DRAMATICALLY)
(CRYING) I'm just so...
Whoa.
That's a pretty big gun.
Oh, darling...
All this talk about killing,
and. 45 Magnums
with the clip filed down
and the safety off...
Oh, it's just all so confusing.
I won't. I won't.
I won't. I won't.
I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't.
- I won't let you.
- He is a dead man.
No way.
(WHIMPERING)
You know what?
I got myself into this.
I'm gonna get myself out of it.
I'm gonna take it on the chin,
and I'm gonna be a man.
JIM: Keep the faith, my friend.
If you book them, they will come.
(EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)
Okay. All right, man.
You gotta stop doing that, all right?
Oh, man.
Hello, is anybody here?
(LAUGHING) Hello.
Oh, my God! Rip Taylor! Oh, my God!
How are you?
You must be Wayne Campbell.
- Yes, I am.
- How are you, Wayne?
Very good.
- This must be Waynestock.
- Yes, it is.
It's a little rustic, a little bucolic,
but, oh, well, I like it. It's cute.
- Thanks.
- Uh-huh.
Oh, how are you, pal?
You better get ready for the show.
(LAUGHING) Get dressed.
You can see him?
Well, of course I can see him.
I mean, how are you gonna miss
a half-naked Indian, for God's sake?
WAYNE: Rip Taylor, Garth Algar.
Rip, you showed up. Cool.
Yeah. And my people got a call
from you, you know. Thank you.
And before I could say, "No,"
this guy came to me in a dream.
I said, "Who are you?"
He said, "Jim Morrison.
"I'm a dead rock star. "
I said, "I'm not familiar with your work. "
So, he played me
a record from The Doors.
And I said, "Well, you appear to be
more like a crooner
"working in the rock milieu, which I like. "
Why is our order taking so long?
RIP: So, well, you know, he said,
"You gotta do Waynestock. "
So, I figured, what the hey?
(LAUGHING)
Hey, what's going on?
- Don't you know?
- No.
- We're here for Waynestock.
- Same here, dude.
- Really looking forward to it, too.
- Later.
Wayne, where did all these people
come from?
Garth, this is big.
We gotta get back to the playing fields.
(HEY JOE PLAYING)
Hey, Joe...
WAYNE: So, have you seen Cassandra?
I know. It's weird.
I don't know where she is either.
I know. I mean, she said she'd play,
and she never misses a gig.
All right. Well, if you see her,
can you send her over to Waynestock?
All right. Thanks a lot, chief.
All right, bye-bye.
Wayne! Wayne!
Okay, here's what's happening so far.
A lot of people have started to show up,
but none of the bands are here.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to hurl.
Okay, Garth, ixnay on the url-hay.
I need your help. Think!
Where could Cassandra be?
(PHONE RINGING)
I think I had too much Jolt cola.
(RINGING)
(RINGING)
MAN'S VOICE: Hello?
Jeff, Wayne.
I cannot find your daughter,
and I'm greatly troubled.
Alas, my young friend.
I have chosen another for my daughter.
You are an excellent warrior,
but I require more in a son-in-law.
He has money.
Name the one you have chosen,
and surely he will die by my hand.
He goes by the name of Bobby.
He has offered security,
a career and a green card.
I arranged the match myself.
And though I am sure
this information will be useless to you
so late in the film, they are to be married
at the First Presbyterian Church
on Gordon Street.
Sorry I could not invite you
to the wedding, my young friend.
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
It's okay. She's marrying Bobby.
(SCREAMING)
- What are you doing?
- I'm out!
I have to go find Cassandra
and tell her how I feel.
But I can't do the concert by myself.
It takes two men to run the concert!
You're right. I'm in.
But I love her!
(EXCLAIMING) I'm freaking out!
What am I gonna do?
Go get Cassandra.
Del and I will run the concert.
Just go get Cassandra
and be back before we start!
Go, now!
Yay!
Now, move it, people! Go! Go! Go!
Hi!
I'm kind of busy now.
I just wanted to know
if you needed anything
from the Permit Office.
That's the UNIX book.
Yeah.
Cool.
Whoa!
Whoa!
All right, men. Our work here is done.
Excellent.
(CLUCKING)
Whoa!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(MRS. ROBINSON
PLAYING ON RADIO)
(STATIC CRACKLING)
(SONG RESUMES PLAYING)
Where's the First Presbyterian Church
on Gordon Street?
- Gordon Street! Gordon Street!
- Oh, yeah, Gordon Street.
I once knew a girl
who lived on Gordon Street,
but that was a long time ago,
when I was young.
Do we have to put up with this?
I mean, can't we get a better actor?
I know it's a small part,
but I think we can do better than this.
Gordon Street?
Oh, yes, Gordon Street.
I once knew a girl
who lived on Gordon Street,
a long time ago,
when I was a young man.
Not a day passes
that I don't think of her,
and the promise I made which
I will always keep,
that one perfect day on Gordon Street.
That's five blocks up, two over.
(HOARSELY) Thank you.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(ECHOING) Welcome to Aurora!
MAN: Eat me!
Not just a place, but a state of mind.
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
Jesus! God, no.
(FAINTLY) Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Oh. Hi. Sorry!
Sorry, everybody!
Wrong wedding!
Who's he?
(SIGHING)
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
Oh, Jesus. God, no.
(BANGING ON WINDOW)
- (FAINTLY) Cassandra!
- MAN'S VOICE: What an asshole!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
(INAUDIBLE)
Cassandra!
(INAUDIBLE)
Cassandra!
Wayne!
(MRS. ROBINSON PLAYING)
You punk.
You crazy punk.
(SHOUTING)
(GROANS)
Come on. Come on, Cassandra.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Stevenson Park! Step on it!
(ECHOING) One. Two.
Check two!
Check two!
Okay. We have some word
that there is some bad
red rope licorice
circulating in the crowd.
(CROWD BOOING)
Repeat, stay away
from the red rope licorice.
Do not bite any off and chew it.
- It could cause a dental emergency.
- Go! Get off the stage!
(CROWD BOOING)
WAYNE: Excuse me. Excuse me.
Oh!
ALL: Oh!
(GRUNTS)
(ALL GRUNT)
Hey, huh?
Huh? Guys, huh?
Wayne, Cassandra, you made it!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
CASSANDRA: This is great!
What are we gonna do?
None of the bands have showed up.
I don't know, man. Jim Morrison said,
"If you book them, they will come. "
I don't know, Wayne.
It doesn't look too good.
Jim?
Jim!
Jim!
Wow, we really are in the desert.
WAYNE: Yeah, no guff.
Wow, Jim Morrison.
Told you so, man.
How can I help you?
Jim, none of the bands have showed up.
I know, and they're not gonna show up.
Then why were we supposed
to put on the concert?
Because you had to try
and do something with your life.
But it was a failure.
Whether you won or lost,
what's important is
that you gave it your best shot.
I'm sorry, man.
- Okay.
- All right.
JIM: You'll think of something.
It's your movie.
Well, thanks a pantload, Chet.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Wayne, where are we?
Whoa. How do we get back?
(BOTH MOANING)
(BOTH GROANING)
(FLIES BUZZING)
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
Wayne, Wayne...
We don't wanna end the movie
this way, do we?
Good call, Garth.
If we're gonna go down,
let's at least go down in glory.
Let's do the Thelma & Louise ending.
Yeah!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Let's just keep going, Wayne.
Okay, Garth.
Hey, we don't wanna end the movie
like this.
Yeah. Let's do the happy ending.
Yeah, yeah.
(THUNDER CRASHES)
None of the bands
have showed up, Wayne.
- What are we gonna do?
- What are we gonna do, you guys?
We could do it on the stage.
(CAR HONKING)
You made it! Excellent!
Welcome to Waynestock.
Yeah!
- All right.
- Thanks for coming.
(GARTH WHOOPS)
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
(SHUT UP AND DANCE PLAYING)
Jim, why was I supposed
to put on this concert?
Because you had to learn
that it doesn't matter what you do,
Cassandra loves you for who you are,
and that being an adult means
facing responsibility,
yet still taking the time to have fun.
Right. It's sort of like
coming home on Friday night
and doing your homework right away,
so that your Saturday night
is free to just party.
No, I like the way I said it better.
Okay.
Okay.
Excuse me. Yo!
Over here.
Would you open the gate, please?
I have to get in there.
Sorry, you can't come in.
My girlfriend is in there.
Hey, a lot of people's girlfriends
are in there.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(I LOVE ROCK N' ROLL PLAYING)
(THE WIND CRIES MARY PLAYING)
Hey, don't cry.
Yeah, we're gonna clean it up. Okay?
See?
See?
(WAYNE'S WORLD THEME PLAYING)
WAYNE: Extreme close-up!
GARTH: Whoa!
WAYNE: Whoa!
(CHUCKLING) Okay. All right.
(GARTH WHOOPS)
All right. So, here we are
in our new surroundings,
the abandoned Acme doll factory
in downtown Aurora, Illinois.
GARTH: We now have
an official babe lair.
WAYNE: I know, man.
This place is gonna be chick central.
GARTH: I feel sorry for guys who still
have to live with their parents, you know?
Okay. You've probably noticed by now
that we're on a little early tonight.
Usually at this time on Aurora Cable,
you're watching Plant World.
But they didn't want our 10:30 time slot.
But we were able to talk Plant World
into changing with Cooking World.
Although, they didn't want to
change at first.
But fortunately,
White Supremacy World was canceled,
and all the trades worked out.
And finally, the reason we're on early
is because we're going
to a concert tonight in Chicago.
- Excellent.
- Yes.
(WHOOPS)
And did I mention that we will be seeing
- Aerosmith?
- Aerosmith.
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
All right, okay. So, until next week,
good night, and party on.
- Party on, Wayne!
- Party on, Garth.
(BOTH SINGING) It's Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time, excellent
(IMITATING FAST GUITAR RIFF)
And we're out.
- All right, okay!
- All right! Let's move, people!
All right. Garth, to the Mirthmobile.
The Mirthmobile!
(BATMAN THEME PLAYING)
- All right.
- All right.
(WHOOPS)
(MOANING)
Hi. I'm Wayne Campbell.
Excellent.
Welcome to Wayne's World 2.
Let me bring you up to speed. Come on.
There's a lot to tell you,
so let's take the scenic route.
A year has passed.
I'm a little older. I'm a little wiser.
I'm starting to get hair
in really weird places, man.
I feel like I'm turning into Sasquatch.
I still go out with
my girlfriend Cassandra.
She's cutting a record demo
right now, man.
Her career's really taking off.
You remember Cassandra, don't you?
(DREAM WEAVER PLAYING)
Ah!
Cassandra.
(GROWLS)
Schwing!
What a babe.
She'd give a dog a bone.
(CHUCKLES)
But, you know,
even though I live on my own now,
everybody's really hassling me
to do something with my life, you know?
To become an adult.
I feel like I'm in a John Hughes
rite de passage movie.
But what I'd really like to do
is something extraordinary,
something big, something mega,
something copious, something
capacious, something cajunga.
But...
I'll probably end up working
at Great America,
mopping up hurl and lung butter.
(SCOFFS) Yeah.
Huh?
You remember my best friend
Garth Algar, right?
Oh, I almost forgot.
This year, Garth finally got pubes.
(STARTS CAR)
You didn't tell them about my pubes,
did you?
No, of course not.
(CHUCKLING)
HANDSOME DAN ON RADIO:
You are listening to WPIG, The Pig,
all rock, all the time.
(MEN SINGING) WPIG, Aurora
Hey, Handsome Dan coming at you
at five on the short side
of nine bells here,
from WPIG, America's rock authority.
What do you say
we check in with Mr. Scream?
(MR. SCREAM SHOUTING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(RADAR LOVE PLAYING ON RADIO)
(WHOOPING)
God, Handsome Dan is so cool.
He must get a million chicks.
I bet he's totally studly and buffed.
With a voice like that, man,
he's gotta be a babe magnet.
MAN: Welcome to Mikita's.
How may I serve you?
(SHUSHING)
Yes.
I'd... ike... rullers... urger... ox,
and a Mikita... cup.
And then I think I would like
a large... with... eam.
(ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)
Yes, and could I please
have... elly donut,
a raspberry... and a... drink?
- MAN: What?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
And... peaker... oken.
MAN: Oh, well,
let me try to recap the order.
A cruller, two Sugar Pucks,
a Stanley Cup,
a large coffee with cream,
a raspberry jelly donut, orange drink
and a box of Five Holes.
Yeah.
Thank you. Drive around, please.
GARTH: I'm so psyched
for this concert, man.
Aerosmith's gonna kick ass!
(ALL WHOOPING)
GARTH: But where are we
supposed to meet Cassandra?
WAYNE: Cha-ching! Cha-ching!
Backstage laminates.
GARTH: Whoa!
(BOTH WHOOPING)
- Encore! Encore! Encore!
- Encore! Encore! Encore!
(LIGHTER CLICKING REPEATEDLY)
(PLAYING DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY)
(SINGING)
Let's go.
BOTH: Whoa!
Garth! Somebody just grabbed my butt!
(WHOOPS)
All right, we're on!
I feel weird.
It's like 1,000 fingers
urging you to let go.
(GROANING) I'm having fun.
Excellent!
(LAUGHING)
Hold tight.
You guys wail!
- You guys rule, baby!
- Lunch is here!
(LAUGHS)
So do you!
Goat is here.
(BLEATING)
Coming by, man.
Excuse me! Excuse me.
Where is the backstage area?
Excuse us. Excuse me.
Okay. Cool.
Oh, there she is. Hey, Cassandra!
Hey, Campbell!
- Hey, Campbell!
- Hey, there she is.
Sorry we couldn't sit together.
Oh, no troubles, bubbles.
Great concert, huh?
I want you to meet somebody.
Wayne, Garth,
this is Bobby Cahn of Sharpe Records.
WAYNE: Excellent.
- Good to see you.
- Yeah.
Bobby's my record producer.
He's been working
with me and the band.
Well, we must drop by the studio.
Of course, I don't have to tell you
how extremely talented Cassandra is.
I mean, you've heard,
you've seen, you know.
Definitely. Scott! Scottie.
I want you to meet someone.
Cassandra, this is Scott.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Dwayne.
- Actually, Wayne.
All right.
Bobby tells me you are very,
very talented.
I was just saying the exact same thing.
(QUIETLY) Scott,
I wanna ask you something.
Don't you hate schmoozing?
Oh, yes. I just despise it.
(SNICKERS)
(ALL CHUCKLING)
Stand back, please.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING IN AWE)
- We're not worthy!
- We're not worthy!
- We're not worthy!
- We're not worthy!
You're worthy, you're worthy. Get up.
You guys were excellent tonight.
Hey, thanks a lot. We'll see you inside.
GARTH: We're planning on it.
WAYNE: Hey, all right. All right.
GARTH: Whoa.
(BOTH MOAN)
- Excellent.
- MAN: Gotcha. Great.
Hold on.
Excuse me.
Wow.
Oh... Oh, jeez. Wayne, look.
Garth, it's Heather Locklear.
And she's signaling to us.
There is a god.
Heather be thy name.
- (HARMONIZING) Schwing.
- (HARMONIZING) Schwing.
- Bobby!
- Heather.
- Are you coming?
- Oh, yeah, we're...
- This is Cassandra.
- Hello.
We're supposed to be in there.
No, you're not.
My girlfriend's in there.
Hey, a lot of people's girlfriends
are in there.
- Denied.
- Denied.
Hi! Where are you from?
I'm from Wilmette.
I'm from Cicero.
Isn't it cool to be downtown?
Hey, are you those two guys
who have that TV show in Aurora?
- Wayne's World? Wayne's World.
- Wayne's World. Party time.
No!
Oh. You guys sure look like them.
Look, if Wayne says we're not,
we're not, okay?
Okay.
How long does it take
for you to get here from Aurora?
It takes me 40 minutes door to door.
My ma gave me a dollar
and dropped me off at the park-and-ride.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Dogs. Dogs.
(MOANING)
And Marilyn.
(MOANING) Marilyn...
It's all a creature.
Let's all look at your...
(MOANING)
(GULPS)
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(WIND HOWLING)
(VULTURES SQUAWKING)
Who are you?
I'm Jim Morrison.
Cool.
Who's he?
A weird naked Indian.
Cool.
Why have you brought me here?
To help you find some answers, Wayne.
Answers to what?
Ask me a question.
Okay. Two trains
are traveling at 60 miles an hour,
one from Chicago,
one from Los Angeles...
No, ask me a question about your life.
What am I supposed to do with my life?
You should put on a concert
in Aurora, Wayne.
How am I gonna get the bands to come?
If you book them, they will come.
But I don't know anything
about putting on a concert.
You must go to England
and find a man named Del Preston.
He's the greatest roadie that ever lived.
He was with us
in the good times and the bad.
He will help you.
Any more questions?
Will Garth ever get
his Sports illustrated football phone?
It was sent to the wrong house.
It will arrive tomorrow, along with
the swimsuit issue and the video,
Stanley Cup, 100 Years of Glory.
Hey, how do I get back?
Follow the weird naked Indian.
Cool.
GARTH: Wake up, Wayne!
- Garth.
- Uh-huh?
I just had the most vivid
and powerful dream of my life.
Last night, Jim Morrison spoke to me.
He told me that the purpose of my life
was to put on a concert.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, guess what finally
came in the mail, Wayne?
I guess they sent it to the wrong house.
My Sports illustrated football phone.
Oh, my God!
Cool. My Sports illustrated
swimsuit issue.
Oh, my God.
And The History of the Stanley Cup,
100 Years of Glory.
Garth, it's a sign.
We will put on a concert.
Oh, yes.
We will put on a concert.
(ROCK MUSIC BLARING
ON CAR STEREO)
Well, this must be the place.
Maybe we should've called Cassandra
before we dropped by.
Garth, it's us.
No one's gonna hassle us.
Besides, Cassandra needs
the encouragement.
Excuse me, what are you guys
doing here in the middle of the street?
Well, I'm putting these chickens
in crates and stacking them right here.
Jim's job is to make sure
we always have plenty of watermelons.
Oh, so you're selling watermelons.
No, no, sir. We just gotta make sure
there's plenty of them stacked
at all times,
just like the chickens.
What do these guys do?
Well, their job is to walk back and forth
with this big plate-glass window
every couple of minutes.
That's
weird.
Yeah. You gotta wonder
if this is gonna pay off later on.
Okay.
Maybe we ought to overdub a track
with Bobby playing.
He can really wail.
Give them a few minutes.
They're working on it.
I spoke with the label today.
They figure you got
at least three singles on this one.
They want you to come out
to the Coast next week.
Excellent.
Not bad for a little girl from Hong Kong.
(SIGHS)
What brings you here, Wayne?
I had to tell Cassandra something.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Last night I had a dream.
We're going to put on
a concert in Aurora.
That's a great idea.
Yeah. It's...
It's a festival.
- A festival?
- A festival. You heard the man.
That's charming. What's it called?
What's it called?
It's called...
It's called...
Waynestock. It's called Waynestock.
(CHUCKLES) Waynestock.
Who's gonna be at Waynestock?
Um... Uh...
Aerosmith and Pearl Jam.
(GARTH CHUCKLING
IN ANTICIPATION)
Who else?
Uh, me
and Wayne.
- And...
- And, uh...
Van Halen.
Wow! Van Halen. Who else?
Yeah. Who else?
Uh, an old man fashioning a kayak
out of a log?
- What?
- No! Uh...
Rip Taylor! Rip Taylor's gonna be there.
- Ah!
- Rip Taylor? He's a god in my country.
He can't walk the streets
without getting mobbed.
Well, that's great,
'cause he's gonna be there. So...
And I thought maybe
you could play, too.
I would be honored.
I wouldn't commit just yet.
You got some real gigs coming up.
Real gigs.
(SCOFFS) Real gigs?
Well, ixnay
on the condescension-ay there, Chet.
Yeah.
- Bobby, can I ask you a question?
- What is it, Garth?
(CLEARS THROAT)
A sphincter says what?
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
I said, "A sphincter says what?"
You want me to say "what,"
like I don't get it.
Is that it?
(BOTH WHEEZING)
That it?
Oh, dear. Last guy didn't get.
- What.
- Okay. Last guy didn't get.
You big. You big.
We small, small.
So, we better go. Yeah.
Where are you going?
- England!
- England!
WAYNE: I can't believe Paramount
is spending the money
to fly us to England.
I would have thought
they would just use two doubles.
- Here we are at Piccadilly Circus.
- GARTH: Wow! What a shitty circus.
WAYNE: Good call. There's no animals
or clowns. What a rip-off.
Let's go to Buckingham Palace.
GARTH: Does Princess Di
still live here?
She is such a babe.
WAYNE: Yeah.
(GROWLING)
GARTH: So, did Jim Morrison
give you Del Preston's exact address?
WAYNE: Yeah.
He said exactly London, England.
GARTH: Okay.
I don't know about this, Wayne.
(SNORING)
Del?
Hello?
Del?
(SOFT SNORING)
(BOTH SCREAM)
(SCREAMING)
Huh?
Are you Del Preston?
I might be.
Who are you?
- My name is Wayne Campbell.
- I'm Garth Algar.
That's terribly fascinating, mate,
but you woke me up.
How can you sleep like that?
Listen, sonny, Jim,
sleeping like this
will add 10 years to your life.
I learned it from Keith Richards
when I toured with the Stones.
This may be the reason why Keith
cannot be killed
by conventional weapons.
So, how can I be of assistance?
You're gonna think I'm nuts, right,
but someone visited me in a dream
and told me that Del Preston
would help me put on a concert
in Aurora, Illinois.
A concert?
(SNICKERS)
I'm afraid you've been misinformed.
I don't do that anymore.
I'm just an old geezer.
I mean, what do I know
about music today?
When I was working, it was all bands
like Eric Clapton
and the Rolling Stones.
I mean, it's not like the Grateful Dead
are still together and touring, is it?
- Well, actually, they...
- Garth.
(SHUSHING QUIETLY)
Wow, look at this scrapbook.
Wow.
- GARTH: That's you with Led Zeppelin.
- Yeah.
My old lady put that together.
We must've toured every concert hall
and venue in America,
me, my old lady and the road.
- Is that you and Bob Dylan?
- Yeah.
Who's the old lady?
That's my old lady.
Listen, it was fun,
but those days are gone forever.
But we came all the way from America
just to talk to you.
I'm sorry.
I don't do concerts anymore.
Come on, let's go.
Well,
I still think you led a really cool life.
It was nice meeting you.
WAYNE: I guess Jim was wrong.
Hang about.
Was it Jim Morrison?
- Yes!
- Amazing.
Did he have a naked Indian?
- Yes!
- Wow.
I have to ask you...
Didn't you think it was
a trifle unnecessary
to see the crack in the Indian's bottom?
Yes, absolutely!
I had the same dream.
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
GARTH: Del,
you're really gonna love Aurora.
DEL: Who's Aurora, anyway?
Frank, it's Bobby.
Did you get the tape?
What did you think?
Definitely. She sounds great.
Yeah, the band is terrible.
It's a garage band.
They can't, I'm sure.
I'm working with them.
I'm still in this studio in Aurora.
- What the hell you doing there?
- She wants to stay here.
Why would she wanna stay in Aurora?
Same reason
they all wanna stay in Aurora,
she's got a boyfriend.
Don't worry.
I'll get rid of the boyfriend and the band.
Also, I'd like to bring her out to LA,
finish the album.
All right, Bobby.
Let's just get it done, okay?
DEL: And there I am in Sri Lanka,
formerly Ceylon, at 3:00 in the morning,
looking for 1,000 brown M&Ms
to fill a brandy glass,
or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night.
So, Jeff Beck pops his head
round the door
and mentions there's a little sweet shop
on the edge of town.
So, we go, and it's closed.
So, there's me and Keith Moon
and David Crosby
breaking into this
little sweet shop, right?
Well, instead of a guard dog,
they've got this bloody
great big Bengal tiger.
Well, I managed to take out the tiger
with a can of Mace,
but the shop owner and his son,
that's a different story altogether.
I had to beat them to death
with their own shoes.
Nasty business, really.
But sure enough, I got the M&Ms,
and Ozzy went on stage
and did a great show.
Wow! Wow, that was excellent.
WOMAN: That's great.
Well, to put on a really great rock show
like Knebworth, in England,
or Woodstock,
there is only one place you can do it,
and that's here,
at Adlai Stevenson Memorial Park,
in the playing fields.
We better get to Stevenson Park
and check it out.
So, Wayne...
I hear you're putting on
some kind of concert.
That's good.
People need to be entertained.
They need the distraction.
I wish to God
that somebody would do something
to block out the voices in my head
for five minutes,
voices that scream over and over,
"Why do they come to me to die?"
"Why do they come to me to die?"
Okay.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
GARTH: What do we do now?
WAYNE: Here. Let me look at it.
(SIGHS)
Get the flashlight.
Okay.
There's the main gate,
and here we are.
No, no, no, man. We're over here.
I don't think so.
We took a left turn at the gate,
(THUDDING)
- so that would put us...
- Garth!
Wait a minute.
(SNICKERS)
I know where we are.
- I'm pretty good with maps.
- Shh!
(THUDDING)
Listen.
What?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Turn it off! Turn it off!
- I can't turn it off! I can't turn it off!
- Turn it off! Turn it off!
(ROARING)
Waynestock?
You would purposely invite
the rock 'n' roll element
into our community?
Well, what's wrong
with a little entertainment?
Entertainment is fine, but this...
You know, we have lots of big acts
that come through here.
Ice Capades, Tiny Toons, Kenny G.
Kenny G?
(SAXOPHONE PLAYING)
(DENTAL DRILL WHIRRING)
(MOANING SOFTLY)
So, what, we don't even get
to apply for a permit? Yeah.
We would love to put on a rock concert.
Not!
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Yeah.
Betty Jo, could we have the permits
for a festival, please?
- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.
You'll need to fill out
the necessary permit applications.
Permit applications.
- Here you go.
- Thank you, Betty Jo.
BETTY JO: Hey.
You're the guy that's on that
Wayne World show.
(BETTY JO CHUCKLES)
- Betty Jo?
- Yeah?
Thank you.
All right, then.
Naturally, you'll need the
necessary application for authorization,
approval from the guilds and unions.
You'll need some release forms.
The decibel level...
What? Is something wrong?
Huh?
(CHUCKLES) What do you mean?
It's my eye, isn't it?
Why would we want to look at your eye?
Is there something wrong
with that weird eye?
There's nothing wrong with my eye.
This one just has no pigment.
You see, I'm what you call
a partial ocular albino.
But I'm fine with it.
I have perfect 20/20 vision
with both eyes.
Mr. Campbell, you're serious
about putting on a rock concert?
Are you kidding? I'd give my right eye.
Yeah.
You both realize
there are certain jurisdictions
you'll need to follow.
Well, I'd like to think
that I have an eye for details.
I'm assuming, of course,
you have the $5,000 occupancy permit,
or you wouldn't even be here.
Ex-squeeze me? A baking powder?
$5,000 occupancy permit?
Yes, we have that, actually. Yes.
Piece of cake.
Fine, then all forms and applications
must be filled out in triplicate
and returned to this office
no later than 10 working days
before the event,
with the money.
Okay. Well, we'll take these home,
run through them with a fine-tooth comb,
cross the "t's" and dot the...
Lower-case "j's. "
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
WAYNE: Oh, I keep falling over. Oh, no!
- Oh, I seem to be falling over a lot.
- (LAUGHING) Stop.
Oh, damn, these high heels. Oh!
Cassandra...
Why do you go out with me?
I love being with you.
Most guys are jerks.
You're a good person.
Wait. Let me show you
what I got at a garage sale.
What did you get?
Isn't that great? You heard of it?
Ex-squeeze me?
Have I ever seen this one before?
Frampton Comes Alive?
Everybody in the world
has Frampton Comes Alive.
If you lived in the suburbs,
you were issued it.
It came in the mail
with samples of Tide.
Look at this old one.
Gerry and the Pacemakers.
Wow! That is old.
You know, I bet those guys
actually have pacemakers by now.
Can you believe
they're not making vinyl anymore?
- It's weird, isn't it?
- That is weird.
Bobby said my album will never,
ever be on vinyl.
Oh, "Bobby says. "
Are you and Bobby having an affair?
No, of course not.
Where did you hear that?
Well, you know how these things start.
One guy tells another guy something,
then he tells two friends,
and they tell two friends,
and they tell their friends,
and so on, and so on,
and so on.
You know how these things go.
No. Honestly, Campbell,
I am not having an affair.
I'm nice to him
because he's my producer.
But if this record deal falls through,
I lose my visa, and then
I have to go back to Hong Kong.
But you have nothing
to worry about, Wayne.
- Okay.
- Hey, my dad's coming to visit.
I'd really love you to meet him.
Yeah. Treat.
I'm sure he's just gonna love me.
Yeah.
If you're anything like my old boyfriend.
I'm nothing like your old boyfriend.
Then we're screwed.
You know, I haven't seen Garth
in a while. What's he up to?
Oh, Garth's doing his laundry.
(SCOFFS) Too bad he doesn't
have a girlfriend to do his laundry.
Oh, yeah. Thanks for doing my laundry.
Hey, Cassandra,
how do you get my clothes
so white and fresh-smelling?
It's an age-old Cantonese family method
that very few people know about.
Ah. Wait a minute.
Calgon?
Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
Hello.
Hi.
I don't recall ever seeing you in here.
Well, maybe it's because
it's my first time in here.
That's right.
My mom used to do all my laundry,
but I do now.
I'm what you call sans parents.
Oh.
I can go to a movie on a school night,
like that.
Well, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh.
Yeah, dirty...
Would you like some red rope licorice?
Why, sure.
(EXCLAIMS)
- What's your name?
- Garth. Garth Algar.
What's yours?
I'm Honey Horn?e.
Nice to meet you, Miss Horny.
That's Horn?e.
- It's French.
- Oh. Okay,
Miss Horn?e.
(CHUCKLING)
So, Garth,
would you like to have dinner
some night?
Oh, I like to have dinner every night.
No, I mean us. You and me.
Would you like
to have dinner some night?
(STAMMERING)
A date?
(MACHINE BUZZES)
Finally. It took, like, two hours.
I like them teeny and toasty.
So long.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Maybe we'll see each other around.
Yeah. I'll see you around.
Oh, Garth?
Huh?
You forgot these.
- Good night, Cassandra.
- Night.
- Good work.
- Thanks. See you tomorrow.
Good night.
I have got to get you to LA.
You are buried here.
I like it here. All my friends are here.
What time is it?
10:35.
Damn. I missed the start
of Wayne's show.
WAYNE ON TV: Okay.
So, we're in a doll factory, right?
It kind of reminds me of that movie,
the Leprechaun. You remember.
- With that little guy...
- Oh, yeah.
- ... that goes, "I'm the leprechaun. "
- Jeez.
Garth, I'm the leprechaun!
(EXCLAIMS) Cool it, okay?
- I'm the leprechaun!
- Stop it, all right?
Don't try and steal me pot o' gold.
Why do you hang around
with these guys?
Because they're fun.
If I wanted a guy
that was all drive and ambition,
I could've stayed in Hong Kong.
Back there,
guys like that are 12 for 10 cents.
You mean a dime a dozen.
Maybe where you shop.
I think you underestimate them.
They're really sharp.
GARTH: Stop it,
leprechaun man!
- Garth, chill!
- And there they come...
- What did those monsters do to you?
- Heather Locklear...
- I'm not... Stop it.
- Sweetie. Sweetie.
GARTH: Stop it.
WAYNE: Sweetie.
GARTH: I'm not listening.
WAYNE: Come on, sweetie.
Come on. Pixie dust. Pixie dust.
Sweetie, it's me.
- It's me the leprechaun!
- (SCREAMS) No!
I'm the leprechaun.
Oh, yeah. These guys, really sharp.
GARTH: I'm scared!
WAYNE: It's the leprechaun.
- Want to leave, but can't.
- I'm the leprechaun.
- Want to move.
- Where you gonna move?
- Get away, leprechaun man.
- Are you gonna move to Ireland?
- No! Got to go!
- 'Cause I'm the leprechaun.
CASSANDRA: Wayne, we're here!
Here, let me get the gate for you.
Hold on.
All righty.
Come on in.
Come on in. Nice digs, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, Cassandra, you look hot.
Sorry.
Wayne, I would like you to meet
my father, Mr. Wong.
Please meet you acquaintance,
Wayne Campbell.
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
(IN ENGLISH) Right.
MAN'S VOICE: (IN ENGLISH)
Very well, if that is your custom.
Prepare to die.
(GONG CLANGING)
Come.
(GRUNTING)
MAN'S VOICE: (IN ENGLISH)
I know all seven animal styles,
the crane,
the stag,
the horse, the tiger,
the bat, the rat,
the monkey,
the Beatle.
(TWIST AND SHOUT PLAYING)
I will take you, old man.
(EXCLAIMING MENACINGLY)
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
(GROANS)
(EXCLAIMS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Your tongue is quick,
but how are you with a sword?
Oh, no!
Wayne!
(EXCLAIMING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(LAUGHING)
(PHONE RINGING)
(EXCLAIMING)
Hello? Can we talk
later? This is not a good time for me.
Just a moment. I've got call waiting.
Hello. Yes?
Can I call you back?
I am on the other line.
Uh-huh. Yes,
he received his Sports illustrated
football phone.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
(MR. WONG LAUGHS)
(EXCLAIMS IN CANTONESE)
(MAN'S VOICE LAUGHING)
Wayne, you've impressed me.
(CHUCKLING) You're worthy
of my daughter.
(LAUGHING IN THEIR OWN VOICES)
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
So, here's the deal.
We got a party tomorrow at Komrades.
It's kind of a fund-raiser for Waynestock.
That's right. There's gonna be
a $10 cover charge at the door.
It's gonna be a big party.
And because it's at Komrades,
we're gonna call it a communist party.
(I LOVE ROCK N' ROLL PLAYING)
I remember, one time
I was in a place like this.
Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon.
It was about 3:00 in the morning,
and I was looking for 1,000 brown M&Ms
to fill a brandy glass,
or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night.
So, Jeff Beck pops his head
round the door
and mentions there's a little
- sweet shop on the edge of town.
- Sweet shop on the edge of town. Yeah.
Hey, Wayne. Hey, Garth.
- Hey, Milton.
- Hey, Milton, how's it going, man?
Awesome party!
Good tunes. Good brew. Good buddies.
I feel great, man.
(SHOUTS) I feel great!
I don't know, man.
I hate my father. I hate my life.
But I feel great, man!
- You guys are great.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna go pick a fight.
He's gotten a lot better, don't you think?
- Way better.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
We'll be back in a bit.
Hey, how's it going?
- Hi.
- Hey.
- It's looking good, Campbell.
- Yeah.
- I'll be at the bar.
- Good.
Hey, I'm so glad you could make it.
You look amazing.
Mmm! I see.
- Yes.
- Oh, wait. I have great news.
Bobby is taking me to LA
to do the final mix on my album.
Isn't that terrific?
Wow, that's great.
I'm ecstatic.
I'm beside myself with joy.
Hooray for Hollywood.
Living on your own
definitely has its perks. Schwing!
You know, because your mom
doesn't tell you to turn down the stereo,
and junk like that,
you know, which is a real drag.
Schwing! Schwing!
You know, because moms
are genetically programed
to hate music played at the
appropriate level, right? I mean...
And my dad, forget about it.
Schwing! Schwing! Schwing! Schwing!
He could ruin a Led Zeppelin reunion
concert. You know what I mean?
Schwing! Schwing!
'Cause he hates any music
played at the appropriate level.
Schwing! Schwing! Schwing!
...but the shopkeeper and his son
was a different story altogether.
I had to beat them to death
with their own shoes.
(CROWD CHANTING)
- What's the deal with Bobby?
- Wayne?
- Go! Go! Go!
- Go! Go! Go!
It's getting a little out of hand.
I think you'd better say something.
All right. Good call.
Everybody, I'd like to say something!
Excuse me. Coming through!
Everybody, can I get your attention?
I'd like to say something.
(MUSIC STOPS)
Keep it down.
Okay. We're really glad
you could all make it.
We never realized
that we had so many friends
who believed in this concert idea.
When we first had this idea
of putting on this shindig,
we didn't know if anyone would come.
(VOICE CRACKING) But look,
you're all here, pitching in.
(CHOKING) I promised myself
I wouldn't cry.
(EXCLAIMS)
(SIGHS)
Party on!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(CAN'T GET ENOUGH PLAYING)
- Go! Go! Go!
- Go! Go! Go!
(INAUDIBLE)
Garth, I'm starting
to get a bad feeling, man.
I think something's going on.
(CHUCKLING)
WAYNE: Hello. Hello. Yes?
Is this Aerosmith's tour manager?
It is!
Hello. My name is Wayne Campbell.
You don't know me.
I'm not mental or anything,
but I'm putting on a concert
in Aurora, Illinois.
Yes, I can hold.
(CHUCKLES)
Del, look. For years I thought
this was a Mercedes emblem.
Woodstock?
That was quite a show, man.
You were at Woodstock?
Excellent. What was it like?
Well, it rained all morning,
and then it cleared up in the afternoon.
And that's it.
I almost remembered
something else then, but it's gone.
You can't remember what it was?
Still holding, yes, I am. I just want...
Wayne, look what I made.
Good work, my friend.
You guys got the permit applications?
Got the money?
Cha-ching, cha-ching.
Good for you.
Most people just take them
and never come back.
(MOUTHING)
(MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE THEME
PLAYING)
Position one to position two.
Do you copy?
This is position two in position.
Position three, what's your position?
Position three. I read you.
TERRY: Position four,
do you copy? Over.
Four copies.
Back to position one. Over.
I have to go to LA for a couple of days.
If you need anything,
I'm at this number.
Position one to position two.
Position one to position two.
Did you see that?
This is position two in position!
Sorry, man, I didn't see anything.
What is it?
Abort! Abort! We have been identified!
Whoa!
Abandon positions! Abandon positions!
Whoa!
GARTH: Wayne, let's run away!
(WAYNE GROANING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Garth, it's locked!
In here!
(SHUDDERING)
(YELPS)
(STEP IT UP PLAYING)
Hi.
Come on, let's go!
(Y.M.C.A. PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Do it, Miss Thing! Do it! Do it!
Get it, girl! Get it, girl!
What's the matter, Wayne? You look
like you wanna say something to me.
I think we should break up.
- What? Why?
- Because
there comes a time
when people should go
their separate ways.
I mean, I've got Waynestock,
you've got your career
and your producer,
and I just think it's time
that we should see other people.
I don't want to see other people.
Well, what about Bobby?
- What about him?
- Oh, come on!
Do you think I'm a gulla bull
or even a gulla calf?
I have no idea
what you're talking about, Wayne.
Yeah, right! Come on, now!
What about these?
- Where did these come from?
- I did a little detective work.
You did spy on me.
Yes, I did.
(GRUNTS)
EMT: Easy.
I think she took that well.
EMT: Let's go.
(SPIRIT IN THE SKY PLAYING)
DEL: Ladies and gentlemen!
Your roadie training begins today.
It will not be easy.
You will get tired.
You will get blisters.
You will get aches and pains.
But you will also get good.
Are you ready?
- Yes, sir!
- Yes, sir!
Roadies present and accounted for, sir!
Well, let's begin.
WAYNE: Go!
Come on, let's go! Let's go!
On the stand, not on the ground!
Come on, let's go!
Go! Not on the ground!
Not on the ground.
Jesus! It's crazy!
They're getting better, Del. Look.
- Not on the ground.
- Ow! Ow!
Go!
Get that microphone!
Get that microphone!
(SCREAMING)
You're worthless!
You're less than nothing!
What's keeping you here?
You don't belong here!
Why don't you just quit?
(SOBBING) 'Cause I got
no place else to go!
Whoa.
Thanks for coming in with me.
I'm always a little afraid
to come in by myself.
Come.
(CHUCKLING) Come on.
Whoops!
(GENTLY) Come on. Sit down.
And I'll fix us a little drink, okay?
Mmm-hmm.
(HONEY GIGGLES)
(SOFT BOSSA NOVA MUSIC PLAYING)
Huh?
There you are.
An Old Fashioned.
(SPITS)
This Coke's gone bad.
I just love a man with a sense of humor.
- You know what I wish?
- What?
I wish I could climb up
inside of that big old brain of yours
and just walk around.
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
- You know what I love?
- What?
I love the way those big, thick glasses
- magnify your pupils.
- Oh.
- Look at me.
- Huh?
(HONEY MOANS)
I'll bet you like to be in control. Tell me.
Well, when I was 17,
my little sister tried to borrow
my Def Leppard record.
I said, "No way. "
Now, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.
Huh? Oh, my God. You're so limber.
Don't you just love music?
Do you have any Megadeth?
Come with me.
I'm blind.
Whoa.
(GARTH MOANING)
Okay.
I'm dancing.
You're real squiggly.
Whoa.
(GARTH EXCLAIMS)
- Did you hurt yourself?
- Yeah.
Let me see.
- Oh. There.
- That's it. Yeah.
(GARTH MOANS)
(STAMMERING)
Feel naughty. Feel naughty.
I thought I saw a puddy cat. Whoa!
Boldly go
where no man has ever gone before.
There's got to be a way to find...
- Take me, Garth.
- Where?
I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.
I'm gonna be frank.
Okay. Can I still be Garth?
Shut up and kiss me.
(GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
(WEAKLY) Can I have
some cocoa later?
(GRUNTS)
(IMITATING FRENCH ACCENT)
Good morning, darling.
I trust you slept well.
I hope I wasn't too much of an animal.
Come, hold me.
(IMITATING BRITISH ACCENT)
You know I will.
Party on.
WAYNE: Oh, he's bobbing.
He's weaving. He winds up!
GARTH: Oh, denied!
(WHOOPS)
Yeah!
(SIGHS)
- Are you all right?
- Women.
I feel like I've been placed
in the delete bin of life
next to Mahogany Rush.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Well, relationships aren't for the timid.
- Yeah.
- And I should know.
For I am no longer a stranger
in the ways of the woman.
All right, man, all right.
Good work, my friend.
On that note, game on.
Game on!
All right!
He's wheeling, he's dealing.
He shoots, he scores!
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
it takes two people to run a concert,
one backstage and one out front.
Two.
One man alone cannot do this.
Wayne, you will run the backstage team.
Milton, you are the liaison
between Wayne's backstage team
and Garth's front stage team,
which includes myself in the booth.
To the left and the right of the stage
are the machine gun nests,
belt-fed M60 Brownings.
Now, these babies tend to heat up,
so shoot in three-second bursts.
In the event of capture,
I will personally
distribute cyanide capsules
to be placed under the tongue like so.
Any questions?
Yeah. I have a question.
When did you turn into a nut bar?
(MR. SCREAM SHOUTS ON RADIO)
HANDSOME DAN:
Thank you, Mr. Scream.
Hey, in a minute I'm gonna be joined
by Wayne and Garth.
They're gonna give us the lowdown
about the upcoming
Waynestock concert.
Hi. We're here to see Handsome Dan.
My name is Wayne Campbell.
Ja, I know.
We've been expecting you,
Wayne Campbell.
I am Bjergen Kjergen.
Wow, I love your accent.
Where are you from?
- I am from Sweden.
- Oh, really?
Whereabouts in Sweden?
Knuergen, near the Bjorgen Fjords.
Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjergen
from Knuergen near the Bjorgen Fjords.
Hmm! Knuergen.
That's in the Klargen province,
near the Biburgen river.
Ja.
Now correct me if I'm wrong.
Your annual rainfall varies
from about 40 inches in the winter,
to about 200 inches in the summer,
and your chief export
is modular furniture.
I did a project on Sweden
in the eighth grade.
Well, I am impressed
with your quest for knowledge.
Educated men are rare.
It was really hard.
I stayed up all night working on it.
Then the next day, in gym class,
I was on the mini tramp,
and I got diarrhea.
I really wish I hadn't told you that.
Well, I am sorry to hear of your illness,
but since you have
sacrificed your health
for knowledge of my home country,
I find you very attractive, and I hope
to make love to you in the near future.
(CHUCKLES) Well, shnuergen.
(CHUCKLING) Okay. All right.
Okay. All right.
Oh! Dick Van Dyke Show.
Hi.
- Good work, my friend.
- Yeah.
(SNIFFING)
Are you wearing Brut?
Yes.
My woman likes me in cologne.
HANDSOME DAN: Hey, Wayne, Garth,
let me get my headset off,
I'll be right out.
Oh, wow!
Hi, Handsome Dan.
It's great to meet you.
I'm not Handsome Dan.
Hi.
(CHUCKLES) Hey.
Hi.
Dansome
- Dan.
- Dan.
Back with you on WPIG,
maximum grunt.
(PIG GRUNTING)
All right. Our special guests right now,
Wayne Campbell, Garth Algar.
Wayne's World, Wayne's World.
All right.
Talking about Waynestock.
Very exciting. Big event.
Everybody's excited, huh?
Yeah. It's gonna be a big concert
at Adlai Stevenson Park.
- Uh-huh.
- It's just gonna be a big party, you know.
- We got some great bands coming.
- Uh-huh.
- Like Aerosmith.
- Uh-huh.
I just wanna remind everybody
that there's still plenty of tickets left.
- Uh-huh.
- But that's no reason to wait
- till the last minute.
- Uh-huh.
Because it's just a chance
for the city of Aurora...
Mmm-hmm.
To do something...
Uh-huh.
- Fun.
- Uh-huh!
And to put the city on the map.
Mmm-hmm.
It's a lot of work.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, well, work is hard.
You're not really listening to me,
are you?
Uh-huh.
I mean, I could say anything right now,
like, "You're a complete tool. "
Mmm-hmm.
But you wouldn't hear it,
'cause you're a freak with a microphone.
Uh-huh.
It's not even challenging anymore.
It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Isn't that true, sphincter boy?
Uh-huh. What? Oh!
(GUNSHOT)
(CHUCKLES) They're getting
closer all the time.
All right. Good information
about Waynestock. Very exciting.
We'll be back with more,
right after Pig sports.
Right now,
it's 16 minutes past the big hour.
Is that not right, Mr. Scream?
(SCREAMING)
Great. Good stuff.
I think people are getting really cranked.
(RINGING)
- Hi. Bobby? It's Wayne Campbell.
- Wayne.
How'd you get this number?
It was written on the back
of a business card.
Hey, I'm looking for Cassandra.
Do you know where she is?
I have to talk to her. It's really important.
BOBBY: Cassandra?
No, I haven't seen her.
She said she might come to LA.
She wasn't definite.
If I hear anything, I'll let you know.
I have to go.
I'm with someone.
I'm sorry I couldn't help.
Okay. Thanks. Bye.
(BLOWING)
Important call?
(GRUNTS DISMISSIVELY)
Some small-time promoter.
BOBBY: Let's get some lunch.
(MOANING)
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(WIND HOWLING)
What you're saying
is that Peter Lawford warned Kennedy
not to mess with
the military-industrial complex.
Yeah. Dig this, man.
J. Edgar Hoover was one bad cat.
I mean, he had
a completely different bag from Jack.
I mean, he just couldn't groove.
And when two cats
can't groove to the same tune,
one of them
has to visit the man upstairs.
(LAUGHS)
That's amazing, man.
Excuse me. Hey, Wayne,
I want you to meet a friend of mine,
Sammy Davis Jr.
Wow! Nice to meet you, Mr. Jr.
Nice to meet you, too, man.
I gotta split, man.
I got some cats I gotta hang with.
JIM: Bye, Sammy.
He's a good man.
And now, Wayne, what can I do you for?
Listen, Jim, I'm really confused, okay?
We haven't sold any tickets yet,
none of the bands have signed,
Garth is distracted by chicks,
I broke up with my girlfriend,
and on top of all that,
Del's gone completely mental.
To complete your journey,
you're gonna have to help
some people along the way.
This next little bit,
you're gonna have to go it alone.
Keep the faith, my friend.
If you book them, they will come.
Hey, Sammy, wait up.
WAYNE: Hey, Jim,
what if nobody shows up?
Jim!
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(EXCLAIMING)
Oh, wow.
Sand.
Cool. Yeah.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Right. Right, Moe.
Mmm-hmm. I understand.
Nervous?
A little.
I've never been
on The Tonight Show before.
Nothing to worry about.
After the show, I thought we...
After the show,
I have to fly back to Aurora.
- I'm doing Waynestock, remember?
- Waynestock?
What's this Waynestock thing?
It's nothing.
Just something she has to do.
Hold on a second, Moe.
Listen, Bobby's put together
some great musicians.
You're making a great album.
Together, it can't miss.
You're in good hands. He's the best.
You listen to Bobby,
and you're gonna be a big star.
A big star.
Moe? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Well, we're almost out of time,
but I'd just like to point out
that there are still plenty of excellent
Waynestock tickets still available.
Actually, there are about 10,000
excellent Waynestock tickets
still available.
And I'd also like to address a rumor.
There's this rumor
that none of the bands have signed,
and that probably
no one's gonna show up.
While it's true
that none of the bands have signed,
Jim Morrison and his weird
naked Indian friend
visited me in the night and assured me
that all the bands are gonna come.
- All right.
- GARTH: Yeah.
All right. Well, that's all the time
we have for this week.
So, until then, good night.
- Party on, Garth.
- Party on, Wayne.
(BOTH SINGING) It's Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time, excellent
(IMITATING FAST GUITAR RIFF)
- And we're clear.
- All right!
(WHOOPS)
Uh...
Wayne, you know,
(STAMMERING) I don't know
if you should mention
that Jim Morrison thing anymore.
Yeah, yeah.
It's just that people have started to talk.
You know, they're saying things like,
"Hey, there goes Garth
and his friend Wayne,
"the psychopath. "
It's embarrassing.
No offense or nothing.
Oh, no. No, none taken.
(GURGLING)
I believe this knife is yours.
- (HESITANTLY) Okay.
- Yeah.
It's just that things
have started to look a little bleak.
Bleak? What?
Hey, no guff, Chet.
Until you pointed that out,
it hadn't occurred to me.
Hey, where are you going?
- Mikita's.
- Mikita's. Yeah.
You know. The usual.
Are you gonna come?
No, no, no. You guys go and have fun.
I'd probably just end up
embarrassing you anyways.
No, no. I'm just gonna stay here
and lick the cat's butt.
- Okay.
- Okay.
MAN ON TV: Just 15 to 20 minutes,
three times a week,
can really make a difference in...
How about all the other products here?
How much for those?
Joe, you know the price, $29.95.
(CROWD CHEERING)
JAY LENO: And that song is from
your album that's coming out, right?
- Oh, man.
- CASSANDRA: Right.
She looks great.
It should be out next month,
or we hope it will be.
Now, who's... Now, who's "we"?
Now, who are you looking at?
Let's see. Let's see the guy.
That's Bobby Cahn, my producer.
Oh, that fine-looking man
is your producer, huh?
Oh, man, I'm in the wrong business.
See, I should be a record producer,
then I'd have attractive-looking women
waving and smiling at me all the time.
Hi, Bobby.
(CASSANDRA LAUGHING)
She will be mine again. Oh, yes.
She will be mine again.
You were terrific. They loved you.
- You think so?
- Are you kidding?
Listen to them. They loved you. Me, too.
You know, I didn't think
I could do it without my band.
But the guys you put together
were so hot.
- Damn, I had fun.
- Good. Let's celebrate.
Okay.
Did you give any thought to what I said?
Yeah. I'm still thinking about it.
Give me a week?
Okay.
What's the matter? Is anything wrong?
Oh, Garth.
Oh, Garth, I'm so scared.
What, has someone hurt you?
I mean, I'll take care of it.
I'm a grownup now, you know.
(TREMBLING) It's...
It's my husband.
Your what?
Oh, darling. I meant to tell you,
but my divorce isn't final.
And he came over here yesterday,
and he was crazy, like an animal.
Oh, I wish someone would kill him.
You mean, kill your husband?
No! No! Don't say it.
You mustn't even think it.
I mean, I know you love me,
but I won't let you kill my husband.
Although,
I know you want to.
We both know you want to.
And then you could have me
anytime you want.
And I do mean anytime.
Get me my cigarettes, would you, lover?
They're in my purse.
(GASPING DRAMATICALLY)
(CRYING) I'm just so...
Whoa.
That's a pretty big gun.
Oh, darling...
All this talk about killing,
and. 45 Magnums
with the clip filed down
and the safety off...
Oh, it's just all so confusing.
I won't. I won't.
I won't. I won't.
I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't.
- I won't let you.
- He is a dead man.
No way.
(WHIMPERING)
You know what?
I got myself into this.
I'm gonna get myself out of it.
I'm gonna take it on the chin,
and I'm gonna be a man.
JIM: Keep the faith, my friend.
If you book them, they will come.
(EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE)
Okay. All right, man.
You gotta stop doing that, all right?
Oh, man.
Hello, is anybody here?
(LAUGHING) Hello.
Oh, my God! Rip Taylor! Oh, my God!
How are you?
You must be Wayne Campbell.
- Yes, I am.
- How are you, Wayne?
Very good.
- This must be Waynestock.
- Yes, it is.
It's a little rustic, a little bucolic,
but, oh, well, I like it. It's cute.
- Thanks.
- Uh-huh.
Oh, how are you, pal?
You better get ready for the show.
(LAUGHING) Get dressed.
You can see him?
Well, of course I can see him.
I mean, how are you gonna miss
a half-naked Indian, for God's sake?
WAYNE: Rip Taylor, Garth Algar.
Rip, you showed up. Cool.
Yeah. And my people got a call
from you, you know. Thank you.
And before I could say, "No,"
this guy came to me in a dream.
I said, "Who are you?"
He said, "Jim Morrison.
"I'm a dead rock star. "
I said, "I'm not familiar with your work. "
So, he played me
a record from The Doors.
And I said, "Well, you appear to be
more like a crooner
"working in the rock milieu, which I like. "
Why is our order taking so long?
RIP: So, well, you know, he said,
"You gotta do Waynestock. "
So, I figured, what the hey?
(LAUGHING)
Hey, what's going on?
- Don't you know?
- No.
- We're here for Waynestock.
- Same here, dude.
- Really looking forward to it, too.
- Later.
Wayne, where did all these people
come from?
Garth, this is big.
We gotta get back to the playing fields.
(HEY JOE PLAYING)
Hey, Joe...
WAYNE: So, have you seen Cassandra?
I know. It's weird.
I don't know where she is either.
I know. I mean, she said she'd play,
and she never misses a gig.
All right. Well, if you see her,
can you send her over to Waynestock?
All right. Thanks a lot, chief.
All right, bye-bye.
Wayne! Wayne!
Okay, here's what's happening so far.
A lot of people have started to show up,
but none of the bands are here.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to hurl.
Okay, Garth, ixnay on the url-hay.
I need your help. Think!
Where could Cassandra be?
(PHONE RINGING)
I think I had too much Jolt cola.
(RINGING)
(RINGING)
MAN'S VOICE: Hello?
Jeff, Wayne.
I cannot find your daughter,
and I'm greatly troubled.
Alas, my young friend.
I have chosen another for my daughter.
You are an excellent warrior,
but I require more in a son-in-law.
He has money.
Name the one you have chosen,
and surely he will die by my hand.
He goes by the name of Bobby.
He has offered security,
a career and a green card.
I arranged the match myself.
And though I am sure
this information will be useless to you
so late in the film, they are to be married
at the First Presbyterian Church
on Gordon Street.
Sorry I could not invite you
to the wedding, my young friend.
(SPEAKING CANTONESE)
It's okay. She's marrying Bobby.
(SCREAMING)
- What are you doing?
- I'm out!
I have to go find Cassandra
and tell her how I feel.
But I can't do the concert by myself.
It takes two men to run the concert!
You're right. I'm in.
But I love her!
(EXCLAIMING) I'm freaking out!
What am I gonna do?
Go get Cassandra.
Del and I will run the concert.
Just go get Cassandra
and be back before we start!
Go, now!
Yay!
Now, move it, people! Go! Go! Go!
Hi!
I'm kind of busy now.
I just wanted to know
if you needed anything
from the Permit Office.
That's the UNIX book.
Yeah.
Cool.
Whoa!
Whoa!
All right, men. Our work here is done.
Excellent.
(CLUCKING)
Whoa!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(MRS. ROBINSON
PLAYING ON RADIO)
(STATIC CRACKLING)
(SONG RESUMES PLAYING)
Where's the First Presbyterian Church
on Gordon Street?
- Gordon Street! Gordon Street!
- Oh, yeah, Gordon Street.
I once knew a girl
who lived on Gordon Street,
but that was a long time ago,
when I was young.
Do we have to put up with this?
I mean, can't we get a better actor?
I know it's a small part,
but I think we can do better than this.
Gordon Street?
Oh, yes, Gordon Street.
I once knew a girl
who lived on Gordon Street,
a long time ago,
when I was a young man.
Not a day passes
that I don't think of her,
and the promise I made which
I will always keep,
that one perfect day on Gordon Street.
That's five blocks up, two over.
(HOARSELY) Thank you.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(ECHOING) Welcome to Aurora!
MAN: Eat me!
Not just a place, but a state of mind.
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
Jesus! God, no.
(FAINTLY) Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Oh. Hi. Sorry!
Sorry, everybody!
Wrong wedding!
Who's he?
(SIGHING)
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
Oh, Jesus. God, no.
(BANGING ON WINDOW)
- (FAINTLY) Cassandra!
- MAN'S VOICE: What an asshole!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
Cassandra!
(INAUDIBLE)
Cassandra!
(INAUDIBLE)
Cassandra!
Wayne!
(MRS. ROBINSON PLAYING)
You punk.
You crazy punk.
(SHOUTING)
(GROANS)
Come on. Come on, Cassandra.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Stevenson Park! Step on it!
(ECHOING) One. Two.
Check two!
Check two!
Okay. We have some word
that there is some bad
red rope licorice
circulating in the crowd.
(CROWD BOOING)
Repeat, stay away
from the red rope licorice.
Do not bite any off and chew it.
- It could cause a dental emergency.
- Go! Get off the stage!
(CROWD BOOING)
WAYNE: Excuse me. Excuse me.
Oh!
ALL: Oh!
(GRUNTS)
(ALL GRUNT)
Hey, huh?
Huh? Guys, huh?
Wayne, Cassandra, you made it!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
CASSANDRA: This is great!
What are we gonna do?
None of the bands have showed up.
I don't know, man. Jim Morrison said,
"If you book them, they will come. "
I don't know, Wayne.
It doesn't look too good.
Jim?
Jim!
Jim!
Wow, we really are in the desert.
WAYNE: Yeah, no guff.
Wow, Jim Morrison.
Told you so, man.
How can I help you?
Jim, none of the bands have showed up.
I know, and they're not gonna show up.
Then why were we supposed
to put on the concert?
Because you had to try
and do something with your life.
But it was a failure.
Whether you won or lost,
what's important is
that you gave it your best shot.
I'm sorry, man.
- Okay.
- All right.
JIM: You'll think of something.
It's your movie.
Well, thanks a pantload, Chet.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Wayne, where are we?
Whoa. How do we get back?
(BOTH MOANING)
(BOTH GROANING)
(FLIES BUZZING)
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
Wayne, Wayne...
We don't wanna end the movie
this way, do we?
Good call, Garth.
If we're gonna go down,
let's at least go down in glory.
Let's do the Thelma & Louise ending.
Yeah!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Let's just keep going, Wayne.
Okay, Garth.
Hey, we don't wanna end the movie
like this.
Yeah. Let's do the happy ending.
Yeah, yeah.
(THUNDER CRASHES)
None of the bands
have showed up, Wayne.
- What are we gonna do?
- What are we gonna do, you guys?
We could do it on the stage.
(CAR HONKING)
You made it! Excellent!
Welcome to Waynestock.
Yeah!
- All right.
- Thanks for coming.
(GARTH WHOOPS)
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
(SHUT UP AND DANCE PLAYING)
Jim, why was I supposed
to put on this concert?
Because you had to learn
that it doesn't matter what you do,
Cassandra loves you for who you are,
and that being an adult means
facing responsibility,
yet still taking the time to have fun.
Right. It's sort of like
coming home on Friday night
and doing your homework right away,
so that your Saturday night
is free to just party.
No, I like the way I said it better.
Okay.
Okay.
Excuse me. Yo!
Over here.
Would you open the gate, please?
I have to get in there.
Sorry, you can't come in.
My girlfriend is in there.
Hey, a lot of people's girlfriends
are in there.
(CROWD CHEERING)
(I LOVE ROCK N' ROLL PLAYING)
(THE WIND CRIES MARY PLAYING)
Hey, don't cry.
Yeah, we're gonna clean it up. Okay?
See?
See?
(WAYNE'S WORLD THEME PLAYING)